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1
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,878
I need help!
2
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,963
- I'll go.
- Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.
3
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,174
Oh, don't worry, sweetheart.
Dad'll be right back.
4
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:16,887
Daddy's not leaving, honey. He's just
helping your brother in the bathroom.
5
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:18,889
It's okay.
Hey, look at that!
6
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,099
What's going on?
7
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,727
I'm trying to poop, but I can't.
8
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:26,271
Just relax, David.
Don't work so hard.
9
00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:29,858
But my stomach hurts.
I had to burp, but I need to poop.
10
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:33,028
Well, sometimes if you just sit there,
a fart will just work its way out.
11
00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:35,739
Who said anything about a fart?
12
00:02:35,739 --> 00:02:37,908
HoneyI The Terminix guy is finished.
13
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:41,119
A fart's just as good as a burp, David,
sometimes even better.
14
00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:45,123
A fart, a burp or a poop.
15
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:48,168
- What am I talking about?
- Mr. Ronson -
16
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,838
- you have a problem.
- Fantastic.
17
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:53,799
Here it comes!
18
00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:04,309
I gotta bring these galleys I proofed
into work today.
19
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:06,311
Shouldn't your boss
be proofin' those?
20
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:09,356
Yeah, she should, but she's behind
for maternity leave
21
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,358
so I'm covering for her.
22
00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:15,028
So much for taking the job
so you can work on your book.
23
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:19,366
Anyway, it would be great
if you could drive me.
24
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:22,202
- Oh, sweetie, I can't. Today is Monday.
- So?
25
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:25,330
Well, alternate side is in effect,
so I gotta move the car.
26
00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:30,961
- Into another parking spot?
- Yeah.
27
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:36,008
You're not gonna drive me 'cause you have to
park the car on the other side of the street?
28
00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:38,760
Well, you're oversimplifying it now.
29
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:42,264
How's that? You only use the car
when you need to drive it 10 feet -
30
00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:44,308
- into a legal parking spot.
- If I'm lucky.
31
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,602
That doesn't make any sense!
32
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:49,855
Look, if we're not gonna use it,
will you just sell it?
33
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,857
I like knowing it's there.
34
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,693
Booyah! Bam! Bam!
35
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:59,031
Right. So if there's an emergency,
we always have a way out of Manhattan.
36
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:02,451
Well, you laugh now,
but that thing is fully equipped.
37
00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:05,579
Tobey, you've got two bottles of water
in there and four PowerBars.
38
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,581
How far is that gonna get us?
39
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:11,168
The car has special meaning to me.
Can you deal with that?
40
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,213
Why?
41
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:19,218
Look, if you must know...
42
00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:24,973
the first time I saw you,
I was in that car.
43
00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:29,353
Fine.
44
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,066
I'll take a cab.
45
00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:40,614
- I gotta go.
- All right, baby.
46
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,033
- Later.
- What, are you kiddin'me?
47
00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:58,465
Okay, so it sounds like
everything's goin' good.
48
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,467
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
49
00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:08,183
I mean, there's still
all the same old issues.
50
00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:11,979
What are those?
What are the same old issues?
51
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,982
- Well, you know, like no sex.
- Well, that's your issue.
52
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,484
- I'd say that's our issue.
- No. I'm just not
53
00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:19,528
a sex maniac like you are.
54
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,572
I'm not a maniac.
I just like it.
55
00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:23,740
Twice a day.
56
00:05:23,866 --> 00:05:26,493
What is that look
supposed to mean?
57
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:29,830
It's not like I'm saying I like to kill
baby squirrels. I like to have sex.
58
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,999
- Always from behind.
- Now, that is a lie.
59
00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:34,418
- That's a lie.
- You know it is not, Tom.
60
00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:37,212
You know, sometimes I would
just like to look at you.
61
00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:40,340
Maybe you'd have more luck if you did
something a little more romantic.
62
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:43,635
The only way to approach you is from behind
because your back's always turned to me.
63
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:48,515
I'm reading. I just like to have a minute to
myself without you pawing at me all day.
64
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:51,643
Well, forgive me
if I want to touch my wife.
65
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:59,359
Here's what I think.
I think, if I may say...
66
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:04,740
we could get a lot more work done
if you'd come in more than once a year.
67
00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,161
Would you think about it?
68
00:06:09,161 --> 00:06:11,622
- We'll think about it.
- Yeah.
69
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:15,667
Would you... And, Tom...
70
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:20,130
listen to Rebecca and don't...
don't paw at her.
71
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:22,591
And just give her some space, okay?
72
00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:26,261
And Rebecca,
think about having sex with Tom.
73
00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:28,514
Possibly doggy style.
74
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,184
Okay?
75
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,355
And I have your cell numbers, right?
76
00:06:36,355 --> 00:06:38,398
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
77
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,278
Therapy always makes me so horny.
78
00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:45,531
Did he actually say "doggy style"?
79
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,533
Yeah. I knew I liked that guy.
80
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,618
- I gotta go.
- Mmm. No.
81
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:53,872
Tom, I have rehearsal.
Don't suck my face off.
82
00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:57,417
Did I tell you I had a dream last night
that you gave me a blow job?
83
00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:00,420
Yeah. I had a dream
that I gave you a German shepherd.
84
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,382
Unhand me. And remember,
you're picking up David from school...
85
00:07:03,382 --> 00:07:05,467
and we need milk.
86
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:08,178
I know. It's my new life...
househusband.
87
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,472
Hey, dude.
You asked for it.
88
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:16,436
Yo, Miss Rollack.
Rebecca. Yo!
89
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,856
Come on, Rebecca.
Just give us a couple of pictures!
90
00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:03,525
- Yeah, you leavin'?
- You wish!
91
00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:06,987
Blow me, dickhead!
92
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:40,729
Megan Sweetlander's office. Please hold.
93
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,482
Megan Sweetlander's office.
May I help you?
94
00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:45,359
- Hey, it's me.
- Oh, God.
95
00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:48,445
- I'm swamped here.
- Oh, just hang up on them all.
96
00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:53,784
I did it.
97
00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:56,245
Oh, my God.
I was kidding!
98
00:08:56,370 --> 00:09:00,332
- Jesus, that felt good.
- Hey, do you think I'm crazy?
99
00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,459
Not compared
to other actresses, no.
100
00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:05,170
How often do you
and my brother have sex?
101
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:08,173
Satisfying sex or just sex?
102
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:11,718
- Oh, say no more.
- I try to, but he won't listen.
103
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:15,889
You know, we have good...
104
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:19,226
We have good sex.
Sometimes.
105
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,687
- Elaine!
- Um, I really gotta go.
106
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,897
Do you ever worry
that Tobey'll cheat on you?
107
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,650
Only with his therapist.
I'm hanging up.
108
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:31,029
Uh, unfortunately, we do not accept
unsolicited manuscripts.
109
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:33,282
- You never have time for me any...
- Thank you.
110
00:09:33,365 --> 00:09:36,159
- Elaine.
- Yes.
111
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:39,746
"A curveball
is the speed of the air...
112
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,748
moving fast"
113
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,918
Hey.
114
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,504
Hey, I'm just reading your article
on wrist injuries in older pitchers.
115
00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:49,506
That's fascinating stuff.
116
00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:52,426
Yep. I really blew the lid off
carpal tunnel syndrome.
117
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,386
Well, at least you have a job.
118
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:57,472
When Rebecca asked what I was doing
this morning, I said "the usual."
119
00:09:57,556 --> 00:10:00,934
You think she knew that meant
breakfast, jerk off, nap, late lunch?
120
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:03,812
Yeah, well, maybe
I shouldn't have quit advertising.
121
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:06,940
As I remember, you hated it,
felt empty and hollow...
122
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,193
worthless, void of meaning,
purposeless...
123
00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:11,069
Any of this ring a bell?
124
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:13,989
It might be better than this.
I'm beginning to feel like a kept boy.
125
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:16,533
- Only I don't know what I'm being kept for.
- Sex?
126
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:18,660
Sure, if you're up for it.
Rebecca's not.
127
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,871
That's weird.
She slept with everyone in high school.
128
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:23,415
And even when we do have sex...
129
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:26,043
it's like
she's not adventurous anymore.
130
00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:28,045
Cottage cheese.
131
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:33,050
It's like she used her sexual adventurousness
to lure me in, and she's just normal.
132
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:36,094
She's just normal.
Mommy's just normal!
133
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:39,056
I guess you hoped it'd be more like
marrying a hooker, huh?
134
00:10:39,056 --> 00:10:41,517
Yeah. Except without
the payment though.
135
00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:45,562
Speaking of that, do you have
another word for fish lover?
136
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:48,148
Excuse me, sir.
Can we cut in front of you?
137
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,234
We gotta get home for our nap.
138
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:52,319
We gotta rush.
We're in a rush.
139
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:55,447
Um... aficionado?
140
00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:05,916
- Do you take milk?
- Oh. I do...
141
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,585
but I like to pour it myself.
142
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,712
Oh, yeah.
143
00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:14,800
I just wanted to say
I think you're awesome...
144
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,220
and I feel incredible...
145
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:20,430
to be able to, you know...
146
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:23,392
share the stage with you,
Miss Pollack.
147
00:11:23,475 --> 00:11:25,519
Rebecca.
What was your name again?
148
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,563
Jasper.
149
00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:30,440
- I had a puppy named Jasper.
- Hi.
150
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,235
That's funny,
because my last name is Bernard.
151
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:37,239
- Like Saint Bernard.
- Right.
152
00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:39,324
Like the dog.
153
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,410
- Right.
- Yeah.
154
00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:43,745
Okay. Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
155
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:46,707
Mmm. Oh!
156
00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:49,042
Careful.
157
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,544
My dear.
158
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:53,005
- Do you have a moment?
- Oh, yeah.
159
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:56,758
I know you turned down a film to do this role,
and I do appreciate that.
160
00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:59,386
I do, however,
feel the need to remind you...
161
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,889
that this is a play, not a film...
162
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:06,018
and it will require some projection.
163
00:12:06,018 --> 00:12:10,105
- It was just a table read.
- No defenses, okay?
164
00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:12,441
Oh, Jasper!
165
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,572
Dad, I can't reach it. Help me.
166
00:12:18,614 --> 00:12:20,699
Oh, you're close.
167
00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:22,951
Reach.
168
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,954
Hey, Mom, I wanna
take home mine too.
169
00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:28,165
Okay. Go ahead.
170
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:32,794
You know you're breaking the rules.
171
00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:34,796
What do you mean?
172
00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:37,549
That stuff's not supposed to go home
till the end of the year.
173
00:12:37,633 --> 00:12:40,886
Well, David
told me he needed-he needed it.
174
00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:43,931
Yeah? You also give him
chocolate for dinner, right?
175
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,809
What are you,
the room monitor or something?
176
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:51,563
No. It's refreshing
to see someone breaking the rules.
177
00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:54,566
- You're a rebel.
- Mom, help me!
178
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:57,236
Okay. Here we go.
I'll help you too, David...
179
00:12:57,236 --> 00:13:00,781
'cause your dad would
leave you standing here all day.
180
00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:02,908
- Wow, you're strong!
- Thank you.
181
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:10,374
If you tell, I'll say you did it,
and they'll believe me.
182
00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:14,002
Come on.
183
00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:19,132
Come back soon.
Thank you.
184
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:22,636
So how come only once a year?
185
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:26,098
Well, you don't want to dissect it too much.
It's like a tune-up.
186
00:13:26,098 --> 00:13:28,350
If you go regularly,
you just become one of those couples...
187
00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:32,020
that disappears
up their own assholes, you know?
188
00:13:32,104 --> 00:13:34,773
As my father used to say.
189
00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:38,110
Thank you for that image
while I'm eating a whole fish.
190
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,112
I don't think fish have assholes.
191
00:13:40,112 --> 00:13:43,740
Boys. No more use of that word
while there's food on the table.
192
00:13:43,782 --> 00:13:45,742
Yeah. They got us.
193
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:47,828
- How's the play going?
- It's all right.
194
00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:50,205
The director's sort of
a pretentious moron.
195
00:13:50,289 --> 00:13:52,249
- That's a drag.
- Hi, Roberto.
196
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,501
Ciao, Miss Pollack.
197
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,920
- And this has got to be...
- Asshole.
198
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,631
my last carbohydrate-heavy
meal for a very long time.
199
00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:02,551
Are you kidding?
You look great.
200
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:04,595
How's the book?
201
00:14:04,595 --> 00:14:06,847
I think I'm done.
202
00:14:06,972 --> 00:14:10,851
Wow!
I'm gonna start sending it out to agents.
203
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:13,228
- Yowsa.
- What?
204
00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:15,564
I don't know what makes me think
I know anything about kids.
205
00:14:15,564 --> 00:14:17,608
- No, it's a terrific idea.
- Oh, my God.
206
00:14:17,608 --> 00:14:19,693
- That's Faith Faison.
- That's Faith Faison?
207
00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:22,571
He already wants to know
when they're making it into a movie.
208
00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,452
- She sees you.
- What are you doing?
209
00:14:28,452 --> 00:14:30,454
Sometimes you get...
210
00:14:30,454 --> 00:14:32,831
- Tasting the wine.
- something caught in your mouth.
211
00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:36,376
Tobey!
212
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:40,130
- Faith, wow!
- My God!
213
00:14:40,214 --> 00:14:42,007
How are you?
214
00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:45,260
Oh, my God! I can't believe you're here!
215
00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:47,262
Geez! Whoa!
216
00:14:47,262 --> 00:14:50,807
Well, no, I always come here. You're not
gonna find better Northern Italian food...
217
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,310
anywhere in the city.
218
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:56,104
- That's my husband.
- What?
219
00:14:56,104 --> 00:15:00,567
Oh! Well, that's my girlfriend.
Of seven years.
220
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,569
- Oh!
- Elaine.
221
00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:04,488
- Hi.
- Hi. It's nice to meet you.
222
00:15:04,488 --> 00:15:06,490
- Congratulations on getting married.
- Oh, thank you.
223
00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:08,534
Are you guys gonna?
224
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:10,369
What?
225
00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,497
We're married.
And it's overrated.
226
00:15:13,497 --> 00:15:16,291
- What?
- Uh-oh!
