All language subtitles for Irma.Vep.S01E02.WEBRip.x264-ION10

(lively guitar music playing)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

-Welcome.
-Thank you.

This is
Miss Harberg's suite.

The bedroom is
on your right.

On your left,
you have the living room

with a direct access
to the terrace,

and the beautiful
view of Paris.

-This is a living room?
-Groom: Yes, it is.

-Very nice.
-Groom: Mm-hm.

This is the bathroom that
opens into the living room?

Uh, yes, it does.

Honestly, Carla,
it's small...

and Mira's not
gonna be happy.

It's not small.
It's more Parisian,

and, and charming,
and, and, and cozy.

This is no big production.

We can't afford The Plaza.

That was clear
from the start.

And Zelda approved of it?

Well, she didn't reply,
but we assumed it was fine.

Okay, well, I'm gonna call Zelda
and figure something out.

-(line ringing)
-Zelda: (on phone) Hello?

Hey, she's gonna freak out
when she sees this room.

I mean, it's nice,
but it's a fucking
junior suite.

I told her not to get
involved with those people.

What else can I do?

Regina: (on phone)
You told her that?

That's insane.

This is exactly the part
she's been dying to play.

Zelda:
Who do you think
you're talking to?

Your job is to book flights,

to keep her entertained,
and to make sure she sees emails

that would end up
in her spam folder,

and I don't think you have
the brain to do that job,

so let's not start thinking you
have the capacity to do mine.

Part of your job is
to keep her happy,

and she hasn't been
for a while, so.

Zelda:
She has no reason
to complain.

"Doomsday" is a massive hit!

Time to cash in.

That's so not her.

Yeah, it's me,
and as far as I know,

she takes advice from her agent,

so thank you for your insights,

but let's keep
the decision-making
to the adults.

Carla:
Okay, quiet during
the make-up test.

(camera beeps)

Jeremie:
If you come close...
to the camera.

Tighter.

It's a very tight closeup.

Even tighter.

Yes.

If you walk around now,

I'd like to
see how the light plays
on the catsuit.

Look at us.

Uh, I lost you.

(laughs)
Okay.

Again, a bit closer.

-And cut.
-(camera beeps)

One last picture
and I'm done.

Mira: Great.

Sorry.

-(camera clicks)
-Okay, perfect.
Is it the last look?

Carla:
Yeah, we're good.

That's okay.

-Great.
-Mira: Yeah, it's okay.

-Laetitia: The style is
almost like Musidora.
-Mira: Yeah.

Right, let's take
off your hood.

I'll walk you
to your dressing room.

Great, yeah,
it's getting hot.

It's a nice hotel,

but we really had
to twist their arm

to get a decent suite.

Well, you're in Europe.

They have a culture
of saving

on whatever they can.

It's a TV show.

It's not some...
indie feature.

(door opening)

Zelda wants you
to call her back.

I will tomorrow.

Please,
she's already called you,
like, three times.

(line chiming)

Zelda: (on tablet)
Heard they're shutting
down your show.

Why would they do that?

Can't get René insured.

Mira:
Anybody can get insured.

Yeah... if you pay.

And they're asking
for a shitload.

Pack your bags,
and get the hell
out of there, okay?

This is bad news.

Well, no one here
seems to know.

Zelda:
They know it.

They're just not telling you.

Okay, you have five minutes?

No. I wanna take off
my makeup and get going.

Zelda:
I want to discuss
the "Silver Surfer" sequel.

Yes, and we've
already discussed it.

Zelda:
They want you.

Yeah, but it's
a boring part.

I'm tired of being
the girlfriend.

Zelda: Listen.

Here's the twist--
it's a reboot.

Okay? Silver Surfer dies,
and the girlfriend takes over.

This is exactly what
people want right now.

High-concept, feminist,

lady-led superhero movie.

All right?
They are gonna
go nuts over this.

Mira:
Are you serious?

You want me to play
the Silver Surfer?

She wants me to play
the Silver Surfer.

Zelda:
Yeah, I sure do.

I would even pay to see it.

And they're ready
to write you a blank check.

Who's directing?

