All language subtitles for this.is.going.to.hurt.s01e05.episode.5

You just need to be less
of a wallflower.

It's dog eat dog in this place.

I'm working 14 hours a day and
then revising.

I just feel constantly overwhelmed.

Are you sure you're
in the right job?

We're engaged.
We're getting married.

Your girlfriend must be used to the
late nights by now, though, right?

I hope you like it.
You're wearing it forever now.

I thought you were going to stand me
up there.

Do you mind if we rain check,
please?

I hope you don't mind me asking. Why
have you made a complaint about me?

I thought you said
this wasn't a disaster?

"This isn't a GMC thing, we're
not going to get struck off."

Erika dropped the complaint.

Yeah, yeah, long time no speak.

Five years? Don't think
it's been quite that long.

Well, look, I just wanted
to let you know

that it's my engagement
party tomorrow...

Come.

Hey. No, no, no, no, no.
You're top of the list, yeah.

It's... It's been a very
last-minute thing.

Oh, OK, well, look,
let's catch up in...

..in another five years, yeah.

Funny.

OK.

Erm... Mr Farrell?

Yeah, sorry, er, my...
my wife's just parking.

So, the blood tests didn't show up
any reason why you're struggling...

to get pregnant.
Right. Look, probably nothing, but it's been

stinging a little when I've,
er, peed past couple of days.

Why don't you pop to the loo...

..get me a sample?

It's tomorrow night, erm,
it would be great to see you.

Oh, and Lucy's invited too,
obviously.

Oh, my God.

Did they refund
the honeymoon after that?

Look, Artie, I have to run but
you take care of yourself, OK?

Come.

Right, I, erm, clearly
should've been more specific.

Could you please get me
a urine sam...? Oh, shit!

Urgh!

Oh!

Urgh!

Oh, bit of early morning DIY?

Something like that.

Should come to ours after -
there's a flat-pack wardrobe

Mick's been ignoring
for nine months.

Mm-hm.

Are you here four hours early
or eight hours late?

Can you just say something
helpful or fuck off, please?

Right you are, Doctor.

Sorry, I just need to...

It's my exam tomorrow.

All right, sweetheart.

Don't know how I'm gonna get
through it,

to be honest with you.

Maybe just get some sleep.

Mum's looking forward
to seeing you again.

First doctor in the family.
I mean, she's got an uncle called

Dr Bones, but I think that's
just a nickname from prison.

Christ. It's our engagement party
tonight,

do you wanna get a bit more engaged?

I am.

I am. I can't wait.

I know it's mostly my lot coming,
but they're great fun.

You could've invited more people.

No, I've got loads of people coming.

Yeah, there's Mum, Dad, Greg,
there's the uni lot,

there's a few maybes, but...

Will I get to meet anyone from work?

Erm, they don't really...

..they don't know really

that I'm, um...

..engaged.

Oh. Yeah.

I mean, the main gang do, obviously.

Yeah, they're, they're all coming.

And how big's this "gang", then?

We're talking the Yakuza, right,
not The Famous Five?

There's Shruti and Tracy and...

..Julian and, yeah, loads of people.

Well, it'll be good
to meet them finally.

Yeah.

'Thank you for calling the
Medical Protection Union.

'To speak to a medico-legal
adviser about a new case,

'please press one.

'If you have received a letter
from the GMC, please press one.

'Our office hours are 9:30am...

Oh, shit.
'..until 4:30pm.

'Press five to leave a message.

Hi, erm, I don't really know
what's going on a complaint

about me was dropped, but now
I've been sent...

'Press five to leave a message.'

Oh.

Argh! Come on! Yeah.

Blocks pornography, I'm afraid.

I wasn't looking up pornography.

It's political correctness gone mad.

I'm trying to print out some
past papers, but it's blocked

the Royal College of Obstetrics
and Gynaecology website.

Come on, not at work, Shruts.

I really wasn't. Ooh!

