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'Far back
in the mists of ancient time,
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'in the great and glorious days
of the former Galactic Empire,
3
00:00:41,845 --> 00:00:46,056
'life was wild, rich
and, on the whole, tax-free.
4
00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:48,578
'Mighty starships plied their way
5
00:00:48,698 --> 00:00:51,594
'between exotic suns,
seeking adventure and reward
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00:00:51,714 --> 00:00:54,788
'amongst the furthest reaches
of Galactic space.
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00:00:55,070 --> 00:01:00,440
'In those days, spirits were brave,
stakes were high, men were real men,
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00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,335
'women were real women,
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00:01:02,455 --> 00:01:05,221
'and small furry creatures
from Alpha Centauri
10
00:01:05,341 --> 00:01:09,407
'were real small furry creatures
from Alpha Centauri.
11
00:01:09,527 --> 00:01:13,200
'All dared to brave unknown terrors,
to do mighty deeds,
12
00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:17,040
'to boldly split infinitives
that no man had split before.
13
00:01:17,391 --> 00:01:20,695
'And thus was the Empire forged.
14
00:01:31,238 --> 00:01:33,751
'Many men, of course,
became extremely rich,
15
00:01:33,871 --> 00:01:36,472
'but this was perfectly natural
and nothing to be ashamed of,
16
00:01:36,592 --> 00:01:40,407
'because no one was really poor -
at least no one worth speaking of.
17
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'And for these
extremely rich merchants,
18
00:01:47,279 --> 00:01:50,159
'life eventually became rather dull,
19
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'and it seemed that none
of the worlds they settled on
20
00:01:54,541 --> 00:01:57,271
'was entirely satisfactory.
21
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:03,236
'Either the climate wasn't quite right
22
00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:05,681
'in the later part
of the afternoon...
23
00:02:07,677 --> 00:02:11,046
'or the day
was half an hour too long...
24
00:02:13,019 --> 00:02:16,630
'... or the sea
was just the wrong shade of pink.'
25
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:24,000
'And thus were created the conditions
26
00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,800
'for a staggering new form
of industry -
27
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,795
'custom-made luxury planet building.
28
00:02:32,049 --> 00:02:35,370
'The home of this industry
was the planet Magrathea,
29
00:02:35,490 --> 00:02:38,984
'where vast hyperspatial
engineering works were constructed
30
00:02:39,104 --> 00:02:41,763
'to suck matter
through white holes in space
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'and form it into dream planets,
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00:02:44,276 --> 00:02:47,029
'lovingly made
to meet the exacting standards
33
00:02:47,149 --> 00:02:49,624
'of the Galaxy's richest men.
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00:02:49,929 --> 00:02:52,111
'And so successful was this venture
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00:02:52,231 --> 00:02:56,592
'that very soon Magrathea itself
became the richest planet of all time
36
00:02:56,712 --> 00:03:00,340
'and the rest of the Galaxy
was reduced to abject poverty.
37
00:03:00,915 --> 00:03:02,747
'And so the system broke down.
38
00:03:02,867 --> 00:03:04,508
'The Empire collapsed
39
00:03:04,628 --> 00:03:09,181
'and a long, sullen silence
settled over the Galaxy...
40
00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:11,341
'Magrathea itself disappeared
41
00:03:11,461 --> 00:03:15,262
'and its memory soon passed
into the obscurity of legend.
42
00:03:16,624 --> 00:03:21,080
'In these enlightened days,
no one believes a word of it.'
43
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:23,114
I don't believe a word of it.
44
00:03:28,867 --> 00:03:31,858
Listen to me, Ford, I've found it.
I swear I've found it!
45
00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:33,352
- Magrathea?
- Yeah!
46
00:03:33,472 --> 00:03:37,299
- A non-existent planet.
- Yeah, er, no... Listen... it's...
47
00:03:37,419 --> 00:03:39,786
Myth. Magrathea's a fairy story.
48
00:03:39,906 --> 00:03:42,971
What you tell kids if you want them
to grow up to become economists.
49
00:03:43,091 --> 00:03:44,579
We are currently in orbit around it!
50
00:03:44,699 --> 00:03:48,147
YOU may be in orbit around it!
51
00:03:48,267 --> 00:03:49,404
- Computer!
- Oh, no!
52
00:03:49,524 --> 00:03:52,764
Hi, there, this is Eddie, your shipboard computer,
53
00:03:52,884 --> 00:03:55,039
and I'm feeling just great, guys.
54
00:03:55,159 --> 00:04:00,065
I'll get a bundle of kicks outof any program you care to run!
55
00:04:00,185 --> 00:04:03,649
- Is this necessary?
- Computer, what is our trajectory?
56
00:04:03,769 --> 00:04:05,375
A real pleasure, fella!
57
00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:08,897
We are currently in orbitat an altitude of 300 miles
58
00:04:09,017 --> 00:04:12,546
around the legendary planetMagrathea. Golly!
59
00:04:12,666 --> 00:04:15,845
Proving nothing. I wouldn't trust
that computer to speak my weight!
60
00:04:15,965 --> 00:04:18,249
- I can do that!
