Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,958 --> 00:00:05,327
Ah, Captain.
You're at my desk.
2
00:00:05,328 --> 00:00:07,090
Just what I wanna see
first thing in the morning.
3
00:00:07,097 --> 00:00:08,999
You're three minutes late,
Peralta.
4
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,601
Not my fault.
I had a plumbing problem.
5
00:00:11,635 --> 00:00:12,736
[Musical ringtone]
6
00:00:12,737 --> 00:00:15,246
[Groans]
7
00:00:15,247 --> 00:00:17,249
Which reminds me,
I'm gonna need
8
00:00:17,250 --> 00:00:19,885
a new
departmentally issued phone.
9
00:00:19,919 --> 00:00:21,854
Oh, come on, really?
I'm a few minutes late,
10
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,273
so you're gonna call me out
in front of everyone?
11
00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:25,317
Good idea.
Everyone?
12
00:00:25,330 --> 00:00:28,072
Gather round, so I can call out
Peralta in front of you.
13
00:00:28,106 --> 00:00:31,284
Okay, fine.
I was three minutes late.
14
00:00:31,285 --> 00:00:33,022
I'm sorry for doing
one thing wrong.
15
00:00:33,056 --> 00:00:35,535
- Oh, it's more than one thing.
- Uh-oh.
16
00:00:35,559 --> 00:00:36,661
Let's start
with the Kristov murder.
17
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:37,965
It was
an amazing solve.
18
00:00:37,966 --> 00:00:39,235
I got him to confess
in 20 minutes.
19
00:00:39,236 --> 00:00:40,672
You also mislabeled
the evidence,
20
00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:42,712
so that confession
is worthless
21
00:00:42,746 --> 00:00:44,485
if the sergeant
hadn't caught your mistake.
22
00:00:44,486 --> 00:00:46,388
Here are three cases
with sloppy paperwork.
23
00:00:46,423 --> 00:00:48,192
Here are two pictures.
24
00:00:48,193 --> 00:00:49,828
One is your locker.
25
00:00:49,863 --> 00:00:52,871
The other is a garbage dump
in the Philippines.
26
00:00:52,872 --> 00:00:57,613
Can you tell
which is which?
27
00:00:57,614 --> 00:01:00,017
- That one's the dump?
- They're both your locker.
28
00:01:00,051 --> 00:01:01,586
Gah, I should've guessed that.
He's good.
29
00:01:01,587 --> 00:01:04,989
This folder is labeled
"undies, dirty."
30
00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:07,025
So I won't confuse it
with "undies, clean."
31
00:01:07,060 --> 00:01:08,862
Also, who cares
about all these rules?
32
00:01:08,898 --> 00:01:11,433
I have more felony arrests
than any other Detective here.
33
00:01:11,467 --> 00:01:14,036
You also have more mice
living in your desk
34
00:01:14,037 --> 00:01:16,038
than any other Detective.
35
00:01:16,039 --> 00:01:18,073
[Gasps] Algernon.
[All aw]
36
00:01:18,074 --> 00:01:20,077
You guys,
Algernon's back.
37
00:01:20,111 --> 00:01:23,314
Get rid of the mouse,
and get your act together now.
38
00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:27,286
He's grumpy.
00:01:27,500 --> 00:01:48:000
Sync & corrections by dzimu_kairu
39
00:01:49,961 --> 00:01:51,763
Okay, detectives,
let's get started.
40
00:01:51,797 --> 00:01:54,900
Santiago, where are we
with the Jay street drug bust?
41
00:01:54,934 --> 00:01:57,002
There are 12 keys of coke
unaccounted for,
42
00:01:57,003 --> 00:01:58,804
but we just got a warrant to
search the dealer's apartment.
43
00:01:58,805 --> 00:02:00,605
Good.
Take Boyle and Diaz.
44
00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:02,374
Dream team.
45
00:02:02,375 --> 00:02:05,444
Peralta, brief us
on the vandalism case.
46
00:02:05,445 --> 00:02:07,178
Well, there's no easy way
to put this, sarge,
47
00:02:07,179 --> 00:02:10,115
but someone has been painting
wieners on squad cars.
48
00:02:10,116 --> 00:02:11,449
[Laughter]
49
00:02:11,450 --> 00:02:13,285
And apparently,
they won't stop
50
00:02:13,319 --> 00:02:15,021
until there's a penis drawn
on every cop car in Brooklyn.
51
00:02:15,055 --> 00:02:17,858
Oh, that's what
he's been drawing.
52
00:02:17,859 --> 00:02:20,194
But what are those little
round things at the bottom?
53
00:02:20,195 --> 00:02:21,195
That's the butt.
54
00:02:21,230 --> 00:02:22,965
The butt?
55
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,802
I assume you have a plan
to catch this gentleman.
56
00:02:25,803 --> 00:02:27,838
Did you just
say "genital-man"?
57
00:02:27,839 --> 00:02:30,343
Because if so, kudos,
and yes, I have a plan.
58
00:02:30,344 --> 00:02:32,815
I'm gonna plant
a decoy squad car as bait.
59
00:02:32,849 --> 00:02:36,819
Meanwhile, I'll be waiting
in an undercover vehicle here.
60
00:02:36,820 --> 00:02:39,523
He's already tagged
three U/C vehicles.
61
00:02:39,524 --> 00:02:42,228
He can clearly spot 'em.
You should take my minivan.
62
00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:44,100
- A minivan?
- A-ha!
63
00:02:44,101 --> 00:02:45,502
[Laughter]
64
00:02:45,503 --> 00:02:49,006
You all got a problem
with my minivan?
65
00:02:49,007 --> 00:02:51,409
'Cause my wife
doesn't like it either.