227
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,878
- Hi-oh!
- I'd better go.
228
00:15:19,878 --> 00:15:22,172
- So great to see you.
- Yeah.
229
00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:25,717
- Yeah.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
230
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:29,388
And I hope you don't mind me saying,
but I love your work.
231
00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:31,348
Thank you very much.
232
00:15:31,390 --> 00:15:33,642
You hate that, don't you?
233
00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:35,644
Bye-bye.
234
00:15:39,648 --> 00:15:42,609
So, who was that chick?
235
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,779
Who?
236
00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:49,449
Tobey!
You are the worst.
237
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:52,953
What, Faith? I don't know.
Knew her in college.
238
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:55,581
- She an old girlfriend?
- No.
239
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,668
- She's pretty.
- Yeah. You see her boyfriend?
240
00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:01,795
I mean, do you have to
work out every day?
241
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:05,841
Did you know, by the way,
that muscle sinks faster in the pool?
242
00:16:05,841 --> 00:16:08,010
He's her husband, actually.
243
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:11,221
Oh. Seems a little young
for that, doesn't she?
244
00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:15,142
You're the only one who thinks
you have to be 40 to get married.
245
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:19,313
She probably wanted to do it
before she was completely barren.
246
00:16:19,313 --> 00:16:23,817
Oh! That reminds me.
I taped the, uh, documentary for you...
247
00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:25,861
on the Serengeti.
248
00:16:25,861 --> 00:16:28,989
Tobey! I said Ferlinghetti.
249
00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:31,658
It was for work.
250
00:16:33,911 --> 00:16:35,913
Oh.
251
00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:38,540
Well, hey, come on.
Serengeti's cool. Right?
252
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:41,418
Yeah. It's great.
253
00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,930
See? I'm fun.
254
00:16:52,930 --> 00:16:57,392
Mmm. Who knew
lobster cannelloni was an aphrodisiac?
255
00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:59,436
Is that what this is?
256
00:16:59,478 --> 00:17:02,397
No. It's lobster Ponson.
257
00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:06,610
You pay Maria when we get home
and then meet me in the bedroom.
258
00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:08,654
Like for sex?
259
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:12,115
Don't ruin it.
260
00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:14,117
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
261
00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:16,119
- The kids were great.
- The kids love you.
262
00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:18,956
- David drew a big picture of baboon...
- That's great.
263
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:21,041
and the little girl.
264
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:23,085
- You get home safe.
- Thank you very much.
265
00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:25,128
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
266
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:39,142
I, uh...
267
00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:41,270
I have to go to the bathroom.
268
00:17:42,855 --> 00:17:44,815
I'm gonna get a drink.
269
00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:13,028
What the hell? Huh?
270
00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:16,156
Oh!
271
00:19:23,664 --> 00:19:26,250
It was my last night of carbs...
272
00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:29,002
and I wanted
to take advantage of it.
273
00:19:31,505 --> 00:19:35,175
You know, sometimes it's those
near-death experiences...
274
00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:38,679
that make us wanna
participate in life that much more.
275
00:19:40,681 --> 00:19:43,809
I can still kinda
taste the throw up.
276
00:19:45,686 --> 00:19:47,729
Good.
277
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:54,528
Whoa, whoa! Oh!
278
00:19:54,528 --> 00:19:57,406
Bouncy, bouncy.
Bouncy, bouncy.
279
00:19:57,406 --> 00:20:01,160
Just one more thing,
then we're gonna go home, okay?
280
00:20:08,167 --> 00:20:11,211
- Is that it?
- Let me get one of those.
281
00:20:12,087 --> 00:20:14,089
- This one?
- No, no, no.
282
00:20:14,173 --> 00:20:17,050
Three down from
Sports World and one to the left.
283
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,011
Uh... this one?
284
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:22,723
No, no. Your other left.
Diag-Diagonal from there.
285
00:20:22,723 --> 00:20:24,933
Shaved?
286
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:30,522
Ah, good one.
That's 3.15.
287
00:20:30,522 --> 00:20:32,941
Here. Candy for the baby.
288
00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:36,570
- Good man.
- And the candy, one dollar.
289
00:20:39,698 --> 00:20:42,534
No, I-I don't wanna be too hard on him.
290
00:20:42,618 --> 00:20:45,662
It's just that I feel like he's not directed,
and that makes him unhappy.
291
00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:48,499
And the more unhappy he gets,
the more desperate he gets.
292
00:20:48,499 --> 00:20:51,668
And the more desperate he gets,
the less I wanna have sex with him.
293
00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:55,506
Oh. For Tobey,
desperation is foreplay.
294
00:20:55,506 --> 00:20:58,008
You know, I should probably be...
295
00:20:58,008 --> 00:21:00,177
more attentive.
296
00:21:00,302 --> 00:21:02,221
Or at least permissive.
297
00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:04,765
Do you ever wonder
what your life would be like...
298
00:21:04,765 --> 00:21:06,808
if you'd chosen someone different?
299
00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:09,603
Like, okay, I was on the train
the other day.
300
00:21:09,603 --> 00:21:11,647
This guy was sitting across from me.
301
00:21:11,772 --> 00:21:15,817
He was wearing
this big, cozy Vermonty sweater.
302
00:21:15,817 --> 00:21:18,278
Just seemed...
303
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:21,406
old-fashioned...
304
00:21:21,406 --> 00:21:25,619
like he probably had tons of kids
who climb all over him at bedtime.
305
00:21:25,619 --> 00:21:27,621
They go sledding in the winter.
306
00:21:27,746 --> 00:21:30,958
Pick flowers in the spring.
Kill deer in the fall.
307
00:21:30,958 --> 00:21:36,797
No. I just did not expect to want
to have a baby this soon.
308
00:21:37,631 --> 00:21:39,591
A baby?
309
00:21:40,634 --> 00:21:42,636
Oh, I don't know.
310
00:21:42,636 --> 00:21:45,597
All of a sudden it just...
311
00:21:45,597 --> 00:21:48,016
feels right.
312
00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:50,018
Honey, you're so young, you know?
313
00:21:50,018 --> 00:21:53,230
And Tobey, he's just like a teenager
with a checking account.
314
00:21:53,313 --> 00:21:57,776
Excuse me. These are from
the young man over in the corner.
315
00:21:57,776 --> 00:22:02,906
He wanted you to know
that you are, like... awesome?
316
00:22:03,699 --> 00:22:06,577
- Who is that?
- See ya at rehearsal.
317
00:22:06,660 --> 00:22:08,787
I'll tell ya later.
318
00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:14,293
- That was kinda fun.
- Yeah.
319
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:16,837
Maybe I should become
a first grade teacher.
320
00:22:16,837 --> 00:22:20,215
Who was that mother
you were talking to?
321
00:22:20,215 --> 00:22:22,259
Who?
322
00:22:23,677 --> 00:22:27,347
Oh, that-that's, uh,
that's Shannon's mom, you know?
323
00:22:27,347 --> 00:22:29,474
She's a divorcйe, right?
324
00:22:29,516 --> 00:22:32,603
I don't think
anybody's used that term...
325
00:22:32,603 --> 00:22:34,897
since, like, 1954.
326
00:22:34,897 --> 00:22:37,065
She's pretty.
327
00:22:37,065 --> 00:22:39,484
I guess.
328
00:22:41,904 --> 00:22:45,824
You know, uh, you do kinda owe me.
329
00:22:45,824 --> 00:22:48,702
- I owe you?
- And I know you're tired.
330
00:22:48,702 --> 00:22:53,081
But I have a way where you don't have to
exert any energy at all.
331
00:22:56,543 --> 00:22:58,587
Do you have to wear your retainer?
332
00:22:58,670 --> 00:23:02,049
If that's one of your tapes,
you can forget it.
333
00:23:14,853 --> 00:23:16,980
Okay.
334
00:23:17,064 --> 00:23:19,066
Here's how it's gonna go down.
335
00:23:19,066 --> 00:23:21,068
I'm gonna close my eyes...
336
00:23:21,068 --> 00:23:23,570
and you have to tell me
everything that's happening on TV.
337
00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:25,656
No way in hell I'm gonna do that.
338
00:23:25,656 --> 00:23:28,951
It's either that or actual sex.
You make the call.
339
00:23:28,951 --> 00:23:31,203
This is erotic for you?
340
00:23:35,082 --> 00:23:37,084
- Okay...
- Oh. No, no, no.
341
00:23:37,084 --> 00:23:40,712
Okay. There's some kind
of a credit sequence happening.
342
00:23:40,712 --> 00:23:44,258
Just, uh-it's very simple.
Black on white titles.
343
00:23:44,258 --> 00:23:46,927
Okay, Scorsese.
Save your breath for the good stuff.
344
00:23:46,927 --> 00:23:51,431
Now there's some people
in the worst set design I have ever seen.
345
00:23:51,431 --> 00:23:54,643
- Come on.
- Okay. Um...
346
00:23:54,726 --> 00:23:56,770
Okay, no, here they go.
Here they go.
347
00:23:56,770 --> 00:23:59,773
- Wow. Um-yeah, pants are off.
- Mm-hmm.
348
00:23:59,773 --> 00:24:02,609
Dress is off. Penis is hard.
They're starting.
349
00:24:02,609 --> 00:24:05,404
A little less like a list, please.
350
00:24:05,404 --> 00:24:07,698
- Oh, Jesus.
- What?
351
00:24:07,698 --> 00:24:10,701
This guy's dick is green
and kind of crooked.
352
00:24:10,701 --> 00:24:13,537
It's, like, twice the size of yours!
353
00:24:13,537 --> 00:24:16,832
- Another, um-another woman's coming in.
- Yeah?
354
00:24:16,915 --> 00:24:18,834
- She is Chinese.
- Nice.
355
00:24:18,834 --> 00:24:20,460
- No. No.
- No?
356
00:24:20,502 --> 00:24:22,504
- Uh, Filipino.
- Okay.
357
00:24:22,629 --> 00:24:27,217
She's hiking up her uniform.
And that is a terrible wax that she has.
358
00:24:27,217 --> 00:24:29,303
It's all irritated.
359
00:24:29,428 --> 00:24:32,097
And-Geez,
what would you call that? Um...
360
00:24:32,097 --> 00:24:34,766
I guess it's a piercing.
361
00:24:34,766 --> 00:24:36,852
I really don't know
how to describe it accurately...
362
00:24:36,852 --> 00:24:39,146
but whatever it is,
it's flaring the lens.
363
00:24:47,946 --> 00:24:51,200
- Ho, ho, ho. Cookie, sir?
- No, thank you.
364
00:24:51,283 --> 00:24:53,869
- Christmas cookie. Go on, take one.
- Get away from me!
365
00:25:10,344 --> 00:25:12,721
Well, the most important thing...
366
00:25:12,721 --> 00:25:14,723
is to remain calm.
367
00:25:14,723 --> 00:25:17,309
Honey. Honey.
Calm down.
368
00:25:18,727 --> 00:25:21,730
Let's just start again.
Take the cable remote.
369
00:25:21,730 --> 00:25:23,815
The one that says cable.
That's right.
370
00:25:23,815 --> 00:25:26,735
Hit the power button.
What do you see?
371
00:25:26,735 --> 00:25:29,821
Okay. Well, you probably
just changed the channel on the TV.
372
00:25:29,821 --> 00:25:33,784
So get the TV remote.
Not cable, but TV.
373
00:25:35,118 --> 00:25:37,287
That's right. Hit three.
374
00:25:40,207 --> 00:25:42,251
Nope. That's impossible.
375
00:25:44,211 --> 00:25:46,797
Is the TV plugged in?
376
00:25:46,797 --> 00:25:51,301
I would like to have
electronic freedom. Um...
377
00:25:51,343 --> 00:25:56,306
You must have a VCR and a cable box.
378
00:25:57,391 --> 00:26:00,310
Does... your wife...
379
00:26:00,310 --> 00:26:03,438
have this much trouble?
380
00:26:03,522 --> 00:26:06,191
Let's not go there again,
shall we, Tobey?
381
00:26:06,191 --> 00:26:09,862
Why is it so important for you to know
about my personal life? Hmm?
382
00:26:09,903 --> 00:26:12,948
Let's keep this about you.
383
00:26:12,948 --> 00:26:17,494
Um... you haven't
mentioned death today.
384
00:26:17,536 --> 00:26:19,997
There-There is a phrase...
385
00:26:19,997 --> 00:26:25,127
that you've uttered in, um, yes,
in every session, mm-hmm, so far.
386
00:26:25,127 --> 00:26:29,423
"I mean, we're all going to die.
387
00:26:29,423 --> 00:26:32,176
Doesn't that freak you out?"
388
00:26:34,511 --> 00:26:36,513
And you never answer me.
389
00:26:36,513 --> 00:26:40,058
Actually, it does seem to me...
390
00:26:40,058 --> 00:26:44,771
that this whole kind of
television-TiVo tangent thing...
391
00:26:44,771 --> 00:26:46,565
is really an elaborate avoidance...
392
00:26:46,607 --> 00:26:48,984
for what's really going on.
393
00:26:53,947 --> 00:26:56,450
And... what's really going on?
394
00:26:58,452 --> 00:27:00,537
You tell me.
395
00:27:01,997 --> 00:27:04,958
Come on, baby! Come on, baby!
396
00:27:04,958 --> 00:27:08,295
Oh! Oh, my God!
397
00:27:15,469 --> 00:27:17,471
That was...
398
00:27:17,471 --> 00:27:20,140
That was good.
399
00:27:22,142 --> 00:27:25,437
I mean, the candles and the whole...
400
00:27:25,437 --> 00:27:27,814
lighting design in general.
401
00:27:27,814 --> 00:27:30,817
- Thank you.
- That was some setup.
402
00:27:32,152 --> 00:27:34,154
- Yeah.
- You...
403
00:27:34,154 --> 00:27:38,617
You were like, um,
that guy from the Yankees.
404
00:27:40,661 --> 00:27:45,249
That one. That, um-that pitcher
that they bring in at the end.
405
00:27:45,249 --> 00:27:47,543
- Mariano Rivera, the closer?
- Yeah.
406
00:27:47,543 --> 00:27:50,128
Huh. Huh. Heh.
