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1
00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:07,379
Hey, man. Do you have
a bathroom that we could use?
2
00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:10,562
- We?
- She loves bathrooms.
3
00:02:10,882 --> 00:02:11,883
No.
4
00:02:11,983 --> 00:02:14,252
Look, man, we wanna fuck
in the bagel bathroom.
5
00:02:14,352 --> 00:02:17,670
- You just tell me what that's gonna take.
- Nothing. You can't.
6
00:02:17,770 --> 00:02:20,525
I'll tell you what.
Give me every fucking bagel you got.
7
00:02:20,625 --> 00:02:23,728
I'll buy you out, and then
I'm gonna bang in the bagel room.
8
00:02:23,828 --> 00:02:25,290
I really...
9
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:29,154
She wants to eat a bagel off my cock.
10
00:02:29,254 --> 00:02:31,803
Guys, I'm sorry,
but this isn't gonna happen.
11
00:02:31,903 --> 00:02:33,238
I want a cock bagel.
12
00:02:33,338 --> 00:02:36,141
She wants a cock bagel, man. Sympathize.
13
00:02:36,241 --> 00:02:37,943
I don't sympathize.
14
00:02:38,043 --> 00:02:41,396
Hey, didn't you teach geometry
a couple of years ago?
15
00:02:41,496 --> 00:02:42,644
No.
16
00:02:42,744 --> 00:02:45,917
He did. He was our fucking
student teacher. Remember that?
17
00:02:46,017 --> 00:02:48,969
Holy shit. Yes, you're right.
Now you work in a bagel shop?
18
00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:52,787
- Economy's been really bad.
- Wow, man. You're a real loser.
19
00:02:52,887 --> 00:02:56,686
I bet you masturbate a lot.
You have that look.
20
00:02:56,786 --> 00:02:59,122
I don't have that look.
You guys need to leave.
21
00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:01,357
- Or what?
- Or I'll call the police.
22
00:03:01,457 --> 00:03:04,442
Fuck you, man. We want the bathroom.
23
00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:08,094
Aw, he's the fucking quarterback.
24
00:03:08,964 --> 00:03:10,246
Stop!
25
00:03:10,346 --> 00:03:12,385
Eat dick, bagel man.
26
00:03:12,485 --> 00:03:14,702
Hey, let's just go fuck in your car.
27
00:03:40,430 --> 00:03:44,067
- Hey, man. You're home early.
- What are you doing in my room?
28
00:03:44,167 --> 00:03:47,017
It's cool. A little mix-up.
29
00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:56,318
- She's great, right?
- You're screwing in my bed?
30
00:03:56,418 --> 00:03:59,428
- I haven't even screwed in my bed yet.
- I don't have sheets on my bed.
31
00:03:59,528 --> 00:04:03,708
I thought you just lay down a towel.
She is not "just a towel" kind of girl.
32
00:04:03,808 --> 00:04:07,071
- She's special.
- Oh, good. I'm happy...
33
00:04:12,444 --> 00:04:15,646
That's not my bed. That's Eddie's bed.
34
00:04:16,397 --> 00:04:20,729
I'm disgusting. I don't have any sheets
on my bed because I got drunk a month ago.
35
00:04:20,829 --> 00:04:23,106
I pissed the bed, threw out the sheets
and never got new ones.
36
00:04:23,206 --> 00:04:26,909
And I just wanna be perfectly
honest with you because I'm...
37
00:04:27,519 --> 00:04:30,043
I'm crazy about you.
38
00:04:30,579 --> 00:04:33,815
You are so fucking cheesy.
39
00:04:34,749 --> 00:04:37,262
And I think I kind of like it.
40
00:04:38,089 --> 00:04:40,890
- Okay, good night.
- Oh, Eddie. Eddie, Ally.
41
00:04:40,990 --> 00:04:42,525
- Ally, Eddie.
- Hi.
42
00:04:42,625 --> 00:04:45,195
So, you're the first girl
to be naked in my bed.
43
00:04:45,295 --> 00:04:46,829
Oh, I'm... I'm sorry.
44
00:04:46,929 --> 00:04:48,932
No, no. It's fine.
45
00:04:49,032 --> 00:04:50,833
Did that letter come for me today, man?
46
00:04:50,933 --> 00:04:53,236
Oh. Yeah. It's in the bathroom.
47
00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:54,837
What's it doing in the bathroom?
48
00:04:54,937 --> 00:04:57,705
That's where I read my mail, dude.
49
00:05:09,384 --> 00:05:11,688
- Rejected.
- What?
50
00:05:11,788 --> 00:05:14,858
- That sucks.
- Dude, you were born to teach.
51
00:05:14,958 --> 00:05:18,985
- I was, man. I'm a good teacher.
- You can teach the fuck out of some kids.
52
00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:22,365
When I was a student teacher, our math team
went to the motherfucking state finals.
53
00:05:22,465 --> 00:05:24,634
You goddamn right they did.
You gave those nerds something to live for.
54
00:05:24,734 --> 00:05:27,130
You don't get to the state finals
by being nice, man.
55
00:05:27,230 --> 00:05:29,515
Geometry isn't nice. It's fucking hard.
56
00:05:29,615 --> 00:05:31,745
- Pythagorean theorem?
- I don't even know what that is.
57
00:05:31,845 --> 00:05:35,011
I am sick and tired of waiting
to be a teacher, man.
58
00:05:35,111 --> 00:05:37,647
You wanna screw a girl,
you don't wait to buy bedding.
59
00:05:37,747 --> 00:05:40,270
The quarterback wants a cock bagel,
he doesn't wait.
60
00:05:40,370 --> 00:05:43,378
I'm gonna go to Tampa tomorrow and I'm
gonna tell the American Teaching Corps
61
00:05:43,478 --> 00:05:45,054
they owe me a goddamn interview.
62
00:05:45,154 --> 00:05:47,290
- Yes! Yes!
- Right? Yes!
63
00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:50,068
- Yes!
- Yes!
64
00:05:52,027 --> 00:05:54,492
What is a cock bagel?
65
00:06:07,709 --> 00:06:10,980
Hi. You rejected my application
without ever giving me an interview.
66
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:15,184
And I deserve an interview.
So that's why I'm here.
67
00:06:15,884 --> 00:06:19,553
I like your spirit. Let's see this resume.
68
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:29,109
It says here you student-taught
at Bradenton. Good school.
69
00:06:29,209 --> 00:06:30,900
I really enjoyed that experience,
70
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,369
and I actually started a math team
that went to the state finals.
71
00:06:33,469 --> 00:06:35,922
I used to work with kindergartners
before they put me behind the desk.
72
00:06:36,022 --> 00:06:37,990
- Oh.
- God, I loved those fucking kids.
73
00:06:38,090 --> 00:06:43,112
Great hugs. And their smiles? Gives you
a reason to wake up in the morning.
74
00:06:43,212 --> 00:06:45,479
Absolutely.
75
00:06:45,881 --> 00:06:48,250
- You mind?
- Totally.
76
00:06:48,350 --> 00:06:50,653
You're allowed to like drinking.
You know what I mean?
77
00:06:50,753 --> 00:06:53,187
Sure. Of course.
78
00:06:53,555 --> 00:06:55,258
That's why I love those kids.
79
00:06:55,358 --> 00:06:59,060
I mean, if I were sad
or maybe a little drunk...
80
00:07:00,729 --> 00:07:02,432
they don't judge. You know?
81
00:07:02,532 --> 00:07:06,150
Maybe I worked my way
through an eight ball and...
82
00:07:06,250 --> 00:07:09,806
woke up in St. Pete with half
a kitten in a cardboard box.
83
00:07:09,906 --> 00:07:11,541
Didn't matter.
84
00:07:11,641 --> 00:07:16,143
Those little guys...
good for the hug, always.
85
00:07:17,345 --> 00:07:20,016
Well, I've always thought
that a nurturing approach
86
00:07:20,116 --> 00:07:21,718
is much better
than being an authoritarian.
87
00:07:21,818 --> 00:07:25,605
That's why we do it. We don't do it
for the bitches, that's for certain.
88
00:07:25,705 --> 00:07:28,791
No. I... I do not do it
for the bitches either.
89
00:07:28,891 --> 00:07:32,462
Well, not to say I pay for sex.
90
00:07:32,562 --> 00:07:35,097
I mean, strip club occasionally,
but that's no biggie.
91
00:07:35,197 --> 00:07:37,700
There's nothing wrong
with a gentleman's club.
92
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:42,705
No, there isn't. Me, personally,
big fan of Odyssey 2001.
93
00:07:43,105 --> 00:07:45,107
You been there? Uh, the strip club?
94
00:07:45,207 --> 00:07:47,744
I think I've seen it from the highway.
With the spaceship?
95
00:07:47,844 --> 00:07:50,079
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
96
00:07:50,179 --> 00:07:53,282
A good strip club has to have
a compelling theme.
97
00:07:53,382 --> 00:07:57,551
Otherwise, you're just jerking off
in a warehouse. You know?
98
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,724
- Do you mind if I give you some advice?
- Please do.
99
00:08:01,824 --> 00:08:04,927
This isn't teaching advice.
This is life advice.
100
00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:06,828
Okay, cool.
101
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:11,066
Never do two illegal things
at the same time.
102
00:08:11,166 --> 00:08:14,237
- I like that advice.
- Can I give you some more advice?
103
00:08:14,337 --> 00:08:17,440
Do not go to a strip club
in the town you live in.
104
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:20,109
- Not even Odyssey?
- Especially not Odyssey.
105
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,945
Why? Because it becomes habitual.
106
00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:25,915
Before you know it, you're just
stopping by for a quick drink.
107
00:08:26,015 --> 00:08:29,969
And the bartender's mixing you a "G
and T" before you even asked for it.
108
00:08:30,069 --> 00:08:32,438
Then one day you wake up...
109
00:08:32,538 --> 00:08:36,676
- and guess what happens.
- I don't know what, but it sounds bad.
110
00:08:36,776 --> 00:08:39,178
You're married, man.
You're fucking married.
111
00:08:39,278 --> 00:08:43,315
And your wife? She's still working
the pole four nights a week.
112
00:08:43,415 --> 00:08:45,416
Fuck me.
113
00:08:47,718 --> 00:08:50,522
That's all I'm saying. Write this shit down.
114
00:08:50,622 --> 00:08:54,158
- I brought a pad.
- This is gold, man.
115
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,530
All right, "Edward Cole."
116
00:08:57,630 --> 00:09:00,166
- Right?
- Eddie. Eddie's fine.
117
00:09:00,266 --> 00:09:02,168
- Eddie.
- Yeah.
118
00:09:02,268 --> 00:09:04,568
Like Eddie Murphy.
119
00:09:04,886 --> 00:09:08,408
So, what do you wanna teach, Eddie?
I mean, ideal world.
120
00:09:08,508 --> 00:09:11,499
Well, I was trained to teach math.
I student-taught geometry.
121
00:09:11,599 --> 00:09:14,230
And as I was saying, our team
went to the state finals last year.
122
00:09:14,330 --> 00:09:17,099
Good for you. Well, the thing is...
123
00:09:17,749 --> 00:09:21,435
- we don't really have any positions.
- There's got to be something.
124
00:09:21,535 --> 00:09:23,216
Mm-mmm.
125
00:09:23,316 --> 00:09:25,323
Oh, wait.
126
00:09:25,423 --> 00:09:27,592
I do have something.
127
00:09:28,092 --> 00:09:30,494
Done and done.
128
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:34,466
It's either Fourth or Fisk Street.
I can't read it.
129
00:09:34,566 --> 00:09:38,168
- Fisk?
- Fisk. Fourth or Fisk.
130
00:09:38,837 --> 00:09:39,938
Good luck.
131
00:09:41,974 --> 00:09:44,210
I got the job!
132
00:09:44,310 --> 00:09:46,770
No way, dude!
133
00:09:48,179 --> 00:09:51,284
- We're celebrating.
- I'm so happy for you, Eddie.
134
00:09:51,384 --> 00:09:53,767
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
135
00:09:53,867 --> 00:09:56,922
No, no, no, no.
You're sitting right there. Oh, watch out.
136
00:09:57,022 --> 00:09:58,866
So, what's the job?
137
00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:02,993
Oh, sorry. I don't wanna sit
on the couch and get all oily.
138
00:10:03,094 --> 00:10:05,865
Um, it's up in Tampa... Ybor City.
139
00:10:05,965 --> 00:10:08,367
It's an after-school
study program for kids.
140
00:10:08,467 --> 00:10:11,704
- That's the Cuban neighborhood, right?
- It's really cool up there.
141
00:10:11,804 --> 00:10:13,356
Yeah, yeah. I'm excited.
142
00:10:13,456 --> 00:10:17,209
Brutal commute though, man. Fucking bru...
You're gonna be living on the Skyway.
143
00:10:17,309 --> 00:10:19,510
I know.
144
00:10:20,211 --> 00:10:23,049
I, uh... I don't mean
to insert myself here,
145
00:10:23,149 --> 00:10:27,036
but it may make sense for you
to get a place closer up there.
146
00:10:27,136 --> 00:10:30,456
Wh... No. No, no. If you move over
there, I'm never gonna see you.
147
00:10:30,556 --> 00:10:33,625
I don't know, man. Maybe it's a good idea.
148
00:10:33,725 --> 00:10:35,994
A fresh start.
149
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:39,977
Well, what's most important
is that you're happy. So...
150
00:10:40,277 --> 00:10:42,285
I guess do whatever makes you happy, man.
151
00:10:42,385 --> 00:10:44,570
And this is just gonna keep on happening.
152
00:10:44,670 --> 00:10:48,608
- Role-play stuff, man.
- What roles are you guys playing?
153
00:10:48,708 --> 00:10:51,143
- Christmas in the firehouse.
- Yeah, turkey was for dinner.
154
00:10:51,243 --> 00:10:55,409
- But what's the elephant?
- Oh. My dick goes in the nose like this.
155
00:11:29,181 --> 00:11:30,983
Hi. I'm here to check out the apartment.
156
00:11:31,083 --> 00:11:34,017
The apartment... you're gonna love it.
It's got everything.
157
00:11:36,421 --> 00:11:39,658
So this is it. This is your palace, baby.
158
00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:43,028
This is where you're gonna love and lose.
It's all here.
159
00:11:43,128 --> 00:11:44,330
All right.
160
00:11:44,530 --> 00:11:46,899
Hey, motherfucker, you gonna pay rent
161
00:11:46,999 --> 00:11:49,268
or am I gonna have to make you homeless?
162
00:11:50,068 --> 00:11:53,272
- So, the walls here are thin.
- Got it.
163
00:11:53,372 --> 00:11:57,744
But, you know, if you're banging it out,
don't be shy. I don't mind a little noise.
164
00:11:57,844 --> 00:12:00,913
You know, I'm...
I'm fairly quiet when I make love.
165
00:12:01,013 --> 00:12:03,349
I'm just saying, you know,
I like the sound.
166
00:12:03,449 --> 00:12:07,219
Sensuality and whatnot.
