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1
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:14,081
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
2
00:00:14,114 --> 00:00:15,816
♪ Friendly faces everywhere
3
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,684
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:20,654
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,322
♪ Ample parking day or night
6
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,291
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
7
00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:27,327
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:30,764
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
9
00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:34,434
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:41,425 --> 00:00:42,626
Dad!
Dad, there's this new place
11
00:00:42,660 --> 00:00:43,961
and you can actually go
and shoot each other,
12
00:00:43,994 --> 00:00:45,429
only it's soft BBs
and they're biodegradable,
13
00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:46,564
and the guns
are, like, totally real
14
00:00:46,597 --> 00:00:47,898
except you don't actually
get hurt,
15
00:00:47,932 --> 00:00:49,433
and it's like paintball
except for there's no mess,
16
00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:50,701
and the stuff
all looks totally real,
17
00:00:50,734 --> 00:00:52,069
and it's called Airsoft
and can I get one?
18
00:00:52,102 --> 00:00:53,404
Wha-- Wha-- What?
19
00:00:53,437 --> 00:00:55,039
There's an Airsoft field
where everybody plays on teams,
20
00:00:55,072 --> 00:00:56,574
and I promise I'll take
good care of the equipment,
21
00:00:56,607 --> 00:00:57,975
and if you think about it
it's a really great hobby
22
00:00:58,008 --> 00:00:59,443
for team building and learning
communication and --
23
00:00:59,477 --> 00:01:00,578
Whoa -- Whoa --
Whoa -- Whoa --
24
00:01:00,611 --> 00:01:01,979
I was just thinking
if you could come
25
00:01:02,012 --> 00:01:03,280
to the Airsoft store with me --
please, please, please,
26
00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:04,515
all my friends
already bought their stuff,
27
00:01:04,548 --> 00:01:05,616
and it's totally a way for us
to play outside
28
00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:06,884
like you always say --
come on, please,
29
00:01:06,917 --> 00:01:08,419
only we can't tell mom
cuz she won't understand,
30
00:01:08,452 --> 00:01:10,087
but it's totally safe
cuz you wear eye protection.
31
00:01:10,121 --> 00:01:12,790
Okay, okay, Kyle, breathe.
32
00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:16,594
Here it is!
Isn't this cool?!
33
00:01:16,627 --> 00:01:18,496
Airsoft Armory?
34
00:01:18,529 --> 00:01:20,164
Come on, Dad!
You gotta check it out!
35
00:01:25,369 --> 00:01:28,472
My God!
Is this stuff real?!
36
00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,441
No, Dad, it's Airsoft.
37
00:01:30,474 --> 00:01:32,643
It's like paintball,
only it's way cooler
38
00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:34,378
and it just looks totally real.
39
00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:37,848
I-I really don't think
your mom would approve, Kyle.
40
00:01:37,882 --> 00:01:39,517
Dad...Please.
I'm not a baby anymore.
41
00:01:39,550 --> 00:01:41,352
The other guys --
they already got their stuff.
42
00:01:41,385 --> 00:01:42,620
We're playing today!
43
00:01:42,653 --> 00:01:46,056
Can I please just get, like,
an AK-47 and maybe a Glock?
44
00:01:46,090 --> 00:01:47,324
This stuff is expensive.
45
00:01:47,358 --> 00:01:49,660
Is this really how you want
to spend your allowance?
46
00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:51,362
Yeah, yeah!
It really is!
47
00:01:51,395 --> 00:01:54,031
These are all, like, legal,
right?
48
00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:55,599
Uh, yes, sir.
49
00:01:55,633 --> 00:01:58,335
You see you load these soft BBs
into the guns
50
00:01:58,369 --> 00:01:59,937
and they just kinda sting.
51
00:02:00,037 --> 00:02:03,507
And you can put the soft BBs
into grenades, rocket launchers,
52
00:02:03,541 --> 00:02:04,708
all kinds of stuff.
53
00:02:04,742 --> 00:02:06,811
So it's all totally safe?
54
00:02:06,844 --> 00:02:10,948
Wul, I wouldn't particularly say
that...
55
00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:13,217
I mean --
all the stuff is safe,
56
00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:15,953
the guns and grenades
and things...but --
57
00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:19,890
but not necessarily the people
who mostly play Airsoft...
58
00:02:19,924 --> 00:02:22,226
What people mostly play Airsoft?
59
00:02:23,761 --> 00:02:26,130
Teenagers.
60
00:02:26,163 --> 00:02:29,500
Referee: Alright, Airsofters,
let's listen up.
61
00:02:29,533 --> 00:02:31,302
Before we let you onto
the field,
62
00:02:31,335 --> 00:02:33,637
we need to run through
our safety precautions.
63
00:02:33,671 --> 00:02:35,005
-Bruh...
-Bruh...
