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1
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:09,966
Vicki. Vicki, come in!
2
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,010
Vicki.
3
00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:12,933
This is fun.
4
00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:14,721
Where are we going?
5
00:00:14,764 --> 00:00:17,024
Vicki! Vicki!
6
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,058
Vicki, come in!
7
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:19,391
Vicki, do you copy?
8
00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:21,186
Shit, her signal's dead.
9
00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:23,359
Fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck.
10
00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:26,148
Okay, Checkers,
looks like Vicki is forcing us
11
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:27,572
to go with plan B.
12
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:29,110
And I'm not talking about
the morning-after pill,
13
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,704
which I have used several times
after one night stands
14
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:33,870
and a few times
with long-term relationships
15
00:00:33,908 --> 00:00:34,908
in which I just wasn't ready
16
00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:36,241
to make that kind
of commitment yet.
17
00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:38,246
But no, the other plan B,
18
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,118
an alternate plan to plan A,
19
00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:41,875
which Vicki just
fucking torpedoed
20
00:00:41,916 --> 00:00:43,126
like a Russian U-boat.
21
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:44,338
Right.
22
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:45,587
Ooh, driving fast.
23
00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:46,878
Got her.
24
00:00:46,921 --> 00:00:48,511
They're in a black SUV
heading east on Bayshore.
25
00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:50,928
Shit, Checkers,
meet at the Miata, stat!
26
00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:00,773
Vicky, Vicky, do you copy?
27
00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:02,020
Do you copy?
28
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,232
Vicky, do you copy?
29
00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:04,311
Oh, thank God.
30
00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:06,106
I copy.
31
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:07,439
Sorry, I just
32
00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:08,824
have to clear my throat.
33
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:09,900
Oh, gotcha, Vicki!
34
00:01:09,944 --> 00:01:11,534
Okay, look, we lost your 20.
35
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:14,701
So any information you could
sneak us would be a big help.
36
00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:19,248
Going down the street
37
00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:21,617
Going straight,
straight, straight
38
00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:25,544
And left, left, left,
and straight again
39
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,205
Keep it down back there.
40
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:28,463
Sorry.
41
00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:31,585
I get carsick
if I don't sing to myself
42
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:33,393
in an American accent.
43
00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:34,756
Doing a great job, Vick.
44
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:37,853
But can you give us
anything more specific?
45
00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:39,309
The road's got a lump
46
00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:40,769
And a bump
and a thumpity-thump
47
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:43,809
And we hit
a gravel patch, y'all
48
00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:45,943
So I think
it's only natural
49
00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:48,780
To assume we're off
the main road
50
00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:49,897
Gravel road?
51
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,113
She must've left downtown.
52
00:01:51,152 --> 00:01:52,322
All right,
that's great, Vick.
53
00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:53,952
You're in
silver medal territory,
54
00:01:53,988 --> 00:01:56,028
but we're going for the gold.
55
00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:57,414
Got it.
56
00:01:57,450 --> 00:02:00,500
And when you cross
the train tracks
57
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:03,667
And you hear
that crunching metal
58
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:09,247
That's the end of the road
for us
59
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,125
Us
60
00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:14,215
'Cause we stopped
61
00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:15,179
I know where she is.
62
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:16,298
Nice, Checkers.
63
00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:18,014
Vicki, we're on our way.
64
00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:23,604
There's only one
active rail line
65
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:25,063
near the old wrecking yard.
66
00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:26,903
This has to be the place.
67
00:02:29,899 --> 00:02:30,939
Bingo.
68
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,744
They must've already
taken her inside.
69
00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:34,027
Shit!
70
00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:35,360
All right, Checkers.
71
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,025
Time to pump the bump.
72
00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:40,243
MacGruber, we have no idea
what we're up against in there.
73
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,825
I think it's time
to call the cavalry.
74
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,540
Checkers...
75
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:46,830
we are the fucking cavalry.
76
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:50,248
I overextended it. Hang on.
77
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,915
Let me get the key in here.
78
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:19,201
MacGruber
79
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,868
Dr. Poliskaya.
80
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:29,665
It is a pleasure
to finally meet you.
81
00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:33,134
And a very pleasure
82
00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:35,921
to meet you, Mr.
83
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:39,295
I've been such a fan of yours
since Oslo.
