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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:10,468 Could you repeat the question? 2 00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:13,054 I only understood the word "the." 3 00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:14,889 Sure. "In Nixon's America", 4 00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:16,200 "would you say gender equity 5 00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:18,351 is about more than just equal pay?" 6 00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,645 And the word "the" is not in that question. 7 00:00:22,897 --> 00:00:25,233 All right, let's just skip to the next one. 8 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:28,611 Okay, my turn. 9 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:31,215 "As the Soviet Union and the collectivist East 10 00:00:31,239 --> 00:00:33,366 turn towards radical egalita"... 11 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,094 Tarianism. Radical egalitarianism. 12 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:36,679 "Radical egalitarianism, 13 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:40,141 what role do Western democracies have in"... 14 00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:42,435 You know what? I don't think you're gonna get this question. 15 00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:44,335 I don't see a world where we don't. 16 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:47,380 Abolishing gender distinctions is squarely in the zeitgeist. 17 00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:50,693 We'll be lucky if any journalists show up to this, 18 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,278 let alone the smart ones. 19 00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,238 Bambi's right. Stick to the basics. 20 00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:56,240 This question is mostly in Latin. 21 00:00:56,264 --> 00:00:57,515 I know Pig Latin. 22 00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:58,951 What are your turn-ons? 23 00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:00,226 And a follow-up, turn-offs. 24 00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:01,454 What's your sign, honey? 25 00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:02,520 I was gonna ask that. 26 00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:03,706 First question... 27 00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:04,874 I like it when girls dress sexy. 28 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:05,940 My God. 29 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:07,126 I don't like it when they don't. 30 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,651 - Wrong. - How could it be wrong? 31 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,653 It's an opinion. And I'm with you, buddy. 32 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,071 You guys talk too fast. 33 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:13,466 Is this what the conference is gonna be like? 34 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:14,824 - Yes, definitely. - Not a chance. 35 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:15,908 Yes, it will. 36 00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:26,145 That man, that beautiful jar of nothing 37 00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:27,313 cannot represent 38 00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:29,255 the premiere issue of our magazine. 39 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:30,548 He's on the cover. 40 00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,383 He's representing the out of it. 41 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:35,386 No one would be interested if it's just you up there, 42 00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:36,614 charming as you may be. 43 00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:37,680 This is our only chance 44 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,140 to make a first impression. 45 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:41,577 We are introducing something completely new. 46 00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,144 We have to get this right. 47 00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:45,271 You may be the brains, but he's the face, 48 00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:48,334 and there's a reason they call the face "the moneymaker." 49 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,109 It's what makes the money. 50 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:51,778 Yes, I get it. 51 00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:58,868 He doesn't understand rudimentary hand signals. 52 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,221 Gorillas catch on faster. 53 00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:01,412 You got a couple of days. 54 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:02,872 Train him up as best you can 55 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:06,876 and, I don't know, maybe lose the 'tude. 56 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,229 "Lose the 'tude." 57 00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:10,004 Got a call from City Hall this morning. 58 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:11,941 Enjoy your little badge gag on the councilwoman? 59 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,424 Troop 69? 60 00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,593 Yeah, Art Department knocked it out of the park. 61 00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:18,197 Well, now we're being audited by the county tax assessor. 62 00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:19,949 Couldn't leave it alone, could you? 63 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,725 You know, West bury should really give me a badge. 64 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,310 Teaching our bright young minds 65 00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:27,665 that there's more than one way to eat a cookie. 66 00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,065 - Doug. - Did you hear 67 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,668 Scotty gave notice down the block? 68 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:33,152 I bet we could swoop in, make an offer, 69 00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:35,923 and nab that building before they even hire a broker. 70 00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:37,615 - We don't have the cash. - We will. 71 00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:38,968 We are bleeding money. 