All language subtitles for Brooklyn Nine-Nine - 04x22

People have come from
all over the city to mourn.

The grief is palpable.

But the lights
from these candles

have never shone brighter.

Pizza Rat, dead tonight
at the age of four.

Kit.

All right, Haley,
thank you for that.

I think it's gonna be a long,
sad night for all of us, huh?

2017 strikes again.

Indeed it does.

In other news,
we are just days away now

from the start of a trial
for NYPD detectives

Jake Peralta and Rosa Diaz.

They were arrested
two months ago

for a whole string
of bank robberies.

The pair are currently
out on bail

but, if convicted,
face up to 15 years in prison.

Yeah, Anna, these disgraced
detectives were apprehended

after a months-long
investigation by hero cop.

Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins.

They're guilty.

Super duper guilty.

While there is little
to no public information

about Detective Diaz, Channel 12

has learned
this isn't the first time.

Peralta has been
on the wrong side of the law.

We just uncovered
cell phone footage

from a Criss Angel magic show.

I just want to know
how he did it.

He's a mind freak!

A mind freak!

♪

Okay, update on our trial prep.

This is our lawyer,
Samuel Miller,

who, in many ways,
is in charge of our defense.

In every way.

Well, "many" is part of "every."

I'm facing 15 years in prison.

Just let me have this.

Okay. So, prosecution's
case is strong.

You two were caught red-handed
robbing a bank

by one of the NYPD's
most esteemed detectives

in front of
two dozen eyewitnesses.

Right, but
can't Captain Holt just testify

he knew you were trying to

take down Hawkins
from the inside?

Unfortunately, no.

Legally you can't testify
for your best friend.

- That's not a law.
- No?

- Sam?
- Not a law.

Well, point is, he didn't deny
we're best friends.

The investigation
was off the books.

There's no evidence
proving it even existed.

Doesn't matter anyway.
We don't need your testimony,

because we have...
the meat fork.

What?

Our two-pronged defense.

Not unlike a fork you would use
to flip a steak on a grill.

It's a meat fork!

Sam, explain
the meat fork to them.

Again, "meat fork" is fun,

but under no
circumstances should

anyone say that in court.

We have it if we need it.

Tell them about the first prong.

We have airtight alibis

for the other three
bank robberies

you all are accused of.

Yes, I pulled time sheets,
witness statements,

and security footage.

We can show that
both of you weren't present

at any of the
other robberies, except...

March 12th.
Still not sure where Rosa was.

And you never will be.

Okay, reminder: Privacy is cool,

but if you don't tell us,

we're gonna go to jail
for a long time.

Fine.

I was at
a "La La Land" sing-along.

Really?

- What's that?
- Enough.

Just move on to the next prong.
Yep.

Prosecution claims
you stole $26 million,

but they can't trace
that money to you in any way.

Yeah, I have negative $73
in my bank account.

Ba-boom!

I'm somehow embarrassed
and proud of you

at the same time.

Yeah, that's my sweet spot.

Okay, so that's where we stand.

Are there any questions
or comments?

Yes, there's something
I'd like to say.

Don't lose.

Thought that was
gonna be longer.

- I loved it.
- It was perfect.

Hey, Boyle.
How you doing there, bud?

I'm fine. I'm great.

Well, I hear your mouth
say that,

but the rest of your head
is telling a different story.

Feels like the stress
of the upcoming trial

is starting to get to you.

Oh, is this about
my hair turning white?

Yes, definitely.

It's not just the head hair.

It's all of it.

All. Of. It.

I get it.

It's like an Eagles concert
down there.

Nothing but whites.

Understood. You got white pubes.

There's no need to stress out.

The lawyer's very confident.

Not good enough.

I need to do everything I can
to save Jake.

Charles, you're falling apart.

And that's not helping anyone.

You need to get your
crap in order.

Okay, you're right.
I'll take a nap.

I'll eat. I'll dye my pubes.

You can dye all your hair.

No. There's no time.

Hey. Big day. How you feeling?

Good. Good.

I was just working on
my innocent face.

Check it out.

"I'm a nice boy."

Oh, no.
I don't think that's doing

what you want it to at all.

Oh. Well, it doesn't matter,

because my normal face
is my innocent face,

because I'm innocent.

I know.
I just hope the jury knows too.

Should we talk about
what happens

if they somehow find you guilty?

That's not happening.

But what we should talk about

is how we're gonna celebrate
when I win.

I'm thinking we take a trip
to Paris or London, Rome,

anywhere Jason Bourne

has driven a car
down some stairs.