You know, life, happening.
167
00:12:07,319 --> 00:12:09,755
Yeah, it can be soothing.
168
00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:12,158
And you might hear a little bit
of something from me too.
169
00:12:12,258 --> 00:12:14,326
I might get a little screamy,
but it's all good.
170
00:12:14,426 --> 00:12:17,830
If shit gets screamy,
I'm just handling my business.
171
00:12:17,930 --> 00:12:20,098
Sure. Sure.
172
00:12:25,103 --> 00:12:27,373
- I think I'll take it.
- Right on.
173
00:12:27,473 --> 00:12:30,309
All right, well, come downstairs
to my bar later, meet your neighbors.
174
00:12:30,409 --> 00:12:32,610
Okay, sure.
175
00:13:19,157 --> 00:13:20,960
That's pretty cool music.
176
00:13:21,060 --> 00:13:24,230
Pretty cool? Baby, it's the coolest.
177
00:13:24,330 --> 00:13:26,472
- I used to be in band.
- Yeah, what'd you play?
178
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:28,367
The oboe. It's a woodwind.
179
00:13:28,467 --> 00:13:32,371
Man, I know what a oboe is.
It's a pussy deflector.
180
00:13:32,471 --> 00:13:34,120
It's like a pussy magnet, but in reverse.
181
00:13:34,220 --> 00:13:37,910
- I was in jazz band, so...
- You played jazz oboe?
182
00:13:38,010 --> 00:13:42,715
Yeah. I had, like, a Kenny G thing going on.
We used to do jazzy Christmas songs.
183
00:13:43,415 --> 00:13:45,624
But oboe.
184
00:13:46,417 --> 00:13:50,556
- Yeah, it wasn't very cool, was it?
- Oh, baby, it really wasn't.
185
00:13:50,656 --> 00:13:52,925
That's okay, doll.
186
00:13:53,125 --> 00:13:55,358
What's your poison?
187
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:59,196
- I'll have a whiskey.
- All right.
188
00:14:54,151 --> 00:14:56,188
Hey, guys.
189
00:14:56,288 --> 00:14:57,957
I'm Mr. Cole.
190
00:14:58,657 --> 00:15:01,725
I am your after-school
activities coordinator.
191
00:15:04,963 --> 00:15:08,064
So, what do you wanna learn?
192
00:15:10,334 --> 00:15:13,239
Come on, guys. You wouldn't be here
if you didn't wanna learn something.
193
00:15:13,339 --> 00:15:16,008
- This is detention.
- What?
194
00:15:16,108 --> 00:15:19,510
We have to be here. We all got in trouble.
195
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:22,168
- Yes.
- Can I go to the bathroom?
196
00:15:22,268 --> 00:15:24,765
Sure. Yeah. Go ahead.
197
00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:28,183
- Hey, you wanna hear me freestyle rap?
- Uh...
198
00:15:28,283 --> 00:15:31,490
- Yeah. He's awesome.
- Okay. Sure. Yeah. Let's hear something.
199
00:15:31,590 --> 00:15:33,492
- All right, what's your name? Cole?
- Yeah.
200
00:15:33,592 --> 00:15:35,927
All right. Go.
201
00:15:39,563 --> 00:15:41,433
Mr. Cole likes it in the hole
202
00:15:41,533 --> 00:15:44,062
Just a little brown,
wants to go downtown, mm
203
00:15:44,162 --> 00:15:46,272
- Mr. Cole sucking dick on the knoll
- Hey.
204
00:15:46,372 --> 00:15:48,340
Pussy bitch wanna suck a dick on the knoll
205
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,732
- Hey, that's enough. That's enough!
- He got one in his hole, both holes
206
00:15:51,832 --> 00:15:53,966
Come on, Mr. Cole,
stop being such a bitch.
207
00:15:54,066 --> 00:15:57,099
If you use that kind of language
in this class, I will call your parents.
208
00:15:57,199 --> 00:15:59,784
No, no, no, don't do that. You can't.
209
00:16:02,054 --> 00:16:05,607
- What's going on? Are you okay?
- I'm gonna die. I got cancer.
210
00:16:05,907 --> 00:16:09,294
- What?
- I'm bleeding.
211
00:16:09,394 --> 00:16:12,790
- What do you mean?
- I'm bleeding out my hoo-ha.
212
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:18,001
Come... come with me. Come with me.
213
00:16:28,546 --> 00:16:30,914
I got these in the teachers' lounge.
214
00:16:31,849 --> 00:16:33,683
Here.
215
00:16:33,918 --> 00:16:36,122
- What do I do with these?
- That's a tampon.
216
00:16:36,222 --> 00:16:38,190
I don't know what that is!
217
00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:41,927
See, you just...
you take it and you... put it in.
218
00:16:42,027 --> 00:16:46,232
- What? No way!
- No, it's... you just... Look. It...
219
00:16:46,832 --> 00:16:50,252
It's... can I... can I call your parents?
220
00:16:50,902 --> 00:16:53,772
My dad is working right now, and...
221
00:16:53,872 --> 00:16:56,206
I don't have a mom.
222
00:16:56,774 --> 00:16:59,378
Uh... Can you wait right here?
I know someone that I can call.
223
00:16:59,478 --> 00:17:02,713
Can you just wait here one second?
I'll be right back.
224
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:17,897
Oh, thank the Lord you came.
225
00:17:17,997 --> 00:17:21,967
This is my friend Ally. She's a nurse.
She's gonna help you out.
226
00:17:22,067 --> 00:17:25,569
Yeah. Come with me.
It'll all be all right.
227
00:17:37,615 --> 00:17:40,995
You wanna get a drink with JT? There's
a cool bar underneath my new apartment.
228
00:17:41,095 --> 00:17:43,102
Yeah, sounds good.
229
00:17:43,202 --> 00:17:45,024
Hey. What are you still doing here?
230
00:17:45,124 --> 00:17:48,591
Oh. My sister's meeting me,
but she's always late.
231
00:17:50,228 --> 00:17:52,796
Oh. There she is.
232
00:17:56,567 --> 00:17:58,602
That's your sister?
233
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,085
Hey, buddy.
234
00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:16,989
- Hi.
- Hi. Uh, I'm Ed Cole.
235
00:18:17,089 --> 00:18:19,491
- I work at the school.
- Pilar, Tito's sister.
236
00:18:19,591 --> 00:18:23,362
- Oh. Uh, this is my friend Ally.
- Hi.
237
00:18:23,462 --> 00:18:26,815
Not my... not my girlfriend.
238
00:18:27,465 --> 00:18:28,834
Oh. Okay.
239
00:18:28,934 --> 00:18:31,638
She's actually dating my best friend, so...
240
00:18:31,738 --> 00:18:34,115
I think she gets it, Eddie.
241
00:18:34,372 --> 00:18:36,173
Right.
242
00:18:36,774 --> 00:18:38,576
So...
243
00:18:39,576 --> 00:18:42,414
- How's it going?
- Great. Good.
244
00:18:42,514 --> 00:18:45,082
Yeah. Cool.
245
00:18:50,071 --> 00:18:52,674
- You come here often?
- The school?
246
00:18:52,774 --> 00:18:55,644
- Yeah.
- Um... Yeah. I guess so.
247
00:18:55,744 --> 00:18:58,247
I... I meet Tito most days.
248
00:18:58,347 --> 00:19:00,814
Oh, right. Yeah.
249
00:19:04,034 --> 00:19:06,271
Um, we better get going, right, Ed?
250
00:19:06,371 --> 00:19:09,541
Yeah. We actually have plans
tonight, so we got to jet.
251
00:19:09,641 --> 00:19:14,310
Yeah, we're going to this really cool bar.
I don't know if you wanna... chill.
252
00:19:14,645 --> 00:19:17,816
- Chill?
- Yeah, like hang out.
253
00:19:17,916 --> 00:19:21,954
- Yeah, nobody says "chill."
- Tito, be nice to your teacher.
254
00:19:26,257 --> 00:19:29,594
Mira, Chiquitita, let's roll.
255
00:19:29,694 --> 00:19:31,962
That's our ride.
256
00:19:32,930 --> 00:19:35,566
Yeah, I got my ride over there.
257
00:19:39,103 --> 00:19:42,656
- Um, well, bye.
- Yeah. Bye.
258
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:11,170
She was so scared 'cause
no one ever explained it to her.
259
00:20:11,270 --> 00:20:13,872
Sex ed, man. That's what these kids need.
260
00:20:13,972 --> 00:20:16,575
Are you sure you're the best person
to be teaching sex ed?
261
00:20:16,675 --> 00:20:19,644
You can teach sex ed
even if you're a virgin.
262
00:20:19,744 --> 00:20:23,350
- You might actually be better at it.
- Whoa. Who said I was a virgin?
263
00:20:23,450 --> 00:20:25,272
Oh, I'm sorry.
264
00:20:25,372 --> 00:20:27,553
For the record,
Eddie is definitely not a virgin.
265
00:20:27,653 --> 00:20:30,789
He had, uh, crazy sex with a Canadian
girl one summer at camp.
266
00:20:30,889 --> 00:20:33,859
- Who is now a model in Toronto.
- Wow.
267
00:20:33,959 --> 00:20:37,239
- But maybe it is time to get back out there.
- Dude, I liked this girl today.
268
00:20:37,339 --> 00:20:39,887
- That did not go well.
- Why?
269
00:20:39,987 --> 00:20:44,069
It was really uncomfortable to watch.
Really uncomfortable.
270
00:20:44,169 --> 00:20:46,689
Like watching that porno with Screech.
271
00:20:46,789 --> 00:20:50,742
- What you need is a rain dance.
- I don't need a rain dance.
272
00:20:50,842 --> 00:20:53,685
- What's a rain dance?
- Sometimes when JT's in a dry spell,
273
00:20:53,785 --> 00:20:57,883
he finds a girl who is less than
attractive and he has sex with her,
274
00:20:57,983 --> 00:21:01,356
and then he paints his face like an Indian
and walks around the apartment in a loincloth.
275
00:21:01,456 --> 00:21:04,155
You are in a dry spell.
You are in the Death fucking Valley.
276
00:21:04,255 --> 00:21:07,747
And once it rains, it pours, so what you need
to do is find a girl to end the dry spell
277
00:21:07,847 --> 00:21:11,413
- and get things pouring again.
- No. That's terrible advice.
278
00:21:11,513 --> 00:21:13,198
Sometimes you got to get
your dick a little bit dirty.
279
00:21:13,298 --> 00:21:15,800
I like having a clean dick.
280
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:20,171
Well, unavailable men
are sometimes more attractive.
281
00:21:20,271 --> 00:21:23,542
By unavailable, she means
bros who presently reek of pussy.
282
00:21:23,642 --> 00:21:26,711
And even though you totally
lost your virginity at camp...
283
00:21:26,811 --> 00:21:29,479
and everybody believes
you're not a virgin...
284
00:21:30,348 --> 00:21:33,699
a rain dance might be a good thing.
Jump-start things, get things going again.
285
00:21:33,799 --> 00:21:36,655
Yeah, but if I lower my standards
and date an ugly girl,
286
00:21:36,755 --> 00:21:39,490
doesn't that kind of constrain me
to a particular ballpark?
287
00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:41,860
Recall the woman to whom
I was laying pipe prior to Ally.
288
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:44,783
- JT, I'm right here.
- She looked like she lived under a bridge.
289
00:21:44,883 --> 00:21:48,333
Yeah. The girl I was railing
looked like a troll.
290
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:49,901
But I was getting laid.
291
00:21:50,001 --> 00:21:54,536
And that, in some deep biological,
pheromonal, pussy-stank way,
292
00:21:54,636 --> 00:21:57,607
attracted her to me.
293
00:21:57,708 --> 00:22:00,439
So, why were you attracted to me?
294
00:22:00,979 --> 00:22:02,847
I don't know. I just was.
295
00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:06,451
Do you think it was some sort of deep,
pheromonal, semen stink kind of way?
296
00:22:06,551 --> 00:22:10,522
That's a good question. If Ally smelled
like jizz, would you be attracted to her?
297
00:22:10,622 --> 00:22:14,726
Yeah. If we were in a bar and I had jizz
on me, would you come over and talk to me?
298
00:22:14,826 --> 00:22:17,696
- I don't think he would.
- I don't think he would either.
299
00:22:17,796 --> 00:22:19,915
I really thought you guys
had something special.
300
00:22:20,015 --> 00:22:21,883
And you'd get turned off
by a little white sauce.
301
00:22:21,983 --> 00:22:25,037
I just want you to stop talking
about other people jizzing on you.
302
00:22:25,137 --> 00:22:27,938
So, why were you attracted to me?
303
00:22:30,841 --> 00:22:33,812
I think maybe it's because you're
so willing to call me on my shit
304
00:22:33,912 --> 00:22:36,381
that you'll tell me
other people jizzed on you.
305
00:22:36,681 --> 00:22:39,250
I'm pretty awesome that way, right?
306
00:22:39,350 --> 00:22:41,553
See, this is what I want...
what you guys have.
307
00:22:41,653 --> 00:22:45,488
See, but if you want this,
you got to make it rain.
308
00:22:47,357 --> 00:22:49,575
- I have just the girl.
- Who?
309
00:22:49,675 --> 00:22:51,496
She was a senior when we were freshmen.
310
00:22:51,596 --> 00:22:54,799
Crazy. And I don't think
she's changed since college.
311
00:22:54,899 --> 00:22:58,568
- Really?
- Oh, she will get the job done.
312
00:23:00,671 --> 00:23:03,094
What is wrong with you guys?
313
00:23:06,777 --> 00:23:10,616
All right, guys, today we're gonna
learn about the human body.
314
00:23:10,716 --> 00:23:13,752
Now, I know there's a lot of slang
terms out there for body parts.
315
00:23:13,852 --> 00:23:16,722
- Like "poontang."
- Please be quiet, Leon.
316
00:23:17,022 --> 00:23:19,858
It's important for you to know
and understand the scientific terms
317
00:23:19,958 --> 00:23:23,061
so that you have respect for your bodies
and for the bodies of others.
318
00:23:23,161 --> 00:23:27,466
That's why in this class we're only gonna
use the proper names for the body parts.
319
00:23:27,766 --> 00:23:30,068
So let's start with the female anatomy.
320
00:23:30,168 --> 00:23:32,669
Here we have the labia majora.
321
00:23:32,837 --> 00:23:36,008
Let me hear you say it.
Let's all get comfortable with it here.
322
00:23:36,108 --> 00:23:37,976
Labia majora.
323
00:23:38,076 --> 00:23:39,581
Good.
324
00:23:40,411 --> 00:23:43,175
- Yes, Leon.
- Is it always called labia majora?
325
00:23:43,275 --> 00:23:47,752
- Yes, Leon.
- What if it's kind of droopy?
326
00:23:47,852 --> 00:23:51,721
- It's always the labia majora.
- What if it looks like lunch meat?
327
00:23:51,821 --> 00:23:53,442
It's still the labia majora.
328
00:23:53,542 --> 00:23:56,145
What if it looks
like a baby's face frowning?