72 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,910 You gotta spend money to make money. 73 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,912 You gotta have money to spend money. 74 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,515 Says who? 75 00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:46,749 Don't worry about the audit. Our books are good. 76 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,376 Gerry will handle it. 77 00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:52,213 Lose the sweater. Throw this over your shoulder. 78 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:58,511 "An exciting new chapter in the annals of erotica." 79 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,430 Annal is Tompkins' favourite kind of erotica. 80 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:05,518 "Who says feminism can't be sexy?" 81 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:07,079 This is gold. 82 00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:08,998 We gotta send someone to cover this press conference. 83 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,541 Is "female gaze" just another way 84 00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:11,774 of saying carpet munchers? 85 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,879 See? This stuff writes itself. 86 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:16,487 Anyone up for a fish-in-a-barrel gig? 87 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,716 600 words. 88 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,009 I'll take this one. 89 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,951 Glenn. 90 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,388 Glenn, Glenn, Glenn, Glenn, 91 00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:27,874 Glenn, Glenn, Glenn, Glenn, Glenn, Glenn. 92 00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,437 Okay. Let's review. 93 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,171 Feminism is? 94 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:35,858 - Good. - And? 95 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:37,318 Started with witches. 96 00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:38,861 No. that one's on me. 97 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,970 I should not have opened with the Salem witch trials. 98 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:44,408 Okay, let's get back on course in the struggle for... 99 00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:47,119 Elizabeth Cady Stanton. 100 00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:48,329 Was one of the names 101 00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:49,997 that I mentioned in the introduction. 102 00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:52,750 My mom almost named me Cody. 103 00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:54,692 But she didn't 'cause our last name. 104 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:56,754 She said that people wouldn't take me seriously 105 00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:58,130 if my name was Cody Brody. 106 00:03:58,154 --> 00:04:00,114 Well, she sounds like a smart woman. 107 00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:02,408 Would you call her a feminist? - Not to her face. 108 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,637 Come on. It's not a bad word. 109 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,537 Feminism is about equality. 110 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:08,724 It's about giving people power and a voice, 111 00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,583 even if they are some pretty little thing 112 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:13,145 that hasn't been taught to use theirs yet. 113 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:16,607 Okay. Sorry. Jeez. 114 00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:19,926 Now I understand why women have so much suffrage. 115 00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:23,596 All right... 116 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,324 how about we have a drink? - Sure. 117 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,016 - Okay. - Got any beer? 118 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,329 - No, I do not. - I have a lovely Pouilly... Fuissé. 119 00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,313 Trust me. 120 00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:44,617 Shouldn't you be bowling? 121 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,095 I should. 122 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,621 I'm taking a look at Gerry's... 123 00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:50,808 I'm not sure what to call this. Work? 124 00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:53,352 Now, go easy on Gerry. He's a real accountant. 125 00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:55,354 I poached him from Capitol. 126 00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:56,629 He's the one that figured out 127 00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:58,881 how to write off Phil Spector's guns. 128 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,634 This is a mess, and I don't even have an accounting degree. 129 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,594 Well, I don't even have a high-school diploma, 130 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,781 yet here we are. 131 00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:09,350 To, punching above our weight. 132 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:12,371 Cheers. 133 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,790 You do run a successful business. 134 00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:17,209 - Thank you. - Sloppily. 135 00:05:17,233 --> 00:05:19,211 Half your employees have criminal records. 136 00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:20,963 The other half are lucky they don't. 137 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,381 You're spending money you don't have 138 00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:23,716 on things you don't need. 139 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:24,967 Subjective. 140 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,617 Come on. Hold on now. 141 00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:31,390 Look at what... Look at what Frank sent over. 142 00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:33,225 The Tower That Titty Built. 143 00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:36,437 Don't forget our new friend, good old cock and balls. 