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This programme contains
some strong language.
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WIND WHISTLES
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BIRDSONG
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Laurence!
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Oh, my God!
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How are you?
7
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Hey, Callum!
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You're looking good!
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I think the last time I saw you
was this century, wasn't it?
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00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:07,280
It was. Kenzie's wedding,
so June 2010.
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Was it really?
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Yeah. God, poor old Kenzie.
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Poor Kenzie's wife.
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00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:14,080
Well, quite.
Are they still together?
15
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No, no, no. He lives in Germany now.
We're Facebook friends.
16
00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:19,200
Are you? Well, you know,
I don't do any
17
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:21,560
of that social media crap.
No, I noticed.
18
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:24,640
You didn't want to be LinkedIn,
in spite of several attempts.
19
00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:27,160
Bless you for trying,
Laurence, but I'm too old.
20
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:28,840
I prefer seeing people face-to-face.
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Every 12 years.
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HE LAUGHS
Exactly.
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00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:33,120
Anyway,
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00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:34,320
can you give me
25
00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:35,920
a hand with this? Yeah!
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00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:40,000
BOTH STRAIN
27
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,480
It's very quiet.
28
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,960
You haven't lured me here under
false pretences, have you?
29
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,240
Closed for the winter.
30
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,400
A friend of Bonnie's runs it.
She let me have the key.
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00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,120
How is Bonnie?
Will we get to see her today?
32
00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:52,960
Ah, yeah. Yeah,
she'll be...here later.
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How's...your partner?
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00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,160
Pablo?
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00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,360
Oh, you know, we muddle through.
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00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:01,200
He's doing an online course
in fine art at the moment,
37
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:04,040
which is bewildering to me,
but never mind.
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00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,480
He'd have loved this.
Yeah. Beautiful, isn't it?
39
00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:07,960
Remind you of the good old days?
40
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,160
Which good old days?
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00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:11,400
Uni!
42
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,040
We used to go for those big
walks round the lake.
43
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,560
Oh!
44
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,600
Yeah. A little bit.
45
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:21,720
So few places nowadays where
you can actually find peace.
46
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:22,760
Mmm.
47
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:26,440
Oi, oi, saveloy!
Brap-brap-brap-brap-brap!
48
00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:29,840
Oh, Jesus, you never told me
Darren was coming.
49
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,600
I told you it was a reunion.
Hi, Dazza!
50
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,240
All right, lads? How are we?
51
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:34,800
Come here! Give us a hug!
52
00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:38,160
Ohhh! So good to see you, mate!
53
00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:40,920
Yeah, you too.
54
00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:43,320
Hey, you've still got the old
university scarf, you saddo!
55
00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:45,040
This is my third one.
They keep updating it.
56
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,640
I think this one
has got a slightly...
57
00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:48,000
And Cal's all glammed up
58
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,040
in his Marks & Sparks
Blue Harbour gear.
59
00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,600
Er, Hugo Boss, you cheeky sod!
What have you come as?
60
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:54,760
You look like a homeless
Shakin' Stevens.
61
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,920
Eh, it's the latest fashions.
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00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:58,440
Do they not have this
in that London, eh?
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00:02:58,440 --> 00:02:59,760
Eh? Eh? Eh?
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00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,440
Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh?
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00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,160
DARREN LAUGHS
66
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:04,840
Ah!
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00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:06,320
It's been a while, hasn't it?
68
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,200
Kenzie's wedding, apparently.
69
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,400
Oh, God, yeah, course.
Is he coming?
70
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,800
No, no, he's in Germany.
71
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,000
It's just us three,
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00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,760
like in the good old days.
The three amigos.
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00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,880
What? I thought it was
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00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:20,120
like a big fuck-off party
cruise with loads of people.
75
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:22,320
Sorry, have I got
the shit end of the stick here?
76
00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:24,080
No, no, it's going to be great.
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00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,160
I've got it all planned. We're
going to get out on the lake
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00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:27,840
when it gets dark.
79
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,520
We've got so much to catch up on.
80
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:33,520
Fuckin' hell!
Anyone got a dock leaf?
81
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:36,360
I think I've just
stung me fanny on a nettle.
