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00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:04,367
(Cleveland Narrating text)
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00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:21,619
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
3
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,722
♪ And I am proud to be
4
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,164
♪ Right back in my hometown
5
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,560
♪ With my new family
6
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:31,202
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
7
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:33,198
♪ And even a bear
8
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,430
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
9
00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:36,866
♪ It's true love we share ♪
10
00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:39,471
♪ And so I found a place
11
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,743
♪ Where everyone will know
12
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,842
♪ My happy mustached face
13
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:46,454
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
14
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:48,547
(chuckles)
15
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:51,784
Hey, Mama,
16
00:00:51,786 --> 00:00:53,146
look at this trick
I learned
17
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:56,094
by watching Criss Angel.
18
00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:57,690
Wow.
Mama, make me
19
00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:58,491
another breakfast.
20
00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:01,592
Rallo, I'm busy cleaning the
pots and pans Cleveland left
21
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:04,425
when he came home drunk
and made pork and beans.
22
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,632
(yawns)
23
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,671
(sniffs, groans)
24
00:01:11,971 --> 00:01:13,371
(belching):
What?
25
00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:16,314
You have been a
total slob lately.
26
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:17,110
That's...
27
00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:17,711
(belching):
...what.
28
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:19,481
That's the whole point
of getting married.
29
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,250
You can let yourself go
completely--
30
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:23,679
well, the husband, anyway.
31
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,624
Cleveland, it's only
been three months.
32
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,149
I thought you'd wait
at least a year
33
00:01:27,154 --> 00:01:28,924
before you started
stinking up the joint
34
00:01:28,923 --> 00:01:30,793
like Philip
Seymour Hoffman.
35
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:33,131
I have an Oscar.
36
00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:34,927
(cat litter rattling)
37
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:41,573
Hey, sounds like
it might be time
38
00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:43,769
for a little, uh,
second honeymoon.
39
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,841
Wh-Where did you two
go the first time?
40
00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,270
I never got around
to booking it.
41
00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:48,905
No honeymoon?
42
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,679
Have you ice
in your veins?
43
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:51,738
I knew he didn't.
44
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:52,735
What? We've been here
45
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,646
literally every night
since his wedding.
46
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:57,748
The truth is, I don't even know
where to take Donna.
47
00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:02,691
Lester, where's
your favorite place for romance?
48
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,490
Ho-ho-kay, Lester.
49
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,332
Thank you for sharing.
50
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:08,687
Hey, y-you, you
want a sexy trip,
51
00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:09,896
d-do what Arianna
and I did.
52
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:12,257
Hit up the Holy
Land-- Israel--
53
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:13,866
that is, eh, if it,
uh, still exists
54
00:02:13,868 --> 00:02:15,898
at the time
I'm saying this.
55
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:18,243
Hot Brown, I coached you
in baseball,
56
00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:19,909
and now I got
to coach you in love.
57
00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:23,877
The most romantic place on Earth
is right here in the USA.
58
00:02:23,878 --> 00:02:25,978
I'm talking about New York City.
59
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:28,780
It's where I found love
for the first time,
60
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:34,622
and it left a giant,
gaping hole... in my heart.
61
00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:37,591
I had a dream of playingfor the Yanks.
62
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:40,591
Wound up slinging hashat the Carnegie Deli.
63
00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:42,564
I was young, dumb,
64
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:44,933
and full of Tums.
65
00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:51,644
And then I met a gal,an actress just starting out,
66
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:57,279
a burly angel who knew howto put away the corned beef.
67
00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:01,806
Her name was Tyne Daly.
68
00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:06,285
That's right, the Tyne Daly .
69
00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:12,063
It was magical,
70
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:15,829
but I never got the chance
to tell her I loved her.
71
00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,859
I still dream
of her every night.
72
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,595
Always the same thing--
me, her, and Whitey Ford
73
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:23,771
getting it on right
in the middle of Tad's Steaks.
