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1
00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:09,054
Oh, yes!
2
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,142
Look, there's a
new one of these.
3
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:11,546
- Your students' show?
- Yeah.
4
00:00:11,594 --> 00:00:13,354
You love those little brainiacs.
5
00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:15,388
I... I don't love them.
6
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,062
I love good content, okay?
7
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,140
I've said that a million times.
8
00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:20,984
[person screaming]
9
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,231
Don't forget to write.
10
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,152
[suspenseful music]
11
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:26,440
- Those backstabbers.
- They betrayed me.
12
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:35,830
♪ ♪
13
00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:39,207
[sighs]
14
00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:41,827
[tires squealing outside]
15
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:42,915
[car horn honking outside]
16
00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:44,839
Hey, watch out!
17
00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:49,919
But you don't need to
concern yourselves with that.
18
00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:53,046
Let's see, I might be
forgetting something.
19
00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:54,974
Uh, mentally
breaking my nemesis,
20
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:56,563
sex with everyone in California.
21
00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,388
No, that was it.
22
00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:00,233
Welcome to AP Bio.
23
00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:01,978
[Ramones' "Listen to My Heart"]
24
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,060
One, two, three, four!
25
00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:04,404
Actually, wait.
26
00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:05,819
One more thing.
27
00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:10,493
This is my pen.
28
00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:12,108
You cannot borrow my pen.
29
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:14,525
You cannot touch my pen.
30
00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:16,034
It's mine.
31
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,446
If there were to be a fire
and I had to save one of you,
32
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:19,865
I would save the pen.
33
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,705
[intense music]
34
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,711
[metal scraping]
35
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,804
♪ ♪
36
00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:31,719
This piece of shit.
37
00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,311
[clears throat]
38
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:43,101
[timer ticking]
39
00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:44,774
Yeah, I see it.
40
00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,363
But I'm ignoring it.
41
00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:49,068
I'm gonna take a
20-minute power nap.
42
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,899
[suspenseful music]
43
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:57,945
♪ ♪
44
00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:20,635
[alarm rings]
45
00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:28,063
[sighs]
46
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,026
Man, that hit the spot.
47
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:32,236
Anyone else grab a snooze?
48
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:33,487
No?
49
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:40,582
[metal scraping]
50
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,198
[Ramones' "Listen to My Heart"]
51
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:43,705
One, two, three, four!
52
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:46,167
♪ Next time, I'll
listen to my heart ♪
53
00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:49,087
♪ Next time, well,
I'll be smart ♪
54
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:55,127
♪ ♪
55
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,096
[inquisitive music]
56
00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:01,007
♪ ♪
57
00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:02,886
Hey. You wanted to talk?
58
00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:07,902
Listen, we've been hooking
up for, what, a month now?
59
00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,357
Five weeks and two days, yeah.
60
00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:10,750
I feel like this
is a summer thing.
61
00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:11,944
I mean, we're at a point where
62
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:13,443
we can either get
serious and date
63
00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:15,195
or decide that
we've learned enough
64
00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:17,066
to not embarrass
ourselves sexually
65
00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:18,623
in college and call it quits.
66
00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:21,156
I'd say definitely
the first thing.
67
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,621
I love you.
68
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:24,200
I-I love you, Sarika.
69
00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:27,785
Caleb, I was trying to say
we should call it quits.
70
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:30,337
[groans]
71
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:35,423
[groaning]
72
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:44,385
Um, this may not
be the best time,
73
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:46,102
but I do have a
nondisclosure agreement
74
00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:47,892
I would love for you to sign.
75
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,476
It's very standard stuff.
76
00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:52,521
It just says you can't discuss
our relationship at Whitlock,
77
00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:55,105
Toledo, in perpetuity
throughout the universe.
78
00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:56,901
[giggles]
79
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,025
[groans]
80
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:06,532
♪ ♪
81
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:08,286
Oh!
82
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,381
You gonna scuff my nude pump?
