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1
00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:03,844
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:06,138
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:08,340
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,842
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:13,675
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,451
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,649
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:19,551
♪ It's true love we share ♪
9
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,723
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:23,862
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:25,858
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:28,890
♪ This is
The Cleveland Show ♪
13
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:30,756
(chuckles)
14
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:35,903
Rallo, are you done
with the internet?
15
00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:38,943
Because I need to find some
data about building a rocket
16
00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:40,309
for the school
science fair,
17
00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:42,637
because they're having
a science fair at school,
18
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:45,183
and I want to build
a rocket for it.
19
00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:46,549
Take a knee, Chubs.
20
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:47,447
I'm wrapping it up.
21
00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:48,708
You'd be amazed
how many people
22
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:52,216
on the internet want
to meet a five-year-old boy.
23
00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:54,693
Move it, Heavy C.
24
00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:55,748
This ain't the microwave.
25
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,386
I need to update
my Facebook page
26
00:00:57,391 --> 00:01:00,531
with these slammin' pictures
of me in my new bikini.
27
00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:01,758
Facebook
is a joke.
28
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:05,062
You know who is my friend
on Facebook?
29
00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:06,196
Margaret Cho.
30
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,200
A woman
I have not met,
31
00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:10,172
nor wish
to ever meet,
32
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:12,871
is somehow
a friend of mine.
33
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:14,443
Puh-lease.
34
00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:17,812
I also don't need
your stupid status updates.
35
00:01:17,812 --> 00:01:21,482
Ooh, Betsy Sherman is excited
to watch Heroes.
36
00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:23,652
Go suck an egg,
Betsy!
37
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:24,881
You know what?
38
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:27,115
I need
to Twitter that.
39
00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:29,191
Go... suck...
40
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:32,190
an egg...
Betsy.
41
00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:36,500
Guys notice
anything different?
42
00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:37,127
No.
43
00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:38,361
Put your finger
in my nose.
44
00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:39,765
Okay.
45
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,067
Mm. Smooth.
46
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:43,768
Yeah, you bet it is,
thanks to the Nasalaser.
47
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:46,671
Laser-guided system burns
follicles at the root.
48
00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:47,844
Same one Joe Buck uses.
49
00:01:47,842 --> 00:01:48,972
That's a clever
invention.
50
00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:51,036
I got the inventor
bug myself.
51
00:01:51,045 --> 00:01:52,875
Among other bugs.
And crabs.
52
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,580
What kind of stuff
you invent, Lester?
53
00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:56,922
Well, I got something
called the Buddy Beer.
54
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:57,777
Give me a sec.
55
00:01:57,785 --> 00:02:00,015
You know, I never leave home
without the prototype.
56
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:01,950
It's a beer bottle
with two necks,
57
00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:06,386
so if you're short on cash,
you and a buddy can share it.
58
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:11,132
Oh, yeah.
59
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,670
We sshould invent
something!
60
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:19,370
I've always wanted
to be an inventor.
61
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:20,943
Ladies and gentlemen,
62
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:24,681
what if I told you
you could have a cracker
63
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,348
that's also a phone?
64
00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:28,247
Boom. The i-Ritz.
65
00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,849
(touch tones sounding)
66
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:33,250
I just made a call on a cracker!
67
00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:34,794
I just ate a phone!
68
00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:35,888
MAN:
That's stupid!
69
00:02:35,890 --> 00:02:37,120
You're sstupid!
70
00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:38,764
I got a
couple of ideas,
71
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,629
uh, rattling
around the old noodle.
72
00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:42,928
Hell, I got notebooks
of ideas.
73
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:44,000
And song lyrics.
74
00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:46,028
♪ Done farted
in the bathtub ♪
75
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:47,933
♪ Done farted
on my horse ♪
76
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,795
♪ Done farted
on my mama ♪
77
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,373
♪ She got mad,
of course ♪
78
00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,672
♪ Fart, fart, farta,
da-da, fart, fart, fart ♪
79
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,974
♪ Eh-da, duh, farta
fart, fart, fart. ♪
80
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,276
That's
the spirit!
81
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:59,478
Let's everybody come up
with an invention,
82
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,050
and we'll meet back here
tomorrow night.
