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1
00:00:01,501 --> 00:00:03,801
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:06,144
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:08,340
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,782
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:13,508
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,154
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:17,719
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,488
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,687
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,719
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,724
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:28,756
♪ This is
The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:28,763 --> 00:00:30,763
(chuckles)
14
00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:35,267
Morning, everybody.
15
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:39,339
Last night I had the strangest,
most wonderful dream,
16
00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:41,170
that I had
a beautiful new wife
17
00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:44,175
and that Cleveland Jr.
had a beautiful sister
18
00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:47,648
and a really cool rascal
of a little brother.
19
00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:51,148
Oh, dreams
really do come true!
20
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:51,682
(laughing)
21
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,815
(laughing)
Daddy, you are so hilarious.
22
00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:57,491
I had a dream there wasn't a
couple of freeloading chumps
23
00:00:57,491 --> 00:00:59,861
in my kitchen.
Slide, sister.
24
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,830
I'm out.
25
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:04,699
Shoot, man.
(muttering)
26
00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:07,368
Damn fa-fool
come and tell me
27
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:10,168
about some stupid
dream, man.
28
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:10,671
Uh-huh.
29
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:16,241
I spy with my little eye
something... yellow.
30
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:17,583
Mmm. My shirt.
31
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,678
You're good
at this game, Daddy.
32
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,450
Stop the car right now!
33
00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:23,479
I don't want
to be seen with you!
34
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:24,354
Oh, okay.
35
00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:26,821
CLEVELAND:
Cleveland, don't smack her.
36
00:01:26,821 --> 00:01:28,891
Okay, I'll stop the car.
37
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:30,659
(brakes squeal)
38
00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,218
You go, girl!
39
00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:33,556
To class! Ha-ha!
40
00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:36,801
Don't you want to get out of
the car, too, Cleveland Jr.?
41
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:38,527
No. If I walk that far,
42
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:41,802
I'm gonna get sweat spots
under my breasts.
43
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:46,310
(brakes squeal)
44
00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:50,214
All right, now.
You have a good day.
45
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:52,241
Okay. Bye, Dad.
46
00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:55,146
Hey, why don't you make out
with your dad again?
47
00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:55,879
Yeah, get a room.
48
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:58,723
Yeah! Why don't you choke
on your dad's corn dog?
49
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:01,689
Whoa, Derek, that was
an unnecessary escalation.
50
00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:02,489
Yeah, but you said...
51
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:05,120
No, I know what I said.
That was still way too much.
52
00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:09,326
We need another girl, so I'm
gonna arbitrarily pick someone.
53
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,560
Okay, the new fat kid
will be a girl
54
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:12,755
and will be
on the girls' team.
55
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:14,796
And, uh, also,
I'll call you Beth.
56
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,272
(blows whistle)
57
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:17,440
Okay, dodgeball!
58
00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:18,898
Beth, you're out.
59
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:21,336
(laughing)
60
00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:26,252
So, how was your first day
of school, Cleveland Jr.?
61
00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:26,977
Terrible.
62
00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:29,721
Worse than an ABC comedy.
63
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:31,577
Oh, I don't ever
watch that mess.
64
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:32,815
Listen, when I was
in high school,
65
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:35,290
I discovered that I
was good at baseball.
66
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:37,559
You'll just have to find
what you're good at.
67
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,388
I'm good
at making sandwiches.
68
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:40,893
Well, this is
not a criticism,
69
00:02:40,895 --> 00:02:44,295
but maybe you could toast
the bread once in a while.
70
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:46,798
The point is, right now
you don't know what it is
71
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,670
that's going to make
you fit in at school.
72
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:51,669
But you just be on the lookout,
'cause it'll find you.
73
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:55,312
Thanks, Daddy. I'm a little
less scared of school now.
74
00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:58,779
But I'm still afraid
of toasters.
75
00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:02,752
That's my toast.
I'm sorry.
76
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:04,620
You heard me!
77
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:06,748
Mmm.
(munching)
78
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:10,294
Now you can put
your fingers inside me.
79
00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:12,291
So, Rallo, how was your day?
