Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:06,840
- Ladies, why do
compression socks always
2
00:00:06,923 --> 00:00:09,592
make you look like you're about
to be wheeled onto an airplane?
3
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,594
They scream, "I'm old."
4
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,347
Well, not me
and not these.
5
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:15,724
You want compression socks
6
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,977
that say "Paris,"
not "hospice."
7
00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:20,562
You want...
8
00:00:20,645 --> 00:00:21,730
God damn it, Weed!
9
00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:23,148
- You ruined another take.
10
00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:24,941
- It's so hot, Deb!
11
00:00:25,024 --> 00:00:27,277
We need to turn on
the air conditioner!
12
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:30,071
- Well, as soon as I get
a clean take, you can.
13
00:00:30,155 --> 00:00:32,115
- Sweltering!
14
00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:34,617
- Uh, and, Deborah, you forgot
the American flag print.
15
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:35,994
- Ugh.
16
00:00:36,077 --> 00:00:39,289
Stupid fucking American flag!
Okay.
17
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:41,166
- Okay, uh,
let's go from Halloween.
18
00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:42,542
- All right.
19
00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:44,294
Ugh, you ready?
- Yeah.
20
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:45,587
- Okay.
- Ready.
21
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:49,382
- Now, pay special attention
to these.
22
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:52,218
Look at those little witches
flying on their little brooms.
23
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,137
Look at that artistry.
24
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:55,263
Fabulous.
25
00:00:55,972 --> 00:00:58,349
- Whew, those
compression socks are fierce.
26
00:00:58,433 --> 00:00:59,476
- What do you want?
27
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:00,852
- Oh, uh, I was just thinking
28
00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,479
maybe I should stay back
with Damien and Weed
29
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:03,730
while you're on the cruise.
30
00:01:03,813 --> 00:01:05,231
- You're coming,
and you'll love it.
31
00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,525
Cruises are fabulous,
especially gay ones.
32
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:09,694
- Sure, but being
in the middle of the ocean
33
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,571
is maybe the scariest thing
I can imagine,
34
00:01:11,654 --> 00:01:13,198
since I can't swim.
35
00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:17,619
- You can't?
- Yeah, I told you that.
36
00:01:17,702 --> 00:01:18,953
- Huh.
37
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:21,331
Must have blocked it out
'cause it's so sad.
38
00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,875
You'll wear a life jacket.
- All right.
39
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:25,460
I guess gay men will be
a good test audience
40
00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:26,961
for the show,
so it's good if I'm there.
41
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,630
- No.
No, no, no, no, no.
42
00:01:28,713 --> 00:01:30,340
No. This is a money gig.
43
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:31,674
The people want the old stuff.
44
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:35,136
I'm doing the classics
for my people.
45
00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:36,554
- Wealth hoarders?
46
00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:40,975
- Sorry.
47
00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:42,852
- Okay.
48
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,187
Fucking hell.
49
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:45,271
Fuck!
50
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:49,776
♪ ♪
51
00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:51,194
- I was like, "Listen, bitch.
52
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,029
You have cankles.
Don't tell me what to do."
53
00:01:53,112 --> 00:01:54,322
- Mm.
54
00:01:54,405 --> 00:01:55,573
- Mark,
do you want some of this?
55
00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:57,742
- Okay, again,
it is Marcus.
56
00:01:57,826 --> 00:01:59,994
And no, I have a breakfast
meeting across town.
57
00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:01,246
- Wait, you're going
to work right now?
58
00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:02,831
Yup, it is 7:00 a.m.
59
00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:05,375
- Babe, we're your friends,
and you need to make sure
60
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:07,293
you're prioritizing
your mental health, okay?
61
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:09,295
- Seriously, like,
we're not doing double shifts
62
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,756
until this weekend
so we can have the week off.
63
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,174
- Okay, no offense,
but I'm not a waiter.
64
00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:16,386
- I'm a CEO.
- Okay, Gru.
65
00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:19,222
- Who is Gru?
66
00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:20,557
- From "Despicable Me."
67
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,392
Leader of the Minions, honey.
68
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:26,354
- Oh, shit,
can I get a couple Addies?
69
00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:28,189
- David, you just
literally did cocaine.
70
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:30,692
- Yeah, I did. It's gone now.
71
00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:32,026
- Here.
72
00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,319
All right, I'll see
you guys tomorrow night.
73
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:35,029
- Okay, go make a deal, Gru.
74
00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:37,031
- Bye, Gru!
75
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:38,491
Bye, boys.
76
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:39,742
- Wait, let's crush this.
Let's crush this.
77
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,077
- Okay.
78
00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:44,539
- Huh. Lot of ladies.
79
00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:48,751
- Hey, Deb!
- Oh, my God.
80
00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:50,587
Margaret Cho.
81
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,589
Great to see you.
You look great.
82
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,757
- You look great.
- Thanks.
83
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,426
So how were they?
- Uh,
84
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:58,094
audiences, B-minus,
85
00:02:58,177 --> 00:03:00,763
but the cunnilingus, A-plus.
86
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,223
- Huh.
87
00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:05,894
I-I thought
this was a gay cruise.
88
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,061
- It is.
89
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:08,438
Lesbians.
90
00:03:12,191 --> 00:03:13,568
Good luck, Deb.
91
00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:20,116
♪ ♪
92
00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:22,285
- Oh. This is amazing.
93
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:23,620
No wonder you love cruises.
94
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,163
They're like the Vegas
of the sea.
95
00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:26,414
- No, it's terrible.
96
00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:28,958
Gay men get me.
They always have.
97
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,752
Lesbians aren't my crowd.
98
00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:32,462
And they're crawling
all over this boat.
99
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:34,005
- Oh, it's not a boat.
It's a ship.
100
00:03:34,088 --> 00:03:37,133
- See? They don't like me
for some reason.
101
00:03:37,216 --> 00:03:39,260
- Could it be
your hundreds of thousands
102
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:42,013
of jokes at their expense
over the years?
103
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,185
- I think they feel threatened.
- Okay.
104
00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:49,938
I actually meant
this was amazing for me, so...
105
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:51,898
- Nice Chacos!
106
00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:54,192
- Nice Chacos to you.
107
00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:55,360
- What'd you say?
108
00:04:00,239 --> 00:04:01,491
- Hey.
109
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:03,159
Do you guys by any chance
make mocktails?
110
00:04:03,242 --> 00:04:04,577
- Yup, what can I get you?
