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00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:04,695
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:07,005
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:09,008
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:12,140
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:14,176
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:16,481
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:16,484 --> 00:00:18,654
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:20,252
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,624
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:24,923
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:26,985
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:29,134
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:31,000
(chuckles)
14
00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:36,503
Welcome home, baby.
How as your day?
15
00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:38,944
Fine. Found a
dead rat in the truck.
16
00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:40,969
It smelled pretty bad,
but I kind of didn't mind
17
00:00:40,975 --> 00:00:42,705
because it was
so different from
18
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:45,480
anything else I'd smelled
in a while. You?
19
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:49,049
Oh, I've just been doing
a few things around the house.
20
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,820
Spiral sliced ham
and green bottled beer?!
21
00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:53,949
Have you been reading
my wish journal?
22
00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:55,824
(laughs)
23
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:58,623
You crazy, baby.
24
00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:00,956
I've just noticed how hard
my man's been working,
25
00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:02,861
and thought he deserved
some pampering.
26
00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:04,663
Ho-ho, I ain't
wearing no diaper.
27
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:06,925
And I was thinking,
you know that man-cation
28
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,004
you've been wanting
to take with the guys?
29
00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:11,173
Why don't you do it
this weekend?
30
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:14,142
Now, sit still
and let me fix you a plate.
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00:01:14,141 --> 00:01:16,211
(upbeat music plays)
32
00:01:23,116 --> 00:01:25,116
Ham-ham-ham-ham-ham.
33
00:01:25,119 --> 00:01:26,989
ALL:
She's having an aff.
34
00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:28,817
Ham again?
Don't be naive.
35
00:01:28,823 --> 00:01:30,123
When women do nice
things without asking,
36
00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:31,964
they're cheating on you.
37
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,089
While I agree with you
in theory,
38
00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:36,425
I can't believe my Donna
would cheat on me.
39
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:39,770
Then again, what kind
of man would I be
40
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:43,197
if I didn't automatically
think the worst about a woman?
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00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:45,774
Hmm.
42
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,343
REVEREND JENKINS:
...you been lookin' just like
43
00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:48,971
this here wooden boy,
44
00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:53,276
and after all that Geppetto
had done for him!
45
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,780
Why are you sweating like a
whore in church?
46
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,783
Sh. Don't say
"whore" in church.
47
00:01:57,785 --> 00:02:00,015
(sighs) Is he going
to talk all day?
48
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:01,490
This is why I'm an atheist.
49
00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:03,289
Here come the lightning.
50
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:07,030
And now, here's some
goody-goody kid.
51
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:09,187
Good morning.
My name is Hunter,
52
00:02:09,196 --> 00:02:11,196
and I'm a Churchaholic.
53
00:02:11,198 --> 00:02:12,998
Oh, that is clever.
So clever.
54
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,200
(scoffs)
55
00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:16,971
As a member of the church Youth
Choir and Mission Team,
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00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:20,371
I can tell you it's not always
easy being a Christian teenager.
57
00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:22,644
Just look at our culture.
Lady Gaga?
58
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:25,113
Where's Lady GodGod?
59
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:27,952
Justin Bieber?
How about Jesus Believer?
60
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:29,978
Facebook?
Uh, no, thank you.
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00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:31,984
I'll take the Good Book.
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00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:34,086
Is he (bleep)
kidding with this?
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00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:35,618
(whispers):
Don't say (bleep) in church.
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00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:37,923
So the next time you
teens want to go
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00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:40,125
online or text,
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00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:43,527
just remember, these hands
are made for prayin'.
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00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:46,101
♪
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00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:50,300
♪ When my life
starts trending downward ♪
69
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:53,214
♪ iChat with my Lord
and we Kinect ♪
70
00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:54,937
♪ We Kinect ♪
71
00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:58,282
♪ If I'm getting trolled by
Satan's minions ♪
72
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,953
♪ Jesus helps my life
autocorrect ♪
73
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:03,579
♪ Autocorrect ♪
74
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:06,024
♪ You can't tweet
your way to Heaven ♪
75
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,620
♪ I follow Jesus ♪
76
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:11,122
♪ Or text your way
from Hell ♪
77
00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:12,925
♪ Frowny face ♪
78
00:03:12,927 --> 00:03:19,097
♪ We don't need a 4G 'cause
our one G-O-D is swell ♪
79
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:20,969
Can you hear me now?!
80
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:23,098
Who falls for this crap?
81
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:27,808
Boy-yoi-yoi-yoi-yoing!