64
00:02:35,039 --> 00:02:38,409
Teenager:
We know all the safety stuff --
65
00:02:38,442 --> 00:02:42,046
First, your Airsoft guns
must all have a red tip --
66
00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,547
Bruh, we know...
67
00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:46,817
Second, there is no full auto
allowed on the field.
68
00:02:46,851 --> 00:02:48,085
Bruh...
69
00:02:48,118 --> 00:02:51,355
Third, there is a 500 fps limit
for your BBs.
70
00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:53,691
Bruh, can we play now?
71
00:02:53,724 --> 00:02:56,927
If you're hit by a BB,
raise your hand, say "hit,"
72
00:02:57,027 --> 00:02:58,496
and go back to respawn.
73
00:02:58,529 --> 00:03:00,064
Yes already, yes!
74
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,733
Alright,
you guys are Team Rogue Wolf.
75
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:07,171
You'll be playing against --
where is Team Floppy Weiner?
76
00:03:07,204 --> 00:03:09,173
Cartman: Right here!
77
00:03:09,206 --> 00:03:10,708
What?!
78
00:03:10,741 --> 00:03:13,878
Bruh, no! We aren't playing
with little kids!
79
00:03:13,911 --> 00:03:16,180
Yeah, it'll be too easy!
80
00:03:16,213 --> 00:03:17,214
Alright, fine!
81
00:03:17,248 --> 00:03:19,950
Then we'll split the kids up
on two teams
82
00:03:20,050 --> 00:03:22,720
and each one
will have a teenage partner.
83
00:03:22,753 --> 00:03:24,722
Bruh, seriously?
84
00:03:24,755 --> 00:03:28,058
Kid with the poof ball,
that's your teenager --
Bruh.
85
00:03:28,058 --> 00:03:30,394
Green hat kid,
that's your teenager --
86
00:03:30,427 --> 00:03:32,396
Team B,
those are your two teenagers.
87
00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:33,964
Alright, sweet!
88
00:03:34,064 --> 00:03:37,635
Me and Kenny and our teenagers
are gonna smoke you guys!
89
00:03:42,273 --> 00:03:44,308
Teenager:
Go! Go, go, go, go, go!
90
00:03:44,341 --> 00:03:46,377
Come on! This way!
91
00:03:46,410 --> 00:03:49,113
Yes! Yes! Yes!
92
00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:25,516
I got you, Cartman!
93
00:04:25,549 --> 00:04:27,051
You didn't get me.
94
00:04:27,051 --> 00:04:29,420
I totally got you,
I heard it hit your jacket --
95
00:04:29,453 --> 00:04:31,055
Say hit
and go back to respawn!
96
00:04:31,055 --> 00:04:32,323
You didn't hit me,
Kyle!
97
00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:34,291
The BBs bounced off a leaf
or something, 'cause --
98
00:04:34,325 --> 00:04:35,292
Agh! Agh!
99
00:04:35,326 --> 00:04:37,128
Ok -- Ok hit!
100
00:04:37,161 --> 00:04:38,429
You got me.
That was sweet.
101
00:04:41,565 --> 00:04:44,201
I'm outta green gas,
you got green gas?!
102
00:04:44,235 --> 00:04:45,870
Yeah, I got some right here,
partner!
103
00:04:49,573 --> 00:04:51,642
Bruh! Keep shooting!
104
00:04:51,675 --> 00:04:53,077
Whoo-hoo!
105
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:01,719
Oh, my God...
106
00:05:01,752 --> 00:05:04,421
This is the greatest day
of my life.
107
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:09,693
Ow! Ow!
108
00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:11,028
Hit!
109
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,199
Yes! Yes!
That was so awesome!
110
00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:17,034
You guys,
Airsoft rules!
111
00:05:17,034 --> 00:05:18,736
This is -- Ow!
Hit! Hit!
112
00:05:18,769 --> 00:05:20,070
This is sweet!
113
00:05:22,173 --> 00:05:25,409
-That was so cool!
-Mrphh rmhprh mrphmrhmrh!
-Best thing ever!
114
00:05:25,442 --> 00:05:28,045
Dude, I can't believe we tied!
That was epic.
115
00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:30,915
Yeah, well, Team Floppy Weiner
will get you guys next time!
116
00:05:30,948 --> 00:05:33,551
That was seriously the best time
I've had in forever!
117
00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:35,753
Me too!
And you know what else is cool?
118
00:05:35,786 --> 00:05:37,521
We all have teenagers now!
119
00:05:37,555 --> 00:05:39,523
I know! My teenager said
he's gonna come over
120
00:05:39,557 --> 00:05:41,025
and show me
how to clean my gun!
121
00:05:41,058 --> 00:05:42,827
Cartman, are you okay?
122
00:05:44,695 --> 00:05:46,997
I'm just really happy,
you guys...
123
00:05:46,997 --> 00:05:48,332
Airsoft is seriously, like,
124
00:05:48,365 --> 00:05:50,034
the greatest thing
in the whole world.