83
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:04,319
(cheering)
All right!
84
00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:06,720
Don't look.
It's Margaret Cho.
85
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,250
MARGARET CHO:
Cleveland?
86
00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:09,655
Damn.
87
00:03:15,428 --> 00:03:17,428
Mm. Better get my wood
to woodshop.
88
00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:22,401
I'm making you a mad large key
to hang all your other keys on.
89
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,803
This is real, yo.
90
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:27,835
(school bell ringing)
91
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,981
Roberta, the bell has rang.
92
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,437
Rung. Rang?
93
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:32,905
The bell has rang.
94
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:34,683
The bell has rung. Hmm.
95
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:36,352
The bell went (trilling),
96
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,080
and you're going
to be late for class.
97
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:41,685
I'm sorry. I just need one
minute to make sure I look good.
98
00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:44,619
Do you think I look
good, Mr. Armstrong?
99
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:45,615
Kiss me.
100
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,286
You didn't hear that.
Hear what?
101
00:03:47,294 --> 00:03:49,864
(laughs)
Nothing to hear. Okay.
102
00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:52,967
(echoing): They'll never
find me up here.
103
00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:55,827
TEACHER:
You're tardy, Ms. Tubbs.
104
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,366
I'm sorry, Mr. Elmore.
105
00:03:57,371 --> 00:04:01,711
I was taking a long,soapy shower after P.E. and...
106
00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:03,079
Ouch.
107
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:03,907
Who are you?
108
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:06,611
I'm Ms. Eck,
Mr. Elmore's replacement,
109
00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:10,054
and I do not tolerate
tardiness, Ms. Tubbs.
110
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:11,550
A C-minus?!
111
00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:13,052
If you have a problem
with your grade,
112
00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:14,723
you can see me
after class.
113
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:17,362
Now, please
take your seat.
114
00:04:19,058 --> 00:04:20,488
Ignore that.
115
00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:23,434
(school bell ringing)
116
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:26,674
I have seen this
before, you know.
117
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,427
Pretty girl,
coasting by on her looks.
118
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:32,135
Taking life for granted because
everything is handed to her.
119
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:33,839
I get things
handed to me
120
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:36,511
because I'm smart and
funny and talented.
121
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,880
Yes, my body is
re-donk-a-donk-ulous,
122
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,979
but I'm also
very likable.
123
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:43,021
I'm like a black Halle Berry.
124
00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:44,117
Sit down.
125
00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:46,488
I want to show you something.
126
00:04:47,987 --> 00:04:51,787
This is Pam Anderson in 1997.
127
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,862
This is her today.
128
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:54,531
(gasps)
129
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:59,128
Kirsten Dunst, June 10, 2004.
130
00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:02,303
This is her four days later.
131
00:05:02,835 --> 00:05:06,165
Meg Ryan, 1989.
132
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:07,473
And now.
133
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:08,544
(gasps)
Oh, my God!
134
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,582
Turn it off!
135
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:13,147
You know,
I myself used to be doable.
136
00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:14,947
Well, what happened?
137
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,418
I turned 30.
138
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:17,477
I'll make a deal with you.
139
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,624
If you can prove that your life
would be just as easy
140
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:23,861
if you were unattractive,
then I'll raise this C to an A.
141
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:27,027
It's the only way you can prove
that you can succeed
142
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:29,657
based on who you are
on the inside.
143
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:30,903
Deal?
144
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:31,798
Deal.
145
00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:35,529
But how am I supposed
to make this ugly?
146
00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:37,839
A fat suit?
147
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,708
(gasps)
Just like Tyra Banks.
148
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:42,368
Hollywood costume shop.
149
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:43,406
High quality.
150
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:45,040
Look at this fupa.
151
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,705
Look at this poopa.
152
00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:49,114
Fupa. Poopa.
153
00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:50,516
Fupa. Poopa.
154
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,447
Ah, what a good time.
155
00:05:54,587 --> 00:05:55,847
Okay, my
invention
156
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,086
is magnetic
fly jeans.
157
00:05:58,092 --> 00:05:59,292
Easy to get
off and on,
158
00:05:59,293 --> 00:06:00,963
and if you're
bear-hairy
159
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,131
down there,
like I am,
160
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:03,999
there's no
more worrying
161
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,057
about the zipper
jaws of death.
