Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:15,180
♪ This is a man's world
2
00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,353
♪ But it wouldn't be nothing
3
00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:23,856
♪ Nothing
4
00:00:24,607 --> 00:00:27,860
♪ Without a woman or a girl
5
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,405
CEDRIC: From the beginning of mankind
6
00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:32,906
and throughout the world's history,
7
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,908
there have been clearly defined
rituals of manhood.
8
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,077
See, these rituals were definitive
9
00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:38,996
in determining the exact moment
10
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,706
when a boy became a man.
11
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:42,082
(YELLING) (ROARS)
12
00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:45,711
For example,
13
00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:48,213
there's the moment when a
boy joins the other men
14
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,049
in his first engagement in battle.
15
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:53,177
Did you know that they used to have public
circumcisions in front of the village?
16
00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:54,303
(SCREAMS)
17
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:55,888
Thank God mine didn't go public.
18
00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:58,932
And the most significant
moment of all, marriage.
19
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:00,309
That's right, I said it.
20
00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:01,769
In fact, marriage used to be
21
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:03,729
the ultimate goal of boys and men.
22
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,064
Because in the old days,
23
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,107
it was the only way a guy could get
24
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:08,817
what he really wanted from a girl.
25
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:09,902
(WOMAN MOANING)
26
00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:12,029
See now today? Woo!
27
00:01:12,113 --> 00:01:13,405
Things have changed, people.
28
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:14,823
I mean, men, we don't have to work
29
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,492
as hard to get what we want.
30
00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:17,785
We got the Internet, for God's sake.
31
00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:19,745
I can be whatever I want on the Internet.
32
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,790
Today, men have the home court advantage,
33
00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:23,916
which has left you ladies
34
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,209
with several different types of men.
35
00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:26,794
I mean, I don't even know where to start.
36
00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:27,920
You got the Player.
37
00:01:28,004 --> 00:01:29,004
♪ This is a man's world
38
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,299
Hi, Zekey.
39
00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:33,383
You sexted?
40
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,428
Those aren't mine, asshole.
41
00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:37,554
You sure that's not...
42
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:40,349
CEDRIC: Wait a minute, I'm not
done. You got the Mama's Boy.
43
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,101
Happy, Valentine's Day, sweetie.
44
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:45,020
And you, too, Mom.
45
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,146
(LAUGHS)
46
00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:47,815
Thank you, sweetie.
47
00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:50,025
You know, I think I'm just
gonna leave you two alone.
48
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:51,401
Wait, babe, where are you going?
49
00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:53,987
It's okay, Michael. I don't
want to intrude.
50
00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:55,906
I'll call you? Or not.
51
00:01:56,407 --> 00:01:57,991
Poor little thing.
52
00:01:58,493 --> 00:01:59,827
She's blonde.
53
00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:02,079
CEDRIC: You got the Dreamer.
The Dreamer's funny.
54
00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:03,163
♪ This is a man's world ♪
55
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:04,623
So I quit my job.
56
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,208
Yeah,
57
00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:07,668
I wanna be a chef.
58
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,378
You wanted to be a paramedic,
59
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:11,463
you wanted to be a PR agent, and now
60
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:12,881
you wanna be a chef?
61
00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:14,758
Baby, it's my dream.
62
00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:16,343
Really, Dominic?
63
00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:18,053
Because I wanted to be a ballerina
64
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,805
and Janet Jackson.
65
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,181
When I was seven.
66
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:22,766
Do you know what I wanna be now?
67
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:23,892
No.
68
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,435
Your ex.
69
00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:27,938
CEDRIC: And last but not least,
70
00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:30,065
you got the Non-Committer. Pass the ball!
71
00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:32,317
This one is from me.
72
00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:33,443
All right, baby.
73
00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:36,905
All right! Now it's a party. Drum
roll. MICHAEL: Okay, big guy.
74
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,285
Oh, my God. I will, I will, I will, yes!
75
00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:42,452
You will what?
76
00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:46,039
(STRAINED) Oh.
77
00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:51,211
Earrings
78
00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:53,922
that I will always treasure.
79
00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:55,090
You the man, boy.
80
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,175
Told you.
81
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:57,301
Yo! You need a beer?
82
00:02:57,802 --> 00:02:58,802
CEDRIC: Now I'm not saying
83
00:02:58,887 --> 00:02:59,970
there aren't a lot of good men out there.
84
00:03:00,054 --> 00:03:02,139
Take, for instance, the
Happily Married Man.
85
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:04,141
Which brings us to my personal favorite,
86
00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:06,393
you got the Happier Divorced Guy.
87
00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:07,477
Look at that smile.
88
00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:08,812
What I'm saying is,
89
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,564
the balance of power has shifted.
90
00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:12,399
But, Zeke, those aren't my
only issues with Gail,
91
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:14,735
it's the nagging, it's the yelling,
92
00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:16,069
it's the crazy mood swings.
93
00:03:16,237 --> 00:03:17,654
I mean, you're not gonna talk
to me no kind of way.
94
00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:18,822
I'm a grown-ass man.
95
00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,032
Grown-ass man.
96
00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:21,158
You know me, Dom, I'm grown.
97
00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:22,284
Them weren't the only problems
98
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:23,660
you was having with Gail, though, right?
99
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,120
Yo, Zeke, do not get that man started.
100
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,580
I'm asking a question!
101
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:27,956
No, let's get me started up.
102
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,333
Turn the key! Say it, get it out!
103
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,501
Rumor has it that Gail
was whooping that ass.
104
00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:32,628
What's the first word you said?
105
00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:33,837
I think it was "whooping that ass."
106
00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:35,380
No, first word you said was "rumor."
107
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:37,716
'Cause that's what it was,
Zeke. It's a rumor.
108
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,259
Ced, you walked in the gym the other day
109
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,011
with a little nugget in
the side of your eye.
110
00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:42,512
I fell down the steps, Mike! Okay?
111
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,056
I got steps, my steps got a slope in them.
112
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,766
You ever walked down a slope
with dress shoes on?
113
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:48,352
Wait, so, she kicked your ass,
then you fell down the steps?
114
00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:49,561
See, now it makes perfect sense.
115
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:50,687
CEDRIC: That's real funny.
116
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,023
Look at the white man trying to make
light of the relationship issues
117
00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:54,858
of a brother. It's not like that.
118
00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:56,276
No, it is like that. Let me
tell you something, J.
119
00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:57,736
Black people marched and died
120
00:03:57,820 --> 00:03:59,613
for the right to fight and treat
each other like shit.
121
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:00,864
Oh, my God. You did not march,
122
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:02,532
you do not have that right.
Neither do you, Bennett.
123
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:03,700
I saw it on TV.
124
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:05,202
They show those marches a lot in February.
125
00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:06,245
Stop.
126
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,205
Your wife kicked your ass. It's
really not that big of a deal.
127
00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:10,457
There's worse things. It's
my ex-wife. Okay?
128
00:04:10,541 --> 00:04:13,168
Y'all need to get in the habit
of saying that. Ex-wife.
129
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:14,378
(ALL LAUGHING) You know,
it really kills me
130
00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:15,462
how y'all like to laugh at my pain.
131
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,005
I can't wait till y'all experience
132
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,423
the shit I'm experiencing.
133
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:21,176
I say Rush Street, first round on Bennett.
134
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,261
Uh...
135
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:23,929
I'm supposed to have dinner
with Kristen tonight.
136
00:04:27,141 --> 00:04:29,768
She'll understand, she's cool.
I'll send her a text.
137
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:31,561
VICKI: Welcome back, everybody.
138
00:04:31,729 --> 00:04:33,563
We are still here
139
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:36,233
with best-selling author Steve Harvey.
140
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,527
Well, what I try to get
women to understand
141
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:40,696
is that times have changed,
142
00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:42,531
but your playbook hasn't.
143
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,199
I've gotten thousands of letters
144
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,575
from all kinds of women
145
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:48,161
who can't seem to find a man, keep a man
146
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,913
or get what they want from their man.
147
00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:52,708
Until you understand how a man loves,
148
00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:55,294
how a man operates, how he thinks,
149
00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:58,505
until you get into the mindset of a man,
150
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:01,425
you will never win with
us in the game of love.
151
00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:03,260
VICKI: Well, we certainly
want to win with you
152
00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:04,386
in the game of love, Steve.
153
00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:06,722
We have a question in the audience.
154
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:07,848
WOMAN: Hi, Steve.
155
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:10,058
I've been living with my
boyfriend for five years
156
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:13,186
and he says that he loves me
and he's fully committed.
157
00:05:13,354 --> 00:05:14,438
I guess what I want to know
158
00:05:14,522 --> 00:05:16,023
is how come he hasn't popped the question?
159
00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:17,482
He hasn't popped the question
160
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,568
because you haven't required him to.
161
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:21,528
VICKI: We'll be right back.
162
00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:25,073
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING) (PEOPLE
TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
163
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,325
MAN: Can I get two beers? Hey!
164
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:30,203
I'm Cedric. Cedric, Cedric.
165
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,080
Yeah, I'm not married.
166
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,165
That's why I'm not wearing a ring.
167
00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:34,624
I'm sorry,
168
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:35,876
but Jesus has my heart.
169
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:38,128
Yeah, no, no, no, I get that.
170
00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:39,421
I love Jesus, too.
171
00:05:39,797 --> 00:05:41,131
I talked to him today,
172
00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:43,967
I was like, "Jesus," I
said, "I need a girl!"
173
00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:45,344
And I get here and I see you,
174
00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:46,678
so I was like, "Thank you."
175
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,638
You see Ced over there trying
to pull that PYT?
176
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:51,725
MICHAEL: Oh, she bad as hell.
177
00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:52,809
See, thinking like that,
178
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:54,019
you lose the game before you even step in.
179
00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:55,270
What are you talking about?
180
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:57,647
I'ma go on and leave.
181
00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,232
Hey.
182
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:02,319
She's crazy. And I don't like her knees.
183
00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:04,696
Excuse me, Miss, I noticed
that you were...
184
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:06,698
(GROANS) Honestly, I couldn't care less
185
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,241
about whatever it is you have to say.
186
00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:09,368
And I can appreciate that.
187
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:10,994
I just know that I've seen you here before
188
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,371
and you're usually so stunning...
189
00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:14,164
And you'll always have those memories.
190
00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:16,833
In fact, why don't you walk
away and pretend this...
191
00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:18,502
I don't know what I did to
make you so defensive.
192
00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,337
All I'm saying is, whatever it is,
193
00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:21,880
it's no reason to let yourself
go, that's it.
194
00:06:22,256 --> 00:06:23,548
Let myself go?
195
00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:24,758
I didn't mean any disrespect...
196
00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:26,176
Let me tell your tired ass something.
197
00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:27,260
Something's changed.
198
00:06:27,428 --> 00:06:28,762
Usually, there's an aura,
199
00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:30,430
there's a glint about you
that I'm not seeing.
200
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:32,682
And I don't know if it's a relationship
201
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:35,519
or if it's job related, it's just...
202
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:36,812
Is that it?
203
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,398
It's work related?
204
00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:43,485
Well, to be honest,
205
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:47,030
I was laid off from my job
about two months ago.
206
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:48,115
This damn economy.
207
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:49,908
How'd it go? CEDRIC: Not good, man.
208
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,119
Yo, I literally have nothing
to say anymore.
209
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:53,328
I don't know what's going on.
210
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,913
And my breath ain't right. (GROANS)
211
00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:56,540
Drink a beer. You smell it?
212
00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:57,999
You can't let that steal your smile,
213
00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,376
'cause that smile that I'm talking about,
214
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:01,461
that's gonna get you that
next CEO gig, you get it?
215
00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:02,712
See now? See? You're smiling.
216
00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:04,589
Now I'm smiling.
217
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:05,757
I'ma walk away from here like a fairy now,
218
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:06,925
'cause I'm all happy.
219
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,802
A fairy? (LAUGHS) Yeah.
220
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,470
Have a good evening.
221
00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:11,721
Thank you.
222
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:14,933
Got shot down.
223
00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:16,017
(MOUTHING) Two, one...
224
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:17,102
Wait.
225
00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:22,983
She calling him back for another
episode of crazy.
226
00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:24,401
Here.
227
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,862
She probably shot him down. Twice.
228
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,655
Crazy, right? Man.
229
00:07:28,739 --> 00:07:31,116
Talking about Jesus and she don't
speak English and stuff, right?
230
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,284
Luck of mine.
231
00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:33,452
She actually gave me her damn number.
232
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:34,536
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
233
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:36,580
The Dark Knight strikes again.
234
00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:37,831
How great is Kristen, man?
235
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:38,915
Nice.
236
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,083
She's a phenomenal girl.
237
00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:41,668
I just don't understand why
she's with this dude.
238
00:07:41,752 --> 00:07:43,503
CEDRIC: Nobody does. How
good is your credit?
239
00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:45,839
It's up. Low 400s, 430?
240
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,966
Goddamn! A 430?
241
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,010
You can't even get a Discover Card!
242
00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:51,636
Don't white people start off
with a 500 credit score?
243
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:54,181
Five-fifty, 475 if you're a mulatto.
244
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:55,599
GAIL: Cedric!
245
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:56,933
Yes, Gail.
246
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:58,602
Gail, listen to what I'm trying to say!
247
00:07:58,686 --> 00:07:59,769
Gail, I don't care!
248
00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:01,480
I don't care what you take out the garage!
249
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:02,898
Gail, you can take the whole damn garage.
250
00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:04,649
Let me tell you something.
Here's what I want,
251
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,151
and this is what's... (PHONE BEEPS) Hello?
252
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,360
Gail?
253
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,570
Y'all, I swear...
254
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:10,447
She didn't let me finish my sentence.
I don't like that.
255
00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:12,657
Hey, Ced. When's the divorce
gonna be final?
256
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:14,242
Goodness, if I had to guess,
257
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,203
I'd say like four weeks, 367 hours,
258
00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:17,787
22 minutes, 32 seconds.
259
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:18,914
That's just a guess.
260
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:20,624
Who's counting? ZEKE: But you
know what we should do?
261
00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:22,876
We should take Cedric out for
celebration game night.
262
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,336
I can't do Sunday. This Sunday,
263
00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:26,421
dinner with my ma. Little
casserole action...
264
00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:27,547
JEREMY: That's every Sunday.
265
00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:31,009
I can't do Sunday either. Jonah's
got a violin recital.
266
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,470
My God, dude, your kid has
way too many recitals.
267
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:36,056
Wait a minute, hold on, wait.
Your son play the violin?
268
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:37,933
And the cello. Yo, he's gay.
269
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:39,017
Playing the violin doesn't make him gay.
270
00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:40,185
Yes, it does.
271
00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:41,353
Name me one gay violinist.
272
00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:42,479
Your son.
273
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:43,647
Listen to this.
274
00:08:43,731 --> 00:08:46,024
Cedric is about to be released from
the shackles of Gail-Hell.
275
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:48,109
Forever. And we're about
to miss it for what?
276
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,486
Another Jonah recital.
277
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,613
By the way, he sucks. BENNETT: Really?
278
00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:53,448
I'd expect that from them, not you.
279
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:54,741
What do you mean, "them"?
280
00:08:54,825 --> 00:08:56,034
Like what, like black people or what?
281
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,369
Absolutely.
282
00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:59,412
I don't get mad because he's
bold enough to say it.
283
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:01,331
Seriously, you have ears. Kid's tone-deaf.
284
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:03,875
This is his big solo. They're
playing the Gap Band.
285
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,335
You know, Dropped a Bomb on Me,
286
00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:07,128
and he's got the last...
(MIMICS PLAYING) "Baby!"
287
00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:09,839
Look, I got a great idea. I'll
have my mom cook for us.
288
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,758
She'll make some chocolate chip
cookies, a big casserole.
289
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:12,926
We'll do it the right way.
290
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:14,970
Mike, I almost punched you in
your damn face just now, man.
291
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:16,096
And I was gonna add a head butt.
292
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,597
I'm not going over your mom house
293
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:18,974
to celebrate my damn divorce party!
294
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:20,141
We gotta eat. We can start there...
295
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,393
I don't wanna eat with your mom!
296
00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:22,769
I ain't going over his mom house.
297
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:24,563
Look, she just got the new Tyler Perry,
298
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:26,189
For Colored Girls on Blu-ray.
299
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:27,774
We'll just have a nice
little fellas night,
300
00:09:27,858 --> 00:09:28,984
a chill-out night.
301
00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:31,152
Let me tell you what happens, Janet
Jackson gets AIDS at the end
302
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,697
and some crazy guy throws his kids
out the window. You good?
303
00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:35,448
Can we party now? Let's do it! I hate you.
304
00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:37,576
All right, put 'em up! Yes, sir.
305
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:40,912
Fine, I'm in, man.
306
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:44,416
Life is great, fellas.
May it never change.
307
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:46,501
CEDRIC: None of us could have known
308
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,919
that the first bomb had been dropped.
309
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,421
The war had been declared.
310
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,047
And hard-worn secrets
311
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,966
had now fallen into the
hands of the enemy.
312
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:55,010
We had been betrayed by one of our own.
313
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:56,219
A man.
314
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:57,971
I'm talking about a man with a penis.
315
00:09:58,055 --> 00:09:59,723
Someone who should know better.
316
00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:02,642
And because of those actions,
a blitz was now on its way,
317
00:10:02,810 --> 00:10:05,228
that would affect my entire
Band of Brothers.
318
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:07,522
VICKI: We have another question
in the audience, Steve.
319
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:08,815
Steve, I keep hooking up with guys
320
00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:10,025
who don't want a relationship.
321
00:10:10,192 --> 00:10:11,443
Why don't you stop hooking up?
322
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:12,652
Did you hear that?
323
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:16,406
Listen, men respect women
who have standards.
324
00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:17,699
Just get some.
325
00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:19,534
Exactly.
326
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,745
WOMAN 2: Steve, I'm a partner
in my law firm,
327
00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:22,996
I own my own home,
328
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:25,040
but I've been single for three years.
329
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:27,834
Why can't I seem to find a man
to live up to my standards?
330
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:29,961
Maybe you need to adjust
them a little bit.
331
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,963
Bullshit. VICKI: Are you saying
that we should settle?
332
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:34,633
Look, you make six figures.
Does he have to?
333
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:35,717
Yes.
334
00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:38,136
You own your own home. Does he have to?
335
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:39,304
Yes and yes.
336
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,014
VICKI: We have another question
here in the audience.
337
00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:43,642
Hi, Steve. I'm currently dating
338
00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:44,934
and I just wanna know
339
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:46,436
when is the right time for me
340
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,064
to introduce my man to my kid? Oh!
341
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:51,775
I know that single women
don't want to have
342
00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:53,818
a parade of men coming through the house.
343
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,070
Exactly! I get that.
344
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:57,197
But if a guy is a serious contender...
What up, Momma?
345
00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:58,531
Excuse you?
346
00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:00,492
...bring him in as soon as
possible. Morning, Mom.
347
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,494
Because if you invest six months in a man
348
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,329
and then you introduce him to the kids
349
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,916
and he's not feeling the
kids, or vice versa,
350
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:10,710
then guess what? You just
wasted six months.
351
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,754
That's true. Did that.
352
00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:23,306
Alex?
353
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:27,686
Alex!
354
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:29,145
Wake up!
355
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:35,318
Look, babe, I got us two
double-shot lattes.
356
00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,612
Thanks, baby. Here.
357
00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:40,615
Figured we needed some caffeine
after last night.
358
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:43,576
It was amazing. Mmm-hmm.
359
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:48,039
I'm gonna go and freshen up.
360
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,668
So, I'll be right back.
361
00:11:52,169 --> 00:11:53,545
I'll be right here.
362
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,424
Don't move.
363
00:11:57,591 --> 00:11:58,633
Don't worry, I won't.
364
00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:02,345
So, babe, I was thinking
365
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,514
maybe we could go on our first real date.
366
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:06,391
We could go see a movie? Yeah, babe.
367
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,517
We should do that.
368
00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:10,186
Things between us are gonna start
getting real serious, baby.
369
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:14,107
MYA: Okay, so I was thinking maybe we could
go see the new Tyler Perry movie.
370
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:15,275
You know, the one where the guy's,
371
00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:16,484
like, mean to his girlfriend,
372
00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:18,653
and a nice guy comes and rescues her
373
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,864
and at the end, they both find Jesus.
374
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:25,368
Alex? So, yes to the Tyler Perry movie?
375
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,620
Alex!
376
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:30,498
(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
377
00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:34,627
"Michelle"?
378
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:39,048
It's Mya, asshole!
379
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:40,967
Mya.
380
00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:43,219
(SIGHS)
381
00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:45,972
Did this nigga take my coffee?
382
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:47,724
CEDRIC: It was like some long-hidden truth
383
00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:49,058
had finally been released
384
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:51,269
in hardcover and paperback.
385
00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:53,188
For my book club.
386
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:54,898
For me! For my mom!
387
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,650
For the first time in their
lives, women all over
388
00:12:57,818 --> 00:13:00,612
stopped turning to other women
for relationship advice.
389
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:01,821
Really?
390
00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:03,072
I got one too many.
391
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,240
Thank you.
392
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:07,494
Instead, they went straight
to a man, Steve Harvey.
393
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,996
He had made his name as a comedian,
394
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,372
but this shit here? This wasn't funny.
395
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:13,124
And because of this,
396
00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:14,667
things would never be the same.
397
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:38,691
Excuse me?
398
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:40,443
Yeah, hi.
399
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:42,320
Hey, did you by any chance
go to Fairfax High?
400
00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:43,780
Yes.
401
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,406
I went there as well. Michael Hanover.
402
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,408
Candace Hall. Yeah, I remember.
403
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:49,035
I had classes with your sister Lisa.
404
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,412
CASHIER: Next in line. I'm sorry,
I don't recognize you.
405
00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:53,957
Well, yeah, I was, like, five feet tall,
406
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:55,291
99 pounds when we graduated.
407
00:13:55,459 --> 00:13:57,627
I had the glasses and the buck teeth.
408
00:13:58,671 --> 00:13:59,671
Oh. (LAUGHS)
409
00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:01,339
That look familiar, maybe down here?
410
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:02,841
Yeah, you do.
411
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:05,552
I don't know if that's a good
thing or a bad thing.
412
00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:06,886
You dissing me already?
413
00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:09,055
Well, you've grown up. Quite nicely.
414
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:11,558
And you haven't changed a
bit. You look amazing.
415
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:15,395
Well, you need to put those
glasses back on, obviously.
416
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:17,856
No, actually, I'm nearsighted.
417
00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:20,900
Besides, I mean, how could
I forget my teenage crush?
418
00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:23,945
I used to look at you
walk down the hallway
419
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,823
and just fall into your smile.
420
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:30,827
I'm rambling, I do that when
I get nervous. Mmm.
421
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:32,495
CASHIER: Next in line.
422
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:35,206
Well, it was nice meeting,
I mean, seeing you.
423
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:38,334
It's nice finally being seen.
424
00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:39,919
(CLEARS THROAT) CASHIER:
Next in line, please.
425
00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:48,303
Candace?
426
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:51,347
Could we go grab a cup of
coffee or something?
427
00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:53,099
We could maybe catch up on
old times we never had.
428
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:56,352
I can't, actually. I have to pick up my...
429
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:57,770
Husband? No...
430
00:14:57,938 --> 00:14:59,689
You got a boyfriend? No, I have a son.
431
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:02,025
Oh...
432
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,364
Well, how about dinner?
433
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:14,329
Yeah.
434
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,584
KRISTEN: I finally get it. GINA: Get what?
435
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:22,503
Getting Jeremy to propose is like getting
Jeremy to paint the kitchen
436
00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:23,963
or put the toilet seat down.
437
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:27,508
It's not gonna happen until
I require him to.
438
00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:29,344
And I haven't required him
to do a damn thing.
439
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:30,428
Hmm.
440
00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:32,472
You know we still go halfsies
on everything?
441
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:33,890
I thought that was your idea.
442
00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:35,141
Yeah, in college.
443
00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,310
He was work study and
I felt sorry for him.
444
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:39,562
And I am still paying for it, to this day.
445
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,105
Hey, I'm Kristen.
446
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,399
Hi, welcome. Welcome, please sign in.
447
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:45,443
Congratulations.
448
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:47,028
NIJA: Thank you. Six months.
449
00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:48,655
Yeah, and we can't wait.
450
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:50,531
Thank you.
451
00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:52,867
Here, come on.
452
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,077
Watch your step.
453
00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:55,578
See, that is a man with a plan.
454
00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:57,914
He knows what he wants,
he knows what he has.
455
00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:01,167
I sell beautiful homes for a living
456
00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:03,169
and we live in a frat house for the boys.
457
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:05,588
Last Valentine's Day, the boys were there.
458
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:06,881
So, you're saying, you're...
459
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,675
My God, I'm one of the boys,
460
00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:10,760
except I have a vagina!
461
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:13,346
I swear to God, Frodo Baggins
had it easier.
462
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:14,555
I'm sorry, who?
463
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,015
Frodo, from The Hobbit.
464
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:17,433
I don't do hobbits.
465
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:19,602
Right, no, me neither. That's so lame.
466
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:21,187
Jeremy had a chess set.
467
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:22,522
It's totally stupid.
468
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:23,773
Okay, so what are you gonna do?
469
00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:25,441
You're gonna trick him into
giving you a ring?
470
00:16:25,609 --> 00:16:29,737
I'm not gonna trick him. I'm
going to require him.
471
00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:31,531
It's been nine years. Uh-huh.
472
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:33,533
So, what makes you think
it's gonna change now?
473
00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:35,034
I've got some new information.
474
00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:36,369
Oh, you do?
475
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:39,914
Yeah, because Steve says "Don't
hate the Player..."
476
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,041
Change the game.
477
00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:44,252
BENNETT: It's your shot. Wait!
478
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:45,420
You gotta raise your left leg.
479
00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:50,008
(GRUNTS)
480
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:53,428
H-O, you're a ho.
481
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:54,721
Really? I'm a ho?
482
00:16:54,888 --> 00:16:56,389
I've been with the same
woman for nine years.
483
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,391
I'm the Stedman Graham of
relationships, all right?
484
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,309
Bro, I'm not saying ho like "whore."
485
00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:01,477
I'm saying ho,
486
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:02,729
like punk bitch that's been henpecked,
487
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,272
so he ain't got no more nuts,
488
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:05,481
'cause his girl runs the house. Oh!
489
00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:07,900
Speaking of which, how's Kristen?
She's incredible.
490
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:11,070
We were up till 2:00 a.m. playing Call
ofDuty last night. She loved it.
491
00:17:11,238 --> 00:17:13,156
She does it... She does it for you.
492
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:14,532
I know my woman, okay?
493
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:16,492
Fantasy? Science fiction? Action figures?
494
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:18,119
All the stuff I love, she loves, too.
495
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:19,162
No, she does that shit
496
00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:20,913
for you, trust me. Deep down
inside, she's thinking...
497
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:23,791
This is some silly-ass shit.
498
00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:26,169
What the hell?
499
00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:28,004
No wonder Jeremy hasn't proposed yet,
500
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,297
he hasn't gone through puberty.
501
00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:32,175
It's time for a little spring cleaning.
502
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:36,179
You first.
503
00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:38,181
No, no. That's your problem, Gail.
504
00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:40,183
You don't never want to listen,
you just want to talk.
505
00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:41,851
What'd I say? I said I'm
gonna be there tomorrow.
506
00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:44,270
No, no, no. Listen, Gail...
507
00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:45,772
I'm not gonna go back and
forth with you. Oh, man.
508
00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:48,357
'Cause I'm trying to talk and you ain't
gonna let me say what I... Hello?
509
00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:49,734
Gail?
510
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:51,986
Did it again. Hung up on me again.
511
00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:53,988
What do you call the three
rings of marriage?
512
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:55,198
No clue.
513
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,992
The engagement ring, the wedding
ring, and the suffer-ring.
514
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,952
Oh, and, in your case, the beat-ing.
515
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,120
This is not the time.
516
00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:02,830
You know, y'all underestimate
me because I'm short.
517
00:18:02,956 --> 00:18:03,998
No, it's 'cause you a fool.
518
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,875
What up? What's happening, baby?
519
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,502
The hell's wrong with you?
520
00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:09,253
You're stoned. Yeah, you're high!
521
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:10,379
(GRUNTS)
522
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:11,422
Either you're high,
523
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,382
or everything on my eHarmony
profile is true.
524
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:14,884
I'm high off life, gentlemen.
525
00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:16,636
I met this girl.
526
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:19,889
No, matter of fact, she's not even a girl.
527
00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:21,349
I met a woman.
528
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:23,017
But you are a woman.
529
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:29,482
Order up!
530
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:32,485
Hey, guess who's back. Table eight.
531
00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:35,780
(EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH)
532
00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:37,824
She is way out of your league, Dom.
533
00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:39,826
Ain't no such thing, playboy.
534
00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:42,036
All right, she probably spends
more here in one night
535
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,496
than you make in a month.
536
00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:46,082
That's true, but, you know,
537
00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:48,042
just think how much she'll
save if I cook for her.
538
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:49,335
Oh, you crazy.
539
00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:51,087
Dominic. Scallions?
540
00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:52,839
All right, Chef, coming up.
541
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:53,923
Well, you look cute. What's going on?
542
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:55,007
I do?
543
00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:57,093
Yes. Thank you, that was nice of you.
544
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:58,845
Just, you know, Duke made Little League,
545
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:00,429
got a new laptop, met a guy.
546
00:19:00,597 --> 00:19:02,723
I think I'm gonna try the white sea bass.
547
00:19:02,891 --> 00:19:04,600
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Met a what?
548
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:05,726
A guy.
549
00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:07,186
A real one? Not a blow-up doll?
550
00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:09,730
Okay, don't look so surprised.
It's not that...
551
00:19:09,898 --> 00:19:11,357
Honey, I'm just saying,
552
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:13,025
it's been two years since your divorce.
553
00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:15,695
And three, maybe four, since you had sex.
554
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:17,446
I said I met a guy, Lauren,
555
00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:19,031
I didn't say I was changing my last name.
556
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,199
Yet.
557
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,536
I need all the details,
honey. Now. Spill it.
558
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,955
Is she hot? Whoo! Pure fire.