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00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:37,920
Sorry, "front bum".
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00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,120
Hiya!
84
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:41,440
Who's this?
85
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,680
It's me new bird, Donna.
I promised her we were
86
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:45,720
going out on a boat. We are.
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00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:49,040
Oh, shit...
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00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:50,680
Hello, hello. Hi.
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00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:51,920
I'm Donna. Pleased to meet you.
90
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,400
Laurence. Hi! Callum.
91
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,960
Hey, it's well nice here, innit?
92
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:02,120
Me mum's got a tray like this.
Wait till I tell her!
93
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:05,360
Hey, has the yacht
got an inside bit?
94
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,840
Cos I'm freezing
me tits off already.
95
00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,560
Er, Darren,
could you give me a hand?
96
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:12,520
Oh, yeah, course.
97
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:17,840
What are you playing at?
The invite was for you only.
98
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:20,080
Well, I was trying
to impress her, wasn't I?
99
00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:21,840
We've only been shagging
for a few weeks.
100
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:23,520
I wanted it to be
just the four of us.
101
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:24,760
It is!
102
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,880
What's the matter, Larry?
I wish you'd told me,
103
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:28,360
that's all.
It makes things very awkward.
104
00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,160
It's awkward for me, an' all.
105
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:32,400
I thought it was all
plus-ones and wristbands.
106
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,800
She's missing her mate's
hen do for this.
107
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,760
So, does this take us
to the party boat?
108
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:40,600
Yeah. Yeah, just, er, jump on
the paedo and we'll be off.
109
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,560
You what?
110
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:45,760
We're just going to have
a quick go on the paedo.
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00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,120
You mean "pedalo".
112
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Is that what it's called?
113
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,200
I thought they were called paedos.
114
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:52,400
I thought it was a bit weird!
115
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Right, well, come on,
let's cast off.
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Ladies first.
117
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I'm not sitting in that.
The seats are all wet.
118
00:04:58,640 --> 00:04:59,920
Actually, the cold water
119
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,040
will help with
your vaginal irritation.
120
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,120
Er, 'scuse me,
his name is Darren.
121
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,880
LAUGHTER
She got you!
122
00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:10,960
Here we go. Whoopsie-daisy.
123
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:14,120
You ready? Bloody hell!
These are brand-new!
124
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,680
You all right? Come on.
125
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,480
Oh... Christ!
126
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,160
Here we go.
127
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:23,840
I haven't done this for years!
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00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,520
Hey, it's great, innit?
129
00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:27,880
Going to be like Ibiza, babe!
Whoo-whoo!
130
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:29,760
Whoo-whoo!
131
00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:35,680
Whoa, this is cool, isn't it?
132
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:36,720
It's charming.
133
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,520
Three Men In A Boat,
To Say Nothing Of The Dog.
134
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:41,800
Er, sorry, say that again.
135
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,040
It's, er, Jerome K Jerome.
Full title.
136
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,800
Only five minutes,
and he's calling me a dog.
137
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,360
Probably just admiring your puppies.
138
00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,240
I thought you said he was, er...
139
00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,720
Oh, no, that's me.
140
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:57,120
Oh! Could never tell.
141
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,680
Are you the one that knows
Judge Rinder off Strictly?
142
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,160
Our paths have crossed.
143
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:03,920
Cos Darren said
he's going to be at the party.
144
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:05,840
I only said he might be!
145
00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:10,480
I only said he might be.
146
00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:14,680
Well, stranger things
have happened at sea.
147
00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:16,760
So, you were all
at school together?
148
00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,560
No, university.
149
00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:21,000
Callum was a medical student.
I was reading psychology.
150
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,440
Oh, I've seen that -
where she gets stabbed in t'shower.
151
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,840
I didn't know they'd made
a book of it, though.
152
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,320
What did you do?
153
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:29,840
Er, nothing.
154
00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:32,040
I dropped out in t'second
year. It was boring.
155
00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:34,640
Darren was studying, er,
sports science,
156
00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:35,840
if that's not an oxymoron.
157
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:38,040
Bloody hell! He's calling you a dog
158
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:39,400
and me a moron.
159
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,440
I thought you were
supposed to be my mate.
