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1
00:00:01,193 --> 00:00:02,197
Careful!
2
00:00:02,198 --> 00:00:04,339
You only get one shot
at this, Peralta.
3
00:00:04,374 --> 00:00:05,979
Don't worry.
I know what I'm doing.
4
00:00:05,980 --> 00:00:08,182
I saw the first 15 minutes
of The Hurt Locker.
5
00:00:08,216 --> 00:00:09,784
Hurry!
The stench is too much.
6
00:00:09,818 --> 00:00:11,856
We gotta get
those shoes outta here.
7
00:00:11,890 --> 00:00:13,158
How much time
do we have?
8
00:00:13,159 --> 00:00:15,061
Scully ate his pot pie
30 minutes ago,
9
00:00:15,062 --> 00:00:16,931
so we probably got 10 minutes
left on this nap.
10
00:00:16,966 --> 00:00:18,835
12 if he's turkey tired.
11
00:00:18,869 --> 00:00:21,344
All right, come to papa.
12
00:00:21,345 --> 00:00:23,486
[Groans] It's trapped.
Abort mission.
13
00:00:23,521 --> 00:00:25,696
I have an idea...
14
00:00:25,730 --> 00:00:28,704
[Suspenseful music]
15
00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:31,412
♪
16
00:00:38,890 --> 00:00:41,529
Let's send these shoes
to hell.
17
00:00:43,971 --> 00:00:45,139
Oh, wait.
[Coughs]
18
00:00:45,140 --> 00:00:46,707
Yeah, just smells
worse than before.
19
00:00:46,708 --> 00:00:48,776
Oh...
Ugh! Abort!
20
00:00:48,810 --> 00:00:52,536
Sync & corrections by dzimu_kairu
21
00:00:52,537 --> 00:00:58,536
♪
22
00:01:10,844 --> 00:01:13,448
Whoa! Why are you here
before me?
23
00:01:13,449 --> 00:01:15,419
Am I asleep?
Is this a dream?
24
00:01:15,420 --> 00:01:18,027
I am early because
Jimmy Brogan is here today.
25
00:01:18,028 --> 00:01:20,467
Why do you care so much
about some old reporter?
26
00:01:20,501 --> 00:01:22,136
Some old reporter?
27
00:01:22,137 --> 00:01:24,139
Is the sky just some
big blue hat
28
00:01:24,140 --> 00:01:25,541
that the world wears?
29
00:01:25,575 --> 00:01:27,811
No. And no one has ever
thought that.
30
00:01:27,812 --> 00:01:29,215
My point exactly.
31
00:01:29,216 --> 00:01:31,119
Jimmy Brogan
wrote The Squad
32
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,321
about badass New York cops
in the '70s.
33
00:01:33,322 --> 00:01:35,023
It's the best book
I've ever read,
34
00:01:35,024 --> 00:01:36,791
and I've read 15 books.
35
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,495
50 books is not a lot.
Wait...
36
00:01:38,496 --> 00:01:40,399
You said 15?
37
00:01:41,836 --> 00:01:43,240
The Squad
is what made me decide
38
00:01:43,241 --> 00:01:44,842
to become a Detective.
39
00:01:44,843 --> 00:01:46,477
And it was my first
book report.
40
00:01:46,511 --> 00:01:48,145
"The detectives wiped
the mobsters' blood
41
00:01:48,146 --> 00:01:51,518
off their boots
and found the scag."
42
00:01:51,519 --> 00:01:54,257
Scag is heroin,
and the book says it's so good,
43
00:01:54,258 --> 00:01:56,329
you can never stop doing it!
44
00:01:56,330 --> 00:01:58,231
See me after class,
Jacob.
45
00:01:58,232 --> 00:02:00,433
Fun side note...
I late lost my virginity
46
00:02:00,434 --> 00:02:02,035
to Mrs. Stratton's
daughter.
47
00:02:02,036 --> 00:02:04,439
It was... very fast.
48
00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:07,045
Nice.
49
00:02:07,046 --> 00:02:09,617
Mr. Brogan, these are
detectives Santiago
50
00:02:09,618 --> 00:02:10,886
and Peralta.
51
00:02:10,887 --> 00:02:12,889
Mr. Brogan, I am a huge fan
of your book.
52
00:02:12,890 --> 00:02:14,691
Would you mind
signing my copy?
53
00:02:14,692 --> 00:02:17,062
I'd love to.
It's always nice to meet a fan.
54
00:02:17,063 --> 00:02:19,100
You can just make it out
to "death wish."
55
00:02:19,101 --> 00:02:20,536
That's what everyone
calls me,
56
00:02:20,537 --> 00:02:22,741
'cause I'm always
first through the door.
57
00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:24,076
You go through doors normally,
58
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:26,412
and everyone calls you
pineapples.
59
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:27,781
My grandma calls me
pineapples,
60
00:02:27,782 --> 00:02:29,215
and I regret
telling you that.
61
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:31,583
Those New York cops
from the '70s you wrote about
62
00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:34,650
were my idols... I mean,
Gaminsky, Cavanaugh, Quigg.
63
00:02:34,651 --> 00:02:36,284
Those guys
were the real deal.
64
00:02:36,285 --> 00:02:39,119
I once saw Gaminsky
choke a hippy to death
65
00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:40,421
with his own ponytail.
66
00:02:40,422 --> 00:02:42,024
Illegal.
Love that.
67
00:02:42,025 --> 00:02:43,424
Mr. Brogan
is writing an article
68
00:02:43,425 --> 00:02:45,124
about how Brooklyn
detectives have changed
69
00:02:45,125 --> 00:02:46,991
in the 35 years
since The Squad.
70
00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:48,689
He'll be observing
the two of you
71
00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:50,488
on your Internet
identity theft case.
72
00:02:50,489 --> 00:02:52,723
I hope Mr. Brogan's presence
doesn't prove to be
73
00:02:52,724 --> 00:02:54,425
a distraction to you,
Peralta.
