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1
00:00:00,718 --> 00:00:04,999
It's often been said,
"A man's home is his castle."
2
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,379
We do everything necessary
3
00:00:07,380 --> 00:00:10,250
to maintain and protect our property.
4
00:00:17,830 --> 00:00:19,829
The only problem is,
5
00:00:19,830 --> 00:00:23,209
you can't control what other
people do with their castles...
6
00:00:29,210 --> 00:00:30,959
...which can really suck
7
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:33,460
if you happen to be
the castle-owner next door.
8
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:38,289
Yep.
9
00:00:38,290 --> 00:00:40,540
That's what's been happening
in my kingdom.
10
00:00:42,620 --> 00:00:45,119
Ugh, will you look at this?
11
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:47,079
Hey, Dre, what ya doing?
12
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:48,749
- Come on, Janine!
- Oh, I'm sorry.
13
00:00:48,750 --> 00:00:50,169
I wanted to talk to you,
14
00:00:50,170 --> 00:00:51,459
and sometimes when I knock on your door,
15
00:00:51,460 --> 00:00:53,379
I feel like you guys
pretend not to be home.
16
00:00:53,380 --> 00:00:55,619
We don't pretend not to be home.
17
00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:57,539
We pretend we can't hear the door.
18
00:00:57,540 --> 00:01:00,789
All right, uh, is this...
Is all this Airbnb people?
19
00:01:00,790 --> 00:01:02,119
Yeah, the Kellys really screwed us
20
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,140
when they decided to
rent out their house.
21
00:01:03,165 --> 00:01:05,379
I mean, these people leave
pizza boxes on the lawn,
22
00:01:05,380 --> 00:01:06,749
they... they park in front
of my driveway.
23
00:01:06,750 --> 00:01:08,419
Last weekend, there was a party.
24
00:01:08,420 --> 00:01:11,829
I found human poo in my garden.
25
00:01:11,830 --> 00:01:13,709
It could've been an animal.
26
00:01:13,710 --> 00:01:15,499
Ohh, Dre, I think I know the difference.
27
00:01:17,290 --> 00:01:19,169
I can't believe I'm agreeing
with you, but...
28
00:01:19,170 --> 00:01:21,184
this does need to be handled.
29
00:01:21,231 --> 00:01:22,810
That's why I'm talking
to all the neighbors,
30
00:01:22,811 --> 00:01:24,824
- and we are gonna call the police.
- Nope!
31
00:01:26,061 --> 00:01:28,230
Good luck with your white-people fight.
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00:01:28,231 --> 00:01:29,601
Keep my name out of it.
33
00:01:31,932 --> 00:01:36,800
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
34
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You guys wouldn't believe what
Janine just asked me to do.
35
00:01:40,731 --> 00:01:44,190
She tried to get you to call
the police about those renters.
36
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:45,101
How'd you know?
37
00:01:45,102 --> 00:01:47,730
Blond hair? Always outside?
38
00:01:47,731 --> 00:01:49,390
I know a snitch when I see one.
39
00:01:49,391 --> 00:01:51,230
She's right to want to do
something, though.
40
00:01:51,231 --> 00:01:53,100
You know, I was running by that
house this morning,
41
00:01:53,101 --> 00:01:55,520
and a couple of the guys
were catcalling me...
42
00:01:55,521 --> 00:01:57,448
- Hmm.
- ...saying I was sexy.
43
00:01:57,473 --> 00:01:58,407
Hmm.
44
00:01:58,432 --> 00:02:00,600
You've just been waiting
for a way to get that story out?
45
00:02:00,601 --> 00:02:02,310
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
46
00:02:03,521 --> 00:02:04,940
And I'm gonna tell it
when I get to work,
47
00:02:04,941 --> 00:02:06,350
but seriously, that house is a problem.
48
00:02:06,351 --> 00:02:09,060
Okay, well, calling the cops
is not an option.
49
00:02:09,061 --> 00:02:11,600
- Okay.
- The Johnsons don't snitch.
50
00:02:11,601 --> 00:02:12,730
- That's right.
- Okay.
51
00:02:12,731 --> 00:02:14,350
Wait, I thought Johnsons
don't eat leftovers.
52
00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:15,890
No, that's just because
Dad doesn't leave
53
00:02:15,891 --> 00:02:17,850
enough for leftovers.
54
00:02:17,851 --> 00:02:21,190
Junior, I wanted Cheddar Bunnies
instead of Goldfish.
55
00:02:21,191 --> 00:02:23,600
Ooh, that new kid, Wyatt, he
loves Cheddar Bunnies, too.
56
00:02:23,601 --> 00:02:25,270
What?!
57
00:02:25,271 --> 00:02:27,150
Shut up. I don't even know Wyatt.
58
00:02:27,151 --> 00:02:28,730
I don't even know if he eats.
59
00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:30,230
All right, I got to go to
the hospital, guys.
60
00:02:30,231 --> 00:02:32,131
There's been a horrible
bus accident. Bye.
61
00:02:32,156 --> 00:02:33,032
- All right, Bow.
- Bye, Mom.
62
00:02:33,057 --> 00:02:34,213
- Bye.
- Yeah, you do.
63
00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:35,908
You gave Wyatt all of
your snacks yesterday.
64
00:02:37,427 --> 00:02:38,847
Shut... up!
