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1
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,116
- Ready?
- Have been for 10 minutes.
2
00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:44,151
Go!
3
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:51,118
You look like a couple of figures
on an Egyptian frieze.
4
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:53,800
- Just a minute, Jerry. Say Isis.
- Isis.
5
00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:57,154
Isis.
6
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,520
- Chocolate.
- Cigarettes.
7
00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:00,153
Gottle of geer, gottle of geer.
8
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:03,318
Very funny. Come on, make yourself useful.
Come and take it for us.
9
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:04,589
Oh, all right.
10
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,199
Careful!
11
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:11,992
Just a minute. What's it pointing at?
12
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,316
Just the miracle of new life, that's all.
13
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:16,078
What? That bit of grass?
14
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:17,679
Watch it, or I'll set her on you.
15
00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:18,835
(Growls)
16
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:21,918
Bit of grass indeed. For your information,
that's our first pea.
17
00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:23,871
One, I'll add, of several hundredweight.
18
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:25,194
Most people grow begonias.
19
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:26,799
We're not most people.
20
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:28,990
That's very true. Right.
21
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:31,797
Say "pea".
22
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,513
BOTH: Peal
23
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,078
Thanks, Jerry. Come round the back.
24
00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:37,679
Careful. Everything's coming up.
25
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:40,917
- It would, wouldn't it? You planted it.
- But everything's coming up.
26
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:43,429
Come on. We've got cabbages,
lettuces, beetroot..
27
00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:44,959
No, no, you don't get me again.
28
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:48,277
The last time, I ended up mucking out
your chickens. No, thank you.
29
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:51,119
I'm going home to a nice, boring,
civilised martini,
30
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:53,276
and a decadent sit down in my armchair.
31
00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:55,512
Sybarite!
32
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:57,119
Peasant!
33
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,754
- Nice, that old Jerry.
- [ wouldn't mind a sit down too.
34
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:03,077
Ah-ah-ah! Not till we've finished
the old Ho Chi Minh Trail.
35
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,312
Ho, ho! Ho Chi Minh.
36
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,112
Any old lumber!
37
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:13,151
Any old lumber.
38
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:15,958
Around here? You'll be lucky.
39
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,991
Any old lumber!
40
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,874
Hey. It's one of those!
41
00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,751
(Groaning)
42
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:36,231
Oh!
43
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:40,471
Another couple of steps with that,
and we'd all have had a Julius.
44
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,271
Julius?
45
00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:45,709
Yeah. Cockney rhyming slang of old London.
46
00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:47,751
Julius Caesar, Calpurnia, hernia.
47
00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,791
Er... I haven't heard that one before.
48
00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:52,956
Interested in all that, then, are you?
49
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:54,958
The old London patois?
50
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,594
Patois? Yeah, well, it adds colour to life,
I suppose.
51
00:02:57,640 --> 00:02:59,756
I believe the old London cutpurses started it.
52
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,872
They made it up so the peelers
wouldn't know what they were saying.
53
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:06,436
- Yes, I read that somewhere.
- No, that is a common ricket people commit.
54
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:10,553
Put about by people like Robert Robinson
and the Brains of Britain, and people like that.
55
00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,591
No, the... Sorry.
56
00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:15,075
The bloke who actually invented rhyming slang
57
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:19,159
was a bloke who couldn't think up what he was
trying to say. So he had to make up a rhyme.
58
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,599
Are you sure about this?
59
00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:22,631
I am the horse's mouth, ain't 1?
60
00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:24,798
No, Tommy Lang, his name was.
61
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:26,069
Tommy Lang, slang. See?
62
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,191
You mean he couldn't remember
his own name?
63
00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:30,311
That's how bad it was. I knew him well.
64
00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:32,351
Ooh! Do you mind if I sit down?
65
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,111
My name's Sam, right?
66
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,716
And what do you think he used to call me?
67
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,751
Pork.
68
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,598
Pork and ham, Sam. See?
69
00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,953
I'm afraid there's a big gap in my education.
I never heard of him.
70
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,230
Well, there must be. He was double famous.
71
00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:51,353
I remember seeing him at the Great Exhibition
at Crystal Palace. He had a little tent.
72
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,950
You paid a penny, gave him a word,
and wallop - he'd give you the rhyming slang.
73
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,957
The Great Exhibition at Crystal Palace?
74
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,149
Yeah.
