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1
00:00:00,165 --> 00:00:02,783
Okay, squad,
the funeral's at 3:00,
2
00:00:02,784 --> 00:00:04,952
followed by a reception
at Shaw's Bar.
3
00:00:04,953 --> 00:00:07,119
I want you all
on your best behavior.
4
00:00:07,155 --> 00:00:08,355
Yeah, and all eyes
are gonna be on us
5
00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:10,122
because Frick and Frack here
killed Captain Dozerman.
6
00:00:10,158 --> 00:00:12,192
Hey, we accidentally
startled a man
7
00:00:12,193 --> 00:00:13,961
with a genetic heart condition.
8
00:00:13,962 --> 00:00:16,042
If you really think about it,
his parents killed him.
9
00:00:16,064 --> 00:00:17,231
All right, whatever.
10
00:00:17,232 --> 00:00:18,732
Look, there's a horse race
going off in Dubai.
11
00:00:18,733 --> 00:00:20,267
I got serious money on it.
12
00:00:20,268 --> 00:00:21,935
Dismissed.
13
00:00:21,936 --> 00:00:24,971
Oh, yeah, we should all
check out that race.
14
00:00:25,006 --> 00:00:26,340
God.
15
00:00:26,341 --> 00:00:28,442
He is the worst captain
we've ever had.
16
00:00:28,443 --> 00:00:30,444
He drew boobies
on my bulletproof vest.
17
00:00:30,445 --> 00:00:33,013
He stared at me for 90 seconds
while he ate an entire peach.
18
00:00:33,014 --> 00:00:34,081
He heard that I speak Spanish,
19
00:00:34,082 --> 00:00:35,782
and he made me fire
his housekeeper.
20
00:00:35,783 --> 00:00:36,783
She was Polish.
21
00:00:36,784 --> 00:00:37,951
At least he doesn't practice
22
00:00:37,952 --> 00:00:38,952
his crane kicks with you.
23
00:00:42,924 --> 00:00:44,291
I said not to move!
24
00:00:44,292 --> 00:00:45,292
I didn't move.
25
00:00:45,293 --> 00:00:46,293
Listen, guys.
26
00:00:46,294 --> 00:00:47,494
Jake and I were talking
last night.
27
00:00:47,495 --> 00:00:48,996
Pillow talk alert!
Set the scene.
28
00:00:48,997 --> 00:00:50,597
- Spooning or face-to-face?
- Charles.
29
00:00:50,598 --> 00:00:51,832
Spooning.
30
00:00:51,833 --> 00:00:53,467
Anyway, we came up with a plan.
31
00:00:53,468 --> 00:00:56,503
Jake is going to befriend
the Vulture
32
00:00:56,504 --> 00:00:57,938
so he lays off of us.
33
00:00:57,939 --> 00:00:58,939
It's true.
34
00:00:58,940 --> 00:01:00,007
I'm gonna bro down with him.
35
00:01:00,008 --> 00:01:01,174
If everything goes
according to plan,
36
00:01:01,175 --> 00:01:02,342
we should be beer pong
doubles partners
37
00:01:02,343 --> 00:01:03,644
by the end of the week.
38
00:01:03,645 --> 00:01:05,979
Now somebody get me
a puka shell necklace.
39
00:01:05,980 --> 00:01:07,880
I'm going full douche.
40
00:01:07,915 --> 00:01:11,594
Sync & corrections by dzimu_kairu
41
00:01:28,836 --> 00:01:31,438
Okay.
42
00:01:31,439 --> 00:01:33,040
Hey, 'sup, bro?
43
00:01:33,041 --> 00:01:34,441
'Sup, Jake?
44
00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:35,542
Got a little update for you
45
00:01:35,543 --> 00:01:37,477
on that Deberg assault case.
46
00:01:37,478 --> 00:01:40,947
Turns out the victim's wife
was super hot.
47
00:01:40,948 --> 00:01:42,949
Yeah, I read the file.
She's a mom.
48
00:01:42,950 --> 00:01:44,084
Not interested.
49
00:01:44,085 --> 00:01:45,752
True that.
50
00:01:45,753 --> 00:01:48,555
So listen, I've been thinking.
51
00:01:48,556 --> 00:01:50,590
We got off
on the wrong foot here.
52
00:01:50,591 --> 00:01:52,559
And I believe it's 'cause
we're just
53
00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:53,860
too damn similar.
54
00:01:53,861 --> 00:01:55,127
- You do?
- Absolutely.
55
00:01:55,163 --> 00:01:56,897
We both love premium tequila...
56
00:01:56,898 --> 00:01:57,898
Yeah.
57
00:01:57,899 --> 00:01:59,399
- Robin Thicke.
- Oh, yeah.
58
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:01,101
- Gots to have my puks.
- Gots to.
59
00:02:01,102 --> 00:02:03,503
And of course,
most importantly: Nip slips.
60
00:02:03,504 --> 00:02:05,339
Let me ask you a question, Jake.
61
00:02:05,340 --> 00:02:07,140
You also like
Okinawan martial arts?
62
00:02:07,141 --> 00:02:09,442
Because you left this
in my back.
63
00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:10,477
Hmm?
64
00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:11,745
What I'm saying, Einstein,
65
00:02:11,746 --> 00:02:13,646
is that you stabbed me
in my back.
66
00:02:13,681 --> 00:02:14,981
How so?
67
00:02:14,982 --> 00:02:16,216
We came up with a plan.
68
00:02:16,217 --> 00:02:17,584
Jake is going to befriend
the Vulture
69
00:02:17,585 --> 00:02:18,952
so he lays off of us.
70
00:02:18,953 --> 00:02:21,045
Busted.
I knew that you were faking it.
71
00:02:21,055 --> 00:02:22,822
I'll bet you don't even
like nip slips!
72
00:02:22,857 --> 00:02:24,424
So, what, you bugged
the briefing room?
73
00:02:24,425 --> 00:02:26,293
No, Scully butt-dialed me
yesterday
74
00:02:26,294 --> 00:02:27,561
and he still hasn't hung up.
75
00:02:27,562 --> 00:02:29,262
Once again, Scully's butt
is the downfall
76
00:02:29,263 --> 00:02:30,296
of this precinct.
77
00:02:30,331 --> 00:02:32,032
Look, Jake, I know
that you and Santiago
78
00:02:32,033 --> 00:02:33,233
are trying to take me down.
79
00:02:33,234 --> 00:02:35,702
You guys go home.
You lay in bed together.
80
00:02:35,703 --> 00:02:36,970
You plot against me.
81
00:02:36,971 --> 00:02:38,538
Well, no longer.
82
00:02:38,539 --> 00:02:40,806
I want you to dump Santiago,
and that's an order.