Paris sounds fun.
Or we could just go

somewhere we could
actually afford.

Oh, we can afford it.

Don't forget I robbed a bank.

I'm sitting
on $26 million, baby!

Excuse me?

Oh! He's just kidding.

Yeah, I'm innocent.

You'll see when we get in there.

Nice talking to you, Judge.

Okay, you ready?

Yeah.

I love you.

I know. Han Solo.

Love you too.

You got this.

You got this.

You got this.

- Charles, you're...
- In a wheelchair, yep.

My back gave out
when I was dyeing my pubes.

I was only halfway done.

I'm like Cruella de Vil
down there.

Okay, well,

I need to go be
on trial for bank robbery now,

so maybe we can
talk about this later?

Oh, right. Good luck.

Good luck to you.

- About the...
- Yes.

Thank you.

Okay.

Psst! Hey, Jake.

I got you. Don't worry about it.

Really? How?

Among my many,
many, many skills,

I'm fluent in face.

I can tell you
what the jury's thinking

at any given moment.

I see an eyebrow twitch,
I'm like, "Oh."

If their cheek
has a certain tension,

okay, that leads me
a different way.

Watch this.

Scully, you're wondering
if anyone can smell your fart.

The answer, my brother, is yes.

She's a witch.

What'd I tell you, boy?
Trust me.

- I got you.
- Okay.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I like your
stupid courtroom clothes.

Thanks.

I like your
stupid courtroom clothes.

Thank you.

You know, if you had asked me
back at the Academy

where I wanted to be
in 12 years,

I definitely would have said
right here.

Same.

Great.

So it all worked out.

End of story.

All rise for the honorable
Judge Marinovich.

Please. You may be seated.

Court is in session.

Now, Miss Crunder,
you were in the bank

at the time of the holdup.

Did you see the robbers' faces?

Plain as day.

They're sitting right there.

Let the record show,

she's pointing at Jake Peralta
and Rosa Diaz.

Okay, the jurors found that
super compelling.

Just an update.

Thanks, Gina.

So, like, you're not
making a good first impression.

Right. Thank you.

No doubt.

Hey. Don't worry. We got this.

We still have our alibis.

We weren't at
the first three robberies.

Sure, they weren't
at the first three robberies.

But that's just so they'd
have airtight alibis.

Uh-oh.

They were only
at the last robbery

'cause we were short
on manpower.

Our other two guys disappeared.

I think those bastards
killed them.

- Come on.
- What?

Objection. Conjecture!

Sustained. Sorry, you say it.

Sustained.

We both sounded
equally authoritative.

Prong one's
not looking so great.

Well, that's why we have
a second prong.

They can't tie us to the money.

Just this morning,
my team uncovered

two accounts
from the Cayman Islands

controlled by Diaz and Peralta

containing $26 million
between them.

It's okay.

She has no proof.

These are
the original applications

for the accounts
signed by Diaz and Peralta.

This is the affidavit
from the bank manager

identifying them
as the owners of the account,

and these are the deposit slips
for the entire amount.

Oh, no. Rosa,

we don't have any more prongs.

We're prongless.

Oh, and one more thing.

They're guilty.

No, we are not.

Please don't address
the jury, Mr. Peralta.

But... but... but...

One more "but,"
and you will be in contempt.

"One more 'but'
and you're contempt,"

name of your sex tape.

Okay, I know this looks bad.

But it also looked bad
for Liam Neeson in "The Grey."

He got torn up by wolves
in that movie.

That's how it ends?

Oh, man. That is depressing.

Why would someone
make a movie about that?

Okay, here's how
the jury's feeling

from left to right, I to R:

Not a fan of Jake,
not of a fan of Rosa,

not a fan of me,
bathroom incident...

We get it. They all hate us.

In toto, yes.

Some good news.
I spoke to the judge,

and he's giving us an extra day
to review the new evidence.

What are they gonna find
in one day?

Face it, man,
we are going to jail.

We might as well start hiding
razor blades under our tongues.

Here. You can have one of mine.

How long has that been in there?

- Since grade school.
- Yeah, that checks out.

No one's going to jail.
We're gonna work this case,

and we're gonna find something.

You're not gonna sit back

and resign yourselves
to your fates.

You're gonna take action.

Now, Hawkins can
destroy your alibis

and put money in your accounts...

Wait, sir.

I think Hawkins just made
her first mistake.

What are you talking about?

Well, the money that
she put into our accounts

didn't just appear
out of thin air, right?