75
00:03:58,200 --> 00:03:59,634
That was in 1851.
76
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,594
That makes you about a hundred
and something.
77
00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:04,392
Well, did I say 18517
78
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:06,033
No, I meant 1951.
79
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,037
Yeah, the Festival of Britain.
80
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:11,755
I went to the Festival of Britain umpteen times,
and Tommy Lang was never there.
81
00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,120
Yes...
82
00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:14,753
No... anyway...
83
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:16,871
Well, I see you got your tubing, lady.
84
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,718
Oh, my didgeridoo? Yeah.
85
00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:19,875
Eh?
86
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:21,558
Didgeridoo, flue.
87
00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:23,591
Oh, yeah! That old one. Yeah.
88
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:27,597
I couldn't help noticing as I come through
the garden, like, it's...
89
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,392
- It's different, isn't it?
- Very.
90
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:30,669
Aren't you going to ask why?
91
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,711
Well, it was on the old bacon, like.
92
00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:34,558
Bacon rind, mind.
93
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,439
We're digging for victory.
94
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:37,629
That was in the war.
95
00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,000
What do you think this is?
96
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:40,713
Nah, come on. What are you doing?
97
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:42,751
- You know about self-sufficiency?
- Yeah.
98
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,235
- Well, I'm self and she's sufficient.
- Get away.
99
00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:47,157
Why ain't you got a farm, then?
100
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:48,713
Because we like living here!
101
00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:53,152
And sooner or later, somebody's going
to come up with a more original question.
102
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,520
Whoops.
103
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:55,880
Dropped a coat, have I?
104
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,194
Oh, I don't...
105
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:58,799
- Dropped a what?
- Coat.
106
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,399
Coat hanger, clanger.
107
00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:04,638
You've been dropping those ever since
you came through that door.
108
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,591
Old Cockney rhyming slang of old London!
109
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,199
You're making it up as you go along.
110
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:09,992
Yeah, well, there is a reason for that.
111
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:11,678
- What?
- I'm afake.
112
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:15,476
Only round a toffee-nosed district like this,
it goes down well, you see.
113
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,318
All that old costermonger rubbish.
114
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:20,318
They think, hello - a bit of our old tradition
that hasn't died.
115
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:23,079
It's very good for business,
puts them in the right mood.
116
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,430
Talking about business... Cough, cough.
117
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,559
Cough, cough?
118
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,031
Oh! Cough, cough.
119
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,638
That's what we agreed, wasn't it?
120
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:39,079
Yeah, ta.
121
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,111
This is back to your old barter system, eh?
122
00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:43,151
All part of your health and efficiency.
123
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,077
Yeah, self-sufficiency. Yes.
124
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:48,158
Well, talking about that,
you want to keep an eye on those birds.
125
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,158
- They're picking your shoots to smithereens.
- Oh, blimey!
126
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:52,634
Go on, get out of it! Go on!
127
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,671
Go on, out of it! Hop it! Go on, out!
128
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:56,552
I'll have to do something about that.
129
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,159
Get a bird scarer or something.
130
00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:00,669
Either that or sellotape their beaks together.
131
00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:03,075
Well, I'll keep my eye open for you
on my rounds.
132
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:06,078
I come across some very strange things
in my business.
133
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,316
- Like us?
- Yeah. See you then, squire.
134
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:09,919
See you, squire.
135
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,951
Oil Clear orf, you feathered git!
136
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,910
- Goon, get orfl
- Ta.
137
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:34,920
- Want to buy a battleship?
- Oh, don't!
138
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,193
Are you all right?
139
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,231
I'm just whacked, that's all.
140
00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:41,635
I know. It's working a 36-hour day that does it.
141
00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:43,478
Is it getting too much for you?
142
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,559
Too much?
143
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:49,514
I might tell you, they turn out a pretty gritty
sort of chap at Roedean.
144
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:52,154
You weren't at Roedean.
145
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,191
Neither were you.
146
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:56,391
Come and look at the range.
147
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,391
Look at it. Look at it!
148
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:07,511
They don't make them like that any more.
149
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:13,994
Well.. there aren't many of these about,
you know.
150
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,680
No, you keep kicking it like that,
there'll be one less.
151
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,711
True, true. Now, do you like it?
152
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,034
Yes!
153
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:23,198
I've always wanted a couple of tons
of rusty old iron in the kitchen.
