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1
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Good morning, Boyle.
2
00:00:01,404 --> 00:00:02,770
It's Halloween...
00:00:03,571 --> 00:00:05,370
I'm surprised you didn't
put on a costume.
3
00:00:05,371 --> 00:00:07,338
I was going to, sir,
but then I decided,
4
00:00:07,339 --> 00:00:08,873
"screw that jazz."
5
00:00:08,874 --> 00:00:11,142
Well, I'm the only one
who ever dresses up,
6
00:00:11,143 --> 00:00:12,777
no one ever gets my costume,
7
00:00:12,778 --> 00:00:14,679
and they make fun of me...
so I'm done.
8
00:00:14,714 --> 00:00:17,382
These people don't deserve
my dress-up gifts.
9
00:00:18,484 --> 00:00:20,785
Charles, seriously?
10
00:00:20,820 --> 00:00:21,820
No costume?
11
00:00:21,821 --> 00:00:22,921
What the hell, Charles?
12
00:00:22,922 --> 00:00:24,189
Where's your Halloween spirit?
13
00:00:24,223 --> 00:00:26,591
But you guys always
make fun of me.
14
00:00:26,592 --> 00:00:30,195
I have never once
insulted you in my life,
15
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:32,497
especially vis-à-vis
your appearance.
16
00:00:32,498 --> 00:00:34,265
Yeah, man, we always
love your costumes.
17
00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:36,468
Remember last year,
when you came as that
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00:00:36,469 --> 00:00:38,903
person and/or thing?
19
00:00:38,904 --> 00:00:40,238
Yes, I do remember!
20
00:00:40,272 --> 00:00:43,375
Sir, permission to sprint
to my car and get
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00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:44,476
my emergency costume?
22
00:00:44,477 --> 00:00:45,677
Does it matter if I say no?
23
00:00:45,711 --> 00:00:47,345
No!
24
00:00:52,952 --> 00:00:54,619
A-bam, bam, boom.
25
00:00:56,288 --> 00:00:57,455
What the... what...
26
00:00:57,456 --> 00:00:59,257
Why are you dressed up?
You look like an idiot.
27
00:00:59,291 --> 00:01:00,325
But... but...
28
00:01:00,326 --> 00:01:01,726
Yeah, what are you
supposed to be,
29
00:01:01,727 --> 00:01:03,228
a sassy car mechanic?
30
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:06,564
No, come on... he's clearly
the rejected Pop-Tarts mascot,
31
00:01:06,565 --> 00:01:07,699
Harry Pop-Tart.
32
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:09,534
I am not!
You know who I am!
33
00:01:09,568 --> 00:01:11,369
Squad, that's enough...
you're making Boyle
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feel bad on purpose.
35
00:01:12,371 --> 00:01:13,671
- He's Elvis.
- Yes!
36
00:01:13,672 --> 00:01:15,440
Elvis Stojko,
the Canadian figure skater.
37
00:01:15,441 --> 00:01:16,507
No!
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00:01:16,508 --> 00:01:20,287
Sync & corrections by dzimu_kairu
39
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Attention, squad:
today is the most
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important day in
the history of this precinct.
41
00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:44,803
For today is Halloween...
42
00:01:44,804 --> 00:01:46,471
I thought we were going to
say it together.
43
00:01:46,472 --> 00:01:47,939
- I never agreed to that.
- All right.
44
00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:49,507
As you may know,
for the past two years,
45
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Captain Holt and I have engaged
in an epic battle of wits.
46
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The goal, to determine
who must call the other
47
00:01:55,214 --> 00:01:57,282
an amazing detective/genius.
48
00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:59,918
The first year,
by sheer, dumb luck,
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00:01:59,919 --> 00:02:01,720
Jake eked out a feeble victory.
50
00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:03,288
And last year, I let
the Captain win,
51
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,956
because he's old an sad.
52
00:02:04,957 --> 00:02:06,858
Sad because the competition
was so dismal.
53
00:02:06,859 --> 00:02:08,259
Is this meaning
about something?
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00:02:08,260 --> 00:02:09,627
It's about everything.
55
00:02:09,628 --> 00:02:10,829
This year's the tie-breaker,
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00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:12,697
a final heist to decide
once and for all
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the true king of the Nine-Nine.
58
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:17,635
Halloween Heist III:
The Heistening. Tagline?
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00:02:17,636 --> 00:02:19,637
This year we both attempt
to steal the same object
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00:02:19,638 --> 00:02:21,539
instead of Jake attempting
to steal one from me.
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00:02:21,540 --> 00:02:24,175
I gave you one direction
on the tagline... snappy.
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00:02:24,176 --> 00:02:27,078
But yes, we will be attempting
to steal the same item...
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00:02:27,079 --> 00:02:28,480
this.
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The crown will be locked
in this briefcase,
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which in turn will be locked
in the interrogation room.
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00:02:33,119 --> 00:02:37,722
♪ And so unto the briefcase
goes the crown ♪
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Didn't sing it with me.
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00:02:39,358 --> 00:02:40,525
We will need help,
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00:02:40,526 --> 00:02:41,960
so to be fair,
we're holding a draft.
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00:02:41,961 --> 00:02:43,728
The Captain and I have
given up our overtime,
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00:02:43,729 --> 00:02:46,231
so everyone who participates
will get the night off. Captain?
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00:02:46,232 --> 00:02:48,366
With the first pick
of the draft, I choose...
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00:02:48,367 --> 00:02:49,901
Terry.
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00:02:49,902 --> 00:02:52,604
Okay, brawns over brains.