74
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:27,741
Don't let love slip away,
Hot Brown.
75
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:29,941
Hello, Mom?
76
00:03:29,944 --> 00:03:31,444
Who's Tyne Daly?
77
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:32,835
No, no?
78
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,676
Okay, well,
th-then put Grandma on.
79
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:38,882
(shouting):
Grandma, who is Tyne Daly?!
80
00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:43,087
(in deep voice):
You're coming with me.
81
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,390
(screams)
82
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:45,921
(screams)
83
00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:48,256
That is it.
Prepare to...
84
00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:50,262
(in normal voice):
Honeymoon!
85
00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:51,664
(laughs)
86
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:52,025
Cleveland?
87
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:55,732
You scared the Shia LaBeouf
out of me.
88
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,766
What do you mean,
"honeymoon"?
89
00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:00,071
Does this answer
your query?
90
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:02,444
(horn playing melody)
91
00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:06,283
Krinklesac Discount Limousine
and Animal Carcass Removal
92
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,950
at your disposal, ma'am.
93
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:10,248
Next stop, New York City!
94
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,851
New York City?
95
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,552
We've got to pack our...
96
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,094
But the kids...
97
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:17,259
I have obtained
the services
98
00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:20,158
of Stoolbend's finest sitter.
99
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:23,030
(snoring)
100
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:28,995
Sweet dreams,
Mr. Kimple.
101
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:31,042
Should I draw a penis
on his face?
102
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:34,808
You pretty much have
to in this situation.
103
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:38,408
Oh, Cleveland, this is
the most romantic ending
104
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:41,882
to a fake rape
attempt ever.
105
00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:46,919
McFALL (spits):
Pardon my chaw, madam.
106
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:47,920
Coach McFall?!
107
00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:50,261
Is coming with us
to rekindle his love
108
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:52,257
with Tyne Daly.
109
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:52,959
(groans)
110
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,490
Fine, he can
ride with us,
111
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:56,225
but I don't want
this spiraling
112
00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:59,300
into further
misadventures.
113
00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:01,296
Aah, a bear.
114
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:03,442
Better let him do
whatever he wants.
115
00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:06,667
Hell, why not get the
whole freak show together
116
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:09,144
and invite your little
hobbit friend, too?
117
00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:10,243
Hey, that's offensive.
118
00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:12,584
I'm small-boned,
except for one.
119
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,709
Yeah, this chick's laughing.
120
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,245
(sighs)
121
00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:21,393
When I get to New York,
I'm going to get discovered.
122
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:23,488
Yeah, you could do a
little commercial work,
123
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,060
have a short run
off Broadway.
124
00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:26,929
Then you decide to act
as your own agent,
125
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:29,387
end up negotiating a
terrible deal for yourself
126
00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:30,496
'cause you're not smart.
127
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,527
Next thing you know,
you're teaching theater arts
128
00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:34,973
at a community college
in the middle of nowhere.
129
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,898
Most people will
think you're weird,
130
00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,244
but your cats
will know better.
131
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:40,808
Geez, Rallo, what's
wrong with you, man?
132
00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:43,878
Don't blame me,
it's the business.
133
00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:55,091
Guys, look what I found
in Donna's purse.
134
00:05:55,089 --> 00:05:56,319
A tampon.
135
00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:57,393
(laughs)
136
00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:59,361
I'm just playing, baby.
137
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,560
The mysterious things
a woman's body does
138
00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,263
are very natural.
139
00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:06,004
(sighs)
140
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:08,429
There it is:
New York City.
141
00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:11,535
It's just like
I imagined it.
142
00:06:21,347 --> 00:06:23,177
Well, first thing tomorrow,
143
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:26,223
it's off to harpoon Tyne Daly.
144
00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:28,120
You stud.
145
00:06:32,024 --> 00:06:32,624
Can I help you?