Who's that?!
82
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:32,278
♪ If you like the Devil,
he will poke you ♪
83
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:36,919
♪ And Foursquare can't
locate a soul that's fried ♪
84
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:41,017
♪ No Nano, Shuffle,
Pad, Pod or android ♪
85
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:44,291
♪ Will let you Face Time
with the big man in the Skype ♪
86
00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:45,921
♪ Oh, no
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00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:49,486
HUNTER AND VANESSA:
♪ 'Cause MySpace is with Jesus
88
00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:50,956
♪ Remember MySpace ♪
89
00:03:50,965 --> 00:03:53,795
♪ And there's no app for Him
90
00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:55,201
♪ That means "application" ♪
91
00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:57,872
♪ When you've emptied
your last cache ♪
92
00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:01,171
♪ Where will
your second life begin? ♪
93
00:04:01,175 --> 00:04:03,935
(rhythmic clapping)
94
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:09,254
♪ My heart is skipping, but not
like when I climb stairs ♪
95
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:12,680
♪ My breathing's shallow,
but not like when I sleep ♪
96
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:16,987
♪ Her skin is like a flawless
piece of cheesecake ♪
97
00:04:16,991 --> 00:04:18,491
Mmm!
98
00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:21,732
♪ She's like Vanessa Hudgens
but not as cheap ♪
99
00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:27,199
♪ I believe in dragons
100
00:04:27,201 --> 00:04:31,171
♪ Elves and beings
from outer space ♪
101
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:34,835
♪ But I never believed
in angels ♪
102
00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:40,012
♪ Till I saw her face.
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00:04:40,014 --> 00:04:41,514
(giggles)
104
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:45,319
Aw, crud, was that out loud?
105
00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:49,489
Hi, I'm Cleveland Brown Jr.
106
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:50,960
I'm Vanessa.
107
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,918
You've got a
really nice singing voice.
108
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,986
I also do impressions.
109
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:56,595
Hello, I'm Tilda Swinton.
110
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,257
(laughs)
111
00:04:58,265 --> 00:04:59,695
You're funny.
112
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,770
Hey, you should join
the Mission Team choir.
113
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:04,770
We're going to spend a week
singing at churches
114
00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:07,472
and building a house for a poor
family in North Carolina.
115
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,374
That's like so poor.
116
00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:13,276
We could use a big, strapping
guy with a voice like yours.
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00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:17,120
I'll do it!
Because I love Jesus.
118
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:19,177
(Mexican accent):
It's-a pronounced hay-sus.
119
00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:25,362
Well, Donna,
I'm off to my man-cation
120
00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:29,359
you encouraged so you could be
unattended for three days
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00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:32,703
in this home we have built
with our love.
122
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,470
Don't you worry
about me, baby.
123
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,798
I'll find somg
to fill my .
124
00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:39,204
Mm-hm.
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00:05:39,972 --> 00:05:41,912
(engine starts)
126
00:05:46,112 --> 00:05:47,412
(tires screech)
127
00:05:53,953 --> 00:05:56,523
That's some CIA stuff,
right there.
128
00:06:07,266 --> 00:06:09,696
That's my scarf!
129
00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:14,341
A letter.
130
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:29,189
Well, time to start anew.
131
00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:30,989
Hey, sweet cheeks!
132
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,161
You goin' with someone?
133
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,829
WOMAN:
Yeah. Gary.
134
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,157
A'ight, then.
135
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:37,102
'Bout your fat friend?
136
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:38,097
MAN:
I'm Gary!
137
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:39,998
A'ight, I'll catch ya.
138
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,430
(engine starts)
139
00:06:44,370 --> 00:06:47,970
Well, I'm off to sing
about Jesus and crap.
140
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:50,035
Kids, you're going
to the movies.
141
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:52,043
No Travolta.
142
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:59,450
Ah-ha!
(gasps) Cleveland!
143
00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:01,753
Wh-what are you
doing here?!
144
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,455
Well, I'm not cheating
on my husband in the house
145
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:08,358
where he pays a third of the
mortgage, that's for sure!
146
00:07:08,362 --> 00:07:10,062
Cleveland, I'm not
having an affair.
147
00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:13,501
Before you ever
came back to town,
148
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:16,000
I dated a guy
named Maurice.
149
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:17,873
We went out
a couple times and then
150
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,501
he was shipped
off to Iraq.
151
00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:21,506
The war one?
Yes.
152
00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:24,638
He wrote me letters,
and I wrote him back.
153
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:27,045
You should have heard some of
the things he told me.
