All language subtitles for They.Might.Be.Giants.1971.WEBRip.1080p.DD2.0.x264.eng

[ Man's Voice ]

[ Sighs ]

Oh, no.

Bad news, I guess.
Sign here, please.

What?
Here.

Where it says, "received by."

My brother's lost
his mind. The doctor
says it's permanent.

I'm putting him away.
The minute he's committed,
I'll be rich.

I'm his executor.
I'll handle
all his money.

I'll start now.
I'll get commitment
papers signed.

That's easy.
But a judgment
from a court takes time.

[ Man ]
I don't get paid
if you don't sign.

Are you from them,
or are you just
a messenger?

Who are you, anyway?
I'll find out for you,
if you like.

Oh, it's of no consequence,
old sport. Don't bother.

As you wish.

Doesn't anybody sign this?

I'll be glad to.
Oh, thank you.

[ Sniffles ]

Don't you have a handkerchief?

Not on my salary.

Oh, thank you.

By the way,

you suffer from lumbago.

You're hagridden
by your wife, you keep
a sheepdog for a pet,

and you had chicken soup
for breakfast.

I just love it when you do that.

Yes, he's a messenger,
all right. Ahh!

Blackmail.

Just what I've been waiting for.

[ Woman ]
"Never!

Not one penny!"

- Really, Justin.
- Don't be frightened.
I'll protect you.

Here.
Give them this.

Oh, if that's a message,
I've gotta charge you
for it, sir.

Give that dog of yours
more, uh, meat.

I think he's got pellagra.

Oh, bless you, sir.
Bless you.

Don't touch it.
It's my clue.

I, uh, shan't be up for lunch.

We're going to the clinic.

If you need me, I'll be
downstairs in the laboratory.
Wait!

The clinic?
Oh, not another
specialist.

I'm always so afraid
they'll make him well.

[ Chuckles ]
I like him this way.

Get him, will you, Daisy?

Something's wrong.
I know it.

I can always tell
when something's wrong.

You're in awful trouble,
aren't you?

Just go get him.

Oh, you were such
a nice man
when I married you.

Do what I tell you to.
I've had enough.

We're going straight
to Dr. Strauss.

Land sakes alive.

There isn't any doubt, is there?

My goodness. No, indeedy.
He's incurably psychotic.

That means he's committable?

And then some.
Is there room here
for him?

Always room
for one more,
Mr. Playfair.

Especially for kin of yours.

You see,
there's a spider
up there.

There.

He's got huge teeth,
and he's coming at me!

[ Knocking ]
Doctor.
He's coming at me.

He's coming at me!
Doctor. Mildred.

Oh! Now, is that what
your dream was like?

- Mildred. Mildred.
- Dr. Strauss,
I am with a patient!

This here is Mr. Playfair,
an important member
of our board.

How do you do, Mr. Playfair?
I'm sorry, but I'm busy
right now.

It's about my brother.
He's a hopeless paranoid.

Is that your
medical opinion, sir?

It's the consensus
of your staff.

He has a sizable estate
he isn't fit to handle.

It's my duty
to commit him,
and, uh,

I need your signature.

Without examining the patient?

That was never
in my mind.
He's upstairs waiting.

Well, I have another
patient waiting.

Have them bring him down.

[ Sighs ]
This gentleman
is Mr. Small.

We're having some trouble
getting him to verbalize.

Is that correct, Mr. Small?

He can speak, but he just won't.

Now, Mr. Small cannot afford
to go to another doctor.

All my life I have worked
with people who have
no place else to go.

I'm sorry to seem unreasonable.

But if you want me,
you'll have to wait
for me.

I expect you better
finish with him later,
Mildred.

Dr. Strauss,
you are a money raiser.
Go and raise money!

I am a doctor.
Leave me to my work!

Nurse, take him to the ward.

He stays with me.

Now, ma'am, you are
flouting my authority.

It's all right.

Y'all take this poor
unfortunate away,
you hear?

Not in my office, you don't!

- That's an order!
- No. Oh, Mr. Small!

Mr. Small!
Oh!

Oh!

Oh, no.
Oh! Oh.

Oh, you fool!
You've ruined weeks
of work.

You ape!
Get that thing
off of him.

Release that man.

No one belongs in one of those.

If you please.
Hah! Esh! Hah!

[ Groans ]

Hyah!

A classic paranoid.
Fantastic.

I don't think
I've ever done it better.

Well, now.

They'll think twice
next time.
Are you all right?

Who let this happen?
Who's in charge here?

Mr. Small, I'm so sorry.

Can you forgive me?

Don't let her off so lightly.

Is she decent to you?

You like her?

She didn't do this
to you, then, hmm?

Who did?

You did.
[ Mildred ] I guess you're
really Sherlock Holmes.

You don't at all.
You think I'm mad.
You analysts are all alike.

Thinks you're mad, too,
I suppose, huh?

Why? Because you
won't talk?
Huh. Typical.

Why is it analysts
can't ever analyze?

Don't tell me you've deduced
what's wrong with Mr. Small.

Not yet.
I can do if you like.

Will you nod when I'm right?

Now, why should
an obviously proper
gentleman refuse to talk?

Because he hasn't been
introduced.

We don't know who you are,
but once we do know,
then you'll talk.

Now, where is the logic?

Think. He can talk,
but he won't.

The silence is the clue.

No coaching, please.
I work by pure deduction.

Now, who was silent?

Who had everything but sound?

The mutes of history?
No, they couldn't talk.
He can.

A monk with vows of silence!

No, no.
No sound, no sound.

Why, the early movies.

Why, the man's
a silent film star.

Which one?
The most unlikely one.
It's only logical.

That means
he's brave, hmm?
A man of action.

Stern, aloof, yet passionate.

By God.
[ Chuckles ]
Rudolph Valentino.

Sherlock Holmes.

An honor, sir.

I've read your books.
I'm really quite a fan
of yours.

I'll be damned.

Tell him how much
you liked him
in The Sheik.

- This is ridiculous.
- You didn't like me?

Oh, no, no.
You were very good.

I wish we had you
on the staff here.

You could use me.
Well, I must be off.