66
00:02:51,410 --> 00:02:53,510
She wanted an SUV,
but those things roll, man.
67
00:02:53,511 --> 00:02:55,279
They roll!
68
00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:56,913
That's a good idea, sergeant.
We'll take the van.
69
00:02:56,914 --> 00:02:58,547
We?
You're coming with me?
70
00:02:58,548 --> 00:03:01,350
Sir, with all due respect,
I don't need backup.
71
00:03:01,351 --> 00:03:04,017
It's not backup.
It's babysitting.
72
00:03:04,052 --> 00:03:07,284
- Babysitting.
- A-ha!
73
00:03:07,285 --> 00:03:08,285
[Indistinct chatter]
74
00:03:08,286 --> 00:03:09,687
Oh, look at this.
75
00:03:09,688 --> 00:03:11,788
The drug dealer
got a B.A. in art history
76
00:03:11,789 --> 00:03:13,456
from Brooklyn college.
77
00:03:13,457 --> 00:03:14,457
Interesting, huh?
78
00:03:14,458 --> 00:03:16,290
How's that interesting?
79
00:03:16,291 --> 00:03:18,761
Well, it's surprising
because you would think
80
00:03:18,762 --> 00:03:21,468
he had studied... drugs.
81
00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:23,306
I studied
art history too.
82
00:03:23,307 --> 00:03:25,207
- Also not interesting.
- Excuse me.
83
00:03:25,208 --> 00:03:27,540
I know I'm just
a lowly civilian administrator,
84
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,474
but I couldn't
help overhearing
85
00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:32,042
you're looking
for some missing drugs?
86
00:03:32,043 --> 00:03:34,210
As it turns out,
my friend here, Carlene,
87
00:03:34,211 --> 00:03:37,613
is a psychic,
and she's ready to help you.
88
00:03:37,614 --> 00:03:39,214
I do palms, tarot,
89
00:03:39,215 --> 00:03:41,652
and I have a degree
in numerology from the Internet.
90
00:03:41,653 --> 00:03:43,422
- Ugh.
- Really, Gina?
91
00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:45,489
- A psychic?
- What? She's the real deal.
92
00:03:45,490 --> 00:03:47,623
E.G., last week,
she predicted
93
00:03:47,624 --> 00:03:50,260
I would have
a sensuous encounter
94
00:03:50,261 --> 00:03:51,896
with a guy named Mark.
95
00:03:51,897 --> 00:03:54,135
And I did.
96
00:03:54,136 --> 00:03:57,272
[Rock music]
97
00:03:57,273 --> 00:04:00,442
Is anyone here
named Mark?
98
00:04:00,443 --> 00:04:01,777
You're good.
99
00:04:01,778 --> 00:04:04,515
Okay, she's had visions
which, frankly,
100
00:04:04,516 --> 00:04:06,250
science cannot account for.
101
00:04:06,251 --> 00:04:08,852
Also, she can get you
amazing deals
102
00:04:08,853 --> 00:04:10,587
on ladies' footwear.
103
00:04:10,588 --> 00:04:13,788
She's assistant manager
at Leonard's designer shoes.
104
00:04:13,789 --> 00:04:17,325
Vision.
The drugs are in a location.
105
00:04:17,326 --> 00:04:19,194
I see the color blue...
She sees blue.
106
00:04:19,195 --> 00:04:20,762
And yellow.
107
00:04:20,763 --> 00:04:24,298
And I see the letter
"L", "R", "S", "T", "W", "E",
108
00:04:24,299 --> 00:04:25,998
and "B."
109
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,098
So basically, everyone's
first eight guesses in hangman?
110
00:04:28,099 --> 00:04:29,931
Thank you, Carlene.
111
00:04:29,932 --> 00:04:33,102
Your entire life
is garbage.
112
00:04:33,103 --> 00:04:34,971
So Holt's coming
on my stakeout now?
113
00:04:35,006 --> 00:04:37,372
I made a mixtape with
some very explicit rap on it,
114
00:04:37,373 --> 00:04:39,275
and now I can't sing along.
You made a mixtape?
115
00:04:39,276 --> 00:04:40,642
Yes, I still listen
to cassettes.
116
00:04:40,643 --> 00:04:42,141
This guy is all over me.
117
00:04:42,142 --> 00:04:43,808
I mean, a Captain
on a minor vandalism case?
118
00:04:43,809 --> 00:04:45,110
It's insane.
119
00:04:45,144 --> 00:04:47,046
What's insane
is how you refuse
120
00:04:47,047 --> 00:04:48,381
to get with the program.
121
00:04:48,382 --> 00:04:49,849
There is a new sheriff
in town, Jake.
122
00:04:49,850 --> 00:04:51,715
Well, I like
the old sheriff.
123
00:04:51,716 --> 00:04:53,515
I mean, McGintley wouldn't care
about a messy desk
124
00:04:53,516 --> 00:04:55,082
or all these stupid rules.
125
00:04:55,116 --> 00:04:57,884
(All) Tase, tase, tase, tase, tase...
Hey!
126
00:04:57,885 --> 00:04:59,285
What the hell's
going on here?
127
00:04:59,286 --> 00:05:00,853
Science experiment.
128
00:05:00,854 --> 00:05:02,822
I wanna see what happens
if I taser this cantaloupe.
129
00:05:02,823 --> 00:05:04,225
Okay.
130
00:05:04,226 --> 00:05:05,962
(All)
Tase, tase, tase, tase, tase...
131
00:05:05,963 --> 00:05:07,564
Ah!
132
00:05:07,565 --> 00:05:09,970
[All oh]
133
00:05:09,971 --> 00:05:12,841
Yeah!