559
00:19:26,081 --> 00:19:27,123
Does she got real big titties?
560
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:29,208
Yeah, what's the rack like?
Tell us about the rack.
561
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:31,544
The rack. Definitely some white boy shit.
562
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,713
It is white boy shit. We love breasts.
563
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:35,715
You're not even white,
Bennett. You're clear.
564
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:38,134
He's got kind eyes. Soulful. Yes!
565
00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:39,302
He's sensitive.
566
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:40,887
I know she got a fat ass.
567
00:19:41,054 --> 00:19:43,556
She got that JLo, Serena Williams mash up.
568
00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:46,350
Ass so big, I could hide underneath
it if it was raining.
569
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:48,060
That's way too much ass. No such thing.
570
00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:49,770
Damn right, it ain't. The
bigger, the better.
571
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:53,232
But it wasn't just a physical attraction,
572
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:54,609
it was intellectual.
573
00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:57,236
He loved The Immortal Life
of Henrietta Lacks.
574
00:19:57,404 --> 00:20:00,072
He bought one for his mom's book
club. Isn't that sweet?
575
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,532
Yeah, and kind of gay.
576
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:02,617
He's a gentleman.
577
00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:05,036
Yo, she a ho. I know she a
ho. Oh, definitely a ho.
578
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,871
Both of you, you both watch
your mouth, all right?
579
00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:08,414
This one's not a ho.
580
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:09,624
She's a lady.
581
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,876
JEREMY: Whipped already. CEDRIC:
Enjoy it while it lasts, Mike.
582
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,920
Let me tell you something, it
ain't gonna last forever.
583
00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:15,379
They all start out happy.
584
00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:17,089
See, but here's when it gets real.
585
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:19,217
When you wake up in the morning,
and you go in the living room,
586
00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:21,594
and you catch her pissing
inside of your Jordans.
587
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:23,054
And not the regular Jordans.
588
00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:25,014
I'm talking about the ones with
the patent leather on the side,
589
00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:26,224
where the pee don't come out.
590
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:28,434
Don't listen to them, Mike. Relationships
are beautiful.
591
00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:29,602
(GROANS IN DISGUST)
592
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,354
Just saying. So, when are
you guys going out?
593
00:20:31,438 --> 00:20:32,563
Saturday night.
594
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:34,565
She got to find a sitter,
first, and then...
595
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:35,775
What, like a dog sitter?
596
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,109
No, she has a son.
597
00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:38,778
What? She has a child.
598
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:40,446
All right, well, be careful
dating a baby mama.
599
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:41,530
Why?
600
00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:43,115
Because she's the baby mama.
601
00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:44,450
Dude, she ain't looking
for a couple laughs
602
00:20:44,534 --> 00:20:45,618
and some butt-naked sex.
603
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,453
She been a couple laughs
and some butt-naked sex.
604
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:48,996
Preach. She looking for a husband.
605
00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:50,206
A father for her son.
606
00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:51,499
Speaking of which, where's the baby daddy?
607
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,459
Oh, good question, Zeke. Thank you.
608
00:20:53,543 --> 00:20:54,543
JEREMY: Could be a psycho.
609
00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:56,629
Just got paroled for killing
her last boyfriend.
610
00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:59,090
Or he could be one of those guys
that like to hide in a bush
611
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,258
waiting for a strange guy
612
00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:01,509
to come to his baby mom's house.
613
00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:03,970
And when he gets there,
he pops out the bushes
614
00:21:04,137 --> 00:21:05,972
hits this guy on the back
of the head with a brick.
615
00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:07,223
Without even realizing
616
00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:09,308
that this guy's relationship with
his baby mom was platonic.
617
00:21:09,476 --> 00:21:10,810
They ever catch that guy?
618
00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:12,103
No, it's a cold case.
619
00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:13,688
The cops won't even revisit the case.
620
00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:15,022
They said they couldn't find the brick.
621
00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:18,609
I'm just saying, I'm just saying.
622
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,112
None of that matters. ZEKE: Really?
623
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,531
'Cause you should see her smile.
624
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:26,284
Oh, shit. All right! Okay.
Good night, Mike.
625
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:27,535
CEDRIC: Talking to you about bricks!
626
00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:28,828
You wanna go talk about a smile.
627
00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:30,204
There is one thing, though.
628
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:31,622
I knew it, he was born a woman.
629
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:33,749
No. (GIGGLING)
630
00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:35,710
He's, you know, he's... He's what?
631
00:21:35,877 --> 00:21:36,961
A little younger.
632
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:38,671
You have kidnapped a cub, haven't you?
633
00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:39,839
No, I'll have you know,
634
00:21:39,923 --> 00:21:41,257
he seems very mature, actually.
635
00:21:41,341 --> 00:21:42,425
Mmm-hmm.
636
00:21:42,509 --> 00:21:44,010
Wait a minute, why am I
getting all worked up?
637
00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:45,303
We haven't even had a date yet.
638
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:47,847
I still need to qualify if
he's even a contender.
639
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:49,265
Qualify?
640
00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:50,766
You know, like... What are
his long-term goals?
641
00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:52,685
What are his short-term
goals? Can he provide?
642
00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:54,478
Don't hit him with all that at once.
643
00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:57,690
I know, don't worry. I
intend to be stealth.
644
00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,692
You? How?
645
00:22:00,527 --> 00:22:04,405
By acting like a lady, but
thinking like a man.
646
00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:06,699
Oh, you fell for that sexist crap?
647
00:22:06,867 --> 00:22:09,035
He's actually giving insight
into a man's perspective.
648
00:22:09,202 --> 00:22:11,162
Why should I have to lower my standards
649
00:22:11,246 --> 00:22:12,580
to get a man? Who does that?
650
00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:14,206
I'm sorry. Now, what man?
651
00:22:14,374 --> 00:22:15,583
I just want my equal.
652
00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:18,377
Okay? Or at least an attractive,
cultured man.
653
00:22:18,545 --> 00:22:20,296
Who's over six feet tall,
makes six figures,
654
00:22:20,380 --> 00:22:22,882
and isn't intimidated by my success.
655
00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:25,301
Okay, girl. Quit chasing the ghost
of James Merrill's past.
656
00:22:25,385 --> 00:22:27,386
He is married and long gone.
657
00:22:27,554 --> 00:22:28,596
Mmm. That man was fine.
658
00:22:28,764 --> 00:22:31,057
Here we go. Let's do a
little research, here.
659
00:22:31,224 --> 00:22:33,184
Ah! This is you. Please, I don't...
660
00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:35,728
"Strong, independent, and lonely women."
661
00:22:35,896 --> 00:22:38,481
I don't need some bald-headed
man on a book
662
00:22:38,565 --> 00:22:40,232
telling me I am strong and independent.
663
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:41,359
Honey, that's a given.
664
00:22:41,568 --> 00:22:42,610
But you forgot lonely.
665
00:22:42,778 --> 00:22:44,070
You are a bitch.
666
00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:45,404
You're too strong, Lauren.
667
00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:47,656
There's no such thing as too strong.
668
00:22:47,741 --> 00:22:48,866
And you know what?
669
00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:50,659
If I were a man,
670
00:22:50,744 --> 00:22:53,287
being the youngest COO of
a Fortune 500 company
671
00:22:53,455 --> 00:22:54,789
would actually be a good thing.
672
00:22:54,873 --> 00:22:56,123
Women would flock.
673
00:22:56,291 --> 00:22:58,042
Yeah, but men flee when
you lead with that.
674
00:22:58,210 --> 00:22:59,794
And it's not just your job, Lauren.
675
00:22:59,961 --> 00:23:02,171
Remember what Marcel said
on your last date,
676
00:23:02,255 --> 00:23:03,297
after you trumped his wine choice?
677
00:23:03,423 --> 00:23:04,423
It was a better choice.
678
00:23:04,508 --> 00:23:05,633
What were his words again?
679
00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:08,928
"You don't need a man, Lauren,
you are a man."
680
00:23:09,471 --> 00:23:11,889
Happy belated birthday. For you.
681
00:23:13,433 --> 00:23:15,559
I'm just saying, all this
waiting for better?
682
00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:16,769
It's making you bitter.
683
00:23:20,982 --> 00:23:22,441
Hey, babe?
684
00:23:22,609 --> 00:23:26,612
I stopped off for a beer, but
picked us up some dinner.
685
00:23:26,947 --> 00:23:27,947
Oh!
686
00:23:28,031 --> 00:23:29,031
Oh, my God.
687
00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:32,952
Oh, my God! My anime posters!
We got robbed!
688
00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:35,746
Kris! Are you home?
689
00:23:35,914 --> 00:23:37,623
Yes. Where's the fire? What's going on?
690
00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:39,291
Have you not noticed that
we've been robbed?
691
00:23:39,459 --> 00:23:41,585
I just tidied up a little bit. Relax.
692
00:23:41,753 --> 00:23:43,587
Tidied up? Yeah.
693
00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:45,631
Justice League? Darth Vader? SpongeBob?
694
00:23:45,715 --> 00:23:46,966
Where are they? Are they okay?
695
00:23:47,134 --> 00:23:48,801
They are safe. They're fine.
696
00:23:48,885 --> 00:23:49,885
(SIGHS)
697
00:23:50,345 --> 00:23:52,847
I just thought we could
paint the living room.
698
00:23:52,931 --> 00:23:54,390
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
699
00:23:54,474 --> 00:23:55,516
Paint.
700
00:23:56,184 --> 00:23:58,144
Okay. And redecorate.
701
00:23:59,646 --> 00:24:01,605
Redecorate? Yeah.
702
00:24:01,773 --> 00:24:02,982
I thought you loved that stuff.
703
00:24:03,066 --> 00:24:04,400
Why would you want to do that?
704
00:24:04,484 --> 00:24:06,527
Because it looks like we live
in a frat house, Jeremy.
705
00:24:06,653 --> 00:24:08,612
Oh, stop it. We are adults,
for Christ's sakes.
706
00:24:08,697 --> 00:24:09,864
We make a decent living.
707
00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:12,158
I think it's time to invest
and make this a real home.
708
00:24:12,325 --> 00:24:15,494
With matching dishes and glasses
709
00:24:17,873 --> 00:24:19,290
and a new couch.
710
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,167
Well, what's wrong with my couch?
711
00:24:23,003 --> 00:24:25,463
Baby, you pulled it out of a dumpster.
712
00:24:25,630 --> 00:24:26,630
Yeah.
713
00:24:26,715 --> 00:24:29,383
I'm pretty sure Annalisa was impregnated,
like, right there.
714
00:24:29,551 --> 00:24:31,260
It's got cigarette burns, bong spills,
715
00:24:31,344 --> 00:24:32,803
there was the scabies scare of '06.
716
00:24:32,888 --> 00:24:34,346
You're being dramatic. No, I'm really not.
717
00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:36,432
Your aunt who tinkles when she laughs?
718
00:24:36,516 --> 00:24:38,476
She pissed all over the
couch last Christmas.
719
00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:40,686
It's disgusting. We're like animals.
720
00:24:40,854 --> 00:24:43,564
I cleaned up the bong spill
and the cigarette burns.
721
00:24:43,648 --> 00:24:45,024
This couch has history.
722
00:24:45,192 --> 00:24:47,193
And now it is history.
723
00:24:48,987 --> 00:24:51,113
So, here are some new ideas.
724
00:24:51,615 --> 00:24:53,741
I thought we could look it over.
725
00:24:53,825 --> 00:24:55,451
Research some new styles.
726
00:24:55,619 --> 00:24:57,203
Gotta zero in on a color palette.
727
00:24:57,537 --> 00:25:00,331
I know you like mauve. You know?
728
00:25:00,499 --> 00:25:02,708
There was that period you went through,
729
00:25:02,792 --> 00:25:04,335
where you were partial to salmon.
730
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:07,129
Yeah, I'd rather watch Letters
to Juliet with you again.
731
00:25:07,214 --> 00:25:09,757
I know you would. 'Cause you cried
at the end when they got reunited.
732
00:25:09,841 --> 00:25:11,592
I wasn't crying, okay?
733
00:25:11,676 --> 00:25:14,303
I was having an allergic reaction
to the perfume in the theater.
734
00:25:14,387 --> 00:25:15,387
You bought the soundtrack.
735
00:25:15,847 --> 00:25:17,473
It's a good soundtrack.
736
00:25:17,641 --> 00:25:20,226
Look, I'm really bad at this. Okay?
737
00:25:20,310 --> 00:25:21,685
Please, can you do this?
738
00:25:21,895 --> 00:25:23,187
Without me? Really?
739
00:25:23,730 --> 00:25:24,897
Really.
740
00:25:25,065 --> 00:25:26,232
By myself?
741
00:25:27,192 --> 00:25:28,192
Yeah.
742
00:25:29,736 --> 00:25:31,445
I trust you. Awesome.
743
00:25:31,613 --> 00:25:32,821
MYA: Okay, let me ask you a question.
744
00:25:32,948 --> 00:25:35,908
Where is the last guy that you slept
with in less than 90 days?
745
00:25:35,992 --> 00:25:37,076
You mean, John?
746
00:25:37,285 --> 00:25:38,285
Hey! Baby!
747
00:25:38,453 --> 00:25:39,620
'Sup, girl?
748
00:25:39,788 --> 00:25:41,247
Hey, I had a great time the other night.
749
00:25:41,414 --> 00:25:42,414
Oh, did you, Alex?
750
00:25:42,582 --> 00:25:43,874
Yeah, Melanie. I was gonna call you...
751
00:25:44,042 --> 00:25:46,418
Melanie? It's Mya, negro.
752
00:25:46,586 --> 00:25:48,462
Yeah. I gotta go. So, I'll call you.
753
00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:51,423
I know you did not just call her Melanie.
754
00:25:51,591 --> 00:25:53,759
It's okay. I'm not even gonna
let him get to me.
755
00:25:53,927 --> 00:25:56,095
(SIGHS) I am in a better place
and I am on another level.
756
00:25:58,181 --> 00:26:00,182
I don't know, Sonia. I feel
like I have X-ray vision.
757
00:26:00,267 --> 00:26:01,850
Like, Man Goggles.
758
00:26:01,935 --> 00:26:03,686
You know, we spend all
this time complaining
759
00:26:03,770 --> 00:26:05,479
about how guys don't want
to be in relationships,
760
00:26:05,647 --> 00:26:06,814
they just want to hook up.
761
00:26:06,982 --> 00:26:08,732
But really, all along,
we've had the power.
762
00:26:09,150 --> 00:26:11,026
Right. We have?
763
00:26:11,236 --> 00:26:13,904
Yes! We control the cookie.
764
00:26:14,030 --> 00:26:15,781
She who controls the cookie
controls the game.
765
00:26:16,408 --> 00:26:18,826
Oh, okay, I got it. What's the cookie?
766
00:26:19,786 --> 00:26:21,787
It's a metaphor. For what?
767
00:26:22,163 --> 00:26:23,372
For...
768
00:26:24,291 --> 00:26:26,917
Oh. (GASPS) Oh!
769
00:26:27,252 --> 00:26:29,128
Yes. The cookie! The cookie!
770
00:26:29,296 --> 00:26:30,379
I got it. The cookie!
771
00:26:30,463 --> 00:26:32,298
MYA: I'm telling you, the
power's in the cookie.
772
00:26:32,465 --> 00:26:34,675
So, how do we control the cookie?
773
00:26:34,843 --> 00:26:36,427
By putting it in the cookie jar,
774
00:26:36,595 --> 00:26:38,971
clasping the lid on tight,
and leaving it in there.
775
00:26:39,097 --> 00:26:40,139
Okay.
776
00:26:40,223 --> 00:26:43,058
Until some little boy actually
grows up and earns it.
777
00:26:43,143 --> 00:26:44,184
I get it.
778
00:26:44,269 --> 00:26:46,020
It's kind of like when my cousin
had the five-date rule.
779
00:26:46,104 --> 00:26:47,354
It was similar to that.
780
00:26:47,439 --> 00:26:48,647
Oh, no. That's child's play.
781
00:26:48,815 --> 00:26:50,733
I'm thinking something a
little bit more radical.
782
00:26:50,817 --> 00:26:52,234
See, this is why you need to get the book,
783
00:26:52,319 --> 00:26:53,861
because it has a whole chapter on it.
784
00:26:53,945 --> 00:26:56,822
"Getting The Respect That You
Deserve: The 90-Day Rule."
785
00:26:56,906 --> 00:26:57,948
Are you high?
786
00:26:58,033 --> 00:26:59,950
No. Who is waiting 90 days?
787
00:27:00,118 --> 00:27:02,411
If it's good enough for the
Fortune 500 company,
788
00:27:02,495 --> 00:27:03,787
it's good enough for me.
789
00:27:03,955 --> 00:27:05,581
See, when I worked at Ford Motor Company,
790
00:27:05,665 --> 00:27:07,666
there was a 90-day probation rule.
791
00:27:07,834 --> 00:27:09,835
I had to be on the job for 90 days
792
00:27:09,919 --> 00:27:11,503
before they gave me a benefit package.
793
00:27:11,671 --> 00:27:14,798
Ford figured this, "Let's
see how he performs.
794
00:27:14,966 --> 00:27:17,926
"If he comes in on time,
if he proves himself,
795
00:27:18,011 --> 00:27:19,845
"then we'll give him benefits."
796
00:27:20,013 --> 00:27:22,640
So if Ford Motor Company waits 90 days
797
00:27:22,724 --> 00:27:24,975
to pass out their benefit package,
798
00:27:25,352 --> 00:27:26,685
why won't women wait?
799
00:27:26,853 --> 00:27:27,895
You see, that's our problem.
800
00:27:28,063 --> 00:27:29,647
It's that we keep giving it away
801
00:27:29,731 --> 00:27:31,440
to some Axe body spray wearing man-ho
802
00:27:31,524 --> 00:27:32,691
who thinks my name's Melanie.
803
00:27:32,859 --> 00:27:35,527
But it doesn't matter, because
a girl's got needs.
804
00:27:35,695 --> 00:27:36,862
Listen to yourself.
805
00:27:36,946 --> 00:27:39,531
Do you really think you
could wait 90 days?
806
00:27:39,699 --> 00:27:41,659
Yes. I spent six months dreaming
807
00:27:41,743 --> 00:27:43,702
about a guy that I met once
at a wedding weekend.
808
00:27:43,870 --> 00:27:45,537
The one you had sex with at the beach?
809
00:27:45,705 --> 00:27:47,790
Yes, who never called.
810
00:27:47,874 --> 00:27:50,000
Yeah, so, I definitely think
I could do 90 days.
811
00:27:50,168 --> 00:27:52,211
Matter of fact, I could do
90 days before 90 days.
812
00:27:52,379 --> 00:27:53,962
I am so sick and tired of men.
813
00:27:54,047 --> 00:27:55,506
Maybe I should start dating women.
814
00:27:55,674 --> 00:27:57,966
My God, I'll give you 50
bucks if you guys kiss.
815
00:27:58,051 --> 00:28:00,219
But there has to be tongue.
Boy, get out of here!
816
00:28:00,303 --> 00:28:01,303
(MAN 1 HOWLING) MAN 2: Gave it a shot.
817
00:28:01,388 --> 00:28:04,264
What is wrong with the men
of this generation?
818
00:28:04,349 --> 00:28:05,599
(LAUGHING) Like, what?
819
00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:08,268
I ask myself that same question every day.
820
00:28:08,436 --> 00:28:10,604
Whatever happened to respect for women?
821
00:28:10,689 --> 00:28:13,107
Whatever happened to decorum?
822
00:28:13,608 --> 00:28:15,901
May I have the honor of buying
you two lovely ladies a drink?
823
00:28:16,069 --> 00:28:18,237
Absolutely. And thank you for asking.
824
00:28:18,405 --> 00:28:19,488
We would like... Why?
825
00:28:19,781 --> 00:28:22,616
Is it that you crave scintillating
conversation?
826
00:28:22,784 --> 00:28:24,159
Or that you want to discuss the politics
827
00:28:24,244 --> 00:28:25,577
and nuances of the Chechnyan War?
828
00:28:25,787 --> 00:28:27,955
You know, I don't really discuss
politics on the first encounter.
829
00:28:28,039 --> 00:28:30,124
And neither do we. This is why I'm...
Oh, no, I know what it is.
830
00:28:30,208 --> 00:28:32,584
It's the visual thing, right?
831
00:28:32,669 --> 00:28:34,169
You saw me, you sexualized me,
832
00:28:34,254 --> 00:28:35,421
you wanted to get into my pants?
833
00:28:35,505 --> 00:28:36,547
Absolutely not.
834
00:28:36,756 --> 00:28:38,173
Yeah, but then, what is it?
835
00:28:38,258 --> 00:28:40,092
Because, you know, you don't know me.
836
00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:41,802
I could be a psycho.
837
00:28:41,970 --> 00:28:43,512
I could be a serial killer.
838
00:28:43,596 --> 00:28:45,097
I could have 16 personalities.
839
00:28:45,932 --> 00:28:47,683
Let me get a Crown and
Coke. Got you covered.
840
00:28:47,851 --> 00:28:49,518
And 16 of whatever she's having?
841
00:28:51,312 --> 00:28:52,938
My name is Zeke.
842
00:28:58,945 --> 00:28:59,987
Mya.
843
00:29:00,113 --> 00:29:01,780
Nice to meet you, Mya.
844
00:29:01,948 --> 00:29:05,117
Day one, 89 more to go.
845
00:29:06,619 --> 00:29:08,287
COOK: Order for table 16!
846
00:29:08,455 --> 00:29:10,789
Dominic. Valet's slammed.
Go park some cars.
847
00:29:15,795 --> 00:29:17,546
Thank you. Thanks.
848
00:29:17,630 --> 00:29:18,922
(ENGINE RUMBLING)
849
00:29:24,471 --> 00:29:28,223
CHORUS: ♪ I ♪ My, my, my, my
850
00:29:30,143 --> 00:29:31,477
CHORUS: ♪ Oh, I
851
00:29:32,145 --> 00:29:33,562
♪ Girl, you're the key to my happiness
852
00:29:33,646 --> 00:29:36,023
♪ And I CHORUS: ♪ Can't
get next to you, baby
853
00:29:36,483 --> 00:29:38,567
♪ Lord CHORUS: ♪ Can't get next to you
854
00:29:38,651 --> 00:29:40,068
♪ I been trying a long time
855
00:29:40,153 --> 00:29:41,653
Hey, that's my car!
856
00:29:41,821 --> 00:29:45,032
♪ I don't know what to do CHORUS:
♪ Can't get next to you
857
00:29:45,116 --> 00:29:48,827
♪ Ooh, let me tell you CHORUS: ♪ I
858
00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:52,790
Who says you have to compromise?
859
00:29:52,874 --> 00:29:54,333
♪ Oh, I ♪
860
00:29:58,171 --> 00:29:59,755
Okay, where's the window?
861
00:29:59,839 --> 00:30:01,173
(CONGA PLAYING ON STEREO)
862
00:30:01,257 --> 00:30:02,633
♪ Come on, shake your body,
baby, do the conga
863
00:30:02,717 --> 00:30:04,510
♪ I know you can't control
yourself any longer
864
00:30:04,594 --> 00:30:06,178
♪ Feel the rhythm of the
music getting stronger ♪
865
00:30:06,262 --> 00:30:08,555
(MUSIC TURNS OFF) Window. Window, window.
866
00:30:08,723 --> 00:30:10,891
AUTOMATED VOICE: Not the
final destination.
867
00:30:11,267 --> 00:30:12,309
Door open.
868
00:30:12,435 --> 00:30:13,560
Ah, shit.
869
00:30:15,897 --> 00:30:16,897
Hi.
870
00:30:17,190 --> 00:30:18,482
If I didn't know any better,
871
00:30:18,566 --> 00:30:20,025
I'd think you were following me.
872
00:30:21,069 --> 00:30:22,736
No, just, uh...
873
00:30:23,530 --> 00:30:25,697
Just out for a drive, that's all.
874
00:30:25,865 --> 00:30:27,574
Have a safe drive.
875
00:30:28,034 --> 00:30:29,368
Well, wait.
876
00:30:30,078 --> 00:30:31,578
You changed your mind?
877
00:30:31,788 --> 00:30:33,622
You think I could take you
to dinner sometime?
878
00:30:34,374 --> 00:30:35,582
How's tomorrow night?
879
00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:39,837
HARVEY: Look, we love the fact that
you're a strong, confident woman
880
00:30:39,921 --> 00:30:41,088
with a fabulous job,
881
00:30:41,256 --> 00:30:42,714
but we're men.
882
00:30:42,882 --> 00:30:46,385
Our DNA is encoded to be the provider.
883
00:30:46,553 --> 00:30:48,428
And if you don't ever let us feel
884
00:30:48,513 --> 00:30:50,055
like we're in control and necessary,
885
00:30:50,139 --> 00:30:52,558
we're just not about to profess
our love to you.
886
00:30:52,725 --> 00:30:54,309
I mean, we'll just find us a woman
887
00:30:54,394 --> 00:30:55,727
who actually makes us feel like a man.
888
00:30:55,895 --> 00:30:56,937
Yeah, a ho.
889
00:30:57,063 --> 00:30:59,314
We're kind of like dogs, see, you pet us,
890
00:30:59,399 --> 00:31:00,899
we'll be loyal to you forever.
891
00:31:01,067 --> 00:31:03,318
Yeah, dogs. There you go, Steve.
892
00:31:05,572 --> 00:31:07,489
I don't need that book.
893
00:31:14,163 --> 00:31:16,915
(DUKE WHOOPING)
894
00:31:17,083 --> 00:31:18,125
Oh, yes! Yeah! Huh!
895
00:31:18,251 --> 00:31:21,169
Oh, honey. Jennifer's coming
over tonight to babysit.
896
00:31:21,337 --> 00:31:23,422
You're going to bingo with Grandma?
897
00:31:23,590 --> 00:31:26,049
No, actually. I have a date. Really?
898
00:31:26,259 --> 00:31:27,718
With a man or a woman?
899
00:31:27,886 --> 00:31:30,596
A man! Duke, why would
you even ask me that?
900
00:31:30,763 --> 00:31:33,015
Because I overheard Grandma say
901
00:31:33,099 --> 00:31:34,766
that she was beginning to wonder.
902
00:31:34,934 --> 00:31:36,935
You know I'm cool either way.
903
00:31:37,103 --> 00:31:38,520
Yo, sorry I'm late.
904
00:31:38,688 --> 00:31:39,980
Yo, Bennett, get in the game, let's go.
905
00:31:40,064 --> 00:31:41,189
What's up, man?
906
00:31:41,357 --> 00:31:42,941
I had the best night of my
entire life last night.
907
00:31:43,109 --> 00:31:44,234
ZEKE: Is that right? Unbelievable.
908
00:31:44,402 --> 00:31:45,527
Check ball. I thought you
got fired last night.
909
00:31:45,695 --> 00:31:47,779
That's all right. I'll make
twice as much catering.
910
00:31:47,989 --> 00:31:49,239
All right. Play ball. MICHAEL:
Hope she's worth it.
911
00:31:49,324 --> 00:31:51,158
What you gonna do with that?
What you gonna do with that?
912
00:31:51,242 --> 00:31:52,492
Count it!
913
00:31:53,453 --> 00:31:54,453
Over the back!
914
00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:56,788
See, I'm taking her to The Lounge.
915
00:31:56,956 --> 00:31:58,749
Maurice hooked me up with a private room
916
00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:01,084
and all I gotta pay for
is wine and a fat tip.
917
00:32:01,252 --> 00:32:02,210
Nice.
918
00:32:02,295 --> 00:32:04,630
So you gonna be escorting her
in that 2005 Honda Civic,
919
00:32:04,797 --> 00:32:08,300
with the missing bumper or that $155,000
car she think you drive?
920
00:32:08,468 --> 00:32:10,302
I'm just gonna level with her, I guess.
921
00:32:11,304 --> 00:32:12,262
And tell her what?
922
00:32:12,347 --> 00:32:13,430
That you an unemployed prep cook?
923
00:32:13,598 --> 00:32:15,474
Zeke, unemployed Culinary
Institute graduate.
924
00:32:15,558 --> 00:32:16,683
We talked about this.
925
00:32:16,851 --> 00:32:18,435
Yes, that's not my point. That's stupid.
926
00:32:18,603 --> 00:32:19,686
That's dumb, Dom.
927
00:32:19,771 --> 00:32:21,647
You trying to get some,
you gonna have to lie.
928
00:32:21,814 --> 00:32:23,649
Listen, one time I told Gail
I just won the lottery.
929
00:32:23,733 --> 00:32:26,068
I need some gas money so I can go redeem
the ticket. She gave me $20.
930
00:32:26,277 --> 00:32:27,527
Don't lie to her.
931
00:32:27,695 --> 00:32:28,737
I don't want to lie to her.
932
00:32:28,863 --> 00:32:31,865
Okay, hold up. You don't
have to lie. You omit.
933
00:32:32,033 --> 00:32:33,492
Just, no, no, you omit.
934
00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:35,077
You just tell her you're a high-end chef
935
00:32:35,161 --> 00:32:36,662
that's in between gigs.
936
00:32:36,746 --> 00:32:37,829
Your car's in the shop.
937
00:32:37,914 --> 00:32:39,748
She think you drive an expensive car,
938
00:32:39,832 --> 00:32:41,124
you're not driving it 'cause
it's in the shop.
939
00:32:41,334 --> 00:32:42,960
Matter of fact, my cousin,
he got a town car company.
940
00:32:43,044 --> 00:32:44,169
I'll get you a town car.
941
00:32:44,337 --> 00:32:46,213
So all you gotta do is wine
her, you dine her,
942
00:32:46,381 --> 00:32:47,464
you tattoo your name in that ass,
943
00:32:47,548 --> 00:32:48,757
then you tell her the truth.
944
00:32:48,841 --> 00:32:50,008
Gail thought I was an account executive
945
00:32:50,093 --> 00:32:51,301
and I met her in the mail room.
946
00:32:51,386 --> 00:32:52,427
I had mail in my hand.
947
00:32:52,512 --> 00:32:54,012
Yeah, but you became an account
exec right after that.