111
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,079
- I'm trying not
to drink alcohol right now
112
00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:07,830
'cause I make very bad
decisions when I do,
113
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,165
which I know is like, "Duh,"
114
00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:10,708
but when I think
about the person...
115
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,168
- What can I get you?
116
00:04:12,251 --> 00:04:13,836
- Could you do
a nonalcoholic frosé?
117
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,213
- Yeah.
118
00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,926
- Well, hello there, m'lady.
119
00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:21,052
- Hey, how's it going?
120
00:04:21,135 --> 00:04:22,720
- I don't think I have seen you
121
00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,889
on one of these trips before.
122
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,557
- No, uh, first time, so...
123
00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:29,811
- I know I'd remember
that strawberry mane.
124
00:04:29,894 --> 00:04:32,188
Lord.
125
00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:34,190
- Yeah.
- I'm Linda.
126
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,984
- Uh, Ava.
127
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,026
Nice to meet you.
128
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,403
- Ava.
129
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,364
- Oh.
130
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:47,870
Wow. Who are they?
131
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,163
- Oh, them.
132
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:51,207
They come on all these cruises.
133
00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:53,584
They're a real
Lavender Travel "it" couple.
134
00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:55,628
- So they're together?
- Oh, yeah.
135
00:04:55,712 --> 00:05:00,049
But a lot of people open
their relationships at sea.
136
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:03,177
Rules on land don't apply,
you know?
137
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:04,512
- Right.
138
00:05:04,595 --> 00:05:06,389
That makes so much sense.
- Right.
139
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:09,225
- Water is different from land.
140
00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:12,020
Can you dump alcohol in that?
141
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,191
- Your pheromones are rocking,
mama.
142
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:19,861
Yeah.
143
00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:23,031
- I've been trying you.
144
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,741
Your assistant said
you were at anger management?
145
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,868
- She's not supposed
to tell people that, but yes.
146
00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:28,202
Uh, it's horrible.
147
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:30,496
Russell Crowe is
my accountability partner.
148
00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:31,914
- Does he scream a lot?
149
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,458
- Worse. He just whispers.
150
00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:34,876
Pretty sure
he's a climate terrorist,
151
00:05:34,959 --> 00:05:36,252
because he talks a lot
152
00:05:36,335 --> 00:05:38,421
about "finding the oilmen
in their homes."
153
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:40,506
- Oh, my God.
- Chilling.
154
00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:42,717
Anyway, how are you?
- Not great.
155
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,969
I'm surrounded by lesbians.
156
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:47,597
- Huh. I did want to talk
to you, actually,
157
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,849
about the casino showcase.
- Oh, good.
158
00:05:49,932 --> 00:05:52,602
- Okay, hear me out.
Kind of interesting idea here.
159
00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:55,271
What do you think
about a residency
160
00:05:55,354 --> 00:05:57,106
at Terrible's casino?
161
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,525
- Jimmy, Terrible's
is 40 minutes off the Strip.
162
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,944
- I know.
I know it's not ideal.
163
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,238
Look, I have been
having some trouble
164
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:05,782
booking casinos on the Strip
165
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:08,659
or, honestly,
even slightly off the Strip.
166
00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:13,081
- Well, just,
you know,
167
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,832
keep... keep on 'em.
168
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:16,501
- Yeah, I-I will.
169
00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:20,838
And, um, good luck
with the, um, lesbians.
170
00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,632
- Yeah, thanks, Jimmy. Okay.
171
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,342
I'll talk to you later.
Bye-bye.
172
00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:26,761
- Hey. How's Jimmy?
173
00:06:26,844 --> 00:06:28,971
- He's good, and good news
about the showcase.
174
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:31,557
MGM is very interested.
- Amazing.
175
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:34,060
And in more amazing news,
I've been thinking.
176
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:36,270
And since we're
in international waters,
177
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:39,190
I think it's different,
and so I can drink.
178
00:06:39,273 --> 00:06:40,608
- I don't care.
179
00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:42,485
These are just
artificial rules
180
00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:44,654
you make up for yourself.
181
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:46,656
You should be
writing jokes for me.
182
00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:48,533
I mean, you speak lesbian,
right,
183
00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:50,701
'cause you're half?
- Deborah.
184
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:52,203
- Deborah Vance?
185
00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:54,330
Oh, my God, I can't believe
you're on this cruise.
186
00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:56,833
- Hi.
- See? You have fans here.
187
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,877
- I bought a pair of your
jean-ish ankle leggings on QVC.
188
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,921
- Oh, one
of the best sellers, yeah.
189
00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:03,589
Feels like you're not
wearing pants.
190
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,967
Cheaper than taking
a family of four to the movies.
191
00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:08,761
- Yeah, well, the elastic band
gave out after one wash.
192
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:12,431
I've been trying
to return them for months.
193
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:14,350
- Oh.
Well, you know what?
194
00:07:14,433 --> 00:07:16,185
I think you'll find
that if you contact
195
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,271
our crack QVC
customer care service team,
196
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:20,523
they will take care of you
in a jiffy.
197
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,859
You'll have to excuse us.
We're going to the buffet.
198
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,735
- Mm. I've been wanting
to go the buffet.
199
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,112
- I would never.
200
00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:27,822
I'm not gonna eat food
that's been seasoned
201
00:07:27,905 --> 00:07:29,824
with the breath of 300 people,
thank you very much.
202
00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:31,450
- Okay, well, I'm gonna go.
203
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,244
- Bon appétit.
204
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:38,040
- ♪ Gotta let a woman
be a woman ♪
205
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,543
♪ And let a man be a man ♪
206
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,044
- I'm fairly certain
I sent that email.
207
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,296
Is there no way
to avoid delay?
208
00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:45,131
Jesus.
209
00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:46,841
No, not you. Sorry.
210
00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:48,926
Let me call you right back.
211
00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:50,720
What are you doing here?
212
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,513
I told you I needed
to get work done today.
213
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:55,808
- Well, Joe looked like
he needed a belly rub.
214
00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,393
- What do you mean looked like?
- Well,
215
00:07:57,476 --> 00:08:00,438
we watch the puppy
on the puppy cam all day.
216
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:01,814
- What? Why?
217
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,983
- Well,
because we needed a puppy fix
218
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:06,611
and you have a puppy.
219
00:08:08,237 --> 00:08:10,823
- Honey, your place is a mess,
by the way.
220
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:13,910
You cannot be
employee of the month
221
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:17,413
and be the last one to leave
the club every night, Marcus.
222
00:08:17,496 --> 00:08:19,540
- So you break into my house,
then tell me how to live.
