All language subtitles for The Substitute 3 1999

Reporter:
Secretary of Defense
William Cohen reiterated

his earlier comment
that NATO credibility

is now on the line
in Kosovo.

In Washington,
the focus is on NATO's...

Reporter #2:
As the military
buildup continues,

American officials
have publically warned

Yugoslav President
Slobodan Milosevic

that he's risking
NATO air strikes.

Reporter #3:
...spent the day
searching for people

driven from their homes
by the fighting--

their sole objective
now that the latest

round of battle
seems to be over.

Kosovo, however,
remains...

Yugoslavian air defenses
are far more effective

than those of,
say, Iraq.

And NATO wants to avoid
sending a green light

to ethnic Albanians trying
to break away from...

Reporter #4:
...whether the rest
of Kosovo monitors group

is forced to leave
Kosovo or not,

it won't be
an easy decision.

Reporter #2:
...standing by.

International monitors
plan to continue

their mission for now,

but the next few days
will prove critical.

The United States Secretary
of State has changed
her travel plans...

The current standoff between
the Yugoslav president

and the international
community threatens

to derail this work.

The time has come
for a reluctant NATO

to make some
very difficult decisions.

Reporter #3:
...lobby ordered the head
of the UN monitoring mission

to leave the country
after he blamed Serb police

for the massacre
of 45 ethnic Albanians.

Reporter:
The international
outcry at the massacre

has grown only louder
since Yugoslavia started
its own investigation.

Reporter #3:
The defense secretary said
he had warned Milosevic

of the strictest
consequences

if he does not curb
his attacks.

Reporter #2:
A funeral was held today

for the latest victim
in war-ravaged Kosovo.

Mourners gathered along
the rugged stretch of land

that had just weeks before
been the scene

of some of the bloodiest
fighting yet

in the separatist struggle.

The victim's father,
who has lost

two other children
to violence in the region,

cried out that he could
no longer go on living

and begged for those present
to end his life

and lay him in the grave
next to his children.

Reporter #5:
Yugoslav President
Slobodan Milosevic

renewed his pledge to treat
any mercenaries captured

in Kosovo Province
as spies.

You gotta admire
a guy like that.

He knows what to do
with a rifle butt.

It makes me
jealous when you get
all the attention.

Well, I tipped him.

That's why he gave me
that last shot in the spine.

Man:
I don't feel anything
below my neck.

Why don't you just make me
a little more comfortable

and then you skip town
by yourself?

What, and give up
my favorite dance partner?

- Not a chance.
- I mean it, Karl.

Otherwise we'll both
end up dying in here.

My pocket.

That one.

From my last tour
in the Mekong.

I want you
to give it to Nicole,

my daughter.

I've been out of her life
more than in.

Give it to her
so she remembers

before I was a mercenary...

I was a soldier.

You still are, Macy.
The best.

Help me out here.

Please.

I'll be seeing you, kid.

- I'll be looking for ya.
- Do it.

Come on, come on.

-I think you should.

-Oh, yeah?
- Right now.

That's cool.
All right.

Teacher:
So everyone,
in some way or another,

is searching
for their father.

At least that's what
Thomas Wolfe believed.

And this idea
of a father quest
is dominated

not only in his work,
but in countless other works
of literature

dating back to the Bible
and before.

Gentlemen.

Thank you.

It's a very common theme--

trying to find one's father,
then connect with him,

and ultimately to win
his approval.

I came to college
to get away from my father.

- That's ironic that
you say that.

Have you heard the adage
before that women end up
marrying their fathers?

Sure, they do...
in Mississippi.

Put the ball down.

Josh, thank you for that
scholarly contribution

from someone who obviously
hasn't read the assignment.

You can stay after class.
Maybe you can enlighten
me further.

What I meant
when I'm saying that...

women marry their fathers--

I meant that a lot of women
end up with men

who remind them
of their father,

whether it's
conscious or not.

Is that not in one way
considered a father quest?

Yeah, I went searching
for my old man last week.

Where'd you find him?

Same place I always do--
passed out in a puddle of piss

with a warm beer
in his hand.

So you come from a family
of intellectuals.

Ooh.

Let me tell you something,
all three of you--

playing football may
give you a free ride
in this school,

but in my class
you are not going
to get academic credit

for running
pass patterns.

You're this close
from failing this class.

All of you are.

And if you do,
I just want to remind you

that the only football
you're going to be seeing

is on the television
in your frat house.

Think about it.

- That wraps it up
for today, everybody.
- Bitch!

That winds up class for today.
I'll see you all next week.

-Dude, let's get
out of here.

Hey, come on!

Look, Miss Stewart,

I can't fail another class
this semester, okay?

I mean, if I do,
my father may cut me off.

All you do in this class,
Josh, is crack jokes

and check out my ass,

neither of which
is on the syllabus.

- Look at me, bitch!
- Get out of here.

Get out!

Didn't anyone ever
tell you not to play
with knives?

Karl, you son of a bitch.
I've been waiting an hour
here for you.

Hey, Rahmel.

Damn, it's good
to see you.

For a while there,
I thought they got
you and Macy.

No.
Did you find anything
on his daughter?

Yeah.

She's a professor
at Eastern Atlantic College.

- Address and phone number?
- Everything's in there.

Great.

You know, a disaster
like at Kosovo

makes me want to do
one thing.

What's that?

Go back for more.

Professor Stewart?
Nicole Stewart?

Yes, my name
is Karl Thomasson.

I knew your father.

Is there some place
we could meet?

I have something
he wanted me to give to you.

Lunch date stand you up?