329
00:23:56,245 --> 00:23:59,148
- That... that's still labia majora.
- Well, what if it...
330
00:23:59,248 --> 00:24:02,217
Leon, it will always be labia majora. Okay?
331
00:24:02,317 --> 00:24:05,904
I'm just saying, man, I seen some shit
that I would not call labia majora.
332
00:24:06,004 --> 00:24:09,741
- Last warning, Leon.
- Let me know when you find your tiny dick.
333
00:24:09,841 --> 00:24:12,074
- It's right above your tiny balls.
- Ooh.
334
00:24:12,174 --> 00:24:14,402
- Principal's office now.
- No, no, no.
335
00:24:14,502 --> 00:24:17,282
- I warned you, Leon. Go!
- Please, Mr. Cole, my dad will kill me.
336
00:24:17,382 --> 00:24:19,150
Go, Leon.
337
00:24:38,302 --> 00:24:39,304
I was just talking.
338
00:24:39,404 --> 00:24:42,773
- You should know better, Leon.
- I'm sorry.
339
00:24:47,478 --> 00:24:52,017
You have a dirty mouth.
A dirty, dirty mouth.
340
00:24:52,117 --> 00:24:55,419
I taught you better than that.
You should know better.
341
00:24:55,519 --> 00:24:57,788
You know better.
342
00:25:02,526 --> 00:25:05,030
Sir, um, I'm Eddie Cole.
343
00:25:05,130 --> 00:25:09,734
- I run the after-school academic program.
- Reverend Marcus Hamilton.
344
00:25:09,834 --> 00:25:13,102
- You're not gonna wash your hands?
- Excuse me.
345
00:25:21,178 --> 00:25:23,315
I apologize for my son's behavior.
346
00:25:23,415 --> 00:25:26,885
You know, it's really not that big
a deal. It's just kids being kids.
347
00:25:26,985 --> 00:25:31,056
- So, what have the kids been learning?
- Uh, well, we are taking some time
348
00:25:31,156 --> 00:25:34,726
to just talk about general
adolescent health issues.
349
00:25:34,826 --> 00:25:37,162
- What do you mean by that?
- Well, uh...
350
00:25:37,262 --> 00:25:40,131
Leon and the other kids
are going through puberty,
351
00:25:40,231 --> 00:25:42,953
and they don't really understand
what's happening to them. So...
352
00:25:43,053 --> 00:25:45,636
So you're telling my son
about his pubic hair?
353
00:25:45,736 --> 00:25:46,738
No.
354
00:25:46,838 --> 00:25:49,641
You don't think that I can explain
pubic hair to my own son?
355
00:25:49,741 --> 00:25:51,510
- No, of course not.
- Believe me when I say
356
00:25:51,610 --> 00:25:55,245
I have a thorough understanding
of pubic hair.
357
00:25:56,046 --> 00:25:59,450
And that these types of discussions
should be had at home...
358
00:25:59,550 --> 00:26:01,951
between a parent and child.
359
00:26:02,786 --> 00:26:07,257
Not with some teacher that I barely
know and certainly don't trust.
360
00:26:10,060 --> 00:26:12,228
I understand.
361
00:26:13,731 --> 00:26:15,366
Come on, Leon.
362
00:26:28,312 --> 00:26:32,017
- What's up, honey?
- Hey. I'm meeting a girl here.
363
00:26:32,117 --> 00:26:35,287
- Oh, all right.
- Blind date.
364
00:26:35,687 --> 00:26:39,024
- Oh, I think she's here.
- Hey.
365
00:26:39,124 --> 00:26:42,240
- Trish. You're Eddie. Hi.
- Hi. Oh.
366
00:26:46,129 --> 00:26:49,200
- Nice to meet you. That's okay.
- Sorry.
367
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:52,804
Wow. This is a cool spot.
368
00:26:52,904 --> 00:26:54,738
Yeah.
369
00:26:58,208 --> 00:27:00,943
So, what's go... up with you?
370
00:27:01,979 --> 00:27:04,211
Not much.
371
00:27:09,087 --> 00:27:11,156
I was just gonna say
your blouse is really nice.
372
00:27:11,256 --> 00:27:13,291
- Thank you.
- It's a good color. Good color.
373
00:27:13,391 --> 00:27:15,225
Black.
374
00:27:17,127 --> 00:27:21,300
- Can I get you something?
- Shots. Thanks. We'll get this party started.
375
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,235
- Okay. Yeah.
- Right?
376
00:27:23,335 --> 00:27:26,071
- What do you like to drink?
- Everything.
377
00:27:26,471 --> 00:27:29,606
They have everything here. Mmm.
378
00:27:34,662 --> 00:27:39,151
So, do you, like... do you, like, sip?
'Cause... Like, the big cup sometimes...
379
00:27:39,251 --> 00:27:41,918
- Oh, that's how you... Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
380
00:27:46,224 --> 00:27:47,300
Thank you.
381
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:50,629
And the parents are working,
and they cut after-school programs.
382
00:27:50,729 --> 00:27:53,664
It's important. I need to teach them.
383
00:27:53,764 --> 00:27:57,502
Why don't you teach me something?
384
00:27:57,602 --> 00:28:00,605
- Huh?
- Oh, what do you wanna learn?
385
00:28:00,705 --> 00:28:03,975
Come on, Mr. Teacher. Huh?
386
00:28:04,075 --> 00:28:06,645
You show me what you're made of.
387
00:28:08,345 --> 00:28:11,014
Get up. Whoo!
388
00:28:11,682 --> 00:28:14,519
- Whoop.
- Oh, I don't think we should do that.
389
00:28:14,619 --> 00:28:16,849
It's all clear.
390
00:28:18,388 --> 00:28:22,260
- Wait? In here?
- Here. Come on.
391
00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:24,594
Back here.
392
00:28:38,308 --> 00:28:40,543
Come on.
393
00:28:40,878 --> 00:28:44,381
- Wait. We should go to my apartment.
- Mm-mmm.
394
00:28:46,150 --> 00:28:48,186
Do you have a nice dick?
395
00:28:48,286 --> 00:28:49,954
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
396
00:28:50,054 --> 00:28:53,108
- I bet your dick tastes like candy.
- Yeah, it does.
397
00:28:53,208 --> 00:28:55,694
Yeah? What kind of candy?
398
00:28:55,794 --> 00:29:00,332
- Mmm. It's dick-flavored candy.
- Mmm. I like that.
399
00:29:00,432 --> 00:29:02,299
Right.
400
00:29:07,270 --> 00:29:09,107
What?
401
00:29:09,207 --> 00:29:12,277
Why are guys always using me?
402
00:29:13,077 --> 00:29:14,412
What?
403
00:29:14,512 --> 00:29:17,849
You only like me because
you know I give good blow jobs.
404
00:29:17,949 --> 00:29:20,151
Don't... No, no. I didn't know that.
I didn't know it.
405
00:29:20,251 --> 00:29:23,288
Well, I do. They're really good.
406
00:29:23,388 --> 00:29:27,123
- Great.
- I used to give JT blow jobs.
407
00:29:27,457 --> 00:29:32,030
I thought I loved him,
but he only loved blow jobs.
408
00:29:32,130 --> 00:29:35,800
You're a really nice person.
You're... you're such a nice person.
409
00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:40,572
- We don't have to get physical right now.
- Oh, no, it's okay.
410
00:29:40,672 --> 00:29:43,942
And I am such a freak sometimes.
411
00:29:44,042 --> 00:29:46,344
Just pull your dick out.
412
00:29:46,444 --> 00:29:49,380
No. No, it's fine. It's okay.
413
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,050
Just pull it out. We're good. We're good.
414
00:29:52,150 --> 00:29:54,385
I really... I really think...
415
00:29:54,485 --> 00:29:57,219
We're fine. It's okay.
416
00:29:58,856 --> 00:30:00,658
Oh.
417
00:30:00,758 --> 00:30:04,329
Got it. Okay. You're gay.
418
00:30:04,429 --> 00:30:06,598
You are gay. Hmm.
419
00:30:06,698 --> 00:30:09,532
- No.
- Okay. Well...
420
00:30:20,911 --> 00:30:24,683
- She called me gay.
- Oh, my God. You're upset about that?
421
00:30:24,783 --> 00:30:28,117
- Yes, I am.
- Why?
422
00:30:28,785 --> 00:30:30,905
That girl was served up
to me on a silver platter.
423
00:30:31,005 --> 00:30:33,542
Oh, please.
When Tonya Harding walked in here,
424
00:30:33,742 --> 00:30:36,761
you looked at her like she was born
out of an egg. You were not interested.
425
00:30:36,861 --> 00:30:39,729
Yeah, I didn't really like her, but...
426
00:30:41,264 --> 00:30:43,268
Sometimes you got to lower
your standards. You know?
427
00:30:43,368 --> 00:30:48,139
No, I don't know. You think when I pull a
man's pants down and I see a tiny penis,
428
00:30:48,239 --> 00:30:51,476
that I'm like,
"Ahh. This micro-dick will do?
429
00:30:51,576 --> 00:30:54,462
Girl's gotta eat." Shit. Fuck that shit.
430
00:30:54,562 --> 00:30:56,948
I... I haven't been
with a girl in basically forever.
431
00:30:57,048 --> 00:31:00,566
- So?
- So? What does that make me?
432
00:31:00,666 --> 00:31:04,656
It makes you a dude who hasn't had his
bird wet in a while. That don't mean shit.
433
00:31:04,756 --> 00:31:07,659
I'm 23, and I feel like I'm 15.
434
00:31:07,759 --> 00:31:11,930
I'm broke. I don't have the job I want.
I don't have a girl.
435
00:31:12,030 --> 00:31:15,300
I just... I feel like I'm waiting
for life to start for me.
436
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:18,937
Let me tell you something.
You wanna be a man?
437
00:31:19,037 --> 00:31:21,739
You wanna scratch the surface of life?
438
00:31:21,839 --> 00:31:25,510
Stop moping.
Because that's not what men do.
439
00:31:25,610 --> 00:31:29,745
Life will start for you
when you start it for yourself.
440
00:31:30,547 --> 00:31:32,582
Sit up.
441
00:31:40,190 --> 00:31:44,262
Okay, today we're gonna talk
about sexually transmitted diseases.
442
00:31:44,362 --> 00:31:46,763
Can anybody name one? Yes.
443
00:31:46,863 --> 00:31:49,000
- The clap.
- The clap. Right.
444
00:31:49,100 --> 00:31:52,803
The clap is slang for gonorrhea.
445
00:31:54,905 --> 00:31:56,841
- Any others?
- Crabs.
446
00:31:56,941 --> 00:32:01,877
Crabs. Right. Crabs is slang for pubic lice.
447
00:32:02,746 --> 00:32:05,637
- All right. Anybody else?
- The green drip.
448
00:32:06,017 --> 00:32:10,152
Green drip. I think
you're talking about chlamydia.
449
00:32:11,922 --> 00:32:14,040
Cool. More.
450
00:32:19,296 --> 00:32:21,967
I think that is every S.T.D.
451
00:32:22,767 --> 00:32:24,726
I think we got 'em, Fish.
452
00:32:24,826 --> 00:32:27,922
So abstinence... not having sex at all,
453
00:32:28,072 --> 00:32:31,409
is the only way to completely prevent
the transmission of these diseases,
454
00:32:31,509 --> 00:32:35,814
but if you do become sexually active,
wearing a condom can help reduce your risk.
455
00:32:35,914 --> 00:32:38,716
Man, that's like wearing
a raincoat in the shower.
456
00:32:38,816 --> 00:32:40,385
Watch it, Leon.
457
00:32:40,485 --> 00:32:43,821
My brother says that condoms are
for people who are afraid to ride dirty.
458
00:32:43,921 --> 00:32:48,026
Okay. Well, right now
these are just names on the board.
459
00:32:48,126 --> 00:32:50,427
Let's put a face to these diseases.
460
00:33:13,517 --> 00:33:16,621
Using condoms can keep this kind
of stuff from happening to you.
461
00:33:17,321 --> 00:33:21,426
I'm not a rawdogger. I don't wanna be.
462
00:33:21,626 --> 00:33:25,795
So, who wants to learn
how to put on a condom?
463
00:33:27,063 --> 00:33:29,267
That's what I thought.
464
00:33:29,367 --> 00:33:33,770
Everybody come up here and grab a banana
or a cucumber and a couple condoms.
465
00:34:11,809 --> 00:34:13,678
If I wanna go out with a girl,
466
00:34:13,778 --> 00:34:18,482
how many dates do I need to
take her out on before we have sex?
467
00:34:18,582 --> 00:34:20,751
You're pretty young to be having sex.
468
00:34:20,851 --> 00:34:24,088
You can probably wait a few years,
and that's okay.
469
00:34:24,188 --> 00:34:26,157
No, but I wanna have sex.
470
00:34:26,257 --> 00:34:29,293
I understand. A lot of people do, but...
471
00:34:29,393 --> 00:34:32,213
I mean, there's just...
there's really no rush.
472
00:34:32,313 --> 00:34:35,433
I've been dating this girl,
Margarita, for a while,
473
00:34:35,533 --> 00:34:38,136
and so far all I've gotten are hand jobs.
474
00:34:38,236 --> 00:34:40,338
Well, that's pretty advanced
for someone your age.
475
00:34:40,438 --> 00:34:42,540
I hate hand jobs. They're so rough.
476
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:45,176
Look, the bottom line is
that you shouldn't rush it.
477
00:34:45,276 --> 00:34:47,231
It will happen when the time is right.
478
00:34:47,331 --> 00:34:49,013
Dude, I watch this stuff on the Internet,
479
00:34:49,113 --> 00:34:51,516
and it's like these guys
just start banging right away.
480
00:34:51,616 --> 00:34:55,012
- What are you watching on the Internet?
- The one with the van. It's called Bangbus.
481
00:34:55,112 --> 00:34:59,290
- These two guys go around and...
- Tito, that kind of stuff isn't real.
482
00:34:59,390 --> 00:35:01,926
Girls just aren't gonna jump
in a van and have sex with you.
483
00:35:02,026 --> 00:35:03,828
But it seems pretty real.
484
00:35:03,928 --> 00:35:06,998
They go to places like the mall.
They look just like the mall.
485
00:35:07,098 --> 00:35:09,312
Hey, let's talk about this later.
486
00:35:10,267 --> 00:35:12,070
Hey.
487
00:35:12,470 --> 00:35:15,439
So, you know, you're officially
Tito's favorite teacher.
488
00:35:15,539 --> 00:35:17,610
- What?
- Pilar, come on.
489
00:35:17,842 --> 00:35:20,678
Yeah, it's true. He can't stop
talking about you at home.
490
00:35:20,778 --> 00:35:23,781
He says you're the best teacher
he ever had.
491
00:35:23,981 --> 00:35:26,416
Wow. Thanks.
492
00:35:26,916 --> 00:35:30,187
You should come to our house
for dinner tonight.
493
00:35:30,287 --> 00:35:32,754
Our mom wants to meet you.
