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(Johnny Mathis & Deniece
Williams' "Without Us" playing)
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00:00:12,279 --> 00:00:14,357
♪ I'll bet We've been together ♪
3
00:00:14,381 --> 00:00:17,794
♪ For a million years ♪
4
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:20,730
♪ And I'll bet
We'll be together ♪
5
00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:23,032
♪ For a million more ♪
6
00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:26,002
♪ Ooh, it's like I
started breathin' ♪
7
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,805
♪ On the night we kissed ♪
8
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:34,043
♪ And I can't remember
What I ever did before ♪
9
00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:36,946
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
10
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:38,804
♪ Without us? ♪
11
00:00:39,806 --> 00:00:42,419
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
12
00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:45,054
♪ Without us? ♪
13
00:00:45,078 --> 00:00:47,691
♪ And there ain't No nothin' ♪
14
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:49,693
♪ We can't love
Each other through ♪
15
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,094
♪ Ooh-hoo ♪
16
00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:53,863
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
17
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,600
♪ Without us? ♪
18
00:00:56,624 --> 00:01:00,425
♪ Sha-la-la-la ♪
19
00:01:02,997 --> 00:01:05,308
Stretch. Stretch. Stre...
20
00:01:05,332 --> 00:01:07,711
Come on, Jen,
you're not stretching.
21
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:10,747
Mom, I can't stretch
any more. I'm not Gumby.
22
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,215
(sighs)
23
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:13,950
Look, you're not
getting out of this.
24
00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:16,453
You are my running partner
when your dad's out of town.
25
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:19,855
Well, can't I just
drive alongside you?
26
00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:22,592
Let's just go.
27
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:23,794
Hi.
28
00:01:23,818 --> 00:01:25,698
Hi, hon. Hi.
29
00:01:27,887 --> 00:01:31,590
Hey, Alex, you have some
food or something on your lip.
30
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:34,938
No, I don't.
31
00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:36,606
Yeah, you do. It looks
like a little smudge.
32
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:38,575
Let me wipe it off for you.
33
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:39,810
No, Mom.
34
00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:42,112
Mom, it's not a smudge.
35
00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:45,048
It's a moustache.
36
00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:46,549
Uh, no, it's not.
Let me wipe it off.
37
00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:49,052
No, Mom! Mom, Mom, Mom.
38
00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:51,710
It's a moust... Look. Look, see?
39
00:01:53,047 --> 00:01:54,691
Wait a second.
40
00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:57,727
Oh, yeah. I... I think I
do see a couple of hairs.
41
00:01:57,751 --> 00:01:58,928
Where?
42
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,498
See... See, look-it.
There's one right there.
43
00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,099
Jennifer, would you
get out of the light?
44
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,468
Come on.
45
00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:07,471
Mr. Bidney, the principal
of the high school,
46
00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:10,039
asked me to deliver this
year's homecoming address
47
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,574
at the dance next week.
48
00:02:11,598 --> 00:02:13,243
And I just thought, as an older,
49
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,512
more mature
graduate of the school,
50
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:17,747
I should look the
part. That's all.
51
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:19,582
We didn't mean to make
you feel self-conscious.
52
00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:22,586
Uh, actually, uh, I think
your moustache looks...
53
00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:23,619
Looks nice.
54
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:26,156
(quiet giggles)
55
00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:28,424
It's amazing, isn't it? I think
it's my body's way of saying,
56
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:32,361
"Congratulations,
Alex, you're a man.
57
00:02:32,385 --> 00:02:34,285
A hairy man."
58
00:02:38,591 --> 00:02:40,670
Oh, hello, there,
Alex. Hey, Skip.
59
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:42,538
I've got some great news.
60
00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:45,441
You've, uh, got some
dirt there on your lip.
61
00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:47,310
Skip... Skip, it's not dirt.
62
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,346
It's a moustache.
63
00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,730
Oh, wow. Where'd you get it?
64
00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:54,317
Never mind. Okay? Never mind.
65
00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,953
Now, w-what was your, uh...?
What was your great news?