223
00:08:19,624 --> 00:08:21,000
- Honey,
I'm just trying to help.
224
00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:22,585
- Okay, Mom, stop. I'll get it.
225
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,045
I'll take care of it,
just like I take care
226
00:08:24,128 --> 00:08:25,671
of you two and everything else.
227
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,965
- Excuse me,
I am very self-sufficient.
228
00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:30,760
Who are you talking to?
You better check your boy.
229
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:33,721
- Okay, maybe we should go.
230
00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:35,014
- Yeah, I think you should.
231
00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:36,849
And I'm changing
my puppy cam password.
232
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,392
- Well, good,
'cause I don't want to see you
233
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:40,436
walk around
butt-ass naked noway.
234
00:08:40,519 --> 00:08:42,855
- Oh, my God.
235
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:46,567
- ♪ Mama told me
to watch out ♪
236
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:49,278
♪ You better look out,
look out ♪
237
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,657
- So, Dad,
238
00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:56,077
you always wanted
to see the Caribbean.
239
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,745
- Hey.
240
00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:58,996
- Hey.
241
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,164
- You play?
242
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,959
- Oh, uh, tennis?
243
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,752
Yeah, I hit.
244
00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:06,545
So annoyed there's
not a court on the boat.
245
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:09,173
- It's a ship.
- Oh, right, sorry.
246
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:11,300
- But, um,
do you know where pool two is?
247
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,718
- Yeah. Yeah, it's just...
248
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,262
I think it's
just past the zip line.
249
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:16,222
- Thanks.
250
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:20,226
Are you going
to the "she-ano" bar tonight?
251
00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:22,853
- Uh, yeah, I'll be there.
252
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:26,232
Music is...
lets my soul on fire,
253
00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:29,151
so yeah, I'm going.
- Great.
254
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,821
I can't wait to see you then.
255
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:35,491
- Uh, you... I... also.
256
00:09:35,574 --> 00:09:38,369
- ♪ I, I, I ♪
257
00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:41,372
♪ Am somebody ♪
258
00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:42,832
♪ ♪
259
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,333
I heard there are
260
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,752
multiple Olympic athletes
on board.
261
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,379
Apparently
if we were a country,
262
00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:52,008
we'd place at least fifth
in medals overall... at least.
263
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,467
- Yippee.
264
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:54,885
- You want to come out tonight,
265
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:58,014
be my wingman... wing...person?
266
00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,682
- No, I'm gonna stay,
and I'm gonna take
267
00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:01,017
one of those depression naps
268
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,476
you're always raving about.
269
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,353
- Okay, jealous.
270
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:09,692
- Oh, no.
I missed a call from Marcus.
271
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:11,235
Ugh, I'm gonna murder him.
272
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,820
This is not like him.
273
00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:14,530
He messed this cruise up
big-time.
274
00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:16,615
- Well, maybe you need
to blow off some steam.
275
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:17,908
- No, thank you.
276
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:19,660
But if you're planning
on seducing
277
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:22,163
any of these women out there,
you should fix your nails.
278
00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:23,831
- I did them.
They're beautiful.
279
00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:25,666
- Yeah, if you did them
while riding a jackhammer.
280
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,251
No, look,
281
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:28,544
let me clean them up.
282
00:10:28,627 --> 00:10:29,712
- Okay.
283
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,342
Marty.
284
00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:36,218
Why is Marty FaceTiming me?
285
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:39,180
- FaceTime at night?
Maybe he wants to, you know.
286
00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:40,473
- No.
287
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:41,557
How's my lipstick?
288
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,100
It looks good.
289
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:46,062
Shit, why does he
do these things to me?
290
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:48,022
- Oh, my God, you're stunning.
291
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,026
- Hey, hey. Hello.
292
00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:54,236
- God damn it.
Chunked that one.
293
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,739
- Hello? Marty.
294
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:59,075
- Oh, hey, Deb.
295
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:01,077
I must have butt-dialed you.
296
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,286
How you doing?
297
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,372
- Oh, um, I'm great.
298
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:05,790
I'm good. How are you?
299
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:07,583
- I'm over 90
with three holes to go.
300
00:11:07,666 --> 00:11:10,419
But other than that,
I'm doing great.
301
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,088
- Over 90
with three holes to go?
302
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,464
You sound like Hugh Hefner.
303
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:15,091
Listen, I gotta run.
304
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:17,259
Take care.
Hey, thanks for calling, Deb.
305
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:18,719
I didn't call...
306
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,060
- Golf is racist, right?
307
00:11:26,143 --> 00:11:28,104
- Go wash your hands.
- Absolutely.
308
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:36,445
♪ ♪
309
00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:41,283
Can I ask you something?
310
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,077
Oh, God.
311
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,162
- You know,
with all the invasive questions
312
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:48,124
you ask without permission,
I can only imagine what
313
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,167
perverse road
we're about to go down.
314
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,711
- No, it's just...
315
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:54,130
I've been thinking
about the way
316
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:58,384
you talk about sex
in your act, and...
317
00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:03,722
you have all these jokes about
unfulfilling sex with men.
318
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:05,641
- It's just a part
of my shtick.
319
00:12:05,724 --> 00:12:08,060
- Right, but...
320
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:10,813
that plus what I think
would be considered
321
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:14,275
an abundance
of k.d. lang material...
322
00:12:14,358 --> 00:12:17,736
I'm not trying
to negate your identity, but...
323
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:21,323
Have you ever considered
324
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,033
being with a woman?
325
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:24,827
- Yeah.
326
00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:27,204
I'm with one right now,
and I wish I wasn't.
327
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,957
- Okay. Come on.
328
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,584
- I like men.
329
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:33,502
So no,
I've never considered it.
330
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:36,255
There are times
that I wished I was gay
331
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:38,132
because I think
dating women would be
332
00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:40,676
a hell of a lot easier.
333
00:12:40,759 --> 00:12:43,429
- But it wouldn't
have actually been, right?
334
00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:45,931
To be queer when you grew up?
335
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:49,477
- No, no,
it wouldn't have been.
336
00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:51,770
But doesn't really matter.
337
00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,147
You know,
I got a crush on Paul McCartney
338
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:55,608
in seventh grade
and never looked back.
339
00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:57,902
- That is the straightest
Beatle to have a crush on.
340
00:12:57,985 --> 00:13:03,073
But have you ever considered,
like, why you like men?
341
00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:05,159
- I don't understand
that question.
342
00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:07,119
In my day,
there were two options:
343
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:08,537
you liked one,
or you liked the other.
