Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,879
? It seems today that all you see ?
2
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:08,174
? Is violence in movies and sex on TV ?
3
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:12,053
? But where are those
good old-fashioned values ?
4
00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:14,847
? On which we used to rely? ?
5
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,142
? Lucky there's a family guy ?
6
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:21,604
? Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ?
7
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,189
? All the things that make us ?
8
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:25,024
? Laugh and cry ?
9
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:30,155
? He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ?
10
00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:34,075
- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
11
00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:36,327
I'm home from camp.
12
00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:38,830
- Welcome home.
- Meg's been wearing your clothes.
13
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,918
Ah, my big man.
14
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,461
How was Camp Angry Indian?
15
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,755
Oh, they had to rename it Camp Redface.
16
00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:50,800
Then soon after,
Camp Washington Football Team.
17
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:53,427
But camp was awesome.
18
00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,137
I got a girlfriend.
19
00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:56,514
She's smoking hot,
20
00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:59,225
and she has some off the charts
scary political views,
21
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,269
but largely because
of the smoking hot thing,
22
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:03,187
we've decided to stay together.
23
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,356
My boy has a girlfriend?
24
00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,358
Oh, Chris, that's amazing.
25
00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:10,361
Good job, Chris. You've really
impressed your old dad.
26
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:13,114
Like Richard Gere's gerbil
impressed his dad.
27
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:15,700
Hello?
28
00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:18,119
GERBIL SON ;
Dad, you're never gonna believe
29
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,871
where I am.
30
00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:24,417
Freaking Doug.
31
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,460
"Gooey Stewie, Gooey Stewie.
32
00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,504
Eats all day and now he's ooey".
33
00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,256
Yeah, right. I'll show him.
34
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,508
Whoa, since when do you have
a treadmill?
35
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,510
I took it from a Curves.
36
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,345
They mostly just lie on mats.
37
00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:41,435
Brian, help!
38
00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:44,437
- Hey.
- Hey.
39
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,856
- Bizarro Family Guy?
- Bizarro Family Guy.
40
00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,775
It's just the fire.
41
00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:59,036
Peter, how is a stud finder
gonna help with this?
42
00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:04,457
Beep, beep, beep.
Looks like I found the stud.
43
00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:08,669
Oh, I know we have our differences,
44
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,422
but stuff like that,
it-it... man, it's just...
45
00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:13,507
I just... it's-it's fun.
46
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,885
Enough, Peter. I'm calling a handyman.
47
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:18,889
Fine. What's in here, anyway?
48
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,099
- Bizarro Peter?
- Bizarro Peter.
49
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,894
It's just that I'm reading.
50
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,441
Peter, how many times
do I have to tell you
51
00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:32,318
to stop leaving your wet swimsuit
52
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,778
at the bottom of the stairs?
53
00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:35,738
I never know when
I'll be back in the sprinklers.
54
00:02:35,739 --> 00:02:38,449
I got to be able to grab and go
when they start spraying.
55
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,993
Ugh, you're impossible.
56
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,411
See that, Chris?
57
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:45,247
In the Hungry Hungry Hippos
game of marriage,
58
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:47,166
I just ate one of her marbles.
59
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,752
I don't think you should
be proud of that, Dad.
60
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:51,921
- Excuse me?
- Let me give you a nickel's worth
61
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:55,591
of free advice from one
happily taken man to another.
62
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,301
We've got two of these
63
00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:58,969
and only one of these,
64
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:02,306
so we should listen
twice as much as we talk.
65
00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:05,851
Remember, Dad, never
question your wife's choices.
66
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:09,563
After all, you were one of them.
67
00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,399
I love cooking with wine.
68
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,317
Sometimes, I even put it in the food.
69
00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:16,487
Are you just quoting aprons
you saw in a kitchen magazine?
70
00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:18,864
The last few, yes.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
71
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,033
I have a Chaturbate date with my love.
72
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,285
Isn't it hard to find
each other on there?
73
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:26,164
Yeah, but that's part of the dance.
74
00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:32,002
Hey, Jerome, could I get
a Twisted Tea over here?
75
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:35,965
Uh-oh. Never a good sign when
a guy strays from linear tea.
76
00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,509
- Everything okay, Peter?
- Eh, it's just Chris.
77
00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,970
Ever since he got a girlfriend,
he's been insufferable.
78
00:03:40,971 --> 00:03:43,097
Chris got a lady? That's great.
