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1
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,997
(Tapping and hammering)
2
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,878
Oi, Fiddler! Come in off the roof.
3
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,551
(Jewish accent) All right, already.
4
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,471
(Tom groans)
5
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:06,319
Oh, just the job. Phew.
6
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:10,513
- How's it going?
- Well, I've cemented the chimney pot on.
7
00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,358
But the whole stack needs redoing.
8
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:15,677
One puff of wind and it'll be in the road.
Those slates are dodgy, too.
9
00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:18,314
- Now, you be careful out there.
- Oh, I'm being careful.
10
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,112
I tie myself to the stack with rope.
11
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:22,913
What, the chimney stack
that's about to fall into the road?
12
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:25,349
(Splutters)
13
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:29,598
Oh, my... l never thought of that.
My whole life flashed in front of me then.
14
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:33,031
What you really need
are little suction cups all over you.
15
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,720
Like that chap in your Boys' Annual
who walked up walls.
16
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:41,312
Yeah... yes. Suction Man.
How many plungers have we got?
17
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,958
- One, and it doesn't suck.
- Oh.
18
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:49,073
Well, perhaps not. You know, I hate to admit it,
but this job is really too skilled for me.
19
00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:51,760
- Shall I have a go?
- Certainly not!
20
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,950
I'm not having everyone looking up your skirt.
21
00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:57,675
- I'm wearing trousers.
- Anyway, it's dangerous.
22
00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:01,600
You've got to learn this work properly.
Where can you get a course in roofmanship?
23
00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:03,153
Night school.
24
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,910
Tick. VG. Why didn'tl think of that?
25
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,951
Cos I'm brilliant and you're stupid.
26
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,118
Yeah, that must be it.
It is a good idea, in a general sort of way.
27
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:16,516
There are all sorts of things you can learn there.
And it's dead cheap.
28
00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:19,439
- I'll get a syllabus from the library.
- Good.
29
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:21,517
I'll do @ makeshift job on the roof for now.
30
00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:23,358
Now, be careful of that chimney stack.
31
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:27,439
All right, Barbara. You never know -
I might not even need evening classes.
32
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,471
Oh, Tom, do be careful.
33
00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:33,195
Don't keep on nagging! One thing I have got
is a perfect sense of balance.
34
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,231
(Screams)
35
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,594
Tom! Are you all right?
36
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,791
(Groans)
37
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,351
Well, don't just stand there, woman!
Go and get the syllabus.
38
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,791
You can do an awful lot of subjects
at evening classes, can't you?
39
00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,275
Yeah, I quite fancy the girls' keep-fit class.
40
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:11,950
- Mm. I thought you might.
- Or first-year Swahili. That sounds interesting.
41
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,799
How many one-year-old Swahilis do you know?
42
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:17,400
Good point. Well, we'll stick with what we've got.
43
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,398
We'll go to house-maintenance classes
on Tuesdays together.
44
00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:24,399
On Thursdays, weaving for me and pottery for
you. And I bet I can weave before you can pot.
45
00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:27,911
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah!
46
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:30,270
- (Knock at door)
- Come!
47
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:34,437
For heaven's sake,
get your coats and come on down to the pub.
48
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:36,869
- What's the matter, Jerry?
- Thursday evenings.
49
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,036
It's like being cooped up with a mad moth.
50
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:44,280
Jerry! I am not mad and I am not an insect.
Good evening, Tom and Barbara.
51
00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:47,517
But Thursday night
has always been my Music Society night.
52
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:51,269
- Oh, yes, of course. You got the boot.
- I resigned, Tom.
53
00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:54,312
Please do not use that expression. I resigned.
54
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,670
And now I'm at a loose end on Thursdays.
55
00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,030
- And everybody has to know it.
- Jerry!
56
00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:02,277
Well, we're going to evening classes
on Thursdays. Why not come too?
57
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,311
Oh, what sort of evening classes?
58
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:07,398
Oh, all sorts. Bricklaying, kendo, weightlifting.
59
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:12,230
I'll talk to Barbara.
What sort of classes, Barbara?
60
00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:15,033
Well, I'm going to do pottery.
61
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,913
- Oh, pottery!
- Join, join.
62
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,759
- Oh, that does sound interesting.
- Join, join!
63
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:22,996
Oh, do come, Margo. It'll be fun.