83
00:02:40,842 --> 00:02:42,309
What?
You can't do that.
84
00:02:42,310 --> 00:02:43,944
It's completely against
the rules.
85
00:02:43,945 --> 00:02:45,412
Okay, Sonia Sotomayor.
86
00:02:45,413 --> 00:02:46,880
I would never break the rules.
87
00:02:46,881 --> 00:02:48,815
But what I could do, for totally
88
00:02:48,816 --> 00:02:51,585
"unrelated reasons,"
is have you busted
89
00:02:51,586 --> 00:02:53,152
back down to a beat cop.
90
00:02:53,187 --> 00:02:55,455
No, don't do that, all right?
91
00:02:55,456 --> 00:02:56,923
I can learn to love nip slips.
92
00:02:56,924 --> 00:02:58,691
No, you either love them,
or you don't.
93
00:02:58,726 --> 00:02:59,793
It's too late.
94
00:02:59,794 --> 00:03:01,228
You dump Santiago, or you kiss
95
00:03:01,229 --> 00:03:02,528
that detective badge good-bye.
96
00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:06,399
Beat it.
97
00:03:07,402 --> 00:03:08,969
First time back
in the Nine-Nine.
98
00:03:08,970 --> 00:03:09,970
Mm.
99
00:03:10,004 --> 00:03:11,338
I really miss these people,
100
00:03:11,339 --> 00:03:14,541
the whole crew...
Jake, Terry, bleh.
101
00:03:14,542 --> 00:03:16,443
I forget all the other names.
102
00:03:16,444 --> 00:03:19,130
Just remember,
we're here as PR representatives.
103
00:03:19,131 --> 00:03:20,213
I don't wanna be interrupted.
104
00:03:20,214 --> 00:03:21,314
Too bad.
105
00:03:21,315 --> 00:03:22,616
We're like rock stars
to these people.
106
00:03:22,617 --> 00:03:23,977
They're gonna go nuts,
just like...
107
00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:27,621
I would hate it
if these doors opened
108
00:03:27,622 --> 00:03:29,688
and everyone stopped working
to applaud us.
109
00:03:34,128 --> 00:03:36,395
Hmm, nothing.
110
00:03:36,431 --> 00:03:39,132
You must be loving this.
111
00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:40,667
Yes.
112
00:03:40,668 --> 00:03:41,668
What?
113
00:03:41,669 --> 00:03:42,903
He's ordering us to break up?
114
00:03:42,904 --> 00:03:44,070
Look, we can deal with this.
115
00:03:44,071 --> 00:03:45,172
We just need a new plan.
116
00:03:45,173 --> 00:03:46,173
I got it.
117
00:03:46,174 --> 00:03:47,340
We lie, tell him we broke up,
118
00:03:47,341 --> 00:03:48,608
and then date in secret.
119
00:03:48,609 --> 00:03:51,511
Great! And you'd be okay
lying to your captain?
120
00:03:51,512 --> 00:03:53,046
- Okay, new plan.
- Uh-huh.
121
00:03:53,047 --> 00:03:54,713
Captain Holt is here today.
122
00:03:54,749 --> 00:03:55,849
Yes, genius!
123
00:03:55,850 --> 00:03:57,117
He loves us,
124
00:03:57,118 --> 00:03:58,518
and he's got tons of sway
in the department.
125
00:03:58,519 --> 00:03:59,753
He'll tell the Vulture
to back down.
126
00:03:59,754 --> 00:04:00,987
Yeah, he'll be all...
127
00:04:00,988 --> 00:04:03,123
"Vulture, I must insist
128
00:04:03,124 --> 00:04:05,192
that you desist."
129
00:04:05,193 --> 00:04:06,760
I really think
this is gonna work.
130
00:04:06,761 --> 00:04:08,562
Also, if you ever want
to bust out
131
00:04:08,563 --> 00:04:10,197
that Holt impression at home,
132
00:04:10,198 --> 00:04:11,631
I'd be okay with that.
133
00:04:11,632 --> 00:04:13,433
Oh, okay.
134
00:04:13,434 --> 00:04:15,135
Duly noted, super disturbing,
135
00:04:15,136 --> 00:04:16,602
but I'm definitely gonna do it.
136
00:04:18,005 --> 00:04:19,306
Hey, G-spot!
137
00:04:19,307 --> 00:04:22,274
Rosa, Charles, oh,
I missed you guys so much.
138
00:04:22,310 --> 00:04:24,044
Really, 'cause when you left,
you made a pretty big deal
139
00:04:24,045 --> 00:04:25,345
of deleting us from your phone.
140
00:04:25,346 --> 00:04:27,546
Girl, that was just
the showman in me.
141
00:04:27,582 --> 00:04:29,015
PR is so boring.
142
00:04:29,016 --> 00:04:31,383
I need some Nine-Nine drama,
stat.
143
00:04:31,419 --> 00:04:32,586
I don't think
we're that dramatic.
144
00:04:32,587 --> 00:04:33,954
I've been gone one week.
145
00:04:33,955 --> 00:04:36,056
Jake and Amy are dating,
and they've killed a person.
146
00:04:36,057 --> 00:04:37,523
Come on, Charles.
147
00:04:37,558 --> 00:04:39,792
You got to have something
weird and tragic going on.
148
00:04:39,827 --> 00:04:40,994
Nope.
149
00:04:40,995 --> 00:04:42,229
Not unless you call
hooking up with a girl
150
00:04:42,230 --> 00:04:43,296
at a funeral "weird and tragic."
151
00:04:43,297 --> 00:04:44,730
Home run!
152
00:04:44,765 --> 00:04:45,966
Her name is Lieutenant Singh.
153
00:04:45,967 --> 00:04:47,234
She's super hot.
154
00:04:47,235 --> 00:04:49,336
We were seated next
to each other two funerals ago.
155
00:04:49,337 --> 00:04:52,238
And there was hard eye contact
all through "Danny Boy."
156
00:04:52,273 --> 00:04:54,674
Last funeral, we made out
in the parking lot.
157
00:04:54,675 --> 00:04:56,042
This time...
158
00:04:56,043 --> 00:04:57,944
Something
naughty this way comes.
159
00:04:57,945 --> 00:05:00,113
Ugh. What do you even know
about this person?
160
00:05:00,114 --> 00:05:01,615
Oh, we don't know
anything about each other.
161
00:05:01,616 --> 00:05:03,116
She says she likes
that about us.
162
00:05:03,117 --> 00:05:05,852
It's just pure
animal attraction.
163
00:05:05,853 --> 00:05:07,921
This is creepy and unlike you.
164
00:05:07,922 --> 00:05:09,089
You even know her first name?