494
00:35:35,158 --> 00:35:38,195
Cool. Yeah, I'd like that.
495
00:36:09,427 --> 00:36:11,962
- Hey.
- Come on in, Mr. Cole.
496
00:36:12,162 --> 00:36:14,948
Hello! You are Tito's teacher, yes?
497
00:36:15,048 --> 00:36:17,268
- That's right. Yes. Oh. Hi.
- Welcome.
498
00:36:17,368 --> 00:36:20,637
- Oh!
- I brought some of this.
499
00:36:20,737 --> 00:36:23,174
Some rum.
Let's have some rum for the teacher.
500
00:36:23,274 --> 00:36:25,109
Sure.
501
00:36:25,409 --> 00:36:28,126
Hey, what are you doing?
You don't get rum.
502
00:36:28,846 --> 00:36:31,349
He's the man of the house and he knows it.
503
00:36:31,449 --> 00:36:35,286
I say to him, "Honey, you don't even
know what it means to be a man."
504
00:36:35,386 --> 00:36:38,156
Now, maybe he has a little mustache,
but he's still a little boy.
505
00:36:38,256 --> 00:36:40,090
You're right.
Yeah, you should listen to your mom.
506
00:36:40,190 --> 00:36:42,360
Having a mustache doesn't mean
you got it all figured out.
507
00:36:42,460 --> 00:36:45,227
That's right. Salud.
508
00:36:48,365 --> 00:36:51,403
- Hey, where's Hector?
- He's running a little late. He'll be here.
509
00:36:51,503 --> 00:36:54,505
- Hector's your boyfriend?
- Yeah. You'll like him.
510
00:36:54,605 --> 00:36:55,530
Cool.
511
00:36:55,630 --> 00:36:57,773
Since Hector is late,
I need you to help me with dinner.
512
00:36:57,873 --> 00:37:00,376
Sure. Yeah. What can I do?
513
00:37:02,879 --> 00:37:05,428
I need you to stand right there.
514
00:37:12,589 --> 00:37:15,493
I need you to take the spices...
515
00:37:15,593 --> 00:37:18,728
and rub into the pig.
516
00:37:27,371 --> 00:37:31,642
Rub it hard, Mr. Eddie. All over the butt.
517
00:37:31,742 --> 00:37:35,644
Inside. Go... yeah, go all the way in.
518
00:37:36,813 --> 00:37:40,264
Get right in there so it's tasty.
519
00:37:40,364 --> 00:37:42,184
Like this?
520
00:37:43,453 --> 00:37:46,255
Lighten up. Have a drink.
521
00:37:47,156 --> 00:37:49,625
Just a little piggy.
522
00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:56,555
¡Oye! ¿Qué está pasando?
523
00:37:56,655 --> 00:37:58,602
- Hi, sweetheart.
- Hey.
524
00:37:58,702 --> 00:38:02,772
- We're giving dinner for you tonight.
- Sí. Huele bueno.
525
00:38:06,075 --> 00:38:08,446
- ¿Quieres rum?
- Pues, claro. Dale.
526
00:38:09,508 --> 00:38:11,988
- Hey, baby.
- Hi.
527
00:38:13,416 --> 00:38:16,721
Oh. This is Eddie,
Tito's favorite teacher.
528
00:38:17,021 --> 00:38:20,324
Oh, yeah. The teacher.
529
00:38:20,424 --> 00:38:22,393
Now a drink. Salud.
530
00:38:22,493 --> 00:38:24,360
Salud.
531
00:38:28,198 --> 00:38:30,368
- Nice to meet you.
- And you.
532
00:38:30,468 --> 00:38:32,316
Officially.
533
00:38:32,636 --> 00:38:36,273
- So, what do you do?
- I'm actually a deejay.
534
00:38:36,373 --> 00:38:38,509
- Oh, cool.
- Yeah.
535
00:38:38,609 --> 00:38:41,178
You do a little of this when you deejay?
536
00:38:41,278 --> 00:38:45,449
- (LAUGHING) No. Not like that.
- Oh, your technique is better than mine?
537
00:38:45,549 --> 00:38:48,119
You have to be more casual.
You're putting too much effort into it.
538
00:38:48,219 --> 00:38:50,955
It's way too white guy right now.
539
00:38:51,055 --> 00:38:54,458
I am a white guy. I'm just doing
the fist pump of my people.
540
00:38:54,558 --> 00:38:56,327
I guess I'm being too racist, huh?
541
00:38:56,427 --> 00:38:58,529
I do wish you were a little bit
more open to my culture.
542
00:38:58,629 --> 00:39:01,499
I'm sorry. I'll be more sensitive.
543
00:39:01,599 --> 00:39:05,269
- So, what kind of stuff do you play?
- I play, like, uh, reggaeton.
544
00:39:05,369 --> 00:39:09,173
- I actually don't know what that is.
- It's like Latino hip-hop. You know?
545
00:39:09,273 --> 00:39:13,311
- So, where do you deejay?
- Um, clubs around here mostly.
546
00:39:13,411 --> 00:39:15,413
But I do a couple of shows
in Miami every year.
547
00:39:15,513 --> 00:39:18,747
It's so much fun.
You should totally come out.
548
00:39:19,983 --> 00:39:23,635
Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that.
549
00:39:25,655 --> 00:39:28,092
Pilar, I need some help in the kitchen.
550
00:39:28,192 --> 00:39:30,045
Right.
551
00:39:32,228 --> 00:39:35,362
Hey! Eddie! Oye...
552
00:39:35,462 --> 00:39:37,735
- Have a drink with me? Huh?
- Yeah, all right.
553
00:39:37,835 --> 00:39:40,303
Okay. Yeah.
554
00:39:40,403 --> 00:39:44,709
Prepárate. Okay. Vámonos.
555
00:39:44,809 --> 00:39:47,278
Uno, dos, tres,
556
00:39:47,378 --> 00:39:49,813
- cuatro.
- Hmm.
557
00:39:50,013 --> 00:39:51,832
Dale.
558
00:39:59,390 --> 00:40:03,026
I was at the gym earlier lifting weights.
559
00:40:03,126 --> 00:40:06,697
- That's why I was late.
- Oh, yeah? Yeah, you got a nice physique.
560
00:40:06,797 --> 00:40:09,033
- Yeah, you work out?
- Yeah, I do actually.
561
00:40:09,133 --> 00:40:11,235
I like... I like to use the ergometer.
562
00:40:11,335 --> 00:40:15,239
- Oh... the what?
- The rowing machine. The erg.
563
00:40:15,339 --> 00:40:19,410
Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I know.
I never heard of it.
564
00:40:19,510 --> 00:40:24,414
So, uh... listen, you, uh... always come
to your students' homes for dinner?
565
00:40:24,514 --> 00:40:26,650
No, this is actually my first time.
566
00:40:26,750 --> 00:40:29,119
Hmm. Yeah.
567
00:40:29,219 --> 00:40:32,957
I don't know, man, you know.
It seems... it seems a little weird.
568
00:40:33,057 --> 00:40:36,894
Well, Pilar invited me,
and I figured it would be cool.
569
00:40:36,994 --> 00:40:39,770
Oh. Pilar invited you.
570
00:40:39,870 --> 00:40:43,565
Mm-hmm.
'Cause I'm Tito's favorite teacher, so...
571
00:40:44,367 --> 00:40:47,336
That's interesting.
572
00:40:47,837 --> 00:40:50,441
Maybe next time don't come for dinner.
573
00:40:50,941 --> 00:40:53,408
Maybe next time say you're busy.
574
00:40:55,344 --> 00:40:58,252
- ¿Oiste?
- Yeah. Sorry.
575
00:41:00,083 --> 00:41:03,053
Man, you don't know anything.
576
00:41:03,153 --> 00:41:07,456
Have another one with me.
Have another one with me.
577
00:41:18,235 --> 00:41:20,276
- You good?
- Yeah.
578
00:41:37,053 --> 00:41:41,022
- It came out so good tonight, Mom.
- Thank you.
579
00:42:04,681 --> 00:42:06,715
Try one.
580
00:42:07,150 --> 00:42:10,054
He's not gonna do that. That's gross.
581
00:42:10,154 --> 00:42:14,223
Eddie, I... Don't. I wouldn't.
582
00:42:15,357 --> 00:42:18,728
- Is it good?
- Nah, man, it's disgusting.
583
00:42:18,828 --> 00:42:23,232
- Why eat it then?
- Because, papi, I eat what I want.
584
00:42:24,100 --> 00:42:26,270
You know what?
585
00:42:26,370 --> 00:42:30,405
I eat what I want too. Papi.
586
00:42:42,052 --> 00:42:45,393
Yeah, man! I didn't actually think
that he would eat it.
587
00:42:45,493 --> 00:42:47,542
He did eat it.
588
00:42:48,692 --> 00:42:52,429
- Are you okay? Are you okay?
- Be a man. Come on. Yeah. Yeah.
589
00:42:53,764 --> 00:42:55,731
Shit!
590
00:43:04,741 --> 00:43:06,942
Listen, sweetie.
591
00:43:07,476 --> 00:43:09,413
It ain't over.
592
00:43:09,713 --> 00:43:13,284
- I have to disagree with you there.
- I puked on a man before.
593
00:43:13,384 --> 00:43:16,427
- Puked right on the dick.
- Really?
594
00:43:16,527 --> 00:43:19,390
Oh, yeah. Shit was salty. Made me gag.
595
00:43:19,890 --> 00:43:22,859
- Wow.
- You know what I did?
596
00:43:23,259 --> 00:43:24,261
What?
597
00:43:24,361 --> 00:43:28,521
I said, "Man, go wash
your dick off and let's do this."
598
00:43:28,621 --> 00:43:30,534
You didn't let it stop you for a second.
599
00:43:30,634 --> 00:43:33,303
It stopped me for a second because
I wanted him to wash his shit off,
600
00:43:33,403 --> 00:43:36,664
but it didn't stop me.
Two tears in a bucket. Fuck it.
601
00:43:36,764 --> 00:43:41,595
This is living. You should be so lucky that
you're out there falling in love with women,
602
00:43:41,695 --> 00:43:44,064
puking your guts out for 'em and on 'em.
603
00:43:44,164 --> 00:43:46,534
That's true. It's courageous.
604
00:43:46,634 --> 00:43:49,503
Would you wanna be with a woman that
you wouldn't drink half a handle of rum
605
00:43:49,603 --> 00:43:51,155
and eat an eyeball for?
606
00:43:51,255 --> 00:43:54,792
I appreciate this. I really do.
But she has a boyfriend.
607
00:43:54,892 --> 00:43:58,762
Man, fuck a boyfriend.
It always starts before it stops.
608
00:43:58,862 --> 00:44:01,632
I know. And she's... she's beautiful.
609
00:44:01,732 --> 00:44:04,418
But to her, I'm just her
brother's dorky teacher.
610
00:44:04,518 --> 00:44:08,038
But you'll never know if you don't go
after it. And a man can't live that way.
611
00:44:08,138 --> 00:44:10,507
You know, wondering what life might be like.
612
00:44:10,607 --> 00:44:13,944
You got to be mad for something.
Be crazy for it.
613
00:44:14,044 --> 00:44:18,580
You got to wash the puke off
that dick and get into it.
614
00:44:24,123 --> 00:44:27,491
Guys, this is JT and Ally.
They're gonna help us with our lesson today.
615
00:44:27,591 --> 00:44:29,777
I like your hair, baby. You look spicy.
616
00:44:29,877 --> 00:44:32,463
Leon, remember, we're trying
to be more respectful.
617
00:44:32,563 --> 00:44:35,697
I'm just saying, baby, I like your spice.
618
00:44:35,797 --> 00:44:37,958
I can get involved with your business.
619
00:44:38,058 --> 00:44:40,077
- Cool it, you little shit.
- Ooh!
620
00:44:40,177 --> 00:44:42,222
Okay, okay, let's all calm down.
621
00:44:42,622 --> 00:44:46,121
JT and Ally are gonna help us
learn how to respectfully
622
00:44:46,221 --> 00:44:48,377
communicate with the opposite sex.
623
00:44:48,477 --> 00:44:50,848
I like JT. He looks strong.
624
00:44:50,948 --> 00:44:53,703
- Show me your muscles.
- Oh!
625
00:44:55,935 --> 00:44:59,289
Abs, abs, abs, abs, abs, abs, abs,
626
00:44:59,389 --> 00:45:01,847
abs, abs!
627
00:45:01,947 --> 00:45:03,938
- This is no place for abs.
- Sorry.
628
00:45:04,038 --> 00:45:08,680
Thank you. Alright, we're gonna pair off.
Who wants to go first?
629
00:45:10,183 --> 00:45:12,853
Do you wanna come over and watch a movie?
630
00:45:12,953 --> 00:45:17,194
Shelly, it sounds like you're trying to
booty-call me. Is that what you really want?
631
00:45:17,524 --> 00:45:19,660
I like your shoes. They're fly.
632
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:22,729
Make fun of me a little bit.
Don't just tell me how great I am.
633
00:45:22,829 --> 00:45:25,866
Girl, I like your skin.
634
00:45:25,966 --> 00:45:28,703
- Whoa. What is this, Silence of the Lambs?
- (SHUSHING)
635
00:45:29,503 --> 00:45:33,807
If someone sends me a snapshot of his dick,
do I have to send back a picture of my "V"?
636
00:45:33,907 --> 00:45:36,174
Whoa. What?
637
00:45:37,977 --> 00:45:39,834
You're sexy.
638
00:45:41,614 --> 00:45:43,851
Well, not only was that not creative,
639
00:45:43,951 --> 00:45:48,405
but you gave off kind of a rapey vibe. Is
that what you're trying to throw out there?
640
00:45:48,505 --> 00:45:52,192
Those shoes are whack.
Your mom get them for you at the mall?
641
00:45:52,292 --> 00:45:54,228
Ooh!
642
00:45:54,328 --> 00:45:56,864
Great. Great work.
I love what you did there.
643
00:45:56,964 --> 00:46:02,135
Right now I think I'm just gonna try
and bang as many chicks as possible.
644
00:46:02,235 --> 00:46:04,088
Yeah, that's not a good idea.
645
00:46:04,188 --> 00:46:06,740
I just don't think you should be
Snapchatting with anybody
646
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:11,065
- who sends you pictures of their dick.
- But I really like him.
647
00:46:11,165 --> 00:46:13,839
No, you don't like him.
You don't like the guy that sends dick pics.
648
00:46:13,939 --> 00:46:16,850
- You say no more dick pics.
- Girls need to stick together.
649
00:46:16,950 --> 00:46:18,652
Don't let boys come between you.
650
00:46:18,752 --> 00:46:22,623
The only thing that they have
that you don't have is a penis,
651
00:46:22,723 --> 00:46:27,294
- and a penis is no reason to be sad.
- I don't know if you've masturbated yet.
652
00:46:27,394 --> 00:46:32,066
Honestly, we don't have to talk about it,
but my advice to you...
653
00:46:32,166 --> 00:46:36,865
Rub one out before any major decision
involving the opposite sex.
