All language subtitles for Passed.Away.1992.1080p.AMZN.WEBRip.DDP2.0.x264-NOGRP.eng

I'm telling you, Tommy,
I never felt better in my life.

Everyone should have
a heart attack. Even you.

Especially you.

No, I'm not in my office.
I'm in Johnny's truck.

Because they won't let me drive yet.

I can't even take a piss
without asking the Pope.

Look, Tommy,
what I want you to... Tommy?

Tommy? Hello?

- What the hell's...
- Hey, hey, hey!

Hey.

The lighter doesn't work.

You mean you got a telephone in
the truck and no cigarette lighter?

- What kind of values did I give you kids?
- Mom said I shouldn't let you smoke.

Your mother married me.
What the hell does she know?

Hey, come on! Put that thing
away.

You just had a major heart attack,
for Christ's sake.

He's here.

What the hell is eating you?
You and Amy still going at it?

- Amy and me are fine.
- Good.

Cos you mess up with her
and you're crazy.

That woman is the best thing that
ever happened to you. Amen.

Hey, I er... got a buyer coming
to look at the business tomorrow.

Who?

You remember Norm Gillis?

- Norm Gillis?- Yeah. He
runs a fishing fleet on the Cape.

I know who Norm Gillis is.
What about him?

- He's looking for new partners.-
Are you out of your mind?

- I knew you'd like it.
- Oh, boy.

It sounds like one of your
brother's harebrained schemes.

Did you ever wake up one day and say,
"To hell with it"?

Not go to work.

Not deal with the union.

Take a trip. A risk.

Yeah.

You don't know what I'm talking
about.

I know what you're talking
about.

Yeah?

- You had the urge to do that?
- Of course I did!

- What did you do?
- Oh, you'd be surprised, Johnny.

What?

I'll tell you sometime.

Tell me now.

You come by the house tonight.

I will.

If you need anything, anything
at all...

ask Frank.

Go chop down a tree!

See you tonight.

- Faye.
- Good morning, Mr Scanlan.

- Hey, boss.
- Hi, Mr Scanlan.

- Morning, BJ.
- Good morning, Mr Scanlan.

The union social committee sent the plant.

These are are your calls, your
mail.

One more thing.

Welcome back.

Surprise!

Dad?

Poems are made by fools like me.

But only God can make a tree.

If I have to listen to that poem one
more time, I'm gonna puke.

I told you, Mrs Wysocki,
we're helping this tree.

- Johnny, you got a call.
- Thanks.

- Chuck. Down.
- Let me take that.

Yeah. Up and down my whole
life.

I got more mileage than an astronaut
and I'm where I was 20 years ago.

I hear you.

- The murder weapon.
- Mrs Wysocki, look at that tree.

It's smiling. Hey, do me a
favour.

Keep and eye on the murder
weapon for me. Thank you.

- Hello.
- Johnny.

- Frank?
- Dad's dead.

I don't know how it happened.

He was alive one minute
and then he wasn't.

Nothing like this has ever happened
to me before. I think I killed him, Jack.

Are you there? Did you hear what I said?

- I killed Dad.
- Calm down.

Frank, calm down!

- I killed him.
- Stop saying that. You didn't kill him.

- How did it happen?- I set
up a surprise party for him.

You know, to welcome him back.

We were all in his office,
waiting for him.

He opened the door like he
always does.

We yelled "Surprise"
and he dropped dead.

- You gotta be kidding me.-
You're blaming me too, aren't you?

No, I didn't mean...

Of course I'm not blaming you.

I don't know what to do.

Everybody's waiting for me to
say something. I don't know what to say.

Frank, listen to me!

- Just listen.
- What?

- Did you call Mom?
- No, I called you.

OK, now, what you gotta do
is call her doctor.

- Dr Doyle?
- No, not Dr Doyle.

- Why not?
- He's a dentist, that's why.

- Oh, right.
- Dr Goodman.

- Dr Goodman.
- Now, you call the funeral home.

- I killed him, Johnny.
- What?

- He came back to work and I killed him.
- He was an old man.

He's just got over a massive
heart attack.

- Right, he did. I didn't kill him, did I?
- No. No.

Of course you didn't kill him.
No.

I'll see you at Mom's.

He killed him.

It's about time.

Thank you, Aunt Maureen.
Is my mother upstairs?

- She is.
- Where shall we put all the food?

In the kitchen, I guess.

- What about these fruit
baskets?- What church is the service in?

- I don't know. Why ask me?
- You're the oldest man in the family.

- Next to die.
- Thank you, Aunt Maureen.

I wouldn't have thought of
that if you hadn't reminded me.

- My condolences, Johnny.
- They're all yours.

- Father...
- Please...

- God took him, Johnny.
- He's in a better place now.

- I want your father laid out here.
- In the house here?

I told Francis. I want a fine
Irish wake.

Nothing shabby about it. He
deserves that.

We'll give Dad a wake he'll
never forget.

- You're getting lines in your face like him.
- I know.

- You should put something on them.
- I know.

- You're my oldest now,
Johnny.- I've always been your oldest, Mom.

I need you now.
You won't leave me, will you?

No. Of course I won't leave you.

Where else am I gonna go?

Come on. Get some sleep.

- Who's taking care of
the body?- The Syracusas.

You should have called the
Fitzregans.

- They did a beautiful job on Tom Walsh.
- He looked better dead than alive.

Mr Scanlan, my heart goes out to you
during this trying time.

Deirdre Floss. Greenside Realty.

- Your sister-in-law called...
- The body's still warm.

- John Scanlan?
- Yeah.

Here's Francis now. Let's ask
him.

Answer some of these questions.

- Thank God you're here, Francis.
- Is my brother here?

- Nervous as a fish on Friday.
- Excuse me.

- Johnny.
- Yeah.

- Frank, I'll take them.
- Thanks.

- How's Mom doing?
- She's asleep.

Can you believe Aunt Maureen?
She loves a funeral.

- Where did you get the band?
- At the office. They're for when people die.

In here, guys.

- Did Mom tell you the wake's here?
- Who's paying for this?

- This is gonna be big, Johnny.- Yeah.

Did you call Terry and Nora?

