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1
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"Uh huh"
2
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"Hey"
3
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"We got to get started"
4
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"We got to make it right"
5
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"We're gonna keep on going"
6
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"All day and to the night"
7
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"You know we got to work it"
8
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"We really gotta move"
9
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"We had a Will to do it"
10
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"We got the attitude"
11
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"All right"
12
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"We got to, we got to get it started"
13
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"We got to make it work, work,
gonna keep it going"
14
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"We got to get started"
15
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"We got to get started"
16
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"We're going all day and to the night"
17
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"We gotta get it"
18
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"I said let's go"
19
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"We gotta get it"
20
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"I said come on"
21
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"All right"
22
00:02:16,385 --> 00:02:18,429
"I said, I said, I said, come on"
23
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"Hey"
24
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"We got to get it started"
25
00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:27,562
"We got to make it right"
26
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"We're gonna keep it going"
27
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"All day and to the night"
28
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So Pete and I,
we're at the One-eyed Gypsy one night, right?
29
00:02:35,866 --> 00:02:37,906
- We're a little bit ripped.
- No, we were hammered.
30
00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:40,201
I was buzzed, he was hammered.
Whatever.
31
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We were ready for a little bit of action,...
32
00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:43,579
... that's all you need to know.
We just came from, uh,
33
00:02:43,704 --> 00:02:47,291
80s night at 107.
We were in a...
34
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... Echo and the Bunnymen,
do you know that band?
35
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No, what do they sing?
36
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Uh... Oh!
37
00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,803
How the fuck am I supposed to tell what song that is?
38
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Dude, you know what?
Fuck off.
39
00:03:01,013 --> 00:03:02,848
I'm an actor, not a singer.
All right?
40
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,892
Anyway. Pete and I decided...
41
00:03:05,059 --> 00:03:06,394
... we were just going to go
for it with the ladies.
42
00:03:06,435 --> 00:03:08,019
- Maybe you shouldn't tell this.
- Yo, come on.
43
00:03:08,020 --> 00:03:09,229
- This is a great story.
- It's okay.
44
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I love hearing about your past.
45
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You do?
46
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Of course. I love you.
47
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- And I love you.
- Hmm.
48
00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:21,284
Anyway...
49
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,077
So we're doing our thing.
50
00:03:23,327 --> 00:03:25,371
Suddenly, I spot these two Indian babes.
51
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Hm. I've heard this.
Pete later on discovers...
52
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... that the two Indian babes
are actually Indian dudes.
53
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Oh no no, that's a different story.
54
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Andre used to date an Indian babe.
55
00:03:34,088 --> 00:03:35,923
- That's right.
- Lovely ladies.
56
00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:37,799
Anyway, I'm telling you.
57
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,092
These fucking chicks were hot.
58
00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:41,011
One was hot, one was not.
59
00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:42,597
- She was cute.
- She had a 'stache.
60
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:45,140
- You are so fucking insensitive.
- Would you let him tell the story?
61
00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:45,933
Okay. Mhmm.
62
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,602
Fine. Go ahead. Please continue.
63
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,687
So the one sexy Indian
chick and her hairy friend
64
00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:53,316
happen to make eye contact with us
from across the bar.
65
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Sol look over and I, uh,
66
00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:56,861
signal them to come on over.
67
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:59,321
And they dance on over, you know,
68
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Kama Sutra, some shit,
69
00:04:00,781 --> 00:04:03,074
and the hot one, she's ready to go.
70
00:04:03,075 --> 00:04:05,995
And Pete here... he thinks
she's coming over to him.
71
00:04:06,245 --> 00:04:08,164
She sits down next to me.
72
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:11,792
I'm telling you guys,
she's fucking smoking.
73
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All right. She starts
hitting on me, you know,
74
00:04:13,502 --> 00:04:14,942
she starts coming on to me and shit.
75
00:04:14,962 --> 00:04:16,130
Like in what way?
76
00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:17,422
Well, she starts saying things like,
77
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You have nice lips.
78
00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:21,469
Is it bad if I want to kiss you in public?
79
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Bad for who? Not for me.
80
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And being the gentleman that I am...
81
00:04:27,141 --> 00:04:28,767
- Psh, yeah.
- I lean over
82
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:30,686
and I give her these luscious lips.
83
00:04:30,915 --> 00:04:32,915
Pete and the hairy chick,
they're just watching us.
84
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,314
Finally, Pete says...
85
00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:36,233
Okay. I gotta get up early for work.
86
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:38,194
Wha... what do you do?
87
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:39,654
Uh, I'm a trader.
88
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Ohh, mind if I join you?
89
00:04:45,826 --> 00:04:47,495
Lucky for me,
90
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:50,039
Pete took one for the team.
91
00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,499
- You had sex with her?
- Oh yeah.
92
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:53,541
No. I didn't.
93
00:04:53,542 --> 00:04:54,834
- I didn't have se...
- Remember the brush burn?
94
00:04:54,835 --> 00:04:55,961
Beth! Babe! Wait!
95
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,005
Dude, you're such a douche.
96
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,174
Whoops. Anyway.
97
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,009
So, I lean into the Indian chick.
98
00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:03,886
- I'm like...
- Wanna go?
99
00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:05,429
Why not?
100
00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:08,349
So she grabs me, pulls me into the alley.
101
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:11,269
She says, I want to taste your hard candy.
102
00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:13,771
And I'm like, my what?
103
00:05:14,021 --> 00:05:16,691
Your hard candy.
104
00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:20,361
So I'm like, fuck. Savor the flavor.
Taste the rainbow.
105
00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:21,696
And you know what?
106
00:05:21,752 --> 00:05:23,113
She gives me the fucking knob slob
107
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,532
right there in the alley.
108
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:25,741
Unbelievable!
109
00:05:25,866 --> 00:05:27,743
After that, we go back to her place,
110
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:30,537
drag her comforter out,
take it up to the roof,
111
00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:31,871
seal the deal right there.
112
00:05:31,872 --> 00:05:35,209
My bare ass exposed to all of downtown.
113
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Quite pretty. I got a nice ass.
114
00:05:36,752 --> 00:05:39,033
So what do you think, Dean?
Can you use it in your script?
115
00:05:40,881 --> 00:05:42,216
- Dean!
- Hmm?
116
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,385
I'm giving you fucking gold here.
117
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:45,970
I'm sorry, man.
118
00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:48,639
Oh.
119
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,725
She's giving you E.
120
00:05:50,808 --> 00:05:52,101
E?
121
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Energy-
122
00:05:55,187 --> 00:05:56,187
It's my new word.
123
00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:57,064
It's a letter.
124
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,441
Whatever. She's giving it to you.
125
00:05:58,691 --> 00:05:59,858
- No, she's not.
- Andre?
126
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,068
Serious E, kid.
127
00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:02,320
Capital E, kid.
128
00:06:02,486 --> 00:06:04,154
- Hello.
- Tess!
129
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,405
- Hey.
- Hi, love.
130
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:06,740
- Hi.
- You are looking
131
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:09,035
- quite lovely tonight, Tess.
- Yeah, okay. Thanks.
132
00:06:09,076 --> 00:06:11,579
Um, what's the situation? Hm?
133
00:06:11,645 --> 00:06:13,246
Well, Dean here was about to go to work.
134
00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:14,415
Would you stop?
135
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,168
- Really? Who?
- Nothing.
136
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:19,378
Back?
137
00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:20,920
Oh, blondie?
138
00:06:20,921 --> 00:06:22,088
- Uh huh.
- K. You know what?
139
00:06:22,089 --> 00:06:23,489
The dress is a little slutty, Dean.
140
00:06:23,507 --> 00:06:26,135
- But...
- Dean, she's got talent.
141
00:06:26,191 --> 00:06:27,552
Then why don't you go talk to her?
142
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:29,597
I would, but I already have
my lady for the night.
143
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,557
Oh yeah? Who's the lucky girl?
144
00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,519
What are you doing?
145
00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:37,313
What's he doing?
146
00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:38,773
He's giving you E.
147
00:06:38,814 --> 00:06:40,358
I g?
148
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:43,486
Oh. Right.
149
00:06:45,946 --> 00:06:47,323
Uh huh.
150
00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:51,786
I don't think so, buddy.
151
00:06:51,952 --> 00:06:52,952
- All right.
- Oh.
152
00:06:52,953 --> 00:06:54,079
You save me a dance
153
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,831
and I'm gonna go change this music.
154
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:57,458
Of course.
155
00:06:57,958 --> 00:06:59,125
Damn, kid.
156
00:06:59,126 --> 00:07:00,627
That was... that was subtle, man.
157
00:07:00,628 --> 00:07:03,172
Hey, I'm in it to win it. Okay?
158
00:07:03,250 --> 00:07:05,650
Look around. These people ain't
here to play fuckin' Yahtzee.
159
00:07:05,674 --> 00:07:06,674
They're here to get laid.
160
00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:07,968
Even Tess.
161
00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:10,805
Look, all this talking is just... foreplay.
162
00:07:10,971 --> 00:07:11,639
It's bullshit.
163
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,390
- Back me up, Andre.
- I'm witchu, kid.
164
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:15,141
Look, Dean. There's nothing wrong with it.
165
00:07:15,142 --> 00:07:18,396
We were just fulfilling our primal needs,
like cavemen.
166
00:07:18,449 --> 00:07:19,729
Except for, in prehistoric days,
167
00:07:19,730 --> 00:07:20,981
they didn't have to talk.
168
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:24,568
They just exchanged a
few grunts and fucked.
169
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:27,112
So basically, you're saying that
the only difference
170
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:30,323
between us and cavemen
is the evolution of language?
171
00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:31,783
- That's it?
- Which is ironic
172
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:33,493
because language is that very thing
173
00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:35,496
that usually gets in the
way of us getting laid.
174
00:07:35,692 --> 00:07:37,372
Pssh. Where do you come up with this shit?
175
00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:39,373
Little place called the
world wide web, my friend.
176
00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:40,793
- Gay porn.
- Yeah.
177
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:44,004
Now. Get out there and take what's yours.
178
00:07:44,171 --> 00:07:45,756
Such an asshole.
179
00:07:45,881 --> 00:07:47,341
And see if she's got a friend.
180
00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:48,968
Two friends.
181
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:52,513
Here we go. Ah! Ah! Ohh.
182
00:07:54,014 --> 00:07:55,516
Hey! Good job!
183
00:07:58,185 --> 00:08:00,271
We have an announcement.
184
00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:01,688
Oh yeah? What's that?
185
00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:03,649
We are no longer quarreling.
186
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,860
That's a fucking relief.
187
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:10,531
Rosa!
188
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,366
Why haven't you not called me?
189
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,368
It's been two days!
190
00:08:14,743 --> 00:08:16,036
The kid's been busy.
191
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:17,413
Well, I can find me another man.
192
00:08:17,621 --> 00:08:19,540
Oh, I know you can, baby.
193
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,626
- Baby?
' Baby,
194
00:08:22,751 --> 00:08:24,420
Oh, baby.
195
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:27,590
- Aww. Baby.
- Baby.
196
00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:33,512
I missed you.
197
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,014
So much.
198
00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:39,059
Okay. Excuse me.
199
00:08:39,727 --> 00:08:40,978
Taxi!
200
00:08:41,228 --> 00:08:42,480
Taxi!
201
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,148
Jesus.
202
00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:46,066
What happened to my dance?
203
00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:48,652
I had to get out of there.
204
00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:50,404
You never dance with me.
205
00:08:50,654 --> 00:08:52,406
I think you'll get over it.
206
00:08:55,659 --> 00:08:57,661
Sara's a crutch, Dean.
207
00:08:58,162 --> 00:08:59,914
Who said I was going to Sara's?
208
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,333
Uh huh. Where are you going then?
209
00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:06,504
Uh huh. Okay, you know what? Whatever.
210
00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:07,796
You've been warned.
211
00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:09,548
And you know that I love you for it.
212
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:10,841
Mhmm.
213
00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:13,260
Contact.
214
00:09:14,553 --> 00:09:16,388
- Bye, babe.
- Bye.
215
00:09:22,269 --> 00:09:25,064
Next stop, Union Station.
216
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,444
Are you really going to Sara's, Dean?
217
00:09:32,696 --> 00:09:35,366
Seriously, dude? She's kind of a ho.
218
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:40,496
Look to your right, Dean.
219
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:42,206
Excuse me?
220
00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:43,832
Look to your right.
221
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:48,546
That is love.
222
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,091
Are you lonely?
223
00:09:58,472 --> 00:10:00,266
That's because you're alone.
224
00:10:00,307 --> 00:10:01,809
Oh, yes. Yes, yes.
225
00:10:02,142 --> 00:10:03,769
Yes, oh yeah!
226
00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:19,410
- Hey, Sara?
- Yeah?
227
00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:21,537
- Have you ever been in love?
- No.
228
00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:23,080
You ever think about it at all?
229
00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:25,164
- What?
- Just about love.
230
00:10:25,165 --> 00:10:26,542
You know, about being in love.
231
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,002
With you?
232
00:10:28,502 --> 00:10:31,213
Oh, not necessarily with me.
Just in general.
233
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:32,923
Not really.
234
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,511
- Well, what if I said it?
- Say what?
235
00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:39,346
What, what if I said I loved you?
236
00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:41,181
- Do you?
- What if I said it?
237
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,808
" Why Say it?
" Why not?
238
00:10:42,891 --> 00:10:44,393
Cause you wouldn't mean it.
239
00:10:45,060 --> 00:10:46,687
Okay, so what... if I meant it,
240
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,731
- what would you say?
- I don't know.
241
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,065
Think about it.
242
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,066
Why think about it? I think we've got
243
00:10:52,067 --> 00:10:54,069
a pretty good thing going on here.
244
00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:56,530
You do?
245
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:58,198
Of course I do.
246
00:11:39,406 --> 00:11:40,490
You buy? Huh?
247
00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:41,700
Oh, no no. No thanks, man.
248
00:11:41,825 --> 00:11:43,994
- You buy for girl?
- Uh, no thanks. No girl.
249
00:11:44,119 --> 00:11:46,288
Ah. You buy for boy?
250
00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,749
No, I buy for a girl.
251
00:11:48,957 --> 00:11:50,834
Ah. You buy for a girl.
252
00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:58,175
All right. Here. Let's see what I got here.
253
00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:01,219
K. All right. There you go.
254
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:03,347
- Ah. Arigato.
- Sure.
255
00:13:07,661 --> 00:13:11,248
Interior. The Cave. Night.
256
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:13,959
Pick up with Jake
257
00:13:14,042 --> 00:13:15,586
wearing all black,
258
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:17,880
weaving his way
259
00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:21,133
through the uber-hip crowd.
260
00:13:22,342 --> 00:13:23,551
Another hopeless night
261
00:13:23,552 --> 00:13:25,262
in La La Land.
262
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:29,516
That is until he sees her.
263
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:31,018
A Siren.
264
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:32,686
Goddess.
265
00:13:32,811 --> 00:13:34,354
A Muse.
266
00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:38,442
Call her Kat.
267
00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:48,535
I love you.
268
00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:50,412
Are you fucking kidding me?
269
00:13:50,537 --> 00:13:52,622
- What?
- This dude's gonna tell her
270
00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:54,040
that he loves her even
though they've never met?
271
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:56,042
No. It's actually meant to be symbolic
272
00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:57,544
of Jake's need to find love.
273
00:13:57,711 --> 00:13:58,871
Let me rephrase the question.
274
00:13:58,879 --> 00:14:00,589
Does Jake have a vagina?
275
00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:02,424
Oh, you mean is he a transsexual?