654
00:46:37,504 --> 00:46:40,140
I wanna light some candles
and play R. Kelly...
655
00:46:40,240 --> 00:46:42,734
and just get emotional with you.
656
00:46:42,834 --> 00:46:44,178
Oh, my goodness.
657
00:46:44,278 --> 00:46:47,247
He says three dates
means he gets a blow job.
658
00:46:47,347 --> 00:46:49,416
Ooh.
659
00:46:49,516 --> 00:46:52,269
- That's not accurate.
- That's what he said.
660
00:46:52,369 --> 00:46:55,956
You say no jobs. There's no jobs.
There's no jobs in this area.
661
00:46:56,056 --> 00:47:00,426
It's a jobless... It's a job-free zone.
That's what you tell him. No jobs.
662
00:47:02,595 --> 00:47:04,798
Good God, man.
663
00:47:04,898 --> 00:47:07,618
Wow. These kids really do need you.
664
00:47:07,718 --> 00:47:10,521
Man, they are operating
on a whole different sexual level.
665
00:47:10,621 --> 00:47:13,007
I know, man. This Snapchat thing...
666
00:47:13,107 --> 00:47:16,977
Just... dicks, man.
Everybody's got a dick on their phone.
667
00:47:17,077 --> 00:47:19,401
You guys wanna go get a drink?
668
00:47:20,947 --> 00:47:23,994
I think I just need to be alone right now.
669
00:47:32,425 --> 00:47:35,594
Ah. Never too good at that.
670
00:47:36,462 --> 00:47:37,798
Hi.
671
00:47:38,798 --> 00:47:40,632
Hey, Pilar.
672
00:47:42,068 --> 00:47:45,149
I'm really sorry about
the whole thing the other night.
673
00:47:45,249 --> 00:47:49,844
It's all right. After we cleaned
up all the vomit, it was kind of funny.
674
00:47:49,944 --> 00:47:53,296
Yeah, I've never seen someone throw up
on my mom, so it was kind of awesome.
675
00:47:53,396 --> 00:47:56,197
Yeah, a little too much rum
for me, I think.
676
00:47:56,916 --> 00:47:59,119
- How's Hector?
- He's a dickhead.
677
00:47:59,219 --> 00:48:01,986
Tito, will you give us a sec?
678
00:48:04,056 --> 00:48:07,806
He's all right.
We're taking a break, actually.
679
00:48:08,494 --> 00:48:10,597
He was being a little possessive.
680
00:48:10,697 --> 00:48:13,965
Oh. I'm sorry.
681
00:48:15,067 --> 00:48:17,670
Hey, what are you doing Thursday night?
682
00:48:17,770 --> 00:48:19,739
There's this really cool bar
underneath my apartment.
683
00:48:19,839 --> 00:48:24,042
They do this Afro-Cuban jazz thing on
Thursdays. I don't know if you'd want to come.
684
00:48:24,710 --> 00:48:27,198
Sounds great.
685
00:48:27,298 --> 00:48:30,083
All right. It's a date then.
686
00:48:30,183 --> 00:48:33,487
- Yeah.
- I mean, like, it's a drink.
687
00:48:33,587 --> 00:48:36,522
Like an appointment.
Like it's in the books.
688
00:48:36,622 --> 00:48:38,993
But I'll pay for the tab though, so...
689
00:48:39,093 --> 00:48:41,498
It's a date then.
690
00:48:42,595 --> 00:48:44,429
Yeah.
691
00:48:55,274 --> 00:48:57,878
Got drunk with the wife last night
and watched Modern Family.
692
00:48:57,978 --> 00:49:00,447
- Oh, that sounds nice.
- Love the gay guys on that show.
693
00:49:00,547 --> 00:49:03,144
- So fucking awesome.
- They're really funny.
694
00:49:03,244 --> 00:49:07,204
Yeah, but you always wonder, which one's
the top and which one's the bottom.
695
00:49:07,304 --> 00:49:09,189
Yeah, they don't really
get into that on the show.
696
00:49:09,289 --> 00:49:12,481
'Cause Cam... he's such a bitch,
you know, so you figure,
697
00:49:12,581 --> 00:49:16,885
"Oh. He'd probably be the bottom."
But he's the big one,
698
00:49:16,985 --> 00:49:19,621
and isn't the big one always on top?
699
00:49:19,721 --> 00:49:22,669
- 'Cause of the whole domination thing?
- I've never really thought about it.
700
00:49:22,769 --> 00:49:26,982
Yeah. Me neither. It's a mysterious world,
the whole gay-man thing.
701
00:49:27,082 --> 00:49:30,077
- Yeah, it is.
- But let's face it.
702
00:49:30,177 --> 00:49:32,813
They kind of got it made
in the shade. You know?
703
00:49:32,913 --> 00:49:35,649
I mean, any night of the week,
they can get laid.
704
00:49:35,749 --> 00:49:38,819
Just go to some club
that's filled with hot dudes,
705
00:49:38,919 --> 00:49:43,123
I mean, like good-looking, ripped,
totally, like, muscle guys,
706
00:49:43,223 --> 00:49:45,192
and they can just bone down.
707
00:49:45,292 --> 00:49:49,096
- They have an app for that, actually.
- Imagine if we had that app.
708
00:49:49,196 --> 00:49:51,064
It would be... it would be a lot easier.
709
00:49:51,164 --> 00:49:55,969
Yeah. Although slow down. I mean,
we're making some major generalizations here.
710
00:49:56,069 --> 00:49:59,072
I mean, it's not like
all gay men are sluts.
711
00:49:59,172 --> 00:50:02,926
I know some... I know a lot, actually,
that are in very committed relationships.
712
00:50:03,026 --> 00:50:06,445
Really serious, you know? True commitment.
713
00:50:06,545 --> 00:50:08,482
- That's nice.
- Yeah.
714
00:50:08,782 --> 00:50:11,883
Love... love doesn't care about gender.
715
00:50:11,983 --> 00:50:13,714
No.
716
00:50:13,814 --> 00:50:16,189
Well, I'd love to talk
about Modern Family all day,
717
00:50:16,289 --> 00:50:21,061
- but you know why you're here?
- Just a progress report? Little checkup?
718
00:50:21,161 --> 00:50:22,930
No, man.
719
00:50:23,030 --> 00:50:26,450
- You really shat on the wrong chest.
- I'm sorry?
720
00:50:26,550 --> 00:50:29,135
Reverend Hamilton
was in here the other day.
721
00:50:29,235 --> 00:50:30,771
He's really pissed.
722
00:50:30,871 --> 00:50:34,508
You're handing out condoms in your class?
What are you teaching?
723
00:50:34,608 --> 00:50:38,128
Just... general adolescent health issues.
724
00:50:38,228 --> 00:50:40,229
You mean sex ed.
725
00:50:40,329 --> 00:50:41,599
Well, yeah.
726
00:50:41,699 --> 00:50:46,086
Eddie, we don't teach sex ed
in this district. That's a hot issue.
727
00:50:46,186 --> 00:50:47,888
Reverend Hamilton petitioned it.
728
00:50:47,988 --> 00:50:51,725
Keep it up and he'll pull your program,
and you... you'll be out a job.
729
00:50:51,825 --> 00:50:53,527
These kids need to learn
about their bodies.
730
00:50:53,627 --> 00:50:55,963
Half of them are already
experimenting sexually.
731
00:50:56,063 --> 00:51:00,334
Look, Eddie, truth be told, I don't give
a shit what you're teaching in your class.
732
00:51:00,434 --> 00:51:02,074
Alright?
733
00:51:02,174 --> 00:51:07,086
Hamilton runs a recovery meeting
on Wednesdays at the school gym.
734
00:51:07,186 --> 00:51:11,111
I suggest you go talk to him
and make your case.
735
00:51:11,611 --> 00:51:13,377
Okay, I'll do that.
736
00:51:20,536 --> 00:51:22,356
Wow. Big class today.
737
00:51:22,456 --> 00:51:26,093
We told them you were
explaining stuff about sex.
738
00:51:26,193 --> 00:51:31,197
Oh. Well, unfortunately,
we can't do that today.
739
00:51:31,297 --> 00:51:34,635
But I do have some brain teasers,
so we're gonna do some of that.
740
00:51:46,038 --> 00:51:47,614
Not you, Leon.
741
00:51:47,714 --> 00:51:51,949
- I'm just grabbin' a pen.
- Come on. I can see you.
742
00:52:05,955 --> 00:52:07,901
Hey, Tito, could I talk
to you outside for a second?
743
00:52:08,001 --> 00:52:09,834
Okay.
744
00:52:15,959 --> 00:52:18,145
So, um...
745
00:52:18,245 --> 00:52:21,047
Your sister and I
are gonna go out on date.
746
00:52:21,147 --> 00:52:25,185
- Would that be okay with you?
- Really? What are you guys gonna do?
747
00:52:25,285 --> 00:52:28,354
I don't know. I'm still figuring that out.
748
00:52:28,454 --> 00:52:32,159
Question: Do you get a boner
when you see my sister?
749
00:52:32,259 --> 00:52:34,428
Or do you have a boner now 'cause
you're thinking about her?
750
00:52:34,528 --> 00:52:36,429
- No.
- Really?
751
00:52:36,529 --> 00:52:40,200
- Yeah. No boner right now.
- See, with me it's like right away.
752
00:52:40,300 --> 00:52:42,535
All I have to do is think
about Margarita, and boom.
753
00:52:42,635 --> 00:52:45,572
Well, I think that's 'cause you're
going through puberty right now. So...
754
00:52:45,672 --> 00:52:49,042
I hope so man. Sometimes
I'm like a walking boner. You know?
755
00:52:49,142 --> 00:52:51,676
It's why I can't wear sweatpants anymore.
756
00:52:52,144 --> 00:52:53,814
- So...
- Isn't it weird though?
757
00:52:53,914 --> 00:52:55,446
As soon as I turned 10,
758
00:52:55,546 --> 00:52:58,786
I was like, why does everybody stop
wearing sweatpants in middle school?
759
00:52:58,886 --> 00:53:03,356
- And now I know why.
- Very true. So, you're okay with this?
760
00:53:03,456 --> 00:53:05,225
Yeah, totally, man.
761
00:53:05,325 --> 00:53:10,130
Cool. All right, thanks.
Um, let's get back to work.
762
00:53:10,430 --> 00:53:12,897
Remember, one day at a time.
763
00:53:23,275 --> 00:53:25,745
- Reverend Hamilton.
- Mr. Cole.
764
00:53:25,845 --> 00:53:29,449
- I recently washed it.
- What can I do for you?
765
00:53:29,549 --> 00:53:32,452
I was hoping that we could discuss
my after-school program.
766
00:53:32,552 --> 00:53:34,988
See, here's the issue, Mr. Cole.
767
00:53:35,088 --> 00:53:38,258
I don't think that sex or anything
relating to it should be taught in school.
768
00:53:38,358 --> 00:53:41,128
- I understand why you feel that way...
- I don't think you do.
769
00:53:41,228 --> 00:53:43,630
Because I'm not just some Bible thumper.
770
00:53:43,730 --> 00:53:48,235
I don't think there's anything wrong with
sex. Sex is a beautiful thing. I love sex.
771
00:53:48,335 --> 00:53:51,471
I make love to my wife
with great frequency.
772
00:53:51,571 --> 00:53:54,374
That's great that you have
that in your marriage.
773
00:53:54,474 --> 00:53:58,045
But sex is love, and love is God.
774
00:53:58,145 --> 00:54:02,282
And teaching sex without God is wrong
because you're teaching a formula...
775
00:54:02,382 --> 00:54:06,153
a mechanical exchange of fluids,
and if those children see that as such,
776
00:54:06,253 --> 00:54:09,022
they're gonna do it, early and often.
777
00:54:09,622 --> 00:54:13,160
Maybe you could come and observe a class,
'cause I think once you saw it in action,
778
00:54:13,260 --> 00:54:15,862
you'd see that we approach it
with the respect
779
00:54:15,962 --> 00:54:18,698
and the sensitivity that it deserves.
780
00:54:18,798 --> 00:54:21,801
All right, Mr. Cole.
I'll give you that chance.
781
00:54:22,101 --> 00:54:24,702
Great. Thank you.
782
00:54:26,171 --> 00:54:28,742
- Mmm!
- All right, he's in. Flip 'em.
783
00:54:28,842 --> 00:54:31,623
- Full fucking house!
- Son of a bitch.
784
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:35,950
Hey!
785
00:54:39,018 --> 00:54:40,353
- Hey, how's the new place?
- Dude.
786
00:54:40,453 --> 00:54:41,955
Did you christen the bed yet?
787
00:54:42,055 --> 00:54:44,521
I got a date with her, man.
It's fuckin' happening.
788
00:54:44,621 --> 00:54:47,844
What? Are your parents
gonna drive you to the mall?
789
00:54:47,944 --> 00:54:51,098
Maybe on a second date you can
finger her in the movie theater.
790
00:54:51,198 --> 00:54:54,834
I'm not in a rush, man.
I really like this girl.
791
00:54:56,034 --> 00:54:58,600
- I like your style, Ed.
- Thank you.
792
00:54:58,700 --> 00:55:01,638
No, I do. I think it's a noble way
to look at the situation.
793
00:55:01,738 --> 00:55:06,097
- Oh, here we go again.
- Blow it out your ass. This is important.
794
00:55:07,213 --> 00:55:09,950
Check it out. When I'm laying
in bed with my wife, right,
795
00:55:10,050 --> 00:55:13,103
and she's sleeping and I'm watching her
796
00:55:13,203 --> 00:55:15,172
and the minute that she opens her eyes...
797
00:55:15,272 --> 00:55:18,158
And you sit on her face.
Good morning, Vietnam!
798
00:55:18,258 --> 00:55:20,760
JT, I'm trying to have
a conversation here.
799
00:55:20,860 --> 00:55:22,629
Stop.
800
00:55:22,729 --> 00:55:26,899
What I'm trying to say is,
the minute that she opens her eyes...
801
00:55:27,699 --> 00:55:30,003
it's true love.
802
00:55:30,103 --> 00:55:34,941
And we get to fall in love over
and over again with each passing day.
803
00:55:35,041 --> 00:55:38,065
Jimmy, show him the picture.
804
00:55:38,165 --> 00:55:40,277
Oh, yeah, yeah.
805
00:55:41,247 --> 00:55:44,715
Take a good, long look at that
right there. That's natural.
806
00:55:46,585 --> 00:55:48,588
- Motherhood is a beautiful thing.
- Isn't it?
807
00:55:48,688 --> 00:55:51,041
- Oh, let me see that.
- You've seen this.
808
00:55:51,141 --> 00:55:54,675
- Holy... that's your wife?
- Easy.
809
00:55:54,827 --> 00:55:56,630
Are those real?
810
00:55:56,730 --> 00:56:01,013
That's the mother of my child, you asshole.
We can take care of this right now.
811
00:56:01,113 --> 00:56:05,912
Calm down. You show her tits to everyone
in town so I can't say I blame the guy.