160
00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,600
He still teaches there,
y'know, Phil Crawford.
161
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:47,040
Does he? Creepy Crawford?
162
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:50,120
He was a bit of a pedalo.
How do you know?
163
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:51,800
Oh, didn't I tell you?
I work there.
164
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:53,920
At our uni?
165
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,320
The psychology department.
Since when?
166
00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:58,400
About eight years! I put it all
in my Christmas round-robin.
167
00:06:58,400 --> 00:06:59,640
Don't you read them?
168
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:03,360
Oh, I think it must just go
straight into my spam folder.
169
00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:05,480
Bloody hell!
170
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:08,120
So, what's it like there now?
171
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:09,600
Oh, it's exactly the same.
172
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:11,680
The library, the common room...
173
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:15,320
They even dress up the Newton statue
every freshers' week. What statue?
174
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:17,960
The Isaac Newton one!
175
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,480
We put a dress on it
in our first week,
176
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:20,840
with apples for breasts.
177
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,080
Don't you remember?
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00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:23,120
Vaguely.
179
00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:24,880
Come on! I remember it
like it was yesterday.
180
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:26,400
It was the funniest thing ever!
181
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:28,080
You need to get out more.
182
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,480
Shall we just drift for a bit...
183
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,040
..take in the view?
184
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,480
Oh...
185
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:41,480
How about you two, then?
Where did you meet?
186
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:45,320
Five Guys. He spilt an Oreo
milkshake all down me back.
187
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,160
I think he was just trying
to get my attention.
188
00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:48,960
Worked, though, didn't it?
189
00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:51,600
Sounds very romantic.
190
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,560
Have you been in Five Guys, Callum?
191
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,280
Oh, at least.
192
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,760
So, are you and Bonnie
still living in the same place?
193
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,160
Yeah. Yeah.
Rattling round now, of course,
194
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,080
cos Alex is at uni.
I'm an empty-nester.
195
00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:05,560
How about your two?
196
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,560
Oh, smashing, yeah.
197
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,920
Yeah, I don't get to see them
as much as I'd like, y'know.
198
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,040
But I've got them for a couple
of weeks in the summer.
199
00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,040
You wanna go t'Disney, don't you?
200
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:16,800
Yeah. You can have breakfast
with the characters.
201
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,960
I can't decide between Goofy's
Kitchen and Ariel's Grotto.
202
00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,880
Not sure I fancy eating somewhere
called Ariel's Grotto.
203
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:26,360
Oh, I would!
Don't ruin it, you pig!
204
00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:28,600
Pabby and I are going to
take the girls to Cornwall
205
00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:30,040
this year, have a staycation.
206
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:32,840
You've got girls? I didn't know.
Yeah, five and nine.
207
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,880
Well, good for you!
What are their names?
208
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:38,320
Millie and Liza.
HE CHUCKLES
209
00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:40,240
We're absolutely run
off our feet with them,
210
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:43,720
but you adjust, don't you?
Your life becomes about them.
211
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,960
Oh, yeah, true.
Do you have pictures?
212
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,240
Yeah, of course!
213
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:48,760
Proud dad!
214
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,120
Actually, I'm a grandfather now.
215
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,800
You what?
216
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:56,120
Yeah. We took Millie
to a breeding kennel.
217
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,880
She had a litter of five.
218
00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:00,360
Our beautiful girls.
219
00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:05,640
Oh. I see.
220
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:08,320
Not quite the same thing.
221
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:10,840
Anyway, shall we press on?
222
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,280
Oh, hang on, hang on.
I'm not ready yet.
223
00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:15,720
Can I have a go at pedalling?
It'd be good for me glutes.
224
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,640
No, you don't know
where we're going. I do.
225
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,640
Oh, let her have a go.
What's the problem?
226
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,560
I just don't want to
veer off course, that's all.
227
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:23,320
Come on, Laurence,
it's not Shackleton.
228
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,040
She can swap with me. Thanks.
229
00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,320
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Help me, then!
230
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:29,880
All right, there we go.
231
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,800
Whoopsie-daisy!
232
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,680
Careful!
233
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:37,280
SHE GRUNTS
How do you work it?