83
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,037
This is mine now.
84
00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:17,511
Okay, this'll be perfect.
85
00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:19,799
Now, what'd everyone bring
for their lunch roulette?
86
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:22,643
- And it'd better be good. Mary?
- Huh?
87
00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,639
Oh, uh, I would go first,
88
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,641
but I want to see
what Helen's got.
89
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,523
Oh, well, I had some
time this morning,
90
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:32,401
so I just whipped up
some seared duck breast
91
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,229
in a balsamic reduction.
92
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,534
- Oh!
- Wow.
93
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:36,836
And I would've
made dessert, too,
94
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,650
if the duck had gone
down easier. [Laughs]
95
00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:42,526
Helen, did you kill this
duck, like, this morning?
96
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:45,494
Well, yeah, I wasn't
gonna pan-fry it alive.
97
00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:47,245
I'm not a psychopath.
98
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:52,377
Okay, well, I put together
a little French picnic.
99
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:53,667
I brought some of that Brie.
100
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:56,170
Ooh, bonjour, Monsieur Cheese.
101
00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:58,592
- Some of that baguette.
- Bonjour, Monsieur Bread.
102
00:04:58,631 --> 00:04:59,841
[women giggle]
103
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:02,593
- And some of them grapes.
- Oh, la, la!
104
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,635
C'est magnifique! Bon appétit!
105
00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:07,389
Mary, are you overly flattering
106
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:08,732
my lunch roulette contribution
107
00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:10,437
because you forgot
we were doing this?
108
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,517
What? I did not forget.
109
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,192
Lunch roulette
means a lot to me,
110
00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:18,110
which is why I made
111
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,361
this fresh sandwich.
112
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:22,323
- We split that last week.
- [sighs]
113
00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:24,284
- My turn.
- [clears throat]
114
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,374
For lunch roulette, I brought
115
00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:31,749
one normal,
unadulterated banana.
116
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:38,594
Is this a rusty nail?
117
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:39,880
[scoffs] If it's roulette,
118
00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,723
there's got to be one
bullet to make it fun.
119
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,589
Whatever, you guys
suck. Let's just play.
120
00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:47,136
- [women chuckle]
- Okay, I'm feeling lucky.
121
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,600
Come on, sandwich!
122
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:52,600
♪ ♪
123
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:55,654
Welp, had to confiscate this.
124
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,069
Inappropriate, also
patently false.
125
00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,627
Ralph, you got to
hide that right now.
126
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:01,420
The superintendent's
gonna be here any moment.
127
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,074
- No.
- Okay, we have to nail this.
128
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,091
She's gonna keep hitting
us with monthly inspections
129
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:07,075
until we have an
incident-free visit.
130
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,077
Tell me she's not still
hung up on the time
131
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,619
that we let her
fall through a hole.
132
00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:13,292
Well, that is 50% her fault
for walking and texting,
133
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:14,791
and it's 50% your fault
134
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,963
for covering the hole
with sticks and twigs.
135
00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:19,922
Well, do you know a better
way to catch raccoons?
136
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,013
Yes.
137
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,917
- Good morning, Helen.
- Hi.
138
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,626
- That's Helen?
- We have a positive ID!
139
00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:26,846
- Down!
- Eat linoleum, mother[bleep].
140
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,046
You're under arrest for murder.
141
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:31,976
- Okeydokey.
- I'll be back next month.
142
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:34,637
- I'm a hand model.
- I'm a prosthetic hand model.
143
00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:36,686
Hundreds of people
have my hands.
144
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:39,520
My fingerprints end up
in the darndest places.
145
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,396
Did I kill a
Cambodian drug lord?
146
00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,193
No. Did I steal a Rembrandt
147
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,896
from the Rijksmuseum
in Nederlands?
148
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:48,066
Nee. Nee. Not I, sir.
149
00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:50,366
[tense music]
150
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,620
I'm good with that.