That's such a nice bag,
where's that from?

What do you need? Aren't
I allowed to be just nice?

Anyway, erm,
I was wondering if, erm,

any of you might be free
this evening -

it's my engagement party.

Ooh! You're engaged?

Yeah, thought I'd do
it that way round.

Pollard Road, 7pm.

There's, er, free wine?

What kind of wine?

House? Whose house?

Tracy?

Adam, darling, it's my only
night off in two weeks,

and I won't be spending it with you.

No offence.

No-one gonna get those?

Gynae registrar on call,
senior reg, and obstetric SHO.

Er, that is you, you, and Pippa.

Pippa's off sick this week,
so have fun.

It would really mean a lot
to me if you could make it.

Which I can't.

I'll put you down as "maybe".

I can do some posters if you're
that desperate for numbers.

I'm not desperate for numbers.

Of course you're not.

Shruts? I've got my exam tomorrow.

You know, there's actually
very good evidence

that people perform better
under exam conditions

if they socialise the night before.

Something to do with,
er, serotonin, I think.

No, Adam, I can't.

Come on, it's one night off.

Adam, I've got my exams!

Sorry. That came out
louder than expected.

Shruts, have you had... have you had
a letter?

Er, no.

I've had another complaint
and it's a GMC one.

Oh, shit. What about?

My handwriting.
What do you fucking think?

Why would Erika complain again?

She hasn't. It's anonymous.

Anonymous?

Do you think I'll get one?

Well, try not to be too jealous.

Well, I guess you are the one
who sent her home early,

and then falsified the notes.

All right, Judge Judy.

Thank you.

Hey, how's it going?

Fine. Er, we never
rescheduled that drink,

if you've got any time
in the next couple of years?

Oh, I've got my exam tomorrow.

Good luck.

Well, after that, maybe?

Um, resits. Oh.

Well, good luck with the exam.

Thanks.

Said that already, haven't I?

Shruti!

On duty!

Still working here, then?

Yeah, I guess so. Knew you would.

See, you've just got to
not let it get to you.

Put up the old shields.

Stiff upper labia, right?

Yeah, exactly.
When's the exam?

Tomorrow.

"True or false?"

"Chromaffin cells are innervated"

"by preganglionic sympathetic fibres"

"and derived from the mesoderm."

Er, true.

See? You'll be fine.

I mean, it's false.

They come from
neuroectoderm, don't they?

How else are they gonna
release catecholamines?

Right, if I see 100 patients
and you see 100,

that's got to be, what,
quarter of 'em?

'Please leave your message
after the tone.

Oh, hello, my name's Adam Kay.

I've left a couple
of messages already.

Will you shut up?

Sorry, not you, obviously.

My number is 07700 900 768.

Hopefully speak to you soon.

Layla Deacon?

Hi, I'm Adam,
I'm one of the doctors here.

Am I right in thinking
you've had some bleeding,

and it's, erm, not like a period?

Are you happy to tell
me more about it?

Nothing you say goes beyond

these three walls and
disgusting curtain.

When did it start?

How much blood is there?

Has it happened before?

It's like being a fucking vet.

Erm, do you mind
if I have a quick look?

I'll get a nurse to join us.

Can I get a chaperone in here
for a second?

Right. If you slip
your bottom half off,

I'll be as quick as I can.

Erm, feet together,
flop your knees to the side.

Holy shit. Holy shit.

Sorry.

Erm... Layla, will you promise
to answer me honestly

if I ask you
a really difficult question?

Did somebody do this to you?

You promise?

Was it...? Was it an accident or...?

I just didn't know it
would bleed so much.

Just when you think you've seen
everything,

someone gives their vulva
a short back and sides.

Fuck knows what I'm meant to do.

Right, Sister's going to clean
you up and put a swab on

to stop the bleeding.

Are you in much pain?

What do you think?

Let's get some good-going
pain relief.

We're going to look
after you, don't worry.

I'm gonna speak to a colleague.

