All language subtitles for The Cleveland Show s02e05 Little Man on Campus.eng

♪ My name is Cleveland Brown

♪ And I am proud to be

♪ Right back
In my hometown ♪

♪ With my new family

♪ There's old friends
And new friends ♪

♪ And even a bear

♪ Through good times
And bad times ♪

♪ It's true love we share

♪ And so I found a place

♪ Where everyone will know

♪ My happy mustache face

♪ This is The Cleveland Show ♪

[LAUGHS]

[♪]

ANNOUNCER 1:
And that makes six wins in a row

for Stoolbend High baseball

under the leadership
of Coach Clarence Brown.

ANNOUNCER 2:
It's Cleveland Brown,

who hasn't seen the postseason
since his playing days in 1984.

ANNOUNCER 1:
Aseveryone knows, that was the year

the Growlers lost state
to the Mud Falls Trotters,

General Motors shut down
the plant, little Missy White

was found bludgeoned to death,

and Stoolbend's been
in the crapper ever since.

And on a personal note,
that was the year I tried sushi.

Didn't like it.
Never tried it again.

Hey, Angus.
Here's a question.

Which woman
on Friday Night Lights

wouldn't you have sex with?

ANNOUNCER 2:
The mayor.

ANNOUNCER 1:
We'll accept that.

The mayor or Saracen's grandma,
the only two possible answers.

Go Growlers.

[CHEERING]

Betting on the Growlers
is winning me a fortune.

Last week, I made my first
charitable donation.

A hundred dollars
to Fight the Cure.

Don't you mean
Find the Cure?

Nope. Fight the Cure.

It's America's only
pro-AIDS charity.

If I got it,
everyone's gotta have it.

What makes you think
you have AIDS?

I watched the Madonna
episode of Glee.

[LAUGHS]

You are an ignorant man.

Hey, let's hear it
for Cleveland,

who's gonna give my son,
Raymond,

some playing time
in the playoffs.

Don't worry, Tim,
I'll put him in next game.

Really?
No. Not even considering it.

Raymond's a bad player.

Wha--? He is?

Cleveland, let me know
what I can do.

Holt Richter
reporting for duty.

MVP of my little league team.

You mean your very
little league?

Ha! We devalue you
and your accomplishments

due to your size.

[ALL LAUGH]

[CLAPPING]

Who is that?

Chet Butler,
my long-time rival

that you're just hearing about
now for the first time.

That dirty-playing S.O.B.
purposely beaned me

and knocked me
out of the game,

costing us
the championship.

I still have the scar
from where that pitch hit me.

So, what brings your
slow-clapping ass into my bar?

Just taking my state
championship ring

out for a little walk.

Of course, you'll never know
what that feels like, loser.

Yeah, well, you'll never know
what losing feels like, winner.

[ALL CHEERING]

You've won this round,
Cleveland.

So I guess I do know
what losing feels like.

ALL:
Ooh!

I'm, uh, gonna go get a beer.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Well, I guess the crowd's
reaction

isn't really
a good indication

of whose side they're on.

ALL:
Wheel of Fortune.

[♪]

So, Junior, how's your wood shop
project going?

Whee!

I'm making sawdust angels.

That's your project?

Who cares? It's shop.

It's not like a real class.

MAN:
Not a real class?

I'm sorry.
I didn't see you, Mr. Thumbs.

[ALL GASP]

That's what we call him
behind his back.

You think these are funny?

I can't walk down
the damn street

without people pulling over
and asking if I need a ride.

They think
you're hitchhiking.

You better get serious,
young fella.

This project is worth 75 percent
of your grade.

We get a grade in this class?

Wha--? If I fail shop,
I'll disappoint my father.

And I've never disappointed
my father.

Get your act together, Brown.

If your final project
doesn't blow me away,

I will not hesitate
to give you an F.

You would F me?

Well, how do you even
write down grades?

I report them orally.

That's right.

I will F you orally.

ANNOUNCER 1:
And the Growlers winning big in a blowout,

thanks to a strong outing
by deaf pitcher,

Oliver Wilkerson.