74
00:02:54,426 --> 00:02:56,392
Distracted? Me?
No, sir.
75
00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:58,058
Evil would love that.
76
00:02:58,059 --> 00:03:00,892
But I'm not giving evil
the satisfaction.
77
00:03:00,893 --> 00:03:02,724
Not today.
78
00:03:02,725 --> 00:03:05,427
Where's the can?
I gotta unload.
79
00:03:05,428 --> 00:03:07,395
"Unload."
Great choice of words.
80
00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:09,462
It'd be an honor
to show you, sir.
81
00:03:09,463 --> 00:03:12,064
All right.
Everyone's here.
82
00:03:12,065 --> 00:03:14,466
Today we're gonna work on
our courtroom demeanor.
83
00:03:14,467 --> 00:03:17,065
Pass.
This seminar
84
00:03:17,066 --> 00:03:19,600
is not optional, Diaz.
You're testifying
85
00:03:19,601 --> 00:03:21,601
in an aggravated assault case
tomorrow.
86
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,201
The D.A. is worried
87
00:03:23,235 --> 00:03:24,868
about how you present yourself
on the stand.
88
00:03:24,869 --> 00:03:26,766
Why?
I'm fine on the stand.
89
00:03:26,801 --> 00:03:28,364
Look, I'll make this
real simple
90
00:03:28,365 --> 00:03:29,898
so even these dum-dums
can understand.
91
00:03:29,933 --> 00:03:32,400
Man did crime.
92
00:03:32,401 --> 00:03:34,135
I'm sorry... can you
make her stop doing
93
00:03:34,136 --> 00:03:36,004
that weird thing
with her face?
94
00:03:36,038 --> 00:03:37,738
Crying?
95
00:03:37,739 --> 00:03:40,237
And when this is over,
I'm gonna find you,
96
00:03:40,238 --> 00:03:42,704
and I'm gonna break
those little fingers.
97
00:03:42,705 --> 00:03:44,806
[Taps gavel]
Ms. Diaz.
98
00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:46,975
Please stop threatening
the stenographer!
99
00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:50,277
This is an important case.
You need to do well.
100
00:03:50,278 --> 00:03:51,977
Fine. I'll take
your dumbass seminar.
101
00:03:52,011 --> 00:03:54,144
That's the spirit!
102
00:03:55,780 --> 00:03:58,279
Someone has placed
tiny scanners inside ATMs
103
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,045
to steal card numbers
and pins
104
00:04:00,046 --> 00:04:02,112
which they sell
on the Internet.
105
00:04:02,113 --> 00:04:04,313
Oh, good God, why do you
smell like an ashtray?
106
00:04:04,314 --> 00:04:05,815
Oh, sorry, mom.
107
00:04:05,816 --> 00:04:09,124
It's the only way I can cope
with the stress of the job.
108
00:04:09,156 --> 00:04:11,724
[Groaning]
109
00:04:12,759 --> 00:04:13,837
Pffft!
110
00:04:14,961 --> 00:04:17,127
Anyway...
We're running an algorithm
111
00:04:17,128 --> 00:04:18,627
to comb through
the transactions
112
00:04:18,662 --> 00:04:20,226
looking for a pattern
which will lead us
113
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:22,159
to the perp's IP address.
Got it.
114
00:04:22,193 --> 00:04:23,959
"Boring mumbo jumbo."
115
00:04:23,991 --> 00:04:25,891
Well, you could think
of the algorithm
116
00:04:25,925 --> 00:04:27,458
as a boot
and the IP address
117
00:04:27,459 --> 00:04:28,826
as some poor slob's skull.
118
00:04:28,827 --> 00:04:29,961
[Smack]
You know?
119
00:04:29,995 --> 00:04:31,261
We used to call guys
120
00:04:31,262 --> 00:04:33,297
who bragged about
sitting around all day
121
00:04:33,298 --> 00:04:34,432
hair bags.
122
00:04:34,467 --> 00:04:35,434
[Chuckling]
123
00:04:35,469 --> 00:04:37,638
Except for
Detective Finaldi.
124
00:04:37,639 --> 00:04:39,905
No, he had to sit
around all day.
125
00:04:39,906 --> 00:04:42,070
A mafia thug pried
both his kneecaps off
126
00:04:42,071 --> 00:04:43,470
with a crowbar.
127
00:04:43,504 --> 00:04:45,038
[Whispers]
Gah... so lucky.
128
00:04:45,039 --> 00:04:46,874
This kind of data-driven
police work
129
00:04:46,875 --> 00:04:48,811
has reduced crime
by over 70%.
130
00:04:48,845 --> 00:04:51,248
I know hair bag work
when I see it.
131
00:04:51,282 --> 00:04:55,716
Do me a favor... wake me
when your shift is over.
132
00:04:57,351 --> 00:04:58,385
No way.
133
00:05:01,524 --> 00:05:03,492
That is amazing!
134
00:05:03,526 --> 00:05:05,496
All you need
is for a jury to like you.
135
00:05:05,530 --> 00:05:07,966
If they like you, they'll trust you.
Fine.
136
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,634
How do I get these morons
to like me?
137
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,604
Don't call them morons.
138
00:05:13,638 --> 00:05:15,304
Good instinct!
Okay.
139
00:05:15,305 --> 00:05:18,137
Sit up straight, all right?
Be aware of your hands, okay?
140
00:05:18,171 --> 00:05:19,505
And don't be afraid
to smile.
141
00:05:19,539 --> 00:05:21,007
And if you need to buy time,
you can always just say,
142
00:05:21,008 --> 00:05:22,643
"to be perfectly candid..."
143
00:05:22,677 --> 00:05:24,846
To be perfectly candid...
144
00:05:24,847 --> 00:05:26,214
I like that.
145
00:05:26,215 --> 00:05:28,317
(Terry) And always make
good eye contact.
146
00:05:28,352 --> 00:05:30,219
But don't stare at people.
Yeah.
