All language subtitles for The.Villains.of.Valley.View.S01E03.WEBRip.x264-ION10

[rock music playing]

-[laughter]
-Oh. And this one time

I made a hundred clones
of myself

so I could rob
a hundred banks at once.

Yeah, it was all fun and games

until one of his clones
got weird

and forced us to call him Papa.

What about that time
I used my sonic scream

to distract Captain Valor

so Jake could
crush him with a boulder?

That sounds violent.

It was.

So where was Colby

while you're all off
doing those horrible things?

With the babysitter.

Wait, supervillains
use babysitters?

Okay, fine. We left them home
to play with the rats.

I'd say I'm horrified.
But from what I know about you

that's pretty on brand.

Hearing these stories
just reminds me

that I never got
to be a villain.

I've waited
my whole life to get a power

so I can prove that I'm not
just the run of the family

and now I will never
even get a chance

to fight
with the rest of you.

Yeah, that's rough.

Who wants to do a puzzle?

If you're trying to find
a new look, that ain't it.

I was looking
for a clean pair of socks

in the laundry
and this happened,

the dry Texas heat wave

must be affecting
my electrical power.

Static electricity. Urgh!

All You Need Is Love?

Hartley, how did your shirt
get in our laundry?

That's not mine.

It could be anybody's.

Eva, you better get cleaned up.

I ran into our neighbor
Mr. Tennyson at the store.

He said he's gonna swing by with
a housewarming cheese platter.

Why would you let
a complete stranger

invite himself into our house?

Were you not listening?

Free cheese.

You can't say no when
Mr. Tennyson wants to visit.

He's head
of the neighborhood watch

and he checks up on everyone

who moves in around here.

Then we better be careful.

We don't wanna make him
suspicious about us.

Don't worry. We'll let him in.
We'll take his cheese

and then we'll send him
on his way.

And then we'll tell him
we're gonna return his plate

but we never will.

Now that right there,
that's weird.

Relax, Jake.
We know how to act normal.

[electric zaps]

Oh.

Well, save me some cheese.

[theme music playing]

[rock music playing]

-Hey, what are you up to?
-Shh.

Let's see. What else
can I shapeshift into?

Oh, I know.

Stand back, superheroes,
or I'll chainsaw you,

as soon as I learn
how to pull my own starter cord.

This is lame.

I wish I could be
a real villain.

Poor kid can't even pull
his own cord.

I feel so bad for him.

He never even got
a villain name or a suit.

Aw, listen to you thinking about
someone other than yourself.

I have to do it
every once in a while

to make
the selfishness pop.

You know, all he wants
is to be a villain.

There's got to be a way
we can make that happen,

-even for a day.
-Look, I feel bad too

but we're on the run
so we can't.

Hey, at least he's not sitting
around playing with the rats.

[rat squeaking]

Randy?

Is that you, old friend?

Yeah, we got to help this kid.

It's good thing
I'm here to help you

get ready
for Mr. Tennyson's visit.

I found your weird devices
all over the house.

Yeah, I don't feel safe
without a face melter handy.

I got two next to the toilet.

These things melt faces?

Everyone but this one.

It's out of batteries.

Hey, do you have
any batteries I can borrow?

There.

There.

There.

Now everything around here
looks presentable.

[footsteps]

[laughs]

Whoa. That hair
is even too big for Texas.

I got rid of the laundry.

And now the dryer
is affecting other things.

You know what? I'm sure
we can fix it with some hair gel

or a bucket of hair gel.

Or forget the gel
and just go with a bucket.

[sighs] It's not just my hair.

Ouch. [groans]

Isn't your power
to control electricity?

Usually I can, but
when the weather is this dry,

everything I touch
gets a huge static shock.

On the plus side, I can roast
a chicken with my bare hands.

[bell dings]

-Oh, he's here.
-Okay. I can fix this.

I'll go to the lair and create
a microclimate machine

that can add humidity
to the air.

So a humidifier?

No, a microclimate machine.

What's the difference?

This one will have more buttons.

[rock music playing]

So this is my big surprise?

School on a Saturday.

I canceled plans
with Randy the Rat for this.

I'm out of here.

Halt, evil doer.

It is I,
The Honorable Captain Valor,

and I'm here to make you pay
for your villainous crimes.