948
00:32:54,097 --> 00:32:55,263
That had nothing to do with Gail.
949
00:32:55,348 --> 00:32:56,890
She set up your interview. No,
she didn't. Thomas did.
950
00:32:56,975 --> 00:32:59,893
Don't cut me off, Mike. That's what
Gail do, I don't like that.
951
00:32:59,978 --> 00:33:01,937
MICHAEL: Why's he so sensitive?
All right, Dom, either way,
952
00:33:02,021 --> 00:33:03,855
once a woman's into you, she'll
put up with anything.
953
00:33:04,023 --> 00:33:05,023
Trust me.
954
00:33:05,108 --> 00:33:07,359
Only if you're putting it on her right.
955
00:33:07,986 --> 00:33:09,361
All right. That's...
956
00:33:09,570 --> 00:33:10,654
Come on, man.
957
00:33:10,738 --> 00:33:11,738
I'm gonna go clean the ball off.
958
00:33:11,823 --> 00:33:12,823
MICHAEL: Bennett, just wipe it off.
959
00:33:12,907 --> 00:33:15,075
BENNETT: No, I got some
sanitizer in my bag.
960
00:33:22,959 --> 00:33:24,209
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
961
00:33:24,293 --> 00:33:26,169
(QUESTIONING IN ITALIAN)
962
00:33:27,380 --> 00:33:30,048
Sorry, man. Wrong apartment.
963
00:33:30,174 --> 00:33:31,466
(QUESTIONING IN ITALIAN)
964
00:33:31,551 --> 00:33:33,135
That's my lucky chair.
965
00:33:33,219 --> 00:33:34,344
What are you guys doing?
966
00:33:34,554 --> 00:33:36,054
Baby! What do you think?
967
00:33:36,389 --> 00:33:38,306
We spent the entire day at H. D. Buttercup
968
00:33:38,391 --> 00:33:39,891
and we decided to go
969
00:33:40,059 --> 00:33:41,309
with modern with a mix of vintage.
970
00:33:41,394 --> 00:33:42,436
"We"?
971
00:33:42,603 --> 00:33:44,813
Yeah. Gianni, our designer.
972
00:33:44,897 --> 00:33:46,231
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
973
00:33:46,315 --> 00:33:49,609
Old out, new in, beautiful, eh?
974
00:33:49,694 --> 00:33:52,612
(BOTH SPEAKING ITALIAN)
975
00:33:52,697 --> 00:33:54,906
I think it doesn't even look
like our place, babe.
976
00:33:55,074 --> 00:33:56,867
Exactly, it looks like grown-ups
live here. I love it.
977
00:33:56,951 --> 00:33:57,993
Stop!
978
00:33:59,579 --> 00:34:01,830
Put the chair down.
979
00:34:02,248 --> 00:34:03,999
The lucky chair stays.
980
00:34:06,669 --> 00:34:07,878
Compromise.
981
00:34:09,297 --> 00:34:10,505
(GIANNI EXCLAIMING IN ITALIAN)
982
00:34:11,257 --> 00:34:12,257
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
983
00:34:14,802 --> 00:34:17,763
Fuck, what... You speak Italian now?
984
00:34:18,097 --> 00:34:20,640
♪ They love how we do it
985
00:34:20,725 --> 00:34:23,018
♪ They love how we do it ♪
986
00:34:23,644 --> 00:34:24,770
Oh, my God.
987
00:34:25,271 --> 00:34:27,147
That's your dress. Yeah?
988
00:34:27,315 --> 00:34:29,816
Your ass looks great in that dress.
989
00:34:29,984 --> 00:34:31,568
No, it's too sexy.
990
00:34:31,736 --> 00:34:33,403
There's no such thing.
991
00:34:33,571 --> 00:34:36,907
Sonia, I want him to last
90 days, not 90 seconds.
992
00:34:37,075 --> 00:34:40,160
I want to project "Keeper,"
not "Sports Fish."
993
00:34:40,328 --> 00:34:42,287
Okay, what the hell is a sports fish?
994
00:34:42,455 --> 00:34:43,914
See, this is why you need
to read the book!
995
00:34:44,082 --> 00:34:45,457
I don't want to read the book.
996
00:34:45,625 --> 00:34:48,085
Steve says that a guy only
fishes for two reasons.
997
00:34:48,252 --> 00:34:50,003
Number one, he fishes to eat.
998
00:34:50,171 --> 00:34:51,880
That means he's looking for a keeper,
999
00:34:51,964 --> 00:34:53,173
somebody to take home,
1000
00:34:53,341 --> 00:34:55,342
somebody to introduce to his mom,
1001
00:34:55,426 --> 00:34:57,260
somebody to build a life with.
1002
00:34:57,428 --> 00:34:59,596
Or two, he's looking for a sports fish.
1003
00:34:59,764 --> 00:35:01,264
That means he's looking for a trophy,
1004
00:35:01,349 --> 00:35:03,141
somebody to show off to his buddies,
1005
00:35:03,309 --> 00:35:04,935
put up on the wall as a prize.
1006
00:35:05,103 --> 00:35:06,895
But you gotta be careful with that one,
1007
00:35:06,979 --> 00:35:08,522
'cause he's gonna throw that one back.
1008
00:35:08,689 --> 00:35:15,612
Okay.
1009
00:35:16,906 --> 00:35:17,989
How do I look?
1010
00:35:18,282 --> 00:35:21,076
Like a keeper. With a great ass.
1011
00:35:21,244 --> 00:35:22,327
Yeah? Yes!
1012
00:35:22,411 --> 00:35:25,789
Right. Now, the question is, is he?
1013
00:35:25,957 --> 00:35:27,332
Now I just need my hit list.
1014
00:35:27,667 --> 00:35:29,000
Now, what the hell is a hit list?
1015
00:35:29,168 --> 00:35:30,794
Will you get your wine off my hit list?
1016
00:35:31,212 --> 00:35:32,921
Girl, you're crazy.
1017
00:35:33,089 --> 00:35:37,467
This is where I wrote down my strategic
dos and don'ts for my date tonight.
1018
00:35:37,635 --> 00:35:39,261
Okay, you know you sound like
you're going to war, right?
1019
00:35:39,428 --> 00:35:41,304
Yes, girl, because love is a battlefield.
1020
00:35:41,472 --> 00:35:42,472
Oh, boy.
1021
00:35:42,557 --> 00:35:44,933
Steve says you have to set
the requirements very high
1022
00:35:45,017 --> 00:35:46,434
before you even get in the car,
1023
00:35:46,519 --> 00:35:47,727
'cause you don't want to
become Chirp-chirp Girl.
1024
00:35:47,812 --> 00:35:48,854
A what?
1025
00:35:48,938 --> 00:35:51,064
Chirp-chirp. He just hits
the locks and you hop in.
1026
00:35:51,149 --> 00:35:52,816
He don't even have to open the door.
1027
00:35:52,984 --> 00:35:54,776
I don't see nothing wrong with
being a Chirp-chirp Girl.
1028
00:35:58,573 --> 00:36:02,993
♪ Baby, tonight, the night I let you know
1029
00:36:03,077 --> 00:36:07,873
♪ Baby, tonight, the night we lose control
1030
00:36:08,541 --> 00:36:10,167
♪ Baby, tonight
1031
00:36:10,251 --> 00:36:11,960
You look beautiful.
1032
00:36:12,128 --> 00:36:13,253
Thanks.
1033
00:36:13,963 --> 00:36:15,213
Amazing.
1034
00:36:15,298 --> 00:36:20,010
♪ Tonight, I'll be the best you ever had
1035
00:36:20,094 --> 00:36:22,220
(GASPS) Sweet!
1036
00:36:22,513 --> 00:36:26,391
Where to? Goddamn, look how
small your skirt is.
1037
00:36:26,559 --> 00:36:28,018
(WHOOPS) (DOMINIC CLEARS THROAT)
1038
00:36:28,102 --> 00:36:29,644
Right. Unprofessional.
1039
00:36:29,979 --> 00:36:31,813
Sorry, sir, take it out of my tip.
1040
00:36:31,898 --> 00:36:35,233
♪ I don't wanna brag but I'll be
1041
00:36:37,486 --> 00:36:40,113
♪ The best you ever had ♪
1042
00:36:40,656 --> 00:36:42,157
(CAR ALARM CHIRPS)
1043
00:36:42,408 --> 00:36:43,408
Um...
1044
00:36:43,784 --> 00:36:48,246
It's open.
1045
00:36:48,748 --> 00:36:51,333
I don't go out on dates with guys
who don't open the door for me.
1046
00:36:51,709 --> 00:36:53,043
Really? Really.
1047
00:36:53,211 --> 00:36:54,586
Seriously? Yes.
1048
00:36:54,754 --> 00:36:55,879
Aw, man!
1049
00:36:59,884 --> 00:37:01,384
No, he didn't.
1050
00:37:06,140 --> 00:37:07,349
Got you!
1051
00:37:10,478 --> 00:37:12,270
Your chariot awaits.
1052
00:37:12,521 --> 00:37:13,605
Thank you.
1053
00:37:13,856 --> 00:37:15,607
Funny guy, huh?
1054
00:37:16,192 --> 00:37:17,525
I do okay.
1055
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:23,198
Hey, look, I think there's
a few basic questions
1056
00:37:23,282 --> 00:37:24,574
that every woman should ask a man
1057
00:37:24,742 --> 00:37:26,284
to determine two things,
1058
00:37:26,369 --> 00:37:27,911
if this guy has a plan for you,
1059
00:37:28,079 --> 00:37:30,664
or if this guy is just
gonna play with you.
1060
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:33,250
My short-term goals?
1061
00:37:33,417 --> 00:37:35,377
What, you mean like tomorrow?
1062
00:37:38,589 --> 00:37:39,631
I need a bong hit.
1063
00:37:39,757 --> 00:37:41,091
MICHAEL: To answer your question,
1064
00:37:41,175 --> 00:37:43,760
I guess my long-term goals and short-term
goals are the same thing.
1065
00:37:43,928 --> 00:37:45,136
CANDACE: How so?
1066
00:37:45,763 --> 00:37:47,097
Well, my entire life,
1067
00:37:47,181 --> 00:37:50,684
it's always been about hard
work and improving myself
1068
00:37:50,893 --> 00:37:53,228
and I guess what I'm looking for now is,
1069
00:37:53,396 --> 00:37:55,397
you know, someone I can share it with.
1070
00:37:56,691 --> 00:37:57,732
So... So, have you...
1071
00:37:57,858 --> 00:37:59,234
You go ahead, you go. You go.
1072
00:38:00,820 --> 00:38:01,861
Um...
1073
00:38:02,905 --> 00:38:05,323
What are your short-term goals?
1074
00:38:05,992 --> 00:38:07,867
You know what?
1075
00:38:07,952 --> 00:38:10,120
I'd like to skip dinner and
get right to dessert.
1076
00:38:10,830 --> 00:38:11,871
DOMINIC: That's where it started,
1077
00:38:11,998 --> 00:38:13,248
you know? Really?
1078
00:38:13,457 --> 00:38:15,875
This is a great choice.
1079
00:38:16,043 --> 00:38:18,086
Thank you. Thank you.
1080
00:38:18,170 --> 00:38:19,421
So, Lauren, tell me more about yourself.
1081
00:38:19,505 --> 00:38:20,505
What do you do?
1082
00:38:21,215 --> 00:38:22,757
I'm in management.
1083
00:38:22,925 --> 00:38:25,135
For a media company.
1084
00:38:25,219 --> 00:38:28,888
Yeah. But I don't wanna talk about
me, my work. Long week.
1085
00:38:29,140 --> 00:38:30,932
So, tell me about you. What do you do?
1086
00:38:31,267 --> 00:38:34,436
Um... I'm a chef.
1087
00:38:34,603 --> 00:38:36,479
Really? Where?
1088
00:38:37,064 --> 00:38:38,606
Well, I'm actually
1089
00:38:39,442 --> 00:38:44,070
deciding between two different
offers. That good, huh?
1090
00:38:44,322 --> 00:38:46,364
Yeah. But I don't wanna...
1091
00:38:46,449 --> 00:38:48,616
I kinda don't want to jinx it, you know?
1092
00:38:48,784 --> 00:38:51,286
No, I get it. No, don't, you shouldn't.
1093
00:38:51,370 --> 00:38:52,579
(MIMICS ZIP)
1094
00:38:52,663 --> 00:38:54,372
Okay, you know what?
1095
00:38:54,457 --> 00:38:55,749
Let's not even talk about work anymore.
1096
00:38:55,916 --> 00:38:57,459
Yeah, let's not.
1097
00:38:57,626 --> 00:39:00,587
So, what are your views on relationships?
1098
00:39:00,755 --> 00:39:03,214
Or your long-term goals. Either one.
1099
00:39:04,759 --> 00:39:05,759
Um...
1100
00:39:07,553 --> 00:39:08,595
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
1101
00:39:08,679 --> 00:39:09,929
(STAMMERING) To be honest,
1102
00:39:10,014 --> 00:39:12,390
I really want to open my
own restaurant one day.
1103
00:39:14,101 --> 00:39:16,561
Sorry, that's work.
1104
00:39:16,729 --> 00:39:18,605
No, that's a dream.
1105
00:39:19,815 --> 00:39:21,691
We can talk about dreams. Dreams are good.
1106
00:39:22,443 --> 00:39:26,029
It's nice to hear a woman
actually say that.
1107
00:39:26,197 --> 00:39:29,199
I just believe you can make
any dream come true
1108
00:39:29,992 --> 00:39:32,827
if you're willing to work
hard enough to get it.
1109
00:39:33,871 --> 00:39:35,747
I couldn't agree with you more.
1110
00:39:36,832 --> 00:39:38,458
Cheers. Salud.
1111
00:39:40,169 --> 00:39:41,669
(EXHALING)
1112
00:39:50,679 --> 00:39:53,098
Remember when we were in college
and we used to get
1113
00:39:53,641 --> 00:39:56,434
like, so high and talk for hours?
1114
00:39:57,353 --> 00:39:58,436
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
1115
00:40:00,022 --> 00:40:04,859
Like about our dreams, and like
our plans and our goals.
1116
00:40:05,236 --> 00:40:06,945
And time travel.
1117
00:40:07,113 --> 00:40:09,989
Like, what do you think about
the future, Jeremy?
1118
00:40:10,282 --> 00:40:14,369
I don't think we'll be riding around
in hovercrafts or anything,
1119
00:40:14,453 --> 00:40:15,829
but droids.
1120
00:40:15,955 --> 00:40:18,498
Definitely droids. There better be droids.
1121
00:40:18,666 --> 00:40:21,376
No, I mean, like your future, Jeremy.
1122
00:40:22,002 --> 00:40:24,796
What are your long-term goals, Jeremy?
1123
00:40:28,259 --> 00:40:30,009
Who are you, Oprah?
1124
00:40:31,011 --> 00:40:33,096
You're funny. (LAUGHING)
1125
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:38,726
I just have this amazing idea
of a rocker, chic kinda look,
1126
00:40:39,311 --> 00:40:40,395
so, it's really exciting.
1127
00:40:40,563 --> 00:40:42,105
No, that is exciting. Yeah.
1128
00:40:42,273 --> 00:40:43,314
Yeah.
1129
00:40:43,774 --> 00:40:44,816
So, um,
1130
00:40:45,484 --> 00:40:48,695
what are some of your long-term goals?
1131
00:40:49,530 --> 00:40:51,823
Kind of a fly-by-the-seat- of-your-pants
kinda guy, you know?
1132
00:40:52,908 --> 00:40:53,992
Oh, okay.
1133
00:40:54,869 --> 00:40:56,911
That's cool.
1134
00:40:58,747 --> 00:41:00,290
(R&B SONG PLAYING ON RADIO)
1135
00:41:00,374 --> 00:41:03,334
Oh, turn that up. Turn
that up, turn that up.
1136
00:41:03,711 --> 00:41:05,962
That is my... Yeah.
1137
00:41:06,213 --> 00:41:07,755
You know these guys?
1138
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:09,340
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
1139
00:41:09,467 --> 00:41:12,343
(LAUGHS) My band opened for them once.
1140
00:41:12,970 --> 00:41:14,429
You have a band?
1141
00:41:14,597 --> 00:41:15,638
Had.
1142
00:41:16,348 --> 00:41:17,891
Had a record deal for a second.
1143
00:41:18,225 --> 00:41:20,143
Let me hear your CD. Come on!
1144
00:41:20,311 --> 00:41:22,270
What makes you think that I have a CD?
1145
00:41:22,438 --> 00:41:24,564
I don't know anybody who's
been in an R&B band
1146
00:41:24,648 --> 00:41:25,857
who doesn't have their
own CD in their car.
1147
00:41:26,025 --> 00:41:29,277
Wow, I feel so unique right
now, it's crazy.
1148
00:41:29,445 --> 00:41:31,321
That's why you're reaching for it. Yeah.
1149
00:41:32,448 --> 00:41:33,948
Let me see it.
1150
00:41:35,159 --> 00:41:36,743
Wow!
1151
00:41:36,911 --> 00:41:38,119
That is crazy.
1152
00:41:38,287 --> 00:41:40,330
Hey, at least I didn't have a Jheri curl.
1153
00:41:40,498 --> 00:41:41,581
(LAUGHS) What?
1154
00:41:42,249 --> 00:41:43,416
Play me your favorite track.
1155
00:41:45,669 --> 00:41:46,711
Wow.
1156
00:41:48,672 --> 00:41:49,714
AUTOMATED VOICE: Please say a command.
1157
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:51,633
CD. Play track
1158
00:41:54,220 --> 00:41:55,220
seven.
1159
00:41:55,387 --> 00:41:57,222
Playing track seven.
1160
00:41:57,723 --> 00:42:02,060
♪ Last night I had a dream about a dream
1161
00:42:02,937 --> 00:42:05,063
♪ About you
1162
00:42:08,442 --> 00:42:09,901
You wrote this?
1163
00:42:10,069 --> 00:42:13,988
♪ Now every time I think it seems to be
1164
00:42:14,073 --> 00:42:16,407
♪ About you
1165
00:42:19,870 --> 00:42:21,371
This is beautiful.
1166
00:42:21,455 --> 00:42:24,666
♪ One minute I was over love
1167
00:42:25,918 --> 00:42:29,796
♪ A second later I was a part of us
1168
00:42:30,005 --> 00:42:31,047
Who was she?
1169
00:42:31,423 --> 00:42:32,465
Who?
1170
00:42:33,008 --> 00:42:34,425
The girl who broke your heart.
1171
00:42:34,969 --> 00:42:36,803
What makes you think a
girl broke my heart?
1172
00:42:38,347 --> 00:42:39,389
Track seven.
1173
00:42:43,936 --> 00:42:46,062
I left that all on the track.
1174
00:42:46,230 --> 00:42:49,440
♪ Last night I had a dream about a dream
1175
00:42:49,525 --> 00:42:51,150
♪ About... ♪
1176
00:42:56,490 --> 00:42:57,615
Oh, my God.
1177
00:43:00,911 --> 00:43:02,412
Okay. Okay, wait, wait, wait.
1178
00:43:02,496 --> 00:43:03,746
What's wrong, what's wrong?
1179
00:43:03,914 --> 00:43:07,292
It's just... I don't do
this on the first date.
1180
00:43:07,459 --> 00:43:09,502
Okay, um, I understand.
1181
00:43:09,670 --> 00:43:10,878
I'm a Christian, too.
1182
00:43:10,963 --> 00:43:12,505
I respect that, you know, and...
1183
00:43:15,509 --> 00:43:17,510
I had a really wonderful time.
1184
00:43:17,678 --> 00:43:18,970
Me, too.
1185
00:43:20,639 --> 00:43:22,390
Well, thanks.
1186
00:43:26,895 --> 00:43:28,730
There. I accomplished it.
1187
00:43:28,897 --> 00:43:29,897
Accomplished what?
1188
00:43:29,982 --> 00:43:32,150
My real short-term goal.
1189
00:43:32,234 --> 00:43:33,735
You dog.
1190
00:43:34,069 --> 00:43:35,111
So, listen.
1191
00:43:35,321 --> 00:43:36,613
I've been thinking about this all night.
1192
00:43:36,697 --> 00:43:37,905
I want you to meet my mother.
1193
00:43:37,990 --> 00:43:39,032
Really?
1194
00:43:39,283 --> 00:43:40,450
It would really mean a lot to me.
1195
00:43:40,868 --> 00:43:41,993
Well,
1196
00:43:43,412 --> 00:43:44,746
I'd like you to meet my son.
1197
00:43:45,414 --> 00:43:46,831
I would love that.
1198
00:43:46,915 --> 00:43:48,291
Just name the time and place...
1199
00:43:48,792 --> 00:43:50,335
Hi, I'm Duke.
1200
00:43:50,419 --> 00:43:51,794
Did you touch my momma?
1201
00:43:51,962 --> 00:43:53,004
Whoa, no.
1202
00:43:53,088 --> 00:43:55,131
It was PG, little homie, not even PG-13.
1203
00:43:55,299 --> 00:43:57,717
Sure. You like video games?
1204
00:43:57,885 --> 00:43:59,385
Have you ever played Street Racer Three?
1205
00:43:59,553 --> 00:44:00,595
No.
1206
00:44:00,679 --> 00:44:01,763
Then you haven't lived, my man!
1207
00:44:01,847 --> 00:44:02,847
(LAUGHS)
1208
00:44:04,808 --> 00:44:06,684
You have a good night, all right, Candace?
1209
00:44:06,852 --> 00:44:07,894
Good night. Thank you.
1210
00:44:08,020 --> 00:44:08,978
It's nice to meet you, Duke. Make sure...
1211
00:44:09,063 --> 00:44:10,146
Nice to meet you, too.
1212
00:44:12,358 --> 00:44:14,233
I really had a nice time tonight.
1213
00:44:14,443 --> 00:44:16,152
I had a really good time, too.
1214
00:44:23,327 --> 00:44:24,577
Okay, okay, okay.
1215
00:44:24,745 --> 00:44:27,914
This is officially good night.
1216
00:44:28,082 --> 00:44:31,668
Okay, you know what? I
could use a nightcap.
1217
00:44:32,086 --> 00:44:33,920
A nightcap. Yeah.
1218
00:44:34,088 --> 00:44:35,630
Yeah. Um...
1219
00:44:35,714 --> 00:44:37,632
There's this really nice
bar around the corner.
1220
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:38,925
You should have fun.
1221
00:44:39,009 --> 00:44:40,968
What... So it's like that?
1222
00:44:41,178 --> 00:44:42,679
You have no idea.
1223
00:44:43,097 --> 00:44:45,264
So, how long are we talking
before I get invited up?
1224
00:44:46,809 --> 00:44:47,850
Five dates.
1225
00:44:48,852 --> 00:44:50,478
For a nightcap.
1226
00:44:52,564 --> 00:44:53,773
Good night.
1227
00:44:56,860 --> 00:44:58,069
Wow.
1228
00:44:58,737 --> 00:45:00,196
This bitch is crazy.
1229
00:45:03,867 --> 00:45:06,703
♪ My sexy love
1230
00:45:06,787 --> 00:45:08,454
♪ So sexy ♪
1231
00:45:14,461 --> 00:45:16,462
(GROANING)
1232
00:45:20,592 --> 00:45:21,926
Morning, beautiful.
1233
00:45:22,886 --> 00:45:24,053
Hi.
1234
00:45:25,556 --> 00:45:26,514
Thanks.
1235
00:45:26,598 --> 00:45:27,598
I, um...
1236
00:45:27,933 --> 00:45:29,058
I made you breakfast.
1237
00:45:29,309 --> 00:45:30,435
Seriously?
1238
00:45:30,853 --> 00:45:32,019
Yeah.
1239
00:45:32,646 --> 00:45:34,605
From my kitchen? Let me take that.
1240
00:45:36,066 --> 00:45:37,984
It's a simple eggs Florentine,
but with a twist,
1241
00:45:38,152 --> 00:45:40,695
because I used the ingredients
from your Thai takeouts.
1242
00:45:40,863 --> 00:45:41,988
Simple? This looks amazing.
1243
00:45:42,072 --> 00:45:43,239
Well, let me know what you think.
1244
00:45:45,367 --> 00:45:46,617
Mmm.
1245
00:45:46,702 --> 00:45:48,369
This is so good.
1246
00:45:48,787 --> 00:45:50,496
Yeah? Well, I love a woman who can eat.
1247
00:45:52,541 --> 00:45:54,375
And I love a man who can cook.
1248
00:45:54,543 --> 00:45:56,711
Maybe you'll let me do it
again for you sometime.
1249
00:45:56,795 --> 00:45:58,171
(COUGHS)
1250
00:45:58,255 --> 00:45:59,714
Juice, please?
1251
00:46:01,175 --> 00:46:02,550
A little spicy?
1252
00:46:06,430 --> 00:46:07,847
Thanks.
1253
00:46:10,225 --> 00:46:11,559
Who's that?
1254
00:46:12,186 --> 00:46:14,061
That's my best friend, Candace.
1255
00:46:14,229 --> 00:46:15,563
Okay. And my godson, Duke.
1256
00:46:16,899 --> 00:46:19,609
You know, you're not exactly
what I picture
1257
00:46:19,693 --> 00:46:21,819
when I hear the word "godmother."
1258
00:46:22,905 --> 00:46:24,197
Thank God for that.
1259
00:46:33,123 --> 00:46:35,249
You let yourself in again, huh?
1260
00:46:36,084 --> 00:46:37,460
I didn't expect you to be here.
1261
00:46:37,544 --> 00:46:39,086
I figured you'd be tiptoeing
around her place.
1262
00:46:39,254 --> 00:46:41,547
Well, first of all, I live here, not you,
1263
00:46:41,715 --> 00:46:43,925
and second, she has this five-date rule
1264
00:46:44,009 --> 00:46:45,176
before I get invited up.
1265
00:46:45,344 --> 00:46:46,344
Can you believe that?
1266
00:46:46,428 --> 00:46:48,471
I'm the Negro Gigolo, the original Nigolo.
1267
00:46:48,639 --> 00:46:49,680
Five dates?
1268
00:46:49,765 --> 00:46:51,432
What, is she some type of Farrakhan
Muslim or something?
1269
00:46:51,517 --> 00:46:52,600
She's a diva.
1270
00:46:52,684 --> 00:46:53,851
She literally refuses to
walk through a door
1271
00:46:53,936 --> 00:46:54,977
unless I open it for her.
1272
00:46:55,062 --> 00:46:56,354
Gail used to do that.
1273
00:46:56,438 --> 00:46:57,855
Gail used to get on my nerves with that.
1274
00:46:58,023 --> 00:47:00,858
"Get the door for me. How am I walk
in and you ain't open the door?"
1275
00:47:01,026 --> 00:47:03,778
"My hands hurt. You better
open that goddamn door!"
1276
00:47:03,987 --> 00:47:05,029
That's why I'm gonna end it right now.
1277
00:47:05,113 --> 00:47:06,155
Yeah, you need to.
1278
00:47:06,281 --> 00:47:07,281
'Cause you don't need her.
1279
00:47:07,366 --> 00:47:08,741
You got me, and what we got is special.
1280
00:47:08,909 --> 00:47:10,660
Open her door. (SCOFFS)
1281
00:47:10,744 --> 00:47:13,538
It's 2012. Come around and open my door.
1282
00:47:13,705 --> 00:47:15,373
I don't know, Sonia, I just felt
like a different woman.
1283
00:47:15,541 --> 00:47:18,417
I felt so in control and strong, and...
1284
00:47:18,585 --> 00:47:19,794
What about him?
1285
00:47:19,878 --> 00:47:20,920
Well, I think...
1286
00:47:21,004 --> 00:47:22,129
Oh.
1287
00:47:24,383 --> 00:47:25,633
It's him.
1288
00:47:26,677 --> 00:47:28,970
"Are you available for dinner
tomorrow night?"
1289
00:47:29,054 --> 00:47:30,096
Well, are you?
1290
00:47:30,180 --> 00:47:31,848
Well, I do believe that I am.
1291
00:47:31,932 --> 00:47:35,476
But I do not go out with guys
who ask me via text.
1292
00:47:37,396 --> 00:47:38,729
She trippin'.
1293
00:47:38,897 --> 00:47:40,815
You know, Gail always suggested
them egg whites,
1294
00:47:40,899 --> 00:47:42,275
she said they was better for you.
1295
00:47:42,442 --> 00:47:44,819
Hey, can you put a shirt on
while you cooking, man?
1296
00:47:45,487 --> 00:47:46,487
(WHOOPS)
1297
00:47:46,572 --> 00:47:47,738
Look at these hours.
1298
00:47:47,906 --> 00:47:49,866
What you come in here glowing
for like you're pregnant?
1299
00:47:50,033 --> 00:47:51,242
My boys.
1300
00:47:52,035 --> 00:47:54,871
Hey, you got some. Oh! On the first date?
1301
00:47:55,038 --> 00:47:55,997
Homie scored.
1302
00:47:56,081 --> 00:47:57,707
DOMINIC: Yeah, I did.
1303
00:47:58,500 --> 00:48:00,084
And I'm totally screwed.
1304
00:48:00,252 --> 00:48:01,627
We never once talked about my job.
1305
00:48:01,795 --> 00:48:04,338
You really like him. I really do.
1306
00:48:05,424 --> 00:48:06,883
I don't even know how much he makes.
1307
00:48:07,384 --> 00:48:09,051
Whoa! And you know what? I don't care!
1308
00:48:09,219 --> 00:48:10,720
I believe in his dreams.
1309
00:48:10,888 --> 00:48:12,847
She thinks I'm a chef on the rise.
1310
00:48:13,015 --> 00:48:14,056
With a cold-ass Benz.
1311
00:48:14,182 --> 00:48:15,850
And a sexy limo driver. I
looked good last night,
1312
00:48:15,934 --> 00:48:17,184
I had the hat cocked to the side.
1313
00:48:17,352 --> 00:48:20,104
Guys, she's going to run when
I tell her the truth.
1314
00:48:20,272 --> 00:48:22,106
Whatever you do, you don't
tell her the truth.
1315
00:48:22,232 --> 00:48:23,232
Thank you. You delay.
1316
00:48:23,317 --> 00:48:25,192
Hell, I wouldn't tell her until
she was in her third trimester.