75
00:02:52,605 --> 00:02:53,938
All right, I take Charles.
76
00:02:53,939 --> 00:02:55,440
I get it. Close friend.
77
00:02:55,441 --> 00:02:56,641
- I pick Gina.
- Gina?
78
00:02:56,642 --> 00:02:57,909
I take Rosa.
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What?
80
00:02:58,911 --> 00:03:01,379
Okay, all right.
Well, Captain...
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that leaves me with you.
82
00:03:03,082 --> 00:03:04,816
- Let's do this.
- Hang on, Santiago.
83
00:03:04,817 --> 00:03:06,284
I'm not sure I can trust you.
84
00:03:06,285 --> 00:03:10,755
You're Peralta's paramour;
maybe you should be on his team.
85
00:03:10,756 --> 00:03:12,524
No, no, no...
Amy would do anything
86
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,959
to win your approval,
including pretending
87
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,995
to be in a relationship with me
for the past few weeks
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only to betray me now.
89
00:03:18,798 --> 00:03:20,732
Jake, you are majorly
overthinking this.
90
00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:23,201
Maybe, but it's a risk
I'm not willing to take.
91
00:03:23,202 --> 00:03:26,571
- You're not on my team, Amy.
- Yeah, Amy's out.
92
00:03:26,572 --> 00:03:28,907
By midnight,
whoever has the crown
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00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:32,043
will be the king
of the Nine-Nine.
94
00:03:32,044 --> 00:03:34,212
Uh, Hitchcock and I still
haven't been chosen.
95
00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:35,714
- I'm good.
- Me too.
96
00:03:37,650 --> 00:03:42,354
So, I see you've been assigned
to guard the briefcase too.
97
00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:46,524
Yup, I'm not supposed to let
it or you out of my sight,
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00:03:46,525 --> 00:03:48,360
if that even is you.
99
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:50,895
Ow, that's my face!
100
00:03:50,896 --> 00:03:53,398
Oh, sorry... I thought it
was a cheap, rubber mask.
101
00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:55,767
Well, I have exciting news.
102
00:03:55,768 --> 00:03:57,902
I found the perfect guy
to set you up with.
103
00:03:57,937 --> 00:04:02,240
After zero consideration,
I'm happy to say, "hard pass."
104
00:04:02,274 --> 00:04:04,442
Come on, our parents
are married.
105
00:04:04,443 --> 00:04:05,910
Genevieve and I are dating.
106
00:04:05,911 --> 00:04:07,746
I want you to have someone too.
107
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,547
You shouldn't have to
108
00:04:09,548 --> 00:04:11,116
slow-dance alone
after family dinner.
109
00:04:11,117 --> 00:04:13,018
How did my life come to this?
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Charles, it's very sweet
that you want to
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set me up with someone,
112
00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:19,758
but I do not trust your taste
in guys at all.
113
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I have spectacular taste in men.
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You would love Nadia.
115
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His name is Nadia?
116
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:27,265
Oh, all of a sudden
Nadia's not a cool name?
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You are impossible.
118
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- Here, got it?
- Got it.
119
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Hey, Jake.
Can we talk?
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00:04:38,277 --> 00:04:39,711
Yeah.
121
00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:41,946
You really hurt my feelings
by leaving me off your team.
122
00:04:41,947 --> 00:04:44,487
Oh, I had no idea
you felt that way.
123
00:04:44,517 --> 00:04:47,152
Well, it doesn't feel great
to be left out.
124
00:04:47,153 --> 00:04:49,421
Right, totally, I get it.
I'm sorry...
125
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Captain Holt!
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00:04:50,556 --> 00:04:52,724
What? Why are you yelling
at my boobs?
127
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Because that's where
the camera is.
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00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:55,894
Nice try, Ray-Ray!
129
00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:57,295
There's no camera, Jake.
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00:04:57,296 --> 00:04:58,496
I was being serious.
131
00:04:58,531 --> 00:05:01,299
Okay fine... if you're
telling the truth,
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00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:02,767
then I sincerely apologize.
133
00:05:02,768 --> 00:05:06,571
But since you're not,
I will defeat you!
134
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Ahhh! Gah! Scary witch!
135
00:05:12,144 --> 00:05:13,144
Scary, so scary!
136
00:05:13,145 --> 00:05:14,379
Amy, don't feel bad.
137
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:16,281
You can get in on
my bet with Scully.
138
00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:17,949
At midnight tonight,
we will steal
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his foot fungus cream.
140
00:05:19,685 --> 00:05:22,153
Thanks, that's very kind
of you to include me,
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00:05:22,154 --> 00:05:23,388
but I'll have to pass.
142
00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:24,823
The mind games have
already begun.
143
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:27,258
- No, I'm not part of this.
- Oh, of course not.
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00:05:27,259 --> 00:05:29,594
Neither am I.
Wink.
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Ugh.
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I'm not going to meet
my next boyfriend
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00:05:33,232 --> 00:05:34,499
through a Charles set-up.
148
00:05:34,533 --> 00:05:37,435
I'm going to meet him in
an illegal dance competition
149
00:05:37,436 --> 00:05:39,437
in an abandoned subway tunnel.
150
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:42,007
It's go time, Boyle.
151
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,376
Holt and Terry have closed
the blinds... release the roaches.
152
00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:47,445
Alternately, he could win
an illegal street race
153
00:05:47,446 --> 00:05:49,481
in which my love is the prize.
154
00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:51,650
Oh, my God! Gina, look!
Roaches!
155
00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:53,151
Look!