Hey, Jake.

How did you know it was me?

Same shoes, lame costume,

and I never met him before but
I'm pretty sure Captain Valor

doesn't wear
Harry Styles cologne.

He might.

-Jake, what is this?
-It's what we talked about,

Colby's villain experience.

Well, who gave you total
control of the planning?

-You did?
-You literally said

take care of it.
I don't wanna do

-any of the work.
-Yeah.

That does sound like me.

What do you mean
my villain experience?

We knew you were bummed about
never getting to be a villain,

so Jake and I wanted
to give you a break

from your otherwise
pointless life.

And congratulations, Colby.

You just completed
your first villain deed,

breaking into private property.

The door was unlocked.

We just opened it and walked in.

I mean, that's not even
breaking and entering,

that's just entering.

Well, the cleaning crew
just went on break.

So time for us to have some fun,

ooh, but not too much fun,

we don't wanna make
a mess for them.

I'm going home
to play with the rat.

No, Colby, wait.

We brought you here
to be a villain.

So go ahead.

Knock this clown on his butt.

Really?
I could take all my years

of frustration out on Jake?

Yup. And you can
take some of mine, too.

Okay.
What can I shapeshift into

that'll hurt him the most?

A rocket launcher?
Or a flame thrower?

A picture
from his leather pants face.

You know what?
Why talk about hurting him

when we could
just do it?

[grunting]

Amy, you're supposed
to let him do it.

Sorry.

I'm not sorry. [laughs]

Okay. So if we're
gonna play that game.

How about
a little villain training?

Since you've ever been
in a battle before,

here's a tip, best way
to attack your opponent is...

[Amy groans]

...to catch them off guard.

Good one.

But here's a better one.

[grunts]

Aw, even the losers
got a trophy.

That's it. You're going down.

[scoffs] I'm gonna use that cape
to mop the floor with you.

Please don't, it's a rental.

Let's do this.

I thought
you said this was about me?

Not now, Colby.
The grown-ups are fighting.

[grunts]

[Colby groans]

Uh-oh.

Looks like the cleaning crew
is gonna be working overtime.

[rock music playing]

-Colby, are you okay?
-No, he's not okay.

You just attacked
an innocent child.

Well, I was aiming for you,
so technically

it's your fault
for jumping out of the way.

You're both to blame.
Now, could someone please

do something about my leg?
It really hurts.

Should we take him
to the hospital?

We can't.
They'll ask too many questions

that can expose our secret.

Plus hospitals
make me feel guilty.

I've put a lot
of people in them.

Why doesn't Colby just
shapeshift into an animal

and we take him to the vet?

I mean, I have caught him
on more than one occasion

licking himself.

That's actually not a bad idea.

That way they can fix his leg
without us getting caught.

No way, I'm not doing that.

Okay.
And I'll just fix your leg.

Ow! [cries]

Okay. [exhales]

But if I'm gonna turn
into an animal,

it's gonna be something rad.

Hi, we're here
to have our pet looked at.

Okay. What kind of animal is it?

It's a bobcat.

[growls]

We don't take bobcats.

Oh, well, in that case it's a...

No, no.

Ew, no.

No.

That works. It's a turtle.

A lovely cheese spread
as always, Mr. Tennyson.

You could tell I care
because I added grapes.

Uh-uh. Not for you.

So, where are
Mr. and Mrs. Mayhem?

The cheddar is sweating.

I'm sure
they'll be out any second.

Really? Because it feels like
they're trying to avoid me.

The last people
who tried to avoid me

turned out to be smuggling
counterfeit yoga pants

out of their basement.

And what happened to them?

I called the authorities,
now they're in jail

and I'm doing
tree pose in style.

[sighs] They thought they could
pull one over on me. Wrong.

I'm gonna go
check on Mrs. Mayhem.

If you're looking for
a hiding spot, that ain't it.

You have to get out there.

Mr. Tennyson just told me
he put the last people

who made him suspicious
behind bars.

But Vic's machine
isn't done yet.

I still can't control my power.

Just cover your hair.

-Right.
-[screams]

And don't touch anything.

Right. [gasp]

Sorry.

I got it now.

-What does this do?
-No.

No. Uh-uh.