64
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:24,678
Oh, I don't know.
65
00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:28,554
Oh, goon.
It'll be an outlet for all those artistic talents.
66
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:32,910
- Yes. Do you know, I think I will.
- Good. We can use your car.
67
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:38,074
Jerry, here's a thought -
you can come to weaving classes with me.
68
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,634
Weaving? What could I possibly want to weave?
69
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:43,513
Oh, I don't know.
A prayer mat to take into Sir's office.
70
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:47,633
Ha-ha-ha-ha. Anyway,
what's behind all this dabbling in rustic crafts?
71
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:50,638
It's not dabbling.
These skills will serve us in the future.
72
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:54,958
We'll maintain our own house, replace
broken crockery, even make our own clothes.
73
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:59,949
- I can't wait to see that!
- Tom, I think you'll have to weave alone.
74
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,958
Jolly right.
Your going's a very good idea, though, Margo.
75
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:06,277
- Why?
- I can have my Thursday evenings back.
76
00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:09,836
I can eat a curry, listen to my plebby records
and read a good, dirty book.
77
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:13,510
All the things I can't do when you're there.
Well, are we going to this pub?
78
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:16,678
Providing you're paying, yes. I'll get our coats.
79
00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:18,518
- Oh, one thing, Barbara.
- Yes?
80
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:22,440
You do realise
that I shall be doing pottery only as a hobby?
81
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:27,714
Well, of course. I don't think anyone there
would mistake you for a common old artisan.
82
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:29,114
Good.
83
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:31,595
TOM: Come on.
84
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:35,517
Oh, Tom, you're not going out in that?
85
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,398
Huh!
86
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:43,749
Margo, one does presume
one is going in the saloon bar, doesn't one?
87
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,111
Oh, Margo, what's the big surprise?
88
00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:01,311
Hell's bells!
89
00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:04,430
That's incredible!
90
00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,675
I bet this set you back a few bob.
91
00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:10,314
Jerry, actually. It's my birthday present.
92
00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:14,877
- But that's not for weeks.
- Oh, in advance. I needed it straightaway.
93
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:19,835
What are you talking about, Margo?
We haven't been to our first pottery class yet.
94
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,871
I don't see that makes any difference.
95
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:25,356
No, if you're to put Josiah Wedgwood
in his place, the sooner the better.
96
00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:27,991
We needn't be excessive, Tom.
97
00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:31,271
No, I just feel that pottery and I
are going to be very good friends.
98
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:35,917
- At this price, you'd better be.
- Well, there can't be another shed like this.
99
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:40,713
- Not shed, Barbara, please. Studio.
- Sorry. Studio.
100
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:44,359
You've got enough clay.
Are you making a 500-gallon vase?
101
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:49,429
No. I thought, once I've mastered the rudiments,
I'll specialise in... objets.
102
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:53,072
- D-art?
- Dart yes.
103
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:56,875
Of course, it might put Mrs Weaver's nose
just the tiniest bit out of joint.
104
00:06:56,920 --> 00:07:00,595
Oh, she's only been here a week.
She's not on your blacklist already, is she?
105
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:03,632
Oh, no. Mrs Weaver is charming, charming.
106
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:08,675
It's just that she's a painter, and she will steer
the conversation onto the subject of art
107
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,677
and then play the queen bee.
108
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:14,190
And you want to sting her back
with your objects D-art?
109
00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,356
I wouldn't have put it as crudely as that.
110
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,437
- Wouldn't you?
- No.
111
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,630
Oh, come on, Margo. Give us a demo.
112
00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:23,240
- Oh, no.
- Goon!
113
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:27,672
Yes, go on! I mean, what's the point
of having a new toy... l mean, all this equipment,
114
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,599
if you're not going to play with it... l mean, use it?
115
00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:35,953
Very well. Only, you must realise
that I've only had one little experiment.
116
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:39,072
I'm not as yet endowed
with any sort of technique.
117
00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:40,838
Thank you, Tom.
118
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,871
Are you gonna scrub up first?
119
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:47,351
- Look, do you want me to show you or not?
- Sorry.
120
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,152
Very well.
121
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:52,556
First of all, one sits at one's wheel.
122
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:55,240
Yes. With you so far.
123
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,075
Then one takes one's ball
124
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:02,272
of not too soggy, but not too flabby clay.
