All language subtitles for Unplugging.2022.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-EVO

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Hey, don't get used
to eating in the new car.

Can I get one without cheese?
I'm trying to limit my dairy intake.

Copy that.
No cheese for the Blizzard.

- Morning.
- Boom.

Oh, honey,
can we eat these in the car?

I promise
not to make it a habit.

He just said that.

Shh, shh, shh, shh.
I lost my phone.

- Use the Find My Phone thingy.
- That's what I'm doing.

I just don't know why
they make the beeps so quiet.

I have a meeting
in three minutes.

Can you help me, please?

Here we go.

- Lizzie, call the phone!
- Ringing!

What rooms were you in
this morning?

All of them!

It's not in Lizzie's room.

Voicemail!

Oh. Honey, call it again!

- Okay.
- Did you check our bedroom?

Shh!

Let's check the bathroom.

Ooh, did I check this drawer?

No, not in here.

It's waterproof.

Okay.

You want me
to bring lunch by later?

We could do a picnic.

Oh, I don't know, honey.
I have a work lunch.

- Oh, where?
- Bluefin.

Ooh, dragon rolls.

Huh?

I just said "dragon rolls."

Those are my favorite.

Oh, no, sorry, honey.
I'm saying "huh" to this email.

Whatever.

Hello, this is Jeanine.

Hello?

Ed? Ed? Hello?

Lost him.
God, that's so annoying.

♪ Here comes your man ♪

♪ Here comes your man ♪

All right,
what do we have this weekend?

Sunday I have a walk-through
at a property.

Uh, that's not in the calendar.

- What about shopping?
- No, yeah, it's in green. Oh, I have to invite you.

We're supposed to go shopping.

Oh, I know, honey.
Your dad's gonna take you.

I'll take you shopping.

I guess we're not getting a bra.

Hmm?
We can get a bra if you want.

Pass.

♪ There is a wait so long ♪

♪ So long, so long ♪

♪ You'll never wait so long ♪

Oh. Oh, it's Ed.
I have to pick up. Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Hello? Oh, oh, Ed.

Sorry, these aren't working.

You're, uh,
on speaker in my car.

Hi, Ed!

Hi. Who's this?

No one.
That's just my husband.

- His name's Dan.
- Shh!

- Hello?
- Yeah, Ed, listen.

Did you get the evaluations on the
retail property on Hanley Road?

- Liz? Liz?
- Yeah, I'm just building out more comps.

Um...

- Ow. Jesus!
- Stop.

Is everything
okay over there?

Wait, I'm here.

All right, I'll talk
to you inside, in person.

Honey, I really need my own car.

We really don't need
another one. Coffee.

Okay.

I strongly disagree,
but I love you.

- Blizzard, love you!
- Love you, Mom!

Kick some ass today!

Yep!

No one says that anymore.

Morning!

Morning, Phil.

Hi.

- What did I miss?
- Nothing. It's, like, 9:15.

- Whatcha reading?
- Um, "The Lord of the Rings." But I'm not really reading it.

I'm just sort of scanning it
for baby names for my nephew.

Oh, that's exciting!
Congrats!

Okay, "Lord of the Rings."

Uh, that's Legolas,
Frodo, Bilbo, Haldir.

- Nailed it.
- You know what?

I'm gonna put together a list for
you from the Harry Potter books.

No, you don't...
that's okay.

- Yeah, much better universe.
- No thank you.

Sig Daddy!
Get off the island.

Anosh12, grab the lantern.

JimmyWarden6, go
downstairs, get cannonballs.

Ugh!

Yes! Suck on that, skeleton.

Hold on, I gotta eat a banana.

Yarr!

Judo7, follow me.
MyBiesel, hit him!

Mochino7, go on the island,
get the loot.

We're trying to kill
the skeletons.

Why are you playing
the accordion?

Squeeze box, whatever.

Hey, DiamondBooty,
have you never been on a pirate ship?

Go up to the mast
then if you're dying.

Go up to the mast!
Climb the ladder and take the wheel.

Die. Yes!

Ahoy, mother-bleepas!

I'm the captain now!

Tom Hanks?

How old are you?

Twelve?

Why aren't you in school?
Sweden?

What the hell time is it there?