84
00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:43,469
Oslo.
85
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:49,186
Well, we should probably
get to work.
86
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,359
Great.
Let me show you to the lab.
87
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,318
Vicki, we made it inside.
88
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,490
Look, this may be
your last chance.
89
00:03:57,529 --> 00:03:59,659
We can provide cover fire,
okay?
90
00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:02,448
So just make a break for it
and head for us.
91
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,872
We're roughly, like,
10 feet above you, right?
92
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:07,331
At your, like, 7:00 a.m.
Pacific Standard Time.
93
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:09,002
No, no, no, no, no,
like, 6:00 a.m.?
94
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,670
So 7:00 a.m.
Mountain Standard Time.
95
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,170
No, Checkers,
would you say this is 7:00?
96
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:14,421
We're upstairs.
97
00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:16,302
Checkers, don't confuse her!
98
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:18,089
Vicki, I am so sorry about him.
99
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:21,473
So, like, 7:00-ish
and maybe 12 feet.
100
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:23,101
Wait, wait, wait, Vicki!
101
00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:25,178
Vicki, Vicki, Vicki, Vicki!
102
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:27,273
Vicki, Vicki, Vicki, Vicki!
103
00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:29,138
Vicki, Vicki, Vicki!
104
00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,895
Vicki, Vicki, Vicki!
105
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,307
Vicki, Vicki, Vicki!
106
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:33,605
Vicki, Vicki--shit!
107
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:35,068
She turned off her ear thingy.
108
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:36,228
Oh, no, damn it!
109
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,356
Nice going, Checkers!
110
00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:38,652
Sorry.
111
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:39,985
I think you'll find
that everything
112
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:42,700
is exactly
to your specifications.
113
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:44,081
Yes.
114
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,747
I very hope it's acceptable.
115
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:49,366
Mm-hmm.
116
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:52,584
Ah, little refrigerator.
117
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:56,498
Nope. Hmm.
Something else.
118
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:02,299
These are good for looking
at small things.
119
00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:04,554
Mm-hmm.
120
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:08,346
Use a lot of cabinets
for my...
121
00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:10,191
tubes.
122
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:12,346
Ah, this is...
123
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,015
missing, um, s--
124
00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:15,734
oh!
125
00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:17,574
There it is.
126
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:22,357
Then I guess we are,
as you say,
127
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:26,525
very... set to jet.
128
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,366
Shit. What's the play here?
129
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:29,791
What's the fucking play?
130
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:31,289
Maybe we just stand down.
131
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,581
It looks like it's working.
132
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:34,544
What happens
when she destroys Brimstone?
133
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,674
They'll kill her!
134
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:36,960
I know this is difficult,
135
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,923
but like you said,
Vicki's a soldier.
136
00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:41,224
This is her call.
137
00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:49,223
No!
138
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:50,385
MacGruber!
139
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,983
Where are you going?
140
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,399
Shit.
141
00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:57,437
So where is the item?
142
00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:59,232
I thought you'd never ask.
143
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,426
Freeze!
144
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:29,641
Make one more move
145
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:31,471
and I'll blow
your fucking hands off
146
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,436
and then use
the remaining bullets
147
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:34,936
to explode your fucking head!
148
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:37,938
Put your fucking hands up,
woman!
149
00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:41,281
And not a move
from anyone else.
150
00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:44,857
Hello, Lon, Baker, Bex,
151
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,914
other assorted pieces
of fucking shit.
152
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:50,409
That woman is not
who you think she is.
153
00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:54,832
She's not a Russian scientist,
but rather an American soldier.
154
00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:56,793
That man is insane.
155
00:06:56,833 --> 00:07:00,093
He does not know
what he's talking about.
156
00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:02,758
Her sole intention is
to get ahold of Brimstone
157
00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:03,967
and destroy it.
158
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,427
And unless you want that
to happen,
159
00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:07,967
you will do exactly as I say.
160
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:12,311
Now, Lon, slowly raise your gun
and point it at Vicki's head.
161
00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:15,982
Point your gun at her head
162
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:18,479
or I will shoot her
in the head!
163
00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:21,151
Slowly. Good boy.
164
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:22,441
Nice job.
165
00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:24,494
Now, if she so much as breathes
166
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,067
in the direction
of that canister,
167
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,532
you empty those clips into her,
all right?