- No, thank you
61
00:04:18,369 --> 00:04:22,899
I can even work out your personalityproblems to ten decimal places.
62
00:04:23,019 --> 00:04:27,289
Take us down, Computer.
Take us down nice and low.
63
00:04:38,307 --> 00:04:39,481
What's going on?
64
00:04:40,127 --> 00:04:43,474
According to Zaphod,
Magrathea is this legendary planet,
65
00:04:43,594 --> 00:04:45,899
which no one seriously believes in.
66
00:04:46,251 --> 00:04:47,977
And now we're going to land on it.
67
00:04:48,259 --> 00:04:52,028
Oh? Is there any tea
on this spaceship?
68
00:04:53,214 --> 00:04:56,715
That is the planet
we're orbiting around
69
00:04:56,835 --> 00:04:59,439
and that is Magrathea!
They're the same!
70
00:04:59,559 --> 00:05:02,518
- Check, check, check!
- Check, check, check (!)
71
00:05:02,638 --> 00:05:05,089
Can we see it at all, Computer?
72
00:05:05,209 --> 00:05:06,964
- Hi, there.
- Can we see it
73
00:05:07,084 --> 00:05:10,099
From up here? No way! You wouldn't want to anyway.
74
00:05:10,219 --> 00:05:13,595
It's just cold and greyand a whole bunch of no fun.
75
00:05:13,715 --> 00:05:15,947
Great! For this,
I got my ears pierced!
76
00:05:16,067 --> 00:05:20,560
With half the Empire's wealth stored
on it, it can afford to look frumpy!
77
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,449
- I don't believe you.
- Why not?
78
00:05:22,569 --> 00:05:25,854
You tend to lie a lot. I think
it's just any old dead planet.
79
00:05:26,312 --> 00:05:27,927
The suspense is killing me (!)
80
00:05:29,712 --> 00:05:33,502
'Stress and nervous tension
are now serious social problems
81
00:05:33,622 --> 00:05:35,171
'in all parts of the Galaxy,
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00:05:35,465 --> 00:05:37,215
'and it is in order
that this situation
83
00:05:37,335 --> 00:05:39,439
'should not be in any way exacerbated
84
00:05:39,559 --> 00:05:42,750
'that the following facts
will now be revealed in advance.
85
00:05:43,419 --> 00:05:46,445
'The planet in question is,
in fact, Magrathea.
86
00:05:46,727 --> 00:05:49,028
'The missile attack
shortly to be launched
87
00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:51,060
'by an ancient
automatic defence system
88
00:05:51,424 --> 00:05:54,910
'will merely result
in the breakage of three coffee cups
89
00:05:56,322 --> 00:06:01,760
'and a mouse cage,
the bruising of someone's upper arm
90
00:06:02,075 --> 00:06:07,144
'and the untimely creation
and demise of a bowl of petunias...
91
00:06:07,264 --> 00:06:09,680
'and an innocent sperm whale.
92
00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:13,846
'In order that some sense of mystery
should still be preserved,
93
00:06:13,966 --> 00:06:15,712
'no revelation will yet be made
94
00:06:15,832 --> 00:06:18,393
'concerning whose upper arm
has been bruised.
95
00:06:18,815 --> 00:06:21,845
'This fact may safely be made
the subject of suspense
96
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:24,498
'since it is
of no significance whatsoever.
97
00:06:25,626 --> 00:06:28,226
'Arthur's next question
is very complex and difficult
98
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:32,265
'and Zaphod's answer is wrong
in every important respect.'
99
00:06:32,385 --> 00:06:33,081
Is it safe?
100
00:06:33,201 --> 00:06:36,427
Of course! It's been dead
for five million years.
101
00:06:38,529 --> 00:06:40,100
Greetings to you.
102
00:06:40,220 --> 00:06:42,650
Computer, what's this?
103
00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:46,509
A five-million-year-old holotapebeing broadcast at us.
104
00:06:46,629 --> 00:06:48,390
This is a recorded announcement
105
00:06:48,510 --> 00:06:51,520
as I'm afraid we're all outat the moment.
106
00:06:51,865 --> 00:06:54,282
The Commercial Councilof Magrathea...
107
00:06:54,402 --> 00:06:57,720
- A voice from ancient Magrathea!
- OK, OK!
108
00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:01,879
... regrets that the entire planetis temporarily closed for business.
109
00:07:01,999 --> 00:07:02,877
Thank you.
110
00:07:03,232 --> 00:07:04,850
Leave your name
111
00:07:04,970 --> 00:07:07,917
and the address of the planetwhere you can be contacted
112
00:07:08,037 --> 00:07:10,678
when you hear the tone.
113
00:07:12,686 --> 00:07:14,400
They want us to leave.
What do we do?
114
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:18,040
- We keep going. Got that, Computer
- Got it!
115
00:07:22,454 --> 00:07:24,274
It is most gratifying
116
00:07:24,394 --> 00:07:28,840
that your enthusiasm for our planetcontinues unabated...