154
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,907
I don't care what
they say on the news,
155
00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:30,616
Iraq sounds
really unpleasant.
156
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:31,977
I don't watch the news.
157
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:33,815
I haven't heard from him
in a long time,
158
00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:35,921
but then I got a letter
saying he was coming back
159
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:37,823
and wanted to see me.
160
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:39,015
He was fighting for our country.
161
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:41,626
It was the least I could do.
162
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:44,628
No, the least you could do is
put a yellow ribbon magnet
163
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,101
on the back of your SUV.
164
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:50,040
You are my wife whether
you like it or not.
165
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:52,837
So, when this
Maurice person gets here,
166
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,040
I'm going to
tell him the truth!
167
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:57,442
(doorbell rings)
168
00:07:57,444 --> 00:08:00,184
Hello. I'm Maurice.
Who are you?
169
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,480
I'm... uh,
170
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:04,652
I'm... Donna's brother,
Cleveson.
171
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:08,751
And now I'm gonna have
to remember that.
172
00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:10,515
My name is Cleveson.
173
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:12,594
Hi.
174
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:22,795
Donna, your friend is
(clears throat)
175
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,443
shorter than I imagined.
176
00:08:24,438 --> 00:08:25,868
I saw that, Cleveland.
177
00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:28,213
That must be why I haven't
heard from him in so long.
178
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,878
Well, the sooner you get in
there and tell him the truth,
179
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:32,938
the sooner you
can start dinner.
180
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:35,076
If it's that easy, then why
didn't you tell him,
181
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:36,952
Cleveson?
182
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,080
I was caught off guard.
183
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:40,786
At least I had
the presence of mind
184
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,687
not to tack on
an Irish accent,
185
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,789
which you know I could've.
186
00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:46,661
(with Irish accent):
Po-tay-toes.
187
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:49,090
(upbeat music plays)
188
00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:55,996
♪ I want to go all the way
with you, my Lord ♪
189
00:08:56,003 --> 00:08:59,473
♪ I want to go all the way
with you ♪
190
00:08:59,473 --> 00:09:04,283
♪ To Heaven!
191
00:09:04,278 --> 00:09:05,978
Great job, everyone!
192
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,509
Jesus loves you!
193
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:12,620
You sounded
really good today, Junio.
194
00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:14,749
Thanks, Vanessa.
So did you.
195
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:17,255
I really liked your
solo about abortion.
196
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:19,787
You sounded just le
a sad fetus!
197
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:20,993
Thanks!
198
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,664
I'm so glad you
joined the group. (moans)
199
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,763
See you tomorrow!
200
00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:30,336
So, Junior, I haven't
seen you at church before.
201
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:33,097
Uh, no. My parents
home-church me.
202
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:37,106
Well played. Okay then, I guess
I'll just see you tomorrow.
203
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:38,510
Oh, uh, one more thing.
204
00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:40,912
I checked the roster of the
Stoolbend High Atheist Club
205
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:44,124
and found out you're the sole
member and vice president.
206
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:46,617
Well, that wasn't
very Christian of you.
207
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:48,920
Vanessa's mine!
208
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,822
So stay away from her.
209
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:51,924
Understand?
210
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,725
Yeah.
211
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,857
Wait, what is that?
212
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:58,132
A bobby pin?
What?!
213
00:09:58,131 --> 00:09:58,961
That's weird.
214
00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:00,966
It sure is.
215
00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:03,998
I mean, why would
a 15-year-old boy
216
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:06,374
have a bobby pin
in his thick, curly,
217
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:09,043
Mark Feuerstein-like hair?
218
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:11,542
This bobby pin
wouldn't be for a...
219
00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:13,105
"yar-mul-kay"?
220
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,583
It's yarmulke!
Ah-ha!
221
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:16,081
Okay, fine!
I'm Jewish, so what?!
222
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,183
So what?!
223
00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:19,024
You're dog
the same thin!
224
00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:20,089
Except your family
would definitely
225
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:21,747
be more upset about it.
226
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:23,585
Look, Junior. I've been working
this Christian angle
227
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:25,660
for a year now just to
get close to Vanessa.
228
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,759
I am not about to let you
step in now
229
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:29,031
and take her away from me!
230
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:30,659
Maybe I'll tell her
you've been lying.
231
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:31,964
Maybe I'll tell her
you've been lying!
232
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,025
(gasp)
You're a monster!
233
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:36,704
Yeah, I just said
what you said! Fair enough.