162
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:08,596
Don't need it. Shaved.
And waxed.
163
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,602
I got a chicken wing glove.
164
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:12,174
It's got razor blades
on the fingers
165
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:15,512
to pull the meat off the bones,
wet naps on the pinky,
166
00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:18,979
and the thumb's
a blue cheese dispenser.
167
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:24,982
(bleep) thing.
168
00:06:25,818 --> 00:06:27,618
Okay, I got
a gum reflavorizor.
169
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,921
You put new flavor in your gum
with a syringe thing.
170
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,594
Uh, Shirtflix.com
171
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,633
It's like Netflix,
but with shirts.
172
00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:38,558
And a fart amplification device,
which is self-explanatory.
173
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:41,195
What'd you come up with,
Terry, hmm?
174
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:42,001
Aw, nothing, man.
175
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,802
Nah, I forgot we
were even doing this.
176
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:47,674
Holt, slide me one
of those beers, will you?
177
00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:52,479
(grunts)
178
00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:53,079
Thank you.
179
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,150
Hey, that's what someone
should invent--
180
00:06:55,149 --> 00:06:58,179
a device where
you can slide a beer to someone.
181
00:06:58,185 --> 00:06:59,075
How handy would that be?
182
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,816
Bars all over the
world would buy that.
183
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:04,822
A coaster that rolls.
184
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:06,685
The Roller Coaster.
185
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:11,533
Gentlemen, I think we just
invented an invention.
186
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,432
(cheering and whooping)
187
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:14,634
Yeah! (screams)
188
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:15,625
What-What...?
What do I do?
189
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,966
I think you're supposed
to put it in your rectum
190
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:21,671
to maintain its body temperature
till you get to the hospital.
191
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:22,705
Right, right, right.
192
00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:24,639
I knew that. Thanks, brah.
193
00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:35,693
Fug alert, yo!
194
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:37,619
Hi. I'm Tyra.
195
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:38,664
I'm new here.
196
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,689
Can you show me
around the school?
197
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:41,734
Step off, beast!
198
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:44,998
I already got a shawty,
and she got mad ass, yo.
199
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:45,828
Mad ass!
200
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:50,173
Is-Is that the only reason
you like her, because she's hot?
201
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,370
She's smart
and-and funny, too, right?
202
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:55,612
What's party with
all these questions, Buggawoof?
203
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,339
It don't matter
if she smart or funny,
204
00:07:57,344 --> 00:08:00,214
so long as I'm peepin'
dat sweet apple bottom
205
00:08:00,214 --> 00:08:01,414
and fine set of breasteses.
206
00:08:01,415 --> 00:08:04,075
Know what I'm sayin',
Omega Mu?
207
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:07,021
(laughter)
208
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,650
Excuse me, I know
you're new here,
209
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,916
but that's no excuse
for tardiness.
210
00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:13,115
I'm sorry.
211
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:16,656
I just needed one minute
to make sure I look good.
212
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:19,503
Do you think I look good?
213
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,365
Oh!
Aah!
214
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,740
(screaming)
215
00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:27,742
Oh, wonderful.
216
00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:29,771
My antidepressants are in there.
217
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:32,076
Five bucks a pop.
218
00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:36,009
Go get me a glass
of water, fatty.
219
00:08:40,786 --> 00:08:43,656
Gentlemen, I present
to you the...
220
00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:44,657
Peek-a-boo!
221
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:47,028
Rallo?! Where's
the Roller Coaster?
222
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,727
Chillax.
It's right here.
223
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,129
Put the beer on it.
224
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,600
You mean this
empty bottle?
225
00:08:51,598 --> 00:08:52,998
Wha...?
You drank the beer?
226
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,130
Maybe. Give me a light.
227
00:08:56,802 --> 00:08:59,742
The Roller Coaster!
228
00:09:00,773 --> 00:09:01,713
Ooh!
Ooh!
229
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,238
Mm, I gotta be honest.
230
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,013
I ain't 100%
on the name.
231
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:07,482
What... What's wrong
with the name?
232
00:09:07,481 --> 00:09:08,781
It's too obvious.