Nora's in a convent.
They can't use the phone.

Send her a fax.

- They've got a fax?
- I sent her one after Dad's operation.

- In the kitchen.
- I'll call Terry from Dad's office.

Where do you want these cases,
Mr Scanlan?

You'd pay three times what I
charge anywhere else in the city.

- I give everything to your alimony.
- I haven't gotten a cheque in six months.

I don't make that kind of money.

The hell you don't. You have two shows
on Broadway and six national tours.

No-one wants me in New York.
They don't want dance.

They want chandeliers and
helicopters. I don't speak to Broadway.

You don't speak to Broadway,
fine. Speak to my lawyer.

Hello.

Johnny. Hi.

What's the matter?

God.

When?

How?

You're kidding.

How's Mom?

- She's fine.- Oh,
man. I can't handle this.

You gotta come, Terry. He was
your father.

- Dad hated me.
- Who said that?

- Your psychiatrist?
- No, Dad, a couple of Christmases ago.

Oh. And you didn't say
the same thing to him?

Terry. Mom needs you.

I'll be there. You know I will.

That's my girl.

- As soon as possible.
- OK.

I love you, Johnny. Bye.

My father died this morning.

I fear death terribly. Don't
you?

Not as much as I fear my family.

Boyd.

- I'll make you a deal.
- What kind of a deal?

You can use my studio
any time you want...

rent-free.

- What do I have to do?
- Come to my father's funeral with me.

Is that all?

As... my husband.

Oh.

You still haven't told them
we're divorced.

- I love it.- I haven't gotten round to it,
OK?

- It was four years ago.
- So what?

I'm not gonna tell them now.

What would I do up there?

Francis.

Johnny.

My sincerest condolences
in this difficult time.

Your father was a wonderful man.

He helped me when I was negotiating
a contract with the gravediggers.

Louise.

My sincerest condolences
in this difficult time.

I understand
the wake will be in your home.

For a man like your father,
a wake at home is only fitting.

I presume we're anticipating
deluxe arrangements.

Only the best. No expense
spared.

- Absolutely, Carmine.
- Frank, we're not made of money.

No, we're made of dust.

And unto dust we shall return.

- Johnny's the family
tight-wad.- I'm not a tight-wad.

Let's get the great man a great casket,
shall we?

Francis was always the risk-taker,
weren't you.

- Were you?- I remember that playoff game.

Three hits, four RBIs.
Beautiful.

Just beautiful.

The finest casket available.

32-ounce Persian bronze with
a Neapolitan ecru crepe interior.

Hermetically sealed.

Oh. Mrs Piskuris.

95 years old.

- Who wants to be 95?
- 94-year-olds.

Next door we have a
45-year-old. Bill Sullivan.

- Wasn't he in your class?
- No, he wasn't.

- Never too early to make plans, Johnny.
- I'm in great shape.

I need some air.

Get something made out
of mahogany or walnut.

This looks like something
you store nuclear waste in.

See you later.

Oh!

Young?

Sorry, Johnny, I didn't mean to scare you.

- It's Peter Syracusa.
- Oh.

Hi, John. How you doing? I'm
sorry to hear about your dad.

I'm finishing here. I do the
embalming for my cousin.

Bill Sullivan. Wasn't he in your class?

- No, he wasn't.
- Sorry.

- We decided on the double-sided coffin.
- Johnny, come here.

I was telling Carmine how in our family the
oldest son digs the father’s grave.

- My father dug his father's grave.
- And your son will dig yours.

Dig the grave the way you
usually do it.

- You're not gonna do it?!
- It's a beautiful tradition.

We're not talking
about planting an azalea bush.

It'd take me a month to dig a hole
that size. You do it. OK? Thank you.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Kids,
your grandfather died this morning.

Back off.

Is that the depth of
your emotion? Back off?

That's how they express
themselves nowadays.

If I die, is that what you'll
say? "Back off"?

- The phrase is "when I die", Dad.
- Thank you for clearing that up.

Why does everyone
always have to yell at me?

- What did I say?
- Nice move there, Dad.

Maybe Dad's death is the event that says,
"Things are gonna change."

- "This part's over."
- What's gonna change?

I got a brochure from that
marina I was telling you about.

Oh. Yeah.

A guy from the chamber
of commerce called me.

Fishing's a business
with a hell of a future.

Think what you like. It's a
fact.

The diet of this country is
changing.

Yeah, well, with all this
cholesterol,

fish is the cattle of the
future.

- Are you serious about this?
- Yeah.

I was talking to Dad about it
this morning.

- And what did he say?
- He said it was a good idea.

Oh. When would we do this?

Now.

Next month. Soon.

You can't change everything
in the middle of your life.

When else do you change it?
Nobody changes in the beginning.

And at the end it's too late.

What time did they say?

- What are you doing?- I'm
marking the things I want.

Your father wanted me to have
this.

- When did he say that,
Denise?- My condolences, Frank.

Councilman Chaney.

Thanks for coming. It means a
lot to me.

- I hope I can count on your support.
- Of course.

- Stop Denise, she's plundering again.
- Would you hold the chair?

This is a wake, not a garage
sale.

Why don't you go and see my
mother?

- Your mother hates me.
- She doesn't hate you.

She tells everyone I got
pregnant so Frank would have to marry me.

I've listened to that for 20
years.

I've earned this stuff.

I never noticed that before.

The body's almost ready for
viewing.

All right. OK.

The potato salad is much
better than the Riley funeral.

- That's a relief.
- But not as good as the Grotowskis'.

Watch what you're doing. Down.

Easy. Easy. Jesus. Move over
there.

We should have got the deluxe
casket.

Shut up.

I think you're gonna love the
job Peter did with your father.

He's gonna open the casket now.

Beautiful.

Beautiful. If I must say so
myself.

Very nice.

We'll leave you alone now
to view the body in private.

Thanks.

All right, let's go.

Do we have to whisper in here?

I don't know.

Who is this?

This doesn't even look like Dad.

- He does look a little soft.-
Soft? He looks like Liberace.

I could sure use his advice
right now.

Unsworth's making a play
for control of the union.