125
00:05:51,035 --> 00:05:52,336
Well, here's my house.
126
00:05:52,369 --> 00:05:54,004
Thanks, you guys.
127
00:05:54,004 --> 00:05:55,339
For just a few,
brief hours...
128
00:05:55,372 --> 00:05:57,007
I forgot
how much everything sucks.
129
00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:04,014
Can we promise each other we'll
do Airsoft, like, all the time?
130
00:06:04,014 --> 00:06:05,082
Hell yeah, dude.
131
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:06,884
We just gotta keep
our teenagers happy
132
00:06:06,917 --> 00:06:08,853
and we can play Airsoft
all the time.
133
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:11,255
I love you guys.
134
00:06:26,437 --> 00:06:28,806
Hey, Kyle...
Uh, how did the Airsoft go?
135
00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:32,076
I took a BB right to the face
with a sniper rifle.
136
00:06:32,109 --> 00:06:33,544
It was so great, Dad.
137
00:06:35,146 --> 00:06:37,648
Are you sure this isn't all
a little too much for you, son?
138
00:06:37,681 --> 00:06:39,750
I'm not a baby anymore,
Dad!
139
00:06:39,783 --> 00:06:41,118
Ooh!
140
00:06:41,152 --> 00:06:42,753
Oh, that's probably
my teenager!
141
00:06:42,787 --> 00:06:44,054
See ya, Dad.
I love you!
142
00:06:44,088 --> 00:06:45,089
I love you, too, Kyle.
143
00:06:46,857 --> 00:06:48,425
I got it!
144
00:06:48,459 --> 00:06:52,463
Gerald...why is Kyle wearing
my makeup on his face?
145
00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:54,899
He's just...
Experimenting.
146
00:07:00,004 --> 00:07:02,006
Are you Kyle?
147
00:07:02,006 --> 00:07:03,140
Yeah!
148
00:07:03,174 --> 00:07:05,009
I'm here
to drop off Trevor.
149
00:07:05,042 --> 00:07:06,844
He said he's your teenager now.
150
00:07:06,877 --> 00:07:08,078
Yah, that's right!
151
00:07:08,112 --> 00:07:10,748
Okay!
Well, good luck.
152
00:07:10,781 --> 00:07:12,516
What time
are you picking me up?!
153
00:07:12,550 --> 00:07:15,753
Just gimme a call --
don't make it too soon, though,
154
00:07:15,786 --> 00:07:17,455
because I am going to relax.
155
00:07:17,488 --> 00:07:19,323
Fine, go ahead, I'm glad!
156
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:21,926
Go away, I don't wanna see
your stupid face!
157
00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:30,134
Cool, dude, so, uh, you wanna,
like, clean our Airsoft guns?
158
00:07:30,167 --> 00:07:31,535
I'm starving to death.
159
00:07:31,569 --> 00:07:33,370
Can you make me
some food?!
160
00:07:33,404 --> 00:07:35,439
Wul...Like what kind of food
do you want?
161
00:07:35,473 --> 00:07:37,475
leave me alone!
162
00:07:37,508 --> 00:07:38,876
Okay! Okay! Okay!
163
00:07:45,483 --> 00:07:46,684
Hello?
164
00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:49,120
Bruh, how do I make ramen?
165
00:07:51,422 --> 00:07:53,023
Excuse me?
166
00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:56,227
I'm starving, and the
instructions are all stupid.
167
00:07:56,260 --> 00:07:58,529
Oh, is this my teenager?
168
00:07:58,562 --> 00:07:59,663
How's it going, dude?
169
00:07:59,697 --> 00:08:01,298
It's not going!
170
00:08:01,332 --> 00:08:03,467
The ramen's all hard
and I can't eat it like that!
171
00:08:03,501 --> 00:08:06,303
Wul, you have to put the noodles
in boiling water.
172
00:08:06,337 --> 00:08:08,739
Where do I get water?
173
00:08:08,772 --> 00:08:12,076
You...
Do you have a sink?
174
00:08:12,109 --> 00:08:13,811
Bruh.
175
00:08:13,844 --> 00:08:15,579
Bruh, what?
176
00:08:15,613 --> 00:08:18,315
I'm sorry
I'm not a five star chef!
177
00:08:18,349 --> 00:08:19,884
Hey, man, it's cool.
Lemme uh --
178
00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,519
Lemme slow it down for ya.
179
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:32,496
Swamp Sniper:
That one right there!
Take him out!
180
00:08:32,530 --> 00:08:34,999
Dude, Swamp Sniper rules.
181
00:08:40,037 --> 00:08:43,774
Hello?
182
00:08:43,808 --> 00:08:45,576
What --
What are you doing, dude?
183
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:48,212
I need a bathroom.
184
00:08:48,245 --> 00:08:50,381
Y-You need to use
my bathroom?
185
00:08:50,414 --> 00:08:53,284
I have to go to the bathroom --
brah, what?!