144 00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:38,522 You're telling me you wouldn't want to show up 145 00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:40,089 to work here every day? 146 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:43,861 Come on, Tins, our plan. This plan. 147 00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:48,282 Big circulation, big advertisers, big money. 148 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:50,099 The same plan that we came up with 149 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,393 in the back of that '64 Impala, 150 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,246 talking out of our asses, 151 00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:57,940 is as alive now as it has ever been. 152 00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,400 Yeah? 153 00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,587 Yeah. 154 00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:04,113 You're on top of it? 155 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,365 Like a duck on a June bug. 156 00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:10,578 Then you must know 50 grand is missing from these books. 157 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,668 No, I didn't. 158 00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:19,670 You didn't know that. 159 00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,964 Well, now I do. 160 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,318 So the patri-Archie forces men 161 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,153 into roles they don't want to play either. 162 00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:28,447 By George, I think he's got it. 163 00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,556 It's Shane. 164 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:31,849 Yeah. 165 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:33,577 But you're a good teacher. 166 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:35,287 Thank you. 167 00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:37,456 Most of the girls... 168 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:40,292 Women I meet aren't interested 169 00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:41,877 in what I have to talk about. 170 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:46,882 Well, I can tell that you're a very sensitive man. 171 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:50,219 I mean, I know firemen are supposed to be tough, 172 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,745 and, like, I'm not afraid of fire or anything. 173 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,181 Probably should be. 174 00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:56,809 But sometimes the other guys, 175 00:06:56,833 --> 00:07:00,586 they can just be so... mean. 176 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,755 . 177 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,818 Like, one time, I rescued this cat 178 00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:08,070 from a burning building. 179 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,489 I rushed outside, but it wasn't breathing. 180 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:14,493 So I gave it mouth-to-mouth, which totally works on animals. 181 00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:18,187 I would never have thought to do that. 182 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:19,832 But that night in the showers, 183 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:23,943 the other guys, they just kept meowing and meowing. 184 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,506 I ran and hid in engine number nine. 185 00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,490 Those men, they're not tough. 186 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:32,910 They're just scared, scared of being vulnerable. 187 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:35,848 Now, I can tell you that if women were firefighters, 188 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,808 then no one would ridicule you 189 00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,352 for saving a helpless little kitty cat. 190 00:07:40,376 --> 00:07:42,229 Too bad women can't be firemen. 191 00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:43,462 Says who? 192 00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:48,092 Well, it's right there in the name. 193 00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:50,696 Fireman. - Okay. 194 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,824 But also, you have to be able to carry 190 pounds. 195 00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:56,767 Really? Is that a lot? 196 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,815 You're looking at a buck-90. 197 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:05,526 Yeah. 198 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:08,237 Well, okay. May I? 199 00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:13,534 My God. No. 200 00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:14,678 Hold on. 201 00:08:14,702 --> 00:08:16,078 I'm sure if I just, you know... 202 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,830 I had the proper training and everything, 203 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,583 then, you know... 204 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:24,253 Am I allowed to say you're pretty? 205 00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:28,216 Well, I wouldn't accuse you of objectifying me if you did. 206 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,266 Let me just... 207 00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,861 Now, in a real fire, I'd be carrying you 208 00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:52,281 out of the building and not into the bedroom. 209 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:56,118 Lucky for us, the only thing on fire is our libidos. 210 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,596 No, no, no. It's okay. 211 00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:00,599 It's just a fancy way of saying that you're... 212 00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:04,502 - - That I... - I am... - I am very excited about this. 213 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:12,760 And this is not something I ever normally... 