125
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:04,596
- It sounds like a cookery lesson!
- Barbara!
126
00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:06,392
- Barbara!
- Sorry.
127
00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:11,355
Now, if you look at my foot,
you will see that it is placed on the treadle pedal.
128
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,111
Yes... yes!
129
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:20,950
One begins to treadle. Or is it "pedal"?
Anyway, one does it.
130
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,471
See?
131
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,511
And now for the moment of truth.
132
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:29,157
One throws one's pot.
133
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,793
Where?
134
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,949
Onto the very epicentre of one's wheel.
135
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,079
Go on, then.
136
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:44,033
You will forgive any little mistake
one might make?
137
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:52,239
- (Tom laughing)
- Stop it! Stop it!
138
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:54,271
Well, you're the one that's pedalling!
139
00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:58,759
(Laughing)
140
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:01,360
That's a rough idea, anyway.
141
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,789
It couldn't get much rougher! (Laughs)
142
00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:09,838
- You were willing me to fail, weren't you?
- Well... yes.
143
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:13,433
(Laughs) Oh, never mind, Margo.
144
00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:17,269
He's just jealous.
It's only because he's doing rotten old weaving.
145
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:20,039
Are you still giving us a lift to the class tonight,
Margo?
146
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,152
- I'll certainly give Barbara a lift.
- Oh...!
147
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:26,795
You wouldn't make old Tom run behind the car,
would you? Not old Tom.
148
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,514
(Giggling) Oh, no, don't... don't be silly! No.
149
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,677
I'll pick you both up at seven.
150
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,917
Margo, you are the Doultonest Royal
of the pottery world.
151
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:39,559
- See you later, then.
- Bye. See you at seven.
152
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,591
- See you then. Bye.
- Bye.
153
00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:00,399
Go away!
154
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:05,914
& ENGELBERT HUMPERDINCK:
Release Me
155
00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:11,431
(Door closing)
156
00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:15,000
- Is that you, Margo?
- Yes, it's me.
157
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,991
Bye-bye, Bert.
158
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,991
(Record slows to a halt)
159
00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:02,150
- Haven't had a very good evening, have you?
- Not very, no.
160
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:06,829
- Well, never mind. It's only your first lesson.
- And my last. I've left.
161
00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:11,113
- What?
- Yes, I have left that so-called night school.
162
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,800
A more precise term for it
might be a breeding ground.
163
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,989
- For what?
- Familiarity and bad manners.
164
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:22,358
Our so-called art master was a bearded
young lout, young enough to be my...
165
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:25,636
A young, bearded lout, with filthy feet,
166
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:28,513
who would insist on calling me "Margie".
167
00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:32,474
- A lout? And that's why you left?
- Isn't that enough?
168
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,319
Well, not really, no. What's he like as a teacher?
169
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:39,433
A poseur. Do you know, he's paid by the council.
170
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:43,758
He strutted round that classroom with
his Beethoven T-shirt and open-toed sandals,
171
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:46,872
like some Left Bank gigolo, and when...
172
00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:48,149
Yes?
173
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:51,711
I asked him, very politely...
174
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:56,633
."Mr Ives, what size lump of clay
do you think I should use?"
175
00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:02,832
Do you know what he did, Jerry?
He stared, quite unashamedly,
176
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,871
at my... breasts...
177
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:09,793
...and said, "In your case, Margie, about a 36B."
178
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:15,032
- Disgusting.
- Of course, everyone found it hilarious.
179
00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:20,513
I should have guessed
what sort of people they'd have there.
180
00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:23,552
If the council had the good sense
to charge 50 guineas a term,
181
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:27,195
it would, A, keep the riffraff out
and, B, pay for a proper teacher.
182
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,953
- I bet Barbara laughed.
- I'm afraid she did, Jerry.
183
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:35,476
- But poor Barbara's always been easily led.
- Barbara?
184
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,400
Of course, there was only one thing to do,
so I did it.
185
00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:42,273
I told him he was a perverted degenerate
and walked out.
186
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,834
- So, that's that?
- Yes.
187
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:47,952
And to think we pay for that hippy
out of our rates.
188
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:52,358
Well, never mind, darling. Cheer yourself up
by writing a snotty letter to the council.
189
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:56,154
That's very sweet of you, Jerry, but...
190
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,998
I think I'll go to bed.