234
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:39,173
You don't destroy me,
I don't destroy you.
235
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:41,012
But I will defeat you.
236
00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:43,008
And Vanessa will be mine.
237
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:45,140
I'm gonna need
that bobby pin back.
238
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,545
(a la Woody Allen)
My mother buys them wholesale.
239
00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:56,687
♪ Vanessa, I'm sorry
for my web of lies ♪
240
00:10:56,690 --> 00:11:00,960
♪ But I love you more
than that other guy ♪
241
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:05,261
♪ Like that Jew hunter
in Basterds, Inglouriou♪
242
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:09,665
♪ This Jew named Hunter
will not be victorious ♪
243
00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:17,040
♪ Vanessa, I've never met
a girl like you ♪
244
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:21,184
♪ Not at school or any mixer
245
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,851
♪ Junior's pursuit of you
is through ♪
246
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:30,691
♪ I will not let him
take my shiksa ♪
247
00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:35,031
♪ We'll look beautiful
at the prom ♪
248
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,858
♪ I'll introduce her to my mom
249
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:41,325
♪ Eventually
250
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:42,934
Eventually.
251
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:47,306
♪ What makes you think
she even wants you? ♪
252
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:51,837
♪ Because like Jesus,
I am Hebrew ♪
253
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:54,605
Hun?
You're?
254
00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:56,824
Yeah, well, Junior
doesn't even believe in God!
255
00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:57,947
Junior?
256
00:11:57,951 --> 00:11:59,451
That's true, too.
257
00:11:59,453 --> 00:12:02,753
So, you were both lying
about being Christians
258
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,086
just to be with me?
259
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,321
Yeah.
Sorry.
260
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:06,315
Wow.
261
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,086
You guys are bad.
262
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,125
Really bad.
263
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:11,160
That's...
264
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,304
kind of exciting.
265
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:14,970
That's kind of...
266
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,628
sexy.
267
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:18,036
Uh, excuse me?
Sex what?
268
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:23,205
♪ You guys are as bad
as bad can be ♪
269
00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:27,010
♪ Lying to get
a Christian girl ♪
270
00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:29,483
♪ Well, now you got her
271
00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:37,023
♪ You're totally going
to Hell for me ♪
272
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:38,423
BOTH:
We don't believe in Hell.
273
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:42,125
♪ Oh, that is even hotter.
274
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:44,929
I've never felt
like this before.
275
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,171
When we get to North Carolina,
276
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:50,197
I'm going to tear you two up.
277
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,603
Tear us up?!
278
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:52,965
I just wanted to smooch.
279
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:54,813
Yeah, and I just wanted
to take you
280
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:56,138
to the soda fountain
for a phosphate.
281
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:58,883
Ooh, is that like
a Jewish sex thing?
282
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:00,749
'Cause I heard you
guys are really kinky.
283
00:13:00,747 --> 00:13:02,277
Not true at all.
284
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,982
Get ready, boys,
285
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:06,124
because when
I'm done with you,
286
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,449
you will both see
287
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,255
God.
288
00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:13,564
(both scream)
289
00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:18,498
Maurice, let me just say
that I appreciate
290
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,098
your service more than
these other guys
291
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,200
because I'm a Republican.
292
00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:25,102
And while cowardice has
prevented me from serving,
293
00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:28,135
I will shamelessly behave
as if your sacrifice is my own.
294
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,541
At ease, Billy Ray.
295
00:13:30,544 --> 00:13:33,484
Cleveson, I know we've only
known each other for a few days,
296
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,510
but I wanted to ask you,
Cleveson,
297
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,445
would you be my best man?
298
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,350
Wh!
Hells!
299
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:42,122
I'd be honored.
Who you marrying, BTW?
300
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:42,992
Your sister.
301
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:44,159
I don't have a sister.
302
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,587
Donna!
303
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:46,622
Oh.
304
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:47,956
Oh!
305
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:49,961
Oh, Cleveson.
306
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:52,463
Wow, I am so embarrassed.
307
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:55,625
I've been calling Cleveson,
"Cleveland" for years.
308
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:57,695
And I didn't know
he was married to his sister.
309
00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:59,174
I approve.
310
00:14:00,706 --> 00:14:03,466
Oh, good. I'm glad
you're both here.
311
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,806
Donna, I need to
ask you something.
312
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:08,582
Wait! Donna, there's something
I was going to tell you...
313
00:14:08,582 --> 00:14:11,182
but I don't remember
what it was.
314
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,524
Hmm.
315
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,089
Oh, well,
go ahead, Maurice.