Relax.
We just want
to talk to you.

Then call me
during office hours.

-Ooh.

You're new on campus,
so you might be interested

in learning what's what
around here.

Yeah, like Reality 101.

See, we've got
a winning football team,

the first winning team
this school's had
in a long time,

and we're a big part
of it.

Yeah, so why are you
riding us so hard, huh?

Don't you got
no school spirit, bitch?

I'm a college professor,
not a cheerleader.

Jock:
Are you even
listening to us?

Jock #2:
We make a lot of money
for this school.

We pay your salary.

So you better get
with the program

or it's going to be your ass
that gets thrown out of here.

Excuse me.

I'm collecting
for the local blood bank.

Anyone care
to make a donation?

-Oh, no.
-Oh, no.

Eh, I left my wallet
in my locker.

Well, I wasn't
talking about money.

Ah!

Oh!

- Hey.
-Oh, damn.

You're dead!

- Sorry.
- Eh, no problem. Hoo.

Nicole?
I'm Karl Thomasson.

- Hi.
- Hello.

- What was that all about?
- Oh, they're students of mine.
Football players.

They're mad at me
because I expect them

to do the same work
as everybody else.

Well, if it's
any consolation,

they'll be
on the disabled list
for a while.

Well, actually,
it's not.

The school administrators
encourage them to think
that way

and the dean doesn't
come right out and say it,

but the message
is very clear.

Maybe you didn't notice,
but those guys were
completely wired.

Maybe it was coke,
maybe it was steroids,

but they were
totally out of control.

Why don't you let me
deal with them?

I've had enough military
intervention in my life,
thank you very much.

I can take care of myself.
I always have.

Like today?

Players:
Break!

There's no way that bitch
is going to pass us now,

even if we made up
the work.

Yeah, my eyes are still
burning from the pizza joint.

I'm gonna have
to kill that guy
next time I see him.

We've got to do something
about that teacher, man.

- Get her off our backs.
- Yeah, you're right.

What do you do
when someone's standing

between you
and the end zone?

You chop block his ass
into next week.

Send him home
on a stretcher.

Hey, what about Tony?

You know, Tony usually
fixes things like this
all the time.

Nah, I want a piece
of that bitch myself.

Yeah, that's what
I'm talkin' about.

Just what are you
doing here?

Your father wanted me
to give you this.

Mm. Yeah.

I have a deeper relationship
with my dry cleaner

than I did with my father.

He moved out of the house
before I even could say
his name.

He'd drop back in
every two or three years

and hang around
just long enough
to make it look like

he was going to start
acting like a father.

And every time
I believed him,
that phone would ring

and he'd be right back
out the door.

He was a professional soldier
and a damn good one.

Just like you, huh?

Look, I don't know what kind
of deathbed promise

my father wrung out
of you, but here and now

I am absolving you
of your obligation, okay?

Okay.

I'd like to keep this
to remind me of him,

except I have no idea
who he is.

Keep it.

It means
something to you.

Set. Hut!

All right.
Keep your legs moving.

Man:
Do it, Bo!
Do it!

What the hell was that,
Robinson?

You may look like
the Michelin Man, but you hit
like the Pillsbury Doughboy.

Now get in there
and hit somebody.
Come on.

-Come on, Bo!
- Man #2: Knock him on his ass!

Come on, get him, Bo!
Get him now!

- Come on, Bo, get him!
- Knock his ass over, Bo!

Well, I guess we're just going
to have to widen the bench,

because that's where
your fat ass is going
to be planted come Saturday.

- Everybody, listen up!

- Listen up.

If you're not willing
to put your body on the line

every time you line up,
I don't want you
on the field.

If you're not willing to do
anything and everything
it takes to win,

I don't want you
on this team.

- You understand that?
-Yes, sir!

Good. Because if you're
not willing to put
this football team

above everything else
in your life,

I don't really care
if you live or die.

- Do you understand that?
-Yes, sir!

Good.

- Robinson, are you willing
to put your body on the line?
- Yes, sir!

- Are you willing to do
everything it takes to win?
- Yes, sir!

- Is this football team more
important than everything?
- Yes, sir!

- Then get in there
and hit somebody!

You hit or you sit!
Do you understand that?

You're dead!

Man:
Get him, Bo!
Kill him!

Do it, Bo!

They'll be here
in an hour.

- Okay, that's enough.

All right, that's enough.
Break it up.

Let's save it for Saturday.

You guys are lifting weights.
Hit the iron.

The rest of you take a lap.
Let's go, hustle up.

Man:
Come on, man!

Parker, Phillips,
come here.

Hustle.

-What's up, Coach?
- I just got word we got
a random urine test

this afternoon
for you and Parker.

Athletic Association boys
will be here in about an hour.

One more thing, I got
another grade warning report
from your English professor.

Says you're about this close
from academic ineligibility.

Now listen to me.

We're coming into
the home stretch of my first
winning season in years

and I can't afford
to lose you boys.

- Am I making myself clear?
- Yeah.

- We'll take care of it, Coach.
- You better be.

- Now go get ready
for the test.
- All right.

You know what--
I wish someone

would make these guys
take a random drug test.

- Maybe they'd find a couple
of female chromosomes

floating around in their piss
and somebody could tell
their wives about it.

- Here, I got it.
Go get yours.
- All right.

Dude, how do you
get a job like that?

Man:
Is that right?

Man:
Over here.

Psst.

- Hey.

Maybe hire ourselves
out for a private gig
down in the Gulf?

Work for one of those
big oil companies,
you know?

You're killin' me.

Good run.

Hey,
that's Macy's daughter.