154
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:24,674
What's it for?
155
00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,711
Well... it's a range.
156
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,751
You... you... range on it. With it.
157
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,518
It's for... ranging things.
158
00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:32,392
Yes, I know what it is, but what's it for?
159
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:36,718
- I mean, we've got a perfectly good cooker.
- It won't be when the electricity's cut off.
160
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,751
- Think of the saving!
- Clever.
161
00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:42,116
Well, I suppose I could learn to cook with it.
162
00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:45,039
I've always wanted to defy
the national grid system.
163
00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:47,071
- This would be the oven?
- Yes.
164
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:49,077
- Bleurgh!
- No, no, lovely.
165
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,111
Genuine Victorian dripping.
166
00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:55,951
Including the Victorian dripping,
how much did we pay for this?
167
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,673
Your hair dryer and the toaster.
168
00:07:58,240 --> 00:07:59,594
Oh, thank you very much.
169
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,631
No, no, no. No electricity.
170
00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:03,079
No.
171
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,474
If you want to dry your hair,
172
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:05,954
stick it in there.
173
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,229
As for toast,
174
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,396
this is the way of making toast.
175
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:12,034
Will you be swapping your electric razor
for something?
176
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:13,309
I expect so. Why?
177
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,830
Well, I mean this thing's so versatile,
I want to see how you'll shave with it.
178
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:19,279
Ah...
179
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:23,032
Let's start getting the rust off, shall we?
Let's get on with it.
180
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,031
Now, then...
181
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:31,471
Right.
182
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:34,151
Ah.. thank you. Thank you.
183
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,991
Ta. Right, go!
184
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,877
- Can you see this all black-leaded?
- Not at the moment, no.
185
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,471
Let's get some air in here.
186
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:48,875
Ah!
187
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,309
They're back again! I thought I told you before.
188
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:52,634
Clear out!
189
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,591
Pan's People after you again?
190
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:01,234
Those blasted birds are after our seedlings.
191
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,954
Oh, we can't have that.
We broke our backs putting those in.
192
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,276
I'll have to invent something to scare them...
193
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,311
Of course! The old Chinese idea.
194
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:10,351
Kung fu?
195
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,599
Ah..where's the string?
196
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,597
Er... under the sink. Why?
197
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,631
Wait a minute. You'll see.
198
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,991
Um... carry on.
199
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,591
Gosh, thanks, Tom.
200
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:25,914
Well?
201
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,951
What do you think?
202
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,919
You're just jealous because you didn't think of it.
203
00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:33,958
Barbara! Come and see.
204
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,479
Barbara!
205
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:37,800
What?
206
00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:39,274
Ta-ra!
207
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:40,594
What is it?
208
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:42,074
The goat didn't know either.
209
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:43,235
What is it?
210
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,032
A Chinese bird scarer.
211
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,078
A Chinese... bird scarer.
212
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,111
Windy blow, chainy rattle.
213
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:51,879
Birdies scared.
214
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:53,194
Confucius.
215
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:54,435
Must be.
216
00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:56,232
What?
217
00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:59,511
Confucius! What happens
when the wind doesn't blow?
218
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:04,559
I thought you were getting the rust
off that range.
219
00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,711
You and your stupid ideas.
220
00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,511
Tom!
221
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:20,392
What are you doing in there?
222
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:22,238
Research.
223
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,271
- Research, eh?
- Yeah.
224
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,193
Yeah, I say, um...
225
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:28,833
Perhaps you could help me?
226
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,473
- Well, I'll do my best.
- Right.
227
00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:31,635
Now, um...
228
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:33,671
Imagine you're a bird, right?
229
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:35,999
OK.
230
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:37,599
Right. Now...
231
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,233
You are in my garden.
232
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,991
Am I sitting down or walking about?
233
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:44,640
Either.
234
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:45,795
Ee-ther.
235
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,479
Ee-ther.
236
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,353
Now unbeknown to you,
I have rigged a series of tripwires.
237
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,073
You hit one with your leg.
238
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:54,111
Not if I'm sitting down.
239
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:58,070
Well, be walking about then.
I just want to establish the principle, you see.
240
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:01,954
Sorry. Right, I'm walking about your garden,
and I bang into one of your tripwires.
241
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,799
Right. This sets off the play button
of a tape recorder.
242
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,160
- Oh, yes?
- Yes.