I'll be back in ten minutes
to sort everything out.

How long do you think?

You're gonna be fine.

Mind your backs.
That's it, thank you.

Hello?

'Dr Kay?

'It's Nina from the
Medical Protection Union.'

Yes, yes, thank you so much
for calling me back.

So, just listening through
your six voicemails,

I think it sounds like an internal
complaint has escalated,

but don't worry
because the vast majority

go away on their own.

They generally don't go to tribunal,
let alone become strike-off bad.

OK. Great.

Um, there was something
that I didn't mention.

I may have written in the notes

that my consultant told me
to send the patient home

when he didn't exactly.

Right.

There was an internal hospital
complaint, which I, er...

..slightly leant on
the patient to drop.

I see.

How worried should I be?

Am I gonna lose my job?
Is it...? Is it strike-off bad?

We tend not to use terms like that.

You literally used that exact term.

Try not to get het up, please,
Dr Kay. I'm just trying to help.

Next step will be
to get you sat down

with a lawyer quite urgently.

Am I right to presume the patient
is the complainant again?

On the letter, it says that
the complainant is anonymous.

Anonymous normally suggests
it's a colleague.

A colleague?

It means someone you work with.

Dr Kay?

Dr Kay?

Ah, Doctor.

What's the, er...? What's the dress
code for tonight?

The poster didn't say,
only I didn't, erm...

Who's the consultant on call today?

Mr Bignall.
It's just that Ria mentioned...

I need to speak to him about
a patient.

He went to labour ward
about ten minutes ago.

Oh, oh. Can you quickly see
a patient for me?

I'm really worried about her.

She hasn't passed urine
for over 12 hours.

Nor have I.

Doctor?

What bed's she in?

Side Room Four.

God, I wish there were
two of me today.

No-one else does.

Oi, oi, who ordered the strippagram?

Who ordered the cunt?

Good morning. Matilda, is it?

Only on the weekends.

So, apparently your catheter's

not been putting out
any urine overnight.

Is he taking the piss?

Are you taking the piss, mate?

You drinking much? Nah.
Cocktails in here are shit.

I drank a jug of water
overnight like they told me to.

Do you mind if I have
a gentle feel of your tummy?

I thought you'd never ask.

God, what's wrong with this prick?

I didn't mean that.
I meant to say that to you.

Er, sorry.

OK, your bladder's
really quite distended.

I'm gonna get one of
the midwives to flush it through

and, if that doesn't do
anything, we'll book in

an ultrasound to check
there's nothing going on inside.

Did something go wrong
at the Caesarean?

It better not have done.

Who's the prick now? Rob.

Well, hopefully nothing, but we just
need to, you know...

Right, your catheter
tube's trapped under the wheel

of your bed.

Have you seen Mr Bignall?

No. Fuck. Can I help?

You cannot.

What would you do
in this situation?

So you do want my help?

I've got a 19-year-old
in A&E who's...

..cut her left labia half off.

Oh. Shit.

Abuse?

Oversew the edges

and do as little as you can
to stop it bleeding.

And what then?

See the next patient?

And then probably come back
to me for help with that as well.

Shouldn't I refer her to psych?

Is she presenting a danger
to her own life or to others?

No. Does she need admission?

No. It sounds pretty basic.

Didn't they retrain you
after your incident?

It was you.
What, that cut her vulva off?

You complained about me to the GMC.

The GMC?

I wouldn't wish that on
my worst enemy.

And you're not quite there yet.

Sorry, I'm just...

No, I'm...

I mean, I'm sorry you're having
to go through all this.

Um, speak to psych about
the patient,

but I wouldn't hold my breath.

I know it's hard...

..but you can't let this stuff
get to you.

Oh, God's sake. At least you can
drown your sorrows later.

Like it says, all welcome.

Huh, I'd be delighted.

So, as you know, very sadly,
that last go of IVF didn't work.