[Cheers and applause]
134
00:05:12,842 --> 00:05:15,044
And McGintley wouldn't care
if I was three minutes late
135
00:05:15,045 --> 00:05:17,980
'cause he was always
an hour late and hungover,
136
00:05:17,981 --> 00:05:19,749
and he would let you do
literally anything you want
137
00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:21,051
if you gave him
a hamburger.
138
00:05:21,052 --> 00:05:22,254
Did he let you play
your mixtape?
139
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:23,990
Okay.
That's very funny.
140
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,425
Get an iPod, man.
141
00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:27,659
Mixtape.
142
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,193
I just want
to apologize
143
00:05:29,194 --> 00:05:31,328
for my fellow
Detective's behavior.
144
00:05:31,329 --> 00:05:35,832
Okay, my granny
also had the gift.
145
00:05:35,833 --> 00:05:39,098
I feel
that I will die soon.
146
00:05:39,099 --> 00:05:42,168
She was right.
She died two years later.
147
00:05:42,169 --> 00:05:46,004
Your sincere belief in my gift
means a great deal.
148
00:05:46,039 --> 00:05:47,938
Vision.
149
00:05:47,939 --> 00:05:50,139
The woman you love,
the one you work with,
150
00:05:50,173 --> 00:05:52,074
the scary one
with the black hair...
151
00:05:52,075 --> 00:05:53,476
- Rosa.
- Yes?
152
00:05:53,510 --> 00:05:54,877
She doesn't
love you back.
153
00:05:54,912 --> 00:05:56,913
She will never
love you back.
154
00:05:56,914 --> 00:05:58,181
Say "thank you," Charles.
155
00:05:58,182 --> 00:05:59,849
She just told you
your future.
156
00:05:59,850 --> 00:06:01,251
Thank you.
157
00:06:08,359 --> 00:06:10,895
You left without me.
You were late again.
158
00:06:10,930 --> 00:06:13,799
Well, I had to put on
my undercover minivan disguise.
159
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,201
Say hello
to Harvey Norgenbloom,
160
00:06:16,202 --> 00:06:19,239
CPA, recently divorced
father of two
161
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:22,374
with a dark sexual secret.
162
00:06:22,375 --> 00:06:24,710
- What's your cover?
- Angry Captain.
163
00:06:24,745 --> 00:06:27,981
Okay, so you do not like
my ensemble.
164
00:06:27,982 --> 00:06:29,948
I'm just concerned
that you may find it hard
165
00:06:29,949 --> 00:06:32,484
to pursue a criminal on foot
while wearing man sandals.
166
00:06:32,485 --> 00:06:34,890
But the sandals
define Harvey.
167
00:06:34,891 --> 00:06:37,995
He's a sandals guy.
168
00:06:37,996 --> 00:06:39,829
[Sighs]
169
00:06:39,830 --> 00:06:41,596
Captain, why the babysitting?
Why are you micromanaging me?
170
00:06:41,597 --> 00:06:43,495
You think I wanna be
sitting here with you
171
00:06:43,496 --> 00:06:44,730
instead of running
my precinct?
172
00:06:44,731 --> 00:06:46,400
Yes.
It was a rhetorical question.
173
00:06:46,401 --> 00:06:48,103
I've spent
the last 12 years
174
00:06:48,104 --> 00:06:49,673
fighting
for my first command,
175
00:06:49,674 --> 00:06:51,244
and I'm not gonna
let you screw it up
176
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,080
because you refuse
to take your job seriously.
177
00:06:53,081 --> 00:06:55,482
Hey, I do take
my job seriously.
178
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:57,317
I put away bad guys.
That's what matters.
179
00:06:57,318 --> 00:06:58,852
Well, so does doing
your paperwork,
180
00:06:58,853 --> 00:07:00,485
showing up on time,
wearing proper footwear.
181
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,254
That's on Harvey.
That's not me.
182
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,655
Well, so here's
the deal.
183
00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:05,156
You're gonna have
a superior officer
184
00:07:05,157 --> 00:07:07,259
babysitting you
on every one of your cases.
185
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,694
And when you show me
that you can do your job...
186
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:11,867
Every part of your job...
Perfectly,
187
00:07:11,868 --> 00:07:14,440
then I'll back off.
188
00:07:14,441 --> 00:07:17,675
Okay.
Counteroffer.
189
00:07:17,676 --> 00:07:21,475
I give you 50 bucks, and you
let me do whatever I want.
190
00:07:22,712 --> 00:07:24,514
Fine.
We'll do it your way.
191
00:07:24,515 --> 00:07:25,782
From this point on,
I'll do
192
00:07:25,783 --> 00:07:28,218
every part
of the job perfectly,
193
00:07:28,219 --> 00:07:29,955
perfecter than perfectly.
194
00:07:29,956 --> 00:07:32,793
It's "more perfectly."
You said that imperfectly.
195
00:07:32,794 --> 00:07:36,060
I was testing you.
You did perfectly.
196
00:07:36,061 --> 00:07:37,959
Quick update
on the tagger situation...
197
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:41,026
He is currently spray-painting
our van right now.
198
00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:43,329
Police, freeze!
199
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,230
Ow, ow, ow.
200
00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:46,831
Sandal down.
201
00:07:46,832 --> 00:07:49,198
Lost a sandal.
NYPD, freeze!
202
00:07:49,232 --> 00:07:51,632
I'm here.
203
00:07:51,633 --> 00:07:53,130
You're busted.
204
00:07:53,131 --> 00:07:54,532
Already got him.
We got him.
205
00:07:58,606 --> 00:08:01,440
Oh, hey, Captain.
206
00:08:01,441 --> 00:08:05,477
Hi, so I was able to procure
that $50 after all,
207
00:08:05,478 --> 00:08:07,278
and my offer
still stands.