79
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,015
Do we know anything about this girl?
80
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:47,643
All I know is he met her
at camp, and she's from Canada.
81
00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:49,562
Trouble.
82
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,480
Have you seen Chris Face Time her
83
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,315
or heard her on the phone or anything?
84
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:54,859
- No, why?
- Peter,
85
00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:56,360
I don't know how to say this,
86
00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,154
but Canada is kind of a red flag.
87
00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,239
Yeah, and white,
with a big leaf in the middle.
88
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,824
You're awesome at flags. So what?
89
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:04,368
I hear Canada has a pretty
handsome prime minister.
90
00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:05,828
It's Tru-deau.
91
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:08,372
Think about it, Peter,
a Canadian camp girlfriend
92
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:09,874
nobody has ever seen?
93
00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:11,542
Seems a bit suspicious to me.
94
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,252
What, you think he made her up?
95
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,879
Chris wouldn't lie about this.
96
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,964
You'd be surprised
at what people lie about.
97
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:19,717
Cleveland claims he likes Miller
Lite because it tastes great.
98
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,594
- It does.
- It's less filling.
99
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,387
- Tastes great.
- Less filling!
100
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:27,600
The Great American Beer Conflict.
101
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,351
Brother fought brother,
102
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:31,270
mother fought daughter,
103
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,189
father fought son.
104
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,648
A nation divided
105
00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:37,526
over which was the least trashy quality
106
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:40,989
of a crappy, domestic river beer.
107
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:48,037
- Door!
- I know!
108
00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:49,497
Sheesh-kabibbles.
109
00:04:49,498 --> 00:04:50,790
Who is it?
110
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,667
Oh, probably just the handyman
here to fix the...
111
00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:55,669
Bocce balls!
112
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:03,135
Hi there, young lady.
I'm Jamie the Handyman.
113
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,846
I heard you had a hole
that needed to be filled.
114
00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:08,808
Yes.
115
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:10,434
Is that a big job?
116
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:12,269
Nothing my caulk can't handle.
117
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,355
So you just...
118
00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:16,607
fill the hole with your caulk?
119
00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:18,859
Yes, it's very thick,
120
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,861
and it stays hard forever.
121
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,951
We have
liftoff on Operation Thirsty Housewife.
122
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:28,786
Repeat, we have liftoff.
123
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,432
I didn't say you could be in this.
124
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:53,060
Well, it's still a bit moist,
but should dry up soon.
125
00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:54,979
LOIS, MEG and STEWIE: Don't count on it.
126
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,063
- What's that?
- Nothing.
127
00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,773
Hey, um, I was hoping
128
00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,441
maybe you could come back tomorrow
129
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:02,945
and fix our... sink or-or something?
130
00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:05,573
Well, I usually charge
a minimum of two hours, so...
131
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:08,617
why don't you call me when you
have a few things for me to...
132
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:17,376
Okay, so for tomorrow,
133
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,836
could you fix a few windows,
134
00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:20,838
a door ripped off its hinges
135
00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,048
and a thermostat
that was smashed with a...
136
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,384
Fire poker.
137
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,636
Whoa, talk about flaming hot.
138
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:30,472
Bizarro Stewie, you rascal.
139
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,600
We're buds now.
140
00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,436
Still getting used to that.
141
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:41,901
Peter, the stairs are all
wet from your swimsuit aga...
142
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,823
Put these in the shower.
143
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:51,035
Lois, I work hard to keep this family
144
00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:53,787
in wet bathing suits,
and at the end of the day,
145
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,998
all I want is to come home, relax,
146
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:58,417
do a couple of rad jumps
through Sprinkler City,
147
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,711
and then enjoy a Popsicle
on the front steps
148
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:01,921
while I look at bugs.
149
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,839
We don't deserve this guy.
150
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,966
Hey, Dad? Rule number one,
151
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:07,801
your wife is always right.
152
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:10,429
Rule number two, if your wife is wrong,
153
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,264
please refer to rule number one.
154
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:15,684
I got to text that to my girl later.
155
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:16,936
Why not right now?
156
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:19,521
Oh, she's probably eating dinner,
157
00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,899
and we believe family time is special.
158
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,776
Uh-huh. So, Chris,
159
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,153
what's this "girl's" name, anyway?
160
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,988
Jennifaire.
161
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:29,531
Well, I'd love to see
162
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:32,034
Jennifaire's Facebook page.