ANNOUNCER 2:
Okay, people, on your feet,

because it's time to welcome
the Growler himself, Sparky,

taking his seventh inning
stroll around the infield

with ballpark owner,
Lloyd Waterman.

ANNOUNCER 1:
Sparky on the mend,

recently bitten by a raccoon.

ANNOUNCER 2:
Seems he's recovered just fine.

Welcome back, Sparky.

There he is.
Come here, Sparky.

[GROWLING]

[SCREAMING]

[ALL GASPING]

My star pitcher!
Somebody stop that dog!

He's my dog.
I'll take care of it.

I can't watch.

Goodbye, Sparky.

My patella.

Oops.

ANNOUNCER 1:
And down goes Sparky.

ANNOUNCER 2:
Third on-field execution of an animal this season.

ANNOUNCER 1:
And who says baseball's boring?

[♪]

Cleveland, we're still going
to state, right?

I got a lot
riding on this team.

There's no way.

Without Wilkerson, we're like
Kim Cattrall's bedroom.

Eight scared teenage boys just
waiting for it all to be over.

It's hopeless.

HOLT:
Coach, you missed one.

Heads up.

Ow! Son of a bitch!

Where'd you learn
to pitch like that?

Play catch with my mom
every night.

She says it tuckers me out.
It does.

Move it, kid.

Ha-ha! Holt looks like a kid.

[THINKING]
Wish he was a kid,

so he could throw
that knuckleball for our team.

Wait a minute.

Hm. Hm?

ANNOUNCER 1:
And pitching for the Growlers,

rebel transfer student,
Colt Koufax.

Strike three.
What a pitch from Koufax,

which I believe
is a Jewish name.

ANNOUNCER 2:
Before you comment further, Gordy,

remember, everyone can hear
what you're saying.

ANNOUNCER 1:
Jews are fine by me. Let's go, Growlers.

[♪]

Wow, Colt, you're such
a good baseball player.

And you're so mature
with your 5 o'clock shadow

and your crow's feet
and your graying nose hair.

Yeah, you look just like
the teenagers on TV.

Yeah, I am pretty cool.

But one time at my old school,
I took the whole day off.

Me and my best friend, Cameron,
took his dad's Ferrari.

Drove all around Chi-town,

picked up my girlfriend,
Sloan Peterson,

sang "Danke Schoen"
on a float.

Meanwhile, Ben Stein's
going, "Bueller? Bueller?"

Got home just in time.
Didn't even get caught.

Chicka-ka!

♪ Oh, oh

Awesome!
Wow!

Your sister
must hate you.

[THINKING]
Mmm.

Donna, don't let yourself
fall in love

with another
teenage bad boy.

Especially one
who looks like...

Holt?

Did she just
call you Holt?

Uh, maybe. Don't care.

Who cares what grown-ups say?
We're kids. Incorporated.

Before your time. Our time.
Gotta go.

Coach Brown, a word?

Here we go.

Hey, baby.

Cleveland, tell me
you have nothing to do

with your best friend pretending
to be a baseball player.

You're my best friend,
Donna.

Oh, really?

No. What the hell
is going on?

Cheating to get to state.

I didn't hear that.

I said,
cheating to get to s--

Cleveland, I heard you.

[♪]

You're out!

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

You're out!

[♪]

ANNOUNCER 1:
And the Growlers are one strike away.

You're out!

ANNOUNCER 2:
Growlers go to state!

My, oh, my. Championship game
tomorrow night.

A rematch of 1984,

Stoolbend versus Mud Falls.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

I think I'm getting
the hang of this.

Hey, Junior, I just finished my
project. Wanna take a look see?

Wow, it's great.

And it gets even better.

This sheet's just covering it
up, so it's a surprise.

I'm gonna blow
Mr. Tanner's mind.

Nuh-uh, nuh-uh.

No, you did not.

I'm blown away.
I'm blown away.

No!

[LAUGHS]

Hey, thanks. So show me what
you've been working on all week.

It's a wooden window holder
opener.

I got it.

Oh, man, what else
does that thing do?

Well, there's this.

[ANGELIC CHIMES PLAYING]

Off to slay
the troll king.