- She going to be all right?
-Eventually.

With the internal injuries
she's suffered, coupled
with the concussion

and broken ribs,
she's not going to be
leaving anytime soon.

Would you mind if we stay
with her for a while?

Actually,
it's very reassuring
to have family around

when a patient regains
consciousness.

I'll be back
to check on her
in a couple of minutes.

- No.

No.

It's okay. It's okay.
It's all right.

You're all right, okay?

Okay.

Well, boss...

looks like we've got
ourselves a mission.

- Hey! Come on in!

- Good to see you.
- Good to see you, Ed.

- I'm on with my bookie.
Hold on a minute.

Yeah, what's the line?

All right. Good.
Give me 50 on them.

No, I don't care
how many games
they've lost.

- I do my research, pal.

- Shithead.
- Research?

Yeah, I've got a bug
in his office and a tap
on his phone,

so whatever he gets
on the inside comes to me.

So what's up, fellas?

Well, we need to get
inside the football program

- at Eastern Atlantic College.
- Eastern Atlantic?

Yeah, and when do you need
these installations by?

- Monday.
- Oh, come on.

You know, you're really
cutting into my weekend
sports viewing here.

Sit down.
Take a load off.
Make yourself at home.

So, why the sudden interest
in college athletics?

- You remember Macy?
- Yeah.

His daughter's
a professor there.

She was assaulted
last night.

I think it was one
of the football players

and I'd kind of like
to know which one.

Eastern Atlantic.
Yeah, they're having
a hell of a season.

They've got
this lineman kid,
Bo Robinson.

He's built like
a wall with legs.

Now, the word is
he got this way juicing.

Sounds like junior's
been taking steroids.

Yeah, that's what they say
about every kid

that gains 60 pounds
of muscle in less than a year.

- You know, I'm going to
need back-up on this.
- Whatever you want.

Rahmel will cover you.

I'm going to go in,
get close to him.

- You're going in?
- Mm-hmm.

As what?
A janitor?

No, Ed.
A professor.

I'm taking over
Nicole's classes
while she's out.

A pro-- professor?
How are you going
to pull that off?

I have a doctorate
in contemporary literature.

- No way.
- Way.

Oh, yeah,
he's an undercover
stealth teacher.

I could have been
a college professor,
you know.

You guys hungry?

- What?
-Let us know when
you got something, Ed.

- What did I say?
-We'll call ya.

- So she said--
- Move it, punk.

- Hey, what's up?
- Get your ass
out of the way, punk.

Do you believe
these guys?

Running around here
thinking they can do
whatever they want to you.

Oh, you must be
Professor Stewart's
substitute.

- Bill Braden,
head football coach.
- Oh, hi. Dan Cooper.

Man, get your punk ass
out of my way.

Yo, Free Willy,
wanna give me a break
over here or what?

Man, what you say?
What did you call me?

- Free--
- Oh, sh--

Let me tell you
something now.

When you see me
coming down here,
you better step off

before I have to
bust your skinny ass.

Bo, Bo,
chill out, man.

You know Josh is my buddy
from high school.

Well, he's about
to get his beat-down.

- Jesus, man.
- Sorry about that, man.

You just need to
bulk up a little bit.

Bo, what's up?
Word.

- That game
was fat on Saturday.
- Back up off me.

- Who you callin' fat?
- Dude, Bo, not you, man.

Boy, you guys have really
turned it around this year--
six and one.

- You must be excited.
- Well, that's why I thought
we'd have a little chat.

You got three
of my first-stringers in
the class you're taking over.

Now, from what I hear,
you're a great teacher
and we're lucky to have you,

but I've got to tell you,
it's not an Ivy League school,
you know?

- Have you got lunch in here?
- Uh, yeah.

- You got enough for everybody?
- No, just you, Bo.

Yeah, I don't need that.

You were a damn good corner
in high school.

How come you haven't
tried out for the team
the last couple seasons?

I had to bulk
up my grades, man.
That's what I need.

Pssh, dude,
if you're on the team,

you don't have to worry
about any of that crap.

- Didn't seem that way here
in Stewart's class.
- Where is she now?

A winning football team
provides good, clean fun
for everybody--

students, players,
not to mention the alumni

that contributes lots
of money to departments
like yours and ours.

Well, I think I get
what you're driving at.

Good 'cause I'm just hoping
you'll cut my players
a little slack.

Like Professor McMurdo here.

He's one of our
biggest boosters.

- Wayne McMurdo.
- Dan Cooper.

- Follows every game.
- When my schedule permits.

So if you need anything,
like tickets, just let me know.

Oh, don't worry, Coach.

I know this is going to be
a memorable season.

-You got
more money in there?
-No, man.

- You sure?
- I gave it all to you.

- You got it all.
- It's all in here?

- You sure? You sure?
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Excuse me.

- You got it all.
- You sure?

- Oh, yeah.
- Excuse me!

Is there a problem?

- Are you talking to me?
- Yes, I'm talking to you.

Hey, man, here.
Sit your ass down.

That's the guy
from the pizza parlor.

- No problem.
- Then sit down.

Hey, do that again
and you're out of here.

- And you'll fail
for the semester.
- Whatever.

- Ooh.
-Tough guy.

As you all know,
Professor Stewart
has been hospitalized.

For the rest
of the semester,

I'm going to be
her replacement.

Let's see how long
he lasts.

My name
is Professor Cooper.

Give me that, man.

Let's get started.

"This is the patent age
of new inventions

for killing bodies,
and for saving souls.

All propagated
with the best intentions."

- Who said that?
- You did.