- Who's Unsworth?
- He's a lawyer.

For the banks
we got our pension money in.

Went to Harvard.

Thinks he'll push Frank Scanlan aside?
He's crazy.

The son of a bitch has got
himself a fight. You know?

Yeah. Sure. Yeah.

- Go get Mom. For the...
- Oh.

Who are you, old man?

What the hell got you
through all these years?

There you go.

That's you.

What were you gonna tell me
tonight?

Father Hallahan. They
could have sent a monsignor.

He looks like an altar boy.

If we might bow our heads
and say a silent prayer.

Spec that action.

Amen.

- Amen.
- Amen.

Let us partake of the bounty

the neighbours have provided
for this solemn occasion.

Who is she?

- Do you want to come with me?
- Thank you.

I never thought she'd come here.

I'm John Scanlan.

Johnny.

John... or Johnny.

So you were a friend of my
father's?

Cassie Slocombe.

- Are you here alone?
- Yeah.

Do you live around here?

I run a business on Independence Hill.

- What kind of business?
- A salon.

A beauty salon.

- You cut my father's hair?
- No.

- You cut my mother's hair?
- I never met your mother.

- So what...
- Johnny.

Did I tell you how bad my hip
is?

- Ten minutes ago.
- It's worse.

Well, it's a look, Mrs Wysocki.

- Don't be such a snob.
- What should I say to these people?

- Just make small talk.
- Small talk.

- Terry.
- Frank.

- Boyd.- Death is the great equalizer.

A little smaller than that.

Mom. Mom, are you OK?

Oh, yes, dear. Yes. I'm fine.

Oh, I haven't seen you two
in such a long time.

Boyd's on the road a lot, aren't you, dear?

I try to be.

Your eyes are getting a little
puffy. You should put tea bags on them.

My mom sleeps with tea bags on
her eyes.

Fascinating.

Come in the parlor, dear.

Think small.

Hello.

We never did get along, did we?

Two hard-heads.

Who am I gonna argue with now?

Who are you gonna argue with?
God?

I'm gonna miss you.

I loved him so much.

Yeah. It's OK.

I'm glad Boyd could come.

- We're divorced.
- Divorced?!

Why don't you say it louder?
I don't think Dad heard you.

When did this happen?

- Four years ago.
- Four years?

Does Mom know?

- You're the only one I told.
- Why did you tell me?

I tell you everything, Johnny.

- Don't tell anybody else. Nobody.
- Oh, thanks.

- Terry, honey.
- Hi, Aunt Sissy.

So, when are you going to
give your mother a grandchild?

When all else fails.

Hiya, Terry.

- Peter.
- Sorry about your dad.

My family took care of the
arrangements. I did your father personally.

He looks great.

Yeah.

I started with a neutral
foundation base.

Then I followed that
with mostly earth tones.

That's Cherokee red on his
cheeks.

Really?

Boy, I can't believe I'm here.

It seems like every time I come home
the clocks have stopped.

- So the dance career's flying?- Oh, yeah.

Probably saw me in People
magazine.

The 200 million most interesting people
in the United States.

I just squeaked in.

Is that the gentleman you ran
away with?

Yeah, the gentleman
I danced into the sunset with.

Caused a lot of conversation
round here.

Oh, I'll bet it did.

- So, you have a wife?
- A wife?!

Yeah. One of those women who
seemed such a good idea at the time.

No, I don't have a wife.

- Whatever happened to Paula?
- To Paula?

She married Anthony Tambini.

- Am I smiling?
- Yeah, you are.

- So what have you been doing?
- Me?

I got out of the service.

Did a lot of drugs. Got busted.

Did some time. Got born again.

Got unborn again. Did rehab.

Now I do the embalming.

And I work out.

Well, you've kept busy.

You're still pretty.

Yeah, right!

- How could you come here like this?
- How else was I to come?

- Leave her. I'm glad you
came.- I'm glad someone is.

- Is this guy gonna marry you?
- I don't want him to.

- Tell me I didn't hear that.
- She doesn't need this from you.

Big sister is much bigger sister!

- Would you shut up?
- Why?

I told you to get rid of that
earring.

- Councilman. My son Tony.
- Hi.

Was mugged by a gang of
transvestites. They pierced his ear.

- Go outside.
- What did I do?

Walk around the block a few times,
then go home.

- How's New York?
- OK.

Explain it to them.

I have an image to maintain.

Is that all you ever
think about? Your union?

Don't worry. I'll stay with Uncle
Johnny and Aunt Amy. They understand.

Yeah, sure. Right.

- Understand what?
- I...

Of course you can stay any time you want.

I can't believe this.
Illegitimate pregnancy.

You always think it only
happens to the other guy.

I was gonna wait till I had the baby,
but I had to come see Grandpa!

- Is she going into Labour?
- Hormones.

Same as me. I cried for
the last seven months.

Here's your mother. Does she know?

Does she?

- Does she?
- I don't know. Does she?

No.

- Somebody better tell her.
- She better not find out like this.

- Get that coat.
- Here. Put this coat on.

Come on. Cover up.

- Hello, Grandmother. I'm so sorry.
- Sweetheart, thank you for coming.

Come and see your grandfather.

Keep your coat on, honey.
She's coming down with a cold.

Keep warm, sweetheart.

My little girl.

I remember the day she was born.

I gave up a baseball career for her.

You gave up because you
couldn't hit left-handed pitching.

So when is my first
great-grandchild due?

In three weeks.

Oh, baby.

Thank you for asking.

Where's the father?

Well, he's er... he's not
involved.

Well, he was involved at one
time.

I want this child,
but just not with him.

Your mom got pregnant
so she could marry the man.

Now you get a man
so you can get pregnant.

That's what they call progress.

Johnny, what is this?

Denise is staking out
the pieces she wants.

How can Frank put up with her?

I love this son of a bitch!

- He needs a beer.
- Yeah.

- Take him upstairs.
- Right in the kitchen?

Oh, Johnny, who's she?

You know what pissed me off
most about Dad and his lady friends?

He used to use me as an alibi.

- What?
- Yeah.

He'd say he was going to
a game or a movie with me.

He'd give me five bucks
and tell me not to tell Mom.