168
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:31,663
Hang on. BRB.
169
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:39,169
All right.
Jesus.
170
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:40,339
Yeah, yeah.
171
00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:42,377
What's this here, you wonder.
172
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:45,010
This is
the real Irina Poliskaya!
173
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:47,588
Yeah, we were able
to switch her out at the hotel.
174
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:50,724
And you dumb pieces of shit
had no idea.
175
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:53,812
Yeah, we fucking pwned you
so hard.
176
00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:56,308
Now I propose a little trade.
177
00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:58,521
So what do you say,
you wanna let Vicki go?
178
00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,361
Continue Queeth's evil plan?
179
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:02,317
Or you wanna kill Vicki
180
00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:05,027
and make me kill Irina
and probably most of you,
181
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,238
and then everyone's gotta go
to a bunch of funerals?
182
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:10,448
How do we know
she's the real scientist?
183
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,280
Say some fucking
science shit.
184
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:14,988
Weaponizing the compounds
185
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:17,706
depends on the practical
aerosolization,
186
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:22,207
which is synthesis
of exactly 0.74
187
00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:23,802
microns per million.
188
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,377
Checks out.
189
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:27,722
Now you go.
190
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:32,427
Cooking an egg is a science.
191
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:35,890
Folding towels is a science.
192
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:38,732
Okay, you can have her.
193
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:41,098
Send over
the real scientist first.
194
00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:42,436
No fucking way!
195
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,940
You send Vicki first,
then I send the scientist.
196
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:47,243
No deal.
Fuck!
197
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:49,277
Okay, same timesies?
198
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,820
Fine, but if anything
funny happens...
199
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,405
She's dead.
200
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,950
You took the words
right out of my mouth.
201
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:58,004
I mean, I was literally
about to say,
202
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,708
"If anything funny happens,
the scientist dies."
203
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,629
I mean, it's not exactly
the same, but same gist.
204
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,377
Let's get on with this!
205
00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:06,839
Okay, so, ladies,
let's start walking
206
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:10,430
in three, two, one.
207
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:11,587
Walk.
208
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:13,474
He said, "Walk."
209
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:19,309
You don't have to do this.
210
00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:20,271
Go to hell.
211
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,100
Eat a toilet sandwich!
212
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:23,475
What?
I don't know.
213
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:26,401
Run, Vicki!
214
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:31,613
Vicki, stay down!
215
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:32,704
You're safe now!
216
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,370
Oh, oh, oh!
217
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,041
Checkers, Checkers,
we're out of ammo!
218
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,251
Where the hell are you?
219
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:46,753
God damn it, Checkers,
we're sitting ducks here!
220
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,295
What's the fucking play here?
221
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,675
Hey, Lon!
222
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,718
You better check yourself!
223
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:58,102
We got, uh, plenty of bullets
over here!
224
00:09:58,139 --> 00:09:59,469
No, we don't! He's lying!
225
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,056
Vicki!
226
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,141
You're gonna believe her?
227
00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:06,516
A known liar who just lied
to your face?
228
00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,984
Or are you gonna believe this?
229
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,207
Kill them.
230
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:26,496
Oh, fuck!
231
00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:28,253
We're gonna die!
232
00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:31,921
Checkers!
233
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:38,427
Lon, no!
234
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,771
Lon! Lon, no!
235
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:41,977
Get in!
236
00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:50,533
Oh, my God, Checkers!
237
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:51,687
Did you break my Club?
238
00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:53,695
Just get in the fucking car!
239
00:10:53,737 --> 00:10:55,197
It's my car, I'm driving!
240
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:58,408
Jesus Christ!
241
00:10:58,450 --> 00:10:59,450
Ow!
242
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,374
What the hell are you doing?
243
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:07,536
Oh, my God, MacGruber!
244
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:10,714
Why are we going backwards?
245
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:11,884
MacGruber,
what are you doing?
246
00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:13,211
We should be going
after Brimstone!
247
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:14,756
Yeah, we can't
let them escape!
248
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:15,879
Relax.
249
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,505
They're not going anywhere.
250
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:35,565
They got a whirlybird.
251
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,492
A helicopter.
252
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:45,834
Shit.
253
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,966
Thought we were gonna
lose you there for a second.