208
00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:09,213
Let me do whatever I want,
and the $40...
209
00:08:09,214 --> 00:08:11,449
That's how much
I actually have... is yours.
210
00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:14,055
No? Fair enough.
I only had 30 anyway.
211
00:08:14,056 --> 00:08:15,623
Well, I guess
in order to get you
212
00:08:15,624 --> 00:08:17,258
to stop micromanaging me,
I'm gonna have to get back
213
00:08:17,259 --> 00:08:19,560
to the most important piece
of police work there is:
214
00:08:19,561 --> 00:08:20,961
Writing a perfect report.
215
00:08:20,996 --> 00:08:22,696
Good, I'm anxious
to read it.
216
00:08:22,731 --> 00:08:26,236
And I'm anxious to restore
my status as a lone wolf.
217
00:08:26,237 --> 00:08:29,641
[Howls]
218
00:08:29,642 --> 00:08:30,976
Anything else, Detective?
219
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:32,444
Yeah, I'm gonna do
one more.
220
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:34,913
[Howls]
221
00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:36,982
Lone wolf.
222
00:08:39,412 --> 00:08:40,585
He's digging me.
223
00:08:40,619 --> 00:08:42,253
[Clicks tongue]
224
00:08:42,254 --> 00:08:44,420
Hey, sarge, do you know
where we keep the glitter?
225
00:08:44,454 --> 00:08:46,420
Just wanna make sure
this report for the Captain
226
00:08:46,454 --> 00:08:47,586
is extra sparkly.
227
00:08:47,620 --> 00:08:48,920
What are you doing,
Peralta?
228
00:08:48,955 --> 00:08:50,688
Look, if I have to do things
his way,
229
00:08:50,689 --> 00:08:52,023
I'm gonna do them
my way.
230
00:08:52,024 --> 00:08:53,991
[Laughs]
Okay, man.
231
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,161
It was nice working with you.
[Laughs]
232
00:08:56,193 --> 00:08:57,893
I'm not scared of him,
okay?
233
00:08:57,928 --> 00:09:00,531
I'm not scared
of anyone.
234
00:09:00,532 --> 00:09:02,332
Oh, also, the tagger drew
a penis on your minivan.
235
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:04,166
I'm sorry.
Please don't chase after me.
236
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,713
What?
There's a penis on my minivan?
237
00:09:07,837 --> 00:09:10,272
High ceilings,
three bedrooms.
238
00:09:10,273 --> 00:09:12,677
Why does every perp
have a nicer place than I do?
239
00:09:12,708 --> 00:09:14,810
You know what they don't
teach you at the academy?
240
00:09:14,811 --> 00:09:15,932
It's better to be
a criminal.
241
00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:19,317
Oh, no.
The cabinets are blue.
242
00:09:19,318 --> 00:09:21,121
Tacky.
Not a deal breaker, though.
243
00:09:21,122 --> 00:09:22,490
I'd just repaint it.
244
00:09:22,524 --> 00:09:24,359
The psychic predicted
the drugs
245
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:25,640
would be found
in something blue.
246
00:09:25,661 --> 00:09:28,796
[Slow motion]
I see the color blue.
247
00:09:28,797 --> 00:09:30,799
She also made this really
depressing prediction
248
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,134
about my life.
249
00:09:32,135 --> 00:09:35,171
[Slow motion]
She will never love you back.
250
00:09:35,205 --> 00:09:37,910
And if she's right
about where we find the drugs,
251
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,111
that means she's right
about the other thing.
252
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:41,380
- Uh-huh.
- Kitchen.
253
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,521
- Whoa.
- Jackpot.
254
00:09:46,522 --> 00:09:48,726
There's way more
than 12 keys in here.
255
00:09:48,727 --> 00:09:49,894
Where was it?
256
00:09:49,928 --> 00:09:51,663
Baseboard,
behind the hamper.
257
00:09:51,697 --> 00:09:53,498
What color
was the hamper?
258
00:09:53,499 --> 00:09:54,498
- Green.
- Yes.
259
00:09:54,499 --> 00:09:55,832
The clothes hamper
was green.
260
00:09:55,833 --> 00:09:58,904
The clothes hamper was green!
261
00:09:58,938 --> 00:10:00,706
Drinks on me.
262
00:10:00,740 --> 00:10:02,640
[Laughs]
You're weird.
263
00:10:02,675 --> 00:10:04,509
[Engine starts]
264
00:10:04,510 --> 00:10:07,178
Sorry this is
taking so long.
265
00:10:07,179 --> 00:10:08,379
Still writing up
my report.
266
00:10:08,413 --> 00:10:10,082
Pretty detailed.
267
00:10:10,116 --> 00:10:12,284
Hey, Gina, can you look up
what the humidity was
268
00:10:12,285 --> 00:10:14,687
about an hour ago and also
what moon cycle we're in?
269
00:10:14,688 --> 00:10:17,992
No, sorry.
Don't feel like it, no.
270
00:10:18,027 --> 00:10:21,195
Thanks, Gina.
271
00:10:21,196 --> 00:10:23,031
And now to you.
What's your name?
272
00:10:23,032 --> 00:10:24,900
My name is
Banana Fartman, MD.
273
00:10:24,935 --> 00:10:26,269
I don't believe you.
274
00:10:26,304 --> 00:10:28,404
Come on, man.
Just tell me who you are.
275
00:10:28,405 --> 00:10:29,738
I need to fill
this thing out perfectly,
276
00:10:29,739 --> 00:10:31,507
so my boss
will get off my back.
277
00:10:31,542 --> 00:10:32,843
Are you a minor?