1317
00:48:25,277 --> 00:48:26,986
Yeah, I can't do that. ZEKE:
Dom, I know you, okay?
1318
00:48:27,154 --> 00:48:28,529
And you're trying to grow
a conscience here.
1319
00:48:28,614 --> 00:48:29,864
Trust me on this one.
1320
00:48:30,032 --> 00:48:31,365
Honesty is overrated, man.
1321
00:48:31,450 --> 00:48:33,409
Hey, that's in the Bible. Old Testament.
1322
00:48:34,202 --> 00:48:36,787
I just don't want a relationship
based on lies.
1323
00:48:36,955 --> 00:48:38,122
That's called marriage.
1324
00:48:38,290 --> 00:48:39,832
Dom, you don't fool me.
1325
00:48:39,917 --> 00:48:41,459
I know what this is about.
This is about sex.
1326
00:48:41,543 --> 00:48:43,210
You didn't do what you were supposed
to do in the bedroom.
1327
00:48:43,295 --> 00:48:44,378
That's why you walk through here
1328
00:48:44,463 --> 00:48:45,713
with your shoulders all slouched
1329
00:48:45,797 --> 00:48:47,381
and your self-esteem all low.
1330
00:48:47,466 --> 00:48:49,133
It's true. When you don't smash right,
1331
00:48:49,217 --> 00:48:50,509
the insecurities come out on you.
1332
00:48:50,677 --> 00:48:52,386
You know what he did? He gave it a LD.
1333
00:48:52,471 --> 00:48:53,888
Lazy Doodle. That's exactly what he did.
1334
00:48:54,056 --> 00:48:56,307
Right. You gotta put it down
like the right enforcement.
1335
00:48:56,808 --> 00:48:59,185
I can't do this no more. I'm
done. I'm done with this.
1336
00:48:59,353 --> 00:49:01,354
Like, dude, put a shirt on. It's us!
1337
00:49:01,438 --> 00:49:03,439
There's no one else here, just us!
1338
00:49:03,899 --> 00:49:06,233
So, you're telling me she's got a son?
1339
00:49:06,401 --> 00:49:08,277
Yeah! Duke. He's six years old.
1340
00:49:08,362 --> 00:49:09,737
An amazing kid, full of energy.
1341
00:49:09,905 --> 00:49:11,948
That's an awful lot of
responsibility, baby.
1342
00:49:12,115 --> 00:49:14,116
Well, she's a really responsible
woman, Ma.
1343
00:49:14,284 --> 00:49:16,285
I'm not talking about her,
I'm talking about you.
1344
00:49:17,537 --> 00:49:19,580
You really think you got what it takes
1345
00:49:19,665 --> 00:49:21,123
to date a single mother?
1346
00:49:21,291 --> 00:49:23,417
Well, I was raised by a single
mother, wasn't I?
1347
00:49:23,502 --> 00:49:24,502
(CHUCKLES)
1348
00:49:25,045 --> 00:49:26,796
Oh, but I'm one of a kind, baby.
1349
00:49:26,964 --> 00:49:30,549
Trust me, Ma. You are going to love her.
1350
00:49:30,634 --> 00:49:32,802
(MUSIC PLAYING) (PEOPLE
TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
1351
00:49:32,886 --> 00:49:34,345
Thank God!
1352
00:49:35,555 --> 00:49:36,931
Somewhere familiar.
1353
00:49:37,015 --> 00:49:38,265
Some place that hasn't changed,
1354
00:49:38,350 --> 00:49:39,433
that still looks the same.
1355
00:49:39,601 --> 00:49:41,310
Yo, J, what's wrong with you?
1356
00:49:41,478 --> 00:49:43,437
My Fortress of Solitude has morphed
1357
00:49:43,522 --> 00:49:45,064
into a damn Bed, Bath and Beyond.
1358
00:49:45,232 --> 00:49:46,232
What does that mean?
1359
00:49:46,316 --> 00:49:47,441
I'm telling you, he talks in code.
1360
00:49:47,609 --> 00:49:49,402
Listen, Kristen, she redecorated.
1361
00:49:49,569 --> 00:49:51,362
CEDRIC: Redecorated? Why
didn't you say that?
1362
00:49:51,530 --> 00:49:53,072
No, no, no, she didn't redecorate.
1363
00:49:53,156 --> 00:49:54,407
She obliterated.
1364
00:49:54,574 --> 00:49:57,368
Every trace of my identity,
gone! My anime posters,
1365
00:49:57,452 --> 00:49:59,412
Battlestar Galactica shot glasses
that you used to like,
1366
00:49:59,496 --> 00:50:00,705
it's all gone.
1367
00:50:00,831 --> 00:50:01,914
May I?
1368
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:03,165
Wait a minute. She ain't even ask you?
1369
00:50:03,250 --> 00:50:04,458
She just threw your stuff out?
1370
00:50:04,626 --> 00:50:06,711
That's some takeover shit right
there. That's crazy.
1371
00:50:06,878 --> 00:50:09,046
I was starting to feel like someone else.
1372
00:50:09,214 --> 00:50:12,550
Someone warm and modern with
a smattering of vintage.
1373
00:50:12,718 --> 00:50:14,969
That's probably your lips
tingling. It's a STD.
1374
00:50:15,053 --> 00:50:16,762
You just put your mouth on Zeke's drink.
1375
00:50:16,930 --> 00:50:18,723
Oh! And she threw away
my couch! Thank God!
1376
00:50:18,807 --> 00:50:20,391
(ALL CHEER)
1377
00:50:20,475 --> 00:50:21,976
Hail Kristen!
1378
00:50:22,060 --> 00:50:23,310
That couch has a lot of memories, guys.
1379
00:50:23,395 --> 00:50:24,395
CEDRIC: Is that what that smell was?
1380
00:50:24,604 --> 00:50:25,980
Yeah, all of us got laid on that couch.
1381
00:50:26,064 --> 00:50:27,106
Twice.
1382
00:50:27,274 --> 00:50:28,691
You've had that couch since
college, right? Yes!
1383
00:50:28,775 --> 00:50:29,900
That's some white boy shit.
1384
00:50:30,068 --> 00:50:31,277
No, that's some Jeremy shit.
1385
00:50:31,361 --> 00:50:32,403
ZEKE: No, that's some white boy shit.
1386
00:50:32,571 --> 00:50:34,613
I graduated college, I
got rid of my couch.
1387
00:50:34,781 --> 00:50:35,948
What college did you go to?
1388
00:50:36,033 --> 00:50:38,784
DeVry, Class of February. Valedictorian.
1389
00:50:38,952 --> 00:50:39,994
Whose side are you on?
1390
00:50:40,162 --> 00:50:42,163
Ain't no brother on the planet
gonna let no fine-ass sista
1391
00:50:42,247 --> 00:50:43,914
sit on no stinky-ass couch from college.
1392
00:50:44,082 --> 00:50:45,958
Preach, boy! It don't matter what happen,
1393
00:50:46,043 --> 00:50:47,376
you go and you find a way
to get that furniture,
1394
00:50:47,461 --> 00:50:48,627
figure how to pay for it later.
1395
00:50:48,712 --> 00:50:51,422
Yeah, don't do that, though. That's called
negro shit. Don't ever do that.
1396
00:50:51,548 --> 00:50:52,673
BENNETT: That is negro shit!
1397
00:50:52,799 --> 00:50:53,799
You guys do that a lot.
1398
00:50:53,884 --> 00:50:54,967
You pay for something you can't afford.
1399
00:50:55,135 --> 00:50:57,470
Ced, you couldn't even
afford your wedding!
1400
00:50:57,637 --> 00:50:59,180
I'm making my payments.
1401
00:50:59,347 --> 00:51:00,431
Listen, Kristen is a great girl.
1402
00:51:00,515 --> 00:51:03,100
Don't mess up something good over
a damn couch, all right?
1403
00:51:03,351 --> 00:51:04,685
Something's up.
1404
00:51:05,645 --> 00:51:06,771
CEDRIC: The game was on,
1405
00:51:06,938 --> 00:51:08,397
but not the one we were watching.
1406
00:51:08,940 --> 00:51:10,399
While we were sitting there on our asses
1407
00:51:10,484 --> 00:51:11,609
watching the game,
1408
00:51:11,693 --> 00:51:13,235
our team was getting destroyed.
1409
00:51:13,695 --> 00:51:15,571
The other team was drawing up plays,
1410
00:51:15,655 --> 00:51:17,031
planning their strategies,
1411
00:51:17,199 --> 00:51:19,325
and plotting their next moves.
1412
00:51:20,452 --> 00:51:21,786
Hey, you.
1413
00:51:21,953 --> 00:51:23,329
JEREMY: You still up?
1414
00:51:23,497 --> 00:51:24,872
I thought you were sleeping.
1415
00:51:26,750 --> 00:51:28,084
I couldn't put this down.
1416
00:51:28,168 --> 00:51:29,293
Mmm. Yeah.
1417
00:51:29,461 --> 00:51:31,879
CEDRIC: Jeremy didn't even
know he was under attack.
1418
00:51:31,963 --> 00:51:34,715
Hey, uh... God, it was such a trip.
1419
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:37,259
I ran into Sarah's little brother. Oh.
1420
00:51:37,344 --> 00:51:39,845
And he told me he got a job at Neversoft.
1421
00:51:41,223 --> 00:51:42,306
Cool.
1422
00:51:42,390 --> 00:51:43,474
Yeah.
1423
00:51:43,558 --> 00:51:46,602
Weren't you offered an
internship there once?
1424
00:51:46,770 --> 00:51:49,480
Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Turned it
down for a real job.
1425
00:51:49,981 --> 00:51:52,983
Right, yeah, that junior level
one that you're still in.
1426
00:51:53,485 --> 00:51:54,485
What?
1427
00:51:56,780 --> 00:51:57,780
(SIGHS)
1428
00:52:00,325 --> 00:52:01,867
CEDRIC: My brothers didn't even
know they were at war.
1429
00:52:01,952 --> 00:52:04,954
They were lost in the honeymoon phase.
1430
00:52:05,122 --> 00:52:06,705
They were too busy enjoying the ride.
1431
00:52:06,873 --> 00:52:08,958
All right, who's hungry?
1432
00:52:09,376 --> 00:52:11,293
I'm hungry, but, babe, babe!
1433
00:52:11,461 --> 00:52:12,920
Damn! Look at that ass!
1434
00:52:13,088 --> 00:52:14,296
ZEKE: That's nice. She's hot.
1435
00:52:14,464 --> 00:52:15,589
Guys, come on, that's somebody's daughter.
1436
00:52:15,757 --> 00:52:17,091
Wait, that's the baby mama?
1437
00:52:17,175 --> 00:52:18,425
Mmm-hmm. That's Candace?
1438
00:52:18,593 --> 00:52:19,718
That is Candace.
1439
00:52:19,803 --> 00:52:21,220
I know the baby mama.
1440
00:52:22,764 --> 00:52:25,307
No, she's Lauren's best friend.
1441
00:52:25,475 --> 00:52:28,269
LAUREN: So, apparently they play basketball
three times a week at the Y,
1442
00:52:28,436 --> 00:52:31,689
and Dominic says that Michael is the
most successful guy he knows.
1443
00:52:31,857 --> 00:52:33,649
Really? (LAUGHS) You scored!
1444
00:52:33,817 --> 00:52:35,776
I did well? You know what,
1445
00:52:35,861 --> 00:52:38,404
Michael said Dominic is
a really amazing chef.
1446
00:52:38,572 --> 00:52:41,115
I know, I know! I love food.
1447
00:52:41,283 --> 00:52:42,825
Oh, no, bitch. What?
1448
00:52:42,993 --> 00:52:44,618
We can double date.
1449
00:52:44,703 --> 00:52:46,078
(BOTH SCREAM)
1450
00:52:47,539 --> 00:52:48,664
Oh, that's not good.
1451
00:52:48,748 --> 00:52:49,957
That's not good at all.
1452
00:52:50,167 --> 00:52:51,375
Let's go play basketball, guys.
1453
00:52:51,459 --> 00:52:52,501
Yeah, let's do that.
1454
00:52:52,669 --> 00:52:54,086
ZEKE: Whatever you do, don't double date.
1455
00:52:54,254 --> 00:52:56,422
That's right. Damn, Ced.
1456
00:52:57,215 --> 00:52:58,382
Really?
1457
00:52:58,717 --> 00:53:00,176
I was in the middle of getting dressed.
1458
00:53:00,635 --> 00:53:02,219
J, you're losing the game for us!
1459
00:53:02,387 --> 00:53:04,722
Me? Yo, you are killing us right now.
1460
00:53:04,848 --> 00:53:06,182
I'm setting screens, you gotta
be using the screens.
1461
00:53:06,349 --> 00:53:07,433
You shot one for 27.
1462
00:53:07,517 --> 00:53:09,143
The shot I made was a game changer, J.
1463
00:53:09,311 --> 00:53:10,644
That's it, I'm done. New teams next week.
1464
00:53:10,729 --> 00:53:12,188
I'm not being on his team anymore.
1465
00:53:12,355 --> 00:53:13,814
I'm not the one that's not
coming off the picks!
1466
00:53:13,982 --> 00:53:15,399
Excuse me, y'all done here?
1467
00:53:15,483 --> 00:53:16,817
We want to play some full court.
1468
00:53:16,902 --> 00:53:17,943
Oh, yeah. Y'all take it.
1469
00:53:18,153 --> 00:53:19,737
No, no, no, we're not.
1470
00:53:19,905 --> 00:53:21,780
Got a lot more basketball to
play over here, fellas,
1471
00:53:21,948 --> 00:53:24,074
so looks like you picked the wrong
court to try and come and take.
1472
00:53:24,242 --> 00:53:25,534
We just ran three games! Uh-uh!
1473
00:53:25,702 --> 00:53:27,536
MICHAEL: Yeah, Ced, we're
good. No, we're not.
1474
00:53:27,704 --> 00:53:29,830
We are not good. Sorry.
1475
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:31,957
Yo, so y'all stepping off or what?
1476
00:53:32,125 --> 00:53:33,375
Yeah, we were stepping.
I was stepping on...
1477
00:53:33,543 --> 00:53:35,502
Stepping off? Who are you, Shaft?
1478
00:53:35,670 --> 00:53:37,046
How about you get some language
from this year?
1479
00:53:37,214 --> 00:53:39,965
So why don't you, and the stronger
version of Prince,
1480
00:53:40,133 --> 00:53:41,175
go back down to that side of the court
1481
00:53:41,259 --> 00:53:42,384
and do what y'all was doing?
1482
00:53:42,469 --> 00:53:43,719
'Cause if y'all want the court,
1483
00:53:43,803 --> 00:53:45,179
you'll play us for the
court like real men.
1484
00:53:45,263 --> 00:53:46,430
So y'all want to play for it.
1485
00:53:46,598 --> 00:53:47,806
You heard what I said.
1486
00:53:48,225 --> 00:53:50,309
Am I stuttering, huh? Suckas.
1487
00:53:50,477 --> 00:53:52,478
They're not gonna punk us. We men! Ced.
1488
00:53:52,646 --> 00:53:54,521
People come in here, think they got us.
1489
00:53:54,606 --> 00:53:55,856
ZEKE: You are not serious.
1490
00:53:56,024 --> 00:53:58,150
I am serious. It is what it is.
1491
00:53:58,860 --> 00:54:00,069
Oh, shit.
1492
00:54:00,612 --> 00:54:01,862
(CLEARS THROAT)
1493
00:54:03,156 --> 00:54:04,531
I thought it was just two of them.
1494
00:54:04,616 --> 00:54:06,408
I did not see the rest.
1495
00:54:06,576 --> 00:54:08,577
Turn around and say you're sorry.
1496
00:54:08,745 --> 00:54:10,246
It's too late. We're in it. Apologize.
1497
00:54:10,413 --> 00:54:11,747
No, I'm not apologizing for shit.
1498
00:54:11,831 --> 00:54:13,207
Michael, this is when you be a man!
1499
00:54:13,375 --> 00:54:15,584
All right, guys. If a game
is what you want,
1500
00:54:15,669 --> 00:54:17,211
a game is what you gonna get.
1501
00:54:17,379 --> 00:54:18,420
You wanna play?
1502
00:54:18,588 --> 00:54:19,630
JEREMY: Ced, let him go!
1503
00:54:19,714 --> 00:54:21,090
ZEKE: Cedric! What are you doing?
1504
00:54:22,717 --> 00:54:24,134
JEREMY: You okay? ZEKE: Get up, get up.
1505
00:54:24,302 --> 00:54:25,844
JEREMY: So embarrassing.
1506
00:54:26,805 --> 00:54:28,597
I really tried to take it. It was obvious.
1507
00:54:28,807 --> 00:54:31,558
I really did. I swear to God,
I gave it everything I had.
1508
00:54:31,726 --> 00:54:33,227
I sprained my esophagus in the last game,
1509
00:54:33,311 --> 00:54:34,520
so I'm gonna sit this one out.
1510
00:54:34,604 --> 00:54:35,646
Your esophagus is in your throat.
1511
00:54:35,730 --> 00:54:37,439
Shut up, Bennett. Zeke, we need six.
1512
00:54:37,941 --> 00:54:40,067
Zeke! Forget Zeke, we'll just
have to play with five.
1513
00:54:40,235 --> 00:54:41,235
Listen, we are men.
1514
00:54:41,319 --> 00:54:42,695
We tie our shoes up the same way they do.
1515
00:54:42,821 --> 00:54:43,821
Yeah, their shoes are bigger.
1516
00:54:43,989 --> 00:54:45,406
It don't matter. Be a man!
1517
00:54:45,490 --> 00:54:46,448
When I come out this,
1518
00:54:46,533 --> 00:54:47,950
you better say who you got
and you better mean it.
1519
00:54:48,118 --> 00:54:50,411
Let's go. D up.
1520
00:54:50,870 --> 00:54:54,373
I got her. Let's go. Get
yours. I got mine.
1521
00:54:54,666 --> 00:54:57,376
MAN: We welcome you all to the
JW Marriott Los Angeles.
1522
00:54:57,544 --> 00:54:58,877
CEDRIC: But then, the bubble burst.
1523
00:54:59,045 --> 00:55:02,047
For Dominic, the tables turned
on Tuesday afternoon.
1524
00:55:02,674 --> 00:55:04,216
MAN: ...the best year in
your company's history.
1525
00:55:04,384 --> 00:55:07,678
She is not just the youngest
COO you've ever had,
1526
00:55:07,762 --> 00:55:09,221
but the very best.
1527
00:55:09,931 --> 00:55:11,724
Ladies and gentlemen, Lauren Harris.
1528
00:55:11,850 --> 00:55:13,309
(ALL APPLAUDING)
1529
00:55:13,810 --> 00:55:14,977
Thank you.
1530
00:55:16,354 --> 00:55:17,479
(DISHES CRASHING)
1531
00:55:20,150 --> 00:55:21,442
Aw, shit.
1532
00:55:23,153 --> 00:55:24,903
Mom? There you go. LORETTA: Hey!
1533
00:55:25,071 --> 00:55:27,239
Mom, I would like you to meet Candace.
1534
00:55:27,324 --> 00:55:28,365
BOTH: Hi!
1535
00:55:28,575 --> 00:55:30,659
CEDRIC: For Michael, the bomb
dropped on Wednesday.
1536
00:55:30,827 --> 00:55:32,286
I've heard so much about you.
1537
00:55:32,704 --> 00:55:34,830
Well, I've heard nothing about you!
1538
00:55:35,415 --> 00:55:37,416
We just talked about her last night
at dinner. What are you...
1539
00:55:37,584 --> 00:55:39,251
Well, I don't remember.
1540
00:55:39,336 --> 00:55:40,419
Mom, why are you...
1541
00:55:40,587 --> 00:55:41,795
I don't remember.
1542
00:55:45,342 --> 00:55:48,635
It's beautiful, your home.
Just gorgeous. It's great.
1543
00:55:52,265 --> 00:55:53,265
Hmm.
1544
00:55:53,892 --> 00:55:56,185
Oh, wow, look! Look at this,
1545
00:55:56,269 --> 00:55:59,229
I have this exact same frame for my son!
1546
00:55:59,314 --> 00:56:02,524
Oh, that's right, you're
the one with the child.
1547
00:56:04,319 --> 00:56:06,153
Now let me ask you, sweetie,
1548
00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:11,450
what does your baby's daddy think
about you dating my Michael?
1549
00:56:12,243 --> 00:56:13,410
Oh.
1550
00:56:13,495 --> 00:56:15,037
Or is he incarcerated?
1551
00:56:15,205 --> 00:56:18,290
You know, how you people run
around, I don't know.
1552
00:56:19,084 --> 00:56:20,501
Incarcerated? No, why would you...
1553
00:56:20,668 --> 00:56:22,002
Candace, would you like
a tour of the house?
1554
00:56:22,170 --> 00:56:24,671
Yeah, why don't we give Tandace
a tour of the house?
1555
00:56:24,839 --> 00:56:26,507
Candace. It is Candace.
1556
00:56:26,674 --> 00:56:27,800
Tan... Tandace?
1557
00:56:28,134 --> 00:56:31,178
It's... Candace, with a...
1558
00:56:32,013 --> 00:56:34,098
I can tell she really likes you.
1559
00:56:34,265 --> 00:56:36,266
Come on, let's take a tour. Now
come on, let's take a look.
1560
00:56:36,351 --> 00:56:37,351
Just come on.
1561
00:56:37,435 --> 00:56:38,852
LORETTA: Doesn't it tell a story?
1562
00:56:39,062 --> 00:56:41,605
I've tried to capture all
the special moments
1563
00:56:41,689 --> 00:56:43,148
with me and my baby boy.
1564
00:56:43,316 --> 00:56:45,150
I bet you don't remember when I
got you that bracelet, though.
1565
00:56:45,318 --> 00:56:47,111
Outside of Paris,
1566
00:56:47,195 --> 00:56:49,863
this little shop with the
cute little jewelry...
1567
00:56:50,031 --> 00:56:52,074
Remember that look on your face
when you opened up that box?
1568
00:56:52,242 --> 00:56:53,325
Yeah, I know, I know.
1569
00:56:53,410 --> 00:56:54,993
I thought we were in Milan.
1570
00:56:55,161 --> 00:56:56,370
No, we'd come from that restaurant...
1571
00:56:56,538 --> 00:56:58,247
Oh, baby, you're in my room.
1572
00:56:58,331 --> 00:57:00,249
It's where all the magic happens, girl.
1573
00:57:00,417 --> 00:57:01,708
CANDACE: Wow. MICHAEL: What do you think?
1574
00:57:01,876 --> 00:57:03,460
It's like a time capsule.
1575
00:57:03,628 --> 00:57:06,046
Oh, I keep everything the same for him,
1576
00:57:06,131 --> 00:57:07,423
for when he sleeps over.
1577
00:57:07,590 --> 00:57:08,841
You sleep over?
1578
00:57:09,008 --> 00:57:10,384
Just on Sunday nights, baby. It's nothing.
1579
00:57:10,552 --> 00:57:15,013
And Sunday nights have always
been reserved for his mother.
1580
00:57:15,265 --> 00:57:17,683
And they always will be.
1581
00:57:17,851 --> 00:57:21,061
I make his favorite food,
and then we play rummy.
1582
00:57:21,229 --> 00:57:24,398
Mom is the best rummy player right here.
1583
00:57:25,525 --> 00:57:27,526
♪ A chiky-chiky rummy-rummy ♪
1584
00:57:28,403 --> 00:57:29,445
Come on.
1585
00:57:29,529 --> 00:57:31,363
I'm not gonna do it, not
in front of Candace.
1586
00:57:31,531 --> 00:57:33,157
Well, let me get your laundry.
1587
00:57:33,324 --> 00:57:34,450
Laundry?
1588
00:57:34,534 --> 00:57:35,784
Let me help you with that, Mom.
1589
00:57:35,869 --> 00:57:37,369
I need some more socks, Mom.
1590
00:57:37,537 --> 00:57:39,413
LORETTA: They stink! (LAUGHS)
1591
00:57:39,497 --> 00:57:41,206
But you know, I don't mind the stinking.
1592
00:57:41,291 --> 00:57:42,916
I just gotta scrub them a little more.
1593
00:57:43,084 --> 00:57:47,087
Scrubba-dub-dub. Baby Michael in the tub!
1594
00:57:47,338 --> 00:57:48,338
(LORETTA LAUGHING)
1595
00:57:55,138 --> 00:57:56,555
(SIGHS)
1596
00:57:57,307 --> 00:57:58,348
Shit.
1597
00:57:59,058 --> 00:58:01,059
CEDRIC: For Zeke, the cookie
crumbled on Thursday.
1598
00:58:01,227 --> 00:58:04,062
So, the night is young.
What do you wanna do?
1599
00:58:05,440 --> 00:58:08,358
Well, it is our fifth date, right?
1600
00:58:09,944 --> 00:58:12,571
It is? I don't know, I lost count.
1601
00:58:13,323 --> 00:58:14,740
Did you really?
1602
00:58:14,866 --> 00:58:15,908
(CHUCKLES)
1603
00:58:17,035 --> 00:58:20,245
So, nightcap?
1604
00:58:21,956 --> 00:58:23,081
Okay.
1605
00:58:24,792 --> 00:58:26,043
Yeah.
1606
00:58:26,252 --> 00:58:28,337
So it's kind of small,
1607
00:58:28,421 --> 00:58:31,173
but I really got it for the French windows
1608
00:58:32,675 --> 00:58:34,551
and 'cause it's close to work.
1609
00:58:35,386 --> 00:58:36,386
So...
1610
00:58:36,471 --> 00:58:37,804
Stunning.
1611
00:58:39,015 --> 00:58:40,015
Um...
1612
00:58:40,475 --> 00:58:44,102
Yeah, maybe we should
get more comfortable.
1613
00:58:44,437 --> 00:58:45,479
Yeah.
1614
00:58:45,605 --> 00:58:46,813
Yeah. Yeah.
1615
00:58:46,898 --> 00:58:47,898
Um...
1616
00:58:48,733 --> 00:58:50,776
I'm gonna put on some music.
1617
00:58:51,528 --> 00:58:52,861
Or you know what?
1618
00:58:52,946 --> 00:58:55,948
Better yet, maybe you should
go ahead and choose.
1619
00:58:56,533 --> 00:58:57,574
Cool.
1620
00:58:58,785 --> 00:59:00,118
That vinyl?
1621
00:59:00,286 --> 00:59:02,788
Yeah, I'm a bit of a purist.
1622
00:59:03,998 --> 00:59:05,958
I'll be right back. Okay.
1623
00:59:06,125 --> 00:59:07,626
Don't leave. I mean...
1624
00:59:09,003 --> 00:59:10,462
Don't leave.
1625
00:59:10,630 --> 00:59:12,673
I won't leave. Okay. All right.
1626
00:59:17,512 --> 00:59:20,138
Wow. You really are a purist.
1627
00:59:21,349 --> 00:59:23,517
How the hell did you get this on vinyl?
1628
00:59:23,851 --> 00:59:24,893
No.
1629
00:59:29,148 --> 00:59:30,816
(SLOW DOWN PLAYING)
1630
00:59:33,361 --> 00:59:37,489
♪ Can we
1631
00:59:37,574 --> 00:59:39,700
♪ Slow down
1632
00:59:39,784 --> 00:59:42,536
♪ I wanna take my time and enjoy you
1633
00:59:42,620 --> 00:59:44,288
♪ Enjoy you
1634
00:59:44,372 --> 00:59:49,209
♪ Everything else can wait
I want it right, right now
1635
00:59:49,294 --> 00:59:51,878
So, um, how do you take your coffee?
1636
00:59:52,171 --> 00:59:53,880
CEDRIC: See, Zeke found out the hard way
1637
00:59:53,965 --> 00:59:55,966
that sometimes, a nightcap
means just that,
1638
00:59:56,134 --> 00:59:57,217
a nightcap.
1639
00:59:57,302 --> 00:59:58,635
Three shots of Jack.
1640
00:59:59,429 --> 01:00:00,929
You're so silly.
1641
01:00:03,808 --> 01:00:05,267
(DOOR OPENS)
1642
01:00:08,646 --> 01:00:09,688
Yo!
1643
01:00:09,856 --> 01:00:11,440
Oh, Ced, what you run outta this time?
1644
01:00:11,608 --> 01:00:12,691
I ain't had no milk.
1645
01:00:12,942 --> 01:00:15,444
Hey, let me ask you a serious question.
1646
01:00:15,528 --> 01:00:17,112
You think I look like Idris Elba?
1647
01:00:17,238 --> 01:00:19,906
'Cause the stripper down at the new club
Sweaty Crack told me that last night,
1648
01:00:19,991 --> 01:00:21,325
but I had a lot of ones in my hand,
1649
01:00:21,409 --> 01:00:22,743
so I don't know if she was
trying to play me or not.
1650
01:00:22,910 --> 01:00:24,411
Don't even answer. Don't worry about it.
1651
01:00:24,579 --> 01:00:26,204
'Cause it made me feel
good when she said it.
1652
01:00:26,372 --> 01:00:28,123
All right, looks like somebody
got invited in.
1653
01:00:28,207 --> 01:00:29,374
How'd it go?
1654
01:00:29,500 --> 01:00:30,500
We had coffee.
1655
01:00:30,668 --> 01:00:32,544
And? Mint Milano Cookies.
1656
01:00:32,629 --> 01:00:33,795
And?
1657
01:00:33,963 --> 01:00:35,631
And we talked and we talked
1658
01:00:35,715 --> 01:00:38,008
about our childhoods and art and music,
1659
01:00:38,092 --> 01:00:39,926
and Plato's Allegory of the Cave.
1660
01:00:40,011 --> 01:00:41,386
What is Plato's Allegory of the Cave?
1661
01:00:41,554 --> 01:00:42,721
It's actually very profound.
1662
01:00:42,889 --> 01:00:44,765
On par with Bishop Don Magic Juan book
1663
01:00:44,849 --> 01:00:46,183
of pimp knowledge and street wisdom,
1664
01:00:46,351 --> 01:00:47,517
which is a very good read.