151
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:52,888
Yeah, sorry about
the trouble, ma'am.
152
00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:54,662
- Yeah.
- Thank you, officers.
153
00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:56,616
Good luck catching the murderer.
154
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:59,916
I wish the superintendent had
been here for my exoneration.
155
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:03,591
He says, "I can come fix
your heater on Wednesday."
156
00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:06,301
I says, "Oh, what a coincidence
157
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:09,183
that you'd come on hump day."
158
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:14,100
I'm telling you, this guy has
had a thing for me for years.
159
00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:16,482
He says it's a
regular reminder call
160
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:17,849
about tomorrow's appointment.
161
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,766
I'm like, "Flirt much?
162
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,864
We just made the appointment
yesterday, you horn dog."
163
00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:25,991
Well, anyway, this
guy's gonna...
164
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:30,449
You want to be paid
in Visa or smooches?
165
00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:31,702
Visa?
166
00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:35,463
Okay, okay, hold your horses.
167
00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:36,917
God, I thought I
had it together.
168
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:38,517
Think he wants something,
he doesn't want it!
169
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:40,751
[bell ringing]
170
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,844
I says, "If you're
so uninterested,
171
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:45,549
why you leaving me a
refrigerator magnet?"
172
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,234
I got it right here.
You guys want to see it?
173
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,838
It's crazy.
174
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:07,064
♪ ♪
175
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:26,792
all: H-E-N...
176
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:29,428
- You're moving it.
- I'm not. I promise.
177
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:32,047
All: R-Y.
178
00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:33,385
[all gasp]
179
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,408
- It spelled Henry.
- The spirit's name is Henry.
180
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,312
[all screaming]
181
00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:43,058
[laughing]
182
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,976
Sorry to intrude,
ladies, but legally,
183
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,276
I have to inform you that
you have been pranked.
184
00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:49,859
You did this?
185
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,954
But how did you get the
pointer thingy to move?
186
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,740
[dramatic musical sting]
187
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:54,993
Allow me to answer that.
188
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,161
Magnets and robotics.
189
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,914
But how did you get
it under the table?
190
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,326
[dramatic musical sting]
191
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,884
That's where I come in.
192
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:05,247
I placed the device that
was controlling the pen.
193
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:08,005
For once, being unremarkable
worked in my favor.
194
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,798
But how did you know that
we would be doing this?
195
00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:12,722
This isn't even mine.
Marissa brought it.
196
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,891
- Don't look at me.
- I borrowed it from...
197
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:16,889
From Yuyao, yes.
198
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,891
I did not find that
game wrapped in chains
199
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,353
on the beach as I told you.
200
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,773
I lied, and you bought it.
201
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,611
But we only invited
Marissa yesterday
202
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:25,476
'cause Anthony couldn't come.
203
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:27,443
Oh, couldn't I?
204
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:31,114
Anthony, you were in on
it and you didn't tell me?
205
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:34,124
I'm just kidding. He
did tell me. I knew.
206
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:36,527
I knew, too. Victor paid
me ten bucks to play along.
207
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:39,906
I knew too. I'm the one who
built the robot for Eduardo.
208
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,084
- What about you, Heather?
- Of course I knew.
209
00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:44,793
This is my house. I'm the
one who let Marcus in.
210
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,964
- All: Marcus?
- Marcus is here?
211
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,303
- Hey.
- [all gasp]
212
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,259
Yeah, I made the lights flicker.
213
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,499
Watch this.
214
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:55,724
Good, right?
215
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,642
[sighs]
216
00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:59,601
Wait, if everyone was in on it
217
00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,061
and no one was getting pranked,
218
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,561
then what are we even doing?
219
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,523
[inquisitive music]
220
00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:09,614
♪ ♪
221
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:11,401
Okay, okay, so third
time's a charm.
222
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,204
All right, just don't trip.
223
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,834
- [all groan]
- I want this so bad.
224
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,498
When you get it,
I'm gonna explode.