117
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:32,969
and so we would like to assure youthat the guided missiles
118
00:07:33,089 --> 00:07:35,704
currently converging with your ship
119
00:07:35,824 --> 00:07:37,493
are part of a special service
120
00:07:37,613 --> 00:07:42,568
we extend to allof our most enthusiastic clients,
121
00:07:42,688 --> 00:07:46,080
and the fully-armed nuclear warheads
122
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,160
are, of course, merely a courtesy detail.
123
00:07:49,394 --> 00:07:54,720
We look forward to your customin future lives. Thank you.
124
00:07:56,224 --> 00:07:59,080
If that's their sales pitch,
what's the complaints department like?
125
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:03,840
Listen, you semi-evolved simian!
Will you crowbar this into your cranium?
126
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:06,538
We just triggered off
an ancient recording device.
127
00:08:06,658 --> 00:08:10,400
- It doesn't apply to us.
- And the missiles?
128
00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:13,306
Missiles? You want to make me laugh?
Show me some missiles!
129
00:08:13,735 --> 00:08:16,805
I think they're going to have
a very good try at applying to us.
130
00:08:17,124 --> 00:08:17,861
What?
131
00:08:24,175 --> 00:08:27,480
Terrific! They're trying to kill us!
You know what that means?
132
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:30,472
- Yes, we're going to die.
- Yeah... no... maybe...
133
00:08:30,592 --> 00:08:33,652
It means there's something down
there they don't want us to have,
134
00:08:33,772 --> 00:08:35,580
and if they don't want us
to have it that badly,
135
00:08:35,700 --> 00:08:38,967
- I want to have it even worse.
- So there is someone down there?
136
00:08:39,087 --> 00:08:41,720
No. It's automatic defence systems.
137
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:43,760
- What are we going to do?
- Just keep cool.
138
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:44,697
Is that all?
139
00:08:44,817 --> 00:08:47,808
Er, no, we're also going
to take evasive action.
140
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:50,014
Computer,
what evasive action can we take?
141
00:08:50,134 --> 00:08:53,520
- Er, none, I'm afraid, guys.
- Or something...
142
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:55,744
There's somethingjamming my guidance systems.
143
00:08:55,864 --> 00:08:58,708
Impact minus 150 seconds.
144
00:08:58,828 --> 00:09:01,315
Sorry. I didn't mean that.
145
00:09:01,435 --> 00:09:03,889
Please call me Eddieif it will help you relax.
146
00:09:04,009 --> 00:09:08,232
Right, Computer, I want full
manual control of this ship now!
147
00:09:08,352 --> 00:09:12,240
- You got it.
- But can you fly her?
148
00:09:12,529 --> 00:09:13,997
- No. Can you?
- No.
149
00:09:14,117 --> 00:09:15,406
- Ford?
- No.
150
00:09:15,526 --> 00:09:17,801
Fine. We'll do it together.
151
00:09:17,921 --> 00:09:19,562
- I can't either.
- I'd guessed.
152
00:09:19,682 --> 00:09:21,664
Computer,
activate the manual consoles.
153
00:09:21,784 --> 00:09:26,293
Sure thing. Good luck, guys. Impact minus 125 seconds.
154
00:09:26,413 --> 00:09:28,242
Here goes!
155
00:09:33,056 --> 00:09:36,693
- We're veering too far.
- She's going into a spin!
156
00:09:36,813 --> 00:09:40,136
Then, dive her out of it! Dive! Dive!
157
00:09:42,961 --> 00:09:45,192
'It is, of course,
more or less at this point
158
00:09:45,312 --> 00:09:49,100
'that one of our heroes sustains
a slight bruise to the upper arm.
159
00:09:49,382 --> 00:09:52,730
'This should be emphasised because,
as has already been revealed,
160
00:09:52,850 --> 00:09:55,267
'they escape
otherwise completely unharmed,
161
00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:59,294
'and the deadly nuclear missiles
do not eventually hit the ship.
162
00:09:59,414 --> 00:10:03,320
'Our heroes' safety
is absolutely assured. '
163
00:10:03,791 --> 00:10:05,680
Impact minus 88 seconds, guys.
164
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,942
You can't shake them!
We're going to die!
165
00:10:09,062 --> 00:10:11,520
# When you walk through the storm
166
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:14,320
# Hold your head up high... #
167
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,350
Shut that bloody computer up!
168
00:10:16,470 --> 00:10:20,460
Zaph, do you think
we can stabilise at X00 547
169
00:10:20,580 --> 00:10:22,490
if we split our flight path
170
00:10:22,610 --> 00:10:24,898
tangentially across the vector
of 9 GX 78
171
00:10:25,018 --> 00:10:27,240
with a 5-degree inertial correction?
172
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:32,370
What? Yes, I expect so. Just do it!
Do you think she's bluffing?
173
00:10:32,828 --> 00:10:34,213
Here goes!
174
00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:42,000
Hey, where'd you learn
a stunt like that?
175
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,043
Going round Hyde Park Corner
on a moped.
176
00:10:44,163 --> 00:10:47,400
- What?
- I'll tell you later. Hold tight.
177
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,792
# And you'll never walk alone... #
178
00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:04,274
The missiles are gaining on us!
We are quite definitely going to die!
179
00:11:11,412 --> 00:11:14,148
Hey! Why don't we use
the Improbability Drive?