That's right, but not until
after Byron said it.

- Man, who the fuck is Byron?
- Now, can anybody tell me

how that relates
to your last assignment--

the story of
"The Quiet American."

- Yes.
- The story shows us

how our failure
in Vietnam

was due to our...

arrogance as a culture.

We overestimated
our strength

and underestimated
the enemy's will to prevail.

Good. Was that Cliffs
or Monarch?

- Cliffs.
- I like Cliffs.

Yeah? What does that
have to do with anything?

Well, after Grenada,
Libya, and the Gulf War,

a lot of people
have begun to fear that
that same attitude

is becoming prevalent again
in America today.

Hey, we only lost Vietnam

because of hippies
and draft dodgers.

And you wouldn't see
that crap today.

- So, uh, what's your name?
- Jeremy.

So, Jeremy, you're saying
that domestic unrest

undermined
the military abroad.

- Is that right?
- Yeah.

And where
did you learn that?

From one of your
political science professors?

- "Rambo."
-There's a role model.

Nice.

"Rambo."

Hmm.

- Stand up.
- Me?

No, you.

- Stand up.
- No, you don't want
none of me, man.

Oh, yes, I do.
Stand up.

-He's callin' you out.
- Do it, Bo.

- I'm up.
- Okay. Let's move these desks
as far back as we can.

-That's what
I'm talkin' about!
- Make some room.

- Move them back.
- Take him out, man.

Yeah, nigga.

All right, now, Bo--

it is Bo, isn't it?

- Yeah, that's right.
- Come on up here to me.

Shit.

Okay, now, we're going
to test Jeremy's theory.

A second chance
at the same situation.

Bo, you're going
to represent America

with all of its military
and industrial might,

and I am going to be
a very small guerilla force--

no technology, no tanks,
no helicopters,

sometimes no guns.

All I have is my will
to prevail.

- Hit me.
-Ooh!

-Come on.
- Slap him, Bo. Do it, man.

- Take him out.
- You all heard me say it.

You all heard me say it.
Didn't you, class?

Did you hear me say it?

I told him to hit me.
Come on, Bo, hit me.

Yeah. I'm gonna enjoy
kicking your ass.

-Whoa!
Come on, Bo.

- Come on.
- I told you to hit me, Bo.

You don't want
a failing grade, do you?

-Here he comes.
-He's fast.

- He's gonna kill him now.

Come on, Bo!

- Come on, man.
- Get up! Get up, Bo!

Jeez, Bo.
I'm disappointed in you.

I thought football players
were supposed to hit.

Maybe you can
only hit people when
you're coming from behind.

Well, Jeremy,
it looks like your thesis

doesn't hold up
to empirical research.

You see,
a true guerilla force

- owns the night.

Attacking the enemy

when he's blind
and can't see.

Oh!

Come on, man.
Get up. Come on.

Now you all saw
what I did.

I never initiated contact
with the enemy.

I forced him to pursue me,

to fight me on my terms,
not his.

That's how the VC
and the Afghans and Castro

and even our own forefathers
here in America

prevailed over
vastly superior armies.

Any questions?

Good.

What in the hell
was that all about?

Yeah. If that isn't the guy
from the pizza parlor,
I'm Snow White.

So he acted like
he had no problem,

like he understood
the situation,

but he was playing me.

He was playing me
like a fool.

-I'll get in
the faculty office

and dig up
everything I can.

Let's go.

- Come on, keep going.

Hey, Coach, I thought you
were going to meet a guy
about those vitamins.

We're, uh, getting low.

I want two more
of those sets.

Rahmel, Elvis
has left the building.

Stick with him.

I have a feeling
he's not going to
the health food store.

Got him.

- One more, one more.

That's it.

- Seven!

- Eight!

- Nine!
- Come on, come on.

- Push!
- Come on, Josh!

Push!

- Yeah!
- Whoo! Yeah!

Give me some, Bo!
Give me some! Yeah!

- Right on! Yeah!

So while I monitored
the locker room,

Rahmel tailed Braden.

And that's when
he made this buy here.

Bingo.

Ed:
Yeah, so I figured
Braden would return

to the athletic building,
and that was great.

I could keep my eyes
and ears on him.

And I tailed the dealer
and he was one busy guy.

And you think it was
steroids he was dealing?

By the gallon.

That guy could have been
dealing anything to those kids.

I wondered about that myself,
so I took up a collection.

And those are steroids,
all right.

What happened to the dealer?
Where did he disappear to?

- Sports bar on Soldier Hill.
- The Brass Ball.

- Yeah.
- Ah, shit. These guys
are Soldier Hill boys.

Yeah. They're a crew
that operates out of there.

They're run by this kid--
Tony Lo Russo.

They call him Tony Lo.

Yeah, and his old man
is Vinny "The Brick."

He's a capo
in the Marsono family.

- They operate
under his flag.
- Vinny "The Brick"?

Yeah. It's his
weapon of choice.

You know, some people
use ice picks.

He got his rep
using a brick.

He's also got
some legitimate businesses.

Earthmoving
equipment mostly.

Where is this legitimate
earthmoving business at?

He's got a warehouse
over on Industry Road.

Ed, can we get a DV camera
and a condenser microphone
in the bar?

Something selective
that can cut through
ambient noise.

- Yeah.
-You know, something
that might be a little better

is to get somebody
undercover in there.

You know, somebody
that can get close to him.

I wonder what Andy's up to?

Are you fucking kidding me?
You want me to pose

as a waitress
in a fucking titty bar?

- No, a sports bar.
- Yeah, right.

- Okay. Sports and titties.
- See.

