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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:16,230 Already? It's started already? 2 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:18,470 I think it's just a rehearsal, love. 3 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:21,310 They've been playing the same three songs since 1795 -- 4 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:22,910 what do they need to rehearse for? 5 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,430 Well, practice makes perfect, Aunt Mary. 6 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:28,190 You know, that is why they are so cracker. 7 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:29,430 I'm sorry? 8 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,670 Did you just call the Orange Order "cracker"? 9 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:33,150 I'm considering joining. 10 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,350 I don't think they accept Catholics, Orla, 11 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,390 or, you know, acknowledge our right to exist. 12 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,150 Give us a hand here, Gerry -- 13 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,430 this'll not close. 14 00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:45,830 We need to shift ourselves! We're the last Fenians standing. 15 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,870 Relax, love, we've got a good two or three hours 16 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:49,150 before the rioting starts. 17 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,950 I'll not settling myself until we're over that border, Da. 18 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,390 You're absolutely sure we need the big clock, love? 19 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:56,830 We've been through this, Gerry. 20 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:58,790 Definitely don't want to bring the wee clock? 21 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:00,270 I can't be doing with the wee clock! 22 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:01,950 What is your problem with the big clock? 23 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,830 It wouldn't say I have a problem, as such, 24 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:06,310 it's just much heavier and takes up a lot of room. 25 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,310 I'm telling you, Mary, that's how it starts -- 26 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,670 now he's dictating what size of clock you can pack. 27 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:12,910 Next you'll be telling you what to wear, what to say. 28 00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:15,150 Before you know it, you'll be faking your own death 29 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,510 and assuming a new identity. 30 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:20,070 Erin, I told you not to let him watch that Sleeping With The Enemy. 31 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,310 - Couldn't stop him, Mammy. - Great show. 32 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:23,750 Stick that in the boot. 33 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:27,870 You'll be as well getting one of the wee'uns to do it. 34 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:31,920 Out of the way. 35 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,750 Listen to it! I mean, just listen to it! I mean... I mean, I don't... 36 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,350 - I mean, why do they have to be so loud? - Breathe, love. 37 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,150 Far worse for me, Clare. I mean, my hearing's impeccable. 38 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,190 I've read the same paragraph 47 times 39 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:51,190 because I can't concentrate because... 40 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:53,470 Oh, my God, the noise! 41 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:56,150 This whale, he's a bad brute, Mrs Quinn. 42 00:01:56,200 --> 00:02:00,200 I have to know if they catch him. Can I come away with you, please? 43 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:04,110 OK, well, if your mother has no objections, I don't see why not. 44 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:08,160 Thank you. Thank you. I'll never forget this. Thank you! 45 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,750 She's taking you to a caravan in Portnoo -- 46 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,510 she's not giving you her kidney, Clare. 47 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:14,990 Listen, Mary, I just did a reading. 48 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:18,110 The cards say if we go on this wee holiday, we're placing ourselves 49 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:21,990 in grave danger, which I'm not buzzing about, to be honest. 50 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:23,550 You're not psychic, Aunt Sarah. 51 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,270 I am psychic, Erin. I did a course. 52 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,270 I got a certificate. 