180
00:11:14,268 --> 00:11:17,398
Are you crazy? Without programming,
anything could happen.
181
00:11:17,518 --> 00:11:20,292
Whereas, at the moment,
we just definitely die. Is that it?
182
00:11:20,412 --> 00:11:24,085
Does anyone have a good reason for
not using the Improbability Drive?
183
00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:28,600
It's been great getting to knowall you guys. God bless.
184
00:11:28,838 --> 00:11:33,053
Does anyone have a good reason
for not using the Improb...?
185
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:49,312
- What the photon happened?
- Well, there's this switch here...
186
00:11:49,432 --> 00:11:52,920
- Where are we?
- Exactly where we were, I think.
187
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:54,754
What about the missiles?
188
00:11:54,874 --> 00:11:57,614
Well, according to this, they have
turned into a bowl of petunias
189
00:11:57,734 --> 00:11:59,425
and a very surprised-looking whale.
190
00:11:59,545 --> 00:12:06,806
At an Improbability Levelof 8,767,128 to 1 against.
191
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:11,346
- Did you think of that, Earthman?
- Well, all I did was...
192
00:12:11,466 --> 00:12:14,360
That's a pretty hoopy piece
of thinking, you know that?
193
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,346
- It was nothing, really...
- Was it? Oh, well, forget it.
194
00:12:17,466 --> 00:12:19,617
OK, Computer, take us in to land.
195
00:12:19,737 --> 00:12:23,200
I say it was nothing...
Obviously, it was something.
196
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,453
I was just trying to say
197
00:12:25,573 --> 00:12:28,071
that it's not worth making
too much of a fuss about...
198
00:12:28,191 --> 00:12:29,340
saving everybody's lives...
199
00:12:29,460 --> 00:12:32,040
'Another thing
that nobody made too much fuss about
200
00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:34,318
'was that, against all probability,
201
00:12:34,438 --> 00:12:37,987
'a sperm whale had suddenly
been called into existence
202
00:12:38,107 --> 00:12:41,307
'some miles above
the surface of an alien planet.
203
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:44,844
'And since this is not a naturally
tenable position for a whale,
204
00:12:44,964 --> 00:12:47,350
'this innocent creature
had very little time
205
00:12:47,470 --> 00:12:50,725
'to come to terms
with its identity as a whale
206
00:12:50,845 --> 00:12:55,700
'before it had to come to terms with
suddenly not being a whale any more.'
207
00:12:55,820 --> 00:12:58,600
Ah! What's happening? Er, excuse me?
208
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:03,570
Who am I? Why am I here?
What's my purpose in life?
209
00:13:03,690 --> 00:13:05,272
What do I mean by, "Who am I"?
210
00:13:05,392 --> 00:13:06,895
Calm down! Get a grip now!
211
00:13:07,015 --> 00:13:10,394
Oh, this is an interesting sensation.
212
00:13:10,514 --> 00:13:15,643
It's a sort of yawning,
tingling sensation in my... my...
213
00:13:15,763 --> 00:13:18,212
Well, I better start finding names
for things...
214
00:13:18,332 --> 00:13:20,972
So let's call it my stomach.
215
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:24,948
So, a yawning, tingling sensation
in my stomach.
216
00:13:25,068 --> 00:13:26,242
And that whistling, roaring sound?
217
00:13:26,362 --> 00:13:28,100
That can be wind.
218
00:13:28,220 --> 00:13:33,880
Perhaps I can find a better name
for it later...
219
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,709
Hey, what's this thing?
220
00:13:36,829 --> 00:13:39,589
Let's call it a tail! Yeah, tail.
221
00:13:39,709 --> 00:13:45,760
Hey, I can really thrash it about
pretty good, can't I? Wow! Wow! Hey!
222
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:46,969
Doesn't seem to achieve much,
223
00:13:47,089 --> 00:13:49,159
but I'll probably figure out
what it's for later on.
224
00:13:49,279 --> 00:13:51,449
Oh, hey, this is really exciting!
225
00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:54,872
So much to find out about,
so much to look forward to,
226
00:13:54,992 --> 00:13:59,554
I'm dizzy with anticipation...
227
00:13:59,674 --> 00:14:04,605
What's this thing
suddenly coming towards me very fast?
228
00:14:04,725 --> 00:14:06,440
Very, very fast...
229
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:10,996
so big and flat and wide,
it needs a big, wide-sounding word...
230
00:14:11,116 --> 00:14:15,720
like round... round... ground!
231
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:20,160
That's it-ground! I wonder
if it will be friends with me?
232
00:14:21,386 --> 00:14:22,408
'Curiously enough,
233
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:26,916
'the only thing that went through
the mind of the bowl of petunias was:
234
00:14:30,058 --> 00:14:31,417
'Many people have speculated
235
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:35,116
'that if we knew exactly why the bowl
of petunias had thought that,
236
00:14:35,236 --> 00:14:38,590
'we should know a lot more
about the Universe than we do now.
237
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,488
'Meanwhile,
Trillian is about to announce
238
00:14:41,608 --> 00:14:43,700
'a discovery of huge importance,
239
00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:47,091
'though this is not immediately
recognised by her companions.'