147
00:05:30,254 --> 00:05:31,887
You gotta blink.
But don't blink too much.
148
00:05:31,922 --> 00:05:33,955
Or too fast.
I think the bigger worry is slow blinks.
149
00:05:33,956 --> 00:05:36,122
Don't blink too fast or too
slow or too much or too little.
150
00:05:36,157 --> 00:05:38,623
I know how to blink.
151
00:05:38,658 --> 00:05:39,957
Quick question, sir.
152
00:05:39,958 --> 00:05:41,790
You know how we've been
trading favors back and forth
153
00:05:41,791 --> 00:05:43,092
and it's your turn
to give me one?
154
00:05:43,126 --> 00:05:44,495
None of that is true.
Yeah, I know.
155
00:05:44,529 --> 00:05:46,998
Please, can I jump onto
a sweet mob-related homicide?
156
00:05:47,033 --> 00:05:49,432
There are no sweet
mob-related homicides
157
00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:50,833
on which to jump.
158
00:05:50,868 --> 00:05:53,031
Boom!
There's one at the seven-three.
159
00:05:53,032 --> 00:05:55,197
Maybe I should
roll over there, help out.
160
00:05:55,198 --> 00:05:57,333
Brogan can tag along,
maybe write some stuff down.
161
00:05:57,368 --> 00:05:59,670
Why do you idolize that man
and the time he wrote about?
162
00:05:59,671 --> 00:06:01,606
Because the '70s
were amazing.
163
00:06:01,607 --> 00:06:03,542
I mean, everyone had
thick, juicy moustaches
164
00:06:03,543 --> 00:06:05,574
and all the clothes
were orange and flammable.
165
00:06:05,575 --> 00:06:07,573
The '70s were not
a good time for the city
166
00:06:07,574 --> 00:06:09,104
or for the department...
167
00:06:09,105 --> 00:06:10,472
Corruption, brutality,
sexism.
168
00:06:10,507 --> 00:06:13,141
Diaz and Santiago never
would have made Detective,
169
00:06:13,176 --> 00:06:14,376
and an openly gay man
like me...
170
00:06:14,377 --> 00:06:15,644
I never would have been
given a command.
171
00:06:15,678 --> 00:06:17,377
There were very few
black detectives.
172
00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:19,676
Did I ever tell you what my
first day on the job was like?
173
00:06:19,677 --> 00:06:22,843
[Background chatter]
174
00:06:22,878 --> 00:06:24,379
Hello. I'm Raymond Holt.
175
00:06:24,414 --> 00:06:27,018
Are you... here
to turn yourself in?
176
00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:30,221
Ah, yeah,
that's really messed up.
177
00:06:30,255 --> 00:06:31,855
But the guys that Brogan
wrote about...
178
00:06:31,856 --> 00:06:33,758
They were great detectives.
I mean, they were legit.
179
00:06:33,759 --> 00:06:35,093
Some of them were legit.
180
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:38,495
Some of them were just
Brogan's drinking buddies.
181
00:06:38,496 --> 00:06:40,160
Sir, that is
a brilliant idea.
182
00:06:40,161 --> 00:06:42,195
It wasn't an idea.
It was a scathing indictment
183
00:06:42,230 --> 00:06:43,497
of your personal hero.
184
00:06:43,531 --> 00:06:45,800
Eh, six of one.
185
00:06:45,835 --> 00:06:47,336
This is the best!
186
00:06:47,370 --> 00:06:48,704
Drinking with Jimmy Brogan.
187
00:06:48,738 --> 00:06:50,406
So tell me more
about Quigg.
188
00:06:50,407 --> 00:06:52,576
Could he really light
a matchstick on his face?
189
00:06:52,577 --> 00:06:54,146
One time during a drug bust,
190
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,715
he had one of his fingers
shot off.
191
00:06:55,750 --> 00:06:57,851
He didn't even flinch.
He just picked it up
192
00:06:57,885 --> 00:07:01,555
and used it to flip off
every puerto rican in the place.
193
00:07:01,590 --> 00:07:03,457
And that's my cue.
It's late.
194
00:07:03,458 --> 00:07:04,859
Are you kidding?
195
00:07:04,894 --> 00:07:06,263
The old guard
drank till dawn,
196
00:07:06,264 --> 00:07:07,465
ate some coffee grounds,
197
00:07:07,466 --> 00:07:09,700
then started the whole day
all over again.
198
00:07:09,701 --> 00:07:11,933
Pfft!
I eat coffee grounds.
199
00:07:11,934 --> 00:07:13,202
Sure you do, pineapples.
200
00:07:13,236 --> 00:07:14,604
How about
another round?
201
00:07:14,605 --> 00:07:15,807
Are you kidding me?
202
00:07:15,808 --> 00:07:17,344
I wanna hang with you
till one of us dies.
203
00:07:17,345 --> 00:07:18,646
Look, I'm tired
of talking.
204
00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:20,852
Why don't you tell me
some of your stories?
205
00:07:20,886 --> 00:07:22,587
Great. 'Cause I got
some stories
206
00:07:22,588 --> 00:07:27,127
that'll make Training Day
look like Super Troopers.
207
00:07:27,162 --> 00:07:28,630
Eh, it's not... bartender.
208
00:07:28,664 --> 00:07:30,666
Two scotches.
209
00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:33,804
No, no, he meant two bottles.
What?
210
00:07:33,805 --> 00:07:36,270
I mean... yeah!
211
00:07:36,271 --> 00:07:38,606
Aaaalll... right!
212
00:07:38,607 --> 00:07:40,008
[Laughs]
213
00:07:42,399 --> 00:07:43,532
(Perp)
You'll never get me!
214
00:07:43,567 --> 00:07:44,567
You'll never get me!
215
00:07:44,568 --> 00:07:45,634
We already
got you, idiot.
216
00:07:45,669 --> 00:07:47,970
Look who's here.
217
00:07:47,971 --> 00:07:51,244
How was your night
of old-school drinking, hmm?