344
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,039
I mean, why do some people
like jazz,
345
00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:11,207
some people like classical?
346
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,209
You just like what you like.
347
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:15,294
- Sure, but that's the thing.
348
00:13:15,377 --> 00:13:19,924
I have listened
to all kinds of music,
349
00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:22,635
and I'm not saying
you're wrong to like men...
350
00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:24,720
I am into men too, sadly...
351
00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:27,056
but I just, like...
352
00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:32,019
I've realized that sometimes
I conflate the rush I feel
353
00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:33,979
when a man
shows interest in me
354
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,232
with actual feelings
of attraction,
355
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,442
which makes sense
because it feels good
356
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,653
to get attention from the group
that's held up as, like,
357
00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:44,573
the leader gods of society
or whatever.
358
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,243
- But I thought you were
born gay or straight,
359
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:49,787
and I have conceded
that there are
360
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:52,414
an elite few
that are born bisexual.
361
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,416
I mean, isn't that what
your generation's all about,
362
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,085
you know, "born this way"?
363
00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:57,795
- I just think
there's room for more nuance.
364
00:13:57,878 --> 00:14:01,966
Like, not every queer person
feels like they arrive
365
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,009
into existence
with an attraction to, like,
366
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:08,347
a specific kind of person,
and that's okay too.
367
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:11,058
Your sexuality isn't a choice,
368
00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:16,230
but whether or not
you examine it, I think, is.
369
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:18,607
- Hmm.
370
00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:21,986
- Do you even know where
you are on the Kinsey scale?
371
00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:23,487
It's a really handy tool.
372
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,656
So it measures your orientation
from zero to six.
373
00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:27,074
I could pull it up on my phone.
374
00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:28,325
I just, like,
keep it open on a tab...
375
00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,494
- I know
what the Kinsey scale is.
376
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,538
Thank you, Professor,
for the seminar.
377
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:35,291
The Kinsey scale
is older than I am.
378
00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:36,792
Oh, God,
I just depressed myself.
379
00:14:36,875 --> 00:14:38,460
I do need
to go out for a drink.
380
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,337
- Whoa, whoa. What about
the rest of my manicure?
381
00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:41,672
- Oh, who cares?
382
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:43,215
Just put your left hand
in your pocket.
383
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,717
If it'll fit.
384
00:14:47,886 --> 00:14:50,306
♪ ♪
385
00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:52,016
- Thank you. Thanks.
386
00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:55,811
♪ ♪
387
00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,938
That's them.
- Hmm?
388
00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:01,650
Oh.
389
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:06,488
And have you examined why you
feel attracted to these gals?
390
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,325
Because they're extremely hot.
391
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:10,492
- Mm-hmm.
392
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,910
But do you feel that society
393
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:14,330
has programmed you
to feel this way?
394
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:17,124
- You know,
not society at large.
395
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:18,542
More so
"The L Word"
396
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:20,961
and the U.S. Women's
National Soccer Team.
397
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:23,672
Okay,
I'll be your wingman.
398
00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:27,009
Okay.
399
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:28,886
Watch and learn.
400
00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:33,432
Excuse me, ladies.
401
00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:35,267
Would you settle a bet for us?
402
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:36,644
- Sure.
- Sure.
403
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:38,228
- I gave my...
404
00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:40,522
platonic traveling partner
a manicure
405
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,024
on one hand only,
406
00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:44,652
and we want you to pick
the one you think is best.
407
00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,862
- Yeah, let's see it.
408
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:50,866
The right.
409
00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:54,370
- Wow, your hands are so soft.
- Insane.
410
00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:56,622
- Oh, that's the
Sisleya L'Integral Anti-Age
411
00:15:56,705 --> 00:15:58,040
Hand Care Concentrate.
412
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:00,167
It's all about
active botanicals.
413
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,002
- You guys into botanicals?
414
00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:05,506
- Well,
to be honest,
415
00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:07,091
we think it's a binary and...
416
00:16:07,174 --> 00:16:08,467
you're just born gay
or straight.
417
00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:10,594
- Totally, totally.
100%.
418
00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:16,684
- Oh, fuck.
419
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,143
- Well, listen,
we gotta go meet up
420
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:19,687
with a date
for the rest of the night.
421
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:22,856
- Okay, well, uh,
nice talking to you guys.
422
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,817
- Would you want
to hang tomorrow?
423
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:27,778
Drinks by the pool
at, like, 10:00?
424
00:16:27,861 --> 00:16:31,115
- Yes, that would be...
yeah, that'd be great.
425
00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:32,408
- Cool.
- Great.
426
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:33,909
Well, we'll see you then.
- All right.
427
00:16:33,992 --> 00:16:36,286
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
428
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,752
- I'm on the books.
429
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:50,592
- You're welcome.
430
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:57,766
♪ ♪
431
00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:03,439
- I'm sorry, I hate to be
that person, but...
432
00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:04,940
I'm such a fan.
433
00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:06,650
- Oh, please don't apologize.
434
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,652
I love you being that person.
435
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,989
- You're hilarious.
- Oh.
436
00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:13,449
- No, but seriously,
you're just
437
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:15,659
so amazing
in everything that you do.
438
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:17,286
Thank you.
439
00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:19,788
- Marla.
- Oh, Deborah.
440
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:20,956
- Nice to meet you.
441
00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:22,332
Well, I don't want
to take any more
442
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:23,959
of your time,
uh, Deborah,
443
00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:27,045
but I just...
thank you, thanks.
444
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,300
- Marla.
- Yeah?
445
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:36,013
- Would you like
to buy me a drink?
446
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:38,098
- Absolutely.
447
00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:42,561
Excuse me.
448
00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:50,778
- ♪ When I knew I had ♪
449
00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:52,029
- Oh.
450
00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:53,906
Oh, I love that song.
451
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:56,074
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
452
00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:59,953
I've gotta...
I've gotta get closer.
453
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:02,956
- ♪ Before for the day
I met you ♪
454
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,125
♪ Life was so unkind ♪
455
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:09,171
♪ You're the key
to my peace of mind ♪
456
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:12,007
♪ 'Cause you make me feel ♪
457
00:18:12,090 --> 00:18:14,927
♪ You make me feel ♪
458
00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:17,262
♪ You make
me feel ♪
459
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:20,224
♪ Like a natural woman ♪
460
00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:23,393
- I'm sorry.
I'm gonna take this now.
461
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:27,356
♪ And when my soul
was in the lost and found ♪
462
00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:32,611
♪ You came along to claim it ♪
463
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:34,822
- Oh.