156
00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:56,655
Ew, Charles, kill them with
whatever cologne you're wearing!
157
00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:58,223
No, I can't!
They're moving too fast!
158
00:05:58,224 --> 00:06:00,592
I can't kill them!
It's pandemonium!
159
00:06:00,593 --> 00:06:03,561
If I die, turn my Tweets
into a book!
160
00:06:03,562 --> 00:06:06,398
Commence operation,
"Oh crap, wrong vent."
161
00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:10,068
Oh crap, wrong vent.
162
00:06:10,069 --> 00:06:11,369
This was a mistake.
163
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,371
Nice try, losers.
You blew it.
164
00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:14,639
Yeah, we totally blew it.
165
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,708
And all because Boyle
marked the wrong vent.
166
00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:20,178
It's not my fault... I thought
it was the right vent.
167
00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:22,714
- Unbelievable, mister.
- You are, mister.
168
00:06:22,748 --> 00:06:25,417
I'm having trouble even
believing you at all right now.
169
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:27,919
That is the last time
I let Charles mark a vent.
170
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:29,721
I'm normally great
at marking vents.
171
00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:31,222
Lock picked.
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00:06:31,223 --> 00:06:34,931
Never, ever, never, ever,
ever, never, ever, ever,
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00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:38,463
never, ever, will I ever,
never, ever, ever, ever,
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00:06:38,464 --> 00:06:40,966
ever, never, never, never...
I forgive you, and good-bye.
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00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:46,204
Wow, you should have
seen us, Rosa.
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00:06:46,205 --> 00:06:47,505
Charles and I were amazing.
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00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:49,174
I somersaulted through a window,
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00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:50,709
cut the crown out of
a briefcase,
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00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:52,944
and replaced everything
in under a minute.
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00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:54,412
Yeah, I guess you
helped a little.
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00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:57,349
But our fake argument
was super convincing.
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00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:59,250
And all of a sudden,
we had to make it longer,
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00:06:59,251 --> 00:07:01,052
and we did.
184
00:07:01,053 --> 00:07:03,421
Anyways, now all we gotta do
is guard this drawer
185
00:07:03,422 --> 00:07:05,624
until midnight,
and the best part about it is
186
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:09,094
Captain Holt has
absolutely no idea.
187
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,730
He is such a fool.
188
00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:14,666
Yes, I'm the fool.
189
00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:16,635
You fool.
190
00:07:16,669 --> 00:07:18,103
So we wanted Jake
to take the crown?
191
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:20,572
Sergeant, are you familiar
with the Hungarian fencing term,
192
00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:22,240
Hosszú Gorcs?
193
00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:23,575
You must realize
my answer is no.
194
00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,243
It's a strategy of
letting your opponent
195
00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:28,179
win points early to give them
a sense of overconfidence,
196
00:07:28,180 --> 00:07:32,083
thus exposing a much easier
target for you later.
197
00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:33,652
You think he's
overconfident enough?
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00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:37,789
I'm the smartest man alive.
199
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:39,291
I'm never gonna die.
200
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:43,547
Sir, do you have a minute?
201
00:07:43,548 --> 00:07:44,715
Of course.
202
00:07:44,716 --> 00:07:46,384
Jeffords,
we'll rendezvous later.
203
00:07:52,958 --> 00:07:55,092
Sir, I want to talk about Jake.
204
00:07:55,093 --> 00:07:57,295
- Okay...
- Amy! Help!
205
00:07:57,296 --> 00:07:59,563
Our foot fungus heist
has gone sideways!
206
00:07:59,564 --> 00:08:01,098
Hitchcock, not now.
207
00:08:01,099 --> 00:08:02,500
Scully doesn't know I'm in here.
208
00:08:02,501 --> 00:08:04,235
I stole his foot cream,
but then I lost it.
209
00:08:04,236 --> 00:08:06,837
Amy, you're the only hope
I have of finding it.
210
00:08:06,838 --> 00:08:08,172
You're a detective.
211
00:08:08,173 --> 00:08:10,808
You're a detective!
Get out of here!
212
00:08:10,809 --> 00:08:14,078
Go!
213
00:08:14,112 --> 00:08:15,946
Sir, Jake really pissed me off,
214
00:08:15,947 --> 00:08:17,848
and I want to help you
take him down.
215
00:08:17,849 --> 00:08:19,884
Well, that's
an intriguing proposition.
216
00:08:19,885 --> 00:08:21,819
You certainly could be useful...
217
00:08:21,853 --> 00:08:23,221
Thank you.
218
00:08:23,222 --> 00:08:24,889
To Jake!
219
00:08:24,923 --> 00:08:28,626
I got you, Peralta!
You're not fooling anyone!
220
00:08:28,627 --> 00:08:31,128
Why does everyone think
that's where a camera would be?
221
00:08:31,163 --> 00:08:34,965
Because the cleavage cloaks
the camera with its curves.
222
00:08:34,966 --> 00:08:37,435
That will be all, spy.
223
00:08:38,637 --> 00:08:41,372
- Sorry I said cleavage.
- Mm-hmm.
224
00:08:41,406 --> 00:08:45,076
Charles, that is so nasty you
put cockroaches in your pants.
225
00:08:45,077 --> 00:08:46,611
When you say it like that, yeah.
226
00:08:46,612 --> 00:08:47,812
But Jake made it sound so cool.
227
00:08:47,813 --> 00:08:48,913
How?
228
00:08:48,914 --> 00:08:51,182
Oh, I wasn't expecting anyone.