Not for you. [chuckles]

Oh, hello.

Oh, Mrs. Mayhem. Finally.

Allow me to officially welcome
you to the neighborhood.

-Oh.
-[screams]

Why don't we just sit?

[chuckles]

So tell me about these cheeses.

Well, they weren't aged
when I got here

-but they are now.
-[laughter]

Now, on the left,
we have a hard cheese,

which I really, really love.

I also brought a wide selection
of Italian cheeses,

my particular favorite.
I have Burrata.

I have Pecorino.

I have Romano.

I have got some Gouda over here.

Of course,
I have some Gorgonzola.

Some people pronounce it
Gorgonzola

but I think
they're absolutely wrong.

You know what? I've never asked
if your lactose intolerant.

You know, one time I did bring
a cheese platter

to somebody had a stomach issue.

It was a complete disaster.

But of course, I have a Brie,
which is very still.

Everybody loves Brie and grapes

in case people
don't like cheese.

And I heard you were English
so I brought a Stilton.

Oh, well.
Oh, you're the cleverest.

Uh-hmm. [sniffs]
Do I smell smoke?

-[sniffs]
-Nope. [chuckles softly]

No. That's just my smoking
hot husband.

No argument there.

Hey, Mr. T.
Great to see you again.

You should be good.
The climate machine is done

and I've dialed it
to maximum humidity.

Woo!
Is it always this balmy in here?

Uh, yeah.
We like a moist living room.

Who says that?
No one says that.

I think it feels, kind of, nice.

[upbeat music playing]

[groans] Come on.

How long does it take
to fix a turtle leg?

Well, Colby can be shy.

Maybe he won't come out
of his shell.

[laughs]

Excuse me?

Any chance you could
put him down?

-How is he?
-Your turtle is fine.

It's just a small leg sprain.

Are you sure?

He seemed pretty shell shocked.

[laughs quietly]

Kid, my job is hard enough.

Jake, just pay the lady

so we can take our turtle
and get out of here.

I'm sorry
but I can't let you do that.

Why not?
I thought you said he was fine.

He is but in Texas,

that turtle is considered
to be a rare breed,

which means,
you can't keep him as a pet.

I'm sorry but animal control
is on their way to pick him up.

[upbeat music playing]

We can't let animal control
to take our brother.

Well, we could.

I'm just saying
that one time Dad accidentally

lost him at the mall.

It didn't really seem
like an accident.

We have to sneak past
that assistant

and get him out of here
before they show up.

Pfft. I got this.

Help!
The raccoon is eating my face!

The raccoon is eating my face?

You know, I work dark.
Let's go!

-Colby, where are you?
-COLBY: Over here.

How do we unlock this thing?

The locks are all controlled
by that computer over there.

Looks like we'll need
a five-digit password.

-WOMAN: Crazy day, huh?
-MAN: I know right?

-Someone's coming. Hide.
-MAN: Oh, by the way,

I talked to animal control.

Not gonna work.
Not gonna work.

Animal control should be here
any minute for the turtle.

By this time tomorrow,
this little guy

will be at the sanctuary
in Costa Rica.

What?

Did that turtle just...

I need a day-off.

COLBY: Get me out of here!

I can't go to Costa Rica.

All my videogames
will be in a different language.

That's all you care about?

Pretty much.

Jake, just use your super
strength to bust the cage open.

I can't. The sign says
the alarm will go off.

Well, you better do
something fast. Look.

We definitely have
to get him out.

Do you know how much money
we will make

on selling him to the circus?

[upbeat music playing]

Ugh, this humidity
is ridiculous.

The one day I didn't wear
a shirt with mesh vents.

Don't worry. It's just the A/C.

Mr. Mayhem is working on it.

Okay. I tweaked the unit.

This place should be cool
in no time.

I can feel the breeze already.

Oh! That A/C is powerful.

[wind swooshing]

Refreshing.

This is it.

I don't know
what's going on at this house.

But something's not right.

No. Everything's fine.

Whoa!

-[laughs]
-Just melt my face.

I can't watch anymore of this.

[upbeat music playing]

So my real head
is on a turtle's body?

Oh, wait till I tell the rat.

Must be the side effects
of getting your powers.