1665
01:00:47,685 --> 01:00:49,144
Five dates and all I get
is a cup of coffee.
1666
01:00:49,228 --> 01:00:50,354
What is wrong with her?
1667
01:00:50,521 --> 01:00:52,064
Ain't nothing wrong with her.
What's wrong with you?
1668
01:00:52,231 --> 01:00:55,192
Looks like the old Negro Gigolo
is losing his flow.
1669
01:00:55,360 --> 01:00:57,194
I'm in a relationship without sex,
1670
01:00:57,362 --> 01:00:59,696
when all I'm really trying to get
is sex without a relationship.
1671
01:00:59,864 --> 01:01:01,031
So, when you gonna see her again?
1672
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:02,908
Saturday night, nigga. Mind your business.
1673
01:01:03,951 --> 01:01:05,243
Nice job.
1674
01:01:05,411 --> 01:01:07,621
Hey, Zeke, when you go upstairs,
1675
01:01:07,705 --> 01:01:08,789
you gonna look in the toilet,
1676
01:01:08,956 --> 01:01:10,415
it's gonna appear to be stopped up,
1677
01:01:10,500 --> 01:01:11,541
I don't know for sure.
1678
01:01:11,793 --> 01:01:13,126
I just didn't know where the plunger was,
1679
01:01:13,211 --> 01:01:15,170
so don't be caught off
guard when you see it.
1680
01:01:15,254 --> 01:01:16,296
There's a lot.
1681
01:01:16,798 --> 01:01:18,590
So we stayed up all night... SONIA: Okay.
1682
01:01:18,758 --> 01:01:20,717
...and we talked about everything.
1683
01:01:20,885 --> 01:01:22,177
Did you keep the cookie in the cookie jar?
1684
01:01:22,261 --> 01:01:23,553
(CHUCKLES)
1685
01:01:23,638 --> 01:01:25,472
But of course. Nice.
1686
01:01:25,640 --> 01:01:27,265
I'm not gonna lie, though,
and say that it was easy.
1687
01:01:27,642 --> 01:01:29,267
I don't know, when he kissed me,
1688
01:01:29,352 --> 01:01:30,435
it was like sex.
1689
01:01:31,062 --> 01:01:34,189
So, yeah, thank you for your
advice on the undies.
1690
01:01:34,273 --> 01:01:35,357
Which ones did you wear?
1691
01:01:35,566 --> 01:01:37,943
The granny ones. The grandma drawers?
1692
01:01:38,111 --> 01:01:39,986
I told you the ugly panty
trick would work.
1693
01:01:40,071 --> 01:01:41,738
You wasn't trying to listen
now. And it worked.
1694
01:01:41,906 --> 01:01:43,824
Now that it's not just a theory,
1695
01:01:43,908 --> 01:01:46,243
do you really think you can last 90 days?
1696
01:01:46,411 --> 01:01:47,619
Monique!
1697
01:01:47,912 --> 01:01:49,037
It's Mya!
1698
01:01:49,247 --> 01:01:50,288
Call me!
1699
01:01:50,832 --> 01:01:52,958
It's Mya, asshole!
1700
01:01:56,129 --> 01:01:57,170
Yeah.
1701
01:01:57,255 --> 01:02:00,674
Yeah, I think I can definitely
do 74 more days.
1702
01:02:01,092 --> 01:02:02,342
Okay, Monique.
1703
01:02:03,511 --> 01:02:05,512
LAUREN: I'm canceling the date. Why?
1704
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:07,472
He's a part-time waiter.
1705
01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:09,349
May I remind you, Miss Thing,
1706
01:02:09,434 --> 01:02:11,184
that we were both waitresses
1707
01:02:11,269 --> 01:02:13,687
for two years at Olive Garden?
1708
01:02:13,771 --> 01:02:15,647
Candace, we were in college.
1709
01:02:15,815 --> 01:02:17,941
I'm talking about a grown-ass man,
1710
01:02:18,109 --> 01:02:21,695
who admitted that he was valet-parking
the Benz he chased me down in.
1711
01:02:22,155 --> 01:02:23,280
It's kind of romantic.
1712
01:02:23,448 --> 01:02:25,031
It's kind of pathetic.
1713
01:02:25,199 --> 01:02:26,616
I thought you didn't care
about how much he made.
1714
01:02:26,784 --> 01:02:28,201
I thought you believed in his dreams.
1715
01:02:28,369 --> 01:02:29,578
But not his pipe dreams. Come on!
1716
01:02:29,662 --> 01:02:30,829
Okay, fine.
1717
01:02:30,997 --> 01:02:33,415
Dump the first guy who puts
you before anything else
1718
01:02:33,499 --> 01:02:34,624
because he doesn't make six figures.
1719
01:02:34,959 --> 01:02:37,294
Please, he doesn't even make four.
1720
01:02:37,462 --> 01:02:39,546
And I can't invest that kind
of time in something
1721
01:02:39,630 --> 01:02:41,840
that I know won't yield
tangible dividends.
1722
01:02:42,008 --> 01:02:43,216
Would you listen to yourself?
1723
01:02:43,301 --> 01:02:46,553
Dominic is a person, Lauren,
not a stock portfolio.
1724
01:02:46,721 --> 01:02:48,305
Like Steve Harvey says,
1725
01:02:48,389 --> 01:02:50,348
there's no such thing as the perfect man.
1726
01:02:50,516 --> 01:02:52,058
You have to compromise on something.
1727
01:02:52,143 --> 01:02:53,351
What do you have to lose?
1728
01:02:53,895 --> 01:02:55,187
My youth.
1729
01:02:55,354 --> 01:02:56,646
So, wait. She just canceled on you?
1730
01:02:56,814 --> 01:02:58,982
She was about to. Then she got
interrupted by her boss.
1731
01:02:59,150 --> 01:03:00,984
It's messed up. You know what?
1732
01:03:01,736 --> 01:03:03,737
Who needs her whole fancy presentation
1733
01:03:03,821 --> 01:03:05,322
and her board of directors?
1734
01:03:05,490 --> 01:03:07,699
I make an honest living
and I pay my taxes.
1735
01:03:07,784 --> 01:03:08,909
Most of the time.
1736
01:03:09,202 --> 01:03:10,535
Let me tell you something,
Dom. I agree with you.
1737
01:03:10,703 --> 01:03:12,704
I'm an American, too and I agree
with your plight, brother.
1738
01:03:12,789 --> 01:03:13,830
ZEKE: I second that.
1739
01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:15,248
JEREMY: Yeah, we got your back.
1740
01:03:15,416 --> 01:03:17,042
ZEKE: What's good with you, Mike? What up?
1741
01:03:17,210 --> 01:03:18,877
So, how did it go between
Candace and your mom?
1742
01:03:18,961 --> 01:03:20,170
It was...
1743
01:03:20,254 --> 01:03:21,546
CANDACE: I'm slowing things
down with Michael.
1744
01:03:21,631 --> 01:03:22,589
LAUREN: Why?
1745
01:03:22,673 --> 01:03:24,508
He already has a woman in his life.
1746
01:03:24,759 --> 01:03:26,426
Oh, that son of a bitch. Who is it?
1747
01:03:26,594 --> 01:03:27,677
His mama.
1748
01:03:27,762 --> 01:03:28,887
What? Ew.
1749
01:03:28,971 --> 01:03:30,180
Ew.
1750
01:03:32,016 --> 01:03:33,892
My mom thinks she's nice.
1751
01:03:34,060 --> 01:03:35,143
Yeah, right.
1752
01:03:35,228 --> 01:03:37,354
No woman has ever been good
enough for your mom.
1753
01:03:37,522 --> 01:03:40,398
You think the first one she gonna
root for is the baby mama?
1754
01:03:40,566 --> 01:03:42,359
Good luck with that. CANDACE:
Listen to this.
1755
01:03:42,527 --> 01:03:44,236
"Could we reschedule beach day?
1756
01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:47,113
"I promised to take my mom
to choir practice."
1757
01:03:47,281 --> 01:03:48,657
I can't do that to myself again,
1758
01:03:48,741 --> 01:03:50,075
and I won't do that to Duke.
1759
01:03:50,243 --> 01:03:52,452
We both deserve a man who's all in.
1760
01:03:52,620 --> 01:03:54,079
Well, then set your standards.
1761
01:03:54,247 --> 01:03:55,372
Oh, my God, I can't believe
1762
01:03:55,456 --> 01:03:57,249
I'm quoting anything from
that silly little book.
1763
01:03:57,416 --> 01:03:58,542
You tell Michael
1764
01:03:58,626 --> 01:04:00,752
that you don't want to come in
between him and his mother
1765
01:04:00,920 --> 01:04:03,129
and that if he wants to
continue dating you,
1766
01:04:03,297 --> 01:04:05,382
then you must be a priority in his life.
1767
01:04:05,550 --> 01:04:07,884
She's had him his whole life.
I can't compete with that.
1768
01:04:08,052 --> 01:04:10,220
Well, then dump the first man
you've met in three years
1769
01:04:10,388 --> 01:04:13,390
that genuinely cares about you and Duke.
1770
01:04:13,558 --> 01:04:15,976
Oh! Wait a minute, there's no such
thing as a perfect man, right?
1771
01:04:16,143 --> 01:04:17,435
What do you have to lose?
1772
01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:19,437
Isn't that what you've been
preaching to me all night?
1773
01:04:19,730 --> 01:04:20,856
Oh! Okay.
1774
01:04:21,816 --> 01:04:23,066
I will if you will.
1775
01:04:24,068 --> 01:04:25,235
CEDRIC: It was the darkest hour.
1776
01:04:25,736 --> 01:04:28,154
The guys were under a full-scale attack.
1777
01:04:28,239 --> 01:04:30,657
But everything changed on D-Day.
1778
01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:32,868
♪ That booty, that booty
1779
01:04:32,952 --> 01:04:34,786
♪ Baby, baby, shake it
1780
01:04:34,871 --> 01:04:37,330
♪ That booty, that booty, that booty
1781
01:04:37,415 --> 01:04:40,834
♪ That booty, that booty, that booty ♪
1782
01:04:40,918 --> 01:04:44,921
Okay, tell me something. How does it
feel to officially be a free man?
1783
01:04:45,089 --> 01:04:46,882
Great. Okay, listen,
1784
01:04:46,966 --> 01:04:48,383
I can do whatever I want... Okay.
1785
01:04:48,593 --> 01:04:51,344
...whenever I want, with
whoever I want. Okay.
1786
01:04:51,512 --> 01:04:52,762
I'm free from all the "tie-ranny"...
1787
01:04:52,930 --> 01:04:54,472
It's "tyranny". Will you shut up, Bennett?
1788
01:04:54,599 --> 01:04:55,557
Let him finish what he's saying!
1789
01:04:55,641 --> 01:04:56,975
I just want you to have proper grammar.
1790
01:04:57,059 --> 01:04:59,436
All right! I'm free from all
the tyranny and oppression.
1791
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:02,188
And nagging from all women
for good. You hear me?
1792
01:05:02,356 --> 01:05:05,108
Matter of fact, only woman
I want to talk to tonight
1793
01:05:05,276 --> 01:05:06,985
is dancing butt-naked down
at the Ass Factory.
1794
01:05:07,069 --> 01:05:08,028
What happened to the Sweaty Crack?
1795
01:05:08,112 --> 01:05:10,322
They got shut down. Health-code violations.
JEREMY: Heard about that.
1796
01:05:10,406 --> 01:05:11,406
(LAUGHING)
1797
01:05:11,490 --> 01:05:13,783
But here's the thing, I like
the Ass Factory better,
1798
01:05:13,951 --> 01:05:15,076
'cause the girls down there are nasty.
1799
01:05:15,161 --> 01:05:16,202
But they're my kind of nasty.
1800
01:05:16,287 --> 01:05:17,329
Ced! Ced.
1801
01:05:17,496 --> 01:05:19,956
Don't judge me! I'm going
through a divorce, homie.
1802
01:05:20,124 --> 01:05:22,042
(CELL PHONE BEEPS) Hey, yo, Lauren
confirmed our date tomorrow.
1803
01:05:22,209 --> 01:05:23,501
I thought you and that Lauren was done.
1804
01:05:23,669 --> 01:05:25,045
Why you all in the man's business?
1805
01:05:25,212 --> 01:05:26,630
I thought my man said he
was done with Lauren.
1806
01:05:26,797 --> 01:05:28,131
You are whipped!
1807
01:05:28,299 --> 01:05:30,216
He's worse than Mike. Chill with
that "worse than Mike."
1808
01:05:30,384 --> 01:05:31,551
You wanna hear a good story? No.
1809
01:05:31,636 --> 01:05:33,678
Ced, tell them about the night
you saved it with Gail.
1810
01:05:33,763 --> 01:05:35,472
I'll take this goddamn bottle
and knock your face off,
1811
01:05:35,556 --> 01:05:36,640
you bring Gail up again.
1812
01:05:36,807 --> 01:05:38,391
I don't wanna talk about Gail!
1813
01:05:38,476 --> 01:05:40,060
All I want to talk about
is titties and ass!
1814
01:05:40,144 --> 01:05:41,102
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
1815
01:05:41,187 --> 01:05:43,438
Yo, it's Candace. Should I take it?
1816
01:05:43,689 --> 01:05:46,149
No, man! Here, give me the
phone. Bros before hos.
1817
01:05:46,317 --> 01:05:47,859
Hello. Candace. Oh.
1818
01:05:47,944 --> 01:05:50,028
Hey, what's up, girl? Michael.
1819
01:05:50,112 --> 01:05:51,279
I was just thinking 'bout you.
1820
01:05:51,364 --> 01:05:53,490
No, hi, I thought I'd get your voicemail.
1821
01:05:53,658 --> 01:05:55,075
No, you got me, baby.
1822
01:05:55,242 --> 01:05:56,493
Listen, Michael.
1823
01:05:57,370 --> 01:05:58,662
We need to talk.
1824
01:05:58,829 --> 01:06:00,956
Ladies, few words are more menacing
1825
01:06:01,040 --> 01:06:03,708
than the dreaded four, "We need to talk".
1826
01:06:04,001 --> 01:06:05,877
Now, that means one of two things,
1827
01:06:05,962 --> 01:06:07,837
that we did something wrong
1828
01:06:08,005 --> 01:06:12,217
or, you, literally, want to talk.
1829
01:06:13,010 --> 01:06:15,095
She wants to talk. BENNETT:
That's a new one.
1830
01:06:15,179 --> 01:06:16,179
That's bad, dude.
1831
01:06:16,263 --> 01:06:18,306
Good! I hope she talk your damn head off.
1832
01:06:18,432 --> 01:06:20,266
Is it ever a good sign when
a woman wants to talk?
1833
01:06:20,434 --> 01:06:22,435
No. Not in my house anymore.
1834
01:06:22,603 --> 01:06:24,604
Kris used to be fun and chill,
1835
01:06:24,689 --> 01:06:26,523
and now she's just in
my face all the time,
1836
01:06:26,691 --> 01:06:29,526
nagging, harping, like, "What
are your short-term goals?
1837
01:06:29,694 --> 01:06:31,069
"What are your long-term goals?
1838
01:06:31,153 --> 01:06:33,029
"Jeremy, what's your view
on relationships?"
1839
01:06:33,197 --> 01:06:34,698
Like, I'm in the middle of
a game of Call ofDuty...
1840
01:06:34,865 --> 01:06:36,950
Whoa, whoa, whoa, run that back.
What did you just say?
1841
01:06:37,034 --> 01:06:38,910
What, the long-term goals, short...
Please, don't make
1842
01:06:39,036 --> 01:06:40,537
me repeat... Yes, that's
crazy. You know what?
1843
01:06:40,621 --> 01:06:43,373
Candace asked me those exact same
questions on our first date.
1844
01:06:43,541 --> 01:06:44,874
Mya asked me the same thing.
1845
01:06:45,042 --> 01:06:46,126
So did Lauren.
1846
01:06:46,252 --> 01:06:48,420
You know what? You know who
asked me that question?
1847
01:06:49,088 --> 01:06:50,797
Not a goddamn soul!
1848
01:06:50,881 --> 01:06:52,465
'Cause strippers don't ask me shit!
1849
01:06:52,550 --> 01:06:54,175
Listen to what she said
to me the other day.
1850
01:06:54,260 --> 01:06:55,510
She said, "I'm not your sports fish."
1851
01:06:55,720 --> 01:06:56,761
What is a sports fish?
1852
01:06:56,929 --> 01:06:59,139
A trophy girl. You show her
off to your buddies.
1853
01:06:59,306 --> 01:07:01,141
What the hell are you talking
about, Bennett?
1854
01:07:01,225 --> 01:07:02,225
I was watching Oprah.
1855
01:07:02,309 --> 01:07:03,852
Why are you watching Oprah? I like Oprah.
1856
01:07:03,936 --> 01:07:06,521
Man, you gotta say "no homo" when you say
shit like that at a divorce party.
1857
01:07:06,605 --> 01:07:07,731
BENNETT: She had Steve Harvey on the show.
1858
01:07:07,815 --> 01:07:09,149
He wrote some book.
1859
01:07:09,233 --> 01:07:10,734
It's for women, but it's about men.
1860
01:07:10,901 --> 01:07:12,110
Family Feud Steve Harvey?
1861
01:07:12,194 --> 01:07:13,278
I heard something about that.
1862
01:07:13,362 --> 01:07:14,487
He threw us under the bus like that?
1863
01:07:14,572 --> 01:07:15,780
That's uncouth. I wouldn't do that.
1864
01:07:15,865 --> 01:07:17,240
I thought Steve Harvey was
kind of my nigga, but...
1865
01:07:17,324 --> 01:07:18,491
Me, too. What?
1866
01:07:18,659 --> 01:07:20,243
You, too, what? I didn't say anything.
1867
01:07:20,411 --> 01:07:23,038
Just tell me exactly what
he says in the book.
1868
01:07:23,122 --> 01:07:24,247
A whole bunch of shit.
1869
01:07:24,457 --> 01:07:26,416
All right, this is why we're
ruining my party.
1870
01:07:26,500 --> 01:07:27,751
'Cause of that information.
1871
01:07:27,918 --> 01:07:30,587
I got it online, here we
go. I got a review...
1872
01:07:30,755 --> 01:07:31,963
I got to get my hands on that book.
1873
01:07:32,131 --> 01:07:33,465
No, you're not gonna do it now.
1874
01:07:33,632 --> 01:07:35,759
You said bros before hos. One second.
1875
01:07:35,926 --> 01:07:37,677
Exactly! Guess what? Your bro need a ho!
1876
01:07:37,845 --> 01:07:39,387
Let me tell you something, I
got a pocket full of ones
1877
01:07:39,472 --> 01:07:40,764
and I ain't got no goddamn drawers on.
1878
01:07:40,931 --> 01:07:42,015
I didn't wear no drawers tonight.
1879
01:07:42,099 --> 01:07:43,349
Now y'all supposed to be my wing men.
1880
01:07:43,434 --> 01:07:44,434
Right now, fly with me!
1881
01:07:44,602 --> 01:07:48,772
Celebrate, men! Get your... Fly
with me, men! Goddamn it!
1882
01:07:49,106 --> 01:07:50,106
This ain't good.
1883
01:07:50,274 --> 01:07:51,858
Yes, hello, we're looking
for a book called...
1884
01:07:52,109 --> 01:07:55,445
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.
1885
01:07:55,529 --> 01:07:57,363
Everywhere? Thanks.
1886
01:07:58,032 --> 01:07:59,991
Said they've been sold
out for, like, a week.
1887
01:08:00,159 --> 01:08:01,367
Good. Can't be sold out everywhere.
1888
01:08:01,535 --> 01:08:02,535
They don't even have it on eBay.
1889
01:08:02,620 --> 01:08:03,620
It's the power of Oprah.
1890
01:08:03,704 --> 01:08:06,456
I think I got something. Okay,
cool. Where's San Pablo?
1891
01:08:06,540 --> 01:08:07,624
Border of Oregon.
1892
01:08:07,833 --> 01:08:08,958
That's not gonna work.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
1893
01:08:09,126 --> 01:08:10,960
Looks like we tried. Hello. Right now?
1894
01:08:11,045 --> 01:08:12,253
Tomorrow is another day.
We can tackle it then.
1895
01:08:12,338 --> 01:08:13,338
Let's go, men. Strip club time!
1896
01:08:13,422 --> 01:08:14,464
Y'all take me to my mama house?
1897
01:08:14,548 --> 01:08:15,632
Driver, can we go to my house?
1898
01:08:15,716 --> 01:08:17,467
I thought you said you was gonna
cancel that with your mama.
1899
01:08:17,635 --> 01:08:19,177
Have you ever tried canceling
on my mom, Ced?
1900
01:08:19,345 --> 01:08:22,013
I'm gonna say this since don't nobody
else wanna say it, Michael.
1901
01:08:22,848 --> 01:08:24,849
You ever try heterosexuality?
1902
01:08:24,934 --> 01:08:26,392
(BOTH ARGUING)
1903
01:08:27,186 --> 01:08:28,478
(BOTTLE SHATTERS)
1904
01:08:28,562 --> 01:08:31,439
♪ That booty, that booty
That booty, that booty ♪
1905
01:08:31,524 --> 01:08:32,649
Mom!
1906
01:08:33,317 --> 01:08:34,859
(WHOOPS)
1907
01:08:35,569 --> 01:08:36,736
Got your favorite.
1908
01:08:36,904 --> 01:08:38,530
Smelling good, too. Look at that, huh?
1909
01:08:38,697 --> 01:08:41,157
Let me get some chicken. Let me
get some chicken! (LAUGHING)
1910
01:08:41,325 --> 01:08:42,575
Stop. And the onions,
1911
01:08:42,660 --> 01:08:44,536
you know I love the sautéed
onions, and the cornbread.
1912
01:08:44,703 --> 01:08:46,037
I know. I'm gonna get you a plate,
1913
01:08:46,122 --> 01:08:47,497
but clear all this off, first.
1914
01:08:47,665 --> 01:08:48,706
All right, all right.
1915
01:08:48,791 --> 01:08:50,834
And make sure that sweet potato pie...
1916
01:08:52,086 --> 01:08:53,878
LORETTA: I will, little boy,
you just clear the counter.
1917
01:08:54,213 --> 01:08:55,672
Mom, what is this?
1918
01:08:56,173 --> 01:08:58,133
That's that book by that big-head boy
1919
01:08:58,217 --> 01:09:00,176
that's on that Family Feud thing.
1920
01:09:00,344 --> 01:09:02,011
Act Like something, Think
Like something else.
1921
01:09:02,179 --> 01:09:03,221
It's the new read for my book club.
1922
01:09:03,347 --> 01:09:05,056
CEDRIC: Every war has its turning point.
1923
01:09:05,432 --> 01:09:08,560
In the Civil War, it was the
Battle of Gettysburg.
1924
01:09:10,104 --> 01:09:11,271
World War Il,
1925
01:09:11,355 --> 01:09:13,022
it was the Invasion of Normandy.
1926
01:09:14,525 --> 01:09:16,401
The definitive turning point in this war
1927
01:09:16,485 --> 01:09:17,735
was that night at Loretta's house.
1928
01:09:17,903 --> 01:09:19,112
It was like finding the Holy Grail.
1929
01:09:19,280 --> 01:09:22,115
Jeremy. Tell them to turn the bus around.
1930
01:09:22,283 --> 01:09:23,992
CEDRIC: The power had just
shifted in our favor.
1931
01:09:24,076 --> 01:09:25,285
But we didn't know that yet.
1932
01:09:25,452 --> 01:09:27,203
"Why Men Do What They Do."
Look at this, guys.
1933
01:09:27,371 --> 01:09:28,872
Steve Harvey is a traitor.
1934
01:09:29,039 --> 01:09:31,624
Hey, look, "Mama's Boys."
Chapter 7. That's you.
1935
01:09:31,792 --> 01:09:32,876
I'm not a Mama's Boy.
1936
01:09:32,960 --> 01:09:34,210
Jer, you don't think I'm
a Mama's Boy, do you?
1937
01:09:34,378 --> 01:09:35,712
Nah. ZEKE: Listen to this.
1938
01:09:35,880 --> 01:09:37,297
"Men respect standards, get some."
1939
01:09:37,381 --> 01:09:38,882
I prefer my women not to have standards.
1940
01:09:38,966 --> 01:09:40,133
In fact, if I've got to choose,
1941
01:09:40,217 --> 01:09:41,843
I'm gonna choose the woman
who has no standards.
1942
01:09:41,927 --> 01:09:44,596
Hold up. "Until a man achieves his
goals, or is on the road to,
1943
01:09:44,763 --> 01:09:46,806
"you will never be number
one in his life."
1944
01:09:46,974 --> 01:09:48,308
See, that's not even true.
1945
01:09:48,475 --> 01:09:50,059
I've achieved absolutely nothing
1946
01:09:50,144 --> 01:09:51,477
and I still put my women first.
1947
01:09:51,645 --> 01:09:53,396
This is sick. It's brainwashing,
I'm telling you.
1948
01:09:53,564 --> 01:09:55,523
She's trying to push me towards my dreams
1949
01:09:55,608 --> 01:09:57,192
and help me accomplish my goals.
1950
01:09:57,276 --> 01:09:58,526
Why would she do this?
1951
01:09:58,611 --> 01:09:59,944
Shit, at least you're getting some.
1952
01:10:00,404 --> 01:10:01,821
Ninety days, that's not a probation,
1953
01:10:01,906 --> 01:10:03,072
that's a death sentence.
1954
01:10:03,157 --> 01:10:04,449
CEDRIC: Hell, yeah, I want
to taste your yams.
1955
01:10:04,950 --> 01:10:06,826
Hey, Mike, how old is your mom?
1956
01:10:06,911 --> 01:10:07,952
What?
1957
01:10:08,245 --> 01:10:09,412
No, not like that.
1958
01:10:09,496 --> 01:10:11,623
No, it is. It is like
that. How old is she?
1959
01:10:11,707 --> 01:10:14,083
I come in the house, she's like, "You
want to eat?" I said, "Eat what?"
1960
01:10:14,168 --> 01:10:15,585
Yo, first of all, put my plate down
1961
01:10:15,669 --> 01:10:16,794
and stop hitting on my mom, man.
1962
01:10:16,921 --> 01:10:18,463
Don't get mad at me! I don't
even wanna be here.
1963
01:10:18,547 --> 01:10:20,590
Y'all the ones that wanna be here,
I want to go to the strip club!
1964
01:10:20,841 --> 01:10:21,925
Man, wrap this up.
1965
01:10:22,009 --> 01:10:24,177
I got a bunch of ones, and
somebody gonna get them.
1966
01:10:24,345 --> 01:10:27,931
Ms. Loretta! I'm ready for
the rest of the tour.
1967
01:10:30,476 --> 01:10:32,227
You guys are so screwed.
1968
01:10:32,311 --> 01:10:34,270
And honestly, there's nothing
you can do about it.
1969
01:10:34,438 --> 01:10:35,480
Maybe we can.
1970
01:10:35,648 --> 01:10:37,148
They got our playbook, man.
1971
01:10:37,233 --> 01:10:38,691
They know all of our maneuvers.
1972
01:10:38,859 --> 01:10:40,818
Yeah, but they don't know
1973
01:10:40,903 --> 01:10:42,779
that we know that they know our maneuvers.
1974
01:10:42,947 --> 01:10:44,530
You see why I don't hang out
with Jeremy by himself?
1975
01:10:44,615 --> 01:10:45,949
I don't ever know what he's talking about.
1976
01:10:46,116 --> 01:10:47,825
Guys! It's like the Patriots,
1977
01:10:47,910 --> 01:10:50,203
when Bill Belichick stole the Jets' plays.
1978
01:10:50,371 --> 01:10:52,372
Right, and they got busted. Yeah,
but they won the game.
1979
01:10:52,539 --> 01:10:55,375
And where'd they end up? The Super Bowl.
1980
01:10:55,542 --> 01:10:56,960
I wish I knew what you was talking about.
1981
01:10:57,127 --> 01:10:59,128
We use Steve Harvey's words against them.
1982
01:10:59,296 --> 01:11:00,755
We pretend to give them what they want
1983
01:11:00,839 --> 01:11:02,173
so we get what we want.
1984
01:11:02,508 --> 01:11:03,549
We lie to them.
1985
01:11:04,134 --> 01:11:05,343
Exactly.
1986
01:11:05,427 --> 01:11:08,137
This is war, gentlemen.
There are no rules.
1987
01:11:08,305 --> 01:11:10,974
CEDRIC: Like the great Khan
once said, not Genghis,
1988
01:11:11,141 --> 01:11:13,309
I'm talking about the Latin
guy from Star Trek Il.
1989
01:11:13,477 --> 01:11:15,812
"Revenge is a dish best served cold."
1990
01:11:15,980 --> 01:11:18,481
CANDACE: Michael, I need to
get something off my chest.
1991
01:11:18,649 --> 01:11:20,817
You know what? Before you get
something off your chest,
1992
01:11:20,901 --> 01:11:22,652
I gotta get something off my chest.
1993
01:11:22,820 --> 01:11:24,737
You know I can be a bit of a Mama's Boy?
1994
01:11:25,489 --> 01:11:27,824
I think it really all started
when my dad died.
1995
01:11:29,493 --> 01:11:31,536
It was a rough time for us, you know?
1996
01:11:31,704 --> 01:11:35,248
And my mom just started relying
on me for so many things.
1997
01:11:35,332 --> 01:11:36,666
Too many things.
1998
01:11:37,543 --> 01:11:39,419
You know, I had to be the man of the house
1999
01:11:39,503 --> 01:11:41,045
at a really young age
2000
01:11:41,213 --> 01:11:42,714
and I guess maybe that's
why we're so close.
2001
01:11:42,840 --> 01:11:43,840
Michael.
2002
01:11:44,174 --> 01:11:46,217
And I guess, I guess what I'm
trying to say is this.
2003
01:11:47,845 --> 01:11:50,680
I want you to be the number
one woman in my life.
2004
01:11:50,848 --> 01:11:51,931
CEDRIC: It was like taking a test
2005
01:11:52,016 --> 01:11:53,308
you already had the answers to.
2006
01:11:53,767 --> 01:11:56,686
You're my priority, Candace. All right?