Right. It was transferred
in from somewhere.

We just have to trace it
back to its source.

Which would be
Lieutenant Hawkins.

But those are offshore accounts.

We can't subpoena them.

So we need to break in
to the bank's computers.

We need a hacker.

Does anyone know a hacker?

Boyle does.

I'm Boyle!

I get to help!

Oh, my God.

I can feel my legs again.

I can walk.

Yes! It's a miracle kind of.

See? When the Nine-Nine

puts our brains together,
we can achieve anything.

Hey, we should team up
and rob banks for real!

You should stop talking
in the hallway.

Yep, copy that. Nice to see you.

Okay, Boyle,

tell us about your hacker.

Okay, he goes by the handle
"Pandemic,"

and there's not a network
he can't crack.

He's a phantom, a ghost.

And only I know
where to find him.

Welcome to Hey, Hey,
It's Wednesday's!,

where it's never the weekend.

Be right with ya.

Are you sure about this
hacker, Charles?

I'm not getting a strong
"Mr. Robot" vibe

from this place.

Yeah, that's because
the only thing.

Pandemic loves more
than hackin' computers

is hackin' into
a big old fried onion.

Oh, there he is.

Hey guys, welcome
to the Quarantine.

Help yourselves to
some potstickers.

Best eaten when hot.

No thanks.
Here are the account numbers

for the bank where
the money showed up.

Now, we're in a real hurry.

You think you can trace it
back to its source?

Are you questioning
my abilities?

Watch this. What's your name?

- Why do you need...
- Terrence Vincent Jeffords.

Wait. What's happening?

You're getting hacked, bro.

That's what's happening.

- Don't do that.
- I'm in your home computer.

You are? Get out.

You got a lot of songs
by Natalie Imbruglia.

Uh, I bought those
back in the '90s.

Nope. Downloaded on Thursday.

Okay, now watch
the Pandemic spread.

There's a document in here
that looks to be fan fiction

for the show "Madam Secretary."

Oh, Sarge, I didn't know

you were a fan of the Madam.

The show leaves Terry
wanting more.

I'm just filling in the gaps!

Now get to hacking.

Guys, I think I found something.

Is it my heart medicine?

My doctor said that
if I miss even one dose,

I could have a massive stro...

No, Scully, this is important.

I was going through
the arrest reports

filed by everyone
in Hawkins' squad.

We already went over these.

Right, but there was
one guy we didn't flag

because he was never
the arresting officer:

Detective Matthew Langdon.

I think something went down
between him and Hawkins.

Well, he had a stellar
14-year career.

Before joining Hawkins's squad.

Then, three months later,
he quit the force entirely.

He didn't just quit.
He disappeared.

No tax records.
No known address.

His wife filed
a missing persons report.

But after doing
some incredible sleuthing,

I think I figured out
where he is.

Ames, how would you like to take

a romantic trip
to the town of...

"Horseditch, Pennsylvania"?

Ooh.

The Paris of the mud belt?

Oui, oui.

Wee-wee.

Anyway, it's huge stakes.

We should get going.

Good luck.

Has anyone seen Diaz?

She's supposed be looking into
the first two bank robberies.

I saw her
outside the courthouse.

She gave me her jacket

and her motorcycle helmet.

Why would she give you
her favorite jacket?

Because I'm a rebel,
and we're in love.

Doi.

Diaz, I've been calling you.

Why weren't you
answering your phone?

Don't have it.

I charged it and stuck
it on a truck headed west.

What's with the suitcase?

- Going to Malaysia.
- You're going to Malaysia?

No, the suitcase
is going to Malaysia.

I'm getting on a bus to Florida.

What's in Florida?

Airport.
I'm flying to Argentina.

- This is very complicated.
- Thank you.

Adrian has a ranch in the Andes

where he goes
when he's on the run.

He's already there,
getting rid of the scorpions.

Or adding more scorpions.

I don't know.
The reception was real bad.

Diaz, I know you're scared,

but things are
starting to turn around.

We're on the money trail,

and we just found a new lead.

With all due respect, sir,

both you and I know that
none of that is gonna pan out.

And you said yourself
I should take action.

So I am, in Argentina,

surrounded by scorpions.

Or not surrounded by scorpions.

I'll find out when I get there.

Look. I know you're innocent,

but fleeing the country
is a crime.

I could arrest you right here.

Do it then.

I didn't think so.

The mortgage is paid off.

You can give the place
to whoever you want.

I don't care.

Actually, I do care.

Don't give it to Hitchcock.