254
00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:03,473
Glad you're okay.
255
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:06,425
I'm out.
256
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:07,516
Out?
257
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,770
What--what do you mean "out"?
258
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:11,153
I'm finished.
I'm off the mission.
259
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:13,729
But Vicki, we had them
right where we want them.
260
00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:14,935
Running scared.
261
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:16,954
I almost had Brimstone!
262
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:18,696
I almost stopped
this entire thing!
263
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,068
And you would've died!
264
00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:22,075
Yeah, and now millions
of people are gonna die
265
00:12:22,117 --> 00:12:23,737
because you didn't let me
do my job!
266
00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:25,115
I couldn't let you do that.
267
00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:27,001
That wasn't your decision
to make!
268
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,126
No, I'm not gonna
do this anymore.
269
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:32,627
It's time to bring in
the government.
270
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,049
Oh, I see.
271
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,337
So when the going gets tough,
the tough run back
272
00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:38,171
to their
floppy-dicked husbands.
273
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:39,296
Okay, I am not gonna
have you talk
274
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:40,552
about my husband
like that anymore.
275
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,303
Come on,
he's a friggin' dirty diaper
276
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:44,425
with arms, legs,
and half a brain.
277
00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:48,182
Barrett is a good man
who is kind and decent
278
00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:49,726
and good at what he does.
279
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,899
And you know what, unlike you,
he actually listens to me.
280
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,688
You could learn something
from him.
281
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:55,032
Well, look at that.
282
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,146
I'm having déjà vu.
283
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:58,193
What is that supposed
to mean?
284
00:12:58,236 --> 00:12:59,986
It means
you've left me before.
285
00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:02,370
And I remember how it feels.
286
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:05,827
Sitting in prison,
scared, lonely,
287
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:08,869
and a man in a suit comes
to deliver me divorce papers?
288
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,293
Yeah, that was fun.
289
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,961
You ended our marriage
when you pointed at me
290
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,171
during your murder trial
and said, "She did it!"
291
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,551
But you did do it, Vicki!
292
00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:20,049
You stole my heart
and you aided and abetted
293
00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:22,261
in making me
the happiest man on Earth.
294
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,352
But they mistook my words
as an accusation
295
00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:25,927
'cause it came so close
to the question
296
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:28,602
the judge had just asked
about how I pleaded.
297
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:32,400
Goodbye, MacGruber.
298
00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:36,268
You know what, Vicki?
299
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:41,028
Maybe I was wrong about you.
300
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:43,451
Maybe you are just a housewife.
301
00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:49,075
You know, for years,
302
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,460
whenever anyone ever said
anything bad about you--
303
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:52,828
and they did--
304
00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:55,674
I defended you.
305
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:58,170
So maybe I was wrong about you.
306
00:13:58,213 --> 00:14:01,133
Maybe you have lost it.
307
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,054
Heck, maybe you never had it
in the first place.
308
00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:18,823
And then there were two.
309
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,688
I'm out.
Checkers, no!
310
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,895
MacGruber, this whole
operation has gone worse
311
00:14:22,946 --> 00:14:24,356
than I ever imagined.
312
00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:26,276
And I had imagined it
going horribly.
313
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:28,617
This is over.
314
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:32,656
Checkers--sorry, Piper, Piper!
315
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:34,576
Look, Piper.
316
00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:36,084
Please.
317
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:37,996
Queeth destroyed my father.
318
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:40,094
He killed my mother.
319
00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:43,430
You gotta help me stop him.
320
00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:45,586
Look, I can't do anything
about your family.
321
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:48,595
But if you love this country
as much as you say you do,
322
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,598
you'll go to Fasoose
and tell him everything.
323
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,390
But Vicki's already
doing that.
324
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:56,561
Then I guess
I'll see her there.
325
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:10,913
Once there was this kid
326
00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:14,462
Who got into an accident
327
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,617
And couldn't come
to school
328
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:22,296
But when he finally
came back
329
00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:25,509
His hair
330
00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:28,640
Had turned from black
into bright white
331
00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:34,521
She was beautiful,
wasn't she?
332
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:36,189
She was.
333
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:37,977
Hello, Father.
334
00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:40,481
Hello, son.
335
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:43,073
Mmm mmm mmm mmm
336
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:45,149
Didn't think
I'd ever see you again.