65
00:02:42,311 --> 00:02:43,683
Oh, my God.
66
00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:46,207
Oh, my God.
67
00:02:47,061 --> 00:02:51,171
My baby girl... has a crush on a boy.
68
00:02:51,210 --> 00:02:52,459
Yes, she does.
69
00:02:52,515 --> 00:02:54,390
You've got a crush on a boy!
70
00:02:54,469 --> 00:02:57,099
- Kindly unhand me, Mother.
- Unhanding.
71
00:02:59,691 --> 00:03:01,650
Hey, sorry I'm late, guys.
72
00:03:01,651 --> 00:03:04,190
My neighbor won't leave me alone.
73
00:03:04,191 --> 00:03:06,650
Oh-ho! Been there.
74
00:03:06,651 --> 00:03:08,230
But lookit, Dre, you got to tell her,
75
00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:12,020
say, "Hey, we're both married.
This has got to end, Jocelyn.
76
00:03:12,021 --> 00:03:13,270
You know, eventually,
77
00:03:13,271 --> 00:03:15,310
your husband's gonna
come home from war."
78
00:03:15,311 --> 00:03:17,650
Okay, your life is disgusting.
79
00:03:17,651 --> 00:03:19,150
And it's not that.
80
00:03:19,151 --> 00:03:22,850
She wants me to call the police
on an Airbnb on our block.
81
00:03:22,851 --> 00:03:24,560
- No, she don't.
- Yes, she does.
82
00:03:24,561 --> 00:03:26,350
What's the big deal about
having renters on your street?
83
00:03:26,351 --> 00:03:28,440
Yeah, and where do you have to be from
84
00:03:28,441 --> 00:03:32,516
to think that your neighborhood is
a vacation destination?
85
00:03:32,541 --> 00:03:34,943
Really, just call the cops.
86
00:03:34,968 --> 00:03:36,507
I'm not gonna do that, all right,
87
00:03:36,532 --> 00:03:38,802
because Black people, we don't snitch.
88
00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:40,873
That's right. We do not.
89
00:03:40,898 --> 00:03:43,067
I once was tied up in
a basement with a phone
90
00:03:43,068 --> 00:03:44,897
that only dialed 911,
91
00:03:44,898 --> 00:03:48,187
and I still refused to snitch
on my captors.
92
00:03:48,188 --> 00:03:50,477
- Mm-hmm.
- They say, "Snitches get stitches."
93
00:03:50,478 --> 00:03:52,977
Unfortunately, so do non-snitches.
94
00:03:52,978 --> 00:03:55,147
- Oh, my God. They stabbed you?
- Worse.
95
00:03:55,148 --> 00:03:58,357
When I finally got home,
I tried to cut a bagel.
96
00:03:58,358 --> 00:03:59,817
Six stitches in my palm.
97
00:03:59,818 --> 00:04:02,147
But I never snitched on that bagel.
98
00:04:02,148 --> 00:04:05,437
Calling law enforcement
is not snitching.
99
00:04:05,438 --> 00:04:07,067
And besides, as a landowner,
100
00:04:07,068 --> 00:04:09,687
it's actually one of your
constitutional rights.
101
00:04:09,688 --> 00:04:11,567
Just doesn't feel right.
102
00:04:11,568 --> 00:04:15,437
Okay, let's say your house
catches on fire. What do you do?
103
00:04:15,438 --> 00:04:17,397
- You call the fire department, right?
- Mm-hmm.
104
00:04:17,398 --> 00:04:19,237
If your son falls and breaks his leg,
105
00:04:19,238 --> 00:04:21,147
you call the ambulance, right?
106
00:04:21,148 --> 00:04:23,187
If your yacht ran aground
107
00:04:23,188 --> 00:04:26,148
full of cocaine and prostitutes,
you'd call a Senator.
108
00:04:27,318 --> 00:04:28,647
I'm just saying.
109
00:04:28,648 --> 00:04:30,478
Make the system work for you.
110
00:04:34,778 --> 00:04:37,647
- Ooh, I am slaying in this one.
- Uh-huh.
111
00:04:37,648 --> 00:04:39,107
Ugh, but my eyes are closed.
112
00:04:39,108 --> 00:04:40,237
Oh, no, I got you, sis.
113
00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,817
Just use that Top Shot thing.
114
00:04:41,818 --> 00:04:44,027
All right. And boom. Check it out.
115
00:04:44,028 --> 00:04:46,477
It automatically loses
the sleepy-slay pic
116
00:04:46,478 --> 00:04:48,777
and chooses the best one.
117
00:04:48,778 --> 00:04:50,930
- Crisis averted.
- Thank you!
118
00:04:50,955 --> 00:04:51,836
Mm-hmm.
119
00:04:51,861 --> 00:04:53,737
Boy, bye... boy, hi.
120
00:04:53,738 --> 00:04:56,027
- Right.
- What are we doing?
121
00:04:56,028 --> 00:04:58,687
Ooh... hi.
122
00:04:58,688 --> 00:05:00,817
Are we posting pictures for Wyatt?
123
00:05:00,818 --> 00:05:01,897
Let me see.
124
00:05:01,898 --> 00:05:03,067
Let me get in here.
125
00:05:03,068 --> 00:05:04,857
I'm coming, I'm coming.
126
00:05:04,858 --> 00:05:06,737
Let me see, let me see, let me
see, let me see, let me see!
