Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:16,199 --> 00:00:17,569
Our work on converting
the Vampiric Council
2
00:00:17,602 --> 00:00:18,738
into a vampire nightclub
3
00:00:18,771 --> 00:00:21,610
is not going well.
4
00:00:21,644 --> 00:00:24,482
Stop the work! Stop the work!
5
00:00:24,516 --> 00:00:25,818
The custodian of this
6
00:00:25,852 --> 00:00:27,789
wonderful raw space
is being something
7
00:00:27,822 --> 00:00:30,728
of a total harpy in my ass.
8
00:00:30,762 --> 00:00:33,333
Continue the work.
Continue the work.
9
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:35,103
Ignore her, keep working.
10
00:00:35,137 --> 00:00:37,141
My voice reigns supreme.
11
00:00:37,174 --> 00:00:39,111
I have been in charge
of this sacred reliquary
12
00:00:39,145 --> 00:00:40,447
for hundreds of years.
13
00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,686
You can't just dismantle it all.
14
00:00:42,719 --> 00:00:45,758
We're not dismantling anything,
we're just moving things around.
15
00:00:45,792 --> 00:00:49,098
- Oh.
- There is a very specific filing system here.
16
00:00:49,131 --> 00:00:52,438
- Which is?
- Which is everything stays exactly where it is
17
00:00:52,471 --> 00:00:54,308
and nothing gets moved
or changed ever.
18
00:00:54,342 --> 00:00:55,612
Are you sure you don't
want to protect
19
00:00:55,645 --> 00:00:57,114
your precious books
by putting them
20
00:00:57,147 --> 00:00:58,483
into storage
so they don't get damaged
21
00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:00,588
by my blood sprinklers?
22
00:01:00,622 --> 00:01:02,458
Blood sprinklers?
23
00:01:02,491 --> 00:01:04,830
No, no, no. This is not right.
Put it all back.
24
00:01:04,863 --> 00:01:06,432
You can get fucked.
This took hours.
25
00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:08,604
Oh, I wasn't talking to you.
26
00:01:09,773 --> 00:01:11,342
What the fuck?
27
00:01:11,376 --> 00:01:12,812
Fucking wraiths.
28
00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:20,093
Anything you can do,
my wraiths can undo.
29
00:01:20,127 --> 00:01:23,501
This conversation is over.
30
00:01:25,672 --> 00:01:28,243
♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long ♪
31
00:01:28,276 --> 00:01:30,648
♪ They have no use
for your song ♪
32
00:01:30,682 --> 00:01:33,386
♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead ♪
33
00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:36,326
♪ You're dead
and out of this world ♪
34
00:01:37,762 --> 00:01:40,802
♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone ♪
35
00:01:40,835 --> 00:01:43,574
♪ You sold out your dream
to the world ♪
36
00:01:43,608 --> 00:01:45,845
♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead ♪
37
00:01:45,878 --> 00:01:48,584
♪ You're dead
and out of this world. ♪
38
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:02,846
- Cute.
- Which one's yours?
39
00:02:03,881 --> 00:02:06,419
I do not own a dog.
40
00:02:06,452 --> 00:02:10,528
- I only come here to speak to you.
- Oh.
41
00:02:10,561 --> 00:02:12,532
My search for a new wife has...
42
00:02:12,565 --> 00:02:14,603
not been going so great.
43
00:02:14,636 --> 00:02:18,544
I used to have
37 beautiful wives.
44
00:02:18,577 --> 00:02:20,414
But that was hundreds
of years ago.
45
00:02:20,447 --> 00:02:22,318
Now I have no one.
46
00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:24,388
But I have a plan.
47
00:02:26,192 --> 00:02:30,601
I secretly smuggled back
850 pounds of ancestral treasure
48
00:02:30,635 --> 00:02:32,672
from Al Qolnidar.
49
00:02:32,706 --> 00:02:34,543
I thought my ancestral treasure
50
00:02:34,576 --> 00:02:37,348
would make
a very impressive dowry.
51
00:02:37,381 --> 00:02:39,352
But it seems,
52
00:02:39,385 --> 00:02:43,460
for modern women,
it's just not enough.
53
00:02:43,493 --> 00:02:45,364
I am not a creep.
54
00:02:45,397 --> 00:02:47,569
I'm just a very powerful
and ancient warrior
55
00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:49,506
who wishes to marry you.
56
00:02:49,539 --> 00:02:52,779
So I'd like you to come back
to the basement of my mansion
57
00:02:52,812 --> 00:02:55,818
and examine my massive dowry.
58
00:02:55,852 --> 00:02:56,854
Hmm?
59
00:02:56,887 --> 00:02:58,624
So, here I am,
60
00:02:58,657 --> 00:03:02,632
surrounded by all
my secret treasures
61
00:03:02,665 --> 00:03:05,838
but without a wife
to share them with.
62
00:03:05,872 --> 00:03:09,245
And, yes, I have kept
my secret treasure secret
63
00:03:09,278 --> 00:03:11,917
from even my housemates.
64
00:03:11,950 --> 00:03:14,756
No one will ever know
the precious riches
65
00:03:14,790 --> 00:03:16,292
that I have hidden deep...
Master?
66
00:03:16,325 --> 00:03:17,729
What the fuck? Guillermo?
67
00:03:17,762 --> 00:03:20,467
How did you get in here?
The door was locked.
68
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:22,505
Wh-- How long have you had
this secret room for?
69
00:03:22,539 --> 00:03:25,277
Whoa. Look at all this stuff.
Is this stuff real?
70
00:03:25,310 --> 00:03:26,847
Sure, just come on down
to my secret treasure room,
71
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,283
why don't you?
Don't touch that.
72
00:03:28,316 --> 00:03:29,653
- Ow.
- Of course it's real.
73
00:03:29,686 --> 00:03:31,590
The aggravations are endless.
74
00:03:31,623 --> 00:03:34,996
I am paying a full crew
of workermen to do nothing.
75
00:03:35,030 --> 00:03:37,535
- You know what I think this stairway needs, Tobe?
- What's that?
76
00:03:37,569 --> 00:03:39,438
Hey, I bet they do
a shiplap accent wall.
77
00:03:39,472 --> 00:03:41,442
- Watch.
- ...a shiplap accent wall.
78
00:03:41,476 --> 00:03:44,248
Man, come on, these guys have,
like, two go-to moves at best.
79
00:03:44,281 --> 00:03:45,918
No, that's where
you're fucking wrong.
80
00:03:45,952 --> 00:03:48,323
Bran and Toby
choose to use shiplap
81
00:03:48,356 --> 00:03:51,329
because it has the perfect
amount of artistic flair
82
00:03:51,362 --> 00:03:52,799
for any aesthetic.
83
00:03:52,832 --> 00:03:54,669
Also, not a budget-buster.