233
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:11,352
How about something like
the Brew-Choo Train?
234
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:14,991
The Brew-Choo... No, we're not
gonna call it the Bre...
235
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,348
Ale aboard!
236
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:17,786
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
237
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:18,761
We could change
the name.
238
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:22,229
We could, or we could just stick
with the Roller Coaster,
239
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,059
so, let's do that, okay?
240
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:24,834
Cool.
241
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,361
Well, how come
you get to decide?
242
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:28,666
What, you think
just 'cause you're black,
243
00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:29,969
you're automatically the leader?
244
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,440
No.
A little.
245
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,668
All in favor of
Brew-Choo Train?
246
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:34,414
Aye!
What?!
247
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:35,738
Aye!
What's happening?
248
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:36,812
Aye! All for
Roller Coaster?
249
00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:38,880
Aye!
DONNA: Rallo, tater tots!
250
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,649
All right!
251
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:43,518
(hollow clank)
252
00:09:43,517 --> 00:09:45,317
It's okay.
I'm drunk.
253
00:09:45,319 --> 00:09:46,789
Doesn't hurt.
254
00:09:50,022 --> 00:09:53,092
CLEVELAND JR.:
Do you mind if I sit with you?
255
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,333
Um...
256
00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:55,931
...okay.
257
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,629
I'm Tyra.
258
00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:58,331
Nice to meet you, Tyra.
259
00:09:58,332 --> 00:10:01,802
I'm Student Council President
Cleveland Brown, Jr.
260
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,232
I was the new kid recently,
261
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:05,996
so I know how many buttholes
are at this school,
262
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:08,736
but I'm sure
once people get to know you,
263
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,212
you'll have lots of friends.
264
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:11,740
Thank you, Cleveland Jr.
265
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:16,375
That's the nicest thing
anybody has said to me in days.
266
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,380
What's that?
It's a rocket.
267
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:21,216
I'm building it
for the science fair,
268
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:24,161
but it won't lift off because
the astronaut's too heavy.
269
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:27,987
But if I take him out,
then it won't be authentic.
270
00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:29,255
Hmm.
271
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:32,362
Well... maybe you could do this.
272
00:10:35,501 --> 00:10:37,101
That's a great idea!
273
00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:38,774
Thanks!
BOY: You hear that, guys?
274
00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:43,382
Cleveland Jr. thinks this is
going to win the science fair.
275
00:10:43,377 --> 00:10:45,307
Well, what
are you guys making?
276
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,442
We've translated
Monty Python
277
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,046
and the Holy Grailinto Klingon,
278
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:50,418
and we're going
to do a shot-for-shot,
279
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:51,917
stop-motion remake
using vintage,
280
00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:53,278
new-in-box,
eight-inch,
281
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,816
Mego DC Comics
action figures.
282
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:56,422
TRIO:
Nerds!
283
00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:59,993
That does sound better
than a rocket.
284
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:00,863
Uh-uh.
285
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:03,831
Junior's going to win
that science fair,
286
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,000
and I'm going to
help him do it.
287
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:06,969
You are?
288
00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:07,927
Oh, boy.
289
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:08,874
Who are you?
290
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:11,739
(raspy):
I'm Fat Girl.
291
00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:14,439
(nerds gasping)
292
00:11:16,575 --> 00:11:19,835
It's the Alda-nator, converting
any voice into that of...
293
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,846
(Alda's voice):
...TV star Alan Alda.
294
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:22,908
You want to try?
295
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:26,076
(Alda's voice): Um, I'm liberal
know-it-all Alan Alda.
296
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:28,116
Holy crap,
this thing really works.
297
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,361
Give me that.
298
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:32,460
(phone rings)
299
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:33,289
KENDRA:
Hello.
300
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:36,533
(Alda's voice):
Kendra, it's Alan Alda.
301
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:39,300
Oh... my... Lord.
302
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,029
I just wanted to thank you
for the letters
303
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:44,544
and tell you that I wish
all my fans were just like you.
304
00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:47,968
Oh, I love you, Mr. Alda.
305
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:50,614
Thank you for calling.
306
00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:52,340
What?
I-I love my wife.
307
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:56,475
If that makes me some kind
of homo, then so be it.