My best to Vilma Bánky.

Ah, ah, couldn't we just
sit down and talk?
We could discuss your work.

I'm very sorry.
I'm a terribly busy man.

I don't have time
to be examined.

Are you working on a case?
Better save your
strength for Mr. Small.

Chances are
he isn't really
Valentino.

Well, I like that.
No offense.

I have daily office hours.
If you feel the need
of a consultation,

please feel free to call
for an appointment.

[ Sighs ]

Yes.

Yes, no clues of any kind.

It all points to Moriarty.

If only all the tests
are negative.

[ Knock On Door ]
Damn.

[ Daisy ] Justin?
Ten-to-one that moron doctor
wants to see me.

Someone's here
who wants to see you.

Holmes, why are you never wrong?

Really, Doctor,
do you have to see him?

Oh, absolutely.
One good session
with him. I insist.

May we come in?

Right this way.

[ Liquids Bubbling ]

[ Bubbling Continues ]

[ Sighs ] Amazing.
Classic paranoia.
What an opportunity.

It's really sort of cozy.

Did he do all this himself?

Oh, I helped a little.
He's not here.

He's probably hiding.
Does he have
a hiding place?

A secret panel.
How'd you know?

Oh, they always do.

He'll come out when he's ready.

You say he used
to be a lawyer,
huh?

And a judge.
He was a brilliant man.

It's just marvelous.

Oh, we shopped at Abercrombie's.

You'll just have to forgive me,

but I haven't seen
a classic since, oh,

the spring of '59.

They're very rare, you know.

How long has he been
Sherlock Holmes?

Since Lucy--
Uh, since his wife died.
For about a year.

And how long does
each attack go on?

Oh, all day, every day.
He's never Justin anymore.

Do you remember when
the symptoms first started?

That's hard to say.
He was a great
reformer.

Always out to make
things better,
Justin was.

He, uh, lived on books.

Detective fiction mostly.

You don't think
you can cure him,
do you?

Cure a classic?

Once in a generation.

It's a marvelous disease,
you know.

The victim's faculties
grow keener,

and-and ultrasensitive.

And he's capable of things
that seem like genius.

Where's
the secret panel?
Oh, he won't tell us.

[ Mildred ]
Watch, I'll bring him out.

You see, the classic
changes his identity.

And everything is very
mysterious, and there's evil
lurking everywhere.

And dollars to doughnuts
behind it all is
Professor Moriarty.

Give her money
for a taxi.
Send her home.

You be nice now.

Will you be taking me
to mesmerizers next?

If you'll excuse us, hmm?

We'll be upstairs, Doctor.

I don't suppose
there's any point
in asking you to go.

You don't mind if I
get on with my work?
Oh, no. Go right ahead.

The usual procedure
is to start off with
family questions.

Background data,
childhood recollections,
traumas and the like.

Well, come, come.
Ask me anything
you like.

I'm at your service.

What are you doing?

Just routine.
It wouldn't interest you.

Why don't we start off
with my father?

Why?
Does it bother you
to talk about him?

Not in the least.
What would you like
to know?

Ah, well, um,
a stern man, wasn't he?
Aloof and cold?

I really couldn't say.
I don't remember him.

Well, uh, your mother
must've been a lovely woman.

What's your
earliest memory
of her?

I haven't any.
None? You don't
remember her at all?

No more, I'd say,
than you remember yours.

Your father raised you,
didn't he?

I'd say he was a doctor too.
Country practice, Midwest.

You're not bad.
It isn't guesswork,
either.

It's observation
of detail, deduction.

Couldn't that paper wait?
I often do two
things at once.

If necessary,
I can manage
three or four.

Now, about your wife.
What wife?

You know,
I have a feeling
you're resisting me.

Because I can't recall
a wife I never had?
[ Chuckles ]

Let's see now:
Kentucky pulp,
rag content zero,

12-pound weight,
produced for Woolworth's,
39 a box.

That's interesting.

Do you really believe
that paper came
from Woolworth's?

Where do you think
it came from?
I have no opinion.

Yes, you do.
You think I'm wrong.

Well, I take it
a great many people
think you're wrong.

Don't you have
anything to do?
I'm doing it.

Now, what is that?
Is that a clue?

Yes, it is a clue.

Well, tell me about it.

I'm a patient, humble,
understanding man.

Why don't you come back next
week, and I'll play 20 questions
with you all you like.

I love games.
I always have.
But not today.

No, not when
it's life and death.

Are you in danger?

There's a master plan,
and that is the master clue.

It holds the date and time
and place where he lies
waiting for me.

- Who?
- Professor Moriarty.

[ Chuckles ]
He taunts me, Doctor.

He could kill me anytime.
He has his agents
everywhere.

But no. No.
He wants another kind
of victory first.

Those two words,
"twenty grand,"
are a challenge,

and he wants to see me fail.

I've got to find
their meaning and be
waiting, ready for him.

If I don't, I die.

I take it you've met
face to face before?

I really couldn't say.
The man is a master
of disguise.

That's going to make him
very difficult to catch.

I wouldn't have him
any other way.

He's the greatest enemy
a man could have.
He's everywhere!

Here, look.

Uh-- "Girl Scout killed
crossing street."

Uh-- "Grandmother raped
and beaten." Huh?

Uh-- "Orphanage in flames,
five die."

"Excursion boat explodes."
Who-Who does these things?
Who's responsible?

Well, they might be accidents.

I don't believe in accidents.

Take Mr. Small,
for instance. How did
I bring that off?

'Cause there are
two laws in life.

All things are logical.
They must make sense.

And no things are ever
exactly what they seem.

Each accident
is part of a design.

And every object has
its secret side.

Was that how
you did it?
Is it so insane?

Oh, I didn't use that word.

Yes, but you think it.
That's what brought you
here.

No, I came here
because your brother--

You do have a brother,
don't you?

Blevins.
Yes, of course.

You've remembered something
from your past.

I know all about my past,
and Blevins isn't in it.

He's not in
"The Speckled Band" or--

Check it out.
I've been completely
written up.

Still, if he needs
to think we're brothers,
let him use me.