163
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,703
Oh, we don't really believe
in social media,
164
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:36,998
but I can show you a picture.
165
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:39,875
What is this?
166
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:41,835
It's an ad for Tim Hortons in Canada.
167
00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:43,170
She's a model for them.
168
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,965
She gets her weight in coffee
free every month.
169
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,634
- That's too much coffee.
- I also love coffee.
170
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:51,720
It's important in relationships
to have shared interests.
171
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:53,430
You could learn from that, Dad.
172
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,766
Look, I may have relationship problems,
173
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:57,851
but at least I have a real relationship.
174
00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:59,561
What are you saying?
175
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,730
You don't have a girlfriend.
You made her up.
176
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,941
No, I didn't. She's real.
177
00:08:03,942 --> 00:08:06,151
She's real, huh?
Well, then, let's go see her.
178
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,946
You and I are going to Canada
first thing in the morning.
179
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:11,991
Peter, don't forget, you get
the flu shot tomorrow morning.
180
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,283
We're going to Canada right now.
181
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:14,368
And then, after,
182
00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:16,286
you're supposed to have
your prostate exam.
183
00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:17,913
Tomorrow afternoon, we go to Canada.
184
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:21,041
And then on Friday, we refill
your Percocet prescription.
185
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:23,294
Sometime next week,
we're going to Canada.
186
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:30,300
Peter, this is ridiculous.
187
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,428
You don't have to drive
all the way to Canada
188
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:33,721
just to prove a point.
189
00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:36,181
Don't worry, Lois, he's gonna
crack way before that.
190
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,392
Well, at least bring this thick sweater.
191
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,811
Canada is its only chance to get out.
192
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:42,479
Larry.
193
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,524
See you on the other side, boys,
and when I get there,
194
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,109
I'll send you a cable.
195
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,528
This fall, Pixar presents: Sweaters.
196
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,949
Pixar: We're not a guaranteed
home run anymore.
197
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:01,999
Wow, this short skirt is making my legs
198
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,127
look long and sexy.
199
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,463
Long legs, huh?
200
00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:29,777
Everything okay?
201
00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:33,448
Give us one sec, okay, Jamie?
202
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,116
What the hell are you doing?
203
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:38,035
Showing Jamie I have the sexiest
204
00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,329
and longest legs in this house.
205
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,623
Oh, this is Mama's show, Meg.
206
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:46,126
What are you talking about?
You've got Dad. Jamie's mine.
207
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:49,963
Look, your dad's away, and it's
time to load up my spank bank.
208
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,508
All I need is one hug
with a lower-back brush
209
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:55,010
and a sniff of the neck,
and I'm good for six years.
210
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,096
It's not happening, old lady.
211
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,765
Meg, I'm warning you,
if you don't back off,
212
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:01,391
I will end you.
213
00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:02,601
You wouldn't dare.
214
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:14,696
Only 100,000 meters to Canada.
215
00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:16,240
You stuck to your guns.
216
00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,450
No shame in admitting
there's no girlfriend now.
217
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:21,161
I'm not admitting something
that's not true.
218
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:23,664
Well, hey, because you
definitely have a girlfriend,
219
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:26,125
maybe you can tell me
how you take a bra off.
220
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,085
You just start blindly tugging
221
00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,379
until they sigh and do it themselves.
222
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:33,298
Been watching your old man, huh?
223
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,426
Well, it sounds like you're
quite the relationship expert.
224
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,679
I'm sure you can tell me
what sex is like.
225
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,848
I could, or maybe
226
00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:43,600
you could tell me what sex is like.
227
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:47,313
Oh, I could for sure tell you
exactly what sex is like.
228
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:51,233
? I got a brand-new pair
of roller skates ?
229
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:54,111
? You got a brand-new key ?
230
00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:56,780
? I think that we should get together ?
231
00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:59,825
? And try them out, you see ?
232
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:02,536
? I been looking around a while ?
233
00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:04,830
? You got something for me ?
234
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:08,417
? Oh, I got a brand-new pair
of roller skates ?
235
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:11,546
? You got a brand-new key. ?
236
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,549
Jamie will be here any minute
to start on some repairs.
237
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,551
I don't want any more drama, Meg.
238
00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,261
You won't get any from me.
239
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:23,348
Hey, there's the birthday girl.
240
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:26,019
What? What are you talking about?
241
00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:32,274
Hi. I'm with Kassabian Sheep Shearing.
242
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:34,444
I'm here to shave Meg's back.
