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1
00:00:09,487 --> 00:00:12,621
♪♪
2
00:00:12,751 --> 00:00:17,060
♪ Something in my heart
gone missing ♪
3
00:00:17,191 --> 00:00:20,542
♪ I never thought
I would lose myself ♪
4
00:00:20,672 --> 00:00:24,633
♪ But then there is no denying ♪
5
00:00:24,763 --> 00:00:27,984
♪ The fact I know
I wasn't ready for life ♪
6
00:00:29,638 --> 00:00:33,468
♪ Sometimes I feel like I can
turn the world upside down ♪
7
00:00:33,598 --> 00:00:37,080
♪ Sometimes I feel like
I can never be wrong ♪
8
00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:40,649
♪ Sometimes I feel like there is
something more than I want ♪
9
00:00:40,779 --> 00:00:44,653
♪ Sometimes I feel like
I don't have a reason ♪
10
00:00:48,831 --> 00:00:51,007
This L.A. is like
a wildlife series.
11
00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:55,142
I got skunks, coyotes, cats
banging under my house.
12
00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:56,839
At least somebody
is getting laid.
13
00:00:56,969 --> 00:00:59,363
I wish I lived
in a civilized city.
14
00:00:59,494 --> 00:01:00,973
Yeah, but how many pirates
15
00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:02,410
are they casting
out of Buffalo, Coop?
16
00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:03,498
You got to be here.
17
00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:05,369
I'm done busting my ass.
18
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:08,894
Yesterday, I had my first
audition in four months.
19
00:01:09,025 --> 00:01:12,855
I drove two hours across town
to say three lines.
20
00:01:12,985 --> 00:01:14,509
By the time I got back
to my car,
21
00:01:14,639 --> 00:01:18,295
I was told they're going
in a different direction.
22
00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:19,862
You know what direction
I'm going?
23
00:01:19,992 --> 00:01:22,560
Back to Buffalo
to open a bar.
24
00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:27,174
Open it here.
Why?
25
00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:28,914
So you could drink
all the profits?
26
00:01:29,045 --> 00:01:30,002
Yeah, but when
I sell my pitch...
27
00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:31,439
"When I sell my pitch."
28
00:01:31,569 --> 00:01:33,180
I'm telling you --Brandon!
29
00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:35,007
No one wants to see
a Christian zombie movie.
30
00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:36,574
"Army of the Unwanted"
31
00:01:36,705 --> 00:01:38,533
is more like
a spiritual thriller.
32
00:01:38,663 --> 00:01:41,623
♪♪
33
00:01:41,753 --> 00:01:43,320
It has a message.
34
00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:44,974
Well, if that's the only offer
on the table,
35
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,410
I'd rather grow a man bun
and work at a co-op.
36
00:01:46,541 --> 00:01:48,108
Did you find
everything alright?
37
00:01:48,238 --> 00:01:49,805
That's actually
very healthy.
38
00:01:49,935 --> 00:01:51,633
Cooper!
Jesus Christ.
39
00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:53,896
David is gonna be here
in four minutes.
40
00:01:54,026 --> 00:01:55,550
You can't even
take out the trash?
41
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:57,465
Clean up for David?
Why?
42
00:01:57,595 --> 00:02:00,076
You told me he was bringing
what's his name from the studio.
43
00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:02,557
Kris.
Kris Latimer.
44
00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:06,865
When has David ever come
through on anything?
45
00:02:06,996 --> 00:02:08,780
He came through on an eighth
of Kush last night.
46
00:02:08,911 --> 00:02:10,739
This shit
is super strong.
47
00:02:10,869 --> 00:02:13,002
Maybe that's why
I don't feel so good today.
48
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:16,397
What if he does show up, Coop?
You're never gonna work again
49
00:02:16,527 --> 00:02:21,053
if he thinks
you are a degenerate snob.
50
00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:22,577
David wants me to pitch
this place
51
00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:25,057
to Kris Latimer
as a TV show --
52
00:02:25,188 --> 00:02:26,407
"Cooper's Bar."
53
00:02:26,537 --> 00:02:27,582
Nobody's gonna buy that.