191
00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:00,077
I feel emotionally drained.
192
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,271
Good night.
193
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:09,470
Hey, just a minute. There's £200-worth
of electric kiln out in our shed.
194
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:10,396
So?
195
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,909
What's it to become?
A monument to your tantrums?
196
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,156
You mercenary beast!
197
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,951
(Music starts)
198
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,519
And you know I hate Bing Crosby.
199
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,711
- (Door slams)
- Good.
200
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,591
(Turns up volume)
201
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,191
(Turns down volume)
202
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:50,678
BARBARA: Tom! Just see if the goat's all right.
203
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,711
TOM: OK.
204
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:16,038
(Sighs)
205
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,509
- She's fine.
- Oh... good.
206
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,191
- Coffee?
- Please.
207
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,158
All right, then. Come on. Show me.
208
00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:41,436
- (Chuckles) Show you what?
- Ha-ha-ha.
209
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,874
Whatever you brought from pottery class
in that bag.
210
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,517
Oh... you don't want to see that.
211
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:53,757
Where is it'? A-ha!
212
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,598
(Shrieks) Oh, no, Tom!
213
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,951
- Wait. Thank you.
- No, it's not terribly good.
214
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:03,870
Now, I... I know we've been going for months,
but it's... not very good.
215
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:05,911
Allow me to be the judge of that.
216
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,591
They're horrible.
217
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,079
Yes, well... l did tell you.
218
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:48,198
I don't think
pottery and I are really cut out for each other.
219
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,709
Oh, it's probably your teacher. What's he like?
220
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:54,276
Oh, he's all right. He fancies himself a bit, but...
221
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,038
No, it's me.
222
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,960
See, I don't seem
to be able to keep anything on my wheel
223
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,116
long enough to make it!
224
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:07,515
That cup looks like a gravy boat. (Laughs)
225
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:11,794
Well, how are you getting on?
What's your bloke like?
226
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,160
Oh, a twit.
227
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,909
Oh, you're not doing very well, either?
228
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:22,392
Well, perhaps twit's too strong a word, but Mr
Sadlowski's Polish and I can't understand him.
229
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:26,312
You're no good at weaving... are you?
230
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,318
The rest of the class
seem to understand him all right.
231
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:31,271
Perhaps I haven't the ear for his accent.
232
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,834
You're a lousy weaver, aren't you?
233
00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:35,871
You see, he says things like...
234
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:40,672
(Thick accent)
"Keep your shuttle moving, Mr Good."
235
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,551
By the time I discover what he's saying,
they're onto something else.
236
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,193
You can't do it, can you?
237
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:49,430
No.
238
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:54,029
I caught my arm in the loom tonight.
239
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:58,270
There was ever such a kerfuffle.
They had to cut me free.
240
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:03,156
(Laughing) Oh, dear, oh, dear!
Did they almost make a carpet out of it, then?
241
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,117
You can't talk, can you? Ow!
242
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:09,357
- No, no.
- At least we're all right at house maintenance.
243
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:13,837
Yes. It's just that Mr Blundell
is taking so long to get round to roofing.
244
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:16,759
Yeah,
I hope that polythene holds in the meantime.
245
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:25,359
"Jack Sprat could eat no fat.
His wife could eat no lean.
246
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,392
And so, between them both, see,
they licked the platter clean."
247
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:31,396
What are you talking about?
248
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,033
Us. Us!
249
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,277
If we swapped classes,
we might click at each other's subjects.
250
00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:40,272
Well, it's worth a try.
We can't do any worse than we are already.
251
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,836
Exactly. My arm still hurts, you know.
Well, that's what we'll do, then.
252
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:45,712
- Right
- Right
253
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:49,230
- Coffee?
- Yeah. No, no, no. Let's christen these.
254
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,510
Oh, you are a fool!
255
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,358
No, honestly. No, look.
256
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:56,711
As long as they're functional,
it doesn't matter what they look like.
257
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,319
There we are.
258
00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:00,351
There you are. Lovely. Look. Lovely.
259
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,999
I name these cups Dis and Aster.
260
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,191
- Well, cheers.
- Cheers.
261
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,471
Oh, dear Sheila!
262
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:43,910
- Close your eyes.
- All right.
263
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,839
But not for too long,
cos it makes me fall forwards.
264
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:51,360
- Happy birthday.