464
00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:38,534
- ♪ I didn't know
just what was wrong with me ♪
465
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:44,373
♪ Till your kiss
helped me name it ♪
466
00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:45,874
♪ ♪
467
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,836
♪ Now I'm no longer doubtful ♪
468
00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:51,213
♪ Of what I'm living for ♪
469
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:55,134
♪ And if I make you happy,
I don't have to do more ♪
470
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:58,554
♪ 'Cause you make me feel ♪
471
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:01,139
♪ You make me feel ♪
472
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:07,354
♪ You make me feel
like a natural woman ♪
473
00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:12,776
- ♪ Oh, baby,
what you done to me ♪
474
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:14,903
♪ Done to me ♪
475
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:19,074
- ♪ You make me feel
so good inside ♪
476
00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:21,827
♪ Good inside ♪
477
00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:24,371
- ♪ And I just want to be ♪
478
00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:26,582
♪ Want to be ♪
479
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:30,002
♪ Close to you,
you make me feel so alive ♪
480
00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:33,005
♪ You make me feel ♪
481
00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:35,841
♪ You make
me feel ♪
482
00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:42,097
♪ You make me feel
like a natural woman ♪
483
00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:44,766
♪ You make me feel ♪
484
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:47,728
♪ You make
me feel ♪
485
00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:53,525
♪ You make me feel
like a natural woman ♪
486
00:19:56,695 --> 00:20:00,741
♪ ♪
487
00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:12,461
- Hey, hey, hey.
How 'bout another one?
488
00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:13,879
Yeah!
489
00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:20,260
- Okay, that cover
needs to be on iTunes.
490
00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:23,096
- Oh!
- Stop.
491
00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:26,808
Ava, Ava, Ava,
I was thinking about
492
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,477
what you said last night,
and look at me.
493
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,479
Look at me.
I'm eating at the buffet.
494
00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:33,357
- Buffets aren't
inherently queer, but sure.
495
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:34,942
- See you at your show
tonight, Deb.
496
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,526
- Oh, can't wait.
497
00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:39,279
I can't believe
how wrong I was.
498
00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:42,574
I mean, I should have
embraced lesbians years ago.
499
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:45,243
They love women,
and I'm a fabulous one.
500
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:47,579
I mean, it just
makes perfect sense.
501
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:50,749
I'm a high femme, apparently.
502
00:20:50,832 --> 00:20:52,542
Just learned that
in the buffet line.
503
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:55,337
Nice Chacos.
504
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,840
- Ladies and ladies,
505
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:01,176
please welcome to the stage
506
00:21:01,259 --> 00:21:04,221
Deborah Vance!
507
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:10,310
- Oh, no.
508
00:21:10,394 --> 00:21:11,770
She's doing Ellen.
509
00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:13,397
♪ ♪
510
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,191
- ♪ With the air,
like I don't care ♪
511
00:21:16,274 --> 00:21:18,735
♪ Baby, by the way ♪
512
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:20,487
- ♪ Because I'm happy ♪
513
00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:22,656
- ♪ Clap along if you feel ♪
514
00:21:22,739 --> 00:21:25,993
♪ Like a room without a roof ♪
515
00:21:26,076 --> 00:21:27,452
- You know, I gotta say,
516
00:21:27,536 --> 00:21:29,955
I can't believe so many women
came tonight...
517
00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:33,000
And all at the same time.
518
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:34,710
- ♪ Clap along if you feel ♪
519
00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:37,254
♪ Like that's what you want
to do ♪
520
00:21:37,337 --> 00:21:38,880
♪ ♪
521
00:21:42,884 --> 00:21:45,887
- ♪ I need your love,
I need your love ♪
522
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:49,808
- So now I'm like, "Fuck it,
I'm gonna start voting."
523
00:21:49,891 --> 00:21:51,768
- Wait, you never voted before?
524
00:21:53,353 --> 00:21:55,147
- You want some?
- What is it?
525
00:21:55,230 --> 00:21:57,441
- Whiskey, we snuck it in.
- God.
526
00:21:57,524 --> 00:21:59,985
Here. Open up a tab
and get whatever you want.
527
00:22:00,068 --> 00:22:02,154
- Yes!
- Thanks, Daddy. Excuse me.
528
00:22:02,237 --> 00:22:05,032
♪ ♪
529
00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:08,118
- ♪ Could you be the one
to call ♪
530
00:22:08,201 --> 00:22:09,411
- Be right back.
531
00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:13,248
♪ ♪
532
00:22:13,331 --> 00:22:14,332
Oh, my God, hi.
533
00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:16,501
- Oh. Whoa.
534
00:22:16,585 --> 00:22:18,253
- It's so good to see you.
535
00:22:18,336 --> 00:22:19,921
- I thought you hated clubs.
536
00:22:20,005 --> 00:22:22,215
- Oh, I do.
But now I like it.
537
00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:25,886
Oh, my God, how was Zion?
"Zi-un"?
538
00:22:25,969 --> 00:22:29,097
- Zion.
It was really fun.
539
00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:30,891
- I really wanted to go, but...
540
00:22:30,974 --> 00:22:33,268
I guess I really
fucked that up.
541
00:22:33,351 --> 00:22:35,103
I don't know
what's wrong with me.
542
00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:37,564
- I don't really think this is
the place to have that convo.
543
00:22:37,647 --> 00:22:39,441
But maybe we can talk
another time.
544
00:22:39,524 --> 00:22:40,734
- We can't.
545
00:22:40,817 --> 00:22:42,277
I blocked your number.
546
00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:45,781
- Oh, okay. Wow.
- Yeah. I had to.
547
00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:48,116
I don't trust myself
not to call or text you.
548
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,702
And if I do call or text you,
I don't trust myself
549
00:22:50,786 --> 00:22:52,370
not to tell you
that I love you,
550
00:22:52,454 --> 00:22:55,248
which I shouldn't say
'cause you don't love me back.
551
00:22:55,332 --> 00:22:57,793
I'm saying it now
because I'm on Molly.
552
00:22:57,876 --> 00:22:59,920
- Molly.
- Yeah.
553
00:23:00,003 --> 00:23:01,463
- Got ya.
554
00:23:01,546 --> 00:23:02,964
- But I do mean
what I'm saying.
555
00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:04,966
I'm just saying it
'cause I'm on Molly.
556
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:06,760
- Well, yeah,
I heard you the first time.
557
00:23:06,843 --> 00:23:09,346
Are you here with anyone?
- Yeah.
558
00:23:09,429 --> 00:23:10,514
Over there.