66
00:02:56,977 --> 00:03:00,656
Oh. Uh, after, uh, much
thought and serious deliberation,
67
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,760
I've decided to ask Mallory
to the homecoming dance.
68
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,495
What about Nick?
69
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:08,764
Nah, I think I like
Mallory better.
70
00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:11,334
Come on, Skippy, why
do you torture yourself?
71
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,937
Mallory's not gonna go to the
homecoming dance with you.
72
00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,839
She's in love with Nick.
73
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,307
No, no, no, Alex. Mallory
isn't really in love with Nick.
74
00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:21,678
She's just using him
to make me jealous.
75
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,280
I love you, Nick.
76
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:25,970
Need I say more?
77
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,952
Hello, there, Mallory.
78
00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:30,220
Oh, hi.
79
00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:32,989
Uh, hello, Nick.
80
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:34,224
How you doing there, buddy, huh?
81
00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:35,858
Oh!
82
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,228
I'm sorry. You all
right? It's okay, it's okay.
83
00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:40,930
My mother can sew
this arm right back on.
84
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,432
I got to go, babe.
I'll see you later.
85
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:43,699
Okay. Bye.
86
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,157
Bye.
87
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:48,838
Uh, Mallory, wait a minute.
88
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:51,541
I'd like to ask you
something. What?
89
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,843
Will you go to the homecoming
dance with me next week?
90
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:56,112
No, I won't go to the homecoming
dance with you next week.
91
00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:58,737
Thanks for getting
back to me so fast.
92
00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:04,120
And so, Harding seniors,
93
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,823
I stand before you
as a former graduate,
94
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:09,648
older and hairier.
95
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:12,862
No, no, that's no good.
96
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:15,965
Older, wiser,
97
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,889
and hairier.
98
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,404
Mom, do I have to go with you?
99
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,106
Honey, your father
is out of town.
100
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:25,674
I need your help.
You've got to fill in.
101
00:04:25,698 --> 00:04:28,377
Mom, I don't know
how to play bridge.
102
00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:30,168
Neither does your dad.
103
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:35,384
(chuckles)
104
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:38,288
Okay, okay, all...
What...? What is so funny?
105
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:39,755
Nothing. Nothing.
106
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:42,826
It has nothing to do with
your moustache, really.
107
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:44,994
Okay, okay. I don't know
w-what you're snickering about.
108
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,830
This moustache is flourishing.
109
00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:49,399
As a matter of fact, I
think it needs a trim.
110
00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:52,590
Oh, no. Please, you'll
get hair all over the place.
111
00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:00,176
Hey, Skippy, Skippy.
Listen, I'm glad you're here.
112
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,278
I'm working on my speech
and I think I got a joke here.
113
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,080
Let me bounce this off you.
114
00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:07,350
Uh, since I graduated Harding,
115
00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:09,151
I have grown older,
116
00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:10,820
more mature,
117
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:12,922
and a moustache.
118
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:14,857
What do you think?
119
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:16,648
Oh-h.
120
00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:22,165
Okay, I'm not saying
it doesn't need work.
121
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:25,067
Oh, Alex, I'm sorry. I'm just...
I'm not in a laughing mood.
122
00:05:25,091 --> 00:05:26,336
Why? What's the matter, Skip?
123
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,272
Well, yesterday's tragedy
is weighing heavily on me.
124
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:33,442
But then, I'm sure it's
depressing you too, huh?
125
00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:35,344
Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, yes, yes.
126
00:05:35,368 --> 00:05:37,146
Yeah, it sure is, Skip.
127
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:40,482
What tragedy are
you referring to?
128
00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:43,186
The one where Mallory won't go
to the homecoming dance with me.
129
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,788
Oh, yeah, tha... That tragedy.
130
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:47,423
Whoa. Can't seem to
get that out of my mind.
131
00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:49,692
I don't understand it.
I can't understand it.
132
00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:52,228
What could Mallory
possibly see in Nick?
133
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:54,263
(clears throat)
134
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:57,767
I-I mean, what could she
see besides what I see in Nick,
135
00:05:57,791 --> 00:06:00,203
which is a fine, young, decent,
136
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:03,339
potentially lethal fellow.