Zelda:
A hot new British filmmaker.

He directed Grimes' videos.
His name escapes me.

-(Mira sighs)
-Zelda: Babe...

"Irma Vep" is not happening.

All right? Don't worry,
I'll make sure they pay you out,

but, uh... get over it.

(speaking French)

(door closes)

Oui, oui.

-Mira: Do you come here a lot?
-I haven't been here for ages.

(upbeat club music playing)

(indistinct chatter)

There's a seat over there.

I spoke to my agent.

She said they're
shutting us down.

-Absolutely not.
-You sure?

What would you
like to drink?

-Do you want a beer?
-Thanks.

Well, they found
another insurer

who's covering René
with no extra cost.

But you want me
to be honest?

I think they should
shut us down.

(chuckles)

Why do you say that?

Because René is nuts.

Yeah, I've heard,

but, you know,
based on my experience,

I think...
he's nuts in a good way.

Yeah, I love him very much--

Well, most of the time,
but he can be scary nuts.

Well, no offense meant,

but... you're something
of a kook, too.

I'm wardrobe.
Who cares if I have
a screw loose?

-So, the show is happening?
-It is.

So, I'm not
going back to LA?

Did you want
to go back to LA?

No. (sighs)
Not really.

Because you broke up
with Laurie?

No.

If you go back to LA,

you'll end up
seeing her again.

Not if I can avoid it.

Do you trust yourself?

Mira: No.

I trusted Laurie, though.

I, I, I opened up,
I let her in.

Uh... she chose
to take advantage of it.

But it was great.

It was great, so great...
before it went toxic.

Anyway, she helped me
out of this relationship

with my ex, Eamonn,
that was going nowhere.

Um, I wouldn't have
done it on my own,

so... I should
be grateful.

I thought you and Eamonn
were madly in love.

We had, um...

two good years, and...
the third year was hell.

That's not at all
what he told the media.

Well, Eamonn
rewrites the story.

Well, you dumped a megastar
for your assistant.

-He felt humiliated.
-Or angry.

A lot of people got
angry on social media.

You know what?
You're not supposed
to date your employee.

They loved it when Laurie
turned the tables on me.

They felt vindicated,
and they made sure I knew.

What about you?

How did you feel?

The wild thing is...

that it turned me on.

(laughing)

("99 Luftballons"
by Nena playing)

So, you prefer
chaos in Paris
to loneliness in LA?

You know what?
I have no fucking idea.

♪ ♪

(ominous music playing)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(heavy breathing)

-(audience exclaiming)
-Ah!

(screams from audience)

(gasping)

♪ ♪

(screaming continues)

♪ ♪

Philippe Guérande:
Follow that car.

Go, go!

(thunder rumbling)

Grand Vampire:
Ah, Mister Philippe Guérande.

Philippe:
You're not
the Count of Noirmoutier,

you're the Grand Vampire.

-Grand Vampire:
You fell into our trap.
-(yelling)

-Now it's time
to pay the price!
-Let me go!

(yelling)

Let me go!

Grand Vampire:
Go, go, go!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Vampire:
Come midnight,
you will be sentenced

by the Vampire's
Grand Inquisitor.

And you will be
executed at dawn

before the Dark Committee.

To punish you for meddling,

the dancer,
Marfa Koutiloff,

has been poisoned.

-She's dead.
-(speaking French)

(yelling, grunting)

(Mira sighs)

Sorry, I...
I think of Musidora.

She was perfection.

I just feel like
a cheap imitation.

No, there's nothing
cheap about what
you're doing, Mira.

You almost have it.

Uh... it's not
the way it feels.

Let yourself go.

-Don't focus on the step.
-Yeah, that's what
I'm trying to do,

but it just feels stiff.

No, you're pretty close.

But don't lose the pace.

Yeah.

Look.

When you do
this movement...

you have to stretch,

and feel your foot
until the end.

Yeah, okay?

And then you come here,

and stretch your body
very high, yes.

And shoulder,
and suddenly... turn.

Ugh.

-Ugh, it's always the turn, ugh.
-Don't worry, Mira. It's okay.