84
00:03:54,703 --> 00:03:56,573
Did you want to do shiplap
on this wall?
85
00:03:56,607 --> 00:03:58,644
- Where?
- Just, like, right over here?
86
00:03:58,677 --> 00:04:00,548
Well, if you've got some.
87
00:04:00,581 --> 00:04:03,319
Every time I persuade
the workermen to work,
88
00:04:03,353 --> 00:04:05,925
The Guide and her wraiths
undermine me.
89
00:04:05,958 --> 00:04:07,662
- Hey. Hey!
- Whoa, whoa!
90
00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:13,574
I told Nadja it wasn't safe
for her crew to be working here,
91
00:04:13,607 --> 00:04:15,978
but she doesn't listen.
92
00:04:18,016 --> 00:04:20,420
I have tried using the carrot,
as one does
93
00:04:20,454 --> 00:04:24,696
with a stubborn donkey, but now
it is time for the stick!
94
00:04:24,729 --> 00:04:26,934
I must ask you
about some of the things
95
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:30,708
I overheard them saying when
I was working in, um, England
96
00:04:30,741 --> 00:04:33,681
at the Supreme Vampiric Council.
97
00:04:33,714 --> 00:04:35,918
Oh. Did they speak about me
98
00:04:35,952 --> 00:04:37,755
and my dedicated work here?
99
00:04:37,789 --> 00:04:39,593
- I shouldn't say, no.
- Oh.
100
00:04:39,626 --> 00:04:41,597
Okay, I'll tell you.
101
00:04:41,630 --> 00:04:44,401
Yeah, so, some of them
were definitely saying
102
00:04:44,435 --> 00:04:46,038
that they think that this branch
of the Vampiric Council
103
00:04:46,072 --> 00:04:48,611
is very much stuck in time,
104
00:04:48,644 --> 00:04:51,315
and that the real estate
would probably be more valuable
105
00:04:51,349 --> 00:04:55,357
if they leased it out
to a... CVS Pharmacy.
106
00:04:55,390 --> 00:04:57,060
Who said that?
107
00:04:57,094 --> 00:04:59,365
The main one.
108
00:04:59,398 --> 00:05:00,568
Dark Lord Tyrantus?
109
00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:03,741
The Liquidator of Underlings?
110
00:05:03,774 --> 00:05:04,910
Him-- that's him.
111
00:05:04,943 --> 00:05:07,347
Uh, okay, uh...
112
00:05:07,381 --> 00:05:08,851
What do I do?
113
00:05:08,884 --> 00:05:10,588
Okay!
114
00:05:10,621 --> 00:05:12,625
Let's do this! Uh...
115
00:05:12,659 --> 00:05:15,397
Wraith meeting! Wraith meeting!
116
00:05:15,430 --> 00:05:18,102
Hey, uh, stop
injuring crew workers
117
00:05:18,136 --> 00:05:20,641
and assemble for an official wraith meeting.
118
00:05:20,675 --> 00:05:21,710
All right, that's the last one.
119
00:05:28,657 --> 00:05:30,628
Ah, yes.
120
00:05:30,661 --> 00:05:33,934
Any woman in ancient Al Qolnidar
would throw herself at my feet
121
00:05:33,968 --> 00:05:36,038
if she knew
I had a spoon like this.
122
00:05:36,072 --> 00:05:39,011
Well, most modern women have
access to spoons already, so...
123
00:05:39,044 --> 00:05:41,048
We live in a time of miracles.
124
00:05:41,082 --> 00:05:42,919
No.
125
00:05:42,952 --> 00:05:44,355
What's this?
126
00:05:44,388 --> 00:05:46,527
- Oh, just a djinn lamp.
- A what?
127
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,398
A djinn lamp.
Like in the old stories.
128
00:05:49,431 --> 00:05:52,805
You-you rub it and a magical man
comes out and grants you wishes.
129
00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:55,410
Oh, a genie lamp.
130
00:05:55,443 --> 00:05:56,813
It is a djinn lamp.
131
00:05:56,847 --> 00:05:58,817
Uh, the ancient tales
say it is magical,
132
00:05:58,851 --> 00:06:02,024
but like most of the ancient
tales, it is all horseshit.
133
00:06:02,057 --> 00:06:04,495
- Well, then rub it.
- I rubbed hundreds of djinn lamps
134
00:06:04,529 --> 00:06:06,700
as a child,
nothing ever happened. See?
135
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:08,504
Nothing.
136
00:06:08,537 --> 00:06:10,407
Well, did you ever rub it
counterclockwise?
137
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,477
Eh, rub, rub, rub. See? Nothing.
138
00:06:13,814 --> 00:06:15,016
What is happening?!
139
00:06:17,087 --> 00:06:18,389
You rubbed it a hundred times
and never thought
140
00:06:18,423 --> 00:06:19,693
about rubbing it the other way?!
141
00:06:19,726 --> 00:06:20,695
We are about to die,
142
00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:21,697
and this is what you want
143
00:06:21,730 --> 00:06:22,799
your last words to be?!
144
00:06:26,873 --> 00:06:29,512
Okay. It stopped.
145
00:06:29,546 --> 00:06:31,817
- Hey.
- Hey, yo...
146
00:06:32,852 --> 00:06:35,090
Oh, hey.
147
00:06:35,123 --> 00:06:36,660
Are you a djinn?
148
00:06:36,693 --> 00:06:38,062
Yes.
149
00:06:38,096 --> 00:06:39,465
You don't look like a djinn.
150
00:06:39,498 --> 00:06:41,435
- You can't say that.
- I just did.
151
00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:43,439
Thank you all for coming.
152
00:06:43,473 --> 00:06:46,580
Would you like me to explain
what we require of them?
153
00:06:46,613 --> 00:06:47,982
No, I'll handle it.
I'm just waiting
154
00:06:48,016 --> 00:06:49,552
for the rest of them
to get here.
155
00:06:49,586 --> 00:06:50,855
I don't want to say it twice.
156
00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:53,560
Um...
157
00:06:53,594 --> 00:06:56,132
I say, exactly
how many wraiths are there?
158
00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:58,436
So, so many. And so many of them
159
00:06:58,469 --> 00:07:00,574
are habitual stragglers!
160
00:07:00,608 --> 00:07:02,444
Mm.
161
00:07:02,477 --> 00:07:04,148
Okay, I guess they're all here.
162
00:07:05,918 --> 00:07:07,855
- Hear me, my wraiths!
- WRAITHS Yes...
163
00:07:07,889 --> 00:07:11,830
For today
we embark on a new mission.
164
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:17,675
Now, many changes will be
made to this building.
165
00:07:17,709 --> 00:07:21,449
And your duty
heretoforth is to help
166
00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:23,019
the human workers...
167
00:07:23,052 --> 00:07:25,625
- Help.
- ...and to not harm the human workers.