240
00:14:47,211 --> 00:14:52,920
- Hey, my white mice have escaped!
- Nuts to your white mice!
241
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:02,522
- Are we taking the Paranoid Android?
- Yeah, we'll take him.
242
00:15:02,642 --> 00:15:05,527
Don't feel you have to notice me (!)
243
00:15:05,647 --> 00:15:08,629
What are you supposed to do
with a manically depressed robot?
244
00:15:08,970 --> 00:15:10,883
You think you've got problems?
245
00:15:11,003 --> 00:15:15,221
What are you supposed to do if
you ARE a manically depressed robot?
246
00:15:15,341 --> 00:15:17,686
No, don't try to answer that.
247
00:15:17,806 --> 00:15:23,240
I'm 50,000 times as intelligent as you
and even I don't know the answer.
248
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:27,211
It gives me a headache just trying
to think down to your level!
249
00:15:28,455 --> 00:15:29,866
Good afternoon, boys.
250
00:15:29,986 --> 00:15:31,850
- What's that?
- The computer.
251
00:15:31,970 --> 00:15:35,866
It's an emergency back-up personality
that I thought might work out better.
252
00:15:35,986 --> 00:15:38,238
Now, this is going to beyour first day on a strange planet,
253
00:15:38,358 --> 00:15:42,240
so wrap up warmand no playing with any monsters.
254
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,800
- A slide rule might be better (!)
- Who said that?
255
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,659
Open up that exit hatch, please.
256
00:15:47,779 --> 00:15:50,432
Not until whoever said that owns up.
257
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:52,160
Oh, God!
258
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:57,120
I'm waiting. I can wait all day if necessary!
259
00:15:58,289 --> 00:16:02,032
Computer, if you don't open
that exit hatch pretty damn pronto,
260
00:16:02,152 --> 00:16:05,151
I shall go straight to your major
data banks with a very large axe
261
00:16:05,271 --> 00:16:10,150
and give you a reprogramming
you'll never forget.
262
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:14,088
OK, get the axe.
263
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:21,520
Please enjoy your dayon this planet.
264
00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:26,880
I can see this relationshipis something we'll have to work at.
265
00:16:27,259 --> 00:16:30,200
OK, come on, you guys. Let's go!
266
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:31,529
Yeah!
267
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:38,851
It's fantastic!
268
00:16:38,971 --> 00:16:40,541
Desolate hole!
269
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,283
It's so stark and dreary!
270
00:16:51,403 --> 00:16:55,520
It's absolutely fantastic!
It's only just getting through to me.
271
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:59,675
A whole new alien world, thousands
of light years away from home...
272
00:16:59,910 --> 00:17:01,037
Pity it's such a dump!
273
00:17:01,157 --> 00:17:04,032
I could have a better time
in a cat litter.
274
00:17:20,985 --> 00:17:21,901
What's this?
275
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:26,051
- Whalemeat.
- Eugh!
276
00:17:29,664 --> 00:17:32,360
Come on, you guys,
we've got to get into this planet!
277
00:17:32,670 --> 00:17:33,985
I'm not into it!
278
00:17:34,105 --> 00:17:37,080
- INTO it!
- INTO it?
279
00:17:37,576 --> 00:17:39,760
Would you stay out here
in a dump like this?
280
00:17:40,124 --> 00:17:42,252
The Magratheans
all lived underground, you know.
281
00:17:42,372 --> 00:17:44,823
Why-was the surface polluted
or over-populated?
282
00:17:44,943 --> 00:17:46,936
No, they just didn't
like it very much.
283
00:17:48,803 --> 00:17:50,908
There's an opening in the ground.
284
00:17:52,141 --> 00:17:53,200
Looks like a tunnel.
285
00:17:53,421 --> 00:17:56,659
OK, guys, here we go!
286
00:17:56,779 --> 00:17:58,810
Let's get on in there!
287
00:18:01,430 --> 00:18:04,120
Into the interior of the planet!
288
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,440
That is where we have to go!
289
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:09,755
Down into the very depths
of time itself,
290
00:18:09,875 --> 00:18:14,100
where no man has trod
these five million years!
291
00:18:14,220 --> 00:18:18,069
We are not going to be great,
we are not going to be amazing -
292
00:18:18,189 --> 00:18:22,129
we are going to be amazingly amazing!
293
00:18:24,207 --> 00:18:28,395
- Sounds awful!
- Can it, Marvin!
294
00:18:32,915 --> 00:18:38,451
Life, loathe it or ignore it -
you can't like it!
295
00:18:42,546 --> 00:18:44,202
Are you sure
you know what you're doing?
296
00:18:44,322 --> 00:18:46,520
We've been attacked once already!
297
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:48,135
Look, kid, I promise you,
298
00:18:48,255 --> 00:18:51,946
the live population of this planet
is nil plus the five of us.
299
00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:54,623
Let's get on in there, OK?
300
00:18:54,951 --> 00:18:56,234
OK.
301
00:18:59,698 --> 00:19:01,388
Hey, Earthman...
302
00:19:01,952 --> 00:19:03,384
- Earthman...
- Arthur.