I didn't know that.

There's a lot you didn't know.

- Bye.
- - Save the next dance for me!

She reminds me of you. Way back when.

Don't even think about it.

- Mom.
- Amy says you're staying at a hotel.

Well... Mom, the last thing you
need to think about are house guests.

You wouldn't mind sleeping
in Frank's old room, Boyd?

I'll sleep anywhere.

We all know that.

- You did his grave yet?
- What?

- Your father said it was a tradition.
- He told you that?

- You gonna do it?
- Dig his grave? No.

Too bad. It's kinda romantic.

It's not as if I'd be digging
in the bogs of Kilkenny.

Still, there's something
kind of sexy about it.

- Sexy?
- Oh.

You only have to dig
a symbolic amount.

Not the whole thing.

This is my last obligation to
the family.

Just so you know,
Dad was the ruler of this family.

Sure. When it came to the normal stuff,
yeah.

But when it came to the dirt,
you was all so scared of him.

You wouldn't tell him that.

That's the stuff I got.
Hang on tight, everybody.

- We have liftoff!- Boys,
come on. Let's get down.

- Get up!
- What are you doing? Let go!

- Oh, my God!
- All aboard!

- Here we go!
- Get on, Sam.

Let's go bury Dad!

Just like old times.
I'm carrying you two again.

You never carried me.- Oh, no?

Who drove you to New York to
elope with that suicidal tap-dancer?

- Ancient history.
- Yeah?

Who else did you tell that you
and Boyd...

Hey, don't you dare
say anything about that.

Boyd's gay. Right?

I knew it.

Frank, I almost forgot
how dumb you can be.

Which reminds me. Who took your exam
so you could graduate?

I had a learning disability.

Yeah. You were stupid.

Nora was the only one
that left me alone.

Oh, God. Daddy's little Nora.

The perfect child.

Excuse me while I go throw up.

- End of the line.
- Hey, wait a minute.

Yeah, go on. You've seen Mom.

She can't drive any more.
Electric things scare her.

Do you know what music she
listens to?

- Reggae.
- Come on!

I walk in last night and she
was listening to Bob Marley.

When this hole is filled up
the day after tomorrow,

I am a free man.

That's it. I'm done.

- You're done?
- Yeah. Is something wrong?

It's kind of crooked.

- I think it's too deep.
- Are you two finished?

Dad's dead.

- Let's go home.
- You go. Take Sam.

- OK? I wanna stay for a
while.- See you at home.

Yeah.

What do they mean, too deep?

What are they gonna bury in here,
a canary? What a...

Frank? Oh, shit!

Come on, take my hand.

- Come on, take it.
- Yeah.

OK, I'm...

I'm gonna... I'm gonna jump.

You got it. Come on.

I got you.

Thanks. I slipped.

I should hope so.

- What are you doing here?
- I wanted to see if you'd dig his grave.

You saw. Are you happy?

Your father'd be happy, Johnny.

What do you do?

Hang round cemeteries
and pull people out of graves?

Not as a habit, no.

- Night.
- Wait a minute. Where are you going?

Who are you?

There's so much I didn't know
about my dad.

You should find one of his
friends and ask them about him.

Like who?

Aunt Amy and I were trying to figure
out who that strange woman was.

- Yes.
- What strange woman?

At the wake. Didn't you see her.

- She was very pretty.
- Very.

Very pretty?

- Maybe she was your father's mistress.
- Or his love child.

That would make her your sister.

My sister?

I'll get it.

If that's Tom, tell him I'm
asleep.

Hello?

Oh, hi. Listen,
let me take this in the other room.

My father did have a mistress.
A few of them.

Did Grandma know?

Everybody knew.

You know, I hate men.

Except for you. Cos you'd
never have a mistress.

- Why do you say that?
- You're not the type. It's obvious.

What... What type am I?

Well, you know.

No, I don't. I don't.

Tell me.

Well, you're safe.

You know, predictable.

You'd never do anything, like,
outrageous.

Thanks.

We're here.

Get out.

You said you'd drop me at the
mall.

- I've got to do some work.
- Where?

Look, none of your business
where!

Listen, Sam.

If your mom asks,

- I took you to the mall, OK?
- Why?

Because I'm telling you,
that's...

that's why.

20 bucks.

Cool. Catch you later.

What am I doing?

Get out, you animal!

Cassie, I got him!

- You touch me...
- What is it?

Wait! I know him!

I don't care! These pudgy
ones are most dangerous.

I'll be watching for you!

- See how she was jabbing
it?- I know you less than a day...

and I save your ass twice.
You shouldn't spy on me.

- I wasn't.
- What were you doing?

I was... I came here to...

to thank you for helping me last night.

Oh. You're welcome.

Sit down. Let me see that hand. Come here.

Oh.

- You have a tetanus shot recently?
- Why?

Just wondering.

It was weird... being
at your house last night.

I felt I knew everybody by name,
but last night they all got faces.

You never seen any of us before?

Well... Frank. Everybody's seen Frank.

Mr Congeniality?

What about me? You ever see me
before?

I've seen your truck around
town.

Usually you'd be way up in some tree.

Yeah.

One time, though, you dropped
your glove.

- I picked it up and gave it to you.
- Yeah?

Sorry.

- What?
- Nothing.

What?

- You remind me of your
father.- I'm nothing like him.

Whatever you say.

What was your relationship with him?

What if I told you he made me
promise never to tell anyone?

I'm his son.

Especially his son.

- He said you'd be the first to ask.
- He didn't.

- Cassie!
- I'll be right there, Sally.

How come he told you all this
stuff?

Maybe I'm a good listener.

- Yeah?
- Comes with the job.

You'll live.

Next time... use the front
door like everybody else.

Yeah. OK.

- How's Mom?
- Pretty good.

Listen. Unsworth wants to meet
with me.

I told him to come to the wake. I
figured I'd have a position of power.

- That's not bad. Did you think of that?
- Yeah.

No.

It was BJ's idea.

I thought so.- I am trying, for God’s sake.

I even talked to Frank about
baseball.

Don't bullshit me.
I know what you're doing.

- Kiss me. My mother's looking.- What?