137
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,007
Hey, uh, Skippy,
138
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,209
Mallory tells me you asked
her to the homecoming dance.
139
00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:08,911
No. No, no, no, I...
140
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:12,082
I asked her for directions
to the homecoming dance.
141
00:06:12,106 --> 00:06:14,283
Please, Nick, y-you
got to believe me.
142
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,319
Well, you know, I wouldn't
have minded if she said yes.
143
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:18,654
I mean, then that way I wouldn't
have to take her to this thing.
144
00:06:18,678 --> 00:06:21,091
Come on, Nick, we're
gonna have a great time.
145
00:06:21,115 --> 00:06:23,192
Oh, come on, Mallory, this
dance involves three things
146
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,560
I can't stand:
147
00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:26,495
school, wearing a tie,
148
00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:27,785
and school.
149
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,601
Hey. Hey.
150
00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:34,803
Alex, this is not fair.
I've known her longer.
151
00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:36,472
I've loved her longer.
152
00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:39,030
I live close. I'm
more convenient.
153
00:06:40,334 --> 00:06:42,233
Women are funny that way, Skip.
154
00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:46,582
I'll ask someone
else to the dance.
155
00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:48,818
I mean, when Mallory
sees me with another girl,
156
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,854
she'll be so jealous she'll
beg me to come back to her.
157
00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:52,921
That's... That's...
That's a foolproof plan.
158
00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:56,325
I don't see any flaws in it.
159
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:57,961
Do you think I'll be
able to get someone else
160
00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,328
to go to the dance with me?
161
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:02,498
It's not mathematically
impossible.
162
00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:03,833
Look, Skip,
163
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,634
there's a whole world
of women out there
164
00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:08,037
just waiting for a guy like you.
165
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:10,829
Great. Find me one.
166
00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:13,176
Me?
167
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,544
Come on, you just said there was
a whole world of women out there
168
00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:16,880
waiting for a guy like me.
169
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:19,504
Not our world.
170
00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:23,085
Come on, Alex, please.
171
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,954
Come on, I need your help, here.
172
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:27,256
All right, Skip. Okay.
I-I'll help you with this one
173
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,759
but don't expect any
miracles, all right? I don't.
174
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:32,328
I don't. All I ask is
that she be female
175
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:35,197
and a human.
176
00:07:35,221 --> 00:07:38,667
You're kind of tying
my hands here, Skip.
177
00:07:38,691 --> 00:07:40,903
(knocking on door)
178
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:43,139
Hey, Skip. Hey, Alex.
179
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,741
Hey, what are you
all dressed up for?
180
00:07:45,765 --> 00:07:48,711
I've got a big date and,
well, I'm meeting her here.
181
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:51,247
Well, you look great.
She must be pretty special.
182
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:54,317
Oh, yeah. Oh, she's
special, Mrs. Keaton.
183
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:55,418
What's her name?
184
00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:56,908
I don't know.
185
00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:00,389
Syl... Sylvia. Sylvia.
186
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:03,426
Um, it's kind of a blind
date I arranged for Skippy.
187
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:06,729
Yeah, we'll
probably get married.
188
00:08:06,753 --> 00:08:09,933
Well, when it's
right, you know it.
189
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:12,435
Oh, boy, Alex, I'm
real excited about this.
190
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,337
Yeah... I mean,
Mallory's gonna see me
191
00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:16,339
with another girl,
and she'll be mine.
192
00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:19,241
Now, uh, she's real pretty, huh?
193
00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:20,610
She's, uh...
194
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,645
Well, she's sort of...
195
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,812
What? (doorbell rings)
196
00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:25,036
Here.
197
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:30,286
Hello, Sylvia. Hello, Alex.
198
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,554
Can I take your coat?
199
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:32,888
Oh, thank you.
200
00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:34,590
Sylvia, this is
Skippy Handleman.
201
00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:37,182
Skippy Handleman, Sylvia Bognar.
202
00:08:40,653 --> 00:08:43,699
Hello, Miss Bognar.
203
00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:46,135
That's Mrs.
Bognar. I'm divorced.
204
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:47,836
Oh. Well, uh, all right.