243
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:10,239
So all of a sudden, as loud as you can imagine,
you get this big Count Basie number.
244
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:11,600
- Dol?
- Yes.
245
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:13,551
And the point is, would that frighten you?
246
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:14,999
No.
247
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:16,269
Why not?
248
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:18,311
I like Count Basie.
249
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:21,271
You're a bird, remember?
250
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:24,517
Well, I don't see why a bird should be
frightened of Count Basie.
251
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:28,110
No, you're quite right. Scrub round it.
It's all a bit Heath Robinson anyway.
252
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:31,232
Let's get back to basics.
Just answer me this one simple question.
253
00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:33,954
What do you think is the best way
to scare birds?
254
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,991
Flashing on the common, I suppose.
255
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,191
Have you finished?
256
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:42,915
Yes.
257
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:44,951
(Doorbell)
258
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,631
- Ah.
- Hello, Tom.
259
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:53,432
It's Margo.
260
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,118
Yes, it is you, yes.
261
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:56,355
Barbara.
262
00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,198
Just a minute!
263
00:11:58,240 --> 00:11:59,878
Mmm, the GPO, I see.
264
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:02,833
Me? No, lady, I'm an eccentric millionaire.
265
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:06,475
I get so many phone calls
I have to carry the phone around with me.
266
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:10,071
Goodbye.
267
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,034
Do goin.
268
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,991
So you've had to let the phone go?
269
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,394
Are things that bad?
270
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:19,158
No! It's just not essential.
271
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,079
Not essential?
But say I wanted to phone you up?
272
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:24,551
Damn! I hadn't thought of that.
273
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:26,400
No.
274
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:31,754
I suppose you'll just have to walk all the way
round from next door and speak to us in person.
275
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,474
Would you tell Barbara it's Margo, please, Tom?
276
00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:36,435
Oh, Barbara.
277
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:38,911
That's Margo over there.
278
00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:40,954
Hello, Margo.
279
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,832
Barbara, what have you done to yourself?
280
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,440
Oh, it's rust. I've been suffering from it for years.
281
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,550
Yes... well, let me show you what I've got.
282
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,079
Woodworm?
283
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,917
Oh, that's nice.
284
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:03,033
Yes, well, that's what I thought when I bought it.
But I'm afraid it was a terrible mistake.
285
00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:04,479
Ohhh.
286
00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:06,989
Leclerc. Jolly expensive mistake.
287
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:12,114
Well, that's not important. The point is, Barbara,
I got it home, I put it on, and I said to myself,
288
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:14,754
"Margo, that simply looks cheap and nasty."
289
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,791
So I wondered if you'd like it?
290
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,318
Margo, you are the mistress
of the unfortunate phrase.
291
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,031
Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean...
292
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:26,551
Look, I simply thought of you because...
293
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,432
Well, I would only have thrown it away.
294
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:30,471
And I know how difficult things are.
295
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:33,319
I mean, I saw the telephone being taken away.
296
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,034
That's all right.
I haven't worn the telephone for years.
297
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,435
Don't be defensive, Barbara.
You know what I mean.
298
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:39,879
No.
299
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:44,471
Well... this fetish that Tom has recently
about making you do without.
300
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,511
Surely anything is welcome.
301
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,551
Well, I tell you what I would like.
302
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:50,477
Anything, Barbara. You know me.
303
00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:52,113
A nice bowl of gruel.
304
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,798
I haven't eaten for four days.
305
00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:56,437
Very well, Barbara. Take that attitude.
306
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,232
I was merely trying to be charitable.
307
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:02,239
Look, Margo, when they have a flag day for me,
you can put a penny in the box, OK?
308
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:05,432
- I'd take it. It's a very nice dress.
- I don't need hand-me-downs!
309
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:06,914
So be it.
310
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:09,031
I feel totally humiliated, Barbara.
311
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,754
If that was your objective, thank you very much.
312
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:13,074
Nevertheless...
313
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,918
I know my manners and I will say this;
314
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:19,670
you are still welcome to drop in on Jerry
and me whenever you feel like it. You know that.
315
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,119
All right, Margo. Thanks.
316
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,515
- I'll see you out.
- Thank you very much, Tom.
317
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:29,598
- Margo?
- Yes?
318
00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:31,278
Give me the dress.
319
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:35,230
Oh, yes. That's probably the best way to do it.