127
00:05:06,738 --> 00:05:08,857
- That one's beautiful.
- What?!
128
00:05:08,858 --> 00:05:10,527
How you gonna put me out
there like that?
129
00:05:10,528 --> 00:05:11,607
I didn't put you anywhere!
130
00:05:11,608 --> 00:05:12,737
You don't see that wonky eyebrow?
131
00:05:12,738 --> 00:05:15,977
Diane, you have Mommy's eyebrows.
132
00:05:15,978 --> 00:05:17,187
You do.
133
00:05:17,188 --> 00:05:18,737
So just delete that one that Mom liked
134
00:05:18,738 --> 00:05:20,857
and post that one.
135
00:05:20,858 --> 00:05:22,277
Um...
136
00:05:22,278 --> 00:05:23,437
He liked it already!
137
00:05:23,438 --> 00:05:24,398
- No way!
- Yeah!
138
00:05:24,399 --> 00:05:25,897
Oh, my God! Ah, ah, okay.
139
00:05:25,898 --> 00:05:27,397
Everybody calm down.
You know what you need to do?
140
00:05:27,398 --> 00:05:29,607
You need to like one of his pictures.
141
00:05:29,608 --> 00:05:30,528
Oh, should she, Mom?
142
00:05:30,529 --> 00:05:31,937
- Yes!
- One or two or maybe all?
143
00:05:31,938 --> 00:05:33,397
- Oh, two.
- Why not all of them from this year?
144
00:05:33,398 --> 00:05:34,937
- Right?
- Oh, my God! Yes, yes!
145
00:05:34,938 --> 00:05:38,897
And that way, he will know that
you are interested.
146
00:05:38,898 --> 00:05:40,607
- Are you messing with me?
- Yes, I am.
147
00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:42,187
- What?
- Okay, Diane, if you really want this
148
00:05:42,188 --> 00:05:44,237
to work with Wyatt, just do what I say.
149
00:05:44,238 --> 00:05:46,897
- Okay.
- Text, "You're so funny."
150
00:05:46,898 --> 00:05:48,237
No, that's weird.
151
00:05:48,238 --> 00:05:51,357
But next, you text him,
"Sorry, wrong person."
152
00:05:51,358 --> 00:05:54,065
- Ooh, yeah.
- No, that's... No, don't.
153
00:05:54,090 --> 00:05:55,098
That's manipulative.
154
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,213
- That's weird.
- Shh!
155
00:05:56,238 --> 00:05:57,674
- Wait, what?
- He texted back.
156
00:05:57,699 --> 00:05:58,924
- No, he did not!
- Already?
157
00:05:58,949 --> 00:06:01,067
And he asked if I wanted to go
to ice cream on Saturday!
158
00:06:01,068 --> 00:06:02,662
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
159
00:06:05,438 --> 00:06:06,937
Ice cream! Ice cream!
160
00:06:06,938 --> 00:06:09,277
Ice creeaaam!
161
00:06:09,278 --> 00:06:10,527
Ice cream.
162
00:06:10,528 --> 00:06:11,777
We... are going...
163
00:06:11,778 --> 00:06:13,607
to ice cream... with a boy.
164
00:06:13,608 --> 00:06:15,607
We are... You're closing the door.
165
00:06:15,608 --> 00:06:16,955
- Wait.
- Congratulations.
166
00:06:16,980 --> 00:06:19,067
Thank you so much!
167
00:06:19,068 --> 00:06:20,477
What the hell?
168
00:06:20,478 --> 00:06:23,317
Hey, Dre, someone's blocking
your driveway.
169
00:06:23,318 --> 00:06:25,397
Pretty aggravating, huh?
170
00:06:25,398 --> 00:06:27,277
Maine plates, too.
171
00:06:27,278 --> 00:06:28,477
Aahh!
172
00:06:28,502 --> 00:06:30,655
I wish there was something we could do.
173
00:06:32,335 --> 00:06:33,950
What do you want me
to do about it, Janine?
174
00:06:33,951 --> 00:06:35,110
I'm just saying.
175
00:06:35,111 --> 00:06:37,150
I mean, they're right over there.
176
00:06:37,151 --> 00:06:39,610
They gave that guy a ticket for
putting his trash in my can.
177
00:06:39,611 --> 00:06:40,910
Seems extreme.
178
00:06:40,911 --> 00:06:42,570
All right, maybe, maybe.
179
00:06:42,571 --> 00:06:44,950
Look, if you wanna keep your sweet ride
180
00:06:44,951 --> 00:06:47,700
parked on the street tonight,
you know, fine by me.
181
00:06:47,701 --> 00:06:50,200
Hope no one tries to key it.
182
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:51,820
Anything else we can
help you with, ma'am?
183
00:06:51,821 --> 00:06:53,030
No, no, I'm okay. Thank you.
184
00:06:53,031 --> 00:06:55,780
Unless my friend Mr. Johnson
needs something.
185
00:06:55,781 --> 00:06:57,950
Uh...
186
00:06:57,951 --> 00:06:59,820
Well, this guy's kinda
blocking my driveway.
187
00:06:59,821 --> 00:07:02,320
Kind of? You can't even
access your property.
188
00:07:02,321 --> 00:07:04,530
This is some real Maine [bleep].