407
00:27:50,170 --> 00:27:52,464
He always looks so confident...
408
00:27:52,464 --> 00:27:54,800
like he's gonna do
whatever it takes.
409
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,344
You know, he almost never
loses a game.
410
00:27:57,344 --> 00:28:00,556
I bet he's got a really big family.
411
00:28:00,556 --> 00:28:03,058
- No.
- Oh, I love...
412
00:28:03,058 --> 00:28:07,187
those big Spanish families,
you know?
413
00:28:07,187 --> 00:28:11,149
You know, they've got lots
and lots of kids.
414
00:28:11,149 --> 00:28:14,653
Well, they're Catholic.
They're not allowed to use birth control.
415
00:28:14,653 --> 00:28:16,822
That's not what I'm talking about.
416
00:28:16,864 --> 00:28:19,950
I'm talking about...
417
00:28:19,950 --> 00:28:23,620
valuing cultural reproduction.
418
00:28:25,581 --> 00:28:28,625
Well, maybe if they
valued cultural reproduction a little less...
419
00:28:28,625 --> 00:28:32,379
we wouldn't be in the middle
of a population explosion...
420
00:28:32,379 --> 00:28:36,466
that's running the risk
of using up all our natural resources.
421
00:28:36,466 --> 00:28:38,760
I know you don't think that.
422
00:28:41,430 --> 00:28:43,640
I do?
423
00:28:49,521 --> 00:28:51,773
Do you believe in fate?
424
00:28:51,899 --> 00:28:56,528
I'm not talking about the fact
that we're all fated to death...
425
00:28:56,528 --> 00:28:59,448
but the fact that there are some things
that are meant to happen...
426
00:28:59,448 --> 00:29:02,701
and some things
that are not meant to happen.
427
00:29:02,701 --> 00:29:05,787
I have... no idea.
428
00:29:06,747 --> 00:29:08,749
You don't, do you?
429
00:29:18,967 --> 00:29:22,846
Ponson, Ponson, Ponson,
Hirsch, Jacoby and Ponson.
430
00:29:22,888 --> 00:29:26,391
What's another kind of flower
you can get a woman other than a rose?
431
00:29:26,391 --> 00:29:28,477
- What about an orchid?
- You kidding?
432
00:29:28,519 --> 00:29:32,564
- That's even more expensive.
- Well, it must be an important occasion.
433
00:29:32,606 --> 00:29:36,068
Just trying not to get
kicked out of my house.
434
00:29:36,068 --> 00:29:39,071
You could go down to Central Park
and pull up something for free.
435
00:29:39,071 --> 00:29:42,658
That's not a bad idea.
But I'd have to wrap it myself.
436
00:29:42,741 --> 00:29:45,410
Elaine is not going to
kick you out of the house.
437
00:29:45,410 --> 00:29:48,288
- She mentioned fate.
- Uh-oh.
438
00:29:48,288 --> 00:29:50,207
I'd spring for the orchid.
439
00:29:50,207 --> 00:29:52,125
What kind of porn you looking at?
440
00:29:52,251 --> 00:29:54,711
Good old-fashioned
man-woman, woman-horse stuff.
441
00:29:54,711 --> 00:29:56,713
- You're such a purist.
- I am.
442
00:29:56,713 --> 00:29:59,758
I thought you were supposed to become
less horny when you turned 40.
443
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,469
- What?
- You can't give a woman berries, can you?
444
00:30:02,469 --> 00:30:05,305
- Oh, I've taken a wrong turn somewhere.
- Ooh, I've gotta go.
445
00:30:05,305 --> 00:30:08,767
I think I found
the flowers I want. Hi-oh!
446
00:30:08,809 --> 00:30:10,811
- Hello?
- What kinda sale we talkin' about?
447
00:30:13,856 --> 00:30:16,483
How did I get in here?
448
00:30:16,608 --> 00:30:18,610
I'm gonna throw it to you next.
449
00:30:18,610 --> 00:30:21,196
- Good throw.
- Me! Me! Mr. Ponson!
450
00:30:21,196 --> 00:30:24,950
Mr. Ronson, throw it to me!
Throw it to me!
451
00:30:24,950 --> 00:30:26,910
Hold on.
452
00:30:26,994 --> 00:30:28,996
I'm gonna throw one to Liam.
453
00:30:28,996 --> 00:30:31,039
- That was like fishing.
- Hey.
454
00:30:33,167 --> 00:30:35,169
The rebel without a cause.
455
00:30:35,294 --> 00:30:37,838
- Hey.
- Sorry, Mr. Ronson.
456
00:30:37,838 --> 00:30:41,258
- Nice catch.
- Hi.
457
00:30:41,341 --> 00:30:44,511
Uh, listen. The kids and I,
we're going up to Serendipity...
458
00:30:44,511 --> 00:30:47,639
to celebrate the anniversary
of their father leaving us.
459
00:30:47,639 --> 00:30:50,142
- Hi, Mommy.
- Hi, honey.
460
00:30:50,142 --> 00:30:53,395
Do you guys wanna come along?
461
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:59,151
- Wait. So you wrote that?
- Uh-huh.
462
00:30:59,151 --> 00:31:01,236
- I love that commercial.
- Well...
463
00:31:01,361 --> 00:31:04,907
"Got milk?" God, it just cuts
through all the bullshit.
464
00:31:04,907 --> 00:31:06,992
It's-It's inspired.
465
00:31:08,410 --> 00:31:11,497
Well, I wouldn't say it's inspired.
It's just simple.
466
00:31:11,497 --> 00:31:14,500
So what did you do, like take time off
to write a book or something?
467
00:31:14,500 --> 00:31:17,836
Uh, no. Not exactly.
468
00:31:17,878 --> 00:31:21,256
- I've thought about that, but...
- Oh, you should. You'd be great.
469
00:31:21,256 --> 00:31:23,675
Really. I have a sense
about these things.
470
00:31:23,675 --> 00:31:25,677
Here.
471
00:31:27,763 --> 00:31:30,474
Yep.
472
00:31:30,474 --> 00:31:34,520
Author. Definitely.
473
00:31:34,561 --> 00:31:36,647
You see that there?
474
00:31:36,647 --> 00:31:38,649
Yeah, I do.
475
00:31:38,732 --> 00:31:42,778
"Surrounded by friends,
she was happy and snug.
476
00:31:42,778 --> 00:31:44,988
"She smiled to herself and said...
477
00:31:45,030 --> 00:31:49,701
'Maybe life in the big
city isn't that bad after all. '
478
00:31:49,701 --> 00:31:52,079
The end."
479
00:31:55,457 --> 00:31:59,795
It would be crazy
not to publish this immediately.
480
00:31:59,795 --> 00:32:02,089
It's very timely.
481
00:32:02,214 --> 00:32:05,050
It's about a little girl
battling a dragon.
482
00:32:06,093 --> 00:32:08,345
Right, but with
women's lib and all...
483
00:32:08,345 --> 00:32:10,681
You see my point.
484
00:32:13,016 --> 00:32:16,395
Oh, my God!
I hope they like it!
485
00:32:16,395 --> 00:32:18,480
They're gonna love it.
486
00:32:20,691 --> 00:32:24,278
- There's one thing.
- Oh, Tobey, come on. The book is finished.
487
00:32:24,403 --> 00:32:27,573
Please, I ca-I can't make
any more changes in it.
488
00:32:27,573 --> 00:32:31,076
Hey, it's not about
the content of the book, okay?
489
00:32:32,202 --> 00:32:34,329
It's about the presentation.
490
00:32:34,329 --> 00:32:36,373
- Okay.
- Okay?
491
00:32:37,833 --> 00:32:39,960
- Okay.
- This picture?
492
00:32:41,128 --> 00:32:43,380
Just seems so goody-good.
493
00:32:46,592 --> 00:32:50,137
- Well, it is a children's book.
- Right. I know that.
494
00:32:50,137 --> 00:32:53,098
But the people
who publish it aren't children.
495
00:32:53,098 --> 00:32:55,309
This is, you know, just...
496
00:32:55,309 --> 00:32:58,687
it's just slightly annoying,
you know?
497
00:32:58,687 --> 00:33:00,731
Show some cleavage.
498
00:33:00,772 --> 00:33:04,902
You actually think
I should show... cleavage?
499
00:33:04,902 --> 00:33:07,321
Mmm. Yes, I d...
500
00:33:10,491 --> 00:33:12,743
That's what I'm talkin' about.
501
00:33:12,826 --> 00:33:16,663
- Are you crazy?
- What? Kids, they love the beach.
502
00:33:16,663 --> 00:33:19,500
And this shows them that you're fun.
503
00:33:19,500 --> 00:33:21,627
Don't underestimate that.
504
00:33:21,668 --> 00:33:23,795
Wait a second.
505
00:33:27,716 --> 00:33:32,221
You don't...
You don't think it's a little...
506
00:33:32,221 --> 00:33:34,223
too much?
507
00:33:34,223 --> 00:33:36,850
I wanna pay attention to that girl.
508
00:33:39,353 --> 00:33:41,313
Standing at 3 foot 7...
509
00:33:41,313 --> 00:33:43,690
weighing in at 47 pounds
of strapping lefty...
510
00:33:43,690 --> 00:33:45,943
digs in.
511
00:33:45,943 --> 00:33:49,863
- Got a hold of that!
- That's a home run!
512
00:33:49,905 --> 00:33:51,949
- Yep. Touch 'em all.
- Hello!
513
00:33:51,949 --> 00:33:54,743
What's goin' on?
514
00:33:54,868 --> 00:33:57,329
Just a little thing
that we like to call spoonball!
515
00:33:57,329 --> 00:33:59,998
Oh. Okay.
Well, Mommy's home.
516
00:33:59,998 --> 00:34:02,668
Spoonball is over
before someone gets hurt.
517
00:34:02,668 --> 00:34:05,254
Aw, come on, Mom.
518
00:34:05,337 --> 00:34:08,382
Yeah, come on, Mom.
It's the bottom of the ninth!
519
00:34:08,382 --> 00:34:10,384
We should be having boy time...
520
00:34:10,384 --> 00:34:13,053
because my dad
made me have girl time.
521
00:34:13,053 --> 00:34:16,306
- What do you mean, honey?
- Dad made me have a play date -
522
00:34:16,306 --> 00:34:20,519
- with Shannon from my class.
- Really?
523
00:34:20,561 --> 00:34:23,397
Nobody made you do anything, David.
524
00:34:23,397 --> 00:34:25,816
- They invited us to Serendipity.
- Oh, really? They?
525
00:34:25,816 --> 00:34:29,570
- Come on, Dad. Ritch it!
- Yep. Okay.
526
00:34:32,364 --> 00:34:34,449
Ow! Oh!
527
00:34:34,449 --> 00:34:37,077
- Ah-ah.
- Oh, my-Tom!
528
00:34:37,077 --> 00:34:39,288
- Goddamn it!
- Let me see.
529
00:34:43,333 --> 00:34:45,335
Dude, you only get one.
530
00:34:45,377 --> 00:34:48,589
This is a complicated one.
I gotta get the wording right.
531
00:34:48,589 --> 00:34:50,674
Got it.
532
00:34:50,716 --> 00:34:53,010
- Yea.
- Yea. I gotta hit the head.
533
00:34:57,014 --> 00:34:59,975
Please don't ask her anything
inappropriate in front of me.
534
00:34:59,975 --> 00:35:02,019
I can ask her whatever I want.
535
00:35:02,102 --> 00:35:05,189
For such a closed-off person,
it's like you have no boundaries.
536
00:35:05,189 --> 00:35:08,275
It's better than living surrounded
by the Great Wall of China.
537
00:35:08,275 --> 00:35:10,319
What does that mean?
538
00:35:10,319 --> 00:35:13,238
- You know what that means?
- Mm-hmm.
539
00:35:13,238 --> 00:35:16,533
- It means you're closed off.
- Like a Chinese person?
540
00:35:16,617 --> 00:35:19,620
No, Tom. It means you like to talk,
but about nothing important...
541
00:35:19,620 --> 00:35:23,582
so then whenever your emotion or resentment
or whatever dark stuff you have builds up -
542
00:35:23,624 --> 00:35:26,293
- you throw a spoon at me.
- I didn't throw the spoon.
543
00:35:26,293 --> 00:35:32,090
- David threw the spoon.
- We've a minute to talk before he gets back.
544
00:35:32,090 --> 00:35:34,635
So, um, anything come up?
545
00:35:34,635 --> 00:35:36,845
Did he say anything at all?
546
00:35:36,845 --> 00:35:38,805
- No. He's been really busy.
- Busy? Tobey, busy?
547
00:35:38,805 --> 00:35:41,141
Stay out of it.
548
00:35:41,266 --> 00:35:45,270
It's fine! It's just our lifestyle
these days.
549
00:35:45,270 --> 00:35:47,648
I mean, it's not just our lifestyle.
550
00:35:47,648 --> 00:35:50,442
It's our whole society's
lifestyle, you know?
551
00:35:50,442 --> 00:35:53,195
I mean, there are
a lot of people who are...
552
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:56,949
tethered by an old-fashioned
sense of love...
553
00:35:56,949 --> 00:35:59,368
and, uh, family...
554
00:35:59,368 --> 00:36:03,163
and sometimes I look at them
and I wonder...
555
00:36:03,163 --> 00:36:05,374
if living such a simple life...
556
00:36:05,374 --> 00:36:07,376
can actually be
completely gratifying...
557
00:36:07,501 --> 00:36:13,382
and if they understand
how rich and fertile...
558
00:36:13,382 --> 00:36:15,342
living in the gray area is.
559
00:36:15,342 --> 00:36:18,720
I mean, because
it's all really about being happy.
560
00:36:18,804 --> 00:36:21,306
- Right?
- Honey...
561
00:36:21,306 --> 00:36:24,560
No. Do I wish that there was
a little bit more romance? Yes.
562
00:36:24,643 --> 00:36:26,728
Of course I do.
But it's an ebb, a flow.
563
00:36:26,728 --> 00:36:30,107
It's shifting,
and I'm on that journey.
564
00:36:30,107 --> 00:36:32,484
- What'd I miss?
- That's all there is to it.
565
00:36:39,032 --> 00:36:41,243
Honey.