168
00:07:25,658 --> 00:07:27,895
- Don't harm them.
- Am I understood?
169
00:07:27,929 --> 00:07:29,633
Yes...
170
00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:32,237
All right.
Now we will organize ourselves
171
00:07:32,270 --> 00:07:35,243
into work squads,
and within those squads
172
00:07:35,276 --> 00:07:38,651
- we will decide who does...
- Ooh, sorry, this is not the john...
173
00:07:40,521 --> 00:07:42,892
Wait.
174
00:07:42,925 --> 00:07:45,765
Ooh.
175
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,969
Uh, what did we just say?!
176
00:07:48,002 --> 00:07:50,841
Oh, no. I was worried
177
00:07:50,875 --> 00:07:52,477
about this happening.
178
00:07:52,512 --> 00:07:54,916
You see, the wraiths and I
have been together
179
00:07:54,949 --> 00:07:58,524
for so long that no matter
what I tell them to do,
180
00:07:58,557 --> 00:08:01,062
they know what
my heart really wants.
181
00:08:01,095 --> 00:08:02,932
Well, maybe you should tell
your heart to think of some...
182
00:08:02,965 --> 00:08:04,936
It's all right, my darling.
I think I can deal with this.
183
00:08:04,969 --> 00:08:07,074
So, logically you're prepared
184
00:08:07,107 --> 00:08:09,011
for change, yet your inner,
185
00:08:09,044 --> 00:08:10,915
uncontrollable emotions
are resisting.
186
00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:12,852
Would I be right?
187
00:08:14,121 --> 00:08:15,290
What?
188
00:08:15,323 --> 00:08:18,096
I think can fix her.
189
00:08:18,129 --> 00:08:20,066
Psychology is considered to be
190
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,536
one of the newer sciences.
191
00:08:21,570 --> 00:08:23,006
Isn't really new to me at all.
192
00:08:23,039 --> 00:08:24,943
In fact, I was there
at its conception.
193
00:08:24,976 --> 00:08:27,749
I spent a few of my younger
years with Sigmund Freud,
194
00:08:27,782 --> 00:08:30,888
while he was using cocaine
and working on his theory
195
00:08:30,921 --> 00:08:32,792
that all neurosis is derived
196
00:08:32,825 --> 00:08:34,796
from what he called "hand envy."
197
00:08:34,829 --> 00:08:36,566
I remember taking
a steam bath with the chap,
198
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:39,171
and my towel
accidentally dropped,
199
00:08:39,204 --> 00:08:42,645
and he caught sight of my rather
generous John Thomas.
200
00:08:42,678 --> 00:08:46,987
He shrieked "Eureka," and then
came up with "penis envy."
201
00:08:47,020 --> 00:08:49,859
Or what I like to call
"wanting of the wang."
202
00:08:51,162 --> 00:08:53,266
So, how many wishes
can you grant?
203
00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:54,769
Do you wish to know?
204
00:08:54,803 --> 00:08:55,771
- No, don't...
- Sure.
205
00:08:55,805 --> 00:08:57,040
Well, it's 52.
206
00:08:57,074 --> 00:08:59,646
But you just used one,
so it's 51.
207
00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:01,583
Don't wish it.
208
00:09:01,616 --> 00:09:03,219
My first thought was,
209
00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:05,958
I will just wish the djinn
to get me a new love.
210
00:09:05,991 --> 00:09:10,266
But then I remembered
I had already found love.
211
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,741
I had 37 wives, and one of them,
212
00:09:13,774 --> 00:09:17,849
I specifically remember,
I really loved.
213
00:09:19,853 --> 00:09:22,357
I just cannot remember
which one.
214
00:09:22,390 --> 00:09:24,629
- Hmm...
- So, what was her name?
215
00:09:24,662 --> 00:09:26,867
It might have been a he.
They weren't all women.
216
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,104
- You could do that back then?
- Of course.
217
00:09:29,138 --> 00:09:30,674
Some of my wives
were girl wives,
218
00:09:30,708 --> 00:09:32,210
some of them were guy wives.
219
00:09:32,244 --> 00:09:33,714
It's not that different.
220
00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:34,883
Hmm.
221
00:09:34,916 --> 00:09:36,085
I cannot remember the name,
222
00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:37,688
but either he or she had
223
00:09:37,722 --> 00:09:39,291
very long, dark hair.
224
00:09:39,324 --> 00:09:41,596
28 of them had long, dark hair.
225
00:09:41,630 --> 00:09:43,967
Hmm. I want to say Becky?
226
00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:45,136
- No.
- Hmm.
227
00:09:45,170 --> 00:09:47,040
How about Dalal?
228
00:09:47,073 --> 00:09:49,913
I think I remember him having
a very fun handlebar mustache.
229
00:09:49,946 --> 00:09:51,883
- There were three Dalals.
- Three.
230
00:09:51,917 --> 00:09:53,921
You know what?
Just bring them
231
00:09:53,954 --> 00:09:55,791
all back
and we'll figure it out.
232
00:09:55,825 --> 00:09:57,160
I don't think that's the most
efficient way to deal with...
233
00:09:57,194 --> 00:09:58,730
Uh, is this your wish?
234
00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:01,335
Yes. This is my wish.
235
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:05,276
I wish you to bring back
all 37 of my dead wives.
236
00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:06,780
Very well.
237
00:10:07,949 --> 00:10:09,619
Oh, boy.
238
00:10:14,696 --> 00:10:16,666
Greetings, my wives.
239
00:10:18,971 --> 00:10:20,340
Hi.
240
00:10:20,373 --> 00:10:22,645
Nandor...
241
00:10:26,385 --> 00:10:29,091
Yes, hello to you, too,
I want to say Mina?
242
00:10:29,124 --> 00:10:31,095
Miriam?
243
00:10:31,128 --> 00:10:32,965
- Zahra.
- That's it.
244
00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:34,903
I also wish for them all
to speak English.
245
00:10:34,936 --> 00:10:36,205
...Fatemeh said you were
going to return
246
00:10:36,238 --> 00:10:37,742
- when the moon was next full.
- Did she?
247
00:10:37,775 --> 00:10:39,311
But we waited
three full moon cycles,
248
00:10:39,344 --> 00:10:40,915
- and guess what. Nothing.
- Oh, three? Sorry about that.
249
00:10:40,948 --> 00:10:42,217
Which is very disrespectful
not just to me
250
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:43,687
- but to my father...
- Let me go check
251
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:44,689
and I'll get
right back to you...
252
00:10:49,264 --> 00:10:51,703
Give me one moment! Uh,
everything will be normal soon.
253
00:10:51,736 --> 00:10:54,041
- How long must I stare at the...?
- I don't know.
254
00:10:54,074 --> 00:10:55,978
How long, Nandor?
255
00:10:56,011 --> 00:10:57,380
Okay, so it's definitely
not her.