146
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:36,326
I'm Roberta Tubbs, guest
of The Maury Povich Show,
147
00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:39,400
so I'll be staying
here for free.
148
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:40,070
(typing)
149
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,467
Uh, your name's
not on the list.
150
00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:43,338
How do I know
you're telling the truth?
151
00:06:43,337 --> 00:06:44,667
One of them's
my baby daddy.
152
00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:48,211
And if it turns out it ain't
me, I'm gonna be all...
153
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:51,138
(laughing maniacally)
154
00:06:53,312 --> 00:06:57,022
Here's your room key,
$75 per diem, affidavit
155
00:06:57,017 --> 00:07:00,147
and a six-pack
of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
156
00:07:00,154 --> 00:07:01,194
PBR!
157
00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:05,358
I hope it keeps for 16 years.
158
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,930
I want to see the most
romantic spots in the city.
159
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,001
I marked them all
in this guidebook.
160
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,630
Regis Philbin's
Erotic New York.
161
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:19,066
Oh, Donna, I feel like we're
in a Woody Allen movie,
162
00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:22,572
except I've laughed
a few times in the last hour.
163
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,611
Hey, Clevela...
oh, sorry.
164
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,383
I thought you was
someone else.
165
00:07:28,382 --> 00:07:29,282
That's all right.
166
00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:30,553
Oh, wait,
there's Cleveland.
167
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,021
Hey, Cleveland!
168
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:33,649
Oh, m-my bad.
169
00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:35,094
Oh, there he is.
170
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:35,618
Cleveland!
171
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:38,592
Damn, there are so many
of you people here.
172
00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:40,132
What you mean,
"you people"?
173
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,227
You know, you're
all a bunch of...
174
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:45,259
(♪ Family Guy theme plays )
175
00:07:47,099 --> 00:07:49,499
Aw, I miss you, too, Arianna.
176
00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:50,673
New York is not so bad.
177
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:53,441
Y-You can poop
pretty much anywhere.
178
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:54,570
No one even looks at you.
179
00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:56,905
One guy even gave me a quarter.
180
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,680
Whoa, hold the presses.
181
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:00,679
Arianna, there's a bar here
with a sign
182
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,581
that says "Bears Welcome."
183
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,153
Yeah, I know.
184
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,251
Oh, well, here we go.
185
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:06,422
Bear walks into a bar, right?
186
00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:08,690
(chuckling):
Okay, I'll talk to you later.
187
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,589
♪
188
00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:18,403
♪
189
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:19,228
(gasps)
190
00:08:19,233 --> 00:08:21,333
You the president of MTV?
191
00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:23,065
Word up, dawgs.
192
00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:24,140
Well, I'm Roberta Tubbs,
193
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:26,707
and I came all the way
from Stoolbend, Virginia,
194
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:30,637
to pitch you a reality show
called Roberta Rules.
195
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:33,314
I'm a vapid teenager
with no talents,
196
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:34,713
no discernible personality,
197
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:38,345
and no ambition
other than to be famous.
198
00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:40,252
Intrigued. You?
199
00:08:40,254 --> 00:08:45,224
I'm a tough-talking street kid
with a passion for the violin.
200
00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:46,485
Love. Love.
201
00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:47,433
How about fatty?
202
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:50,397
I'm just a stone-cold
(bleep) machine.
203
00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:53,267
We begin shooting tomorrow.
204
00:08:53,267 --> 00:08:54,727
Congratulations, Kellie.
205
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:55,665
Roberta.
206
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,499
Not anymore.
207
00:08:59,739 --> 00:09:00,669
Taxi!
208
00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:01,714
(phone rings)
209
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,808
I love New York. Hello.
210
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:06,750
Listen, y-you got to get me
out of this bear bar
211
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:10,747
before I really get into the,
uh, the down and the dirty.
212
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,551
Donna, I have to go to
a gay bar with Tim.
213
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:15,824
No time to explain
anything else whatsoever.