Not gonna lie. I, kinda,
like you better like this.

-With a turtle body?
-No. In a cage.

Thanks to you.
I might be stuck in one

for the rest of my life.

Don't worry. We'll get you out.

We just need to figure out
this password.

Try 12345.

Pfft. Rookie. No one uses that.

Lucky for you, Dad taught me
a little thing or two

about cracking passwords.

-[typing]
-[squeal]

Wrong cage! Wrong cage!

I'm telling you. Try 12345.

Quiet, Colby. I got this.

I'm the one who taught Dad
how to crack passwords.

For an evil genius,
he gets locked out of his phone

way too much.

-[animal squealing]
-Wrong cage. Wrong cage.

[gasp]

Are you doing this on purpose?

The first one, no.
The last two, yes.

MAN:
Doctor, animal control is here.

Guys, I'm begging you.
Just try 12345.

-Fine. [typing]
-[beep]

[gasp]
Oh, look at that. I did it.

All right.
Hurry up and shapeshift back

so we can get out of here.

-[thuds]
-COLBY: Oh, ow.

After you get out of the box.

[upbeat music playing]

-[grunting]
-Okay.

What kind of air-conditioner
do you people have?

I'll go turn it down a bit.

[grunting]

Or not.

[both screaming]

What's going on?

So much for staying
under the radar.

It's a dust devil!

My machine
didn't make that happen,

even I'm not that good.

I think it's Colby!

Oh! Well, I made him
so I am that good.

AMY:
It sucking off all the wind.

ALL: [groaning]

I have seen enough.

That was no A/C problem.

I know exactly
what's going on here.

-You do?
-No!

But your husband kept leaving
the room every five minutes.

Suspicious.

I smell smoke and you pretended
there wasn't any.

Suspicious.

And your living room
was steamier

than a tropical rainforest
in the summer.

Suspicious.

Now, I may not be able to get
to the bottom of this

but the police will.

Not so fast, sir!

You've just been pranked!

-Pranked?
-Yup.

Uh, we like to prank
our neighbors

to show them how fun we are.

I mean, you didn't really think
there was an actual dust devil

in our living room, did you?

Because that'd be--
that'd be crazy.

ALL: [fake laughter]

I know what I saw.
At least, I think I do.

Should the head
of the neighborhood watch

really be saying
he thinks he saw something?

Because that sounds suspicious.

-I see what you did there.
-Uh-hmm.

I mean,
once I post this video online,

it's gonna get
thousands of likes.

You are gonna be
a social media sensation.

Really? Me?

A star?

I've never been the star
of anything.

I can't wait to call
my sister Lulu

and rub it in her face.

You know,
when I first met this family,

I thought you were all
a little weird,

but now I see you're actually
a lot of fun.

We need that around here.

What about me and grandma?
We're fun.

Sure, you are.

I'm gonna go home,
put on a silk robe,

pour myself a nice cold cup
of something

and wait for Hollywood
to come calling.

[laughs]

-That was incredible, Colbs.
-That was amazing.

You just saved us all.
He's a superhero.

ALL: [groaning]

Way to ruin the moment,
Hartley.

[upbeat music playing]

Colby, we're sorry about
what happened today.

Yeah. We tried to give you
a true villain experience

but it didn't go quite
as we planned.

It's okay.
I appreciate you guys trying.

I just have to face the reality
that we're here now.

And I'll never get a chance
to be a true supervillain.

You guys really messed up today.

Hey! They aren't the only ones.

It's about the kids right now,
Eva.

I feel bad. We were supposed
to be giving him

-the best day of his life.
-Yeah. I know.

I wish there was something
we could do.

Maybe there is.

All right. Come on out.

[laughing]

-What do you think?
-I love it.

Was I supposed to wear
underwear?

I never do.

And along with your fancy
new villain suit

comes your official
villain name.

Allow me to introduce everyone
to Flashform!

[laughs]

Oh, before we forget
your new suit

comes with this helmet.

Wow.

Now, you're officially
one of us.

Our supervillain family
is finally complete.

[upbeat music playing]

Great.
Now, let's take these things off

and get back to our boring
new lives.

An official supervillain.

Yes!

I think the helmet's stuck.

I can't get it off.

Mom?

Dad?

Randy!