256
00:10:57,414 --> 00:10:59,318
Guillermo, I'm going
to need you to install
257
00:10:59,351 --> 00:11:01,088
37 bunk beds in the attic.
258
00:11:01,121 --> 00:11:03,125
Open!
259
00:11:03,159 --> 00:11:04,461
Keep going.
- I've been watching over
260
00:11:04,494 --> 00:11:07,000
this building
for hundreds of years.
261
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:11,041
I'm so intertwined with it,
I feel any changes physically,
262
00:11:11,075 --> 00:11:12,912
in my own body.
263
00:11:12,945 --> 00:11:16,385
What, you mean,
like something sexual?
264
00:11:16,418 --> 00:11:19,859
More like, if there is a brick
that gets chipped,
265
00:11:19,893 --> 00:11:21,730
I get a headache.
266
00:11:21,763 --> 00:11:25,203
If the steam pipes are backed
up, then I am also backed up.
267
00:11:25,236 --> 00:11:27,274
- Nothing sexy.
- I'm just gonna ignore
268
00:11:27,307 --> 00:11:30,981
most of that and put that down
to your female hysteria.
269
00:11:31,015 --> 00:11:33,887
- Hmm.
- Moving on, the thought of changing this building,
270
00:11:33,921 --> 00:11:36,993
- how does that make you feel?
- Bad.
271
00:11:37,027 --> 00:11:40,968
If anything gets changed here,
something very bad will happen.
272
00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:43,272
- Could you give me an example?
- I just have an overpowering
273
00:11:43,306 --> 00:11:47,214
"bad things will happen" energy,
and it's flowing through me.
274
00:11:47,247 --> 00:11:50,119
Do you mean a sexual sensation?
275
00:11:50,153 --> 00:11:52,424
No, it's more like,
when you enter a room...
276
00:11:52,457 --> 00:11:54,862
- Keep going.
- But you have to take an even amount of steps
277
00:11:54,896 --> 00:11:57,300
because the floor will be bad
and then you tap the doorknob
278
00:11:57,334 --> 00:11:59,872
three times and you do it
all over again.
279
00:11:59,906 --> 00:12:01,208
You know, regular stuff.
280
00:12:08,991 --> 00:12:11,462
Guillermo, now is not time
for shopping.
281
00:12:11,495 --> 00:12:13,266
My wives are hungry.
282
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:15,971
I know. This is the Uber Eats
order for your 37 wives.
283
00:12:16,005 --> 00:12:17,975
We've narrowed it down
to 32 now.
284
00:12:18,009 --> 00:12:19,812
Well, what did you do
with the rejects?
285
00:12:19,846 --> 00:12:20,981
Guillermo.
286
00:12:21,015 --> 00:12:22,919
Those beautiful, sensitive,
287
00:12:22,952 --> 00:12:25,791
poetic creatures
are not rejects.
288
00:12:25,824 --> 00:12:27,795
They're just simply not
what I'm looking for
289
00:12:27,828 --> 00:12:30,266
- at this particular juncture, so we got rid of them.
- What?
290
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:33,339
- I-I don't kill them. I just make them dead again.
- Yes.
291
00:12:33,372 --> 00:12:35,476
Isn't that killing them again?
No.
292
00:12:35,511 --> 00:12:37,949
He re-deads them.
But in a nice way.
293
00:12:37,982 --> 00:12:39,986
And they go to paradise,
don't they?
294
00:12:40,019 --> 00:12:41,422
Sure.
295
00:12:41,455 --> 00:12:43,426
We even came up
with a nice way of doing it.
296
00:12:43,459 --> 00:12:46,432
My sweet Nandor said
I'm supposed to ask you
297
00:12:46,465 --> 00:12:48,469
for a special gold coin?
298
00:12:48,503 --> 00:12:51,075
Ah, yes.
299
00:12:51,108 --> 00:12:53,079
Come, come.
300
00:12:53,112 --> 00:12:54,549
So they never see it coming.
301
00:12:54,582 --> 00:12:56,886
And there is no sadness
or tears.
302
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,122
That sounds like murder.
303
00:12:58,155 --> 00:13:00,193
I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
304
00:13:02,263 --> 00:13:05,103
But, you know,
this isn't just a job to me.
305
00:13:05,136 --> 00:13:07,908
You know, I'm not clocking in
and clocking out.
306
00:13:07,942 --> 00:13:09,979
- This is who I am.
- Right.
307
00:13:10,013 --> 00:13:11,850
And if you don't mind me asking,
308
00:13:11,883 --> 00:13:14,922
who were you before... this?
309
00:13:14,956 --> 00:13:17,528
Well, I was, um...
310
00:13:17,561 --> 00:13:19,431
a...
311
00:13:19,464 --> 00:13:21,402
Well, I...
312
00:13:21,435 --> 00:13:22,872
I can't remember.
313
00:13:22,905 --> 00:13:24,107
You've no idea, have you?
314
00:13:24,141 --> 00:13:25,844
I have no idea.
315
00:13:25,878 --> 00:13:27,380
Well, that is fascinating.
316
00:13:27,414 --> 00:13:28,984
And if you will allow me,
317
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,253
I have a technique
318
00:13:30,286 --> 00:13:32,558
that could retrieve
that lost memory.
319
00:13:32,591 --> 00:13:33,860
Will it hurt?
320
00:13:33,894 --> 00:13:35,296
Maybe.
321
00:13:35,330 --> 00:13:38,904
My dear Roshni, I thought
we'd do a little quiz.
322
00:13:38,937 --> 00:13:41,475
"34 Questions
That Lead to Love."
323
00:13:41,509 --> 00:13:43,179
Question one,
324
00:13:43,212 --> 00:13:46,151
"if you could choose
anyone in the world,
325
00:13:46,185 --> 00:13:49,291
which three people
would you invite to dinner?"
326
00:13:49,324 --> 00:13:51,295
Well, for one,
327
00:13:51,328 --> 00:13:53,232
I would love to hear
the Sufic poetry
328
00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:55,871
of the great poet
Jalal al-Din Muhammad Rumi
329
00:13:55,904 --> 00:13:57,407
directly from his own lips.
330
00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:59,545
Excellent choice.
331
00:13:59,579 --> 00:14:00,914
And next?
332
00:14:00,948 --> 00:14:02,952
I suppose my dear grandfather.
333
00:14:02,985 --> 00:14:05,456
A simple farmer
but a very wise man.
334
00:14:05,490 --> 00:14:07,327
Very nice, Roshni.
335
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,897
And finally?
336
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:10,567
- And then perhaps...
- Mm-hmm.
337
00:14:10,601 --> 00:14:11,569
Yes?
338
00:14:11,603 --> 00:14:13,039
...Behrouz the Mighty.
339
00:14:13,072 --> 00:14:15,043
A most fearsome warrior.