And because that was your
third attempt,

that means, unfortunately,
according to...

We can still have another go, right?

I'm... I'm very sorry to say that,
as per our guidelines,

three rounds
is all you're eligible for.

It can't be.

I'm really sorry.

Um, some... some people
try again privately,

if they can find the money.

Roll up!
Roll up! Who's up next, then?

Or you could just not bother.

I'm sorry?

Look, to be honest, at your age,

with the number of eggs
that we've managed

to harvest on your last cycles,

plus the level of the AMH hormones
that you've got,

you've got about a 1% chance
of success.

1%? Absolute maximum.

Why's no-one told us this before?

I'm telling you now.

Look, why don't you go home,
regroup, think about things

like egg donation, adoption?

But, honestly, you're not
having a baby with IVF.

Thanks, Doctor.
I appreciate your honesty.

Yes?

'Hey, handsome fiance.
What are you up to?

Working.
It's what I do during the day.

Champagne, sir? Ah, thanks.

It's not, it's prosecco, but...

'Hi, Adam.

'Mum says hi.'
Hi...

..Pauline.

He says hi back.

Er, the place is looking great.

You'd never know there was
a wake here three hours ago.

Christ.

'Ah, don't worry,
we've made it look really nice.'

The photos look amazing.

I've put up that cute one
of you and your mum.

I didn't think she showed up
in photos.

Oh, I didn't tell you about
the balloons.

You remember the ones you really
liked at Hannah's wedding? No.

You all right? I just had to deal
with a teenager

who cut her own labia off.
Jesus, Adam. I'm really sorry.

That must have been...
I'd better go.

I'll see you this evening.

You're getting struck off, mate.

What? You dropped your card, mate.

That sore?

Much less sore than my go.

Does it look OK?

I've seen doctors do
worse labiaplasties,

but, you know, I'm sure it
looked fine before.

Other side looks... normal.

Well, no, it doesn't.

It looks nothing like it's meant to.

Who told you what it's meant
to look like?

Well, you just see it on, like...

..I dunno.

Don't want to make
any assumptions but...

..but I've probably seen a lot
more vulvas than you have.

At work, I hope.

Have you, um...

..talked to anyone about this?

Yeah, I actually texted
everyone a picture.

Oh, cool, same here.

How would you feel if I, um...

..brought a colleague over

who knows much more
about this stuff than I do?

Just for a quick chat?

Might be helpful.

OK.

I'll be ten minutes.

I'm just here!

Who's bleeping me?
Time to turn on the charm.

Sorry to bother you.

Are you on call
for psychiatry today?

No, I just stole their bleep.

Adam Kay, obs and gynae.

You just introducing yourself
to every department?

This is the person who stops
people killing themselves?

Um, could you possibly review
a patient for me?

19 years old, just performed some
cosmetic surgery on her vulva.

I've got a woman who tried to
jump off a bridge this morning,

a student in frank psychosis,
what's this one?

Another suicide attempt.

Please, even if it's just a minute.

There's only one of me,
I just can't.

Well, what am I meant to tell her?
Tell her to see her GP

for referral to community
mental health.

It's just not an emergency.

Since when did we only fucking see
life and death emergencies

in this place?

You losing your shit at me isn't
going to magic up any more doctors.

Sorry, sorry.

I've had a real day of it.

I will see her
when I get two seconds.

Thank you. I owe you.

Come in.

Wipe up.

So, how does he look?

She's decided it's gonna be a boy.

Course it's a boy,

giving us all this trouble
getting pregnant.

Guys, just take a seat for me.

That's never a good sign, is it?

Something the matter?
Just take a seat for me.

Right, next customer!

Um...

..now, I can't find a heartbeat,

which means that your baby
is no longer alive.

Um, your options are to wait,

er, see if the body passes it
naturally,

we can give you some medicines
to speed things along or, er,

we can book you in for an operation.
Do you understand?

Er, could... could this be
a mistake?

No, I'm afraid it's unmistakable.