186
00:09:00,157 --> 00:09:02,059
Dude, Kenny, the weirdest thing
just happened.
187
00:09:02,092 --> 00:09:03,627
My teenager showed up
at my house,
188
00:09:03,661 --> 00:09:05,729
and he's acting really strange.
189
00:09:05,763 --> 00:09:07,031
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
190
00:09:07,064 --> 00:09:08,899
Yours did too?
191
00:09:08,999 --> 00:09:11,535
Why do I have all these
zits on my face?!
192
00:09:11,569 --> 00:09:13,904
Mrph rmhmhm rm
mrph rmhmhm rm!
193
00:09:14,004 --> 00:09:15,439
You don't even care!
194
00:09:15,473 --> 00:09:17,808
You don't care because you don't
even know me!
195
00:09:21,011 --> 00:09:23,547
What the hell
are these things?
196
00:09:30,921 --> 00:09:32,690
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
197
00:09:43,501 --> 00:09:46,036
Dude, that's my friend Kenny,
we gotta kill him!
198
00:09:46,070 --> 00:09:47,738
I don't take orders
from you!
199
00:09:47,771 --> 00:09:50,207
Okay, okay, but if we kill Kenny
we get a point, right?
200
00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:51,509
Come on!
201
00:09:55,412 --> 00:09:56,413
Agh!
202
00:09:56,447 --> 00:09:58,382
Mrph mrph mrph mrph!
203
00:09:59,750 --> 00:10:00,818
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
204
00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:02,887
No shooting
from less than 10 feet!
205
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:04,321
I wasn't less than 10 feet!
206
00:10:04,355 --> 00:10:06,323
It's okay, it's fine.
We're sorry.
207
00:10:06,357 --> 00:10:08,792
I'm not gonna play anymore.
This is stupid.
208
00:10:08,826 --> 00:10:10,794
Dude, it's ok,
it's just a gay rule.
209
00:10:10,828 --> 00:10:12,563
Come on,
let's beat these guys!
210
00:10:16,834 --> 00:10:18,135
Hit!
211
00:10:24,508 --> 00:10:25,776
Dude, Kyle,
where are you?
212
00:10:25,809 --> 00:10:27,211
We started playing
like 20 minutes ago.
213
00:10:27,244 --> 00:10:28,512
Yeah, I know!
214
00:10:28,546 --> 00:10:30,781
My teenager asked me to take him
shopping for hair gel.
215
00:10:30,814 --> 00:10:31,949
- Hair gel?!
- What the dude,
216
00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:33,584
we're getting killed out here!
217
00:10:33,617 --> 00:10:35,686
Just do your best,
I'll be there as fast as I can!
218
00:10:38,289 --> 00:10:41,358
Okay, here it is.
This is the health care aisle.
219
00:10:41,392 --> 00:10:43,194
Could you go
a little faster?
220
00:10:48,399 --> 00:10:49,967
Okay, here's all
the hair product stuff,
221
00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:51,068
which one do you like to use?
222
00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:52,469
I don't know.
223
00:10:52,503 --> 00:10:54,872
What?
I don't know!
224
00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:56,874
Kyle?
What are you doing?
225
00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:58,075
Ugh, nothing, I'm...
226
00:10:58,075 --> 00:10:59,643
I'm just shopping
with my teenager.
227
00:10:59,677 --> 00:11:01,312
Can we go now?
228
00:11:01,345 --> 00:11:06,250
Okay, but you asked me if
I could buy you some hair gel.
229
00:11:06,283 --> 00:11:07,651
Shut up...
230
00:11:07,685 --> 00:11:10,287
Well...at least I'm not the
only one dealing with this crap.
231
00:11:13,757 --> 00:11:15,392
Your guy
wants hair gel, too?
232
00:11:15,426 --> 00:11:18,229
No, my teenager
wants more lotion.
233
00:11:18,262 --> 00:11:20,130
All this guy does
is hang out in the bathroom
234
00:11:20,164 --> 00:11:22,099
and go through like two bottles
of lotion a day.
235
00:11:22,099 --> 00:11:23,400
I swear
I don't know how soft
236
00:11:23,434 --> 00:11:25,135
you could possibly want
your hands to be.
237
00:11:25,169 --> 00:11:27,037
I just wanna get
to the Airsoft field,
238
00:11:27,037 --> 00:11:28,706
Stan says your team
is killing them!
239
00:11:28,739 --> 00:11:31,175
Damn right! Team Floppy Weiner
will destroy you guys!
240
00:11:31,208 --> 00:11:33,177
Yeah, we'll see
when I use my sniper rifle!
241
00:11:33,210 --> 00:11:34,411
You have to find me first!
242
00:11:34,445 --> 00:11:35,813
I gotta go
to the bathroom.
243
00:11:35,846 --> 00:11:37,581
Oh, you gotta be
kidding me.