53 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,070 Aye, this does not look good. 54 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,590 Still no sign of the lottery numbers? 55 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:36,110 No, Daddy, this psychic carry-on, 56 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,710 it's not all it's cracked up to be, you know? 57 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:42,760 Last night, I woke up to this... wailing sound. 58 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:46,390 I thought to myself, "Jesus, it's Granny Pat, 59 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:47,870 "she's trying to cross over." 60 00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:50,670 Now, it turned out it was only Aggie next door. 61 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,590 She'd put the electric blanket on full whack 62 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,670 and scalded the legs o' herself. 63 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:58,150 But still, it could just as easily have been... 64 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:01,870 - The disembodied spirit of a dead relative? - Exactly. 65 00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:05,870 My nerves are wrecked. I am living on a knife's edge here. 66 00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:07,590 Is there any Rice Krispies? 67 00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:11,640 Shh! Shh! This is the best bit! 68 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,630 OK, everyone! Remain calm! 69 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:18,680 I need you all to listen very carefully. 70 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:23,630 OK, I'm going in. 71 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,630 For the love of God, don't come in here! 72 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,350 Everything all right, Mary? 73 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,710 Stay back, Deirdre. This place is a death trap. 74 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,350 Listen, Mary, I hate to do this to you, but me and Martin are both 75 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,670 working nights and I'm nervous about leaving these two on their own... 76 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:40,270 Don't suppose there's any chance you could take them with you? 77 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,510 - Ach, away, Deirdre, it's just... - The English thing? 78 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:44,150 Listen, Mary, I understand. 79 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,750 I mean, he's my nephew, and even I find it hard to get past. 80 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:49,790 If I'm totally honest, there's times when I look at him and I feel... 81 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:53,840 well, it's pure hatred. I'll not dress it up. 82 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:55,830 No, no, it's not the English thing. 83 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,150 I hope to God it's not the gay thing you're offended by. 84 00:03:58,200 --> 00:03:59,430 There is no gay thing. 85 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:02,270 Because I'd be disappointed in you, Mary -- I'll not lie. 86 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,030 Of course not. I mean, if anything, 87 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:06,710 the gay thing sort of cancels out the English thing. 88 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,350 Again, no gay thing. 89 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,270 You wouldn't move over there, James? 90 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:12,270 I can't see past your massive closet. 91 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:15,190 - I'm just not sure we'll have room in the caravan. - It'll be grand. 92 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,030 Us men can camp outside. 93 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,750 - Oh, God. - Oh, God. 94 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,030 Run and ask Jim across the road for the lend of his tent. 95 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:22,990 Oh, thanks a million, Mary. I owe you one. 96 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,470 Here, if you want our Ryan to sort that gable wall of yours out, 97 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,950 you've only to ask. 98 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,990 What's wrong with our gable wall? 99 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,830 - Christ's sake! - Do you think it's an omen? 100 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:40,400 Right, now watch. 101 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:44,630 What about that? 102 00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:48,870 I tell you, girls, the double glazing, it'll change your life. 103 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:52,920 Yeah, as I said, it's... it's very impressive, Jim. 104 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,910 But we're actually in a bit of a hurry, 105 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,950 so if we could just grab that tent. 106 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:05,390 Mind-blowing. 