My whole family's here. Just
kiss me.

You son of a bitch.

If you're not back in less than an hour,
I'll rip your eyeballs out.

Bye!

Have fun.

Love you.

Love you!

Oh, look. This must be Nora.

Just what I need to feel totally worthless.
Saint Nora, the perfect child.

- Nora?
- Over here, Johnny.

- Are you still a nun?
- Of course I'm still a nun.

I worked with the poor
for three years.

- Where?
- El Salvador.

- What kind of poor?
- What kind do you think, Francis?

Thank God you haven't changed.
You're still handsome.

Here. Help me with my bags.

- Hey, big sister.
- Hi.

- You got red hair.
- Yeah.

- Nice jacket. How much did it cost?
- Good to see you too, Nora.

Enrique. Mi familia. Family.

Enrique.

Johnny, you still a gardener?

- I'm an arborist.
- An arborist?

Maybe you could give
Enrique something to do. Keep him busy.

GO WITH MY BROTHER.
HE'S SMARTER THAN HE LOOKS.

Oh. It's Peter. Oh, God.

- I gotta pick out a headstone.-
Think of it as accessorizing.

- Mom inside?
- Yeah.

I can't believe this place is
still open.

I practically lived here as a
kid.

Look over your right shoulder.

Oh, God. Sheila Pajoli.

- You used to go with her.
- She dumped me.

She stole Freddie Balboni from
me.

- That's cos she put out.
- So did I.

She's coming over.Shit.

- Why did we come here?
- Destiny.

- Hey, Petey-boy! How you doing?-
Hey. Remember Terry Scanlan?

Terry Scanlan.

Are you really here or am
I having an acid flashback?

I'm really here.

Right. I heard about your
father. I'm sorry.

Well, if you'll excuse me for a moment,

I'll let you two ladies talk.

I'm gonna take a leak.

Jeez. What does he do
when he's gonna take a shit?

- Did he bring you in to make me suffer?
- I think that's the general plan.

Well, he never forgave me
for dumping him.

Petey's all right, though.

Prison's good for some guys.
Makes them appreciate women.

- You still with that dancer?
- I left him.

- He left me.
- Same difference.

What am I supposed to do?
Hang around and look devastated?

Yeah. I think it'd make him feel
great.

Every dog's got its
day. I guess this is his.

- You look good.
- So do you.

- Oh, God.
- Come on. You do. You look great.

Please. I look like hell.

My only hope is to marry a
plastic surgeon.

- Dance with me.
- Get outta here.

- Come on.
- I'm not dancing with you.

Terry, don't leave me hanging
like this.

- Sheila looking?
- Yeah, she's looking.

Good.

- She look pissed?
- She's steaming.

Great.

Anyone asks...

we trimmed a few hedges here.
OK?

What are you doing here?

I saw your hedges needed
trimming. I brought my best man.

You can help me while he's doing that.

Right.

- Corta la matas.
- Sí.

Shut up. Just trim the damn bushes,
will you?

Where we going?

You're a communist?

I'm not a communist.

- I'm a liberation theologian.
- Oh. Excuse me.

- But you're still a nun?- Yes,
I'm still a nun, Mother.

But this way I help people more
than by just praying for them.

By organizing hit squads?

I don't understand.

Let me try to explain this.

OK. So one day
I'm praying praying, praying.

And then I read the Sermon on
the Mount.

For the first time it makes
sense to me.

It doesn't say put up with the poor,
or patronize them.

It doesn't try to change them. All
it says is, "Blessed are the poor."

- Do you understand?
- I understand.

The rank and file
hears my sister's a bolshevik,

I'm finished. I understand
that.

I have no idea what you're doing,
but I think it's wonderful.

Who are you guys?

Immigration and naturalization.

We're looking for Enrique
Hernandez.

- Who?
- We're having a wake here.

Show a little respect.

Goodbye, gentlemen.

Why didn't you pull out your
Uzi and mow them down?

Francis, you watch too much
television.

That was her.

- I made a big decision.
- You're doing better than me.

- I'm gonna leave my wife.
- No, you're not.

Yes, I am.

Your father said you'd be lost
without your wife.

That shows how much he
didn't know me. I'd made plans.

- You tell your wife yet?
- No.

- Then you haven't done anything.
- What do you mean?

I'm gonna sell the business
and... I'm gonna buy a boat.

I might even build a boat. A
50-footer. Do you like boats?

Every time a man goes on a boat,
his IQ drops by half.

I'm not talking about a bear and bass boat.

I'm talking about the real
thing.

What's wrong with your wife?

Nothing. She just doesn't
wanna go with me.

There's nothing between us any
more.

There's no passion. There's no
risk.

Everything's become so tame, so safe.

Her idea of danger is to go out at
night and not leave the phone machine on.

I wanna be scared again.

Then check out the price on this dress.

What do you think?
Is it too sexy for a funeral.

Anything you wear is sexy.

You are a flirt, just like your father.

No, no, I'm not. I'm terrible at flirting.

- Unzip.
- What?

- The dress.
- Oh, right.

There you go. Yeah.

You know, I... I envy you.

You have freedom.

You can do anything you want.
Go anywhere you want.

Who told you that?

Let's go.

You're not gonna buy it?

- Too expensive for a working girl.
- Come on.

What are you doing?

- I'm gonna buy it for you.
- Why?

- Cos I want to.
- You're crazy.

Maybe. Excuse me. How much is this dress,
please?

£375.

- You can't do this.
- Why not?

Cash? Or charge?

Cash.

Of course.

- Did Boyd make it back home?
- No, he didn't.

What about this one? I think
it's nice.

It's ugly. Looks like the horse is
gonna piss all over the grave.

- What are these brats doing?
- They're angels.

- With dicks?
- Little ones.

What catechism did you read?

What?

Boyd and you, you're not really together
any more, are you?

No, we're not together
any more. We're divorced.

They're dedicating a volume to us
in the Time-Life series on divorce.

- Why did you bring him?
- For my mother, my family.

- I thought they hated him.
- They do.

They consider the institution
of marriage more important than the players.

Like baseball.

If I told my mother, it'd kill her.