I think I misunderstood
the assignment.

[♪]

Drink up, little buddy.

You've kept
my betting streak alive

and got us
to the championships.

Timmy, he don't know.

Timmy, honest bear.

Here's to Colt
and the Growlers.

Tomorrow, we--
I mean, they win state.

And I-- I mean, he gets laid for
the first time since 1997...

when he was 4.

I know
you're enjoying this,

but you're supposed
to be keeping a low profile.

Sorry, bro, no low pro.

Please, at least wait
until tomorrow.

After we beat Mud Falls
and I get that sweet state ring.

Well, I gotta bizounce.

A kid in my homeroom's parents
are out of town.

Okay. But remember,
we got a big game tomorrow,

so don't statutory
rape anybody.

[BOTH LAUGH]

[TIRES SQUEAL]
[ROCK MUSIC BLARING]

Oh, Holt's home.

Wait, what's Colt doing
driving Holt's car?

He must have stolen it.

And he drove right
to Holt's house.

The balls on that kid.

Yeah, Tim. I'll be sure to
reprimand him after the season.

Now Colt is going
into Holt's house.

We gotta stop him.

[GROWLING]

Stop it!
Stay away from Colt.

Don't tase me, bro!
Stay away from Holt.

Help! Beatles!
Your names are so similar,

and you are of similar sizes.
I can't get up!

Old people commercial!

This just in.
Your star player wears a wig.

Come on, Tim. I need that
for the game tomorrow.

[GASPS]

What in the wild,

wild world of sports
is going on?

Hey, Cleveland,
you're not gonna believe this,

but, uh, Colt is, uh, is Holt.

What? No. That--
That can't be true, he--

Wait a minute, you knew.
You all knew.

Look, I only need Holt to pitch
one more game tomorrow,

and then Stoolbend
is state champs.

Sure, it's cheating.

But I'm doing it
for you, Tim.

Can't you see that?

All of this has been
for you and me.

I'm sorry, Cleveland,
but cheating is morally wrong.

Plus, Raymond
should be pitching.

I'm sorry. I have no choice
but to report thi-- Ow!

What the--?

Hey, man, cut it out.
That's a shovel, you know?

Why won't you go down?

Okay, seriously, Lester,
it's getting really annoying.

KENDRA:
For the championship!

[HOWLING]

Go Growlers.

I'm freaking out.
I got blood on my hands, Lester.

I gotta keep it together.
I gotta keep it togeth--

Tim will be fine.

I'll bring him back
right after the game tomorrow.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

This doesn't feel right.

Like a vegan barbecue.

All right. Not dogs
and shamburgers are ready.

Hey, bro,
you want some fake-on on that?

[SCREAMS]

Smell that?
That's meat burning.

Oh, God,
that smells so good.

Okay, listen up.
It's almost game time.

Where's Colt?

Um...

He quit.

He's joining the musical.

He said he had to be true
to who he is,

not to who everyone
thought he was.

Five, six, seven, eight.

[DANCE MUSIC BLARING]

What are you thinking?
This is the championship.

Musical theater
is for the gays,

the lucky, lucky gays.

[SIGHS]

Dad, why are you undressing
that little boy

who has a chest tattoo
of Jeremy Piven

just like Mr. Holt?

Scram, Holt.
Get to the field.

Wait, what's going on here?

Why would you do this, Dad?

Let me tell you
something, son.

Sometimes the cards you're dealt
aren't good enough.

You have to reach
for better cards.

Cheating cards.

But how can you live
with yourself

when you're cheating to win?

I'm just settling the score
with Coach Butler.

Besides, it's tradition
to cheat in baseball.

Look at Mark McGwire,
Roger Clemens, Alex Rodriguez,

and the entire 2004 and 2007
Boston Red Sox.

Sometimes you gotta do
whatever it takes to win.

Now, come on,
we're gonna go win state.

I'll be right there.

I just remembered something
I need to do.

[THINKING]
I wonder what he remembered to do.

I wonder what Donna's
making for dinner.

I wonder if she'll
even make dinner.

I'll pick up some Pad Thai
and some scrambled eggs

and a Clark bar
on the way home.