I'll have the Mid-Week
Potato Leak soup,

and he'll have a
"There's Work Tomorrow.

So Be Cool Frozen Margarita."

Who are you?

You can call me Nightmare.

But for check writing purposes,
it's Jennifer Huggins.

The bank's encryption
turned out to be

more secure than I thought,

so I had to bring in a friend.

Just tell us
if this is impossible.

We don't have
a lot of time to waste,

and we've been here, like,
five hours already.

Huh. You don't think
I can do this?

Is it because I'm a woman?

No, no, I didn't say that.

- I think women are amazing.
- Thank you.

And now I'm about to
hack your world

into pieces, old man.

That'll show you.

No. Just do the thing
with the bank.

- That'll show me.
- Whoa.

Looks like someone
was a catalog model in Japan.

Whoa! Those boots.

That slicker.

The no pants.

Who's the target audience
for these pics, Sarge?

I was a starving student.

Terry needed the yen!

Babe, are you sure
we're in the right place?

This looks like
where they shot "The Village."

Amy, don't say things like that.

You're gonna scare me.
You know that.

I think Langdon's wife's
been secretly visiting him.

She posted a photo in March
of a snowstorm,

but there was no snow
in New York.

The picture was geotagged
right...

here.

"Flaxton Hill Farms."

Check it out.
There's a car in the driveway.

Somebody's home.

Matthew Langdon? Are you there?

We'd like to talk to you
about Melanie Hawkins.

Whoa!

Don't shoot!

But seriously, don't.
Don't shoot.

If I were you, I'd turn around
and start walking.

Because in about three seconds,
I'm gonna start shooting.

Oh, God. He did the gun cock.

This is escalating
much too quickly,

and three seconds
is not enough time...

- Jake...
- Right, focus. Sorry.

Sir, we know you
worked with Hawkins.

Did she send you here?

- No.
- No.

We're not with her.

We're like the opposite of that.

She set me and my friend up.

We could go to jail.

Why should I believe you?

Look, if you let me slowly
reach into my jacket pocket,

there's an article
open on my phone

that will explain everything.

That's a video
of a monkey humping a frog.

What?

Oh. That's my bad.

It was a long ride up here,
and I got bored.

Here. Close that tab.

That's the article.

Hawkins ran you out of New York

and took away your life.

If you help us, maybe we
can help you get it back.

Fine. I'll talk to you,

but you gotta follow me;
I gotta go feed the hogs.

Oh, my God,
what are you gonna feed them?

Is it us?

Corn.

Hmm, corn.

Maize, as there was
at the first Thanksgiving.

- Jake.
- Right.

Let's go talk.

All right, guys.

Let's order a round
of "Hey, Hey",

It's Light Beer, Light Beer"
and get into it.

Um, who is this guy?

These offshore banks
are incredibly secure,

so we needed more manpower.

But what makes you think
that he would be...

Charles, don't talk.

Do not challenge

this very capable gentleman
in any way.

Just let him get to work.

Okay, thanks.

So you understand we're not
questioning your ability at all.

Of course not.

But I don't know you guys,
so just to be safe,

I did dig up some dirt on you
to use as blackmail

in case things go south.

On both of us?

- Just Terry Jeffords.
- Yup.

Or should I say Sir-Dance-A lot?

Oh, come on!

Turn the volume up!

Mommy can't hear us
in Da Bassment.

Oof. That's embarrassing.

Sarge, you gotta scrub-a-dub-dub
that profile.

Oof. It's pungent out here.

It's so weird how food
smells so good

but farms smell so bad.

Yeah, I think that every day.

So... Hawkins?

I caught her taking payoffs
from a gang leader.

When I confronted her about it,

she said I could disappear
or she'd kill me.

I see why you chose pig farming.

It's better than death.

Not during the spring thaw.

Why? Does it smell
even worse somehow?

I was talking about the noises.

It's pig mating season.

What does that sound like,
a bunch of wet bagpipes?

That's exactly it.

- Oh. Nailed it.
- Hey. Yeah.

The worst part about it is,

I had to leave my wife behind.

If Hawkins knew
we were still together,

I'm afraid she'll kill her.

If you testify to this in court,

it would back up everything
Jake and Rosa are saying.

It could sway the jury.

You could take Hawkins down
and get your life back.

I've tangled with her enough
to know that she always wins.

So it's a no.

Come on. You're our last chance.

I can't help you.

That's final.

Oh, my God.

Is this seat taken?

You really gonna do this, Diaz?

My name is Rachel Weinstein.