I can show you

the heart on the scanner

if you like, but it's not moving.

Um, in terms of which option
you'd like to go ahead with...

My baby.

Well, it might be easier
not to think of it as a baby,

it's just a bunch of cells.

A bunch of cells?

No.

Sorry.

Sorry, erm, that...
No, that's... that's...

That's not what I meant,
that wasn't...

No, we need to talk to
another doctor now!

Look, you're gonna get home

and this afternoon's
just gonna be a big blur.

All right?
So, here, take this leaflet.

Right? It goes through everything
I've said.

It's really good, actually.

I mean, I wrote it,
so I would say it's good.

Thanks so much, Doctor.

Listen, there's no hurry
to make a decision, OK?

You just get in touch whenever

and we'll book you in
for the tablets or the operation.

Actually, you know what?

This is my mobile number.

Give me a call directly
and I'll sort it.

Thank you, Doctor. Thanks again.

And I am really sorry again
for what she said earlier.

She's very junior,
but that falls absolutely miles

short of what I expect
from my doctors.

I'm really disappointed in her.

Thank you.

OK.

It's all sorted.

These things happen, mate.
Don't stress it. OK.

Oh, sorry.

Thank you so much for seeing her.

I didn't. She discharged herself
half an hour after you left.

Shit. What do we do now?

Nothing.

What now?

Adam, thank God you're here.

There's three patients
I need you to see.

Which one's the most urgent?
Oh, God.

Thank God you're here.
D'you want your consultant in?

It was you.

It was me?

You complained. Adam, are you OK?

Let's get you into a chair,
shall we?

Can you move your arm?

I think you've had a stroke.

I haven't had a stroke. I'm fine.

I just... I didn't eat my breakfast.

I'll make you a wee slice
of toast, love.

Keep an eye on him.

I think he's had a wee stroke.

Oh, hi.

You can go straight through.

What time do you finish?

Oh, er, right.

Er, in about an hour.

OK, I will see you
at the Working Men's Club

on Pollard Road for seven.

You having a big pre-exams party,
or...?

Is that a no?

No. It's a yes, obviously.

All right? One of those days.

Aren't they all? Good luck tomorrow.

You'll nail it.

You can wish me luck properly
at the party.

Are you coming?

Yeah, why not?

Well, I'm not paying for your resits
if they breathalyse you.

Looks like there are fewer tubes.

That's got to be a good thing,
right?

Unless one's fallen out -
that would be...

..that would be a bad thing.

Anyway, hopefully, you'll...

..you'll be out of here
before too long.

As it turns out, I'll probably
beat you out of here...

..because some total...

..colleague...

..is trying to get me struck off.

I give my life to this shithole
and this is...

You don't think I deserve it,
do you?

I'm sorry Emma can't make it
tonight, she just...

Didn't wanna come?

No, it's not that.

Well, yeah, it is that, slightly.

So, have you sorted a date, then?

Make sure it doesn't clash
with my wedding.

Of course, I'll need you there.

How do you fancy being my best man?

Oh, wow.

That's really kind.

So kind.

Properly kind.

Don't feel like you have to.
I don't feel like I have to.

Obviously, I would, but...

This feels very much like a no.
No, I just...

I wasn't gonna do this today,
clearly.

What, you shat yourself
in the IMAX again?

No, I've... I've been thinking.

I'm going to have
to relieve you of best man duties.

Right, you're demoting me
to just man?

Not just man.

You're a man who I love.

But I need the day to run smoothly,
and I know what your job's like.

I always get there in the end.

You always get there at the end.

Look, and if there's some
big emergency,

are you honestly telling me
you'd leave it behind?

Course you wouldn't.

There you are.

Hey. Adam tells me you organised
this all by yourself.

Extraordinary. Ah.

Thank you. Adam was too busy
saving babies.

Expect you'll get used
to doing things on your own.

I will?

You'll have to.