Don't worry.

Let's do it one more time

just to make sure
we hit all the marks.

And remember,

you're not dancing
for an audience...

you're dancing
for the camera.

-Sure.
-The moves that feel bizarre

can be good on-screen.

But acting is like choreography.

It has to feel right,
it can't be forced.

Let's do it
one more time.

-Right, first, yeah.
-Okay.

(hisses)

Volodia:
Wow. We've got it.

Where did that come from?

-I don't know.
-Really?

I don't know.
It felt bizarre--
so I went for it.

It's about the teeth
or something like that?

-Maybe I thought
of vampires. (laughs)
-You're crazy!

-Great.
-Okay.

(indistinct chatter)

(speaking French)

(bell tolling)

(keys jangling)

I am the Vampire's
Grand Inquisitor.

(tense music playing)

Now it's time
to administer justice.

Let me go, let me go!

(grunting)

You will pay for this!

The Vampires' secrets.

♪ ♪

(birds cawing)

I swear,
I will avenge
Marfa's death.

I will know no peace

until the evil network
of The Vampires
has been destroyed.

The Grand Vampire
and his nefarious accomplices

will pay for their crimes.

(speaking French)

(phone dings)

Okay.

Bye.

(ominous music playing)

(inaudible)

(whimsical accordion
music playing)

♪ ♪

Gottfried:
Hey!

Hey!

-Are you okay?
-Yeah.

Must have been
a long trip.

-Three days.
-Where were you?

North of Finland.

-Sodankyla.
-Ah.

So, Gottfried,
what were you doing
in Sodankyla?

They have
a film festival.

I was on the jury.
Aki is a friend of mine.

Why not fly?

I don't fly.

Fear of flying?

Anything that flies
has to be evil.

Okay.

You can just
sit on the bench
if you want.

Driver was supposed
to be here.

(ambient street noise)

Can, can I trust you?

-Yeah, sure.
-It's hard to say, um.

I'm a, I'm a bit
embarrassed.

No, please, don't be.

Ah!

-Don't worry.
-I, I don't, I don't
know how to put it.

Yeah, but I've heard a lot.
It's part of the job.

Really, don't
be embarrassed.

I'll be honest.
I have an...
addiction issue.

Well, happens
to the best of us.

Crack.

Crack?

Okay... And?

I saw customs officers

between Gothenburg
and Hamburg,

and I... I freaked out.

I... I flushed my stash
down the toilet.

It turns out they were just

Swedish soldiers on leave.

(chuckles)

-Be careful.
-Yeah.

Can you just get in,
please, Gottfried.

(window whirring)

I don't know if you have
ever had problems with rocks.

Nope, never.

I've actually never tried crack.

-No?
-No.

Don't believe what they say.

It, it, it doesn't
fry your brain.

-No.
-Not entirely, I mean.

But the addiction is mean.

I've heard it's,
kind of, overwhelming.

Overwhelming, exactly.

I've been... off crack
for a full 24 hours.

Carla:
Oh, great!

That's the first step.

Now we have a couple of days
left to get clean

before we
start shooting.

You'll be all right.

Uh, Carla, right?
That's your name?

-Yeah.
-Carla, I, I
never acted clean.

You have to score me some.

-Okay.
-Or else I'll throw myself
out of the window.

(speaking French)

Here... Um, can I have
your photo ID, please?

-And a credit card
for incidentals?
-Yeah.

Thank you, sir.

(speaking French)

Michelle (on phone):
I'm so sorry
about the pictures.

French paparazzi.

What pictures?

A French site ran a picture

of you and Regina shopping.

So, um, what's wrong
with shopping with Regina?

Michelle:
They are all looking
for the new girlfriend.

She's young, cool,
she fits the part,

makes good story.

If they want Regina,
let them have Regina.

I don't recall anyone asking me.

You know it's part of the job.

That may be,
but I don't enjoy it.

I don't want people
to think we're dating.

She's right.
It's unfair to both of you.

Michelle...
I'm used to this stuff.

It's been my life for years now.

-Michelle:
Oh. Okay, gotta go.
-(knocks on door)

-Bye.
-Mira: Bye. Bye-bye.