276
00:14:02,549 --> 00:14:04,634
Or maybe he's thinking
277
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:06,177
about becoming a transsexual.
278
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:08,555
Or maybe he got his deal lobbed off
279
00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:09,722
and ran out of cash
280
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:11,058
before they could dig
out a vag or something.
281
00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:13,185
Yeah, yeah. But they left him with a sack.
282
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:14,477
But with only one ball.
283
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:16,772
What the fuck are you guys talking about?
284
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:18,565
Jake is a dude.
285
00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:20,984
Fully equipped. The most manly of men.
286
00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:23,278
Right. Who wants to fall in love?
287
00:14:23,303 --> 00:14:24,904
So what? There areplenty of guys our age
288
00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:26,782
- who are looking for love.
- Sure there are.
289
00:14:27,074 --> 00:14:28,408
Name one.
290
00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:34,957
Fuck you GUYS-
291
00:14:35,123 --> 00:14:37,084
Were you just... did you
just point at yourself?
292
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,210
Did you point towards your chest?
293
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:39,971
- It was a self-point.
- It was a self-point?
294
00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:42,129
Hello. And welcome back
295
00:14:42,130 --> 00:14:43,756
to "Here Comes the Bride."
296
00:14:43,757 --> 00:14:46,634
Where our bride-to-be is about to ask
297
00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:48,428
one last question
298
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:51,723
before asking the lucky man to marry her!
299
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:53,308
Groom number one.
300
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:56,270
What will you do to make
me fall in love with you?
301
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:59,272
Well, I'm a live life
on the edge kinda guy,
302
00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:02,150
so I think we'd probably
do a lot of skydiving
303
00:15:02,442 --> 00:15:05,571
or bungee jumping or off-reading
in my new 4-wheel drive.
304
00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:09,533
Oh. Ha! I like that. Groom number two?
305
00:15:09,543 --> 00:15:11,784
Well, since I'm a personal
trainer, my plan is to put you
306
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:13,160
- through special...
- Oh, personal trainer?
307
00:15:13,161 --> 00:15:14,621
That's really original.
308
00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:16,999
Sounds sweaty.
309
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,417
Groom number three? What will you do
310
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,128
to make me fall in love with you?
311
00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:22,628
I think it's impossible
312
00:15:22,629 --> 00:15:24,381
to make somebody fall in love with you.
313
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,800
For the simple reason
that love is predestined.
314
00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:29,386
It's about fate. It's about magic.
315
00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:31,263
It's about are we meant to be together?
316
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:34,099
And while I don't know the future,
I can offer you this.
317
00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:35,976
If you're my destiny,
318
00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:38,979
I will love you with
everything that I've got.
319
00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:44,234
Love that answer.
320
00:15:44,484 --> 00:15:45,860
Yeah, but he won't get picked.
321
00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:48,654
- Do you wanna know why?
- Hmm. Cause he's a geek?
322
00:15:48,655 --> 00:15:50,657
Well, yeah that, and the fact that
he's losing his hair.
323
00:15:50,782 --> 00:15:51,949
See, the chicks on this show know
324
00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:53,242
exactly who they're gonna marry
325
00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:54,660
the second the guys walk out on stage.
326
00:15:54,661 --> 00:15:56,412
Wait? Are you saying that people that
327
00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:57,955
go on dating shows are shallow? Shocking.
328
00:15:57,956 --> 00:15:59,957
No, I'm just saying that
women are usually drawn
329
00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:01,877
to men who have healthy heads of hair.
330
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:03,502
It's a sign of dominance.
331
00:16:03,503 --> 00:16:04,795
It's a sign that their
offspring will survive
332
00:16:04,796 --> 00:16:06,631
in the next generation.
333
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:07,841
Genetically speaking.
334
00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:10,844
Are we really qualified to
be speaking genetically?
335
00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:12,846
I wouldn't do so well on this show.
336
00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:15,254
What are you talking about?
You have a head full of hair.
337
00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:16,849
Yeah, but my grandfather was bald,
338
00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:18,143
so I know it's coming.
339
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,562
Only a finite amount of
time left for me to mate.
340
00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:22,147
What are you, a chimp?
341
00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:24,274
I'm telling you... it's all over for me.
342
00:16:24,691 --> 00:16:27,360
Bald at 25. So tragic.
343
00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:30,237
- What? Really? Wha? I'm bald?
- I'm kidding, you punk.
344
00:16:30,238 --> 00:16:31,614
- Thinning?
- I'm hanging up.
345
00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:33,532
- Slightly receding?
- All right, neurotic.
346
00:16:33,533 --> 00:16:34,826
Goodbye.
347
00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:38,872
I think I'll marry...
348
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,582
groom number one!
349
00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:49,716
Douchebag.
350
00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:54,554
So, I'm at the post office, right?
351
00:16:54,888 --> 00:16:56,390
I find that I'm two stamps short.
352
00:16:56,556 --> 00:16:58,558
Check my wallet. Bone dry.
353
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,769
So I turn to this girl behind me
354
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:02,729
and... beautiful brown eyes,
355
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,272
giving me a little E.
356
00:17:04,439 --> 00:17:06,566
So I say, "Hey, can I borrow two stamps?"
357
00:17:07,025 --> 00:17:08,526
She says, "Yeah sure. But we gotta go
358
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:10,237
back to my place to get them."
359
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:13,030
So we go back to her place. She's mad cash.
360
00:17:13,031 --> 00:17:15,574
I'm talking Persian cat. Full cloth...
361
00:17:15,575 --> 00:17:17,369
I'm allergic to cats.
362
00:17:19,162 --> 00:17:21,206
So I start petting the cat.
363
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:23,458
Before you know it, she joins in, right?
364
00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:26,586
We're both like, vigorously
just petting this cat.
365
00:17:26,781 --> 00:17:28,421
And she says to me, "Do you like my cat?"
366
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:31,633
And I'm like, "Well, this is perhaps
367
00:17:31,925 --> 00:17:34,136
the finest cat I have ever petted."
368
00:17:34,189 --> 00:17:36,470
Next thing you know,
she's working the high hard fastball.
369
00:17:36,471 --> 00:17:38,890
- The high hard fastball?
- His dick.
370
00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:41,101
- My dick.
- What are you guys talking about?
371
00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:43,687
- Jay's dick.
- Oh, must be a short conversation.
372
00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:44,771
Whoa.
373
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:47,065
Uh, two whiskey sours, okay?
374
00:17:47,315 --> 00:17:48,608
Hm.
375
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,278
Why don't you ever get on that?
376
00:17:51,778 --> 00:17:53,613
Cause you don't sleep
with your friends, Jay.
377
00:17:53,780 --> 00:17:54,823
Who Says?
378
00:17:55,073 --> 00:17:56,908
It's a well-documented rule.
379
00:17:57,617 --> 00:17:58,784
That's your rule, nof mine.
380
00:17:58,785 --> 00:18:00,453
Can you just finish the story, please?
381
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,289
- Where was I?
- Your dick.
382
00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:04,750
Right! My dick. Anyway,
383
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:07,460
so she lifts her head up, right?
384
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:10,422
Looks at me with those baby blue eyes.
385
00:18:10,797 --> 00:18:11,840
They were brown.
386
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,550
Brown? Blue? Fucking iridescent!
387
00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:15,968
Doesn't matter, cause I am seeing stars
388
00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:17,262
at this point, gentlemen.
389
00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,222
And you know what she does?
390
00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:23,435
She hands me two stamps.
391
00:18:23,727 --> 00:18:25,145
Damn, kid.
392
00:18:27,105 --> 00:18:29,316
Feel free to use that in your script.
393
00:18:30,358 --> 00:18:32,319
Oh! What's up, baby?
394
00:18:46,833 --> 00:18:48,710
So, Jimmy, how's school going?
395
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:54,091
Great. That's great.
396
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:57,010
Ahh, sorry this is so last minute, Dean.
397
00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:58,844
Can you believe the deal with my sitter?
398
00:18:58,845 --> 00:19:00,596
Yeah. Why was she deported again?
399
00:19:00,597 --> 00:19:03,182
Oh, I don't know. Something about drugs
or prostitution or something.
400
00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:06,186
What did we learn about video games?
401
00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:08,854
That they lead to an increase
in violence in developing minds.
402
00:19:08,855 --> 00:19:10,615
Okay, promise you'll be
good for your uncle.
403
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:11,608
We'll be fine.
404
00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:13,944
All right, I left money on
the counter for dinner.
405
00:19:13,952 --> 00:19:16,153
You guys can get pizza,
but be sure to get a salad, too.
406
00:19:16,154 --> 00:19:18,030
He needs the roughage. Oh,
but nothing with beans.
407
00:19:18,031 --> 00:19:20,200
- He can't process beans.
- Just get outta here.
408
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:21,325
All right.
409
00:19:21,420 --> 00:19:22,660
Thank you! You're a life saver.
410
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:23,912
Sure.
411
00:19:32,879 --> 00:19:35,549
Hey, Jimmy, what's say we do
something educational, actually?
412
00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:37,551
Like what?
413
00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:40,387
I don't know, why don't I let you decide?
414
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,474
Wrestlemania!
415
00:19:45,725 --> 00:19:47,144
Hey!
416
00:19:49,729 --> 00:19:52,274
Hey! Hey, are you busy?
417
00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:54,985
Wrestlemania!
418
00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:57,904
Urn, can you give me a hand here? Maybe?
419
00:19:58,905 --> 00:20:00,865
All right. All right. You're asking for it.
420
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,950
- Stop!
- Stop what? I don't hear.
421
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,243
Is that a mercy? I don't hear a mercy.
422
00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:05,578
- Stop! Mercy!
- Do you hear mercy?
423
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:07,621
I'm not hearing mercy. At all. Can you?
424
00:20:07,622 --> 00:20:08,915
Mercy! Mercy!
425
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,082
Are you done? You're totally done?
426
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:11,918
- Yes!
- I don't hear it.
427
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,419
- Mercy!
- I can't...
428
00:20:13,420 --> 00:20:15,171
- Mercy!
- Mercy? I have to hear it louder!
429
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:17,090
- Mercy!
- Mercy?
430
00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:19,050
- Yes.
- All right. Okay.
431
00:20:20,093 --> 00:20:22,137
- Yay!
- Yay? What do you mean, yay?
432
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:23,847
It's not over.
433
00:20:24,639 --> 00:20:26,349
Are you guys having sex?
434
00:20:26,766 --> 00:20:28,267
- What?
- God, no.
435
00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:30,228
No.
436
00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:33,315
Where did you even learn that word?
437
00:20:33,481 --> 00:20:34,857
Mommy says you used to date.
438
00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:36,151
Oh no. Briefly.
439
00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:37,526
- Yeah, one date.
- Yeah, in college.
440
00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:40,280
We never ever had sex.
441
00:20:41,114 --> 00:20:43,157
Yeah, uh, do you even know
442
00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:44,868
what sex is, Jimmy?
443
00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:46,953
No, explain it.
444
00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:49,915
Yes, Dean. Do explain it.
445
00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:53,418
Sex is like ice cream
446
00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:55,669
because you, you only have it
447
00:20:55,670 --> 00:20:58,298
with people that you really, really love.
448
00:20:58,879 --> 00:21:00,799
Have you ever had ice cream
with someone before?
449
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:01,885
No.
450
00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:03,595
So you've never been in love.
451
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:05,847
Yes. That is right.
452
00:21:06,556 --> 00:21:08,225
So do you masturbate?
453
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:11,269
You owe me. Big time.
454
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,562
I will, I will paint your friggin' bedroom,
455
00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:14,980
- okay?
- Good. Okay, good.
456
00:21:14,981 --> 00:21:17,316
Except I am not doing that shade of yellow.
457
00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:18,442
- Yes, you are.
- That is disgusting.
458
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:20,444
Because you owe me. So figure it out.
459
00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:21,654
- All right.
- Just make it work.
460
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,990
Well, thanks again for everything.
461
00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:25,742
Ride included.
462
00:21:26,284 --> 00:21:28,954
Well, note to self. Buy a car.
Some day. Please.
463
00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:30,872
And fully commit to LA?
464
00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:33,750
Has your shit gone crazy? Get out of here.
465
00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:35,668
It's been two years, you know?
466
00:21:35,669 --> 00:21:37,545
She's not gonna wait around forever.
467
00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:40,089
Yeah, well, she's a fickle mistress.
468
00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:41,925
Yeah. No kidding.
469
00:21:43,510 --> 00:21:46,221
I will buy a car,
when I have a solid reason to stay.
470
00:21:46,429 --> 00:21:48,013
All right. Good. Done and done.
471
00:21:48,014 --> 00:21:50,517
Now get outta here, you punk.
472
00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:51,851
- Bye.
- Bye.
473
00:21:51,852 --> 00:21:53,185
- Oh.
- Okay.
474
00:21:53,186 --> 00:21:55,479
- I'm so sorry.
- I mean, really? Dean?
475
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,064
I was going for your cheek!
And I think our lips
476
00:21:57,065 --> 00:21:58,274
- actually touched there.
- Yeah, a little bit.
477
00:21:58,275 --> 00:22:00,277
Are you wearing, like a peach, like, melon?
478
00:22:00,408 --> 00:22:01,568
- Oh, shut up.
- What is that?
479
00:22:01,569 --> 00:22:02,279
- Okay. You know what?
480
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:04,406
It's actually not the first time
you tried to kiss me.
481
00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:05,907
Really?
482
00:22:06,157 --> 00:22:07,324
- Really?
- Yeah.
483
00:22:07,325 --> 00:22:09,702
Because as I recall, it
was actually you who was
484
00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:11,036
the instigator of our one kiss.
485
00:22:11,037 --> 00:22:12,289
The kiss that you bailed on.
486
00:22:12,414 --> 00:22:14,748
Okay. Only because I had
just had a root canal,
487
00:22:14,749 --> 00:22:16,583
- Root canal? A root canal.
- ...which I think was pretty clear about
488
00:22:16,584 --> 00:22:18,825
- ...prior to the start of the date.
- Right. Okay. Mhmm.
489
00:22:18,837 --> 00:22:21,339
My bottom lip was, like,
still numb. Give me a break.
490
00:22:21,381 --> 00:22:22,923
Mhmm, and all this time
491
00:22:22,924 --> 00:22:24,843
I thought that drool was for me.
492
00:22:25,511 --> 00:22:26,510
Okay, seriously.
493
00:22:26,511 --> 00:22:27,387
Get out of my car.
494
00:22:27,470 --> 00:22:29,889
- All right, fine. Going.
- Hurry up.
495
00:22:30,224 --> 00:22:31,224
- Move it!
- Bye.
496
00:22:31,225 --> 00:22:32,350
- Bye!
497
00:22:32,393 --> 00:22:33,393
Ow!
498
00:22:33,394 --> 00:22:35,854
- Sorry.
- That was really violent.
499
00:22:36,229 --> 00:22:37,939
Not necessary.
500
00:22:51,411 --> 00:22:53,913
Let us have wine, women,
501
00:22:54,205 --> 00:22:55,540
mirth, and laughter.
502
00:22:55,915 --> 00:22:58,668
Sermons and soda water the day after.
503
00:22:59,252 --> 00:23:00,920
- Don Juan.
- Oh.
504
00:23:01,087 --> 00:23:02,421
Oh, a literary man, no less.
505
00:23:02,422 --> 00:23:05,467
Yeah, well, five years of
college finally paying off.
506
00:23:05,508 --> 00:23:07,802
And what dream are we pursuing now?
507
00:23:07,927 --> 00:23:10,680
That of the actor? The director?
