All language subtitles for A.La.Carte.S01E04.WEBRip.x264-ION10

[soulful music]

[door closes]

- I'm sorry, Mommy,
for calling so late.

- Hey.

I told you can call
any time you need to.

- I just feel so stupid
for not seeing the signs.

- I think you chose just
to see the green flags.

Now you got a red
one to deal with.

- Mom, he was kissing
another woman.

- Sometimes things aren't always

what they seem on
the surface, honey.

- He was surface-ly slopping

another woman down.

- Why don't you just call
him for some clarity?

- I can't talk to him right now.

He tricked me.

He's just like every
other guy in LA.

- Yeah, but you're
not every other girl.

You're smart.

You deserve the truth.

- Men lie, he's
going to lie, Mom.

- Your dad would say
the same about women.

- How's dad?

- That is another
story for another day.

You know, if life
were only just roses

and a perfect storm.

- You always said if she can
get him, she can have him.

- That's true.

Until you realize
you still want him.

I'm gonna plan a trip to
come see you real soon.

- And Daddy?

- What did I just say
about another day?

I love you my Mahogany.

- I love you, too, Mom.

Oh, God.

♪ I'm in my element, ooh, yeah

♪ I'm in my element, ooh, yeah

♪ I'm in my element, element

♪ I'm in my element, ooh, yeah

♪ I'm in my element, ooh, yeah

♪ I'm in my element, ooh, yeah

- Can we take a minute
just to catch up

before we just go back
to how things used to be?

- How about we
just move forward.

Good news only.

- Well, I'm hosting this
TrustFab.com relaunch here

in a couple of days.

- Babe, that's the
reason why I'm back.

Fabiola flew me out
for the relaunch.

Look at God, I'm here.

- Wow.

That's a lot.

- It is, right? I mean
we gotta celebrate.

Come one, noble on me,

I'll book a car,
we're gonna drive.

You don't have to
worry about anything.

- I just told you.

I have to have this place ready

for its first major
event in 48 hours.

I don't think I can
leave even to get sleep.

- But how about we order food

and I can try and keep you up.

Or not.

- Hey, listen, I knew you tired,

so how about I take
you back to the crib

and you can relax.

We can grab food on the way.

But I have to be back
here in a couple of hours.

- Just food?

- Yeah, just food.

- Let's go I guess.

- All right.

- Well, this would
never happen in Malibu,

leaving expensive packages
without a signature.

Who's it from?

- My fam from back home, Shira.

They always saying
don't get too Hollywood

and start acting all Hollywood.

- Mm.

It's, um, colorful.

Perfect for here and
not your home, let's go.

[upbeat music]

- I'm not gonna speed on in.

It does not serve me.

♪ To cover up your games

♪ You're trying so hard

Not today, Satan.

Home so soon?

What, no booty call tonight.

Oh, no, no, babe, what's wrong?

- Are you okay?

Our living room looks
like a scene from Dexter.

- This, no, God, no,
no, this is for me.

Yeah, I am mourning the old me.

You know, the one that
I used to wanna be

and stepping into my own.

No more bridal magazines,

no more white picket fences.

I'm becoming my own woman.

But wait, wait, wait,
wait, what's up with you.

- Just a bad day, you know,
Fabiola, bitchy models.

[phone ringing]

A lot of dictations
and bad communication.

- Well, we can talk.

- No, tomorrow's another day.

I gotta work on the relaunch

and maybe that's a
chance for me to go

from assistant to buyer.

Well, you now what,
I like it, yeah.

Claim it.

- Yeah.

- See it and speak
it into the universe.

- Please don't quote
my mother, not tonight.

Okay?

Now, I'll see you tomorrow.

- Bye.

[upbeat music]

♪ Hey, baby

♪ Now I try to live my
live clean, but uh ♪

- Bam.

Two words.

- Give it to me.

- Barrister's Ball.

- I don't do balls or
girls during school week,

so it's a no for me.

- You're joking, right?

- Barrister's is a part of
the law school experience.

It's like prom.

- Prom.

- Mm-hmm.

- Of course, I'm joking.

I know about that
ball, but, you know,

I just didn't plan on going.

But you know what?
- Hmm?

- Change my mind in
two minutes, counselor.

- Opening argument.
- Okay.

- You'll have the
hottest date in the room.

And we don't need to
call on any witnesses

unless you into that.

- Ah.

- And, in closing, you'll have

the hottest, smartest, blackest.

- Corniest.

- I prefer cheesy, corn
does nothing for you,

but who doesn't like cheese.