214 00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:15,614 Do. 215 00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:16,931 My God. 216 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:29,568 But, you know, I guess... why not? 217 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,487 I just want to make you feel good. 218 00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:56,929 You do? 219 00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,517 Okay. 220 00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:34,026 Hello? 221 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,217 - Honey. - Hello. 222 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,528 Just calling to remind you 223 00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:38,030 about the editor's photo today. 224 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,281 You have the clothes picked out? 225 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,639 I surely do. 226 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,743 Someone's chirpy this a.m. 227 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:45,519 Someone had a very fun night. 228 00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:48,707 - My... did someone have... - Yes! Yes. 229 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:52,544 And not even in the confines of a committed partnership. 230 00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:54,296 I had a one-night stand. 231 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,714 - No! - Yes. 232 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,007 Well, check that off your list. 233 00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:58,532 How do you know about my list? 234 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,052 Girls like you always have a list. 235 00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:03,472 Well, it was transcendent. 236 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,289 I don't know what came over me. 237 00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:08,352 And then... and then, like he read my mind, 238 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:11,063 he was just gone. 239 00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:13,673 Guess who brought croy-sants. 240 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,345 It's French for pastry. 241 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:23,766 I have to go. 242 00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:30,082 The bell tolls for thee. 243 00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,565 You told everyone? 244 00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:33,734 Does this look like a place of discretion? 245 00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:36,028 Come on. Don't cheapen it. 246 00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:37,613 'Cause I already did! 247 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,741 So who's the lucky guy? 248 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,094 - A lady never... - Spill. 249 00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,452 Yeah, we want details. 250 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,931 Wait, it was Shane. 251 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,456 - No. - Yes. 252 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,708 You had training last night. - It just happened. 253 00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:51,043 You know, a few verres de vin. 254 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:52,711 - I so called it. - Look at you. 255 00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:54,773 Using your powerful position in publishing 256 00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:55,881 to score some tail. 257 00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:57,943 Baby. 258 00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,301 Someone's playing with fire. 259 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,113 You all told me to do it! 260 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,472 Before we hired him, Joyce. 261 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,783 So unprofessional. 262 00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,535 Don't listen to him. You deserve it. 263 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,954 Three of my five current stalkers 264 00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:10,497 were former employers. 265 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:12,124 No, it's not like that. 266 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:13,917 You were the one worried about the press conference, 267 00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:15,484 and now you've gone and given this boy 268 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:16,920 something else to think about. 269 00:12:16,944 --> 00:12:18,964 That narrative may fit your tawdry affairs, 270 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,197 but I can assure you 271 00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:23,385 that my eye is squarely on the ball. 272 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,244 Which one? This one or this one? 273 00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:33,794 I'm gonna have to go back and do some forensics here. 274 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,147 I mean, the receipts I get 275 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:37,089 are on scraps of paper, matchbooks, 276 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,567 toilet tissue sometimes. 277 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,987 It's a frigging miracle I get us in the ballpark. 278 00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:44,281 You can take my word, those numbers don't add up. 279 00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:47,308 - And it's a very big ballpark. - Is that my handwriting? 280 00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:52,313 You know what? These are my wife's glasses. 281 00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:56,775 That'll be all, Gerry. 282 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,300 I mean, he's not a crook. 283 00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:06,535 - Just a terrible accountant. - Agreed. 284 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,472 Why don't we round up the troops? 285 00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:10,265 Somebody's gotta know something. 286 00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:12,476 You might as well come clean because we already know. 287 00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,376 About the copy machine we fenced? 