214
00:09:15,822 --> 00:09:17,922
Cleveland, this is exactly
what I was worried about.
215
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:21,325
Don't get involved in
your friends' shenanigans.
216
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:22,228
Tim's more than a friend.
217
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:26,229
I'll meet you at the Empire
State Building in one hour.
218
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:30,143
Driver, take me
to New York's gay bar.
219
00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:34,712
He's not interested.
220
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:35,468
Oh?
221
00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:37,735
Then maybe he shouldn't come
into a gay bar
222
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,284
without wearing pants.
223
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:43,919
Cartoon bears
never wear pants.
224
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:46,250
CLEVELAND:
Donna.
225
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,153
You'd better be calling
226
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:48,794
to tell me
you're standing behind me.
227
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,489
I'm walking out of Tiffany's.
228
00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:51,720
I just bought you a ring.
229
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,585
Oh, no, someone just stole it!
230
00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:54,664
But I'm on my way.
231
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,561
(phone beeps)
Hold up, I'm beeping.
232
00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:59,103
Hello, I'm in New York.
233
00:09:59,099 --> 00:09:59,699
Cleve? Lester.
234
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,800
It seems the good people
of Harlem are upset
235
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:06,302
by me using that word
you call Rallo all the time.
236
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:07,766
Help!
237
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,814
(sighs)
(phone beeps)
238
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:12,710
Donna, hey!
Cleveland.
239
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,583
I'll meet you
at the next spot.
240
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:15,211
This is my honeymoon,
241
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,775
and if you don't start
showing me some romance,
242
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,883
I will take you
off my health insurance.
243
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:20,485
You wouldn't.
Oh, I would.
244
00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:23,787
Rallo's uninsured, and I sleep
like a baby at night.
245
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,260
(phone beeps)
246
00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:28,688
(crowd clamoring)
MAN: Yeah, we gonna take you down, man.
247
00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:29,585
Stop!
248
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:30,656
You know the rule.
249
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:31,804
If he has
one black friend,
250
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,898
he's allowed one free pass
on the N-word.
251
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:37,141
Oh, man.
Yeah, that's true.
252
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,697
That is the rule.
253
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:39,795
Thanks, Cleveland.
254
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,166
Wait, you're not...
(phone rings)
255
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:44,344
Hmm.
I'm gonna answer my phone.
256
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:44,684
Hello?
257
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:48,748
(thudding)
C-Bro, Donald Trump offered me a job.
258
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:49,909
Step right up.
259
00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:53,846
Poke the freaky little robot man
for only five dollars.
260
00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,224
I'll be right there.
261
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:56,722
No time to call Donna.
262
00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:58,663
I'll just text her.
263
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:03,629
D-M-N-O-M-N-M-N-A.
264
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:05,300
That was an easy one.
265
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,768
Period, exclamation point,
question mark.
266
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:10,368
How do you make a comma
on this thing?
267
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:11,140
You know what?
268
00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:12,868
I'm not gonna use a comma.
269
00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:15,143
There's no time!
270
00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:20,176
Thanks again
for stabbing Trump, bro.
271
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,810
No one will care.
272
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:23,682
Cleveland!
273
00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:26,794
I didn't think I'd be seeing you
on our honeymoon.
274
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:30,287
Babe, I could go through
a whole flowery speech,
275
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,560
and you could
reluctantly forgive me.
276
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:35,729
Or we could just admit
that you have your price.
277
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:36,459
In this case,
278
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:41,973
tickets to the hottest show
on Broadway tonight!
279
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:42,828
It's a play.
280
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:46,466
They're like movies,
but gayer and smaller
281
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:49,743
and more expensive and worse.
282
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:54,854
♪
283
00:11:55,848 --> 00:11:56,308
Little known fact:
284
00:11:56,316 --> 00:12:00,216
we shot the Cagney & Lacey pilot
as an all-girl porn film.
285
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,920
I told them to take out
the crotch shots
286
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,252
and play up the cop angle.