How old are you?
278
00:10:32,877 --> 00:10:34,778
I'm 610.
I'm a highlander.
279
00:10:34,779 --> 00:10:36,646
Okay, you know what?
I'm gonna put that in there.
280
00:10:36,647 --> 00:10:38,882
And then you're gonna be tried
as an adult highlander.
281
00:10:38,883 --> 00:10:41,084
And they're gonna cut
your head off.
282
00:10:41,085 --> 00:10:42,286
Is that what you want?
283
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,557
I hate to be the bearer
of bad news,
284
00:10:44,558 --> 00:10:46,728
but your psychic
friend's predictions
285
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:48,398
about the drug case
were wrong,
286
00:10:48,399 --> 00:10:50,470
which means all
of her predictions are wrong.
287
00:10:50,504 --> 00:10:53,572
Mm-mm. No way.
She's never wrong.
288
00:10:53,573 --> 00:10:55,606
We found the cocaine
behind a green hamper.
289
00:10:55,607 --> 00:10:57,644
Never said green
or the letter "H."
290
00:10:57,678 --> 00:11:00,751
Mm-hmm, she said
"blue" and "yellow," Charles.
291
00:11:00,752 --> 00:11:02,986
I don't know if there's
any kindergarteners present,
292
00:11:02,987 --> 00:11:05,422
but those two colors combined
make green.
293
00:11:05,423 --> 00:11:09,227
She also mentioned
the letters "L" and "B,"
294
00:11:09,261 --> 00:11:12,566
and another name
for a hamper is...
295
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:15,603
Lady bin?
296
00:11:15,604 --> 00:11:16,705
Laundry basket.
297
00:11:16,706 --> 00:11:18,442
Oh, little boo-boo.
298
00:11:18,476 --> 00:11:20,846
Can you go be depressed
over there?
299
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:23,348
You're bumming out
my whole area.
300
00:11:23,382 --> 00:11:25,582
Baby, I've got
some bad news.
301
00:11:25,616 --> 00:11:30,454
Someone painted a giant penis
on our minivan.
302
00:11:30,455 --> 00:11:33,223
No, you cannot have
an SUV now.
303
00:11:33,224 --> 00:11:35,626
Those things roll, baby.
They roll!
304
00:11:35,627 --> 00:11:37,796
Hey, look at this.
305
00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:39,700
Your prints were
on file.
306
00:11:39,701 --> 00:11:42,874
Nice to meet you,
Trevor Podolski.
307
00:11:42,875 --> 00:11:48,146
Oh, Podolski, just like Deputy
Police Commissioner Podolski.
308
00:11:48,147 --> 00:11:52,219
Your father is Deputy
Police Commissioner Podolski.
309
00:11:52,220 --> 00:11:54,689
I'm not sure
how things work here,
310
00:11:54,690 --> 00:11:57,760
but does that mean
that your career is in my hands?
311
00:11:57,761 --> 00:12:00,498
Okay, you know what?
312
00:12:00,499 --> 00:12:01,667
Yes.
313
00:12:06,234 --> 00:12:08,368
20.2 kilos.
314
00:12:08,369 --> 00:12:09,669
I feel like
we could round up to 21.
315
00:12:09,703 --> 00:12:13,073
Or we could round down
to 20,
316
00:12:13,074 --> 00:12:16,743
take the extra 0.2,
sell it to our friends.
317
00:12:18,714 --> 00:12:20,483
[Giggles]
318
00:12:20,484 --> 00:12:22,752
I'll call the D.A.
Rosa, you log this in.
319
00:12:22,753 --> 00:12:24,354
Charles, maybe watch Gina.
320
00:12:24,355 --> 00:12:25,522
[Laughs]
321
00:12:25,557 --> 00:12:26,723
So what are
you doing tonight?
322
00:12:26,758 --> 00:12:29,694
Nothing.
What about you...
323
00:12:29,695 --> 00:12:31,030
Are doing tonight?
324
00:12:31,064 --> 00:12:33,870
Nothing.
325
00:12:33,904 --> 00:12:35,238
Carlene.
326
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,742
Whelp, I hope you find
something to do.
327
00:12:39,743 --> 00:12:41,545
[Chuckles]
328
00:12:41,546 --> 00:12:44,915
I'm gonna pee.
That's what I'm doing tonight.
329
00:12:44,916 --> 00:12:47,351
No.
330
00:12:47,352 --> 00:12:48,753
[Sighs]
331
00:12:48,788 --> 00:12:51,389
Deputy commissioner's son, huh?
[Sighs]
332
00:12:51,424 --> 00:12:54,224
His decision to target cop cars
makes a lot more sense now.
333
00:12:54,225 --> 00:12:55,591
We gotta let him walk,
right?
334
00:12:55,626 --> 00:12:57,225
He defaced
nine police vehicles,
335
00:12:57,226 --> 00:12:58,525
and you caught him
red-handed.
336
00:12:58,526 --> 00:13:00,557
Why would you let him walk?
[Chuckles]
337
00:13:00,558 --> 00:13:03,459
Captain, I did all the work
on this perfectly.
338
00:13:03,460 --> 00:13:06,528
I mean, my report
has over 25 pages
339
00:13:06,529 --> 00:13:09,366
of meticulous research,
diagrams, and maps.
340
00:13:09,367 --> 00:13:12,272
I even put an "about the author"
section on the back.
341
00:13:12,306 --> 00:13:14,742
I did everything
you asked me to do,
342
00:13:14,776 --> 00:13:16,210
but this is
above my pay grade.
343
00:13:16,211 --> 00:13:17,745
You gotta make the call.
344
00:13:17,746 --> 00:13:21,214
You're the arresting officer.
It's your call.