- Any black person that's
lactose intolerant.

- We got vegan options then.

- Okay.

Give me oatmeal.

- What does the jury say?

- The jury says guilty.

And you're sentenced
to five or six hours

of my after hours company.

And for any bad
behavior, hard labor

will be the expected
retribution.

- So is that a yes?

- Condition.

What are you wearing?

- I mean, if it ain't
broke, come on, man.

- Step over here.

- Come on now.

- It's definitely
given broke, Z.

- [Z] Did you see
the legs, though?

You see the-

- Okay, step back over
there Steve Harvey.

I need a shorter recess.

Apujay, I need some help.

I need a suit like
you made me last week.

Just change the
patterns a little bit

and, oh, measurements?

- Can I at least
wear my own shoes?

- Mm-mm.

♪ It's been kind of rocky

♪ Wind's blowing
hard on our love ♪

♪ Said he's out
here in the ocean ♪

♪ Going thirsty on my turf

- Magenta.

There is a difference
before restore and vintage.

Really buyers of
Trust Fab know that.

- I'm so sorry.

I've been meaning
to talk to you.

I wanted to find out

if there was gonna be anything
after the relaunch event.

- After?
- Yeah.

- Okay, until the relaunch,

there is nothing else.

- Nothing else.

What do you mean?

- Where's my first
assistant, hmm, hmm.

I'm not talking about Ali
Landry, the Doritos girl.

What did you eat her?

You need to get her
black ass back here ASAP

or I'll have to find
another assistant.

- Okay, I think I saw
her around the corner,

down the street getting
a blouse from Trust Fab.

- Yeah.

- No more of these for you.

Each bite is 100 calories.

Listen up, folks, we
launch tomorrow night.

- Fuck.

[phone buzzes]

[gentle music]

♪ We could've have
a tough life ♪

♪ We could've had been so high

- I'm pretty damn good.

♪ We'd could've been tougher

- Yo, that's pretty dark.

I like it.

It's very Tim Burton.

- Yeah, too bad he
doesn't cast black actors,

even in animated films.

- Facts.

So how we gonna make this work

for our final project?

I can get along with
whatever you say.

- What do you mean?

- I mean you also seem
so focused and class

whenever I see you on campus.

- It's a big school.

- Well, I always keep
an eye out for you.

I remember you said
that you wanted to be

the first black
woman to win an Oscar

for an animated film.

And that's just sounded so nice.

- Wow, you really do
pay close attention.

- Well, in that
class mostly to you.

- Yeah, you know,
honestly I haven't,

I've kind of been elsewhere.

You know, for a second I
forgot why I moved here.

- Mm.

- I know that I
moved here for me.

- Well, I think that anything

that takes your
focus away from this,

it doesn't deserve you.

But I do think that a
darker Tim Burton world

would be great for
the final project.

And I can relate to
Edward Scissorhands.

- How so?

- Well, guys like Edward

would get overlooked
in Hollywood

until someone else notices them.

And I think that's the trap.

You know, everyone
out here's a treasure,

but they're waiting
for someone else

to assess their value.

- That's deep.

You know, I think when
people come out here,

you know, they don't
really know who they are

or their values.

And they create these,
these false realities

and their own truth to
things just to survive.

- That's what makes them
come off fake or unauthentic.

But with me, what you
see is what you get.

I'm as real as they come, Shira.

[gentle music]

- Uh, yeah, so I
have to get to class.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

- Um, well, you know
where I'll be at.

And maybe next time we
can meet somewhere else.

How about this?

How about you text
me and let me know.

- Okay.

- Okay, I gotta go.
- All right.

- All Shira.

- All right, bye.

[gentle music]

[phone buzzes]

♪ Here we are

♪ Here we are

♪ Come now, drop, show it off

♪ Show it up, drop it low

♪ Take it off, take it off

♪ I can tell you working out

- So, babe.
- Yeah.

- I was thinking, I have
an idea of something

that would give you
constant stimulation.

- What, silk the shocker.

- No, messy.

Um, I think you should
get your clit pierced

or at least your gooch.

- My gooch? What's that?

- You know, it's
that little spot

between your pussy
and your pom pom.

- Really?

- Yeah, I mean, I promise you,

if you do it, I'll have
a field day with it.

- So, hold on.

- Huh.

- Are you gonna do it first?

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

I don't do pain.

I only do pleasure, that's,
I'm not with the pain, okay.

But I do have a
friend who has a spot

that's sterile and she's
real sweet to look at.

- Why does that matter?

- Well, because I like the
possibility of newness.