Come on. These guys have been
selling illegal steroids
all over campus.

I think there's a chance
they might involved in the
attack on Macy's daughter.

- I see.

- Incredible point man.
- That's right.

- What do you say? Come on.
- Come on, Karl. Look at me.

I can't pose as a waitress
in a titty bar.

I mean, in order to work
in a place like that,

you've got to have a bra size
bigger than your IQ.

Andy, come on.
I need you on this one.

- Where have I
heard that before?
- This time I really mean it.

- Why do I always have
to do the undercover stuff?
- You're the best at it.

- Besides, who am I going
to send in? Ed?
- It's an idea.

Come on. Please.
I need you on this one.
Come on.

Gentlemen, tonight's specials
are double shots of tequila

- and me.
- I owe you.

Nah, you don't owe me.

- Oh, boy.
- You owe me big-time.

I hate when you do that.

- Hey.
- What's up?

I'm from Derosa's Amusements.
I'm here to fix your jukebox.

- My what?
- Your jukebox. The thing
that plays the music.

Oh, well. Come on.

Ah!

- You look stronger.
- Mm. That's encouraging,

considering I feel
like a freight train
just ran over me.

You know, this is very nice
of you and everything,

but shouldn't you be off
assassinating someone?

Listen to me.

Your father saved
my life more than once.

He was a good friend.
Besides, I owe him.

I owe his memory,
but that does not
give you the right

to talk to me
like one of your
undergraduates.

You're right.
I'm sorry.

I apologize.
That was uncalled for.

- It's just that--
- What?

I've just
had better days.

We're going to find
the people that did this
to you, Nicole.

Yeah, and then what?

And then you go back
to leading a normal life.

You know, I've never
had a normal life.

Okey-dokey.
It looks good to me.

- Better?
- Mm-hmm.

You know, sometimes
I say things that...

- You don't mean?
- Oh, no. I always
mean them.

I just shouldn't say them.

I do appreciate
what you're doing for me.

- Honest.
- I believe you.

I'm gonna go.

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

Did you know that steroids
cause testicular atrophy?

What do you mean?
They make your nuts shrink?

- That's right.
- My ex-wife

had the same effect on me.

Well, what do you think?

I think it's time
to go to work.

-Say hello.
-Rahmel, can you hear me?

You know,
you're very photogenic.

If that's an offer,
I'm flattered,

but I already
have plans for tonight.

How do the Chinese eat
with these damn things?

American fork.

Look at Andy in that getup.
Madon'. I never knew that--

- knew that Andy was--
- What?

Well, you know,
she's got such, uh...

- Ed, they're fake.
- What?

- They're fake.
They're not real.
- No.

Karl:
Oh, yeah. Watch this.

Andy, you're listing
to starboard.

Perfect. Good.

If I had those,
I'd love to touch them.

That's Tony Lo Russo
in the baseball cap.

Karl:
Mel, that's our target
holding court at the bar.

No, I shit you not.

A Komodo dragon's
got three penises.

- Bullshit.
- I saw it on TV.

And there are three bitches
for each male.

- One for each dick.
- I wish I had three dicks.

Why? You only got
two hands.

More peanuts?

Excuse me.

Thanks.

Whoa.

Did you see the headlights
on that 4x4?

That's what I call
an off-road vehicle.

- They ain't even real.
- What are you talkin'
about, not real?

She's stuffed
like a fucking turkey.

- I say she's real.
- All right.

I may be wrong.
Okay?

The lighting's not that good
in here, you know?

- Tough guy.
- Hmm.

- Hey, Jerry.
- Yeah.

Hey, who's the new meatloaf?

Eh, Susie something or other.
I hired her this morning.

- Want me to call her over?
- No.

- Why don't you just get
the show started?
- All right.

- Let's have a show.
- Yeah.

Andrea, you know,
you look marvelous.

You really do.

Tony's asking about you,
so keep workin' him.
You're doing great.

All right, everybody.
You know what time it is.

It's time
for our girls to get...

-Wet and wild!

Yeah!

All right!

Let's bring up
our first contestant...
Tiffany.

- Here we go, baby.

Yeah, baby!

- Don't worry about the water
if it gets on the floor.

See, we collect it all
and then we freeze it

and we turn it
into ice cubes for, uh--
for cocktails.

So order up, huh?

Next up...
the lovely Georgia.

- Let her have it!

- Look at the size
of those things.
- Mm-hmm.

Don't worry, Georgia.
The South's going to
rise again

along with every one
of these jamokes

in this room
right now. Huh?

Man:
Georgia!

All right.
Thank you, honey.

Okay. Some fun, huh?
All right.

Now it is my pleasure
to introduce the newest member

of the Brass Ball Bar...
Susie.

May I?

Man:
She's doing the Lewinsky.

Jerry:
There you go!
Thank you, Susie.

Let's make her happy.

Boys, make enough noise
so the new girl wins.

Is our lucky winner
going to be...

Tiffany?

Or is it
going to be Georgia?

Get ready to clap.

Or how about
the new kid, Susie?

Thank you, girls. Thank you.

Jerry:
Our winner is Susie Hammer.

I'm so proud of Andy
for winning that prize.

You know, actually,
I prefer Tiffany.

Really? I would
have thought Georgia.

Jerry:
Thank you, Susie.
All righty.

I'm gonna
get some of that.

Drink up. Come on, drink up.
We're having fun here.

I like a woman
who can turn you on

and scare the living shit
out of you all at
the same time.

I can't believe I just
did that. I've never done
anything like that.

- My heart is just pounding.
- I bet a drink would
settle you down.