337
00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:47,655
So you got my letter.
338
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:49,237
I did.
339
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,992
It was hard to read.
340
00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:54,664
Yeah, there was a lot
of emotional stuff in there.
341
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:57,674
No, I mean your handwriting
was barely legible.
342
00:15:57,707 --> 00:15:58,787
Sounds like me.
343
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,550
I miss her.
344
00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:11,224
I miss her too.
345
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:16,595
Daddy...
346
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,733
do you think I'm good
at what I do?
347
00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:20,480
Why?
348
00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:21,612
What's going on?
349
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:28,031
Oh.
350
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:29,241
What's wrong?
351
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,240
I screwed up.
352
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:32,031
I screwed up big-time!
353
00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,325
I basically gave
the friggin' bad guys
354
00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:37,459
everything they need
to destroy the fucking world!
355
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,077
And now Piper and Vicki have
left the mission.
356
00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:43,285
They even told me
they think I've lost it.
357
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,046
And I don't know.
358
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:47,048
Maybe they're right.
359
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:49,880
And the worst part about it...
360
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:51,636
it's Queeth, Daddy.
361
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,638
It's fucking Queeth!
362
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,271
There, there.
363
00:16:57,308 --> 00:17:00,518
Let it all out.
364
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:03,192
We'll get
through this together.
365
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:09,355
I just--you know, I always
wanted to make you proud.
366
00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:11,244
But I failed.
367
00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:14,661
And I'm so sorry
for letting you down.
368
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:15,951
Look at me.
369
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,365
Look at me.
370
00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:22,746
You never let me down.
371
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,462
In fact...
372
00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:26,552
I always felt
like I let you down.
373
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:28,378
No. No.
374
00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:31,933
You lift me up higher
than the highest mountaintop.
375
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,598
Daddy, you're my hero.
376
00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:35,926
MacGruber,
can I get real with you?
377
00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:38,772
Like, really, really real?
378
00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:42,396
You're my hero.
379
00:17:42,437 --> 00:17:44,687
And you always have been.
380
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:45,771
What?
381
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:48,105
You're my good boy.
382
00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:51,451
And I'm so proud
to be your daddy.
383
00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:54,198
Well, I'm about
to make you even prouder.
384
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,410
What are you doing?
385
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,240
I'm going after Queeth.
386
00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:59,945
No. No, please.
It's too dangerous.
387
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:01,366
I have to do something!
388
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:02,624
Yes, you do!
389
00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:04,955
And I think
you already know what it is.
390
00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,001
Turn yourself in.
391
00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:07,594
You know I can't do that!
392
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:09,169
You have no other choice!
393
00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:10,304
What, you want me
to just give up?
394
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:11,630
You want Queeth to win?
395
00:18:11,675 --> 00:18:14,135
I want Queeth to burn
in hell for eternity!
396
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:15,847
Then why won't you
let me do this?
397
00:18:15,887 --> 00:18:17,637
Because I already had
to bury your mother,
398
00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:21,311
and I don't wanna bury you too.
399
00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:24,941
Turn yourself in, son.
400
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:27,979
Only way I'll know Queeth can't
get to my baby boy.
401
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,990
Please do this.
402
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:35,529
For me.
403
00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:36,663
For her.
404
00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:46,746
Okay.
405
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,383
Okay.
406
00:18:49,421 --> 00:18:51,381
She would be so proud of you.
407
00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:56,335
Now go be Daddy's little hero.
408
00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:41,514
Hm.
409
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,560
They say that the footsteps
410
00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:48,062
of the "Apollo" astronauts
will stay there on the moon
411
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:50,114
for 100 million years.
412
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:52,398
And it makes you think,
413
00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:54,742
wonder where we'll be then.
414
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,816
Guess you know why I'm here.
415
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:03,790
Thought I'd save you
the trouble.
416
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,955
Shall we?
417
00:20:11,002 --> 00:20:12,502
Soldier!
418
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,930
You know,
Victoria and Dixon Piper
419
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,468
paid me a visit earlier.
420
00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:23,472
They told me about how you led
Queeth's team to the weapon.
421
00:20:23,515 --> 00:20:25,135
How you gave it up
without a fight.
422
00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,893
How you personally put
the enemy in a position
423
00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:29,596
to synthesize it.