54
00:02:27,712 --> 00:02:30,019
With me in it.
Doing what?
55
00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:35,024
Acting.
56
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,547
I'm an actor.
57
00:02:36,678 --> 00:02:39,071
Oh, yeah.
58
00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:41,596
Anyway
this Kris Latimer
59
00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:42,945
is one of the biggest dicks
in Hollywood.
60
00:02:43,075 --> 00:02:44,773
He'd never come here.
61
00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:46,340
You ever met him?
62
00:02:46,470 --> 00:02:48,733
Hell, no.
He's some dweeb from Seattle.
63
00:02:48,864 --> 00:02:52,302
Yeah. Tech guy thinks
he could run a studio.
64
00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:55,697
No, thanks. David met him
at Armenian boot camp.
65
00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:58,482
Are they all Armenian?
66
00:02:58,613 --> 00:03:00,354
No!
67
00:03:00,484 --> 00:03:01,746
What? Are you...
68
00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:03,487
That's a little racist.
69
00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:07,709
Anyway, this Kris Latimer
is never gonna hire me.
70
00:03:07,839 --> 00:03:10,190
They'll -- They'll give it
to a name
71
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,757
or, uh, Danny DeVito.
72
00:03:15,804 --> 00:03:17,022
Oh, whoa, whoa.
73
00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:20,112
Go easy on that, man.
74
00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:22,202
Why are you so worried
about being recast
75
00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:23,812
in an imaginary show
anyway?
76
00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:25,640
Kris Latimer
is not coming.
77
00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:27,729
No, he is not.
78
00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:32,299
♪♪
79
00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:35,998
Yeah.
80
00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:38,566
No. What?
81
00:03:38,696 --> 00:03:41,960
I don't know why
it's called a Dandie.
82
00:03:42,091 --> 00:03:42,961
I just know
it's a vegan marshmallow.
83
00:03:43,092 --> 00:03:45,050
Okay?
Hey!
84
00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:47,401
No, you need to get them by EOD
because Sybil's coming over
85
00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:49,620
to play with my daughter
this weekend.
86
00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:51,709
And Sybil's father is the most
important director in Hollywood,
87
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,016
and Sybil's father told Sybil
that she's a vegan.
88
00:03:54,146 --> 00:03:57,280
So now we have to accept
that as a fact, right?
89
00:03:57,411 --> 00:04:00,936
Can you stop crying
and just do your job?
90
00:04:01,066 --> 00:04:03,243
It's not that har--
Alright, hang on.
91
00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:05,245
No, no, no, no. I got another
call coming through.
92
00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:07,421
I got to take it.
Hi.
93
00:04:07,551 --> 00:04:09,858
No, but I am going
into a meeting
94
00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:11,642
with Amy Schumer right now.
95
00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:13,296
-Get off the goddamn phone.
-Hang on.
96
00:04:13,427 --> 00:04:14,993
I think
I just found the valet.
97
00:04:15,124 --> 00:04:17,126
I could not find you anywhere.
I had to self-park.
98
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,736
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
99
00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:20,695
You moved my garbage can,
100
00:04:20,825 --> 00:04:23,611
and now my trash
won't be picked up.
101
00:04:23,741 --> 00:04:26,614
Okay, back off, bitch.
102
00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:28,442
No, just some crazy person.
103
00:04:28,572 --> 00:04:30,922
No, listen. No, the Amy thing
all happened last --
104
00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:32,446
Oh, holy shi-i-t!
105
00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:34,535
Go ahead. I'm listening.
106
00:04:34,665 --> 00:04:35,927
Yeah, her agents told me.
107
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:38,713
Right, I know.
108
00:04:38,843 --> 00:04:41,237
Yeah, but -- No, well --
109
00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:43,108
Well, Amy Schumer's agent
said --
110
00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:44,893
Hang on.
I will read it to you.
111
00:04:45,023 --> 00:04:49,071
"She wants to play a total loser
who thinks they're cool."
112
00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:50,812
Yeah, I know we don't have that.
113
00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:52,204
I cannot find this place.
114
00:04:52,335 --> 00:04:53,771
I'm just gonna tell her
that we have it.