205
00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:50,006
Hello, Mrs. Sylvia Bognar.
206
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,440
I'm a doctor.
207
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:53,309
Okay. Uh, Mrs...
208
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:54,877
Doctor. Doctor
209
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:57,280
Mrs. Sylvia Bognar.
Mrs. Sylvia Bognar.
210
00:08:57,304 --> 00:09:00,116
Shall we sit down?
211
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,472
Skippy?
212
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:05,688
Testing, one, two.
Testing, one, two.
213
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:08,191
Handleman, case number one.
214
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,459
Sylvia's a psychiatrist.
215
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:13,295
Yes, I come from a
long line of psychiatrists.
216
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:14,631
Oh. Oh, that's a coincidence
217
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:18,300
because I-I come from
a long line of patients.
218
00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:20,602
Well, it's great that you two
have so much in common.
219
00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:22,805
Yes. It's really nice of you
to help me out on my project,
220
00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:25,174
Skippy. Oh, no problem.
221
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:28,711
W-what project is that?
222
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,646
Oh, I'm sorry.
223
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:32,715
I-I assumed Alex had told you
224
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,979
I'm writing for the
National Psychiatric Journal
225
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,188
A study of
adolescent social life.
226
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:42,758
Alex told me you volunteered to
let me use you as a case study.
227
00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:45,461
Alex, can I talk to you
privately for a minute, please?
228
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:48,163
W-would you mind excusing
us for a moment, uh, Mrs...?
229
00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:49,866
Doctor. Uh, Doctor
230
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:51,701
Mrs. Sylvia Bognar?
Mrs. Sylvia Bognar.
231
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:54,704
While you two are... Are talking,
do you mind if I use the phone?
232
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:56,572
No, no. Help yourself.
It's right over there.
233
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,908
Thank you. I'd like to
phone my babysitter
234
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,878
and make sure she puts
my children to bed by 11.
235
00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:04,035
They get to stay up until 11?
236
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,148
Alex. Alex.
237
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:07,617
What is going on?
238
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,485
Look, Skip, I'm sorry.
I didn't get a chance
239
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:11,087
to give you all the information.
240
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,855
All the information?
241
00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:14,757
Alex, you've got me going
to the homecoming dance
242
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:15,925
with a divorced mother
243
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:18,528
who's studying me for a
psychology experiment.
244
00:10:18,552 --> 00:10:21,686
I mean, it's... It's not
exactly a dream date.
245
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:25,134
Skip, you're not the
easiest guy in the world
246
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,370
to get a date for. Okay?
247
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:28,972
T-the only other
person that I could find
248
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,173
was in the biology department
249
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:33,643
and she wanted to
dissect you after the dance.
250
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:36,112
Thank you, Alex.
Shall we go, Skippy?
251
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,680
Um, yeah, yes.
252
00:10:37,704 --> 00:10:39,949
Sure, Mrs. Bognar.
253
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,417
Here.
254
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:44,319
Oh, uh, Mallory, I'd like
you to meet somebody.
255
00:10:44,343 --> 00:10:46,589
Oh. This is Mrs. Bognar,
256
00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:48,290
and she's with me.
257
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,459
Hi. Um,
258
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,760
I think we met before.
259
00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:54,396
You're, uh... You're
Skippy's aunt.
260
00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:55,665
Well, no.
261
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:57,989
She's my date.
262
00:10:58,858 --> 00:11:01,191
Oh, well, nice to meet you.
263
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:11,314
Listen, I got to make my
speech at the dance tonight,
264
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,115
and I can't find my notes.
Have you seen them?
265
00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:17,007
Maybe they're hidden
in your moustache.
266
00:11:19,078 --> 00:11:21,424
I... It's filling in
nicely, honey.
267
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,492
Maybe I should
just give up on this.
268
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,061
Oh, Alex, you just
need to give it more time.
269
00:11:26,085 --> 00:11:28,096
Yeah, h-how long have
you been growing it now?
270
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,666
Eight months.
271
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:31,989
(knocking on door)
272
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:37,439
Hi, Nick. Hey. Can I come in?