- Okay, then.

I mean, I do like my pussy
enough to put a ring on it.

- And I like your pussy
enough to have a ring on it.

- So you gonna come with me?

- Yes, well, no, I
got some work to do,

but maybe I'll see
you later, okay?

- Okay, all right, fine.

- All right.

- Come on, pow, there you go.

- Hey, someone's got a
lot of aggression today.

Let me guess, you not
dicked down anymore.

- Why niggas gotta cheat
on their girlfriends?

- 'Cause the iTrainer
has billed out something

on the side?

- Yeah, he always thinking
about the wrong meat.

- Hold up, did old
boy ever tell you

he was the main course,

or did you just assume?

- I'm pretty sure I asked
do you have a girlfriend.

- Pretty sure isn't sure, sure

and you kind of did go into

the situation talking
about, what was it?

Fuck love.

Fuck love, have sex.

Don't be mad at me
'cause I'm right.

- Right about what?

- Homebody didn't
really do nothing wrong.

You said you wanted to have fun.

Meanwhile you over
here planning weddings

and thinking of baby names
and shit, what's that.

- Are you serious,
Derek, that's not true.

Why can't men just be
honest and up front instead

of stringing us along?

- Well, first of
all don't lump me in

with everybody's ass,

'cause I would
never lead your ass

to believe that we were actually

gonna get married
in the first place.

- Oh, I know, I remember
when we were together, yeah,

uh-huh, you gotta have your cake

and eat it, too, right Derek?

- What the fuck else
is cake good for?

You know, it isn't
that everybody wants

to be a glutton, but
sometimes, we need it right

in front of us so you
can decide what you want.

- You know what?

I'm not gonna be the side,
a biscuit, the sauce,

a dip or whatever.

If you rack as niggas
would just be up front,

who knows what we
might say or agree to?

- One second, I'll
be right back.

What up?

- Oh, God.

- I thought you
were gonna text me

if the coast wasn't clear, man.

- About Mahogany?

- Yes.

- I thought you
meant Shira, fool.

- Oh, my God.

You some retarded, fool.

- What you gotta do?

Bruh, I'll meet you back
at the crib, it's all good.

- Watch this.

Hey, sis.

- Fuck you, Rodney.

- All right, little date.

- I see where you're going.

- I'll see you back a the crib.

- Oh, of course fuck boys
of a feather flock together.

- So because my
boy got caught up,

he gotta be homeless now, too.

Damn, y'all ruthless.

Just staying with me till
he gets back on his feet.

Plus, he don't never
be there anyways.

- Oh that not, I was never here.

Bye, Derek.

- All right, bye.

Thanks for coming.

[bell rings]

- Lord, Mama never said

there'd be days
like this, child,

I can't even, now
my coochie hurtin'.

- Hey, Ms. Misha.

What's going on.

Let me guess.

Too much twerk yoga.

- For your
information, Mr. Adam,

I don't twerk nor do I do yoga.

- Really?

- However, I do
break my back trying

to redecorate this classroom

at the end of every month.

- Oh, damn, I got
hella supplies.

I would definitely
get you by next month

if you just text me early.

- I'll think about it.

- Oh, you know what?

- We can just avoid all that.

How about you just text me so
that I have your information.

- You ain't slick.

- What you mean?

What happened, is it 'cause,

I just think we should just-

- Yeah, okay.

- Well, who am I, not to,
I mean accept free things

for the kiddos.

- For the kids,
it's for the kids.

- So, yeah, all right.

For the kids.

- Ms. Misha, I'm just gonna
change this a little bit.

Patron saint of breaking backs.

- That's not you giving me-

- And back bends, I'll
just save it like that.

- Now that you're
giving me a whole bio.

- You can just consider
this a thank you

for, you know, teaching me
a few things the other day.

- Okay.

Don't you have some work to do?

- Oh, yeah, right, yeah.

Right, I got it, yeah.

Go ahead and get
to class, my class.

Class is that way.

♪ Got me upside down

♪ Spinning around you

♪ I wanna taste the clouds

♪ Dance with them

♪ Take a trip around your body

♪ Boy I love the
way you got me ♪

♪ Sorry, I ain't funny

♪ Sorry, I ain't
losing all my focus ♪

- I 'll show it
to you, all right.

[phone clicks]

Fuck!

No, no.

- [Mahogany] Did you fall in?

- No.

- [Mahogany] Are you
up, are you stuck?

- No, Lottie B.

Fuck.

- Okay, oh, look who it is.

I need a pick me up.