-Zoe: Is she done?
-Yeah, she just hung up.
Come in.

-Mira: Wow, are you okay?
-Jesus Christ... Yeah.

So... how do you feel?

Nervous.

This is Irma Vep
at her most iconic,

and they, they want me
to get it right
on my first day.

You'll kill it.

Quite the challenge, though.

Um... I got rid
of the black veil
for the blouse,

made it more similar
to Musidora's.

The original
was perfect, so.

And what about
the lighter fabric
for the dress?

Easier for
the choreography.

-Great.
-(chuckling)

-Mind if I smoke?
-No, of course not.

Uh... could you
do the belt?

Hop. Let's see.

-What do you think?
-Yeah, it's good.

Love it.

Regina, can you show me
the scene again?

Regina:
Yeah.

-I think I'm gonna make
a few pictures for René.
-(video plays)

Make sure that he likes it.

(camera clicks)

(spirited piano music playing)

(inaudible)

Zoe:
Regina, please,
can you step out?

Reginaaa!

-Sorry.
-Zoe: Go away.

(camera clicks)

♪ ♪

Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.

I love it, and I love,
I love, I love you.

I have to show
the pictures to René.

(door closes)

(discordant music playing)

(applause, cheers)

Mira (singing):
♪ Pull the curtains ♪

♪ The sun won't burn us ♪

♪ They will never
see our faces ♪

♪ They're not aware
of cryptic spaces ♪

♪ Secret breath
across my flesh ♪

♪ Nighttime awaits ♪

♪ There is no escape ♪

(cheering)

♪ ♪

♪ Lightning cracks
the molten sky ♪

♪ Under rules my primal rite ♪

♪ Tonight, now
deepening black ♪

♪ We are never going back ♪

♪ Stare into the fire ♪

♪ To mirror our desire ♪

♪ ♪

(applause, cheers)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(train beeps)

(music ends)

(speaking French)

Um...

(pensive music playing)

♪ ♪

(speaking French)

Ah!

(speaking French)

Thank you for letting me
share your ride.

Yeah, you're welcome.

-It's been a really hard week.
-You should be more patient.

You have no idea
how much I've been
stretching my patience.

Regina:
I think René is right.

I like Philippe's mother.
I... I miss her.

You should bring her back.

Edmond:
No, uh, if he even tries

to bring her back, I'm done.
I'm out of here.

Zoe:
Can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

I don't want it to be
embarrassing, though.

But, you know,
sometimes, there's stuff
online that you can't avoid.

Yeah, are you talking
about Laurie's Instagram?

Those old photos
she posted last night.

Yeah...
Pretty hot, right?

I guess she saw
the paparazzi shot
of you and Regina.

Ah...

-You're... okay with that?
-(chuckles)

Uh, no, I'm not, but I guess
it's part of the job.

-Meaning part of being famous?
-Uh, part of... wanting fame.

-Uh-huh.
-Mm-hm.

Uh, you make... you make
a deal when you crave that.

You, uh, get fame, and...

give a piece
of yourself in exchange.

-Like what?
-Like embarrassing photos.

Like outrageous behavior.

Like sharing your privacy.

Uhh, yeah.

The skirt,
maybe it should be
a little tighter.

Hm.

I haven't
hemmed it up yet.

I am angry with Laurie,

but... that's real life.

Our life.

And the games
she wants to play
on the fuckin' internet

are the least
of my concerns.

She praises
Herman to no end,

like he's changed her life.

I know... Gross.

What was it like
working with him?

Uh, he's a pro.

He loves doing what he does,
and he's a good guy,

but I wouldn't pay
to see a movie of his.

(both chuckle)

Are we really talking
about Herman now?

Was it your first time
with a girl?

Yeah.

And it left you
a little bit confused.

I guess so.

(knocks on door)

(door opens)

Are you done?

They're waiting for you on set.

I-I-I'm sorry.

I had no idea
you guys were waiting.

Guys, no need to argue.

We did a good job,
and I'm... happy.

(softly)
Let's get going.

What are we starting with?