80
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:14,433
I pooped my pants
at recess.
81
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:15,828
We all have accidents.
82
00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,999
Oh, it wasn't
no accident.
83
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,398
All right.
84
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,430
So, Roberta,
how was your day?
85
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,365
This ain't The View.
86
00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:27,665
She'll be okay, baby.
She's just upset
87
00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:29,875
because the Daddy-Daughter
Dinner Dance is coming up.
88
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:33,647
Robert promised to take her
last year, but he never showed.
89
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:35,607
Oh, well, why
don't I take her?
90
00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:36,816
I'm her stepdaddy.
91
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:37,847
It'll be fun.
92
00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:40,921
Don't worry.
I won't try anything.
93
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,291
Oh, I don't know.
94
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:45,389
Why don't you wait and see
if Roberta brings it up to you?
95
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:46,832
Isn't that what you
told Cleveland Jr.,
96
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:49,357
to wait for the opportunity
to present itself?
97
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:52,303
Honestly, I have no idea
what I told that boy.
98
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:54,829
I just try
to get him through the days.
99
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:59,235
I pray to the Lord
he finds his way.
100
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:04,010
Roberta, congratulations
on getting a date
101
00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:06,011
to the Daddy-Daughter
Dinner Dance!
102
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:07,583
I don't have a date.
103
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,781
♪ You do now!
104
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:10,753
(rap playing in headphones)
105
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:14,991
You have brought a cancer
to our family.
106
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:21,261
(hip hop song plays)
107
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:34,110
Hey, Car.
108
00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:37,808
Tell Roberta who the best dance
partner you ever had was.
109
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,341
Cleveland! Ow!
110
00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:41,976
Bitch!
Cut the damn camera off!
111
00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:45,223
(drumming)
112
00:04:45,219 --> 00:04:47,719
♪ Oh, yeah
113
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:50,791
♪ We're gonna have
a party, babe ♪
114
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,791
♪ All night long
115
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:53,733
♪ All night
116
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:55,757
♪ All night
♪ All night
117
00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:57,663
♪ All night long
118
00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:58,795
♪ All night
119
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,369
Rallo? Really?
120
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:02,027
It's got a nice
island feel.
121
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:03,666
I'm not going
to that dance
122
00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:07,441
so you can stop
with all the musical numbers.
123
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:08,671
Daddy, I'm ready.
124
00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:11,036
No! We're cutting that number!
125
00:05:15,748 --> 00:05:16,778
Hi.
126
00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:18,624
You're new here, right?
127
00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:19,519
Yeah.
128
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,590
I'm Mandy.
What's your name?
129
00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:24,757
Cleveland Jr., but most people
around here call me Beth.
130
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,928
Well, you better not
cross me, Fat Beth,
131
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:28,827
or I'm going to beat you
like a three-legged mule!
132
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:31,359
Well, how will I know
when I'm crossing you?
133
00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:32,995
'Cause I'll do this!
134
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,370
But... But... But...
135
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:36,968
But, but, but, but...
136
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,970
(panting)
137
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:42,142
Damn. When are they going
to get doors on these stalls?
138
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:44,612
Don't worry.
I won't peek.
139
00:05:45,578 --> 00:05:46,808
Hey, fridge!
140
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:49,854
Step over here
and block the view.
141
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,820
The other way.
142
00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:54,489
Hey, you're perfect
for this.
143
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:55,418
I'm Lane.
144
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:56,792
That's a beautiful name.
145
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,890
I'm Cleveland Brown, Jr.
146
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:01,432
(toilet flushing)
147
00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:03,759
Hey, Kyle!
148
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:06,834
If you need to rip a grumpy,
this guy makes a great door.
149
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:09,804
That's cool.
I'm just here to take a leak.
150
00:06:16,442 --> 00:06:17,842
How was school,
Cleveland Jr.?
151
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:20,205
Crappy.
And I mean that in a good way.
152
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:24,024
Hmm. You are one
curious young individual.
153
00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:24,717
Hey, Roberta.
154
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,118
I know you're on the fence
about going to the dance,
155
00:06:27,121 --> 00:06:31,861
but I thought maybe
this would help you decide.