308
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:58,783
(normal voice):
What the hell is this?
309
00:11:58,785 --> 00:11:59,975
I've tried to be diplomatic,
310
00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:02,946
but the Brew-Choo Train is
a stupid name.
311
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,086
Look, I'm
the only one
312
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:06,361
who knows what he's
doing in this group.
313
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,429
It was my idea,
I did all the work,
314
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:12,198
and now you want me to ruin
it with your stupid name?
315
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:13,229
I don't think so.
316
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:16,433
You know, Cleveland, I'm
getting sick of your face.
317
00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:16,996
Yeah, man,
318
00:12:17,003 --> 00:12:19,043
y-you know, y-y-you-
you-you're starting to,
319
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:22,339
you're starting to put
yourself before the project,
320
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:25,182
and you, sir,
are no Alan Parsons.
321
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:26,948
Cleveland...
you're fired.
322
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:30,347
Well, then, I'm
taking my sign.
323
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:35,194
(Alda's voice):
Go (bleep) yourselves.
324
00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:39,617
Another failed launch.
325
00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:41,856
I'm starting to feel
like whoever's in charge
326
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:44,932
of Fox's
live-action sitcoms.
327
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:45,631
Wait a minute.
328
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:46,602
The wind.
329
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,570
We forgot to account
for wind resistance.
330
00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:50,399
Of course.
331
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:52,003
We need to adjust
the trajectory
332
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:53,865
at launch
to compensate.
333
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,914
Wow, Tyra,
you're smart.
334
00:12:55,909 --> 00:12:56,409
Thank you.
335
00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:58,939
I've never been friends
with a girl before.
336
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,505
Is it true
you guys can clap
337
00:13:00,514 --> 00:13:02,984
your breasts together
like a seal?
338
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:03,413
No.
339
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:06,516
Thanks a lot, Wikipedia.
340
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:16,128
Three... two... one!
341
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:23,965
(laughs)
342
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,000
Yeah, real tough.
343
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:38,720
This is still pretty cool!
344
00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:40,618
And the winner
of this year's
345
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:44,020
Stoolbend High School
science fair is
346
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:48,234
Cleveland Brown Jr.
and Tyra Obama.
347
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:49,828
Whoo-hoo!
Hooray!
348
00:13:51,063 --> 00:13:53,903
That's A+
work, Tyra.
349
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,630
Yay!
350
00:13:55,635 --> 00:14:00,565
(fanfare plays)
351
00:14:00,574 --> 00:14:03,544
Why did you do
that, Junior?
352
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,213
Because I...
353
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:07,082
I love you, Tyra.
354
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,450
(theme music plays)
355
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,978
Will these two fatties make
a love connection?
356
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:15,254
We'll be back to let you know
in two and two.
357
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:22,329
Good morning,
my beautiful family.
358
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:24,799
Well, Junior,
you're in a good mood.
359
00:14:24,798 --> 00:14:27,668
It's because... I'm in love.
360
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,727
In love?! Who is she?
361
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:32,066
It's a she, right?
'Cause if it's a he,
362
00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:34,342
I'm sending you
to one of those camps.
363
00:14:34,341 --> 00:14:36,011
She's a new girl at school,
364
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:38,109
and I'm super excited.
365
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:42,051
You see, Dad,
it's not just superficial.
366
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,748
I'm deep in love.
367
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:44,320
How deep?
368
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:46,347
You know how when I go
in the ball pit
369
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:47,323
at Cheese E. Charley's
370
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,650
and I sink all the way
down to the bottom
371
00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:51,486
and you can't find me?
372
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:52,361
That sdeep?
373
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:53,319
That's right, Dad.