244
00:11:37,615 --> 00:11:39,250
There's one
over by the registers.
245
00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:41,152
No, you are not taking
the lotion.
246
00:11:41,185 --> 00:11:43,087
I hate you!
247
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:45,055
Okay,
I'm sorry you hate me.
248
00:11:45,089 --> 00:11:47,625
Just wanna play Airsoft,
buddy.
249
00:11:59,203 --> 00:12:02,339
Oh, my God,
you gotta be shitting me.
250
00:12:02,373 --> 00:12:04,208
Yeah -- hello?
251
00:12:04,241 --> 00:12:09,113
I'm not gay.
252
00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:11,182
Whu-- What?
253
00:12:11,215 --> 00:12:12,516
Why'd you call me gay?!
254
00:12:12,550 --> 00:12:14,451
Like,
what the hell do you know?!
255
00:12:14,485 --> 00:12:16,187
You don't even know me.
256
00:12:16,220 --> 00:12:18,422
I-I didn't call you gay.
257
00:12:18,455 --> 00:12:20,791
They said I couldn't shoot a BB
within 10 feet,
258
00:12:20,825 --> 00:12:22,393
and I just had to say bang bang,
259
00:12:22,426 --> 00:12:24,528
and you got all salty
and said I was gay.
260
00:12:24,562 --> 00:12:26,130
I was saying the rule was gay.
261
00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:28,899
I wasn't talking anything
about sexual orientation.
262
00:12:28,933 --> 00:12:30,901
Brah.
263
00:12:30,935 --> 00:12:32,536
You're right,
I shouldn't have used that word!
264
00:12:32,570 --> 00:12:34,071
Look -- I was one of
the first people ever
265
00:12:34,104 --> 00:12:35,706
to say there was nothing wrong
with being gay.
266
00:12:35,739 --> 00:12:36,740
I had a dog that was gay!
267
00:12:36,774 --> 00:12:38,475
Oh, so I'm a dog now?!
268
00:12:38,509 --> 00:12:39,910
I'll kill you!
269
00:12:39,944 --> 00:12:41,645
Okay, dude...
270
00:12:41,679 --> 00:12:43,647
What...Do you want me to do?
271
00:12:43,681 --> 00:12:45,816
I want you
to just leave me alone!
272
00:12:45,850 --> 00:12:49,887
Okay, but you called me...
273
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,056
Hello? Hello?
274
00:12:52,089 --> 00:12:53,457
Teenager:
275
00:12:53,491 --> 00:12:54,525
What are you doing?
276
00:12:54,558 --> 00:12:56,594
I'm holding my hand
over a lighter!
277
00:12:56,627 --> 00:12:58,796
It's burning the shit
out of my hand!
278
00:12:58,829 --> 00:13:01,232
Okay, don't hold your hand
over a lighter.
279
00:13:01,265 --> 00:13:03,400
Bruh!
Bruh, this hurts so bad!
280
00:13:03,434 --> 00:13:05,469
Oh, dude,
it's black.
281
00:13:05,503 --> 00:13:08,439
Is that what a third degree burn
looks like?!
282
00:13:08,472 --> 00:13:10,641
Jesus Christ.
283
00:13:10,674 --> 00:13:13,277
Dood, I just so lit
burned my hand.
284
00:13:13,310 --> 00:13:16,614
I need like --
I need like emergency services.
285
00:13:16,647 --> 00:13:18,282
Bruh, that was stoopid.
286
00:13:18,315 --> 00:13:20,084
Yeah, that was kinda stupid.
287
00:13:20,084 --> 00:13:23,087
I'm not stupid!
288
00:13:25,789 --> 00:13:28,259
I seriously don't know
what to do...
289
00:13:28,292 --> 00:13:31,428
I've tried being nice,
I've tried being harsh...
290
00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:33,664
And I get nothing
from my teenager. Nothing.
291
00:13:33,697 --> 00:13:34,899
Mrph.
292
00:13:34,932 --> 00:13:36,100
Wul, you're lucky.
293
00:13:36,133 --> 00:13:38,669
At least your teenager
doesn't threaten to kill you.
294
00:13:38,702 --> 00:13:40,838
I'd love him to threaten
to do anything.
295
00:13:40,871 --> 00:13:42,506
I'd love him to do.
Anything.
296
00:13:42,540 --> 00:13:45,309
On the rare occasion that my
teenager isn't in the bathroom,
297
00:13:45,342 --> 00:13:47,511
all he does is talk about
his miserable life.
298
00:13:47,545 --> 00:13:49,780
I'm like -- okay, dude,
I've got problems too.
299
00:13:49,813 --> 00:13:52,349
But of course teenagers
don't care about your problems.
300
00:13:52,383 --> 00:13:54,685
I'm like, "Look, buddy,
I live in a hot dog. Ok?
301
00:13:54,718 --> 00:13:57,288
Like, maybe let's stop bitching
and just play Airsoft."