225
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:24,368
- Let me try.
- Yeah.
226
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:31,054
- [alarm rings]
- [chuckles]
227
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,304
Did anyone see that?
228
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:40,104
Well, the sleep
pole's a huge success.
229
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,270
I was out. Good
first week, guys.
230
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,229
[bell rings]
231
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,270
Heather, I...
232
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:52,819
Dan, it's just... if you just...
233
00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:57,909
[suspenseful music]
234
00:10:57,949 --> 00:10:59,529
Where's my pen?
235
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:05,576
♪ ♪
236
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:18,545
There was a pen here.
Did you take it?
237
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,505
[laughs]
238
00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:22,465
That thing is long
gone, brother.
239
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,885
This school finds
out what you love,
240
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:28,364
and it takes it
from you every time.
241
00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:31,016
Well, I'm gonna find
out who took it.
242
00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:33,566
Then there'll be hell to pay.
243
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,570
What's that?
244
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,202
I was, uh...
245
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:39,008
I wasn't talking to you.
I was doing a thing.
246
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,582
Oh. Carry on.
247
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:44,448
[tense music]
248
00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:54,546
[inquisitive music]
249
00:11:54,589 --> 00:12:00,589
♪ ♪
250
00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:07,444
[animal chittering]
251
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:11,017
I can hear you running
around up there, Mr. Raccoon.
252
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,650
I'm just trying to get
you outside to the hole.
253
00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,113
Come on.
254
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,752
Huh. I believe we've met.
255
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:27,577
[raccoon chitters]
256
00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:29,792
Oh, you little...
257
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,963
You little shit, I got you.
258
00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:35,422
[indistinct chatter]
259
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:36,923
Well, you said...
260
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:39,585
Could you please sign these
cards when you got a sec?
261
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:42,724
One is for Stef's baby shower,
and the other one's for Rhonda.
262
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:46,182
Oh, such a shame.
263
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:49,694
Ooh, sexy-ass water man,
264
00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:54,018
you put the jumbled
spelling of "man" in "damn."
265
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:58,775
So ripped and beautiful,
but you dumb, ain't ya?
266
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,610
Yeah, no rocket scientist
267
00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:02,195
lugs stuff around
to make a living.
268
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,620
You're like a donkey.
269
00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,329
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
270
00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:10,459
I want to get with you,
big dumb donkey water man.
271
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,958
- Okay, just sign here.
- Last spot left.
272
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:18,304
It'll be nice for Rhonda
to see how much we care.
273
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:21,630
I tell you this, when
Keith goes, I'm...
274
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:23,136
[imitates gunshot]
275
00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:25,138
Hold up. Goes? Goes where?
276
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:26,640
Weren't you listening?
277
00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:29,561
Rhonda's husband died. What
did you write on the card?
278
00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:31,771
- I wrote "Yippee.
- You're back in the game.
279
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,651
Get some, X-X-X."
280
00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:36,398
Feels like that would've
been better for Stef's card.
281
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:39,821
So the IRS needs
the money tomorrow,
282
00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:43,201
and the best way
is to FedEx cash?
283
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:44,819
Okay, no, I... Yeah,
wait, wait, wait.
284
00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:47,236
I'm sorry. I need a
pen. I need a pen.
285
00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:49,075
Thank you. Yeah, no, I'm sorry.
286
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,290
Your accent's really throwing
me... just slow down.
287
00:13:52,374 --> 00:13:53,976
Well, I guess I
should've been suspicious
288
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,800
that the IRS had an
office in Bulgaria.
289
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,046
Okay, right. Well, so hang on.
290
00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:02,929
If I send you $10,000,
you can get my money back?
291
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:04,507
Done and done. All right, bye.
292
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,812
- The superintendent is back.
- Oh, hey, how do I look?
293
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,517
Coconut crap.
294
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:10,727
Oh, damn it, Durbin!
295
00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:12,937
Oh, God, oh, God,
what are we gonna do?