2007
01:11:56,937 --> 01:11:58,021
Yeah.
2008
01:11:58,230 --> 01:12:00,898
All right. Now, you said you wanted
to talk about something.
2009
01:12:02,651 --> 01:12:03,735
Did I?
2010
01:12:04,194 --> 01:12:05,862
CEDRIC: The women had no chance.
2011
01:12:05,946 --> 01:12:08,114
They were like putty in our hands.
2012
01:12:08,282 --> 01:12:12,910
So, I just updated my résumé,
and sent it off to Neversoft.
2013
01:12:13,871 --> 01:12:14,912
Really? Mmm-hmm.
2014
01:12:15,039 --> 01:12:16,122
You're serious?
2015
01:12:16,206 --> 01:12:17,874
I was intrigued by a job posting
2016
01:12:17,958 --> 01:12:19,542
I saw in Adweek and I thought,
2017
01:12:19,710 --> 01:12:20,918
"Why not go for it, Jeremy?
2018
01:12:21,003 --> 01:12:22,378
"You have nothing else to lose."
2019
01:12:22,546 --> 01:12:24,213
Baby, that's awesome, that's wonderful.
2020
01:12:24,298 --> 01:12:25,882
I'm so proud of you.
2021
01:12:26,091 --> 01:12:27,717
Oh, my God. Don't get too excited, okay?
2022
01:12:27,885 --> 01:12:29,093
It's just a feeler.
2023
01:12:29,178 --> 01:12:30,720
Probably won't even call me in.
2024
01:12:30,888 --> 01:12:32,263
No, you're selling yourself short.
2025
01:12:32,431 --> 01:12:34,307
Jeremy, you were the best
in your class at Parsons,
2026
01:12:34,391 --> 01:12:35,892
you're a brilliant designer.
2027
01:12:36,060 --> 01:12:38,895
No. You're a brilliant artist.
They'd be lucky to have you.
2028
01:12:39,480 --> 01:12:40,772
I'm lucky to have you.
2029
01:12:42,316 --> 01:12:43,649
You are? Mmm-hmm.
2030
01:12:45,486 --> 01:12:46,652
You know what I was just thinking?
2031
01:12:46,737 --> 01:12:47,779
What?
2032
01:12:47,905 --> 01:12:49,572
Nobody's had sex on this couch yet.
2033
01:12:49,907 --> 01:12:50,990
What?
2034
01:12:51,450 --> 01:12:52,909
No, it's a virgin couch. Really?
2035
01:12:52,993 --> 01:12:53,993
Mmm-hmm.
2036
01:12:54,078 --> 01:12:55,328
What do you think we should do about that?
2037
01:12:55,496 --> 01:12:57,121
There's about 10 things I think
we can do about that.
2038
01:12:57,206 --> 01:12:58,247
Only 10?
2039
01:12:58,582 --> 01:13:00,583
You'll be crying out like
a bitch after three.
2040
01:13:00,751 --> 01:13:02,085
Now I'm scared.
2041
01:13:02,294 --> 01:13:03,461
I love this couch.
2042
01:13:03,629 --> 01:13:04,921
CEDRIC: After careful study,
2043
01:13:05,005 --> 01:13:06,839
Dominic realized there was only one man
2044
01:13:06,924 --> 01:13:08,257
who could impress the Alpha Female.
2045
01:13:08,425 --> 01:13:10,134
"The Guy With Potential." Zeke.
2046
01:13:10,302 --> 01:13:12,345
What? I have to show her
I'm a man with a plan.
2047
01:13:12,513 --> 01:13:14,180
Well, just make some shit up, dude. No.
2048
01:13:14,348 --> 01:13:15,807
Remember that restaurant idea I had? Yeah.
2049
01:13:15,974 --> 01:13:17,767
I need you to help me
with a business plan.
2050
01:13:17,935 --> 01:13:19,602
Cook for her. Dummy.
2051
01:13:19,770 --> 01:13:21,938
I already did. Breakfast.
2052
01:13:22,106 --> 01:13:23,981
I ain't talking about no breakfast, boy!
2053
01:13:24,066 --> 01:13:25,525
Something fancy, Dom.
2054
01:13:25,943 --> 01:13:29,362
Like, like one of them dishes
with an apostrophe in it.
2055
01:13:29,530 --> 01:13:30,613
Is that your robe?
2056
01:13:31,448 --> 01:13:32,490
ZEKE: Yeah.
2057
01:13:32,616 --> 01:13:33,616
Man, you here again?
2058
01:13:33,826 --> 01:13:37,453
Yes! Ass Factory don't open up 'til
10:00, so I got time to waste.
2059
01:13:37,621 --> 01:13:39,580
Bitch, move in already. What'd you say?
2060
01:13:39,665 --> 01:13:40,706
Huh?
2061
01:13:40,791 --> 01:13:41,958
I'm sorry if I want to
be around my friends
2062
01:13:42,042 --> 01:13:43,459
when I'm going through a divorce.
2063
01:13:43,544 --> 01:13:44,710
What was I thinking?
2064
01:13:44,795 --> 01:13:46,170
You're something else, boy.
2065
01:13:46,296 --> 01:13:49,257
Look, Gail used to love it when I would
cook for her. It turned her on.
2066
01:13:49,425 --> 01:13:51,092
You can do all types of
things in the kitchen.
2067
01:13:51,260 --> 01:13:52,802
We had a little food thing
that we would do.
2068
01:13:52,970 --> 01:13:55,221
I would go and get some chocolate-covered
strawberries, right?
2069
01:13:55,389 --> 01:13:58,433
Then I would come downstairs,
I have a G-string on.
2070
01:13:58,976 --> 01:14:00,935
You know what I'm talking about.
She used to love it.
2071
01:14:01,103 --> 01:14:04,147
So, the game was "Balance the Berry."
2072
01:14:05,357 --> 01:14:06,691
I would put it on the...
2073
01:14:07,651 --> 01:14:08,734
But the way it's...
2074
01:14:10,195 --> 01:14:11,571
The berry ain't gonna stay there for long.
2075
01:14:11,655 --> 01:14:13,322
The berry wouldn't stay on, so...
2076
01:14:15,325 --> 01:14:18,161
The point that I'm making is this, Dom.
2077
01:14:18,328 --> 01:14:20,997
Food is your art. Stick
with what you know.
2078
01:14:21,999 --> 01:14:22,999
Mmm.
2079
01:14:23,417 --> 01:14:24,459
It's good milk, Zeke.
2080
01:14:26,545 --> 01:14:27,587
He's right.
2081
01:14:29,798 --> 01:14:30,840
It's on.
2082
01:14:30,966 --> 01:14:32,341
LAUREN: It's over. CANDACE:
Wait, what happened?
2083
01:14:32,509 --> 01:14:34,552
Dominic's car broke down.
2084
01:14:34,720 --> 01:14:36,262
I have to go pick him up?
2085
01:14:36,430 --> 01:14:37,430
So? Calm down.
2086
01:14:37,514 --> 01:14:39,932
Do you know how many times I had to pick
you up when your Jag broke down?
2087
01:14:40,017 --> 01:14:41,100
Oh, save it, Candace.
2088
01:14:41,185 --> 01:14:42,602
The man is a loser.
2089
01:14:42,686 --> 01:14:44,270
And I'm the fool who slept with him.
2090
01:14:44,354 --> 01:14:45,521
On the first night.
2091
01:14:45,689 --> 01:14:46,939
Which is a memory
2092
01:14:47,024 --> 01:14:49,400
he will have to cherish for
the rest of his life
2093
01:14:49,568 --> 01:14:53,404
because it is never happening
again. Never.
2094
01:14:57,409 --> 01:14:58,451
Hey, beautiful.
2095
01:15:00,120 --> 01:15:01,204
Dominic.
2096
01:15:03,207 --> 01:15:04,499
(TONIGHT (BEST YOU EVER
HAD) PLAYING SOFTLY)
2097
01:15:04,583 --> 01:15:06,000
DOMINIC: You look beautiful.
2098
01:15:06,168 --> 01:15:08,002
Yeah, you've mentioned that.
2099
01:15:09,546 --> 01:15:11,255
Would you like a glass of wine?
2100
01:15:11,340 --> 01:15:12,548
Actually, I came over here...
2101
01:15:12,716 --> 01:15:14,967
It's a Chateau Montelena, 2006.
2102
01:15:18,138 --> 01:15:22,475
That won first place in the Judgment
of Paris back in '76.
2103
01:15:22,643 --> 01:15:25,394
Actually, it was a '73
Chardonnay that won,
2104
01:15:25,562 --> 01:15:27,855
but I've heard this one is better.
2105
01:15:28,524 --> 01:15:29,565
It was a gift.
2106
01:15:30,442 --> 01:15:33,528
But I wanted to save it
for a special occasion.
2107
01:15:34,780 --> 01:15:36,197
Well, thank you.
2108
01:15:39,409 --> 01:15:40,451
So, um,
2109
01:15:41,828 --> 01:15:42,870
to tonight.
2110
01:15:44,706 --> 01:15:45,748
Yeah.
2111
01:15:49,962 --> 01:15:51,295
Oh, my God.
2112
01:15:51,463 --> 01:15:52,880
This is good.
2113
01:15:53,840 --> 01:15:55,633
Yeah, there's more.
2114
01:15:55,884 --> 01:15:59,220
♪ Best you ever had
2115
01:16:00,097 --> 01:16:04,350
♪ I don't wanna brag but I'll be
2116
01:16:04,434 --> 01:16:05,476
Wow.
2117
01:16:06,103 --> 01:16:09,939
♪ The best you ever had
2118
01:16:10,899 --> 01:16:12,775
You did all this for me?
2119
01:16:16,780 --> 01:16:20,324
♪ The best you ever had
2120
01:16:20,617 --> 01:16:23,035
♪ I hit you with the best throw
2121
01:16:23,120 --> 01:16:24,870
♪ Freestyle and the breaststroke
2122
01:16:25,789 --> 01:16:27,206
♪ Till you blowing cigarette smoke
2123
01:16:27,291 --> 01:16:28,499
(CLEARS THROAT) Good evening, madam.
2124
01:16:29,459 --> 01:16:30,585
Wild...
2125
01:16:31,128 --> 01:16:32,253
Goddamn. Man...
2126
01:16:32,421 --> 01:16:34,255
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
2127
01:16:35,007 --> 01:16:36,966
Wild Mushroom en "Croût"?
2128
01:16:38,260 --> 01:16:39,302
BOTH: Croûte.
2129
01:16:39,636 --> 01:16:40,636
Croûte?
2130
01:16:42,014 --> 01:16:43,055
Thank you.
2131
01:16:43,223 --> 01:16:45,349
Enjoy your dinner. Thanks.
2132
01:16:45,726 --> 01:16:50,313
♪ Baby, tonight's the
night we lose control
2133
01:16:50,981 --> 01:16:55,651
I really wanted to change your association
of me with hors d'oeuvres.
2134
01:16:56,862 --> 01:16:58,154
So, what do you think?
2135
01:16:59,281 --> 01:17:00,323
Amazing.
2136
01:17:02,492 --> 01:17:03,826
So are you.
2137
01:17:04,870 --> 01:17:06,078
Thank you.
2138
01:17:08,999 --> 01:17:10,958
And look at the stars.
2139
01:17:11,627 --> 01:17:13,044
Make a wish.
2140
01:17:17,049 --> 01:17:18,090
Okay.
2141
01:17:23,805 --> 01:17:25,389
Aren't you gonna make one?
2142
01:17:29,394 --> 01:17:30,686
No need.
2143
01:17:33,440 --> 01:17:36,692
♪ Baby, tonight you need that
2144
01:17:36,777 --> 01:17:39,445
♪ Tonight believe that
2145
01:17:39,529 --> 01:17:45,868
♪ Tonight I'll be the best you ever had ♪
2146
01:17:45,952 --> 01:17:47,328
CEDRIC: And on that same night,
2147
01:17:47,412 --> 01:17:49,246
Zeke was on an entirely different
kind of mission.
2148
01:17:49,414 --> 01:17:51,123
Dude, don't tell me what I
said. I know what I said.
2149
01:17:51,291 --> 01:17:53,209
But I'm telling you, I'm
done with her. What?
2150
01:17:53,377 --> 01:17:55,127
I'm not competing with this 90-Day Rule.
2151
01:17:55,295 --> 01:17:56,629
You have the ammo.
2152
01:17:56,797 --> 01:17:58,464
KRISTEN: Babe, I'm going upstairs.
2153
01:18:01,468 --> 01:18:02,551
All right, listen.
2154
01:18:02,719 --> 01:18:07,473
Use "how men show their love" against
her to get the cookie.
2155
01:18:07,641 --> 01:18:09,225
You profess. Call her your girlfriend.
2156
01:18:09,393 --> 01:18:11,102
Bro, stop it. Do you have any
idea what I've been through?
2157
01:18:11,269 --> 01:18:13,813
I'm sick of picking up checks
and opening doors,
2158
01:18:13,980 --> 01:18:16,023
and talking about our feelings
and our childhoods.
2159
01:18:16,191 --> 01:18:17,942
It's like the 1950s, man!
I just want to hit.
2160
01:18:18,110 --> 01:18:20,778
And if she thinks I'm gonna wait 71
more days just to get the cookie,
2161
01:18:20,946 --> 01:18:22,905
oh, she gonna be waiting by
herself. You kept count?
2162
01:18:23,073 --> 01:18:25,658
I'm not counting, but you're gonna
know the amount of day...
2163
01:18:25,826 --> 01:18:26,992
You really like her.
2164
01:18:27,160 --> 01:18:29,161
No, bro, trust me on this.
I am done, okay?
2165
01:18:29,329 --> 01:18:30,496
I'm ending it tonight.
2166
01:18:30,664 --> 01:18:32,123
Mmm-hmm. Yeah, have fun on your date.
2167
01:18:32,290 --> 01:18:34,125
I bet you I dump her 90-day ass.
2168
01:18:35,544 --> 01:18:36,877
Hey. Hey.
2169
01:18:37,629 --> 01:18:38,796
Listen. Um...
2170
01:18:39,131 --> 01:18:40,423
Mya, about tonight...
2171
01:18:40,590 --> 01:18:41,632
Okay, I have a surprise.
2172
01:18:42,092 --> 01:18:43,134
You do?
2173
01:18:43,301 --> 01:18:46,303
Yeah, I got us tickets to see
John Legend at Nokia Theatre.
2174
01:18:48,348 --> 01:18:50,725
Okay, that's cool.
2175
01:18:51,017 --> 01:18:52,059
Yeah.
2176
01:18:52,644 --> 01:18:54,729
Okay. Okay. So, let's go.
2177
01:19:01,737 --> 01:19:04,697
So, I hope you don't get mad at me,
2178
01:19:04,865 --> 01:19:08,242
but my uncle is a music producer
and I passed him your CD.
2179
01:19:08,410 --> 01:19:09,452
You took my CD?
2180
01:19:09,703 --> 01:19:12,747
Yes. And the three pieces of
gum that were stuck to it.
2181
01:19:12,914 --> 01:19:15,166
Okay, you know what? I was
looking for that gum.
2182
01:19:15,333 --> 01:19:19,170
You know I'm done with the music industry,
right? I love what I do.
2183
01:19:19,337 --> 01:19:21,672
Okay, Zeke, he's not trying
to sign you, though.
2184
01:19:21,840 --> 01:19:24,300
He wants some new songs for some
albums that he's working on.
2185
01:19:24,468 --> 01:19:27,178
Yeah, well, my album went Plat-none, okay?
2186
01:19:27,345 --> 01:19:29,346
I mean, two people heard it and
both of them were relatives.
2187
01:19:29,514 --> 01:19:31,599
Okay, but I was raving about it,
2188
01:19:31,683 --> 01:19:33,267
and he decided to check it out.
2189
01:19:34,603 --> 01:19:35,936
You should've been my manager.
2190
01:19:36,313 --> 01:19:37,313
(CHUCKLES)
2191
01:19:37,522 --> 01:19:39,356
Oh! Zeke!
2192
01:19:39,566 --> 01:19:42,526
Super Freak Zeke! What up, baby?
2193
01:19:42,694 --> 01:19:44,695
Man, hey, what's up...
Xavier! What up, baby.
2194
01:19:44,863 --> 01:19:46,238
Oh, my goodness. Baby, this is Zeke.
2195
01:19:46,323 --> 01:19:48,157
This is the guy that taught me the move.
2196
01:19:48,325 --> 01:19:49,867
The Chimichanga! He was
the one who taught me.
2197
01:19:50,035 --> 01:19:51,410
Hey, this is my lady, Crystal.
2198
01:19:51,578 --> 01:19:53,662
Hey, what's going on, Crystal?
How you doing?
2199
01:19:55,373 --> 01:19:57,833
Oh, my bad. Xavier, this is...
2200
01:19:59,252 --> 01:20:02,505
Now ladies, if a man simply introduces
you as his friend,
2201
01:20:02,672 --> 01:20:05,424
then please understand, you are
nothing more than his friend.
2202
01:20:05,592 --> 01:20:09,220
See, if a man has a plan for you in his
future, then he's gonna profess it.
2203
01:20:09,387 --> 01:20:11,096
He's gonna attach a title to it.
2204
01:20:11,264 --> 01:20:16,143
You're gonna be his woman, his
lady, his fiancée, or...
2205
01:20:17,813 --> 01:20:19,480
My girlfriend, Mya.
2206
01:20:21,733 --> 01:20:24,109
CEDRIC: Zeke realized the man could
get a hell of a lot further,
2207
01:20:24,277 --> 01:20:28,405
with one well-placed profession than
with six carefully planned dates.
2208
01:20:35,705 --> 01:20:36,705
(GASPS)
2209
01:20:36,790 --> 01:20:37,915
Oh, my God.
2210
01:20:39,251 --> 01:20:40,292
I think we should stop.
2211
01:20:41,920 --> 01:20:43,671
I have to get up early.
2212
01:20:44,005 --> 01:20:46,298
So, I better go.
2213
01:20:47,217 --> 01:20:48,467
Okay.
2214
01:20:48,760 --> 01:20:49,927
Good night!
2215
01:20:51,638 --> 01:20:53,013
Well, I could walk you
to... (CAR DOOR SLAMS)
2216
01:20:53,181 --> 01:20:55,599
Oh, no, I got this. I'm good, good night!
2217
01:20:56,184 --> 01:20:59,478
CEDRIC: The guys may have lost some battles,
but they were winning the war.
2218
01:20:59,646 --> 01:21:01,438
I'm telling you, Gina. It worked.
2219
01:21:01,606 --> 01:21:04,108
He's finally stepping up and
looking for a better job.
2220
01:21:04,276 --> 01:21:06,443
Family Feud knows what he's talking about?
2221
01:21:06,570 --> 01:21:07,570
Changing the game.
2222
01:21:07,904 --> 01:21:09,905
SONIA: How does this affect
the 90-Day Rule?
2223
01:21:09,990 --> 01:21:12,116
The 90-Day Rule is what
got me to this point.
2224
01:21:12,284 --> 01:21:15,202
It's just, I was saying that I'm
not opposed to amending it,
2225
01:21:15,370 --> 01:21:16,662
you know, for good behavior.
2226
01:21:16,830 --> 01:21:18,998
Like changing his Facebook status?
2227
01:21:19,165 --> 01:21:21,125
Yeah, see, that's good behavior,
2228
01:21:21,293 --> 01:21:22,835
but the cookies don't come
out of the cookie jar
2229
01:21:22,919 --> 01:21:24,753
for anything less than
the three magic words.
2230
01:21:24,921 --> 01:21:27,673
I hope you guys are ready
for some fun in the sun.
2231
01:21:27,841 --> 01:21:29,133
Oh, yeah, some fun in the sun.
2232
01:21:29,301 --> 01:21:30,342
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
2233
01:21:30,427 --> 01:21:32,803
Oh, wait. Baby, should you
get that? It's work.
2234
01:21:33,388 --> 01:21:34,471
Yeah, it's okay.
2235
01:21:34,681 --> 01:21:37,850
No! Why would I answer work calls
when I'm with y'all two?
2236
01:21:37,934 --> 01:21:39,935
Don't worry about work. Yeah, no work.
2237
01:21:40,395 --> 01:21:42,730
You okay back there, Duke? Yeah.
2238
01:21:42,898 --> 01:21:44,440
All right, now you got your license, too?
2239
01:21:44,524 --> 01:21:45,983
'Cause you're driving back, right?
2240
01:21:46,234 --> 01:21:47,443
(CHUCKLING)
2241
01:21:48,278 --> 01:21:49,528
(CAR LOCK BEEPS)
2242
01:21:50,780 --> 01:21:52,156
I'm just joking.
2243
01:21:52,824 --> 01:21:54,450
Such a romantic.
2244
01:21:54,618 --> 01:21:56,243
CEDRIC: Things were almost going too well.
2245
01:21:56,411 --> 01:21:59,330
The guys had forgotten that
they were even at war.
2246
01:22:03,209 --> 01:22:05,753
All right, thanks a lot, everybody.
Once again, I'm Danny Vola.
2247
01:22:05,921 --> 01:22:08,172
Go up there and sing. Come
on, you should go...
2248
01:22:08,340 --> 01:22:09,965
No. I ain't sang in years, you sit down.
2249
01:22:10,133 --> 01:22:12,718
Wait, slow down! Okay, Duke!
2250
01:22:12,886 --> 01:22:15,596
All right, you got this. Be careful!
2251
01:22:15,764 --> 01:22:18,349
I'm about to get you a motorcycle
now, the way you're going, baby.
2252
01:22:18,433 --> 01:22:21,268
♪ I just don't wanna stop Oh, my love
2253
01:22:22,938 --> 01:22:24,521
Oh, you want some?
2254
01:22:24,814 --> 01:22:30,486
♪ A million days in your
arms is never too much
2255
01:22:33,823 --> 01:22:36,241
♪ I just don't wanna stop
2256
01:22:36,326 --> 01:22:38,577
♪ Too much, never too
much Never too much ♪
2257
01:22:43,083 --> 01:22:47,378
Sorry that took so long, babe. One of the
guys needed a little of my advice.
2258
01:22:48,296 --> 01:22:49,630
Where were we?
2259
01:22:49,923 --> 01:22:51,173
Right here. Mmm-hmm.
2260
01:22:51,549 --> 01:22:53,926
CEDRIC: But then things
started to backfire.
2261
01:22:54,094 --> 01:22:56,637
What ever happened with
that job at Neversoft?
2262
01:22:57,055 --> 01:22:58,180
Mmm.
2263
01:22:58,682 --> 01:23:03,268
I forgot to tell you, I heard through the
grapevine they filled the position.
2264
01:23:03,353 --> 01:23:04,520
Mmm? Mmm.
2265
01:23:05,021 --> 01:23:06,105
Really?
2266
01:23:06,773 --> 01:23:07,940
Yeah.
2267
01:23:10,443 --> 01:23:11,652
That's weird,
2268
01:23:13,029 --> 01:23:17,074
'cause I heard from Sarah's
little brother...
2269
01:23:17,409 --> 01:23:19,576
Yeah? ...on Linkedln.
2270
01:23:19,744 --> 01:23:22,663
And he said that the position
was still open.
2271
01:23:23,999 --> 01:23:26,041
Really? Yeah.
2272
01:23:26,209 --> 01:23:28,836
And that he was gonna personally
recommend you to his boss.
2273
01:23:29,004 --> 01:23:32,006
Except your résumé's not on file.
2274
01:23:32,799 --> 01:23:33,841
What?
2275
01:23:35,719 --> 01:23:37,511
I've been waiting this whole time.
2276
01:23:37,679 --> 01:23:41,390
You know what? I had to reset
the modem the other day.
2277
01:23:41,558 --> 01:23:43,684
I bet you the email didn't go through.
2278
01:23:43,852 --> 01:23:47,021
Yeah, I'll fix it in the morning.
2279
01:23:49,399 --> 01:23:50,649
The Internet?
2280
01:23:52,110 --> 01:23:55,195
Yeah, it happens all the time.
2281
01:23:58,575 --> 01:23:59,575
Kris?
2282
01:24:00,952 --> 01:24:02,995
CEDRIC: The truth was catching up to them.
2283
01:24:07,167 --> 01:24:08,584
I'll miss you.
2284
01:24:09,961 --> 01:24:11,462
That's me, all right. I'll see you.
2285
01:24:11,629 --> 01:24:12,629
Okay.
2286
01:24:24,017 --> 01:24:25,642
♪ Ah
2287
01:24:30,148 --> 01:24:36,320
♪ Ooh, baby
2288
01:24:36,404 --> 01:24:37,571
♪ Keep on
2289
01:24:39,115 --> 01:24:40,199
♪ My baby
2290
01:24:40,283 --> 01:24:41,784
♪ Keep on doing it
2291
01:24:43,953 --> 01:24:44,995
♪ Right on
2292
01:24:45,080 --> 01:24:46,288
♪ Oh, oh, oh
2293
01:24:46,414 --> 01:24:48,290
♪ Right on doing it
2294
01:24:49,793 --> 01:24:51,293
♪ We get it together
2295
01:24:51,377 --> 01:24:52,586
♪ Baby keep on
2296
01:24:52,670 --> 01:24:54,463
♪ Oh, we get it together baby
2297
01:24:54,756 --> 01:24:56,924
♪ Right on
2298
01:24:57,217 --> 01:24:58,383
♪ Keep on doing it
2299
01:24:58,468 --> 01:24:59,802
♪ And I'll give you baby ♪
2300
01:24:59,886 --> 01:25:00,928
James?
2301
01:25:01,137 --> 01:25:03,055
James Merrill? Lauren Harris.
2302
01:25:04,516 --> 01:25:05,933
Wow, look at you.
2303
01:25:06,309 --> 01:25:09,478
Look at you. (MOUTHING) Oh, my God.
2304
01:25:09,687 --> 01:25:12,981
You are like a fine wine. You just
get better with age, don't you?
2305
01:25:13,149 --> 01:25:16,151
And you get smoother. What
are you doing in LA?
2306
01:25:16,319 --> 01:25:20,322
I'm checking out a sublet. Yeah, I
was just promoted CEO of Sensala.
2307
01:25:20,740 --> 01:25:22,282
Wow. Yeah, yeah.
2308
01:25:22,367 --> 01:25:23,367
I'm relocating to LA.
2309
01:25:23,535 --> 01:25:24,618
You're kidding? No.
2310
01:25:24,702 --> 01:25:27,830
Well, I can't imagine Nina ever
wanting to leave Chicago.
2311
01:25:27,997 --> 01:25:29,706
Yeah, well, that's because she's not.
2312
01:25:30,750 --> 01:25:32,334
We're finalizing our divorce.
2313
01:25:32,877 --> 01:25:34,837
Really? Yeah.
2314
01:25:35,004 --> 01:25:36,046
Oh, I'm sorry.
2315
01:25:36,131 --> 01:25:37,840
No, no, it's all right.
2316
01:25:38,007 --> 01:25:39,383
We're friendly. That's good.
2317
01:25:39,551 --> 01:25:42,177
But what about you? I mean,
are you engaged? Married?
2318
01:25:42,846 --> 01:25:45,848
No. Not married or engaged.
2319
01:25:46,015 --> 01:25:47,349
Really?
2320
01:25:47,517 --> 01:25:49,184
Just dating, but nothing serious.
2321
01:25:49,853 --> 01:25:51,061
Well then, why don't we go to dinner?
2322
01:25:52,021 --> 01:25:53,188
Sure.
2323
01:25:53,356 --> 01:25:55,232
Let's do it. I mean, let's do dinner.
2324
01:25:55,358 --> 01:25:56,650
(CHUCKLES)
2325
01:25:57,193 --> 01:25:58,777
Well, you have to call me.
2326
01:25:58,945 --> 01:26:00,362
Got the same number? Same number.
2327
01:26:00,530 --> 01:26:01,780
All right. Use it.
2328
01:26:01,948 --> 01:26:03,866
Tomorrow night. Absolutely.
2329
01:26:04,909 --> 01:26:06,618
Like the car. Me, too.
2330
01:26:06,786 --> 01:26:07,870
Love the body.
2331
01:26:08,121 --> 01:26:09,872
Ha! On the car.
2332
01:26:13,001 --> 01:26:14,501
I hate to trouble you... Go away!
2333
01:26:14,919 --> 01:26:18,213
I saw this episode last night at
Mom's. This joint is hilarious.
2334
01:26:18,381 --> 01:26:21,091
Wait, I thought you got called
back into work last night.
2335
01:26:21,259 --> 01:26:23,594
Oh, yeah, last night I got
called back into work,
2336
01:26:23,761 --> 01:26:25,888
but remember, I told you I
had to stop by my mom's
2337
01:26:26,055 --> 01:26:28,140
to drop off the stuff that
she had put at my...
2338
01:26:28,224 --> 01:26:29,933
No. Yeah, I told you that, babe.
2339
01:26:30,018 --> 01:26:31,143
No, I don't think you...
2340
01:26:31,227 --> 01:26:32,686
Give me a kiss, baby. You
don't be listening.
2341
01:26:32,770 --> 01:26:35,189
CEDRIC: And the lies were
starting to add up.
2342
01:26:35,356 --> 01:26:37,900
Listen, my mom's planning a
really big family reunion.
2343
01:26:38,067 --> 01:26:39,151
I'd love it if you could come.
2344
01:26:39,235 --> 01:26:40,277
Whatever you want, baby.
2345
01:26:40,403 --> 01:26:41,486
Really? Yeah.
2346
01:26:41,571 --> 01:26:45,657
I mean, the only bad thing is if your
mom and grandma are as fine as you,
2347
01:26:45,825 --> 01:26:47,826
you might have some competition
over there.
2348
01:26:47,994 --> 01:26:49,161
(LAUGHING) Come here.
2349
01:26:50,371 --> 01:26:51,413
DUKE: Cool!
2350
01:26:51,539 --> 01:26:52,706
It's at the park, in Culver City.
2351
01:26:52,874 --> 01:26:55,000
There's gonna be a trampoline
and barbecue.
2352
01:26:55,168 --> 01:26:58,253
These walls have ears. Duke,
please go back to bed.
2353
01:27:01,174 --> 01:27:04,051
So, it's gonna be the 20th and
it's gonna be so great.