I can answer when
he calls me Justin.
After all, it's only a name.

Do many people call you Holmes?

No, scarcely anyone.

That must make you
very much alone.

It does that, but it
doesn't make me wrong.

I've listened to
so many doctors
tell me who I am.

I've studied Justin Playfair.
I've read all his books,
his papers, his decisions.

Everything he did.

He tried to make the world
the kind of place
it might have been.

It drove him mad.
He lost his mind.

But I am not that man.

I'd like to visit you
from time to time.

What for?
I don't need doctoring.

Mr. Holmes--

Don't call me that.
You don't believe
I'm Holmes.

- I won't be patronized.
- You don't have to snap
at me.

A lunatic is entitled
to his temper!
Go away!

I want to help you.

"Twenty grand."
A sum of money,
but what else?

I'm on your side.
Nobody's on my side.

Ah, the whole world
is against you. Typical.

Now, when did this sense
of persecution start?

When you walked in.

If you're not careful,
I'm going to walk right out.

Woman, I have got to think!
My life depends on
what I think.

Your life depends on me.

Well, God help me, then.
** [ Squeaking ]

Oh! Put down
that ridiculous violin.

Holmes fiddles when he thinks.

That's awful.

But I absolutely cannot
play the goddamn thing!

Stop laughing at me.

- I'm not laughing.
- I'll show you.

That paper is real.
Moriarty's real.
I am not mad.

You want to test me out?
Let's test me out on you.

Very well.
You'll tell me
when I'm wrong.

I'll shake when wrong
and nod when right,
like Mr. Small.

Are you ready?
Go right ahead.

You're left-handed.

Your molars and incisors,
lower right, are false.

You tint your hair
and have a vitamin
deficiency.

You were a tomboy
and an only child. Your
adolescence was a nightmare.

And you didn't lose
your acne until
your middle-20s.

You can neither cook
nor sew, and your apartment
needs a thorough cleaning.

You suffer from insomnia
and sometimes drink
yourself to sleep.

You think you're homely
and you're glad
you're growing old.

You bite your nails.
You're frightened
you're a failure,

but you're lost
without your work.

I've got more.
Do you want it?
By all means.

You haven't any friends.

You have never been engaged.

No one you've loved
has ever loved you back.

You're stubborn and inflexible.

You've got a temper
that you can't control.

That suit is 10 years old,
and you annoy
the living Jesus out of me.

[ Exhales ]
Now it's my turn.

I'm going to stay right here.

Go, stay.
What you do doesn't
interest me.

- The hell it doesn't.
- I forgot. You swear.

Listen, my name is Watson,
Mildred Watson.

I'm a doctor.
I'm not beautiful
or rich or ambitious,

and about the only thing
I care about in life
is to cure.

Now, I have offered you
what skills I have,

and in return you have fought
and jeered and tried to hurt me.
But never mind.

I don't care.
All I feel is dedication.

Watson?
Shut up.
I am not finished.

I am a dedicated doctor, sir,
and I will cure you
if it kills me!

Watson?
No, that's impossible.

I mean, good Lord,
I am the underdog,
but this--

Are you quite sure
you're Dr. Watson?

You are to show up
in my office tomorrow
morning at 10:00!

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
You just won't do.

There must be
some mistake.
Here's my address.

Fool. Fool!
It's an address!

Twenty Grand
is an address.
Are you ready, Watson?

What?
We haven't any time
to lose. Come on.

Well, aren't you coming with me?

It's going to be
my greatest case.

You wouldn't want
to miss the chance
to write it up.

She'll come.
She's coming.
There she is.

My chronicler
and good right arm.

Frankly, I'm a little
disappointed.

But if anyone can make
a detective out of you,
I'm the man. Let's go.

Come along, Watson.
Where's your pluck?

Well, I ought to call
the clinic.

They'll never miss you.
Follow me.

We're coming for you, Moriarty.

We may not look like much.
We may not have your weapons.
We may lack your dark allies.

Why, we may even lose.

I'm not invincible.
God knows she's no asset.

But together, sir,
we may surprise you.

Do your worst.
We're on our way.

Watch out.

Where are we going?
Grand Street, naturally.
20 Grand.

What are we going to do
when we get there?

If I'm right,
we'll find the meaning
of the master clue.

You can't just barge in.
I never barge.

I infiltrate.
I filter. Here.

You better practice.
Walk like this.

What if it's somebody's home?

We'll visit.

Or a store?
We'll browse.

What if somebody--
I'll do the thinking,
thank you.

You're not practicing.

I can't afford to be seen
creeping along the street
in broad daylight.

Well, you must be good
for something.

Are you any good
with firearms?
Guns?

I don't suppose you know
very much about jiujitsu,
either. No, you wouldn't.

If I'm such a liability,
what do you want me for?
You mustn't feel inferior.

Try saying to yourself,
"I'm adequate."

Mr. Playfair, really.

Come on. Try.

I'm adequate.
Good girl.

[ Chirping ]

Here.
Oh, great Caesar's ghost.

Strange things go on
in Greenwich Village.
Take it.

It's not loaded, is it?

Well, I can't
shoot down Moriarty
with imaginary shells.

Now, catlike, on your toes.

We've got to find the clue.

What if there
isn't one?
There will be.

Moriarty won't disappoint me.

Well, if you don't know
what you're looking for--

Half the trick in finding clues
is knowing that they're there.

Ah!

Ah, we're getting closer now.

How innocent these houses look.

That's bad.

The worst things always
seem like innocence.

Look!

What do you think?

It's the telephone company.

Just the place he'd leave
a message for me.

You're not going
to cause a scene?

The essence of method
lies in quiet and surprise.

Can't we talk this over
in my office, please?

They're expecting us.
Remember, be prepared
for anything.

Now, don't shoot unless
it's absolutely necessary.

Information.
May I help you?

Please,
you've got to talk to me.
You've got to listen.

Sorry, we may not divulge
that information.

You've just got
to help me find him.

Miss, I told you when you
called. We cannot give that
information on the phone.

But that's why I came here.
I'm not on the phone now.

So you'll tell me, won't you?
I'm not allowed
to talk to you.