302
00:13:57,321 --> 00:13:59,490
But you can't say that because
then they're just gonna --
303
00:13:59,523 --> 00:14:01,058
-Want to kill themselves.
-Want to kill themselves.
-Want to kill themselves.
304
00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:03,661
Yes, yes.
Mrph rmhmhm rm?
305
00:14:03,694 --> 00:14:05,062
Mrph rmhmhm rm?
306
00:14:05,062 --> 00:14:06,964
No, we can't give up
on Airsoft --
307
00:14:07,064 --> 00:14:09,400
I'm like four hundred dollars
into this hobby.
308
00:14:09,433 --> 00:14:11,068
And we love it.
309
00:14:11,068 --> 00:14:12,670
Except for the part
about being around teenagers.
310
00:14:12,703 --> 00:14:13,904
Well, apparently,
a lot of people
311
00:14:13,938 --> 00:14:15,072
are in the same situation
we're in.
312
00:14:15,072 --> 00:14:16,707
What do you mean?
313
00:14:16,740 --> 00:14:19,076
I've been reading this book --
"Help, My Teenager Hates Me."
314
00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:20,511
Wow.
315
00:14:20,544 --> 00:14:22,746
Yeah...and...it has
some interesting ideas.
316
00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:25,182
It says we're basically just
dealing with an age difference
317
00:14:25,216 --> 00:14:27,318
and we need to try
and connect with them.
Mrph?
318
00:14:27,351 --> 00:14:30,421
It says
we should take them camping.
319
00:14:31,455 --> 00:14:33,324
Camping?
320
00:14:35,092 --> 00:14:36,694
Bruh...
321
00:14:36,727 --> 00:14:39,330
-Bruh...
-Bruh...
-Bruh...
322
00:14:39,363 --> 00:14:41,499
Alright, guys!
We got the tents all set up.
323
00:14:41,532 --> 00:14:44,768
Yeah, check em out!
324
00:14:44,802 --> 00:14:46,437
Boy,
isn't it nice out here?
325
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:47,872
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
326
00:14:47,905 --> 00:14:50,274
There's a lake over there
where we can rent kayaks!
327
00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:52,576
So what do you guys wanna do?
328
00:14:52,610 --> 00:14:55,446
Go home.
329
00:14:55,479 --> 00:14:59,049
K, yeah, we can do that later,
but first maybe, um...
330
00:14:59,083 --> 00:15:01,085
let's bond a bit...
331
00:15:02,286 --> 00:15:04,755
Okay, looks like the tents
are set up --
332
00:15:04,788 --> 00:15:06,090
Can you come out now?
333
00:15:06,123 --> 00:15:09,960
Teenager:
I'm going to the bathroom!
334
00:15:10,060 --> 00:15:11,595
Okay, well,
you should probably finish up.
335
00:15:11,629 --> 00:15:13,063
I know
you took the lotion in there.
336
00:15:13,097 --> 00:15:14,765
You really don't need soft hands
for camping.
337
00:15:14,798 --> 00:15:16,767
Leave me alone!
338
00:15:19,837 --> 00:15:21,071
Come on, dude.
339
00:15:21,105 --> 00:15:23,207
No shit in the world
takes that long.
340
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,972
Hey, buddy, what's up?
341
00:15:31,005 --> 00:15:33,274
I thought you were gonna go out
and play Airsoft today?
342
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,710
No...
I don't think I'm gonna go...
343
00:15:35,743 --> 00:15:37,512
Oh.
344
00:15:37,545 --> 00:15:39,313
D-Did something happen?
345
00:15:39,347 --> 00:15:40,448
You wouldn't understand,
Dad.
346
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,717
I just can't deal
with teenagers.
347
00:15:42,750 --> 00:15:46,053
Oh.
Well, you know, they say
348
00:15:46,087 --> 00:15:48,189
that the brain chemistry
of a teenager
349
00:15:48,222 --> 00:15:50,224
is the same
as that of a psychopath.
350
00:15:50,258 --> 00:15:51,726
The hormones and all that --
351
00:15:51,759 --> 00:15:55,863
it's been proven they're
literally criminally insane.
352
00:15:55,897 --> 00:15:57,465
You know, I just --
353
00:15:57,498 --> 00:16:01,402
I just wanted to have fun --
and shoot my friends.
354
00:16:01,435 --> 00:16:04,739
I-I just wanted
to shoot my friends, dad.
355
00:16:04,772 --> 00:16:07,041
Oh, buddy, well,
356
00:16:07,074 --> 00:16:09,177
maybe you could ask
the Airsoft field
357
00:16:09,210 --> 00:16:11,379
to let you play
without the teenagers.
358
00:16:11,412 --> 00:16:13,581
We did! They said
they hate the teenagers
359
00:16:13,614 --> 00:16:16,484
just as much as anybody,
but they can't get rid of them.