273
00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:39,842
I don't want anybody I know
to see me wearing this tie.
274
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:42,106
Hurry. Get inside.
275
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:45,681
Hey, Alex. Hey.
276
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,884
Got some kind of insect
on your upper lip there.
277
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,318
Here, here, let me kill it. No.
278
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,053
No, Nick. It's n...
279
00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:53,723
It's not an insect.
It's a moustache.
280
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:57,281
Oh. Uh, hey, can
I kill it anyway?
281
00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:00,838
I'll let Mallory
know you're here.
282
00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:06,502
Nick.
283
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:08,593
Hey. Come on in.
284
00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:11,106
Where are the Keatons?
285
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:12,741
Eh, they'll be back.
286
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,432
What have you done to them?
287
00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:19,482
They're all upstairs.
288
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,150
I see.
289
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:24,453
Listen, um, I want to
talk to you about Mallory.
290
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,021
I never touched
her, Nick. I swear.
291
00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:28,224
We're just neighbors. We're
not even close neighbors.
292
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,759
Look, you can't even
see my house from here.
293
00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:33,129
Take it easy, Skippy. Relax.
294
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:35,631
Okay. Uh...
295
00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:39,869
Ah. I'm very relaxed now.
296
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:42,004
I swear.
297
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:43,805
You and her are
good friends, huh?
298
00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:46,142
Well, I am.
299
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:48,677
She hates me. No, no.
300
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:51,180
No, no, no, no, I-I
wouldn't say that's true.
301
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,216
Listen, you and her have
had some good times together,
302
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,483
haven't you?
303
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:56,118
A few.
304
00:12:56,142 --> 00:12:57,419
I used to like it
305
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,589
when she would babysit
for me when I was little.
306
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:01,290
It was great. She'd
let me watch TV,
307
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:04,293
read me stories. She'd
let me stay up late.
308
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,028
Hey, I-I thought you
two were the same age.
309
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:07,952
We are.
310
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:11,534
So look, you know, um,
311
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,702
I get the idea you
kind of like Mallory.
312
00:13:13,726 --> 00:13:14,770
All right, look, Nick,
313
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,406
maybe I used to
like Mallory a little bit,
314
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:21,332
but, uh, now I'm very much
in love with Mrs. Bognar.
315
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:25,414
Yeah.
316
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,016
Well, you know,
uh, just the same,
317
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,284
I hope the fact that
Mallory and I go out together
318
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:32,655
hasn't caused you any,
um, bad feelings or nothing.
319
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:33,756
Not a bit.
320
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:34,857
That's good, you know,
321
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:36,780
'cause I like you.
You're a good guy.
322
00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:40,718
Okay, Mallory, come on down.
323
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:47,436
Oh, Mallory. You look...
324
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:50,539
just okay, I guess.
325
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:53,509
Thanks. Well, Nick,
what do you think?
326
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:56,011
I think you are gonna
be the best looking girl
327
00:13:56,035 --> 00:13:57,880
in the place tonight.
Let's get a picture.
328
00:13:57,904 --> 00:13:59,782
Oh, no, no. Then I've
gotta take this tie off.
329
00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:00,950
No, don't. (doorbell rings)
330
00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:03,454
Oh - I'll get it. I'll get it.
331
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:05,855
Ah. Oh, hello, Sylvia.
332
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,456
Good evening, Alex.
333
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,993
SKIPPY: Oh. Hello, Mrs. Bognar.
334
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:13,361
You're looking
ravishing this evening.
335
00:14:13,385 --> 00:14:16,454
Oh, why, thank you, Skippy.
336
00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:25,007
Shall we go?
337
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,676
I have a car waiting. Oh.
338
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,778
My dad's gonna drive us.
339
00:14:28,802 --> 00:14:29,802
Oh.
340
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,016
(slow jazz music playing)
341
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,518
Can I have your
attention, please?
342
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,987
Well, welcome to homecoming.
343
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:41,123
And to begin the festivities,
344
00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:43,392
I take great pleasure
in introducing
345
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:46,695
the salutatorian of
the class of 1984,
346
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,297
our homecoming speaker,
347
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:51,088
Alex P. Keaton.