If she's already made dinner,

then I'll just eat that
for lunch tomorrow.

[LAUGHING]

Terry will be so jealous.

He always has
crummy lunches.

It's sad that Terry's alone.

[ORGAN PLAYING]

Hey, old man.

Get it?

[BOTH LAUGH]

Yes, I do get it.

Oh, I'm happy
you're here, Rallo.

You're out!

ANNOUNCER 1:
Another strikeout.

I haven't seen a pitching
performance rival this

since Danny Almonte,
the kid who lied about his age

to pitch in the Little League
World Series.

[OWLS HOOTING DISTANTLY]

What the--? How did I get
in the woods?

Oh, man,
stood up too fast.

Oh, gross, sap.
I hate the woods.

You gotta beam me out of here,
Jesus.

I gotta haul bear ass
to that game

and stop Cleveland
from cheating.

If there was any way
to get to the field quick.

Hm. That gives me an idea.

Hey, thanks for the ride, Doug.

Good luck with your wife's
operation.

Oh, right. Don't worry,
honey, we're almost there.

[WOMAN GROANING]

ANNOUNCER 1:
Grab your gas can and find a cop car,

because two more outs
and Stoolbend is champs.

ANNOUNCER 2:
Hold everything.

Here comes virgin
Principal Wally Farquhare.

Stop the game!
Stop the game!

One of these students
is ineligible.

Ernie Krinklesac
is the guilty Gus.

He never turned in
his final wood shop project.

What?
That gives him an F,

which makes him
academically ineligible

for extracurricular
activities.

Whew!

Hey, how did Ernie
fail shop?

He built our carport.

How? How indeed.

I did what it took to win, Dad.

First, I created
a distraction.

And then, for the final part
of my trick,

known as the prestige,

I took Ernie's project
and put my name on it.

How could you do that
to your friend?

Like you said, winning is
the most important thing.

Friend or no friend,
I gotta get mine.

And if I failed shop,
I would disappoint you.

And I've never ever
disappointed you, Daddy.

Well, you did disappoint me
by cheating.

What? Where do you think
I got the idea?

You're cheating.
I learned it from you.

You just found out
I was cheating.

Ah, busted.

Oh, Junior,
what have I taught you?

You did good, Holt,
but the jig's up.

Why are you taking me out, bro?

This whole thing's wrong.

Bad caramel.
Too much bad caramel.

Give me the ball.

Yeah, I get it.
It's probably for the best.

All these 'roids
are doing a number on my junk.

[ALL CHEERING]

You're about to find out what
happens when animals attack.

If you, uh, if you remember
those shows.

Take it easy, Tim. I know you're
upset with me, but look.

Um....

Far away.

Hello.

Far away.

That's my--
That's my Raymond.

Yeah, Raymond. Go, buddy!

I'm really sorry, Tim.
I know I messed up.

Who cares, man?

It's my son
in the championship game.

ANNOUNCER 1:
Local burnout Raymond the bear,

not looking like he knows
where he is.

Remember, that pitch
is not in slow motion

to create dramatic effect.

It's that slow.

ANNOUNCER 2:
It's almost as if the ball itself is stoned.

Bye-bye.

ANNOUNCER 1:
And there you have it.

The Mud Falls Trotters

are your state champions.

[ALL BOOING]

You lose again,
Cold Brown.

I guess my pitcher was just
a little bit better than yours.

Well, Donna, he may have
the ring and the championship,

but I have the comfort
of a clear conscience.

I did a great thing
here today.

Not really. You cheated
to get to the championship,

and then wussed out and didn't
go through with it at the end.

You realize you eliminated three
deserving teams from contention?

So you really didn't
do anything great.

No, I did.

You don't get it.
It's guy stuff.

Clear conscience, full hearts,
can't lose.

Whatever. I'm just glad
I never knew anything about it.

There's still time.

♪ 525,600 minutes

ALL:
♪ 525,000 journeys to plan

♪ 525,600 minutes

♪ How can you measure the life
Of a woman or a man? ♪

No. No touch.

[♪]

[English - US - Line 21]

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0