288 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:18,023 Sure, I pawned the cameras, but I bought better ones, 289 00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:20,382 and I also made rent, so win-win. 290 00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:31,870 Between the fall of 1970 and the spring of 1971, 291 00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:34,146 yeah, technically, I did live here. 292 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:35,707 But that's just 'cause I was hiding 293 00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:37,066 from the Lambs of God. 294 00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:44,716 Those are mine. 295 00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:46,468 New Pinto. 296 00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,762 Bought with money from a dead aunt 297 00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:52,248 who died of natural causes. 298 00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:59,356 - Did she kill her aunt? - Yes. 299 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:01,233 This is what happens when you hire people 300 00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:04,027 2:00 a.m. drunk on a Wednesday because they beat you at darts. 301 00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:06,303 Kenny was the best copy editor we've ever had. 302 00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:08,430 I'll defend that hire till the day I die. 303 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,599 Real businesses don't operate this way. 304 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:11,952 All right. So what do you want me to do? 305 00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,270 Fire everyone? Just clean house? 306 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,916 No, but we gotta start somewhere. 307 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,502 Fine. 308 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,027 We'll fire Gerry. 309 00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:30,160 - I'm glad we're doing this. - Thank you. 310 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:31,263 Me too. 311 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:34,266 Tomorrow is the big day, 312 00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:36,685 and I just wanted to make sure 313 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:40,063 that we're both understanding what this is. 314 00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:43,108 - Looks like fried squid to me. - Yes. Yeah. 315 00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,050 That is the food that we ordered. 316 00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:48,178 But on a deeper level... 317 00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:51,658 there are power dynamics in our relationship. 318 00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:54,286 I love when you say smart things. 319 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:58,522 And, those dynamics make issues of consent complicated. 320 00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:01,251 - Wait, am I in trouble? - No, no, no, not at all. 321 00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:03,652 It's just... 322 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:04,796 last night was fun. 323 00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:05,946 Very fun. 324 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,425 But it was just fun. 325 00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:11,368 Yes. I understand what you're saying. 326 00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:12,721 It was just fun. 327 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,723 Right. Yes. God, good. 328 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,141 Okay. 'Cause we're working together. 329 00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:17,976 No one says you can't have some fun 330 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,211 while you're working together, but we both know what this is. 331 00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:22,856 I am so glad you said something, 332 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,132 because it was on my mind too. 333 00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:37,329 I don't even use these to go to the bathroom. 334 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:38,622 Where do you go? 335 00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:40,415 What? No, I use bathrooms. 336 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:43,817 I just don't go in public. My God, just keep... 337 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,579 I should have debuted the classier logo. 338 00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:57,956 Hello, Norman. 339 00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,726 20 Bottom Dollar titles in a decade, 340 00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:02,354 and this is the one that gets a fancy lunch. 341 00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:03,962 Look at you. 342 00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:06,066 William Randolph Hearst reborn. 343 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,716 You know this one's full of dongs 344 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,194 and lady opinions, right? 345 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:10,904 "The Valley Porn Courier" covers all things 346 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,846 Bottom Dollar, not just what I find appealing. 347 00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:14,783 That's a promise I made to my readers. 348 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,351 - Norman. - Your number-one fan. 349 00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,145 Let me show you to your VIP seat. 350 00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:22,666 - Of course. - We knew he would show up. 351 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:27,569 What about everyone else? - Yeah, it's a... it's a turnout. 352 00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,446 - Voilà. - I like it. 353 00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:30,864 - You do? - I do. 354 00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:33,635 We are packed to the gills out there. 355 00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:35,178 Ah, you screwed him again. 356 00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:36,930 Boorish and inappropriate. 357 00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:39,748 And accurate. 358 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,102 It's fine. It's fine. It's under control. 