320
00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:37,954
- I suppose you do think of her sometimes.
- Yes.
321
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,231
Oh! Have the bag as well.
322
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,271
Golly. Thanks.
323
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:48,871
I thought so.
324
00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:50,991
I told you I don't want that thing!
325
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:52,394
It's not for you.
326
00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:53,555
Well, who's it for?
327
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,920
- I want it.
- Why?
328
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,439
You'll see.
329
00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,551
You'll look cheap and nasty in it.
330
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,913
4 This is my lovely day
331
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,473
4 This is the day I shall remember
332
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:12,512
4 It's the day I'm dying
333
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:23,791
Tom!
334
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,673
Tom!
335
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,199
Hello, Margo.
336
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:28,992
Fancy a fresh egg for your tea?
337
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,756
Don't try to butter me up with fresh eggs.
338
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,679
I want an explanation.
339
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,791
It's a scarecrow.
340
00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,831
I know what it is.
341
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:44,434
I want to know why you're trying to humiliate me
in front of the whole neighbourhood.
342
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,199
I'm not. I'm utilising something you didn't want.
343
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:48,355
Oh, yes.
344
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:53,076
And so telling the world and his wife that Margo
Leadbetter's clothes are only fit for scarecrows.
345
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:56,272
But where are all these people,
and how do they know it's your dress?
346
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,233
Well, I know and that's enough,
thank you very much.
347
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:04,757
I certainly shan't get a wink of sleep tonight
knowing that I'm being abused in your garden.
348
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:08,714
If you were being abused in my garden,
you wouldn't get a wink of sleep, would you?
349
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,239
Tom.
350
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:13,511
Either you take down my dress
or I shall call the police.
351
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:18,197
And I'm aware that didn't come out right
but you know what I mean.
352
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:19,799
Oh, all right.
353
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:21,069
Well, I...
354
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:23,157
I don't want to bludgeon you, Tom.
355
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:27,637
Don't kid yourself. I've just realised
your rotten dress doesn't scare the birds.
356
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:33,319
Well, no go.
357
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:34,759
Useless.
358
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,154
The birds love this dress.
359
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,874
I wonder if Francis of Assisi
wore something like that.
360
00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:42,390
- Will you give me a hand now, Tom?
- Ah, sorry, love. A bit busy.
361
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,358
Ah-ah-ah!
362
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:49,674
You missed a bit.
363
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:50,994
Thank you.
364
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,471
(Whistles)
365
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,591
What are you doing?
366
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,438
Cutting out cardboard shapes.
367
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,312
That's you being busy then, is it?
368
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:09,079
Oh, yes, yes. A couple of dozen of these,
shaped like hawks,
369
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:10,872
and suspended over the garden, right?
370
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:14,231
They cast shadows. It's well-known
that the shadow of a predatory bird
371
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:16,590
scares the daylights out of the little also-rans.
372
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:20,235
- I don't know why I didn't think of it before.
- No, I wish you had.
373
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:23,716
It's great this, isn't it?
Everything in our kind of life is a challenge.
374
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,831
None of that boring, repetitive bit.
375
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:32,039
I mean, the human animal
wasn't meant to be a robot.
376
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:34,469
Not meant to be, no.
377
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:38,718
Sure, we don't get much leisure time
these days but who needs it?
378
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:44,354
Take Margo and Jerry. Right now, they'll be
lolling about in their Swedish armchairs,
379
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,631
sipping martinis, vegetating in front
of their colour telly.
380
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:49,432
I mean, who'd swap for that?
381
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:51,471
I bloody would!
382
00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:59,351
Is there... something wrong?
383
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:04,151
Yes! I'm sick of the sight of that thing!
384
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,831
I'm tired, I'm filthy.
385
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,440
I feel 120, I must look 180.
386
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,319
Well, why didn't you say?
387
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,989
Well, I just thought you might have noticed.
388
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:17,670
We've never done that "there's something wrong
and you've got to guess what" rubbish.
389
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,472
You don't have to guess, just look at me.
390
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:21,238
All right, you're filthy. So what?
391
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,556
All right, it's not actually just me being filthy.
392
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:26,831
What really gets me is you chirruping away
about how lovely it all is!
393
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,793
- Well, it Is.
- Well, it isn't today, actually, it isn't today.
394
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:33,196
Oh, of course. I'm sorry, love,
I don't keep track of dates any more.