We only give out
information
on the telephone.

But you refused to give it
to me on the telephone.

I'm sorry. If you wanna
talk to me, you'll have
to call me on the telephone.

All right.
Where is the telephone?
Right there.

Listen to the misery.

That means we're getting close.

Let's see if there's a message.

[ Operator ]
Madam, the crash
is out of town.

You need long distance
information.

Have you anything for me?

The input's on the fritz.
I think the rheostats
are shorting.

You see? I knew
they were expecting us.

The game begins.

Oh, no.
You can't do that.
My clue is inside.

Information.
May I help you?

You've got to help me, please.

I don't know where he lives,
but we're in love.

He called me half an hour ago.

He just found out
he failed his bar exam.

He's taken sleeping pills.

He said good-bye.
He's dying, and he
isn't in the phone book.

He's probably unlisted.

We've saved him.
What's his number?

Sorry, we may not divulge
unlisted numbers.

His address.
Forget the number.
Give me his address.

I'm sorry. No addresses
on the telephone.

But I'm not on
the telephone.
I'm here!

We only give out information
on the telephone.

I can't go on.

This is unendurable.

You there. Give me
the unlisted list.

[ Whispering ]
Send a guard
to the information room.

You, then.
At once.

- Why, you care.
- I do.

I'm finished here.

It doesn't matter.
Here.

Take it.

Here, child.

My name is Grace.

I wish I had
something beautiful
to give you.

But I don't.

Okay, girls, what's the trouble?

It's the repairman.

What repairman?

Mr. Playfair, do something.

Draw your pistol, Watson.
Keep him covered.
I will not.

They got guns.
Call the cops.
Right.

[ Whispering ]
What's their number?

Fool. He's got my clue.
Uh--

Excuse me,
that magazine
you're holding.

Stop right there.
I don't suppose
you'd let me see it.

It's a Double-Crostic.
I haven't finished it yet.

You know the crosswords
in the London Times?

Yeah,
I-I heard about 'em.
They're the best.

Last Sunday. Here.
Have a look.
Oh.

Oh. Oh!
[ Chuckles ]

[ Operator ]
Hello, police.
Help, murder.

Aw.
Run for it!

[ Operator ]
How do I know
what precinct?

I can't call information.
[ Whispering ]
I am information.

[ Panting ]
Watson, your first impression
of detective work.

You like it?
No.

Good girl.
I know how girls are.
"No" means "yes."

I haven't been a girl
in 20 years, and when
I say no, I mean no!

You have any notion
of what you've done?

I found two clues:
a Double-crostic and
a girl named Grace.

You could've jeopardized
my whole career.

Wasn't much of a career
from what I could see of it.
Now, hold the phone.

Grace.
What could Grace mean?

Do you realize
that I have
been published?

And that I have three degrees.

And that I've--
I've had a Rockefeller
and a Guggenheim.

A-And I've studied in Vienna.

Tuesday. It's tomorrow.
"Tuesday's child
is full of grace."

We're meeting him tomorrow!
No, no, Mr. Playfair.

Listen. I'm no good
to you here. Really.

I-I can't work under
these conditions.
Look at this place.

Okay, okay.
What's going on?
Good morning, Officer.

Why, Mr. Rathbone.
It's an honor, sir.

They want you
up the street
at number 20.

Ah, yes. I've just been there.

You're the ones.
Quick thinking.

I wonder,
if you see them later,
would you give this back?

Oh, I'd--

She's unorthodox,
I'll grant you.

If she didn't
bring him here,
where are they?

Moseying along.
I expect they'll
get here soon.

I've got to get
those papers signed.

She'll sign 'em.
Yes, indeedy.

I didn't write that.
Someone did.

My brother.

Oh, that's just great!

He knows.
This nut knows
all about me.

He'll be in a cell.
What can he do?

You get his money
if he dies, right?

Where's he at?
He's disappeared.

All right, here's how it is.

You find him first,
it's the loony bin
for life.

I find him first and...

[ Gunshots ]

Let's go!

Get that guy
in the hotel window.

He's got me pinned down.

Ah. Where are we?

Eh, last reel.
The ambush scene.

Is that a screen
back there?
We're five flights up.

I know.
I counted 'em.

It's that vitamin deficiency.
You ought to eat more
leafy things.

- Here, hold on.
I know the way.
- Shh!

Oh, my God, Justin. Is he dead?
He's quite all right.
He lives here.

What? All the time?
Except for Saturdays.

You see, we have no showers
in the men's room,

so he bathes
in Pennsylvania Station.

Here, uh, have a sweet.

Oh, man. Not again.

Do it again.
God, what are
they doing?

Shut your trap
and watch the movie!

[ Justin ]
It's all right, Maud.
She's with me.

Why, Mr. Holmes.

Oh, you missed
a lovely one
yesterday.

Oh, it's good
to have you
back, sir.

Thank you, Maud.
Have some popcorn
while it's hot.

[ Moaning ]
No, thank you.

What's wrong?
Nothing.

Well, we missed lunch.
You really ought to
have something.

I'm an adult.
I can feed myself,
all right?

Oh, sorry.
No offense.

Just watch the movie, all right?

[ Mutters ]
Watson?

[ Heavy Moaning ]
Why so moody?

You're not watching.
You can't see a thing
without your glasses.

Watson?
Yes.

Regardless of your feelings
on the matter, I...

have enjoyed
collaborating with you,

and I'm very pleased
that you're here.

I wouldn't be here
except for the police.

Yes, I am sorry about that.

What am I going to do with you?

You might try smiling.
Nothing much,
just once a day or so.

I will
have some candy.
Help yourself.

Oh, it's Jujyfruits.
[ Chuckles ]

I broke three sets
of braces on those.

She'll be there!
She'll save you!

[ Gunshot ]

God bless you, Barbara Stanwyck.

You want to know something?

You were right about
my adolescence.

It was awful.

And my apartment
is a mess,
and I can't cook.

You like the movies, hmm?

Only westerns.

All the other doctors
found it most amusing.

I don't
find it amusing,
just curious.

It isn't even that.

If you look closely
down there, Watson,
you can see principles.