189
00:07:04,531 --> 00:07:05,701
You want it towed or ticketed?
190
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,150
I thought that was your choice.
191
00:07:09,151 --> 00:07:10,780
You're the homeowner.
192
00:07:10,781 --> 00:07:12,200
You're the boss.
193
00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:20,150
What are you doing?
194
00:07:20,151 --> 00:07:22,240
Can you believe how far this Airbnb lady
195
00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:23,280
parked her car in the street?
196
00:07:23,281 --> 00:07:24,610
It's got to be over 3 feet.
197
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,820
Hey, want to help me measure it
198
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,150
before I call it in to the police?
199
00:07:28,151 --> 00:07:30,410
Whoa. I-I thought Johnsons don't snitch.
200
00:07:30,411 --> 00:07:31,411
Don't be ignorant.
201
00:07:31,412 --> 00:07:32,990
All right, it's not snitching
202
00:07:32,991 --> 00:07:34,200
when you're a homeowner.
203
00:07:34,201 --> 00:07:35,320
Oh, uh...
204
00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:37,280
Okay, cool.
205
00:07:39,951 --> 00:07:41,780
Here you are. Drive safe out there.
206
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:49,074
Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM
207
00:07:57,111 --> 00:07:58,490
Go, Dre, go!
208
00:08:01,821 --> 00:08:04,450
Time.
209
00:08:05,821 --> 00:08:08,410
911, what's your emergency?
210
00:08:08,459 --> 00:08:11,610
Uh, oh, hell no!
211
00:08:11,611 --> 00:08:13,450
- Light 'em up.
- All right.
212
00:08:27,411 --> 00:08:30,106
All right. Everybody say "lemonade"!
213
00:08:30,131 --> 00:08:31,170
- Lemonade!
- Lemonade!
214
00:08:32,531 --> 00:08:36,030
As I drove my steel steed
through my kingdom,
215
00:08:36,031 --> 00:08:39,354
I heard the much-too-loud
merriment of peasants.
216
00:08:40,410 --> 00:08:42,490
But I was secure in the fact
that my castle
217
00:08:42,491 --> 00:08:46,030
would always be protected
by my ever-ready knights
218
00:08:46,031 --> 00:08:49,864
of Sherman Oaks, who were only
a three-digit call away.
219
00:08:53,361 --> 00:08:58,110
A three-digit call I could not
make in this instance.
220
00:09:07,991 --> 00:09:08,991
Hi, Mom.
221
00:09:08,992 --> 00:09:10,280
Oh, hey, sweetie.
222
00:09:10,281 --> 00:09:13,780
Hi. Aah! Bloop, bloop! Look.
223
00:09:13,781 --> 00:09:16,820
I found a couple of options for you
224
00:09:16,821 --> 00:09:19,862
that might be great for
your ice cream situation.
225
00:09:19,887 --> 00:09:20,909
- That's okay.
- Oh.
226
00:09:20,934 --> 00:09:22,490
Zoey already picked
something out for me.
227
00:09:22,491 --> 00:09:24,910
Okay, I mean, that's fine. It's so cute.
228
00:09:24,911 --> 00:09:26,910
Okay. Let's see.
229
00:09:26,911 --> 00:09:28,280
Oh, yeah.
230
00:09:28,281 --> 00:09:30,740
I guess that's cuter.
231
00:09:30,741 --> 00:09:32,450
Maybe I could do something cute
with your hair.
232
00:09:32,451 --> 00:09:34,200
Zoey already told me what
to do with my hair, so...
233
00:09:34,201 --> 00:09:36,240
Oh.
234
00:09:36,241 --> 00:09:37,990
Got it.
235
00:09:37,991 --> 00:09:40,280
It's a sister thing. Yeah.
236
00:09:40,281 --> 00:09:42,150
I-I thought we were doing the, like,
237
00:09:42,151 --> 00:09:46,740
communal female empowerment
"sister"... pbht! thing.
238
00:09:46,741 --> 00:09:48,410
I'll head out, then.
239
00:09:48,411 --> 00:09:49,950
Sounds like Zoey's got it under control.
240
00:09:49,951 --> 00:09:51,070
I'll close this. Yep.
241
00:09:51,071 --> 00:09:52,353
- Yeah. It's fine. You can close it.
- Okay.
242
00:09:52,378 --> 00:09:54,321
Okay. Okay, sweetheart. Love you.
243
00:09:59,192 --> 00:10:00,596
_
244
00:10:00,620 --> 00:10:03,814
_
245
00:10:05,025 --> 00:10:06,971
What?!
246
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:10,586
Um...
247
00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:14,930
Hey, this is Zoey. Leave a message.
248
00:10:14,955 --> 00:10:16,360
Hi, Zoey.
249
00:10:16,361 --> 00:10:19,360
He just asked if we should split
it or if he should pay.
250
00:10:19,361 --> 00:10:20,990
What do I say?
251
00:10:20,991 --> 00:10:23,490
You know what? Just call me back.
252
00:10:23,491 --> 00:10:24,950
Bye.
253
00:10:24,951 --> 00:10:27,650
New problem... I started
chatting, and then I bailed,
254
00:10:27,651 --> 00:10:28,950
and I'm pretty sure he saw the bubbles,
255
00:10:28,951 --> 00:10:31,356
and then I saw his bubbles,
and then they went away.