So what you're going to do

is you're going to take
the blow dryer up and down

along the banana.

This will slowly start
to change it

back into its original form.

Dan, Dan,
the Hot Sauce Man, what's up?

Ha, ha!
There he is, the big J.

How we doing?
Things are good?

- Boom!
- What's the haps in hot sauce?

Just finishing up
a bar mitzvah batch.

Did you know your palate does
mature when you reach manhood?

That makes sense.

How about you?
What's the latest in Prime shipping?

It is nuts.

Do you know what people
love more than online shopping?

- What?
- No idea. I'm really asking you.

Oh.
Double latte.

Awesome.

Mmm.
Hey, did you ever hear the...

the thing about the scorpion and the frog?
You know that one?

Mm-mmm.

Well check this out.
Okay.

So a frog is just down by
a river, chilling.

And then a scorpion walks up
and he goes,

"Hey, bro,
let me get a ride, hey?"

And the frog goes, "Nah, I may
be a frog, but I'm not dumb.

I'm not gonna give you a ride
'cause you're gonna sting me.

And I ain't down for that."

And then the scorpion goes,
"Why would I sting you?

Because if I sting you,
then we both die."

Frog goes, "That makes sense."
Gives him a ride.

Halfway across the river,
guess what happens?

Scorpion stings his ass.

And then the frog goes,
"Why did you do that?"

And then the scorpion says,
"Because I'm a scorpion."

I'm gonna need
some time with that.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

Ugh.

Somebody wants
customized hot sauce.

Oh, no.
Shit.

- Everything okay?
- Injury update.

My fantasy tight end's out for the
season with an Achilles injury.

Dan, that's a real man
with a real injury.

His family's
probably devastated.

That's no fantasy.

Okay, I am out.

Oh, and don't forget.

You're in charge, not the phone.

- Peace!
- Peace.

How's the sauce biz?

Oh, it's good.

- Yeah? Good?
- Yeah.

- Well, good is good, right?
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- I mean, I gotta go over cost review,

amortization, stuff like that.
But, yeah.

Have you talked to that dad from
school about the consulting gig?

- Chad Raymond?
- Mm-hmm!

Yes.
Uh, well, not yet.

We're trading calls.
But I did.

Okay. Well,
it's a new agency,

and they need someone
with branding experience.

That is your gift, honey.

- I know.
- Yeah.

You're right.
All right, good night.

- Love you.
- Good night. Love you!

- Carol Roman.
- What?

Tall Carol from work. The one
that wears men's cologne.

She took over
the Midwest mall leases.

Sorry, honey.

Just sucks being on call 24/7.

Mm, mm.

UPS!

Alexa, volume down.

Got anything today?

Perfect timing. Just two.

They're fragile.

Can I make you an espresso?

No, thanks.
I don't drink coffee.

So is Juan on vacation?

Juan died Saturday.

How?

Aortic embolism.

He's so young.

I guess.
I didn't know him.

People seemed to love him
at the depot yard.

I think there's a service.

If you want,
I could get you the info.

Wow. Thanks.
Yeah.

Alex, by the way.

Nice to meet you, Alex.

I couldn't find
the songs you requested.

I'm not talking to you, Alexa!
This is personal!

Jesus!

"Personal Jesus"
by Depeche Mode

is only available
with Amazon Music Unlimited

on this Echo Show.

It's free for 30 days,
and then you'll be

automatically charged
$3.99 a month.

- I'll get you that info.
- Cancel anytime.

♪ Pushing his cart,
the streets know he's smart ♪

♪ He's an everyman ♪

♪ A second wife blessed
his life ♪

♪ He's my everyman ♪

♪ Scanning for goods
like only he could ♪

♪ He's an everyman ♪

♪ Put it all down,
turned it all around ♪

- ♪ He's an everyman ♪
- Remind me why we're spending

our Saturday morning
at a stranger's funeral.

He wasn't a stranger.
Juan was a good friend.

♪ With Juan ♪

Before our family speaks,

I wanna give time to just
a few of the many people

who've contacted me to talk
about what a good man Juan was.

First, Chief Jimmy Golden Hawk.

Juan came into my life
as a UPS driver

when he came to the reservation...

...to pick up a shipment
of deer jerky.