229
00:08:53,685 --> 00:08:56,487
- Come in, Nadia.
- Hey, Charles.
230
00:08:56,488 --> 00:08:57,788
What up, bro?
231
00:08:57,789 --> 00:09:00,024
Gina, this was the boy
I was telling you about.
232
00:09:00,025 --> 00:09:01,425
You're Nadia?
233
00:09:01,426 --> 00:09:04,261
Well, my real name's Leo;
Nadia's just my tag.
234
00:09:04,262 --> 00:09:06,664
I don't love it, but when Banksy
gives you a nickname,
235
00:09:06,665 --> 00:09:07,932
it just sticks.
236
00:09:07,933 --> 00:09:09,433
Okay, I see what's
going on here.
237
00:09:09,434 --> 00:09:11,736
This isn't a setup...
this is a setup.
238
00:09:11,770 --> 00:09:15,640
And all of this is supposed to
distract me from the heist.
239
00:09:15,674 --> 00:09:18,175
- The heist?
- The heist?
240
00:09:18,176 --> 00:09:20,211
You shut your hot lips.
241
00:09:20,212 --> 00:09:21,512
Charles, I don't buy it.
242
00:09:21,546 --> 00:09:23,781
This is an obvious trap, okay?
243
00:09:23,782 --> 00:09:26,050
Who are you, really, hmm?
244
00:09:26,051 --> 00:09:29,387
You some male prostitute
that Charles busted
245
00:09:29,388 --> 00:09:31,689
out on some
lonely pier somewhere?
246
00:09:31,690 --> 00:09:33,524
Well, guess what, sweetie?
247
00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:36,894
This is one trick you ain't
gonna be turning tonight.
248
00:09:36,895 --> 00:09:38,296
I'm not a prostitute.
249
00:09:38,297 --> 00:09:39,297
Okay.
250
00:09:40,299 --> 00:09:41,866
Right.
Bye-bye, whore.
251
00:09:43,468 --> 00:09:45,002
It's go time, Sergeant.
252
00:09:49,074 --> 00:09:50,374
Hey, Rosa.
253
00:09:50,375 --> 00:09:52,910
I'm not saying these are
from your motorcycle,
254
00:09:52,911 --> 00:09:55,413
but I found these
stripped handlebars outside.
255
00:09:55,447 --> 00:09:58,249
You better not have messed
with my bike for this heist.
256
00:09:58,250 --> 00:10:00,117
Let me remind you
I'm carrying a weapon.
257
00:10:00,152 --> 00:10:01,471
We all have the same weapons.
258
00:10:02,487 --> 00:10:04,589
Damn, Rosa!
Where'd you get that?
259
00:10:07,626 --> 00:10:10,127
The scorpion has left the nest.
260
00:10:10,128 --> 00:10:20,504
♪
♪
261
00:10:20,505 --> 00:10:22,073
And...
262
00:10:22,074 --> 00:10:23,040
Ding.
263
00:10:24,076 --> 00:10:25,743
See Daddy?
Come on.
264
00:10:25,744 --> 00:10:28,779
Time for the twin twist.
265
00:10:28,780 --> 00:10:31,082
- Hey, Jake.
- Hey, you guys.
266
00:10:31,083 --> 00:10:32,984
We wanted to surprise Terry;
have you seen him?
267
00:10:32,985 --> 00:10:34,518
Oh, he just went downstairs
for a bit,
268
00:10:34,519 --> 00:10:35,620
but he should be back soon.
269
00:10:35,621 --> 00:10:37,288
Oh. Cagney? Lacey?
270
00:10:37,289 --> 00:10:39,523
Do you guys want to take
a picture with Uncle Jake?
271
00:10:39,524 --> 00:10:40,825
Yeah!
272
00:10:40,826 --> 00:10:42,660
You don't mind, do you?
273
00:10:42,661 --> 00:10:45,529
Um...
No, of course not.
274
00:10:45,530 --> 00:10:46,797
That would be so fun.
275
00:10:46,798 --> 00:10:48,266
What if we do it
in the briefing room,
276
00:10:48,267 --> 00:10:49,934
like you're assigning them
a case?
277
00:10:49,968 --> 00:10:52,203
No, I mean,
you know what would be fun...
278
00:10:52,204 --> 00:10:53,671
even more that that...
279
00:10:53,672 --> 00:10:56,807
is if we took a picture
right here,
280
00:10:56,808 --> 00:10:58,442
and I could have
my hand on this cabinet.
281
00:10:58,443 --> 00:10:59,510
Okay.
282
00:11:00,779 --> 00:11:03,147
- Nailed it.
- Here we go.
283
00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:06,384
Oh, God, it was in
video mode... sorry.
284
00:11:06,385 --> 00:11:09,120
Take your time;
I could do this all day.
285
00:11:09,121 --> 00:11:10,955
Matter of fact,
what if we did one
286
00:11:10,956 --> 00:11:13,324
where I had both hands
on the cabinet...
287
00:11:13,325 --> 00:11:16,494
one on top, and then one
on the front?
288
00:11:16,495 --> 00:11:18,162
Looks good, yeah.
289
00:11:18,163 --> 00:11:22,433
All right, smile...
three, two, one...
290
00:11:22,434 --> 00:11:25,269
Cheese! Very good.
291
00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:27,471
Great, you guys.
Let's go find Daddy.
292
00:11:27,472 --> 00:11:30,675
What's going on?
293
00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:36,649
Aha!
What are you doing?
294
00:11:36,682 --> 00:11:40,418
Nothing... just enjoying a taste
of my favorite beverage,
295
00:11:40,419 --> 00:11:41,819
the soda pop.