- Oh, Jerry...
265
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:55,676
Oh, you sweet thing! Thank you.
266
00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:01,315
I really didn't expect anything,
after you'd spent that money on my studio.
267
00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:02,873
Didn't you, darling?
268
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,514
BOTH:
4 Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you
269
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:09,916
4 Happy birthday, dear Margo!
Happy birthday to youl!
270
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,997
Thank you. Thank you.
271
00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:14,873
I forgive you
for putting my age on my birthday card.
272
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:18,878
Look what Jerry gave me.
273
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:22,072
- Oh, isn't that lovely?
- Blimey. I wish he was married to me.
274
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,233
Well, Margo, a very happy birthday from us,
with our love.
275
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:31,070
- Oh, you shouldn't. You can't afford presents.
- I know. We made it.
276
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,638
(Dully) Oh..
277
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:36,671
Now, that really is...
278
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:40,112
And so is this one.
279
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,520
- Who's a clever girl, then?
- He is. He made them.
280
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:47,315
- Oh, I thought you were the silkworm.
- No, we swapped classes. Didn't we tell you?
281
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:51,433
No. Well, presumably, Barbara,
that Ives person became too much for you.
282
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,551
No, I became too much for him.
283
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:57,639
He had to stay behind every night
to scrape my clay off the walls. (Laughs)
284
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,709
But Tom's taken to it like a duck to water.
285
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:04,037
Yeah, and clever-clogs there
can actually understand Mr Sadlowski.
286
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:07,118
Oh, Margo, you should come to weaving.
You'd like Mr Sadlowski.
287
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:10,869
He's got nice eyes and he calls all the women
in the class "my ladies".
288
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,392
No, thank you, Barbara.
289
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,876
I'm afraid
that Ives person scarred me too deeply.
290
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,991
Well, the classes have worked out for you two.
291
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,395
Oh, yes,
you should see us at house maintenance.
292
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:23,351
I learned to unblock a drain last week.
293
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,232
Just an endless round of fun, isn't it?
294
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:29,398
Don't mock.
What would you do if your drain got blocked?
295
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:32,831
- Pay a plumber to unblock it.
- There is that way of doing it, yes.
296
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,713
No, seriously - those are very nice.
Aren't they, Margo?
297
00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:37,671
Oh, yes, yes...
298
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,439
They're so... hand-made.
299
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,791
- (Door bell)
- Oh, excuse me.
300
00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:47,431
I like these. I really do.
301
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:51,030
Oh, it's all right. You don't have to bring them out
every time we come.
302
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,674
No, all great artists are rejected until they die.
303
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:58,157
Look, everybody. The river at Thames Ditton.
Mrs Weaver painted it for me.
304
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,556
Oh, splendid!
Oh, you've met Mrs Weaver, haven't you?
305
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,273
Yes. Shall we go?
306
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:06,915
Oh, it's all right.
Perhaps we just got off to an unlucky start.
307
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:10,360
Yeah, you know, I like that. That's very nice.
308
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:14,792
Tom, one does not use the word "nice"
to a professional painter.
309
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,753
I mean, Mrs Weaver
has been exhibited in Sloane Street.
310
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:24,949
- Has she?
- I wasn't streaking, you understand.
311
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,389
(Laughs) Mrs Weaver!
312
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:31,434
Well, shall we all sit down?
We look as though we're waiting for a train.
313
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,952
Oh, where did you get these, Mrs Leadbetter?
314
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:41,039
Oh, I didn't buy them. No, they were a present.
A home-made present.
315
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,310
- Guilty.
- No, I think they're super.
316
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:45,317
They're so unfussy.
317
00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:47,556
- (Laughs) Are they?
- No, I'm serious.
318
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:52,390
When one creates something, it's not
what one puts in, is it? It's what one leaves out.
319
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,669
- Is it'?
- How extraordinary.
320
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:59,873
I was about to say the self-same thing
just as you arrived, Mrs Weaver.
321
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:02,753
- Wasn't 1, Jerry?
- I don't know. Difficult to tell.
322
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,912
- Well, I was.
- I like these enormously.
323
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,837
- Oh, so do l.
- Mr Good...
324
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:12,839
- Tom.
- Tom. Would you make me half a dozen?
325
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:14,837
(Laughs) Are you taking the mickey?
326
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,633
Only to the extent
that I would commission you for them.