395
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,117
Oh, God, it's not that!
396
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:39,119
You're chirruping about those.. birds,
and I'm stuck on my knees with this thing!
397
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,151
All right, all right, very well.
398
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:44,074
I'm not sure I like the term "chirruping"...
399
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:48,114
But if you mean that this life makes me happy,
it does, and I thought it made you happy.
400
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:52,438
Well, it doesn't today! It did yesterday,
it probably will tomorrow, but it doesn't today!
401
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,278
Surely there's a joy in all we do now.
402
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:57,153
- Scraping half a ton of rust off that thing?
- Yes, even that.
403
00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,750
- Even the grotty jobs I find enjoyable.
- Oh, yes, digging up that tree stump?
404
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:04,031
Yes... I'm not saying it was easy,
but there was a joy in it.
405
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:06,640
Albeit a sort of savage, primeval joy.
406
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,479
You lying hound!
You chucked the pickaxe at the goat.
407
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,432
Well, I mean... that was just a mood.
408
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,357
Well, what do you think I'm in?
409
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,756
And if you actually want to know today,
this moment now, this minute,
410
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,360
if I would rather be sitting in an armchair
with a drink,
411
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,631
or kneeling on the floor,
getting rusty with that thing, I... would!
412
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,796
What's more, I'm bloody well going to!
413
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:38,831
(Whistles)
414
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:41,431
I know you're sniggering, Jerry.
415
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:45,758
It's no good trying to camouflage it
because I can see your shoulders quivering.
416
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:51,000
It does have its funny side. You paid £55 for
a new dress and it ends up on Tom's scarecrow.
417
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,156
I didn't pay £55 for it.
I charged it to your account.
418
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:57,598
How much?!
419
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,996
Don't say "how much?" like that, Jerry.
It's not an exorbitant figure.
420
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:02,519
It is when it's out of my account.
421
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:06,030
I only had to because you're so penny-pinching
with my clothing allowance.
422
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:09,789
Penny-pinching? I could buy a third car
out of your clothing allowance, a big one.
423
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,229
I'd have said a bicycle, personally, Jerry.
424
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:15,796
Asitis, I have to scour Bond Street
for basically shoddy clothes
425
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,877
which are really only fit for scarecrows.
426
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,878
Good God, Margo! I mean, £55!
427
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,957
Barbara buys three dresses for that money.
428
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,274
Yes.
429
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:26,550
What do you mean, "Yes"?
430
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,160
I mean that the homespun suits Barbara.
431
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,191
I've always thought she looks rather cute.
432
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:33,754
Oh, I see.
So you're married to a frump, are you?
433
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,632
How on earth do you make that equation?
434
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,035
I didn't need to.
You're the one who used the word.
435
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,755
- The word frump never passed my lips.
- It didn't need to. It was written on your face.
436
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,279
Frump. Frump. Frump.
437
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:44,594
Oh, really.
438
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,119
(Doorbell)
439
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,151
Door, please, Jerry.
440
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,391
- Hello! How nice to see you.
- Hello, Jerry.
441
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,397
Come along in.
442
00:20:57,960 --> 00:20:59,951
It's that cute girl from next door.
443
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,513
Barbara!
444
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,029
Well, you said drop in, so I did.
445
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,390
It's lovely to see you. Do sit down.
446
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,431
Chair, please, Jerry.
447
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:15,155
Don't embarrass Barbara, Jerry.
It's just a hole in her tights.
448
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:17,752
I was looking at her legs, actually.
449
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,872
Mmm, well, I suppose it's better
than looking at a frump all day.
450
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:23,230
I'm sorry, I've obviously come at the wrong time.
451
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,920
Oh, no. Jerry was just having
one of his little tantrums.
452
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:28,520
- Let's give it a rest.
- You started this silly argument.
453
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:29,959
Silly is the mot juste.
454
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,991
I must say you're looking very...
455
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,758
very..
456
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:35,029
Horrible.
457
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,913
Yes, I'm sorry. I shouldn't
have come round looking like this.
458
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:41,078
Oh, heavens above, dear. We're old friends.
What does it matter?
459
00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:43,111
Lift up @ moment, would you?
460
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:47,629
Drink - how about a drink?
461
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,796
Oh, yes, please, Jerry. Two dry martinis.
462
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:51,717
What have you been doing to yourself?
463
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,831
You look worse than you did this morning.