296
00:11:41,820 --> 00:11:45,323
Really? I have never seen you
enjoy soda pop before.
297
00:11:45,357 --> 00:11:47,725
- Hmm.
- Have some now.
298
00:11:56,501 --> 00:11:59,570
Ahh.
299
00:11:59,571 --> 00:12:01,138
- It's delicious.
- I don't buy it.
300
00:12:01,139 --> 00:12:03,040
You're making the same face
you made when you found
301
00:12:03,041 --> 00:12:04,302
a chocolate chip
in your trail mix.
302
00:12:04,309 --> 00:12:06,110
Something's up.
I'm patting you down.
303
00:12:07,913 --> 00:12:11,015
Damn it, nothing
but a surprisingly toned set of abs.
304
00:12:11,016 --> 00:12:12,350
Why would I have
the crown, Jake?
305
00:12:12,351 --> 00:12:14,018
Isn't it still
in the interrogation room?
306
00:12:14,019 --> 00:12:16,520
Yes. Yes.
Of course.
307
00:12:16,521 --> 00:12:18,656
Of course it's still in there.
308
00:12:18,690 --> 00:12:21,125
Welp, I guess
I'll see you at midnight.
309
00:12:21,126 --> 00:12:23,895
- After you.
- No, after you.
310
00:12:23,929 --> 00:12:25,696
I insist.
311
00:12:31,303 --> 00:12:32,503
Ugh.
312
00:12:32,504 --> 00:12:33,738
You drank a soda?
313
00:12:33,739 --> 00:12:35,539
Not sure that's
the worst thing in the world.
314
00:12:35,574 --> 00:12:37,108
It was the worst thing
in the world...
315
00:12:37,109 --> 00:12:39,510
worse than a fruit-forward
Riesling.
316
00:12:39,511 --> 00:12:41,412
No, I'm not exaggerating.
317
00:12:41,413 --> 00:12:45,449
Anyhow, I cleverly ditched
the crown in a trash can...
318
00:12:45,450 --> 00:12:47,718
wait a minute... so as to not
arouse suspicion
319
00:12:47,719 --> 00:12:48,853
and then retrieve it.
320
00:12:48,854 --> 00:12:50,188
Got it.
321
00:12:50,189 --> 00:12:53,224
Hey... while I'm in there,
should I get you a soda?
322
00:12:53,258 --> 00:12:54,959
I know you're joking,
but on the off chance
323
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,394
you aren't...
324
00:12:56,395 --> 00:12:58,062
No.
325
00:13:02,267 --> 00:13:03,968
- Hi, there.
- Oh, is it?
326
00:13:03,969 --> 00:13:05,469
The handlebar thing was fake.
327
00:13:05,470 --> 00:13:06,771
They were trying to distract me.
328
00:13:06,772 --> 00:13:08,239
I think they made
a play for the crown.
329
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,508
I know, but I had my hand
on the cabinet the whole time,
330
00:13:10,509 --> 00:13:12,143
so I'm pretty confident
there's no way
331
00:13:12,144 --> 00:13:13,344
they could have gotten it.
332
00:13:13,345 --> 00:13:14,512
They got it.
333
00:13:14,513 --> 00:13:16,380
Look at the back.
Screws are loose.
334
00:13:16,415 --> 00:13:20,117
Damn it.
That son of a bitch is good.
335
00:13:20,118 --> 00:13:22,687
Sir, we got a problem.
336
00:13:22,688 --> 00:13:25,356
The crown wasn't in
the trash can.
337
00:13:25,357 --> 00:13:26,991
Jake must have taken it back.
338
00:13:26,992 --> 00:13:28,392
Damn it.
339
00:13:28,393 --> 00:13:30,322
That son of a bitch is good.
340
00:13:33,617 --> 00:13:34,917
We have to get that crown back.
341
00:13:34,918 --> 00:13:36,952
I already changed my email
to "kingjakerulez" with a z.
342
00:13:36,953 --> 00:13:38,587
Everyone's going to think
I'm an idiot.
343
00:13:38,588 --> 00:13:40,823
- Hello, Peralta.
- Captain.
344
00:13:40,824 --> 00:13:42,525
- Midnight nears.
- Yes, it does.
345
00:13:42,526 --> 00:13:45,611
- Tick tock.
- Tick tock indeed.
346
00:13:45,629 --> 00:13:48,297
But tick tock for who?
347
00:13:48,298 --> 00:13:49,398
You know it's "for whom."
348
00:13:49,399 --> 00:13:50,533
Don't try to provoke me.
349
00:13:50,534 --> 00:13:52,968
I didn't know that.
350
00:13:52,969 --> 00:13:54,570
I'm going to get
that crown back.
351
00:13:54,571 --> 00:13:55,638
- Wait... what?
- Huh?
352
00:13:55,639 --> 00:13:58,107
Will you excuse me
for just one moment?
353
00:13:58,108 --> 00:14:00,309
Yes, I too need to be excused.
354
00:14:00,310 --> 00:14:01,944
He doesn't have the crown!
355
00:14:01,945 --> 00:14:03,179
Why you asked that?
356
00:14:03,180 --> 00:14:04,747
- I don't know who has it.
- What do we do?
357
00:14:04,748 --> 00:14:06,682
Pull the security tape.
I'll distract them.
358
00:14:06,683 --> 00:14:08,784
Hey, look at this.
359
00:14:08,785 --> 00:14:13,055
Ahhhhhhhhhh.