218
00:07:51,278 --> 00:07:52,811
Pretty hung over?
Shh!
219
00:07:52,812 --> 00:07:55,246
Turn off
your mouth siren.
220
00:07:55,247 --> 00:07:57,914
Here are the texts
I got from you last night.
221
00:07:57,948 --> 00:07:59,281
"Best night ever."
222
00:07:59,282 --> 00:08:01,316
"Why scotch burn so good?"
223
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:04,121
"Whaz his name in Serpico?"
224
00:08:04,155 --> 00:08:06,192
"Who's the friend of yours
with the ping-pong?"
225
00:08:06,193 --> 00:08:07,692
And lastly,
226
00:08:07,693 --> 00:08:09,558
a picture of you
on the subway platform
227
00:08:09,559 --> 00:08:12,328
eating Chinese chicken salad
with no shirt on.
228
00:08:12,329 --> 00:08:16,068
[Laughs]
Well, last night was awesome.
229
00:08:16,069 --> 00:08:19,582
We had an epic night of bonding
that I will never forget.
230
00:08:19,607 --> 00:08:21,976
[Slurring] Do it!
I believe in you.
231
00:08:24,414 --> 00:08:28,219
Throw it!
I believe in you.
232
00:08:28,220 --> 00:08:29,655
Man, I wonder
if Brogan's okay.
233
00:08:29,656 --> 00:08:32,058
He's 65 and drank
two bottles of scotch.
234
00:08:32,059 --> 00:08:33,826
He might be dead.
He looks fine to me.
235
00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:34,861
Morning, kid!
236
00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:36,129
Ooh!
How ya doing?
237
00:08:36,130 --> 00:08:37,865
Uh... hey...
238
00:08:37,866 --> 00:08:39,967
So good.
I feel great.
239
00:08:40,002 --> 00:08:42,401
And I definitely don't think
it's burning hot in here.
240
00:08:42,402 --> 00:08:43,969
Well, I'm around.
241
00:08:44,003 --> 00:08:45,502
Grab me if anything
develops in your case.
242
00:08:45,503 --> 00:08:47,036
[Laughs/wheezes]
You got it.
243
00:08:47,037 --> 00:08:49,037
That hurt so bad.
Let me know when he's gone
244
00:08:49,038 --> 00:08:50,970
so I can slide
onto the nice, cool floor.
245
00:08:51,004 --> 00:08:52,303
He's gone.
Great.
246
00:08:52,304 --> 00:08:53,970
Mmm...
247
00:08:56,973 --> 00:09:00,574
Oh... my whole body
has dry mouth.
248
00:09:01,876 --> 00:09:04,177
Why are we meeting
in the ladies' room?
249
00:09:04,212 --> 00:09:06,580
It's the perfect place
for our second lesson...
250
00:09:06,581 --> 00:09:07,848
Courthouse wardrobe.
251
00:09:07,883 --> 00:09:09,884
What's wrong
with the way I dress?
252
00:09:09,918 --> 00:09:12,553
You know, some people might
say that all the black leather
253
00:09:12,554 --> 00:09:14,388
kind of makes you looks like
an evil villain.
254
00:09:14,422 --> 00:09:15,890
Not me.
255
00:09:15,891 --> 00:09:19,597
I think you look like
a sexy motorcycle.
256
00:09:19,598 --> 00:09:21,265
Boyle, pull it together.
257
00:09:21,266 --> 00:09:22,400
Yeah.
258
00:09:22,434 --> 00:09:24,236
We need to
soften up your look.
259
00:09:24,270 --> 00:09:27,171
My wife and Charles's mom
donated some clothes.
260
00:09:27,172 --> 00:09:30,445
Your wife and Boyle's mom
are both blind?
261
00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:34,517
I look like arsenio.
262
00:09:34,552 --> 00:09:36,919
So it's... perfect?
263
00:09:38,619 --> 00:09:40,218
That's actually
my wedding suit.
264
00:09:40,219 --> 00:09:41,487
No.
265
00:09:41,521 --> 00:09:43,122
Yes.
266
00:09:43,123 --> 00:09:44,391
No.
No.
267
00:09:46,593 --> 00:09:49,496
That's great.
Perfect!
268
00:09:49,530 --> 00:09:50,731
You look beautiful... ly...
269
00:09:50,732 --> 00:09:52,733
Appropriate for court.
270
00:09:52,767 --> 00:09:53,867
♪ A new sensation
271
00:09:53,868 --> 00:09:55,334
[groaning]
Ohh...
272
00:09:55,368 --> 00:09:56,501
Scully.
273
00:09:56,535 --> 00:09:58,602
Hey, Jake.
You've been alive forever.
274
00:09:58,636 --> 00:10:00,271
How'd you used to cure
hangovers?
275
00:10:00,306 --> 00:10:02,942
Oh, I didn't drink.
I was, however,
276
00:10:02,943 --> 00:10:05,482
extremely into cocaine
for most of 1986.
277
00:10:05,516 --> 00:10:07,017
I gotta tell you the truth,
Hitchcock...
278
00:10:07,018 --> 00:10:08,651
Can I tell you the truth?
You and me, man.
279
00:10:08,652 --> 00:10:10,220
We're gonna be co-captains.
280
00:10:10,221 --> 00:10:12,022
But first I'm taking you
to Japan!
281
00:10:12,023 --> 00:10:14,059
I'm already packed!
282
00:10:14,060 --> 00:10:16,096
I had three heart attacks
that year
283
00:10:16,130 --> 00:10:17,197
and declared bankruptcy.
284
00:10:17,232 --> 00:10:19,266
Hitchcock turned out
just fine.
285
00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:21,867
My grandpa
was an old-school cop.
286
00:10:21,902 --> 00:10:25,170
This was his hangover cure...
Raw egg yolks.
287
00:10:25,171 --> 00:10:26,803
Aaahhh!
288
00:10:26,837 --> 00:10:29,871
You look like a corpse
we just pulled out of the river.