165
00:05:09,090 --> 00:05:11,424
Oh, um, do animals in the wild
166
00:05:11,425 --> 00:05:12,993
know each other's names?
167
00:05:12,994 --> 00:05:15,195
Look, all I know is,
Charles Boyle
168
00:05:15,196 --> 00:05:16,329
is going to that funeral,
169
00:05:16,330 --> 00:05:17,697
and he's going to put the "bone"
170
00:05:17,698 --> 00:05:18,998
back in boneyard.
171
00:05:21,335 --> 00:05:23,169
Hmm, strange to be
on this side of the desk.
172
00:05:23,170 --> 00:05:24,204
Why?
173
00:05:24,205 --> 00:05:25,804
Oh, right,
you used to work here.
174
00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:27,640
You know I made a lot
of improvements since you left?
175
00:05:27,675 --> 00:05:29,643
I got a fridge
for my protein shakes.
176
00:05:29,644 --> 00:05:31,044
I got a kettlebell station.
177
00:05:31,045 --> 00:05:33,446
I got a wolf
that I killed in Utah.
178
00:05:33,447 --> 00:05:34,614
I'm fairly certain that's a dog.
179
00:05:34,615 --> 00:05:35,881
Yeah, it was dark.
180
00:05:35,917 --> 00:05:37,150
Sir, I'm sorry to interrupt,
but I need you
181
00:05:37,151 --> 00:05:38,552
to sign these...
182
00:05:38,553 --> 00:05:41,087
Captain Holt, I didn't
realize you were here.
183
00:05:41,088 --> 00:05:42,188
Sergeant Jeffords, hello.
184
00:05:42,189 --> 00:05:43,490
Welcome back.
185
00:05:43,491 --> 00:05:44,791
Hey, you know, I'm gonna
stop you right there.
186
00:05:44,792 --> 00:05:46,927
Hugs are a form of inappropriate
workplace touching.
187
00:05:46,928 --> 00:05:48,595
Trust me, I'm very familiar
188
00:05:48,596 --> 00:05:50,363
with the sexual harassment
guidelines.
189
00:05:50,364 --> 00:05:52,631
That'll be all.
190
00:05:52,667 --> 00:05:54,700
Well, I won't take up
too much of your time.
191
00:05:54,735 --> 00:05:56,736
Because the Nine-Nine
was Captain Dozerman's
192
00:05:56,737 --> 00:05:58,238
last precinct,
you will be seated
193
00:05:58,239 --> 00:05:59,573
at the front of the funeral.
194
00:05:59,574 --> 00:06:01,341
I wanted to alert you
that there'll be press,
195
00:06:01,342 --> 00:06:02,342
cameras...
196
00:06:02,343 --> 00:06:03,476
Whoa, whoa, whoa, cameras?
197
00:06:03,477 --> 00:06:04,810
Crap, nobody said anything
about cameras.
198
00:06:04,845 --> 00:06:06,312
I got to rock the bells.
199
00:06:08,316 --> 00:06:09,583
There we go.
200
00:06:09,584 --> 00:06:11,150
Oh, I noticed in the bullpen
that you had changed
201
00:06:11,185 --> 00:06:12,419
the case numbering system.
202
00:06:12,420 --> 00:06:13,752
I found, when I was
commanding officer, that...
203
00:06:13,788 --> 00:06:15,422
I'm gonna stop you right there.
204
00:06:15,423 --> 00:06:17,023
You're not commanding officer
anymore.
205
00:06:17,024 --> 00:06:18,258
I was making a suggestion.
206
00:06:18,259 --> 00:06:19,793
Yeah, look, you did a lot
of good for this place
207
00:06:19,794 --> 00:06:21,394
while you were here,
which is great for me,
208
00:06:21,395 --> 00:06:22,729
because I get
to take credit for it.
209
00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:24,230
But you're not a real cop
anymore.
210
00:06:24,231 --> 00:06:25,432
You're a desk jockey.
211
00:06:25,433 --> 00:06:26,999
This is my precinct now.
212
00:06:27,034 --> 00:06:30,937
And the sooner that you
accept that, the better.
213
00:06:30,938 --> 00:06:34,674
Yes, well, I know my way out.
214
00:06:34,675 --> 00:06:36,109
'Cause you used to work here.
215
00:06:36,110 --> 00:06:38,044
I keep forgetting.
216
00:06:38,045 --> 00:06:39,211
Everybody does.
217
00:06:41,048 --> 00:06:44,818
Well, well, if it isn't
Captain Raymond Jacob Holt.
218
00:06:44,819 --> 00:06:46,519
It's great to see you
back at the Nine-Nine, sir.
219
00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:47,721
Yes.
220
00:06:47,722 --> 00:06:49,556
There it is,
that classic Jake Holt banter,
221
00:06:49,557 --> 00:06:50,890
zingers just flying around.
222
00:06:50,891 --> 00:06:51,891
It's like you never left.
223
00:06:51,892 --> 00:06:54,093
No, I most definitely left.
224
00:06:54,128 --> 00:06:55,462
Okay.
225
00:06:55,463 --> 00:06:57,764
Well, I know how much
you love hot goss,
226
00:06:57,765 --> 00:06:59,666
so you probably heard
Amy and I have been dating.
227
00:06:59,667 --> 00:07:01,234
And we would love your approval.
228
00:07:01,235 --> 00:07:02,335
No.
229
00:07:02,336 --> 00:07:03,370
But that's not
what this is about.
230
00:07:03,371 --> 00:07:04,437
It sure is not.
231
00:07:04,438 --> 00:07:05,972
Sir, the Vulture
is out of control.
232
00:07:05,973 --> 00:07:07,307
All right, he told me
if I don't dump Amy,
233
00:07:07,308 --> 00:07:08,375
he's gonna demote me.
234
00:07:08,376 --> 00:07:09,509
You got to help us.
235
00:07:09,510 --> 00:07:10,610
Let me stop you
right there, Peralta.
236
00:07:10,611 --> 00:07:11,645
I'm not the Chief of Detectives.
237
00:07:11,646 --> 00:07:13,046
I'm not the Vulture's boss.
238
00:07:13,047 --> 00:07:14,947
I'm just some guy in PR.
239
00:07:14,982 --> 00:07:16,816
- But we thought...
- I can't save your ass.
240
00:07:16,817 --> 00:07:18,051
I don't work here anymore.
241
00:07:18,052 --> 00:07:20,487
And the sooner you accept that,
242
00:07:20,488 --> 00:07:21,754
the better.
243
00:07:24,859 --> 00:07:27,394
Well, looks like somebody's
got a bad case
244
00:07:27,395 --> 00:07:29,028
of the funeral crankies.
