All language subtitles for Family.Guy.S20E20.720p.WEB.x265-MiNX

Boy, oh, boy.

- Is it Friday yet?
- Tomorrow.

And actually, in Tasmania,
it's already Friday.

I thought you'd be more fun.

Griffin, you'll be
very happy to know

I've finished conducting

my employee
productivity evaluations.

I used a system called

the Determining
Employee Advancement,

Duties, Work-Engagement,
Intelligence-Gains Hourly Test,

or DEADWEIGHT.

And my results show you

to be the brewery's least
productive employee.

- So, pack your bags.
- I'm fired?

No, you're going on a business
trip with me as my assistant,

since you won't be
missed at the office.

We're meeting with our
New Jersey distributor

in Atlantic City.

Everyone, I'll be
away on business

for a few days
starting tomorrow,

so we're bringing
in a substitute boss.

I hope he's a hard-ass.

But what if he's wearing jeans?

Hey, guys, my first name is Dan,

which is what
you'll all call me.

Now, who wants to
watch Ratatouille?

Sorry, that guy over
there tripped me.

Mr. Edwards, the
guidance counselor?

Yeah, the bullying in
this school has gotten

a little out of hand.

You must be
Heather, the new girl.

How'd you know I was new?

I'm Quahog's
number three Realtor.

I really wanted to sell
that house to your folks,

but you're in great
hands with Gil.

What's this?

Principal Shepherd is directing

an adaptation of Baz Luhrmann's

William Shakespeare's
Romeo and Juliet.

The local Ruth's Chris
Steak House is sponsoring it.

I'm playing Juliet.

Wow. You're Juliet

in Ruth's Chris's
Principal Shepherd's

Baz Luhrmann's
William Shakespeare's

Romeo and Juliet?

Yes, it's great,

but we're auditioning
for a new Romeo.

The parents of the
boy we cast said

he needed emergency
conversion therapy.

Anyway, nice to meet you, Chris.

I have to be in that play.

Nice hat, dork!

That's not nice, Mrs. Danneman,
the elderly school nurse.

Peter, is something wrong?

We've been here an hour,

and you've hardly
touched your penis.

It's not like you.
It's getting cold.

Sorry, guys.

I just found out I have
to meet my stupid boss

in Atlantic City
for a business trip.

Peter, business trips are great.

Yeah, haven't you seen
Cedar Rapids with Ed Helms?

He plays a salesman
who goes to a conference

in the titular city.

There, he encounters
three repeat attendees

who lead him on a
profound weekend journey,

equal parts hope
and self-discovery.

I memorize Rotten
Tomatoes movie descriptions.

You'll have one meeting,
and then the rest of the time

- you just party.
- Party with Preston?

But he doesn't drink.

I wish you guys could come.

Wait a minute. Why not?

You guys should
drive down with me.

- All right!
- Let's do it!

Cedar Rapids,
rated R for drug use

and mild sexual content!

I've never been
to Atlantic City.

Let's just watch this ad
from their tourism department.

Welcome to Atlantic City,

the inspiration for Bruce
Springsteen's saddest song.

Want to see brown ocean water
stained with gasoline rainbows?

Come on down to Atlantic City!

Love to watch guys with no
noses fight women with trach holes?

You're in luck!

And if you're wondering
where Taylor Hicks has been,

he's here!

In a small lounge
with a low stage.

Atlantic City!

Come flick a lit cigarette
at a dealer today!

"Published by the
Samuel French Company,"

"New York, copyright this ed."

- What are you doing?
- Reading Romeo and Juliet.

We're doing it at school,

and this girl I like
is playing Juliet.

I'm going to audition for Romeo.

There's kissing.

Chris, listen,
acting isn't easy.

You're going to need some help.

See what I'm doing?
Scarf, a high stool?

One leg up, hands
clasped over knee?

Engaged and in the moment.

Do you know what this means?

- You're gay...
- An acting coach, yes.

What does a baby
know about acting?

Yes, I'm a baby.

It's hard being youngest,

always looking for a
way to distinguish myself,

to contribute.

Stewie, I-I didn't mean it.

Neither did I. That
was acting, Chris.

Wow. You're amazing.

Do you think you can
give me some pointers?

It will be my great honor.

That was also acting.