566
00:36:41,368 --> 00:36:43,579
Looks like I finally
digested that corn.
567
00:36:48,876 --> 00:36:50,502
What?
568
00:36:56,216 --> 00:36:59,386
- How much further?
- Just one more block.
569
00:37:02,723 --> 00:37:04,725
Come on.
We're close.
570
00:37:07,853 --> 00:37:09,855
Why'd you park so far away?
571
00:37:09,855 --> 00:37:12,482
This is the only
legal spot after 11:00.
572
00:37:12,482 --> 00:37:14,485
What the fuck?
573
00:37:14,485 --> 00:37:16,570
My car is gone!
574
00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:21,533
It was right here!
575
00:37:21,575 --> 00:37:23,702
Well...
576
00:37:25,954 --> 00:37:27,998
They probably towed it.
577
00:37:30,459 --> 00:37:33,462
Can we just get a cab?
I'm freezing.
578
00:37:33,462 --> 00:37:35,881
But this is a legal spot!
579
00:37:35,964 --> 00:37:39,009
They didn't tow this guy's car!
Oh, I swear to God...
580
00:37:39,009 --> 00:37:41,720
Tobey, would you shut up?
581
00:37:41,720 --> 00:37:43,764
Please!
582
00:37:48,810 --> 00:37:50,854
All right. It's-It's...
It's okay, Elaine.
583
00:37:50,854 --> 00:37:54,525
They just tow it to the pound.
584
00:37:54,608 --> 00:37:56,652
We can get it out.
585
00:38:00,113 --> 00:38:04,827
I want to get married
and have a baby!
586
00:38:06,161 --> 00:38:08,705
And you don't.
587
00:38:11,041 --> 00:38:13,210
Okay. Let's just get a cab.
588
00:38:13,293 --> 00:38:15,963
Oh, sh-I have wasted...
589
00:38:15,963 --> 00:38:19,007
seven years of my life with you!
590
00:38:19,007 --> 00:38:21,635
Oh, shit.
591
00:38:25,764 --> 00:38:28,308
I need... you...
592
00:38:28,308 --> 00:38:31,436
to find somewhere else
to stay tonight.
593
00:38:38,152 --> 00:38:40,279
Hey!
594
00:39:02,092 --> 00:39:04,136
Hello?
595
00:39:05,721 --> 00:39:07,723
Honey-Honey, what is it?
596
00:39:07,723 --> 00:39:09,933
What happened?
597
00:39:09,975 --> 00:39:12,269
Aw, sweetie.
598
00:39:12,269 --> 00:39:14,271
He did?
599
00:39:16,607 --> 00:39:18,942
Oh, that fucking car!
600
00:39:20,819 --> 00:39:24,448
Hey, what's going on? Rebecca's on
the other line with her right now.
601
00:39:24,448 --> 00:39:26,492
Hi, Tom.
602
00:39:26,533 --> 00:39:29,578
- Pamela?
- I hope I'm not getting you at a bad time.
603
00:39:29,578 --> 00:39:33,040
Um, no, no. I was just, uh,
relieving myself.
604
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,209
- What?
- I mean, uh...
605
00:39:35,250 --> 00:39:37,294
Hello?
606
00:39:37,336 --> 00:39:40,672
I mean I-I'm just...
I'm-I'm relieved that it's you.
607
00:39:40,672 --> 00:39:42,716
Good.
608
00:40:43,277 --> 00:40:45,279
Come in.
609
00:40:45,279 --> 00:40:47,281
- Hey.
- Hi.
610
00:40:47,322 --> 00:40:49,324
- You all right?
- Oh, yeah.
611
00:40:49,324 --> 00:40:52,244
- You look a little tense.
- Oh. You think?
612
00:41:02,713 --> 00:41:04,715
Whoa.
613
00:41:04,798 --> 00:41:07,301
Yeah. I guess I am a little tense.
614
00:41:07,301 --> 00:41:09,678
Yeah. Let me just...
615
00:41:12,556 --> 00:41:15,684
You're strong.
616
00:41:41,376 --> 00:41:43,420
Have you ever had a, uh...
617
00:41:45,464 --> 00:41:48,467
ever had a problem,
you know...
618
00:41:48,467 --> 00:41:52,804
I guess you haven't been listening to me
for the last 15 years.
619
00:41:52,804 --> 00:41:56,099
No, like-like...
like another woman problem.
620
00:41:56,183 --> 00:41:58,310
Issue.
621
00:41:58,352 --> 00:42:01,313
What, do you have one?
622
00:42:01,313 --> 00:42:05,025
- Tom?
- Please don't say anything.
623
00:42:05,025 --> 00:42:08,278
- I'm not sure what's going on...
- Hey!
624
00:42:08,278 --> 00:42:10,280
- Hi!
- Hey!
625
00:42:10,364 --> 00:42:12,449
Hey. Hi. Oh!
626
00:42:12,449 --> 00:42:14,743
You're the last person
I expect to see.
627
00:42:14,827 --> 00:42:16,578
Yeah, well.
Here I am.
628
00:42:16,662 --> 00:42:18,539
Eating soup.
629
00:42:18,539 --> 00:42:20,541
Yeah.
630
00:42:20,541 --> 00:42:23,377
- Yeah. You remember Tom?
- Hi.
631
00:42:24,628 --> 00:42:27,923
Are you okay? You look tired.
632
00:42:28,006 --> 00:42:30,884
Uh, well, actually, um...
633
00:42:30,884 --> 00:42:32,928
Elaine and I split up...
634
00:42:32,928 --> 00:42:35,055
about, uh-about three weeks ago.
635
00:42:35,180 --> 00:42:37,057
Oh, God. I'm sorry.
636
00:42:37,057 --> 00:42:39,059
Yeah, well, it was
a long relationship...
637
00:42:39,101 --> 00:42:41,061
- You know what? I'm gonna go.
- Okay.
638
00:42:41,061 --> 00:42:44,022
Oh, wait. I thought we were
gonna go see a movie together.
639
00:42:44,022 --> 00:42:46,900
- I gotta check something out.
- Hey.
640
00:42:46,900 --> 00:42:48,861
- Watch where you're going, asshole.
- Sorry.
641
00:42:48,902 --> 00:42:50,946
- Shit!
- Honey! Honey, look who's here.
642
00:42:50,946 --> 00:42:53,490
Did you see this prick
that just knocked into me?
643
00:42:53,490 --> 00:42:56,577
- I should have smacked him upside the head.
- No. No, don't do that.
644
00:42:56,577 --> 00:43:00,164
- Honey, remember Tobey?
- Hey.
645
00:43:00,164 --> 00:43:02,166
- What's up, bro?
- Hey. Oh!
646
00:43:02,207 --> 00:43:04,960
- All right.
- Oh!
647
00:43:06,587 --> 00:43:09,715
Paper covers rock.
Remember that?
648
00:43:09,715 --> 00:43:11,675
Hey, do you like music?
649
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:14,636
You know? 'Cause Rand
is promoting this great new club...
650
00:43:14,636 --> 00:43:16,638
and it's really-it's really hot.
651
00:43:16,638 --> 00:43:18,640
- Yeah. You know.
- Oh!
652
00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:20,642
Oh, well, I'd love to.
653
00:43:20,642 --> 00:43:23,478
- I mean, if that's an invitation.
- Absolutely!
654
00:43:23,478 --> 00:43:26,148
- Yes. I just need an e-mail address.
- I... come... clubbing.
655
00:43:27,232 --> 00:43:30,736
Uh... yeah.
656
00:43:30,736 --> 00:43:33,363
It's...
657
00:43:33,363 --> 00:43:35,741
A-S...
658
00:43:35,782 --> 00:43:38,285
S-M...
659
00:43:38,410 --> 00:43:40,370
A-N-2...
660
00:43:40,412 --> 00:43:44,833
- 0-4 at AOL.com.
- Okay.
661
00:43:46,668 --> 00:43:48,712
Got it.
662
00:43:48,795 --> 00:43:51,798
One through 203 were taken.
663
00:43:51,798 --> 00:43:55,552
Okay. Well, I will
e-mail you the details then.
664
00:43:55,552 --> 00:43:58,305
- All right. My man.
- Assman.
665
00:43:58,305 --> 00:44:00,891
- Bye.
- Okay.
666
00:44:12,152 --> 00:44:14,238
- Hi. Are you...
- Norah.
667
00:44:14,238 --> 00:44:17,115
Norah? Wow! Hi.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
668
00:44:17,199 --> 00:44:20,494
I was afraid that they
weren't gonna let you sit down.
669
00:44:20,494 --> 00:44:25,123
Oh, it was difficult,
but I finally managed to persuade them.
670
00:44:27,125 --> 00:44:29,294
I never imagined
when I submitted my book...
671
00:44:29,336 --> 00:44:33,257
that it would elicit a response
from the head of the company.
672
00:44:33,257 --> 00:44:35,926
I'm grateful you agreed to see me,
actually.
673
00:44:35,926 --> 00:44:39,763
Are you kidding?
Do you know who you are?
674
00:44:39,847 --> 00:44:41,849
I think so.
675
00:44:41,849 --> 00:44:44,101
I'm sorry.
That was-that was crass.
676
00:44:44,226 --> 00:44:46,812
I just got out of a relationship
with a crass man...
677
00:44:46,812 --> 00:44:50,649
nothing to do with gardening.
678
00:44:50,691 --> 00:44:52,651
Anyway, I don't know.
I say these things.
679
00:44:52,651 --> 00:44:55,946
I don't know where they come from.
680
00:44:56,029 --> 00:44:58,866
Excuse me.
681
00:44:58,866 --> 00:45:00,868
- I'm so sorry.
- Are you okay?
682
00:45:00,868 --> 00:45:03,120
I'm fine.
Are you okay? Jesus.
683
00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:05,956
I'm fine. I'm just wet.
You're choking.
684
00:45:06,999 --> 00:45:09,126
No, because I called.
685
00:45:09,168 --> 00:45:11,628
Because I left a message for you.
686
00:45:11,628 --> 00:45:15,048
Would you...
Would you just fuck you for just a...
687
00:45:15,048 --> 00:45:17,134
I'm sorry.
Look, I'm really sorry.
688
00:45:17,134 --> 00:45:19,136
Excuse me. I-I...
689
00:45:19,136 --> 00:45:23,974
Yeah. No, I'm fine.
No, you know, I'm a little tense today.
690
00:45:23,974 --> 00:45:27,227
Susie, you know I...
I love talking to you...
691
00:45:27,227 --> 00:45:32,191
but I don't think
that on my cell phone right now is...
692
00:45:32,191 --> 00:45:34,610
She's horrible.
693
00:45:34,735 --> 00:45:37,613
She called me this morning,
and she's screaming at me.
694
00:45:37,613 --> 00:45:40,657
I'm really in very bad shape.
Basically I'm exhausted.
695
00:45:40,657 --> 00:45:43,577
The bank is calling me all the time,
and the contractor called twice.
696
00:45:43,577 --> 00:45:45,829
I don't know what the fuck
I'm doing here.
697
00:45:45,954 --> 00:45:47,998
Really, really difficult day.
698
00:45:47,998 --> 00:45:50,125
The lady who lives upstairs
from me...
699
00:45:50,250 --> 00:45:52,920
that horrible bitch
I'm always fighting with?
700
00:46:00,260 --> 00:46:02,387
Douche bag!
701
00:46:05,265 --> 00:46:09,937
I want to start off this meeting
by first thanking Sensei Goldberg...
702
00:46:09,937 --> 00:46:11,980
for the use of his dojo.
703
00:46:13,941 --> 00:46:17,986
I would like to also welcome the sensei
as our newest member...
704
00:46:17,986 --> 00:46:21,281
of the Broadway division
of Sex Addicts R' Us.
705
00:46:21,323 --> 00:46:24,576
So that means if you are here...
706
00:46:24,576 --> 00:46:29,122
for the previously scheduled seminar on
owning your orgasm, you're in the wrong place.
707
00:46:29,122 --> 00:46:31,625
Shit.
708
00:46:31,625 --> 00:46:35,921
It's been moved to the basement
of Our Lady of Poland on 34th street.
709
00:46:35,921 --> 00:46:37,965
- Thirty fourth?
- Yeah.
710
00:46:39,466 --> 00:46:41,802
Are you here for the meeting?
711
00:46:41,802 --> 00:46:44,721
What? The meeting?
712
00:46:44,805 --> 00:46:46,557
Yes. The meeting?
713
00:46:46,557 --> 00:46:50,602
Yeah. The meeting. Yeah. I thought...
I thought I'd check it out.
714
00:46:50,602 --> 00:46:54,189
Welcome. Your name?
715
00:46:55,649 --> 00:46:59,153
- Tobey.
- Hi, Tobey.
716
00:46:59,153 --> 00:47:01,697
Well, my friend Rebecca says...
717
00:47:01,697 --> 00:47:05,284
she thinks that men
are never really ready to have a baby...
718
00:47:05,284 --> 00:47:08,120
and that you have to trap them.
719
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:10,080
What do you think?
720
00:47:10,122 --> 00:47:12,124
I don't really think about it.
721
00:47:12,166 --> 00:47:16,503
But I certainly think you shouldn't be
spending your energy trying to trap a man.
722
00:47:16,503 --> 00:47:18,547
You're way too talented.
723
00:47:18,589 --> 00:47:21,633
I believe in fate.
724
00:47:21,633 --> 00:47:24,595
I think you're meant
to have this time, Elaine.
725
00:47:24,595 --> 00:47:27,764
You're meant to-to explore.
726
00:47:29,266 --> 00:47:32,019
Sounds like you need it.
727
00:47:32,019 --> 00:47:34,104
I don't know what I need.
728
00:47:34,104 --> 00:47:37,691
Well, I think you know more
than you're willing to admit.
729
00:47:37,691 --> 00:47:39,735
This is me.
730
00:47:39,735 --> 00:47:42,070
Oh. Sweet.
731
00:47:42,070 --> 00:47:45,449
Thank you so much for lunch
and for the walk.
732
00:47:45,532 --> 00:47:48,994
It was delicious, don't you think?
733
00:47:48,994 --> 00:47:51,955
Yes.
734
00:47:51,955 --> 00:47:53,957
So do you think that
there's any chance...