107 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:07,990 What are they, stilts? 108 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:12,040 - Golf clubs. - I thought... spatulas. 109 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,710 They're rifles! 110 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,190 Really? Are you sure? 111 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:16,430 Fairly sure! 112 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:19,150 I also don't understand what connection spatulas, 113 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:22,590 golf clubs or stilts would have to the Irish resistance! 114 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:24,470 Christ, he's a dose. 115 00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:26,530 Now, once your tent is erect... 116 00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:30,390 .. you'll want to think about where to safely store your food, 117 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:32,310 because believe me, girls, 118 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:36,350 you do not want to attract predatory animals into your sleeping area. 119 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,350 Bears are particularly vicious. 120 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,150 Yeah, I'm not sure how many bears there are in Portnoo, though, Jim. 121 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,390 But there was a cheetah on the beach one time. 122 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:45,270 That was a greyhound, Orla. 123 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:49,320 I know what I saw. 124 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,950 He give you the Intrepid, did he? 125 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,510 That's his second best tent, you know? 126 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,510 I'll tell you what, son, I'm putting you in charge, OK? 127 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,230 Oh, please don't. Please don't put me in charge of it. 128 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,750 You'll be all right. 129 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,670 Right, there's too many of us for one car. 130 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,670 Some of you will have to go with me da. 131 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:10,270 Can I? Can I? 132 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,190 Cos Joe drives really fast. 133 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,910 He, like, runs through red lights and takes corners on two wheels. 134 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,030 - It's class! - It really is. 135 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:20,190 - I think I'll hop in with Mr Quinn, if that's OK. - Me too! 136 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,110 I'll go with me da -- he lets me smoke. 137 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:25,150 You're coming? What about the grave danger we're putting ourselves in? 138 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,670 Well, it's a concern, but so is the fact 139 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,110 that I have nothing in for me Sunday dinner, so... 140 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:32,910 All right, Joe, if you just follow me. 141 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:36,950 - Why should I follow you? - I've got the map. - Aye. 142 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,510 Well, now I have the map. 143 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:39,870 Ach, Da... 144 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,830 Joe, it's all just a bit trickier today. 145 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,710 There are so many roadblocks up, there are so many diversions, 146 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,390 and, you know, I drive for a living. 147 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,790 He says this like it's something to be proud of. 148 00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:51,990 Look, we just need to get out of this place as quickly 149 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,190 and as quietly as possible. 150 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,470 You know what age I am, boy? 151 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:01,520 You know how many of these parades I've lived through? 152 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:05,630 You think I don't realise how quickly a situation can turn? 153 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,790 Do you think I would do anything to put my family at risk? 154 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:12,840 No. Of course not. I'm sorry. 155 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:14,830 Aye. 156 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,230 What are you looking at, you tangerine tool?! 157 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:18,870 OK, Granda... 158 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,870 I think what's happened here is, now, correct me if I'm wrong, 159 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,630 but I think your father has just driven through a police barricade. 