234
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:41,000
You just put your feet
on the pedals.
235
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:46,760
Hey, it's fun, innit?
236
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:48,880
Right, let's get to this party!
237
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,800
Woohoo!
238
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,240
Fuckin' hell.
239
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:08,440
This is hard work, innit?
240
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,160
It's like a spin class.
241
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,160
How long have I been doing it?
242
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:14,840
Two minutes.
243
00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:17,080
Ohhh! Sweating cobs!
244
00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:19,760
Can't have Judge Rinder
seeing me like this.
245
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:21,760
Will there be cabins
on the boat to freshen up?
246
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,920
Who wants a bevvy?
247
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:27,280
Larry? No, thank you.
248
00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:29,200
Cal? Why not?
249
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,640
Do you want them Doritos, babe?
250
00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:52,840
This time yesterday,
I was draining a pelvic abscess.
251
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,400
Don't say that,
you're making we want a wee.
252
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,120
So, er, are you still
at the Royal Free?
253
00:10:57,120 --> 00:11:01,600
Yeah, head of obs and gynae now,
which is quite a responsibility.
254
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,840
Well done, mate.
I'm really proud of you.
255
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:05,520
Thank you.
256
00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:06,840
How about you? You were...
257
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,800
..teaching PE in some god-awful
school, weren't you?
258
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,560
Supply, yeah.
I jacked it in, though.
259
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,600
Kids can be cruel little fuckers.
260
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:17,040
I was. I was a total bitch.
261
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,480
Calmed down a lot now.
262
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:25,560
Are you actually
pedalling, or...?
263
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,840
I'm doing it!
264
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:29,160
What are you up to now?
265
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:31,920
Oh, this and that, y'know. Tell him!
266
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:33,280
Don't be embarrassed.
267
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:34,520
Well...
268
00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:36,720
..I'm a children's author.
269
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:41,320
Really? Congratulations!
Are you published?
270
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:43,800
No, not yet, no. Er, still at
the development stage, y'know,
271
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,160
mapping out the structure, an' that.
272
00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:46,920
Tell him your idea. It's brilliant.
273
00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:48,120
No!
274
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,440
Go on, have confidence in it.
275
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:50,640
DARREN SIGHS
276
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:54,280
All right, well, basically,
it's like a hardback book,
277
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,760
and on the first page
there'll be a picture of a ball
278
00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:59,480
and on the opposite page
the word "ball".
279
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,120
So, you turn the page,
and there'll be
280
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,280
a picture of a boy and on
the opposite page the word...
281
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:05,760
"Boy." Have I told you
about it already?
282
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:08,120
No. Carry on.
283
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,840
So on the next page there'll be
a boy and a ball, and it'd say
284
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,520
something like, "Boy got ball,"
or, "Boy play with ball."
285
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,240
I haven't really
worked it all out yet.
286
00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:19,080
So it's like baby's first words.
287
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,720
Yeah, but with a story
gradually developing out of it.
288
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:24,920
I've read it twice. Made me cry.
289
00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:28,520
Sorry, Darren,
this isn't an authored book,
290
00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:30,800
is it? It's just
words and pictures.
291
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,000
Well, like I say,
it's early days.
292
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,360
I think people will buy it.
293
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,720
They are buying it!
It already exists.
294
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:38,920
It's hardly going to make you
into the next JK Rowling,
295
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,640
is it? All right, Callum,
296
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:42,600
you don't have
to shoot it down in flames.
297
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:45,200
We can't all be elbow-deep
in fannies every day.
298
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,800
Can we not talk like that, please?
299
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,200
I could be where you are now, top
of me tree, on a good wage,
300
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,480
but I never had the chance,
did I? If I'd have graduated,
301
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,240
I could've made something of meself.
302
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,640
Could've been a contender? Yes!
303
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,080
Yeah. In sports science?
304
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:57,600
Give me a break! Leave it, Callum!
305
00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:59,040
You can't possibly compare
306
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,240
me doing seven years
of medical training
307
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:02,360
to you playing rounders
308
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,680
and learning about Lucozade.
I was good at it.
309
00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:06,560
Really? Yes. So why did
you drop out, then?