735
00:47:53,957 --> 00:47:56,585
you're gonna publish my book?
736
00:47:58,253 --> 00:48:01,381
You know, Elaine,
you're a very talented young woman...
737
00:48:01,381 --> 00:48:03,383
and, quite frankly...
738
00:48:03,383 --> 00:48:06,970
I was very taken with the photo
you sent with your submission.
739
00:48:06,970 --> 00:48:10,974
- Mm-hmm.
- But I want to be honest with you.
740
00:48:11,016 --> 00:48:13,894
I don't like to rush these things.
741
00:48:13,894 --> 00:48:16,605
- I like to go slow.
- Okay.
742
00:48:16,605 --> 00:48:20,526
So let's meet and see how it goes.
743
00:48:20,526 --> 00:48:22,611
Okay.
744
00:48:24,321 --> 00:48:26,406
Ah, get a room.
745
00:48:26,406 --> 00:48:28,492
It was never enough.
746
00:48:29,701 --> 00:48:32,162
No matter how many times...
747
00:48:32,162 --> 00:48:34,832
different positions...
748
00:48:34,832 --> 00:48:37,835
none of it made me feel whole.
749
00:48:37,835 --> 00:48:40,963
In fact, it just made me
feel empty.
750
00:48:46,552 --> 00:48:48,512
How's the sandwich?
751
00:48:48,554 --> 00:48:52,099
Okay, so... just a recap.
752
00:48:52,099 --> 00:48:55,102
Uh, John is not happy...
753
00:48:55,102 --> 00:48:58,605
unless he can fit his penis
inside a hard, inanimate object.
754
00:48:58,605 --> 00:49:00,566
Preferably coarse.
755
00:49:00,566 --> 00:49:05,237
Right. Sarah, you had
a relapse this week...
756
00:49:05,237 --> 00:49:08,157
again putting yourself in danger
with a power tool.
757
00:49:08,157 --> 00:49:10,784
And, uh, Gordon...
758
00:49:10,784 --> 00:49:13,745
the sex you are having
with your wife's mother...
759
00:49:13,829 --> 00:49:19,001
and your wife's mother's sister
is putting your homelife in major jeopardy.
760
00:49:19,001 --> 00:49:22,880
That leaves...
Tobey.
761
00:49:25,048 --> 00:49:28,051
- I'll pass.
- Great. Sandwich guy's gonna pass?
762
00:49:28,093 --> 00:49:30,929
Great. Very trusting.
763
00:49:30,929 --> 00:49:34,308
It's traditional
that everyone shares.
764
00:49:44,193 --> 00:49:46,278
Well...
765
00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:48,739
I've been having an affair.
766
00:49:54,495 --> 00:49:56,622
With a woman...
767
00:49:59,124 --> 00:50:01,210
who is not my wife.
768
00:50:06,548 --> 00:50:08,717
And, um,
769
00:50:08,717 --> 00:50:11,011
I, uh...
770
00:50:13,138 --> 00:50:17,851
I like her to wrap me in deli meats.
771
00:50:20,062 --> 00:50:23,357
I need her
to wrap me in deli meats...
772
00:50:23,357 --> 00:50:25,943
in order to achieve an orgasm.
773
00:50:28,862 --> 00:50:30,906
Usually ham.
774
00:50:31,865 --> 00:50:33,909
Thinly sliced.
775
00:50:36,203 --> 00:50:39,498
I know it's not normal.
776
00:50:39,498 --> 00:50:42,751
No one here knows
what that word means, Tobey.
777
00:50:42,751 --> 00:50:45,712
You're amongst friends.
778
00:50:45,712 --> 00:50:47,589
Continue.
779
00:50:47,589 --> 00:50:50,676
And hand me the sandwich.
780
00:50:50,676 --> 00:50:52,845
Am I allowed to wear fur?
781
00:50:52,886 --> 00:50:55,597
Do I, like, give off that vibe?
782
00:50:55,597 --> 00:50:57,808
- Is she attractive?
- So funny.
783
00:50:57,808 --> 00:51:01,436
Afterwards, all I wanted to do
was tell Tobey.
784
00:51:01,436 --> 00:51:04,523
He would have died of excitement...
a possible threesome.
785
00:51:04,565 --> 00:51:06,608
I had a threesome once.
786
00:51:06,608 --> 00:51:09,444
It was with two guys
who turned out to be gay.
787
00:51:09,528 --> 00:51:11,488
I was just kind of
the window dressing.
788
00:51:11,530 --> 00:51:13,949
It all made sense in retrospect...
789
00:51:14,032 --> 00:51:16,910
but I can't tell you
what it did for my self-esteem.
790
00:51:16,910 --> 00:51:19,329
Yeah. It seems really damaged.
791
00:51:19,413 --> 00:51:23,292
- What does that mean?
- Nothing.
792
00:51:23,292 --> 00:51:25,294
You know, I don't get
what people think of me...
793
00:51:25,294 --> 00:51:27,296
that I have no
problems or feelings...
794
00:51:27,296 --> 00:51:29,590
I'm perfect, I'm like a robot?
795
00:51:29,715 --> 00:51:32,259
No, honey.
Nobody thinks that.
796
00:51:32,259 --> 00:51:36,388
We all think you're great.
We all have problems.
797
00:51:37,973 --> 00:51:41,643
You know, I always thought of a relationship
as two people holding a stick.
798
00:51:41,643 --> 00:51:45,397
Sometimes the stick is short and you're close
and you can look into each other's eyes...
799
00:51:45,397 --> 00:51:48,108
and other times it's long and you can
barely see the other person...
800
00:51:48,108 --> 00:51:50,652
but you both always
hold onto your end of the stick.
801
00:51:50,652 --> 00:51:52,696
You don't let it drop.
802
00:51:55,699 --> 00:51:58,911
I'm okay.
I'm just stressed.
803
00:51:58,994 --> 00:52:01,038
We should go out.
804
00:52:01,038 --> 00:52:03,207
Just you and me.
805
00:52:03,332 --> 00:52:06,335
Jesus, what?
806
00:52:06,335 --> 00:52:09,880
I just thought of
a great guy for you.
807
00:52:11,632 --> 00:52:14,301
Oh... I don't know.
808
00:52:17,971 --> 00:52:19,973
No weapons in the club.
809
00:52:19,973 --> 00:52:23,644
If you got a weapon, you gotta give 'em up
at the door. No exceptions.
810
00:52:23,644 --> 00:52:25,604
Would you move?
811
00:52:25,646 --> 00:52:27,898
All right.
Make room for her.
812
00:52:28,023 --> 00:52:30,108
Hey, Wall Street,
make way for the lady.
813
00:52:30,150 --> 00:52:32,069
- Hey. How are you?
- Hi. How are you?
814
00:52:32,069 --> 00:52:34,363
- Good to see you. Have a good time.
- Thank you.
815
00:52:34,488 --> 00:52:38,158
- Hey, you're here.
- I'm glad I didn't bring my piece.
816
00:52:38,158 --> 00:52:41,119
- Hi. How are you?
- Hi.
817
00:52:41,119 --> 00:52:44,540
- Uh-Where's-Wh-Where's, uh...
- Rand?
818
00:52:44,540 --> 00:52:46,542
He couldn't make it.
819
00:52:46,542 --> 00:52:49,628
Oh-Oh, I'm sorry
he couldn't make it.
820
00:52:49,670 --> 00:52:52,005
- He, uh...
- I'm not.
821
00:52:53,507 --> 00:52:56,051
Oh, come on.
Let's dance.
822
00:52:56,176 --> 00:53:00,180
Oh, no-no. No-No, I don't...
I'm not-That's not really my thing.
823
00:53:00,180 --> 00:53:02,224
Come on!
824
00:53:03,183 --> 00:53:05,143
More of a slow dancer.
825
00:53:11,024 --> 00:53:13,318
All right.
826
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:25,289
Thank you.
827
00:53:25,330 --> 00:53:28,792
Hey, baby. Will you hold this for me?
Thank you. Hold my horn.
828
00:53:28,876 --> 00:53:31,837
Uh, that's a little something we call
"Serenade for a French Horn...
829
00:53:31,837 --> 00:53:35,007
in F-sharp."
830
00:53:35,007 --> 00:53:37,926
This next one...
831
00:53:37,926 --> 00:53:40,137
we call "Juniper."
832
00:53:40,220 --> 00:53:45,392
And if any of you out there
know what a juniper plant is...
833
00:53:46,727 --> 00:53:49,605
I think you'll understand.
834
00:53:49,605 --> 00:53:51,648
Peace.
835
00:53:52,733 --> 00:53:55,486
Oh, my God.
He just bowed to you.
836
00:53:55,486 --> 00:53:58,280
- It wasn't to me.
- It wasn't to me.
837
00:53:58,363 --> 00:54:01,450
- He doesn't even know me.
- I told him all about you already.
838
00:54:01,450 --> 00:54:03,994
- When?
- On the phone.
839
00:54:04,077 --> 00:54:07,080
Oh, my God.
I didn't even bow back.
840
00:54:14,004 --> 00:54:18,091
I'll introduce you to him after,
and you can bow then.
841
00:54:43,992 --> 00:54:49,540
Hey, you guys, that was great.
So flowing, man. I could feel it tonight...
842
00:54:49,540 --> 00:54:54,670
Hey! How's the comedienne?
Oh. Mmm.
843
00:54:54,670 --> 00:54:58,799
Oh, my God.
844
00:54:58,799 --> 00:55:02,302
- Oh! Oh, dizzy.
- You taste as good as ever.
845
00:55:02,302 --> 00:55:04,555
- You were great tonight.
- Oh, thank you.
846
00:55:04,555 --> 00:55:06,557
You were.
You were really good.
847
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:10,727
Well, I was just working off that energy
that you were sending up to me.
848
00:55:10,727 --> 00:55:14,815
Whew! You have
a really beautiful voice.
849
00:55:14,815 --> 00:55:17,317
Well, I can't take credit
for that, you know?
850
00:55:17,317 --> 00:55:21,780
It's all the big man.
Hey!
851
00:55:21,822 --> 00:55:23,699
You know, ever since
I became a minister...
852
00:55:23,699 --> 00:55:27,286
my vocal range
has just gotten insane.
853
00:55:27,327 --> 00:55:30,247
- You're a minister?
- Yes, yes.
854
00:55:30,247 --> 00:55:33,417
But don't worry.
Ministers are free to fornicate.
855
00:55:34,751 --> 00:55:37,212
Should we get a drink?
856
00:55:37,296 --> 00:55:39,464
Lots of'em.
857
00:55:39,464 --> 00:55:43,468
Go! Go!
858
00:55:43,510 --> 00:55:48,056
Tobey! Tobey! Tobey! Tobey!
859
00:55:52,686 --> 00:55:54,938
Go, baby.
860
00:55:57,191 --> 00:55:59,026
OwI Watch it!
861
00:55:59,026 --> 00:56:01,028
Sorry.
862
00:56:03,697 --> 00:56:06,074
Dante. Lewis, buddy.
863
00:56:08,202 --> 00:56:11,497
- Good to see you.
- Look at you.
864
00:56:11,497 --> 00:56:14,666
What is the deal with you two?
865
00:56:14,666 --> 00:56:18,378
Oh, come on.
"You taste as good as ever"?
866
00:56:18,378 --> 00:56:20,547
We had a thing in college.
867
00:56:20,547 --> 00:56:24,051
I didn't tell you because
I didn't want to discourage you.
868
00:56:24,051 --> 00:56:26,720
- Mmm.
- He's sexy!
869
00:56:27,721 --> 00:56:33,060
And very... attentive.
870
00:56:33,060 --> 00:56:35,103
Oh.
871
00:56:35,229 --> 00:56:38,065
He really is a freak, isn't he?
872
00:56:38,065 --> 00:56:40,818
You don't have to marry the guy.
873
00:56:43,695 --> 00:56:47,866
- So, what are we gonna do about this?
- This?
874
00:56:51,245 --> 00:56:55,332
Oh, come on. Don't tell me
you haven't thought about it...
875
00:56:55,332 --> 00:56:59,336
every time we've seen each other
since college.
876
00:57:01,463 --> 00:57:05,592
Uh-Oh, I-I-I've thought about it.
877
00:57:05,592 --> 00:57:08,345
Uh...
878
00:57:08,345 --> 00:57:11,431
- Sure, you're-you're-you're...
- I'm what?
879
00:57:13,767 --> 00:57:17,104
- Very...
- Very what?
880
00:57:17,104 --> 00:57:21,150
Uh...
881
00:57:21,150 --> 00:57:24,570
Talk dirty to me.
882
00:57:49,469 --> 00:57:53,599
You taste amazing.
883
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:56,560
Thank you.
884
00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:59,313
Um-Um, could you...
could you...
885
00:57:59,313 --> 00:58:04,985
could you stop doing whatever that it is
that you were just doing...
886
00:58:04,985 --> 00:58:08,989
and... leave?
887
00:58:10,741 --> 00:58:12,701
Oh.
888
00:58:12,826 --> 00:58:15,454
I would be wearing...
889
00:58:18,165 --> 00:58:20,125
shorts.
890
00:58:20,167 --> 00:58:23,629
And you would...
891
00:58:23,629 --> 00:58:26,548
be in a swimsuit?
892
00:58:26,548 --> 00:58:30,344
- Oh, God. Just relax.
- I'm sorry.
893
00:58:30,344 --> 00:58:34,431
It's just, you know,
you have a... husband.
894
00:58:34,431 --> 00:58:37,309
Rand.
895
00:58:37,309 --> 00:58:39,269
- What kind of name is that anyway?
- Oh, ah...
896
00:58:39,311 --> 00:58:42,105
Mm-mmm. No.
897
00:58:42,105 --> 00:58:47,027
- Doesn't matter. Okay?
- None of it matters, Tobey.
898
00:58:47,027 --> 00:58:49,613
I mean, in 50 years,
we're gonna be dead...
899
00:58:49,613 --> 00:58:52,282
and nobody's gonna remember us
or even know we existed.
900
00:58:52,282 --> 00:58:54,868
- So, come on.
- In 50 years, I'm only gonna be 86.
901
00:58:54,868 --> 00:58:58,288
Mmm. Whatever.