You'll think it's just
a junior doctor thing,

but it gets worse and worse,
believe me.

Still, marriage is all about taking
someone on as they are, isn't it?

Which of us is perfect?

I, for example, have eczema.

He's perfect for me.

That's all that matters,
really, isn't it?

Look who it is.

You all right? Yeah.

I'm fine. You sure?

No, I'm not.

Greg's just dumped me
as his best man,

and there's been a complaint
about me, a bad one,

to the GMC, and a baby's very ill,

and I lied in the notes

and I really don't know
what's gonna happen.

What the fuck, Adam?

It'll be fine.
They're getting me a lawyer.

How could you let that happen?

I thought you were good at your job.

That's exactly why I didn't tell
you.

You're just an embarrassment,
aren't you? Shut up!

Adam? Sorry, I was miles away.

Erm, yep, I'm... I'm fine, thanks.

Relax. Mm-hm. It's gonna be fun.

It is fun.
Everyone's having a nice time.

Everyone? Yep.

Your mum's had a glass of wine.

We found her one made
of actual glass.

Oh, fancy.

Then she did a quick DJ set,
mostly ambient house,

but she chucked in a bit
of hard NRG.

OK, it was more ghetto house.

Does your dad ever talk?

Yeah, sometimes, it just takes
him a few hours to power up.

Like a beard trimmer.

Oh, I was just talking to Pawel,
what an angel.

Pawel? Yeah, one of your work
friends, a porter, I think?

Yes, sorry, er, we tend to use
nicknames at work.

Oh, yeah, what is it, then?

Pav? Pav... Pavpav.

Wow, creative.

Right, come say hi to Mum.

She's already started a conga line.

I'm gonna just get a quick drink.

Yeah. I'll be...

Hello! Hey!

Thanks so much for coming, guys.

It's all right. It's the first
night out we've had in years.

We dragged her along.
She never gets out.

Didn't wanna miss out
on any gossip, more like.

Hmm! Ah!

And also for the free booze,
obviously. Slainte.

Yeah, thanks.

Hey, Harry's great, fair play.

If I was 20 years younger,
and he was single...

..and straight. Quite a few barriers
there, really, Trace.

You should mention
the gay thing at work.

People might warm to you more.

OK, catch you... catch you later.

A glass of your least shit
white wine, please.

This is charming.

So much carpet.

It's good of you to have it
in a place like this,

avoids Harry and his friends
feeling out of place.

How are you, Dad?

Traffic OK?
Took us an age to get here.

And to think people actually come
to this part of town voluntarily!

Well, Harry's mum's come
all the way from Ireland.

Mmm, only sausage rolls waiting
at the end of her journey.

Still, it's probably what
they eat there.

Harry subjected me to her earlier.

Fun, isn't she?

Oh, hang on, lost soul
to retrieve, two secs.

Hey. Welcome.

Hey, mate. I'm looking
for the groom or the bride.

You found her straight away.
Hey, I'm Harry, Adam's fiance.

Course. Sorry, I didn't, erm...

I didn't, but now you mention it.

Er, terrific to meet you.

I'm Julian,
one of Adam's work, um, people.

I love your coat. Ah, cheers.

No-one makes a trench
quite like Burberry, do they?

I'd have guessed that you were gay.

So, tell me, do you...?

Oh, I'm so sorry,
I just have a work...

..a work thing, just very...

Erm, Harry doesn't know.

That you're gay?
Hey, you really ought to tell him.

No, about the GMC complaint.

You didn't mention that, did you?
No, no, no, course not.

Look, if you ever wanna talk
about the GMC thing, I'm...

This is for you. A little something.

Oh, erm... That's very kind.
Thank you.

Gin and tonic for you.

Thank you. Soda water.

Cos you know what they say
about surgeons?

That they shouldn't get pissed
on a weekday?

No, we're good with our hands.

Er...

Ohh! Shall we find you a cab?

You're the one who keeps
asking me for a drink.