115
00:04:53,902 --> 00:04:55,207
Alright. I'll call you after.
116
00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:56,861
Jesus, I cannot believe
117
00:04:56,992 --> 00:04:59,081
I just climbed over a recliner
in the street.
118
00:04:59,211 --> 00:05:00,735
I think I got HPV.
119
00:05:02,737 --> 00:05:05,435
Sorry.
Is this, uh, Cooper's Bar?
120
00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:08,482
Hell yeah.
This is Cooper's Bar.
121
00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:09,657
Why don't you let me
122
00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,354
pour you a goblet
o' Cabernet?
123
00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:13,051
Oh, hell yeah.
124
00:05:14,139 --> 00:05:15,227
Hi.
Hi.
125
00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:22,365
This place is, uh,
amazing.
126
00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:23,801
Thank you.
127
00:05:23,932 --> 00:05:26,717
My grandfather,
father and myself,
128
00:05:26,848 --> 00:05:29,459
all bartenders in Buffalo.
129
00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:30,895
So I built this place.
130
00:05:31,026 --> 00:05:34,159
Mmm.
You have so much...stuff.
131
00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:35,596
I'm here every night.
132
00:05:35,726 --> 00:05:38,512
That's one thing I'd like
to get rid of.
133
00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:42,472
Oh. One of your neighbors
is a real crazy bitch.
134
00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:45,257
Well, that's L.A. You get
a designated asshole per street.
135
00:05:45,388 --> 00:05:46,868
It's not gender specific.
136
00:05:46,998 --> 00:05:48,652
Cheers to that.
Yeah.
137
00:05:54,702 --> 00:06:02,144
♪♪
138
00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:06,104
So...where's
you know who?
139
00:06:06,235 --> 00:06:07,845
Kris Latimer?Yeah.
140
00:06:07,976 --> 00:06:09,412
He ain't coming.What?
141
00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:11,936
I'm -- I'm sorry.
You are...?
142
00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:14,156
Come on. Fuck off.
Where's Amy Schumer?
143
00:06:15,984 --> 00:06:19,466
That woman called me a bitch.
144
00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:21,511
Oh, that is the crazy asshole
I told you about.
145
00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:25,167
Kris Latimer
and Cooper Marino!
146
00:06:25,297 --> 00:06:26,298
I knew you'd hit it off.
147
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:29,563
David.
148
00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:30,738
Kris Latimer?
Yes!
149
00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:32,479
Oh, sorry.
150
00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:36,700
We didn't realize...
That you'd have titties.
151
00:06:36,831 --> 00:06:38,659
Wait.
Who is Cooper Marino?
152
00:06:38,789 --> 00:06:40,617
Kris Latimer.
Hey!
153
00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:43,098
Hey! Hey.
154
00:06:44,882 --> 00:06:46,144
I thought you said
Kris Latimer
155
00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:47,581
was the biggest dick
in Hollywood.
156
00:06:47,711 --> 00:06:49,017
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
157
00:06:49,147 --> 00:06:50,410
I have the biggest dick
in Hollywood.
158
00:06:52,673 --> 00:06:54,414
Oh, I'm sorry.
159
00:06:54,544 --> 00:06:55,763
We just didn't believe
David could get a real exec
160
00:06:55,893 --> 00:06:57,286
like yourself
to show up at my bar...
161
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,244
Yard....to pitch our show.
162
00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:01,899
David, you told me
we were meeting Amy Schumer.
163
00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:04,075
We are?
Oh, yeah.
164
00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:05,468
She's here
practically every night.
165
00:07:05,599 --> 00:07:06,730
Isn't that right,
Mary Poppins?
166
00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:09,733
Well, yeah.Oh, David. Come on.
167
00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:12,388
I saw her once getting coffee
in our neighborhood.
168
00:07:12,519 --> 00:07:15,086
-Alright, I'm out of here.
-Kris, please.
169
00:07:15,217 --> 00:07:17,175
J-J-Just 5 minutes.
I mean, Cooper's great.
170
00:07:17,306 --> 00:07:18,786
This bar is amazing.