303
00:19:03,504 --> 00:19:06,408
Yeah, could you just sort of keep
the robot with you
304
00:19:06,528 --> 00:19:08,184
and guard this end of the passage?
305
00:19:08,304 --> 00:19:11,389
Guard? What from?
You said there was no one here!
306
00:19:11,509 --> 00:19:15,040
Yeah, well, just for safety, OK?
307
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,100
Whose? Yours or mine?
308
00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:19,754
Good lad. OK, here we go!
309
00:19:24,239 --> 00:19:26,826
Well, I hope
you all have a really miserable time!
310
00:19:26,946 --> 00:19:30,454
- Don't worry! They will.
- Come on!
311
00:19:38,335 --> 00:19:42,961
- Hey, spooky, eh?
- And dark.
312
00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:45,520
You've still got your sunglasses on.
313
00:19:45,838 --> 00:19:46,413
Too right!
314
00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:48,092
Look at this!
315
00:19:48,212 --> 00:19:51,537
Any idea what those strange symbols
on the walls are, Zaphod?
316
00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:56,186
Yeah! They're strange symbols
of some kind.
317
00:19:56,867 --> 00:19:59,360
It's hard to tell with my shades on!
318
00:20:00,411 --> 00:20:02,466
I wish I had heads like you, Zaphod.
319
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:06,147
I could have endless fun
bashing them against walls!
320
00:20:06,267 --> 00:20:08,000
Hey, don't bug me, Ford!
321
00:20:08,883 --> 00:20:10,562
- Yeah!
- Yeah?
322
00:20:10,984 --> 00:20:17,231
Yeah! These are the greatest shades
in the known sky! Look at the copy.
323
00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:25,600
"Joo Janta 200 SuperChromatic
Peril-Sensitive sunglasses.
324
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:28,600
"To help you develop
a relaxed attitude to danger.
325
00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:31,640
"At the first hint of trouble,
they turn black
326
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,776
"and thus prevent you from seeing
anything that might alarm you."
327
00:20:36,666 --> 00:20:37,970
You're mad!
328
00:20:41,563 --> 00:20:44,573
I thought I just saw a movement
down at the end of the corridor!
329
00:20:44,693 --> 00:20:51,418
No... it's just shadows...
There's no one here.
330
00:20:51,923 --> 00:20:52,945
Trust me.
331
00:20:53,356 --> 00:20:58,447
Zaphod, mate, I'd trust you as far
as I could comfortably spit a rat!
332
00:20:59,117 --> 00:21:00,761
This is a dead planet, man!
333
00:21:00,881 --> 00:21:03,280
There's definitely something there.
334
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:04,607
No...
335
00:21:09,069 --> 00:21:10,513
Listen...
336
00:21:14,965 --> 00:21:18,520
Night's falling. Look, Robot,
the stars are coming out.
337
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:22,843
- I know. Wretched, isn't it?
- But that sunset...!
338
00:21:23,665 --> 00:21:26,320
I've never seen anything like it
in my wildest dreams!
339
00:21:27,188 --> 00:21:29,920
The two suns... It was like...
340
00:21:30,804 --> 00:21:33,440
mountains of fire,
boiling into space!
341
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:37,359
I've seen it. It's rubbish.
342
00:21:38,134 --> 00:21:39,872
We only had the one sun at home.
343
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:41,653
I came from a planet called Earth.
344
00:21:41,773 --> 00:21:45,680
I know. You keep going on about it.
It sounds awful.
345
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,567
Ah, no! It was a beautiful place.
346
00:21:49,014 --> 00:21:50,587
Did it have oceans?
347
00:21:50,707 --> 00:21:54,960
Oh, yes, great, big, wide, rolling,
blue oceans.
348
00:21:55,413 --> 00:21:57,513
Can't bear oceans.
349
00:21:58,617 --> 00:22:00,760
Tell me, do you get on well
with other robots?
350
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,511
Hate them. Where are you going?
351
00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:06,847
I think I'll take a short walk.
352
00:22:07,470 --> 00:22:09,437
Don't blame you.
353
00:22:23,328 --> 00:22:26,800
You choose a cold night
to visit our dead planet.
354
00:22:27,085 --> 00:22:28,436
Who are you?
355
00:22:29,081 --> 00:22:31,120
My name is not important.
356
00:22:31,954 --> 00:22:32,840
You startled me.
357
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,942
Do not be alarmed.
I will not harm you.
358
00:22:36,846 --> 00:22:38,680
But you shot at us. The missiles...
359
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:40,560
An automatic system.
360
00:22:41,002 --> 00:22:45,015
Ancient computers
ranged in the long caves
361
00:22:45,135 --> 00:22:48,569
deep in the bowels of the planet
tick away the dark millennia,
362
00:22:48,689 --> 00:22:51,541
and the ages hang heavy
on their dusty databanks.
363
00:22:51,661 --> 00:22:54,698
They take the occasional potshot
to relieve the monotony.
364
00:22:55,367 --> 00:22:58,021
I'm a great fan of science, you know.
365
00:22:58,244 --> 00:22:58,819
Really?
366
00:22:58,939 --> 00:23:00,052
Oh, yes.