289
00:10:29,906 --> 00:10:31,408
Wrong. I look like
a cool rock star
290
00:10:31,409 --> 00:10:33,044
who oded in his own pool.
Big difference.
291
00:10:33,045 --> 00:10:34,613
I told you not to let
Jimmy Brogan
292
00:10:34,648 --> 00:10:36,082
distract you
from your work.
293
00:10:36,083 --> 00:10:38,786
So I assume you're not
too hung over to do said work?
294
00:10:38,820 --> 00:10:42,023
Pfft. Nope. It's like
I never even drank.
295
00:10:42,024 --> 00:10:43,157
And that's not
a hangover cure.
296
00:10:43,192 --> 00:10:45,389
What, that?
Naw, it's just some...
297
00:10:45,390 --> 00:10:47,625
Protein for my guns.
298
00:10:47,626 --> 00:10:50,896
I drink one every morning
before I lift.
299
00:10:50,930 --> 00:10:52,865
So...
300
00:10:55,837 --> 00:10:57,467
Gah!
301
00:10:57,468 --> 00:10:59,102
Ah ha ha!
302
00:10:59,103 --> 00:11:00,871
So good!
303
00:11:00,872 --> 00:11:03,643
You can barely even tell
it's a chicken embryo.
304
00:11:03,644 --> 00:11:05,314
You should drink it all.
305
00:11:05,315 --> 00:11:06,816
For your guns.
306
00:11:06,817 --> 00:11:08,218
[Grunts]
307
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,387
Yeah.
308
00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:17,926
[Gulping]
Agh.
309
00:11:17,961 --> 00:11:19,592
Ah, it's just like...
310
00:11:19,627 --> 00:11:21,494
Fitness, right?
311
00:11:23,298 --> 00:11:25,965
Oh, why did I do this?
312
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,067
According to your text,
you were having
313
00:11:28,068 --> 00:11:29,600
"the beef light
of my loaf."
314
00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:32,202
What? No, no. Why did
I use this algorithm?
315
00:11:32,203 --> 00:11:34,339
We're only tracking people
who use the stolen cards.
316
00:11:34,340 --> 00:11:36,274
They might not be the same
as the ones who stole them.
317
00:11:36,275 --> 00:11:38,743
Here,
switch seats with me.
318
00:11:41,148 --> 00:11:44,553
Oh, wow.
Your butt's really warm.
319
00:11:44,587 --> 00:11:46,689
My butt's normal.
Your butt's the weird one.
320
00:11:46,723 --> 00:11:47,991
Don't be mad.
It's nice.
321
00:11:47,992 --> 00:11:50,056
All right, so if we ignore
all these fraudulent purchases
322
00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:52,058
and go back far enough...
323
00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:54,762
Here. Someone posted
the stolen card numbers online
324
00:11:54,763 --> 00:11:56,362
from this IP address.
325
00:11:56,363 --> 00:11:58,428
Not bad!
You found the pattern.
326
00:11:58,429 --> 00:12:00,762
All right, let's aspirin up
and roll out!
327
00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:03,130
Ah... ohh!
328
00:12:03,131 --> 00:12:04,197
Ohh...
329
00:12:04,231 --> 00:12:05,499
[Beep beep]
330
00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:08,972
I'm glad you could
be here for this.
331
00:12:09,006 --> 00:12:12,040
[Beep beep]
Mike Halbrook.
332
00:12:12,041 --> 00:12:13,540
NYPD. Open up.
333
00:12:13,574 --> 00:12:15,474
Put your head
through the door.
334
00:12:15,475 --> 00:12:16,642
My head?
335
00:12:17,810 --> 00:12:19,043
We got a runner!
336
00:12:19,078 --> 00:12:20,577
Stop!
Hands in the air!
337
00:12:20,578 --> 00:12:21,944
Oh, wow.
338
00:12:26,545 --> 00:12:28,613
Hoo! Yeah!
339
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:31,653
Good job.
I'm never drinking again.
340
00:12:31,654 --> 00:12:35,054
Hey. You know,
I was gonna take him out myself,
341
00:12:35,089 --> 00:12:37,321
but ladies first, so...
342
00:12:37,322 --> 00:12:38,756
Relax, kid.
343
00:12:38,790 --> 00:12:40,593
Being too hung over
to chase a perp?
344
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,830
That's a classic
old-school move.
345
00:12:42,865 --> 00:12:45,969
You know, you are one of
the last few good cops
346
00:12:45,970 --> 00:12:48,436
fighting against
the rising tide of hair bags.
347
00:12:48,471 --> 00:12:50,571
That's what you're gonna
say in your article?
348
00:12:50,572 --> 00:12:51,871
Ah, don't worry,
349
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:53,739
you're gonna come out
lookin' real good.
350
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,475
Especially after
our talk in the bar.
351
00:12:55,476 --> 00:12:57,242
Ah...
So many good quotes!
352
00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:59,044
Especially about Holt.
353
00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:00,578
Cops are usually afraid
354
00:13:00,579 --> 00:13:02,812
to go after their
captains like that,
355
00:13:02,813 --> 00:13:07,012
but you, sir,
are old-school.
356
00:13:07,047 --> 00:13:08,916
You know it.
357
00:13:08,917 --> 00:13:10,617
Oh, pineapples...
358
00:13:10,618 --> 00:13:12,684
What did you do?
359
00:13:14,239 --> 00:13:16,150
Your witness counselor.
360
00:13:16,151 --> 00:13:18,685
Detective Diaz, it's always
a pleasure to see you.
361
00:13:18,719 --> 00:13:20,086
This is not good.
362
00:13:20,087 --> 00:13:22,755
The lawyer is that slimeball
grundhaven... Rosa hates him!
363
00:13:22,756 --> 00:13:24,391
She's dressed right.
We coached her.
364
00:13:24,392 --> 00:13:26,193
She'll be okay.
365
00:13:26,194 --> 00:13:29,032
Would you please state
your name for the record?