340
00:14:15,076 --> 00:14:16,278
A hero.
341
00:14:17,414 --> 00:14:18,984
- Behrouz?
- Yes.
342
00:14:19,017 --> 00:14:20,486
- The Mighty?
- Yes.
343
00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:23,593
Mm.
344
00:14:23,627 --> 00:14:25,263
Hi. Nandor said
345
00:14:25,296 --> 00:14:27,467
- you have a gold coin for me.
- Yes,
346
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,171
I do.
347
00:14:33,112 --> 00:14:36,051
You're walking down the corridor
of your mind.
348
00:14:36,085 --> 00:14:37,521
Can you picture it?
349
00:14:37,555 --> 00:14:39,324
- Yes.
- Good.
350
00:14:39,357 --> 00:14:41,328
You walk down that corridor
351
00:14:41,361 --> 00:14:43,499
and come across
an important-looking room.
352
00:14:43,533 --> 00:14:46,238
What does it say upon the door?
353
00:14:46,271 --> 00:14:48,275
"Storage."
354
00:14:48,309 --> 00:14:49,277
You open that door.
355
00:14:49,311 --> 00:14:51,081
What do you see inside?
356
00:14:51,115 --> 00:14:53,252
- Boxes.
- Boxes.
357
00:14:53,285 --> 00:14:54,387
- Mm.
- All right.
358
00:14:54,421 --> 00:14:56,993
You open one of the boxes.
359
00:14:57,026 --> 00:14:58,395
What's inside?
360
00:14:58,429 --> 00:15:01,034
Some smaller boxes.
361
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,640
And each one has a label on it.
362
00:15:03,673 --> 00:15:06,078
And what does the label say?
363
00:15:06,111 --> 00:15:09,151
- "Contents: Even Smaller Boxes."
- "S-Smaller Boxes."
364
00:15:09,184 --> 00:15:11,990
Yes, I thought you might say
that. Let's get the fuck out.
365
00:15:12,023 --> 00:15:14,127
Is this a bad time?
- I really can't talk right now, okay?
366
00:15:14,161 --> 00:15:15,664
- All right. Yeah.
- I'll call you back later.
367
00:15:15,697 --> 00:15:17,400
Whenever you can.
I really miss you.
368
00:15:17,434 --> 00:15:18,537
Yeah...
369
00:15:18,570 --> 00:15:20,440
I know what everyone's thinking.
370
00:15:20,473 --> 00:15:22,978
I'm gonna be super jealous
of whoever Nandor's wife
371
00:15:23,012 --> 00:15:24,181
ends up being, but...
372
00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:26,185
I'm really not.
373
00:15:26,218 --> 00:15:28,389
I just want him to be happy.
374
00:15:28,422 --> 00:15:30,126
And...
375
00:15:30,159 --> 00:15:32,130
I'm in a very good place
right now.
376
00:15:32,163 --> 00:15:34,468
As far as that's concerned.
377
00:15:34,502 --> 00:15:36,706
Because...
378
00:15:36,739 --> 00:15:39,244
that's all I will say
about that.
379
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:43,419
All right. Special delivery.
380
00:15:43,452 --> 00:15:45,256
Got some dresses
381
00:15:45,289 --> 00:15:46,993
- and shirts and all the...
- I was going to make Nandor
382
00:15:47,026 --> 00:15:49,331
a shank of lamb--
do you know if he likes lamb?
383
00:15:49,364 --> 00:15:51,603
Um, I don't think he's really into lamb, actually. Hey.
384
00:15:51,636 --> 00:15:53,707
- Can you take this infant away from me?
- No...
385
00:15:53,740 --> 00:15:55,677
- He is exhausting me.
- Okay,
386
00:15:55,711 --> 00:15:57,213
maybe in a second, Darya.
387
00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:58,550
Kind of have my hands full here,
all right?
388
00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:00,052
Wow. It is so great
to have a nice,
389
00:16:00,086 --> 00:16:01,689
nonthreatening male to talk to.
390
00:16:01,723 --> 00:16:03,159
Okay.
Isn't it?
391
00:16:03,192 --> 00:16:04,494
What is your name, eunuch?
392
00:16:04,529 --> 00:16:06,098
Well, it's Guillermo,
393
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,500
and I'm not a eunuch, so...
394
00:16:07,535 --> 00:16:09,605
Close enough.
- Cover yourself up.
395
00:16:09,639 --> 00:16:13,547
Continuing down the corridor
of your mind,
396
00:16:13,580 --> 00:16:16,218
- what do you see?
- Someone needs to clean it up.
397
00:16:16,251 --> 00:16:19,024
All right, apart from that,
do you see a door?
398
00:16:19,057 --> 00:16:22,230
- Many doors.
- Can you tell me what they say?
399
00:16:22,263 --> 00:16:24,301
- "Conversation Starters."
- All right.
400
00:16:24,334 --> 00:16:26,573
Uh, "Favorite Looks Casual."
401
00:16:26,606 --> 00:16:28,242
"Favorite Looks Formal."
402
00:16:28,275 --> 00:16:30,079
"Shame-- Do Not Open."
403
00:16:30,112 --> 00:16:31,448
Uh, "Box Storage Number Two."
404
00:16:31,481 --> 00:16:33,653
That might be
a good one to get into.
405
00:16:33,687 --> 00:16:35,223
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa.
Back up a second.
406
00:16:35,256 --> 00:16:36,726
Did you just say "Shame"?
407
00:16:36,759 --> 00:16:38,195
Let's go in there,
have a bit of a poke around.
408
00:16:38,229 --> 00:16:39,732
- The "Shame" door?
- Please.
409
00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:41,101
Says "Do Not Open."
410
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,370
Well, fuck that.
Just give it a...
411
00:16:42,403 --> 00:16:43,507
give it a hard push.
412
00:16:45,209 --> 00:16:46,345
Nope.
413
00:16:46,378 --> 00:16:48,315
- It's not budging.
- Right. Ah!
414
00:16:48,349 --> 00:16:49,351
What's that I hear?
415
00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:50,486
The footsteps
416
00:16:50,521 --> 00:16:52,323
of somebody strong and powerful
417
00:16:52,357 --> 00:16:55,196
coming down the corridor
of your mind to help you.
418
00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:57,066
Do you see that person?
419
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,703
- Yes.
- Who is he?
420
00:16:59,639 --> 00:17:01,241
It's Guillermo.
421
00:17:01,275 --> 00:17:03,613
No, no, I said
somebody strong and powerful.
422
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:05,283
Do you see that person?
423
00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:06,619
- Yes, that's Guillermo.
- Really?
424
00:17:06,653 --> 00:17:08,389
Well, he's naked.
425
00:17:08,422 --> 00:17:10,226
- Hello, Guillermo.
- Uh, just get him to open the door.