902
00:58:58,288 --> 00:59:00,541
My point is that
this is all so temporary...
903
00:59:00,541 --> 00:59:03,043
so let's just enjoy it.
904
00:59:03,043 --> 00:59:05,295
Please?
905
00:59:26,608 --> 00:59:28,652
Elaine.
906
00:59:28,777 --> 00:59:32,739
- Elaine!
- Hey-Hey...
907
00:59:32,739 --> 00:59:35,993
Elaine... is asleep.
908
00:59:37,161 --> 00:59:40,038
She's gone to bed.
909
00:59:40,038 --> 00:59:44,042
Uh, wait...
910
00:59:44,042 --> 00:59:46,712
You were just up there?
911
00:59:46,795 --> 00:59:49,590
Yes. Yes, I was.
912
00:59:50,757 --> 00:59:54,428
Nothing to write home about.
913
00:59:54,428 --> 00:59:57,723
I think I got a song out of it.
914
01:00:10,444 --> 01:00:11,361
Why would you do that?
915
01:00:11,403 --> 01:00:13,447
You know I invited
Elaine and her new boyfriend.
916
01:00:13,447 --> 01:00:16,950
I know, but he just looks so pathetic.
And, you know...
917
01:00:16,950 --> 01:00:19,286
- I forgot.
- You did not forget, Tom.
918
01:00:19,286 --> 01:00:22,122
Well, he's just blathering on
about how much he misses Elaine.
919
01:00:22,122 --> 01:00:24,416
He can't function without her.
He's gotta see her.
920
01:00:24,458 --> 01:00:27,169
You know, I wanted somebody here who
doesn't know anything about the theater -
921
01:00:27,169 --> 01:00:29,588
- so I could have somebody to talk to.
- Right. Fine.
922
01:00:29,588 --> 01:00:32,299
He's sitting far away
from Elaine. Next to Amis.
923
01:00:32,299 --> 01:00:34,384
The guy in the yellow turtleneck?
924
01:00:34,468 --> 01:00:37,471
Rebecca, he's your brother.
Don't do that to him.
925
01:00:37,471 --> 01:00:39,973
- My man.
- I, uh -
926
01:00:39,973 --> 01:00:42,059
- brought a bottle of wine.
- Thank you.
927
01:00:42,100 --> 01:00:44,603
That's what you're supposed to do
at a dinner party, right?
928
01:00:44,603 --> 01:00:46,563
- Very grown-up.
- Yep. Hey.
929
01:00:46,605 --> 01:00:49,608
- Hi. How are you?
- Hello?
930
01:00:49,608 --> 01:00:51,944
Your door was wide open.
931
01:00:54,112 --> 01:00:57,199
- Hi. Hi, my name's Tom.
- Hi. You look so pretty.
932
01:00:57,199 --> 01:00:59,201
- Thank you.
- So pretty. Hi.
933
01:00:59,326 --> 01:01:01,954
- Goren.
- Nice to meet you. Hi, Elaine.
934
01:01:01,954 --> 01:01:04,414
- Hello.
- Hi, hi. Nice to see you... again.
935
01:01:04,414 --> 01:01:08,502
Oh, wow. Wow, that was a lot of kisses.
936
01:01:08,502 --> 01:01:13,090
- Hello.
- Hey. Tobey.
937
01:01:13,090 --> 01:01:16,552
- Tobey. Tobey.
- Let me take your coat.
938
01:01:16,552 --> 01:01:18,679
- Hiya.
- Here you go.
939
01:01:18,720 --> 01:01:20,722
- Yeah.
- Take your coat too.
940
01:01:20,722 --> 01:01:22,891
- Come on. Take it off.
- All right.
941
01:01:22,975 --> 01:01:24,935
No, the theater. No, no, no...
942
01:01:24,977 --> 01:01:27,146
the theater is completely different.
943
01:01:27,187 --> 01:01:29,356
I mean, it's all star-driven,
you know?
944
01:01:29,356 --> 01:01:33,026
Stars, stars, stars.
They can't walk. They can't talk.
945
01:01:33,026 --> 01:01:37,489
I mean, it's just like the film industry
where you hail from, my dear.
946
01:01:37,489 --> 01:01:39,992
Actually, Amis,
I hail from New Jersey.
947
01:01:39,992 --> 01:01:43,203
No? New Jers...
Charming.
948
01:01:43,203 --> 01:01:46,957
Charming as ever.
Tom, you are a lucky man.
949
01:01:46,957 --> 01:01:50,961
Spunk doesn't usually come
in such a beautiful package.
950
01:01:55,716 --> 01:01:58,343
You know, I...
951
01:01:58,343 --> 01:02:01,013
I think it's this, uh...
these departures...
952
01:02:01,013 --> 01:02:05,184
from the literatures
which-which makes it worse...
953
01:02:05,225 --> 01:02:07,769
in this society's, uh...
It goes, uh...
954
01:02:07,769 --> 01:02:10,189
the-the wrongest.
955
01:02:11,231 --> 01:02:15,235
- What?
- What do you mean, Goren?
956
01:02:15,235 --> 01:02:17,738
No. No, yeah...
957
01:02:17,738 --> 01:02:20,949
It-It's-Because it is this,
uh, connection...
958
01:02:20,949 --> 01:02:24,495
between the past and the futures.
959
01:02:24,578 --> 01:02:30,000
Uh-Well, because it-it was there
before any of the other arts.
960
01:02:30,834 --> 01:02:34,505
- Except painting.
- And dance.
961
01:02:36,089 --> 01:02:38,467
This is great wine.
962
01:02:38,467 --> 01:02:41,303
Isn't it.
963
01:02:50,145 --> 01:02:53,065
So, Goren, are you...
technically a citizen?
964
01:02:58,070 --> 01:03:00,697
There are more than one, um...
965
01:03:00,697 --> 01:03:04,243
places for which, uh,
to be citizens with than this one.
966
01:03:12,584 --> 01:03:14,920
So, what, you're on like
a limited visa or something?
967
01:03:17,631 --> 01:03:19,883
You all right?
968
01:03:19,883 --> 01:03:21,844
- I am. I'm...
- Are you okay?
969
01:03:32,938 --> 01:03:35,482
Wow! This is good soup.
970
01:03:45,617 --> 01:03:49,246
- Tobey! We can't do this.
- What? What do-What do-What do you mean?
971
01:03:49,329 --> 01:03:51,290
It's all right.
They're, you know...
972
01:03:54,668 --> 01:03:57,421
We're not together anymore.
973
01:03:57,421 --> 01:03:59,381
Do you get that?
974
01:04:02,176 --> 01:04:04,469
But it-But it's not right
for me, Elaine.
975
01:04:07,598 --> 01:04:11,059
Ah-It-I mean,
it's Tobey and Elaine.
976
01:04:11,059 --> 01:04:14,229
That sounds right to me.
Those two names.
977
01:04:14,229 --> 01:04:18,108
It's-They-They-They go together.
978
01:04:18,192 --> 01:04:22,154
That's your plea?
That our names go together?
979
01:04:23,030 --> 01:04:25,282
It seems right.
980
01:04:26,366 --> 01:04:28,619
It's not right.
981
01:04:28,702 --> 01:04:32,498
I'm just starting with someone new,
and I'm happy.
982
01:04:32,539 --> 01:04:35,375
That...
983
01:04:35,375 --> 01:04:38,253
That-That-sprocket out there?
984
01:04:38,337 --> 01:04:42,966
He's in a unitard, for Chrissakes!
985
01:04:42,966 --> 01:04:45,260
Better. That is the Tobey
that I know.
986
01:04:45,385 --> 01:04:48,388
Oh, oh, oh,
"I think 'The Canterbury Tales'...
987
01:04:48,388 --> 01:04:51,517
"really provides a basis
for all of the modern literatures.
988
01:04:51,558 --> 01:04:55,062
- And watch me dance."
- You know, you're right, Tobey.
989
01:04:55,062 --> 01:04:57,523
You've-You hit the nail
on the head! He is.
990
01:04:57,523 --> 01:04:59,483
- He's a pretentious sprocket.
- Yes!
991
01:04:59,525 --> 01:05:01,568
He's a pretentious sprocket...
992
01:05:01,568 --> 01:05:04,863
with a huge cock!
993
01:05:08,408 --> 01:05:12,704
No-Well, he-he-he does not look...
994
01:05:12,704 --> 01:05:15,415
like he has a huge cock.
995
01:05:17,918 --> 01:05:21,296
Well, he does. And you...
996
01:05:21,296 --> 01:05:24,591
you don't know what
a relationship is.
997
01:05:48,282 --> 01:05:52,411
Boy, that water pressure in there
really sucks.
998
01:06:03,630 --> 01:06:07,968
Mmm. It's been a long time, hasn't it?
999
01:06:07,968 --> 01:06:10,804
Where'd she find this guy,
Zorro, anyway?
1000
01:06:10,804 --> 01:06:15,017
It's Goren.
And let's not talk about him.
1001
01:06:18,604 --> 01:06:21,190
I gotta be up early for "Mommy and Me".
1002
01:06:26,778 --> 01:06:28,864
Okay.
1003
01:06:31,533 --> 01:06:34,369
"That's not really fair to say, now is it?
1004
01:06:34,453 --> 01:06:37,539
We've known each other for a long time.
I think we deserve each other's honesty."
1005
01:06:37,539 --> 01:06:40,834
"I have been in love with you
since the moment I saw you."
1006
01:06:40,834 --> 01:06:42,920
"You only think you have."
1007
01:06:44,796 --> 01:06:48,842
- "What's the difference?"
- That's a cocksucker of a speech.
1008
01:06:48,884 --> 01:06:51,053
How come I didn't get
the cursing gene?
1009
01:06:51,053 --> 01:06:54,264
You know, I've never had
this much trouble remembering my lines.
1010
01:06:54,348 --> 01:06:56,683
It must be menopause.
1011
01:06:56,683 --> 01:07:00,813
Becca, you're 38. And would you please
not talk about your vagina? You're my sister.
1012
01:07:00,813 --> 01:07:03,190
It's bad enough that my best friend
has sex with you.
1013
01:07:05,526 --> 01:07:09,154
Walk back to the theater
with me, would ya?
1014
01:07:14,326 --> 01:07:18,038
Hey! What the fuck?
1015
01:07:21,875 --> 01:07:23,836
Hey!
1016
01:07:27,798 --> 01:07:32,135
Hey-Hey-Hey.
Evel Knievel, what the fuck?
1017
01:07:32,135 --> 01:07:34,263
Since when do you smoke?
1018
01:07:34,388 --> 01:07:37,266
I know he's seeing someone.
1019
01:07:39,726 --> 01:07:43,397
You know, I wasn't really sure,
but that look confirmed it.
1020
01:07:43,397 --> 01:07:46,191
Hey, that's not fair. You said you already
knew he was seeing someone.
1021
01:07:46,191 --> 01:07:49,736
- So he is?
- No, I-I-I...
1022
01:07:49,736 --> 01:07:52,573
I mean, I-I-I know nothing.
1023
01:07:52,573 --> 01:07:54,950
I'm not the guy who tells
someone something like that.
1024
01:07:54,950 --> 01:07:57,494
I refuse to be
forced into being that guy.
1025
01:07:57,494 --> 01:08:01,748
This is not about you, you little
fucking twit. Hey, you hit me!
1026
01:08:01,748 --> 01:08:04,668
You know, Tom's right about you.
You're the, uh, what did he call you?
1027
01:08:04,668 --> 01:08:08,422
The play-by-play guy. That's what you call
him, right, the guy who sits in the booth...
1028
01:08:08,422 --> 01:08:10,674
and talks about everything
that's goin' on without ever playing.
1029
01:08:10,716 --> 01:08:14,344
Never fucking participating.
Just letting life pass you by.
1030
01:08:14,428 --> 01:08:16,847
- Never participating!
- Well, if I'm that guy...
1031
01:08:16,847 --> 01:08:19,808
then he's the quarterback who wants to
screw everything with two legs.
1032
01:08:19,808 --> 01:08:23,061
To continue the...
1033
01:08:23,103 --> 01:08:26,148
the metaphor, that is.
1034
01:08:26,148 --> 01:08:28,484
Fuck!
1035
01:08:33,989 --> 01:08:36,658
Thanks for reading with me, Tobey.
1036
01:08:36,658 --> 01:08:39,244
I'm sorry. I'm so...
1037
01:08:56,678 --> 01:08:59,264
Oh, hey.
1038
01:09:01,642 --> 01:09:03,602
Cosmos...
1039
01:09:03,644 --> 01:09:06,313
would you be a sweetheart
and let Mr. Ronson in?
1040
01:09:06,313 --> 01:09:08,899
He's already here, Mom.
1041
01:09:11,360 --> 01:09:13,445
So they're really
that sensitive, huh?
1042
01:09:13,445 --> 01:09:16,323
Women don't seem
to believe that, but, yes, they are.
1043
01:09:16,323 --> 01:09:20,327
Oh, so now I'm being lumped
with all women?
1044
01:09:20,369 --> 01:09:23,330
- Pamela, we need to talk about somethin'.
- No.
1045
01:09:23,330 --> 01:09:25,207
I know what you're gonna say.
1046
01:09:25,207 --> 01:09:28,752
And you're right. But...
But I don't want to.
1047
01:09:28,836 --> 01:09:31,964
Look, I can't...
I can't do this anymore.
1048
01:09:31,964 --> 01:09:34,341
We have to stop this.
1049
01:09:50,107 --> 01:09:53,360
- Hey, you wanna see what Cosmos taught me?
- Sure.
1050
01:09:53,360 --> 01:09:56,280
Oh!
1051
01:09:56,363 --> 01:09:58,991
- Mommy!
- Hey, is that my big boy?
1052
01:10:01,118 --> 01:10:03,537
- Hi, sweetheart.
- Hey, we didn't expect you to be home.
1053
01:10:03,537 --> 01:10:06,206
Well, I-I missed my family,
so I came home early.
1054
01:10:08,834 --> 01:10:11,712
- Are you wearing cologne?
- No.
1055
01:10:13,088 --> 01:10:15,841
David learned some interesting
things on his play date today.