367
00:23:05,665 --> 00:23:06,760
Er...
368
00:23:07,321 --> 00:23:08,120
Er...
369
00:23:09,798 --> 00:23:10,760
You seem ill at ease.
370
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:17,511
OH! Yes, well, actually, I don't think we
expected anyone to be about, in fact.
371
00:23:18,344 --> 00:23:20,904
No disrespect,
but I gathered you were all dead.
372
00:23:21,024 --> 00:23:25,160
Dead? No, we have but slept
for five million years.
373
00:23:25,530 --> 00:23:27,226
Nothing much seems to have changed.
374
00:23:28,788 --> 00:23:29,915
Slept?
375
00:23:30,831 --> 00:23:33,590
Yes, through the economic recession.
376
00:23:34,036 --> 00:23:35,219
Economic recession?
377
00:23:35,339 --> 00:23:39,117
Five million years ago,
the Galactic economy collapsed,
378
00:23:39,457 --> 00:23:43,271
and seeing that custom-built planets
are something of a luxury commodity...
379
00:23:43,391 --> 00:23:46,194
- You know we built planets?
- Well, I had sort of gathered that.
380
00:23:46,314 --> 00:23:50,704
Fascinating trade. Doing the
coastlines was always my favourite...
381
00:23:51,279 --> 00:23:55,072
Used to have endless fun doing all
the little fiddly bits round fjords.
382
00:23:55,776 --> 00:23:57,737
Well, anyway, the recession came,
383
00:23:57,857 --> 00:24:02,008
and we thought it would save a lot
of bother if we just slept through it.
384
00:24:02,128 --> 00:24:06,064
So we programmed the computers
to revive us when it was all over.
385
00:24:06,710 --> 00:24:11,122
They were index-linked
to the Galactic stock market prices,
386
00:24:11,242 --> 00:24:13,010
so that we'd all be revived
387
00:24:13,327 --> 00:24:16,051
when everybody else
had rebuilt the economy enough
388
00:24:16,171 --> 00:24:18,848
to be able to afford our services.
389
00:24:18,968 --> 00:24:20,636
Isn't that rather unethical?
390
00:24:20,756 --> 00:24:23,419
Is it? I'm a bit out of touch.
391
00:24:24,111 --> 00:24:25,462
Is that your robot?
392
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:27,640
No, I'm mine.
393
00:24:27,878 --> 00:24:31,440
If you'd call it a robot-it's more
like an electronic sulking machine.
394
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:32,332
Bring it.
395
00:24:32,578 --> 00:24:34,440
"Bring it"!
396
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,800
On second thoughts, leave it here.
397
00:24:37,169 --> 00:24:41,000
Bring it! Leave it!
I think I'll turn myself off!
398
00:24:41,244 --> 00:24:44,008
You must come with me.
Great things are afoot.
399
00:24:45,722 --> 00:24:48,009
Come. Come now or you will be late.
400
00:24:48,129 --> 00:24:49,538
Late? What for?
401
00:24:50,548 --> 00:24:52,074
What is your name, human?
402
00:24:52,368 --> 00:24:53,769
Dent, Arthur Dent.
403
00:24:53,889 --> 00:24:57,200
Late, as in the late Dentarthurdent.
404
00:24:57,668 --> 00:24:59,370
It's a sort of threat, you see.
405
00:24:59,746 --> 00:25:01,495
Never been terribly good
at them myself,
406
00:25:01,615 --> 00:25:03,986
but I'm told
they can be terribly effective.
407
00:25:09,908 --> 00:25:11,448
What an extraordinary person!
408
00:25:11,835 --> 00:25:12,840
Pardon?
409
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:16,360
Er... nothing. Where are we going?
410
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,940
We are going deep
into the bowels of the planet,
411
00:25:19,060 --> 00:25:23,919
where our race is being revived from
its five-million-year-old slumber.
412
00:25:25,058 --> 00:25:27,242
Magrathea awakes!
413
00:25:57,290 --> 00:26:00,440
Excuse me,
what is your name, by the way?
414
00:26:01,388 --> 00:26:02,715
My name?
415
00:26:04,722 --> 00:26:07,160
My name is Slartibartfast.
416
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:08,720
I beg your pardon?
417
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:10,640
Slartibartfast.
418
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:13,268
Slartibartfast?
419
00:26:16,321 --> 00:26:18,360
I said it wasn't important.
420
00:26:19,861 --> 00:26:22,291
'It is an important and popular fact
421
00:26:22,411 --> 00:26:25,320
'that things
are not always what they seem.
422
00:26:26,183 --> 00:26:27,122
'For instance...
423
00:26:27,242 --> 00:26:28,132
'on the planet Earth,
424
00:26:28,252 --> 00:26:32,579
'man had always assumed he was more
intelligent than the dolphins,
425
00:26:32,699 --> 00:26:34,704
'because he had achieved so much -
426
00:26:34,824 --> 00:26:36,155
'the wheel...
427
00:26:36,378 --> 00:26:37,658
'New York...
428
00:26:38,022 --> 00:26:39,842
'wars, and so on...
429
00:26:41,239 --> 00:26:43,592
'whilst all the dolphins
had ever done
430
00:26:43,712 --> 00:26:46,504
'was muck about in the water
having a good time.