310
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:08,400
I'll drop you out in a minute!
311
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,480
That's enough!
312
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,000
I didn't invite you both here today
313
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,760
just so you could open
up old wounds.
314
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,880
I wanted it to be a celebration
of...who we used to be.
315
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,760
As opposed to who we are?
316
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:21,200
Uni was 30 years ago, Laurence.
Move on!
317
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,280
SHE THUDS PEDALS
318
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:37,720
Sorry, I think something's happened.
Why's it not going?
319
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:38,760
What?
320
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:41,160
Pedals are stuck.
321
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,600
Er... All right,
try going backward.
322
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:50,280
We're tangled up in all these weeds,
look. They're everywhere.
323
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:53,560
Oh, for Christ's sake!
This is all your fault!
324
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:55,000
Why didn't you look
where we were going?
325
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,480
What do you mean,
look where I was going?
326
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:57,760
We're on an empty lake, mate!
327
00:13:57,760 --> 00:13:59,480
Yes, which makes it
even more idiotic!
328
00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:01,240
Don't blame her, Laurence.
It was an accident.
329
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:02,520
Keep waggling the pedals.
330
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,720
She wasn't even meant to be here!
331
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,560
Er, excuse me, I was invited
to this party by Darren.
332
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:08,200
For God's sake, there is no party!
333
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,080
This was supposed to be
a reunion of three friends
334
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,120
from university. I wanted
everything to be perfect.
335
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:13,880
You've managed to ruin it!
336
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,320
Darren, is that true?
337
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:22,880
I cocked up, didn't I?
338
00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:26,240
I didn't read the invite properly.
This is it.
339
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,520
This...is the party.
340
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,200
So, what, Judge Rinder's
not even coming?
341
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,960
Doubtful.
342
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,720
I'm missing Gemma's
hen night for this?
343
00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,120
They'll have a stripper
344
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,040
helicoptering all over them
now in Sugar Hut
345
00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:41,920
while we're playing Swallows
And fucking Amazons.
346
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,680
Soz, babe. I'll make it up to you.
347
00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:45,760
Oh, shove it up your arse!
348
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:50,880
So, I think that's everyone
fallen out with everyone.
349
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:52,920
Reunion 101.
350
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:57,360
What are we going to do now?
351
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,240
BIRDS CALL
352
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:29,400
# Row, row, row your boat
353
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,560
# Gently down the stream
354
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,560
# Merrily, merrily,
merrily, merrily
355
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,200
# Life is but a dream
356
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:41,520
# Row, row, row your boat
357
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:43,600
# Gently to the shore
358
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:46,720
# If you see a lion there
359
00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:49,040
# Don't forget to roar... #
Roarrrr!
360
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:51,280
# Row, row, row your... #
361
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:52,880
Please stop.
362
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,840
Fine. So, what are you going to do?
Just sit here
363
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,560
and wait for someone to find us?
Is that your plan?
364
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,560
Yes.
365
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,560
I told you, I saw someone
earlier over there.
366
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,280
Probably a fisherman.
367
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,640
Well, it's going to be dark
in half an hour.
368
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,000
That's all I'm saying.
369
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,600
Can't one of us go under
and untangle the pedals?
370
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:13,160
Not recommended.
The water's freezing.
371
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:14,800
You'd have hypothermia
within 20 minutes.
372
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:15,920
Right, well, I'm sorry,
373
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,720
but you're all going
to need to look over there.
374
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,280
Why? Have you seen someone?
375
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,120
No, because I need to do a wee.
376
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,400
Oh, no, are you serious?
377
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,360
Yes! I've been busting for ages.
378
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,560
It's all the tinkling of the water.
379
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,560
Well, talk amongst yourselves.
I don't want you listening to it.
380
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,400
Good idea, actually. Might
kill off some of the weeds.
381
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:37,560
It's not acid!
382
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,600
SHE FARTS
Oh! Bonus ball.
383
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:42,200
I like her.
384
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,440
This is the story of my life.
385
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,000
What, listening to a woman
pissing off a paedo?
386
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,040
Pedalo. No, being stuck.
387
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:53,920
When we graduated, I stayed
in the area, married Bonnie,
388
00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:55,960
did a PGCE.