316
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,517
Donna Tubbs,
will you marry me?
317
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,423
(yells)
Holy balls!
318
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:19,915
Oh, right!
319
00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:24,296
Oh, Maurice, there's something
I should have told you long ago,
320
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,057
but I haven't had the strength.
321
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:30,000
(long sigh)
322
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:32,043
I'm already married.
323
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,098
To Cleveland.
324
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,206
Who's Cleveland?
325
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,107
Cleveson is Cleveland.
326
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:37,779
And he's not my brother.
327
00:14:37,777 --> 00:14:39,137
He's my husband.
328
00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:41,475
Hi, Cleveland Brown.
Nice to finally meet you.
329
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:42,781
You both lied to me?
330
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:43,782
Well, hers was worse.
331
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:45,123
You've only known me
two days.
332
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:47,088
I'm just saying.
333
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,687
We are both
equally at fault.
334
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,519
I am so sorry.
335
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,994
And you can stay here
as long as you need to.
336
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:55,364
I don't know
what hurts worse,
337
00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:57,762
when I lost my legs
or when you broke my heart.
338
00:14:57,764 --> 00:14:59,634
Well, obviously when
I lost my legs,
339
00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:00,973
but this hurts, too!
340
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:03,697
I can't even
look at your faces.
341
00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:05,003
(sobs)
342
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:09,205
(sobbing)
343
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,780
Oh, whoa!
344
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,853
(sobbing)
345
00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:24,861
He would be awful
at Murderball.
346
00:15:32,831 --> 00:15:35,171
I would like to
go on record as saying
347
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:39,598
you have made every wrong choice
imaginable in this situation.
348
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,136
Maurice,
I've got great news!
349
00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:43,982
You're gonna want to
sit down for this...
350
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:47,007
sah, sah, sah, sah...
(clears throat nervously)
351
00:15:47,013 --> 00:15:50,483
We have arranged for a
citywide parade
352
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:53,023
to honor your
military service!
353
00:15:53,019 --> 00:15:57,159
And, you will be presented with
the Stoolbend Medal of Valor
354
00:15:57,157 --> 00:16:00,827
in a ceremony I will later
post on the YouTubes!
355
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:02,127
You've earned it, soldier.
356
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,328
So, we cool?
357
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:04,800
No, we not cool!
358
00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:06,928
You think you can just give
me some consolation medal
359
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:08,203
and kick met
in the str?
360
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:09,771
You probably want me
homeless, out there
361
00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:10,969
washing windshields
with a squeegee!
362
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:13,541
Tell you what, I'll wash
your windows right now.
363
00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:14,610
(spitting)
364
00:16:15,941 --> 00:16:18,111
Aw, he's just
making it dirtier.
365
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:20,351
Of course we won't
kick you out, Maurice.
366
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:22,777
You can stay here until
you get back on your feet...
367
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:25,922
tah, tah, tah...
(clears throat nervously)
368
00:16:37,463 --> 00:16:39,133
Hey, guys.
369
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,972
The three of us can
sneak out tonight
370
00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:43,027
and I'll do you both
in the new house!
371
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:46,096
You guys are sinners.
372
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:49,166
And I'm going to suck
the Devil out of you.
373
00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:53,013
Oh, God, oh, God,
oh, God.
374
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:54,913
I am so not ready
to have sex.
375
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:57,084
I don't even know
what I'm doing!
376
00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:59,083
I've never even
had a girlfriend.
377
00:16:59,085 --> 00:17:02,015
My mom says she's the only
woman I'll ever need.
378
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:03,922
God, e
that's .
379
00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:06,823
Want to flip a coin
to see who goes first?
380
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,026
Sure.
381
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:10,398
Heads you go, tails I go.
382
00:17:13,098 --> 00:17:15,128
(gulps)
Good luck.
383
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:17,835
I just hope she doesn't
use foul language.
384
00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:20,537
Or hook my nipples up
to a car battery.
385
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,940
MAN (on TV):
That ol' prospector'shold up in the mine.
386
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:25,012
(gunshot)
MAN 2: Careful Sheriff.
387
00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:27,081
You hit that dynamite
and we're all goners! Hey, old-timer,
388
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,410
throw out your guns
and come out peaceful-like.
389
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:31,346
(gunshots)
Say something to him.
390
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:33,621
No, you say something.
You're the man-- you say it.
391
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:35,950
MAN 3: How about I teach
your grandma to suck eggs! (clears throat)
392
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:37,655
Sir, do you mind?