508
00:23:10,848 --> 00:23:11,848
Screenwriter.
509
00:23:11,849 --> 00:23:13,099
Hmm.
510
00:23:13,224 --> 00:23:14,851
A bartender that writes.
511
00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:17,145
A writer who bartends.
512
00:23:17,270 --> 00:23:19,439
Huh. Anything I might have seen?
513
00:23:19,566 --> 00:23:20,606
You ever see The Hangover?
514
00:23:20,607 --> 00:23:22,901
- I did.
- Yeah. I didn't write that.
515
00:23:23,758 --> 00:23:25,319
I'll tell you, if it's any consolation,
516
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,864
you got most of the whiskey in the glass.
517
00:23:30,450 --> 00:23:32,494
I am a great believer in luck.
518
00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:35,622
I find the harder I work,
the more I have of it.
519
00:23:35,789 --> 00:23:37,457
That's the plan.
520
00:23:37,874 --> 00:23:39,834
No, that's Thomas Jefferson.
521
00:23:40,335 --> 00:23:43,504
Hey, urn, earlier today,
one of my buddies was in here.
522
00:23:43,505 --> 00:23:45,465
Anyway, he works for a record studio,
523
00:23:45,685 --> 00:23:46,965
and we got to talking about you,
524
00:23:46,966 --> 00:23:49,094
so I gave him your number.
If, if that's okay?
525
00:23:49,302 --> 00:23:51,679
Yeah. I mean, that'd be,
that'd be great. Thank you.
526
00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:52,805
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
527
00:23:52,806 --> 00:23:54,974
All right. Just looking out.
528
00:23:55,475 --> 00:23:57,394
That's a nice looking lady.
529
00:24:09,572 --> 00:24:11,449
Okay, here we go.
530
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:18,623
Magic time.
531
00:24:24,838 --> 00:24:26,381
Come on.
532
00:24:28,633 --> 00:24:30,176
Magic time.
533
00:24:35,014 --> 00:24:38,017
When I was in college, I took one of
those career aptitude tests.
534
00:24:38,184 --> 00:24:39,685
You know, answered a lot of questions
535
00:24:39,686 --> 00:24:41,019
about my personality.
536
00:24:41,020 --> 00:24:42,814
And you know they said I should be?
537
00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:44,941
A ferry boat captain.
538
00:24:45,191 --> 00:24:46,317
Not a writer.
539
00:24:46,484 --> 00:24:47,944
A ferry boat captain.
540
00:24:48,146 --> 00:24:49,987
I mean, do you like even
have to go to college
541
00:24:49,988 --> 00:24:51,239
to be a ferry boat captain?
542
00:24:51,364 --> 00:24:53,199
Is that something you could apply for?
543
00:24:53,533 --> 00:24:54,575
I don't know.
544
00:24:54,576 --> 00:24:56,661
What's your script about, uncle Dean?
545
00:24:57,412 --> 00:24:59,414
It's about falling in love.
546
00:24:59,664 --> 00:25:02,000
But I thought you said
you've never been in love.
547
00:25:02,959 --> 00:25:04,711
That's right.
548
00:25:05,044 --> 00:25:06,921
Then how do you write about it?
549
00:25:09,424 --> 00:25:11,134
Maybe you should fall in love.
550
00:25:11,968 --> 00:25:14,303
Jimmy, that's easy to say, buddy.
551
00:25:14,304 --> 00:25:16,388
But you can't just go out there
552
00:25:16,389 --> 00:25:20,268
and fall in love like
it's something you can just do.
553
00:25:20,435 --> 00:25:22,228
You ever tried?
554
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:24,731
No.
555
00:25:25,106 --> 00:25:26,858
Then how do you know?
556
00:25:31,446 --> 00:25:32,447
That's amazing.
557
00:25:32,572 --> 00:25:34,531
So wait, where did you go to school?
558
00:25:34,532 --> 00:25:35,825
Uh, I went to Berkeley.
559
00:25:35,909 --> 00:25:37,493
Oh, Berkeley. That's a really good school.
560
00:25:37,494 --> 00:25:39,370
- Thank you.
- That was my reach school.
561
00:25:39,662 --> 00:25:42,247
I went to school back east. Uh, NYU.
562
00:25:42,248 --> 00:25:44,083
Hmm. Not as good, but...
563
00:25:44,751 --> 00:25:47,003
Are you, uh, trying to
start a fire with those things?
564
00:25:47,587 --> 00:25:49,923
Oh, right. I'm sorry.
565
00:25:50,062 --> 00:25:51,423
I guess I'm just a little nervous.
566
00:25:51,424 --> 00:25:53,009
No, no, no. It's okay, really.
567
00:25:53,218 --> 00:25:55,637
I mean, if it makes you feel any better,
568
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:56,930
I'm nervous too.
569
00:25:57,847 --> 00:26:00,141
- Really? You are?
- Of course.
570
00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:03,102
It's all a bit of a game, isn't it?
571
00:26:03,478 --> 00:26:04,604
What is?
572
00:26:04,771 --> 00:26:07,773
- Just dating, in general.
- I suppose.
573
00:26:07,774 --> 00:26:09,983
I just mean that there are
so many rules you have to follow.
574
00:26:09,984 --> 00:26:13,571
It's like we have to become
these superhuman people
575
00:26:13,780 --> 00:26:16,740
who always order the right thing
or like the right music
576
00:26:16,741 --> 00:26:18,201
or tell the perfect story.
577
00:26:18,243 --> 00:26:19,118
- Right.
- Right?
578
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:21,119
Or who never have to go to the bathroom.
579
00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:22,997
Exactly. It's like, we're nervous.
580
00:26:23,059 --> 00:26:25,499
Why can't we go to the bathroom
three or four times on a date?
581
00:26:25,500 --> 00:26:26,417
Isn't that the worst?
582
00:26:26,459 --> 00:26:28,670
It's actually why I'm wearing
a catheter right now.
583
00:26:28,836 --> 00:26:32,756
Oh no... I'm so sorry.
584
00:26:32,757 --> 00:26:33,799
I'm kidding.
585
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,301
I'm not actually wearing
a catheter right now,
586
00:26:36,302 --> 00:26:38,220
but you see, that's a perfect example
587
00:26:38,221 --> 00:26:39,680
of a joke that doesn't work.
588
00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:41,223
It just goes to show
you, you have to really
589
00:26:41,224 --> 00:26:43,517
- watch what you say.
- I totally agree with you.
590
00:26:43,518 --> 00:26:46,062
It's all a bit socially retarded.
Don't you think?
591
00:26:48,982 --> 00:26:49,982
What?
592
00:26:50,024 --> 00:26:51,651
My little sister is retarded.
593
00:26:52,318 --> 00:26:53,777
It's an old make-up factory
594
00:26:53,778 --> 00:26:55,572
that we converted into a loft.
595
00:26:55,738 --> 00:26:56,989
God, that sounds neat.
596
00:26:56,990 --> 00:26:58,615
Yeah. The only real drawback is that
597
00:26:58,616 --> 00:27:01,035
there are no windows or walls.
598
00:27:01,202 --> 00:27:03,078
So you don't have bedrooms or anything?
599
00:27:03,079 --> 00:27:04,121
Oh, we have bedrooms.
600
00:27:04,122 --> 00:27:06,958
We just, we threw up curtains
to divide up the space.
601
00:27:07,166 --> 00:27:08,835
Oh. That must be tough on privacy.
602
00:27:09,002 --> 00:27:11,671
Yeah, well, like my roommate always says,
603
00:27:11,838 --> 00:27:14,716
If one of us is having
sex, we're all having sex.
604
00:27:16,843 --> 00:27:19,095
Yeah, family is so important to me.
605
00:27:19,637 --> 00:27:21,598
I agree. I really do.
606
00:27:21,723 --> 00:27:23,266
Well, what's your family like?
607
00:27:23,516 --> 00:27:26,185
Well, my parents are divorced,
608
00:27:26,394 --> 00:27:26,728
but, urn, but I have a sister,
609
00:27:26,729 --> 00:27:30,857
who is actually also divorced, um...
610
00:27:31,024 --> 00:27:32,524
I've actually never been involved
611
00:27:32,525 --> 00:27:33,859
in anything remotely like that.
612
00:27:33,860 --> 00:27:35,694
That's like, I, I like to have sex
613
00:27:35,695 --> 00:27:38,281
- with one person at a time.
- I haven't even really...
614
00:27:38,573 --> 00:27:40,408
I'm waiting till I get married.
615
00:27:40,575 --> 00:27:42,702
Oh my God. I'm so sorry.
616
00:27:42,869 --> 00:27:44,536
I shouldn't laugh. That's terrible.
617
00:27:44,537 --> 00:27:46,623
But they don't have any kids.
618
00:27:47,248 --> 00:27:48,498
My aunt says that that's, like,
619
00:27:48,499 --> 00:27:50,126
that would totally ruin everything.
620
00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:55,380
L... your sister's a retard?
I'm sorry. That's worse.
621
00:27:55,381 --> 00:27:57,215
- Oh my God!
- That's worse. I should not have said that, that's...
622
00:27:57,216 --> 00:27:59,052
Wow! That's crazy.
623
00:27:59,085 --> 00:28:00,886
I can't believe you've
never had a boyfriend.
624
00:28:00,887 --> 00:28:03,263
Well, I've never really
had time for a relationship...
625
00:28:03,264 --> 00:28:05,140
because I was molested by...
626
00:28:05,141 --> 00:28:08,018
Dogs. I'm allergic to dogs.
627
00:28:08,019 --> 00:28:09,561
How do you know that's not dog?
628
00:28:09,562 --> 00:28:10,730
I don't eat meat.
629
00:28:10,855 --> 00:28:12,065
I don't do dairy.
630
00:28:12,231 --> 00:28:13,815
I don't swallow.
631
00:28:13,816 --> 00:28:15,485
I've never had an orgasm.
632
00:28:15,610 --> 00:28:16,818
I've frozen my eggs.
633
00:28:16,819 --> 00:28:18,780
Have you ever tried tantra?
634
00:28:19,072 --> 00:28:20,822
Are you staring at my breasts?
635
00:28:20,823 --> 00:28:23,910
My last boyfriend's penis was too large.
636
00:28:24,202 --> 00:28:25,745
Check, please.
637
00:28:31,668 --> 00:28:34,087
Next stop: Highland Park.
638
00:28:34,629 --> 00:28:36,589
Look over there to your left, Dean.
639
00:28:36,756 --> 00:28:38,424
Leave me alone.
640
00:28:38,925 --> 00:28:41,594
Come on, dude. Look to your left.
641
00:28:43,763 --> 00:28:45,473
She could be the one.
642
00:28:47,266 --> 00:28:48,600
Go talk to her, man.
643
00:28:48,601 --> 00:28:51,688
L... and what, look like a psycho?
No, thanks.
644
00:28:51,938 --> 00:28:53,271
Well, maybe you are a psycho.
645
00:28:53,272 --> 00:28:54,941
You ever consider that?
646
00:28:55,441 --> 00:28:56,984
All the time.
647
00:29:01,781 --> 00:29:03,783
Oops, my bad.
648
00:29:05,743 --> 00:29:08,286
Yes, so good! Feels good!
649
00:29:08,287 --> 00:29:10,664
- Yes. Fuck.
- Don't say anything!
650
00:29:10,665 --> 00:29:12,375
Don't, don't talk. Don't talk.
651
00:29:12,542 --> 00:29:14,251
- Yeah, okay now talk. Don't.
- Okay...
652
00:29:14,252 --> 00:29:15,795
No, don't talk. Don't. Don't talk.
653
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:17,463
- Uh.
- Don't, don't!
654
00:29:18,172 --> 00:29:20,258
It's coming! It's coming!
655
00:29:20,466 --> 00:29:22,468
Um“!
656
00:29:25,638 --> 00:29:27,265
How you doing?
657
00:29:29,016 --> 00:29:31,227
- Hi.
- Hi.
658
00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:39,110
Can I ask you something?
659
00:29:39,610 --> 00:29:41,028
Hang on a sec.
660
00:29:42,739 --> 00:29:45,783
Hello? Hi. Hi, stranger.
661
00:29:45,992 --> 00:29:47,577
Where have you been?
662
00:29:47,994 --> 00:29:50,121
Yeah, that'd be great!
663
00:29:51,539 --> 00:29:53,499
You're bad!
664
00:29:55,668 --> 00:29:57,336
I can't tell you that right now.
665
00:29:57,545 --> 00:29:59,213
I've got someone here.
666
00:30:00,298 --> 00:30:02,258
Yeah, well, what are you wearing?
667
00:30:02,508 --> 00:30:03,968
Wh... are you?
668
00:30:04,510 --> 00:30:06,971
Oh, you're not going to want to
know what I'm wearing.
669
00:30:07,263 --> 00:30:09,432
Look, Pete. It's for the best man.
670
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:11,017
You gotta trust me.
671
00:30:11,058 --> 00:30:12,685
She called me a cocksucker.
672
00:30:12,894 --> 00:30:14,520
- Damn, kid.
- Sorry about that.
673
00:30:14,687 --> 00:30:16,646
I just can't be with a chick
674
00:30:16,647 --> 00:30:18,524
who's gonna call me a cocksucker.
675
00:30:18,733 --> 00:30:20,192
You shouldn't have to be.
676
00:30:20,193 --> 00:30:21,401
It's not very loving.
677
00:30:21,402 --> 00:30:23,821
No, it's not. I agree.
678
00:30:23,905 --> 00:30:25,280
- What's up, buddy?
- What's up?
679
00:30:25,281 --> 00:30:26,824
Hey, What's going on?
680
00:30:27,700 --> 00:30:29,868
Uh, Beth dumped Pete again.
681
00:30:29,869 --> 00:30:32,038
No. I dumped her.
682
00:30:32,246 --> 00:30:34,081
Well, I'm sorry. He dumped her.
683
00:30:34,290 --> 00:30:36,209
- Why?
- Well, Pete's a cocksucker.
684
00:30:36,501 --> 00:30:37,668
Sorry to hear that, Pete.
685
00:30:37,877 --> 00:30:38,586
Yeah.
686
00:30:38,836 --> 00:30:40,556
Why don't you come out for a drink with us?
687
00:30:40,713 --> 00:30:42,381
Can't do it. Gotta write.
688
00:30:42,548 --> 00:30:44,717
- Write later.
- Write later?
689
00:30:44,884 --> 00:30:46,886
Dude, you write all the time. Write later.
690
00:30:47,011 --> 00:30:49,331
I don't want to write later.
I feel like writing right now.
691
00:30:49,388 --> 00:30:50,722
Dude, your friend is in pain.
692
00:30:50,723 --> 00:30:52,641
Whatever. They break up
like three times a month.
693
00:30:52,642 --> 00:30:54,560
Dude, this was the last time.
694
00:30:54,727 --> 00:30:56,646
You see? That's the last time.
695
00:30:57,438 --> 00:30:58,815
I gotta write.
696
00:30:58,981 --> 00:31:00,399
Wow.
697
00:31:01,651 --> 00:31:02,735
I'm not hearing this.
698
00:31:02,902 --> 00:31:04,861
Look, I'm sorry. I can't just go out
699
00:31:04,862 --> 00:31:06,071
bar-hopping with the guys
700
00:31:06,072 --> 00:31:07,155
every time I feel like it.
701
00:31:07,156 --> 00:31:10,076
I have there's things that you guys
might not understand...
702
00:31:10,243 --> 00:31:12,578
Self control. Discipline.
703
00:31:12,829 --> 00:31:14,455
Will power.