160 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:26,510 - Well, it's done now. - Oh, that's true. 161 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:29,070 It's probably not even that big a deal if you ignore the fact 162 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,950 that Orangemen are circling us as though we're their fucking prey! 163 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,470 It'll be grand! 164 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,070 I'm starting to understand how Moby Dick must feel. 165 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:40,120 Christ, I'm sweating here. 166 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:50,870 You lot tell me where I can and can't go in me own town? 167 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,870 Orange bastards! 168 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:57,630 - Sure, didn't I predict this? - No, you didn't. 169 00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,750 I said this trip would place us in grave danger, Erin. 170 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:04,430 - Those were my very words. - This isn't grave danger. 171 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,750 Oh, look, that cop's pointing his gun at us. 172 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:10,510 I mean, it's not ideal, but this is more of a pickle. 173 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:13,550 It's a pickle, isn't it, Grandad? It's just a pickle. 174 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:14,790 Arseholes! 175 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,510 OK, then... 176 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:20,550 - So, would you do me a reading, Sarah? - I would surely, love. 177 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:24,600 Grow up, Michelle. A deck of cards can't actually predict your future. 178 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,750 It's ridiculous. It's medieval. 179 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,150 Shower of shites! 180 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,150 They really don't look that happy, do they? 181 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:34,830 Why don't we just that it was an accident, 182 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,190 that we don't want any trouble? 183 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:37,390 I'm not going out there. 184 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,430 - Well, send one of the wee'uns out. - What?! - What?! 185 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,790 Well, the wee fella's English. They might respect that. 186 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:43,590 I think they would respect that, actually. 187 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,030 - Away you go, son. - You're not serious! 188 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,190 It'll be grand. 189 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,240 Underneath it all, I'm sure they're reasonable enough people. 190 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,990 Absolutely no chance! 191 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:00,430 And how soon am I going to meet this fella? 192 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:04,480 - Dead soon. Really soon. - And answer me this -- is he a ride? 193 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:05,910 Oh, God, aye. 194 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,470 Is it just a casual thing, or are we talking a keeper here? 195 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:13,070 - I'm thinking marriage. - Holy fuck! 196 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,870 Catch yourself on. 197 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,390 To think, I could be staring at him right now. 198 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:20,310 You can't marry an Orangeman, Michelle. 199 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,990 That's a pity, cos I think there's something really 200 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,240 sexy about the fact that they hate us so much. 201 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:35,480 ♪ Holiday! 202 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:39,670 ♪ Celebrate! ♪ 203 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,710 I hope your father appreciates the fact that 204 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:44,670 - I was the one who got us out of that mess. - He won't. 205 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:47,670 Nobody back there actually believed you were a Japanese tourist, Gerry. 206 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:51,030 They all thought you were a nutcase. They took pity on you. 207 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,670 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Dear God, no! 208 00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,510 - What's wrong? - I can't find my purse. 209 00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:58,390 - I can see your purse right there. - No, that's my sterling purse. 210 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,870 I'm talking about my punt purse. I can't find my punt purse, Gerry. 