256
00:10:31,419 --> 00:10:33,191
So... please help me.
257
00:10:34,419 --> 00:10:36,208
I mean, he should pay, right?
258
00:10:36,209 --> 00:10:38,458
Yeah. He should be able
to take care of a woman.
259
00:10:38,459 --> 00:10:39,958
Well, you know, I don't want that!
260
00:10:39,959 --> 00:10:41,288
I don't want him to take care of me.
261
00:10:41,289 --> 00:10:42,668
I'm an independent woman!
262
00:10:42,669 --> 00:10:44,208
I am, right?
263
00:10:44,209 --> 00:10:47,038
Zoey, just please tell me
what kind of woman I am!
264
00:10:50,329 --> 00:10:51,878
This is Diane.
265
00:10:53,789 --> 00:10:55,828
Ah, hey, neighbor.
266
00:10:55,829 --> 00:10:58,998
- How's everything?
- Uh, pretty loud, don't you think?
267
00:10:58,999 --> 00:11:01,088
So, when did the cops say
they were gonna get here?
268
00:11:01,089 --> 00:11:04,628
Uh, they didn't...
because I didn't call them.
269
00:11:04,629 --> 00:11:07,088
Dre... we have to call them.
270
00:11:07,089 --> 00:11:10,038
I-I have to get up early
tomorrow for my Tinder date.
271
00:11:10,039 --> 00:11:12,748
No, just going hiking...
272
00:11:12,749 --> 00:11:14,878
and then we're gonna have sex.
273
00:11:14,879 --> 00:11:16,958
No, here, seriously, blow up the spot.
274
00:11:16,959 --> 00:11:20,088
You know you love to call
the police, Drop-A-Dime Dre.
275
00:11:20,089 --> 00:11:22,128
Yeah, drop the dime like it's hot!
276
00:11:22,129 --> 00:11:25,265
- Come on.
- What, you don't like free music?
277
00:11:25,290 --> 00:11:26,719
Oh...
278
00:11:26,744 --> 00:11:28,168
Oh, I got it, I got it. Right.
279
00:11:28,169 --> 00:11:30,462
Don't want to call the cops
because they're...
280
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:34,588
Because they're... ashy?
281
00:11:34,589 --> 00:11:36,748
- No! No.
- What?
282
00:11:36,749 --> 00:11:39,248
Because they're African-American Blacks.
283
00:11:39,249 --> 00:11:41,208
Okay, okay. All right, you're right.
284
00:11:41,209 --> 00:11:42,748
All right, I don't want
to call the cops on them
285
00:11:42,749 --> 00:11:45,788
- because they're Black.
- All right, I get it.
286
00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:47,708
You grew up with them. Okay.
287
00:11:47,709 --> 00:11:50,708
- I got your back. I will call for you.
- No, you don't.
288
00:11:50,709 --> 00:11:52,458
When you call the cops on Black people,
289
00:11:52,459 --> 00:11:55,248
things can escalate quickly.
290
00:11:55,249 --> 00:11:57,038
Well, what... I'm... I'm just
supposed to do nothing?
291
00:11:57,039 --> 00:11:58,668
Yeah, you're not in danger.
292
00:11:58,669 --> 00:11:59,998
You're just feeling uncomfortable.
293
00:11:59,999 --> 00:12:02,328
And that's how you end up
in a viral video
294
00:12:02,329 --> 00:12:05,038
as the next Barbecue Becky.
295
00:12:05,039 --> 00:12:06,378
I cannot go viral.
296
00:12:06,379 --> 00:12:08,815
Those memes do nothing but zero in
297
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:12,877
on your weaknesses, and I'm...
I'm mostly weaknesses.
298
00:12:12,902 --> 00:12:14,902
- Good call.
- Uh-huh.
299
00:12:17,347 --> 00:12:18,913
Hey.
300
00:12:18,914 --> 00:12:21,793
Why aren't you dressed?
301
00:12:21,794 --> 00:12:24,462
Wyatt texted me, and I didn't
know how to respond.
302
00:12:24,487 --> 00:12:25,540
Oh.
303
00:12:25,565 --> 00:12:26,884
Zoey promised that she would help me,
304
00:12:26,909 --> 00:12:28,276
but I couldn't get in touch with her.
305
00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:29,948
Ah...
306
00:12:30,754 --> 00:12:33,032
Okay, well...
307
00:12:33,383 --> 00:12:34,882
what did you write back?
308
00:12:34,946 --> 00:12:38,155
I panicked and sent some random emojis
309
00:12:38,156 --> 00:12:39,865
that ended with a New Zealand flag
310
00:12:39,866 --> 00:12:41,945
and a Steve Harvey mustache.
311
00:12:41,946 --> 00:12:43,245
Oh.
312
00:12:44,696 --> 00:12:46,785
He freaked out and bailed on ice cream.
313
00:12:46,786 --> 00:12:48,406
Oh, honey.
314
00:12:50,746 --> 00:12:52,615
Oh.
315
00:12:52,616 --> 00:12:54,245
Oh, sweetheart.
316
00:12:54,386 --> 00:12:55,886
It's okay.
317
00:12:58,576 --> 00:13:00,325
What does it mean
318
00:13:00,326 --> 00:13:02,786
when you don't want to
seek revenge on someone?
319
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:08,695
It means that you liked them...