Come on. Up.

Adam... Adam.
Adam, have you met Ben?

Yeah. You work up on neo-natal
ward, don't you?

Oh, yeah, of course, he hates you.

What? No. I don't... I don't hate
you, I...

I'm joking. I'm joking.

I guess... I guess
other people hate you more.

Oh, my God...

It was you.

Oh, come on, like you've never been
sick in an ashtray.

How could you?

After everything we've been through,
everything I've... What?

What do you mean? What do I mean?

Putting in a fucking complaint
about me.

Everyone having fun?

Yeah, Shruti's having a great time

trying to get me struck off
the register.

Adam, now's probably not the time.
Mm. You're quite right.

What should we do, then, Shruti?

Should we put something
in the, uh, diary?

Yeah, should we do it before
or after I lose my fucking job?

Don't embarrass yourself.

I knew you were a terrible doctor.

I didn't know that you're a terrible
person as well.

Probably, I should be impressed that
you managed to fill

in the fucking form. Stop it.
She didn't do it. Spare me. I did.

Yeah, I shouldn't have come.

Adam, you wanna say hi to Mum?

Not particularly.

He's so funny.

He doesn't mean it.

He's been having a
hard time recently.

Sorry, I'm Shruti, I work with him.

Is this about
that old lady that died?

No, err, the complaint's come back.

Yeah, he's gonna get struck off,
probably.

Sorry, you don't have
an ashtray, do you?

I thought you were on my side.

D'you know whose side I'm on, Adam?

The patients'.

Not yours, not anybody else's.
The patients'.

So am I.

Really? Yes.

You refused to call your consultant,

even though you knew you were
out of your depth with Erika.

How could I let that go unnoticed?

Easily!

This is my career,

not a playground
for your personal vendettas.

This isn't personal!

You assaulted your patients,
that's what that is.

If you cut someone's tattoo -
assault.

Taking personal phone calls
during deliveries?

And disconnecting
the emergency alarms?

You're a liability.

And what about bullying Erika

into dropping
her perfectly valid complaint?

That was the cherry on the top
of the whole cake of shit.

It's...
It's pride and it's dishonesty,

it's arrogance and it's entitlement.

You think that you are
the cleverest person in the room.

And that makes you dangerous.

How can I trust you
with my patients?

You didn't leave me with any choice.

What's your address, Shruts?

For God's sake.

Do you wanna try leaving me
alone for five minutes?

Get your leg in there.

Not gonna be sick, is she?
She'll be all right, mate.

Here's your bag, love.

There he is. I thought
you'd gone back to work.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I'm sure you can all agree

that Adam and Harry
are totally made for each other.

Hear, hear!

Why don't we hand over to Adam,

who I'm sure wants to say
a few words?

I really don't! In which case,
I'll just carry on

and tell the story of the time
Adam vomjaculated.

For those of you not in the know,

vomjaculation is... OK.

Well, I'll be really quick.

I don't know why it's me
doing this speech,

I know about four of you.

Anyway, um...

When I first met Harry
in a shit bar...

..um, who'd have...

..who would have thought
that, two years later,

I'd be standing here
in a somehow worse bar?

But Harry is, err, very, erm...

..kind and...

..tolerant.

I was going to say that, err,

my relationship's
the only thing in my life

that's not totally fucked up.

But now I'm not quite sure...

..how true that is.

Anyway, erm, nice to meet you.

Cheers.

You just gonna sit there
in silence, then?

What d'you want me to say?

Sorry for humiliating me?

Sorry for lying to me for months?

Sorry for what you said
to my poor mum?

Been writing minutes, have you?

I put in so much effort, Adam.

It was a couple of balloons
and a big cardboard H.

I...

..never complain
about a single thing that you do.

What's this, then?
Adam, please, just...

You don't...

..give anything back,
you lie and lie and lie.

You're so shut off.

How we gonna make this work?

Well, we're probably not, are we?

It's the next road on the left.