- Turn it off.
- It is off.

- Off.
- It's on vibrate.

Off.

That's why I always thought
of him as a bright star.

Eight years later, Juan
had built our fish hatchery.

How did he find the time?
I read one book last year.

And now some words
from Sergeant John Hackner.

After coming back
from Afghanistan,

I was self-medicating.

Juan had challenged me
to get through my trauma.

But I'm sober now.
I got my GED.

What an incredible sense
of service.

He was right...

How often did you see him?

Mondays through Saturdays
and federal holidays.

Now I wanna
bring up Juan's new wife

and my dear friend Alida.

Why did he leave the first wife?
She's gorgeous.

Okay.

Oh, no, they're both gorgeous.

Go long, two for two.
Hm.

Juany always said,

"Life is right there
in front of you.

You just have to be present."

Juan taught us how to live.
I mean, we're one big family.

- That's how we co-parent our son.
- Carlito.

Juan taught us how to live
in moments both big and small.

Amen, Flo-Flo.

Wait, I'm so confused.
Were they Mormon?

Shh, please.

There's just
a lot of wives up there.

I'm now going to take a moment

and read something
from Juan's personal journal.

"To be truly awake,

one must sometimes
be unreachable

to the distractions
of the modern world."

He's right.
It's so simple.

We're missing out on life, but we can't see
it 'cause we're chained to our bullshit.

Okay, well, I have to
check my bullshit really quick.

Oh, speaking of,
have you talked to Chad yet?

We just got hit by
an existential lightning bolt,

and you wanna talk about Chad?

I'm gonna order some dinner.

Jesus, you scared me.

It's 3:30 in the morning.

Yeah, I know.
I couldn't sleep,

so I wanted to get
a head start on tomorrow.

I'm almost done.
I'm almost done.

Shh. Go back to sleep.
Shh.

I know where she is.

Hi.

- Hey, Philly.
- Don't call me that. What is that?

It's a North American
hog-nosed skunk.

I don't think that's allowed.

- Probably not.
- Where did you get that?

JD's Exotic Pets.

I wanted a beaver,
but apparently they drop a lot of scat.

- Is that gonna spray in here?
- No, no. The scent gland's been removed.

Oh.

Dan? Honey, what's happening?

- Ah, just visiting my wife.
- No, no, what is that?

It's a wild animal who is
innately connected to what's real.

He had its scent glands removed.

I did not.
The store did that.

What is it doing in the office?

- What do you mean? Mm, mm, mm, mm!
- Oh! Oh, my God.

Dan, this is my office, okay?
I work here.

The point is that
you are embarrassing me!

We should be embarrassed.
We're not thriving.

We're not connected
to our true nature.

Could you just find the skunk

and take it back
to wherever you came from

and go home, and we'll talk
about it later, okay?

Don't worry about the skunk,
Jeanine.

Worry about us!

We have to go away this weekend.

No phones, no screens, no work.

- Going away where?
- To the mountains. To the rivers!

Don't raise your voice.
Honey, how can I help you?

I want this for us.
You and me alone this weekend.

Just say yes. Just say it.

- Say it.
- Yes.

- Yes! You and me.
- Yes! I'm going. Yes.

- I got one.
- Okay. Uh-huh.

- Going away?
- Yup. He's over there. Yeah.

Come here. Come on.

Jeanine?
You got a second?

- Jeanine.
- Yes?

You're great at your job.

Thank you.
I love what I do.

But we still need boundaries.

Yeah, of course.

What is this?

Oh, that's a JibJab.

Yeah, it's one of those
animated custom greetings.

My cousin Tammy sent one to me for
my birthday a couple of years ago,

and she was a monkey,
and she put my head on a banana,

and she peeled me,
she ate me.

It was so...
I love JibJabs.

I use them a lot.
Do you know what a JibJab is?

It feels like
you've never seen a JibJab.

Stop saying "JibJab."

Jeanine, the issue is less
that you sent the message

and more when you sent it.

When did I send it?

At 3:42 in the morning.

Mm-hmm.

And you sent another to someone
on President's Day?

A work holiday?

Okay, yeah, yeah,
I see where you're going.

Well, at my last job,
at the law firm,

late emails and working
on holidays,

it was, like,
completely normal.