211 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,510 Blessed St Anthony, the Grace of God has made you the patron saint 212 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:05,790 of all things lost and stolen. 213 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:07,910 I turn to you this day with childlike love and... 214 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,830 - Look, Mary, calm down. - Calm down, Gerry? We have no punts! 215 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:15,110 We can't go to the Free State without punts. We're puntless. 216 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,830 We haven't a punt between us. 217 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:19,950 Oh, God. I think... I think I'm having a panic attack. 218 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,750 - Oh, stupid purse. - Over this? 219 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,710 So what happened back there was totally fine, 220 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,830 but this, this is worth having a panic attack about? 221 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:28,350 You're going to have to turn around. 222 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:31,190 There is more chance of me eloping with your father 223 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:32,830 to a flip-flop shop in Hawaii! 224 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:36,470 Look, OK, fine! But that means we won't be able to buy anything, 225 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,190 which means we'll have no food, 226 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:39,950 which means we'll all starve to death. 227 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,910 So, you know, on your head be it, Gerry. 228 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:45,670 Oh, actually, do you know what? I think I put it in the suitcase. 229 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:49,720 False alarm there, St Anthony. Sorry for troubling you. 230 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:54,120 ♪ It would be, it would be so nice... ♪ 231 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:02,440 What's this prick up to now? 232 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:10,070 What the hell were you playing at back there, kemosabe? 233 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:12,030 That's actually a Native American term. 234 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,510 - What were you meant to be? - Japanese. 235 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:17,350 I don't think you get much Japanese tourism in Derry, do you? 236 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,670 Aye, cos that's why it wasn't believable. Dickweed. 237 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,230 What's going on? Why have we stopped? 238 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,030 My punt purse is in the bucking suitcase. 239 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:26,190 Punts are such a pain in the arse. Why can't they just use sterling? 240 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:27,670 Well, they did for a while, Sarah, 241 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,470 but then, you know, partition happened. 242 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:33,520 Holy God! 243 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,350 Jesus Christ. 244 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,790 - Did you not put him in there, Aunt Mary? - No, no, I did not. 245 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,230 All right, how's it going? 246 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,510 Not too bad, not too bad. And yourself? 247 00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:46,560 - I'm sorry, who are you? - Ah, Emmett's the name. 248 00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:50,670 Well, not my real name, like, but it'll have to do. 249 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:54,190 - Anyway, I'll not be keeping you. - No, hold on. Wait. - Yeah? 250 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:57,830 - Do you mind telling us what you're doing in there? - Oh, right. 251 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,070 Well, during the last 24 hours, 252 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,910 crossing the border has become somewhat of a priority for me, 253 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,510 so I did a bit of asking around, you know, just on the off chance 254 00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:08,590 someone might be heading down that way, and your name came up. 255 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:12,640 - And... there you have it. - Fantastic. 256 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,310 All right? Lovely to meet you. 257 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,000 ♪ We need a holida-ay! ♪ 258 00:12:17,340 --> 00:12:19,010 - I'm in shock. - It's insane! 259 00:12:19,060 --> 00:12:20,930 - I don't even think I fancy him. - What? 260 00:12:20,980 --> 00:12:23,210 Well, it's obviously him, it's obviously my husband. 261 00:12:23,260 --> 00:12:25,170 Like, it's just too much of a coincidence. 262 00:12:25,220 --> 00:12:28,530 Do you remember the whole "us being in grave danger" thing Sarah mentioned? 