366
00:13:29,033 --> 00:13:31,335
To be perfectly candid...
367
00:13:31,336 --> 00:13:32,970
My name is
Detective Rosa Diaz.
368
00:13:33,004 --> 00:13:34,305
Well, thank you for
your candor
369
00:13:34,306 --> 00:13:36,041
regarding your own name.
370
00:13:36,042 --> 00:13:37,043
[Chuckles]
371
00:13:37,077 --> 00:13:39,013
Detective Diaz,
372
00:13:39,048 --> 00:13:40,449
would you please
tell the court
373
00:13:40,450 --> 00:13:42,019
exactly how you're
involved in this case?
374
00:13:42,053 --> 00:13:44,155
I caught Mr. Ladd
physically beating his boss
375
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:46,391
with a fax machine.
Most of his cheek
376
00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:47,759
was caved in.
377
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,728
His head was basically
a blood fountain.
378
00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:52,030
I'm sorry, is this
amusing to you, Ms. Diaz?
379
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:54,901
[Mouthing]
Blinking.
380
00:13:57,373 --> 00:13:58,874
[Police radio chatter]
381
00:13:58,908 --> 00:14:00,509
Oh, no.
382
00:14:00,510 --> 00:14:02,713
Brogan just sent me
the quotes he's gonna run.
383
00:14:02,714 --> 00:14:04,748
I slammed Holt
like 50 times.
384
00:14:04,749 --> 00:14:06,082
Listen.
385
00:14:06,117 --> 00:14:07,384
"Holt would rather
I wear a tie
386
00:14:07,385 --> 00:14:08,552
"than solve a case.
387
00:14:08,553 --> 00:14:10,720
"Holt cares more about
catching clerical errors
388
00:14:10,721 --> 00:14:12,655
"than catching bad guys.
389
00:14:12,656 --> 00:14:15,424
Holt is way too
verticulis"?
390
00:14:15,425 --> 00:14:17,727
That's not even a word!
What were you thinking?
391
00:14:17,728 --> 00:14:19,528
We were just hanging out,
being old-school.
392
00:14:19,529 --> 00:14:21,198
He wasn't supposed
to quote me.
393
00:14:21,199 --> 00:14:23,402
I was off the record
the whole time.
394
00:14:23,403 --> 00:14:24,873
Oh, no wait.
395
00:14:24,874 --> 00:14:26,276
I'm goin' on the record.
396
00:14:26,310 --> 00:14:29,282
Jake Peralta...
Can dance!
397
00:14:30,417 --> 00:14:33,585
Whoo!
Whoo!
398
00:14:33,586 --> 00:14:36,057
[Singsong]
Jimmy Brogan!
399
00:14:36,058 --> 00:14:37,626
You need to fix this,
okay?
400
00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:39,430
Those quotes
cannot run.
401
00:14:39,431 --> 00:14:41,464
It would be
devastating for Holt.
402
00:14:41,465 --> 00:14:43,766
And the department.
I'll fix it.
403
00:14:43,767 --> 00:14:45,902
Brogan's a cool guy.
We're friends now.
404
00:14:45,903 --> 00:14:48,673
I'll just talk to him,
awesome dude to awesome dude.
405
00:14:48,674 --> 00:14:51,178
I should brush my teeth
first, though, right?
406
00:14:51,179 --> 00:14:52,647
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, that's terrible.
407
00:14:52,648 --> 00:14:54,181
Ugh!
408
00:14:54,182 --> 00:14:55,550
Great advice, dummies.
409
00:14:55,551 --> 00:14:56,918
I look like a psycho
up there!
410
00:14:56,919 --> 00:14:58,988
Yes. You have to
pull it together.
411
00:14:58,989 --> 00:15:01,894
That's not helping!
That's what sarge says to me when I'm nervous.
412
00:15:01,895 --> 00:15:03,664
Rosa, I think
you're nervous.
413
00:15:03,665 --> 00:15:05,168
Of course I'm nervous!
414
00:15:05,169 --> 00:15:06,638
What did you think
was the problem?
415
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:07,806
We just assumed you were
a terrifying human being
416
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:09,040
with a short fuse.
417
00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:11,475
But if the problem
is that you're nervous,
418
00:15:11,476 --> 00:15:13,711
that's where
Charles Boyle lives, baby.
419
00:15:13,712 --> 00:15:15,280
I can help!
You just need to go
420
00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:16,649
to your happy place.
421
00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:18,823
What's that?
Sounds stupid.
422
00:15:18,824 --> 00:15:20,458
Oh, everyone's happy place
is different.
423
00:15:20,459 --> 00:15:21,959
For me, I just imagine
I'm slurping up
424
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:23,995
the world's longest
piece of linguini.
425
00:15:23,996 --> 00:15:26,332
It just keeps going
and going.
426
00:15:26,333 --> 00:15:29,338
Every 20 feet of noodle,
there's a sauce change.
427
00:15:29,339 --> 00:15:31,508
I'm in my happy place
right now.
428
00:15:31,509 --> 00:15:33,208
Mmm... pesto.
429
00:15:33,209 --> 00:15:35,974
[Slurps]
Mmm! Carbonara!
430
00:15:35,975 --> 00:15:38,578
Great!
Now I'm starving!
431
00:15:42,719 --> 00:15:44,654
Hey, hey, Jimmy Brogan.
432
00:15:44,655 --> 00:15:46,690
Thanks for meeting me.
433
00:15:46,691 --> 00:15:48,156
Welcome to
the Schvitz, kid.
434
00:15:48,157 --> 00:15:50,927
The most comfortable
place on earth.
435
00:15:50,928 --> 00:15:52,931
It's like crawling back
into your mother.
436
00:15:52,932 --> 00:15:54,666
Is that something
people wanna do?
437
00:15:54,667 --> 00:15:56,101
What'd you wanna
talk to me about?
438
00:15:56,102 --> 00:15:59,338
So I read those quotes
you sent me,
439
00:15:59,339 --> 00:16:01,741
and you...