704
00:31:16,082 --> 00:31:17,458
Please don't.
705
00:31:18,334 --> 00:31:19,376
Oh, please do.
706
00:31:19,377 --> 00:31:20,962
What!
707
00:31:21,212 --> 00:31:22,880
Wow!
708
00:31:23,297 --> 00:31:24,549
Yeah!
709
00:31:26,133 --> 00:31:27,802
You're a terrible dancer!
710
00:31:27,885 --> 00:31:29,262
Wow!
711
00:31:29,428 --> 00:31:30,763
Wow!
712
00:31:30,930 --> 00:31:32,098
Little bit of Pete!
713
00:31:32,306 --> 00:31:34,350
Is that? You send-are you sending me in?
714
00:31:34,517 --> 00:31:36,602
- He's sending me.
- It's been sent.
715
00:31:37,311 --> 00:31:38,937
- "Those girls are lookin' at me"
- Wow!
716
00:31:38,938 --> 00:31:42,692
"Those girls are lookin' at me"
717
00:31:42,900 --> 00:31:44,360
"Check me out"
718
00:31:44,485 --> 00:31:47,279
"Those girls are lookin' at me..."
719
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:48,363
"Come on, catch that shit."
720
00:31:48,364 --> 00:31:49,866
"Those girls are lookin' at me"
721
00:31:51,367 --> 00:31:53,327
- Come on.
- Come on!
722
00:31:53,452 --> 00:31:54,287
Yeah!
723
00:31:54,288 --> 00:31:55,453
I fuckin hate you guys.
724
00:31:55,454 --> 00:31:56,580
I fuckin hate you too.
725
00:31:56,581 --> 00:31:58,291
- Get up.
- Yeah!
726
00:31:59,292 --> 00:32:01,711
"Cause I'm a hottie with a body"
727
00:32:03,004 --> 00:32:05,464
"I'll make them cuties shake their booties"
728
00:32:06,757 --> 00:32:09,135
"I turn the dance to believers"
729
00:32:10,386 --> 00:32:12,847
"I get 'em hot just like a fever"
730
00:32:13,890 --> 00:32:16,809
"Cause I'm a hottie with a body"
731
00:32:17,727 --> 00:32:20,646
"I make them cuties shake their booties"
732
00:32:21,439 --> 00:32:24,191
"I turn the dancers to believers"
733
00:32:25,026 --> 00:32:27,862
Mm. Be still my groin.
734
00:32:28,738 --> 00:32:32,116
I'm getting some serious E.
Gentlemen, excuse me.
735
00:32:33,659 --> 00:32:35,620
Yeah, I'm gonna do a lap.
736
00:32:40,291 --> 00:32:41,500
Great.
737
00:32:43,753 --> 00:32:46,297
Hey, can I get a whiskey
when you get a chance?
738
00:32:47,006 --> 00:32:49,508
- Please?
- Hey, need a favor.
739
00:32:50,259 --> 00:32:51,552
She's got a friend.
740
00:32:51,677 --> 00:32:53,678
No. No. Fuck no.
741
00:32:53,679 --> 00:32:56,140
Before you say anything,
she is, she's beautiful.
742
00:32:56,223 --> 00:32:57,433
Okay?
743
00:32:57,600 --> 00:32:59,644
You're gonna like her. I promise.
744
00:33:00,019 --> 00:33:01,019
You owe me.
745
00:33:01,062 --> 00:33:03,397
How? What? How do I owe you anything.
746
00:33:03,522 --> 00:33:05,900
I'll owe you. Okay? Come on.
747
00:33:09,070 --> 00:33:10,071
Ladies. Ladies.
748
00:33:10,196 --> 00:33:11,696
I would like you to meet
a good friend of mine.
749
00:33:11,697 --> 00:33:12,823
- This is Dean.
- Hi.
750
00:33:12,990 --> 00:33:15,533
- Dean, this is Monique.
- Hi.
751
00:33:15,534 --> 00:33:17,370
- And her friend
- Jasmine.
752
00:33:17,371 --> 00:33:18,371
Nice to meet you.
753
00:33:18,372 --> 00:33:19,747
Jasmine's a writer, too.
754
00:33:19,872 --> 00:33:22,041
Really? What do you write?
755
00:33:22,208 --> 00:33:23,960
The advice column for Out.
756
00:33:24,126 --> 00:33:26,461
Oh, that's, like, a travel magazine, right?
757
00:33:26,462 --> 00:33:29,548
Actually, it's an alternative
lifestyles publication.
758
00:33:31,842 --> 00:33:33,010
Bro, you see that?
759
00:33:33,552 --> 00:33:34,887
What?
760
00:33:35,221 --> 00:33:37,847
- She's giving me E.
- Oh yeah? How do you know?
761
00:33:37,848 --> 00:33:40,434
I can just tell. It's one of those things.
762
00:33:40,601 --> 00:33:42,603
God, I love being single.
763
00:33:43,604 --> 00:33:44,939
Hmm.
764
00:33:46,565 --> 00:33:48,359
Watch the kid go to work.
765
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,736
Men in LA play so many games.
766
00:33:51,737 --> 00:33:53,446
They're so non-committal.
767
00:33:53,447 --> 00:33:55,949
I just got tired of looking for
a man who could be.
768
00:33:55,950 --> 00:33:57,368
Just be.
769
00:33:57,451 --> 00:33:59,745
This is why I've chosen to be with women.
770
00:34:01,330 --> 00:34:03,416
She's totally checking me out.
771
00:34:03,791 --> 00:34:06,502
She's coming right there,
watching my every move.
772
00:34:07,336 --> 00:34:09,088
She looks like Beth.
773
00:34:11,060 --> 00:34:12,340
So is what you're doing working?
774
00:34:12,341 --> 00:34:15,177
Oh, you know it is. You know it is. Try it.
775
00:34:15,469 --> 00:34:17,763
- How do I do it?
- Just send it out there.
776
00:34:19,682 --> 00:34:21,976
Send it, baby. Send it.
777
00:34:22,143 --> 00:34:25,146
Most men I've dated,
I would classify as penetrators.
778
00:34:25,271 --> 00:34:27,815
I'm not too big on being penetrated.
779
00:34:28,107 --> 00:34:30,901
Vagina is actually Latin for sheath.
780
00:34:31,027 --> 00:34:34,280
I just got tired of
being another sheath, you know?
781
00:34:34,447 --> 00:34:35,948
Totally.
782
00:34:36,198 --> 00:34:37,907
Yeah, okay. We're gonna go.
783
00:34:37,908 --> 00:34:39,285
Have fun.
784
00:34:42,288 --> 00:34:45,123
Your friend, for example,
he's a penetrator.
785
00:34:45,124 --> 00:34:46,959
Will you excuse me for a second?
786
00:34:49,128 --> 00:34:51,255
Hey, man. Can I get a whiskey neat, please?
787
00:34:51,714 --> 00:34:53,132
Thanks.
788
00:34:54,884 --> 00:34:56,218
Keep 'u.
789
00:34:59,722 --> 00:35:03,100
No way! My God.
790
00:35:06,437 --> 00:35:08,814
Send it, baby.
791
00:35:09,148 --> 00:35:11,150
Send that E.
792
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:12,985
Send 'n.
793
00:35:13,694 --> 00:35:15,279
Come on. Look at me.
794
00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:17,364
I command you to look at me.
795
00:35:17,615 --> 00:35:19,366
What am I doing? Oh my gosh.
796
00:35:20,034 --> 00:35:22,995
Just go over there and
talk to her, you lunatic.
797
00:35:23,287 --> 00:35:26,082
Stop talking to yourself.
That would be really smart.
798
00:35:35,549 --> 00:35:37,176
Damn.
799
00:35:43,390 --> 00:35:45,810
Unbelievable! Nice job, Dean.
800
00:35:47,186 --> 00:35:49,354
- What?
- That friend talked us down
801
00:35:49,355 --> 00:35:51,189
on the way back to The
Cave, thank you very much.
802
00:35:51,190 --> 00:35:53,567
Oh, who cares, man? It's
all bullshit anyway.
803
00:35:53,734 --> 00:35:55,861
- What's bullshit?
- This endless need
804
00:35:55,903 --> 00:35:58,196
to prove your masculinity.
Divide and conquer.
805
00:35:58,197 --> 00:35:59,864
Ooh, I'm getting serious E.
806
00:35:59,865 --> 00:36:01,241
- What is that?
- It's energy.
807
00:36:01,242 --> 00:36:02,785
I know what it is, Pete.
808
00:36:02,952 --> 00:36:04,494
I'm asking what it really means.
809
00:36:04,495 --> 00:36:05,745
What does it say?
810
00:36:05,746 --> 00:36:07,498
What are we doing here?
811
00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:08,541
I'm here to hook up.
812
00:36:08,666 --> 00:36:10,209
I know you're hereto hook up, Jay.
813
00:36:10,376 --> 00:36:12,043
I'm just asking, what does it say
814
00:36:12,044 --> 00:36:13,963
about the human condition?
815
00:36:14,255 --> 00:36:16,382
The human condition.
816
00:36:17,550 --> 00:36:19,884
What does my wanting to get laid
817
00:36:19,885 --> 00:36:22,680
have anything to do with
the human condition?
818
00:36:22,888 --> 00:36:24,515
I'm just asking questions, man.
819
00:36:24,849 --> 00:36:27,559
Well, I'll tell you one thing.
It is no more misguided
820
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,687
than your idiotic quest to find the one.
821
00:36:29,895 --> 00:36:31,438
You think it's misguided?
822
00:36:31,981 --> 00:36:33,482
It's completely misguided.
823
00:36:33,607 --> 00:36:37,695
Finding the one is a
inherently false concept.
824
00:36:37,820 --> 00:36:39,362
You know, people have this...
825
00:36:39,363 --> 00:36:41,614
fairy tale expectation
that sex is no longer
826
00:36:41,615 --> 00:36:44,285
gonna be fucking, it's
gonna be making love.
827
00:36:44,785 --> 00:36:46,036
And you know what?
828
00:36:46,203 --> 00:36:47,872
They will make love for a while
829
00:36:48,164 --> 00:36:50,082
and then they'll just want to fuck again.
830
00:36:50,416 --> 00:36:51,709
And you know what?
831
00:36:51,917 --> 00:36:54,336
You're gonna think about this.
You're gonna think,
832
00:36:54,837 --> 00:36:57,089
"Why do I want to fuck
the person that I love?"
833
00:36:57,756 --> 00:36:59,175
And then you'll realize
834
00:36:59,383 --> 00:37:01,177
that you never really loved that person.
835
00:37:01,594 --> 00:37:02,761
You couldn't have.
836
00:37:02,928 --> 00:37:04,762
Instead, you loved the idea
837
00:37:04,763 --> 00:37:06,014
of being in love with that person,
838
00:37:06,015 --> 00:37:07,765
so that person was never truly the one.
839
00:37:07,766 --> 00:37:10,768
She was your idea of
what the one should be.
840
00:37:10,769 --> 00:37:13,062
- It's a mind fuck.
- You're a sad man, Jay.
841
00:37:13,063 --> 00:37:16,066
- I'm an honest man.
- Pete, help me out here.
842
00:37:18,819 --> 00:37:20,237
I have a test.
843
00:37:20,654 --> 00:37:22,114
It's called The Mud Puddle Test.
844
00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:23,240
The Mud Puddle Test?
845
00:37:23,241 --> 00:37:24,908
Yeah, say I'm walking with my girl,
846
00:37:24,909 --> 00:37:26,701
down the street, and she somehow manages
847
00:37:26,702 --> 00:37:28,328
to slip and fall into a mud puddle.
848
00:37:28,329 --> 00:37:29,662
Somehow manages? Pete, what
are you talking about?
849
00:37:29,663 --> 00:37:31,456
No, no, no. I'm serious.
850
00:37:31,457 --> 00:37:32,875
Look, there are two outcomes.
851
00:37:32,958 --> 00:37:34,751
Either she laughs about it,
or she complains about it.
852
00:37:34,752 --> 00:37:36,837
The good girl's always gonna
laugh about it, right?
853
00:37:37,004 --> 00:37:40,382
But the one, the woman you're gonna marry,
854
00:37:40,925 --> 00:37:43,385
she's gonna drag you right
into that puddle with her.
855
00:37:44,595 --> 00:37:45,596
See how that works?
856
00:37:45,804 --> 00:37:47,598
Pete, are you like,
857
00:37:47,848 --> 00:37:49,515
pushing all your dates into mud puddles?
858
00:37:49,516 --> 00:37:52,435
No no, idiot. No. I just imagine what
859
00:37:52,436 --> 00:37:54,437
each one of them would be
like in that situation,
860
00:37:54,438 --> 00:37:57,566
based on signs I've gotten
while we were dating.
861
00:37:57,942 --> 00:37:59,568
And Beth?
862
00:38:00,903 --> 00:38:02,488
I don't even know anymore.
863
00:38:04,073 --> 00:38:05,491
What about you, Andre?
864
00:38:05,658 --> 00:38:07,868
Me? I love Anna.
865
00:38:08,369 --> 00:38:09,578
Who's Anna?
866
00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:11,079
She lives in New York.
867
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:12,664
But I thought that Rosa was your girl.
868
00:38:12,665 --> 00:38:14,499
No, Anna's his girl girl.
869
00:38:14,500 --> 00:38:16,919
So does Anna sleep with other people?
870
00:38:17,002 --> 00:38:18,671
- No.
- How do you know?
871
00:38:18,754 --> 00:38:20,838
- She's a good girl.
- But you do.
872
00:38:20,839 --> 00:38:22,341
I'm a bad boy.
873
00:38:23,050 --> 00:38:24,468
And you love her?
874
00:38:24,843 --> 00:38:26,220
Love is comfort.
875
00:38:26,303 --> 00:38:27,680
At least for me, it's comfort.
876
00:38:27,888 --> 00:38:30,182
It's knowing she'll be
there whenever I need her.
877
00:38:30,557 --> 00:38:31,934
It's like this lighter.
878
00:38:32,309 --> 00:38:33,519
I love this lighter
879
00:38:33,852 --> 00:38:35,896
cause I know it's always gonna work.
880
00:38:36,689 --> 00:38:39,775
So you love Anna like
you love your lighter?
881
00:38:40,025 --> 00:38:41,234
He loves his lighter more.
882
00:38:41,235 --> 00:38:42,528
I need a lighter.
883
00:38:44,196 --> 00:38:46,240
She's the one.
884
00:38:47,199 --> 00:38:49,618
A toast then, to finding the one.
885
00:38:49,868 --> 00:38:51,870
No, no.
886
00:38:52,997 --> 00:38:54,748
A toast to lying,
887
00:38:54,832 --> 00:38:56,249
cheating, stealing,
888
00:38:56,250 --> 00:38:58,167
lying for your friends, cheating death,
889
00:38:58,168 --> 00:39:00,253
- and stealing ladies' hearts.
- Amen, brother.
890
00:39:00,254 --> 00:39:02,339
I'll catch you guys later.
891
00:39:03,132 --> 00:39:05,134
What the fuck?
892
00:39:10,723 --> 00:39:13,392
Dean! You all right?
893
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:15,060
Yeah. I'm just...
894
00:39:16,353 --> 00:39:17,604
Yeah, I'm fine.
895
00:39:17,855 --> 00:39:19,315
Look, if it makes any difference,
896
00:39:19,898 --> 00:39:21,525
I get what you're saying.
897
00:39:22,192 --> 00:39:23,861
You going back to The Cave?
898
00:39:25,863 --> 00:39:28,614
Nah. No.