263 00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:31,010 Well, I think... I think this might be it! 264 00:12:31,060 --> 00:12:33,050 I thought you said fortune telling was Medieval. 265 00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:35,490 Yeah, well, something has made me reassess all that. 266 00:12:35,540 --> 00:12:36,850 What was it again? Oh, aye... 267 00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:40,900 - The fact that there's an actual Provo in the boot of our car! - NO! 268 00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:42,490 I've lost my bookmark! 269 00:12:42,540 --> 00:12:43,970 Now I've lost my page! 270 00:12:44,020 --> 00:12:46,170 Oh, my God, this day just goes from bad to worse! 271 00:12:46,220 --> 00:12:47,890 A bit of perspective maybe, Clare? 272 00:12:47,940 --> 00:12:49,490 I could coolly fancy him, I suppose. 273 00:12:49,540 --> 00:12:52,770 Why doesn't someone just call the police? 274 00:12:52,820 --> 00:12:54,930 Cos that's not how things work around here, James. 275 00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:58,250 Well, how do things work here? How do they work? 276 00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:01,210 Will one of you please explain it to me, because sometimes 277 00:13:01,260 --> 00:13:04,570 I feel like I've gone through the fucking looking glass! 278 00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:08,620 - Calm down, James. - Aye, don't be such a dick, James. 279 00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:13,770 Was there something else, or...? 280 00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:15,970 Yes, there was something else, actually. 281 00:13:16,020 --> 00:13:17,490 Look, I'm sure you have questions. 282 00:13:17,540 --> 00:13:19,250 I just don't really want to get into it all. 283 00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:21,770 Well, we didn't really want you to get into our boot, but... 284 00:13:21,820 --> 00:13:24,090 Maybe just leave the fella be. Sure, what's the odds? 285 00:13:24,140 --> 00:13:26,650 And what if they pull us over at the checkpoint, Joe? 286 00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:28,610 What if the army asks to search the car? 287 00:13:28,660 --> 00:13:30,530 The Brits are flat out with thon parade! 288 00:13:30,580 --> 00:13:33,370 - They'll not bother with the likes of us. - That's a good point. 289 00:13:33,420 --> 00:13:35,690 - Stay out of it, you! - Right, in you go, son. - Ah, Da! 290 00:13:35,740 --> 00:13:37,170 Well, what do you want me to do? 291 00:13:37,220 --> 00:13:39,370 Chuck the wee'un out in the middle of nowhere? 292 00:13:39,420 --> 00:13:42,410 But this is dangerous, Joe! He is dangerous! 293 00:13:42,460 --> 00:13:43,650 Er, I'm not dangerous. 294 00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:46,370 In fairness, Emmett, if you were dangerous you wouldn't say 295 00:13:46,420 --> 00:13:48,370 that you were dangerous, would ya? 296 00:13:48,420 --> 00:13:49,610 True. 297 00:13:49,660 --> 00:13:50,310 Shh! 298 00:13:51,860 --> 00:13:54,210 - Can you hear that? - Hear what? 299 00:13:54,260 --> 00:13:55,570 Come on, Emmett, out you go. 300 00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:58,250 Ah-ah! You just stay where you are, son. 301 00:13:58,300 --> 00:13:59,770 Ticking. 302 00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:02,090 It's... 303 00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:03,370 It's like a ticking sound! 304 00:14:03,420 --> 00:14:06,330 I'm not comfortable driving him across the border. 305 00:14:06,380 --> 00:14:08,250 Fine... 306 00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:12,300 I'll drive him. 307 00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:14,410 Oh, dear God! 308 00:14:14,460 --> 00:14:16,530 We're all involved in this, Da. 309 00:14:16,580 --> 00:14:20,580 We'll decide what to do as a family. 310 00:14:21,180 --> 00:14:25,180 Bomb! He has a bomb! Listen, Mammy! Listen! 311 00:14:25,780 --> 00:14:29,780 Och, Erin, that's just the big clock. 312 00:14:38,140 --> 00:14:39,530 It's aiding and abetting! 313 00:14:39,580 --> 00:14:41,690 We're talking serious jail time here. 314 00:14:41,740 --> 00:14:44,130 - Well, it's a risk we have to take. - No, it's not, Joe! 315 00:14:44,180 --> 00:14:46,850 It's not a risk we have to take -- it's a risk we shouldn't take! 316 00:14:46,900 --> 00:14:48,450 Don't you take that tone with me, boy. 317 00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:50,370 He seems like a nice enough fella, Gerry. 318 00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:51,690 We have to walk away from this. 319 00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:54,210 What if we can't walk away, Daddy? What if we don't help him 320 00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:56,290 and he kills us all because we know too much? 321 00:14:56,340 --> 00:15:00,340 I like him. I think he's a character. 322 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,010 - Well? - Just a cup of tea for me, please, love. - Same here. 323 00:15:03,060 --> 00:15:06,530 - And here, thanks, love. - Oh, and some Cokes for the wee'uns, please. 324 00:15:06,580 --> 00:15:10,290 - What do you fancy, Sarah? - I wouldn't mind a wee vodka. 325 00:15:10,340 --> 00:15:11,610 Make that two. 326 00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:12,950 We don't sell alcohol. 327 00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:17,330 - I'll take a tea. - Any food? 328 00:15:17,380 --> 00:15:19,010 We're just looking. 