156
00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:33,859
Oh, my God!
157
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:34,931
Are these real?!
158
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:37,728
Hell, no!
Just come to the dance.
159
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,001
Haven't even gotten
your mama a diamond yet.
160
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,730
How's that job hunt coming?
161
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,795
Why don't you shut the hell up?
162
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:47,844
These earrings were a very
nice gesture, Cleveland.
163
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:52,739
Okay. I'll go
to the dance with you.
164
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,776
Hooray!
We got to celebrate.
165
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:58,152
Who wants a Baskin Robbins
ice cream cake?
166
00:06:58,152 --> 00:06:58,852
(cheering)
167
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:04,662
Oh, Donna, I haven't been this
excited since I won that Oscar!
168
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,628
Oh, my God!
169
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:08,757
(sobbing)
170
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:12,063
I'm sorry.
171
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:14,665
This moment...
(panting)
172
00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:17,198
is so much bigger than me!
173
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:19,774
(Cleveland sobbing)
174
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,843
This moment is for every
175
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:25,613
nameless,
faceless woman of color
176
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:26,952
that has now got a chance
177
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:31,577
because this door tonight
has been opened.
178
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:33,645
(Cleveland sobbing)
179
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:38,123
I'm so honored and thank
the Academy for choosing me
180
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:44,525
to be the vessel from
which this blessing might flow!
181
00:07:47,066 --> 00:07:48,796
Okay, wait a minute.
182
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,002
I gotta take this.
183
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:54,743
(panting)
74 years here!
184
00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:02,714
Hey, new stepdaddy,
you are doing a great job!
185
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,746
Now, go get that cake!
186
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:07,749
(squeaking)
187
00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:09,818
(squishing)
188
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,563
(squeaking)
189
00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:14,826
What the...?
190
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,658
I'm so sorry, Meadowlark Lemon.
191
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,604
Why'd you kill
the dog?
192
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,200
Wouldn't stop barking, huh?
193
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,541
No, Lester,
it was an accident.
194
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,167
Oh, we gotta keep this
a secret
195
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,912
or the kids will hate me
forever.
196
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:31,838
Since there's no sign
of sexual abuse,
197
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:34,745
I'll go ahead
and get rid of it for you.
198
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,008
Since there's no sign
of sexual abuse.
199
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:41,186
Kendra, hope you're in the mood
for Chinese food!
200
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,558
You read my stomach!
201
00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:49,194
Be cool, Cleveland.
202
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,256
Act as if nothinghas happened,
203
00:08:51,265 --> 00:08:53,925
and the otherswill follow suit.
204
00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:54,974
(Rallo screams)
205
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:57,168
Meadowlark Lemon
never came back last night!
206
00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:59,000
I woke up
and he's not in his bed!
207
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,106
We gotta go look for him!
208
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:02,107
What I think we need to do
209
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:04,909
is hope against hope
that he'll come back.
210
00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:08,582
But let's remember
that dogs are wild animals
211
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:12,852
and have only been domesticated
since, like, 7000 B.C.
212
00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:13,893
or somethin'.
213
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,547
(barking)
214
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:16,916
Sit.
215
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:17,894
What did he say?
216
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,391
I think he wants us to sit.
217
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:21,093
Should we?
I don't know.
218
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:22,234
You know what?
Let's do it,
219
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,629
and then I bet
I can trick him
220
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:25,300
into scooping up
my poop.
221
00:09:25,299 --> 00:09:27,629
Oh, that would be classic!
222
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:31,138
(snickering)
223
00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:32,868
You'd better go help him
find the dog.
224
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:34,943
I'll go shopping
with Roberta. Okay.
225
00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,812
Here, take
my credit card.
226
00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:39,950
I might have to get myself
a new suit as well
227
00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:41,347
at the Men's Wearhouse.
228
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:44,218
I'm gonna like the way I look.
229
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,077
I guarantee it.
230
00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:52,460
Meadowlark Lemon!
231
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:53,829
Meadowlark Lemon!
232
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,857
Meadowlark Lemon!
233
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:56,932
I don't think he's here.
