All language subtitles for E.I.K.A.L.S01E01.1080p.iP.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264

This programme contains
very strong language

Destiny.

The thing that I believed

predetermined all great
love stories.

The idea that
the romantic events

of our lives were scripted
in stardust, long, long ago.

I just had to follow the signs
to find them.

This particular tale
of destiny begins on a train.

The year is 2012.
According to the Mayan calendar,

the world is about to end.

Which would have been
a real bummer, because I was 24,

and my adult life
had just finally begun.

Please, can I get
a mini bottle of red wine,

and a mini bottle of white wine,
and a mini bottle of Jameson's?

Yeah, that card's been declined.

Definitely not.

Definitely has.

I checked my online banking
at the station.

There was loads
of money in my account,

and by loads I mean £32.74.

It says you have
insufficient funds.

I'll get it.

No, no. Don't worry.

So that same order, again,

for Shane MacGowan.
And just a beer for me, please.

I was doing market research.

And you sit in a room with, like,

30 other people
and you answer questions for

the car company about whether
you'd drive the car.

And where was today's?
Bristol.

And would you drive the car?

Dunno. Can't drive!

This obviously isn't my long-term
plan. I want to write.

So what do you want to write?

Really, really good stories.
And comments.

Comments?

Yeah, I want to be amazing
at comments and witticisms.

I want all my comments
to be published in one

of those cheap books you pick up
by the till.

Until then, I'll basically do
anything other than murder

for 40 quid, cash in hand.
Is that bad?

How old are you?

24.

I'd say you've got two more years
left of getting away with it.

How old are you?

27. Just out of the middle.

How was it?

Well, I think Larkin got it right.

What did he say?

I feared these present years.
The middle twenties.

When deftness disappears.

And each event is freighted with

a source-encrusting doubt
and turned to drought.

Fit.

What's your favourite band?

Come on. You're better than this.
What?

Asking me what my favourite
things are.

Like you're a teenage girl
filling out a Myspace profile.

That is incredibly patronising.

I think you like being patronised
by men.

Gives you something to push against,

like you're a shrew
to be tamed, or something.

I don't want to be tamed.

You just want our attention.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we will shortly be arriving into
London Paddington,

that's our final stop.

It was really lovely to meet you.

Street.
"Street?"

I know. It's where I was conceived.

No way.

It's true.

God. I'm just trying

to think what my parents would have
called me if I was named after where

I was conceived.
Pocket-sprung mattress.

I've always wondered,

with people who are named after
places, like,

whether they ever actually live
in the...

I've been waiting
to do that since Slough.

"Pocket-sprung mattress?"

Are you getting the Tube?

Nah. I'll walk home.

Really committed to this troubadour
shit, aren't you?

Fucking works, though, doesn't it?

Let's not give each other
our numbers.

Why?

Because I think if we're meant
to meet again,

we'll meet again.
Leave it to kismet. Destiny.

You must be so, so bored.

I'm Maggie.

That boy, that kiss,

that train journey would begin

a series of events that would change
my life.

I don't know what my 20s
would've been like if

I hadn't got on that exact train

and sat in that exact carriage.

I can only tell you everything that
happened after I did.

This is a story of great love.

But it's not the one
you think it is.

Maggs? Yeah.

You ready? Yeah.

But first I need to ask you
a really serious question.

What is it?

Is it hard,

being the prettiest girl
in the entire world?

Seriously, we're leaving in
five minutes.

OK, well, that's exactly how long
it takes me to get ready.

Don't even try that,
I've known you your whole life.

Nell, Amara. Wine.

Why is no-one ready?

Just sorted out the feng shui
in my room. Had a nap.

Wrote my will.

Oh, what's it say?
Just "will", at the moment.

OK, can we stop writing wills
and having naps?

It's meant to be ladies' night.

I didn't agree to ladies' night.
Yeah, it's ladies' night!

Yes, mate!

I propose a toast.
Ooh, Maggs, in your will,

can I have your fake
Prada sunglasses?

Nell.

To the first Friday night
in our first London house!

And to many more Friday nights.