345
00:13:21,215 --> 00:13:23,416
I told you to do
every part of your job,
346
00:13:23,417 --> 00:13:25,886
and making this call
is part of your job.
347
00:13:25,887 --> 00:13:29,391
- Yeah, but you think I should process him.
- Mm-hmm.
348
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,126
Well, if I do,
the deputy commissioner
349
00:13:31,127 --> 00:13:32,661
could ruin my career,
and I'll end up on the streets
350
00:13:32,662 --> 00:13:34,564
selling my beautiful body
for a can of beans.
351
00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:36,267
Mm-hmm.
352
00:13:36,268 --> 00:13:39,405
Has anyone ever told you
you look exactly like a statue?
353
00:13:39,406 --> 00:13:40,773
Yes.
354
00:13:40,774 --> 00:13:44,477
Man, you were totally right
about the cocaine,
355
00:13:44,478 --> 00:13:46,413
and you were also right
about Rosa.
356
00:13:46,414 --> 00:13:48,148
Who's Rosa?
The woman I...
357
00:13:48,182 --> 00:13:50,116
The woman who doesn't
love him back.
358
00:13:50,117 --> 00:13:51,584
Oh.
Yes, that woman.
359
00:13:51,585 --> 00:13:53,352
You know, it can be a burden
to always know
360
00:13:53,353 --> 00:13:54,853
what's gonna happen
in the future.
361
00:13:54,854 --> 00:13:56,421
Don't get out
of the chair.
362
00:13:56,422 --> 00:13:58,825
I just had a vision
of you leaving this chair
363
00:13:58,826 --> 00:14:00,460
and getting
seriously injured.
364
00:14:00,494 --> 00:14:01,994
Oh, my God.
365
00:14:02,029 --> 00:14:04,128
I should probably wheel you
back to your desk.
366
00:14:04,162 --> 00:14:06,263
That is a great idea.
Wheel you off a bridge.
367
00:14:06,264 --> 00:14:07,764
[Laughs]
I'm kidding.
368
00:14:07,765 --> 00:14:10,097
♪ Oh, you're alone
369
00:14:10,098 --> 00:14:12,601
♪ Uh-oh, you're alone
for life ♪
370
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,605
So here are my options.
371
00:14:14,606 --> 00:14:17,207
One, I process
Podolski's kid,
372
00:14:17,208 --> 00:14:18,975
he fires me, and I spend
the rest of my career
373
00:14:18,976 --> 00:14:21,813
as a Detective, third grade,
which is literally pathetic.
374
00:14:21,814 --> 00:14:24,586
No offense, Hitchcock.
None taken.
375
00:14:24,620 --> 00:14:26,790
Option two,
I let him walk,
376
00:14:26,791 --> 00:14:28,025
and I spend the rest
of my life with Holt
377
00:14:28,026 --> 00:14:29,960
as my babysitter.
378
00:14:29,961 --> 00:14:31,795
Honestly, when I think about
spending the rest of my life
379
00:14:31,796 --> 00:14:33,296
with a babysitter,
380
00:14:33,297 --> 00:14:35,732
she's kind of a cute blonde
named Erica,
381
00:14:35,733 --> 00:14:37,202
and she always has
pizza money
382
00:14:37,203 --> 00:14:38,571
and lets me stay up as late
as I want.
383
00:14:38,572 --> 00:14:40,175
How old are you
in this scenario?
384
00:14:40,176 --> 00:14:42,245
Anyway, the point is
Holt cares more
385
00:14:42,246 --> 00:14:44,814
about whether I
"do my job right"
386
00:14:44,815 --> 00:14:46,517
than whether I have a job
at all.
387
00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:47,886
So I'm taking suggestions.
388
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,756
I say piss off Holt,
389
00:14:49,757 --> 00:14:51,758
so we get to watch your career
end right in front of us.
390
00:14:51,759 --> 00:14:53,593
Okay, thank you
for that, Santiago.
391
00:14:53,594 --> 00:14:55,062
I'm gonna put you down
for "don't arrest,"
392
00:14:55,063 --> 00:14:56,564
and I'm also going
to put your phone number
393
00:14:56,565 --> 00:14:58,067
on every urinal
in Rikers.
394
00:14:58,068 --> 00:15:00,537
Don't arrest him.
Just smack him. Hard.
395
00:15:00,538 --> 00:15:02,005
With a phone book
on a body part
396
00:15:02,006 --> 00:15:03,504
no one can see,
you know what I'm saying?
397
00:15:03,505 --> 00:15:05,406
So you're suggesting
police brutality?
398
00:15:05,407 --> 00:15:07,609
Ha, ha, I guess so, yeah.
Why?
399
00:15:07,610 --> 00:15:09,611
- Hey, Scully.
- Yeah?
400
00:15:09,612 --> 00:15:11,182
You want this collar?
Paperwork's all done,
401
00:15:11,183 --> 00:15:13,851
and it's perfect.
The Podolski kid?
402
00:15:13,852 --> 00:15:15,686
Are you kidding?
I just gave him my lunch.
403
00:15:15,687 --> 00:15:18,555
Okay.
Boyle, what do you think?
404
00:15:18,556 --> 00:15:20,690
I don't know, man.
I'm lost.
405
00:15:20,691 --> 00:15:22,790
The universe is
a cruel and vexing puzzle.
406
00:15:22,791 --> 00:15:25,123
I-I'm at the whim
of the cosmos.
407
00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:27,861
All right, I'm gonna put
you down for "bummer,"
408
00:15:27,862 --> 00:15:32,398
and you can hang out in
that category all by yourself.
409
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:34,099
Hey, everyone.