1056
01:10:15,841 --> 01:10:17,801
Oh, really. Like what?
1057
01:10:17,843 --> 01:10:20,846
I learned how to silence someone!
1058
01:10:20,846 --> 01:10:23,807
- How do you do that?
- You hit them in the balls.
1059
01:10:23,849 --> 01:10:25,809
Oh.
1060
01:10:25,893 --> 01:10:27,769
Yep.
1061
01:10:27,769 --> 01:10:29,771
That sounds like a good idea.
1062
01:10:32,649 --> 01:10:35,903
Okay, everybody, let's get ready
for dinner. Come on. Let's go.
1063
01:10:35,903 --> 01:10:38,405
Whoops. Okay.
1064
01:10:44,536 --> 01:10:46,872
Here you go, buddy.
1065
01:10:46,872 --> 01:10:49,666
Watch your hand.
1066
01:10:49,708 --> 01:10:52,002
- Here you go. Oh, sorry.
- Oops.
1067
01:10:53,712 --> 01:10:55,756
- There you go.
- Thanks.
1068
01:10:55,756 --> 01:10:57,716
Enjoy.
1069
01:11:02,095 --> 01:11:04,765
- You okay?
- Um...
1070
01:11:04,765 --> 01:11:06,725
I'm thinking about
dropping out of the play.
1071
01:11:06,767 --> 01:11:10,270
What? Why?
1072
01:11:10,270 --> 01:11:14,233
Things aren't working
out the way I want them to.
1073
01:11:14,233 --> 01:11:16,944
Rebecca, you always have these moments
of doubts before an opening.
1074
01:11:16,944 --> 01:11:19,279
- You know? I was...
- Not about so many things.
1075
01:11:22,825 --> 01:11:24,785
What are you doin', Tom?
1076
01:11:27,621 --> 01:11:32,125
I look at you, I feel like I don't even know
who you are anymore.
1077
01:11:32,125 --> 01:11:34,962
- And maybe that's my fault.
- No.
1078
01:11:34,962 --> 01:11:38,006
It's not your fault. I, uh...
1079
01:11:40,008 --> 01:11:44,471
I just-I feel lost.
1080
01:11:44,471 --> 01:11:49,226
And, uh, I don't know
who I am right now.
1081
01:11:58,944 --> 01:12:02,406
You should leave, Tom,
till you figure it out.
1082
01:12:02,406 --> 01:12:05,284
We can't do it for you.
1083
01:12:07,286 --> 01:12:09,746
What a good boy.
1084
01:12:09,830 --> 01:12:11,832
Eatin' all that spaghetti.
1085
01:12:13,584 --> 01:12:15,544
Sorry, I'm late.
1086
01:12:15,586 --> 01:12:18,922
It's all the idiots.
1087
01:12:18,922 --> 01:12:21,383
- Could you explain to me the psychology...
- Tobey...
1088
01:12:21,466 --> 01:12:25,262
behind the people who wait in a long line
at the store and don't take their money out...
1089
01:12:25,262 --> 01:12:28,015
until their total is rung up,
as if it's a surprise?
1090
01:12:28,015 --> 01:12:30,517
"Oh, you want money for this?
1091
01:12:30,642 --> 01:12:34,855
"Well, I had no idea.
Wait, while I unzip my fanny pack...
1092
01:12:34,855 --> 01:12:37,983
and dig through my man-purse
for my wallet."
1093
01:12:38,066 --> 01:12:42,571
So, do you think
you might be avoiding the issue?
1094
01:12:42,571 --> 01:12:46,283
- What issue is that?
- That you've been following me?
1095
01:12:46,366 --> 01:12:50,412
I think not.
1096
01:12:53,916 --> 01:12:56,710
Oh. Oh! That was you.
1097
01:12:56,710 --> 01:12:59,630
I thought-I thought it might have been,
but there was just, you know -
1098
01:12:59,630 --> 01:13:02,716
- so much of a coincidence.
- What were you hoping to find out, Tobey?
1099
01:13:02,716 --> 01:13:06,804
That I'm a Libra?
That I had a heart attack?
1100
01:13:06,845 --> 01:13:08,847
Oh, you had a heart attack?
1101
01:13:08,847 --> 01:13:12,309
I also had a withholding father
and an inappropriate mother.
1102
01:13:12,392 --> 01:13:15,395
And when I was 20, I had a nervous breakdown.
1103
01:13:15,395 --> 01:13:19,566
And, I think it's time
to terminate your therapy.
1104
01:13:19,566 --> 01:13:22,402
I'm sorry?
1105
01:13:22,402 --> 01:13:25,572
Well, this is not working out.
1106
01:13:25,572 --> 01:13:28,367
Well, Tobey, not for you
and not for me.
1107
01:13:30,410 --> 01:13:36,166
Okay.
1108
01:13:36,208 --> 01:13:38,919
Have a little trust, Tobey.
1109
01:13:38,919 --> 01:13:42,172
The world is not against you.
1110
01:13:43,215 --> 01:13:47,219
I mean, no wonder
his advice was so bad.
1111
01:13:47,261 --> 01:13:49,346
He had a nervous breakdown.
1112
01:13:49,346 --> 01:13:51,306
A heart attack.
Messed up parents.
1113
01:13:51,348 --> 01:13:55,102
I mean, could he be
any more unhealthy?
1114
01:13:55,102 --> 01:13:58,355
He said something to me, though,
when I left, that really bugged me.
1115
01:13:58,355 --> 01:14:03,443
He said, "The world is not against
you, Tobey. Have a little trust."
1116
01:14:03,443 --> 01:14:05,779
Well, that kinda goes
against my whole philosophy.
1117
01:14:05,779 --> 01:14:09,324
"The world is not against me." Huh? I
mean, well, then how do you explain my life?
1118
01:14:09,324 --> 01:14:11,910
Jesus Christ!
Can you just shut up?
1119
01:14:13,453 --> 01:14:17,457
I mean, I-I don't have time
for this bullshit about your shrink.
1120
01:14:17,457 --> 01:14:21,336
Have you noticed that I've been kicked out
of my house and my life is falling apart?
1121
01:14:23,213 --> 01:14:25,799
Oh, yeah. Okay.
1122
01:14:28,010 --> 01:14:30,220
I gotta go.
1123
01:14:36,935 --> 01:14:39,438
Do you think I should get Botox?
1124
01:14:39,438 --> 01:14:42,149
- Definitely.
- Really?
1125
01:14:42,149 --> 01:14:45,652
Uh-huh. If you wanna
lose me as your friend.
1126
01:14:45,652 --> 01:14:48,280
You're so strict.
1127
01:14:50,282 --> 01:14:52,951
I saw that bitch at school.
She actually said "hi" to me.
1128
01:14:52,951 --> 01:14:55,871
- What did you do?
- Oh, I showed her.
1129
01:14:55,871 --> 01:14:58,582
I said "hi" back and smiled.
And then I just walked away.
1130
01:14:58,582 --> 01:15:01,877
She must be reeling.
1131
01:15:04,129 --> 01:15:07,299
- How are the kids doing?
- They're okay.
1132
01:15:07,299 --> 01:15:11,678
He comes by to see them every day.
I just can't bear to look at him.
1133
01:15:11,678 --> 01:15:13,806
He's in that overly sweet
hangdog stage...
1134
01:15:13,806 --> 01:15:16,517
where I could set him on fire,
and he'd thank me for it.
1135
01:15:16,517 --> 01:15:19,019
It's not a bad idea.
1136
01:15:19,144 --> 01:15:23,315
How's "Goren the Terrible"?
1137
01:15:23,315 --> 01:15:25,776
Terribly boring.
1138
01:15:25,776 --> 01:15:28,070
He does wanna have a baby though.
1139
01:15:55,514 --> 01:15:58,892
Hey, can I have a blintze...
this early?
1140
01:15:58,892 --> 01:16:00,894
It's all I've been thinking
about since last night.
1141
01:16:00,894 --> 01:16:04,565
It's a-It's an acceptable
crossover food, right?
1142
01:16:04,565 --> 01:16:08,402
Why do you think
we're such wiseasses?
1143
01:16:08,402 --> 01:16:12,865
Probably a good way to avoid thinking
about the fact that we're all gonna die.
1144
01:16:12,865 --> 01:16:14,825
When are you gonna get over that?
1145
01:16:14,867 --> 01:16:17,119
Um...
1146
01:16:17,119 --> 01:16:19,496
never.
1147
01:16:19,496 --> 01:16:21,456
It's a pretty big deal.
1148
01:16:21,498 --> 01:16:24,042
You know what I think?
I think it's a good way...
1149
01:16:24,042 --> 01:16:26,420
to avoid taking
responsibility for anything.
1150
01:16:26,545 --> 01:16:30,215
It's like, "Hey, we're only joking, right?
We're all gonna die, right?"
1151
01:16:30,215 --> 01:16:32,509
You and me, we're missing
the biggest moments of our lives...
1152
01:16:32,509 --> 01:16:35,387
'cause all we can talk about
is sports and blintzes.
1153
01:16:37,389 --> 01:16:39,475
It's just it's, uh...
1154
01:16:39,475 --> 01:16:42,853
it's pretty depressing
not living with your kids.
1155
01:16:45,355 --> 01:16:47,316
Or the woman you love.
1156
01:16:49,401 --> 01:16:52,112
Or the woman that you love.
1157
01:16:52,112 --> 01:16:57,701
Just because you happen to be an immensely
flawed and selfish human being.
1158
01:16:57,701 --> 01:17:01,330
Hey, you're not so great yourself.
1159
01:17:06,251 --> 01:17:11,507
I think the blintze is fully acceptable
as a crossover food...
1160
01:17:11,507 --> 01:17:14,343
and I would like one myself.
1161
01:17:14,426 --> 01:17:17,471
- You're the man.
- No, you the man.
1162
01:17:17,471 --> 01:17:19,515
Up top.
1163
01:17:23,435 --> 01:17:25,521
I guess
the first thing I should say...
1164
01:17:25,521 --> 01:17:29,107
is that my name is not Tobey.
1165
01:17:30,234 --> 01:17:32,194
It's Todd.
1166
01:17:32,236 --> 01:17:34,404
Hi, Todd.
1167
01:17:35,697 --> 01:17:38,575
No, it's not-It's, uh, it's Tom.
1168
01:17:38,575 --> 01:17:40,619
My name is Tom.
1169
01:17:40,661 --> 01:17:43,997
It really is, okay?
And, uh, secondly...
1170
01:17:43,997 --> 01:17:47,918
I have-I have no relation
at all to deli meats.
1171
01:17:47,918 --> 01:17:53,215
I just made it up to try to fit in.
1172
01:17:56,468 --> 01:18:00,055
I don't know...
I don't know what I am...
1173
01:18:00,055 --> 01:18:04,101
but, um, I'm pretty sure
that I have a problem.
1174
01:18:04,143 --> 01:18:08,021
Although, not as-as big
a problem as all of you seem to have.
1175
01:18:08,021 --> 01:18:11,733
Um, anybody else hot?
1176
01:18:11,733 --> 01:18:15,070
Uh, I, uh...
1177
01:18:15,070 --> 01:18:19,867
I also use humor and, uh,
complaints about the temperature...
1178
01:18:19,867 --> 01:18:23,036
as a way of diverting attention...
1179
01:18:23,036 --> 01:18:27,666
from the, uh,
from the very serious fact, uh...
1180
01:18:27,666 --> 01:18:30,127
that I'm ruining my life.
1181
01:18:30,127 --> 01:18:33,505
And, uh...
1182
01:18:33,505 --> 01:18:38,552
I just-I just thought it would do me
some good to tell my real story here today.
1183
01:18:38,552 --> 01:18:42,055
So, uh...
1184
01:18:42,055 --> 01:18:48,061
I, uh, I come from a family
of poor peasants.
1185
01:18:48,061 --> 01:18:52,191
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm just kiddin'. Um...
1186
01:19:16,131 --> 01:19:18,592
It-It's hims, again.
1187
01:19:22,429 --> 01:19:27,559
Mabel? George?
Come here, please.
1188
01:19:27,559 --> 01:19:30,103
Now Mr. Bertram
will be joining us for dinner tonight.
1189
01:19:30,103 --> 01:19:32,272
Rlease make the arrangements.
1190
01:19:36,443 --> 01:19:41,323
All right, Debbie.
1191
01:19:41,323 --> 01:19:45,285
Confound it,
where is that daughter of mine?
1192
01:19:45,285 --> 01:19:47,955
Oh, Daddy, I'm comin'.
1193
01:20:21,989 --> 01:20:24,074
- Trust us.
- Trust us.
1194
01:20:24,074 --> 01:20:26,451
- We're all about trust.
- Come on.
1195
01:20:26,451 --> 01:20:29,371
- Okay. Here you go.
- Come on.
1196
01:20:48,515 --> 01:20:52,561
Come in.
1197
01:20:53,520 --> 01:20:56,648
Popular lady.
1198
01:20:56,648 --> 01:21:00,861
I think these are
from your husband. Again.
1199
01:21:00,861 --> 01:21:03,947
- Break a leg.
- Thank you.
1200
01:21:26,595 --> 01:21:31,391
Sweetheart, I'm sorry to interrupt
your preshow cry.
1201
01:21:31,391 --> 01:21:33,727
All the best ones have 'em.
1202
01:21:39,566 --> 01:21:41,735
We're all
in this together, my dear.
1203
01:21:41,777 --> 01:21:45,781
All damned to the theater.
1204
01:21:45,781 --> 01:21:48,075
Condemned to live through our art.
1205
01:21:48,075 --> 01:21:51,578
For we do not know
how to live through our lives.
1206
01:21:51,578 --> 01:21:54,414
We are islands.
1207
01:21:54,414 --> 01:21:56,667
Francis...
1208
01:21:56,750 --> 01:21:58,710
my director...
1209
01:21:58,752 --> 01:22:02,756
I am a mother and a wife first
and foremost...
1210
01:22:02,756 --> 01:22:05,884
and you should go fuck yourself.
1211
01:22:10,597 --> 01:22:12,474
Welcome to tonight's...
1212
01:22:12,474 --> 01:22:15,644
premiere performance
of Edmund Middleton's Fifty Means.