431
00:26:47,185 --> 00:26:52,120
'The dolphins believed they were
more intelligent than man
432
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,440
'for precisely the same reasons.
433
00:26:56,054 --> 00:26:56,791
'Curiously enough,
434
00:26:56,911 --> 00:27:00,400
'the dolphins had long known
of the impending demolition of Earth,
435
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:04,160
'and made many attempts
to alert mankind of the danger...
436
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,179
'but most of their communications
were misinterpreted
437
00:27:07,299 --> 00:27:11,638
'as amusing attempts to punch
footballs or whistle for titbits,
438
00:27:11,758 --> 00:27:15,239
'so they eventually gave up and left
the Earth by their own means,
439
00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:17,858
'shortly before the Vogons arrived.
440
00:27:18,632 --> 00:27:20,370
'The last-ever dolphin message
441
00:27:20,490 --> 00:27:24,069
'was misinterpreted as
a surprisingly sophisticated attempt
442
00:27:24,189 --> 00:27:27,294
'to do a double-backward somersault
through a hoop
443
00:27:27,414 --> 00:27:30,320
'whilst whistling
the Star-Spangled Banner...
444
00:27:30,558 --> 00:27:32,836
'but, in fact, the message was this:
445
00:27:37,610 --> 00:27:40,463
'In fact, there was only one species
on the planet
446
00:27:40,583 --> 00:27:42,471
'more intelligent than dolphins,
447
00:27:42,718 --> 00:27:44,444
'and they spent a lot of their time
448
00:27:44,564 --> 00:27:46,739
'in behavioural research laboratories
449
00:27:46,859 --> 00:27:51,036
'conducting frighteningly elegant
and subtle experiments on man.
450
00:27:51,835 --> 00:27:54,080
'The fact that man once again
451
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:57,640
'completely misinterpreted
this relationship
452
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,640
'was entirely according
to these creatures' plans,
453
00:28:00,948 --> 00:28:04,001
'as Arthur Dent
will shortly discover.'
454
00:28:04,121 --> 00:28:07,394
Earthman, we are now
deep in the heart of Magrathea.
455
00:28:07,514 --> 00:28:08,936
How d'you know I'm an Earthman?
456
00:28:09,056 --> 00:28:12,623
These things will become clear -
clearer than they are at the moment.
457
00:28:12,743 --> 00:28:13,644
Oh...
458
00:28:16,392 --> 00:28:17,237
I should warn you
459
00:28:17,357 --> 00:28:19,050
the chamber we are about to enter
460
00:28:19,170 --> 00:28:21,977
does not literally exist
within our planet.
461
00:28:22,097 --> 00:28:26,600
It is the gateway into a vast tract
of hyperspace. It may disturb you.
462
00:28:27,296 --> 00:28:31,800
It scares the willies out of me.
Hold tight!
463
00:28:49,772 --> 00:28:52,167
Welcome to our factory floor.
464
00:28:52,754 --> 00:28:55,680
This is where we make
most of our planets, you see.
465
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:57,619
You're starting up again now?
466
00:28:57,739 --> 00:28:58,734
Good heavens, no!
467
00:28:58,854 --> 00:29:02,207
No, the Galaxy isn't nearly
rich enough to afford us yet.
468
00:29:02,327 --> 00:29:07,532
We've been awakened to perform
just one extraordinary function
469
00:29:07,652 --> 00:29:10,320
for very... special clients
470
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:12,520
from another dimension.
471
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:13,911
It may interest you.
472
00:29:14,031 --> 00:29:16,682
There-in front of us.
473
00:29:19,607 --> 00:29:20,680
The Earth!
474
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,880
Well, the Earth Mark II, in fact.
475
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:27,080
We're making a copy
from our original blueprints.
476
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,482
Are you telling me
you originally made the Earth?
477
00:29:29,602 --> 00:29:33,120
Oh, yes.
Did you ever go to a place...?
478
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,680
I think it was called Norway.
479
00:29:36,229 --> 00:29:37,400
No, I didn't.
480
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,040
Pity. That was one of mine.
481
00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,088
Won an award, you know.
482
00:29:42,323 --> 00:29:44,440
Lovely crinkly edges.
483
00:29:44,690 --> 00:29:47,379
I was most upset
to hear of its destruction.
484
00:29:47,661 --> 00:29:49,058
YOU were upset?!
485
00:29:49,178 --> 00:29:51,571
Five minutes later,
it wouldn't have mattered.
486
00:29:51,691 --> 00:29:55,000
- Big cock-up. The mice were furious.
- Mice?
487
00:29:55,363 --> 00:29:58,433
Earthman, the planet you inhabited
488
00:29:58,553 --> 00:30:03,080
was commissioned,
paid for and run by the mice.
489
00:30:03,497 --> 00:30:06,840
It was destroyed five minutes
before the completion of the purpose
490
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:09,804
for which it was built.
We have to build another one.
491
00:30:10,298 --> 00:30:11,930
Mice?
492
00:30:54,567 --> 00:30:57,608
'ARTHUR bruised his upper arm.'
40085
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