374
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:56,456
♪ I'm talkin' 'bout balls-deep ♪
375
00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:59,733
♪ I'm talkin'
'bout balls-deep ♪
376
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:02,703
♪ I'm talkin' 'bout balls-deep ♪
377
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:04,742
♪ In love
378
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:07,238
♪ I'm talkin' 'bout balls-deep ♪
379
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,740
♪ I'm talkin'
'bout balls-deep ♪
380
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:12,713
♪ I'm talkin' 'bout balls-deep ♪
381
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:14,652
♪ In love
382
00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:18,048
♪ I want to have sex
with her personality ♪
383
00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:20,221
♪ Dry-hump her positive traits
384
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:23,020
♪ Give a pounding
to her feelings ♪
385
00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:25,363
♪ Make her south-mouth
salivate ♪
386
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,228
♪ Hey, Tyra,
are you listenin'? ♪
387
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:29,727
♪ We're not talkin'
just the tip in ♪
388
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:32,829
♪ Thank you,
Scottie Pippen... ♪
389
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:35,532
No problem. Just here
dropping off an application.
390
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:38,695
Players in my day didn't make
as much as they do today.
391
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,705
Huh, sorry to hear that.
392
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,437
Um, where was I?
393
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,682
♪ You were talkin' 'bout ♪
394
00:15:43,677 --> 00:15:44,777
♪ Balls-deep
395
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,878
♪ I'm talkin'
'bout balls-deep ♪
396
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:50,320
BOTH:
♪ We're talkin' 'bout balls-deep ♪
397
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:52,347
♪ In love
398
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:53,852
♪ I'm talkin' 'bout balls-deep ♪
399
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:56,853
♪ My boy's talkin'
'bout balls-deep ♪ ♪ Balls-deep
400
00:15:56,856 --> 00:16:00,156
ALL:
♪ We're talkin' 'bout balls-deep ♪
401
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:05,000
♪ In love.
402
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:08,268
(all laughing)
403
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:10,228
Well, that's great,
Junior.
404
00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:12,396
Why don't you invite her
over for dinner?
405
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,335
No!
406
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:14,710
I mean, um,
girls don't like
407
00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:16,238
being pushed
into meeting parents.
408
00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:17,742
You're going
to scare her away.
409
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:18,784
That's stupid.
410
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:21,808
Teenage girls love
to be told what to do.
411
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:23,545
"Come over here, sweetie.
412
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:24,650
"Lose the top.
413
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,051
"All right, now lose the bottom.
414
00:16:27,053 --> 00:16:28,653
"Hmm, not bad.
415
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:29,615
"Turn around.
416
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:30,662
"Okay, now turn back around
417
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,687
and show me how bad
you want to be a cheerleader."
418
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:37,163
From the mouths of babes.
419
00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:40,765
Here she comes.
420
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,297
Now, I didn't tell her
you'd be here
421
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:45,102
because I didn't want her
to be nervous.
422
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:47,505
Tyra, over here.
423
00:16:52,044 --> 00:16:53,584
Roberta.
424
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:54,980
Oh, my God.
425
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:56,181
(laughs)
426
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,422
That is exceptional.
427
00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:01,118
Family, I want you
to meet Tyra.
428
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:04,691
Tyra?!
That's a "Tyra-ble" disguise.
429
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,121
(laughs)
430
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:09,086
Oh, Junior, what
have you done?
431
00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:11,025
I'm sorry
I tricked you, Tyra,
432
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:13,561
but I really wanted
my family to meet you
433
00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:15,166
to prove
you were real--
434
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,168
a real girl who likes me
435
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:20,100
and not a prostitute
or a robot.
436
00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:21,206
W-Would you excuse me?
437
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,267
I need to use the restroom.
438
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:25,805
Yeah, I'll bet you do 'cause
you're so full of crap.
439
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:29,482
And that's why I'm
dressed this way.
440
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:30,182
A fat suit?!
441
00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:32,823
What the hell kind
of comedy high school
442
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:34,449
are you going to, anyway?
443
00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:35,194
Hey, Tyra,
444
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:36,518
see you at the game on Friday.
445
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:37,793
What do I do, Cleveland?
446
00:17:37,791 --> 00:17:41,661
I don't want to hurt him, but I
have to go back to being myself.
447
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,191
You got yourself
into this mess.
448
00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:46,456
You've got
to figure a way out.
449
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:49,026
Fup-away!
450
00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:52,599
Oh, look
who it is.
451
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,805
You come to gloat
about your success?
452
00:17:54,808 --> 00:17:56,738
Well, how about
you suck it instead?
453
00:17:56,743 --> 00:18:00,143
'Cause Shirtflix.com
is online, bitches.
454
00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:01,106
Check it out.