You see the possibility
of justice and proportion.

You can see men move
their own lives.

There are no masses
in Virginia City.

Only individuals whose will
for good for bad...

can bring them to the ends
they ought to have.

I like that very much.

Why did I have to meet you now?

What's wrong with now?
We're together,
and we're after Moriarty.

There isn't any
Moriarty.
There is!

You dreamt him up!

If I am Holmes, there has
got to be a Moriarty.

Well, what if you're not Holmes?

Let me see now.
One word left blank.
"Electric News," 11 letters.

Justin, I want to help you.

Would you please
just let me try?

Think, man!
[ Exasperated Sigh ]

[ Woman ]
Oh, man.

[ Man ] Man, I gotta groove
or blow my mind. Let's go
someplace and groove.

[ Woman ]
Oh, let's groove here.

[ Man ]
Groovy. Groovy.
[ Woman Moaning ]

What's groove?

My god!

Madam, you are creating
a disturbance. Shh!

- But they're grooving!
- Madam, I warned you.
Usher!

Usher!

- Hey, this woman's the fuzz.
I'm gonna bust her one.
- No, I'm not. No.

This woman woke me up.

You makin' trouble, huh?
No, I'm not.

- Shh!
- Out! Out!

No! Justin!
Okay, mom.

I've got it!
Watson, quick.

Where is my shoe?

Why, it's Mr. Holmes.

We're coming, Moriarty!

Ew, all this gum.
It's like a swamp.

Stop dawdling!

I think they're
growing mushrooms.
Damn it, Watson.

Justin, give me my shoe!

My shoe!

Against the wall.
Get back.

I will not!
This is idiotic.
Quiet!

I've got a run
in my stocking.
Creep forward.

My feet hurt.
Shut up.

I want my shoe!

You want to get us killed?

No, just one of us.
I've got a blister
on my foot.

Holmes, you are fantastic.

"Electric news," 11 letters.

Times Square.

[ Siren Wailing ]

Yes. Just the sort
of place he'd--

Now, if I were Moriarty,
where would I--

Let's try him.
Why him?

You never know.

I'd like a bag
of chestnuts, please.

I'm out of chestnuts.
Odd. I took you
for a chestnut man.

I am a chestnut man.
A chestnut man who's
out of chestnuts?

That's the picture.
There's no chestnuts.

We're in luck.
When is the professor
going to strike?

Tomorrow sometime.
Check the papers.

[ Justin ]
Midnight.
We meet tomorrow midnight.

It's not Moriarty
who's striking.
It's Columbia.

He had to get
the message
to me somehow.

Now, the clue that
leads us to the place.

He'd put it
somewhere obvious
but... unexpected.

My clue, my clue.

[ Mildred ]
Oh, my God!

Stop! My clue!
My clue's in this!

[ Gunshot ]
[ Screaming ]

Taxi!
Taxi!

[ Tires Screech ]
Taxi!

Help!

- I'm off duty.
Can't you read?
- Your sign says on.

Tough. I'm going back
to the garage.

Listen, I'm a doctor,
this is an emergency,
and you can stuff it!

Oh, he hurt you.

Nonsense.
Never better.
Like a rock.

No, you look awful.
Here. Wait a minute.
Here.

You look a little shot yourself.

No, it's all right.
I'll be all right
in a minute.

Here. Have a nip.

I don't know
what came over me.
Drink up.

I have never been
like that before in
my life. Honestly.

I don't know what
you must think of me.

I think I'll
make a detective
out of you yet.

Hey, no boozin' in my hack!

Speak when you're spoken to.

You came through
very nicely back there.

I'd like to thank you
for defending me.

I didn't defend you.
I attacked them.
There's a difference.

It's all the same.

I wish you'd
stop thanking me
for everything I do.

You are the touchy one,
aren't you? You don't want
anyone to owe you anything.

Perhaps you ought
to be the analyst.

I'm only a gifted amateur.

Here. What do you
make of it?

God, you're just like
Don Quixote.

You think everything
is always something
else.

Well, he had a point.
Of course, he carried it
a bit too far.

That's all.
He thought that every
windmill was a giant.

That's insane.

But thinking
that they might be--

Well, all the best minds
used to think the world
was flat.

But what if it isn't?
It might be round.

And bread mold might
be medicine.

If we never looked at things and
thought of what they might be,
why we'd all still be out...

in the tall grass with the apes.

Look, are we cruising,
taking in the sights,
or what?

Sixth Avenue and 10th.
And if you want
a nickel tip, keep talking.

[ Tires Screech, Door Opens ]

[ Coin Clanks ]

Hey, wait a minute!
My shoe!
Oh, to hell with it.

Where are we?
What is this place?

Wilbur. Wilbur.

Your latest text
on sanitation,
if you please.

I'll get it,
Mr. Holmes.

We're closing in.
This time, with any luck,
he's mine.

You're meeting Moriarty?

It's happening at last.

I'm very happy for you.
Thank you, Wilbur.

Oh, this creature
has attached herself
to me.

[ Whispers ]
You talk to her.

So, you're a friend
of Mr. Holmes?

Yes.
I'm Dr. Watson.
How do you do?

Oh, how nice.

No, I am Dr. Watson.

Would you like to see
my driver's license?

He's waited for you
such a long time.

I'm so glad he's found you.

Listen, I'm his doctor.
I'm a licensed analyst.

Of course you are, my dear.

There. "Dr. Watson.

Dr. Watson.
Dr. Mildred Watson.

Dr. Watson."
It's me.

And now I've got you
all upset.
I'm sorry, Doctor.

Who does he think you are,
Lestrade of Scotland Yard?

He calls me Wilbur.
It's my name.
Wilbur Peabody.

You don't know
what I've been through.
And look at him!

Oblivious.
He's like that when
he concentrates.

Have you known him very long?

For over 30 years,
since he was very small.

Oh, he was such
a serious young man.

The dustier the book,
the more he studied it.

Now he studies guns,
fisticuffs, acrobatics.

Have you been hired
to cure him, Doctor?

Just the opposite, I think.

I'm not quite sure I understand.

I'm not quite sure I do, either.

What am I supposed to do?