But this isn't a law firm,

and that's not
how we do things here.

Got it!

You can't drive up next to Jen
Gallivan while she's jogging

and blare "Eye of the Tiger."

Well, I was just being
supportive.

Why don't you take
a couple weeks?

No, I hear you.
I'm good.

No. Really.

Do it.

What is the digital detox?

Jeanine,
you want to handle that one?

Uh, yep.
Yep, yep, yep.

It means we're gonna unplug
from our phones for the weekend.

We're just gonna put down our work,
connect with nature and each other.

- A sex vacation.
- Mom?

Don't worry about anything.
Enjoy each other.

- Is this going?
- Yeah.

Grandma, what do you
want your Hellfire password to be?

Oh God,
I can't remember my passwords.

SCRABBLESLUT1939, all caps.

All right. We'll call you
when we get settled.

I love you, sweetheart.

And there is money
on the counter

in case you guys want
to order a pizza.

Yeah, cell phone's
pretty spotty out here.

It's pretty remote, so...
oh, wait, you're the driver.

- I'm making you drive.
- Me?

I'm gonna force you
to be present.

Okay, you know what? For the record,
you are on your phone just as much as I am.

Mom, seriously?

No one's on their phone
more than you.

Okay.

Remember, sex
isn't just intercourse.

- Got it!
- Thanks, Ma.

Okay, she's getting worse.

Please tell me
if I start acting like that.

Yeah. Oh, I will.

Flaming Lips?

Could you ease me
into the weekend, please?

Come on,
you could dive in.

I actually brought
my weed blueberries.

What? Honey, you know
pot makes me fall asleep.

No, not these.
These are completely dialed in.

They're not too indica,
not too sativa.

I don't even know
what any of those words mean.

Well, weed science
these days is amazing.

♪ Would you do it? ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you could
watch everybody work ♪

♪ While you just lay
on your back ♪

- ♪ Would you do it? ♪
- Mm-hmm.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you could take all the
love without giving any back ♪

♪ Would you do it? ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Hey, what are you doing?
That's dangerous and illegal.

Come on. Bet you haven't even
thought about work once.

Yeah.

- Right?
- Mm-hmm.

They were cool with
you coming back late Monday?

Yeah. Totally cool.

♪ With all your power ♪

♪ With all your power ♪

♪ What would you do? ♪

I'm gonna go pee.
You need anything?

- No. No, I'm good.
- Okay.

- Hey, Phil, it's Jeanine.
- I know. I can see your face.

Why are you calling me
on my cell phone?

I told you not to do that.
It creeps me out.

Could you just walk me
into the conference room?

Okay, fine.

Hey, guys!
Hey! Catch me up!

We're good.
We got it.

You haven't even
been gone a day.

Plus, Stephanie said you were on
a two-week mandatory sabbatical.

Okay, which one of you babies
doesn't like JibJabs?

Who does?

I couldn't resist.

I wish you had.

And fake rose
for a real beauty?

Oh!

Oh, it's...
it's underwear!

Underwear?

I bought you
gas station underwear.

Who doesn't love gas station
underwear, right?

I can return it.

No. No, I love it.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

We're not even that far out of
town, and it's already nothing.

Look at this.

- So?
- Uh, it's really remote.

That's the idea.

- Entre vous, madame.
- Thank you.

- Nice, right?
- Cozy.

I knew you'd like it.

Not the worst.

Not the worst.
You hungry?

- I'm getting there.
- Good.

I brought some food
so we can cook.

Hm.

Las margaritas.

- Fantastic.
- Thank you.

What do you recommend?

Chicken enchiladas.

- Done.
- Okay.

Well, then I'm gonna get something
different so we can do the splitsies.

Oh, splitsies, I love it.

I'm excited
for the both of you.

Uh, okay.
I'll take the steak tacos.

Mmm.

Oh, okay.

Uh, chicken fajitas.

Mmm.

Chicken enchiladas.

Chicken enchiladas, okay.

Thank you!

Cheers?

Mm, woo!

- Wow.
- Wow, wow, wow.

- That's a lot of tequila.
- That's a lot of tequila.

Yeah.

This place is nice, right?

Mm. A little heavy
on the taxidermy.