234
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,360
If we don't find him,
235
00:09:58,365 --> 00:10:00,695
I'm gonna start using
drugs, probably.
236
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:01,301
Hmm, probably.
237
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,871
You know, Rallo, as hard
as this is for me to say,
238
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:06,670
we might need to start
thinking about the possibility
239
00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:10,283
that Meadowlark Lemon
has gone to a better place.
240
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,207
Or he could be
at the sludge pond!
241
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:13,852
He loves that place.
Let's look there.
242
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,247
The sludge pond?
I don't think he...
243
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:17,778
You know something?
I'm not gonna lie to you.
244
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,994
When Mama told me
she was marrying you,
245
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:21,747
I said, "Really? This fat guy?"
246
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:24,385
This is how little
you think of yourself?
247
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:28,031
But the Cleveland Brown
I've seen in the past few hours?
248
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,658
It's making me think
looks aren't everything.
249
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:32,064
You're all right, Old Brown.
250
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:34,825
(voice breaking):
Because you're helping this man
251
00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:37,995
at a time in his life
when he... when he...
252
00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:40,865
(sighs) Okay,
we'll look at the sludge pond.
253
00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:44,384
Go ahead and blow your nose
on my shirt if you need to.
254
00:10:44,378 --> 00:10:45,908
(blowing nose wetly)
255
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:46,882
Oh!
256
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,710
Ah, ah...
257
00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:51,216
(blowing nose wetly)
258
00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:52,648
(groans)
259
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:56,893
(gasping)
260
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:57,420
Nothing.
261
00:10:57,424 --> 00:11:00,334
Well, not nothing,
but no dog.
262
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:04,197
Well, not no dog,
but no Meadowlark Lemon.
263
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:06,827
Well, then it's off
to the slurry chute
264
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:09,973
behind the chicken gizzard
cannery!
265
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:11,700
Son of a...
266
00:11:13,305 --> 00:11:14,405
...bitch.
267
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,440
He's not here either.
268
00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:23,416
Ugh, this place smells
like Chloe Sevigny.
269
00:11:23,417 --> 00:11:24,077
Who's that?
270
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,954
Just some gross,
indie porno actress.
271
00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:28,053
Where next?
272
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:30,885
The Greek
restaurant/gym.
273
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:33,361
(both retching)
274
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:42,102
So then, Miss Donna said yes,
275
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:45,042
and now we live next door
to a bear.
276
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,068
(toilet flushes)
277
00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:46,543
Wow, great story.
278
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:50,240
Hey, be my buddy and grab me
a couple of paper towels.
279
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:51,913
Be your buddy?!
280
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:52,912
Sure!
281
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:55,449
Thanks. Hey, I heard
you got beat up
282
00:11:55,449 --> 00:11:56,849
by that girl
yesterday.
283
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:57,350
Yeah.
284
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:58,920
You want me
to kick her ass? No.
285
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:01,019
Want me to ask her out, date her
for, like, eight months,
286
00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:01,991
get her to fall
in love with me,
287
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:03,488
and then dump her
and break her heart?
288
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:05,760
Sure. Just don't get her
pregnant.
289
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:07,129
How could I?
I had a vasectomy.
290
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:10,757
Well, not a vasectomy so much
as testicular cancer.
291
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,304
That's nature's vasectomy.
292
00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:15,369
Thanks, I never
thought of it that way.
293
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:16,428
Gimme some.
294
00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:18,196
You're all right.
295
00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:23,342
So all day
I was searching for a dog
296
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:24,543
that I know is dead.
297
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:26,954
I don't know what
to tell these kids.
298
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:30,217
Hey, if it'd help,
tell 'em it was delicious.
299
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:30,977
What?!
300
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:32,484
Tasted a lot
like kitten.
301
00:12:32,486 --> 00:12:33,846
You ate the dog?!
302
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:34,994
I ate a dog once.
303
00:12:34,988 --> 00:12:36,118
I think her name was Betsy.
304
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:37,923
Met her tailgating.
Arena football.
305
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,394
Season tickets.
She had bacne.