245
00:07:31,537 --> 00:07:32,536
Okay, guys,
246
00:07:32,538 --> 00:07:34,638
I know Captain Dozerman
was a nightmare
247
00:07:34,674 --> 00:07:36,241
and that none of us liked him.
248
00:07:36,242 --> 00:07:38,743
But I'm gonna need all of you
to pretend like you're sad.
249
00:07:38,778 --> 00:07:40,644
Everyone make a sad face.
250
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,580
Scully, you are nailing it!
251
00:07:42,615 --> 00:07:44,649
My wife just texted.
She's leaving me.
252
00:07:44,650 --> 00:07:45,917
Good, use it.
253
00:07:45,918 --> 00:07:47,218
Now, anyone seen Captain Holt?
254
00:07:47,253 --> 00:07:48,920
He seemed a little down
when he came in.
255
00:07:48,921 --> 00:07:50,355
Yeah, he let me choose the music
256
00:07:50,356 --> 00:07:52,257
on the way over here,
which leads me to believe
257
00:07:52,258 --> 00:07:53,491
he's given up on life.
258
00:07:53,526 --> 00:07:54,726
I got to go find him.
259
00:07:54,727 --> 00:07:57,596
Now, be respectful
and grieve your asses off.
260
00:07:57,597 --> 00:07:59,264
I don't know
why this is happening.
261
00:07:59,265 --> 00:08:00,298
Scully, I love it!
262
00:08:00,299 --> 00:08:01,532
Everyone follow his lead.
263
00:08:04,137 --> 00:08:05,804
So what are we gonna do
about the Vulture?
264
00:08:05,805 --> 00:08:07,739
I've got a new plan.
Pretend like we're talking.
265
00:08:07,740 --> 00:08:08,940
- We are talking.
- Exactly.
266
00:08:08,941 --> 00:08:09,941
It's working already.
267
00:08:09,942 --> 00:08:11,076
Now I'm going to coolly
268
00:08:11,077 --> 00:08:12,677
run my hands through my hair.
269
00:08:12,678 --> 00:08:13,979
Look where my elbow's pointing.
270
00:08:13,980 --> 00:08:15,246
It's Davis Garmin,
271
00:08:15,281 --> 00:08:16,581
Chief of Detectives.
272
00:08:16,582 --> 00:08:17,948
Holt said he could
overrule the Vulture.
273
00:08:17,984 --> 00:08:19,217
Exactly.
274
00:08:19,218 --> 00:08:20,978
The only question now is,
will he believe us?
275
00:08:20,987 --> 00:08:22,754
Yes, 'cause we're gonna
take a page
276
00:08:22,755 --> 00:08:24,021
from the Vulture's book.
277
00:08:24,056 --> 00:08:25,657
- "The Big Book of Small Butts"?
- What?
278
00:08:25,658 --> 00:08:27,025
It's the only thing
I've ever seen him read.
279
00:08:27,026 --> 00:08:29,060
No, we're gonna secretly
record the Vulture
280
00:08:29,061 --> 00:08:30,462
telling you to dump me.
281
00:08:30,463 --> 00:08:31,963
Then we'll play it
for Chief Garmin.
282
00:08:31,964 --> 00:08:32,964
Then...
283
00:08:32,965 --> 00:08:33,965
We're gonna totally
284
00:08:33,966 --> 00:08:35,699
have sex on top of each other.
285
00:08:35,735 --> 00:08:37,101
You get to keep your job.
286
00:08:37,136 --> 00:08:38,302
Yes, that.
287
00:08:40,773 --> 00:08:42,974
Ooh, Charles,
your jump-off is here.
288
00:08:42,975 --> 00:08:44,108
Hello, Detective.
289
00:08:44,143 --> 00:08:45,409
Hello, Lieutenant.
290
00:08:45,445 --> 00:08:47,077
Real tragic about the captain.
291
00:08:47,113 --> 00:08:48,779
Yes, real tragic.
292
00:08:48,815 --> 00:08:50,381
I like the way
your butt looks today.
293
00:08:50,416 --> 00:08:51,949
I've been doing lunges
in the shower.
294
00:08:51,984 --> 00:08:53,652
Well, this got upsetting
real quick.
295
00:08:53,653 --> 00:08:56,420
I want to live
in this moment forever.
296
00:08:56,456 --> 00:08:58,456
I got us a motel room
across the street.
297
00:08:58,491 --> 00:09:01,593
Meet me there in 15 minutes.
298
00:09:01,594 --> 00:09:03,195
I'll meet you, all right.
299
00:09:03,196 --> 00:09:05,029
M-E-A-T.
300
00:09:07,667 --> 00:09:10,068
Still think it's creepy?
301
00:09:10,069 --> 00:09:11,436
Yes.
302
00:09:11,437 --> 00:09:13,371
Charles, it is not like you
to have sex
303
00:09:13,372 --> 00:09:14,673
with a total stranger.
304
00:09:14,674 --> 00:09:16,374
Really, tell that to me
in an hour
305
00:09:16,375 --> 00:09:19,343
when we've had sex 23 times.
306
00:09:22,215 --> 00:09:23,748
There you are.
307
00:09:23,749 --> 00:09:24,749
You okay, sir?
308
00:09:24,750 --> 00:09:26,218
No.
309
00:09:26,219 --> 00:09:28,286
Until this morning,
some small part of me
310
00:09:28,287 --> 00:09:30,789
still believed I would be
captain of the Nine-Nine again.
311
00:09:30,790 --> 00:09:32,457
What a fool I was.
312
00:09:32,458 --> 00:09:33,858
I should never have returned.
313
00:09:33,893 --> 00:09:35,760
It's like visiting
your childhood home
314
00:09:35,761 --> 00:09:39,296
and seeing it's been replaced
by a denim pants store.
315
00:09:42,435 --> 00:09:45,035
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
316
00:09:45,071 --> 00:09:47,105
Slow down, sir.
317
00:09:47,106 --> 00:09:49,340
You didn't even stop
and sniff the bouquet.
318
00:09:49,375 --> 00:09:51,008
You always sniff the bouquet.
319
00:09:51,043 --> 00:09:52,177
Maybe the old Holt did.
320
00:09:52,178 --> 00:09:53,778
But the new Holt
chugs Beaujolais
321
00:09:53,779 --> 00:09:57,048
from a Burgundy glass
without a care.
322
00:09:57,049 --> 00:09:59,217
Oh, it's a Sauternes glass.
323
00:09:59,218 --> 00:10:02,987
Look, the alcohol has
rendered me a simpleton.
324
00:10:03,022 --> 00:10:05,056
Maybe you should just
call it a day.