389
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,040
Next thing, I'm back
teaching the same course
390
00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,240
I just graduated from.
391
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:02,680
You've all moved on and had lives.
392
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:04,480
I'm still living in 1989.
393
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:08,720
I wouldn't worry about it, Larry.
You've not missed much.
394
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:11,720
Although Game Of Thrones
was pretty good.
395
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,720
Even then, they ruined the ending.
396
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,440
Well, I'm not going to do that.
397
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:22,760
All right, I'm done.
You can turn round now.
398
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:26,360
Oof! Do you think that's why
they say, "Relieve yourself,"
399
00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:28,320
cos you're relieved
you've not pissed your pants?
400
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,840
Oh, come on!
This is ridiculous!
401
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:33,560
I thought you said
Bonnie was going to be here.
402
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,000
She is. Well, call her.
403
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,520
Tell her to come early.
There's no signal.
404
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,280
Well, can't we all just check again?
405
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:40,760
Yeah, I'm sure I had
a couple of bars earlier.
406
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,120
Is she still on the same number?
407
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:43,840
What network are you on?
Give us your phone, Larry.
408
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:45,520
No. Give it to us!
There's no point.
409
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,040
Why not?! Because Bonnie's dead!
410
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:54,920
What?
411
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:57,600
She's dead. She died.
412
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:00,400
A year ago.
413
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,840
It was a short illness.
414
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,600
And she was very brave.
415
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,240
She's in here.
416
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:18,440
Sorry, is...?
417
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:20,800
Is Bonnie a...guinea pig?
418
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:26,800
No.
419
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:36,560
She was my wife.
420
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,680
I just got confused cos of him
and his...dog daughters.
421
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,040
I'm really sorry, mate.
422
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:49,800
Why didn't you tell us?
423
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,360
I wanted to.
424
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:54,880
I didn't know how.
425
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,400
I wanted to see you face-to-face.
426
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,400
It's not the sort of thing
you can say in an email
427
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:01,960
or round-robin.
428
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:08,240
A week went by, and then a month,
and then, in the end...
429
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:17,240
That's why I...I wanted...
to have you both here today,
430
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,920
one year on.
HE SNIFFS
431
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:25,640
You were there when we met,
you were there when we married.
432
00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:30,400
I wanted you to be there
for the final goodbye....
433
00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:34,400
..because even though I know that
we don't see each other any more...
434
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:41,640
..you're still my best friends.
435
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,800
So you wanted us to be here
to scatter her ashes?
436
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,080
HE SNIFFS
Yeah.
437
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:53,920
Sort of.
438
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:56,400
Oh, my God!
439
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:57,720
Jesus, Laurence!
440
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,920
Where's he gone?
441
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:06,040
Laurence, come back, man!
You'll freeze to death!
442
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:15,400
Laurence!
443
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:23,920
Can you still see him?
444
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,040
Yeah, I think so.
445
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,240
What's he playing at?
446
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,360
He always talked about how he
proposed to Bonnie on an island.
447
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:36,760
I thought he meant the Caribbean
or somewhere, but...
448
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:38,440
..it must be that one there.
449
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:45,080
I can't believe she died
and he never told you.
450
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:48,200
I suppose that's what all those
LinkedIn requests were.
451
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:49,360
I feel terrible now.
452
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,520
I bet you do! Poor man.
453
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:53,680
I nearly cried when he said
you two were his best friends.
454
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:55,080
We were.
455
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,320
Used to be.
456
00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:58,600
But...
457
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,680
..life moves on, doesn't it?
458
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,880
Not for Bonnie.
459
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:09,960
Maybe I have become
too self-absorbed.
460
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:13,960
But we're all dealing
with our own shit, aren't we?
461
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,880
Yours is mostly dog shit,
by the sound of it.
462
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,880
His wife's died.
463
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:22,160
You can't just scoop that up
in a little blue bag
464
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:24,400
and hang it off a tree.
465
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:30,000
I once did one in a paintpot
and left it in the cellar.
466
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,760
I was moving house,
so it didn't really matter.
467
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:42,520
If it's any consolation,
I absolutely hate my job.