320
00:13:08,696 --> 00:13:09,986
a lot.
321
00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:15,615
It's okay, sweetheart.
322
00:13:21,786 --> 00:13:23,695
- Uh, Dad?
- Hmm?
323
00:13:23,696 --> 00:13:24,945
What are we doing?
324
00:13:24,946 --> 00:13:27,695
Devante can't go down
with all this music,
325
00:13:27,696 --> 00:13:31,825
and he's a little too young
for all the explicit lyrics.
326
00:13:31,826 --> 00:13:34,405
Look, he's barely a year old, all right?
327
00:13:34,406 --> 00:13:36,285
He doesn't even understand the words.
328
00:13:36,286 --> 00:13:38,155
Oh, all right. So I guess you're fine
329
00:13:38,156 --> 00:13:44,035
with his first words being...
the A-word... or the B-word.
330
00:13:44,036 --> 00:13:46,155
Or "skeet skeet skeet."
331
00:13:46,156 --> 00:13:48,035
Do something about this.
332
00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:50,035
Look, you got two options.
333
00:13:50,036 --> 00:13:52,035
One, you could do nothing.
334
00:13:52,036 --> 00:13:53,905
Two, if you was a man,
335
00:13:53,906 --> 00:13:55,865
you'd go out there
and you'd talk to them.
336
00:13:55,866 --> 00:13:56,986
I'm a man.
337
00:13:58,656 --> 00:14:00,075
You know what?
338
00:14:00,076 --> 00:14:03,905
And I will go over there and I
will talk to him, man to man.
339
00:14:03,906 --> 00:14:05,245
Go ahead.
340
00:14:05,246 --> 00:14:08,785
Man to many men...
341
00:14:08,786 --> 00:14:11,115
who have been drinking.
342
00:14:11,116 --> 00:14:12,745
You know what? Uh...
343
00:14:12,746 --> 00:14:15,325
maybe I'll take the dog with me.
344
00:14:15,326 --> 00:14:18,325
Damn it, why couldn't I have a pit bull?
345
00:14:18,326 --> 00:14:20,155
Stop watching that baby so much.
346
00:14:20,156 --> 00:14:21,945
It's weird.
347
00:14:28,116 --> 00:14:29,945
Uh, hey! Hey, uh...
348
00:14:29,946 --> 00:14:31,195
Is that that, uh...
349
00:14:31,196 --> 00:14:32,746
That that new Lil Uzi Vert?
350
00:14:34,826 --> 00:14:36,155
You know, uh...
351
00:14:36,156 --> 00:14:40,195
Y'all having, uh, kind of
like a... front-yard thing.
352
00:14:40,196 --> 00:14:43,655
We're kind of a backyard-thing
kind of neighborhood.
353
00:14:43,656 --> 00:14:45,035
But it's all good.
354
00:14:45,036 --> 00:14:46,655
I'm Dre.
355
00:14:46,656 --> 00:14:48,825
I'm Dre. I'm, um, from up the block.
356
00:14:48,826 --> 00:14:50,485
What up, sir?
357
00:14:50,486 --> 00:14:51,785
You know, I just...
358
00:14:51,786 --> 00:14:52,985
You know, I just wanted to, uh,
359
00:14:52,986 --> 00:14:54,365
just give you the heads-up.
360
00:14:54,366 --> 00:14:56,945
You know, some of the neighbors,
they be trippin',
361
00:14:56,946 --> 00:14:58,485
you know, 'cause... 'cause your music...
362
00:14:58,486 --> 00:15:01,155
your music's kind of loud.
363
00:15:01,156 --> 00:15:02,745
Uh, d... Damn, man.
364
00:15:02,746 --> 00:15:04,945
We... We weren't even
thinking about it, man.
365
00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:08,745
Uh... yo, go tell Sean to
turn it down some, all right?
366
00:15:08,746 --> 00:15:10,115
Huh.
367
00:15:10,116 --> 00:15:12,115
All right. Okay.
368
00:15:12,116 --> 00:15:14,195
You know, appreciate this.
369
00:15:14,196 --> 00:15:15,825
- Edwin.
- Oh, okay.
370
00:15:15,826 --> 00:15:17,285
- What's up, Edwin?
- We're just in town for the weekend...
371
00:15:17,286 --> 00:15:19,825
- pre-gaming before we hit the club.
- Which club?
372
00:15:19,826 --> 00:15:21,905
You know, I might...
I might hit it, too.
373
00:15:23,786 --> 00:15:25,615
Okay. All right.
374
00:15:25,616 --> 00:15:27,865
Hey, uh, I just want to, uh...
375
00:15:27,866 --> 00:15:30,405
thank you guys, you know,
for being, uh, so cool.
376
00:15:30,406 --> 00:15:31,652
Appreciate it. Appreciate it.
377
00:15:31,677 --> 00:15:32,933
Yeah, all right. Wasn't so damn hard.
378
00:15:32,958 --> 00:15:34,645
I didn't even need that damn dog.
379
00:15:40,076 --> 00:15:41,325
All right.
380
00:15:43,116 --> 00:15:45,298
- No one moves.
- Oh, okay.
381
00:15:56,708 --> 00:15:58,837
Hey, wait, Dre.
382
00:15:58,862 --> 00:16:00,231
What did you do?
383
00:16:00,256 --> 00:16:01,965
What did you do?!