Look at all those Friday nights
piled up just for us.

How are we going to get through
them all?

OK, I really do think that we should
leave by eight.

Oh, Birdy, you need to relax.
You're just...

You are so rushed off your feet.

Aww... Rushed off your feet!

I've told you before, I don't like
it. I've told you I don't like it!

I've said a thousand times,
I don't like it!

Well, then, stop being
the littlest one, then!

OK, so I think if we start
at the Chalk Farm end

and make our way up to
the Mornington Crescent end.

I think we don't make a plan.

All the best nights happen
when we just follow our noses.

Agreed.

Oh, have you heard from that guy
on the train?

No. But I didn't think I would.

We didn't exchange surnames
or numbers.

Thought it would be romantic.

Definitely your idea, not his.

If I met a man I fancied,
who fancied me back,

I'd make him write his number on
my face with a permanent marker.

Oh, don't be so dramatic,
Birdy. Anyway,

there we are,
met the boy of my dreams,

probably the only boy
I could see myself ever truly loving

and now he's gone.

Oh, come on, babe.
This isn't like you.

We've just arrived in London.
City of possibilities!

There will be others.

Not like this one.

I've put a winning lottery ticket in
the washing machine.

Well done for not being dramatic
about it, though. Thanks.

Thank you.
And cheers.

Cheers!

Let's play Never Have I Ever. Yes.
No.

This game is only enjoyable
for half of the group.

And it's not the half who have had
two sexual partners.

Or have never taken drugs.

So whatever you want to say,
just say it.

Amara, you had a threesome
in Malaga.

Maggie,
you wanked at the back of

the coach on a school trip to
Stonehenge. Yeah, game done.

Ta-da!

Do you think that's enough?
Yeah.

Oh, God, the Feds. Hide it in your
pocket. No. I'm a teacher.

Guys?
Oh, for God's sake.

Birdy, get in.

OK. If I took it...
YES!

If I took it,
are you sure I won't die?

You are so suburban, Birdy,
you're not going to die.

No-one has ever died
from taking cocaine. Not true.

It is completely harmless,

it's a very sort of
two point four children,

L-shaped sofa type of drug.
You just dip in and out of it,

like, erm, like...
Hummus?

Genius girl. Hummus. Exactly.

I don't think I will.
Why?

I don't want to get dizzy.

Do you want to die
with some stories or do you

want to sleepwalk into
your own grave?

Feel like I'm in Trainspotting.

You're literally wearing
a dress from Karen Millen.

Bottle of your cheapest white,
please. And four glasses.

Cheers, mate.

Hey!

Hey.

Do you recognise me?

Yeah. Were you on one

of those early series
of Big Brother?

No... No. I'm Maggie.

We met on a train?
A couple of weeks ago?

Oh, yeah. Sorry.
My brain's fried. How are you?

I'm good.

Who are you here with?

Oh, my friends. My housemates.

We've just moved in together
down the road.

Interesting.
What?

Moving to Camden in 2012.

Whoever you're looking for
has already left.

What are you doing here, then?

Gig.

How did it go?

Fine. I mean, everyone talked
through the whole set,

all the white people clapped
on the on-beat,

just another Friday night in
a completely forgettable band.

We're, er, we're actually
heading off now.

OK. It was really nice
to see you again.

Yeah, you too.

I could give you my number
this time?

Do I not have your number?

No, we decided...

I don't think we exchanged numbers.

What is this?

Oh, yeah. I hate smartphones.

You know, I read recently that our
brains are actually changing shape

because of how much time
we're spending online.

Yeah, soon, we won't be able
to concentrate on anything.

Reading a novel will be as niche
an activity as, like, bell-ringing.

Dark.

Who was that?!

I am literally
going to shit myself.

I'm hoping this is another example
of your misuse of

the word literally.

That...was the fucking...train guy.

No.

Yes. See, Nell? Destiny.

Oh, my God, he's even more beautiful
than I remembered.

What's his name?
Street.

He was named after where he was
conceived. Oh, have a day off.