- You're not worried about your mother.
- I'm not?

No. You didn't drag him back
here for her.

Who for, then?

- For you.
- For me?

- You're embarrassed.
- About what?

- I don't know. About failing.
- What are you talking about?

You wanted to shock people and
married him to make your point,

but the guy's a shit.

Spare me the talk-show
psychology!

Miss Rebel! She lies to defend
marriage, the most bourgeois thing of all.

Where did you learn "bourgeois"?

What will you say next?
"Enchanté"? "Contraire"?

- You know what the problem with you is?
- No! Tell me!

- You take yourself too seriously.
- Is that right?

You need someone
to make you laugh at yourself.

Who's that gonna be? You?

No.

- Where are you going?
- I'm going home.

- Which stone do you want?
- You know so much about me. Pick one.

Terry, I don't know
which tombstone to pick.

Terry!

This is nuts. It's outrageous.

No, it's not.

Yes, it is.

That's why you're doing it.

Hi. Why aren't you at school?

Nora's been calling me. I've
looked for you all afternoon.

- Yeah.- The Millers
said you didn't go to work.

- I thought something had happened.
- I was at work.

- Not with George.
- No, not with George.

- Will you stand still?
- What?

What? You're like a pinball,
bouncing around all over the place.

Sit down.

OK.

What's the matter with you?

- My father just died.
- It's more than that, Johnny.

Just talk to me, all right?

Don't give me that speech about the
lobster boats and the sea breeze.

Tell me what's going on, all
right?

Are you unhappy?

Is it me? Am I doing something
wrong?

- Of course not.
- I can carry things, but I'd like some help.

Just let me in. Tell me what's
going on.

- Talk to me.
- It's nothing.

All right. Fine. Don't talk to
me.

- I want to ask you one question.
- Yes. I love you.

That's not what I was going to
ask you.

I gotta go to my mother's.

- Have a drink, Father.
- Thank you.

This is my first wake. It's very exciting.

It's tragic, of course,
but in a theological sense it's...

Holy shit!

Oh, no. Excuse me.

Hi, Dad.

- Mom and I came with Cassie.
- Cassie?

- The woman with Mom.
- Oh, her.

Her car broke down in the
gas station. We gave her a ride.

- She says she knows you.
- Everybody knows me.

Boyd, please don't go.
It's only one more night.

I can't take another minute
of your mood swings.

Simpering one moment, snarling
the next.

Oh, God, what am I gonna tell my mother?

I don't care!

You know what, Boyd? My father
was right.

You're a shit!

What are you staring at?

Don't you have a body
somewhere to go and stuff?

- Here they come.
- Relax, Francis. Button your coat.

Relax.

Francis Scanlan?

Yes.

Mr Unsworth would like to
talk to you in his car a minute.

You tell Mr Unsworth that the
rank and file will take it as an insult

if he doesn't come in and
pay his respects to my dad.

Nice going, Francis.

You were right, OK? You win.

I brought him back here
for me. No-one else. Me.

I hate being wrong and
being told "I told you so".

I was wrong to my father and now he’s
dead and I'm wrong and he's right.

I hate that you figured it
out. Am I that transparent?

- No. I'm remarkably perceptive.- Oh!

Do you know what you are?

You are everything I ran away
from in this insipid little burg.

Everything small, narrow-minded,
insignificant and bush league.

Close the door, Froggie.

No-one's dared call me that
since I was ten.

I was talking to him.

- Tell us where he is.
- Do you have a warrant?

Come on.

- Cassie. Listen to me.
- Not now. I'm praying.

I love you.

- I love you too, Johnny.
- No, I mean I love you that way.

- Which way?
- The other way.

At first I thought it was because
I was intrigued by what you were.

- Tell me I'm not hearing this.-
Then it became something else.

- Slow down.
- I looked at you today

and thought, "This is someone who
could play a role in my new life."

- What role? What new life?
- Someone I could start again with.

- What about your wife?
- Amy?

Remember Amy? Your wife?

I love Amy. But not like this.

- Was it the dress?- I
know what you're gonna say.

- Good, because I don't.-
Couldn't you tell how I felt?

Yeah, I thought, "Maybe he's
got a crush on me." Big deal.

That kind of thing happens.
Especially when someone's in a state...

I didn't think you'd ask me
to run away with you.

- That's what you're asking me.- Yeah.

- Are you crazy? This is nuts!
- I know it is!

- Will you get a hold of yourself?
- I can't explain it.

That's a good rule. You can't
explain something, don't do it!

- Johnny, we're in trouble.
- Not now, I'm praying.

Oh...

Right. Listen.

Enrique's an illegal.

So what? Half the guys
that work for me are.

No, he's really illegal.

He's a big shot in the underground
railroad. INS agents are here.

What, now? In this house?

- They're gonna pull the place apart.
- Great.

You turn Mom's house
into Uncle Tom's Cabin.

Why don't we just turn him in?

Does the name Judas
mean anything to you?

Let me explain something.

If he gets caught here,
the owner of the house gets arrested.

Perfect! Mom can go to the
funeral with a parole officer.

Where is he?

Oh! Oh, God!

Oh, God!

She adored her father so much.
Poor thing.

Oh, God!

- We have to hide him somewhere.- Where?

Oh, no.

Shit.

Get it in. All right. Stand
still.

- Here.
- Métete en el cofre.

- Oh, no!
- Put him in. Come on.

- All right.
- Stay.

- Where's the baby powder?
- Gracias, señorita.

That's my position, Mr Unsworth.

And the rank and file are fully behind him.

So, what do you think?

What do I think?

I think you're exceptionally
obtuse.

Well, thank you.

Obtuse means stupid.

Fuck you. My father worked his
way up to the head of this union.

You see where the flags at city hall
are flying? At half-mast. For him.

They fly half-mast
when the school janitor dies.

Spare the maudlin bullshit.

I have your pension money buried so deep

it'll take you ten years to find it.

If your loyal rank and file
think you've lost their money,

they'll be on their knees
in front of me in no time.

- My father was loved...
- Your father was a dinosaur.

And you're his egg.

But admittedly a popular one.

So, here's my offer.

Me, I'm boss.