287
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:05,656
Boom! Eight seasons.
288
00:12:05,659 --> 00:12:08,659
(audience laughing)
289
00:12:10,529 --> 00:12:12,959
That was the greatest
spectacle
290
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:16,666
I have ever seen
in my entire life.
291
00:12:16,670 --> 00:12:18,500
(grunts)
Tyne ahoy!
292
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:21,135
(camera shutters clicking)
293
00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:23,437
No. Mr. Gooding Jr. and I
294
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:26,283
are simply dear,
dear friends.
295
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,379
(gasps)
Charles?
296
00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:29,851
Tyne.
297
00:12:30,549 --> 00:12:31,749
(clears throat)
298
00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:34,452
Kind of leaves you speechless,
huh, Ms. Daly?
299
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:37,124
Seeing someone
you shared so much with
300
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:38,624
after all these years.
301
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,625
"Shared"? 40 years ago,
I hired this man
302
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:41,727
to assemble a Soloflex machine
303
00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:43,698
and hang a punching bag
in my living room.
304
00:12:43,697 --> 00:12:45,057
Two nights later, I woke up
to find him
305
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:47,895
wearing my jock
and watching me sleep.
306
00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:50,967
He is not to come
within 50 yards of me!
307
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:52,171
Coach, is that true?
308
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:53,672
Rings a bell.
309
00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:54,843
Rex!
310
00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:56,171
(barking)
Rex Reed!
311
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,376
(hissing)
Get him!
312
00:12:58,378 --> 00:12:59,708
(barking and yowling)
313
00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:01,313
(camera shutters clicking)
Oh, Ms. Daly!
314
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:03,054
Ms. Daly, wait!
Ms. Daly!
315
00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:03,549
(tires squealing)
316
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,050
Cleveland,
I didn't complain
317
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:07,151
when you brought your stupid
friends on our honeymoon.
318
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:09,824
I didn't complain when you
stood me up all day long.
319
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:12,723
And I didn't complain when
you took me to a four-hour,
320
00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:14,786
one-woman show set
in a steam room.
321
00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:17,195
Well, and I don't want
to upset you here,
322
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:20,697
but technically,
you complained the entire time.
323
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:21,730
But go ahead.
324
00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:23,765
That's a very good point,
Cleveland.
325
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:25,070
I should stop complaining
326
00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:27,711
and enjoy the rest
of my time in New York.
327
00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:29,667
Good girl!
328
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,006
Without you!
329
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:33,411
Good-bye, Cleveland.
330
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,321
I can't let her go.
331
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,117
Taxi!
332
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:40,289
Follow that cab.
333
00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:41,947
(sitar music playing)
334
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:45,955
And turn up that awesome music.
335
00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:55,325
♪
336
00:13:57,069 --> 00:13:58,699
So, tell me,
Mr. De Niro,
337
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:02,165
why do they call you the
"chocolate rainmaker"?
338
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,005
(humming)
339
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,509
What are you doing
with my wife,
340
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:07,711
great actor and bad actor,
Robert De Niro?
341
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:09,684
Hey, I'm sorry!
I didn't know.
342
00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:12,123
You mind if I slip her
the capicola?
343
00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:14,188
You get out of here!
344
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:17,792
(goosing)
(gasps)
345
00:14:17,791 --> 00:14:21,091
Donna, I'm sorry
about ruining the trip.
346
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:23,494
Can we please spend
the little time
347
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,756
we've got left here
together?
348
00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:26,625
No.
349
00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:28,203
Spend it with
your boyfriends.
350
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:29,331
Mo'hattan!
351
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:31,496
McFALL:
For Pete's sake, enough!
352
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:32,904
It's my fault.
353
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:36,006
I've been a selfish,
love-struck fool.
354
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:37,709
I caused you both pain.
355
00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:40,651
Donna, if you won't
accept my apology,
356
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:44,147
I hope you'll
accept this.