Sorry, Nell. I'm here for it.
I am backing our girl,

this is fate.
It is too weird not to be.

And, and he uses an old Nokia

because he believes smartphones
are bad for our brains.

It's like he's some kind of...
Cunt?

..philosopher?

I can't believe I saw him.
Can you believe it?

I cannot believe it. Where's Birdy?

Oh, God knows.

I now get why she doesn't
take drugs.

It's been like watching Elmo
get high.

Maggs, Maggs,

come here, I want you
to meet these guys.

This is my best friend, Maggie,
she's literally amazing,

we've known each other since school.

The other two are great
and we love them,

but this girl is my
childhood sweetheart.

Do you ever have it where, like,

you want to invent
a new version of marriage,

it's just for two people who promise
to love each other forever,

they don't have sex or anything,
they just hang out loads?

Yes. But there's still, like,
a formal commitment.

I totally agree. Like,
shouldn't there be a word for it?

Erm... Friendship?

Yes!

Down With The Trumpets
by Rizzle Kicks

# Yes

# Rizzle kicks... #

Four beers, please.

I want to roll down the hill!

YES!

Come on!

No, I don't want to get dizzy.

Come on, come on!

Can I sit here?

Yeah.

I like your key-rings.

Thanks.

How many are on there?

13. I like your braces.
What colour are they?

Glitter magenta.

I'm Maggie.

I'm Birdy.

You know,
it shows how much I love you,

that I don't mind you doing this
every morning.

I barely like doing this
with someone I'm sleeping with.

I know.

I spent all my money again
last night, buying drinks for

a load of people
I'll never, ever see again.

Why did you buy them drinks?

To make them like me
without having to talk.

I'll lend you.

You can't lend me any more money.

I'll just go back to the bank

and see if they'll let me
extend my overdraft.

I thought you already went last week
and they said no.

I'll try again.

I don't think it works
like a tombola.

I'm such an idiot.

No you're not. You're so fun.

I'm a tragic drunk who buys
all the rounds.

You think being fun is easy

because it comes so naturally
to you.

But being fun is not easy.

You're someone who actually likes
skinny dipping

and wearing bandannas
and playing snooker at the pub

and putting hot sauce on everything.

You know, that's special.

Maybe the cost of being that special
is always being overdrawn.

I just don't think that's right
at all.

It is. I've spent years trying
to learn how to be fun, from you.

You are fun.

Like when?

Like when you bought those...

..pink,
neon, flared combat trousers with

the strings hanging off!

Or when you went on that

Thorpe Park roller-coaster
four times.

You'd come off, sip of water,
straight back in the queue.

It was incredible.

So I've been fun, like,
twice in my life.

But that's OK.

I'm much better at things like
judging how long

a car journey is going to take.

Hmm. You are really good at that.

I love you.

Oh, I love you.
Oh, I wish you'd wear pants.

How are you feeling?

Bad.

I cannot believe you guys did
poppers last night.

We live in Camden now.

Doing poppers in Camden is like
eating a croissant in Paris.

I'll get it.

That'll be your boyfriend, Nell.

Hi, Neil. Don't eat that
straight from the jar.

Hi, guys.

Oh, my gosh.

YES! We've got a telly.

My sister had a spare one
in her attic.

Thanks, babe.

Right, there is going to be
a zero-tolerance policy

for anyone taking
those batteries out of

the remote for their
personal devices.

Unless it's an emergency.

What personal devices?

Vibrators and dillies.

Anyway, thanks, man.

Yeah. No worries.

How's finance going?

Law.

- And Man U?
- Arsenal.

We've got to go to work.

See you tonight.

Bye. Bye.

Thanks again for the telly, Neil.

Hello. Hi.

I wonder if our degrees are ever
going to come good.

I just don't think
a 2:1 in English

and Drama says anything
to an employer other than...

.."I'm completely average.

"I have got a Breakfast
At Tiffany's poster

on my wall and I
can't think for myself."

I found my degree certificate
while I was unpacking.

Used it as a coaster.

Oh, my God, it's Street.

What did he say?

"Hey, sugar,

"come round mine tonight
to listen to some albums."