Thought I'd swing by work first

and pick up a case
of beer for the road.

Then we're off.

Hear him breathe?

AC's on full blast, and
he's covered in sweat.

Lois'll be a widow soon, right?

Yeah, he's circling the drain.

And let me guess...
No estate planning?

Would you guys tell me if
my car smelled this bad?

Everywhere I look, I see
another stray french fry.

Hey, guys? I know
I'm new to the group,

but Peter's not here
to defend himself,

so I don't think it's right for
us to talk about him like this.

Griffin? What are
you doing here?

Oh, hey, Preston.

Why do you have a case of beer?

Oh. Oh, this? Um, uh, samples.

- For clients.
- Excellent idea.

Say, why don't
you just drive me?

That way I can be
productive the entire trip.

It'll be like Green
Book, a movie I only saw

because I believed
it to be a book.

Oh, yeah, you know, I
once tried to read Jaws

'cause I thought
it was the movie.

Couldn't go into a
library for years after that.

Guys, listen, Preston
wants to drive with me.

He can't know you're all coming,
so everyone in the way back.

I'm not hiding in
the back of your car.

Why? There's nothing in
there except for Lois' jog bras.

All right, you heard
the man! Everyone in!

These are Meg's!
We've been duped!

Hop in, boss.

If I speed, we can
make it in four hours.

You'll do a steady
55 miles per hour,

and we will stop to
read historical markers

along the way.

Starting with the Museum

- of Black Guy Mustaches.
- Oh!

Some hotel.

They only had smoking rooms

and very smoking rooms.

Check it out, a stack of
prewritten suicide notes.

All you have to do
is sign your name.

This place has everything.

I wish there were
more than two beds.

I'll just sleep in my chair.

You sleep sitting up, Joe?

Yeah, Bonnie puts
a falcon hood on me,

and I go right out.

I'm calm and no longer
motivated by prey.

Griffin, open up.

Guys, hide in the shower.

Hello, Griffin.
I'm right next door

in a slightly larger room.

Seems like an
unnecessary detail.

Here is this
weekend's itinerary.

We're working all weekend?!

Griffin, our New Jersey
distributor is threatening

to drop our beer in
favor of hard seltzer,

because... New Jersey.

I need to convince them

that we are the best
scumbag beverage around.

If we lose this account,
we lose the brewery.

And then it's time to
cast open the windows

and drop to the
freedom of the pavement.

I read that in a stack of
suicide notes in my room.

See you at 1800 hours, Peter.

I better shower
because I have no idea

how soon or late that is.

Hey! Ah!

- What the hell?!
- Sorry, I forgot.

Why are you at half-mast?

I'm 45, Joe. That's full mast.

Chris, any good
acting coach will tell you

that before your audition,
it's important to warm up.

Now let's improv.
Give me a location.

Stewie's bedroom.

Okay, maybe just spend
another second on...

Stewie's bedroom!

Okay, fine. And a profession?

Acting teacher.

Again, maybe just
give it one more...

Failed actor?

I got tired of
playing their game!

It's okay, Stewie.

After a few noes,
these young Brandos

lose a little of their vinegar.

Tell you what, let's improv
as Romeo and Juliet.

You be he, I'll be she.

Get in. Let's get in.

I'd like permission
to go inside, Juliet.

Hi, Juliet!

I'm not... I'm
not there just yet.

All right, Juliet is
eluding me a little.

My transformation
is not yet complete.

Hi, Juliet!

Damn it, Chris! I'm not ready!

But you were
standing like a girl.

My bodywork was perfect, yes,

but I still hadn't
touched the soul.

All right, all right,
even though you're off

to a rough start, it's okay.

Even Michelangelo wasn't
appreciated until later in life.

- Hey, how's Jakey doing?
- He's good.

They got him building
arches over at the Coliseum.

Big construction job.
How about Mikey?

Yeah, he's, um...

he's been carving
dongs out of marble.

You know, something different.

Wow. This place is... sad.

I'm one of the
skinniest guys here.

Guys, Preston's coming. Beat it.

I'm 11 seconds late.

I'll credit you the time
in our two-minute break

in 180 minutes.

Let's work.