812
00:56:06,012 --> 00:56:09,676
- That's true.
- Eddie? My office.
813
00:56:10,075 --> 00:56:11,120
Let me tell you something.
814
00:56:11,220 --> 00:56:15,343
Your problem is that you think love and
super-hot nasty sex are mutually exclusive.
815
00:56:15,548 --> 00:56:17,951
I love Ally, I do, but that does not stop me
816
00:56:18,051 --> 00:56:20,620
from getting a hard-on and boning
that girl like a dime-store hooker.
817
00:56:20,720 --> 00:56:23,690
I know, man. I get it.
I'm just playing this one my way.
818
00:56:23,790 --> 00:56:26,126
Dude, fuck your way.
819
00:56:26,226 --> 00:56:29,429
Your way is dropping $120 on prom night
820
00:56:29,529 --> 00:56:33,030
and ending up with yet
another case of blue balls.
821
00:56:33,966 --> 00:56:35,535
The time has come.
822
00:56:35,635 --> 00:56:40,207
The time has come to turn those balls
from a purplish navy to a pale pink.
823
00:56:40,307 --> 00:56:44,444
I get it, man. I do. I want it.
I just want it to be special.
824
00:56:44,544 --> 00:56:47,078
And it will be special...
825
00:56:48,313 --> 00:56:50,526
if you have these.
826
00:56:50,626 --> 00:56:52,952
- What are these?
- The shit, my friend.
827
00:56:53,052 --> 00:56:56,193
I had to order a whole crate
of 'em to get 'em.
828
00:56:56,588 --> 00:56:58,625
They're from Canada.
829
00:56:58,725 --> 00:57:01,922
They make you bigger, they make you
last longer, and more importantly,
830
00:57:02,022 --> 00:57:04,729
they make you come like a fucking donkey.
831
00:57:05,397 --> 00:57:07,367
Fuckin' Canadians, man.
832
00:57:07,467 --> 00:57:10,804
Take one of these bad boys. Without 'em
you'll probably last like 15 seconds.
833
00:57:10,904 --> 00:57:13,764
And you want it to be special, right?
834
00:57:13,864 --> 00:57:15,642
- Yeah.
- Great.
835
00:57:15,742 --> 00:57:18,645
And when you blast
like eight fuckin' ropes,
836
00:57:18,745 --> 00:57:21,246
it's gonna be extra special.
837
00:57:25,337 --> 00:57:28,088
Okay, guys, so yesterday
you wrote down your questions,
838
00:57:28,188 --> 00:57:30,957
and today we're gonna read 'em
together and I'm gonna answer them.
839
00:57:31,057 --> 00:57:33,360
And remember, there's nothing
to be embarrassed about.
840
00:57:33,460 --> 00:57:35,995
There's no such thing
as a stupid question here.
841
00:57:36,095 --> 00:57:41,100
So, Shelly, why don't you pick one
off the top and read it out loud.
842
00:57:44,035 --> 00:57:47,577
I don't want to say this question.
It's gross.
843
00:57:49,708 --> 00:57:53,913
Okay, I'll read it.
I'll decide whether or not it's gross.
844
00:57:54,813 --> 00:57:58,851
"Can a boy pee in a girl's vagina
when they're having sex?"
845
00:57:58,951 --> 00:58:02,239
Yeah, I know it's funny,
but it's actually a good question.
846
00:58:02,339 --> 00:58:03,890
When a man has an erection,
847
00:58:03,990 --> 00:58:06,726
the part of the urethra that connects
to the bladder gets pinched off.
848
00:58:06,826 --> 00:58:09,529
So it's actually impossible
for a man to do that.
849
00:58:09,629 --> 00:58:12,265
So, there you go.
850
00:58:12,665 --> 00:58:14,734
Um, Leon.
851
00:58:14,834 --> 00:58:18,869
Why don't you do the next one.
Shelly, pass the box back to Leon.
852
00:58:24,893 --> 00:58:27,030
I don't think I should say this question.
853
00:58:27,130 --> 00:58:31,016
Leon, it's a science class.
There's no wrong questions here.
854
00:58:34,519 --> 00:58:39,112
Okay. The question is, "What's a squirter?"
855
00:58:41,360 --> 00:58:42,662
Okay. Okay. Um...
856
00:58:42,762 --> 00:58:45,765
That is a, uh, slang term...
857
00:58:45,865 --> 00:58:49,169
for when a female...
858
00:58:49,269 --> 00:58:52,572
ejaculates during orgasm,
859
00:58:52,672 --> 00:58:56,642
which we talked about,
so good question, basically.
860
00:58:56,742 --> 00:58:58,995
Uh, next.
861
00:58:59,095 --> 00:59:01,080
Can you get pregnant
the first time you have sex?
862
00:59:01,180 --> 00:59:04,601
Yes, you can. If you are sexually mature,
you can get pregnant. Next.
863
00:59:04,701 --> 00:59:07,437
Is there such a thing as blue balls?
864
00:59:07,537 --> 00:59:10,473
Can double penetration get you pregnant?
865
00:59:10,623 --> 00:59:11,758
This is inappropriate.
866
00:59:11,858 --> 00:59:14,060
Not a scientific question.
Not answering those.
867
00:59:14,160 --> 00:59:17,497
"Can a minivan be a bang bus
or does it have to be full-sized van?"
868
00:59:17,597 --> 00:59:21,201
- Science. We want science questions.
- What does a vagina taste like?
869
00:59:21,301 --> 00:59:25,021
- Tito, that's not scientific.
- Can a she-male have sex with itself?
870
00:59:25,321 --> 00:59:27,357
- Come on.
- I'm sorry, Reverend.
871
00:59:27,457 --> 00:59:29,943
Does a tea bag feel good?
872
00:59:30,043 --> 00:59:32,545
- Really?
- Does a tea bag taste good?
873
00:59:32,645 --> 00:59:36,247
- Oh, this is ridiculous.
- Reverend.
874
00:59:36,682 --> 00:59:39,906
Reverend, wait. Reverend!
875
00:59:40,286 --> 00:59:43,187
Reverend Hamilton. Wait.
876
00:59:44,556 --> 00:59:46,159
This class is a joke,
877
00:59:46,259 --> 00:59:49,994
and you, sir, are a joke of a teacher.
878
00:59:50,562 --> 00:59:53,500
I will not support a question-and-answer
session by students...
879
00:59:53,600 --> 00:59:56,419
my son included... on oral sex.
880
00:59:56,519 --> 00:59:59,038
These are their questions.
They need answers.
881
00:59:59,138 --> 01:00:01,975
If I don't give them the facts,
who will? You?
882
01:00:02,575 --> 01:00:05,545
You're indulging these children, Mr. Cole.
883
01:00:05,645 --> 01:00:08,546
You're encouraging their worst instincts.
884
01:00:08,881 --> 01:00:13,984
You had your chance. All you've done
is show me that this cannot continue.
885
01:00:26,648 --> 01:00:28,551
Does semen taste like Chinese food?
886
01:00:30,803 --> 01:00:33,437
Don't act like you don't know.
887
01:00:41,813 --> 01:00:45,484
I need a condom. My girlfriend
wants to do it. She's ready.
888
01:00:46,234 --> 01:00:48,304
Tito, you're too young to have sex.
889
01:00:48,404 --> 01:00:51,207
I think I'm gonna start missionary
to look into her eyes and all that.
890
01:00:51,357 --> 01:00:53,793
But then it's all doggy style.
I'm gonna line that shit up.
891
01:00:53,893 --> 01:00:56,763
Stop it. You gotta promise me
you're not going to do this.
892
01:00:56,863 --> 01:00:59,165
- Why?
- 'Cause you're not ready.
893
01:00:59,265 --> 01:01:01,834
There's real emotions involved.
It's a real...
894
01:01:01,934 --> 01:01:03,987
Then what's all your class about then?
895
01:01:04,588 --> 01:01:07,240
It's about teaching you so that
when you are ready, you'll be safe,
896
01:01:07,340 --> 01:01:08,841
and that you'll have respect for it.
897
01:01:08,941 --> 01:01:12,063
- That's bullshit.
- I'm sorry you feel that way.
898
01:01:12,163 --> 01:01:16,547
I'm still gonna do it, so are you
gonna give me the condom or not?
899
01:01:19,686 --> 01:01:22,699
Ahí está la rosa
900
01:01:22,799 --> 01:01:25,940
Demasiado bonita
901
01:01:26,040 --> 01:01:29,741
Para tocarla
902
01:01:29,841 --> 01:01:34,751
Muy frágil para sostenerla...
903
01:01:35,400 --> 01:01:37,735
You have really pretty eyes.
904
01:01:38,437 --> 01:01:40,239
What color are they?
905
01:01:40,339 --> 01:01:44,076
They're blue, but they have
a little green and yellow.
906
01:01:44,176 --> 01:01:45,877
Nice.
907
01:01:49,714 --> 01:01:51,915
Are you okay?
908
01:01:53,485 --> 01:01:56,356
I'm sorry. I...
I've had a really rough day.
909
01:01:56,656 --> 01:02:00,101
- They're thinking of canceling my class.
- What? Why?
910
01:02:00,201 --> 01:02:04,962
I've been teaching sex ed 'cause I...
I think they need to know it,
911
01:02:05,430 --> 01:02:08,435
and... I gave out condoms in class...
912
01:02:08,535 --> 01:02:10,869
and this one parent got really mad at me.
913
01:02:10,969 --> 01:02:13,306
I can see why.
914
01:02:13,406 --> 01:02:15,641
And I'm worried about your brother.
915
01:02:15,741 --> 01:02:18,408
Why are you worried about my brother?
916
01:02:18,844 --> 01:02:22,080
I think that he might try
and have sex tonight.
917
01:02:22,180 --> 01:02:25,518
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
918
01:02:25,618 --> 01:02:28,752
How would you even know
he's gonna have sex?
919
01:02:28,987 --> 01:02:31,187
'Cause he told me,
and he asked me for a condom.
920
01:02:31,287 --> 01:02:33,626
- And you gave it to him?
- Yeah. What was I supposed to do?
921
01:02:33,726 --> 01:02:36,696
I don't know. Maybe tell me,
his sister, so I could stop him.
922
01:02:36,796 --> 01:02:39,691
And why are you giving out condoms
to your students? That's really weird.
923
01:02:39,791 --> 01:02:43,036
If he asks me and then I tell on him,
then the next time maybe he won't ask,
924
01:02:43,136 --> 01:02:44,971
and then he may try
and have sex without a condom.
925
01:02:45,071 --> 01:02:47,307
Basta. Whatever.
We need to go back to my house now.
926
01:02:47,507 --> 01:02:51,008
He's probably there with her alone.
My mom is out tonight.
927
01:02:55,046 --> 01:02:57,050
- Tito!
- Hey, guys.
928
01:02:57,150 --> 01:02:59,318
- What are you doing?
- We were just watching The Notebook.
929
01:02:59,418 --> 01:03:02,205
Oh, bullshit.
Margarita, you need to leave.
930
01:03:02,305 --> 01:03:05,091
- Eddie, you should leave too.
- Are you sure? I can stay.
931
01:03:05,191 --> 01:03:08,060
- You've done enough already.
- What? What do you mean?
932
01:03:08,160 --> 01:03:11,397
This is your fault. You gave him a condom
and taught him how to use it.
933
01:03:11,497 --> 01:03:14,233
If I hadn't given him a condom, he might
have tried to have sex without one.
934
01:03:14,333 --> 01:03:17,103
- Dude, I could have pulled out.
- No, man, you can't do that.
935
01:03:17,203 --> 01:03:20,072
- It doesn't work.
- Sometimes pulling out works.
936
01:03:20,172 --> 01:03:23,176
No... what? No, it doesn't work!
937
01:03:23,276 --> 01:03:26,962
- This is why we need sex ed.
- Eddie.
938
01:03:27,062 --> 01:03:29,930
I want you to leave.
939
01:03:31,216 --> 01:03:32,705
Really?
940
01:03:32,805 --> 01:03:34,685
Yes.
941
01:03:38,724 --> 01:03:40,725
All right.
942
01:03:53,338 --> 01:03:55,742
Yo! Where you goin', son?
943
01:03:56,942 --> 01:03:59,278
So you think it's cool to go out
with another guy's girl, huh?
944
01:03:59,378 --> 01:04:01,447
Hey, she's a grown woman.
She can do what she wants.
945
01:04:01,547 --> 01:04:04,383
Shut the fuck up.
Who do you think you are?
946
01:04:04,483 --> 01:04:07,056
I'm a grown man. I can do what I want.
947
01:04:07,156 --> 01:04:10,592
I don't think so.
Tonight you're gonna get fucked.
948
01:04:10,692 --> 01:04:14,460
- Who's gonna fuck me?
- I am. I'm gonna fuck you up.
949
01:05:04,443 --> 01:05:07,011
You want some company tonight?
950
01:05:08,680 --> 01:05:10,764
Yeah, fuck it.
951
01:05:10,864 --> 01:05:12,750
Yeah.
952
01:05:37,575 --> 01:05:39,843
Got a headache.
953
01:05:44,382 --> 01:05:46,817
Oh, no. The...
954
01:05:47,352 --> 01:05:49,787
That's all right. Never mind.
955
01:05:50,055 --> 01:05:53,324
So, why don't you tell me how you want it?
956
01:05:55,694 --> 01:05:58,264
Normal, I guess. Um...
957
01:05:58,364 --> 01:06:00,132
The... the standard.
958
01:06:00,232 --> 01:06:02,902
How about I suck your big cock first?
959
01:06:03,202 --> 01:06:06,472
- Yeah. Okay. Let me put on a condom.
- A condom?
960
01:06:06,572 --> 01:06:09,876
Yeah. Don't you know how easy it is
to get an S.T.D. from oral sex?
961
01:06:09,976 --> 01:06:12,511
- No. I had no idea.
- Especially syphilis.
962
01:06:12,611 --> 01:06:17,116
15% of syphilis transmissions happen
through... Oh, my God! What is that?
963
01:06:17,416 --> 01:06:18,484
Oh, shit.
964
01:06:18,584 --> 01:06:20,553
Not again.
965
01:06:20,653 --> 01:06:22,088
Oh, God.
966
01:06:23,622 --> 01:06:26,995
- Now you owe me an extra hundred.
- That doesn't seem fair.
967
01:06:37,669 --> 01:06:42,072
So, you get beat up,
so you decide to fuck a prostitute?
968
01:06:42,540 --> 01:06:47,480
Yeah. Except I didn't fuck her
'cause it wasn't a her.
969
01:06:47,580 --> 01:06:51,515
It was a he, a guy... the hooker.
970
01:06:53,218 --> 01:06:56,388
Oh. Well, I retract my earlier advice
971
01:06:56,488 --> 01:06:59,892
about you needing to lower your standards.
You now need to raise your standards.
972
01:06:59,992 --> 01:07:05,662
I didn't know it was a guy. He was dressed
like a girl, a really pretty girl.
973
01:07:05,762 --> 01:07:07,964
Couldn't you just tell?