360
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,719
And we've got no one else
to partner with.
361
00:16:18,753 --> 00:16:24,091
Well...did you guys
ever consider your dads?
362
00:16:31,566 --> 00:16:33,701
Come on in, boys.
363
00:16:33,734 --> 00:16:35,570
Jesus Christ...
364
00:16:35,603 --> 00:16:38,539
How long
has this store been here?
365
00:16:38,573 --> 00:16:40,274
What do you think?
366
00:16:40,308 --> 00:16:43,177
This one can shoot a thousand
BBs in like five seconds.
367
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,579
Seems pretty dangerous.
368
00:16:44,612 --> 00:16:47,114
What if the police thought
that gun was real?
369
00:16:47,148 --> 00:16:48,783
No, it's safe. See?
370
00:16:48,816 --> 00:16:51,786
As long as your gun
has a red tip and you're white,
371
00:16:51,819 --> 00:16:53,221
police won't shoot you.
372
00:16:53,254 --> 00:16:54,455
Oh, that's good.
373
00:16:54,489 --> 00:16:56,724
How can I, uh...
help you gentlemen?
374
00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:57,925
We need some equipment.
375
00:16:57,959 --> 00:17:00,294
We're gonna try
and take out some teenagers.
376
00:17:00,328 --> 00:17:05,032
Huh...I think that's
a somewhat foolhardy plan.
377
00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:07,935
Have you seen the kind of
weaponry the teenagers buy?
378
00:17:07,969 --> 00:17:10,738
It's some of the biggest,
nastiest weapons we sell.
379
00:17:10,771 --> 00:17:15,276
Yeah, well,
I've got something bigger.
380
00:17:15,309 --> 00:17:18,246
American Express Platinum.
381
00:17:18,279 --> 00:17:21,115
Give me one
of everything you have.
382
00:17:21,149 --> 00:17:23,885
Yes, sir!
383
00:17:24,819 --> 00:17:28,156
We...have completely had it
up to here with you.
384
00:17:28,189 --> 00:17:29,457
Up to here!
385
00:17:29,490 --> 00:17:31,726
Our friend Kyle
just wanted to play Airsoft.
386
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:33,928
And now he's quit
because of your attitudes.
387
00:17:33,961 --> 00:17:36,030
What do you have to say
for yourselves?
388
00:17:37,331 --> 00:17:38,733
Brah.
389
00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:41,002
Yeah, brah,
great, thank you.
390
00:17:41,035 --> 00:17:42,703
I can't...
I can't.
391
00:17:42,703 --> 00:17:44,705
Guys,
things have to improve.
392
00:17:44,705 --> 00:17:45,907
They just have to.
393
00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:48,442
I've never seen anyone
so disrespectful.
394
00:17:48,476 --> 00:17:50,344
Mrph rmhmhm rm
mrph rmhmhm rm!
395
00:17:50,378 --> 00:17:52,013
Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm?
396
00:17:52,046 --> 00:17:53,948
Mrph rmhmhm rm
mrph rmhmhm rm!
397
00:17:53,981 --> 00:17:56,350
I have never seen Kenny
like this ever.
398
00:17:56,384 --> 00:17:58,286
Fine!
Then just leave!
399
00:17:58,319 --> 00:18:00,254
Cuz we don't want you here.
400
00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:01,756
And we don't want you here!
401
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:03,724
We just wanna play
Airsoft
402
00:18:03,724 --> 00:18:05,593
without any of you
on our team!
403
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,962
Fine, then why don't you just be
on your own team?
404
00:18:07,995 --> 00:18:09,197
That sounds totally fine!
405
00:18:09,230 --> 00:18:10,998
Us against you,
let's go!
406
00:18:11,032 --> 00:18:14,602
Fine and if we win, you stay out
of our lives forever!
407
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:17,338
Fine, and you too
when we beat all you!
408
00:18:17,371 --> 00:18:19,207
Yeah,
you and what army?
409
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:20,875
Gerald: This army!
410
00:18:26,214 --> 00:18:28,382
Dad?
Mrph?
411
00:18:28,416 --> 00:18:31,185
Any of you pussy teenagers
wanna Airsoft
412
00:18:31,219 --> 00:18:33,054
against some drunk rednecks?
413
00:18:37,525 --> 00:18:39,694
We got new partners,
guys!
414
00:18:39,727 --> 00:18:41,963
That's awesome.
I wish I had a dad.
415
00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:44,298
And that I didn't live
in a hot dog.
416
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:46,567
Oh, we got you a partner, too,
Eric.
417
00:18:46,601 --> 00:18:49,003
You might remember
Stan's Uncle Jimbo.
418
00:18:50,771 --> 00:18:54,709
Did somebody say somethin' about
Airsoft against teenagers?!
419
00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:03,084
♪ When they called me broken
420
00:19:03,117 --> 00:19:05,419
♪ I knew
421
00:19:05,453 --> 00:19:06,721
♪ When they called me evil
422
00:19:06,721 --> 00:19:08,089
Ow! Hit!