I've got my work!
I'm busy!

And I'm satisfied.

And I've got a perfectly
fascinating schizoid case
at 8:00.

If I hurry,
I'll make it.
Nothing. Damn!

Garbage.

Yes, it's garbage.
That's all it is.
Garbage!

Think, Watson.
No, I'm not your Watson.

And I've had enough.
What's wrong with you?

I've lost my shoe.
I've got a gun
in my pocketbook.

The cops are after me,
and for what?

One minute you're all smiles,
and the next--

I'm going back
to where I belong.

The clinic?

Yes, the clinic.

And they're gonna put
you in there, and there's
nothing I can do about it.

I cannot help you,
because I cannot
make you well!

You don't think I'm insane.
Not you.

I'm Holmes.
I am Sherlock Holmes!

I've got a patient waiting.

I'm a doctor.
I heal the sick!

Watson! Watson!

Silly woman.
Go ahead!

I've always been alone.

- Wilbur?
- Yes, Mr. Holmes?

What does garbage
in a shopping bag
suggest to you?

She'll come back.
[ Laughs ]
Do you think I care?

- I don't suppose you'd
like to work with me.
- I'd be honored.

But I'm much too old.

I never think of you as old.

Neither do I.

But every morning when I see
that old face peering at me
from the glass,

I count my years, I tote 'em up,

and sure enough, I come out old.

You don't want me.

Well, I don't--
I don't want anyone.

I have my errand.
I have Moriarty.

Come on, Professor.
Strike me now!

You see?

I frighten him.

He knows what I can do.

Wilbur?

Yes?

She went away
in stockinged feet.

She'll catch her death of cold.

[ Rings ]

[ Rings ]

[ Rings ]

Watson!
[ Man ]
Lord have mercy, Doctor.

Seemed like you
done disappeared.

I got the police out
lookin' for you.

Listen, it's late,
and I'm tired, okay?

Well, I'm mighty weary
waitin' for that
paranoid of yours.

Quick like a bunny now,
you bring him in
and sign these papers.

He's not here.
You're joshin' me.

I left him in the reading room.

And as for signing papers,
you can stick 'em
in your ear!

Lookee here now, Mildred.
If you wanna lose your job,
you're gonna--

Heinrich, you've got
yourself a deal!

[ Ringing ]

What's the matter?

Nothing much.
What are you
doing here?

I had an urge to read.
Fascinating book.

What's wrong, Holmes?
Are you ill?

[ Chuckles Softly ]

That is the question.

[ Sighs ]

You're my final friend.
Do you know that?

You're the last.
Where's Dr. Watson?

- Tell me something offhand.
- She won't leave you.

Who would you say I was?

I've spent quite a lot
of time researching.

This is the perfect
place for me.

Who's Who?

No, not for me, for him.

I have to be very clear
on that point.

What you need is some
breakfast. Would you like
a jelly doughnut?

Listen.

Here he is, Playfair, Justin.

Born New York City, 1923.

Harvard College, Harvard Law.

Thesis published, '48.

Married, 1950.

Lucy Clark.

Pretty name, Lucy.

Lucy.

Lucy.

Just a name.

Doesn't mean anything.

There are his accomplishments.

[ Chuckles ]
Why, he's a happy man.

And proud.

For Christ's sake,
which is my life?

I've got some chicken broth.

You haven't
answered me.
I'll heat it up.

Where are my memories?

I can't remember childhood.

I have no past.
That's not so bad.

I haven't, either.

There's got
to be more in here
than Moriarty.

I dreamed it all.
That must be it.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

What's wrong with
being Sherlock Holmes,
I'd like to know?

Sometimes I wish to God...

I were the Scarlet Pimpernel.

You do?

A fop by day,

but after dark,

I ride.

Abuse the meek, will you?

[ Grunting ]

Have that!

Who am I? Ha!

Is he in heaven?
Is he in hell?

That damned elusive Pimpernel.

What's that?

You want to see
the face behind the mask?

This is the face.

- I think
that's beautiful.
- Thank you.

And now I think
I'll call up
Dr. Watson.

Please don't do that.
I-I couldn't face her.

I've been stuck
in the goddamn subway
for an hour!

Justin, thank heaven.

I'm busy.
Go away.

I couldn't sleep.
I've been so worried.
Look at that.

They've been searching
for you every place.

Pull yourself together, man!

Blevins wants your money,
and he's gonna lock you up
to get it.

Now, here's my plan.

Do you think
I'm Holmes,
or don't you?

That's beside the point.

I'm sorry,
but it's the only
point I've got!

All right,
I'll tell you what.
I'll challenge you.

First we'll search
for garbage, and then we'll
put the heat on Blevins.

Is that fair enough?
You're patronizing
me again.

I'm Watson!

I'm here, ready for the chase.

Now, come on.
A shopping bag
full of garbage.

Think. The city dump.
No, that's much
too obvious.

I won't be patronized!
Not just any
shopping bag.

Now, this one said,
"Back to school."

That must be the way
to solve it-- schools.

How many different kinds
of schools are there?

Library school?
I like you, Doctor.

Now, let's begin.

There's public,
private, parochial--

- Divinity and finishing.
- Why are you doing this?

- Prep.
- Rabbinical.

- Charm.
- And schools of fish.
Why have you come?

To save your neck.

- You care for me?
- I care for all
my patients.

Ha. Florence Nightingale.

You're damn right.

Drama school.
And music school.

- Grammar.
- High.

- Postgraduate.
- Berlitz.

- Dance.
- Military.

- Cooking.
- Charm.

You said that.
I did not!

Well, we can't be
out of schools.
Let's name some more.

That's it.
It's a name.

The bag's a name.

Someone named Bag
has got to have
a school.

Come on, now.
What kind of
a name is Bag?

What difference does
it make? Wilbur, quick,
a telephone directory.

Right away.
I like you, Watson.

You have qualities.
I suppose I do.

Of course they are
rather nutty qualities,
but I don't mind.

May I be frank?
I'm very glad you're here.
I like you very much.

- [ Wilbur ]
Regular classified.
- Ah, good man.