348
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,872
Thank you. Thank
you, Mr. Bidney.
349
00:14:56,896 --> 00:15:00,009
You know, uh, as I made
my way here this evening,
350
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:02,478
I was reflecting on how
much has changed in our world
351
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,980
since I left Harding.
352
00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:07,705
Mostly my face.
353
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:15,190
Are you having a
good time, Skippy?
354
00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:17,693
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, I really am.
355
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:20,129
No, I'm not. I'm miserable.
356
00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:22,998
Wide mood swings.
357
00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:24,333
Look... Look over
there. Look at...
358
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:25,801
Look at Mallory and Nick.
359
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:28,103
He's got his arm around her.
She's whispering in his ear.
360
00:15:28,127 --> 00:15:29,805
They're having a great time.
361
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:32,607
Yes. Isn't that nice?
362
00:15:32,631 --> 00:15:36,245
Mrs. Bognar, I'm
in love with Mallory.
363
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:39,081
I-I've been in love with her
ever since I was six months old.
364
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:40,949
Sure, some of you may ask,
365
00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:44,120
"Why a moustache?
366
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:46,955
"Why...? Why not a beard?
367
00:15:46,979 --> 00:15:49,113
"A goatee?
368
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:54,763
Or perhaps some outrageous,
eye-catching sideburns?"
369
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:58,166
Mrs. Bognar, please.
You gotta help me.
370
00:15:58,190 --> 00:16:00,603
You study adolescent
social behavior.
371
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,205
Well, what would an
adolescent do in this situation?
372
00:16:03,229 --> 00:16:05,140
Skippy, you are an adolescent.
373
00:16:05,164 --> 00:16:07,476
I know. But I'm still in
the middle of adolescence.
374
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,466
You know how it turns out.
375
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,481
All I can tell you, Skippy,
376
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:14,483
is don't deny the
feelings you have.
377
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:17,453
Don't be afraid to act on them.
378
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,077
Act on my feelings?
379
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,526
That makes a lot of sense.
380
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:24,927
Thank you.
381
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,862
Oh, it's been my
pleasure, Skippy.
382
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,797
You've been a
fascinating subject.
383
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:32,423
So much nicer than those
white mice I usually work with.
384
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,003
Thank you.
385
00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:38,295
Sure, facial hair may
not be the answer
386
00:16:40,032 --> 00:16:43,045
to all the world's problems,
387
00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:45,448
but we must start somewhere.
388
00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:48,239
Thank you.
389
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,744
(slow dance music playing)
390
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,571
I'm cutting in.
391
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:10,439
(clears throat)
392
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:12,575
I said, I'm cutting in, Nick.
393
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:13,642
Nick, now.
394
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:14,710
Hey.
395
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:15,978
(scoffs) (clears throat)
396
00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:17,979
Skippy, what are you doing?
397
00:17:18,003 --> 00:17:19,781
Nick, Mallory is my girl,
398
00:17:19,805 --> 00:17:21,417
and I'm willing
to fight for her.
399
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,118
'Cause I've known
her longer than you.
400
00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:25,287
And if it wasn't for you she'd
be with me here at this dance.
401
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:27,590
Now, these are my feelings,
and I'm acting on them.
402
00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:29,825
The psychiatric community's
going to back me up on on this.
403
00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:31,860
Hey, hey, hey, come
on, now, Skippy.
404
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,763
Skippy, I don't want to
fight. Yeah, but I do. I do.
405
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:36,798
Just...
406
00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:38,222
(crowd murmuring)
407
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:42,170
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Nick,
Skippy. What's going on?
408
00:17:42,194 --> 00:17:44,105
I don't know. I think he
really wants to dance.
409
00:17:44,129 --> 00:17:45,774
Ski... Whoa, Skippy.
410
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:48,065
I got him, Nick. Whoa!
411
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:49,979
Skippy.
412
00:17:50,003 --> 00:17:52,915
Here. What's happening
here? Break this up.
413
00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:55,083
Break this up. Break
it up. Break it up.
414
00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:56,785
Come on.