423
00:19:08,122 --> 00:19:09,924
Ow!
I said hit, you bitch!
424
00:19:09,957 --> 00:19:12,160
That's it, son!
Light em up!
425
00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:14,195
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
426
00:19:14,228 --> 00:19:16,430
-Hit!
-Hit!
427
00:19:16,464 --> 00:19:17,565
Brah!
428
00:19:17,598 --> 00:19:20,501
Yee-haw!
429
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:25,306
But there's one teenager
I can't seem to find!
430
00:19:27,141 --> 00:19:28,676
I know where he is...
431
00:19:31,045 --> 00:19:33,581
♪ When I begged forgiveness
432
00:19:33,681 --> 00:19:35,716
♪ They knew
433
00:19:35,750 --> 00:19:37,285
I'm so sick of this crap...
434
00:19:37,318 --> 00:19:38,519
♪ When I begged for mercy
435
00:19:38,553 --> 00:19:40,922
♪ They knew
436
00:19:40,955 --> 00:19:42,790
Bruh!
What the hell are you doin'?!
437
00:19:42,824 --> 00:19:45,960
What you do to Jergens Lotion
isn't right.
438
00:19:45,993 --> 00:19:48,796
♪ I would always
find my way ♪
439
00:19:48,830 --> 00:19:50,198
Ow! Ow! Ow!
440
00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:51,599
Ow! Ow! Bruh!
441
00:19:51,699 --> 00:19:53,267
Aah, bruh!
442
00:19:53,301 --> 00:19:56,704
Aah!
443
00:19:56,737 --> 00:20:00,074
Ow, my dick!
My dick! Aah!
444
00:20:00,107 --> 00:20:02,743
They're not coming out of cover!
I don't see them!
445
00:20:02,777 --> 00:20:04,145
It's ok, I've got an idea.
446
00:20:08,115 --> 00:20:09,283
Cover me.
447
00:20:22,463 --> 00:20:23,831
Bruh...
448
00:20:25,466 --> 00:20:28,236
Dood...that's weed.
I smell weed.
449
00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:30,771
♪ My name is ruin
450
00:20:30,805 --> 00:20:32,173
♪ My name is vengeance
451
00:20:32,206 --> 00:20:33,441
That smells dope!
452
00:20:33,474 --> 00:20:34,742
♪ My name is no one
453
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:38,112
Dood, it's a whole lit jar
of weed!
454
00:20:38,146 --> 00:20:40,681
Dope!
That is so dope. Bruh!
455
00:20:40,715 --> 00:20:42,950
♪ I'll show you broken
456
00:20:42,984 --> 00:20:45,153
♪ I'll show you shameless
457
00:20:45,186 --> 00:20:46,521
Bruh!
458
00:20:46,554 --> 00:20:48,489
Teenager:
Ow! Aah! Yow!
459
00:20:48,523 --> 00:20:50,958
-Bruh! Bruh!
-Bruh! Bruh!
-Aah!
460
00:20:50,992 --> 00:20:53,161
Yeah!
461
00:20:53,194 --> 00:20:56,430
-That was so epic!
-Did you see
how those teenagers ran?
462
00:20:58,499 --> 00:21:00,101
That was so sweet,
you guys!
463
00:21:00,134 --> 00:21:03,137
I bet the teenagers will never
go back to that place again!
464
00:21:03,171 --> 00:21:04,372
Of course they won't!
465
00:21:04,405 --> 00:21:06,707
I saw half of em'
break their guns in frustration.
466
00:21:06,707 --> 00:21:08,075
Hey, thanks, you guys.
467
00:21:08,109 --> 00:21:10,711
We couldn't have gotten rid
of the teenagers without you.
468
00:21:10,745 --> 00:21:13,815
Yeah, thanks, Dad.
Mrph rm!
469
00:21:13,848 --> 00:21:15,783
Hey, that's what
we're here for, right?
470
00:21:15,817 --> 00:21:18,186
We're just glad you wanted
to spend some time with us.
471
00:21:18,219 --> 00:21:19,387
Well, I'm hungry,
472
00:21:19,420 --> 00:21:21,556
is there any place around here
to get a hot dog?
473
00:21:21,589 --> 00:21:23,357
Yes...
Yes, I live in a hot dog.
474
00:21:23,391 --> 00:21:24,792
It's right over here!
475
00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:26,828
Come on, you guys,
help me get it all ready!
476
00:21:26,861 --> 00:21:29,397
Ok, let's go!
Come on, guys!
477
00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:35,002
Should I take them out now?
478
00:21:35,036 --> 00:21:36,871
Not yet...
479
00:21:36,904 --> 00:21:40,675
We still have a few good years
before they turn into monsters.
480
00:21:40,708 --> 00:21:44,312
♪ When they called me broken
34567
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