Hmm. I wonder how many "albums"
you're going to "listen to".

I think I shouldn't have sex
with him. What do you think?

I've never even had a boyfriend,
don't look to me for advice.

That'll do, pig, that'll do.

Kids eat for half-price today.

Look, you have to get over this
never-having-a-boyfriend stuff.

You have to admit, it's weird.
I'm a quarter of a century old.

Look, we're in this grubby,

golden phase of life
that is so short-lived.

We should just enjoy it

for what it is.
We need experiences.

Having a relationship
is an experience. Isn't it?

What are you going to wear?

I don't know, something
quite understated, I think.

He's so cool and I'm so not

and he needs to not know
what a try-hard I am.

Femme Fatale
by the Velvet Underground

# Here she comes

# You better watch your step

# She's going to break
your heart in two

# It's true... #

That is a good Nico impression.

I told you.

You were really lame at school,
weren't you?

You were, weren't you?

You were a loser who wore
rockabilly dresses and ate

Toffee Crisps in
the school toilets.

How insightful.

Do the Nico voice again.

No.

Do it, Big Bird.

Hello. Oh, God,
that's my flatmate, Nathan.

He's not actually my mate.
He works in insurance.

I found him on Gumtree.

All right?

All right? Nathan, this is Maggie.

Hi. Hi!

Er, don't worry,
I'll be out of your way soon,

I'm just getting changed,
then going to the gym.

Nathan's marathon training.

Wow, amazing. How's it going?

Er, pretty bad, to be honest.
Yeah, painful and boring.

Why are you doing it?

I don't know. Something to do.

Nathan needs to have sex.
And then he'll stop...

What's that word you

and your mates use at the gym?
Grating.

Shredding.
Have you got any single friends?

Er, that isn't necessary.

Yeah, loads.
Maybe I'll give you Birdy's number.

Was she there the other night?

Yeah, she's the little one
with dark hair.

She's the best person in the world.

Who were those other two?

Nell and Amara. We met them at uni.

Nell's got a boyfriend, though,

and Amara only ever seems

to date spoken-word performers
or Southern Europeans.

That doesn't seem to be
your immediate vibe,

if you don't mind me saying.

Birdy it is. Thanks, mate.

I'll give you her number.

Cheers.

Er, well, you guys have
a good evening.

Yo, Tank?

Tank?

Yeah, yeah, I know, mate,
I'll be there shortly.

Well, just try to grab

the dumbbells before
anyone else does.

Do you see what I mean?
Yeah. But he's nice, though.

Yeah, but just
the kind of guy who's

a bit too into barbecued food,
you know? Hmm. Or who says...

"Brazilian women are THE sexiest
women on Earth."

Exactly.

I'm having people over
on Friday night.

You know, play some music.
Get fucked up.

Do you want to come?
You could do your Nico.

Maybe.

We're out of wine. Whisky?

Erm, I think I'm actually going
to head off.

Oh.

Yeah, just...
work and stuff to do tomorrow.

Bye, Street.

One more time, one more time.

No... No. I can't rap.

Stop calling it a "rap".

You're really good. Come on.

# I woke up today

# With this feelin' that better
things are comin' my way

# And if the sunshine has meaning
Telling me not

# To let things get in my way

# When the rainy days are dyin'
Got to keep on, keep on tryin'

# All the bees and birds are flyin'

# Aaaaah

# Never let go, got to hold on and

# Nonstop till the break of dawn
and keep movin', don't stop rockin'

# Aaaaah

# Get on up when you're down, baby
Take a good look around... #

Hi!

Thank God.

Shoes off.
How'd it go?

Yeah. Good, I think.
Playing the long game.

Kiss?
Yeah. Nothing else, though.

I'm, erm, eking it out.

Don't want to use up all of his
attention too quickly, you know?

When's his birthday?
Dunno.

I can find out. What's his name?

Baxter. Street Baxter.

Wait, what do you mean,
"use up his attention"?

He's either into you or he isn't.

Hmm. I think he probably has
loads of other girls on the go.