559
00:23:11,681 --> 00:23:13,767
- Oh, those guys.
560
00:23:13,850 --> 00:23:15,143
- Yeah.
561
00:23:15,227 --> 00:23:17,187
- Wilson, I want you
to meet someone.
562
00:23:17,270 --> 00:23:18,355
- One sec.
563
00:23:19,731 --> 00:23:21,233
Do you have a ride home?
564
00:23:21,316 --> 00:23:23,485
- Yeah. Why?
565
00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:25,112
I can go with you.
566
00:23:25,195 --> 00:23:26,988
- Oh.
567
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:31,284
No, no.
I'm just making sure.
568
00:23:31,368 --> 00:23:32,744
Take care, okay?
569
00:23:32,828 --> 00:23:34,162
- Okay.
570
00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:36,748
- ♪ Could you be
the one to call ♪
571
00:23:36,832 --> 00:23:39,501
♪ When I lose control ♪
572
00:23:39,584 --> 00:23:43,004
It's terrible.
573
00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:44,506
You know,
I have to tell you guys,
574
00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:46,842
I've had the best time here.
575
00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:49,136
Thank you so much.
576
00:23:49,219 --> 00:23:51,513
Truly, truly.
577
00:23:51,596 --> 00:23:53,598
And I'm gonna tell you
something honestly.
578
00:23:53,682 --> 00:23:56,852
When I first found out I was
booked on a lesbian cruise,
579
00:23:56,935 --> 00:23:58,103
I was angry.
580
00:23:59,521 --> 00:24:02,399
But you have welcomed me
with open arms,
581
00:24:02,482 --> 00:24:04,568
and I am so flattered.
582
00:24:06,903 --> 00:24:08,238
And if you know me at all,
you know
583
00:24:08,321 --> 00:24:10,365
that flattery
is my biggest turn-on.
584
00:24:12,951 --> 00:24:16,913
I mean, I should have known
women know how to treat women.
585
00:24:21,793 --> 00:24:23,044
I mean,
what have I been doing
586
00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:25,338
all these years,
wasting my time with men?
587
00:24:25,422 --> 00:24:28,091
I mean, you have no idea
what it's like waiting around
588
00:24:28,175 --> 00:24:31,219
all day for your partner
to finish playing golf.
589
00:24:33,346 --> 00:24:35,765
Well, probably because
you were both playing golf.
590
00:24:37,976 --> 00:24:40,520
Oh, she didn't like that one.
591
00:24:40,604 --> 00:24:42,397
She must be distracted.
592
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:43,982
Excuse me, miss.
593
00:24:44,065 --> 00:24:45,901
My jokes are up here.
594
00:24:45,984 --> 00:24:48,236
- Don't worry,
you're not really my type.
595
00:24:50,822 --> 00:24:53,909
- Oh, she's not into me.
This lesbian must be broken.
596
00:24:55,827 --> 00:24:57,120
- You wrote these?
597
00:24:57,204 --> 00:24:59,748
Doesn't sound like you,
my fuego chick.
598
00:24:59,831 --> 00:25:01,750
- No, she's going off-book.
599
00:25:01,833 --> 00:25:04,377
- Eh, it's okay.
Doesn't matter.
600
00:25:04,461 --> 00:25:06,755
I mean,
I'm out of her league, right?
601
00:25:11,801 --> 00:25:13,637
Oh, come on, I'm playing.
602
00:25:15,347 --> 00:25:17,891
I mean, I know I'm your type.
603
00:25:19,017 --> 00:25:21,144
Yeah, you were
flirting with me all night.
604
00:25:21,228 --> 00:25:23,271
- Uh, you're not.
605
00:25:23,355 --> 00:25:25,106
I was actually
just trying to get my wife
606
00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:26,691
a refund for her leggings.
607
00:25:29,194 --> 00:25:31,613
- Oh, Christ.
Well, you know what?
608
00:25:31,696 --> 00:25:33,323
You're not my type either,
lady.
609
00:25:33,406 --> 00:25:34,991
You're a lady.
610
00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:37,577
Good luck with your marriage.
Your wife's obsessed with me.
611
00:25:38,954 --> 00:25:40,872
- No, I am not.
612
00:25:40,956 --> 00:25:42,165
No, I am not.
613
00:25:43,541 --> 00:25:45,585
- Hey, well, you, hey,
you there in the second row.
614
00:25:45,669 --> 00:25:48,546
I mean, would you date me?
I mean, you're reading a book.
615
00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:51,466
- Um, actually,
I'm married to the captain.
616
00:25:51,549 --> 00:25:53,468
- The captain.
Oh, God. Bring him out.
617
00:25:53,551 --> 00:25:55,220
I love a man in uniform.
618
00:25:55,303 --> 00:25:57,347
- She's a woman.
619
00:25:57,430 --> 00:25:59,724
- The captain's a woman?
620
00:26:00,642 --> 00:26:02,018
Oh, God.
621
00:26:02,102 --> 00:26:04,312
Hope we don't have
to parallel park this thing.
622
00:26:05,522 --> 00:26:07,857
Oh, please.
623
00:26:07,941 --> 00:26:09,651
It's not a lesbian joke.
624
00:26:09,734 --> 00:26:12,153
It's a woman joke.
Everyone hates women!
625
00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:14,739
What? They do.
626
00:26:18,493 --> 00:26:19,661
Well, you missed!
627
00:26:19,744 --> 00:26:22,497
I thought you were all
Olympians!
628
00:26:26,668 --> 00:26:27,877
Shit.
629
00:26:31,006 --> 00:26:34,092
♪ ♪
630
00:26:42,809 --> 00:26:45,562
♪ ♪
631
00:26:45,645 --> 00:26:46,980
- Joe, did you chew this?
632
00:26:50,233 --> 00:26:51,234
Joe?
633
00:26:55,071 --> 00:26:56,114
Joe?
634
00:27:04,622 --> 00:27:05,832
Fuck.
635
00:27:05,915 --> 00:27:08,043
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
636
00:27:09,961 --> 00:27:12,964
Can someone help? Please?
637
00:27:13,048 --> 00:27:15,258
- Sir, please calm down.
What happened?
638
00:27:15,342 --> 00:27:16,676
- I think he got
into some Adderall
639
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,303
when I was at Queergasm...
um, an event.
640
00:27:18,386 --> 00:27:21,431
- Okay. Just give him to me
and have a seat.
641
00:27:23,683 --> 00:27:25,226
Sam, I need you.