243
00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:42,576
So, my doctor was like,
"Oh, my gosh, you're so young
244
00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:45,037
you should probably
be going to a pediatrician."
245
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,496
A baby doctor?
246
00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:49,208
Yeah, no, j-just as a joke
because, you know,
247
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,168
I seem so young, I think.
248
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:53,545
Hey, Mom, I'm doing a school report.
249
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,422
Who was president when you were born?
250
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:58,133
Uh, Dwight D. Ei... Oh, you bitch.
251
00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,677
Clinton. Dwight D. Clinton.
252
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:04,723
I did not have sexual relations
with that woman
253
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,808
because I am extremely old
254
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:09,187
and have a windsock penis.
255
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,816
Look, I know how attached
you are to your girl,
256
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:19,029
but I for one am very curious
to see a Canadian strip club.
257
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:25,702
Fellas,
put your mittens together for Brandi.
258
00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:46,723
God, just imagine when she takes off
259
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:48,433
her middle pair of socks.
260
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,394
Dad, what are we even doing here?
261
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,396
I'm in a committed relationship.
262
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,731
Geez, relax. I figured
maybe you'd like seeing
263
00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:55,941
a real girl or two.
264
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,192
Real girl?
265
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,069
I can't believe you still won't accept
266
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,445
that I have a girlfriend.
267
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,656
It's just, it's just,
it's not adding up.
268
00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:05,867
Oh, please.
Mom's way out of your league,
269
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:08,829
so why can't you get it through
your thick and huge head
270
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:10,539
that I found someone great?
271
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:13,333
Head's not that huge, and Mom
is not way out of my league.
272
00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:15,544
We both have strengths
and weaknesses as people.
273
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:18,213
Shut up. You're the luckiest
guy on earth.
274
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:20,507
Mom's hot and does everything.
275
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:22,634
You're not hot and do nothing.
276
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,886
You know why I don't believe
you have a girlfriend?
277
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,848
- Why?
- Because you're a fat loser.
278
00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:32,644
I hate you.
279
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,147
Ah, Chris, I didn't mean...
280
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:38,817
Oh, no, I probably just ruined
his self-esteem forever.
281
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,778
Please welcome our next dancer,
282
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:43,739
Chris Griffin.
283
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:48,369
This is because of you, Daddy.
284
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:58,003
Come on, Chris, get in the car.
285
00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:01,048
No. You called me a fat loser.
286
00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:04,594
Yeah, like P-H, phat, and P-H, loser.
287
00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,846
Okay, I didn't want to resort to this,
288
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,349
but I have a Mountain Dew
with limited-edition
289
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,435
X Games packaging in here.
290
00:14:13,728 --> 00:14:15,562
You're playing dirty pool.
291
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:18,483
As a teen, I'm required
to be excited by that.
292
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:23,570
Wow, flatland skateboarder
Rodney Mullen.
293
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,241
Ah.
294
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:31,078
As soon as I finish this bottle
and then bring it home
295
00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:33,080
to put on a display shelf in my room,
296
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:35,666
I'm going back to walk on the road.
297
00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:40,921
Hey, Jamie.
298
00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:43,340
I just baked some cookies
when you're ready for a break.
299
00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:45,384
Man, you guys are spoiling me.
300
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,595
Let me work on these gutters first.
301
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:21,503
I'm okay.
302
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:22,672
Oh, thank God.
303
00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:27,050
Oh, my God, Jamie.
304
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:28,385
Ja...
305
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:31,722
It's out. It's out. It's very out.
306
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:38,061
And as they say,
307
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,147
when God takes a handyman,
308
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,315
he must need a cloud fixed.
309
00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:45,944
We miss you, Jamie.
Our Carhartts are broken.
310
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:49,865
Now, please join us
for an Arby's catered reception.
311
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:52,659
We ask that you leave your cups
and cigarette butts
312
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,287
on the ground or in attic crawl spaces
313
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,582
to be found years later.
314
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:06,673
I-I can't... You look so much like him.
315
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:08,341
Jamie was my twin brother.
316
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:10,927
Oh, you must be so sad.
317
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,971
Are you also a handyman?
318
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,598
No, I'm an inner thigh masseuse,
319
00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:16,516
specializing in moms in their 40s.
320
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:20,353
You must need a hug.
321
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:29,112
In Florida, which is where
I'm headed back to now.
322
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:30,907
Nice meeting you.