974
01:07:08,499 --> 01:07:10,568
His hands were kind of rough.
975
01:07:10,668 --> 01:07:13,136
What did you do with his hands?
976
01:07:13,905 --> 01:07:16,474
Fuckin' hell.
977
01:07:17,175 --> 01:07:20,379
D... You still got a boner, man.
978
01:07:20,479 --> 01:07:23,739
- You could hold up a bank with that thing.
- I took those load pills.
979
01:07:23,839 --> 01:07:27,651
You took the load pills for a hooker?
What happened to what's-her-name?
980
01:07:27,751 --> 01:07:30,236
The date was a disaster.
981
01:07:30,855 --> 01:07:34,493
We ended up tracking down
her little brother to cock-block him.
982
01:07:34,593 --> 01:07:37,995
And then she kicked me out
because I gave him condoms.
983
01:07:38,430 --> 01:07:40,898
That is a weird date.
984
01:07:41,433 --> 01:07:43,416
I'm a virgin, JT.
985
01:07:45,937 --> 01:07:47,867
I know.
986
01:07:50,208 --> 01:07:54,146
Come on, nobody believes you screwed
that Canadian girl at camp.
987
01:07:54,246 --> 01:07:55,581
You were too afraid to talk to her.
988
01:07:55,681 --> 01:07:58,651
There was a lot of tension.
Something could have happened.
989
01:07:58,751 --> 01:08:02,254
Listen, Eddie, it'll happen.
990
01:08:02,954 --> 01:08:04,956
Everybody gets laid.
991
01:08:19,971 --> 01:08:23,673
Your class is canceled
until I can hire somebody new.
992
01:08:25,610 --> 01:08:27,113
These kids need this.
993
01:08:27,213 --> 01:08:31,548
I like you, Eddie. I really do.
But you shat the bed on this one.
994
01:08:32,750 --> 01:08:37,322
They're middle school students
having sex as we speak.
995
01:08:38,422 --> 01:08:40,660
- Not right now, but...
- I know, Eddie.
996
01:08:40,760 --> 01:08:43,496
I know they're out there fuckin'...
997
01:08:43,596 --> 01:08:45,765
but you're done.
998
01:08:45,865 --> 01:08:48,899
Sorry. There's nothing I can do about it.
999
01:08:53,671 --> 01:08:55,633
You here for a bagel?
1000
01:08:55,733 --> 01:08:58,249
No, baby, I'm here for you. Talk to me.
1001
01:08:58,349 --> 01:09:00,678
What's goin' on? Where you been?
1002
01:09:00,778 --> 01:09:02,582
Well...
1003
01:09:02,982 --> 01:09:06,518
a few nights ago
I got the shit kicked out of me,
1004
01:09:06,618 --> 01:09:10,289
and then I paid $70 to almost fuck a dude.
1005
01:09:10,389 --> 01:09:13,946
A dude. With a dick. And then I got fired.
1006
01:09:14,046 --> 01:09:15,799
Hot damn.
1007
01:09:15,899 --> 01:09:19,532
Do I have a faraway look in my eyes?
Like something's haunting me?
1008
01:09:19,682 --> 01:09:22,190
You look like you've seen terrible things.
1009
01:09:22,700 --> 01:09:25,771
I need to have had sex just once...
1010
01:09:25,871 --> 01:09:27,992
just to get that confidence.
1011
01:09:28,092 --> 01:09:33,079
Fool, you gotta stop looking at life
as a series of checklist items.
1012
01:09:33,179 --> 01:09:35,347
Stop thinking about
whether or not you've had sex
1013
01:09:35,447 --> 01:09:39,552
and start thinking about what you need
to do to become the man you want to be.
1014
01:09:39,652 --> 01:09:43,422
The man you wanna be isn't just
someone who fucked a woman.
1015
01:09:43,522 --> 01:09:47,459
It's someone who knows
what he wants and goes after it.
1016
01:09:47,559 --> 01:09:50,596
Ask yourself, "Who's the man I wanna be?"
1017
01:09:50,696 --> 01:09:54,630
- Is he a bagel man?
- No. He's a teacher.
1018
01:09:54,730 --> 01:09:56,302
You're damn straight he is.
1019
01:09:56,402 --> 01:09:59,371
- Does he want to eat a butt?
- No. No, he does not.
1020
01:09:59,471 --> 01:10:04,024
But he could if he wanted to,
because he knows what he wants.
1021
01:10:10,515 --> 01:10:12,382
Hey.
1022
01:10:16,521 --> 01:10:19,057
I just wanted to come by and apologize.
1023
01:10:19,157 --> 01:10:20,725
Okay.
1024
01:10:20,825 --> 01:10:24,285
So... I'm sorry.
1025
01:10:24,763 --> 01:10:26,630
Fine.
1026
01:10:28,132 --> 01:10:30,836
I don't know what I'm doing.
I really don't.
1027
01:10:30,936 --> 01:10:33,670
I'm just trying to do the right thing.
1028
01:10:35,039 --> 01:10:36,791
I get it.
1029
01:10:39,310 --> 01:10:41,413
I like you.
1030
01:10:41,513 --> 01:10:43,516
I really do.
1031
01:10:44,316 --> 01:10:47,386
We hardly know each other,
and you're Tito's teacher.
1032
01:10:47,486 --> 01:10:50,422
Yeah, but I wanna live in a world
where this can happen,
1033
01:10:50,522 --> 01:10:55,025
where a guy can pursue a woman
with grand gestures.
1034
01:10:55,627 --> 01:10:57,995
That's really sweet.
1035
01:10:59,664 --> 01:11:02,166
So here's my grand gesture.
1036
01:11:04,002 --> 01:11:06,236
What is that?
1037
01:11:07,004 --> 01:11:10,140
- It's an oboe.
- Oh.
1038
01:11:18,283 --> 01:11:20,684
It's a woodwind.
1039
01:11:58,756 --> 01:12:01,325
It's not really meant
to be played unaccompanied.
1040
01:12:01,426 --> 01:12:04,328
It's okay. Um, it was beautiful.
1041
01:12:06,096 --> 01:12:08,398
Let's do something right now.
1042
01:12:09,366 --> 01:12:12,302
Why don't you show me
someplace you love in the city.
1043
01:12:12,937 --> 01:12:14,772
Okay.
1044
01:12:16,708 --> 01:12:19,444
Are there any alligators in this river?
1045
01:12:20,444 --> 01:12:21,680
Come on.
1046
01:12:21,780 --> 01:12:24,183
I just need to know
if I'm gonna have to protect you.
1047
01:12:24,283 --> 01:12:27,986
- Are you a big alligator wrestler?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah. Can't you tell?
1048
01:12:28,086 --> 01:12:30,354
These big muscles.
1049
01:12:38,796 --> 01:12:42,332
Come on.
I wanna show you my favorite spot.
1050
01:13:01,186 --> 01:13:03,922
- Where'd you grow up?
- Sarasota.
1051
01:13:04,022 --> 01:13:07,693
- Do you miss it?
- It's still kind of close. I can go back.
1052
01:13:07,793 --> 01:13:10,160
I mean high school.
1053
01:13:10,562 --> 01:13:14,567
- Not really.
- I do. Had a bunch of friends.
1054
01:13:14,667 --> 01:13:17,269
I'm still friends with all of them.
1055
01:13:17,369 --> 01:13:20,906
I mean, they didn't, like,
shove me into lockers or anything.
1056
01:13:21,006 --> 01:13:25,544
- I wasn't that kid, but...
- I bet you were a huge nerd.
1057
01:13:25,644 --> 01:13:29,246
Yeah. I was a nerd, and it was awesome.
1058
01:13:35,886 --> 01:13:38,922
I want to take you out tonight
to my favorite club.
1059
01:13:40,358 --> 01:13:42,728
I'm not really a big club guy.
1060
01:13:42,828 --> 01:13:45,064
Come on. You'll like it.
1061
01:13:45,164 --> 01:13:48,633
Don't you want to see what you've been
missing out with all the cool kids?
1062
01:13:49,902 --> 01:13:51,770
Sure.
1063
01:13:52,270 --> 01:13:54,104
Okay.
1064
01:14:07,184 --> 01:14:08,986
Bobby!
1065
01:14:09,086 --> 01:14:13,796
Mwah. Look at you. Turn around.
Hot damn, girl.
1066
01:14:13,896 --> 01:14:17,829
- What's up?
- Um, it's just the two of us. Is that cool?
1067
01:14:19,116 --> 01:14:23,896
Look, you're good. It's kind of crazy
in there right now so, uh, no dudes.
1068
01:14:23,996 --> 01:14:26,154
We can just go to the bar by my apartment.
1069
01:14:26,254 --> 01:14:29,057
Is it okay if I just go in
and say hi to some friends?
1070
01:14:29,988 --> 01:14:32,008
I'll be quick.
1071
01:14:38,750 --> 01:14:41,453
- She ain't coming back, man.
- What?
1072
01:14:41,553 --> 01:14:45,090
Yeah, I've seen this a hundred times
before, man. Club's got her now.
1073
01:14:45,190 --> 01:14:47,746
Dude, we're on a date. We just made out.
1074
01:14:47,846 --> 01:14:50,616
Oh, you just made out? You just on a date?
1075
01:14:50,716 --> 01:14:52,036
You hear that music, man?
1076
01:14:52,136 --> 01:14:55,435
I'm telling you, when that music gets in your
system like it's getting in her system...
1077
01:14:55,535 --> 01:14:59,158
Oh, my God, she is feeling it
in every part of her body, man.
1078
01:14:59,258 --> 01:15:01,459
It's the music. It's not her.
1079
01:15:01,559 --> 01:15:06,965
Champagne, jewels, caviar, fur coats...
People just wearing fur coats for no reason.
1080
01:15:07,065 --> 01:15:10,035
There's some Stephen Hawking shit going
on in there, man. It's like a wormhole.
1081
01:15:10,135 --> 01:15:12,171
The pull of the dance floor...
she can't help herself.
1082
01:15:12,271 --> 01:15:16,175
Sex. Can't forget about sex. Okay?
I'm mad 'cause I'm feeling it now, okay?
1083
01:15:16,275 --> 01:15:19,011
I would rather be in there,
but I'm outside with you right now.
1084
01:15:19,111 --> 01:15:21,714
So here's what I need you...
here's what I need you to do for me, okay?
1085
01:15:21,814 --> 01:15:23,982
I need you to go home...
and this is your best bet.
1086
01:15:24,082 --> 01:15:28,691
Just go home, have a quick beat-off,
fall asleep, man.
1087
01:15:28,791 --> 01:15:31,038
I'll be right back.
1088
01:15:32,857 --> 01:15:35,310
Look who it is, out with my girlfriend.
1089
01:15:35,410 --> 01:15:37,979
- I don't want any trouble, man.
- Yeah? Well, you got trouble.
1090
01:15:38,079 --> 01:15:40,315
Man, fuck off!
1091
01:15:40,415 --> 01:15:44,365
Am I gonna have to kick your ass again,
you little fuckin' pussy?
1092
01:15:48,206 --> 01:15:50,142
I was just trying to keep the peace.
That's what I was doing.
1093
01:15:50,242 --> 01:15:53,911
I didn't have nothing to do with all this,
'cause this is my operation.
1094
01:15:54,011 --> 01:15:56,715
The white dude, man, he came from out
of nowhere, man, like a hurricane,
1095
01:15:56,815 --> 01:15:58,654
Just chopping people, tearing people.
1096
01:15:58,754 --> 01:16:03,477
Like, he tore someone. He fish-hooked
the motherfucker. The "Hispanish" dude.
1097
01:16:03,577 --> 01:16:06,492
If you don't know what that is,
it's when you take your hand like such
1098
01:16:06,592 --> 01:16:10,496
and you rip it like a fish. So if you
ask me, he won the fight for sure, man.
1099
01:16:10,596 --> 01:16:13,697
Yeah, right, he won the fight
due to a fishhook maneuver.
1100
01:16:17,835 --> 01:16:20,739
Dude, I don't think I can
get you off again, man.
1101
01:16:20,839 --> 01:16:23,463
Man, I am pulling all kind of favors
with my buddies in police, but,
1102
01:16:23,563 --> 01:16:26,011
two times in two weeks, that is a lot.
1103
01:16:26,111 --> 01:16:29,982
Well, I say congratulations.
It sounds like you're finally living.
1104
01:16:30,082 --> 01:16:34,119
I don't have a job and I probably have
an arrest record, and Pilar ditched me.
1105
01:16:34,219 --> 01:16:38,727
I'll tell you what, honey. Forget the woman.
You need to go and get your job back.
1106
01:16:38,827 --> 01:16:40,993
- He can't. This Reverend Hamilton guy.
- Oh, my God.
1107
01:16:41,093 --> 01:16:44,329
How is it I'm the only one in this group
who has some fucking balls?
1108
01:16:44,429 --> 01:16:46,765
You're right. Those kids need me.
1109
01:16:46,865 --> 01:16:49,601
Without you, they're gonna learn
about sex from the Internet,
1110
01:16:49,701 --> 01:16:52,172
and the Internet is a dark place.
Lemonparty?
1111
01:16:52,272 --> 01:16:54,840
- Yeah, that's disgusting.
- Bukkake? I mean...
1112
01:16:54,940 --> 01:16:57,042
The whole concept of bukkake.
1113
01:16:57,142 --> 01:16:59,978
Girls are gonna think it's cool for a
bunch of weird guys in business suits
1114
01:17:00,078 --> 01:17:03,081
- to just jerk off on their faces.
- Ew.
1115
01:17:03,181 --> 01:17:05,183
I don't think I need to tell you guys
that shit's inappropriate.
1116
01:17:05,283 --> 01:17:07,753
I'm gonna talk to Hamilton
after school tomorrow.
1117
01:17:07,853 --> 01:17:10,755
He's got an A.A meeting
that he leads there.
1118
01:17:10,855 --> 01:17:13,590
I am right there with you, man.
1119
01:17:14,125 --> 01:17:16,660
I think I gotta do this one myself.
1120
01:18:02,573 --> 01:18:05,409
Just take a seat up there.
1121
01:18:05,509 --> 01:18:08,313
- What are you doing here?
- My name's Eddie Cole.
1122
01:18:08,413 --> 01:18:09,820
Hi, Eddie!
1123
01:18:09,920 --> 01:18:12,551
- I'd like to share.
- This is a private meeting, Mr. Cole.
1124
01:18:12,651 --> 01:18:15,952
I need to share. I'm gonna share, okay?
1125
01:18:16,654 --> 01:18:19,256
How many parents we got in here?
1126
01:18:19,790 --> 01:18:23,293
Just answer me one question,
and then I'll go.
1127
01:18:24,595 --> 01:18:27,059
How many of you have discussed
sex with your children?
1128
01:18:27,499 --> 01:18:29,933
Please raise your hands.
1129
01:18:31,335 --> 01:18:35,941
Where do you think kids learn
about sex if not from you, their parents,
1130
01:18:36,041 --> 01:18:38,944
or me, their teacher?