2354
01:27:04,219 --> 01:27:05,969
We're gonna have these cotton
candy machines...
2355
01:27:06,137 --> 01:27:07,596
The 20th of this month?
2356
01:27:07,680 --> 01:27:08,764
Mmm-hmm. Carousels...
2357
01:27:08,932 --> 01:27:10,891
Baby, I can't make the 20th.
2358
01:27:11,142 --> 01:27:12,351
Why?
2359
01:27:12,727 --> 01:27:15,103
Well, actually, I promised my mom.
2360
01:27:15,188 --> 01:27:16,480
It's her church anniversary,
so I promised...
2361
01:27:16,648 --> 01:27:18,065
DUKE: Really? You gotta be kidding me!
2362
01:27:18,233 --> 01:27:19,733
Good night, Duke!
2363
01:27:19,901 --> 01:27:21,193
Baby, I'm gonna see what
I can do, all right?
2364
01:27:21,361 --> 01:27:23,362
Okay. I'm gonna make it happen.
2365
01:27:23,529 --> 01:27:24,780
Come here, girl, come here.
2366
01:27:24,948 --> 01:27:28,283
CEDRIC: Turns out, the only problem
in pretending to step up is,
2367
01:27:28,451 --> 01:27:30,869
well, sometimes, you actually have to.
2368
01:27:31,037 --> 01:27:32,287
Yo, watch this right here.
2369
01:27:32,372 --> 01:27:34,289
Hold it, this is about to jump...
2370
01:27:36,042 --> 01:27:37,125
(PEOPLE SCREAMING EXCITEDLY))
2371
01:27:40,004 --> 01:27:41,838
Okay, what?
2372
01:27:43,633 --> 01:27:47,427
Okay, okay, okay. I wanted to wait
until we had proper drinks,
2373
01:27:47,679 --> 01:27:50,847
but I talked to my uncle last night,
2374
01:27:51,015 --> 01:27:54,309
and he listened to your
CD, and he loved it.
2375
01:27:54,477 --> 01:27:56,061
And he's obsessed with number seven,
2376
01:27:56,145 --> 01:27:57,980
and they want to meet with you on Tuesday!
2377
01:27:58,147 --> 01:27:59,314
Congratulations!
2378
01:27:59,565 --> 01:28:02,276
Oh, my God. You did this for me?
2379
01:28:02,443 --> 01:28:06,530
No, you did it. You left
it all on the track.
2380
01:28:06,990 --> 01:28:08,615
I love you, girl.
2381
01:28:14,330 --> 01:28:15,664
CEDRIC: Without even meaning to,
2382
01:28:15,748 --> 01:28:18,542
Zeke done messed around and uttered
the three magic words
2383
01:28:18,710 --> 01:28:20,585
that finally opened the cookie jar.
2384
01:28:45,361 --> 01:28:47,654
But Zeke's victory was short-lived.
2385
01:29:16,851 --> 01:29:17,851
(CHUCKLES)
2386
01:29:20,897 --> 01:29:23,815
Uh-oh. This cannot be good.
2387
01:29:25,985 --> 01:29:27,319
No, no, no.
2388
01:29:38,414 --> 01:29:39,748
(DOOR OPENING)
2389
01:29:42,043 --> 01:29:43,418
(MUFFLED SPEECH)
2390
01:29:45,088 --> 01:29:48,548
Am I tripping, or was last night
the best night of my life?
2391
01:29:48,716 --> 01:29:49,883
You got the cookie.
2392
01:29:50,051 --> 01:29:51,885
The cookie? I'm the cookie monster.
2393
01:29:51,969 --> 01:29:54,388
You know what I got us?
I got some latte...
2394
01:29:58,643 --> 01:30:00,560
Mya, I can explain that.
2395
01:30:00,728 --> 01:30:03,230
You lying-ass sack of shit!
2396
01:30:04,607 --> 01:30:06,983
I was just using this to defend myself.
2397
01:30:07,151 --> 01:30:08,735
Defending yourself against what?
2398
01:30:08,820 --> 01:30:09,861
Against your 90-Day Rule.
2399
01:30:09,987 --> 01:30:12,823
That was created for women to protect
themselves from sorry-asses like you.
2400
01:30:12,907 --> 01:30:14,699
Oh, so I'm the villain, and you
didn't even have the guts
2401
01:30:14,784 --> 01:30:16,785
to tell me that I was on
a 90-day probation.
2402
01:30:16,869 --> 01:30:18,078
I was gonna tell you. Oh,
were you gonna tell me?
2403
01:30:18,204 --> 01:30:22,332
Yes, I was gonna tell you. But then,
I thought I might amend it.
2404
01:30:24,919 --> 01:30:27,379
'Cause I thought you might
actually be the one.
2405
01:30:28,005 --> 01:30:29,339
So, was any of it real?
2406
01:30:29,799 --> 01:30:34,094
Any of it? The wining, the dining?
Calling me your girlfriend?
2407
01:30:34,262 --> 01:30:36,138
Or was that all just to get the cookie?
2408
01:30:38,391 --> 01:30:39,474
Wow.
2409
01:30:40,977 --> 01:30:42,352
You win, congratulations.
2410
01:30:43,396 --> 01:30:45,355
You got it, right? You won.
2411
01:30:45,523 --> 01:30:47,315
Mya, wait a minute. Mya, it was true.
2412
01:30:47,483 --> 01:30:49,109
Zeke, don't touch me!
2413
01:30:50,236 --> 01:30:51,653
God, you're so good.
2414
01:30:52,572 --> 01:30:53,905
You're so good.
2415
01:30:54,115 --> 01:30:56,825
Because even when I know
that you're lying,
2416
01:30:58,119 --> 01:31:00,036
I still almost believe you.
2417
01:31:00,663 --> 01:31:05,208
CEDRIC: In The Art of War, Sun Tzu wrote,
"All warfare is based on deception."
2418
01:31:05,376 --> 01:31:08,295
He left out, "Only dumbasses get caught."
2419
01:31:08,588 --> 01:31:09,796
(RINGING)
2420
01:31:09,881 --> 01:31:11,256
CANDACE: Baby, your phone!
2421
01:31:11,674 --> 01:31:14,968
CEDRIC: Meanwhile, Candace didn't even need
to find the book to get the message.
2422
01:31:15,136 --> 01:31:16,219
Michael Atwater's phone?
2423
01:31:17,054 --> 01:31:18,096
Tandace?
2424
01:31:18,181 --> 01:31:19,181
Loretta?
2425
01:31:19,307 --> 01:31:24,227
Listen, I'm calling to tell Michael that
I don't need him to take me to church.
2426
01:31:24,645 --> 01:31:27,481
Deacon Johnson will be
driving me to church.
2427
01:31:27,648 --> 01:31:29,733
Let me talk to him. Is he free?
2428
01:31:29,901 --> 01:31:31,401
He will be.
2429
01:31:31,736 --> 01:31:33,737
MICHAEL: Here we go! Oh, slam dunk!
2430
01:31:33,905 --> 01:31:35,238
Michael.
2431
01:31:36,616 --> 01:31:37,741
Can I talk to you for a minute?
2432
01:31:37,992 --> 01:31:38,992
Uh-oh.
2433
01:31:39,076 --> 01:31:40,368
Uh-oh. What?
2434
01:31:40,536 --> 01:31:41,536
Ha! You'll see.
2435
01:31:41,621 --> 01:31:42,787
Duke, get in the house.
2436
01:31:43,080 --> 01:31:44,915
Baby, did you see that boy's skills?
2437
01:31:45,082 --> 01:31:46,208
If I keep on...
2438
01:31:46,375 --> 01:31:47,542
What's wrong, baby? What's up?
2439
01:31:48,461 --> 01:31:50,295
Your, uh, work just called.
2440
01:31:50,463 --> 01:31:53,215
And I thought it might be an
emergency, so I picked up.
2441
01:31:53,841 --> 01:31:54,925
But it was just your mom.
2442
01:31:55,218 --> 01:31:58,303
Really? You know, the T-Mobile
Top Five be acting up...
2443
01:31:58,471 --> 01:31:59,804
Don't bullshit me, Michael.
2444
01:31:59,972 --> 01:32:01,932
Baby, listen, I know how that looks,
but trust me, this isn't...
2445
01:32:02,308 --> 01:32:04,142
Trust? I believed you.
2446
01:32:05,520 --> 01:32:08,230
I can't compete with your
mother. And I won't.
2447
01:32:08,397 --> 01:32:09,564
You don't have to...
2448
01:32:09,732 --> 01:32:11,691
Then why did you look me
in my face and lie?
2449
01:32:15,154 --> 01:32:16,530
You need to go.
2450
01:32:17,406 --> 01:32:18,532
Baby, listen I...
2451
01:32:18,741 --> 01:32:20,200
Get out of my face, Michael.
2452
01:32:28,042 --> 01:32:30,961
CEDRIC: And Candace wasn't the only
one who was all business that day.
2453
01:32:31,128 --> 01:32:32,337
Hey, beautiful.
2454
01:32:33,047 --> 01:32:34,965
Hi. How are you?
2455
01:32:35,883 --> 01:32:37,175
Um, I have a 2 o'clock, so...
2456
01:32:37,260 --> 01:32:38,593
You look stunning.
2457
01:32:38,844 --> 01:32:40,095
Thank you.
2458
01:32:40,680 --> 01:32:42,764
So, you said you had some news?
2459
01:32:42,932 --> 01:32:45,976
Yeah. My investor friend that
I told you about? Mmm-hmm.
2460
01:32:46,060 --> 01:32:49,813
Read your prospectus, loves it, and
wants you to give him a call.
2461
01:32:50,273 --> 01:32:51,523
You serious?
2462
01:32:51,649 --> 01:32:53,400
I told you it was brilliant.
2463
01:32:53,901 --> 01:32:55,860
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
2464
01:32:57,113 --> 01:32:59,739
Okay, we gotta go celebrate.
Let's go out tonight.
2465
01:32:59,907 --> 01:33:01,658
I'm not free tonight.
2466
01:33:01,826 --> 01:33:04,494
Okay, well, what about
tomorrow night, then?
2467
01:33:04,745 --> 01:33:07,455
Dominic, I'm gonna hit you
with the headline, okay?
2468
01:33:07,623 --> 01:33:10,709
I recently reconnected with an ex-boyfriend
of mine from college.
2469
01:33:10,876 --> 01:33:12,043
Anyway, he just got a divorce
2470
01:33:12,128 --> 01:33:13,587
and is moving back to LA and I...
2471
01:33:13,671 --> 01:33:14,671
Whoa, whoa.
2472
01:33:15,381 --> 01:33:16,590
You breaking up with me?
2473
01:33:16,757 --> 01:33:19,968
No! No, I'm not breaking
up, just taking a break.
2474
01:33:20,136 --> 01:33:21,511
I need some space. Space.
2475
01:33:21,679 --> 01:33:23,179
Yeah, because we were moving too fast...
2476
01:33:23,264 --> 01:33:25,015
Yeah, you sound like a guy.
2477
01:33:25,182 --> 01:33:26,224
What did you say?
2478
01:33:26,350 --> 01:33:28,018
I said you sound like a guy.
2479
01:33:28,519 --> 01:33:32,147
Is that why you invited me to this
place? For a business lunch?
2480
01:33:32,398 --> 01:33:33,565
So you can have an out-time?
2481
01:33:33,733 --> 01:33:35,150
Dominic, look, I really like you.
2482
01:33:35,443 --> 01:33:39,654
Okay? I didn't want to string you
along. Let's just be friends.
2483
01:33:39,822 --> 01:33:42,115
Yeah, I don't really need
any more friends, Lauren.
2484
01:33:42,366 --> 01:33:46,661
You know, and I really don't need
your friends to let me down easy.
2485
01:33:46,829 --> 01:33:48,580
Okay, don't be stupid, Dominic.
2486
01:33:48,664 --> 01:33:49,956
That's business, not personal.
2487
01:33:52,043 --> 01:33:53,627
Do you even know the difference?
2488
01:33:53,961 --> 01:33:55,003
You know, Lauren, I...
2489
01:33:56,088 --> 01:34:00,967
I never even had a prospectus, you
know? I did it all to impress you.
2490
01:34:02,303 --> 01:34:06,431
You inspired me, you motivated me to do
something for myself for the first time.
2491
01:34:07,850 --> 01:34:10,310
And all this time, I thought
you were too good for me.
2492
01:34:12,813 --> 01:34:13,855
(LAUGHS HUMORLESSLY)
2493
01:34:25,701 --> 01:34:27,952
Kris? Picked up some pizza.
2494
01:34:51,143 --> 01:34:52,268
(SIGHS)
2495
01:34:59,318 --> 01:35:00,735
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)
2496
01:35:01,445 --> 01:35:05,740
What I don't get is just like the book,
I was the guy with potential.
2497
01:35:05,908 --> 01:35:09,035
I told her the truth, I put myself out
there, and it still wasn't enough.
2498
01:35:09,203 --> 01:35:11,329
At least you didn't get caught
in a flat-out lie.
2499
01:35:11,497 --> 01:35:13,790
Y'all should see how bad things
are with Candace right now.
2500
01:35:13,958 --> 01:35:17,210
Kristen wouldn't even look at me
when I showed up at Gina's.
2501
01:35:17,628 --> 01:35:18,837
She'll change her mind.
2502
01:35:19,004 --> 01:35:22,298
Nah. You did not see the way
she looked at me. Such...
2503
01:35:22,466 --> 01:35:23,717
Hate? Hurt.
2504
01:35:23,884 --> 01:35:26,636
It's hate. Women will hate you fast.
2505
01:35:26,804 --> 01:35:29,597
Either way, fellas. I think we
brought this upon ourselves.
2506
01:35:29,765 --> 01:35:33,727
It was self-defense. They attacked
first! We had to strike back.
2507
01:35:33,894 --> 01:35:36,396
We were just protecting our natural-born
right to be men. Am I right?
2508
01:35:36,897 --> 01:35:37,939
Right. Right.
2509
01:35:38,107 --> 01:35:39,774
Love us or leave us, right?
2510
01:35:40,276 --> 01:35:41,359
ALL: Right!
2511
01:35:41,444 --> 01:35:43,194
And they left us. Ha!
2512
01:35:44,488 --> 01:35:45,613
ALL: Right.
2513
01:35:45,740 --> 01:35:48,283
♪ I know you're somewhere out there
2514
01:35:48,367 --> 01:35:51,202
♪ Somewhere far away
2515
01:35:51,287 --> 01:35:56,958
♪ I want you back
2516
01:35:58,794 --> 01:36:01,171
♪ I'm feeling like I'm famous
2517
01:36:01,255 --> 01:36:03,882
♪ The talk of the town
2518
01:36:04,175 --> 01:36:06,718
♪ They say I've gone mad
2519
01:36:07,636 --> 01:36:09,971
♪ Yeah, I've gone mad
2520
01:36:11,974 --> 01:36:14,142
♪ But they don't know what I know
2521
01:36:14,226 --> 01:36:17,228
♪ 'Cause when the sun goes down
2522
01:36:17,313 --> 01:36:19,856
♪ Someone's talking back
2523
01:36:20,357 --> 01:36:23,318
♪ Yeah, they're talking back
2524
01:36:23,652 --> 01:36:24,986
♪ Oh
2525
01:36:25,529 --> 01:36:27,655
♪ At night when the stars light up my room
2526
01:36:27,740 --> 01:36:29,324
(KNOCKING) We're back.
2527
01:36:29,492 --> 01:36:30,992
Take all the time you need.
2528
01:36:31,160 --> 01:36:32,285
Thanks.
2529
01:36:32,369 --> 01:36:35,914
♪ I sit by myself
2530
01:36:35,998 --> 01:36:38,792
♪ Talking to the moon
2531
01:36:38,876 --> 01:36:40,543
BARTENDER: Zeke, check it out.
2532
01:36:41,170 --> 01:36:43,463
Your right. My left.
2533
01:36:49,345 --> 01:36:50,678
Not my type.
2534
01:36:50,846 --> 01:36:55,266
That's how we do it, Zeke. I line
them up, you mow them down.
2535
01:36:56,101 --> 01:36:57,477
Can I have my tab?
2536
01:37:15,788 --> 01:37:17,455
CEDRIC: You can only get it once a year.
2537
01:37:17,540 --> 01:37:18,581
What kind of meat is in the McRib?
2538
01:37:18,666 --> 01:37:19,958
Fellas. Let me guess,
2539
01:37:20,042 --> 01:37:21,334
school pictures?
2540
01:37:21,502 --> 01:37:22,752
(LAUGHS) You look like
a substitute teacher.
2541
01:37:22,962 --> 01:37:24,045
(ALL LAUGHING)
2542
01:37:24,171 --> 01:37:28,591
I finally sent my résumé over to Neversoft.
I had my meeting today.
2543
01:37:28,759 --> 01:37:31,761
And they just called. I got the job.
2544
01:37:32,096 --> 01:37:33,137
Is that right?
2545
01:37:33,222 --> 01:37:34,222
Congratulations, man!
2546
01:37:34,306 --> 01:37:37,475
I'm a senior designer at Neversoft.
With full benefits.
2547
01:37:37,560 --> 01:37:38,893
Damn right, and the next step
is the expense card.
2548
01:37:38,978 --> 01:37:40,061
I gotta call Kris.
2549
01:37:42,356 --> 01:37:44,148
She not talking to you, huh?
2550
01:37:44,441 --> 01:37:46,025
No. Well, you should call her anyway.
2551
01:37:46,944 --> 01:37:48,444
She's the reason it happened, right?
2552
01:37:49,488 --> 01:37:50,572
Yeah.
2553
01:37:50,656 --> 01:37:51,656
That's good advice, right there.
2554
01:37:51,740 --> 01:37:52,782
How's that project going along?
2555
01:37:52,867 --> 01:37:54,409
It's going great. In fact,
2556
01:37:54,493 --> 01:37:57,328
I'm gonna have to get out of here
soon and go get some work done.
2557
01:37:57,413 --> 01:37:59,747
You know what we should do?
We should celebrate, right?
2558
01:37:59,915 --> 01:38:02,208
DOMINIC: Nice. Yes. New job,
first round's on Michael.
2559
01:38:02,376 --> 01:38:03,376
Yes. I like that.
2560
01:38:03,460 --> 01:38:04,752
No, no. I just had the last round...
2561
01:38:04,920 --> 01:38:05,962
This is nice, just the fellas.
2562
01:38:06,046 --> 01:38:07,630
Just like old times.
2563
01:38:07,798 --> 01:38:10,550
No, it's not like old times because
I don't have a curfew this time.
2564
01:38:10,718 --> 01:38:13,887
Speaking of curfew, I gotta
go. My night to cook.
2565
01:38:14,054 --> 01:38:15,305
CEDRIC: Bennett, you sound like a bitch.
2566
01:38:15,472 --> 01:38:17,891
We just got finished hearing good news,
we with the fellas, we drinking.
2567
01:38:17,975 --> 01:38:20,852
He running home all henpecked.
Come on, man!
2568
01:38:21,020 --> 01:38:22,395
I'm not cooking 'cause I have to,
2569
01:38:22,479 --> 01:38:23,855
I'm cooking 'cause I want
to, that's my wife.
2570
01:38:23,939 --> 01:38:25,148
Come on, now, Bennett.
2571
01:38:25,232 --> 01:38:27,275
I'm not saying it like that, I'm
saying just, right now...
2572
01:38:27,359 --> 01:38:28,776
Don't be mad at me 'cause I
got a wife at the house.
2573
01:38:28,861 --> 01:38:31,362
That means sometimes I can't hang
out all night with you guys,
2574
01:38:31,447 --> 01:38:33,698
I gotta go home early then
that's what I gotta do.
2575
01:38:34,491 --> 01:38:35,617
I'm just saying.
2576
01:38:35,868 --> 01:38:37,410
I got this round.
2577
01:38:38,203 --> 01:38:39,329
I'm happy for you, congratulations.
2578
01:38:39,413 --> 01:38:40,455
Thank you.
2579
01:38:40,539 --> 01:38:41,873
I'll see you guys. ZEKE: Big B!
2580
01:38:42,041 --> 01:38:43,666
You're $20 short, Bennett.
2581
01:38:43,834 --> 01:38:47,921
Yeah, no, I used to cook for Gail
on Thursdays. That was my day.
2582
01:38:48,088 --> 01:38:50,006
I'm happy we're free. I really am.
2583
01:38:50,174 --> 01:38:52,050
I'm telling you right now, we're
better off without them.
2584
01:38:52,217 --> 01:38:53,635
Yeah, I mean, who needs to
put up with their shit?
2585
01:38:53,802 --> 01:38:55,511
And their demands, the nagging...
2586
01:38:55,679 --> 01:38:59,641
The expectations. Expectation is
the catalyst for all of that.
2587
01:38:59,808 --> 01:39:00,850
Here we go. CEDRIC: You know what's funny?
2588
01:39:01,018 --> 01:39:04,771
Gail used to love it when I cooked
Bolognese sauce from scratch.
2589
01:39:04,939 --> 01:39:06,105
Like, that was her favorite, so...
2590
01:39:06,273 --> 01:39:09,359
All right, boys, we are free
to do whatever we want,
2591
01:39:09,526 --> 01:39:13,321
with whoever we want, whenever we
want, all right? To freedom!
2592
01:39:13,489 --> 01:39:14,530
ALL: Freedom!
2593
01:39:14,615 --> 01:39:19,160
♪ Bright lights, big city going to my head
2594
01:39:19,411 --> 01:39:21,913
♪ Bright lights, big city... ♪
2595
01:39:21,997 --> 01:39:24,207
Ced, lift your glass, man, get involved.
2596
01:39:24,375 --> 01:39:25,416
Right, I'm sorry. No, no, no.
2597
01:39:25,501 --> 01:39:26,501
MICHAEL: Take that shot, baby.
2598
01:39:26,585 --> 01:39:28,252
To freedom. Huh?
2599
01:39:28,963 --> 01:39:30,088
Huh? Bottoms up.
2600
01:39:31,882 --> 01:39:33,216
Don't need them.
2601
01:39:34,385 --> 01:39:35,635
I gotta piss.
2602
01:39:35,803 --> 01:39:36,928
I'll be right back.
2603
01:39:37,096 --> 01:39:39,389
Look like you gotta take a
dump, the way you moving.
2604
01:39:40,516 --> 01:39:41,724
(PHONE RINGING)
2605
01:39:47,439 --> 01:39:48,523
What?
2606
01:39:48,774 --> 01:39:50,566
Gail, ain't nobody calling to
fight with you right now.
2607
01:39:50,651 --> 01:39:52,735
What the hell do... Look! I'm coming home.
2608
01:39:52,903 --> 01:39:54,404
Really, Cedric?
2609
01:39:54,571 --> 01:39:56,990
Gail, let me tell you something.
That's my house, too, Gail!
2610
01:39:57,157 --> 01:39:58,825
I pay the bills in that house!
2611
01:39:58,909 --> 01:40:00,994
It's my house, too. I'm coming home.
2612
01:40:01,161 --> 01:40:03,913
Which is where I belong, girl.
2613
01:40:04,540 --> 01:40:08,042
Gail, I'm tired of this tough
shit. I miss you, Gail.
2614
01:40:08,711 --> 01:40:10,044
Gail, I ain't been the same, man.
2615
01:40:10,212 --> 01:40:13,923
I'm out here, I'm out here
on these streets and shit.
2616
01:40:14,091 --> 01:40:15,508
I'm out here in the strip clubs.
2617
01:40:15,676 --> 01:40:19,721
These girls calling me by my first
name, like, I'm there every day!
2618
01:40:19,888 --> 01:40:22,640
Which I am, but that's because I'm
going through something, Gail.
2619
01:40:22,808 --> 01:40:27,020
I need to be held. I need you to rub
my back. Put me in my onesie.
2620
01:40:27,187 --> 01:40:28,730
I changed, I need my woman back!
2621
01:40:28,897 --> 01:40:30,940
I'm around all these men and shit!
2622
01:40:31,108 --> 01:40:32,108
I don't want it.
2623
01:40:32,192 --> 01:40:35,278
I don't want that life no more,
I want you and Jesus.
2624
01:40:35,362 --> 01:40:36,487
And that's it.
2625
01:40:36,739 --> 01:40:38,114
Okay, Big Daddy.
2626
01:40:38,282 --> 01:40:39,532
What you say?
2627
01:40:39,700 --> 01:40:41,117
How soon can you get here?
2628
01:40:45,039 --> 01:40:46,122
Um...
2629
01:40:47,041 --> 01:40:49,459
Like... Like 20, 22, 23 minutes.
2630
01:40:49,626 --> 01:40:51,961
Bring your sexy ass home. I'll be waiting.
2631
01:40:52,129 --> 01:40:53,963
You want me to bring you something?
2632
01:40:54,048 --> 01:40:55,131
You want like, some Doritos, or something?
2633
01:40:55,299 --> 01:40:57,842
'Cause I can stop and get it, baby.
Whatever makes you happy.
2634
01:40:58,010 --> 01:40:59,761
Just come home. Okay.
2635
01:41:00,012 --> 01:41:01,721
All right, I love you.
2636
01:41:02,431 --> 01:41:03,556
(KISSES) Oh!
2637
01:41:03,849 --> 01:41:05,391
Oh, shit.
2638
01:41:05,934 --> 01:41:07,060
Thank you.
2639
01:41:08,437 --> 01:41:09,520
Whoo!
2640
01:41:10,564 --> 01:41:11,689
Yup.
2641
01:41:13,275 --> 01:41:14,358
(TOILET FLUSHING)
2642
01:41:14,443 --> 01:41:15,651
(CLEARS THROAT)
2643
01:41:17,071 --> 01:41:18,154
Oh.
2644
01:41:21,366 --> 01:41:23,951
Good shit, brother. Go home to Gail.
2645
01:41:30,417 --> 01:41:32,460
Just wipe shit on my back?
2646
01:41:34,963 --> 01:41:37,131
You didn't even wash your hands, man?
2647
01:41:38,425 --> 01:41:41,177
Who the hell shits with a hat on, anyway?
2648
01:41:41,345 --> 01:41:43,596
She said she was coming
from, um, Shanghai.
2649
01:41:43,680 --> 01:41:44,764
DOMINIC: I remember her.
2650
01:41:44,848 --> 01:41:46,557
Fellas, I will see you later.
2651
01:41:46,725 --> 01:41:48,559
Let's all cash out, we'll go together.
2652
01:41:48,644 --> 01:41:49,644
You going to the Ass Factory, right?
2653
01:41:49,728 --> 01:41:51,729
Gail is taking me back, I'm going home.
2654
01:41:53,065 --> 01:41:54,107
Home!
2655
01:41:54,233 --> 01:41:56,317
Girl, I am married. Please!
2656
01:41:56,693 --> 01:41:58,402
Thank you. Married man!
2657
01:41:58,570 --> 01:42:01,531
CEDRIC: That night, we all
realized that the plots,
2658
01:42:01,698 --> 01:42:05,993
plans and schemes couldn't compare
to one simple thing, the truth.
2659
01:42:13,794 --> 01:42:14,836
MICHAEL: Mama!
2660
01:42:14,962 --> 01:42:16,337
Oh, what the hell?
2661
01:42:16,505 --> 01:42:17,839
Hey, baby.
2662
01:42:18,006 --> 01:42:20,716
Oh, flowers, breakfast. Yeah.
2663
01:42:21,176 --> 01:42:22,552
You're a little early, sweetie.
2664
01:42:22,719 --> 01:42:26,097
I know, but I wanted to come
by so I could tell you that
2665
01:42:26,265 --> 01:42:28,558
I'm not gonna be able to make it
to the anniversary today, Mom.
2666
01:42:28,725 --> 01:42:30,059
There's some place I gotta be.
2667
01:42:30,227 --> 01:42:33,146
Well, it's our 75th at the church.
2668
01:42:33,730 --> 01:42:35,982
What's wrong, sweetie? Where you gotta be?
2669
01:42:36,150 --> 01:42:38,776
With Candace. At her family reunion, Mom.
2670
01:42:41,822 --> 01:42:42,864
(SIGHS)
2671
01:42:45,242 --> 01:42:46,409
Well, good for you.
2672
01:42:48,036 --> 01:42:49,704
(LAUGHS) Okay, sweetie.
2673
01:42:49,872 --> 01:42:50,872
Really? All right.
2674
01:42:51,039 --> 01:42:53,207
Now, I'm gonna see you tomorrow,
okay? Time for you to go.
2675
01:42:53,375 --> 01:42:56,335
Loretta, it's my turn to spank you.
2676
01:42:57,087 --> 01:42:58,421
Deacon Johnson?
2677
01:42:58,589 --> 01:42:59,589
You got the keys for these?
2678
01:42:59,673 --> 01:43:00,673
Put those down, fool!
2679
01:43:00,757 --> 01:43:02,258
How long has this been going on?
2680
01:43:02,426 --> 01:43:03,593
Ninety days.
2681
01:43:03,760 --> 01:43:06,470
More like 91. I'm sorry I
stretched your T-shirt.
2682
01:43:06,555 --> 01:43:07,889
How you doing, Michael?
2683
01:43:08,056 --> 01:43:09,724
All right, fool, go on upstairs now.
2684
01:43:09,808 --> 01:43:11,350
You know, these pills cost $19.
2685
01:43:11,518 --> 01:43:12,894
Mom, you got him with my loofah?
2686
01:43:13,061 --> 01:43:14,729
Baby, go on. Go ahead, go ahead.
2687
01:43:14,897 --> 01:43:16,647
Listen here, fool!
2688
01:43:16,815 --> 01:43:20,401
I done told you I'd bring that coffee
upstairs, you old, nasty fool.
2689
01:43:20,861 --> 01:43:21,861
Hey.
2690
01:43:22,404 --> 01:43:24,030
Look who I found.
2691
01:43:24,781 --> 01:43:26,991
Wow. Okay, third time I hope is a charm.
2692
01:43:27,075 --> 01:43:28,201
Actually, I think it is.
2693
01:43:28,285 --> 01:43:30,077
Go ahead, tell them. We
want to make an offer.
2694
01:43:31,496 --> 01:43:32,663
I told you this was gonna happen.