You, you're a PR type,

where you can flash those pearly whites

and that low-budget Kennedy
charm.

Nice salary, perks.

But you don't wipe your ass
unless I tell you to.

That's my offer.

Take it or leave it.

- Could you close the doors, please?
- Why?

Close the door, will you?

There's no-one here.

Let's try the kitchen.

- I can't believe this. Watch the table!
- Let's talk later.

- Listen to what you're
saying!- I don't do this every day!

- Watch his head!
- He's trying to seduce you.

- Keep out of this!
- He looks goofy when he tries to be sexy.

Shut up!

- Come on.
- In my room.

Yeah.

Watch it!

- Come on.
- Oh, my God, it's my father!

- Keep it down!
- I'll put a pillow here.

- What's going on?
- What the hell are you doing?

- You were having sex, weren’t you?
- No!

- Oh, God!
- At your father's wake?

What is it with this family?

Don't panic. I've heard
about things like this.

It's a muscle reaction. They
happen.

Hold on to his legs!

- I'll never have sex again. I swear.
- Fat chance.

Why did you bring him in here
anyway?

We put Enrique in the casket because
the INS agents are after him.

- What INS agents?
- They're looking for her Salvadoran.

- Who are you?
- Don't ask.

Wait a minute. You mean
there are agents in this house?

You mean cops? After you?

You broke the law? You?

Oh, I love it!

They're starting the final
prayer downstairs.

Enrique!

Let's get downstairs. Come on.

- Don't let anybody near that body.
- We'll be right here.

Instead of a prayer, Mrs...

- Scanlan.
- ..Scanlan...

...has asked that Daniel sing.

The first time I ever sang this song was
at Jack and Mary's wedding.

I was a lot younger than them.

Jack always said this song
made him think of Mary.

- I love it! This is perfect.
- What's perfect?

All my life I've had to play
juvenile delinquent to your saint.

Always compared to you.
"You should be more like Nora."

- "Your sister would never do that."
- Oh, grow up!

Now you're dragging your doting father’s
body through the house

so the feds don't nail you.

Are you seeing this, Dad? Are
you?

- Well, finally I'm vindicated.- Oh,
come on!

I'm not the one caught
fornicating with my boyfriend.

Typical. So smug.
So self-righteous. So you.

- You know what I should do?
- What?

- I should turn you in.
- Yeah?

Yeah. I should go
and tell the cops everything

and nail your holy ass to the
wall.

- Go on, then. Do it.
- Don't push me. I will.

- I dare you.
- Go on.

Who's that?

It's my Uncle Jerry. He
had a little too much to drink.

Do you mind?

- They're all frigging drunks.
- He's not here. Let's go.

- Ter...
- Don't.

I can't believe I had you where I've
always wanted you and let you go.

I can't believe
you were having sex with him.

Give me a break!

- I've got a ride home.
- Oh.

Let's get Enrique out of the casket.
His contacts will be here in an hour.

What?

- Wasn't that lovely?
- It was unforgettable.

Mrs Cassidy.

- You knew my father really well.
- Very well.

You know his mistress was here
tonight?

Yes, I do.

This is a time of healing.

I think we should rid
ourselves of all reproach.

- You do?
- Yes, I do.

Could you give her this message for me,
please?

Thank you.

Wait a minute. Her car's in the garage.

- What are you doing here?
- Didn't you get my note?

- What note?
- Jesus Christ!

Who did she give my key to?

You better get down here, will you?

No way. I am not going
to any motel with you.

- I just wanna talk.
- You ever hear of the telephone?

- Did you think about what I said?
- No.

I shouldn't be in this truck
with you.

It's been a nightmare. Your
family's crazy.

- That's what I want to get away from.
- So go.

- With you.
- Don't take this personally,

but I've told you already, I
have a life here.

Have a nice night.
I can get home by myself.

What are you saying? My father was
good enough for you but I’m not?

What are you talking about?

I know what you were to my
father.

What? What was I to your father?

- Everybody knows.
- Everybody knows what?

That you were his mistress.

You're kidding me.

Tell me you're kidding me.

He had women all his life.

They think that I was his...
mistress?

Oh, man!

That really pisses me off.

And you thought that too?

What am I saying? You're
handing me from one generation to the next

like the family recipe for baked
beans!

- I love you.
- And who will love me after you?

Frank? Your son?

I wasn't your father's mistress.

- You were his daughter?
- No, you stupid shit!

My mother worked for the
union. She died when I was nine.

My father left before I was
born.

Your father pulled some strings so my
grandmother got more pension money.

- Will you...
- We became friends.

He talked me into staying in school,
lent me money for the shop.

- Cassie...
- I went to him for advice.

He was always there for me
and never laid a hand on me.

He never even kissed me
except on the cheek.

His mistress? I don't believe
this.

Jesus Christ!

Johnny?

- Johnny!
- Mrs Cassidy!

- Is that you?
- What are you doing here?

- You gave me the note.
- To give to my father's mistress.

I was your father's mistress.

Oh, Christ. Look, get in the
truck.

It was a brief affair.
Eisenhower was president.

We would go into the bomb
shelter and have martinis.

- He called me Buttercup.
- I don't want to listen to this.

I confessed to your mother
and she forgave me.

- Cassie!
- Don't worry about me.

- Cassie, wait, please.
- I can get home by myself.

We should have gotten the good
casket.

Boyd'd love this. 500 people all in black.

Does anyone have anything
they'd like to say?

Get up.

I keep thinking about the time
I...

asked my grandfather
what heaven was like.

He said, "Heaven's a place
where your father's a boy

and your dog talks."

If my father's there now,
I only hope there's a smoking section.

He left some big shoes to fill.

I've... I've got pretty small
feet myself.

We're just gonna have to learn
to do without him.

We're gonna miss him.

How will you run for the senate if you
can't deliver a eulogy for your father?

We should try elocution lessons.

A very manly thing, Dad.

- Did you sleep with her?
- No.

What about the boat? Are you
going away?

What was that he was saying
about talking dogs?

This car's ridiculous. Look at
it. Decadent.

Didn't anyone tell him they
don't have dogs in heaven?

How come you didn't say
anything about Grandpa?