"Pawtucket Patriot Ale:

"The Best Carbonated
Fermented Alcoholic Beverage

Made from Malted Cereal
Grain for the New Jersey Market."

- Zing.
- That's not very catchy.

I didn't bring you for
your opinions, Griffin.

I brought you for your width.

Now, stand up while I project
my presentation on your back.

This is humiliating.

I got to figure out a
way to escape Preston

and join the guys.

"Which is why our
beer is the best beer

for the Garden State."

And now for a restorative
60-second power nap.

You'll nail this
audition, Chris.

Behind you, fellas.

- Oh, hi, Meg.
- That's not her.

All high school theater
tech girls just look like Meg.

Chris Griffin to
the stage, please.

Okay, Chris. Go time.

Curtain rises, lights
up, a story begins.

And today our story
is about a rising star

Chris Griffin.

At the Stewie Griffin Workshop,

he's studied
Commercial Technique

and Acting for Camera,

and will soon be seen
in a local news story

about kids who
throw stuff at birds.

Enter... Chris.

"She doth teach
the torches to burn..."

Great! It's fine, Chris.
The part's yours.

I got my first-ever
response on Tinder,

and I got to make
this happen now.

"Are you sure you're not

a baby pretending to be
a middle-aged divorcée?"

"Would a baby be wearing a
sheer chemise from Lane Bryant?"

Chris, congratulations!

We did it, Stewie.

Oh, my God, I'm
going to kiss Heather!

Thanks again for all your help.

Dear boy, I'm not
going anywhere.

My coaching will continue.

Acting teachers are weirdos

who always grab
your hands like this,

and you can't do
anything about it.

No! No.

No.

This is awesome.

Here's to us, doing
what we normally do,

but in a different place.

Griffin. I knew I'd
find you in a bar.

I am furious.

But that doesn't mean
you shouldn't introduce me

to your friends as
a common courtesy.

Oh, yeah. Uh,
Quagmire, Cleveland, Joe.

Want to see Sebastian Maniscalco
with us in the Stardust Room?

He's that comedian
who's always startled

by the pasta he
takes pictures with.

No. I'm too busy
trying to save our jobs.

Go home, Griffin.

You are useless to
me and the brewery.

You will never amount
to anything at work.

Oh, yeah? Well, you'll never
amount to anything at life.

You don't know how to
make friends or have fun.

You never even
tasted the beer you sell.

At least I know
why it's special.

Maybe you're right.

I don't quite
understand its appeal.

Well, here's your chance.

For the record, I've
never seen this movie.

Actors onstage.

I think you mean,
company, positions!

Now, this is the scene
where Mercutio warns Romeo

about Juliet's
angry brother Tybalt.

Who's playing Mercutio?

A ten-ounce bone-in rib eye.

Man, Ruth's Chris really
has their hooks in this thing.

Okay, Chris, move to the right.

- Stage left.
- Heather, come forward.

- Downstage.
- And to the right.

- Stage left.
- Back up, Chris.

Upstage, Chris.

- Stop.
- Stage go.

Am I scared of Tybalt?

Yes, but Juliet can't know.

I'm gonna build
on that, if I may.

Ignore that direction, Chris.

No, Chris, follow the
emotion and take it further.

Great note. Chris,
don't listen to the note.

Take it further.

Of course, absolutely
take it further

but in the opposite direction.

Who's in charge here?

I'm starting to
wonder that myself.

If you're trying to drive me
out of my own production,

you've got another...

Oh, my first response
on Farmers Only.

A divorcée in Ohio
wants to show me

her sheer Lane Bryant teddy.

Fine. The show's yours.

Oh, man, my head is killing me.

Did... did we do
something bad last night?

Something really bad?

Preston texted me at 2:00 a.m.

What do we do?

If Preston isn't at
that presentation,

the brewery's gonna go under!

Hotel cribs are always so comfy.

I wish I knew where to
get one of these puppies.

Guys, Preston's missing!
We got to find him!

That hooker in the bathroom
was dead when I found her!

Okay, Preston's
not answering texts,

and the presentation's
in three hours.

We got to retrace our steps.

We've been to every
strip joint in town

and can't find Preston anywhere.

We hit Uggoz, with
a "Z" at the end.

Jersey Girlz, with
a "Z" on the end.

C Sectionz, with
a "Z" on the end.