468
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,800
I spent years
trying to get to the top,
469
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,280
and now I'm there, I realise
470
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,320
it was just the endeavour
that was keeping me going.
471
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:52,040
I got to the end of the rainbow
and found the pot of gold.
472
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:53,640
HE SCOFFS
473
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:59,800
Now I'd give you anything to
give it back and start again.
474
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:03,400
Like you. I envy you.
475
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,480
Well, it was not a choice.
476
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,120
What do you mean?
477
00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:10,280
I didn't drop out of uni.
478
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:11,520
I got kicked out.
479
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:13,920
Really? Yeah.
480
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:19,080
I'd done so well to get me A levels,
but...uni was just so hard!
481
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,160
Even if it was only sports science.
482
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:24,160
Then one day, I realised,
483
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,000
if life gives you melons...
484
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:30,320
..you're probably dyslexic.
485
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:31,360
What?
486
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,480
I've got surface dyslexia.
487
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,960
I was too embarrassed
to say anything at the time.
488
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,640
But that's why this book
is so important to me.
489
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:45,840
It's not for babies.
490
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:47,960
It's for kids and adults...
491
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,080
..like me.
492
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:02,120
Have I got to think of something bad
that's happened to me now?
493
00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:04,080
Cos nothing really has.
494
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,200
I've had a great life - good mates,
495
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,600
loving family,
496
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,560
nice little job...
497
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:16,560
By the sound of it, it's cos I
never went to fucking university.
498
00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:19,240
SHE SIGHS
499
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,680
WIND CHIMES TINKLE
500
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,880
Well...er...
501
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,440
..this is it.
502
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:41,880
Er, it's not...gone
quite according to plan.
503
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,200
Er, Darren...
504
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,320
..he brought an uninvited guest...
505
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:52,480
..which really irritated me,
of course. But, er,
506
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:55,360
if you'd have been here,
you'd have welcomed her
507
00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:58,120
with open arms and said,
"The more the merrier,"
508
00:23:58,120 --> 00:24:02,080
cos that's the kind of person
that you were...
509
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:07,520
..and why I have...
found it so hard...
510
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:11,040
..to live without you.
511
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,840
Anyway, I, erm...
512
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:22,240
I didn't want to just
scatter your ashes
513
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,160
in the normal way, so, er...
514
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:28,400
..I hope you approve.
515
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,440
Hang on. What's this?
516
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:57,280
"Ashes To Flashes
Memorial Fireworks"?
517
00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:58,960
WHIZZING
518
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:00,400
So she's...
519
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:17,400
DARREN CHUCKLES
520
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,360
I promised you a party, didn't I?
521
00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:24,640
Now I AM going to cry!
522
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,360
Burn bright, Bonnie.
523
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:37,600
Burn bright.
524
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:03,960
Right, one of us needs to swim over
and make sure he's all right.
525
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:05,240
Not a good idea, Darren.
526
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:06,920
Well, maybe we can
get a signal over there!
527
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,720
The water's too cold.
You'll freeze your bollocks off.
528
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:11,040
Well, do another wee in it, then!
529
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:12,600
Sit down, Darren.
Don't be so stupid.
530
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:13,960
Don't call me stupid,
all right?!
531
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:17,480
Stop it, you two! Stop it!
I'm going over there!
532
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:20,640
Gerroff! Stop it!
533
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:34,800
Excuse me...
534
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,600
..do you know what
happened to my friends?
535
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:41,040
They got stuck in the weeds.
Were they rescued?
536
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:53,600
Please, we have to do something.
537
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:54,680
There were three of them.
538
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,680
Don't worry about them.
539
00:26:57,880 --> 00:26:59,480
They're fine.
540
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:00,880
Where are they?
541
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:03,680
On the other side.
542
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:06,480
Oh!
543
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:09,640
Thank God. Did they tell you
where to find me?
544
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:12,160
I knew where to find you.
545
00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:16,080
I've been watching you
for some time.
546
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:40,640
Thank you.
547
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,320
Oh...
548
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:47,840
Really sorry. I...
549
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:49,320
HE CHOKES
550
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,120
COIN CHINKS
551
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:28,320
Laurence...
37522
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