296
00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:15,857
Okay, I got it. I'll kill her.
297
00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:17,607
I meant I'll killher.
298
00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:19,609
I meant I'll stall her.
299
00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:21,045
Just tell her I'll
be right back, okay?
300
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,739
Tell her I'm
finishing a burrito.
301
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,199
No, not that. Something better.
302
00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:26,119
- Quesadilla?
- Just stall her.
303
00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:32,157
♪ ♪
304
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,501
Oh, damn! Ah!
305
00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:39,963
Damn it, Durbin!
306
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,381
No, it's "2 Fast 2 Furious,"
307
00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:44,965
so they're not
really family yet,
308
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,237
but they definitely
have each other's backs.
309
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:47,931
I'm in the ladies' room!
310
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:53,977
Damn it, Durbin.
311
00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:59,729
♪ ♪
312
00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:02,744
Hey, hey, ah, Jack.
313
00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:05,027
Hey, um, shot in the dark.
314
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,371
Uh, could I borrow
all your clothes?
315
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,077
Oh, sorry, bud,
well, I'm, you know,
316
00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:10,737
kind of using my clothes.
317
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:13,535
Oh, yeah, well, how about um,
your cardigan as a diaper?
318
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,500
Ah, but then, you know,
319
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,130
my favorite sweater is a diaper.
320
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,247
Yeah, it's...
321
00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:19,423
You're putting me
in a tough spot.
322
00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:21,251
- I am. I am.
- You know, I had to try.
323
00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:23,716
- Sure. Sure.
- Okay.
324
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:26,717
Here's your coffee,
you lucky duck.
325
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,890
I can't have coffee past
Monday, or I'll be up all week.
326
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,099
I am sorry I'm late.
327
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:34,060
I was... I was, um
328
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,770
finishing a burrito.
329
00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:38,690
You said it was a quesadilla.
330
00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:41,860
And school sucks ass?
331
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:46,530
I would certainly not call this
an "incident-free inspection."
332
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:49,161
See you next month.
333
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,739
[mouthing words]
334
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:54,945
[toilet flushes]
335
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:57,956
[mischievous music]
336
00:15:57,999 --> 00:16:02,299
♪ ♪
337
00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:04,877
[eerie ethereal whispering]
338
00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:07,473
Okay, so this is probably
too big of a clue.
339
00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:11,809
I'm Diego Rivera,
so Miss Wagner is...
340
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:14,056
Bert from "Sesame Street"?
341
00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:15,479
No.
342
00:16:15,517 --> 00:16:18,437
What famous artists
from history are we?
343
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,898
Here's another
clue... Bus accident.
344
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:23,980
Nothing? All right,
how about this?
345
00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:27,145
Everyone write down a few ideas
of who you think it could be.
346
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:31,065
Dot, dot. Dash. Dash, dash.
347
00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:32,986
Dot, dot. Dash.
348
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,624
Dash, dash, dash.
349
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:38,542
[eerie music]
350
00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:42,711
♪ ♪
351
00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:17,117
♪ ♪
352
00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:19,042
That tapping is
driving me crazy.
353
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:22,460
Or as Frida Kahlo
would say, loco.
354
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:25,170
Anyone want to guess
why I brought her up?
355
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,881
[bell rings]
356
00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,881
[inquisitive music]
357
00:17:29,924 --> 00:17:31,974
♪ ♪
358
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:35,640
"Yippee. Get some, X-X-X"?
359
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:39,850
I know what X-X-X means.
I have gotten some.
360
00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,393
Rhonda, I am so sorry.
361
00:17:41,436 --> 00:17:44,936
I was looking at this
sexy water donkey...
362
00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:48,491
Thinner. Thinner.
363
00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:51,276
Uh...
364
00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:57,321
♪ ♪
365
00:18:15,387 --> 00:18:18,767
Dan Decker wants to
be in "Janet Fist"?