455
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:03,154
Comes with its own
"shirt-a-lope."
456
00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:07,819
You mail it back, three days
later, whole new shirt.
457
00:18:07,821 --> 00:18:10,791
Cleveland, we, uh,
we wanted to apologize to you
458
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:13,890
for, uh, you know,
kicking you out of the group
459
00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:16,033
like you were
some gay soldier.
460
00:18:16,029 --> 00:18:17,229
Uh, we also wanted
to tell you
461
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:19,660
we're getting sued
for copyright infringement.
462
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:21,496
What?
The Brew-Choo Train already exists,
463
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,901
except it's called
the Cider Glider.
464
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:25,843
Awesome name.
Better than ours.
465
00:18:25,839 --> 00:18:27,639
That sounds kind
of familiar.
466
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,110
ANNOUNCER:
It's time to say good-bye
467
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:30,709
to the frustration
of not being able
468
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:32,840
to slide your beverage
across a table
469
00:18:32,846 --> 00:18:35,476
because the Cider Glider
is here.
470
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:36,212
Pssh!
471
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:40,646
They should call that
the Roller Coaster.
472
00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:44,488
(inhales deeply)
473
00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:47,461
(exhales deeply)
474
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:48,560
(smacks lips)
475
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:51,061
Huh, I totally
forgot about that.
476
00:18:51,064 --> 00:18:53,164
Well, I guess I
lucked out, then, huh?
477
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:54,526
Well, uh, not really.
478
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:57,074
You see, we, we, uh,
we forgot to take your name
479
00:18:57,070 --> 00:18:59,500
off the paperwork as inventor,
480
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:04,136
so, so what that means is you're
the only one getting sued,
481
00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:06,384
so, uh, so sorry about that.
482
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:07,349
Stool later?
483
00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:08,477
You got served.
484
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,811
I'm tired of you.
485
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,816
(screams)
486
00:19:14,586 --> 00:19:15,716
Good morning, Tyra.
487
00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:17,192
I brought you a
flower for your hair
488
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:18,660
to brighten up
your face a little.
489
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:21,688
I'll work on myself, too,
but you got to do your part.
490
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:25,404
Look, Junior...
I have some bad news.
491
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:27,298
My family is moving
to Alaska.
492
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,600
What? But you
just moved here.
493
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:33,172
I know, but-- you got
to keep this a secret--
494
00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:35,673
my dad is Iron Man.
495
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:36,935
Wow!
496
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:38,643
But what about us?
497
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:40,075
I'm really sorry, Junior.
498
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:42,579
You know, I've gone
to a lot of schools,
499
00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:45,152
and I've never met
a boy as sweet as you.
500
00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:49,621
I've learned so much about
myself just being your friend.
501
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:52,162
Thank you, Junior.
502
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:56,892
Good-bye, Tyra.
503
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,981
I got a postcard
from Tyra!
504
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:13,277
"Dear Junior, how are you?
505
00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:15,179
"Alaska is very cold.
506
00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:16,351
"It is our 49th state.
507
00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:21,019
"Its main exports are fish,
energy, and crazy people.
508
00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:22,220
"Miss you bunches.
509
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,962
"XOXO.
510
00:20:23,957 --> 00:20:25,487
Your friend, Tyra."
511
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:26,761
Isn't she great?
512
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:30,929
She's all right, Junior;
she's all right.
513
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:33,100
I'm going to go upstairs
and try to start puberty.
514
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:38,169
Uh-oh, I'd better go hide my
Niagara Falls pocket pooswa.
515
00:20:38,171 --> 00:20:40,371
It's a change purse,
Rallo.
516
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:42,213
RALLO:
Tomato, tomah-to.
517
00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:46,808
And that's how Len Stein
settled my copyright lawsuit.
518
00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:48,653
I wish we could invent
something else.
519
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:49,508
I got one.
520
00:20:49,515 --> 00:20:52,775
Last night I thought
of something called the Alda-fier,
521
00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:55,845
a handheld device
that converts any voice
522
00:20:55,855 --> 00:21:00,085
into that of TV star Alan Alda.
523
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,933
You got to lay off
the weed.
524
00:21:03,983 --> 00:21:08,533
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