2695
01:43:32,748 --> 01:43:33,789
No, you didn't, actually.
2696
01:43:34,208 --> 01:43:37,752
This is great news. We sort of had
an instinct about you guys.
2697
01:43:38,086 --> 01:43:39,170
Kris?
2698
01:43:39,254 --> 01:43:40,546
Jeremy, what are you doing here?
2699
01:43:40,714 --> 01:43:41,797
I need to talk to you.
2700
01:43:41,882 --> 01:43:43,925
Yeah, I can't. I'm in the
middle of something.
2701
01:43:44,384 --> 01:43:45,551
This is important.
2702
01:43:46,345 --> 01:43:48,137
Not a problem. Take your time.
2703
01:43:48,305 --> 01:43:50,389
I'm gonna get the paperwork,
and we can get started.
2704
01:43:50,474 --> 01:43:51,474
I'm really sorry.
2705
01:43:53,810 --> 01:43:55,102
Did someone die?
2706
01:43:55,187 --> 01:43:56,229
What? No.
2707
01:43:56,480 --> 01:43:58,105
Well, you have a suit on, so I...
2708
01:43:58,273 --> 01:43:59,690
I got the job at Neversoft, Kris.
2709
01:43:59,775 --> 01:44:00,775
Really?
2710
01:44:00,943 --> 01:44:02,068
Yeah.
2711
01:44:02,277 --> 01:44:05,029
I mean, that's cool. I hope you
didn't do it for my benefit.
2712
01:44:06,490 --> 01:44:08,324
I did. At first.
2713
01:44:08,784 --> 01:44:12,453
But somehow, through all the pretending,
2714
01:44:13,288 --> 01:44:15,456
I figured out I wanted it for me.
2715
01:44:16,458 --> 01:44:19,293
And now that I have it, I want it for us.
2716
01:44:19,795 --> 01:44:22,213
You were the first person I wanted
to call when I got the news,
2717
01:44:22,381 --> 01:44:25,633
and the fact that I couldn't
drove me crazy.
2718
01:44:26,635 --> 01:44:29,470
You're the last person I think about
before I go to sleep at night, Kris.
2719
01:44:29,680 --> 01:44:30,680
Look, I, um,
2720
01:44:31,723 --> 01:44:32,765
I miss you.
2721
01:44:32,891 --> 01:44:34,308
Oh, honey.
2722
01:44:34,476 --> 01:44:37,311
I miss you and I want you back.
2723
01:44:37,813 --> 01:44:39,146
So sweet.
2724
01:44:39,481 --> 01:44:40,815
I want to buy you a house.
2725
01:44:40,983 --> 01:44:42,316
That's my man, step up there.
2726
01:44:42,484 --> 01:44:43,859
I want to buy you this house.
2727
01:44:44,027 --> 01:44:46,153
Back up, bitch. You ain't buying my house.
2728
01:44:46,321 --> 01:44:47,321
Oh, it's fine.
2729
01:44:47,489 --> 01:44:48,864
How the hell he talking
about buying my house?
2730
01:44:48,991 --> 01:44:50,032
Breathe.
2731
01:44:50,117 --> 01:44:52,660
I'm breathing, I'm breathing.
I got it, I got it.
2732
01:44:54,663 --> 01:44:55,871
Okay.
2733
01:45:07,926 --> 01:45:11,721
I want to be your wife. And I
want you to be my husband...
2734
01:45:16,435 --> 01:45:18,185
I want to be your husband.
2735
01:45:19,104 --> 01:45:21,105
And I want you to be my wife
2736
01:45:21,398 --> 01:45:22,982
so bad.
2737
01:45:23,400 --> 01:45:24,817
So, um...
2738
01:45:35,912 --> 01:45:37,163
Will you marry me?
2739
01:45:41,209 --> 01:45:42,251
It's a yes.
2740
01:45:43,295 --> 01:45:44,295
Oh, she did it.
2741
01:45:44,379 --> 01:45:45,338
Go ahead, my man.
2742
01:45:45,464 --> 01:45:47,798
She did it 'cause she changed
the game. She did what?
2743
01:45:47,966 --> 01:45:49,091
Oh, don't worry about it.
2744
01:45:58,518 --> 01:46:00,519
CEDRIC: Even Zeke was singing a new tune.
2745
01:46:00,687 --> 01:46:02,938
That last one was Bitch Betta
Have My Money by AMG.
2746
01:46:03,023 --> 01:46:04,690
I don't really feel like being
out of the house right now.
2747
01:46:04,775 --> 01:46:06,067
Come on.
2748
01:46:06,443 --> 01:46:09,737
You know the best way to get over
an old guy is to get a new one.
2749
01:46:09,946 --> 01:46:10,988
You're coming.
2750
01:46:11,073 --> 01:46:12,073
...make sure you show him some love.
2751
01:46:12,157 --> 01:46:13,616
Zeke, come on up. (PEOPLE CLAPPING)
2752
01:46:15,118 --> 01:46:16,160
Hey, thank you.
2753
01:46:16,244 --> 01:46:17,286
Oh, my God.
2754
01:46:17,371 --> 01:46:18,788
I haven't really played
this song in years...
2755
01:46:18,955 --> 01:46:20,122
Is that...
2756
01:46:20,248 --> 01:46:23,959
...but it was inspired by a
very special woman who, um,
2757
01:46:25,670 --> 01:46:27,421
is definitely worth waiting for.
2758
01:46:30,008 --> 01:46:33,844
♪ Last night I had a dream about a dream
2759
01:46:33,929 --> 01:46:36,764
♪ About you ♪
2760
01:46:40,519 --> 01:46:42,228
I gotta get out of here. Mya!
2761
01:46:43,105 --> 01:46:44,438
Mya!
2762
01:46:46,942 --> 01:46:49,777
Mya, will you hold up? Mya?
2763
01:46:49,945 --> 01:46:51,904
You think you can just sing one song
2764
01:46:51,988 --> 01:46:53,322
and everything's gonna be forgotten?
2765
01:46:53,490 --> 01:46:55,533
No! I was just hoping it would be a start.
2766
01:46:55,951 --> 01:46:58,536
You know what? You know, you can't
change a person's nature, Zeke.
2767
01:46:58,703 --> 01:47:00,329
That is not true. I know for
a fact that that's not true.
2768
01:47:00,455 --> 01:47:01,872
How? Because I want to start over.
2769
01:47:03,250 --> 01:47:04,834
I want 90 more days.
2770
01:47:06,420 --> 01:47:07,545
Without sex?
2771
01:47:07,712 --> 01:47:09,630
If that's what it takes.
2772
01:47:09,923 --> 01:47:12,091
I don't want the sex, Mya. I want you.
2773
01:47:12,384 --> 01:47:13,884
That's bullshit.
2774
01:47:15,971 --> 01:47:18,055
Okay, that's bullshit. Yes!
Of course I want the sex.
2775
01:47:18,223 --> 01:47:21,600
But the difference is the sex is all
I wanted before I met you. Now,
2776
01:47:22,227 --> 01:47:23,352
I want you.
2777
01:47:24,354 --> 01:47:25,354
Okay?
2778
01:47:25,897 --> 01:47:28,357
Now? I want coffee.
2779
01:47:29,818 --> 01:47:33,446
I want to stay up all night talking about
your crazy childhood. I want...
2780
01:47:34,990 --> 01:47:39,034
I don't know. I want to talk
about Aristotle's Caves.
2781
01:47:39,327 --> 01:47:40,494
(CHUCKLES)
2782
01:47:42,789 --> 01:47:44,331
It's Plato's.
2783
01:47:44,499 --> 01:47:45,875
Plato got caves, too?
2784
01:47:46,585 --> 01:47:47,835
Yeah.
2785
01:47:48,253 --> 01:47:49,753
Mya, I love you.
2786
01:47:51,756 --> 01:47:54,341
I'm in love with you.
2787
01:47:56,595 --> 01:47:59,263
I've never said that to anyone in my life.
2788
01:48:00,807 --> 01:48:01,849
(SIGHS)
2789
01:48:02,517 --> 01:48:04,643
Then why didn't you just say so?
2790
01:48:19,075 --> 01:48:21,619
CEDRIC: Turns out that my epiphany
had a domino effect.
2791
01:48:22,037 --> 01:48:26,165
Everyone was actually stepping up with
their women. For real this time.
2792
01:48:26,583 --> 01:48:28,876
CANDACE: I didn't get any of this.
2793
01:48:29,002 --> 01:48:30,127
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
2794
01:48:30,212 --> 01:48:33,339
Candace? Your mother tells me
that you're still single.
2795
01:48:33,507 --> 01:48:36,008
Don't worry about it, because
I think I have a solution.
2796
01:48:36,176 --> 01:48:38,802
I have somebody I think would be
perfect for you at my office.
2797
01:48:38,887 --> 01:48:39,929
Her name is Amy.
2798
01:48:40,096 --> 01:48:42,389
CANDACE'S MOM: Her? She's
not in that chapter.
2799
01:48:42,557 --> 01:48:43,933
Well, she might want to
read the book, honey.
2800
01:48:44,100 --> 01:48:45,434
Mom! Mom!
2801
01:48:46,686 --> 01:48:48,437
MICHAEL: Thanks, Duke. I got this.
2802
01:48:49,314 --> 01:48:51,232
Hi, ladies. Look at that face!
2803
01:48:51,316 --> 01:48:52,316
(MEOWS)
2804
01:48:52,400 --> 01:48:53,943
Nice to see you all.
2805
01:48:54,528 --> 01:48:56,654
What are you doing here? Isn't
today your mom's church thing?
2806
01:48:56,821 --> 01:48:57,988
Yeah, it is.
2807
01:48:58,156 --> 01:48:59,365
So, what? Did it get canceled?
2808
01:48:59,533 --> 01:49:01,742
It did not. What's up with all
these damn questions, woman?
2809
01:49:01,910 --> 01:49:03,786
I just thought you needed to be there.
2810
01:49:03,954 --> 01:49:07,122
Why would I be there when
I should be here,
2811
01:49:07,290 --> 01:49:09,083
with the number one woman in my life?
2812
01:49:09,251 --> 01:49:10,709
So, since you're thinking so much,
2813
01:49:10,877 --> 01:49:12,670
why don't you think about putting
a burger on that plate
2814
01:49:12,754 --> 01:49:13,796
with some pickles and some mustard?
2815
01:49:14,172 --> 01:49:15,548
I'm sorry,
2816
01:49:17,300 --> 01:49:20,219
did you just say "number one"?
2817
01:49:20,595 --> 01:49:23,097
Oh, so you're not believing?
Hold on one second.
2818
01:49:23,265 --> 01:49:25,599
Ladies and gentlemen? Excuse me?
2819
01:49:25,767 --> 01:49:29,395
Hi, I need everybody's attention,
please? Hey, everybody... Yeah.
2820
01:49:29,563 --> 01:49:30,729
Thank you.
2821
01:49:30,897 --> 01:49:34,650
My name is Michael Hanover,
and I want you all to know
2822
01:49:34,818 --> 01:49:39,738
I am madly, and I am insanely
in love with Candace Hall.
2823
01:49:41,616 --> 01:49:44,618
And I just want everybody
in the world to know
2824
01:49:44,953 --> 01:49:47,496
that she's the number
one woman in my life.
2825
01:49:47,914 --> 01:49:49,790
Thanks, everybody. (ALL CHEERING)
2826
01:49:49,958 --> 01:49:51,667
Aw, Candace! MICHAEL: Now
back to the reunion!
2827
01:49:56,172 --> 01:49:57,256
Whoo!
2828
01:50:00,010 --> 01:50:01,343
Is that okay with you?
2829
01:50:02,929 --> 01:50:04,847
What do you want on your damn burger?
2830
01:50:05,473 --> 01:50:08,392
I don't give a damn, girl.
I came for you. Come here.
2831
01:50:15,233 --> 01:50:17,901
CEDRIC: And so, the book ended
happily for all of us.
2832
01:50:18,361 --> 01:50:20,946
Well, almost all of us.
2833
01:50:21,114 --> 01:50:22,990
Hey, girl. Haven't seen you in a while.
2834
01:50:23,158 --> 01:50:25,743
I know. I'm sorry, I've been swamped.
2835
01:50:25,827 --> 01:50:26,827
So what are you up to later today?
2836
01:50:27,037 --> 01:50:30,039
Actually, I have a date with
James, finally. Ah.
2837
01:50:30,206 --> 01:50:32,750
Between his CEO and my COO,
2838
01:50:32,834 --> 01:50:34,293
it seems we never see each other.
2839
01:50:34,377 --> 01:50:35,461
What else is new?
2840
01:50:35,545 --> 01:50:37,504
Anyway. You got any plans for later?
2841
01:50:37,589 --> 01:50:40,799
Actually, the three of us are going
to Dominic's grand opening.
2842
01:50:43,470 --> 01:50:46,263
Oh. He found a backer for his restaurant?
2843
01:50:46,431 --> 01:50:49,016
No. He got a personal loan for
a food truck. It's called...
2844
01:50:49,184 --> 01:50:50,392
Avenue D.
2845
01:50:50,560 --> 01:50:53,896
It's in Pueblo Plaza. He wants to
start small, build his way up.
2846
01:50:54,064 --> 01:50:55,856
Good for him, you know?
2847
01:50:57,359 --> 01:50:58,692
Anyway, have fun tonight.
2848
01:50:58,860 --> 01:51:00,110
Oh, we will.
2849
01:51:03,281 --> 01:51:04,448
Thank you.
2850
01:51:04,908 --> 01:51:06,325
So, James, how was your day?
2851
01:51:06,493 --> 01:51:09,036
It was good. Actually, it
was... It was great.
2852
01:51:09,120 --> 01:51:11,747
Did I mention to you that The Wall Street
Journal is doing a feature on me?
2853
01:51:11,831 --> 01:51:12,956
Yes, the...
2854
01:51:13,041 --> 01:51:14,667
"Wonderkid." Yeah, I know. (LAUGHS)
2855
01:51:14,834 --> 01:51:15,918
"The Wonderkid."
2856
01:51:16,086 --> 01:51:17,544
I know I'm not exactly a kid,
2857
01:51:17,629 --> 01:51:20,255
but I am the youngest CEO
of a Fortune 500 company.
2858
01:51:20,423 --> 01:51:21,548
Yes, we talked...
2859
01:51:21,633 --> 01:51:23,592
Now I'm focusing my sights
on the Far East.
2860
01:51:23,677 --> 01:51:26,303
I was talking to Warren the other
day. You know Warren Buffett?
2861
01:51:26,471 --> 01:51:27,721
Dub-Beezy, that's my man.
2862
01:51:28,181 --> 01:51:30,516
(VOICE ECHOING) He was telling
me about diversification.
2863
01:51:31,935 --> 01:51:36,730
So, I bought a G6. Okay, all right.
The company bought a G6.
2864
01:51:36,898 --> 01:51:38,565
(VOICE FADING) New York to Los
Angeles costs about $60,000.
2865
01:51:38,650 --> 01:51:39,942
They put that down every time I go.
2866
01:51:40,110 --> 01:51:41,527
Also talked to my man,
Kobe, the other day.
2867
01:51:41,611 --> 01:51:43,612
He was trying to get me to
buy an NBA franchise.
2868
01:51:44,072 --> 01:51:46,281
I'm fine, James.
2869
01:51:47,826 --> 01:51:49,076
Thanks for asking.
2870
01:51:51,621 --> 01:51:53,163
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
2871
01:51:53,331 --> 01:51:54,790
I know.
2872
01:51:56,876 --> 01:51:59,837
I know, but I finally do.
2873
01:52:01,506 --> 01:52:03,090
(PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
2874
01:52:03,174 --> 01:52:05,259
♪ Ritual union's
2875
01:52:05,510 --> 01:52:09,096
♪ Got me in trouble again ♪
2876
01:52:09,264 --> 01:52:11,181
All right, all right, all right.
2877
01:52:11,266 --> 01:52:12,433
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
2878
01:52:14,436 --> 01:52:15,519
All right, a little something.
2879
01:52:15,603 --> 01:52:16,687
Just a little sample for the ladies.
2880
01:52:16,771 --> 01:52:17,813
Fellas, I'll get you back later.
2881
01:52:17,897 --> 01:52:19,022
Come on, Dom!
2882
01:52:19,107 --> 01:52:21,775
Give that to the wife. To your lady,
okay, good, there you go.
2883
01:52:22,110 --> 01:52:24,611
All right, one more? There
you go, there you go, J.
2884
01:52:24,696 --> 01:52:26,029
I'll be right back. Thanks for coming.
2885
01:52:26,114 --> 01:52:27,364
I'll be right back. This is amazing.
2886
01:52:29,909 --> 01:52:31,118
DOMINIC: Next!
2887
01:52:32,036 --> 01:52:33,245
I'll take the Chef's Special.
2888
01:52:33,413 --> 01:52:34,747
Is that with chicken or...
2889
01:52:34,914 --> 01:52:35,998
Hey, back of the line.
2890
01:52:36,082 --> 01:52:37,791
Look, this is personal, not business.
2891
01:52:37,959 --> 01:52:39,418
Move your arm!
2892
01:52:41,129 --> 01:52:42,379
Congratulations.
2893
01:52:42,547 --> 01:52:43,839
Looks like a huge success.
2894
01:52:44,924 --> 01:52:46,800
I wasn't expecting you.
2895
01:52:46,968 --> 01:52:48,677
I couldn't miss your grand opening.
2896
01:52:49,053 --> 01:52:50,179
COOK: Live bass ceviche?
2897
01:52:50,305 --> 01:52:52,014
Sal, those two lasagnas are to-go.
2898
01:52:52,515 --> 01:52:53,807
SAL: You got it.
2899
01:52:54,934 --> 01:52:56,143
So, where's your CEO?
2900
01:52:56,770 --> 01:52:58,061
I ended that.
2901
01:52:58,480 --> 01:52:59,646
Dominic!
2902
01:52:59,773 --> 01:53:03,275
He may have all the money in the
world, and all the power,
2903
01:53:03,443 --> 01:53:05,486
but he doesn't have half
your potential. Stop!
2904
01:53:05,653 --> 01:53:07,112
Stop.
2905
01:53:07,572 --> 01:53:10,240
I don't need you to do that for
me anymore. I'm doing me, now.
2906
01:53:10,408 --> 01:53:11,617
All right?
2907
01:53:12,285 --> 01:53:14,661
Thanks for coming, but I
got a business to run.
2908
01:53:14,746 --> 01:53:16,747
I'm sure you can respect that, right?
2909
01:53:17,916 --> 01:53:19,666
But I was... Next!
2910
01:53:25,048 --> 01:53:27,591
What's good here, man? Do you
have a low-fat Pork Special?
2911
01:53:28,092 --> 01:53:29,635
Sure. Let's roll with it.
2912
01:53:30,470 --> 01:53:32,179
Dominic?
2913
01:53:33,181 --> 01:53:35,182
Excuse me. What are you doing?
2914
01:53:35,433 --> 01:53:37,184
I want you back, Dominic.
2915
01:53:40,313 --> 01:53:41,772
Guys, just give me a minute, please.
2916
01:53:41,856 --> 01:53:43,023
We gotta finish this up. I know.
2917
01:53:43,191 --> 01:53:44,566
I'm sorry.
2918
01:53:46,528 --> 01:53:48,654
What are you doing? I want you back.
2919
01:53:48,822 --> 01:53:51,448
Yeah, listen, I'm not an acquisition.
You can't just decide...
2920
01:53:51,616 --> 01:53:54,243
I'm asking. Oh, yeah? And I'm
asking for some service.
2921
01:53:54,410 --> 01:53:57,162
You'll get your pork sausage,
Porky! Beat it!
2922
01:54:01,167 --> 01:54:03,794
Lauren, listen, we're just
too different, okay?
2923
01:54:03,962 --> 01:54:07,464
Yes, we are different. But I
think that's a good thing.
2924
01:54:07,632 --> 01:54:10,092
What you need is status. You need titles.
2925
01:54:10,176 --> 01:54:12,219
I don't care about... No, I don't.
2926
01:54:12,303 --> 01:54:16,515
What I need is a man who makes
me feel like I'm special.
2927
01:54:16,766 --> 01:54:18,600
I don't care about his title,
2928
01:54:18,685 --> 01:54:20,435
and I don't care how much money you make,
2929
01:54:20,603 --> 01:54:23,772
I don't care what kind of car
you drive. I just need you.
2930
01:54:23,940 --> 01:54:26,608
Please? I'm sorry.
2931
01:54:30,280 --> 01:54:32,489
I think ultimately we want
different things.
2932
01:54:32,657 --> 01:54:33,866
No.
2933
01:54:34,617 --> 01:54:35,951
I disagree.
2934
01:54:37,954 --> 01:54:40,664
I think we want the exact same thing.
2935
01:54:42,041 --> 01:54:43,500
What's that?
2936
01:54:44,586 --> 01:54:45,919
Well, first,
2937
01:54:47,297 --> 01:54:50,132
I would like to have my Chef's
Special, hold the pork.
2938
01:54:58,683 --> 01:55:03,896
♪ Baby, tonight's the night I let you know
2939
01:55:03,980 --> 01:55:07,065
♪ Baby, tonight's the night
we lose control ♪
2940
01:55:07,150 --> 01:55:08,317
(CHEERING)
2941
01:55:09,444 --> 01:55:12,029
Go, Dom! All right, come on,
man, that's enough kissing.
2942
01:55:12,113 --> 01:55:13,238
Grab her ass or something.
2943
01:55:13,323 --> 01:55:14,364
That's my girl!
2944
01:55:14,449 --> 01:55:17,117
Show me something, God! Give me something
to think about tonight.
2945
01:55:17,243 --> 01:55:18,577
You know I haven't had much sex.
2946
01:55:18,661 --> 01:55:20,245
Me and Gail ain't really doing
it like we used to.
2947
01:55:20,413 --> 01:55:21,747
Really, Cedric?
2948
01:55:21,915 --> 01:55:22,873
Come on, now.
2949
01:55:22,957 --> 01:55:24,791
Get your little ass over here, now!
2950
01:55:24,959 --> 01:55:26,168
Hey, Gail, I was talking...
2951
01:55:26,336 --> 01:55:28,503
ZEKE: Pull your pants up, Cedric!
2952
01:55:31,049 --> 01:55:32,799
(CEDRIC SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY)
2953
01:55:34,135 --> 01:55:35,928
I'll get the guy in the purple.
2954
01:55:36,095 --> 01:55:38,013
Hi, I'm Bennett. Use our ball?
2955
01:55:40,058 --> 01:55:42,059
I'll see you on the court! Save it...
2956
01:55:42,143 --> 01:55:43,268
Save it for the game, though!
2957
01:55:43,436 --> 01:55:45,270
LISA: Listen, little man.
Where's your twin?
2958
01:55:45,355 --> 01:55:46,605
You're gonna need somebody
on your shoulders.
2959
01:55:46,689 --> 01:55:48,357
Oh, that's funny. That's real funny.
2960
01:55:48,441 --> 01:55:50,108
Let's see if it's funny when
my balls are on your back!
2961
01:55:51,819 --> 01:55:53,820
MAN: Ball's in play. Let's go. Oh, shit.
2962
01:55:54,322 --> 01:55:55,447
(CRASHING)
2963
01:55:55,531 --> 01:55:57,866
♪ You said, "Every king
needs his queen, babe"
2964
01:55:58,993 --> 01:56:00,577
♪ That's why you needed me baby
2965
01:56:00,662 --> 01:56:02,079
MAN: Pass the ball, man!
2966
01:56:02,830 --> 01:56:04,456
♪ There was us there was trust
2967
01:56:04,540 --> 01:56:08,669
♪ There was happen and change I know
2968
01:56:08,753 --> 01:56:11,129
♪ Silly you, silly me silly
us, what a waste
2969
01:56:11,214 --> 01:56:12,547
You gonna play some defense?
2970
01:56:13,841 --> 01:56:15,175
(GRUNTS) Wait, wait, wait!
2971
01:56:15,718 --> 01:56:16,843
Pass!
2972
01:56:17,929 --> 01:56:19,054
Huh? Huh?
2973
01:56:20,598 --> 01:56:22,182
MAN: Just shoot the ball.
2974
01:56:23,893 --> 01:56:26,144
You better get that out of here,
little man. You all right?
2975
01:56:26,229 --> 01:56:28,063
Hey, no making fun.
2976
01:56:33,111 --> 01:56:34,361
Good shot.
2977
01:56:34,612 --> 01:56:36,405
Good shot? It was!
2978
01:56:36,572 --> 01:56:38,031
Bennett, be a man and push him!
2979
01:56:38,116 --> 01:56:39,199
It was a good shot.
2980
01:56:41,703 --> 01:56:46,289
♪ Now I'm gonna keep it realer
with you now than I ever been
2981
01:56:46,374 --> 01:56:49,209
♪ We should have never been
girl we was better friends
2982
01:56:49,293 --> 01:56:52,004
♪ You didn't have to tell me
what, where, why and when
2983
01:56:52,088 --> 01:56:53,839
♪ Ooh, why I didn't need it Cause
you wasn't my girlfriend
2984
01:56:53,923 --> 01:56:55,257
Pick on someone your own size, man.
2985
01:56:55,675 --> 01:56:57,217
♪ We had a good thing
2986
01:56:57,427 --> 01:56:58,719
Oh, my knee!
2987
01:56:58,886 --> 01:57:00,345
♪ Ooh give me that good thing
2988
01:57:00,430 --> 01:57:01,513
♪ Then after we was finished
2989
01:57:01,597 --> 01:57:04,016
♪ You go your way I go
my way it was whatever
2990
01:57:04,100 --> 01:57:05,892
♪ Tell me what in the hell makes...
2991
01:57:06,519 --> 01:57:08,020
Hey, hey, hey!
2992
01:57:08,271 --> 01:57:09,813
Man, you better calm down.
2993
01:57:09,981 --> 01:57:11,898
He put his balls on my head.
2994
01:57:12,775 --> 01:57:17,404
♪ But in love, love, love ♪
2995
01:57:17,488 --> 01:57:18,989
Where's my help on defense?
2996
01:57:22,827 --> 01:57:23,952
Get out of here!
2997
01:57:26,164 --> 01:57:27,372
Bennett! Jeremy!
2998
01:57:27,457 --> 01:57:28,749
I'm trying to get my ball back!
2999
01:57:28,833 --> 01:57:30,208
Can I have the ball, please?
3000
01:57:30,293 --> 01:57:32,210
Just let them keep it. Let them keep it.
3001
01:57:33,421 --> 01:57:35,005
Thanks, you guys! Go get that.
3002
01:57:35,173 --> 01:57:37,174
Hey, we play here every Thursday.
3003
01:57:37,341 --> 01:57:39,009
That wasn't that bad.
3004
01:57:39,177 --> 01:57:40,552
Think about it.
3005
01:57:41,512 --> 01:57:42,846
Well, I think it was a good time.
3006
01:57:42,930 --> 01:57:45,265
It's all about the exercise, guys.
3007
01:57:46,350 --> 01:57:48,769
♪ Ain't this what you came for
3008
01:57:49,270 --> 01:57:51,104
♪ Don't you wish you came more?
3009
01:57:51,981 --> 01:57:53,899
♪ Girl what you're playing for?
3010
01:57:55,359 --> 01:57:56,943
♪ Come on
3011
01:57:57,028 --> 01:57:58,945
♪ Come on, let me kiss that
3012
01:57:59,739 --> 01:58:02,240
♪ Ooh, I know you miss that
3013
01:58:02,325 --> 01:58:05,660
♪ What's wrong? Let me fix that Twist that
3014
01:58:05,995 --> 01:58:11,208
♪ Baby, tonight's the night I let you know
3015
01:58:11,292 --> 01:58:16,546
♪ Baby, tonight's the
night we lose control
3016
01:58:16,631 --> 01:58:22,427
♪ Baby tonight, you need that
tonight, believe that
3017
01:58:22,512 --> 01:58:28,308
♪ Tonight, I'll be the best you ever had
3018
01:58:29,977 --> 01:58:32,395
♪ I don't wanna brag
3019
01:58:32,480 --> 01:58:34,272
♪ But I'll be
3020
01:58:35,858 --> 01:58:39,778
♪ The best you ever had
3021
01:58:40,530 --> 01:58:42,989
♪ I don't wanna brag
3022
01:58:43,074 --> 01:58:44,991
♪ But I'll be
3023
01:58:46,369 --> 01:58:50,330
♪ The best you ever had
3024
01:58:50,414 --> 01:58:52,916
♪ I hit you with the best throw
3025
01:58:53,000 --> 01:58:55,585
♪ Freestyle and the breaststroke
3026
01:58:55,670 --> 01:58:58,505
♪ Till you're blowing cigarette smoke
3027
01:58:58,589 --> 01:59:01,091
♪ And now the bed's broke
3028
01:59:01,175 --> 01:59:04,261
♪ So what we gonna do now?
3029
01:59:04,345 --> 01:59:06,263
♪ Round two now
3030
01:59:06,347 --> 01:59:08,557
♪ Work it out then we cool down
3031
01:59:08,641 --> 01:59:09,933
♪ Cool down
3032
01:59:10,017 --> 01:59:14,521
♪ Baby, tonight's the night I let you know
3033
01:59:14,605 --> 01:59:15,856
♪ Baby, tonight
3034
01:59:15,940 --> 01:59:20,610
♪ Baby, tonight's the
night we lose control
3035
01:59:20,695 --> 01:59:23,864
♪ Baby, tonight you need that
3036
01:59:23,948 --> 01:59:26,324
♪ Tonight believe that
3037
01:59:26,409 --> 01:59:32,205
♪ Tonight, I'll be the best you ever had
3038
01:59:33,958 --> 01:59:36,418
♪ I don't wanna brag
3039
01:59:36,502 --> 01:59:38,461
♪ But I'll be
3040
01:59:39,130 --> 01:59:43,675
♪ The best you ever had
3041
01:59:44,594 --> 01:59:47,012
♪ I don't wanna brag
3042
01:59:47,096 --> 01:59:49,472
♪ But I'll be
3043
01:59:50,558 --> 01:59:53,602
♪ The best you ever had ♪
222441
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.