366
00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:23,187
Oh, Caleb, you just got
bumped to corpse number two.
367
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:36,278
♪ Janet Fist ♪
368
00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,204
[suspenseful music]
369
00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:40,453
If you're lucky,
I'll let you live.
370
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:42,615
- [scoffs]
- Yeah, right, receptionist.
371
00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:45,004
[laughing]
372
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:46,461
You know what's crazy?
373
00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:51,171
You about to be buried under
20 feet of cold cement.
374
00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:52,844
[scoffs]
375
00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,182
Send a little
receptionist to get me.
376
00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:57,718
[laughs]
377
00:18:57,762 --> 00:19:03,762
♪ ♪
378
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:09,692
[screaming]
379
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:15,733
♪ ♪
380
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,790
Don't forget to write.
381
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,868
♪ She hates when
people don't write ♪
382
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:27,464
Those backstabbers,
they betrayed me.
383
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,290
[tense music]
384
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:31,126
They took my pen.
385
00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:33,721
♪ ♪
386
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:42,058
- Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
- Shut up!
387
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:45,978
I need to talk to
you guys about this.
388
00:19:49,147 --> 00:19:51,647
I think you have to plug it in.
389
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,321
Yeah, duh.
390
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,950
I know that, Eduardo.
I'm just... I'm so mad.
391
00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:01,077
[sighs] All right.
392
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,487
Have you adjusted the inputs?
393
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,075
I... I'm too furious
394
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,250
for logistics
right now, Eduardo.
395
00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:09,329
It's my pen, okay?
396
00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:11,996
My pen that I begged
you guys not to touch.
397
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,648
It's been missing since
the first week of school.
398
00:20:13,672 --> 00:20:16,052
And then, out of the
blue, I'm trying to enjoy
399
00:20:16,091 --> 00:20:18,341
an episode of "Janet
Fist," and what do I see?
400
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:19,635
My pen.
401
00:20:19,678 --> 00:20:21,098
You watch my web series?
402
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:23,097
Of course I watch... Guys, I...
403
00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:25,979
For the millionth time,
I enjoy good content.
404
00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:27,847
Now, I have two
questions for you all.
405
00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:30,694
Who took my pen?
And give it to me.
406
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,320
You mean your Harvard pen?
407
00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:34,937
No, my University
of Florida pen.
408
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,444
I mean, I hate to
slam you, Heather,
409
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,816
but, you know, that's
how angry I am.
410
00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:39,863
It's fine.
411
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,156
Mistakes were made,
412
00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:43,539
but as long as the pen's
okay, all is forgiven.
413
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,576
Um, it's not okay.
414
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:48,290
When Janet stopped
the orphanage fire,
415
00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:51,251
it got broken,
416
00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:52,462
and torched.
417
00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:55,462
[somber music]
418
00:20:55,505 --> 00:20:57,415
♪ ♪
419
00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:58,625
You ruined it.
420
00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:01,795
♪ ♪
421
00:21:01,845 --> 00:21:04,215
You monsters ruined it.
422
00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:09,064
We can definitely grab you
a new pen, Mr. Griffin.
423
00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:11,192
It wasn't just a pen.
424
00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:15,109
You know, I never
even went to college,
425
00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:16,400
and somehow, here you are,
426
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:19,493
going to the best
college there is.
427
00:21:19,529 --> 00:21:21,359
Oh, cheese and rice.
428
00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:25,291
I almost forgot.
429
00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:27,116
It's not much...
430
00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:32,004
But I know you'll do
great things with it.
431
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:38,127
[sentimental music]
432
00:21:38,173 --> 00:21:40,133
It's perfect.
433
00:21:42,385 --> 00:21:46,055
She said, "I know you'll
do great things with it."
434
00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:50,354
I was always planning
to use it to...
435
00:21:50,393 --> 00:21:54,153
I don't know... sign the
mortgage on my beachfront mansion
436
00:21:54,189 --> 00:21:57,399
next to fellow Nobel
Laureate Deepak Chopra.