899
00:39:28,615 --> 00:39:30,075
I know.
900
00:39:30,242 --> 00:39:31,242
Give her my best.
901
00:39:31,243 --> 00:39:32,243
I will.
902
00:39:32,328 --> 00:39:33,746
- Bye, buddy.
- Later.
903
00:39:54,308 --> 00:39:56,642
I, I know that, I know that
you can't look for it, okay?
904
00:39:56,643 --> 00:39:58,019
I don't know what I was thinking.
905
00:39:58,020 --> 00:40:00,397
It's just these women I've
been going out with...
906
00:40:00,647 --> 00:40:02,148
too much baggage.
907
00:40:02,149 --> 00:40:03,776
Or just way too shallow.
908
00:40:03,984 --> 00:40:05,860
Yeah, says the guy looking for love
909
00:40:05,861 --> 00:40:07,988
to finish his screenplay.
910
00:40:08,155 --> 00:40:11,491
Well, maybe I'm writing it
as a subconscious expression
911
00:40:11,492 --> 00:40:14,161
of my need to fall in love.
You ever think about that?
912
00:40:14,661 --> 00:40:17,790
Well, you're wrong. You
gotta look for the signs.
913
00:40:18,123 --> 00:40:20,959
Like the small miracles.
914
00:40:21,126 --> 00:40:23,212
The weird coincidences.
915
00:40:23,797 --> 00:40:24,797
The deja-vus.
916
00:40:24,798 --> 00:40:26,464
The stuff that turns you off.
917
00:40:26,465 --> 00:40:28,300
The stuff that makes you tingle.
918
00:40:28,884 --> 00:40:30,802
Like seeing the same woman
over and over again
919
00:40:30,803 --> 00:40:31,970
every time you go out?
920
00:40:32,137 --> 00:40:33,514
Exactly.
921
00:40:33,722 --> 00:40:37,225
Or that you had a boyfriend
that you discovered
922
00:40:37,226 --> 00:40:38,643
went to the same summer camp as you,
923
00:40:38,644 --> 00:40:40,813
except you guys never ran into each other.
924
00:40:41,230 --> 00:40:42,480
Did that happen to you?
925
00:40:42,481 --> 00:40:43,482
No.
926
00:40:43,941 --> 00:40:45,691
Wouldn't that be cool, though?
927
00:40:45,692 --> 00:40:47,152
Yeah, it'd be awesome.
928
00:40:47,319 --> 00:40:48,445
Yeah.
929
00:40:48,821 --> 00:40:50,697
I wish I went to summer camp.
930
00:40:50,906 --> 00:40:52,199
Me too.
931
00:40:52,825 --> 00:40:53,867
Hmm.
932
00:40:56,995 --> 00:40:58,871
I don't think it's weird.
I just can't believe
933
00:40:58,872 --> 00:41:00,833
you find Shaun White attractive.
934
00:41:01,208 --> 00:41:02,834
- The flying tomato...
- I just think if someone has,
935
00:41:02,835 --> 00:41:04,419
- I think if someone has longer hair
than you, - ...with the red curly hair.
936
00:41:04,420 --> 00:41:06,713
- You should probably... Oh!
- Oh! Are you okay?
937
00:41:06,922 --> 00:41:08,298
- Om!
938
00:41:08,424 --> 00:41:10,174
You're such an asshole.
939
00:41:10,175 --> 00:41:11,342
What? It was a sign.
940
00:41:11,343 --> 00:41:13,345
- Yeah. Mock me if you must.
- Oh, I must.
941
00:41:13,512 --> 00:41:14,680
You buy flower for girl?
942
00:41:14,721 --> 00:41:16,597
Uh, no. No girl...
943
00:41:16,598 --> 00:41:19,518
- This girl...
- No! No. Not, not girl.
944
00:41:20,018 --> 00:41:21,978
Not girl? Boy?
945
00:41:21,979 --> 00:41:24,188
No, no. I'm not, I'm not his girl.
946
00:41:24,189 --> 00:41:26,316
- We're just friends.
- Yeah, we're friends.
947
00:41:26,567 --> 00:41:29,653
Ah! Girlfriend!
948
00:41:32,156 --> 00:41:34,032
Yeah, look, man.
949
00:41:34,450 --> 00:41:35,534
YOU buy?
950
00:41:36,034 --> 00:41:37,619
Here. Okay. Here. Take these.
951
00:41:37,744 --> 00:41:39,704
No. Flowers bad karma. Huh uh.
952
00:41:39,705 --> 00:41:40,955
What? Take them. Please.
953
00:41:40,956 --> 00:41:42,833
- Why?
- Because.
954
00:41:42,916 --> 00:41:45,878
For dealing with my crap. Just take them.
I mean it.
955
00:41:46,545 --> 00:41:48,213
Thank you so much.
956
00:41:48,755 --> 00:41:50,215
Contact.
957
00:41:53,135 --> 00:41:55,512
Other one's getting a little jealous.
958
00:42:06,733 --> 00:42:07,733
What?
959
00:42:07,734 --> 00:42:09,318
You made me miss my cab!
960
00:42:09,485 --> 00:42:11,068
You made yourself miss your cab.
961
00:42:11,069 --> 00:42:12,653
What are you taking about?
Don't flatter yourself.
962
00:42:12,654 --> 00:42:14,238
Kissing you was like kissing my brother.
963
00:42:14,239 --> 00:42:17,867
Really? Kissing you was
like kissing my mother.
964
00:42:17,868 --> 00:42:19,577
Kissing you is like kissing my grandfather,
965
00:42:19,578 --> 00:42:21,288
and he's dead.
966
00:42:21,788 --> 00:42:23,581
- Well, you know what?
- Huh?
967
00:42:23,582 --> 00:42:24,958
Kissing you
968
00:42:25,083 --> 00:42:27,419
is completely forgettable.
969
00:42:30,172 --> 00:42:31,798
Forgettable?
970
00:42:32,424 --> 00:42:34,009
Completely.
971
00:43:02,538 --> 00:43:04,206
Shit.
972
00:43:23,100 --> 00:43:24,768
Wakey wakey.
973
00:43:25,102 --> 00:43:26,436
What? What is it?
974
00:43:26,645 --> 00:43:29,648
Mmm. Eviction notice.
975
00:43:30,232 --> 00:43:32,276
What? For what?
976
00:43:33,694 --> 00:43:35,696
Excessive partying.
977
00:43:36,905 --> 00:43:38,824
Morning, sweetheart.
978
00:43:42,119 --> 00:43:43,704
What the fuck?
979
00:43:44,037 --> 00:43:45,163
Here we go, guys.
980
00:43:45,414 --> 00:43:47,331
Sunny four bedroom loft.
981
00:43:47,332 --> 00:43:50,210
High ceilings. Exposed brick.
982
00:43:51,211 --> 00:43:52,670
Eat-in kitchen. Washer dryer.
983
00:43:52,671 --> 00:43:55,006
Private fucking elevator. What?
984
00:43:55,007 --> 00:43:56,299
Yo, yo. That's the one, kid.
985
00:43:56,300 --> 00:43:57,884
Yeah, but how much is it?
986
00:43:59,595 --> 00:44:01,762
It's $10,000. Fuck me!
987
00:44:01,763 --> 00:44:03,265
Can I get a Jack and Coke?
988
00:44:03,390 --> 00:44:05,100
- Yeah.
- What's up with him?
989
00:44:05,267 --> 00:44:07,352
Oh, we're getting booted from The Cave.
990
00:44:08,729 --> 00:44:10,522
Well, that sucks.
991
00:44:11,523 --> 00:44:13,859
That is a very good point,
992
00:44:14,026 --> 00:44:15,276
but you see, the thing is,
993
00:44:15,277 --> 00:44:17,112
I don't know what to say to her.
994
00:44:18,488 --> 00:44:19,864
She's pretty. I like her.
995
00:44:19,865 --> 00:44:23,535
Oh, yeah. I like her, too.
I do. But do I like her?
996
00:44:23,702 --> 00:44:26,037
And if I do like her,
is it because I really like her
997
00:44:26,038 --> 00:44:28,623
or because I'm just trying
to write my script?
998
00:44:28,624 --> 00:44:30,417
Wow. Am I that shallow?
999
00:44:30,500 --> 00:44:34,171
Maybe I am, but I kissed her.
And I liked it.
1000
00:44:34,463 --> 00:44:36,214
So I must like her, right?
1001
00:44:37,090 --> 00:44:38,759
I like her.
1002
00:44:39,468 --> 00:44:40,927
Yeah, that's good.
1003
00:44:41,386 --> 00:44:42,888
I like her too.
1004
00:44:43,013 --> 00:44:44,723
You should tell her you like her.
1005
00:44:45,098 --> 00:44:47,517
Really? You think that's a good idea?
1006
00:44:48,352 --> 00:44:49,811
Duh.
1007
00:44:54,858 --> 00:44:56,318
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.
1008
00:44:56,410 --> 00:44:57,610
I'm sorry. Where're you going?
1009
00:44:57,611 --> 00:44:58,944
I thought you were on tonight.
1010
00:44:58,945 --> 00:45:01,490
Yeah, it's empty in there. I got off early.
1011
00:45:01,823 --> 00:45:03,992
Oh, okay. Can I talk to you for a sec?
1012
00:45:04,076 --> 00:45:06,662
Look, can you talk to me while
I'm walking to my car?
1013
00:45:07,245 --> 00:45:09,206
It's actually kinda complicated.
1014
00:45:09,581 --> 00:45:12,416
Okay, urn, then how about
I'll call you when I have
1015
00:45:12,417 --> 00:45:14,835
a second to actually talk. That okay?
1016
00:45:14,836 --> 00:45:17,047
- Uh yeah. Okay.
- All right?
1017
00:45:17,089 --> 00:45:18,249
Okay. Talk to you later. Bye.
1018
00:45:18,382 --> 00:45:20,091
"Feel you creepin' in"
1019
00:45:20,092 --> 00:45:22,260
"Breakin' my heart again"
1020
00:45:22,761 --> 00:45:25,097
"I don't know who I've been"
1021
00:45:25,222 --> 00:45:27,640
"Feels like I'm losing it"
1022
00:45:27,641 --> 00:45:29,141
“Oh, oh, oh“
1023
00:45:29,142 --> 00:45:32,020
Shit. Hey, Tess! Tess! Hey! Hey!"
1024
00:45:33,105 --> 00:45:35,691
"You can have Los Angeles"
1025
00:45:35,899 --> 00:45:38,777
"Just give me back my girl"
1026
00:45:45,659 --> 00:45:48,537
"Feels like I'm losing you"
1027
00:45:48,620 --> 00:45:51,123
"Like I'm being torn in two"
1028
00:45:51,456 --> 00:45:53,917
"After all that we've been through"
1029
00:45:54,042 --> 00:45:56,712
"ls there nothing that I could do"
1030
00:45:56,878 --> 00:45:59,131
"Oh, Oh, n
1031
00:45:59,297 --> 00:46:01,842
"Oh"
1032
00:46:02,008 --> 00:46:04,469
"You can have Los Angeles"
1033
00:46:04,636 --> 00:46:05,970
Tess! Wait! Wait! Wait!
1034
00:46:05,971 --> 00:46:07,639
Hey! Hey! Tess!
1035
00:46:08,432 --> 00:46:09,474
Dammit!
1036
00:46:10,016 --> 00:46:12,477
"Just give me back my girl"
1037
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:15,689
Hey, can you follow that car, please?
1038
00:46:15,939 --> 00:46:18,400
"Give me back my girl"
1039
00:46:18,650 --> 00:46:20,902
"You can have the basin"
1040
00:46:21,027 --> 00:46:24,364
"Just give me back my girl"
1041
00:46:36,585 --> 00:46:39,129
Hey, my man. Get out here?
1042
00:46:39,463 --> 00:46:43,508
Oh, uh. No. It's actually just
a couple more blocks up.
1043
00:46:46,887 --> 00:46:50,098
Hello and welcome back to
"Here Comes the Bride."
1044
00:46:50,265 --> 00:46:52,017
Yes, it's the big one.
1045
00:46:54,394 --> 00:46:55,436
- Hey.
- Hey.
1046
00:46:55,437 --> 00:46:57,521
- You're home?
- Yeah. Keen observation.
1047
00:46:57,522 --> 00:46:59,024
No, I just thought.
1048
00:46:59,357 --> 00:47:01,193
I don't know. You'd be out.
1049
00:47:01,860 --> 00:47:03,195
So what are you guys up to?
1050
00:47:03,295 --> 00:47:04,695
We just came from having cocktails,
1051
00:47:04,696 --> 00:47:07,032
which reminds me. Gotta take a leak,
1052
00:47:07,365 --> 00:47:08,532
if you pardon my French.
1053
00:47:08,533 --> 00:47:09,868
Didn't know you were bilingual.
1054
00:47:10,076 --> 00:47:12,704
I have many talents, lady.
1055
00:47:14,581 --> 00:47:17,417
Who will be the lucky man to marry her?
1056
00:47:17,626 --> 00:47:19,461
And whisk her away to Cabo
1057
00:47:19,628 --> 00:47:22,214
for a one week honeymoon?
1058
00:47:22,339 --> 00:47:23,548
It's our show.
1059
00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:26,301
Yeah, our show.
1060
00:47:26,885 --> 00:47:28,720
So what'd you want to talk to me about?
1061
00:47:30,055 --> 00:47:31,223
What do you mean?
1062
00:47:31,389 --> 00:47:33,266
Earlier you wanted to talk to me.
1063
00:47:33,809 --> 00:47:35,477
Oh, right. Yeah. I uh...
1064
00:47:35,644 --> 00:47:37,520
have you ever worked behind the bar before?
1065
00:47:37,521 --> 00:47:39,021
Few times. Why?
1066
00:47:39,022 --> 00:47:40,189
I was just wondering if you could take
1067
00:47:40,190 --> 00:47:41,899
one of my shifts. I'm like, totally
1068
00:47:41,900 --> 00:47:43,692
overloaded with this whole writing thing,
1069
00:47:43,693 --> 00:47:44,819
and I need some more time.
1070
00:47:44,820 --> 00:47:47,239
Really? That's it?
1071
00:47:47,572 --> 00:47:48,907
Yeah.
1072
00:47:49,157 --> 00:47:51,535
Uh huh. Okay.
1073
00:47:51,743 --> 00:47:53,620
I'll talk to Sid and see if
1074
00:47:53,870 --> 00:47:55,413
everything's okay with that.
1075
00:47:55,580 --> 00:47:56,665
I'm sure it will be fine.
1076
00:47:56,790 --> 00:47:58,583
- Great.
- Great.
1077
00:47:58,792 --> 00:48:00,544
Great.
1078
00:48:01,378 --> 00:48:04,214
So what do you think?
1079
00:48:05,090 --> 00:48:06,591
About what?
1080
00:48:07,634 --> 00:48:09,386
We just had our first date.
1081
00:48:10,303 --> 00:48:12,472
No way! You two?
1082
00:48:12,722 --> 00:48:15,767
Yes, and it went quite well, I think.
1083
00:48:15,934 --> 00:48:18,019
Yeah, you got my attention.
1084
00:48:18,436 --> 00:48:19,437
Hmm. So?
1085
00:48:19,604 --> 00:48:21,022
How about it?
1086
00:48:22,066 --> 00:48:23,066
What, are you kidding?
1087
00:48:23,067 --> 00:48:24,608
My two best friends getting together?
1088
00:48:24,609 --> 00:48:26,695
What more could a guy ask for? Huh?