424
00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:32,186
That's exactly what happened.
425
00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:35,282
They also told me...
426
00:20:35,318 --> 00:20:36,988
that you put yourself
in harm's way,
427
00:20:37,028 --> 00:20:39,158
risked your own life
to save Victoria's.
428
00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:40,317
Is that accurate?
429
00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:41,825
Yes.
430
00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:44,616
Mac, as a career
military man,
431
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,001
I'm forced to look
at your actions
432
00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:48,617
as complete
and utter insubordination.
433
00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:52,995
An offense which requires
your immediate court-martial.
434
00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:54,594
But as a husband...
435
00:20:57,424 --> 00:20:59,384
I thank you
from the bottom of my heart.
436
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:08,270
Let's just call it even.
437
00:21:11,563 --> 00:21:13,403
Sir, I'm so sorry.
438
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,820
I'd never forgive myself
if I didn't ask, though.
439
00:21:15,859 --> 00:21:18,649
Is there any way
I can be of service?
440
00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:20,405
MacGruber--
Look, I know I've been
441
00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:21,817
a bit of a loose cannon.
442
00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:23,575
But what if I was
a tight cannon?
443
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,406
Operating under your command
444
00:21:25,452 --> 00:21:27,542
in whatever capacity
you see fit.
445
00:21:27,579 --> 00:21:29,329
Hell, I'd take you
to the fucking prom
446
00:21:29,372 --> 00:21:30,542
if it helped bring down Queeth.
447
00:21:30,582 --> 00:21:32,042
I'm sorry, Mac.
448
00:21:34,753 --> 00:21:36,593
Fuck!
449
00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:40,425
You have any idea
what it's like
450
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:42,137
to see
your mother's brains splatter
451
00:21:42,177 --> 00:21:44,677
all over your face and cake?
452
00:21:44,721 --> 00:21:46,771
Or what it's like
to come back from deployment
453
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:49,476
to find your dad giving
hand jobs to crack dealers
454
00:21:49,517 --> 00:21:52,057
for his next crack rock?
455
00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:54,733
Queeth fucking broke us!
456
00:21:54,773 --> 00:21:57,033
He broke us.
457
00:21:58,985 --> 00:22:00,235
Please!
458
00:22:00,278 --> 00:22:02,358
I'm begging you!
459
00:22:02,405 --> 00:22:05,195
I am fucking begging you.
460
00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:07,041
Please.
461
00:22:23,426 --> 00:22:24,836
I'll jack you off.
462
00:22:24,886 --> 00:22:26,506
Just right here.
463
00:22:26,554 --> 00:22:27,974
You can come on my face.
464
00:22:28,014 --> 00:22:29,644
All right?
Is that what you want?
465
00:22:29,683 --> 00:22:30,853
Then I want it too.
466
00:22:30,892 --> 00:22:32,102
All right, come on, please.
467
00:22:32,143 --> 00:22:34,023
Come on, please.
468
00:22:34,062 --> 00:22:35,112
Come on me.
469
00:22:35,146 --> 00:22:36,306
Come on my face.
470
00:22:36,356 --> 00:22:38,606
Come on my face.
471
00:22:38,650 --> 00:22:40,940
Hi, General!
Hey, yeah! Hey, Jerry.
472
00:22:40,985 --> 00:22:42,735
Why won't you
just come on me?
473
00:22:42,779 --> 00:22:44,609
Good to see you. Good night.
474
00:22:46,658 --> 00:22:48,948
I'm begging you!
475
00:22:48,993 --> 00:22:50,413
Get up, Mac.
476
00:22:52,789 --> 00:22:54,579
You didn't get those from me.
477
00:22:58,795 --> 00:23:00,295
Queeth's location?
478
00:23:00,338 --> 00:23:01,668
It's a dead zone, and yet,
479
00:23:01,715 --> 00:23:03,795
there's a persistent
heat signature that suggests
480
00:23:03,842 --> 00:23:06,932
the presence of anywhere
from 50 to 100 hostiles.
481
00:23:06,970 --> 00:23:10,140
Tomorrow, we've scheduled
a drone strike at 2100 hours.
482
00:23:12,767 --> 00:23:14,687
That's 9:00 p.m.
9:00 p.m., yep!