325
00:10:05,057 --> 00:10:06,491
I can't.
326
00:10:06,492 --> 00:10:09,227
I've been asked to deliver
a toast here after the funeral,
327
00:10:09,228 --> 00:10:12,297
a message of hope.
328
00:10:12,298 --> 00:10:13,898
This is what I have so far.
329
00:10:18,905 --> 00:10:21,539
"Pain..."
330
00:10:23,843 --> 00:10:25,544
That's it.
331
00:10:25,545 --> 00:10:26,945
One tweak...
332
00:10:26,946 --> 00:10:29,214
maybe you should lose
the word "pain"
333
00:10:29,215 --> 00:10:31,082
and then get in a cab
and go home.
334
00:10:31,083 --> 00:10:32,717
Maybe I will.
335
00:10:32,718 --> 00:10:36,521
But first, you're gonna have
one drink with me, Sergeant.
336
00:10:36,522 --> 00:10:37,856
For old times' sake?
337
00:10:37,857 --> 00:10:39,758
- One drink, and then we go.
- One drink.
338
00:10:39,759 --> 00:10:45,162
♪ Sisters are doin' it
for themselves ♪
339
00:10:45,197 --> 00:10:48,266
My tolerance has really
changed since I had kids!
340
00:10:56,943 --> 00:10:58,810
Hey, Captain.
341
00:10:58,811 --> 00:11:00,612
I was looking for you inside.
342
00:11:00,613 --> 00:11:02,781
One thing I won't do
is fart in church.
343
00:11:02,782 --> 00:11:04,449
This is God's house.
344
00:11:04,450 --> 00:11:06,284
Oh.
345
00:11:06,285 --> 00:11:07,886
Respectful.
346
00:11:07,887 --> 00:11:09,487
So listen, remember
when you said to me
347
00:11:09,488 --> 00:11:11,790
that I have to dump Santiago
348
00:11:11,791 --> 00:11:14,058
or else you're gonna bust me
down to beat cop?
349
00:11:14,093 --> 00:11:16,494
What I remember, Jake,
is you pretending to be my bro
350
00:11:16,495 --> 00:11:18,530
and me being like,
"I'm onto you, dillweed.
351
00:11:22,001 --> 00:11:25,103
Oh, uh, sorry, could you
say that one more time?
352
00:11:25,104 --> 00:11:26,637
I couldn't hear you
over the bagpipes.
353
00:11:29,308 --> 00:11:30,342
Ugh, one second.
354
00:11:30,343 --> 00:11:31,776
Excuse me, could you stop
playing that?
355
00:11:31,777 --> 00:11:33,143
Just trying to have
a conversation.
356
00:11:33,179 --> 00:11:34,945
I'm warming up, man.
Sorry.
357
00:11:34,981 --> 00:11:36,146
Yeah, I know.
We just need two minutes.
358
00:11:36,182 --> 00:11:37,515
No can do.
359
00:11:37,516 --> 00:11:39,317
The funeral's about to start.
360
00:11:39,318 --> 00:11:40,918
Everyone wants
to hear me honk, so...
361
00:11:40,953 --> 00:11:42,354
Do you really need
to warm up, though?
362
00:11:42,355 --> 00:11:44,321
I mean, you're just gonna make
a terrible wall of sound.
363
00:11:44,357 --> 00:11:46,323
First of all, that's offensive
to me as half Scottish.
364
00:11:46,359 --> 00:11:50,228
Second of all, you think
you could do better?
365
00:11:50,229 --> 00:11:51,496
Blow my bag.
366
00:11:51,497 --> 00:11:53,131
Look, we just need
a couple of minutes to chat.
367
00:11:53,132 --> 00:11:54,432
That's it.
368
00:11:54,433 --> 00:11:55,900
I'm not gonna stop playing
until you blow it.
369
00:11:55,901 --> 00:11:56,935
All right, just give it to me.
370
00:11:56,936 --> 00:11:58,603
All right?
371
00:11:58,604 --> 00:12:00,270
Prepare to hear me play
the bagpipes perfectly.
372
00:12:00,306 --> 00:12:01,805
Okay.
373
00:12:04,010 --> 00:12:05,010
Oh, my God.
374
00:12:05,011 --> 00:12:06,277
Point proven.
375
00:12:06,278 --> 00:12:07,512
Yeah, I think I've heard
just about enough
376
00:12:07,513 --> 00:12:08,513
of this catfight.
377
00:12:08,514 --> 00:12:09,514
I'm out.
378
00:12:09,515 --> 00:12:12,017
Wait, Captain! Sir!
379
00:12:12,018 --> 00:12:15,619
Your boyfriend... sorry,
your ex-boyfriend is pathetic.
380
00:12:15,655 --> 00:12:18,523
You should be glad
that I ordered him to dump you.
381
00:12:18,524 --> 00:12:20,491
Swish, Kobe.
382
00:12:24,030 --> 00:12:25,030
Got it.
383
00:12:25,031 --> 00:12:27,732
Yes! You're amazing!
384
00:12:32,571 --> 00:12:33,871
That was "We Are the Champions."
385
00:12:36,194 --> 00:12:37,695
Ugh, it's impossible
to find Garmin
386
00:12:37,696 --> 00:12:39,830
with everybody mourning
all over the place.
387
00:12:39,831 --> 00:12:42,066
It's like they have no respect
for our sneaky plans.
388
00:12:42,067 --> 00:12:43,267
I know.
389
00:12:43,268 --> 00:12:44,968
Oh, look, there he is.
390
00:12:44,969 --> 00:12:46,070
Oh, great.
391
00:12:46,071 --> 00:12:47,271
Hi there.
392
00:12:47,272 --> 00:12:48,739
Sorry, this area is reserved
393
00:12:48,740 --> 00:12:50,474
for close personal friends
of the deceased.
394
00:12:50,475 --> 00:12:52,009
Ah, well, that is us.
395
00:12:52,010 --> 00:12:53,811
Dozerman and I were
pretty much besties.
396
00:12:53,812 --> 00:12:55,446
Went on an annual
fishing trip together.
397
00:12:55,447 --> 00:12:57,314
Cayuga Lake,
caught a lot of Coho salmon.
398
00:12:57,315 --> 00:12:59,983
We are both so bummed
that he's dead.
399
00:12:59,984 --> 00:13:01,485
Super bummed.
400
00:13:01,486 --> 00:13:03,687
Oh, right on.
Come in.
401
00:13:03,688 --> 00:13:04,721
Thanks.
402
00:13:04,756 --> 00:13:06,657
Blessings to you.
403
00:13:06,658 --> 00:13:07,758
- Blessings?
- I don't know.
404
00:13:07,759 --> 00:13:09,126
It's my first time in a church.