306
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:42,032
Woke up, she was peeing
in the corner in my room.
307
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:44,028
Was she Chinese or Asian?
308
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:45,230
Partly.
You know what?
309
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:46,772
She might have
been Hawaiian.
310
00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:47,397
Excuse me!
Hello?
311
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,270
We're talking about Lester
eating my family's dog.
312
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,800
Wait. Who are you to judge,
Cleveland?
313
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:54,406
At least Lester didn't murder
the dog
314
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,437
and then lie
to his family about it.
315
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,283
It wasn't a murder.
316
00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,407
Well, you're-you're covering it
up like it's murder.
317
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:01,153
Tell me, Cleveland,
318
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:03,548
are you going to build
your family foundation
319
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,520
on a rock or on the quicksand?
320
00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:06,819
Rock.
Frickin' A, rock!
321
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:10,860
Well, then Jesus would say
you have to confess everything.
322
00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:11,557
Be brutally honest.
323
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,118
Don't leave out any details.
324
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,956
You may not know,
but Jesus was a carpenter.
325
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,602
Back then it was a better job,
326
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:19,897
and good carpentry is
all about details.
327
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:22,900
But I just broke through
with these kids.
328
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:25,173
If you don't come clean,
you'll regret it.
329
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,912
You know, like Lewis regretted
bringing Clark
330
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:28,838
on that expedition.
331
00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,072
So we pull up our canoe,
332
00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:31,636
and there are, like,
400 Indians
333
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,075
with arrows aimed
right at us.
334
00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:34,379
I'm starting
to freak a little...
335
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,511
Uh, actually, it was
probably closer to 300.
336
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:37,416
Okay,
thanks, Clark.
337
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,517
So I say,
"We come in peace!"
338
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:40,549
Well, um, no offense,
339
00:13:40,554 --> 00:13:43,324
but it was actually
Sacagawea who said that.
340
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,023
For what it's worth.
341
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:47,334
Right. Well, luckily we brought
plenty of beaver furs.
342
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,057
Pelts.
343
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:50,901
Do you want to tell
the (bleep) story, Clark?!
344
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:55,004
Look at your date for
tomorrow night, Cleveland.
345
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,101
Isn't she beautiful?
346
00:13:56,102 --> 00:13:57,472
Thank you for the dress,
Cleveland.
347
00:13:57,470 --> 00:14:00,070
I'm glad you're all here.
Please sit down.
348
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:03,073
I'm not sure how
to tell y'all this,
349
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:03,976
so I'm just gonna
say it:
350
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:07,607
The other night,
Meadowlark Lemon was killed.
351
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:08,314
What?!
352
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:09,975
Oh, my God!
What happened?
353
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:13,153
Well, as I was backing out
of the driveway
354
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:15,593
to get the Baskin Robbins
ice cream cake,
355
00:14:15,589 --> 00:14:18,389
which we all later enjoyed
very much,
356
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:24,031
I accidentally drove over his
head with both my left rear tire
357
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:26,160
and then my left front tire.
358
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,896
Curious, I stepped out
of my vehicle
359
00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:32,142
and saw his mangled,
lifeless body on the driveway
360
00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:35,438
in a smeared pool
of his own blood.
361
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:38,482
(groans)
And now the hard part:
362
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:41,578
I had no idea that in the hours
that followed,
363
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:46,081
Lester and his family
would eat Meadowlark Lemon.
364
00:14:47,152 --> 00:14:48,352
That's right.
365
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:49,985
They ate your dog.
366
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:53,960
Okay. So, Rallo,
go throw the dog food out.
367
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,060
We have no use for it now.
368
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:59,931
That will make room for a new
recycling bin in the kitchen!
369
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:00,473
Hooray!
370
00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:03,967
Hooray for
the Browns and Tubbses!
371
00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:07,010
You're nothing but
a lowdown dog killer.
372
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:09,637
I knew I couldn't trust you.
373
00:15:11,944 --> 00:15:14,454
Why didn't you just tell
us the truth before?
374
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:18,047
I don't know.
I just took the easy way out.
375
00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:19,151
Like Kurt Cobain.