415
00:17:56,809 --> 00:18:00,388
Handleman, for a man with
four overdue library books,
416
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:03,180
you're treading
on very thin ice.
417
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:07,496
Keaton. Not you?
418
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,765
I'm sorry, sir. I don't
know what got into me.
419
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:12,022
Must be the moustache.
420
00:18:22,468 --> 00:18:26,081
Your dad always lets me win.
421
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,549
All right. Okay.
That's the last time
422
00:18:27,573 --> 00:18:30,953
I go anywhere near
you, you, or Skippy.
423
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:32,154
What happened?
424
00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:33,822
One minute, I'm talking
to... To Mr. Bidney,
425
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,457
and the next minute
I'm refereeing a fight
426
00:18:35,481 --> 00:18:37,459
between Skippy and Nick.
427
00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:38,960
Well, what was the fight about?
428
00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:40,462
It was over Mallory.
429
00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:42,920
Can you believe that?
430
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,135
Are you and Skippy okay, Nick?
431
00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:49,171
Yeah, we're all right.
Luckily, we fell on top of Alex
432
00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:52,474
or somebody could
have gotten hurt.
433
00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:54,443
Well, I'm glad I
could be of service.
434
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:57,746
Now, if you'll excuse
me, I'm gonna go upstairs
435
00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:00,115
and shave this moustache off.
436
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,379
Ah. See, I told you
it was a moustache.
437
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:07,022
Can we at least take a
photo of it before I shave it off?
438
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:09,746
Oh, good idea. I'll
go get the zoom lens.
439
00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:16,298
What could Skippy
have been thinking?
440
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,801
I never thought he'd
do something like that.
441
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,335
Hey, don't be so
hard on the guy, Mal.
442
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:22,004
I mean, he almost got
himself killed tonight
443
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:23,727
because he cares about you.
444
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:25,641
You know, I...
445
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,410
He's nice, in an annoying way.
446
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:30,446
Ah. So you do like him.
447
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:32,581
You know, you
should tell him that.
448
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:34,249
Maybe.
449
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:36,051
It's kind of comforting
to have him around.
450
00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:38,988
You know, he's like an old sock.
451
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:42,045
Ah, you see. You know, I
think he'd like to hear that.
452
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:44,760
Oh.
453
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:45,927
Hi, Nick.
454
00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:47,295
Hey.
455
00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:48,630
Look, I'm sorry about tonight.
456
00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:49,965
I hope I didn't
hurt you too badly.
457
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,867
Hey, hey, hey, no hard feelings.
458
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:54,035
Look, um, I'm gonna
go in the other room
459
00:19:54,059 --> 00:19:55,437
so you two can talk alone.
460
00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:56,905
Okay.
461
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,740
That's that's very nice
of you, Nick, thank you.
462
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,163
Sure.
463
00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:06,448
Um, Mallory, did you have
a good time at the dance?
464
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:09,050
Great. Um,
465
00:20:09,074 --> 00:20:12,387
where's Mrs. Bognar?
466
00:20:12,411 --> 00:20:15,224
Well, she was getting a little
hung up on me so I had to, uh,
467
00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:17,092
cut her loose.
468
00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:19,260
I'm sorry.
469
00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:21,196
No, Mallory, I'm
the one who's sorry.
470
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,332
Y-you've been
rejecting me for 18 years.
471
00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:24,867
And I just keep on
making a fool of myself,
472
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:27,536
hoping something's gonna change.
473
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,771
Has it been that long?
474
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:32,474
Yeah. And it's time I grew up.
475
00:20:32,498 --> 00:20:34,743
I'm... I'm glad this
happened tonight.
476
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:38,647
It made me realize that I've
been living in a dream world.
477
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:41,282
D-do you know that I used to
sit around just thinking about
478
00:20:41,306 --> 00:20:43,218
what it would be
like if we got married?
479
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,508
(coughs)
480
00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:47,689
Married?
481
00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:51,092
Yeah. Yeah, I had the
whole thing planned out.
482
00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:53,528
A big ceremony at night,
483
00:20:53,552 --> 00:20:55,097
under a big tent.
484
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:56,631
Like a circus.