384
00:16:01,966 --> 00:16:04,215
I told you, "Don't call the cops."
385
00:16:04,216 --> 00:16:05,835
I couldn't have called them!
386
00:16:05,836 --> 00:16:09,005
Whenever I smoke my cataract medicine,
387
00:16:09,006 --> 00:16:11,756
I always lock my phone in
the safe because of last time.
388
00:16:12,886 --> 00:16:14,215
Dad, what's going on?
389
00:16:14,216 --> 00:16:15,965
Son, just go back in
the house, all right?
390
00:16:15,966 --> 00:16:18,465
Somebody called the police,
and we have to work this out.
391
00:16:18,466 --> 00:16:20,215
Okay, just go home.
392
00:16:20,216 --> 00:16:23,675
It wasn't "somebody."
393
00:16:23,676 --> 00:16:25,335
I-I called the police.
394
00:16:36,926 --> 00:16:39,135
Why would you call the police?
395
00:16:39,136 --> 00:16:41,215
I-I just did what we do
when the neighbors are loud.
396
00:16:41,216 --> 00:16:43,505
But did you know that they were Black?
397
00:16:43,506 --> 00:16:44,675
Describe them?
398
00:16:44,676 --> 00:16:48,505
Uh... Black, Black, Black, Black.
399
00:16:48,506 --> 00:16:49,835
Yeah, all Black.
400
00:16:49,836 --> 00:16:51,385
Is that how you said it?!
401
00:16:51,386 --> 00:16:54,255
But you said it's okay to call
the cops if you're a homeowner.
402
00:16:54,256 --> 00:16:56,925
Man.
403
00:16:56,926 --> 00:16:58,636
We really need to talk. Come on.
404
00:17:01,796 --> 00:17:03,925
This lobster roll is insane.
405
00:17:03,926 --> 00:17:06,675
I promise to never eat at
a place without wheels again.
406
00:17:06,676 --> 00:17:09,755
Seafood in a hot truck
3,000 miles from Maine.
407
00:17:09,756 --> 00:17:11,175
Mm, what could go wrong?
408
00:17:11,176 --> 00:17:13,335
Right?
409
00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:14,885
Good evening, Zoey.
410
00:17:14,886 --> 00:17:16,795
- Mom.
- Mm-hmm.
411
00:17:16,796 --> 00:17:18,215
Um... w-wow.
412
00:17:18,216 --> 00:17:20,545
You're...
413
00:17:20,546 --> 00:17:21,885
You're at a place I'm at.
414
00:17:21,886 --> 00:17:24,005
Diane has been trying to
get in touch with you.
415
00:17:24,006 --> 00:17:25,925
Oh, I was gonna call her back.
416
00:17:25,926 --> 00:17:27,385
Do you understand what happened tonight?
417
00:17:27,386 --> 00:17:28,465
What?
418
00:17:28,466 --> 00:17:30,335
Wyatt canceled.
419
00:17:30,336 --> 00:17:32,295
He canceled ice cream with Diane.
420
00:17:32,296 --> 00:17:35,175
Nooooo...
421
00:17:35,176 --> 00:17:37,045
Who's Wyatt?
422
00:17:37,046 --> 00:17:38,096
Go away.
423
00:17:45,006 --> 00:17:46,635
Okay, it... it's not that big of a deal.
424
00:17:46,636 --> 00:17:48,045
I figured she had it handled.
425
00:17:48,046 --> 00:17:51,295
She chose you to be there for her,
426
00:17:51,296 --> 00:17:53,505
and you promised that you would be.
427
00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:55,005
You're just coming down on me
428
00:17:55,006 --> 00:17:57,135
because she wants my help and not yours.
429
00:17:57,136 --> 00:17:59,215
Okay, I get that you're
in college now, Zoey,
430
00:17:59,216 --> 00:18:01,545
and you can pop by the house
and pick up clothes
431
00:18:01,546 --> 00:18:03,595
and drop your little smart-ass
comments whenever you want.
432
00:18:03,596 --> 00:18:06,215
Fine. But you cannot fly in
and out of your sister's life.
433
00:18:06,216 --> 00:18:07,295
Do you hear me?
434
00:18:07,296 --> 00:18:08,675
She's 13 years old!
435
00:18:08,676 --> 00:18:11,255
That was her first date! Zoey!
436
00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:13,385
You have a responsibility
to be there for her
437
00:18:13,386 --> 00:18:16,885
and treat her better than some
skirt that you just left behind!
438
00:18:16,886 --> 00:18:19,135
That's what you did!
439
00:18:19,136 --> 00:18:21,715
Um, Dr. Johnson?
440
00:18:21,716 --> 00:18:24,295
I'm so sorry about before.
441
00:18:24,296 --> 00:18:27,005
I brought you some tots.
442
00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:30,295
Thank you, and... gimme
the lobster roll.
443
00:18:30,296 --> 00:18:31,636
Oh, but I...
444
00:18:33,796 --> 00:18:36,135
So, you're mad at me
for calling the cops?
445
00:18:36,136 --> 00:18:37,795
Look...
446
00:18:37,796 --> 00:18:39,215
you know, I should've
made it clear to you
447
00:18:39,216 --> 00:18:41,715
that we're not just homeowners.