I know.
I just need to check on Debra,

who took over the construction
team in Kansas City.

You don't think I've made
sacrifices for this weekend?

I shut down production
on Holy Habanero.

- What does that mean?
- Nothing.

I just... I'm just gonna
check some emails

while I have this bar
of service.

Let's make a deal.

Let's just drink
lethal margaritas and hang.

I wanna enjoy this.
Just you and me this weekend.

All right.
You're right.

- You and me.
- Yeah.

Yeah. Mmm.

Reminds me,
I have to check in on Lizzie.

- No fighting at Gil's.
- We're not fighting.

Well, good.
Don't make me throw you out.

You're my customers
for the week.

Yeah? Business slow?

Slow would be busy.

That's the rhythm of the area.

You're used to it.

I guess.
I was born here.

No way.

So was my dad.
So was his dad.

Cattlemen turned land men.

They helped to build this town into
the bustling metropolis it is now.

I suspect you've had a few
adventures outside of this place.

A few. Nothing crazy.

Left here after high school.
Traveled a bit.

Spent some time in New York

trying to find my young self.

Hung out.

Caught the end
of a great run at Birdland.

Oh! Oh, you must've
seen some shows.

Ooh!
No, they weren't shows.

They were experiences.

Soul transfusions.
It changed you.

It changed you up from the core.

Smoked a joint
with Sonny Rollins.

Damn!

Woo! Painted a bit.

Large canvas,
neoexpressionist?

No. Houses and offices
to pay rent.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I loved being in that city.

Even the heartbreak
was romantic.

Yeah.

You and your wife?
You have something functional.

A healthy codependence.

Glad it reads.

And you come out here
to be who you really are.

That's the magic of this area.

That's why I came back here
and never left home again.

Hm.

Mmm.

Oh.

Hmm. Oh, cheers.

So they built
a rest stop down on 40,

and they put
a Burger King there.

We've been losing
business ever since.

If I was you,
I'd put an ad in that rest stop.

Just a photo of that
sweet sign out front

that reads
"Gil's is open too."

I like that.
You in advertising?

Ye... No, no, no.

- Hm?
- No, no.

Hm.

How are things at work?

- Eh, whatever.
- Yeah?

Let's do shots.

- Really?
- Yeah. Oh my God, yes!

Yes!

Ha, ha, ha, okay!
Ah... Okay.

Do it. Do it.

You need a root canal!

Hooah!

You need a root canal!
Hooah! Honey!

- I have no idea!
- Dr. Al Pacino, DDS.

- What?
- Yeah!

No. Come on, here we go.

Ready? Uh, okay.

Say hello
to my "leetle" WaterPik!

Oh, no!

That's Andy Garcia!

No, Pacino playing a Cuban.

Say hello
to my little toothbrush!

"Scent of a Woman!"
"Scent of a Woman!"

No, it's not!
It's "Scarface!" Oh, my God.

Oh, my God,
you know what I've always wanted

to try is a Manhattan.

Oof. Well, you're not
trying it tonight,

'cause I don't know
how to make it.

Thank you, Gil.
Thank you.

Oh, dang, the power went out.

Don't worry,
I have a backup generator.

- Okay.
- I'll be right back.

Mmm, honey, I love this place.

You're en fuego to me, honey.

Oh, God,
here comes the Spanish.

- You want Spanish?
- Yeah.

Uh, vámonos.
Uh, estoy un bombero.

- Yo soy.
- Yo soy un bombero. Ven acá.

- Ven aquí. Ven aquí.
- Ven aquí.

Let's do it like we used to.

- All right!
- What?

- You can DJ.
- Oh, yeah.

- Hey, she was a DJ in college. Right here.
- I was!

- There you go.
- Right here.

Jeanine the Machine. Yeah.

She was an amazing spinner.
Amazing.

What do we got?
Seven Feathers. The Shame.

Some are mine. Some are Tim's.

- Tim? Who's that?
- Tim is my nephew.

He's a music theory guy.
Yeah, he turns me on to stuff.

To Tim.

Okay, here we go, babe.

Are you ready?

Vamos. Estoy listo.

Vamos a bailar.

Ahh!

- Come on, honey!
- Woo! Yeah!

Remember this, babe?
Remember this?