I think we can all agree
that the "Z" on the end

takes sexy to the next level.

And when the "Z" is a
little tilted on the sign,

ooh-la-la.

Hey, do you remember
seeing us last night

with a dignified Black man?

Getting a little tired of
you punching that word.

No, just you four.

But that pilot there said
he'd pay for my college.

That doesn't sound like me.

Two-year community college?

Oh, yeah, that... Yeah,
that sounds like me.

I really like working
with you, Heather.

Me, too, Chris.

By the way,

if you want to go in
for a real kiss today,

I won't stop you.

Places, everyone.

And I want to see acting today.

No more amateur hour.

- Oh, Romeo.
- I don't believe you.

- Again.
- Oh, Romeo.

- Bring it down.
- Oh, Romeo.

- Bring it up.
- Oh, Romeo!

Can we get a sip of
water for our actress?

- She's sounding a little...
- "smacky."

That's it! I quit!

I am too pretty and
rich to put up with this.

She is rich. Her
dad owns a bunch of

Ruth's Chris Steak Houses.

Stewie, you ruined everything.

I was finally going to
kiss a beautiful, nice girl.

She had my heart and I had hers.

Why must dark forces conspire

to extinguish love's light?

Everyone, we finally
have our Romeo.

Thanks, Stewie.

But what about Juliet?

Don't you worry.

Ruth's Chris's Stewie
Griffin's Principal Shepherd's

Baz Luhrmann's
William Shakespeare's

Romeo and Juliet...

- What was the question?
- I-I don't remember.

Hello, I lost my boss,

so I'll be your substitute
presenter today.

But, uh, no
watching Ratatouille.

We don't get that joke

which references
something from earlier.

"The Importance of
Pawtucket Patriot Ale Products

"in Relation to the
Greater New Jersey Market,

as Prepared by Preston Lloyd."

I've already lost 'em.

What can I do?

I need a beer.

Ah... much better.

Wait a minute. That's it!

Look, you're not
gonna understand beer

with numbers or PowerPoints.

Beer is good because
it makes you feel better

and do awesome things
you wouldn't normally do.

Beer makes
memories that will last...

until you black out.

And when you forget,
there are no regrets.

Beer is courage...

The courage to moon
people from a not-moving car.

Beer helps you
achieve new heights,

atop the shoulders
of unwilling strangers

in a chicken fight.

Beer makes you
grab the brass ring,

or the taser of a
casino security guy.

But if you won't listen to me,

listen to Supreme Court
Justice Brett Kavanaugh.

I liked beer. Still like beer.

Beer is great
because life is hard.

Don't make it
harder with seltzer.

Oh, my God. You're cheering me.

No, we just saw a
picture of Bon Jovi

on the wall behind you.

But you still won us over.

Pawtucket Patriot Ale will stay

the choice of New
Jersey alcoholics.

Preston! You're alive!

Yes. And thanks to
you, so is our company.

But how are you even standing?

Peter, I had one sip,
found it disgusting,

then watched you
get totally annihilated

in three minutes flat.

I realized only a true drunk
could save the brewery.

That's why I sent
you that text last night.

I spent the morning enjoying

all four Monopoly
railroad properties.

I love trains.

I'm on the spectrum.

Why didn't you respond to texts?

Looking at trains. Love trains.

I also love watching
an employee go

from least productive to...
well, kind of productive.

Thanks for believing
in me, Preston.

Hey, you want to
go down to the pier

and watch the bodies float in?

I'd like that.

Ooh, there's one.

Oh, that bird is
going to town on him.

Oh, there's another one
with no hands and no feet.

What do you think
it is, Russians?

Always the Russians.

How come the
bodies are all so fat?

They're full of water, Peter.

Is that why I'm so big?

On account of the water?

No, Peter. You are
aggressively obese.

You have no self-control.

If you don't change your ways,

you are going to
die prematurely.

Oh, look, a lady!

Yes, Peter. A lady.

Here's to my love.

Oh, true apothecary,

thy drugs are quick.

Thus, with a kiss...

I die.

Oh, no, Romeo's dead.

Now he can't enjoy
Ruth's Chris Steak House's

Surf-and-Turf
Two-for-One Fridays.

He did it.

The son of a bitch did it.