448
00:18:41,716 --> 00:18:44,175
We're Black homeowners,
and because we're Black,
449
00:18:44,176 --> 00:18:47,255
we have to look at things
through kind of a dual lens.
450
00:18:47,256 --> 00:18:49,755
You know, we need to think
about every situation
451
00:18:49,756 --> 00:18:52,045
and how it should go normally,
452
00:18:52,046 --> 00:18:55,135
and how it could go 'cause we're Black.
453
00:18:55,136 --> 00:18:59,425
Like, being asked to sit on the
curb while they checked your ID.
454
00:18:59,426 --> 00:19:01,715
They didn't ask any of
the white people to do that.
455
00:19:01,716 --> 00:19:05,215
- Mnh-mnh.
- Yeah, it's different for us, baby boy.
456
00:19:05,216 --> 00:19:07,175
It's like those two brothers
that were handcuffed
457
00:19:07,176 --> 00:19:09,215
while waiting for a meeting
at Starbucks.
458
00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:11,175
Or that Ivy League student
459
00:19:11,176 --> 00:19:13,595
who was harassed for
napping in a common area.
460
00:19:13,596 --> 00:19:16,215
- Those were all somebody's kids.
- Just like you.
461
00:19:16,216 --> 00:19:18,425
And it makes me sick to think
462
00:19:18,426 --> 00:19:20,295
that someone would call
the police on you
463
00:19:20,296 --> 00:19:22,715
just because they thought
you didn't belong there
464
00:19:22,716 --> 00:19:24,675
- because of the color of your skin.
- Mm-hmm.
465
00:19:24,676 --> 00:19:27,255
And it scares me to think
of what could happen.
466
00:19:27,256 --> 00:19:29,095
See, calling the police on Black people
467
00:19:29,096 --> 00:19:31,425
ain't nothing to play with.
468
00:19:31,426 --> 00:19:33,466
Yeah, I-I get it now.
469
00:19:35,046 --> 00:19:36,965
But can I still call
the cops on white people?
470
00:19:36,966 --> 00:19:38,885
Can't say yes, but I won't say no.
471
00:19:43,256 --> 00:19:44,925
I still can't believe it.
472
00:19:44,926 --> 00:19:46,755
- Hmm?
- One second, Diane's small enough
473
00:19:46,756 --> 00:19:48,635
to be swaddled in the palm of my hand,
474
00:19:48,636 --> 00:19:50,835
and next thing you know,
475
00:19:50,836 --> 00:19:52,715
she's talking about her first date.
476
00:19:52,716 --> 00:19:55,255
Well... I'm still a little shook
477
00:19:55,256 --> 00:19:57,885
that I'm having one-on-one race
conversations with Jack.
478
00:19:57,910 --> 00:19:59,017
Mm.
479
00:19:59,042 --> 00:20:01,385
- The twins are growing up, babe.
- Mm-hmm.
480
00:20:01,386 --> 00:20:03,715
- With Zoey and Junior...
- Mm-hmm.
481
00:20:03,716 --> 00:20:06,005
...we can get through this
with the twins.
482
00:20:06,006 --> 00:20:08,045
Now, good thing we don't
have to do that again.
483
00:20:08,046 --> 00:20:09,795
Amen.
484
00:20:11,732 --> 00:20:13,925
- Oh, my God...
- Ah.
485
00:20:13,926 --> 00:20:16,486
Why do we keep forgetting about Devante?
486
00:20:16,511 --> 00:20:17,965
No, no, it's fine, though. It's fine.
487
00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:19,505
Junior's got it.
488
00:20:19,506 --> 00:20:21,505
That's weird.
489
00:20:21,506 --> 00:20:24,005
I'm coming, Devante!
490
00:20:24,006 --> 00:20:25,295
Yeah, it's weird.
491
00:20:29,414 --> 00:20:31,375
You know, next time,
when I say I'll be there,
492
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,407
I'll actually be there. I promise.
493
00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:36,505
So, what are we doing about
the whole Wyatt situation?
494
00:20:36,506 --> 00:20:40,465
Well, if he can't accept me for
my Steve Harvey mustache emoji,
495
00:20:40,466 --> 00:20:43,255
then he doesn't deserve me
at my dancing lady emoji.
496
00:20:43,256 --> 00:20:44,947
- Boom.
- I'm out on Wyatt.
497
00:20:44,972 --> 00:20:47,545
Tell it.
498
00:20:50,432 --> 00:20:53,521
That name... Wyatt...
499
00:20:53,546 --> 00:20:55,095
It's a pretty cool throwback name, huh?
500
00:20:55,096 --> 00:20:56,595
Junior, that's not what we're doing.
501
00:20:56,596 --> 00:20:58,255
- No.
- We're the other way.
502
00:20:58,256 --> 00:20:59,835
Why are you even here?
503
00:20:59,836 --> 00:21:03,525
Oh, well, you know, I'm still
doing the whole gap-year thing.
504
00:21:03,550 --> 00:21:06,309
- Yep.
- All my friends are away at college.
505
00:21:06,334 --> 00:21:08,373
I'm a bit lonely.
506
00:21:08,374 --> 00:21:10,203
Sweetheart...
507
00:21:10,204 --> 00:21:13,703
No, it's all good
'cause we've got each other.
508
00:21:13,704 --> 00:21:16,954
And there is nothing weird about this.
509
00:21:22,499 --> 00:21:27,499
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
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