Wrote them so good.
440
00:16:01,742 --> 00:16:03,510
The thing is...
441
00:16:03,511 --> 00:16:04,846
I know I hid it
incredibly well,
442
00:16:04,847 --> 00:16:07,751
but I was pretty drunk
when I said that stuff, so...
443
00:16:07,752 --> 00:16:09,186
Any chance
you wouldn't print it?
444
00:16:09,187 --> 00:16:11,386
Well, you said you were
going on the record.
445
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,419
I was clearly
not in control.
446
00:16:13,420 --> 00:16:16,251
Well, maybe you should learn
to handle your brown.
447
00:16:16,252 --> 00:16:17,685
Eew.
448
00:16:17,686 --> 00:16:19,252
Look, you know
that I think
449
00:16:19,253 --> 00:16:22,455
you're like the number one
hero of the 20th century.
450
00:16:22,456 --> 00:16:24,391
But kinda feel like
you're being unfair here.
451
00:16:24,392 --> 00:16:26,358
"Feel like"?
Listen to her,
452
00:16:26,359 --> 00:16:29,060
Suzanne Somers over here.
Talk like a man.
453
00:16:29,061 --> 00:16:30,595
All right,
I will talk like a man.
454
00:16:30,596 --> 00:16:32,532
You got me drunk
and took advantage of me.
455
00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:34,368
Oh, come on.
Gah!
456
00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:35,739
Look, I'm asking you
nicely...
457
00:16:35,740 --> 00:16:37,608
Please don't print
the quotes.
458
00:16:37,609 --> 00:16:39,916
And I'm telling you nicely,
I'm printing them.
459
00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:41,384
No, you're not.
460
00:16:41,385 --> 00:16:44,021
What are you gonna
do about it?
461
00:16:44,022 --> 00:16:45,821
[Chuckles]
462
00:16:49,224 --> 00:16:51,026
Hey, how'd it go with Brogan?
Perfect.
463
00:16:51,027 --> 00:16:52,329
Except I punched him
in the face
464
00:16:52,330 --> 00:16:53,831
and made everything
a billion times worse.
465
00:16:53,832 --> 00:16:54,831
What?
466
00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:03,981
Yeah.
467
00:17:04,008 --> 00:17:05,650
So, Detective Diaz,
468
00:17:05,677 --> 00:17:07,677
you saw my client
struggling with his boss,
469
00:17:07,678 --> 00:17:09,612
but you don't know
who initiated the fight.
470
00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:10,780
To be perfectly candid,
471
00:17:10,814 --> 00:17:13,032
I was pretty sure
it was the defendant.
472
00:17:13,048 --> 00:17:15,493
Oh, to be perfectly candid,
"pretty sure" is not definitive.
473
00:17:15,518 --> 00:17:17,922
I think I know
what happened.
474
00:17:17,957 --> 00:17:19,225
Well,
to be perfectly candid,
475
00:17:19,226 --> 00:17:20,373
no one cares what you think.
476
00:17:20,395 --> 00:17:22,041
Do you actually know
anything,
477
00:17:22,067 --> 00:17:24,233
or are you just guessing?
478
00:17:26,967 --> 00:17:29,502
Your client instigated
the fight.
479
00:17:29,503 --> 00:17:30,972
I'm certain.
480
00:17:30,973 --> 00:17:32,677
And I'm happy
to tell you why.
481
00:17:32,709 --> 00:17:34,045
[Silently]
Yes!
482
00:17:34,046 --> 00:17:35,447
She went to
her happy place.
483
00:17:35,448 --> 00:17:36,783
I know that, Boyle.
484
00:17:36,818 --> 00:17:39,484
You punched
Jimmy Brogan?
485
00:17:39,519 --> 00:17:40,726
What were you thinking?
486
00:17:40,753 --> 00:17:41,787
I was thinking
487
00:17:41,788 --> 00:17:43,229
that I needed to protect
this precinct.
488
00:17:43,257 --> 00:17:45,625
From things that I said
about this precinct
489
00:17:45,659 --> 00:17:48,094
to a reporter while drunk
and insisting he record me.
490
00:17:48,095 --> 00:17:49,663
I shouldn't have done it.
Unbelievable.
491
00:17:49,697 --> 00:17:51,433
Every time I think you might
make a decent Detective,
492
00:17:51,434 --> 00:17:52,635
you go and pull
something like this.
493
00:17:52,669 --> 00:17:56,005
I thought I could
handle my brown.
494
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:57,639
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's gross.
495
00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,037
Go home!
496
00:17:59,071 --> 00:18:02,940
You got the rest of the day
to put your head on straight.
497
00:18:08,204 --> 00:18:10,736
Got Halbrook to cop
to every charge.
498
00:18:10,770 --> 00:18:12,569
Nice work, Santiago.
Thank you, sir.
499
00:18:12,570 --> 00:18:14,404
Peralta figured out
the pattern, though,
500
00:18:14,405 --> 00:18:16,173
so he should get credit
for the collar.
501
00:18:16,174 --> 00:18:17,341
Have you seen him?
502
00:18:17,375 --> 00:18:19,411
I sent him home.
He assaulted Jimmy Brogan.
503
00:18:19,445 --> 00:18:22,448
Yeah. But that caveman
kinda had it coming,
504
00:18:22,482 --> 00:18:23,849
don't you think?
505
00:18:23,883 --> 00:18:26,355
Oh. He didn't tell you.
506
00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:28,391
Tell me what?
Never mind.
507
00:18:28,392 --> 00:18:30,860
If Jake didn't tell you,
he must have had a reason.
508
00:18:30,894 --> 00:18:33,693
It's not my place.
I'm disappointed in you, Santiago.
509
00:18:33,728 --> 00:18:36,627
I thought
you and I were close.
510
00:18:36,628 --> 00:18:38,829
I know you're
manipulating me...
511
00:18:38,830 --> 00:18:39,996
But I love it,
512
00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:42,133
and I will tell you
anything.