329 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:20,630 Fine. 330 00:15:21,180 --> 00:15:24,810 Yeah, and at 2.25 a burger, looking is all we'll be doing! 331 00:15:24,860 --> 00:15:28,860 Don't mind me, just grabbing a knife. 332 00:15:28,980 --> 00:15:31,850 - Take it you haven't decided yet? - Just leave it with me, son. 333 00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:35,730 Aye, no pressure. Sure, I'll be over here if you need me. 334 00:15:35,780 --> 00:15:39,370 - What the hell does he need a knife for? - He's eating his lunch. 335 00:15:39,420 --> 00:15:41,770 God, but he has great teeth, doesn't he? 336 00:15:41,820 --> 00:15:45,530 He really does, but tell the truth... 337 00:15:45,580 --> 00:15:48,650 The hair -- can you see a ginger tinge? 338 00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:50,810 Now that you mention it... 339 00:15:50,860 --> 00:15:54,810 So Christ only knows what's lurking downstairs -- and that is a concern. 340 00:15:54,860 --> 00:15:57,090 But spending the rest of your life with a fugitive is 341 00:15:57,140 --> 00:15:58,850 less of a concern? 342 00:15:58,900 --> 00:16:01,050 Absolutely. 343 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:08,010 Hey. 344 00:16:08,060 --> 00:16:12,060 All right? 345 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:17,900 - I think you know who I am. - Yeah. - You sense it? 346 00:16:18,220 --> 00:16:20,970 No, I mean, I remember -- you're with them. 347 00:16:21,020 --> 00:16:22,970 Look, I just wanted to say, 348 00:16:23,020 --> 00:16:25,730 - while there's obviously something between us... - There is? 349 00:16:25,780 --> 00:16:29,530 - .. the physical thing isn't really working for me yet. - Right. 350 00:16:29,580 --> 00:16:32,450 I'm not saying you won't grow on me, you're not a bad looking lad. 351 00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:35,410 - Thank you. - But the ginger element... 352 00:16:35,460 --> 00:16:38,370 - Well, I've sort of got a borderline phobia. - I'm not ginger. 353 00:16:38,420 --> 00:16:39,490 There's a tinge of it. 354 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:43,540 And while I can't say it won't be a struggle, I'm willing to try. 355 00:16:44,940 --> 00:16:46,650 Great. 356 00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:50,700 - Even though it sort of turns my stomach. - OK. 357 00:16:52,820 --> 00:16:55,810 You really think this'll work? That they'll tell us what to do? 358 00:16:55,860 --> 00:16:59,050 Sure, it's worth a try. 359 00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:03,100 - Would you look at that. - Well, what do they say? - I think... 360 00:17:03,220 --> 00:17:04,410 Now, I can't be certain, 361 00:17:04,460 --> 00:17:08,460 but I think they're saying you should leave Gerry. 362 00:17:09,940 --> 00:17:13,370 I could have told you that years ago and I'm not psychic! 363 00:17:13,420 --> 00:17:16,410 OK, look, I've yet to hear anybody say anything to convince me 364 00:17:16,460 --> 00:17:19,130 that bringing that lad across the border with us is a good idea. 365 00:17:19,180 --> 00:17:23,180 Shit, he's coming! 366 00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:26,770 - I really didn't want to have to do this... - Jesus Christ! 367 00:17:26,820 --> 00:17:30,530 - Get down! Everybody get down! - Is there something wrong with her? 368 00:17:30,580 --> 00:17:34,580 Stop that, Erin. 369 00:17:35,820 --> 00:17:37,850 Sorry, Emmett, you were saying? 370 00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:40,330 I didn't want to put you in this position, 371 00:17:40,380 --> 00:17:44,010 - but I can't stress the seriousness of my situation. - Anything else? 372 00:17:44,060 --> 00:17:48,060 - Oh, d'you know what? I wouldn't mind a knickerbocker glory. - Right... 373 00:17:49,620 --> 00:17:52,730 - You need to help me out here. - We do that and we're breaking the law. 374 00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,690 Oh, you recognise the legal system of 375 00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,730 a brutal imperialistic oppressor, do ya? 376 00:17:56,780 --> 00:17:59,530 If they can put me in jail for 20 years then yes, Emmett, yes, I do! 377 00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:03,330 - Listen, have you killed anyone, son? - No. 378 00:18:03,380 --> 00:18:07,210 - Well, at least not directly. - Well, there you go. So that settles it. 379 00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:10,090 I don't think that does settle it, actually, Joe! 380 00:18:10,140 --> 00:18:13,450 You know what's wrong with you, Gerry -- you're an awful wuss. 381 00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:17,130 - I'm not a wuss! - You're afraid of your own shadow. - I'm not! 382 00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,570 Well, then, grow a set of balls and help the fella out! 383 00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:22,570 I have a set of balls, thank you very much! 384 00:18:22,620 --> 00:18:25,330 - Oh, seriously, Daddy. - You're even afraid of that wee girl. 385 00:18:25,380 --> 00:18:27,610 - What wee girl? - That waitress! 386 00:18:27,660 --> 00:18:30,250 You wanted a cup of tea, she brought you a Coke, 387 00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:32,730 and you just sat there and said sweet Fanny Adams! 388 00:18:32,780 --> 00:18:34,010 Your grandad said fanny. 