437
00:21:57,442 --> 00:22:00,652
Pretty sure Deepak Chopra
hasn't won a Nobel Prize.
438
00:22:00,695 --> 00:22:03,445
Well, it's about
goddamn time he does.
439
00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:05,700
You know, there are
lots of great things
440
00:22:05,742 --> 00:22:07,303
you could do with the pen
that I'm sure your mother
441
00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:09,077
would be very proud of.
442
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:10,765
Well, I won't be doing
anything great with it now
443
00:22:10,789 --> 00:22:13,669
because
444
00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:14,998
it's gone.
445
00:22:15,043 --> 00:22:17,963
[somber music]
446
00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:22,594
♪ ♪
447
00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:27,352
Well, here's a tip...
448
00:22:27,389 --> 00:22:29,599
Never care about
anyone or anything,
449
00:22:29,641 --> 00:22:31,327
and that includes dead
people and children.
450
00:22:31,351 --> 00:22:32,641
- Jack?
- Yeah.
451
00:22:32,686 --> 00:22:35,856
- The baby's coming.
- I'm gonna have a baby now.
452
00:22:35,897 --> 00:22:37,567
Wha... Oh, God.
453
00:22:37,607 --> 00:22:39,437
Uh, Dale, help clear
a place for Stef.
454
00:22:39,484 --> 00:22:41,154
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
455
00:22:41,194 --> 00:22:43,074
[suspenseful music]
456
00:22:43,113 --> 00:22:45,413
- Not there!
- [groans]
457
00:22:45,448 --> 00:22:48,868
[grunting]
458
00:22:48,910 --> 00:22:52,290
[yelling]
459
00:22:52,330 --> 00:22:55,250
- Dale!
- I don't know what I'm doing!
460
00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:56,686
Okay, okay, all
right, listen, listen.
461
00:22:56,710 --> 00:22:58,590
Look at me. Look
at me. We got this.
462
00:22:58,628 --> 00:23:00,258
Let's get you over to the couch.
463
00:23:00,296 --> 00:23:01,376
I'm gonna need more of these.
464
00:23:01,423 --> 00:23:03,683
Oh, unworthy! [Shrieks]
465
00:23:03,717 --> 00:23:06,137
Jack, I don't want to
have my baby like this.
466
00:23:06,177 --> 00:23:08,257
Listen, I got you.
467
00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:10,934
- Okay.
- Sit here. Here we go.
468
00:23:10,974 --> 00:23:12,524
- Okay. Look at me.
- Okay.
469
00:23:12,559 --> 00:23:15,809
Now, you took one of those
baby-having classes, right?
470
00:23:15,854 --> 00:23:17,274
- Yeah.
- Oh, great.
471
00:23:17,313 --> 00:23:19,733
So we're gonna do that,
okay? We can do that, right?
472
00:23:19,774 --> 00:23:21,444
Okay.
473
00:23:21,484 --> 00:23:24,154
I'll admit, you two do seem
474
00:23:24,195 --> 00:23:27,025
to finally have this
school under control.
475
00:23:30,827 --> 00:23:31,947
[yelling]
476
00:23:31,995 --> 00:23:33,287
- Get out of here!
- Push! Push!
477
00:23:33,329 --> 00:23:34,869
- Whoopsy-daisy!
- That's a closet.
478
00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:37,584
Clearly, there is something
going on in there.
479
00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:40,295
Either you show me, or
I'll be back next month.
480
00:23:40,337 --> 00:23:42,127
- Well, see you then.
- Bye.
481
00:23:49,012 --> 00:23:51,062
Oh, God.
482
00:23:51,097 --> 00:23:52,557
Mr. Griffin, what have you done?
483
00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:53,679
I have a go bag, Boss.
484
00:23:53,725 --> 00:23:55,765
Whatever you need,
no questions asked.