405
00:13:09,127 --> 00:13:10,160
All right, how did you do that?
406
00:13:10,161 --> 00:13:11,594
Simple detective work.
407
00:13:11,629 --> 00:13:13,397
There was a floral arrangement
up front with a picture
408
00:13:13,398 --> 00:13:15,599
of Dozerman and 30 of his
friends holding a big fish.
409
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,633
Cayuga Lake, I pulled
straight from the guest book.
410
00:13:17,669 --> 00:13:18,968
And Coho salmon?
411
00:13:19,003 --> 00:13:20,137
Well, that's just something
I know about
412
00:13:20,138 --> 00:13:21,305
from being a man of the world.
413
00:13:21,306 --> 00:13:23,273
Our special today
is Coho salmon on a...
414
00:13:23,274 --> 00:13:24,274
Sounds disgusting.
415
00:13:24,275 --> 00:13:25,884
Do you have chicken fingers?
416
00:13:25,910 --> 00:13:27,277
- Impressed?
- Mm-hmm.
417
00:13:27,278 --> 00:13:28,912
And horrified
by your eating habits.
418
00:13:28,913 --> 00:13:30,013
Well, if I'm so unhealthy,
419
00:13:30,014 --> 00:13:32,316
how come I never
go to the bathroom?
420
00:13:32,317 --> 00:13:35,619
- Okay, let's get to Garmin.
- Yeah.
421
00:13:35,620 --> 00:13:37,788
Hi, I'm Margaret Dozerman.
422
00:13:37,789 --> 00:13:39,356
How did you know my husband?
423
00:13:39,357 --> 00:13:42,192
Oh, Mrs. Dozerman,
your husband was a great man.
424
00:13:42,193 --> 00:13:44,128
Some of my fondest
memories of him
425
00:13:44,129 --> 00:13:45,496
were on our fishing trips.
426
00:13:45,497 --> 00:13:46,597
You went on those trips?
427
00:13:46,598 --> 00:13:47,598
I did, indeed.
428
00:13:47,599 --> 00:13:50,134
They called me "the Coho King."
429
00:13:50,135 --> 00:13:52,269
Pretty much single-handedly
organized those things myself.
430
00:13:52,270 --> 00:13:55,906
So you were the one
who brought all the prostitutes?
431
00:13:55,907 --> 00:13:58,809
Uh...
432
00:13:58,810 --> 00:14:00,778
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Can we slow down?
433
00:14:00,779 --> 00:14:02,379
Why?
Are you not into this?
434
00:14:02,380 --> 00:14:03,647
No, no, no.
435
00:14:03,648 --> 00:14:05,849
My friends are just in my head.
436
00:14:05,850 --> 00:14:07,117
They think it's weird
437
00:14:07,118 --> 00:14:08,986
that we don't know anything
about each other.
438
00:14:08,987 --> 00:14:10,554
I think it's hot.
439
00:14:10,555 --> 00:14:12,823
Totally, I'm glad we're
not interested in each other
440
00:14:12,824 --> 00:14:15,526
as human beings.
441
00:14:15,527 --> 00:14:18,929
Oh, how about if you
tell me things about yourself
442
00:14:18,930 --> 00:14:21,365
and then I tell you how little
I care about them?
443
00:14:21,366 --> 00:14:23,300
Okay.
444
00:14:23,301 --> 00:14:24,535
Okay, here goes.
445
00:14:24,536 --> 00:14:26,107
I'm an only child.
446
00:14:26,108 --> 00:14:28,042
- Not interested.
- I was born in Delaware.
447
00:14:28,077 --> 00:14:29,109
Who even asked you?
448
00:14:29,145 --> 00:14:30,611
I like this.
449
00:14:30,646 --> 00:14:32,513
I don't care what you like.
450
00:14:34,950 --> 00:14:37,317
But maybe you could tell me
one more thing.
451
00:14:37,353 --> 00:14:39,154
She's a vegan!
452
00:14:39,155 --> 00:14:40,721
What is going on?
453
00:14:40,756 --> 00:14:42,557
You're right.
I couldn't help myself.
454
00:14:42,558 --> 00:14:43,725
I wanted to know about her.
455
00:14:43,726 --> 00:14:45,326
And I got what I deserved...
456
00:14:45,327 --> 00:14:48,763
a vegan, a gluten-free vegan!
457
00:14:48,764 --> 00:14:50,899
Charles, you need to calm down.
458
00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:52,534
No.
You called it, Rosa.
459
00:14:52,535 --> 00:14:54,369
So go ahead.
Laugh at me!
460
00:14:54,370 --> 00:14:55,403
Laugh!
461
00:14:55,404 --> 00:14:56,470
Laugh it up!
462
00:14:56,505 --> 00:14:58,405
Can I wait till after
the funeral?
463
00:14:58,441 --> 00:15:01,475
Shh!
464
00:15:01,510 --> 00:15:02,510
Of course you can.
465
00:15:04,246 --> 00:15:06,346
Sir, my life stinks.
466
00:15:06,382 --> 00:15:08,283
Sharon's on bed rest.
467
00:15:08,284 --> 00:15:11,618
My favorite mango yogurt
got discontinued.
468
00:15:11,654 --> 00:15:14,489
And my kids think
their preschool teacher's
469
00:15:14,490 --> 00:15:16,524
a stupidface.
470
00:15:16,525 --> 00:15:20,428
Everyone I work with
is a stupidface.
471
00:15:20,429 --> 00:15:22,029
Especially Bryce.
472
00:15:22,064 --> 00:15:23,398
- Sir?
- Hmm?
473
00:15:23,399 --> 00:15:24,399
- Sir?
- Hmm?
474
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:25,532
- Sir?
- Hmm?
475
00:15:25,568 --> 00:15:27,402
Can I be honest?
476
00:15:27,403 --> 00:15:29,237
Precinct's not the same
without you.
477
00:15:29,238 --> 00:15:31,272
The Vulture's the worst.
478
00:15:31,273 --> 00:15:32,940
My mango yogurt...
479
00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:34,208
Yes, you already mentioned
the yogurt.
480
00:15:34,243 --> 00:15:35,777
'Cause it's important!
481
00:15:35,778 --> 00:15:39,146
When I saw you
in the office this morning,
482
00:15:39,181 --> 00:15:41,482
I wanted to give you
the biggest hug.
483
00:15:41,517 --> 00:15:43,251
But the Vulture told you not to,
484
00:15:43,252 --> 00:15:44,352
and you had to listen.
485
00:15:44,353 --> 00:15:45,786
He's your captain now, Terry.
486
00:15:45,821 --> 00:15:48,857
I hate going to work
and you're not there.