357
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:45,847
Oh, for the love of...
358
00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:49,192
an Arby's big beef
and cheddar melt?
359
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,819
This is the problem.
360
00:14:50,824 --> 00:14:52,524
This is not a gift
a woman wants.
361
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,655
And if you want
to win over a Tyne Daly,
362
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:57,561
we need to get you clothes
without pit stains.
363
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,204
"We"?
I'm still mad at you, Cleveland.
364
00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:02,269
I'm only helping McFall 'cause
it's obvious from this weekend
365
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,769
that you have no idea
how to treat a woman.
366
00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:07,541
And there's only so much
pathetic I can take.
367
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,410
Thank you.
Well, then.
368
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:13,849
I think it's time
for a makeover!
369
00:15:13,847 --> 00:15:15,577
WOMEN:
Makeover?!
370
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,082
♪
371
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,053
CLEVELAND:
Carrie! Miranda!
372
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:21,552
Charlotte!
Samantha!
373
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,254
Burn...!
374
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,316
(all screaming)
375
00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:27,585
♪
376
00:15:58,357 --> 00:16:00,217
♪
377
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:05,997
'Sup, homies?
378
00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:08,429
We're here for our
first day of shooting.
379
00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:09,925
Shooting...?
380
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:12,366
My reality show, Roberta Rules,
381
00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,542
which we pitched to you
yesterday.
382
00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:15,971
Oh, right!
(chuckles)
383
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:18,236
While you guys were pitching
your reality show,
384
00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:20,484
you were actually being taped
for our new prank show,
385
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,250
So You Think You're PitchingA Reality Show,
386
00:16:22,248 --> 00:16:25,378
But You're Actually Being TapedFor A Prank Show!
387
00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:28,585
Ugh, this is so uncool!
388
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,688
But at least I'm still
going to be on TV!
389
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,820
You were. Last night.
It already aired.
390
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,456
Literally no one watched.
391
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,891
What?! I mean, why not?
392
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:39,326
Nobody's watching TV.
393
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,932
Nobody.
394
00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:43,804
(whispering): Nobody.
395
00:16:47,473 --> 00:16:48,773
♪
396
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:50,875
Oh, and I want to thank Lorne
and the cast.
397
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:53,977
Thanks to my musical guests,
Don Henley and Lil Wayne.
398
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:57,350
Oh, and-and please tune in
to Lifetime tomorrow night
399
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,750
for the premiere
of my new movie,
400
00:16:58,752 --> 00:17:01,752
Tackle My Heart:The Dick Butkus Story.
401
00:17:01,755 --> 00:17:03,015
Good night, everybody!
402
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,293
(cheering, applause)
403
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:05,590
Boy, I can't believe
404
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,632
security is so lax
on this show
405
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:10,057
that we could just wander
in here like this.
406
00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:13,363
What if one of us
was a creepy stalker?
407
00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:16,232
Coach, she's lumbering
offstage.
408
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:17,696
Go!
409
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:27,314
(screams)
I'm sorry.
410
00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:28,583
I'm bad with entrances.
411
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:32,181
Tyne, I just need
a time of your moment--
412
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:33,415
a-a moment of your Tyne--
413
00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:36,750
Ah, damn me for a stink-kissing
monkey, I'm blowing it!
414
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,686
Jason Sudeikis!
Oh, thank God.
415
00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:41,461
Can you help me get
rid of this weirdo?
416
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:41,991
Who, me?!
417
00:17:41,995 --> 00:17:43,455
No, I don't like fighting.
418
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:44,703
Get Will Forte to help you.
419
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:46,997
No way! I'm not
getting involved.
420
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,800
I'm fixing to
have a picnic.
421
00:17:48,802 --> 00:17:50,172
A picnic?
(scoffs)
422
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:51,700
Thanks for inviting me.
423
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:54,544
Who do you think I was
fixing it for?