So there's an allotted amount
of attention for each of us.

That is so rank.

Gemini. Knew it.

I'm the one in control, though.
I left.

So now I'm going to go upstairs,
watch videos of his band on YouTube,

and wank furiously.

It's all very feminist-y,
don't worry.

OK, we need to talk about
that word again.

I've got your star sign
compatibility trial here.

Do you want me to email it to you?
Yeah, obviously.

Done.

Oh, what if he thinks I'm frigid?

I wish someone thought
I was frigid.

Things can only get batter
at Amy Lou's Pancake House.

Oh, unknown number.

Oh, I got that one.

Chicken dippers free
with every large pizza.

Weird, it's from some guy
called Nathan.

No way! What?

That's Street's flatmate.

He asked me if I had any
single friends,

so I gave him your number.
That is so random he text you.

Such a 30-year-old thing to do.

Well, it's not "random" at all
if you gave him my number.

What's he like?

Fine. I only chatted to him briefly,

but he seems completely average
and normal.

Surely that's good?
Not really.

You know when you need to buy
something practical

but you don't want to spend
too much money on it?

He's like that. He's like
a light bulb or a plug adaptor.

So, is he tall? Is he short?
I don't know, what does he do?

He is tall. Plain of face,

sort of a potato-smiley-shaped face.

I think Street said he worked
in recruitment.

Or energy.
Some sort of boring abstract noun.

He sounds nice.

Yeah, but you could do
loads better.

I don't think I'm as fussy as you.
I'm not fussy.

Maybe I'll end up with
a plug adaptor.

I hate when you say stuff like that.

You're not going to end up
with a plug adaptor,

you're going to end up
with someone dazzling.

I don't want to end up with
someone "dazzling",

I feel tired even saying that word.

You make it sound like we all need
to go out with Elton John.

Fine, go for it.

Seems like a really
unstressful shag.

Shall I reply now?

Or is that too soon?
Oh, I'm schwitzing.

And what will you say?

Erm...
"Dinner sounds lovely."

He asked you for dinner?
That's mental.

You're not going to agree to that,
are you? What are you saying?

Stop being so nosy.

Let me see what you're going to say.

Give it back. Give it back, Maggs.

No, no. Give it back!

Ah!

Oh, Birdy.

Maggs. Can you help me? Quickly.

Grab my arm. Please. Can you grab
my both my arms?

How long has she been
getting ready?

Three and a half hours.

Birdy?

I'm fine.

I'm coming in.

I'm not fine, I'm freaking out.

OK. Talk to me.

I'm just so nervous
about what we're going to talk about

and whether I hug him hello.

And what... what do I wear?

OK, you need to chill out.
I know.

First things first.
I know you're stressed.

But what is the one thing you and I
have always sworn

to each other?
Always, no matter what?

That we would never wear
a waist belt with a dress.

Why?

Because it doesn't nip in
your waist, that's a lie.

OK. Already much better.

What's this?
It's a list of things

to talk about in case there are
any awkward silences.

Council tax? Yeah.

Russell Brand? Maggie!

OK. Listen to me. Listen to me.

You don't know this,
and perhaps you'll never know this

and that is why you're
so adorable. You are the sweetest,

funniest person in any room.

You on bad form is

a level of charm that most people
don't get to in their entire life.

OK...OK. Thanks.

You look lush.
Where's he taking you?

Oh. Italian restaurant.

Can you believe this is
the first date I've ever been on?

Happy date-mitzvah.

Oh, thanks, Nell.

Do you know, I've got
a belt that would look great

with that dress,
if you want to borrow it?

You know, I'm just...
I'm just going to go.

Don't overthink it. Have fun.

Oh, erm, I've washed your whites,

they're hanging on the rack
with mine.

Do you still not know how
to do your own laundry?

Oh, leave her.

She does a loads for me.
And I like doing it.

She likes doing it.
You two are so co-dependent.

Bye.

I'm sorry, but I think
it's very creepy for him

to take her to a restaurant
on their first date.

And I don't think we should be
going on first dates in

the first month we move in together.