I didn't feel like it.

Your father's been served
a healthy dose of reality.

You think I'm obtuse, don't you?

I know what people think
about me. They think I'm a joke.

No, they don't, Daddy.

Oh, really?

To top it all, my daughter
saunters down the aisle pregnant,

without a husband, like it's
normal.

I was completely humiliated.

Well, I'm sorry.

Excuse me, who are you?

I'm the father of her child.

Son of a bitch! I'll kill you!

Stop!

- You do this to my little girl?- Daddy,
stop it! Daddy!

Frank! Get control of yourself, Frank!

Could we have a little bit of privacy,
please? Maybe.

Where would you like us to go?

Of course. We'll get out at the next stop.

Nice to meet you, Tom.

Where are you going?

- I just have to do something.
- Oh.

I've got to find a normal car.

Where's Peter?

You won't believe
who just popped into our car.

We didn't have one of those in
our limo.

- What's going on?
- We gotta talk.

Mercedes. Worse than a
limousine.

- Hello.
- Nora, what's the matter?

- Where to?
- Funny.

Terry, come on,
you gotta tell your mother you're divorced.

- I'm not telling her I'm divorced.
- You have to tell her.

I have to tell her.

I can't. I will.

I can't.

I was pretty nasty last night.

I deserved it.

You're right, you did.

I was just having coffee
with her. That's all. Coffee.

Actually, it wasn't even coffee,
it was tea. Herbal tea.

She'd broken up with her
boyfriend and needed to talk.

- Sure.
- Honest. That's all.

I failed, Mom.

How did you fail?

I let him down. Everything he
worked for.

I was supposed to step in and
take over.

You have never disappointed me,
Francis Xavier Scanlan.

And you never will.

Now, we're burying your father
this morning. Life goes on.

Now, sit up and act like a man.

That's what your father
would have wanted you to do.

He's thick as a brick.

But he's nice-looking, isn't he?

Beautiful teeth.

I wanna speak to my mother.
Alone.

Frank, we're in here, honey.

Would you get in the car? We've
got to talk about Rachel and Tom.

- Where?
- Take our car. We'll take another one.

Hi. Can we get in?

- Sure.
- Great.

Oh.

Mom, I know this is the wrong time
to tell you, and I'm sorry.

I just can't lie to you any
more.

Boyd and I are divorced.

I know.

- Who told you?
- Nobody had to tell me.

Of course you knew.

What about you and Peter?

You know so much.
What about me and Peter?

Well, your father loved to
scheme.

Maybe he brought the two of you together.

Well, there's easier ways
of introducing people.

I still can't figure out why
he never told us about you.

He said what he liked about
me was that he couldn't disappoint me.

Cos I never expected anything
from him.

He was bigger than life.

Maybe that wasn't enough for
him.

That's what he was about.

Maybe it wasn't.

Maybe that was
what he was gonna tell you.

OK, go on. Get out.

I'll go to the cemetery with
you.

I'm not going to the cemetery.

Why not?

It's not my place.

I said my goodbyes. I'm happy.

Go on. Get outta here.

OK.

- You don't want this child.
- I didn't, but I do now.

- Why should I believe you?
- Because I love you.

If he shot the sheriff but didn't
shoot the deputy, who did?

Thank you.

I'm the father of her child.

Tony, I didn't want to upset you.
I know you've got enough trouble.

- You know you lost an earring?- I know.

We're driving along.
This kid hops in and says,

"Hi. I'm Tom. I'm the father
of your daughter's child."

Just beautiful.

Your parents seem really nice.
I think they like me.

Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God!
- What?

- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!

Somebody help!

It's Rachel. Honey!

- It's Rachel.
- Come on, let's go.

I'm OK. I'm fine.

- She's having her baby.
- Good guess. Out of the way.

- I'm not due for two weeks.
- Tell your baby that.

- Give her room.
- I'm so embarrassed.

I'm the father of her child.

- Is there a doctor here?
- I birth babies all day long.

Someone go and call the
paramedics.

- I'll go.
- Relax, darling.

- I can't believe this.
- What do I do? Tell me.

First of all, shut up.

- OK. I can do that.- Stand
there and block the sun.

- Daddy. Daddy.
- I'm right here, honey.

I'm so sorry. I didn't
know this would happen.

No, no, no, no. I'm the one who's
sorry. I've been acting like a jerk.

- That's OK.
- No, it's not OK.

It's just that with Grandpa dying
and things at the union not working out

and you being pregnant, I...

I love you so much,
sweetheart. I've been thinking...

Can we talk about this later?

Oh, sure. Right. Later.

Everything's gonna be OK,
sweetie. Later.

What's so funny?

Will you look at that?

What other family would have
someone go into Labour at a burial?

- It's him.
- What?

Son of a bitch set me up.

The last thing I said to him was,
"I wanna climb a mountain."

"Shoot a lion. Catch a whale.
Anything."

- And what did he say?
- That.

Right down there.

That's what he was trying to
tell me those last couple of days.

If I can lead that bunch of lunatics,
I can do anything.

There's gonna be one more of us pretty soon.

What a family
that poor kid picked.

Why do you love me?

Because you always
end up in the right place.

You always make getting there
so interesting.

Thank you.

Johnny, get down here!

Johnny! Johnny!

I think they need you.

I think they need both of us.
Come on.

- Here he is.
- Let's get some water here.

- Back off, everybody.
- Oh, there you are.

That means you too, Maureen.
Back off. Come on.

Johnny, don't let Nora
deliver this baby all by herself.

- Did you call an ambulance?
- I did. They're coming.

Good job. Has anybody
got a blanket in the car?

- I got jumper cables.
- Oh, thank you.

- I got one in mine.
- Thanks.

Uncle Johnny,
I think my dad's gonna faint.

Don't worry,
somebody'll catch him. How are you?

I'm so scared.

- Don't worry.
- Is everything gonna be all right?

- It's gonna be fine.
- Will you stay here with me?

- I'm not going anywhere.
- You promise?

I promise.

- Who are you?
- I'm the father of the child.

Take her hand and don't let go
no matter what she calls you.

BUDDY MOVIE REPACK