483
00:23:14,728 --> 00:23:16,768
Yes, yes. 9:00 p.m.
484
00:23:16,813 --> 00:23:18,613
Prime time.
Sure, whatever.
485
00:23:18,648 --> 00:23:21,068
Listen, Mac, if you get
yourself in there,
486
00:23:21,109 --> 00:23:22,779
Queeth's almost
as good as yours.
487
00:23:22,819 --> 00:23:24,739
But that strike is gonna happen
no matter what.
488
00:23:24,779 --> 00:23:27,949
We are not going to risk
Queeth escaping a second time.
489
00:23:27,991 --> 00:23:29,121
You hear me?
490
00:23:29,159 --> 00:23:31,329
I don't know what to say,
General.
491
00:23:31,369 --> 00:23:33,039
But if I did...
492
00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:35,369
probably sound a lot like
thank you.
493
00:23:35,415 --> 00:23:37,785
After everything that you've
done for our country,
494
00:23:37,834 --> 00:23:40,464
the least we can do
is offer you a chance
495
00:23:40,503 --> 00:23:42,463
to get some closure.
496
00:23:42,505 --> 00:23:44,295
I won't let you down.
497
00:24:51,700 --> 00:24:53,030
Hello, Vicki.
498
00:24:53,076 --> 00:24:55,036
MacGruber, you shouldn't be--
Vicki, wait.
499
00:24:55,078 --> 00:24:56,998
There are a few things
I need to get off my chest,
500
00:24:57,038 --> 00:24:58,748
and I don't have much time.
501
00:25:00,250 --> 00:25:01,380
I'm listening.
502
00:25:01,418 --> 00:25:03,668
I need you to know...
503
00:25:03,712 --> 00:25:05,552
that I'm sorry.
504
00:25:05,588 --> 00:25:06,878
I mean, the only reason
505
00:25:06,923 --> 00:25:08,933
that I lied about you in court
506
00:25:08,967 --> 00:25:12,217
was 'cause I wanted you there
in prison with me.
507
00:25:12,262 --> 00:25:15,222
Because I didn't know
how to live without you.
508
00:25:17,809 --> 00:25:19,559
There are so many things
I wish I could change
509
00:25:19,602 --> 00:25:21,692
about the past, but I can't.
510
00:25:21,730 --> 00:25:23,360
You're not my property.
511
00:25:23,398 --> 00:25:24,978
Not anymore.
512
00:25:26,401 --> 00:25:27,611
Thank you for saying that.
513
00:25:27,652 --> 00:25:29,282
We had an electric love.
514
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,070
But that was years ago.
515
00:25:31,114 --> 00:25:33,074
And I'm so happy
that you've moved on
516
00:25:33,116 --> 00:25:34,576
and found new love
with Barrett.
517
00:25:34,617 --> 00:25:36,197
I have moved on.
518
00:25:36,244 --> 00:25:38,584
And I'm happy
that you've realized that.
519
00:25:38,621 --> 00:25:40,001
I do.
I mean, it's not like
520
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:41,620
I think about you every night
and pine for your touch.
521
00:25:41,666 --> 00:25:43,126
No.
522
00:25:43,168 --> 00:25:44,628
Staring
into my husband's eyes
523
00:25:44,669 --> 00:25:46,299
wishing they were yours.
524
00:25:46,338 --> 00:25:48,838
Kissing him and imagining
your perfect lips
525
00:25:48,882 --> 00:25:50,972
and tongue dancing with mine...
526
00:25:51,009 --> 00:25:54,049
flicking, groping, asking...
527
00:25:54,095 --> 00:25:55,925
answering.
Of course not.
528
00:25:55,972 --> 00:25:58,892
Tongues intertwined, twisted,
529
00:25:58,933 --> 00:26:01,813
coiled liked two serpents.
530
00:26:01,853 --> 00:26:03,943
Like the two snakes
on that medical doctor symbol.
531
00:26:03,980 --> 00:26:05,110
I don't know that one.
532
00:26:05,148 --> 00:26:06,818
When I'm intimate
with my husband,
533
00:26:06,858 --> 00:26:08,988
I do not yearn
for your sharp scent.
534
00:26:09,027 --> 00:26:09,987
No.