426
00:17:10,259 --> 00:17:12,631
- He's naked.
- Can he open the door?
427
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:14,234
He's trying,
428
00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:16,606
but his hands keep slipping
off the doorknob
429
00:17:16,639 --> 00:17:19,612
due to the oil
that he used to glisten up
430
00:17:19,645 --> 00:17:21,381
his naked body.
431
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:24,087
Right. You know what?
I think I might take a break.
432
00:17:25,256 --> 00:17:26,626
Nandor's process
433
00:17:26,659 --> 00:17:28,395
is, uh...
434
00:17:28,429 --> 00:17:29,397
well...
435
00:17:32,136 --> 00:17:34,508
You have an impressive
and powerful physique, Kublai.
436
00:17:34,542 --> 00:17:37,280
I cannot wait to explore it.
437
00:17:37,313 --> 00:17:40,119
But I'm afraid...
438
00:17:40,152 --> 00:17:41,656
I am stronger.
439
00:17:41,689 --> 00:17:43,392
Even a very strong man like you...
440
00:17:43,425 --> 00:17:45,129
...won't want to step
on that nail.
441
00:17:45,162 --> 00:17:47,133
Nail?
442
00:17:48,469 --> 00:17:50,239
Ah!
443
00:17:50,273 --> 00:17:51,776
You win, Kublai.
444
00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:54,447
I may not remember
my beloved's name.
445
00:17:54,481 --> 00:17:58,255
As your prize, you get
a very special gold coin.
446
00:17:58,289 --> 00:18:01,796
But I do remember that
they never beat me at anything.
447
00:18:01,829 --> 00:18:04,134
Fucking Kublai.
448
00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:05,403
Okay, first things first,
I'd say
449
00:18:05,436 --> 00:18:07,273
the two Dalals
are definitely out.
450
00:18:07,307 --> 00:18:09,679
They were humble
and an excellent listener.
451
00:18:09,712 --> 00:18:11,816
My sister, when she was
being courted by her husband...
452
00:18:11,849 --> 00:18:13,887
Well, he didn't end up
actually becoming her husband.
453
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,458
- Mm-hmm.
- We were all certain they were to be wed, you know?
454
00:18:16,491 --> 00:18:19,732
I'd forgotten how many wonderful
stories you have to tell, Mina.
455
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,201
But he was also, like, a...
456
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:22,470
The love of my life
457
00:18:22,504 --> 00:18:23,540
was not petty
458
00:18:23,573 --> 00:18:24,809
or slovenly
459
00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:26,278
or vain.
460
00:18:26,311 --> 00:18:27,413
- Saddle up!
- Or manipulative.
461
00:18:27,447 --> 00:18:29,150
He's a naughty boy.
462
00:18:29,184 --> 00:18:31,656
They never asked me
to shave off my beard.
463
00:18:33,492 --> 00:18:34,629
Okay, she's a maybe.
464
00:18:34,662 --> 00:18:36,365
This guy I don't trust.
This one
465
00:18:36,398 --> 00:18:38,202
never learned to read.
I like her,
466
00:18:38,235 --> 00:18:40,574
but she's so much smarter
than me, so...
467
00:18:40,607 --> 00:18:41,843
see ya!
468
00:18:42,978 --> 00:18:45,751
They were warm
and wanted to be with me.
469
00:18:45,784 --> 00:18:47,855
You know, Behrouz the Mighty,
470
00:18:47,888 --> 00:18:50,627
all of his fearsome shit
was actually done by other guys.
471
00:18:50,661 --> 00:18:52,631
My heart's desire was kind
472
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,467
and a good haggler.
473
00:18:54,502 --> 00:18:56,706
They never borrowed my boots
without asking me.
474
00:18:56,739 --> 00:18:59,311
They were merciful.
475
00:18:59,344 --> 00:19:00,446
And horny.
476
00:19:00,479 --> 00:19:03,452
And this, my dear Ramy,
477
00:19:03,485 --> 00:19:05,590
is where the magic happens.
478
00:19:05,624 --> 00:19:06,893
Shall we?
479
00:19:06,926 --> 00:19:09,264
Could I get one
of those gold coins now?
480
00:19:09,297 --> 00:19:12,203
My beloved had a sense
of spontaneity and fun.
481
00:19:12,236 --> 00:19:14,742
Nandor, what are you hiding?
482
00:19:14,775 --> 00:19:16,512
Ah!
483
00:19:16,546 --> 00:19:19,217
H-Hey! No, wait! Come back!
484
00:19:19,250 --> 00:19:20,921
- Where you going?!
- No.
485
00:19:20,954 --> 00:19:21,923
Come back!
486
00:19:21,956 --> 00:19:23,425
It's just a lobster!
487
00:19:23,459 --> 00:19:24,762
Leave me alone.
488
00:19:24,795 --> 00:19:26,532
Wait!
489
00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:29,270
♪ Bu-Bu-Bu-Bublitchki. ♪
490
00:19:29,304 --> 00:19:31,274
That was adorable.
491
00:19:31,308 --> 00:19:34,214
Nasrin! Nasrin!
492
00:19:34,247 --> 00:19:35,684
Hey! Don't be afraid!
493
00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:38,489
Nasrin! Hey.
494
00:19:38,523 --> 00:19:40,226
Where are you going?!
495
00:19:40,259 --> 00:19:42,497
Do not fear him!
We are about to kill him anyway.
496
00:19:42,531 --> 00:19:45,269
Oh!
497
00:19:45,302 --> 00:19:46,639
Shit.
498
00:19:48,008 --> 00:19:49,377
Whoops.
499
00:19:49,411 --> 00:19:50,814
Yeah, she's dead.
500
00:19:50,847 --> 00:19:52,885
- It is a process.
- ♪ Hey! ♪
501
00:19:57,561 --> 00:19:58,863
You were meant
to look
502
00:19:58,897 --> 00:20:00,332
You can't just let him
wander off.
503
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:01,803
Here, boy!
504
00:20:01,836 --> 00:20:03,506
He's not a dog. He's a child.
505
00:20:03,540 --> 00:20:05,242
Why are you so grumpy
these days, Guillermo?
506
00:20:05,276 --> 00:20:07,246
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe 'cause I'm exhausted
507
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,451
from feeding and taking care
of your 37 wives.
508
00:20:09,484 --> 00:20:11,421
Actually,
we're down to seven now.
509
00:20:12,858 --> 00:20:15,496
- Little baby Colin!
- Colin?
510
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:18,335
Oh, wow.
511
00:20:18,368 --> 00:20:20,540
This little rascal really likes
512
00:20:20,574 --> 00:20:22,410
to hammer holes in the wall,
doesn't he?
513
00:20:22,443 --> 00:20:23,813
Between taking care
of your wives
514
00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:24,882
and making sure this poor child
515
00:20:24,915 --> 00:20:26,485
- doesn't die...