- Come on, I'm buying.
- I don't think Mr. Sundheim
would appreciate that.

I'm right in the middle
of my shift.

Jerry happens to be
a personal friend of mine.

Matter of fact, my father
and I are something like

silent partners
here at the club.

If I ask,
he'll be happy to do it.

Well, I suppose
if you're a partner.

What's your name?

Susie. Susie Hammer.

Hammer. Like bang, bang?

I apologize for these guys.
Sometimes they get a little
carried away.

Oh, that's okay.

Sometimes I get
a little carried away, too.

Well, this is Petey boy.

This is Robbie.
Smooth talker here
is Frankie G

and that's Jimmy.

And I'm Tony.

- Hi.
- Hi.

So what would you like?

Whatever you want.

Hey, Jerry. Champagne.

Tony, we don't
have any champagne.

- Well, then get some.
- I'll see what I got.

Excuse me, Mr. Lo Russo.
I need to--

if I could have
just a moment of your time.

- This is Mr. Kirby.
- Who the hell is this guy?

- A professor.
- What's he teach?

I'll lay you odds
it's chemistry.

What kind of odds
are we talkin' here?

Have you ever sought
professional help
for your problem?

- What problem?
- Your gambling problem.

I don't have a problem.
I never lose.

Mr. Kirby
is very essential
to my work.

He provides many
of the raw materials
that I use to--

- I can handle this.
- All right.

Let's talk business.

Back in my office, though.
Here, have a seat, baby.

- Hey, Jerry, you make sure
she gets her champagne.
-Yeah, I'm on it.

- Let's go back here.
- Hey, Tony.

Professor, why don't you
have a drink? On me. Huh?

Yeah, it's just right back
over here.

- Talk to me.
- Cost of doing business
just went up.

Yeah? Well, how high up?

- Double what I'm gettin' now.
- Double.

That's a pretty sharp
increase.

Yeah.
Supply and demand.

I'm the only guy
you got to give McMurdo
what he needs.

So you're trying to tell me
you're the only guy

on this entire planet
who can do what you do?

- Take it or leave it.
- Thank you.

Well, let me think about it.

Isn't that nice?

Frankie, this beer
tastes like shit.

If you don't mind,
I'm just going to
get rid of it.

Hey, mook.

You come in this place--
you try to lean on me,

you piece of shit.
You little piece of shit!

All right, all right.

Clean this piece of shit up
and put him in the car.

Rahmel, stay with Andy.
Ed and I will take
the professor.

Whoo!

I need a shot!
Let's go! Give me a shot!

You want a shot?
Let's get you a shot.

Let's go. Let's have
some shots, little boys.

Let's go. Come on.
Here you are.

- Thanks.
- You're in great shape.

You must work out.
I like that.

- Yeah, I love to work out.
- Yeah?

- Do you?
- Eh, yeah. I'll tell you
a little secret.

If you want to really bulk up,
you've got to juice.

- I like juice.
- Yeah?

As long as I'm the one
doing the squeezing.

Maybe you could
squeeze me sometime.

Oh, a man like you
I could squeeze dry.

- Hey, Tony.
- Don't you see
I'm talkin' over here?

Tony, it's your old man.

- Oh, shit.
- Oops.

Pop, over here.

Hey, Vince.
Looking good.

Where's the rest
of the boys?

Tony:
Takin' care of some business.
It's nothin'.

Hi.

Susie, why don't you take
your drink over there?

My father and I need to talk
for a few minutes.

Oh, okay.

- I like your shirt.
- Hello, sunshine.

Hi.

How's business?

- Business is good as always.
- Yeah.

- We'll see.
- God, I am so sick of this
bimbo shit.

I could really go
for a smoke right now.

- You don't happen to have
a cigar on you, do you?
- Fresh out.

- What the fuck is that
in your hand?
- Therapy.

Ed:
I don't know.
This professor doesn't fit in

with the other
Soldier Hill boys.

- Shit, this Twinkie's good.
-You may be right.

Let's see what he has
to say about it.

Professor McMurdo, Wayne.

We're not here to hurt you.
We're here to help.

You've been making steroids
for the Soldier Hill boys,
haven't you?

Did you see
what they did?

Did you see
what they did to that man?

-What man?
- Kirby.

They kicked him,
they beat him.

- They killed him.
-Why?

- Why would they kill him?
- For nothing!

Because he wanted money.
He wanted more money

for the supplies
he provides to me.

They said that
if I stepped out of line,

- they would kill my family.
- All right. Calm down,
calm down.

We'll protect you
and your family, Wayne.

I'm stuck.

I'm stuck.

- I'm just stuck.
- You're not stuck, okay?

Listen to me.

You help us
and nothing's
going to happen

to you or your family.
I promise you that, okay?

Wayne:
Who are you
to promise that?

- We're the guys that are going
to kick their ass.
- He's right.

I'll see you tomorrow.

- You sure?
- Yeah, I promise.

Bye-bye. So long.

See what I mean, Vince?
We're barely running
in the black.

- This here.
- What?

What's this?
This huge charge
for office expenses.

Vince, every business
has office expenses.

Jerry, you don't have
an office.

-Still, Vince...
- Uh, uh, uh, uh.

Jerry, after what I did
for you...

I mean, you were
knocking down old ladies
in the street

and stealing their
social security checks

when I took you in.

Come on, Jerry.

You gotta watch it when you
cook the books, Jerry.

See-- because sometimes...

Because sometimes
you end up getting
yourself cooked.

You do that to me again

and I'll fucking roast
you alive.

You understand me, Jerry?