327
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:19,717
What, with money?
328
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,592
What do you think? Bead necklaces?
329
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,195
Well, I don't really know.
What do you think, love?
330
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:29,029
- Well, we do still have a hole in our roof.
- Yeah, we could buy materials to fix it.
331
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:32,277
Yes. I mean,
I am practically a qualified steeplejack now.
332
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:34,231
- Mrs Weaver, you're on.
- Good.
333
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,556
Ah, snag. I can't promise a very quick delivery.
334
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,591
You see, Miss Purvis, in my class,
335
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:42,076
is trying to make one of those giant -
what are they? - Forty Thieves pots,
336
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:43,758
and she's hogging the kiln.
337
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:46,758
Oh, no problem, Tom. You can use mine.
338
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,952
- Oh, of course, your shed!
- Studio, Barbara, please.
339
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,799
- Sorry.
- That's perfect. Thanks, Margo.
340
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,639
You'd have to sweep the cobwebs out first,
of course.
341
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:02,320
I didn't realise that you were a potter as well,
Mrs Leadbetter.
342
00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:05,557
Oh... one dabbles, Mrs Weaver.
343
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,352
One dabbles.
344
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,191
(Gasps)
345
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:27,237
Phew! It's like an oven in here.
346
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:30,671
It is an oven. Hey, you'll get shot,
bringing her into Margo's garden.
347
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,472
No, it's all right. She's out.
348
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,672
I just wanted to show Geraldine
her genius master at work.
349
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:40,715
Geraldine, that is your genius master.
You have been milked by those hands.
350
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,559
Yeah, if you're lucky,
I'll make a life mask of your udders.
351
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,238
(Laughs)
352
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:48,477
No, I'm on my way home.
I wondered if you wanted any help.
353
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:52,195
Yeah, I do, actually. Tie Geraldine
to one of Margo's concrete mushrooms.
354
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,231
BARBARA: Come on. Come on.
355
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:01,070
(Sighs) I'm yours to command, Master.
356
00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:05,512
Right. Now, four more goblets for Margo,
who wants six, the same as Mrs Weaver.
357
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,954
Four snob goblets.
358
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,435
Yeah, and two medium-sized salvers,
359
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,596
for Mrs Weaver's friend with the lisp.
360
00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:18,830
Two medium-sized thalverth. (Chuckles)
361
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:23,317
It's funny, the way it spirals.
You know - A tells B. B tells C. C's got a friend.
362
00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:27,274
- A lot of work for you, though, isn't it?
- Well, it's a boost to our sagging economy.
363
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:29,516
Yes. Besides, it shows off your sexy legs.
364
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:31,551
Hey, don't do that! Don't do that.
365
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:36,149
Hey, we might get a chicken house out of this.
We've bought the gear for the roof.
366
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,271
Shall I make a start on it?
367
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:40,834
After all, I did do roofing last week in class.
368
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,679
No, no. You've got enough to do,
with me pottering all day.
369
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,792
I tell you what - we'll get a bloke into do it.
We can afford it now.
370
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:50,235
- Yes, all right.
- Right. Now, where are we?
371
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,476
Ah, yes. Six goblets for Mr Weaver's secretary.
372
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:54,397
- And no questions asked.
- (Chuckles)
373
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,637
MARGO: Get away, you filthy animall
- Margo's home.
374
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:02,080
(Laughing) Oh, my God!
375
00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:04,430
Look what Geraldine's doing!
376
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:08,269
MARGO: Ow!
- Now, Margo, do try and see the funny side!
377
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,391
- Tom...
- Yeah?
378
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,636
What county's Avon in?
379
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:25,116
- It's not.
- Oh, don't be daft. It's got to be somewhere.
380
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:27,310
No, Avon is a county. One of those new lot.
381
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:31,313
Oh. Well, where is it?
382
00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:34,000
Oh... northwest, southeast. I don't know.
383
00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:38,350
- Who changed them all, anyway?
- Him.
384
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,472
- Who?
- Bloke who made us have decimal coinage.
385
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:45,871
Right, that's... Oi, you're slipping.
386
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:47,911
There's no label on this one.
387
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,391
That's because it's an empty box.
388
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:56,472
Oh, yeah, so it is.
Oh, well, send it somewhere, anyway.
389
00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,280
The way my luck's running,
I'll get a cheque by return.