487
00:15:48,858 --> 00:15:51,225
Everything is garbage.
488
00:15:51,260 --> 00:15:54,629
Hmm.
"Everything is garbage."
489
00:15:54,630 --> 00:15:57,298
I should put that in
my message of hope.
490
00:15:57,299 --> 00:15:59,399
That's a really good idea!
491
00:15:59,435 --> 00:16:02,237
It took my husband and me
years of counseling
492
00:16:02,238 --> 00:16:04,204
to get over those little
backwood orgies of yours.
493
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,406
He had sex with five prostitutes
in one weekend.
494
00:16:06,442 --> 00:16:07,976
- Ugh!
- That's bananas!
495
00:16:07,977 --> 00:16:09,110
I had no idea.
496
00:16:09,111 --> 00:16:10,278
I was probably too busy praying.
497
00:16:10,279 --> 00:16:11,779
You said you planned the trips.
498
00:16:11,814 --> 00:16:14,849
- Yeah, I did say that.
- Called yourself the Coho King.
499
00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:15,984
All right, look.
500
00:16:15,985 --> 00:16:17,651
I'm not the Coho King.
501
00:16:17,686 --> 00:16:18,753
My name is Jake.
502
00:16:18,754 --> 00:16:20,188
And your husband
was only my captain
503
00:16:20,189 --> 00:16:21,189
for, like, a day.
504
00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:22,290
Wait a second.
505
00:16:22,291 --> 00:16:25,125
Are you the Jake
that killed him?
506
00:16:26,295 --> 00:16:28,163
No, I'm prostitute Jake.
507
00:16:28,164 --> 00:16:29,329
I love prostitutes.
508
00:16:29,365 --> 00:16:30,365
You need to go.
509
00:16:30,366 --> 00:16:31,499
You should leave right now.
510
00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:32,567
You need to leave right now.
511
00:16:32,568 --> 00:16:34,002
It's okay, Margaret.
Come on.
512
00:16:34,003 --> 00:16:36,037
Oh, Chief Garmin,
wait, I just...
513
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,272
need to play you one
quick recording of my boss.
514
00:16:39,975 --> 00:16:41,442
You recorded me?
515
00:16:41,443 --> 00:16:42,744
That's not cool, Jake.
516
00:16:42,745 --> 00:16:44,679
Well, we were just taking
a page out of your book.
517
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,114
Yeah? What are you
gonna do next, huh?
518
00:16:46,115 --> 00:16:47,781
Are you gonna start wearing
leather bracelets, hmm?
519
00:16:47,817 --> 00:16:49,416
Good luck pulling off
that chunky-B
520
00:16:49,451 --> 00:16:51,186
with those skinny little
girl wrists of yours.
521
00:16:51,187 --> 00:16:52,187
Congratulations.
522
00:16:52,188 --> 00:16:53,888
You're no longer a detective.
523
00:16:53,889 --> 00:16:55,690
You're a beat cop again.
524
00:16:55,691 --> 00:16:58,126
I just crushed your dreams.
525
00:17:02,298 --> 00:17:04,365
Okay, I know things
seem really bad right now,
526
00:17:04,366 --> 00:17:05,899
but we just need a minute
to think.
527
00:17:08,804 --> 00:17:09,804
Come on, man!
528
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,801
Okay, so the Vulture
has your phone.
529
00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:17,402
But new plan...
530
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:18,771
Jake, we've had lots of plans,
531
00:17:18,772 --> 00:17:20,005
and none of them have worked.
532
00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:21,507
Yeah, but this is a good one.
533
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:23,542
The new plan is: No plan.
534
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:24,777
We wing it!
535
00:17:24,778 --> 00:17:25,844
Probably won't work,
but I said it
536
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:26,945
with a lot of confidence.
537
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:28,247
Jake, you got demoted.
538
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:29,948
We said this relationship
wasn't gonna get
539
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,750
in the way of our careers,
and it has.
540
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,552
So what?
We'll figure it out.
541
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,054
I'll make my way
back to detective.
542
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:36,689
Or maybe you won't.
543
00:17:36,690 --> 00:17:38,757
I'm not gonna let you
throw away your dream job.
544
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,292
Amy, this is good.
545
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,494
This is a six-day relationship.
546
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:44,596
We don't know what it is.
547
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,498
And now for a message of hope.
548
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:48,534
Ah, a message of hope,
right on time.
549
00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:50,469
Everything is garbage.
550
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:51,503
Oh, no.
551
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:52,938
You find something
you care about,
552
00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:54,540
and it's taken from you...
553
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:56,007
your colleague,
554
00:17:56,042 --> 00:17:58,644
your dream job,
555
00:17:58,645 --> 00:17:59,645
your mango yogurt.
556
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:00,713
Whoo!
557
00:18:00,714 --> 00:18:05,538
Never love anything.
558
00:18:07,926 --> 00:18:09,627
That's the lesson.
559
00:18:09,628 --> 00:18:10,962
To Captain Dozerman.
560
00:18:10,963 --> 00:18:12,396
Captain Dozerman.
561
00:18:12,397 --> 00:18:13,664
Thank you, sir.
562
00:18:13,665 --> 00:18:15,733
I'll take it from here.
Very poetic.
563
00:18:15,734 --> 00:18:18,803
If I might offer
a counter-toast of sorts.
564
00:18:18,804 --> 00:18:20,872
Captain Dozerman and I,
565
00:18:20,873 --> 00:18:23,007
we weren't together
for very long.
566
00:18:23,008 --> 00:18:24,609
In fact, as coworkers,
567
00:18:24,610 --> 00:18:27,812
our relationship
was only six days.
568
00:18:27,813 --> 00:18:29,247
But that's not nothing.
569
00:18:29,248 --> 00:18:30,681
It was long enough
for me to know
570
00:18:30,682 --> 00:18:32,250
that we had something special.
571
00:18:32,251 --> 00:18:34,452
And sure,
there may be obstacles.
572
00:18:34,453 --> 00:18:37,855
Him having passed away,
for example.
573
00:18:37,856 --> 00:18:39,791
But I'm not giving up on us.
574
00:18:39,792 --> 00:18:41,859
And I don't care
if I get demoted.
575
00:18:41,860 --> 00:18:46,664
I just care
about being with you...
576
00:18:46,665 --> 00:18:49,567
Captain Dozerman,
577
00:18:49,568 --> 00:18:51,269
an adult man
578
00:18:51,270 --> 00:18:52,837
who has passed
into the nether world.
579
00:18:52,838 --> 00:18:54,572
Move over, Peralta!
580
00:18:54,573 --> 00:18:56,307
Move over!
581
00:18:56,308 --> 00:18:57,341
Okay.
