All language subtitles for Gordita.Chronicles.S01E03.720p.WEB.h264-KOGi

- Hmm.

Emilia, apúrate! I can't
be late for school!

You take forever to get ready.

- That's because I have
more to put on than you.

Hairspray, makeup, a bra.

Why are you in such a rush?

- Because today's the
first day of Sex Ed.

I finally get to learn about
the birds and the bees.

I mean, they have
nothing in common.

Why are they in love?

- You don't need to
know their business.

Why do American schools
even teach this stuff?

- Do you want to be
the one to tell her

about the thing and
the other thing?

And how about sometimes
the two things just...

- Emilia, apúrate.
Cucu can't be late.

- No te preocupes.
Mami's driving you.

- To the casual observer...
- Merengue!

- Mami's driving
might seem reckless...

But in the Dominican Republic...

- Later, crocodile.

- This is how we drove.

Quick maneuvers.

Speeding, honking...

And aggressive tactics
were hardwired habits.

And along with her luggage...

- Ladies first!

- Mami brought her
Dominican driving style...

- Oh, look, a spot.

- With her to Miami.

- Whoo-hoo!

Whoo!

Oh, that's a new
record.

The streets here are so
smooth, like a bebé's butt.

- Thanks, Mami.
- Love you.

- Muah, muah. Besos.

Hi. Is there something
wrong, officer?

- Ma'am, you were
over the speed limit.

License, please.
- Oh.

- Okay, Miss, uh,

Adela Altagracia Torres

Bello...
- Bello.

- De La Rosa de Castelli...

What kind of a license is this?

- Driver's.
- Okay, but where is it from?

- My wallet.

- It says here
"República Dominicana."

- Yes.
- Do you have anything...

American?

- Oh.

Yeah, of course. Of course.

- Save it for the ticket.

And get a Florida license.

Is this really your job?

Bothering beautiful,
young mothers?

I mean, I've seen "Miami Vice."
Aren't you supposed to be,

like, breaking a chair
over a drug dealer's head

or jumping off an exploding
boat or something?

- I got promoted.

- I mean, this is ridiculous.

What kind of police officer
doesn't accept a bribe?

Oh, my God.

I don't understand this country.

- Yoshy,
you're across the hall.

They're separating the boys
and the girls for Sex Ed.

- Oh, are we learning
different things?

Wait, what are they
keeping from us?

- I don't know, but I'll show
you mine if you show me yours.

Notes!

I mean notes.

Oh, God.

- I doubt I'll learn
anything new today.

My mom already
gave me "the talk."

She told me that sex is a
physical act between two people

who are desperately trying
to fix a broken marriage.

- Well, I can't wait
to learn anything.

- I thought you got Sex Ed
from the nuns in the D.R.?

- Kind of.

They're called "nuns" because

that's how much knowledge
they have about sex.

None.

Back in the D.R., sex was
like a hidden mystery.

Especially for
Catholic school girls.

But in America, they
let it all hang out.

And I couldn't wait to find out

exactly what "it" was.

- By now, you girls,

or should I say "young women,"

have probably noticed that
your bodies are changing.

Pimples, budding...

Bosoms.

And maybe a... a
hair...

Or two where there wasn't any...

- All of a sudden, I
became very self-aware.

My skin was perfect,

my bosoms weren't budding,
and all of my hair was

exactly where it
had always been.

I was furious.

Everyone was developing
all the important parts

except for me.

- So what are you guys
doing this Friday night?

Wrong, wrong, and
that's just sad.

We are going to
the opening night

of the brand new "Friday
the 13th" sequel.

- Oh, good. So you're, like,

totally into "Friday
the 13th" movies, right?

- Totally. Yeah,
seen them all.

- Which is your favorite?

- I liked...

the... the last one.

"Thursday the 12th"?

- You're so funny, Emilia.

- Emilia wasn't funny.

She just had no idea what
they were talking about.

But that was par for the
course in America so far.

We didn't know what
we didn't know.

- I can't believe this.

Our Dominican licenses
are no good here?

- It's no big deal.
Just a little paperwork.

- This form only has
room for one last name.

What about the other six?

If I drop my mother's last
name, she'll disown me.

If I drop my father's last name,
his ghost will come and get me.

- I think "Adela Castelli"
has a great ring to it.

- Eh.

I mean, how will everybody know
who my great-grandfather was,

or... or the saint
my mother prayed to

when she was pregnant with me?

- Next.

- We'd like to swap these
for Florida licenses, please.

- I'm sorry, you can only
swap out-of-state licenses.

These are out-of-country.

Gonna have to take
the driving test.

- Qué qué?

- Uh, it's fine, at
least we can drive

on our old licenses for now.

Is that it?

You're not going to burn them
or launch them into space?