1089
00:48:26,903 --> 00:48:28,780
- Beautiful!
- Great.
1090
00:48:28,822 --> 00:48:29,822
Totally.
1091
00:48:30,073 --> 00:48:31,324
So...
1092
00:48:32,617 --> 00:48:34,661
don't you have that thing tonight?
1093
00:48:35,161 --> 00:48:36,829
Right. Yes. My thing.
1094
00:48:36,830 --> 00:48:38,623
That thing. I gotta...
1095
00:48:38,748 --> 00:48:39,915
Hey, you don't wanna be late.
1096
00:48:39,916 --> 00:48:42,626
Yeah, I will see you guys,
I'll catch up with you...
1097
00:48:42,627 --> 00:48:43,794
Yeah. Good luck with that.
1098
00:48:43,795 --> 00:48:46,590
- Yeah. Okay.
- Yeah, good luck.
1099
00:49:02,814 --> 00:49:05,150
Remember that Latino girl I used to date?
1100
00:49:05,483 --> 00:49:08,153
- You mean Alicia?
- Yeah. That's the one.
1101
00:49:08,445 --> 00:49:10,686
You know, I took her to one of
those rooftop joints once?
1102
00:49:10,822 --> 00:49:12,991
Yeah man. Did the three D's.
1103
00:49:13,033 --> 00:49:14,533
Drinks, dinner, dancing.
That kind of thing.
1104
00:49:14,534 --> 00:49:17,495
Anyway, picture this. Midnight rolls along,
1105
00:49:17,704 --> 00:49:19,331
and we stroll out onto the deck.
1106
00:49:19,623 --> 00:49:21,874
And there was this gigantic moon
1107
00:49:21,875 --> 00:49:23,584
that just sort of hung right over the city,
1108
00:49:23,585 --> 00:49:25,003
lit up the entire sky.
1109
00:49:25,253 --> 00:49:27,839
And there was this gentle breeze
that kept lifting her hair.
1110
00:49:28,548 --> 00:49:30,633
- It was perfect.
- This is perfect.
1111
00:49:30,634 --> 00:49:32,177
This is perfect.
1112
00:49:33,470 --> 00:49:36,221
And let me guess? She
gave you the old blowjob
1113
00:49:36,222 --> 00:49:37,891
right then and there on the deck?
1114
00:49:38,183 --> 00:49:41,144
No, man. It wasn't about that.
1115
00:49:43,355 --> 00:49:46,775
It was just a moment. You know?
A perfect moment.
1116
00:49:47,150 --> 00:49:48,525
Everything about the evening,
1117
00:49:48,526 --> 00:49:49,944
everything around us was perfect.
1118
00:49:49,945 --> 00:49:51,403
I knew it. She knew it.
1119
00:49:51,404 --> 00:49:54,491
And at that moment, just for one moment,
1120
00:49:55,283 --> 00:49:57,035
I thought I loved her.
1121
00:49:58,370 --> 00:50:00,246
- Did you tell her this?
- Nah. Nah. Nah.
1122
00:50:00,413 --> 00:50:02,093
- I didn't tell her. I couldn't.
- Why not?
1123
00:50:02,540 --> 00:50:03,708
Why not?
1124
00:50:04,042 --> 00:50:06,502
Because the moment passed
as quickly as it came,
1125
00:50:06,503 --> 00:50:08,712
and I realized that I don't love the girl.
1126
00:50:08,713 --> 00:50:09,923
I love the moment.
1127
00:50:10,090 --> 00:50:12,092
See for me, it was always about the moment.
1128
00:50:12,884 --> 00:50:15,053
Well, until I met Anna.
1129
00:50:16,721 --> 00:50:19,307
Do you not have perfect moments with Anna?
1130
00:50:20,558 --> 00:50:22,893
Nah. See with Anna,
1131
00:50:22,894 --> 00:50:24,728
I never even thought about perfect moments.
1132
00:50:24,729 --> 00:50:26,398
Never even tried to look for 'em.
1133
00:50:26,982 --> 00:50:28,482
Then I got to thinking about that,
1134
00:50:28,483 --> 00:50:30,026
and I realized that...
1135
00:50:30,735 --> 00:50:33,530
every moment I had with Anna was perfect
1136
00:50:34,823 --> 00:50:36,574
because I loved her.
1137
00:50:38,201 --> 00:50:40,285
And I realized that love
is the perfect moment
1138
00:50:40,286 --> 00:50:42,205
that never ends.
1139
00:50:45,041 --> 00:50:47,544
So why aren't you with her now, man?
1140
00:50:49,129 --> 00:50:52,047
Ah, she's in, she's in, she's in New York,
1141
00:50:52,048 --> 00:50:53,841
- and I moved to LA.
- LA, right.
1142
00:50:53,842 --> 00:50:55,260
Yeah.
1143
00:50:56,302 --> 00:50:59,431
But your perfect moment... it's out there.
1144
00:50:59,723 --> 00:51:01,349
It's waiting on you, kid.
1145
00:51:04,602 --> 00:51:06,229
Yeah.
1146
00:51:07,105 --> 00:51:08,106
Good cop, bad cop.
1147
00:51:08,314 --> 00:51:09,691
Who's the good cop?
1148
00:51:09,941 --> 00:51:11,443
You are, kid.
1149
00:51:19,117 --> 00:51:20,493
What's up?
1150
00:51:20,827 --> 00:51:22,120
Yeah. You.
1151
00:51:22,199 --> 00:51:24,079
Look, I'm just gonna come
right out and say it,
1152
00:51:24,080 --> 00:51:26,957
you are one sexy biznitch.
1153
00:51:26,958 --> 00:51:30,794
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey,
is everything okay here?
1154
00:51:30,795 --> 00:51:32,672
Yeah, just talking to the lady, yo.
1155
00:51:32,881 --> 00:51:34,006
Is this guy bothering you?
1156
00:51:34,007 --> 00:51:35,174
Look, why don't you get
your ass outta here?
1157
00:51:35,175 --> 00:51:36,800
Hey! Don't make me get
rough with you, buddy.
1158
00:51:36,801 --> 00:51:39,137
- Listen, motherfucker. If I have to...
- I get it.
1159
00:51:39,220 --> 00:51:40,972
Good cop. Bad cop.
1160
00:51:42,223 --> 00:51:44,392
Oh. Wha...
1161
00:51:49,814 --> 00:51:51,065
- Thank you.
- Damn, kid.
1162
00:51:51,066 --> 00:51:53,026
Yeah, I will see you at home.
1163
00:51:55,445 --> 00:51:58,323
Wow. I am so embarrassed.
1164
00:51:59,491 --> 00:52:01,159
And I'm Kat.
1165
00:52:02,535 --> 00:52:05,829
I don't know. I just feel
really comfortable around you,
1166
00:52:05,830 --> 00:52:07,373
like already. Like,
1167
00:52:07,540 --> 00:52:10,043
I could just tell you anything.
1168
00:52:11,002 --> 00:52:12,762
So I'm just going to
come right out with it.
1169
00:52:13,713 --> 00:52:17,634
I sort of went through
this experimental phase.
1170
00:52:18,009 --> 00:52:19,969
What? Like a drug thing?
1171
00:52:22,138 --> 00:52:23,723
No, like a sex thing.
1172
00:52:24,182 --> 00:52:26,476
Oh, like you had a lot of sex?
1173
00:52:27,018 --> 00:52:29,853
Uh, mostly submissive masochistic stuff.
1174
00:52:29,854 --> 00:52:32,523
You know, like spankings,
whippings, little bondage.
1175
00:52:32,524 --> 00:52:33,774
That sort of thing.
1176
00:52:33,775 --> 00:52:36,486
It was, it was just this really crazy phase
1177
00:52:36,611 --> 00:52:38,863
that I went through not that long ago.
1178
00:52:39,531 --> 00:52:42,491
Oh God. Is this too much for you?
I'm sorry,
1179
00:52:42,492 --> 00:52:44,993
I always do this. I always
reveal too much too soon.
1180
00:52:44,994 --> 00:52:45,870
I should just shut up.
1181
00:52:45,871 --> 00:52:47,955
No. No. No. No. I totally get it.
1182
00:52:47,956 --> 00:52:50,082
It's like, how much are
you willing to reveal?
1183
00:52:50,083 --> 00:52:52,210
And how soon do you
finally reveal yourself?
1184
00:52:52,418 --> 00:52:53,877
Like, how long do you have to play the part
1185
00:52:53,878 --> 00:52:56,046
of the person who you think
they want you to be?
1186
00:52:56,047 --> 00:52:58,340
And when do you finally
settle into playing the part
1187
00:52:58,341 --> 00:53:01,469
of the person who you really are.
1188
00:53:02,971 --> 00:53:04,514
I like that.
1189
00:53:11,354 --> 00:53:13,356
- No.
- What are you doing?
1190
00:53:13,898 --> 00:53:16,025
I'm gonna ride you.
1191
00:53:17,152 --> 00:53:19,529
Can I just say something?
1192
00:53:19,696 --> 00:53:22,197
- No.
- Uh, I like you.
1193
00:53:22,198 --> 00:53:24,741
I mean, I don't want you to think I'm,
like, psycho or anything,
1194
00:53:24,742 --> 00:53:26,118
but I can tell that there's something here.
1195
00:53:26,119 --> 00:53:27,119
You know?
1196
00:53:27,203 --> 00:53:29,121
And of course I wanna do
1197
00:53:29,122 --> 00:53:31,749
what I think we're gonna do, but...
1198
00:53:32,375 --> 00:53:33,543
if we do do it...
1199
00:53:33,668 --> 00:53:35,003
Quit talking.
1200
00:53:35,587 --> 00:53:37,881
Okay. If we do do it.
1201
00:53:38,423 --> 00:53:40,758
Will there even be a date number two?
1202
00:53:41,009 --> 00:53:43,803
I don't know. Do we call
this date number one?
1203
00:53:43,970 --> 00:53:46,014
I don't know... what do you think?
1204
00:53:46,931 --> 00:53:49,100
I mean, what do you...
1205
00:53:49,267 --> 00:53:50,977
what do you think?
1206
00:53:53,438 --> 00:53:54,898
Kat?
1207
00:54:01,446 --> 00:54:03,448
Who the fuck are you?
1208
00:54:04,741 --> 00:54:06,326
I'm Dean.
1209
00:54:06,951 --> 00:54:08,328
Remember?
1210
00:54:09,120 --> 00:54:10,955
From last night?
1211
00:54:11,789 --> 00:54:13,416
Are you receding?
1212
00:54:26,304 --> 00:54:28,139
"Didn't want to wake you up.
1213
00:54:28,598 --> 00:54:29,806
"Make sure to lock the door
1214
00:54:29,807 --> 00:54:33,061
when you leave. Kat."
1215
00:55:55,268 --> 00:55:57,228
No. No. No. Fucking no.
1216
00:55:57,395 --> 00:55:58,854
What? What's wrong?
1217
00:55:58,855 --> 00:56:00,564
It's just that Jake seems self-indulgent,
1218
00:56:00,565 --> 00:56:02,766
and I'm not buying
his new relationship with this woman.
1219
00:56:02,900 --> 00:56:04,192
Really? Because I feel like it's going...
1220
00:56:04,193 --> 00:56:07,405
I've got it! Why not have
Jake take his own life?
1221
00:56:07,572 --> 00:56:08,740
Excuse me?
1222
00:56:08,948 --> 00:56:10,783
Yeah! Have him blow is brains out.
1223
00:56:10,950 --> 00:56:12,576
- Overdose?
- Yeah, or jump off a tall building.
1224
00:56:12,577 --> 00:56:14,494
I've got it. Suicide, man!
1225
00:56:14,495 --> 00:56:15,496
I love it.
1226
00:56:15,663 --> 00:56:17,331
Jake, as you call him, never really
1227
00:56:17,332 --> 00:56:18,833
ever does ever fall in love.
1228
00:56:19,125 --> 00:56:20,959
Instead, his journey is to come to terms
1229
00:56:20,960 --> 00:56:22,920
with his wretched inescapable loneliness
1230
00:56:23,087 --> 00:56:25,006
which in turn leads to his suicide,
1231
00:56:25,089 --> 00:56:28,760
transforming him into a
classically tragic figure.
1232
00:56:28,968 --> 00:56:30,094
Oh!
1233
00:56:30,803 --> 00:56:32,013
What do you think about that?
1234
00:56:32,096 --> 00:56:33,890
What do you think about this?
1235
00:56:35,391 --> 00:56:38,311
Don't take it personally
that your writing's shit.
1236
00:56:38,561 --> 00:56:40,730
I thought the beginning was all right.
1237
00:56:40,897 --> 00:56:42,148
Fuck you.
1238
00:56:44,567 --> 00:56:45,888
You sure you're ready to do this?
1239
00:56:45,985 --> 00:56:47,737
I've been ready for two weeks.
1240
00:56:47,945 --> 00:56:49,489
We've only been dating for three.
1241
00:56:49,614 --> 00:56:50,823
Well, I've been holding out.
1242
00:56:51,115 --> 00:56:52,700
I know. I know and trust me,
1243
00:56:52,867 --> 00:56:54,743
I, I want to do it so badly,
1244
00:56:54,744 --> 00:56:57,955
but everything will change, you know?
1245
00:56:58,122 --> 00:56:59,791
- It's just that...
- It's sex, Dean.
1246
00:56:59,957 --> 00:57:01,250
We're adults.
1247
00:57:01,283 --> 00:57:03,043
Look, I like you, and I
want to be with you.
1248
00:57:03,044 --> 00:57:04,754
I don't see why things should change.
1249
00:57:06,631 --> 00:57:08,216
You like me?
1250
00:57:08,716 --> 00:57:10,510
Yeah. I do.
1251
00:57:12,470 --> 00:57:14,639
Well, then I think we should probably wait.
1252
00:57:15,098 --> 00:57:16,390
You know, fine. Whatever.
1253
00:57:16,391 --> 00:57:18,309
You ruined the moment anyways.
1254
00:57:22,271 --> 00:57:23,856
Up to this point, she's in the moment,
1255
00:57:24,023 --> 00:57:25,482
and I am definitely in the moment.
1256
00:57:25,483 --> 00:57:27,150
You know, this is Romeo and Juliet.
1257
00:57:27,151 --> 00:57:29,112
That's pretty challenging material,
1258
00:57:29,445 --> 00:57:31,029
so I am prepared for the worst.
1259
00:57:31,030 --> 00:57:32,739
O Churl! Drunk all
1260
00:57:32,740 --> 00:57:34,992
and left no friendly drop to help me after.
1261
00:57:35,827 --> 00:57:37,370
I will kiss thy lips.
1262
00:57:37,412 --> 00:57:39,664
Haply some poison yet doth hang on them.
1263
00:57:39,789 --> 00:57:41,457
And she starts kissing me.
1264
00:57:41,499 --> 00:57:44,501
But I mean, for like a
prolonged period of time.
1265
00:57:44,502 --> 00:57:45,502
You know what I mean?
1266
00:57:45,586 --> 00:57:47,839
I mean, like, this chick
is really enjoying it.
1267
00:57:48,005 --> 00:57:49,966
Or maybe she was just
trying to get the poison?
1268
00:57:50,174 --> 00:57:52,468
Yeah, out of my kidneys, maybe.
1269
00:57:52,677 --> 00:57:54,053
I look to the first watchman,
1270
00:57:54,220 --> 00:57:56,054
and I'm, like, telepathically
1271
00:57:56,055 --> 00:57:58,641
just begging him to say his line.
1272
00:57:59,517 --> 00:58:01,811
Lead, boy! Which way?