464
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:57,635
Well, we've got this old range.
What with that and the electricity going off soon.
465
00:21:57,680 --> 00:21:59,000
As well as the phone?
466
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,395
Mmm. I've been trying to get the rust
off it all day.
467
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:02,555
Just you? What about Tom?
468
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,797
He's been trying to invent the ultimate
deterrent in bird scarers.
469
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:08,832
Well, the less said about that the better,
thank you very much.
470
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,200
Thank you, Jerry.
471
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:11,878
Jerry, we do have larger glasses.
472
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:13,399
She said she wanted two drinks.
473
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:15,431
Damn right. Cheers.
474
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:19,831
Something wrong, chez toi, Barbara?
475
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,473
No, no, no, no.
476
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:24,478
No. You wouldn't have silly little arguments,
would you?
477
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:25,749
No.
478
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:27,359
No, no.
479
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:33,439
Well... all right, give in.
Yes, we did have a silly argument, I suppose.
480
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,471
Really? What about?
481
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:37,836
Well, I've been on this blasted range all day.
482
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:40,235
There comes a point when rust ceases
to be a novelty
483
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:44,513
- and I guess it corroded my sense of humour.
- I'm not surprised. It's hardly a woman's work.
484
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:46,278
No, I didn't mean that.
485
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:49,278
- I agree with Margo, actually.
- Oh, Jerry agrees with Margot.
486
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:50,879
Hang out the flags, three cheers.
487
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:54,515
I agree with you about it because
on this occasion you just happen to be right!
488
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,358
Our opinions do coincide sometimes.
489
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:57,959
- Sorry, Jerry.
- Not at all.
490
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,277
You ought to watch Tom, you know.
He'll have you yoked to a plough next.
491
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:05,473
He's just an armchair revolutionary, old Tom.
It's you who has to man the barricades or...
492
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,033
woman the barricades, I suppose.
493
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,640
- No, that's not strictly true.
- No, Jerry's right.
494
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,671
Let me see your hands.
495
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,990
I'm sorry to say this, Barbara.
Those are the hands of a navvy.
496
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,119
I rest my case.
497
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:24,232
No, you've got it all wrong.
You make Tom sound like the squaw man.
498
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,794
I mean, he does his share, more than his share.
499
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:28,831
Well, I've always admired your loyalty.
500
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,599
When was the last time that Tom suggested
you had a lie-in?
501
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:34,439
This morning, actually.
I didn't get up till half past six.
502
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,151
You could do that in the army.
503
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:40,318
I'm sorry to say this, Barbara.
He has turned you into a drudge.
504
00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:45,309
If you allow it to continue, you'll become like one
of those wrinkled old crones on the Continent.
505
00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:46,759
You missed a bit.
506
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,519
I wouldn't put it exactly like that.
No, Margo's right.
507
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,597
Marriage must be a fair division of labour.
508
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:53,074
Like ours.
509
00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:55,111
Well, no, not exactly like ours.
510
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:57,151
I was thinking more 50/50.
511
00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,830
Meaning what, Jerry?
512
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:01,837
Meaning not 80/20.
513
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:05,430
I would hardly call keeping this house
in immaculate condition a mere 20 percent.
514
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:07,756
You don't.
Mrs Pearson comes in five times a week.
515
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:08,835
There is the garden.
516
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:11,156
I know. Mr Pearson comes in
three times a week.
517
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,955
I pick and arrange all my own flowers, Jerry.
518
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:18,834
I bet you wouldn't do that if the Pearsons
had a daughter who did flower arranging.
519
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,599
I don't know what prompted
this poisonous outburst Jerry.
520
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,234
But as we are dragging skeletons
from under the bed...
521
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:27,557
Oh, get your metaphors right!
Skeletons come out of a cupboard.
522
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,479
Well, thank you very much for correcting me
in front of guests.
523
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,796
I really must apologise for Jerry, Barbara.
524
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:34,353
She's gone.
525
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:35,799
Well
526
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:37,717
The manners of some people.
527
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,751
Extremely rude.
528
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:03,993
Cup of coffee?
529
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:05,553
Mmm, lovely.
530
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,399
Come here.
Come here, I've got a surprise for you.
531
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,949
I like that. I like that very much.
532
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:21,991
Got the tree stump in there.
533
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:24,759
I thought we'd get chilblains together
in front of that.
534
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,154
That'll be nice.