393
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:39,287
This is y
movie night.
394
00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:41,632
It's his movie night hat.
395
00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:43,958
(crickets chirping)
396
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:46,803
Oh, please be dead.
Please be dead.
397
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:48,430
Please be dead.
398
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:49,995
Vanessa?
399
00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:55,872
(gulps)
400
00:17:56,975 --> 00:18:00,405
Get over here, you bad boy.
401
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:03,983
(whining)
402
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:05,483
Um, God?
403
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,145
Look, I knowI've said for years
404
00:18:07,153 --> 00:18:08,823
that I don'tbelieve in you,
405
00:18:08,822 --> 00:18:10,862
but if anyone's used todealing with hypocrites
406
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:12,917
it would be you, right?(chuckles)
407
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:15,326
Anyway, if you do exist,
408
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:19,158
this would be areally good time to intervene.
409
00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:21,028
(groans)
410
00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:22,574
That's what I thought.
411
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,275
Fire!
412
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:32,737
The house is on fire!
413
00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:34,875
You guys got to get out
of here right now!
414
00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:38,622
(both grunting and moaning)
415
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,148
(panting)
416
00:18:42,921 --> 00:18:46,091
(indistinct radio transmission)
417
00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:48,092
Thanks, m.
I owe you .
418
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:50,134
And gas money.
419
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:51,930
Guys, can you
believe this?
420
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:54,471
I guess we'll just have
to try again tomorrow.
421
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,627
Damn, Vanessa,
you're like a goat.
422
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,196
Yeah, I think tomorrow
Junior and I
423
00:18:58,204 --> 00:18:59,974
are going to be busy
rebuilding that house.
424
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,513
Rebuild?
425
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:03,938
I thought you
guys were cool.
426
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:07,013
Yeah, well, I know another
carpenter who was pretty cool,
427
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:09,513
who gave of himself
to those in need.
428
00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:12,116
His name was Ty Pennington.
429
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:14,988
And he's
a virgin, too.
430
00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:20,533
(fanfare playing)
431
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:23,127
I never understood parades.
432
00:19:23,129 --> 00:19:25,129
It's just a bunch people
standing around
433
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:26,431
cheering for traffic.
434
00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:28,432
Should I tweet that?
Why not?
435
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:31,344
You've only got
four followers. (clicking)
436
00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:32,967
(phone buzzes)
437
00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:36,212
Ha! Parades are dumb.
438
00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:37,709
(dramatic music plays)
439
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:41,210
(booming shots)
440
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:46,118
CROWD (chanting):
USA! USA! USA!
441
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:49,489
USA! USA!
442
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:51,959
(crowd cheering)
443
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:54,658
Maurice, we're just trying
to say we're sorry.
444
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,361
Sorry?
We're long past sorry.
445
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,102
What else do you
want us to do?
446
00:19:58,097 --> 00:19:59,497
I want you to suffer.
447
00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:00,969
You're both awful people.
448
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:04,837
We only lied to spare your
feelings and we apologized.
449
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:06,637
So, either forgive us or don't
450
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,169
but stop being a dick!
451
00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:09,944
Well, if that's
how you feel then
452
00:20:09,943 --> 00:20:11,483
why don't you
do something about it?
453
00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:13,237
Stop it!
Make me stop!
454
00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:14,346
Come on!
(grunts)
455
00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:16,447
You just gonna stand there
and let me hit you?
456
00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:17,819
Hit me back!
Come on. (grunts)
457
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,347
You lying pansy!
Hit me!
458
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:20,652
(growls)
459
00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:24,491
(Donna shrieks)
(crowd gasps)
460
00:20:25,791 --> 00:20:28,191
Oh, my God, I punched
a wheelchair guy!
461
00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:30,604
(crowd booing)
462
00:20:32,531 --> 00:20:34,331
Everybody shut up!
463
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,474
You know, this is
the first time anyone's
464
00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:38,269
treated me like
a man since my injury.
465
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:39,941
And that's all
I ever wanted, Donna.
466
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:43,339
Just to be treated with respect,
like any other man.
467
00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:46,443
I am so sorry
I lied to you, Maurice.
468
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:48,676
I know.
And I forgive you.
469
00:20:49,948 --> 00:20:51,478
Thanks, Cleveland.
470
00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:53,024
Take good care
of our girl, okay?
471
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:54,449
Will do.
472
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:55,924
Roll on, soldier.
473
00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:57,662
See ya in Avatar.
474
00:20:57,712 --> 00:21:02,262
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