- Next.
- Mm-mm.

- My parents weren't the
only ones disappointed.

I thought Sex Ed would
be like Indiana Jones

finally getting to
see what's in the Ark.

Instead, it was
the Temple of Doom.

Well, that class sucked.

- I know. I feel
bad for Mr. Monroe.

He hit his head pretty hard

when he fainted during
that birthing video.

- The whole class
was boobs this,

and periods that.

We get it. Puberty's awesome.

- Are you okay?

You seem a little bit cranky.

- I wish I could blame it
on "that time of the month,"

but the only time I get cramps

is when I eat ice
cream too quickly.

My body refuses to change.

I've looked exactly the
same since I was two!

I was a big baby, okay?

- Don't worry, Cucu.

Everyone matures
at their own pace.

And besides, no one
cares if you have boobs.

- That Sex Ed film was awesome!

We saw boobs!
- Boobs are all we care about.

- I'll admit, I don't
remember their exact words,

but this was
definitely the gist.

And as a gordita, adjusting
to life in America

where the ideal body
type was not mine,

I was determined to
find a way to fit in.

- Cucu, have you seen my...
- No! Don't come in.

- You know, those usually go
in a batido, not your shirt.

- Leave me and my shirt alone.

- I'm actually looking
for my blue sweater.

I want to wear it to
the movie this weekend.

We're seeing "Friday the 13th."

- But you hate scary movies.

Remember when we
watched "Ghostbusters"?

You slept in Mami and
Papi's bed for a year.

It's your fault we don't
have a little brother.

- What are you talking about?

"Friday the 13th"
isn't a horror movie.

It's about hockey.
- I've seen hockey on TV.

It's pretty violent,

but I'm sure they don't
play it with machetes.

Here.

- "A blood-soaked slasher"?

"The stuff of nightmares"?

- Here's where Emilia
got it twisted.

In Latin culture,

Tuesday the 13th is
the unluckiest day,

which makes way more sense
because Fridays are awesome

and Tuesdays are just Mondays
with a different hat on.

- What am I gonna do?
I can't see this movie.

But if my friends
find out I'm scared,

my social life will
be deader than...

- Everyone in that movie?

It's not fair.

You're the scared little
baby in the family,

but I'm the one
who looks like one?

How old were you when
your boobs came in?

- I don't remember.

One day I just woke
up and there it was.

Then like a month later,
boom, the other one.

- Isn't there some way
to jumpstart things?

Maybe there's an
exercise I can do.

- Hmm. Okay, try this.

Hold your arms
out at your sides.

- Mm-hmm.
- Then slowly

bring your hands
together, mm-hmm,

and pray, because
that's the only way

you're gonna get boobs.

- Why am I asking you?

There are way more qualified
people in the building.

- The secret is running
up and down the stairs

100 times without a bra.

- Dr. Cárdenas in Colombia.

Ay, the man is an artist.

I bet he can even do
something about your ears.

- Genetics.

My mother was bien tetona.

- I can't believe they're gonna
make us take the driving test.

They don't trust us because
we're not from America.

You know what else
isn't from America?

The
Statue of Liberty.

That's right, she's
French. Uh-huh.

They ought to sculpt
little pelitos here

under her armpits.

- Adela, tranquila.

It's just a simple little test.

We've both been
driving for years.

Come on.
- Okay, it's gonna be fine.

It's easy as cake.
Little piece of pie.

Huh? Okay, we'll be fine.
- Mm.

- Let's begin the exam.

Which driver has
the right of way

in this situation?

- Whoever has the loudest horn.

- The light is green.
Why are you stopping?

- Because it's
going to turn yellow

in three, two...

I walked the testing area
beforehand and timed the lights.

- Ay, Señora Castelli,
what are you doing?

You were supposed to
come to a full stop

at the stop sign.

- Why, did you see a cop?

Don't worry, I can
lose him. Watch.

- That was perfect.

But I didn't ask you
to parallel park.

- I know. But I
needed to make a stop.

Please, allow me.

Wow.

This is one of the best pictures

I've ever taken.

I wonder if you can
order larger prints.

- I can't believe
those idiots failed me.

I've been driving since
I was seven years old.

Pregnant women used to
pull me out of school

to take them to the hospital

because I was faster
than an ambulance,

and I charged less.

- Amor, it's no big deal.
You'll take the test again.

- And I'll probably fail again.

- Oh, look.

Every country has
different ways of driving.

- Ay, dios mío.
- In England,

they drive on the left.

In Paraguay, llamas
have right of way.

In Germany, highways
have no speed limit.

- Oh, maybe we
should move there.

- Don't worry. I'll teach you.

You just have to be...

A little less aggressive
and a little more polite.

Learn how to drive
como una Americana.

- But the American
rules are so stupid.