- You understand me, Jerry?!
- Yes, sir.

Get the fuck
out of here.

What the fuck
are you looking at?

Nicole:
Well, if these guys are doing
what you think they're doing,

- why don't you
just call the police?
- I will when it's time.

You know, the right way
to do things isn't always
the lawful way.

Yeah, but making up your own
morality as you go along

is somewhat dangerous,
wouldn't you say?

So are you saying
that helping you is
the wrong thing to do?

What are you saying--
my father was doing
the right thing

when he abandoned
his family and ran off
to go play soldier?

Listen to me, Nicole.

There's a lot of things
I can't tell you,

but I can tell you this.

Your father was a patriot

and he fought and died
for his country.

I wrote to him
just before he left
on this last mission.

And I asked him not to go.

I actually got him a job
on the campus police force.

I thought it would pay him
the same amount of money

and he could be here
with me.

I never heard back from him.

Do you ever think about that?
Is that going to happen to you?

Are you gonna end up
thousands of miles
away somewhere,

all by yourself
dying in some country
that nobody's even heard of?

Maybe...

but then again
I could get hit by a bus
on the way to class today.

- We all got to go sometime.
-We got to go.

Well, Tony Lo--
right on time.

Hey, guy. Could have used you
in the secondary last Saturday.

Yeah, with or without
my piece?

Hey, I never had a cornerback
that tackled like you did.

Yeah, well,

you never had one with knees
as bad as mine either.

It was the only thing
that kept you from
being the best.

Listen, thanks for the help
with Stewart,

and, eh, I might need
your help again.

Her substitute's just
as much trouble
as she was.

Yeah?

What is it with these
English professors?

Professor.

Payday, my man.
You got the stuff?

- Professor?
- You got the shit or what?

All you had to do was say,
"I got it right here, Frankie."

What the hell is this?

You know, you did
a great job, Wayne.

And they totally convinced
you were scared senseless.

Because I was.

What did you do to them?

- It was a kickin' chicken.
- A what?

Wayne's worried
about the boys.

Oh, they've just been hit
with an electrical charge.

It's nothing lethal,
unfortunately.

- How much is in here?
- 80.

It should be $80,000.

Some for me,
some for raw materials.

- Huh.
- Keep it.

Payment for giving me
my life back.

Wayne, I think it's time for you
to take a little sabbatical.

I want you to take
your family, too.

Until we get this
all sorted out.

- Hut.

Coach Braden.

Can I help you?

Josh Silver is dead.

What are you
talking about?

He was using Anatest.

It's a veterinary steroid.

It's used on race-horses.

He took a dose
that was meant for about
three tons of horse-flesh.

Yeah, well,
I'm not surprised.

He never did have his head
screwed on straight.

Listen to me.

I know that Tony Lo Russo
is supplying your team
with steroids,

I know you're in on it,
and I have video tape
to prove it.

Look,

I don't know where Josh
got what he was taking,

- but it wasn't from
anybody on this team.
- It's over, Braden.

You know, for years
I ran a clean program.

Probably the only one
in the conference,

and you know what?
We always lost.

And then after last season,
there was talk of firing me

and my coaching staff
and phasing out the whole
football program.

My career
would have been finished.

Your career is finished.

You'll be lucky
if you don't do time.

It's a mol-- a molecule.

Damn.

Steroids.

They pump you up.

They make you huge.

Make you feel
like you're the master
of the universe.

While you're mastering
the universe, let me
tell you about

a couple of others things
that they can do.

They can give you
high blood pressure,

they can give you
coronary disease,

- kidney disease...

...cancer of the liver,

they can cause impotence
and sterility.

Not to mention
diarrhea, acne,

hair loss, body odor,

yellowing of the eyes,

and the always popular
withered testicles.

-Withered testicles.
-Having trouble getting
a date on Saturday?

Just wait till she finds out
what you're packing

in your shorts
when you're doing steroids.
Absolutely nothing.

Oh, hey, and I almost forgot.

One other minor side effect.
It can kill you.

Not years from now
down the road, but right now.

Today. This minute.

But, hey,
don't take my word for it.

Just ask your classmate
Josh Silver,

but don't expect an answer
anytime soon...

because right now
he's on a stainless steel
autopsy table

down at the medical
examiner's office

having his organs
removed and dissected

one by one.

But, hey, he sure could
bench-press, couldn't he?

Josh, man.

-Well, is he
gonna come or what?
-He's coming.

I left a note
on his windshield.

Told him we had a meeting
with the athletic director

and we wanted him
to be there.

How you doing?
You must be Tony.

That's Tony Lo.

I've heard you've been
spreading nasty rumors
about me.

Said I'm some sort of...

steroid drug pusher.

I guess it keeps you busy
when you're not killing people.

- I never killed anybody.
- No?

Oh, I see. So you're
just here

- to rough me up
a little, huh?
- Nah.

We just want you
to help us conjugate

some verbs,
Professor.

Tony:
Come on.

Now you got two choices.

You can take your boys
out of here or you can die.

Don't kill me.
Just don't kill me.

That's a good choice.

Hey, look.

Let's go.

Who did this to my son?

It was that professor
at the college.

Braden wanted us to shake
him down to find out what
he was after, but...

it didn't turn out
that way.

I want his body.

Where did you put it?

We-- he's not--

he's still alive,
Mr. Lo Russo.

You bring me my son
in the trunk of a car

and you tell me the person
who did it walked away?

Look at him.
He was my son.

Look at him.

- You punk!
You stinking bum!
-Vince! Vince!

Vince! You got Tony
to take care of.