535
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,191
There you are.
536
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:34,511
- Kettle's boiling.
- Ah. Coffee.
537
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:35,880
Oh, and Barbara.
538
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,355
I want you to remember one thing.
Whatever you do...
539
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,789
whenever you take anything off this range,
540
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:42,558
always use the oven glove.
541
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,591
Thermal conduction of metal, see?
542
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:46,677
Mmm. E=MC2, right?
543
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:48,199
Right.
544
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,231
Coffee coming up.
545
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:52,271
(Whistles)
546
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,391
Coffee?
547
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:33,791
(Forced chuckle)
548
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:41,791
How are Margo and Jerry?
549
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,230
Heading for separate bedrooms when I left.
550
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,920
Oh, yeah, yeah... Friday.
Friday night is row night.
551
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:49,598
Mmm. Glad we don't have rows.
552
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:50,960
Oh, yeah.
553
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,992
Ooh, golly, hope they haven't come here
for the second round.
554
00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:56,031
I'll tell them we've got fowl pest.
555
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,073
Evening, squire.
556
00:27:03,120 --> 00:27:05,680
- Hello, Sam. Come in.
- That's a nasty burn you've got.
557
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:07,552
It's not a burn, it's a bruise. Bruise.
558
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:09,671
Evening, lady. I just thought I'd...
559
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:11,358
Well! Look at that!
560
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:12,959
Who put all the work in on that?
561
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,195
- She did.
- He did.
562
00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:15,509
- She did!
- He did.
563
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:19,713
Well, if I thought it would come up like that,
I would have had your vacuum cleaner too.
564
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,912
Well, Sam, not that you're not welcome
round the old cat and mouse...
565
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:24,109
Eh?
566
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:26,231
Cockney rhyming slang?
Cat and mouse. House.
567
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:27,395
Touché.
568
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:29,158
What are you doing here?
569
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:32,716
Oh, yeah. You asked me
if I'd look out for a bird scarer for you.
570
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:34,751
Well... l have got one,
571
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:36,677
in here.
572
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,711
There you go.
573
00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:41,511
Shere Khan.
574
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:43,551
That's brilliant, Sam. How much?
575
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,513
Well, to anyone else in the road...
an electric toothbrush.
576
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:47,914
But to you, nothing.
577
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:49,951
Oh, Sam! Thanks ever so much.
578
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,594
Beautiful! You want some coffee'?
579
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:54,233
No, I think I better be on my way.
580
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:56,840
You're looking a bit sharp tonight.
Have you got a date?
581
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:58,871
No, I'm going to my evening class actually.
582
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,230
Oh, yeah? What are you taking, O-level totting?
583
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:02,793
No.
584
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:04,114
Spanish.
585
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:05,958
Well, I've got a villa out there, see?
586
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:07,991
So I thought I'd...
587
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:11,471
Well, buenas noches, muchachos.
588
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,830
- Adios.
- Auf Wiedersehen.
589
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:14,995
Bye, Sam.
590
00:28:15,120 --> 00:28:16,838
Oh, Tom, isn't he lovely?
591
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:19,349
Now, now, now. None of that lapdog business.
592
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,472
- It's a cat.
- Well, none of that lap cat business then.
593
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:23,954
That is a working animal.
594
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,594
It's all right, Rover.
His bark's worse than his bite.
595
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:28,836
Come on, give him to me.
Come here, come here.
596
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:30,871
Now then.
597
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:32,911
Now listen, stupid.
598
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:35,520
That's right. Look at me when I'm talking to you.
599
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:37,631
Now, look.
600
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:39,159
Over here, look.
601
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:44,109
Now if you want the old saucer of milk,
cod's head, tickle under the chin, right?
602
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:46,037
If you want all that, you've got to graft.
603
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:48,720
Out there, birds.
You chase birds. Got it? Right.
604
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:53,153
Right. And...
605
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:54,793
Kill!
606
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:56,877
Tom, it's a bit small!
607
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:58,877
They're not vultures out there, you know.
608
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:00,911
Well, not so far, no.
609
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,550
Well, that's another problem solved, isn't it?
610
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:06,558
Yes, yes, always providing of course
he does chase birds.
611
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:08,671
- (Squawking)
- Oh, my God, what's that?!
612
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:13,798
He chases birds all right!
613
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:15,831
- He's in the chicken run!
- Oh!
46481
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