323
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:36,579
Sorry, bro. Three's
a tough number for travel.
324
00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:48,548
Maybe we should try the radio.
325
00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:51,009
You're listening to
Canadian Sports Talk Radio.
326
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,677
How a boot our teams, eh?
327
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,930
They're all oot there trying super hard,
328
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:56,556
and that's what matters most.
329
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,558
Yeah, outstanding effort all around.
330
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,227
What a neat group of guys.
331
00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:01,478
Great point, bud.
332
00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:04,356
The players are nice, and coach
does the best he can...
333
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,982
Bunch of bums.
334
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:14,157
- You okay?
- What do you care?
335
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:21,414
I'm sorry for calling you a fat loser.
336
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:23,875
It really hurt my feelings.
337
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,418
Why would you do that?
338
00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:27,671
Well, this is hard
for me to admit, but...
339
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,673
I used to be a fat loser.
340
00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:30,715
What?
341
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:31,883
In high school,
342
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,885
I said I had a hot Canadian girlfriend
343
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,304
and that she was
the Vanna White of Canada.
344
00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:38,431
Nobody believed me,
so I made up a game show
345
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:40,392
at an all-school assembly to prove it.
346
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:43,728
Okay, so earlier, you said
the winner of round one
347
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:46,398
- is immune from the sudden death round?
- They are.
348
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,441
But our handout says
the sudden death round
349
00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:50,360
is part of the champions circle,
350
00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:52,028
which determines the winner.
351
00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:54,907
So, the round one winner
can't win the game?
352
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,792
Eventually, it all worked out.
I met your mom,
353
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:08,128
I Brett Kavanaugh-ed her up some stairs
354
00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:09,796
and accidentally had Meg.
355
00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:12,173
But high school
was a rough couple of years.
356
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:14,801
Wow, Dad, I-I had no idea.
357
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,678
I never told anyone that story.
358
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:19,097
I just wanted to save you
from some of the pain
359
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,724
and humiliation I went through.
360
00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,642
You and I are a lot alike.
361
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:23,977
You think so?
362
00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,562
I know so.
363
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:27,564
I sure do love you, son.
364
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:29,357
I love you, too, Dad.
365
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,325
- This the spot?
- Looks like it.
366
00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:40,452
I'm proud of you
for standing up for yourself
367
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,786
about your girlfriend.
368
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,663
I'm glad we took this trip together.
369
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,416
Me, too, Dad.
370
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:56,344
Hey, Dad, I just wanted to say thanks.
371
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:17,656
There's no girlfriend.
372
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,783
I made the whole thing up.
373
00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:23,328
I guess we're both a couple
of fat losers, huh, Dad?
374
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:24,788
It's okay, buddy.
375
00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,456
And what do you say we head home?
376
00:19:26,457 --> 00:19:28,291
And on the way, we can even watch
377
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:29,793
that new Pixar movie Sweaters.
378
00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:33,464
- Another home run?
- You bet it might be.
379
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,778
Well, that was quite an adventure,
380
00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:58,446
but I'm happy to be home.
381
00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:01,324
- I'm happy you're back, too.
- Where's Dad?
382
00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:04,119
Oh, he had his 25th high school reunion.
383
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,912
And then whoever has the most points
384
00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:08,289
is named the "Moose with the Most."
385
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:09,708
Any questions?
386
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,918
Yeah, if the show
was so popular in Canada,
387
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,546
how come they never showed
reruns in the States?
388
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,923
Good question.
It was created by the CBC,
389
00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:20,218
which is a pipeline to the BBC,
which ran it quite regularly,
390
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,137
but that preexisted BBC America,
391
00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:24,347
so there was no
U. S. system in place. Next.
392
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:28,143
Yeah, say you win a trip
in the Moose Pit Challenge,
393
00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:31,938
but you're unable to go
due to some previous conflict?
394
00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:34,190
You have one calendar year
to take the trip.
395
00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:37,026
And if you win the Cash Bash,
are you taxed on your winnings?
396
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:39,779
You have to declare the gross
amount on your taxes that year.
397
00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:41,740
- Oh, sure.
- Yeah, makes sense.
398
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:45,118
Guys, I've had 25 years to perfect this.
You're not gonna stump me.
399
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:46,745
Yeah,
you said it was the best-rated show
400
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,748
in Nunavut in the '90s,
but Nunavut wasn't separated
401
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:53,002
from the Northwest Territories
until 1999.
29795
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.