485
00:24:03,068 --> 00:24:06,198
We made this pen for you,
486
00:24:06,237 --> 00:24:09,367
but if it makes you angry,
we can take it back.
487
00:24:09,407 --> 00:24:12,537
[sentimental music]
488
00:24:12,577 --> 00:24:15,367
♪ ♪
489
00:24:15,413 --> 00:24:17,123
Wow.
490
00:24:18,166 --> 00:24:21,036
Life is a miracle.
491
00:24:21,086 --> 00:24:23,296
Each one of you is
a little miracle.
492
00:24:27,384 --> 00:24:30,514
- [clears throat]
- Um, can you please just confirm
493
00:24:30,553 --> 00:24:32,183
that you didn't
actually kill anyone?
494
00:24:32,222 --> 00:24:33,392
Oh, they're gonna be fine.
495
00:24:33,431 --> 00:24:35,061
They're on their
way to the hospital.
496
00:24:36,518 --> 00:24:38,188
Now, I have something
to say to you,
497
00:24:38,228 --> 00:24:40,108
and I want you to
listen very carefully.
498
00:24:42,232 --> 00:24:44,572
This is my pen.
499
00:24:44,609 --> 00:24:48,029
It's my pen.
500
00:24:48,071 --> 00:24:50,661
No one can touch my pen.
501
00:24:50,699 --> 00:24:52,579
It's mine.
502
00:24:52,617 --> 00:24:58,617
♪ ♪
503
00:24:59,541 --> 00:25:02,001
Oh, my God, you guys,
I am so excited.
504
00:25:02,043 --> 00:25:05,093
If this baby has chubby
elbows, I'm gonna pass out.
505
00:25:05,130 --> 00:25:07,220
Me too, I love a chubby joint.
506
00:25:07,257 --> 00:25:10,717
I just wish I could hold
her, but I'll lactate
507
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,180
'cause I was a wet nurse
during the Great Recession.
508
00:25:13,221 --> 00:25:14,391
Yeah, I'm gonna
have to pass, too.
509
00:25:14,431 --> 00:25:15,851
I mean, I-I like to wait
510
00:25:15,890 --> 00:25:18,310
for the, you know, neck muscles
to come in, otherwise...
511
00:25:18,351 --> 00:25:20,191
I'm excited to see her again.
512
00:25:20,228 --> 00:25:21,539
This is my second time
hanging out with her.
513
00:25:21,563 --> 00:25:23,943
- We're buds. Yeah.
- [laughs]
514
00:25:23,982 --> 00:25:26,282
[all clamoring]
515
00:25:26,317 --> 00:25:29,397
Look at my friend's
post-glow pregnancy.
516
00:25:29,446 --> 00:25:31,446
Oh, nobody's rolling
the footage on my baby?
517
00:25:31,489 --> 00:25:34,079
- I'ma go back and redo it.
- Come on.
518
00:25:34,117 --> 00:25:35,237
What's her name?
519
00:25:35,285 --> 00:25:38,995
Her name is Evelyn Jack Duncan.
520
00:25:39,039 --> 00:25:40,329
- Oh!
- [squeals]
521
00:25:40,373 --> 00:25:41,883
Will you make her name official?
522
00:25:41,916 --> 00:25:44,916
- I'd be honored.
- Here's the birth certificate.
523
00:25:44,961 --> 00:25:48,261
Ah, I, uh, have my own pen.
524
00:25:48,298 --> 00:25:51,928
This is a really
cool thing, Jack.
525
00:25:51,968 --> 00:25:54,388
I would go so far as to say
526
00:25:54,429 --> 00:25:57,389
that it's a great thing.
527
00:25:57,432 --> 00:26:00,692
- Oh, God.
- Here come the waterworks.
528
00:26:00,727 --> 00:26:02,057
All: Aww.
529
00:26:02,103 --> 00:26:03,363
Oh.
530
00:26:03,396 --> 00:26:06,146
[heartwarming music]
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