642
00:27:31,816 --> 00:27:34,277
- ♪ You used to know me,
now you don't ♪
643
00:27:34,361 --> 00:27:35,862
♪ ♪
644
00:27:35,945 --> 00:27:40,241
♪ You used to hypnotize me
did it so easy ♪
645
00:27:40,325 --> 00:27:42,911
- Shots?
- At 10:00 a.m.?
646
00:27:42,994 --> 00:27:45,246
- Why not?
- Sure, I mean, 100%.
647
00:27:45,330 --> 00:27:47,415
Don't talk to me till I've had
my vodka, you know?
648
00:27:47,499 --> 00:27:48,666
- Mm-hmm.
649
00:27:49,918 --> 00:27:52,587
Tastes weird
after toothpaste.
650
00:27:53,922 --> 00:27:56,508
- Wow, okay,
you're hot and funny?
651
00:27:56,591 --> 00:27:58,635
- I guess.
652
00:27:58,718 --> 00:28:00,929
♪ La-la-la-la-la-la ♪
653
00:28:01,012 --> 00:28:02,847
♪ La-la-la-la-la ♪
654
00:28:02,931 --> 00:28:04,599
♪ La-la-la-la-la-la ♪
655
00:28:04,682 --> 00:28:06,684
♪ La-la-la-la-la ♪
656
00:28:06,768 --> 00:28:08,978
♪ La-la-la-la-la-la ♪
657
00:28:09,062 --> 00:28:10,897
♪ La-la-la-la-la ♪
658
00:28:10,980 --> 00:28:12,941
♪ La-la-la-la-la-la ♪
659
00:28:13,024 --> 00:28:14,734
♪ La-la-la-la-la ♪
660
00:28:14,818 --> 00:28:16,611
♪ La-la-la-la-la-la ♪
661
00:28:16,694 --> 00:28:19,614
♪ You used to know me,
now you don't ♪
662
00:28:23,034 --> 00:28:24,077
- Ugh.
663
00:28:26,037 --> 00:28:27,914
- Hi.
- Miss Vance.
664
00:28:27,997 --> 00:28:29,124
- Yes.
665
00:28:29,207 --> 00:28:30,792
- Can I speak to you
for a moment?
666
00:28:30,875 --> 00:28:31,960
- Of course.
667
00:28:32,043 --> 00:28:33,044
- A lot of the guests
668
00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:34,712
were very offended last night,
669
00:28:34,796 --> 00:28:36,631
especially the captain's wife.
670
00:28:36,714 --> 00:28:38,425
And apparently you hit
someone with a shoe.
671
00:28:38,508 --> 00:28:40,677
- It was thrown at me.
672
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:42,137
I was returning it.
673
00:28:42,220 --> 00:28:44,013
- Well, the passengers
have held a quorum.
674
00:28:44,097 --> 00:28:45,140
- A quorum?
675
00:28:45,223 --> 00:28:46,141
- There's been a vote,
676
00:28:46,224 --> 00:28:47,725
and they want you off.
677
00:28:47,809 --> 00:28:49,310
- Off?
678
00:28:52,397 --> 00:28:55,233
- Ouch, that's a nasty bruise.
679
00:28:55,316 --> 00:28:57,652
- Oh, yeah,
I got bored in my room,
680
00:28:57,735 --> 00:29:00,655
and I tried to do a cartwheel,
and I hit my leg really hard.
681
00:29:00,738 --> 00:29:02,991
- Aww. Poor baby.
682
00:29:04,617 --> 00:29:06,536
Should I kiss it?
683
00:29:08,913 --> 00:29:10,623
- Yeah.
684
00:29:10,707 --> 00:29:14,252
- ♪ I'll be fucked up
if you can't be right here ♪
685
00:29:14,335 --> 00:29:18,131
♪ Oh, whoa ♪
686
00:29:18,214 --> 00:29:22,093
♪ Oh, whoa ♪
687
00:29:22,177 --> 00:29:26,014
♪ Oh, whoa ♪
688
00:29:26,097 --> 00:29:27,640
♪ I'll be fucked up ♪
689
00:29:27,724 --> 00:29:29,017
Ava!
690
00:29:29,100 --> 00:29:30,310
Get your shit. We're leaving.
691
00:29:32,020 --> 00:29:33,438
Leaving? What?
692
00:29:33,521 --> 00:29:36,357
No, we're in the middle
of the ocean, and...no!
693
00:29:36,441 --> 00:29:37,692
- Yeah, well,
there was a quorum,
694
00:29:37,775 --> 00:29:39,277
and it didn't go our way.
We're off.
695
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:42,071
- Okay, well, I'll meet you
at the dock, then.
696
00:29:42,155 --> 00:29:44,157
- The dinghy
will be here in ten.
697
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:45,366
- Dinghy?
698
00:29:50,205 --> 00:29:51,498
- Right this way.
Right this way, Miss Vance.
699
00:29:51,581 --> 00:29:52,790
- I'm fine.
700
00:29:52,874 --> 00:29:54,042
- Watch your step.
701
00:29:54,125 --> 00:29:55,335
- Let go of me.
- Watch your step.
702
00:29:55,418 --> 00:29:57,045
- Let go of me!
703
00:29:58,129 --> 00:30:00,548
Why didn't you just make us
walk the fucking plank?
704
00:30:00,632 --> 00:30:02,425
- Hey, Deborah!
705
00:30:02,509 --> 00:30:04,928
Try again, bitch.
706
00:30:05,011 --> 00:30:06,137
- What? Oh!
707
00:30:09,307 --> 00:30:10,892
- Piece-of-shit leggings.
708
00:30:15,146 --> 00:30:17,398
- Bye.
709
00:30:23,821 --> 00:30:25,573
- You know what,
Deborah?
710
00:30:25,657 --> 00:30:29,911
Your orientation isn't gay
or straight.
711
00:30:29,994 --> 00:30:32,413
It's egomaniac.
712
00:30:32,497 --> 00:30:35,166
- Ah, this waistband
is kind of loose.
713
00:30:36,584 --> 00:30:39,754
Yeah, should have done
another round of testing.
714
00:30:41,923 --> 00:30:43,258
- Oh, no.
715
00:30:44,467 --> 00:30:46,886
The Molly's hitting.
716
00:30:46,970 --> 00:30:48,096
- What?
717
00:30:48,179 --> 00:30:50,306
- I might have to dance.
- You did Molly?
718
00:30:51,683 --> 00:30:53,601
- ♪ Constant ♪
719
00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:55,812
- Okay, I can't watch this.