Carla:
Irma Vep has been
hired as a maid

at Philippe Guérande's place,

-and she wants to get
the red codebook back.
-Sure.

I meant
the Grand Inquisitor's
codebook

with all the secrets
of the Vampires.

That never made
sense to me.

I mean, why would
the Vampires be so dumb

as to write down
all their secrets
in a notebook?

I have no idea.

Oh, s-sorry to keep
you waiting.

No worries, uh.
We, we had, uh,
stuff to fine-tune.

So, this is, uh,
Philippe's bedroom,

and, uh, just y-you'll
open this window.

Look.
And then through here,

she will let
the Vampire in.

And...

And, uh, the Vampire
will search this desk

for the red codebook.

Can I ask you something?

René:
I'm here to help.

Yeah, I just need
a little clarification.

Um... do you want a coffee?

-Uh, yes.
-Okay, come, um.

-So... you know,
if I were a Vampire--
-Mm-hm.

I don't know if
I would, you know,

write down all my secrets.

-Mm-hm.
-Or I would keep them
in a safe, or--

But, uh, w-w-what
do you do with, uh,
your passwords?

-I write them down.
-Uh-huh.

-So, are, are they in a safe?
-Who has a safe?

-Ah, uh.
-See?

I know...
Okay, get your point.

Umm...

So, um...

let's make sure
I got this right.

She's gonna spike
Philippe's herbal tea
with a sedative.

Yeah.
Yeah, like, like, this.

He will be
in a deep sleep

-when the Vampires come in.
-Yeah, and then she's gonna

-steal the red notebook.
-Uh, r-red...

-The red codebook, yeah.
-...code-code-codebook.

(chuckles)

And, and the whole plan

depends on Philippe
drinking herbal tea

before he sleeps.

Yeah, yeah.
It-it's his habit.

Detox?

-(stammers)
-No, s-- It, it was a joke.

-It is--
-Sorry.

Okay, so, uh--
And, and also,
wh-- like, wh--

Who hired Irma Vep,
uh, to be his maid?

Actually...
his mother did.

Is she still in the film?

I thought you were
getting rid of her.

What I promised,
uh, Edmond

to get him off my back,

but truth is, uh, I kept her.

So, Philippe lives
with his mother.

Cool.

Uh... and she's here.

-Come, come.
-Yeah.

M-Marie-Rose. Marie.
(chuckles)

-Um, Marie-Rose, uh,
I want to introduce you--
-Yes?

to Mira Harberg.

-So nice to meet you.
-Marie-Rose Germon.

She's a grand dame
of French stage.

We're ready to shoot.

-So are we, huh?
-S-See you in a bit.

-See you later. Bye.
-See you later. Bye.

(indistinct chatter)

Carla: (shouts)
We're shooting!
Positions, please!

Is Edmond aware that
Philippe's mother is back?

Uhh, uh, I haven't
told him yet.

It's a kind of surprise.

Can't wait to see his reaction.

I guess he will have to adapt.

-Excuse me. This is the poison.
-(crew speaking French)

-This is the poison.
-Oh.

(speaking French)

A-Are you ready?

Action.

(soft music playing)

♪ ♪

(inaudible)

(whimsical accordion
music playing)

(tense music playing)

(gunshots)

(speaking French)

Uh...

Mira, uh, can you make it
a bit more real?

But she knows
the bullets are blanks.

She reloaded it herself.

Yeah, yeah,
but, uh, she l--

She still should
do a better job

pretending, you know?

I thought, uh,
I did a good job.

It was fake.
The, the way you stepped
over the railing,

-there is no sense of danger.
-Carla (shouts): We're going

-for another take, please!
-And what kind of journalist
is Philippe?

Ready to kill two
unarmed burglars?

Self-defense.
You tried to poison me.

-Yeah, no jury
would ever buy that.
-René: Maybe not today,

but we are in 1916.

Yes, but our audience
is a century later.

Don't worry.
They will get it.

It's Feuillade's
crazy plot.

Uhh... okay.

(speaking French)

(soft music playing)

(gunshots)

(grunts)

(gunshots)

(gasps)

(gunshots)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