One time for big corn bitch,

fuck it up if you need a cash

out a big corn bitch.

- Girl, bye.

I'm on my last credit card

and that bitch about to
be TJ Maxxed the fuck out

by the end of the month.

That's why I need my
fairy God Mahogany

to lend this man a
pair of glass slippers

for the ball, please.

- Well, your wish is
my command Cinderfella,

but I gotta go get ready first,

so I'll bring you
the shoes, okay.

- Okay, bet.

- Shi.

- Don't start.

- It smell like sorrow

and another sad love
song in this bitch.

Girl, open that door.

- You gotta come at me

with a stank ass attitude
all the time, right.

- Please open the doors.

- Here are your shoes.

I already taped
them on the bottom,

so make sure you keep
your feet on the floor

and your legs crossed.

No fucking in those shoes.

- Girl, you said tape?
- Yes.

- Girl, I'm taking
this tacky ass tape off

as soon as I leave.

I do not drag my feet.

My name ain't Rodney.

- Are you kidding me?

- Oh, no, you not.

Because you know when
Fabiola's killing me,

I'm gonna make sure
she's kill your ass, too.

- I ain't got time for
5011 questions right now.

- [Together] Who asked you-

- [Mahogany] Anything.

- I pierced my labia.

After she made me buy a vibrator

that licks her pussy.

And then she ate my pussy.

- Oh, bitch.

- So you a lesbian now.

- No, she gay.

- I mean, if you
like it, I love it.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, Misha.

I got it figured, I
got it figured out.

You bisexual.

- Gay.

- Hold up, tri-sexual.

- Gay.

- No, or you just a ho.

- No, she gay as fuck.

- Shira, that is rude.

- I'm not being rude,
I'm just asking.

Let me ask you something?

Does it hurt?

Did you really get it done

with the girl from the bar?

- It, it don't hurt much,

but you know I did this for me.

To please me and my body

and the person that pleases it.

- Okay.

- Okay, 'cause I do what
I want with my body.

- Yeah.

- And don't sit
here and act like

I'm the only person that's
done outrageous things

for their partner.

- Girl, you talkin' 'bout you.

- Yeah, but why
were you screaming

in the bathroom earlier?

- Because.

I sent a picture of my
pussy to my co-worker.

- Oh, no.

- I could lose my job.

- Don't talk to me.

- Okay.

- My job.

- You know what?

On that note, I gotta
finish getting ready

for my relaunch event.

Y'all wish me luck.

You hang in there.

If you get fired, I'll
send you the EDD link.

[Ray laughs]

- [Shira] You won't for that.

- But you know, what,
don't talk to me Ray.

I'm right behind
you, I gotta go.

Shira, don't stay
up binge eating

and binge watching
all night, okay.

- [Shira] You have
no faith in me.

None of y'all do.

- Where you going?

- Uh-uh, I need to hear more

about this pussy licking, girl.

Come here little girl.

[soulful music]

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Can I come in?

- Please.
- Okay.

- You look good.

- Oh, thank you.

- Hey.

- Welcome to my humble abode.

- Humble?

Yes, it's still an abode,
but not in poverty layer.

Impressive.

- Wow, well, sit down

and be humble while I
turn my swag up to ring.

- Okay.

♪ This shit is magnetic

♪ There's something
'bout your aesthetic ♪

♪ That shit is
lookin' incredible ♪

♪ Anything else, I'm here
to help you undress ♪

♪ In turn for affection

♪ I'll give you a lesson

Damn, I mean.

- Does the suit make the man or?

- Nah, the man
definitely make the suit.

- It is pretty fly.

- Wait, what cook you kidnapped

and got hidden in the kitchen?

- Oh, I burn, baby.

Guess you're gonna
have to wait and see

what's in the pot.

- I know what it is?
- Hmm.

- I just can't put
my finger on it.

- Oh, you can put your
finger wherever you want

when we get back from the ball.

- Can we leave?

- After you.

[horns blowing]

[hip hop music]

- How quickly fashion and
function go down the drain.

Last week when you
were all clamoring

to get into Soho
House, North Hollywood,

already that place was old.

Okay, and we're
walking, we're walking.

Oh, Jesus.

Magenta.
- I'm sorry.

- I meant be my
shadow figuratively.

- Yeah, I just recognized
this Chicago artist.

- Okay, I don't care.

Stay close, but
give me my space.

- Yes.
- Okay?

- Son of a bitch.

- Bianca.

Look at you, look at you.

Ah, thank you girl.