376
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:22,022
Make love to me, Kurt.
377
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:24,392
(breaking wind)
378
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:27,228
Um...
379
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:30,257
I'm going to go grab
something out of the garage.
380
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,633
Be right back, though.
381
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,032
Roberta,
I hope this doesn't mean
382
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,574
you're not going to the
Daddy-Daughter Dinner Dance.
383
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:38,639
Oh, yeah. I'm
going to the dance.
384
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:39,668
Oh, good.
385
00:15:39,673 --> 00:15:40,443
But not with you.
386
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:44,480
You'd probably run me over and
feed me to a bunch of rednecks.
387
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,137
I just called my real dad.
388
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,346
I'm going with him!
389
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:49,448
Oh, Cleveland.
390
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:52,549
I know. Let's go upstairs
and pay tribute
391
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:55,692
to Meadowlark Lemon
by making love in the style
392
00:15:55,689 --> 00:15:57,289
coined by his species.
393
00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:00,630
Plus, that way,
we can both watch Kimmel.
394
00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:07,501
Kids! Donna!
Come out here!
395
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,430
I got a surprise for you!
396
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:12,195
Cleveland, what have you done?
397
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:15,565
I'd like to introduce
you all to our new dog,
398
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:17,375
Kareem Abdul Jabark.
399
00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:19,307
(laughs)
Get it, "Jabark"?
400
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,412
You can't just replace my dog
401
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,614
like Brad Pitt replaced
Jennifer Aniston,
402
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:26,216
or John Mayer replaced
Jennifer Aniston,
403
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:28,719
or Vince Vaughn replaced
Jennifer Aniston,
404
00:16:28,722 --> 00:16:31,662
or that munch from
The Counting Crows replaced...
405
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:36,628
The point is, my dog is
not Jennifer Aniston.
406
00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:41,303
Well, I guess it's just you
and me, Kareem Abdul Jabark.
407
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:43,871
Now go fetch the rebound!
408
00:16:45,704 --> 00:16:46,944
(growling)
409
00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:47,740
Oh!
410
00:16:47,741 --> 00:16:49,411
(gunshot)
411
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:50,609
Oh!
412
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,980
Run! Run!
413
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:56,711
(car horn beeps)
414
00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:59,216
My friends are here.
I'm leaving.
415
00:16:59,219 --> 00:16:59,819
Your friends?
416
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:01,189
I thought Robert
was picking you up.
417
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,117
He had a last-minute
appointment.
418
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:04,293
He'll meet me there.
419
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:05,760
He's not showing
up, is he?
420
00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:08,129
Whenever he has
a "last-minute appointment,"
421
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:11,058
it means he's going
to get a new bag of weed.
422
00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:13,364
It's usually
pretty good weed.
423
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,626
Oh, I don't know
what to do.
424
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:16,725
This is harder than trying
425
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:19,666
to identify a rapist
at a Star Trek convention.
426
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:21,142
Could you describe
the assailant?
427
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:25,541
Yes.
He was a white male, 35 to 45 years old,
428
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,105
glasses, bad skin,
429
00:17:27,113 --> 00:17:28,783
about 50 pounds
overweight,
430
00:17:28,782 --> 00:17:29,582
smelled like Cheetos
431
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:32,122
and was carrying a poster
with a Sharpie pen.
432
00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:33,248
I know what to do.
433
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:36,693
Who here is not a virgin?
434
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:37,859
You're under arrest.
435
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:39,087
(game buzzes)
436
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:40,862
Aw!
437
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:41,660
(buzzes)
438
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:44,101
Aw! I'm no good at anything.
439
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:45,427
Look at you.
Pitiful.
440
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:47,402
You're nothin',
Cleveland Brown.
441
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,400
You're a loser.
442
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,471
And your mustache
is stupid.
443
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:51,170
You know, Rallo,
444
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:53,841
you're really cruising
for some discipline.
445
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,540
All right, that's it.
Here we go.
446
00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:58,243
I'm gonna enjoy this.
447
00:17:58,244 --> 00:17:59,584
All right, enough!
448
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,709
Look, Rallo,
I made a mistake.