- Hey!
516
00:20:26,519 --> 00:20:27,721
...in this death trap
of a house,
517
00:20:27,755 --> 00:20:29,290
I haven't slept in weeks.
518
00:20:29,324 --> 00:20:31,596
- Colin, give me the hammer.
- Hey! Shit.
519
00:20:31,629 --> 00:20:33,700
Do you know that I've missed
my mother's birthday party
520
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:34,702
three years in a row?
521
00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:36,405
No. Why would I know that?
522
00:20:36,438 --> 00:20:38,409
I would have to know that
it was your mother's birthday
523
00:20:38,442 --> 00:20:39,879
and also the things you do.
524
00:20:39,912 --> 00:20:41,415
I-I really am glad
that you want to find a wife,
525
00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:43,452
and I think it's cool.
I really do.
526
00:20:43,485 --> 00:20:44,722
- I'm cool with that.
- Oh, good.
527
00:20:44,755 --> 00:20:46,491
I'm so glad
you are "cool" with that.
528
00:20:46,526 --> 00:20:48,495
But I already have a family.
And one that I don't see
529
00:20:48,530 --> 00:20:50,433
because I spend so much time
taking care of you guys,
530
00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:51,702
I don't take care of myself.
531
00:20:51,736 --> 00:20:53,873
I think he has fallen asleep.
532
00:20:53,907 --> 00:20:55,476
I think your story bored him.
533
00:20:58,415 --> 00:20:59,819
Only kidding, Guillermo.
534
00:21:00,787 --> 00:21:02,356
Eesh.
535
00:21:02,390 --> 00:21:03,660
We've had a breakthrough.
536
00:21:03,693 --> 00:21:05,997
This job isn't my job.
537
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:07,768
It's my punishment.
538
00:21:07,801 --> 00:21:10,707
She'd locked away her most
shameful and sordid memories
539
00:21:10,740 --> 00:21:12,644
for so long
that she'd forgotten them.
540
00:21:12,678 --> 00:21:14,982
- I was a bad vampire.
- Yes.
541
00:21:15,015 --> 00:21:16,652
I was sloppy.
542
00:21:16,686 --> 00:21:18,021
I was wild.
543
00:21:18,055 --> 00:21:20,927
I was a moth
to the danger flame.
544
00:21:20,961 --> 00:21:22,764
I led the Inquisition.
545
00:21:22,798 --> 00:21:25,336
I danced
the Dance of the Seven Veils.
546
00:21:25,369 --> 00:21:26,672
Without the veils.
547
00:21:26,706 --> 00:21:27,908
Top work.
548
00:21:27,941 --> 00:21:29,645
I was, simply put,
549
00:21:29,678 --> 00:21:31,749
- extra.
- It's true.
550
00:21:31,782 --> 00:21:34,420
And we finally got
to the bottom of the, uh,
551
00:21:34,454 --> 00:21:36,626
naked, glistening Guillermo business
552
00:21:36,659 --> 00:21:38,863
that's been lurking
in her tawdry mind.
553
00:21:40,399 --> 00:21:41,903
Don't stop.
This is getting good.
554
00:21:41,936 --> 00:21:44,474
The final straw came,
555
00:21:44,508 --> 00:21:47,781
the ultimate messiness
for a vampire...
556
00:21:47,815 --> 00:21:51,021
when I slept
with a vampire killer.
557
00:21:51,054 --> 00:21:52,390
Shit.
558
00:21:52,423 --> 00:21:53,492
No.
559
00:21:53,526 --> 00:21:54,628
A Van Helsing.
560
00:21:54,662 --> 00:21:55,630
No.
561
00:21:55,664 --> 00:21:56,666
Yeah.
562
00:21:56,699 --> 00:21:58,570
I knew it was wrong
563
00:21:58,603 --> 00:21:59,905
when I did it.
564
00:21:59,939 --> 00:22:01,676
There's something
about his kind--
565
00:22:01,709 --> 00:22:04,380
the danger, the depravity.
566
00:22:04,414 --> 00:22:06,919
Will this climax be
the end of my story?
567
00:22:06,953 --> 00:22:08,656
And what a way to go.
568
00:22:08,690 --> 00:22:11,596
His fingers
that could wrap around my neck.
569
00:22:11,629 --> 00:22:14,133
All right. Leave this with me.
570
00:22:14,167 --> 00:22:16,037
What? Are you fucking insane?
571
00:22:16,071 --> 00:22:18,108
No. No way.
572
00:22:18,141 --> 00:22:19,778
It's every young boy's fantasy.
573
00:22:19,812 --> 00:22:21,381
What's wrong with you?
It works, doesn't it?
574
00:22:21,414 --> 00:22:22,951
- As if you could do any better.
- Just do it.
575
00:22:22,985 --> 00:22:24,955
Get her to stop talking
about that fucking building.
576
00:22:24,989 --> 00:22:27,594
She clearly has a weakness
for your kind.
577
00:22:27,628 --> 00:22:28,796
She might teach you
a thing or two.
578
00:22:28,830 --> 00:22:30,466
Okay.
579
00:22:30,499 --> 00:22:32,804
If I do this,
what's it worth to you?
580
00:22:32,838 --> 00:22:34,040
Name your price.
581
00:22:35,009 --> 00:22:36,612
I want to be
the nightclub's accountant.
582
00:22:36,646 --> 00:22:38,415
Why?
583
00:22:38,448 --> 00:22:39,552
Why not?
584
00:22:39,585 --> 00:22:41,689
This makes me suspicious
a little.
585
00:22:42,858 --> 00:22:44,494
Well, do you want my help
or not?
586
00:22:44,528 --> 00:22:46,966
Eh. I mean, we do, so...
587
00:22:46,999 --> 00:22:48,870
- done deal.
- Okay. Well.
588
00:22:48,903 --> 00:22:51,709
Yeah, I've done a lot of things
for Nandor, Laszlo and Nadja
589
00:22:51,742 --> 00:22:53,078
over the years, but...
590
00:22:53,111 --> 00:22:54,615
seducing a vampire
to do their bidding?
591
00:22:56,451 --> 00:22:57,453
That's a new one.
592
00:23:00,125 --> 00:23:02,631
Guillermo,
I know why you're here.
593
00:23:02,664 --> 00:23:05,837
But the answer is no.
594
00:23:05,870 --> 00:23:07,574
Oh, come on.
595
00:23:07,608 --> 00:23:09,110
Don't-don't you think
a nightclub would be...
596
00:23:09,143 --> 00:23:11,616
a nice, fun change of pace
for you?
597
00:23:11,649 --> 00:23:13,620
Yeah, sure.
The nightclub's fine.
598
00:23:13,653 --> 00:23:15,055
I don't care about that anymore.
599
00:23:15,089 --> 00:23:16,859
- Okay, good.