"Stop." "Yield."
"Watch for children."

- Oh, Mami, I was wondering
if you had any tips...

- I don't need a sign for that.

I would never not
notice a child.

- What are you doing?

- Doña Garcia in 2B said

that my tetitas will grow faster

if I stand in place and
flex my chest muscles.

- Please stop.
It's embarrassing.

- What's embarrassing is being
afraid to tell your friends

you're afraid to see a
movie you're afraid of.

That's so many
"afraids" I lost count.

- Actually, I have a little
"Friday the 13th" good luck.

Turns out it's rated R. You
have to be 17 to see it.

There's no way we're getting in.

- Okay, so here's your fake ID,

your fake ID, and your fake ID.

- Oh, so I'm Yutsuki Takanawa?

- Mine says I'm 6 feet
tall. And a veteran.

- I made you a hero.
You're welcome.

- Freddy Watkins,
234 Lake Drive?

I have to move?
And grow a beard?

- Okay, so they're not perfect.

But if we are
confident and mature,

we won't even have to use them.

- But Emilia wasn't confident.

She was scared for her life.

- Okay, this is
the perfect place

to practice your driving...

An unused shipping
yard near the airport

where you can't possibly
hit another vehicle.

- Fine.

Okay, next time please try
to stay off the runway.

- I thought the hole in
the fence was a shortcut.

And by the way, I'm pretty
sure I had the right of way.

The pilot cut me off.

- Adela, you have
to stop driving

like we're still in the D.R.

- Well, maybe I wish we
were still in the D.R.

- But I thought
you loved it here.

- I do, and I was excited
about coming here.

But I miss Santo
Domingo a little bit.

Ay, tú sabes, our
friends, our family,

the smell of the ocean,
the views of the city,

the sound of merengue
everywhere you go.

- So when you drive
like a maniac...

- It makes me
feel, for a moment,

that I'm home.

- I understand, mi vida.

- But will you please try to
take it easy behind the wheel?

- Yes, but maybe later,

because the airport
watchiman found us.

Aguántate.
- Oh.

- Why are you out of breath?

- Miss Castañeda in 2C said

running up and down
the stairs 100 times

makes your chest grow.

- You ran up and down
the stairs 100 times?

- No. Twice.

And 98 more to go.

- Cucu, no one cares
if you have boobs...

No one that matters, at least.

- Except there was one person

who mattered to me
more than anyone.

And he seemed to care a lot

about a certain part
of the female anatomy.

There were only two reasons
to talk to "Tetas" Tamayo.

And Yoshy was staring
right at both of them.

- Just make sure
you soak the sweater

in a mixture of warm water,

vinegar, and una
gotita de limón,

and that coffee stain
should come right out.

- Okay, there was
another reason.

I just didn't know
it at the time.

- Cucu, I'm sorry,

but these shortcuts
aren't working.

You've tried them all, and
none of them have resulted

in bazoombas, honkers,
or even mini-muffins.

- Well, I haven't
tried them all.

Doña Ceballos in 2D told me
about an old Dominican trick

guaranteed to give
me bigger pechos.

- What do you have to do?

- Rub chicken poop on my chest.

- Uh...

Not to knock the
Dominican culture,

or chickens, but
that sounds fake.

And gross.

- I'm telling you, it must work.

Doña Ceballos has huge boobs.

They almost go
down to her knees!

- Okay, that's impressive.

- Ready for your driving test?

- I've decided I was just
gonna be a bus person.

You know, make new friends.

Somebody's always
playing loud music.

It's just like a giant
fiesta on wheels.

- Adela, I know you're
nervous about the test,

but I've got a feeling
things are going to be

pretty different behind
the wheel this time.

- Ay.

Pero, what's that smell?

- I gave the car a
Dominican makeover.

- Wha?
- A tropical sea breeze

air freshener,

a shell necklace
from Puerto Plata...

- Oh!
- And a figurine

of la Virgen de Altagracia.

Ay, my favorite virgen.

- And look, she hula
dances when you drive.

And the best part,

when someone cuts you off
and you honk the horn...

- There's no way
you can stay mad.

- Ay, Víctor, you
did this all for me

just so I'd feel a
little less homesick.

- Well, of course.

You know, I figured
if I could make

the car more Dominican,

you're driving could
be more American.

- Ay, mi amor.

I love it, thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

- Hey, hey.
- Ay.

- I don't
know what happened.

- What?

- I used to be the best
driver in Santo Domingo.

And now I'm...

the best driver in the
United States of America!

Both: Ahh!

- So the changes I
made to the car worked?

You stayed calm?
- Like a cucumber.

And also the guy that
was giving me the test

was Colombian, and they
drive even crazier.

- Huh. Felicidades.

- Ay, gracias, mi amor.