359 00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:44,044 Good. 360 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:46,064 - You okay? - Yeah. I'm fine. 361 00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:49,883 It's just, there's actually people here. 362 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:53,053 Yeah, because our magazine is a jolt of something new. 363 00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,198 It's a whisper and a scream. 364 00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:58,684 I guess it is. Just, don't blow it, okay? 365 00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:02,080 - Okay. - Just ignore him. 366 00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:03,957 I support your sexploits. 367 00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:05,774 You should've been doing this a lot sooner. 368 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,085 I know. 369 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:09,653 God. What was he so hung up about? 370 00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:11,363 Just think, all of that free love 371 00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:12,841 out there for the taking, and somehow, 372 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,551 I thought I would have to pay for it. 373 00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:15,677 Sorry I'm late. 374 00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,619 Pop's van broke down. 375 00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:19,496 - We're doing that. - You brought your dad? 376 00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:22,332 Both my parents. They're super proud of me. 377 00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:23,977 I'm the first person in my family 378 00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:25,669 to attend a press conference. 379 00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:27,522 It's time. 380 00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:28,982 Don't be nervous. We did the work. 381 00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:31,276 You're gonna do great. - I'm not nervous. 382 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:34,112 For the first time, maybe ever, I know exactly what I want. 383 00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:35,345 Well, great. Use that. 384 00:17:35,429 --> 00:17:37,532 - It's you. - What? 385 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:40,243 You're, like, the sexiest teacher ever, 386 00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,812 except not married, and, also, I'm of age now. 387 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:46,458 No. Okay. No, hold on. We were just having fun. 388 00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:50,420 Yeah, that's how it started... With a spark. 389 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:52,321 But what's love without a spark? 390 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:17,614 "Minx" is a... 391 00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:19,991 "Minx" will establish 392 00:18:20,015 --> 00:18:23,310 the female gaze... 393 00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:29,334 We are at the exciting intersection 394 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:32,945 of feminism and erotica. 395 00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:38,534 Any questions? 396 00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:45,600 Okay... 397 00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:48,937 I would like to introduce Shane Brody. 398 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:52,023 Shane was selected out of countless applicants 399 00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:54,234 because he was the minxiest. 400 00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:56,301 He is a modern man. 401 00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:58,488 He's a supporter of our mission, 402 00:18:58,512 --> 00:18:59,888 and he's also... 403 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,367 - A certified piece - of Grade... A man-meat. 404 00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:05,936 Ank-you-thay. 405 00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:09,898 Yeah, for Shane, tell us what you really had to do 406 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:10,899 to get the job. 407 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,901 I guess impress the boss. 408 00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:17,215 Has your mother seen your debut? 409 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:19,050 Ask her yourself. She's right there. 410 00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:21,511 Love you, Mom. - I love you too. 411 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,161 That's my boy. 412 00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:25,056 Okay. Let's just pivot back to the... 413 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,058 - What are your turn-ons? - Turn-offs? 414 00:19:27,082 --> 00:19:29,269 What's your sign, honey? 415 00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:31,461 Tell us about your ideal woman. 416 00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:34,548 - Yeah, are you single? - Is there a Mrs. Man... Meat? 417 00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:42,639 - Yeah, I do have a new lady. - No. 418 00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:45,577 She's smart, classy, strong. 419 00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:47,519 She could probably lift anyone in here. 420 00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:48,705 It's happening. 421 00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:52,941 She's patient, proper, a teacher, 422 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,836 and she doesn't have to dress sexy 423 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,422 'cause she already is. 424 00:19:57,446 --> 00:20:00,258 My God. Shane's in love with Joyce. 425 00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,260 And she knows how to have just fun, 426 00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:05,430 which is, like, a more pure kind of fun 427 00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:07,414 'cause you're falling in love. 428 00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:09,976 And when we did it in the bathroom 429 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,603 at the Tony Pony, I realized... 430 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,313 That no one has asked us a single question 431 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,963 about this very carefully researched 432 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,256 and thoughtful magazine. 