485
00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:57,632
Exactly,
486
00:20:57,656 --> 00:20:59,134
but instead of
walking down the aisle,
487
00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:02,003
I get shot out of a
cannon toward the altar.
488
00:21:02,027 --> 00:21:04,339
And then, uh,
489
00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:06,375
we'd go on our honeymoon.
490
00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:07,976
We'd go to Paris,
491
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,944
where we'd spend our
evenings dining alone
492
00:21:09,968 --> 00:21:12,102
on the banks of the Nile.
493
00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:18,420
Skippy,
494
00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:20,845
the Nile's in London.
495
00:21:26,685 --> 00:21:28,096
Whatever.
496
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,598
And then we'd come
back and buy a house
497
00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:33,757
with all the money I'd make
for my job as a seat-belt tester.
498
00:21:37,162 --> 00:21:40,341
Skippy, did you
ever stop to think
499
00:21:40,365 --> 00:21:42,978
that maybe I'm
not the one for you?
500
00:21:43,002 --> 00:21:45,814
I mean, I'm really not as
wonderful as you think I am.
501
00:21:45,838 --> 00:21:47,449
In fact, I think I've
been pretty mean to you
502
00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:49,618
over the years.
503
00:21:49,642 --> 00:21:53,889
Hey, remember that time
when we were two years old?
504
00:21:53,913 --> 00:21:57,559
I tried to glue you to
your playhouse door?
505
00:21:57,583 --> 00:21:58,960
Do I remember? Mallory,
506
00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:01,462
that was the greatest thing
that ever happened to me.
507
00:22:01,486 --> 00:22:03,699
I mean, don't you understand?
508
00:22:03,723 --> 00:22:07,525
When you pay attention to
me, it shows me that you care.
509
00:22:09,928 --> 00:22:13,242
Skippy, I do care. But,
come on, we're 18 years old.
510
00:22:13,266 --> 00:22:14,976
If you and I are gonna
continue to be friends,
511
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,246
I think we have to start dealing
with each other like adults.
512
00:22:18,270 --> 00:22:21,016
You're absolutely right. I know.
513
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,718
Look, Skippy,
514
00:22:22,742 --> 00:22:25,720
let's make an agreement, okay?
515
00:22:25,744 --> 00:22:27,789
I promise to stop
being mean to you
516
00:22:27,813 --> 00:22:29,525
if you promise to
stop treating me
517
00:22:29,549 --> 00:22:32,728
in this silly, childish,
romantic way. Okay?
518
00:22:32,752 --> 00:22:35,819
From now on, we'll just
have normal conversations.
519
00:22:36,822 --> 00:22:38,667
Yeah, sure, I'll give it a shot.
520
00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:40,390
Okay, let's try right now.
521
00:22:41,961 --> 00:22:44,372
Hello, Skippy. How are you?
522
00:22:44,396 --> 00:22:45,807
I'm very fine.
523
00:22:45,831 --> 00:22:48,477
Thank you for asking, Mallory.
524
00:22:48,501 --> 00:22:51,146
Um, how are your parents?
525
00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:52,848
They're very well, and...
526
00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:54,115
Will you marry me?
527
00:22:54,139 --> 00:22:55,316
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just...
528
00:22:55,340 --> 00:22:56,885
I need more practice.
529
00:22:56,909 --> 00:22:59,855
I'm not very good
at being normal.
530
00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:04,059
Mallory, y-you got
to give me more time.
531
00:23:04,083 --> 00:23:07,428
I will. If you promise
you'll keep trying.
532
00:23:07,452 --> 00:23:08,764
I will.
533
00:23:08,788 --> 00:23:10,087
I promise.
534
00:23:11,590 --> 00:23:14,669
But occasionally, just...
Just for old times' sake,
535
00:23:14,693 --> 00:23:16,805
would it be all right if I
came by and bugged you
536
00:23:16,829 --> 00:23:19,330
and you glued me to something?
537
00:23:21,367 --> 00:23:23,847
I wouldn't have
it any other way.
538
00:23:30,976 --> 00:23:33,610
( upbeat jazz theme playing)
38641
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