- He deserves some respect.

You punk!

- Punk!
- I know-- I know
where to find him.

The professor.

He rides around
in this white van.

It's a piece of junk.
You can't miss it.

It's usually out
by the college.

- Shh.

Like that, Salerno.

That's how
I want it done.

Just like that.

What the hell?!
Throw the ball!

Where's Joe Namath
when you need him?

Hey, Rahmel.

If I have to watch
any more of this game,
I'm going to have to puke.

- Nice shirt.

Whom do I have the pleasure
of meeting? Hmm?

Your maker.

Here we go.

- There you are.
- Thanks.

Thank you.

So I got you this.

I thought you might be
getting bored sitting
around all day.

Oh.

"War and Peace."

Well, it's just
the right-sized book

if you have a lot
of time on your hands.

Oh, yeah.
Have you ever read it?

Only in Russian.

- Well, thank you.
- You're welcome.

So...

what you are up to now
with all these gangster guys,

it's not really about me
anymore, is it?

No, not entirely.

- So what do you hope
to gain by this?
- The usual.

Truth. Justice.

The American way.

- Something wrong?
- Yeah.

I have to go.

- What happened?
- He recorded it.

- Whom do I have the pleasure
of meeting?
- Your maker.

-Who did it?
-One of Lo Russo's guys.

- What about the warehouse?
- I know a way we can get in.

I think we've shown
a remarkable amount
of restraint,

but the time
for diplomacy is over.

- Hello?

-Yeah?
- Hi, um, this is Susie Hammer
from the bar.

- What the hell do you want?
- I have a date with Tony.

Tony's not here.

Well, then I guess
I have a date with you.

Andy:
Yoo-hoo. Hello?

- Hi.
- So I guess you didn't hear,
your boyfriend's dead.

Tony passed?

Yeah, Tony passed.

Since he passed,
I figured you might like
to express your sorrow

by giving head to one
of his business associates.

So you can start
by taking that top down

'cause I like your tits.

Well, it might
make me feel better,
but who else is here?

I mean, I wouldn't want
someone walking in on us.

No, they're all
out back someplace...

- amusing themselves.
- Yeah, how many of them?

See, because
what I'm thinking is,
instead of giving you head,

I could just give you
a nice little...

Oh!

Plenty of room for junior.

Karl:
Okay. I got picture.

- This little piggy
didn't deserve to live.

- This little piggy offended me
with his dirty nails.

This little piggy won't be
sticking itself into any more
female little piggies.

- This little piggy moaned
as I killed it.

And this little piggy chose
suicide over being alone.

These tits...
I bought them for $49.95

at the Pleasure Factory
down on Ocean Street.

Ones with nipples cost more.

Don't get up on my account.

- Lookin' good.
- Lo Russo's here for sure.

- Where?
- In the back.

Karl:
These trucks are going
to give us some good cover.

Pretty deserted in there.
Let's take them down quick.

It looks like--
what the hell is that?

I don't know,
but I never get that
on my cable station.

All right. We're going to
have to get those girls out
of here as soon as we can.

- That's the first thing up.
- All right.

- We got a sex party inside.
- Oh, Jesus.

- Damn. All right.
-You guys ready?

- I came here to play.
-In you go, girl.

Man:
I think I heard something.
Check it out, Jimmy.

Ah!

Man:
Come here. Oh, baby.

Hey, asshole.

Huh?

Come on, girls. Party's over.
Come on, let's move it!

- Mel, I'm hit.
- Ladies, I want you
to do yourselves a favor.

When you get home,
I want you to see
a good doctor.

You got it?

- Say goodbye, asshole.

- Hey, guys,
Lo Russo's getting away.

Don't worry, boss.
The car's bulletproof.

I'll get us out of here.

- What the hell was that?
- That son of a bitch
is on the roof.

I'll get him off.
Don't worry.

Salerno!

Damn it!

-Son of a bitch.

- Motherfucker.

Come on! Come on,
you son of a bitch!

I'll kill you, you fuck!

Oh, you fuck!

Fuck you!

How's that shoulder?

- Ah!
- I've seen worse.

Easy for you to say.
It's not your shoulder.

Hey, did anybody
ever tell you

that these things
are bad for your health?

Hey.

- Hey.
-Hey.

Nicole:
You got here just in time.

They're just about ready
to release me.

- What happened to you?
- Oh, this?

I cut myself shaving.

- Oh, shaving
your arms again, huh?
- Oh, just down the elbow.

This is Andy and Rahmel.

When you're in trouble,
two of the best people

to have on your side,
and you did.

- Well, thank you very much.
- Anytime.

You're welcome.

- I got something for you.
- Oh, thank you.

Oh, Hemingway.
"Farewell to Arms."

In Russian.
I'm impressed.

Rahmel:
Karl, we should get going.

Another mission, huh?

- Well...
- Good luck.

Oh, hey, Karl.

- I'll take it
if you still have it.
- What?

My father's medal.

Reporter:
Violence flares
in the Horn of Africa

as Ethiopian jets bomb Eritrea
for the second straight day.

More fallout
from the Eastern Atlantic
football scandal

as lineman Bo Robinson
leaves the team and school.

This on the heels
of the recent suicide of
football coach Bill Braden.

Weatherman Winston Williams
says we can look forward
to five straight days...

♪ Next stop, Hale-Bopp

♪ Hale

♪ Hale, Hale-Bopp

♪ Hale-Bopp

♪ Hale

♪ Hale, Hale-Bopp

♪ Hale-Bopp

♪ Hale

♪ Hale, Hale-Bopp

♪ Hale-Bopp.