390
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:04,795
"Dear Sir, Thank you for your empty box.
Please find enclosed £10."
391
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:09,476
It's not luck. You're becoming a cottage industry.
392
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:14,276
Yeah, I am, yeah. I wonder if I might get
a government grant to get myself renovated.
393
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:18,039
Well, as long as they don't nationalise you.
394
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:20,799
Barbara, Tom, I've got the most wonderful news!
395
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:22,194
What?
396
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:25,232
- Guess who we've just had to dinner.
- Who?
397
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:29,353
- Celia Fishwick.
- That's fantastic.
398
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,994
- Yes, isn't it?
- Who the hell is Celia Fishwick?
399
00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:35,191
They haven't got extrasensory perception.
400
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:38,915
Oh, I'm sorry.
I forgot how out of touch with Chelsea you are.
401
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:42,999
Now,
Celia Fishwick owns Gallery Celia in Chelsea.
402
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,554
Just round the corner from Rosetti's wall plaque.
403
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:52,559
- Is that the wonderful news?
- The wonderful news
404
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:55,160
is that Celia wants to sell your pottery.
405
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:57,673
- Does she, really?
- Yeah.
406
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,678
She saw your goblets,
and she's offering you a retail outlet.
407
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:02,472
Obviously an intelligent woman.
408
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:06,878
No, don't you see? You could sell your pottery
at Chelsea prices. This could be big, Tom.
409
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,514
Yeah! Blimey, I'd have to work like stink.
410
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,359
Well, obviously,
and you couldn't do it as an amateur.
411
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,437
I mean, it would have to be streamlined.
412
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,233
- How do you mean?
- Proper presentation. Celia does that.
413
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:22,116
What you'd have to do is run the business
like a business, and not like an amateur thing.
414
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:23,912
Proper invoicing, proper accounts.
415
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:26,031
- I can keep books.
- We'd need the phone back on.
416
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:29,550
- No, I think we'd need a van.
- Should we form a limited company?
417
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:31,398
But then we'd need an accountant.
418
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:33,556
So, we get one. This is really something!
419
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:36,672
Well, you've come the long way,
but welcome to the human race.
420
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:41,078
I'm so pleased for both of you.
At last, you'll be normal, sane people again.
421
00:27:44,120 --> 00:27:45,918
Eurghh!
422
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:50,999
- What did I say?
- "Normal people." We don't want to be normal.
423
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:53,839
- Oh, Lord!
- I said we should get a van. I'm sorry.
424
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:55,917
I said an accountant. I'm sorry, Barbara.
425
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,510
- Do you realise we paid a bloke to do our roof?
- Yes.
426
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,790
We'd have ended up
with an au pair and an ulcer.
427
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,400
Jerry, what are they talking about?
428
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:06,477
Self-sufficiency. We've lost them.
429
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:10,275
Do you realise
we almost got seduced back into the rat race?
430
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:13,517
Yeah, the only thing we want to be seduced by
is each other.
431
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:16,871
Jerry, they are becoming incoherent and vulgar.
Do something.
432
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:20,754
Well, what's the point?
They've got that fanatical, masochistic look.
433
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,519
- Well, say something.
- Oh, very well.
434
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:25,392
Good night, peasants.
435
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:28,159
- No, you've got to say more than that!
- I can't.
436
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,714
- But we've promised Celia...
- (Bickering)
437
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:35,109
Huh! You were right, you know.
438
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,151
It was a kind of madness.
439
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:39,678
I know.
440
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,272
- Tom...
- Yes, love?
441
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,357
Say something reassuring.
442
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:51,071
All right. We haven't got enough fertiliser
for the allotments.
443
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:53,430
Three of the chickens are on the blink.
444
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:56,279
We've run out of tea,
and I think the pig's got lice.
445
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,112
That's wonderful!
446
00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:05,116
- I'm sorry I let you down.
- You didn't let me down.
447
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,151
I'm very proud of you.
448
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,196
The children will be proud of you, as well.
449
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:13,356
Yeah...
450
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,152
Children? You're not...?
451
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,153
No, no. The cat's going to have kittens.
452
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:22,709
Oh! Phew.
453
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:25,678
It can't. It's a tom.
454
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:29,955
Well, you know toms, Tom.
455
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:31,991
They can do anything.
38471
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