1273
00:58:02,019 --> 00:58:03,521
Which he does, thank God.
1274
00:58:03,604 --> 00:58:06,482
Yea, noise? Then I'll be brief.
1275
00:58:07,066 --> 00:58:10,361
Except for this chick doesn't know
what her last line is.
1276
00:58:11,070 --> 00:58:12,405
So we're just sitting there.
1277
00:58:12,697 --> 00:58:14,073
In silence.
1278
00:58:14,365 --> 00:58:17,869
I realize, fuck, I'm gonna have to
tell this girl her next line.
1279
00:58:18,035 --> 00:58:21,747
O happy dagger.
1280
00:58:22,079 --> 00:58:23,999
Luckily, she figures out
what I'm trying to say.
1281
00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:25,501
She grabs the dagger and says,
1282
00:58:25,710 --> 00:58:27,503
O happy dagger!
1283
00:58:27,670 --> 00:58:29,130
This is my sheath;
1284
00:58:29,380 --> 00:58:32,425
there rust, and let me die.
1285
00:58:32,550 --> 00:58:35,386
Stabs herself and collapses
on top of me. Dead.
1286
00:58:35,511 --> 00:58:36,929
Thank God.
1287
00:58:37,722 --> 00:58:39,056
I would have,
1288
00:58:39,390 --> 00:58:41,558
except for while she's on top of me,
1289
00:58:41,559 --> 00:58:43,144
she suddenly starts
1290
00:58:43,728 --> 00:58:46,730
reaching for my dagger,
if you know what I mean?
1291
00:58:46,731 --> 00:58:48,982
- No.
- Yeah, she's, like, giving me
1292
00:58:48,983 --> 00:58:51,152
the covert rub and tug
right there on the stage,
1293
00:58:51,235 --> 00:58:54,070
and I'm like, "Please
end this fucking play."
1294
00:58:54,071 --> 00:58:57,575
But as it continues,
I hear the audience start to laugh.
1295
00:58:57,617 --> 00:58:59,744
I'm like, "What the fuck
are they laughing at?"
1296
00:59:25,603 --> 00:59:28,356
Why don't you tell them the one
about the Indian girl?
1297
00:59:30,566 --> 00:59:32,026
What?
1298
00:59:32,109 --> 00:59:34,653
Come on. The alley. The rooftop.
The hard candy.
1299
00:59:34,654 --> 00:59:35,779
You remember?
1300
00:59:35,780 --> 00:59:38,241
Or what about the post office story?
1301
00:59:38,430 --> 00:59:39,950
Tell them that one. You know, the time
1302
00:59:39,951 --> 00:59:41,618
that you got the two stamps from
that girl you banged,
1303
00:59:41,619 --> 00:59:43,411
or what about the twins that
you hooked up with in college?
1304
00:59:43,412 --> 00:59:45,163
- Has Jay ever told you about the
twins that he - Dean. Enough.
1305
00:59:45,164 --> 00:59:46,998
- Enough.
- Hooked up with in college? What? I'm just saying.
1306
00:59:46,999 --> 00:59:48,041
- Babe
- What's the big deal?
1307
00:59:48,042 --> 00:59:50,293
So you got a blow job from
some Indian chick. Who cares?
1308
00:59:50,294 --> 00:59:52,380
Okay, you know what? Excuse me.
1309
00:59:54,298 --> 00:59:56,676
What the fuck is your problem?
1310
01:00:00,096 --> 01:00:02,515
Wait a minute. Wait. Wait,
now who got a blow job?
1311
01:00:03,307 --> 01:00:04,892
Tess, would you wait a second?
1312
01:00:05,226 --> 01:00:06,309
Why, Dean?
1313
01:00:06,310 --> 01:00:08,479
What the hell was that back there?
1314
01:00:09,397 --> 01:00:12,149
- I don't know. I just...
- You just what?
1315
01:00:14,193 --> 01:00:16,362
Do you have nothing to say to me?
1316
01:00:17,488 --> 01:00:19,198
Nothing?
1317
01:00:38,217 --> 01:00:39,885
Whatcha working on?
1318
01:00:40,761 --> 01:00:43,139
Uh, just tossing around a new idea.
1319
01:00:43,347 --> 01:00:45,349
Feel like tossing me around?
1320
01:00:49,312 --> 01:00:51,272
Yeah, yeah you do.
1321
01:00:51,439 --> 01:00:52,731
Okay, so now that you've met
1322
01:00:52,732 --> 01:00:55,192
all three of your potential grooms,
1323
01:00:55,776 --> 01:00:56,901
it's time to make
1324
01:00:56,902 --> 01:01:00,281
the biggest decision of your life.
1325
01:01:00,448 --> 01:01:02,742
So will it be groom one?
1326
01:01:03,034 --> 01:01:04,952
The former Olympian.
1327
01:01:05,202 --> 01:01:08,039
Or will it be groom two?
1328
01:01:08,205 --> 01:01:09,999
The multi-millionaire.
1329
01:01:10,124 --> 01:01:12,543
Or will it be groom three?
1330
01:01:12,585 --> 01:01:14,754
The self-proclaimed geek
1331
01:01:15,546 --> 01:01:17,798
with thinning hair.
1332
01:01:17,923 --> 01:01:19,924
Well, I've given it some actual thought,
1333
01:01:19,925 --> 01:01:22,637
and I would like to spend
the rest of my life
1334
01:01:22,928 --> 01:01:24,847
with groom number three.
1335
01:01:25,264 --> 01:01:27,516
- No way!
- Holy shit!
1336
01:01:28,601 --> 01:01:30,645
Why'd she pick the dork?
1337
01:01:31,562 --> 01:01:33,731
Guy's a fucking toolbox.
1338
01:01:35,399 --> 01:01:39,110
These, ah, these parts, is...
where's this thing?
1339
01:01:39,111 --> 01:01:43,282
Ah, these talks with the
subway conductor were,
1340
01:01:43,366 --> 01:01:45,576
- I found...
- Weird, I know.
1341
01:01:45,910 --> 01:01:48,496
Inspired, I thought.
1342
01:01:50,748 --> 01:01:53,501
This is good stuff. Stuff with the hair,
1343
01:01:54,752 --> 01:01:56,712
and the business with the roommates
1344
01:01:58,130 --> 01:01:59,757
is... funny.
1345
01:02:00,257 --> 01:02:02,343
I think you have
1346
01:02:02,468 --> 01:02:03,719
a good...
1347
01:02:04,428 --> 01:02:06,806
solid understanding of the craft.
1348
01:02:07,765 --> 01:02:10,726
You got a style. A voice. I like that.
1349
01:02:12,436 --> 01:02:14,563
It's a voice I'm interested in.
1350
01:02:15,648 --> 01:02:18,734
It's a voice that almost rings true.
1351
01:02:20,736 --> 01:02:22,279
What do you mean?
1352
01:02:22,613 --> 01:02:24,156
Well...
1353
01:02:24,657 --> 01:02:25,907
this is supposed to be a story
1354
01:02:25,908 --> 01:02:27,743
about a guy who falls in love, right?
1355
01:02:28,285 --> 01:02:30,079
- That's right.
- Jiminy crickets!
1356
01:02:30,287 --> 01:02:33,124
If I'm gonna drop my
twelve bucks on a ticket,
1357
01:02:33,624 --> 01:02:35,876
I should get, I mean, I deserve to...
1358
01:02:36,043 --> 01:02:38,129
at least see him fall in love,
1359
01:02:38,629 --> 01:02:40,714
- ...no?
- Well, uh, yeah,
1360
01:02:40,715 --> 01:02:43,300
it's... you do. It's in there.
1361
01:02:43,718 --> 01:02:46,512
Oh, I must have missed that.
1362
01:02:47,555 --> 01:02:49,807
It's... yeah, it's subtle.
1363
01:02:51,225 --> 01:02:53,269
Why don't you point it out for me?
1364
01:03:07,408 --> 01:03:09,744
Give me a call when you find it, kid.
1365
01:03:13,080 --> 01:03:14,498
Fuck!
1366
01:03:15,332 --> 01:03:17,960
Next stop: Union Station.
1367
01:03:23,632 --> 01:03:25,217
Look,
1368
01:03:25,843 --> 01:03:27,677
I love her, Pete. I do.
1369
01:03:27,678 --> 01:03:29,680
But she's making you miserable, my friend.
1370
01:03:29,847 --> 01:03:31,307
I know.
1371
01:03:32,349 --> 01:03:34,351
Maybe it's time for someone new.
1372
01:03:34,602 --> 01:03:36,771
Yeah, I hear ya.
1373
01:03:37,646 --> 01:03:40,191
Hey. We should have a party this weekend.
1374
01:03:41,025 --> 01:03:43,360
Last party in The Cave.
1375
01:03:43,527 --> 01:03:46,447
Huh? Come on, man. What do you say?
1376
01:03:46,989 --> 01:03:48,908
And do I invite Beth?
1377
01:03:49,575 --> 01:03:53,119
Invite Beth. By all means, invite Beth.
1378
01:03:53,120 --> 01:03:55,456
Have a good time with her if possible,
1379
01:03:55,539 --> 01:03:57,207
but just do me a favor, okay?
1380
01:03:57,208 --> 01:03:58,708
Take a look around and see if anything
1381
01:03:58,709 --> 01:04:00,753
sparks your interest, you know?
1382
01:04:01,128 --> 01:04:02,379
Hey.
1383
01:04:07,426 --> 01:04:09,511
Hey, I can't quite exactly tell you
1384
01:04:09,512 --> 01:04:11,222
what I was thinking or what I was doing,
1385
01:04:11,680 --> 01:04:13,264
and I know you think I sold you out,
1386
01:04:13,265 --> 01:04:14,600
and that I'm not worth a shit.
1387
01:04:14,850 --> 01:04:17,228
And you know what?
You're probably right in thinking that.
1388
01:04:17,978 --> 01:04:20,563
I just came here to let you know
1389
01:04:20,564 --> 01:04:22,691
that I know I was wrong,
1390
01:04:23,067 --> 01:04:25,778
and I'm sorry.
1391
01:04:25,903 --> 01:04:27,571
I really am.
1392
01:04:34,036 --> 01:04:36,622
And I guess that's all I had to say.
1393
01:04:38,666 --> 01:04:40,709
You up for a party?
1394
01:04:42,086 --> 01:04:44,255
One last hurrah in The Cave?
1395
01:04:50,427 --> 01:04:52,805
"Tonight I'll be taken"
1396
01:04:53,180 --> 01:04:54,765
"Over"
1397
01:04:57,768 --> 01:05:00,271
"Tonight I'll be taken"
1398
01:05:00,604 --> 01:05:02,106
"Over"
1399
01:05:05,150 --> 01:05:07,486
"Tonight I'll be taken"
1400
01:05:07,987 --> 01:05:11,448
"Over"
1401
01:05:12,575 --> 01:05:14,952
"Tonight I'll be taken"
1402
01:05:15,452 --> 01:05:17,204
"Over"
1403
01:05:17,454 --> 01:05:19,164
- Hug me.
- What's wrong?
1404
01:05:19,415 --> 01:05:21,709
I look like hell.
1405
01:05:25,296 --> 01:05:27,089
- Hey, beauty.
- Hi.
1406
01:05:28,382 --> 01:05:30,467
- You know anybody here?
- Nope.
1407
01:05:30,843 --> 01:05:32,094
You wanna dance?
1408
01:05:32,303 --> 01:05:33,971
Yes, please.
1409
01:05:44,982 --> 01:05:46,358
Baby.
1410
01:05:46,817 --> 01:05:48,152
Baby.
1411
01:05:53,616 --> 01:05:55,659
You guys look so great together.
1412
01:05:55,660 --> 01:05:56,660
How long has it been?
1413
01:05:56,661 --> 01:05:59,330
Thank you. Urn, almost two years.
1414
01:05:59,496 --> 01:06:01,331
It's so weird how quickly it all goes by.
Right baby?
1415
01:06:01,332 --> 01:06:02,790
- So weird. Yeah.
- Yeah.
1416
01:06:02,791 --> 01:06:04,084
Flies by.
1417
01:06:06,837 --> 01:06:08,339
I'm sorry. I always do this.
1418
01:06:08,505 --> 01:06:10,673
You know my, my therapist,
she says that, uh...
1419
01:06:10,674 --> 01:06:12,425
large social gatherings
bring out my insecurities
1420
01:06:12,426 --> 01:06:13,886
or something crazy like that.
1421
01:06:14,011 --> 01:06:15,387
Oh, you're in therapy?
1422
01:06:15,596 --> 01:06:16,847
Yeah, is that a problem?
1423
01:06:17,014 --> 01:06:19,350
Oh no. I just had no idea
you were in therapy.
1424
01:06:19,600 --> 01:06:21,018
Can you stop saying it like that?
1425
01:06:21,185 --> 01:06:22,185
Like what?
1426
01:06:22,227 --> 01:06:23,437
Like all judgey?
1427
01:06:23,562 --> 01:06:24,813
Who's judgey? I'm not judgey.
1428
01:06:24,855 --> 01:06:26,398
You totally are. I can see it in your eyes.
1429
01:06:26,565 --> 01:06:27,358
No, I'm not.
1430
01:06:27,359 --> 01:06:28,651
You are!
1431
01:06:30,402 --> 01:06:32,403
Maybe you should get some
therapy to deal with
1432
01:06:32,404 --> 01:06:33,989
your insecurity about being in therapy?
1433
01:06:34,091 --> 01:06:35,531
Hmm, maybe you should fuck yourself.
1434
01:06:35,532 --> 01:06:36,867
Excuse me?
1435
01:06:37,063 --> 01:06:38,743
Baby, I'm sorry. That, oh, that wasn't me.
1436
01:06:38,744 --> 01:06:40,328
I'm so sorry. Come here, please. I'm sorry.
1437
01:06:40,329 --> 01:06:42,623
It's okay. It's fine.
1438
01:06:47,753 --> 01:06:48,879
What was that?
1439
01:06:49,046 --> 01:06:50,339
Just a pill.
1440
01:07:04,228 --> 01:07:08,064
For our anniversary, we were
thinking Cabo or maybe Hawaii.
1441
01:07:08,065 --> 01:07:10,359
It really doesn't matter
as long as it's tropical.
1442
01:07:10,567 --> 01:07:11,610
And he can golf.
1443
01:07:11,777 --> 01:07:13,278
Love golf.
1444
01:07:36,927 --> 01:07:38,512
Where are you going?
1445
01:07:38,929 --> 01:07:40,848
Uh, I was just going to let you rest.
1446
01:07:41,932 --> 01:07:43,142
But I don't need rest.
1447
01:07:43,308 --> 01:07:44,517
Look, I'll be back in a few
1448
01:07:44,518 --> 01:07:45,852
and we can start the
whole night over. Okay?
1449
01:07:45,853 --> 01:07:47,312
We'll do anything you want.
1450
01:07:47,479 --> 01:07:49,273
Can we leave?
1451
01:07:52,359 --> 01:07:53,902
Sure.
1452
01:07:54,653 --> 01:07:55,945
We're engaged!
1453
01:07:55,946 --> 01:07:58,698
What? Oh my God! That's so wonderful!
1454
01:07:58,699 --> 01:08:00,241
Isn't that great, baby?
1455
01:08:00,242 --> 01:08:01,827
Congratulations.
1456
01:08:05,790 --> 01:08:06,790
Shit.
1457
01:08:06,791 --> 01:08:09,084
Beth! Beth!
1458
01:08:15,257 --> 01:08:16,925
Andre!