389 00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:35,930 But that's because I like Coke! 390 00:18:35,980 --> 00:18:38,930 - Her customer service is shocking as well. - Aye, desperate. 391 00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:41,090 - Someone should say something. - Ah, Gerry! 392 00:18:41,140 --> 00:18:43,330 Gerry should say something! 393 00:18:43,380 --> 00:18:47,380 I will! No problem! I'll say something. 394 00:18:49,180 --> 00:18:51,490 Excuse me. 395 00:18:51,540 --> 00:18:55,540 Excuse me, please. 396 00:18:57,980 --> 00:18:59,250 What? 397 00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:01,970 Erm, I just wanted to say that, er, I, erm... 398 00:19:02,020 --> 00:19:05,650 I ordered a tea, you brought me a Coke, and that's not acceptable. 399 00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:08,970 - But you drank the Coke. - That's not the point. 400 00:19:09,020 --> 00:19:11,370 And your service has been nothing short of appalling, 401 00:19:11,420 --> 00:19:13,330 your attitude is worse. 402 00:19:13,380 --> 00:19:17,370 - It's simply not good enough! - I'll, er... 403 00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:21,370 - I'll bring you a tea. - You do that! 404 00:19:21,420 --> 00:19:24,450 I'm sorry! 405 00:19:26,340 --> 00:19:30,340 I got a bit of bad news today. 406 00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:35,100 I haven't really been able to focus. 407 00:19:35,380 --> 00:19:39,090 I've been a bit distracted maybe. 408 00:19:39,140 --> 00:19:43,140 - I'm sorry. I'll just take this... - No, no, ignore all that. 409 00:19:45,460 --> 00:19:49,460 I'll bring you your tea right away, sir. 410 00:19:54,540 --> 00:19:57,450 Well, there was absolutely no need for that. 411 00:19:57,500 --> 00:20:00,010 - Jesus, Gerry! - Harsh. 412 00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:04,050 - Awful. - Poor girl. - Aye, I can't believe you did that, Daddy. 413 00:20:04,100 --> 00:20:05,650 I... 414 00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:08,050 You asked me to! 415 00:20:08,100 --> 00:20:09,730 How could I have known...? 416 00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:13,780 Will you all just stop looking at me? 417 00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:16,530 Fine... 418 00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:20,580 Fine. D'you know what? Fine! 419 00:20:20,740 --> 00:20:24,740 I've had it with the lot of ye! 420 00:20:25,940 --> 00:20:28,050 And just for the record, back there, 421 00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:30,290 I was being an Australian tourist, OK? 422 00:20:30,340 --> 00:20:34,250 Australian! And I happen to think that my accent was flawless! 423 00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:38,300 Excuse me, mate! Can you help us get outta here? 424 00:20:38,660 --> 00:20:42,660 Flawless! 425 00:20:44,260 --> 00:20:46,610 OK... 426 00:20:46,660 --> 00:20:49,930 We have to decide what to do here, one way or another. Let's just vote. 427 00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:51,890 Leave him! 428 00:20:51,940 --> 00:20:53,410 I vote we run away and leave him. 429 00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:56,530 I vote we take him for better or worse and all that. 430 00:20:56,580 --> 00:21:00,250 - I vote we take him. - Me too. - I can't decide. 431 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:04,300 I've decided -- but I'm afraid to say what I've decided. 432 00:21:04,580 --> 00:21:08,580 Why don't we just toss a coin? 433 00:21:21,820 --> 00:21:23,050 Interesting. 434 00:21:23,100 --> 00:21:26,170 So, heads, the wee 'Ra man comes with us. 435 00:21:26,220 --> 00:21:28,250 Tails, we leave him. 436 00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:30,170 - Aye, ready? - Go on, then. 437 00:21:36,380 --> 00:21:39,250 - What is that? A fish? - A dolphin, is it? 438 00:21:39,300 --> 00:21:41,490 It sort of looks like Moby Dick, actually. 439 00:21:41,540 --> 00:21:44,370 - Ah, shite, I used a punt, didn't I? - What's on the other side? 440 00:21:44,420 --> 00:21:47,970 - A harp. - So harp must be the head and fish must be the tail? 441 00:21:48,020 --> 00:21:50,530 Oh, well, that makes sense, yeah, because fish have tails. 442 00:21:50,580 --> 00:21:52,490 Why don't we just do it again with real money? 443 00:21:52,540 --> 00:21:55,570 - This is real money, Sarah. - You know what I mean -- normal money. 444 00:21:55,620 --> 00:21:59,450 - All right. Who has 10 pence? - It was him! 445 00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:02,450 The mural on our house, the spray paint... 446 00:22:02,500 --> 00:22:05,010 It was Emmett. I can prove it. 447 00:22:05,060 --> 00:22:07,090 Sly wee bastard. 448 00:22:07,140 --> 00:22:08,810 You bloody tout! 449 00:22:08,860 --> 00:22:11,090 Where is Emmett? 450 00:22:11,140 --> 00:22:13,810 There he is. 451 00:22:17,220 --> 00:22:21,220 Is that Jim's tent? 452 00:22:25,420 --> 00:22:29,420 What's he doing? 453 00:22:39,820 --> 00:22:41,370 I told you to look after that tent. 454 00:22:41,420 --> 00:22:43,490 No, you didn't, you told him to look after it! 455 00:22:43,540 --> 00:22:47,540 Ah, blame the wee'un! Big man! 456 00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:51,530 Jesus... 457 00:22:51,580 --> 00:22:54,490 Jim's second best tent. 458 00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:58,540 How am I going to break it to him? 37219

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