1213
01:22:15,727 --> 01:22:18,605
Oh, these are good seats.
1214
01:22:18,605 --> 01:22:20,566
- Okay.
- Enjoy the show.
1215
01:22:20,566 --> 01:22:23,777
That should be me.
1216
01:22:23,777 --> 01:22:26,822
- What'd you say?
- Nothing.
1217
01:22:31,118 --> 01:22:33,829
You go on back to the house.
I'll get the rest.
1218
01:22:41,587 --> 01:22:46,216
I never thought
I'd say this, but I'm happy to be home.
1219
01:22:46,216 --> 01:22:50,095
Nothing much has changed
around here, but then again, it never does.
1220
01:22:52,139 --> 01:22:54,433
I'm miserable.
1221
01:22:58,479 --> 01:23:01,607
And seein' you miserable
isn't helping any.
1222
01:23:03,442 --> 01:23:06,487
- What are we gonna do?
- I don't know.
1223
01:23:10,491 --> 01:23:13,368
We gotta do somethin'.
1224
01:23:24,087 --> 01:23:27,424
There she is.
You go talk to her.
1225
01:23:27,508 --> 01:23:30,511
And you go find a pen
and a piece of paper.
1226
01:23:34,181 --> 01:23:38,268
Hey. I thought that was you.
1227
01:23:38,310 --> 01:23:40,354
Tobey.
1228
01:23:42,314 --> 01:23:46,193
- Not now, okay?
- You don't return my calls.
1229
01:23:46,193 --> 01:23:50,364
I need a, uh, pen and a piece of paper.
It's an emergency.
1230
01:23:50,364 --> 01:23:53,033
Tobey, why do you
have to make this so hard?
1231
01:23:53,033 --> 01:23:55,953
Elaine, it's hard for me too.
1232
01:23:56,995 --> 01:24:00,499
Oh, my goodness!
1233
01:24:00,499 --> 01:24:03,502
Listens, I-I want you
to stop calling the houses...
1234
01:24:03,544 --> 01:24:09,007
and, I-I want you
to stays away from her for all the times.
1235
01:24:09,007 --> 01:24:11,885
Why is everything plural
with this guy?
1236
01:24:11,885 --> 01:24:14,471
Oh, insult face to my faces?
1237
01:24:14,471 --> 01:24:16,598
- Tobey.
- What?
1238
01:24:16,723 --> 01:24:20,435
- This is Rebecca's night, okay?
- What? What? I know.
1239
01:24:20,435 --> 01:24:24,565
- I'm sorry, I dropped the pen there.
- Oh, I'll get it.
1240
01:24:24,565 --> 01:24:26,525
Hey.
1241
01:24:26,525 --> 01:24:29,403
- Those aren't your flowers, sir.
- You don't understand.
1242
01:24:29,403 --> 01:24:31,864
I need to get these
to Rebecca Pollack backstage. So...
1243
01:24:31,905 --> 01:24:36,910
I'm sorry, she doesn't accept
stolen flowers in intermissions.
1244
01:24:36,910 --> 01:24:41,540
Oh, no. Can you at least just...
Can you get her this note?
1245
01:24:41,582 --> 01:24:44,042
I'm her husband.
Please, just give her that.
1246
01:24:44,042 --> 01:24:47,629
- We're talkin'here, "Gorens."
- Come.
1247
01:24:48,881 --> 01:24:51,341
- I'm talkin' to her, if you don't mind.
- I do mind.
1248
01:24:51,425 --> 01:24:54,553
- It's not gonna happen.
- I said I'd like to talk to her.
1249
01:24:54,553 --> 01:24:57,723
- Release her.
- I'm not gonna release her.
1250
01:24:57,806 --> 01:25:00,851
Okay. Wait a minute!
1251
01:25:00,851 --> 01:25:02,978
Hey! That's not...
No running. No running.
1252
01:25:02,978 --> 01:25:05,022
- Stop it!
- You "shtop" it!
1253
01:25:05,022 --> 01:25:07,900
Sir, there's no running in the theater.
1254
01:25:07,983 --> 01:25:11,069
Oh, my God.
1255
01:25:11,069 --> 01:25:13,071
Sir, stay right there.
There's no running in the theater.
1256
01:25:13,071 --> 01:25:15,115
There's no running in the theater.
1257
01:25:15,115 --> 01:25:18,535
We got a runner. We got a runnerI Okay.
1258
01:25:19,453 --> 01:25:22,831
Oh! Pardon me.
1259
01:25:25,667 --> 01:25:27,669
West aisle.
1260
01:25:27,794 --> 01:25:29,671
- Come on!
- Sorry.
1261
01:25:29,671 --> 01:25:33,008
- Hey! Watch it. You're a jerk.
- Oh, God!
1262
01:25:33,091 --> 01:25:35,844
- Right there, sweetheart.
- Ow!
1263
01:25:35,844 --> 01:25:39,097
Why are you sweating?
1264
01:25:39,097 --> 01:25:44,144
I saw Goren.
I pushed him into a plant.
1265
01:25:44,144 --> 01:25:46,522
I stole some flowers.
1266
01:25:46,647 --> 01:25:50,192
- Oh, that sounds great. Good job.
- Yeah, you too.
1267
01:25:59,993 --> 01:26:03,497
Mrs. Pollack, final scene is up.
1268
01:26:03,497 --> 01:26:06,708
Thank you.
1269
01:26:13,841 --> 01:26:18,470
Who knows if she'll ever
come out of that room.
1270
01:26:18,470 --> 01:26:20,848
But I wouldn't blame her
if she didn't.
1271
01:26:20,848 --> 01:26:25,853
Hell, comin'back here
after so long, for what?
1272
01:26:25,853 --> 01:26:30,315
For us?
For this place?
1273
01:26:30,315 --> 01:26:34,903
Somehow, It doesn't make
a whole lotta sense to me.
1274
01:26:42,035 --> 01:26:47,624
- The night air. It feels good.
- This is the last line of the play.
1275
01:26:47,624 --> 01:26:50,878
- You know it does, Laura.
- So what?
1276
01:26:50,878 --> 01:26:54,631
I gotta do something.
Excuse me. Sorry.
1277
01:26:54,715 --> 01:26:58,927
I never thought I'd be able to say that again.
1278
01:26:58,927 --> 01:27:03,557
- Stop it!
- Let me just get through here. Rardon me.
1279
01:27:03,557 --> 01:27:05,392
Oh!
1280
01:27:05,517 --> 01:27:09,646
Give me back my hair!
Give me my hair!
1281
01:27:10,647 --> 01:27:13,442
Stop him!
1282
01:27:13,525 --> 01:27:16,528
Ushers, full alert!
East aisle. Stage approach.
1283
01:27:16,528 --> 01:27:19,865
Stop!
1284
01:27:52,105 --> 01:27:55,943
Hey!
1285
01:27:55,984 --> 01:27:58,654
Get off!
1286
01:28:05,077 --> 01:28:08,539
It's okay.
1287
01:28:08,539 --> 01:28:11,583
This is my husband.
1288
01:28:12,876 --> 01:28:15,379
This loser?
1289
01:28:18,423 --> 01:28:20,467
This loser.
1290
01:28:36,942 --> 01:28:39,194
Bravo.
1291
01:28:50,581 --> 01:28:53,167
Elaine!
1292
01:29:02,009 --> 01:29:04,344
Did you like the play?
1293
01:29:10,726 --> 01:29:14,855
- Come on, let's go.
- Wait, wait!
1294
01:29:18,650 --> 01:29:21,361
You're the one for me!
1295
01:29:23,155 --> 01:29:25,908
Is this part of the play?
1296
01:29:25,908 --> 01:29:29,620
Yes, yes. Yes.
It is part of the play.
1297
01:29:29,703 --> 01:29:31,997
Uh, uh, this is the part...
1298
01:29:33,999 --> 01:29:36,877
of the play
where we come together...
1299
01:29:36,877 --> 01:29:39,630
and never leave each other.
1300
01:29:40,881 --> 01:29:43,091
And some...
somehow I feel like it...
1301
01:29:43,091 --> 01:29:46,136
it was written a long time ago,
and I just...
1302
01:29:47,721 --> 01:29:51,683
I just didn't trust the script,
'cause I don't wanna die.
1303
01:29:51,683 --> 01:29:54,436
- What?
- Wha...
1304
01:29:54,561 --> 01:29:57,523
Why do I always
have to be equated with death?
1305
01:29:57,523 --> 01:30:00,025
- I agree.
- What-Wait...
1306
01:30:00,108 --> 01:30:02,611
Th-That didn't come out right. I...
1307
01:30:06,949 --> 01:30:10,994
I don't want to be a cold,
sarcastic, blocked-off man anymore.
1308
01:30:12,162 --> 01:30:15,123
I'm not gonna be.
1309
01:30:15,123 --> 01:30:18,919
And, it's not gonna be easy...
1310
01:30:18,919 --> 01:30:21,463
but I wanna struggle...
1311
01:30:21,463 --> 01:30:23,465
with you.
1312
01:30:30,063 --> 01:30:34,609
I love you.
1313
01:30:34,059 --> 01:30:36,436
And...
1314
01:30:36,436 --> 01:30:39,982
all I can do is say that
and let you do with it what you will.
1315
01:30:40,065 --> 01:30:43,152
And if you...
if you won't be with me...
1316
01:30:43,152 --> 01:30:45,612
I can accept that.
1317
01:30:45,612 --> 01:30:50,117
'Cause I-I want you to be happy.
1318
01:30:53,745 --> 01:30:55,956
Tobey. Tobey.
1319
01:30:57,833 --> 01:31:00,085
I have tried...
1320
01:31:00,085 --> 01:31:04,923
very hard to stop.
1321
01:31:04,923 --> 01:31:09,303
But somehow, I still love you.
1322
01:31:09,303 --> 01:31:12,181
Oh, my God. Thank God!
1323
01:31:12,181 --> 01:31:16,310
'Cause all that stuff I was saying about
being able to let you go, that was just crap.
1324
01:31:16,310 --> 01:31:19,313
I'd have to hunt you down. Who wants to
spend all their life doin' that...
1325
01:31:19,313 --> 01:31:23,400
when there's some many other
things to do before we d...
1326
01:31:52,346 --> 01:31:54,807
Sure, I'll be right back.
1327
01:31:54,807 --> 01:31:58,101
And how are you doing here?
1328
01:31:58,101 --> 01:32:02,189
Oh, God.
Do I look fat here?
1329
01:32:03,482 --> 01:32:06,735
Which one are you?
1330
01:32:06,735 --> 01:32:09,363
- You look great.
- Excuse me.
1331
01:32:09,363 --> 01:32:11,949
I don't mean to bother you...
1332
01:32:12,032 --> 01:32:15,494
but I recognized you from your book.
1333
01:32:15,494 --> 01:32:20,207
My son and I have spent so many great days
in New York together because of you.
1334
01:32:20,207 --> 01:32:22,876
Would you sign it for me, please?
1335
01:32:22,876 --> 01:32:25,129
Sure.
1336
01:32:27,214 --> 01:32:30,509
You must be a great daddy.
1337
01:32:30,509 --> 01:32:34,012
Thank you.
We're very proud of him.
1338
01:32:34,012 --> 01:32:36,056
Oh.
1339
01:32:38,100 --> 01:32:41,103
Oh, yes. We are very proud of him.
1340
01:32:43,105 --> 01:32:45,399
Okay.
1341
01:32:45,399 --> 01:32:47,526
Here's how it's gonna go.
1342
01:32:47,609 --> 01:32:50,821
I'm gonna get up
and go into the bathroom on the left.
1343
01:32:50,821 --> 01:32:53,991
Wait one minute...
1344
01:32:58,287 --> 01:33:00,330
and then you come in.
1345
01:33:08,422 --> 01:33:12,885
One, two, three...
1346
01:33:12,885 --> 01:33:17,681
Seventeen, 18...
1347
01:33:17,723 --> 01:33:21,852
nineteen-Daddy will be right back.
1348
01:33:23,020 --> 01:33:28,108
Twenty-four, 25, 26...
1349
01:33:28,108 --> 01:33:30,277
Forty-three...
1350
01:33:33,906 --> 01:33:36,200
Elaine has found in Tobey...
1351
01:33:36,241 --> 01:33:39,328
a man she can trust to love her...
1352
01:33:39,411 --> 01:33:41,955
to be her rock-solid baseline.
1353
01:33:41,955 --> 01:33:44,791
In Elaine, Tobey
has found his life's melody -
1354
01:33:44,791 --> 01:33:48,295
- his grace note.
- Come on now. Thank you. Hey.
1355
01:33:48,337 --> 01:33:52,382
Do you, Tobias, take this woman to be
your lawfully wedded wife...
1356
01:33:52,382 --> 01:33:56,428
to have and to hold,
until death do you part?
1357
01:33:56,428 --> 01:33:59,723
could you not mention death?
1358
01:33:59,723 --> 01:34:03,435
Uh, uh, "as long
as we both shall live."
1359
01:34:07,189 --> 01:34:10,275
- I do.
- I do.
1360
01:34:10,317 --> 01:34:12,402
- Yea!
- Whoo! Say "booyah."
1361
01:34:12,444 --> 01:34:14,404
- Booyah!
- Booyah!
1362
01:34:16,782 --> 01:34:19,117
Put me down!
1363
01:34:21,453 --> 01:34:23,831
Hey, Tobey...
1364
01:34:23,831 --> 01:34:26,458
I'm proud of you.
1365
01:34:39,847 --> 01:34:44,017
- Hey, hey! Hey!
- Baby, baby, go, go! Get him!
1366
01:34:44,017 --> 01:34:46,687
I just got married.
Come on, that's legal.
1367
01:34:46,687 --> 01:34:51,567
- I was behind the...
- That's our car!
1368
01:34:51,567 --> 01:34:53,694
Every time!
1369
01:34:53,819 --> 01:34:56,321
Every time!
1370
01:35:00,033 --> 01:35:02,286
All right all you plant lovers...
1371
01:35:02,369 --> 01:35:04,329
you people lovers,
you life lovers...
1372
01:35:04,371 --> 01:35:07,291
this one's called "Juniper."
1373
01:35:07,374 --> 01:35:09,668
And it goes like this.
103769
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