1459
01:08:17,634 --> 01:08:19,094
Anna?
1460
01:08:19,636 --> 01:08:21,013
Who's this?
1461
01:08:21,388 --> 01:08:23,015
Uh, his girl.
1462
01:08:23,474 --> 01:08:24,975
Who the hell are you?
1463
01:08:25,476 --> 01:08:28,103
I'm Anna. His girl.
1464
01:08:28,812 --> 01:08:30,898
Anna! Anna! Wait!
1465
01:08:31,023 --> 01:08:32,524
Shit, Wait!
1466
01:08:52,002 --> 01:08:53,754
Hey, you okay?
1467
01:08:54,004 --> 01:08:55,297
Yeah, I'm fine.
1468
01:08:55,672 --> 01:08:57,090
I'm gonna go grab a drink. Okay?
1469
01:08:57,091 --> 01:08:58,801
And when I get back, just...
1470
01:09:00,302 --> 01:09:01,720
Okay?
1471
01:09:09,853 --> 01:09:11,271
I'm sorry.
1472
01:10:09,705 --> 01:10:11,039
E -
1473
01:10:19,590 --> 01:10:20,841
I gotta go.
1474
01:10:20,966 --> 01:10:22,426
Yeah, so do I.
1475
01:10:25,012 --> 01:10:26,930
Hey, you ready?
1476
01:10:27,431 --> 01:10:28,599
Are you?
1477
01:10:28,932 --> 01:10:30,559
Yeah, let's roll.
1478
01:10:30,893 --> 01:10:32,311
All right.
1479
01:10:36,023 --> 01:10:37,566
Huh. Where're they going?
1480
01:10:38,275 --> 01:10:39,776
I don't know where they're going.
1481
01:10:41,945 --> 01:10:43,322
Let's go.
1482
01:11:04,927 --> 01:11:06,678
Let's go. Come on.
1483
01:11:14,561 --> 01:11:16,104
Uh...
1484
01:11:17,481 --> 01:11:20,983
Did I, uh, did I ever tell you about
the time in college
1485
01:11:20,984 --> 01:11:22,527
when I was with twins?
1486
01:11:24,446 --> 01:11:26,697
You know, I mean, it was
weird because, I mean,
1487
01:11:26,698 --> 01:11:30,493
one of them had these
really, just beautiful tits
1488
01:11:30,494 --> 01:11:36,041
and you know, the other,
she was flat as a pancake.
1489
01:11:36,333 --> 01:11:38,584
Which made me wonder, I
mean, were they identical
1490
01:11:38,585 --> 01:11:41,546
or fraternal twins because I
mean, yeah, sure they had
1491
01:11:43,173 --> 01:11:45,676
very similar faces, but their breasts
1492
01:11:46,176 --> 01:11:48,095
were completely different sizes.
1493
01:11:51,848 --> 01:11:53,642
Thanks, Jay.
1494
01:11:55,269 --> 01:11:56,853
Go get him.
1495
01:12:02,693 --> 01:12:04,319
I'm an idiot.
1496
01:12:12,494 --> 01:12:13,787
HEY, are you okay?
1497
01:12:14,871 --> 01:12:17,165
Yeah, no. I'm fine.
1498
01:12:33,307 --> 01:12:34,641
Anna, wait.
1499
01:12:35,058 --> 01:12:36,976
Anna! Anna! Anna! Wait wait wait.
1500
01:12:36,977 --> 01:12:38,728
Andre, stop. I don't want to hear it, okay?
1501
01:12:38,729 --> 01:12:40,605
- Just listen for one second.
- Stop.
1502
01:12:42,108 --> 01:12:43,108
Anna.
1503
01:12:43,109 --> 01:12:44,860
- LAX, please.
- Anna, don't.
1504
01:12:45,235 --> 01:12:46,987
Don't do this.
1505
01:12:54,953 --> 01:12:55,953
LAX?
1506
01:12:56,079 --> 01:12:57,748
Hi.
1507
01:13:02,253 --> 01:13:03,253
Beth.
1508
01:13:03,254 --> 01:13:04,254
Let go.
1509
01:13:04,255 --> 01:13:05,255
Please just stop.
1510
01:13:05,256 --> 01:13:07,924
You are hurting me.
1511
01:13:09,134 --> 01:13:11,136
Oh my!
1512
01:13:17,851 --> 01:13:19,186
Here!
1513
01:13:26,651 --> 01:13:28,278
Oh my God!
1514
01:13:33,950 --> 01:13:35,160
Dean.
1515
01:13:35,452 --> 01:13:36,745
Yeah?
1516
01:13:38,121 --> 01:13:39,998
I love you.
1517
01:13:49,132 --> 01:13:51,635
Next stop: Union Station
1518
01:13:52,803 --> 01:13:54,805
You hear that voice, Dean?
1519
01:13:55,305 --> 01:13:56,640
What voice?
1520
01:13:56,932 --> 01:13:58,725
The voice in your head.
1521
01:13:59,393 --> 01:14:01,103
You mean you?
1522
01:14:01,603 --> 01:14:04,481
Exactly. And what am I telling you to do?
1523
01:15:03,748 --> 01:15:05,417
Hey, guys?
1524
01:15:08,587 --> 01:15:10,297
Tess, I need to speak with you.
1525
01:15:14,050 --> 01:15:15,093
Shit.
1526
01:15:15,552 --> 01:15:17,220
No. Stop.
1527
01:15:17,512 --> 01:15:18,638
Dude.
1528
01:15:18,930 --> 01:15:21,640
Hey, I need to speak
with Tess for a second.
1529
01:15:21,641 --> 01:15:23,310
That's great. Not here.
1530
01:15:23,560 --> 01:15:24,728
She's not?
1531
01:15:25,896 --> 01:15:27,606
Is he joining us?
1532
01:15:30,609 --> 01:15:32,360
Oh, thank God.
1533
01:15:35,489 --> 01:15:37,073
It frightens him.
1534
01:15:53,381 --> 01:15:54,758
Hi.
1535
01:16:02,390 --> 01:16:03,892
So.
1536
01:16:04,559 --> 01:16:06,102
So.
1537
01:16:08,104 --> 01:16:11,316
So I take it things didn't go
so hot for you and Jay?
1538
01:16:11,942 --> 01:16:13,777
Looks that way.
1539
01:16:14,486 --> 01:16:15,779
How about you and Kat?
1540
01:16:15,946 --> 01:16:19,074
Oh, you know. She told me she loved me.
1541
01:16:19,741 --> 01:16:21,451
And what'd you say?
1542
01:16:22,202 --> 01:16:24,746
I said thanks.
1543
01:16:25,539 --> 01:16:26,748
Thanks?
1544
01:16:26,998 --> 01:16:28,500
Thanks.
1545
01:16:28,917 --> 01:16:30,293
No thanks.
1546
01:16:31,169 --> 01:16:34,129
Yeah, I don't know. She
just wasn't the one.
1547
01:16:34,130 --> 01:16:35,297
Too many issues, you know?
1548
01:16:35,298 --> 01:16:36,466
You or her?
1549
01:16:36,633 --> 01:16:37,716
What? I don't have issues.
1550
01:16:37,717 --> 01:16:38,885
Are you on crack?
1551
01:16:39,052 --> 01:16:40,637
Not at the moment.
1552
01:16:40,887 --> 01:16:42,681
First of all, you're self-abusive.
1553
01:16:43,306 --> 01:16:44,890
What? Like in what way?
1554
01:16:44,891 --> 01:16:47,143
Like in the way you love being miserable.
1555
01:16:47,477 --> 01:16:49,145
I don't think that's accurate.
1556
01:16:49,271 --> 01:16:51,106
Okay. You know, just keep living
1557
01:16:51,273 --> 01:16:53,108
in your fantasy world, Dean.
1558
01:16:53,233 --> 01:16:55,318
As if you don't have issues?
1559
01:16:55,694 --> 01:16:58,988
Miss look for the signs?
Ooh, God. Look! The signs!
1560
01:16:58,989 --> 01:16:59,656
They're there.
1561
01:16:59,657 --> 01:17:01,616
I never said I didn't.
1562
01:17:01,825 --> 01:17:03,033
So you don't deny it?
1563
01:17:03,034 --> 01:17:04,703
No. I don't deny it.
1564
01:17:05,412 --> 01:17:06,913
So you're saying you have issues?
1565
01:17:07,455 --> 01:17:09,457
Have I told you how much I hate you?
1566
01:17:09,708 --> 01:17:10,875
You don't hate me.
1567
01:17:11,042 --> 01:17:12,544
No, really. I do.
1568
01:17:13,295 --> 01:17:14,921
You really hate me?
1569
01:17:15,839 --> 01:17:17,299
No, Dean.
1570
01:17:18,133 --> 01:17:20,010
I don't hate you.
1571
01:17:27,517 --> 01:17:28,852
Taxi!
1572
01:17:33,857 --> 01:17:36,985
That's my ride.
1573
01:17:44,743 --> 01:17:47,996
Okay. Goodnight then.
1574
01:18:01,384 --> 01:18:03,428
And well played.
1575
01:18:14,230 --> 01:18:15,649
Hey! Are those fresh?
1576
01:18:15,815 --> 01:18:17,859
Go get her, you idiot.
1577
01:18:52,268 --> 01:18:54,479
No no no no.
1578
01:18:55,063 --> 01:18:56,773
Dammit.
1579
01:18:58,692 --> 01:19:00,026
Fuck.
1580
01:19:11,454 --> 01:19:13,164
What is this asshole doing?
1581
01:19:13,456 --> 01:19:15,208
What are you talking about?
1582
01:19:17,669 --> 01:19:20,463
Urn, I'm gonna. I wanna get out here, okay?
1583
01:19:20,714 --> 01:19:22,674
Here you go. Thank you.
1584
01:19:44,612 --> 01:19:48,116
Here. For dealing with my crap.
1585
01:19:50,326 --> 01:19:51,995
I'll take 'em.
1586
01:19:53,329 --> 01:19:55,373
I love you so much.
1587
01:20:22,859 --> 01:20:24,736
True story?
1588
01:20:25,862 --> 01:20:27,947
Just a story.
1589
01:20:36,664 --> 01:20:38,082
Ice cream!
1590
01:20:42,712 --> 01:20:44,297
What the fuck are you gonna do?
1591
01:20:44,380 --> 01:20:45,547
I will fucking hump you right now.
1592
01:20:45,548 --> 01:20:47,050
Oh my God!
1593
01:21:03,399 --> 01:21:06,069
You think Jay is gonna be okay?
1594
01:21:09,447 --> 01:21:11,407
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I have to warn you.
1595
01:21:11,616 --> 01:21:13,535
I kinda went through an experimental phase.
1596
01:21:13,868 --> 01:21:16,913
No way. Me too.
1597
01:21:19,749 --> 01:21:21,459
Yeah, he'll be fine.
1598
01:21:22,585 --> 01:21:24,546
All right. Got everything?
1599
01:21:26,130 --> 01:21:28,091
Yeah. Definitely.
1600
01:22:51,799 --> 01:22:54,510
Yeah, you know,
here's the thing about masturbation.
1601
01:22:54,886 --> 01:22:59,015
It is like a cookie, because
at first you like it,
1602
01:22:59,349 --> 01:23:01,351
then you regret it,
and kind of get a little farty.
1603
01:23:01,517 --> 01:23:04,395
Seriously? We're still filming this?
1604
01:23:05,355 --> 01:23:07,147
Kissing you is like kissing my brother.
1605
01:23:07,148 --> 01:23:08,857
Kissing you is like kissing my father.
1606
01:23:08,858 --> 01:23:10,108
- Cause he is dead!
- And he is dead!
1607
01:23:10,109 --> 01:23:11,277
Woo!
1608
01:23:12,737 --> 01:23:15,198
Yep. It's that time.
1609
01:23:16,199 --> 01:23:18,493
- Om " Really?
1610
01:23:18,868 --> 01:23:20,702
She's making you miserable, my friend.
1611
01:23:20,703 --> 01:23:22,455
I know.
1612
01:23:25,667 --> 01:23:26,875
Guys, Kenny is schvitzing
1613
01:23:26,876 --> 01:23:28,836
like a "schvintagoyd" over here.
1614
01:23:29,754 --> 01:23:32,256
I'll do the crotch
adjustment this time, sir.
1615
01:23:32,507 --> 01:23:34,466
I don't know if we'll see
it unless you really...
1616
01:23:34,467 --> 01:23:35,718
Oh, you'll see it.
1617
01:23:38,388 --> 01:23:40,390
- Oh! Ow!
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
1618
01:23:40,556 --> 01:23:42,558
First of all, I just clocked you.
1619
01:23:42,725 --> 01:23:43,767
Are you okay?
1620
01:23:43,768 --> 01:23:45,395
- I'm fine.
- Okay.
1621
01:23:50,441 --> 01:23:52,402
- Action!
- Ah! I'm so close!
1622
01:23:52,639 --> 01:23:54,319
I want a big one! I want a really big one!
1623
01:23:54,320 --> 01:23:56,489
Don't look at anything!
Don't... say something!
1624
01:23:56,739 --> 01:23:57,739
Say something! Don't say anything!
1625
01:23:57,740 --> 01:23:59,783
Don't say anything! Oh, where's the light?
1626
01:23:59,784 --> 01:24:00,910
I see the light!
1627
01:24:01,035 --> 01:24:02,745
The tingles are coming!
1628
01:24:02,829 --> 01:24:05,289
Feel free to use that in your script, son.
1629
01:24:05,456 --> 01:24:07,124
Who wants a drink? Sweetheart, oh God,
1630
01:24:07,125 --> 01:24:08,751
you look lonely.
1631
01:24:08,918 --> 01:24:09,919
Cut!
1632
01:24:11,796 --> 01:24:13,423
Guess what "no" is in Spanish?
1633
01:24:13,589 --> 01:24:14,924
- What?
- No!
1634
01:24:17,885 --> 01:24:19,469
Don't say anything! Don't say anything!
1635
01:24:19,470 --> 01:24:22,140
Stop moving your head! Stop it! Okay!
1636
01:24:25,101 --> 01:24:27,103
Vroom! Vroom!
1637
01:24:27,270 --> 01:24:28,311
- He won!
- Uh huh.
1638
01:24:28,312 --> 01:24:29,480
Look at the guy that won!
1639
01:24:29,605 --> 01:24:30,898
Cut!
1640
01:24:31,232 --> 01:24:32,232
Okay!
1641
01:24:32,316 --> 01:24:33,401
Action!
1642
01:24:37,447 --> 01:24:38,489
You're...
1643
01:24:38,781 --> 01:24:40,783
What's the first line?
1644
01:24:42,535 --> 01:24:44,495
- Move over.
- Well, I just...
1645
01:24:44,662 --> 01:24:46,163
We could still like do other stuff.
1646
01:24:46,164 --> 01:24:47,790
- No, no! There's...
- And, cut!
1647
01:24:49,834 --> 01:24:52,503
Fuck you, Stan! It's like
1648
01:24:56,674 --> 01:25:02,637
Do do do do do do...
1649
01:25:02,638 --> 01:25:04,807
- Cut!
- Please make me stop.
1650
01:25:04,974 --> 01:25:06,654
- Get out of it! Get out of it!
- Roll off!
1651
01:25:06,809 --> 01:25:08,144
- What?
- Roll it off.
1652
01:25:08,352 --> 01:25:09,437
Oh, oh.
1653
01:25:12,398 --> 01:25:13,398
Jesus.
1654
01:25:13,441 --> 01:25:14,942
- And that's a wrap!
- Cut.
113765
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