582
00:18:57,342 --> 00:19:00,444
And if I may do a third toast.
583
00:19:00,445 --> 00:19:04,348
It'll be focused primarily
on the mango yogurt.
584
00:19:05,651 --> 00:19:06,884
Don't boo me!
585
00:19:06,885 --> 00:19:09,085
I lost something important
too, shoot.
586
00:19:12,124 --> 00:19:14,392
Thought I might find you here.
587
00:19:14,393 --> 00:19:16,761
So not a big fan
of my speech, huh?
588
00:19:16,762 --> 00:19:18,696
No, I loved it.
589
00:19:18,697 --> 00:19:21,098
I mean, I wish it hadn't
been at a wake.
590
00:19:21,099 --> 00:19:22,400
And I wish you hadn't
kept referring to me
591
00:19:22,401 --> 00:19:23,449
as your dead boss.
592
00:19:23,468 --> 00:19:25,102
Yeah, it pretty much sucked butt
593
00:19:25,103 --> 00:19:27,271
but still was somehow
the best of the three toasts.
594
00:19:27,272 --> 00:19:28,272
Hmm.
595
00:19:28,273 --> 00:19:29,574
Look, I don't want to break up.
596
00:19:29,575 --> 00:19:31,042
But I don't want
to get demoted either.
597
00:19:31,043 --> 00:19:32,976
I just don't know what to do.
598
00:19:33,011 --> 00:19:34,312
I'm all out of plans.
599
00:19:34,313 --> 00:19:36,180
I have one.
600
00:19:36,181 --> 00:19:38,115
Holt saves your ass.
601
00:19:38,116 --> 00:19:39,150
Captain.
602
00:19:39,151 --> 00:19:40,518
I was moved
by your speech, Peralta.
603
00:19:40,519 --> 00:19:42,019
Thank you, sir.
That's very nice of you to say.
604
00:19:42,020 --> 00:19:43,888
- The syntax was problematic.
- Less nice.
605
00:19:43,889 --> 00:19:45,556
And your vocabulary
is a true indictment
606
00:19:45,557 --> 00:19:46,724
of the public school system.
607
00:19:46,725 --> 00:19:48,059
Seems like you're just
slamming me now.
608
00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:50,061
But the fact that you're
not willing to give up
609
00:19:50,062 --> 00:19:52,363
in the face of adversity
is inspiring.
610
00:19:52,364 --> 00:19:54,131
I love the Nine-Nine,
611
00:19:54,132 --> 00:19:55,833
and I'm not gonna turn
my back on the squad.
612
00:19:55,834 --> 00:19:57,535
So I fixed your problem
with the Vulture.
613
00:19:57,536 --> 00:20:00,004
- Really?
- I may just be a guy in PR.
614
00:20:00,005 --> 00:20:02,807
But what does the Vulture
love more than anything?
615
00:20:02,808 --> 00:20:03,841
Garbage Pail Kids?
616
00:20:03,842 --> 00:20:05,877
No. Publicity.
617
00:20:05,878 --> 00:20:07,044
Captain Pembroke,
how would you like
618
00:20:07,045 --> 00:20:08,813
your face on the NYPD website?
619
00:20:08,814 --> 00:20:10,181
Really?
620
00:20:10,182 --> 00:20:11,883
Yes!
Yes!
621
00:20:11,884 --> 00:20:13,251
In exchange for media attention,
622
00:20:13,252 --> 00:20:14,485
the Vulture will not
bust you down
623
00:20:14,486 --> 00:20:16,187
or stand in the way
of you two dating.
624
00:20:16,188 --> 00:20:17,922
Sir, I don't know
how to thank you.
625
00:20:17,923 --> 00:20:20,391
Anything for the Nine-Nine.
626
00:20:20,392 --> 00:20:22,126
Thank you, sir.
627
00:20:22,127 --> 00:20:24,328
He totally approves of us.
628
00:20:24,329 --> 00:20:26,797
Whatcha doing there, Boyle?
629
00:20:26,798 --> 00:20:29,066
Trying to get drunk enough
to have sexual intercourse
630
00:20:29,067 --> 00:20:30,468
with a vegan.
631
00:20:30,469 --> 00:20:31,802
Why can't I just think
with my junk
632
00:20:31,803 --> 00:20:32,870
like a modern man?
633
00:20:32,871 --> 00:20:33,951
Why do you want to do that?
634
00:20:34,907 --> 00:20:36,874
I got divorced,
and I was crushed.
635
00:20:36,875 --> 00:20:39,110
My fiancée left.
I cried for weeks.
636
00:20:39,111 --> 00:20:40,544
My only relationship that wasn't
637
00:20:40,545 --> 00:20:42,113
totally devastating
when it ended
638
00:20:42,114 --> 00:20:44,081
was my casual sex carnival
with Gina.
639
00:20:44,082 --> 00:20:45,142
Yeah, okay,
640
00:20:45,143 --> 00:20:46,517
But with of those relationships
641
00:20:46,518 --> 00:20:48,586
made you happiest
before it ended?
642
00:20:49,553 --> 00:20:51,104
My marriage.
Vivian.
643
00:20:51,105 --> 00:20:53,357
Yeah, because you connect
with them emotionally,
644
00:20:53,358 --> 00:20:55,126
something we did not do
645
00:20:55,127 --> 00:20:56,961
because I'm a higher level
of being,
646
00:20:56,962 --> 00:20:58,596
like Her from the movie "Her."
647
00:20:58,597 --> 00:21:01,098
Dude, you can't go through
life trying not to get hurt.
648
00:21:01,099 --> 00:21:02,500
You should try to be happy.
649
00:21:02,501 --> 00:21:04,468
So you think I should
look for someone
650
00:21:04,469 --> 00:21:06,103
I can have emotional
intercourse with.
651
00:21:06,104 --> 00:21:08,105
I wish you hadn't said it
like that, but yeah.
652
00:21:08,106 --> 00:21:09,807
And I should start
right here at this funeral.
653
00:21:09,808 --> 00:21:10,808
I'd probably wait.
654
00:21:10,809 --> 00:21:12,343
Nope, no time to lose.
655
00:21:12,344 --> 00:21:13,611
Put on your sunglasses.
656
00:21:13,612 --> 00:21:15,079
I need to see if there's
anything in my teeth.
657
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:16,413
Ugh.
658
00:21:18,784 --> 00:21:21,285
Oh, yeah.
659
00:21:21,286 --> 00:21:24,187
Charles Boyle is ready for love.
660
00:21:25,991 --> 00:21:28,058
Well, never wearing these again.
661
00:21:28,609 --> 00:21:32,629
Sync & corrections by dzimu_kairu
46121
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