433 00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,550 So does anyone have a question? 434 00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:26,516 Yeah. 435 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,978 Glenn Hollingsworth, "Lad" magazine. 436 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:33,982 Glenn, you have a question. 437 00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,442 I do. 438 00:20:37,235 --> 00:20:39,130 What do you say to all the female readers out there 439 00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:40,530 who might be curious about "Minx" 440 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:43,075 but are also intimidated by its content? 441 00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:48,163 Thank you, Glenn. That's a great question. 442 00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:52,478 Well... 443 00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:53,543 Thank you so much. 444 00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:56,022 - Thanks, Joyce. - Yeah. 445 00:20:56,046 --> 00:21:00,008 I owe you something big. 446 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,195 - These can be brutal. - Yeah. 447 00:21:02,219 --> 00:21:04,012 A little softball never hurt. 448 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,657 The magazine looks great. 449 00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:08,016 It really does. Congratulations. 450 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,560 Thank you. It means a lot. 451 00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:12,604 Maybe we can do lunch sometime. 452 00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:13,730 Sure. Why not? 453 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:15,041 But not at the club. 454 00:21:15,065 --> 00:21:16,751 Yeah, no, you're banned for life. 455 00:21:16,775 --> 00:21:18,151 They put your picture up front. 456 00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:19,736 They did? Like... who's that guy? 457 00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:21,506 That guy that streaked the tennis tournament? 458 00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:23,091 - Stu. - Stu. Stu, yeah. 459 00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:24,509 God. 460 00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:25,969 You trying to steal my girl? 461 00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:27,637 Woman. 462 00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:29,973 Liberated woman who cannot be stolen 463 00:21:29,997 --> 00:21:31,164 and is not property. 464 00:21:31,248 --> 00:21:32,958 That's right. 465 00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:38,189 Well, I'll call you. 466 00:21:38,213 --> 00:21:40,692 Okay? 467 00:21:40,716 --> 00:21:42,193 We're going to Marie Callender's. 468 00:21:42,217 --> 00:21:43,885 We? 469 00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,531 They want to meet you. 470 00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:49,242 Get to know you like I do, but not have sex. 471 00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:50,493 Okay. No, stop. 472 00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:52,829 All right, I think we need to... 473 00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:54,789 There's been a misunderstanding here, okay? 474 00:21:54,813 --> 00:21:58,543 'Cause this isn't real. We're not a couple. 475 00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:00,086 It's not appropriate for me 476 00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:02,779 to meet your very enthusiastic parents, okay? 477 00:22:02,863 --> 00:22:06,616 It was just sex. It was just casual sex. 478 00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:09,262 That's what "just fun" means. 479 00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:11,913 So you used me. 480 00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:14,517 We were using each other, 481 00:22:14,541 --> 00:22:16,227 in a good way, for pleasure. 482 00:22:16,251 --> 00:22:18,628 Don't tell me what I was doing. 483 00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:22,275 You say everyone deserves their own voice, right? 484 00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:24,092 Or am I just some pretty little thing to you? 485 00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:25,987 Okay. All right. Okay. I see what you're doing. 486 00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:29,449 But that... no, that's not this, because you're just someone 487 00:22:29,473 --> 00:22:32,827 who technically works for me 488 00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:36,122 who I then had sex with. 489 00:22:36,146 --> 00:22:38,106 - I trusted you. - Shane. 490 00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:40,942 I gave you my penis, and I want it back. 491 00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:44,780 I don't want to be in your magazine any more. 492 00:22:56,166 --> 00:22:57,602 Madam editor. 493 00:22:57,626 --> 00:23:01,147 It was a little shaky at first, and then boom. 494 00:23:01,171 --> 00:23:03,274 Save it. Shane's pulled out. 495 00:23:03,298 --> 00:23:04,966 I broke his simple little heart. 496 00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:06,968 Well, I'm sorry, but he signed the contract, 497 00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:09,572 which means we own the photos, so we're publishing them, 498 00:23:09,596 --> 00:23:11,491 and there's nothing that he can do about it. 499 00:23:11,515 --> 00:23:13,034 Though, what did I say? 500 00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:14,911 God, you love a Pyrrhic victory. 501 00:23:14,935 --> 00:23:17,205 I don't know what that means, so it doesn't hurt my feelings. 502 00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:20,083 Doug, we cannot publish naked photos of Shane 503 00:23:20,107 --> 00:23:21,501 without his permission. 504 00:23:21,525 --> 00:23:23,568 I mean, yeah, fine, we're legally allowed to, 505 00:23:23,652 --> 00:23:25,862 but what kind of message does that send? 506 00:23:25,946 --> 00:23:27,799 It would send the message that we're good at business. 507 00:23:27,823 --> 00:23:29,175 Look, this is hardly the first time 508 00:23:29,199 --> 00:23:30,700 a model has gotten cold feet. 509 00:23:30,784 --> 00:23:32,178 Yeah, but we have to be better than that. 510 00:23:32,202 --> 00:23:33,638 We have to. In fact, I insist 511 00:23:33,662 --> 00:23:35,413 on holding us to a higher standard. 512 00:23:35,497 --> 00:23:37,600 Listen to you. "A higher standard." 513 00:23:37,624 --> 00:23:40,460 Because you couldn't keep your vag in your pants. 