- Yeah.
600
00:23:16,892 --> 00:23:18,128
No, it is our...
601
00:23:18,161 --> 00:23:19,999
forbidden love...
602
00:23:20,032 --> 00:23:23,005
...that I must squash before
it has a chance to blossom.
603
00:23:23,038 --> 00:23:24,875
Yes.
604
00:23:24,909 --> 00:23:25,977
Yeah. All right, well,
605
00:23:26,011 --> 00:23:28,448
nice doing business with you.
606
00:23:28,482 --> 00:23:29,450
I'm gonna go.
607
00:23:31,889 --> 00:23:35,630
We felt a passion for each other
from the moment we met, no?
608
00:23:35,664 --> 00:23:38,803
Oops! I should have known
you had Van Helsing blood in you
609
00:23:38,836 --> 00:23:42,476
when I felt that tingling
in my most private of parts.
610
00:23:42,511 --> 00:23:43,746
Great. I'm gonna...
611
00:23:43,780 --> 00:23:45,617
- Ooh! Ooh!
- Oh.
612
00:23:45,650 --> 00:23:48,623
Oh, my sweet, sweet Guillermo.
613
00:23:48,656 --> 00:23:50,560
My attraction to you
614
00:23:50,593 --> 00:23:53,231
is a manifestation
of a longing for my past life,
615
00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:56,471
when I was a naughty,
dirty vampire.
616
00:23:58,576 --> 00:24:00,680
But that's not who I am anymore.
617
00:24:00,714 --> 00:24:02,618
Please tell me you understand.
618
00:24:02,651 --> 00:24:04,755
- No hard feelings.
- Okay.
619
00:24:04,788 --> 00:24:05,957
Now I'm gonna go,
620
00:24:05,991 --> 00:24:07,628
- and you're gonna stay.
- Bye-bye.
621
00:24:07,661 --> 00:24:10,567
Guillermo, can you find it
in your heart
622
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,606
to be just... friends with me?
623
00:24:15,844 --> 00:24:17,046
Sure.
624
00:24:17,079 --> 00:24:18,583
I could use a friend.
625
00:24:18,616 --> 00:24:19,985
High five.
626
00:24:20,019 --> 00:24:22,791
All right. Then what are
we waiting for, huh?!
627
00:24:22,824 --> 00:24:24,528
- It's a good day.
- Where'd she get that from?
628
00:24:24,561 --> 00:24:26,097
Let's get this old shit
out of here
629
00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:28,068
and make a vampire nightclub!
630
00:24:28,101 --> 00:24:29,505
What are you gonna do with the hammer?
631
00:24:30,573 --> 00:24:31,575
Yeah!
632
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:35,583
As you can see,
another patient cured
633
00:24:35,617 --> 00:24:37,788
and returned
to perfect mental health.
634
00:24:37,821 --> 00:24:40,794
Yes, she seems very well now,
doesn't she?
635
00:24:40,827 --> 00:24:43,933
No charge.
636
00:24:43,966 --> 00:24:45,202
Well done, my love.
637
00:24:45,235 --> 00:24:46,271
Indeed.
638
00:24:46,304 --> 00:24:47,841
She's gone.
639
00:24:47,874 --> 00:24:49,143
What are we left with?
640
00:24:49,177 --> 00:24:51,214
I have found the one.
641
00:24:51,247 --> 00:24:53,953
We are engaged to be wed.
642
00:24:53,986 --> 00:24:56,091
This is Marwa.
643
00:24:56,124 --> 00:24:58,563
Hello. I am Marwa of Al Qolni...
644
00:24:58,596 --> 00:24:59,965
I mean, it was obvious
all along.
645
00:24:59,998 --> 00:25:01,969
You know, like, duh.
646
00:25:02,003 --> 00:25:03,673
Would you excuse me
for one moment,
647
00:25:03,706 --> 00:25:04,708
please, my little pomegranate?
648
00:25:04,742 --> 00:25:05,977
Be right back.
649
00:25:07,848 --> 00:25:09,250
I was lucky enough to have
the best education...
650
00:25:09,283 --> 00:25:12,557
I always imagined my wife
with blonde hair.
651
00:25:12,591 --> 00:25:15,697
...but my passion lied
in science and mathematics...
652
00:25:15,730 --> 00:25:18,736
I think I was thinking
a little less platinum blonde,
653
00:25:18,770 --> 00:25:20,740
little more, um, hint of red.
654
00:25:20,774 --> 00:25:23,111
I am most proud
that my observations
655
00:25:23,145 --> 00:25:24,982
- of Jupiter and Saturn...
- Hmm.
656
00:25:25,015 --> 00:25:26,317
You know what? I think
657
00:25:26,351 --> 00:25:28,589
I prefer it just as it was
in the beginning.
658
00:25:28,623 --> 00:25:30,025
Using up a lot of wishes.
659
00:25:30,059 --> 00:25:32,029
Yes, I know, but let's do it.
660
00:25:32,063 --> 00:25:34,968
Nothing is too good
for my perfect wife.
661
00:25:35,937 --> 00:25:39,645
I am very lucky to have a man
of such intellect
662
00:25:39,678 --> 00:25:41,114
to share my life with.
663
00:25:41,147 --> 00:25:42,116
Mm.
664
00:25:43,753 --> 00:25:45,890
♪ Bu-Bu-Bu-Bublitchki ♪
665
00:25:45,924 --> 00:25:48,863
♪ I promise you will be ♪
666
00:25:48,896 --> 00:25:51,334
♪ My only love ♪
667
00:25:51,367 --> 00:25:54,140
♪ So will you give to me ♪
668
00:25:54,173 --> 00:25:56,779
♪ All of your bublitchki ♪
669
00:25:56,812 --> 00:25:59,317
♪ The bu-bu-bublitchki ♪
670
00:25:59,350 --> 00:26:02,156
♪ I'm dreaming of ♪
671
00:26:02,189 --> 00:26:04,695
♪ I had a love, you see ♪
672
00:26:04,728 --> 00:26:07,299
♪ Who gave me bublitchki ♪
673
00:26:07,333 --> 00:26:09,938
♪ I fell in love with him ♪
674
00:26:09,972 --> 00:26:12,811
♪ But he did not ♪
675
00:26:12,844 --> 00:26:15,215
♪ He gave his all to me ♪
676
00:26:15,249 --> 00:26:18,021
♪ All of his bublitchki ♪
677
00:26:18,054 --> 00:26:23,198
♪ All of his bublitchki
is all I got ♪
678
00:26:23,231 --> 00:26:25,904
♪ All of that bublitchki ♪
679
00:26:25,937 --> 00:26:30,947
♪ Is all I got... ♪
680
00:26:30,980 --> 00:26:32,951
♪ Hey! ♪
681
00:26:32,984 --> 00:26:38,896
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
45536
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.