This is meant to be cordoned off
as sacred housemate bonding time.

Erm, you went on
a first date last week.

Oh, Nell's in one
of her rational Scottish moods.

What are your plans tonight?

Erm, don't know.
What are you doing, date night?

Yeah. Looking forward to it?

I'm looking forward
to tomorrow morning when it's done.

You know? When you don't have
to think about it for a while.

Like putting out the bins.
Where's Amara?

She's out with some
of her work lot, I think.

Ah. See you in the morning.

Have fun!

Nathan?

Birdy.

Hello.

Hey. Oh...!

Sorry, I never know whether
to do one or two.

No, neither do I.
I think I messed that up so,

anyway, sit down. I'll get that
for you. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

Hi, this is Street,
I'm not here. Leave a message.

Fuck it!

# Oh, ee-oh, am I just about
to lose my mind?

# It was fun for five minutes

# But I preferred it when I had
less time

# And I'm sick of sensation... #

Hey.
Hi. How are you?

All good, what's up?

Hmm, I just thought I'd drop in.
I'm on a night out in East London.

Oh, yeah, don't worry about that.

What do you mean?

I'm just kind of tied up,
so don't worry about coming.

Oh. I mean, you could come
when everyone's gone.

But I don't know when
they'll be gone.

Like, sometime after midnight,
maybe?

So...I'm your dial-a-pussy, now.

Maggie, you called me.

I don't know what kind of girl
you think I am, Street.

But I'm not

going to feel grateful
that some musician wants

to booty-call me
once his cool friends have left.

Who, I can already tell,

have some very dumb ideas
about Neil Young.

Who sings like an old...
feeble...nan! Maggie...

I'm not that kind of girl.
So goodbye and fuck you!

OK, baby.

Oh, erm...

Oh, no, no. Please,
I'd love to. If you don't mind.

No, no, I don't mind.

Erm, that's really nice of you,
thank you.

You are welcome.
It's my pleasure. Thank you.

We could, erm, go to a bar
if you fancy it,

or...we could go back to mine
for a drink.

If that... If that's not
too forward.

Yeah. I...I've got
leg day at 6am tomorrow.

Oh. Yeah.

Fuck it.
Yeah, fuck it! Who needs legs?!

Yeah, let's get legless!

Don't worry about that.

Leave me a message
and I'll get back to you. Bye.

Hey, Bird. Terrible evening.

Erm, I got to the
point where I'm telling

a man what "kind of girl"
I may or may not be,

which, as we know, is a bad sign.

Erm, if on the off-chance
your date isn't going well,

please come drink with me
when you're done.

Don't care how late it is.
Love you.

Hi, you're through to Birdy's phone.

Oh, fuck's sake!

Birdy? Oh, fuck. Jesus Christ.

Hi.

What are you doing?
I came in to say...

Why do you have
so many tiny towels?!

They're not tiny towels,
they're face cloths.

I'm so sorry, I didn't realise.

It's OK, it's OK.

Date went well?

Yeah.

Sex? Sh.

Finger bang? Blowie?
I'll tell you tomorrow.

Breakfast?

We're actually going for brunch
tomorrow, I think. OK, wow.

Yeah. Yeah, this place by the canal
he wants to take me to.

Apparently, they do a really,
really good Bloody Mary.

No worries.
Movie night tomorrow night?

Yeah, yeah. Sure. Yeah. Are you OK?

Do you guys want a drink?

I think
I should probably...

Of course. Of course.

Night. Night.

# I got brass in pocket

# I got bottle, I'm gonna use it

# Intention, I feel inventive

# Gonna make you, make you,
make you notice

# Got motion, restrained emotion

# Been driving, Detroit leaning

# No reason, just seems so pleasing

# Gonna make you, make you,
make you notice

# Gonna use my arms

# Gonna use my legs

# Gonna use my style

# Gonna use my sidestep

# Gonna use my fingers... #

All right, I'm coming.

# Cos I'm gonna make you see

# There's nobody else here
No-one like me

# I'm special, so special

# I got have some of your attention

# Give it to me... #