410
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:37,869
Hey, Jake, there is a very sexy,
angry official here,
411
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:39,704
deputy commissioner Podolski.
412
00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:42,475
He's asking for you.
Very angry.
413
00:15:42,476 --> 00:15:46,278
Elderly, sexy, furious.
414
00:15:46,312 --> 00:15:49,614
Well, my career
is over.
415
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,214
See you at the bottom,
Hitchcock. No offense.
416
00:15:52,215 --> 00:15:55,313
No, none taken.
417
00:15:56,780 --> 00:15:58,047
Deputy commissioner.
418
00:15:58,048 --> 00:15:59,147
Where's my son?
419
00:15:59,148 --> 00:16:00,816
He is at my desk,
420
00:16:00,817 --> 00:16:03,321
enjoying a nice glass
of bubbly water
421
00:16:03,322 --> 00:16:05,558
and some chocolate I was saving
for a special occasion.
422
00:16:05,559 --> 00:16:07,229
Hey, Peralta,
when you're done,
423
00:16:07,230 --> 00:16:09,400
can you help me wrap up
this massive cocaine bust
424
00:16:09,401 --> 00:16:12,002
I just pulled off?
Thanks.
425
00:16:12,003 --> 00:16:14,571
Oh, deputy commissioner,
didn't see you there.
426
00:16:14,572 --> 00:16:16,172
Sorry for interrupting.
427
00:16:16,173 --> 00:16:17,840
Amy Santiago.
428
00:16:17,841 --> 00:16:19,408
[Sighs]
429
00:16:19,409 --> 00:16:21,578
Trevor, what'd you do
this time?
430
00:16:21,579 --> 00:16:22,813
Nothing.
431
00:16:22,847 --> 00:16:25,049
There you have it.
He said he did nothing.
432
00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:27,684
So I caught him red-handed
doing nothing?
433
00:16:27,685 --> 00:16:28,684
I'm saying maybe
it's a possibility
434
00:16:28,685 --> 00:16:30,150
you made a mistake.
435
00:16:30,184 --> 00:16:31,618
You know, normally,
I would agree with you,
436
00:16:31,619 --> 00:16:33,521
but I've been
pretty detail-oriented
437
00:16:33,522 --> 00:16:34,623
the last few hours.
438
00:16:34,624 --> 00:16:36,160
You might not
understand this,
439
00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:38,598
but Trevor is
a special kid.
440
00:16:38,599 --> 00:16:41,332
He makes straight "A"s.
He's going to Duke next year.
441
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,434
Lacrosse scholarship.
Oh.
442
00:16:43,435 --> 00:16:46,205
Sometimes, boys
just need to be boys.
443
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:49,311
You do realize
he did thousands of dollars
444
00:16:49,312 --> 00:16:51,346
worth of property damage,
though,
445
00:16:51,347 --> 00:16:52,981
to police vehicles.
446
00:16:52,982 --> 00:16:54,949
Look, I think
we can all agree
447
00:16:54,950 --> 00:16:57,052
that I'm ordering you
to let this slide
448
00:16:57,053 --> 00:16:58,689
because nothing happened.
449
00:16:58,690 --> 00:17:00,693
This is officially
out of your hands.
450
00:17:00,694 --> 00:17:04,133
Would you actually mind
just checking out my report?
451
00:17:04,134 --> 00:17:05,334
It's pretty thorough,
452
00:17:05,335 --> 00:17:07,835
and I spent over an hour
on fonts.
453
00:17:07,836 --> 00:17:09,002
Kinda snazzy, so...
454
00:17:09,003 --> 00:17:10,802
Oh, thank you.
455
00:17:10,803 --> 00:17:11,969
I'll get right to it.
456
00:17:11,970 --> 00:17:14,138
Thanks.
Trevor, let's go.
457
00:17:14,139 --> 00:17:16,841
Have a good one.
458
00:17:24,285 --> 00:17:26,286
Choo.
459
00:17:26,287 --> 00:17:27,387
Yes.
460
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:29,022
What's up with the chair?
461
00:17:29,023 --> 00:17:32,491
Um, Carlene predicted
if I get out of this chair,
462
00:17:32,492 --> 00:17:34,827
I'd get badly hurt,
so I'm not chancing it.
463
00:17:34,861 --> 00:17:38,763
Oh, man.
There's no pudding cups left.
464
00:17:38,764 --> 00:17:40,965
Ah!
What'd you do that for?
465
00:17:40,999 --> 00:17:44,333
There.
Now you're hurt in this chair.
466
00:17:44,334 --> 00:17:45,801
You can get hurt anywhere,
Boyle.
467
00:17:45,802 --> 00:17:47,637
And if you do,
it won't be
468
00:17:47,638 --> 00:17:51,576
because some shoe salesman
predicted it.
469
00:17:51,610 --> 00:17:54,616
You make
your own destiny.
470
00:17:58,853 --> 00:18:01,987
Well, we don't have to worry
about Podolski's son anymore.
471
00:18:02,022 --> 00:18:03,889
The case is officially
out of my hands.
472
00:18:03,890 --> 00:18:05,056
No charges filed.
473
00:18:05,057 --> 00:18:06,660
Why is there yogurt
on this?
474
00:18:06,694 --> 00:18:08,395
The deputy commissioner
threw my report
475
00:18:08,396 --> 00:18:10,130
in Terry's trash can,
476
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,796
and he'd been eating
yogurt earlier.
477
00:18:11,831 --> 00:18:14,764
Terry loves yogurt.
478
00:18:14,799 --> 00:18:17,167
Something wrong?
Kinda, yeah.
479
00:18:17,201 --> 00:18:18,904
I called six precincts
about this kid.
480
00:18:18,905 --> 00:18:20,707
He's been brought in
a dozen times.