I am a graduate student
on sabbatical to study birds

at the University
of Buenos Aires.

You know,
Cornell has a far better

ornithology department,

and it's right here in New York.

Cornell has accused me
of robbing a bank

and is gonna send me to jail
for 15 years.

I guess we're dropping
the metaphor.

I don't know why you're here.

You're not gonna change my mind.

I know.

I just wanted to say good-bye.

Okay. Good-bye.

I hope you know
your family's gonna miss you.

I don't care.
I barely speak to them.

I was talking about
the Nine-Nine.

Be safe, Rachel Weinstein.

I guess now we have to
actually talk about

what happens
if the jury finds me guilty.

They still might not.

We could still go to Paris.

Forget Paris.

Billy Crystal. Nailed it.

I'll wait for you.

And I'll keep fighting for you

and so will everyone
at the Nine-Nine.

We'll do whatever it takes.

I love you.

I love you.

Okay.

Let's go back to New York.

You can choose the music.

Just put on anything by Enya.

No, not anything.
"Orinoco Flow." On repeat.

Okay.

Wait.

I'm coming with you.

You are? You'll testify?

Hawkins has cost me and my wife

too many years of happiness.

I'm not gonna let her
do the same to you.

Thank you so much.

Well, I'm gonna grab my stuff,

and I'll get a few CDs.

Hope you like Enya.

Matthew Langdon,
you and I are vibing so hard!

Where are Jake and Rosa?

I don't know.

I'm getting worried,

because the jury's
getting restless,

especially juror number 4.

She'd rather be in Lake Havasu

with her new boyfriend, Derek.

I didn't get that from her face.

I was eavesdropping
by the vending machine, so...

I just got a text from Peralta.

He's a few minutes away.
And Diaz?

Perhaps a bit more
than a few minutes away.

I think there's a chance...
I'm here!

Sorry, traffic was a nightmare

coming back from Philadelphia...

cheesesteak restaurant.

They do breakfast.
It checks out.

Okay.

So what happened?

I guess I wasn't ready
to say good-bye to my family.

Good.

Neither were we.

Now what I'm picking up on
is just a genuine moment

of friendship and respect.

And now I'm feeling like

you wish I would stop
analyzing you

'cause I'm ruining the moment.

But you guys are so cute.

I love you.

All rise for the honorable
Judge Marinovich.

Please, be seated.
The court is in session.

Counselor, where is Mr. Peralta?

Objection!

♪

Mr. Peralta,

what is the meaning of this?

Your Honor, I'd like to call
a surprise witness.

You're not an attorney.

Right.
Sam, call a surprise witness.

Okay. Uh...

We'd like to call
a surprise witness.

The jury's like,
"Oh, snap, a twist."

Like, they love twists.

Any great trial has a twist.

I'm getting worried.

We're running out of time.

It's fine.
This place is open 24-5.

Only closed on weekends.

Such a strange theme
for a restaurant.

Agreed.
But that's not what I meant.

Did you guys find anything yet?

Yes.
Terry made a sizable purchase

at an Etsy store
that sells anklets for men.

Sharon thinks they're sexy.

Oh, come on!
Focus on the case, man.

Hey, hey, hey! I'm in!

Can you state your name
for the record?

My name is Matthew Langdon.

Mr. Langdon, do you know
Melanie Hawkins?

Yes. I worked for her
for three months in 2010.

And you are a retired...

NYPD detective, correct?

Yes, I served for 14 years.

Gotcha!

Sorry.

Proceed.

The money that was deposited

was routed through five banks.

Now, I can't link it to Hawkins,

but the original transfer
came from this shell corp.

Huh. Doesn't ring a bell.

I'll text the squad,

see if anyone recognizes it.

"Flaxton Hill Holdings."

"Flaxton Hill"?

Oh, no.

Flaxton Hill Farms.

Jake! Jake! Jake!

This was a mistake.

We have to get Langdon
off the stand now.

What? Why?

And how would you describe
the Lieutenant?

He works for Hawkins.

He put the money
in the accounts.

Oh, no.

Melanie Hawkins

was the most honorable cop
I ever worked with.

And the only reason
that I'm here

is because of that man,
Jake Peralta.

He offered me $300,000 to lie
and say that she set 'em up.

Okay, okay, this is bad.
This is really bad.

But just remember,
we are not going to jail.

We didn't do it. We're innocent.

Guilty.

On all charges.

Oh.

Guilty.

Very cool.

Cool, cool, cool, cool,
cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Cool.

Fremulon.

Not a doctor. Shh!