But I could not have done
it without you, so gracias.

Why don't we go back to the car
and check out the back seat?

- Why? I didn't make any
changes to the back seat...

Oh.

- This is so exciting.

- Hey, no cutting.

- Ay... think the end
of the line is that way.

- What's the matter?
Are you scared?

- I suddenly don't feel well.

I think I ate something bad.

- Do you want my stomach?
I'm an organ donor.

- Maybe you guys should just
see the movie without me.

- We would never do that to you,

especially after you
told us how much you love

the Jason movies.

- Well, we could
see it another time.

- Never mind, feeling better.

- Shh. We're up. Stay cool.

Four tickets for "Friday
the 13th," please.

- How old are you girls?

Both: 17.

- Uh, 35.

- Whatever, kid. Just
take the damn tickets.

- Okay.

- Emilia wasn't sure
which was worse,

the fear of what was
inside that theater,

or the fear that
her cool new friends

would find out what
a chicken she was.

- It was nice of Mr. Ramirez
to lend you his pet chicken.

- I'm not sure it's a
pet, given that he said,

"Okay, I guess I can
have spaghetti tonight."

- It's a pet, okay?

- Yeah, a pet that won't poop.

Come on, Cenita, give
me some of your treasure

for my chest.

- Cucu, are you sure
this is worth it?

- Yes! Moving here,

I'm already behind
in enough ways...

Language, school, friends.

So if this is what it takes,
this is what it takes.

- Maybe there's something
in the medicine cabinet

that can help.

Dulcolax.

"Do not give to children."

Doesn't say anything
about chickens.

- Okay, let's feed it to her.

- I think it goes
in... the other end.

- What? I'm not
doing that. Gross!

- You're about to rub
its chicken nuggets

all over your body.

This is hardly the gross part.

- Maybe she has stage fright.

Let's give her some privacy.

Okay, Cenita, pretend
we're not here.

- Uh, you're not getting boobs,
but you're getting breakfast.

- Can't believe
this. It's hopeless.

Oh, God, am I gonna
have to go back

to running up and
down the steps again?

Cenita, ple...

Where'd she go?

- Cucu!

I moved to the United
States so that I would never

have to fight a chicken
for the remote ever again.

Stop changing the channel!

- You don't look so good.

Are you okay?
- No!

Because we don't
have any popcorn.

- No, please!
- I'll be back.

Excuse me. Sorry.

Ow, watch the machete.

Mari? Are you okay?

- Yup.

No. Look, I didn't
want anyone to know,

but I'm afraid to
watch the movie.

I lied about seeing
the first four.

I don't know what to do.
- Really? Me too.

- Oh, here.

- Thanks. This is silly.

Half of us don't want
to see this movie.

Can't we just say so?
- Are you kidding?

They'll tease us forever.

When Cari found
out I've never done

under-the-shirt stuff,

she called me "Virgin
Mari" for a month.

- How about this? We take
turns closing our eyes

by squeezing each other's
hands as a signal.

That way, neither
of us will ever see

enough of the
movie to be scared.

And if Cari looks over,

it'll look like
we're just blinking.

- Deal.

Both: Okay.

- One more puff for good luck.
- Yes.

- Don't be mad.

I promise I'm not
trying to keep her.

Just need her to
stay a little longer.

- But why?

- Because...

Doña Ceballos said
that if I rubbed

chicken poop on my
chest, it would grow.

You know that's an old
wives' tale, right?

- Yeah, but some
of those old wives

have huge bazoombas.

So do all the
girls at my school.

Everyone's bodies are
changing except mine.

- Mijita, it takes time
to become a young lady,

but it'll happen.

Before you know it,
you'll get your period,

and your tetitas, and all
the things I didn't think

I was gonna have to talk
about because of Sex Ed.

- Everyone says that, but
what if it never happens?

- I want to show you something.

Okay?

Look.
- My old baby pictures?

Why are you showing
me this? To rub it in?

I know, I still look like that.

- That's not a picture of you.

That's a picture of me.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

And look at me now, huh?

Tetitas, nalgitas,
and hair everywhere.

Yeah, okay, maybe
I'm overselling it.

- I could do worse.

Okay.

- Wow, we really do look alike.

- Yeah.

Mi bella, mi bebé.
Oh, hey, what is this?

- A pimple!

- Oh, but that's okay!
No, we'll cover it up

or we'll... we'll brush
your hair over it...

- Are you kidding?
This is great!

Soon I'll have knockers
like Doña Ceballos!

- I hope not, because she
trips over those things.

- And with the appearance
of that new little bump,

my fear of falling behind
body-wise went away.

Moving to a new country was
filled with challenges...

some scarier than others.

But the key is finding someone
to share your fears with,

so you can keep
moving forward...

no matter what.