This won't take a minute.
I could use that
jelly doughnut.

Wilbur, if anybody
should ask you,
you haven't seen us.

Ah, I've got it!
I was right again!

Quick, Watson.
We're gaining on you,
Moriarty!

After you.

She came back.

There it is.

[ Mildred ]
What an awful place.

It is evil, right enough.

You ready?

Well, what if we get separated?

Yes, we need a rendezvous.

Well, why don't we
meet at my apartment?
Good idea.

I'll even cook you supper.

You can't cook.
You don't even
know how.

Well,
I have a fine mind.
I can learn.

7:00?
7:00 sharp.

Now, try looking academic.

We're two students
come to register.

[ Hinges Creaking ]

It must be some kind
of academy.
Where is it?

Ah, top floor.
Room 67.

Up these stairs.
Stay close.

Don't lose me.

[ Blows ]
This door hasn't been used
in 20 years.

[ Grunts Softly ]
Make that 30.

Strange.
[ Pigeons Cooing ]

Maybe our clue is out here.

A pigeon with
a message, possibly.

[ Clattering Sound ]

[ Clattering Continues ]
[ Gasps ]
Don't!

We are going to matriculate.

[ Whispering ]
This may be a trap.

Uh, nice sort of school.
Just our kind of place.

[ Whispering ]
Keep your pistol ready.

[ Hinges Creaking ]

Ah, good afternoon.
Is this the bursar's
office?

Who are you?

Holmes and, uh, Watson.

Oh.

But I thought you were dead.

Oh, the falls
at Reichenbach, yes.

I came back in the sequel.

Oh.

[ Justin ]
My, is that quincunx
your design?

Yes, it is.

[ Bagg ]
You like it?

Oh, it's magnificent.
Sir, you're a genius.

Yes, I am.

[ Mrs. Bagg ]
You're just in time
for tea.

We'll meet you by
the basket, my dear.

She's a genius too.

We haven't put a foot
outside since 1939.

We didn't like
the look of things
out there.

So, we bought
every kind
of vegetable seed.

- Shut down the school.
- Well, we didn't have
any pupils, anyway.

And ever since,
we've been very happy.

Except for one thing.

Nobody's ever seen our work.

[ Mrs. Bagg ]
We don't know
if it's any good.

But you did recognize
a quincunx when you saw one.

Would--
Would you criticize
our garden?

- We'd be honored.
- Oh.

This was
Mrs. Bagg's design.

We had a little dog once.

And this we call our
bird of paradise.

[ Man's Voice ]
Mr. Playfair.

- Who are you?
- We're friends...
of Blevins.

- No, you're not.
- We've come to take you
for a ride.

You've got a pistol
in your pocket.
Keep it there.

Run for the hall
and keep going!
Aaah!

Cover me.

[ Shouts ]

- Brutes.
- Savages! Savages!

Murderer!

[ Gunshot ]

[ Whistling ]

Whatever you are, don't burn!

[ Kettle Whistling ]

[ Water Bubbling ]
[ Whistling Stops ]

Melt, damn you.

[ Radio Announcer ]
It's foggy and damp
here in New York.

The temperature
at Central Park
is 45 degrees.

Humidity, 84%.

Barometer, 29.93 and falling.

Winds out of the east
at a brisk 10 miles
per hour...

gusting up to 15.

- [ Dings ]
- Oh, God.

Tonight's forecast
calls for rapidly
dropping temperatures,

heavy fog
and a chance
for some more light showers.

Oh, thank God.

** [ Radio ]

** [ Continues ]

[ Burbling ]

Some women do this every day.

Oh, I'm not dressed.

** [ Continues ]

They never
think to watch
the fire escape.

Where the hell have you been?

What's the matter?

Nothing is the matter,
and don't look at me,
please.

You don't look
any worse than usual.

Would you just go away?

I bring you these.

They're lovely.

I wish they were.

It's been some time
since anyone bought me
flowers.

I'm afraid
they weren't
exactly bought.

Uh, new dress?

No. Do you like it?

Olive oil, hmm.
Very chic.

I need a drink.
Do we have time?

Oh, yes, uh--
Uh, dinner's cold.

Sorry I'm so late.
Oh, no, it hasn't
warmed up yet.

I'd have been here
sooner, but the clue
was most complex.

I have worked out
where we're meeting him,
though it wasn't easy.

Where is the bar?

Oh, it's in the oven.
Oh--

Oh, I'm sorry.

I have to use the oven
for storage 'cause it's
such a small apartment.

Very sensible.

Uh, we're just going
to have a simple supper.

Plain home cooking.

- Yes, I see.
- That's right. Go ahead
and make fun of it.

That insecurity of yours.

I know.

I like your house.

It's a mess.

It's nice.
It's just like you.

You know, somehow
that just misses
being flattery.

I haven't got a vase.

[ Sniffs ]
I think the beans
are burning.

Oh, no. That--
That's soup.

Well, are
the drinks ready?
After you.

Oh, here.

Oh, thank you.

[ Clears Throat ]

Well, here we are.

We're having wine with dinner.

Ah, very civilized.

Ice on crystal.
Good sound,
isn't it?

Well, it's not crystal.
Oh.

Your-Your good health.

You know, I...
I really should have
taken you out to dinner.

Oh, no. It's good
for me to cook.

Well, when this case is over,

we'll have plenty
of time for going out
to the theater...

and fashionable places
and all that sort
of thing.

I was thinking earlier,

and I thought, uh,
that we really owed
ourselves...

a little recreation.

Why don't we set
a date right now?

Would you be free
tomorrow night?

[ Chuckles ]

Actually
those fashionable places
can be very tedious,

and I might embarrass you.

I-I don't think I would,
uh, fit in.

There's no denying that.

Of course I have an
awful lot of costumes.
I could change.

It's a foolish notion, even so.

No-No offense.

Tomorrow?

Do you mean tomorrow night?

Do you dance?
Uh, well, I haven't in years.
Uh, do you?

I don't know.
I can't remember.

Let's find out.
No, let's not.

I'd really rather not.
Come on.

I-I'd only stumble.

Nobody's watching.