360
00:14:13,056 --> 00:14:14,657
Damn it, how did that not work?
361
00:14:14,658 --> 00:14:18,361
Hmm, Captain Holt said
you guys stole the crown
362
00:14:18,362 --> 00:14:19,795
when Jake came through
the ceiling.
363
00:14:19,796 --> 00:14:21,397
Yeah, I can't believe
you fell for that.
364
00:14:21,398 --> 00:14:22,999
You really think I'd mark
the wrong vent?
365
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,034
I've never marked
a wrong vent in my life.
366
00:14:25,035 --> 00:14:26,610
You're very intense about vents.
367
00:14:26,637 --> 00:14:27,770
Yeah.
368
00:14:27,771 --> 00:14:29,530
Wait... so Nadia wasn't
just a distraction?
369
00:14:29,539 --> 00:14:31,741
No, 100% real.
370
00:14:31,742 --> 00:14:34,910
Handsome, cool, hair as thick
as a collie's.
371
00:14:34,911 --> 00:14:37,146
I found you the perfect guy,
and you drove him off.
372
00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:38,848
Ugh. I'm sorry.
373
00:14:38,849 --> 00:14:40,616
I should have trusted you.
374
00:14:40,617 --> 00:14:42,685
Please call him
and tell him I messed up.
375
00:14:42,686 --> 00:14:44,820
Fine, but only if you
agree that your first date
376
00:14:44,821 --> 00:14:46,856
will be a double date
with me and Genevieve
377
00:14:46,857 --> 00:14:48,224
on a week-long trip to Turk's...
378
00:14:48,225 --> 00:14:49,959
Forget it, no.
Forget it.
379
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:51,027
No! Okay, I'll call him.
380
00:14:51,061 --> 00:14:52,662
Please, I want this so badly.
381
00:14:52,663 --> 00:14:55,631
Fine, you may call him for me.
382
00:14:55,632 --> 00:14:57,900
Thank you.
383
00:14:57,901 --> 00:15:00,369
Okay, here I am taking
pictures with Terry's kids.
384
00:15:00,404 --> 00:15:02,672
Man, I look so strong
standing next to them.
385
00:15:02,673 --> 00:15:03,739
- Should I have kids?
- Sure.
386
00:15:03,740 --> 00:15:04,907
Okay.
387
00:15:04,908 --> 00:15:07,376
It's Holt.
Whoa, how did he do that?
388
00:15:07,377 --> 00:15:08,945
Guy has an insane set of abs.
389
00:15:08,946 --> 00:15:11,080
Oh, look, he's got the crown.
390
00:15:11,081 --> 00:15:12,406
And he's headed to
the break room.
391
00:15:12,416 --> 00:15:13,749
He dumped it in the trash.
392
00:15:13,750 --> 00:15:14,884
Did he go back and get it?
393
00:15:14,885 --> 00:15:18,487
Nope, janitor came in
and took it.
394
00:15:18,488 --> 00:15:19,555
But which janitor?
395
00:15:19,556 --> 00:15:21,090
Looks like I'm going to
have to squint.
396
00:15:24,661 --> 00:15:27,263
His name is Al...
Al the janitor.
397
00:15:27,264 --> 00:15:29,532
All right, it's 11:00 P.M. now;
That means Al's long gone.
398
00:15:29,533 --> 00:15:31,100
How are we going to
get his home address?
399
00:15:31,101 --> 00:15:33,002
Who's the one person you know
who's anal enough
400
00:15:33,003 --> 00:15:35,905
to send out holiday cards
to every single employee?
401
00:15:37,207 --> 00:15:39,976
- Amy!
- What do you want, Jake?
402
00:15:39,977 --> 00:15:42,578
What? Why would you assume
that I want anything?
403
00:15:42,579 --> 00:15:45,147
What I want is to apologize
to my girlfriend,
404
00:15:45,148 --> 00:15:46,349
who I hurt.
405
00:15:46,350 --> 00:15:47,416
It's "whom."
406
00:15:47,417 --> 00:15:48,818
Why does the word "who"
even exist
407
00:15:48,819 --> 00:15:50,052
if you're not allowed to say it?
408
00:15:50,053 --> 00:15:51,687
Anyways,
now that I've apologized
409
00:15:51,688 --> 00:15:55,558
and you've accepted, can you
give me janitor Al's address?
410
00:15:55,559 --> 00:15:57,727
This is related
to your heist, isn't it?
411
00:15:57,728 --> 00:16:00,596
No, no.
It's about a crime.
412
00:16:00,597 --> 00:16:03,399
I think janitor Al is
going to kill the president.
413
00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:05,801
Oh, Santiago.
There's my protégé.
414
00:16:05,802 --> 00:16:07,837
Let me guess...
you want the janitor's address.
415
00:16:07,871 --> 00:16:10,906
Janitor? Address? Al?
416
00:16:10,941 --> 00:16:12,708
I never said his name.
417
00:16:12,709 --> 00:16:15,211
Well, isn't this rich.
418
00:16:15,245 --> 00:16:17,613
After being excluded
by both of you,
419
00:16:17,614 --> 00:16:18,915
here I am with the power
to decide
420
00:16:18,916 --> 00:16:21,784
who wins and who loses
your little heist.
421
00:16:21,785 --> 00:16:23,386
I wouldn't have it
any other way.
422
00:16:23,387 --> 00:16:25,321
You are my wisest detective.
423
00:16:25,355 --> 00:16:28,658
Pathetic.
She can't be manipulated, sir.
424
00:16:28,659 --> 00:16:30,393
Amy, we are in love.