449
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:05,084
I feel terrible for
running over your dog.
450
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:05,845
You should!
451
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:08,752
I'd bring him back
if I could, but I can't.
452
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:12,955
What's done is done.
And we are moving on.
453
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:13,659
You got that?!
454
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:15,930
I'm in charge
of this family now,
455
00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:18,429
and you are gonna
respect me!
456
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:22,731
Well, look who
finally showed up: a man.
457
00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:24,495
'Bout time
you took charge.
458
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:25,574
You're lucky, too.
459
00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:27,642
I'm gonna put
these away...
460
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:28,610
for now.
461
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:29,608
So, we good?
462
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:32,039
Yeah, we good.
Now as for my sister,
463
00:18:32,045 --> 00:18:35,105
I think we both know
what you gotta do.
464
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:37,575
You bet we do.
465
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:38,524
Uh...
466
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:39,178
She just went
467
00:18:39,185 --> 00:18:41,545
to the Daddy-Daughter Dinner
Dance by herself?
468
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:42,394
Yep.
469
00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:44,618
(tires screech)
470
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:48,662
What the hell?
471
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:50,361
Here you are,
Mr. Williams.
472
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:52,133
(chuckles)
Thank you, young man.
473
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:55,832
Lookin' sharp there,
Mr. Williams, sir.
474
00:18:57,369 --> 00:18:59,899
Oh, hi, Dad!
What are you doing here?
475
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:01,636
What am I...?!
What are you doing here?
476
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:05,741
Working. Remember, you told me
to find something I'm good at?
477
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:08,245
Well, I did!
I'm good at mouth breathing.
478
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:09,578
Which makes it bearable for me
479
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:12,922
to stand in here all day
and make money and friends.
480
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,919
All thanks to your advice.
481
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:16,321
Drakkar Noir?
482
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,892
You listen to me
and you listen good!
483
00:19:18,892 --> 00:19:20,892
Just spray a little
in the air
484
00:19:20,894 --> 00:19:22,534
and I'll do a pass.
485
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:24,459
Mm... (humming)
486
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:26,564
You're not working
in a damn crapper!
487
00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:31,366
You look like a racist cliché
in a Ron Howard movie!
488
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:32,541
You get home,
and tomorrow
489
00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:35,739
I'm gonna teach you
how to throw a baseball!
490
00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:36,512
Okay, Dad.
491
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:39,579
And when you get home,
boil your clothes!
492
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:40,649
But it will burn.
493
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:42,947
Take 'em off first!
494
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:45,379
♪
495
00:19:45,751 --> 00:19:47,591
Excuse me,
where are the girls
496
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:51,557
whose fathers didn't show up
to the dance?
497
00:19:56,428 --> 00:19:58,398
(whispering)
498
00:19:59,965 --> 00:20:01,395
You?
499
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:02,431
What do you want?
500
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:03,935
I just want a chance.
501
00:20:03,937 --> 00:20:06,337
There's going to be a
time when you mess up
502
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:08,539
and you'll want me
to forgive you,
503
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:11,541
and I will because that's
what families do.
504
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:14,514
And you can be angry,
and you can hate me,
505
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:18,354
but you can't stop me
from being there for you.
506
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:19,621
Or here.
507
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:20,549
For you.
508
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,693
Roberta, will you marry me?
509
00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:24,489
Oh, I'm so nervous.
510
00:20:24,490 --> 00:20:26,690
Being a stepdad
is all new to me.
511
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:29,693
ANNOUNCER:
And now, by special request...
512
00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:30,726
♪
513
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:34,470
Roberta Coretta Tubbs,
may I have this dance?
514
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:36,767
I don't know
how to dance to this song.
515
00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:38,839
Don't think about it!
516
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:41,408
♪
517
00:20:49,448 --> 00:20:52,418
(giggling)
518
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,718
♪
519
00:20:57,689 --> 00:20:58,559
(water boiling)
520
00:20:58,558 --> 00:21:01,458
Now lift your stomach up
a little bit.
521
00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:03,831
Holy crap!
You're a dude!
522
00:21:03,881 --> 00:21:08,431
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