481
00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:22,744
Theft, vandalism,
drunken disorderly,
482
00:18:22,745 --> 00:18:24,178
but he's never
been processed.
483
00:18:24,179 --> 00:18:27,011
His daddy comes in
and bails him out every time.
484
00:18:27,012 --> 00:18:28,378
He's a lucky little jerk.
485
00:18:28,379 --> 00:18:30,011
No, I wouldn't say
he was lucky.
486
00:18:30,012 --> 00:18:31,579
I feel bad for this kid.
487
00:18:31,580 --> 00:18:33,547
I mean,
what kind of father
488
00:18:33,548 --> 00:18:34,915
cares so little
for his son
489
00:18:34,916 --> 00:18:38,220
that he lets him get away
with everything?
490
00:18:38,221 --> 00:18:40,188
Well, he's someone else's
problem now.
491
00:18:40,189 --> 00:18:43,990
Like you said,
it's out of your hands.
492
00:18:43,991 --> 00:18:44,991
All right, I see
what you're trying to do,
493
00:18:44,992 --> 00:18:46,656
but it's not gonna work.
494
00:18:46,657 --> 00:18:48,492
I'm not going to arrest him.
I'm going to arrest him!
495
00:18:48,493 --> 00:18:50,862
- You want backup?
- Yes.
496
00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:54,032
[Siren wails]
497
00:18:56,018 --> 00:18:58,255
What is this?
You can't do this.
498
00:18:58,256 --> 00:18:59,723
Get that thing
outta here.
499
00:18:59,757 --> 00:19:01,091
Excuse me, sir.
500
00:19:01,092 --> 00:19:03,127
Trevor Podolski,
you're under arrest
501
00:19:03,128 --> 00:19:04,863
for vandalism
and destruction of property.
502
00:19:04,864 --> 00:19:06,298
What... dad!
What are you doing?
503
00:19:06,299 --> 00:19:07,501
I told you
to back off, Peralta.
504
00:19:07,536 --> 00:19:09,673
First off,
the name's Santiago,
505
00:19:09,674 --> 00:19:11,710
Detective Amy Santiago.
506
00:19:11,711 --> 00:19:13,611
Second, I'm arresting
your son,
507
00:19:13,646 --> 00:19:18,213
which, as I say it aloud,
seems like an unwise choice,
508
00:19:18,214 --> 00:19:20,049
but it's the one
I'm making.
509
00:19:20,050 --> 00:19:22,252
Once again,
my name is Amy Santiago.
510
00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:24,524
You're being stupid, Peralta.
Don't be stupid.
511
00:19:24,525 --> 00:19:26,360
I can make
your life miserable.
512
00:19:26,394 --> 00:19:29,131
Commissioner, please don't talk
to my Detective in that Tone.
513
00:19:29,132 --> 00:19:30,698
If you have a complaint,
you can take it up with me.
514
00:19:30,732 --> 00:19:34,333
You just made yourself
a very powerful enemy, Holt.
515
00:19:34,334 --> 00:19:37,068
I'm gonna be watching you,
both of you, like a hawk.
516
00:19:37,069 --> 00:19:38,169
You're gonna have to try
a little harder
517
00:19:38,170 --> 00:19:39,705
if you wanna scare me.
518
00:19:39,706 --> 00:19:42,007
I've been an openly gay cop
since 1987,
519
00:19:42,008 --> 00:19:45,076
so you're not the first
superior officer to threaten me.
520
00:19:45,077 --> 00:19:46,911
You know
how I'm still standing here?
521
00:19:46,912 --> 00:19:48,813
'Cause I do my job,
522
00:19:48,814 --> 00:19:51,417
and I do it right.
523
00:19:51,418 --> 00:19:52,820
Damn, son!
524
00:19:52,821 --> 00:19:54,788
Don't say "son."
Sorry.
525
00:19:54,823 --> 00:19:56,523
Deputy commissioner,
if you wanna pick Trevor up,
526
00:19:56,557 --> 00:19:59,392
he'll be
at the nine-nine.
527
00:19:59,393 --> 00:20:01,757
Let's go, fartman.
528
00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:05,194
Carlene was wrong, Gina.
529
00:20:05,195 --> 00:20:07,898
Rosa said it herself...
I'm in charge of my own destiny.
530
00:20:07,899 --> 00:20:09,568
That means she wants me
to make a move.
531
00:20:09,603 --> 00:20:11,738
Mm, but Carlene
was also right.
532
00:20:11,739 --> 00:20:14,174
You did get hurt
'cause Rosa punched you.
533
00:20:14,175 --> 00:20:15,841
And the fact that Rosa
punched you
534
00:20:15,842 --> 00:20:17,242
means she does not
like you.
535
00:20:17,277 --> 00:20:20,009
No, no, she punched me
to prove Carlene wrong.
536
00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:22,010
Move.
537
00:20:22,011 --> 00:20:23,378
Oh, wait,
I take it back.
538
00:20:23,379 --> 00:20:25,179
She definitely is
into you.
539
00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:28,317
So much chemistry.
I know, it's crazy.
540
00:20:28,351 --> 00:20:29,853
All right, let's get
this meeting started.
541
00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:31,022
I'm not late.
I'm here.
542
00:20:31,023 --> 00:20:35,031
[Alarm beeping]
543
00:20:38,038 --> 00:20:38,800
Right on time.
544
00:20:40,007 --> 00:20:40,842
You're out of uniform,
Peralta.
545
00:20:41,543 --> 00:20:42,512
Baby steps, Captain.
546
00:20:44,013 --> 00:20:44,732
Baby steps.
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:52,000
Sync & corrections by dzimu_kairu
40027
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.