** [ Radio:
Slow Instrumental ]

Come on.
Don't be scared.
Uh--

** [ Continues ]

You're doing fine.

Well, I'm a natural athlete.

Oh, I beg your pardon.
Oh.

Well,
maybe we both need
a little more practice.

Just think
of all the dancing
we can do once this is over.

Do you play checkers?
I'm a whiz.

Ah. There's so many things
you need two people for.

I'll teach you billiards too.

We'll, uh,
sip our port
and read aloud.

I read my cases beautifully.

- [ Gunshot ]
- [ Gasps ]

Oh.

** [ Continues ]
[ Car Speeding Away ]

I'm here.
I'm right beside you.

Oh, please.
Can you hear me?

Oh, dear God.

You can't do this to me.

Holmes!
Oh, my Holmes,
you can't die!

[ Sobbing ]

You're some doctor.

Get off my chest.
I'm having trouble
breathing.

[ Gasps ]
Oh, I'm sor--
You're alive!

You called me Holmes.

- I did?
- You don't look so good.

I'll get my bag.

I tell you, Watson,

I expected better of him.

It's beneath
the Moriarty
I've always known.

You ought to be in bed.

Don't worry, Watson.
Tip-top shape.

No, no, no, no.
Let me look at you.

No time for that.
We've got to mobilize.

We're staying
right here.
It isn't safe here.

But at our rendezvous
at midnight,
I'll be ready.

Someone's going to die tonight.

It might be me.

Oh, Watson,
no one's as black as he
or half as quick.

He is perfection.

You can tell
a lot about a man
by his enemies.

I'm proud he wants me dead.

Hold still.

We've got so much to do.

You haven't had your supper yet.

Here.

Hershey Kisses.

Out the back.

Wilbur.
Wilbur!

Holmes, you startled me.

I've solved it all.
Here is where
he will be.

What's that you got?

It was a white plume once.

We're meeting Moriarty
at midnight.
Will you wear it?

I've been waiting all my life.

- What's up?
- [ Gasps ]

I'm helping
one poor nut escape...

if it's the last
damn thing I do.

I want you.

Is there romance,
excitement, danger?

All in glorious Technicolor.

Your house is right
around the corner.
They'll be watching.

Back.

Daisy!
Oh, it's you.

Guess what.
I'm leaving Blevins.

I'm glad to hear it.
I married him for love,
but I don't love him anymore.

We're meeting Moriarty.

Hot dog!

You miserable--

[ All Shouting, Arguing ]

[ Shouting Continues ]

Maud!

Why, Mr. Holmes.

What's the matter?

There are no more westerns.

Dear friends,

will those of you who know
what this is all about
please raise your hands.

I think...

if God is dead,

he laughed himself to death.

Because, you see,
we live in Eden.

Genesis has got it all wrong.

We've never left the garden.

Look about you.

This is paradise.

It's hard to find,
I grant you,
but it is here.

Under our feet.

Beneath the surface.
All around us
is everything we want.

The earth is shining
under the soot.

We're all fools.
[ Laughs ]

Moriarty's made fools
of all of us.

But together,
you and I, tonight,

we'll bring him...
down.

Nobody came.
I don't much blame them.

It's this way, I think.

Damned clever, this last clue.

It was a shopping bag
that took us to a garden.

Turn it backwards,
and you'll see the sense.

Suppose we took
the shopping bag.

What kind of garden
would we take it to?

Wow.

[ Justin ]
We're here.

[ Mildred ]
What happens now?

We'll wait.

Well, I'm not afraid
if you're not.

[ Bells Chime ]
It's starting.

He's out there, somewhere.

Crouching, steady, cold.

He never sweats, you know.

Is pride a sin, Holmes?
Because I'm proud of you.

Control yourself.

[ Chiming Continues ]
Cross your fingers.

That makes nine.
[ Chiming Continues ]

I love you.

** [ Muzak ]

[ Male Announcer ]
This week only,

loin of pork,
79 cents per pound.

Delicious, tender sirloin
steaks, 89 cents a pound.

Lean boiled ham,
99 cents a pound.

Fresh frying chickens,

29 cents a pound.

Fresh ground beef,
49 cents a pound.

Delicious, tender...

sirloin steaks...

at 89 cents per pound.

God.

Moriarty?
I'm here.

Come on, man.
Show yourself.

I'm patient.
I can wait.

I've misread the clue.

But if twenty grand
was a number,

then the clue might be--

The number on the door
at Dr. Bagg's.
What was it?

Sixty-seven.
Right, but 67 what?

What else was twenty grand?

A horse.
A racehorse!

Watson, you're a genius.

Well, add it up.
A horse,
a school and 67.

It's a riding school
at 67th street!

God, there is one.
Just off Central Park.

And that's where we'll find him.

It's all done now.
You are a detective.
Here we go.

We're almost there.

I'm ready.

Do you really mean
to walk with me?
I do.

We may have to
walk near dangers,
close to awful things.

I know that.

Sometimes there
are villains so big,

they blot the sun out
for miles around.

I may not always win.

Does justice ever lose?

It does, from time to time.

We'll meet him here.

Get down.

Somewhere...

out there in the dark, he waits.

I'm not afraid,
because you're with me.

And we'll always
be together?
All our lives.

I can't remember how
I lived before you came.

Oh, Holmes, I love you.

Listen.

What?

It's him.
It's Moriarty.

There's nothing.

Now. He's coming.

On horseback,
riding like a king.

I can't hear.

Not on my knees.

There's nothing.
There's nothing!

On your feet by me.

A sound, please.
Just a little sound.

Stand up.

Holmes, he's not there.

There isn't
any Moriarty,
it's just--

[ Hoofbeats ]

[ Whispering ]
You hear it?

[ Hoofbeats Continue ]

They're nearer.

Nearer.

Ah, now, there.
Do you see him now?
Not yet.

[ Hoofbeats Continue ]

Yes.

I see him.

He's everything you said he was.

He makes you proud.

He does.

Stand closer to me.
Hold my hand.

And now we're together.
Yes.

Let it be said
he found us
very close together...

in the light.

[ Hoofbeats Continue ]

[ Hoofbeats Stop ]