425
00:16:30,394 --> 00:16:31,727
I know we've never
said it before,
426
00:16:31,728 --> 00:16:33,562
but I think this is
the perfect time, don't you?
427
00:16:33,563 --> 00:16:35,031
Love? Ha.
428
00:16:35,032 --> 00:16:38,234
What's love compared to
the respect of a workplace superior?
429
00:16:38,235 --> 00:16:39,769
Amy Santiago, will you m...
430
00:16:39,870 --> 00:16:41,271
- Enough!
- Okay.
431
00:16:41,272 --> 00:16:43,940
Pretending to be nice to me
is worse than being mean.
432
00:16:44,741 --> 00:16:46,876
You know what?
You want the address?
433
00:16:46,877 --> 00:16:51,147
Here, you can both have it.
434
00:16:52,983 --> 00:16:55,184
Hope you're happy,
you selfish monsters.
435
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:58,387
- I feel terrible.
- We should apologize.
436
00:16:58,388 --> 00:16:59,689
Yes, I agree.
437
00:16:59,690 --> 00:17:01,924
You definitely should now;
I'll do mine later.
438
00:17:01,959 --> 00:17:03,392
Fat chance.
439
00:17:03,393 --> 00:17:05,294
Charles, I need your butt.
Meet me downstairs.
440
00:17:05,295 --> 00:17:06,896
Alpha Team, this is
the Golden Sparrow.
441
00:17:06,897 --> 00:17:08,564
Rendezvous at Drop Zone Yankee.
442
00:17:08,565 --> 00:17:10,500
When did you come up
with those code names?
443
00:17:12,736 --> 00:17:14,437
Okay, he lives on
the sixteenth floor.
444
00:17:14,438 --> 00:17:15,538
I think we beat Holt here.
445
00:17:15,539 --> 00:17:17,874
- Or did you?
- I'll get the elevator.
446
00:17:17,875 --> 00:17:20,343
Crap! Looks like
we're taking the stairs.
447
00:17:22,112 --> 00:17:25,281
All right, it's sixteen floors...
pace yourselves.
448
00:17:25,282 --> 00:17:26,983
Forget it.
Run as fast as you can!
449
00:17:33,357 --> 00:17:36,592
Ha ha!
450
00:17:36,627 --> 00:17:38,995
I win. I knocked first.
451
00:17:40,397 --> 00:17:41,397
You're not Al.
452
00:17:41,398 --> 00:17:42,723
You're looking for Al?
453
00:17:42,733 --> 00:17:44,934
Of course we're looking
for Al, you imbecile!
454
00:17:45,835 --> 00:17:46,303
Sorry.
455
00:17:47,304 --> 00:17:49,138
He's having a cigarette
on the roof.
456
00:17:49,139 --> 00:17:50,473
The roof?
457
00:17:55,846 --> 00:17:58,114
Yes.
I did it.
458
00:17:58,115 --> 00:18:00,383
I am the greatest
athlete in the world.
459
00:18:02,219 --> 00:18:04,086
Al? Al?
460
00:18:04,087 --> 00:18:06,422
Where's Al?
461
00:18:06,423 --> 00:18:08,324
Oh, there he is.
There he is!
462
00:18:08,325 --> 00:18:10,359
I did it. I did it.
463
00:18:11,895 --> 00:18:13,629
Good God.
464
00:18:13,630 --> 00:18:15,665
Are you Al the janitor?
465
00:18:15,666 --> 00:18:19,001
Nope.
I'm your worst nightmare.
466
00:18:19,002 --> 00:18:21,103
Amy Santiago.
467
00:18:21,104 --> 00:18:23,739
Oh, no.
468
00:18:26,554 --> 00:18:30,390
I don't understand
what is happening.
469
00:18:30,391 --> 00:18:32,559
Allow me to explain.
470
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,896
Amy and I were ahead of you
the whole time.
471
00:18:35,897 --> 00:18:38,131
No, you weren't part of this.
472
00:18:38,132 --> 00:18:40,267
Get back over to
the loser side, loser.
473
00:18:40,268 --> 00:18:41,281
All right.
Worth a shot.
474
00:18:41,302 --> 00:18:42,469
So how'd you pull it off?
475
00:18:42,470 --> 00:18:44,738
Well, it all started
when I went to tell Jake
476
00:18:44,739 --> 00:18:46,807
how badly he hurt my feelings,
477
00:18:46,808 --> 00:18:48,675
and he yelled at my breasts.
478
00:18:48,676 --> 00:18:51,078
Oh, boy, I am not going to
come off well in this story.
479
00:18:51,079 --> 00:18:52,145
Nope.
480
00:18:52,146 --> 00:18:53,580
Remember when you
set off the witch?
481
00:18:54,949 --> 00:18:56,783
You made Captain Holt
flinch, which was weird,
482
00:18:56,784 --> 00:18:58,185
since his door was closed,
483
00:18:58,186 --> 00:19:00,520
but not weird, since
he actually heard it over a bug
484
00:19:00,521 --> 00:19:01,955
he planted at your desk.
485
00:19:01,956 --> 00:19:04,124
It was in an old muffin that you
never threw in the trash.
486
00:19:04,125 --> 00:19:06,193
That's why people
throw away garbage.
487
00:19:06,227 --> 00:19:07,224
How are we together?
488
00:19:07,228 --> 00:19:08,462
Eh.
489
00:19:08,463 --> 00:19:10,564
Anyway, I tapped into
the bug's frequencies,
490
00:19:10,565 --> 00:19:12,366
so I had ears on Jake.