513
00:18:42,167 --> 00:18:44,701
So Jake went to the Schvitz
to talk to Brogan.
514
00:18:44,736 --> 00:18:46,836
What are you gonna
do about it?
515
00:18:46,837 --> 00:18:49,135
[Chuckles]
516
00:18:51,536 --> 00:18:52,934
There's nothing
I can do...
517
00:18:52,969 --> 00:18:55,671
Except to ask you nicely
as a fan of you,
518
00:18:55,672 --> 00:18:58,206
your work, and the guys
you wrote about...
519
00:18:58,207 --> 00:18:59,575
Please don't print
the quotes.
520
00:18:59,609 --> 00:19:00,842
Sheesh. I didn't realize
521
00:19:00,843 --> 00:19:02,310
you were gonna get your panties
all in a pretzel!
522
00:19:02,344 --> 00:19:04,176
That's actually not
technically possible.
523
00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:05,610
I'm not wearing underwear.
524
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:08,212
It is swampy in here.
My butt's like the everglades.
525
00:19:08,246 --> 00:19:10,883
Look, I know you're trying to
be legit in a hair bag world,
526
00:19:10,884 --> 00:19:13,050
so I will not print
your quotes.
527
00:19:13,084 --> 00:19:14,752
Ah, thank you,
thank you!
528
00:19:14,753 --> 00:19:16,186
That means
the world to me.
529
00:19:16,187 --> 00:19:17,653
And for the record,
530
00:19:17,654 --> 00:19:19,121
I know that Holt
is a stickler,
531
00:19:19,122 --> 00:19:20,555
but he's actually
a really good cop.
532
00:19:20,590 --> 00:19:22,890
Don't worry about it.
We're friends.
533
00:19:22,891 --> 00:19:25,759
You don't have to stick up
for that homo.
534
00:19:27,061 --> 00:19:28,834
I really wish you
hadn't just said that.
535
00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:29,863
What, homo?
536
00:19:29,864 --> 00:19:30,864
Ooh!
537
00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:33,547
Thank you, Santiago.
That'll be all.
538
00:19:37,899 --> 00:19:39,066
Here she is.
539
00:19:40,735 --> 00:19:42,168
Diaz, you did it.
540
00:19:42,169 --> 00:19:44,035
They found him guilty
on all charges.
541
00:19:44,070 --> 00:19:45,603
Huh. Boyle's advice
worked.
542
00:19:45,604 --> 00:19:47,070
[Shrill giggle]
543
00:19:47,104 --> 00:19:48,704
So...
544
00:19:48,738 --> 00:19:50,537
Where's your happy place?
545
00:19:50,571 --> 00:19:53,006
I'm in a cabin
in the middle of nowhere.
546
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:54,474
Inside it's just me
547
00:19:54,508 --> 00:19:57,111
and that stupid,
slimy defense attorney.
548
00:19:57,112 --> 00:19:59,715
And I'm beating
the hell out of him.
549
00:19:59,749 --> 00:20:01,917
I break a dining room table
over his head.
550
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,818
Then I rip off his arm
551
00:20:03,853 --> 00:20:05,687
and shove it
where the sun don't shine.
552
00:20:05,721 --> 00:20:07,856
Then I reach down
his throat
553
00:20:07,857 --> 00:20:10,128
and shake his hand.
554
00:20:13,569 --> 00:20:14,935
Yeah. Okay.
555
00:20:14,936 --> 00:20:17,905
I'm gonna go ahead and schedule
you for a psych eval.
556
00:20:19,074 --> 00:20:20,709
I owe you one, Boyle.
557
00:20:20,744 --> 00:20:21,945
Thank-you dinner.
Tomorrow night.
558
00:20:21,980 --> 00:20:24,150
Gribaldi's.
It's all-you-can-eat linguini.
559
00:20:25,687 --> 00:20:26,754
Yes!
560
00:20:26,788 --> 00:20:28,255
Oh, my boyfriend's
coming too.
561
00:20:28,256 --> 00:20:30,646
Your what friend now?
562
00:20:32,294 --> 00:20:33,795
All right.
563
00:20:33,829 --> 00:20:35,430
Let's hear it.
564
00:20:35,464 --> 00:20:37,501
Well, it's even worse
than I imagined.
565
00:20:37,535 --> 00:20:39,803
[Ahem]
"The new face of the NYPD
566
00:20:39,804 --> 00:20:42,606
is perfectly embodied by
Brooklyn's own Jake Peralta..."
567
00:20:42,641 --> 00:20:43,775
That's not so bad.
568
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:45,545
"Who cowers behind
his desk all day
569
00:20:45,546 --> 00:20:47,513
like the true hair bag
that he is."
570
00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:48,913
There it is.
571
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,948
"The old guard would have
eaten a guy like Peralta
572
00:20:50,949 --> 00:20:53,953
for breakfast
and unloaded him by lunch."
573
00:20:53,954 --> 00:20:56,625
Well, it's very colorful.
And hurtful.
574
00:20:56,626 --> 00:20:59,527
You can ignore
that garbage, Santiago.
575
00:20:59,561 --> 00:21:01,795
Jimmy Brogan wouldn't
know a legit cop
576
00:21:01,796 --> 00:21:04,399
if he punched him
in the face.
577
00:21:08,207 --> 00:21:09,307
Well...
578
00:21:09,341 --> 00:21:12,308
Guess I'm done
with this.
579
00:21:12,309 --> 00:21:15,379
Not good enough.
580
00:21:15,414 --> 00:21:17,851
Three, two, one...
581
00:21:17,852 --> 00:21:18,919
[Beep beep]
582
00:21:21,624 --> 00:21:24,792
Welcome to the party, pal!
583
00:21:24,793 --> 00:21:26,695
God,
you love that movie.
584
00:21:26,696 --> 00:21:28,378
It's Die Hard.
585
00:21:28,379 --> 00:21:32,305
Sync & corrections by dzimu_kairu
41789
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