1131
01:18:39,044 --> 01:18:43,081
They learn about it from each other
or from things they've seen in movies
1132
01:18:43,181 --> 01:18:46,018
or on the Internet, with pornography.
1133
01:18:46,818 --> 01:18:51,623
They see images of men doing
strange and mean things to women.
1134
01:18:51,723 --> 01:18:54,359
Sometimes like four or five guys
and just one girl,
1135
01:18:54,459 --> 01:18:56,362
doing things that are uncomfortable,
1136
01:18:56,462 --> 01:18:59,397
doing things that might cause
some sort of injury.
1137
01:18:59,497 --> 01:19:03,366
Girls learn that they should expect
men to treat them badly.
1138
01:19:04,735 --> 01:19:08,640
The truth is, maybe I'm not the right
person to be teaching this class.
1139
01:19:08,740 --> 01:19:11,741
I don't have the teaching experience.
1140
01:19:12,660 --> 01:19:15,528
I don't even have the sexual experience.
1141
01:19:18,416 --> 01:19:20,884
I'm actually a virgin.
1142
01:19:22,386 --> 01:19:25,524
So that's kind of nuts
that I'm teaching sex ed.
1143
01:19:25,624 --> 01:19:28,560
But this class is important.
1144
01:19:28,660 --> 01:19:32,695
It's the most important thing
that we can teach these kids.
1145
01:19:36,000 --> 01:19:40,505
Mr. Cole is really important to us
because he tells us straight about sex.
1146
01:19:40,605 --> 01:19:44,085
Yeah, I used to think it was normal and easy
to meet women to have sex with you
1147
01:19:44,185 --> 01:19:48,077
- if you had a big van.
- I tried it, man. It's not.
1148
01:19:48,213 --> 01:19:51,667
Now we know. Now we know
that sex like that just isn't normal.
1149
01:19:51,767 --> 01:19:53,919
And it's not even, like, a good idea.
1150
01:19:54,019 --> 01:19:57,389
I mean, if you just go around having sex
with everybody, you're gonna get a disease.
1151
01:19:57,489 --> 01:20:01,276
And if you do that, you can get
coot checkers on your labia majora.
1152
01:20:01,376 --> 01:20:04,980
What we're trying to say is, there are things
about having sex and being a grown-up
1153
01:20:05,130 --> 01:20:08,031
that are too weird
to talk to your dad about.
1154
01:20:10,801 --> 01:20:14,940
I love you, Dad,
but I can't ask you about butt sex.
1155
01:20:15,040 --> 01:20:20,312
I just can't, but I can ask Mr. Cole,
and I know he'll give me a real answer.
1156
01:20:20,412 --> 01:20:23,960
That if two adults mutually agree that
they wanna do anal, they can do it,
1157
01:20:24,060 --> 01:20:27,319
provided they use
sufficient lubrication and condoms.
1158
01:20:27,419 --> 01:20:32,089
How am I supposed to have that conversation
with my dad, the reverend?
1159
01:20:34,091 --> 01:20:37,909
We need Mr. Cole. He's a virgin.
1160
01:20:38,929 --> 01:20:44,342
And his class makes me realize,
maybe it's okay if I'm one too.
1161
01:21:22,273 --> 01:21:23,842
Excuse me, Mr. Cole.
1162
01:21:23,942 --> 01:21:27,712
I'll catch up with you in a second.
Hey, thanks for your support in there.
1163
01:21:27,812 --> 01:21:30,880
I really... support you.
1164
01:21:35,286 --> 01:21:40,089
Just let me know if there's
anything else I can do to support you.
1165
01:21:41,425 --> 01:21:43,692
Any time.
1166
01:21:48,633 --> 01:21:50,500
Hey.
1167
01:22:05,316 --> 01:22:08,019
- Hey, you.
- Hey.
1168
01:22:08,119 --> 01:22:09,854
Congratulations.
1169
01:22:09,954 --> 01:22:13,425
- Tito told me about what happened.
- Yeah, thanks.
1170
01:22:13,525 --> 01:22:18,563
He also told me what you said in the
classroom about you not having sex.
1171
01:22:18,663 --> 01:22:20,908
Is that true?
1172
01:22:21,098 --> 01:22:25,268
It is. Uh, I'm sorry.
I know that's kind of weird.
1173
01:22:28,205 --> 01:22:30,073
Stop.
1174
01:22:31,041 --> 01:22:33,276
What's goin' on?
1175
01:22:33,777 --> 01:22:35,712
What do you think?
1176
01:22:36,714 --> 01:22:38,450
I...
1177
01:22:38,550 --> 01:22:41,853
Yo! We're all waiting
for you down at The Hub.
1178
01:22:41,953 --> 01:22:45,856
- One second, man. I'll be right down.
- Come on!
1179
01:22:47,591 --> 01:22:50,428
Hey, why don't we go down to the bar,
celebrate with everybody
1180
01:22:50,528 --> 01:22:52,897
and then we can come back up?
1181
01:22:52,997 --> 01:22:55,198
Come here.
1182
01:22:58,602 --> 01:23:01,004
I wanna be your first.
1183
01:23:02,138 --> 01:23:05,041
Dude, I'll be right down!
1184
01:23:08,646 --> 01:23:11,216
I don't need to do it right this second.
1185
01:23:11,316 --> 01:23:13,751
We don't need to do it just to do it.
1186
01:23:13,851 --> 01:23:16,352
Isn't that a good reason?
1187
01:23:24,561 --> 01:23:26,998
I'm not saying I don't
want to do it with you.
1188
01:23:27,098 --> 01:23:30,800
Just maybe right now isn't the best time.
1189
01:23:31,535 --> 01:23:33,338
Why not?
1190
01:23:33,438 --> 01:23:35,774
Why don't we go down?
We can listen to some music.
1191
01:23:35,874 --> 01:23:40,642
- You can meet my friends. We could dance.
- Eddie, I really don't like that bar.
1192
01:23:41,012 --> 01:23:44,816
- What? Really?
- Yeah, I'm not into it.
1193
01:23:44,916 --> 01:23:47,150
Okay, well...
1194
01:23:47,584 --> 01:23:50,019
Why don't we...
1195
01:23:50,487 --> 01:23:52,889
fuck right now...
1196
01:23:57,561 --> 01:24:00,864
and go to this club down the block after?
1197
01:24:01,565 --> 01:24:05,670
You know, last time we went to
a club, I kind of got stuck outside.
1198
01:24:05,770 --> 01:24:10,478
I know. I know, but it'll be
different this time. I promise.
1199
01:24:11,542 --> 01:24:15,544
- Yeah, but...
- Eddie, I'm trying to make you cooler.
1200
01:24:17,314 --> 01:24:19,684
I'm not that uncool.
1201
01:24:19,784 --> 01:24:22,185
I know. I just... I...
1202
01:24:24,655 --> 01:24:26,656
Fuck it.
1203
01:24:28,559 --> 01:24:31,930
I don't get you. I really don't.
1204
01:24:32,630 --> 01:24:34,397
You can stay a virgin.
1205
01:24:34,497 --> 01:24:36,381
I guess I think that's okay.
1206
01:24:36,481 --> 01:24:38,334
Fine.
1207
01:24:46,643 --> 01:24:48,545
Fuck. Did I ruin that for you?
1208
01:24:54,851 --> 01:24:58,857
Feels like you need a little bit of bourbon,
baby. On the rocks, splash of soda?
1209
01:24:58,957 --> 01:25:00,790
Yeah.
1210
01:25:02,526 --> 01:25:06,162
So, where's your lovely?
1211
01:25:07,731 --> 01:25:11,565
- She is lovely, isn't she?
- She is.
1212
01:25:13,070 --> 01:25:15,271
I ended it.
1213
01:25:16,206 --> 01:25:19,678
- I don't know what's wrong with me.
- It'll happen, Eddie.
1214
01:25:19,778 --> 01:25:23,738
You just have to be ready for it
when it does, and then it'll be easy.
1215
01:25:25,415 --> 01:25:28,518
It'll all make perfect sense.
1216
01:25:29,920 --> 01:25:32,757
- I'll tell you what.
- What's that?
1217
01:25:33,357 --> 01:25:35,892
You're a man now.
1218
01:25:35,993 --> 01:25:39,531
Manhood isn't all wanting
a woman and not gettin' her.
1219
01:25:39,631 --> 01:25:44,533
It's having a woman and knowing
you don't feel the madness.
1220
01:25:45,235 --> 01:25:46,703
Yeah.
1221
01:25:46,803 --> 01:25:50,675
Ain't no shame in it.
More shame in living and no love.
1222
01:25:50,975 --> 01:25:53,032
You're right.
1223
01:25:55,846 --> 01:25:57,613
Thanks.
1224
01:26:03,987 --> 01:26:07,926
Oh, man! Seventh period, sex ed, Mr. Cole.
1225
01:26:08,026 --> 01:26:11,529
What's this honky motherfucker
gonna teach me about sex?
1226
01:26:11,629 --> 01:26:15,332
Whoa, hold up. You got Mr. Cole for sex ed?
1227
01:26:15,432 --> 01:26:17,836
Son, Mr. Cole is for real.
1228
01:26:17,936 --> 01:26:20,770
He's the realest motherfucker that is.
1229
01:27:49,760 --> 01:27:54,105
Hi. I'm the new student teacher
from the American Teaching Corps.
1230
01:27:54,865 --> 01:27:57,001
Right. Welcome.
1231
01:27:57,101 --> 01:28:00,336
It's kind of funny
because I'm actually Canadian.
1232
01:28:00,637 --> 01:28:02,508
Canadian?
1233
01:28:03,308 --> 01:28:07,076
So you came here to learn how to teach
health and human development.
1234
01:28:07,244 --> 01:28:11,648
Yes. I think sex ed is really important.
1235
01:28:16,219 --> 01:28:19,224
Well, you came to the right fuckin' place.
1236
01:29:03,534 --> 01:29:06,563
We have kids coming to this class and you
think you're gonna have to explain them
1237
01:29:06,663 --> 01:29:10,275
anatomical or sexual things, but they're
more advanced than I am with certain things.
1238
01:29:10,375 --> 01:29:12,076
- 'Cause of what?
- The Internet.
1239
01:29:12,176 --> 01:29:16,314
Just with obscure sexual positions.
1240
01:29:16,414 --> 01:29:18,850
I mean, I'd love to know
what the kids know.
1241
01:29:18,950 --> 01:29:23,621
I think it's against the law to repeat
something that a minor tells you sexually,
1242
01:29:23,721 --> 01:29:27,492
but now that I've done my Internet
research to shore up my knowledge,
1243
01:29:27,592 --> 01:29:30,762
I feel like...
I feel like I've aged 10 years.
1244
01:29:30,862 --> 01:29:35,433
When I was a young man, you would just
hint to a girl like, "Oh, I got a big dick."
1245
01:29:35,533 --> 01:29:39,003
- You'd imply it?
- Yeah. But that's it.
1246
01:29:39,103 --> 01:29:40,703
Pants were tighter back then. You could...
1247
01:29:40,803 --> 01:29:44,699
Yeah, that's what guys did. Or they would
stuff, like, a shoe in there or tin foil.
1248
01:29:45,399 --> 01:29:47,070
- Definitely.
- Or a narrow shoe.
1249
01:29:47,170 --> 01:29:48,179
A narrow shoe?
1250
01:29:48,279 --> 01:29:50,148
Otherwise it looks like
you have a deformed thing.
1251
01:29:50,248 --> 01:29:53,384
- You don't want to scare 'em off.
- Like a goiter or something.
1252
01:29:53,484 --> 01:29:57,055
There is a disorder. It's... Oh, shoot.
I should know this for my job.
1253
01:29:57,155 --> 01:30:00,024
But where one of the components
in the testicles
1254
01:30:00,124 --> 01:30:02,927
swells to such a size that you
have to have it removed.
1255
01:30:03,027 --> 01:30:04,963
One of the components?
Like the vas deferens?
1256
01:30:05,063 --> 01:30:07,732
It might be the vas or the Cowper's gland.
1257
01:30:07,832 --> 01:30:10,355
- That's the one I always pretend like I know.
- I know that one.
1258
01:30:10,455 --> 01:30:12,737
It's like the prostate
and the Cowper's adds...
1259
01:30:12,837 --> 01:30:16,874
- I would look, but my Google's down.
- The books... we gotta get new textbooks.
1260
01:30:16,974 --> 01:30:19,577
- The books that I have are from 1983.
- I know.
1261
01:30:19,677 --> 01:30:24,849
They're still calling AIDS GRID.
There's also... it's embarrassing.
1262
01:30:24,949 --> 01:30:26,644
Okay.
1263
01:30:26,744 --> 01:30:28,796
They're still saying masturbation
is wrong.
1264
01:30:28,896 --> 01:30:32,723
- Even monkeys masturbate.
- They do. Bonobos.
1265
01:30:32,823 --> 01:30:36,995
- The apes. They use sex as... like trade.
- Yeah? Yeah?
1266
01:30:37,095 --> 01:30:40,031
They'll trade sexual favors
within their bonombo colonies.
1267
01:30:40,131 --> 01:30:43,368
Yeah. They'll prostitute out people
to create peace between tribes.
1268
01:30:43,468 --> 01:30:44,836
- They will.
- Yeah.
1269
01:30:46,036 --> 01:30:48,207
I wouldn't teach that in junior high.
That seems like a...
1270
01:30:48,307 --> 01:30:51,807
- No. No.
- ...higher-concept idea.
1271
01:30:52,142 --> 01:30:53,778
I'd like more primatology too.
1272
01:30:53,878 --> 01:30:58,592
It's almost like grooming. Like when
they give cunnilingus to another ape.
1273
01:30:58,692 --> 01:31:02,353
- Grooming? Oh! Huh.
- Yeah.
1274
01:31:02,953 --> 01:31:05,454
- That's fascinating.
- Yeah.
1275
01:31:07,123 --> 01:31:09,892
- Speaking of grooming...
- Mm-hmm?
1276
01:31:10,627 --> 01:31:15,667
- You ever get crabs?
- I have not. This... interesting fact.
1277
01:31:15,767 --> 01:31:19,403
The crab is... or the pubic louse
is endangered.
1278
01:31:19,503 --> 01:31:23,140
- Good!
- Because of modern grooming habits.
1279
01:31:23,240 --> 01:31:25,076
Very few people have that...
1280
01:31:25,176 --> 01:31:28,346
In the videos that I found,
you know, of sex education...
1281
01:31:28,446 --> 01:31:33,284
with, like, serious hair down there,
that's not really the tendency these days.
1282
01:31:33,384 --> 01:31:35,453
- Yeah.
- So the louse is going extinct.
1283
01:31:35,553 --> 01:31:38,606
- That's good.
- Like smallpox. Have you gotten...
1284
01:31:38,706 --> 01:31:41,053
- I never got 'em. No.
- Good.
1285
01:31:41,153 --> 01:31:44,094
I mean, I never looked,
but I'm assuming you'd know.
1286
01:31:44,194 --> 01:31:46,662
I would probably feel something.
107017
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