491
00:19:12,367 --> 00:19:13,800
I needed to know
what Holt was up to.
492
00:19:13,801 --> 00:19:15,802
That's where Hitchcock came in.
493
00:19:15,803 --> 00:19:17,771
I masterminded the entire plan.
494
00:19:17,772 --> 00:19:20,240
You did one small thing,
and I had to explain it to you,
495
00:19:20,241 --> 00:19:21,608
like, 45 times.
496
00:19:21,609 --> 00:19:23,410
He left a tiny crack
in the blind,
497
00:19:23,411 --> 00:19:24,778
so I could read
the Captain's lips.
498
00:19:24,812 --> 00:19:27,114
"Sharon and your kids
will distract Jake.
499
00:19:27,115 --> 00:19:28,871
"They'll be here at 9:30 sharp.
500
00:19:28,883 --> 00:19:31,618
My waffle xylophone
on the cheese man."
501
00:19:31,619 --> 00:19:32,619
What?
502
00:19:32,620 --> 00:19:33,920
My lip-reading is not flawless.
503
00:19:33,955 --> 00:19:35,255
Now that I knew your plan,
504
00:19:35,290 --> 00:19:36,523
it was simple to disrupt.
505
00:19:36,557 --> 00:19:38,425
While Scully gracefully
moved the witch,
506
00:19:38,459 --> 00:19:39,960
I got into character.
507
00:19:39,961 --> 00:19:41,028
Holt triggered the witch,
508
00:19:41,029 --> 00:19:42,396
which brought Jake
into the room.
509
00:19:42,397 --> 00:19:44,331
And I threw the crown
in the trash can.
510
00:19:44,332 --> 00:19:46,233
Exactly as I planned.
511
00:19:46,234 --> 00:19:49,469
Then I sent you all here,
placed an out-of-order sign
512
00:19:49,470 --> 00:19:52,406
on the perfectly
functional elevator,
513
00:19:52,407 --> 00:19:54,107
made you all walk up
31 flights of stairs
514
00:19:54,142 --> 00:19:55,609
and vomit twice.
515
00:19:55,610 --> 00:19:56,777
Actually, it was four times,
516
00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:59,079
if you count all
the stairwell stuff.
517
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:00,861
You thought I was
just Holt's lackey.
518
00:20:00,882 --> 00:20:03,283
And you thought I was
just Jake's girlfriend.
519
00:20:03,317 --> 00:20:05,252
Well, I'm my own person,
520
00:20:05,253 --> 00:20:07,387
capable of making
my own decisions,
521
00:20:07,388 --> 00:20:09,523
and I decided to
humiliate you both.
522
00:20:09,557 --> 00:20:13,794
Well, you did,
and it was awesome.
523
00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:16,897
One last question,
where's the crown?
524
00:20:16,898 --> 00:20:18,532
Oh, it's at Shaw's Bar,
525
00:20:18,533 --> 00:20:21,301
the official site
of my coronation.
526
00:20:21,302 --> 00:20:23,470
All hail the crown of destiny.
527
00:20:26,608 --> 00:20:31,411
And all hail she who wears it,
Amy Santiago, the...
528
00:20:31,412 --> 00:20:33,046
Queen.
529
00:20:33,047 --> 00:20:34,881
Queen of the Nine-Nine.
530
00:20:36,284 --> 00:20:37,684
I believe there's something else
531
00:20:37,685 --> 00:20:38,852
you both need to say.
532
00:20:38,853 --> 00:20:39,886
Gladly.
533
00:20:39,887 --> 00:20:40,988
Amy Santiago
534
00:20:40,989 --> 00:20:44,224
is an amazing detective/genius.
535
00:20:44,225 --> 00:20:45,525
Drinks are on us.
536
00:20:45,526 --> 00:20:47,561
- Nope.
- Drinks are on me.
537
00:20:47,562 --> 00:20:49,062
Yeah!
538
00:20:50,965 --> 00:20:53,767
Hey.
539
00:20:53,768 --> 00:20:55,369
I'm glad you showed up.
540
00:20:55,370 --> 00:20:57,604
Sorry I was acting
so weird earlier.
541
00:20:57,605 --> 00:21:00,641
Hey, I don't blame you.
Sagittarius, right?
542
00:21:00,642 --> 00:21:02,910
With Saturn where it is,
you're right to be wary
543
00:21:02,911 --> 00:21:04,277
of new relationships.
544
00:21:04,278 --> 00:21:08,148
How is it possible
that a spirit such as yourself
545
00:21:08,149 --> 00:21:09,516
even knows Charles?
546
00:21:09,517 --> 00:21:11,485
I did an art show
at Genevieve's gallery.
547
00:21:11,486 --> 00:21:14,154
Oh, right... so you're not
really friends,
548
00:21:14,155 --> 00:21:17,024
you know his girlfriend
through the art world.
549
00:21:17,025 --> 00:21:19,126
Yeah, plus,
she's my twin sister.
550
00:21:19,127 --> 00:21:20,360
What?
551
00:21:20,361 --> 00:21:22,362
Hi, Leo.
A kiss for my bro.
552
00:21:22,363 --> 00:21:23,997
And a kiss for my beau.
553
00:21:23,998 --> 00:21:25,032
No.
554
00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:26,066
A kiss for my beau.
555
00:21:26,067 --> 00:21:27,868
And a kiss for my sis.
556
00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:29,036
No!
557
00:21:29,037 --> 00:21:33,009
Sync & corrections by dzimu_kairu
40364
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