I don't if we had you
flying Virgin Galactic

to get here, but I'm
just hoping London

to LA didn't break the bank.

I owe you so much mamacita.

- Girl, I would not
miss this for the world,

are you kidding,
and you gave me time

that I needed with my man,

so thank you for hosting.

- Well the credit of that is
due to my assistant, Mocha.

- Hi, Mocha, I'm Bianca.

Don't let Fab scare you.

And, girl, I owe you one.

My boyfriend, Caleb,
could not have done

this by himself, it's so good.

Thank you, Mocha.

My boyfriend, my boyfriend.

- I'm so sorry, I need to-

- Mocha.

- Cal, baby, come meet
Fabiola Ford, come on.

Babe.

- I can't wait.

- Cal, Fab.

- So lovely to meet you.

What a beautiful spot.

Oh, my good, you
two are gorgeous.

- Ah, thank you.
- What is this?

- Pot roast, really?

- Mm-hmm.

- Did you get the
recipe from my dad?

- What makes you say that?

- My mom used to make us
pot roast every Sunday.

My dad said her cooking

and her curves is what
made his ass fall.

- I get it.

She sound like a good woman.

- She was, you know, she
was the most beautiful human

inside and out.

Like everything she did,
she did it with love,

especially her cooking.

- Well, I'm just glad I
didn't burn the house down.

- Me, too.

'Cause I had this crockpot
on simmer all day.

- Okay.
- How is it?

- Well, let me see.

Pretty damn good.
- Yeah.

- You know it's not every day

a guy would relive his
fairy tale moment, so.

- Prom for us
queers isn't always

the highlight everyone
makes it out to be.

- Tell me about it.

Even in LA, the community
just do not see it for us.

You know, I wasn't
crowned prom king

nor did I lose my virginity, so.

- Me either.

- Really?

- Mm-hmm.

I actually probably crossed

that line too early myself.

But you know what,
I think that's why

I like to take things slow

when I'm really interested
in somebody, you know.

- Well, um, if this is slow.

- We should take my
car up to Mohave.

- Or we should take
mine because I have

the moon roof, you don't.

- Ooh, bougie ass.

Fine, we can take your car

with the fancy moon roof.

I could get used to this.

- Me, me, too, yeah.

- So, you want dessert.

- I would love to have dessert,

but I don't want you
to think anything less

of me in the morning,

so I'll have to pass.

- I said dessert, not dick.

[Raymond laughs]

- You are different aren't you?

[phone buzzes]

But I know my girl's
going through it

and she's locked out of her crib

and she can't take a hint,

so she need me to
come bail her out,

so I'm sorry.

Next time we can
take that drive.

- Yeah, it's cool.

- Okay, I'll call you
or see you at work.

- See you at work.

- All right, see you at work.

All right.

Hey, I had fun.

- Me, too.

♪ Just one of a kind

♪ I just wanna tell
you that you my spine ♪

♪ Say she from the best
side, the west side ♪

♪ I'm a flip you
on your left side ♪

♪ See that I'm just
one of a kind ♪

♪ I just wanna tell
you that you my spine ♪

♪ Get it to you and
hand it to you ♪

♪ Oh, but you let me down

♪ I still come around

♪ Knowing to myself

♪ Gotta fuck that sound

♪ You wanna play a role
you ain't ready for ♪

♪ Are you ready for it

♪ Are you wonderful

[Magenta yells]

[glass breaks]

- Mahogany.

♪ I won't battle for
you even when I'm in ♪

♪ I won't be mad at
giving you gratis ♪

♪ You ain't bad I think
you just too bad for me ♪

♪ So from here on out I
ain't gonna lose no sleep ♪

♪ Oh, I admit I ain't
quite what you need ♪

♪ 'Cause I won't be mad at you

♪ I gotta show gratitude

♪ Yeah

♪ I feel grateful,
grateful, grateful ♪

♪ 'Cause you was a real
nigga from the start ♪

♪ Real, real

♪ Responsibility

♪ Accountability

♪ I ain't mad, at least
you know who you is ♪

♪ You ain't mine and I
can tell by how you live ♪

♪ I won't battle for
you even when I'm in ♪

♪ I won't be mad at
giving you gratis ♪

♪ You ain't bad, I think
you just too bad for me ♪

♪ So from here on out I
ain't gonna lose no sleep ♪

♪ Oh, I admit I ain't
quite what you need ♪

♪ 'Cause I won't be mad at you

♪ I gotta show gratitude

♪ I feel grateful,
grateful, grateful ♪

♪ 'Cause you a real
nigga from the start ♪