535
00:26:10,028 --> 00:26:11,448
I don't close my eyes
536
00:26:11,488 --> 00:26:13,448
and trace Barrett's testicles
with my tongue,
537
00:26:13,490 --> 00:26:16,280
remembering every wrinkle
and pimple on yours.
538
00:26:16,326 --> 00:26:18,036
No.
And I don't round the horn
539
00:26:18,078 --> 00:26:20,618
with my mouth and nose,
hoping to helplessly fall down
540
00:26:20,663 --> 00:26:22,123
your rabbit hole like...
541
00:26:22,165 --> 00:26:24,495
Alice in the looking glass,
forgetting myself,
542
00:26:24,542 --> 00:26:26,132
forgetting everything,
543
00:26:26,169 --> 00:26:28,049
becoming at once
tiny and giant,
544
00:26:28,088 --> 00:26:30,468
losing myself in your musky,
545
00:26:30,507 --> 00:26:32,927
damp, verdant...
546
00:26:32,967 --> 00:26:34,717
life-giving earth.
547
00:26:34,761 --> 00:26:36,181
You don't do
any of those things.
548
00:26:36,221 --> 00:26:37,431
I feel free.
549
00:26:37,472 --> 00:26:39,562
I'm so happy that you feel
that same freedom.
550
00:26:39,599 --> 00:26:40,889
Praise be.
Amen.
551
00:26:40,934 --> 00:26:43,274
Now before I go,
552
00:26:43,311 --> 00:26:45,401
there's something
I want you to have.
553
00:26:50,276 --> 00:26:53,026
Your locket?
554
00:26:53,071 --> 00:26:55,741
It's saved my life
countless times.
555
00:26:55,782 --> 00:26:57,202
Look inside.
556
00:27:01,413 --> 00:27:04,373
Are these--
Your pubic hairs?
557
00:27:04,416 --> 00:27:06,126
Yes.
558
00:27:06,167 --> 00:27:08,127
MacGruber.
559
00:27:08,169 --> 00:27:10,169
After the first night
we made love,
560
00:27:10,213 --> 00:27:13,343
I found a bunch of those
bad boys in your underpants.
561
00:27:13,383 --> 00:27:16,433
So one by one,
I plucked out the freshest,
562
00:27:16,469 --> 00:27:19,219
and I bought that
beautiful locket to house them.
563
00:27:19,264 --> 00:27:22,274
I've worn that around my neck
ever since.
564
00:27:22,308 --> 00:27:26,058
Every time the world feels like
it's caving in around me,
565
00:27:26,104 --> 00:27:28,484
I just touch that locket,
566
00:27:28,523 --> 00:27:30,193
think about what's inside
567
00:27:30,233 --> 00:27:32,243
and the woman
they were attached to.
568
00:27:32,277 --> 00:27:33,527
Me.
569
00:27:33,570 --> 00:27:35,070
And I'm whole again.
570
00:27:36,906 --> 00:27:39,446
That's the power you have.
571
00:27:39,492 --> 00:27:41,082
You did that.
572
00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:42,159
You!
573
00:27:44,247 --> 00:27:47,747
But that locket,
that's not mine anymore.
574
00:27:47,792 --> 00:27:50,212
That's Barrett's locket now.
575
00:27:50,253 --> 00:27:52,053
And I want you
to give that to him
576
00:27:52,088 --> 00:27:54,088
and tell him the story
that I just told you
577
00:27:54,132 --> 00:27:56,762
word-for-word when you do.
578
00:27:58,428 --> 00:27:59,638
I will.
579
00:27:59,679 --> 00:28:01,309
Well...
580
00:28:03,767 --> 00:28:06,227
Smell you later, Vick.
581
00:28:06,269 --> 00:28:09,729
And I mean that
with every fiber of my being.
582
00:28:09,773 --> 00:28:12,693
I will smell you later.
583
00:28:51,147 --> 00:28:53,317
Hope you motherfuckers
are ready.
584
00:28:53,358 --> 00:28:56,238
'Cause MacGruber's coming
for you.
585
00:28:56,277 --> 00:28:57,737
Later today.
586
00:28:57,779 --> 00:28:58,989
Or, uh, tonight.
587
00:28:59,030 --> 00:29:00,990
Night's probably better.
Probably tonight.
588
00:29:01,032 --> 00:29:03,162
Probably tonight.
39401
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