720
00:30:55,895 --> 00:30:59,691
- ♪ Craving ♪
721
00:30:59,774 --> 00:31:01,109
♪ Has always ♪
722
00:31:01,192 --> 00:31:03,570
Oh, oh, is that a dolphin?
723
00:31:03,653 --> 00:31:05,280
Right there.
724
00:31:05,363 --> 00:31:07,824
- No, that's trash.
- Oh, God.
725
00:31:07,907 --> 00:31:11,327
- ♪ Craving ♪
726
00:31:11,411 --> 00:31:14,122
♪ ♪
727
00:31:20,086 --> 00:31:22,297
- Hey, buddy.
- Oh, Sam, Sam, no.
728
00:31:22,380 --> 00:31:24,299
We are not releasing
that dog right now.
729
00:31:24,382 --> 00:31:26,301
- What?
- I'm sorry, but...
730
00:31:26,384 --> 00:31:27,677
you're clearly on drugs,
731
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:30,597
and it is my professional
and moral obligation
732
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:31,973
to keep this animal
from harm.
733
00:31:32,056 --> 00:31:33,766
- Okay, you can't
keep my dog from me.
734
00:31:33,850 --> 00:31:35,184
- I actually can.
735
00:31:35,268 --> 00:31:36,769
- Okay, this is ridiculous.
I'm fine, okay?
736
00:31:36,853 --> 00:31:38,938
I'm a responsible person.
I can take care of a dog.
737
00:31:39,022 --> 00:31:41,524
I-I run a fucking
multimillion-dollar company!
738
00:31:45,695 --> 00:31:50,366
♪ ♪
739
00:31:50,450 --> 00:31:52,744
Can my mother pick him up?
740
00:31:53,786 --> 00:31:54,912
- Sure.
741
00:31:56,414 --> 00:31:57,624
Put him in room three.
742
00:31:57,707 --> 00:32:02,962
♪ ♪
743
00:32:05,923 --> 00:32:07,383
- Shit.
744
00:32:07,467 --> 00:32:08,509
Deborah.
745
00:32:08,593 --> 00:32:10,887
- It was not a gay cruise.
746
00:32:10,970 --> 00:32:13,348
It was a lesbian cruise!
747
00:32:13,431 --> 00:32:15,016
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.
748
00:32:15,099 --> 00:32:17,352
I was almost
a victim of unprovoked
749
00:32:17,435 --> 00:32:18,645
physical violence.
750
00:32:18,728 --> 00:32:20,605
- I'm sorry.
751
00:32:20,688 --> 00:32:22,357
- Where have you been?
752
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:24,025
- Fuck.
753
00:32:24,108 --> 00:32:26,194
Look, I'm so sorry.
754
00:32:26,277 --> 00:32:28,029
I thought I read that contract,
but I must have just
755
00:32:28,112 --> 00:32:29,530
DocuSigned it quickly.
756
00:32:29,614 --> 00:32:31,199
And I was dealing
with Roy that day,
757
00:32:31,282 --> 00:32:33,117
and I approved
the wrong lookbook,
758
00:32:33,201 --> 00:32:35,328
and it goes
into production today,
759
00:32:35,411 --> 00:32:37,705
and, Deborah,
I know it's no excuse,
760
00:32:37,789 --> 00:32:40,333
but I haven't been
sleeping well lately.
761
00:32:40,416 --> 00:32:42,335
And my dog...
762
00:32:42,418 --> 00:32:43,878
- Oh, Marcus. Marcus.
763
00:32:43,961 --> 00:32:46,673
Don't worry. Don't worry.
764
00:32:46,756 --> 00:32:50,134
Look, look, why don't you
come join us on the road?
765
00:32:50,218 --> 00:32:52,136
- Wait, why?
766
00:32:52,220 --> 00:32:54,639
You need me?
Is Alice not working out?
767
00:32:54,722 --> 00:32:57,558
- Yeah, yeah.
768
00:32:57,642 --> 00:33:00,853
Yeah, she's gone,
so I do need you.
769
00:33:00,937 --> 00:33:02,897
- Okay.
770
00:33:02,980 --> 00:33:04,732
I'll be on the next flight.
771
00:33:04,816 --> 00:33:06,234
- Good, great.
772
00:33:06,317 --> 00:33:07,902
- Okay, I'll see you soon.
773
00:33:07,985 --> 00:33:09,737
- See you soon.
774
00:33:15,660 --> 00:33:17,787
- They kicked you off the boat?
775
00:33:19,580 --> 00:33:21,290
- It's a ship,
776
00:33:21,374 --> 00:33:22,667
and you're fired.
777
00:33:24,752 --> 00:33:26,421
- Hmm.
778
00:33:26,504 --> 00:33:28,923
Well, FYI,
779
00:33:29,006 --> 00:33:31,092
I ate some of your fancy cream
780
00:33:31,175 --> 00:33:32,677
'cause I thought it was dip.
781
00:33:33,636 --> 00:33:35,680
And it's really dangerous
to keep it in the fridge.
782
00:33:46,858 --> 00:33:49,944
Good luck getting
to Springfield on time!
783
00:33:51,654 --> 00:33:55,283
- ♪ Constant ♪
784
00:33:55,366 --> 00:33:58,786
♪ Craving ♪
785
00:33:58,870 --> 00:34:04,959
♪ Has always been ♪
786
00:34:05,042 --> 00:34:07,128
♪ ♪
787
00:34:07,211 --> 00:34:10,131
♪ Maybe ♪
788
00:34:10,214 --> 00:34:14,761
♪ A great magnet pulls ♪
789
00:34:14,844 --> 00:34:18,306
♪ All souls ♪
790
00:34:18,389 --> 00:34:22,810
♪ Towards truth ♪
791
00:34:22,894 --> 00:34:29,525
♪ Or maybe it is life itself ♪
792
00:34:29,609 --> 00:34:33,654
♪ Feeds wisdom ♪
793
00:34:33,738 --> 00:34:37,742
♪ To its youth ♪
794
00:34:37,825 --> 00:34:41,662
♪ Constant ♪
795
00:34:41,746 --> 00:34:45,333
♪ Craving ♪
796
00:34:45,416 --> 00:34:51,422
♪ Has always been ♪
797
00:34:51,506 --> 00:34:53,341
♪ ♪
798
00:34:53,424 --> 00:34:56,886
♪ Craving ♪
799
00:34:56,969 --> 00:34:58,679
♪ ♪
800
00:34:58,763 --> 00:35:01,599
♪ Aha ♪
801
00:35:01,682 --> 00:35:06,395
♪ Constant craving ♪
55077
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.