514 00:23:40,544 --> 00:23:42,063 Do you always have to be so crass? 515 00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:44,232 All right, Joyce, I'm gonna give it to you straight. 516 00:23:44,256 --> 00:23:46,299 The magazine is printed. 517 00:23:46,383 --> 00:23:48,194 And I spent more on this rag 518 00:23:48,218 --> 00:23:50,887 than anything that I have ever done. 519 00:23:50,971 --> 00:23:54,826 I upped our print run to 500,000 520 00:23:54,850 --> 00:23:59,729 at the last minute against the advice of everyone. 521 00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:05,068 If I were to pull this issue, 522 00:24:05,152 --> 00:24:07,904 we'd be done. 523 00:24:07,988 --> 00:24:10,675 And I would be in a hole 524 00:24:10,699 --> 00:24:13,970 so goddamn deep 525 00:24:13,994 --> 00:24:17,497 that it would take me years to climb out of. 526 00:24:19,124 --> 00:24:21,686 So... 527 00:24:21,710 --> 00:24:25,672 get okay with this or fix it. 528 00:24:43,565 --> 00:24:45,066 Résumés for Gerry's replacement. 529 00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:47,253 I thought we only fired people on Fridays. 530 00:24:47,277 --> 00:24:49,404 You've never fired anyone. 531 00:24:51,656 --> 00:24:52,991 All right. 532 00:25:06,463 --> 00:25:07,899 This is insane. 533 00:25:07,923 --> 00:25:09,507 Can I talk to you? 534 00:25:16,056 --> 00:25:17,557 I took the money. 535 00:25:19,559 --> 00:25:20,912 But you already knew that. 536 00:25:20,936 --> 00:25:23,104 A bunch of transfers between off-cycle titles 537 00:25:23,188 --> 00:25:25,815 at the same time as a surprise invoice from the printer? 538 00:25:25,899 --> 00:25:28,401 - That may fool Gerry... - I knew you wouldn't approve. 539 00:25:28,485 --> 00:25:30,153 Your pet project is bleeding us dry, 540 00:25:30,237 --> 00:25:32,048 and now you're stealing from yourself to hide it from me? 541 00:25:32,072 --> 00:25:34,050 Okay, maybe I just didn't want you looking at me 542 00:25:34,074 --> 00:25:36,868 the way you are looking at me right now. 543 00:25:36,952 --> 00:25:38,888 I changed the plan, Tina. 544 00:25:38,912 --> 00:25:41,164 I am sorry. - That's a start. 545 00:25:41,248 --> 00:25:43,935 We both know what you mean to this place. 546 00:25:43,959 --> 00:25:46,354 You are the other half of Bottom Dollar. 547 00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:49,482 - I just... - I need you to trust me on this one. 548 00:25:49,506 --> 00:25:51,192 Push down those business smarts 549 00:25:51,216 --> 00:25:55,971 that I fucking love about you and trust me. 550 00:25:57,597 --> 00:25:58,908 You know how hard it is 551 00:25:58,932 --> 00:26:01,786 to see a burning building and not yell fire? 552 00:26:01,810 --> 00:26:04,455 Well, maybe it's not on fire. 553 00:26:04,479 --> 00:26:07,565 Maybe it's just hot and uncomfortable. 554 00:26:13,446 --> 00:26:16,241 Is this where you come to think? 555 00:26:18,660 --> 00:26:21,788 No, this is my job. 556 00:26:23,915 --> 00:26:25,810 What are you doing here? 557 00:26:25,834 --> 00:26:27,061 I wanted to talk to you. 558 00:26:27,085 --> 00:26:28,521 Better make it fast, 559 00:26:28,545 --> 00:26:31,423 'cause if there's a fire, I'm gonna have to go. 560 00:26:33,591 --> 00:26:36,529 I think "Minx" is 561 00:26:36,553 --> 00:26:38,656 a tremendous opportunity for you. 562 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,349 And I know that we haven't talked much 563 00:26:41,433 --> 00:26:43,828 about your hopes and dreams, 564 00:26:43,852 --> 00:26:46,813 but modeling can open a lot of doors. 565 00:26:49,691 --> 00:26:51,836 More modeling. 566 00:26:51,860 --> 00:26:54,070 Acting. 567 00:26:54,154 --> 00:26:56,007 You could be a star. 568 00:26:56,031 --> 00:26:58,259 I don't want to be a star. 569 00:26:58,283 --> 00:27:01,512 I wanted 400 bucks and to show my dick to the world. 570 00:27:01,536 --> 00:27:03,556 All right, well, I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, 571 00:27:03,580 --> 00:27:04,789 but you signed a contract, 572 00:27:04,873 --> 00:27:06,434 and Bottom Dollar owns your photos, 573 00:27:06,458 --> 00:27:09,377 so there's nothing either one of us can do about it. 574 00:27:10,712 --> 00:27:13,149 So after all that feminist stuff, 575 00:27:13,173 --> 00:27:15,443 it just comes down to a piece of paper? 576 00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:17,820 Yes, Shane. 577 00:27:17,844 --> 00:27:20,114 This is business. 578 00:27:20,138 --> 00:27:24,726 And I am here on business and business only. 579 00:27:27,479 --> 00:27:30,833 God, you're the fourth guy that I have ever slept with 580 00:27:30,857 --> 00:27:32,543 and the only one who wasn't my boyfriend 581 00:27:32,567 --> 00:27:34,819 and by far the best, 582 00:27:34,903 --> 00:27:37,548 but that has more to do with my relationship 583 00:27:37,572 --> 00:27:42,285 to my own body, I think, but still, it was... 584 00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:48,958 You were more into me 585 00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:52,003 than I was into you, and I knew that. 586 00:27:52,087 --> 00:27:54,297 I should have been more careful. 587 00:27:55,465 --> 00:27:57,193 I just wanted to feel good again, 588 00:27:57,217 --> 00:27:59,904 so I pushed away all reason, 589 00:27:59,928 --> 00:28:04,075 and that was really selfish. 590 00:28:04,099 --> 00:28:05,683 It's so irresponsible. 591 00:28:05,767 --> 00:28:07,453 You could have said to my parents. 592 00:28:07,477 --> 00:28:09,896 Yes, I should have. 593 00:28:14,692 --> 00:28:16,587 If you don't want to be in "Minx," 594 00:28:16,611 --> 00:28:20,883 then I will figure out a way of killing the issue, 595 00:28:20,907 --> 00:28:24,095 no matter the consequences. 596 00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:26,371 You deserve to have a voice. 597 00:28:42,387 --> 00:28:43,948 Nice work. 598 00:28:43,972 --> 00:28:45,974 And you got some in the process. 599 00:28:49,227 --> 00:28:51,497 Let me know if you need help. 600 00:28:51,521 --> 00:28:53,148 Thank you, Tina. 601 00:29:08,121 --> 00:29:10,266 - 22 inches. - Brown trout? 602 00:29:10,290 --> 00:29:11,666 - Rainbow. - Shut up. 603 00:29:13,126 --> 00:29:16,522 Well, if it isn't Mr. August. 604 00:29:16,546 --> 00:29:19,507 More like Mrs. August. 605 00:29:19,591 --> 00:29:20,818 His dick's so fancy, 606 00:29:20,842 --> 00:29:22,510 it probably can't even get wet any more. 607 00:29:24,596 --> 00:29:26,157 You guys can all laugh, 608 00:29:26,181 --> 00:29:28,391 but I'm the one that feels bad for you. 609 00:29:30,435 --> 00:29:31,996 You're victims, 610 00:29:32,020 --> 00:29:35,565 victims of something called the patri-Archie. 611 00:29:37,609 --> 00:29:40,028 Someday, you'll understand. 43734

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