424
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:56,871
(both giggling)
425
00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:02,606
(typing)
426
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,619
Donna, you're a woman.
427
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:06,848
You can type, right?
428
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:08,253
85 words a minute.
429
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,054
Take down everything I say.
430
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,686
(cracks knuckles)
431
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:17,964
Tyne, I've done
you wrong.
432
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:21,604
"Tyne, I've done
you wrong."
433
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,031
I've been hurtful.
434
00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:24,366
I see that now.
435
00:18:24,370 --> 00:18:25,940
"I've been hurtful.
436
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,469
I see that now."
437
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:28,374
Go ahead.
438
00:18:28,374 --> 00:18:29,974
I don't expect you
to forgive me.
439
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:33,906
But no matter how you feel,
I want you to know,
440
00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:35,583
I think you're wonderful.
441
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:39,052
"And I've thought so
for a long, long time.
442
00:18:39,052 --> 00:18:41,752
"All those years
we were apart,
443
00:18:41,754 --> 00:18:44,624
when all I had
was the memory of you."
444
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,324
The way you smiled.
445
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:46,856
The way you laughed.
446
00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:49,960
The way you mixed up your
ketchup and your tartar sauce
447
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:52,433
when they had fish sticks
in the cafeteria,
448
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:54,732
which was actually
pretty gross,
449
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:56,974
but not when you did it.
450
00:18:56,970 --> 00:19:00,540
You remember that
from high school?
451
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,310
I remember everything.
452
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:05,038
"The way you mixed your ketchup
and your tartar sauce
453
00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:06,814
when you..."
Wait, what?!
454
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,013
No, no, you're right!
455
00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:08,984
I also eat Neapolitan ice cream,
456
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:12,022
and mix it with leaves and
stir it until it turns brown.
457
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:13,578
It started
as my Emmy night cleanse,
458
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,316
and after six wins,
I couldn't stop.
459
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,591
How'd you know?
460
00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:18,019
I know everything about you.
461
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:21,164
Ask me any question,
no matter how obscure.
462
00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:23,391
Which one was I,
Cagney or Lacey?
463
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:24,026
Lacey.
464
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:26,030
(gasps)
No one gets that right!
465
00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,302
I'm sorry.
466
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,300
Have one dinner with me.
467
00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:31,642
That's all I'm asking.
468
00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:33,098
"I'm sorry.
469
00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:34,966
"Have one dinner with me.
470
00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:36,544
That's all I'm asking."
471
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:37,843
Donna, stop typing.
472
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:40,754
I'm sorry
I ruined our honeymoon,
473
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:43,447
and I'm asking you
to have dinner with me.
474
00:19:43,449 --> 00:19:45,679
Yes, Cleveland.
475
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,445
Yes, Charles.
476
00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:51,518
(keys clicking)
477
00:19:53,091 --> 00:19:57,501
"Hieivbve Vbelqvbie Fbieqpivf."
478
00:19:57,497 --> 00:19:59,157
And you speak in tongues?
Me, too!
479
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:02,665
As an actress, I'll do anything
that sounds stupid.
480
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:04,839
(speaking gibberish)
481
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:06,737
(spouting gibberish)
482
00:20:13,011 --> 00:20:15,711
Well, you two look,
uh, honeymoony.
483
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,105
Let's just say,
I've realized
484
00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:19,476
you all need Cleveland
just like I need him.
485
00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:22,185
And the fact that he's
always there for all of us
486
00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:24,218
is why I love him.
487
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:27,634
Everybody loves Cleveland!
488
00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:29,257
Let's go! Now!
489
00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:30,362
Where's Tyne?
490
00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:31,133
I made her
angry.
491
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:33,860
You wouldn't like her
when she's angry.
492
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:36,666
(thunderous footfalls)
Go! Go! Go!
493
00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:43,871
(panting)
494
00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:46,906
Oh, (bleep)!
495
00:20:46,956 --> 00:20:51,506
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