171
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,048
I can't feel my eyelids.
172
00:07:20,178 --> 00:07:21,658
Just sit down,
173
00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,921
and Cooper is gonna give you
the whole pitch.
174
00:07:24,052 --> 00:07:26,750
♪♪
175
00:07:26,881 --> 00:07:28,535
Pitch.
176
00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:29,666
Me?
177
00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:32,582
Well, I --
178
00:07:32,713 --> 00:07:34,497
I got this.
No.
179
00:07:34,628 --> 00:07:36,281
I got it.Brandon, please.
180
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:41,199
It's called "Army
of the Unwanted."
181
00:07:41,330 --> 00:07:43,680
It's a Christian
zombie-vampire movie.
182
00:07:43,811 --> 00:07:46,030
Oh, God.About all
the aborted souls
183
00:07:46,161 --> 00:07:48,772
of the babies
who returned to Earth
184
00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:50,905
seeking their revenge.
185
00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:54,082
Alright.
186
00:07:54,212 --> 00:07:56,867
David...fuck you.
187
00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:58,129
Wait, wait.
Hold on a sec.
188
00:07:58,260 --> 00:08:00,436
Oh, I don't feel so good.
189
00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:07,356
Oh, shit.
190
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,705
David, call 911.
191
00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:10,272
Cooper, do chest compressions.
192
00:08:10,402 --> 00:08:11,665
Kris, count the compressions.
193
00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:15,930
His chest is like
a garbage can.
194
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:17,192
Oh, God. Just move.
195
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:19,281
♪♪
196
00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:23,851
Oh, wait. He's just
regained consciousness.
197
00:08:23,981 --> 00:08:26,462
Hang on.
Brandon, you okay?
198
00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:31,598
Actually, don't come.
He's fine.
199
00:08:31,728 --> 00:08:34,339
Gosh, that was brilliant!
200
00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:35,602
I think that's
how I'm gonna end
201
00:08:35,732 --> 00:08:37,081
the first episode
of "Cooper's Bar."
202
00:08:37,212 --> 00:08:39,867
I got to do damage control.
Amy Schumer.
203
00:08:39,997 --> 00:08:42,478
Don't you see it?
It's this place.
204
00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:44,480
These people on the show,
on the telly.
205
00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:47,657
A show about a bunch of total
losers who think they're cool?
206
00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:49,267
Really?
207
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,313
What? What? Wait.
What pitch is that?
208
00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:54,359
It's our pitch.
It's "Cooper's Bar."
209
00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:59,495
Yeah. Yeah, that might work.
210
00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:01,323
I mean, it's sure as shit better
211
00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:04,239
than his Mike Pence
baby zombies crap, right?
212
00:09:04,369 --> 00:09:05,980
I was high.
213
00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:07,634
Lots of people are high,
214
00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:08,939
and no one else is pitching
steaming piles of shit.
215
00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:10,375
Okay?
216
00:09:10,506 --> 00:09:12,377
you three, call my office.
217
00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:14,815
Set something up.
I got to fly.
218
00:09:14,945 --> 00:09:18,383
It's like the Bills/Oilers game
all over again.
219
00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:21,256
It's the greatest comeback
since the comeback!
220
00:09:24,172 --> 00:09:26,827
Oh, shit.
221
00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:31,396
♪♪
222
00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:41,668
♪ Sometimes I feel like I can
turn the world upside down ♪
223
00:09:41,798 --> 00:09:45,715
♪ Sometimes I feel like
I can never be wrong ♪
224
00:09:45,846 --> 00:09:49,371
♪ Sometimes I feel like there is
something more than I want ♪
225
00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:53,375
♪ Sometimes I feel like
I don't have a reason ♪
226
00:09:53,505 --> 00:09:57,031
♪ Sometimes I feel like I can
turn the world upside down ♪
227
00:09:57,161 --> 00:10:01,078
♪ Sometimes I feel like
I can never be wrong ♪
228
00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:04,691
♪ Sometimes I feel like there is
something more than I want ♪
229
00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:08,520
♪ Sometimes I feel like
I don't have a reason ♪
16257
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