♪ You were the girl ♪

♪ That changed my world ♪

Uh-huh. Oh, oh!

Oh, yeah, here we go.
Here we go.

♪ You lit the fuse,
I stand accused ♪

Whoo, yeah!

♪ You were the first for me ♪

♪ But you turned me out,
baby ♪

♪ You dropped a bomb on me ♪

♪ You turned me on, baby ♪

♪ You dropped a bomb on me ♪

Oh, my God.
This is so fun.

Should we take this party home?

Yeah!
Let's make a fire.

I'll get us an Uber.

Twenty bucks says
it's a Honda Accord.

You're on.

Let's see. Unh-uh.

I got nothing.

We're tiny.

Nonexistent almost.

Puts things
into perspective, huh?

Absolutely.

Well, let's get out of here.

- Whoa!
- What? What did I miss?

Nothing.

God, nothing still.

So no service anywhere.

- Huh.
- Tragic.

This is Perkins,
the town crab-ass.

- Uh, Dan and Jeanine.
- Hi.

Uh, we want to get
back to our rental,

but we obviously
can't drive, so...

I'd offer, but I have early
onset macular degeneration.

Plus, I'm drunk.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. There's that.

I'll do it.

Oh.

No. That's very nice,
but no thanks.

Oh, yeah, no, no,
we don't wanna bother you.

I'm drinking coffee at a bar

at 10:45 on
a Friday night, so...

Well, the truth is we just...
we don't take rides from strangers.

Unless they work for Uber.

So what do
you do for a living?

Oh, me? I'm a commercial
leasing director.

Okay.
What about you, champ?

I make artisanal hot sauce.

So what brings y'all out here?

Oh, we just wanted a change
of pace for a few days.

Yeah. I did some research,

and they said this place
is so quiet and beautiful.

That's what got me out here.

How long have you
lived out here?

Nine years. I was
a long-time insurance adjuster

until one day they hired this
baby-faced efficiency expert

straight out of some
West Coast MBA program.

- Mmm.
- Yeah.

Then all of a sudden, we weren't
talking to each other like we used to.

We were using this
internal messaging system

called Outlook Suite.

Heh. Let me tell you,
the outlook wasn't sweet.

Well, good for you.
You found peace out here.

Yeah, my analog life
was working out just fine.

But this new digital web life?
Well, it drove me to drink.

- And meaningless sex.
- Okay.

And smack.

Smack the drug?

Once they got ya,
they don't let go.

You start to need those likes
and those follows

and branded content.

And then you search one time
for thermal socks,

and pretty soon you're
getting buried in sock ads.

Who's this?

This is Lulu.

Hi, Lulu.

She doesn't talk.
She's a raccoon.

Right. Yeah.

Oh, honey.

Get down. Get down.

You know,
paradise comes at a price.

We've been having these power outages
for, like, three months now.

And I'll be a dog's dick

if it isn't all getting sucked
up by that black ops base.

I got a surveyor buddy
with a high-powered lens,

and he tells me that
they got everything over there.

They got tanks.
They got drones.

They got laser rifles.

They got 5G cloaking devices.

- That's some high tech.
- Yeah.

Do they think we're fools?

Stop pretending
that we're at war.

We are!

China is not playing
by the same rules.

Add it up.
Do the math.

I have.

It all adds up to 9/11.

Hm.

I was really hoping
those weren't the numbers.

- Here's you.
- Mm. Okay.

Perfect.

Um, thank you so much.
Have a good evening!

Yeah, hope to return the favor.

I don't need your favors.

Okay.

Wait, do you think that lady
went stir-crazy living out here?

Maybe, but,
we met two epic weirdos tonight,

and that never would've happened
if we were on our devices.

Our devices?
Okay, Grandpa.

Ooh. Grandpa, huh?

Mm-hmm.

That might be
a fun roleplay.

Ooh,
your beauty is bewitching and beguiling.

Mm, mm-mmm.
I don't need the voice, okay?

Oh, no, here too?

You know,
in my day, we made whoopie in the dark.

No, honey, stop, stop, stop.
Seriously.

It makes me very anxious
not having power

in a deserted cabin
in the middle of nowhere.

Honey, it's just no light.

- I have candles.
- Does it freak you out?

No. Come on.
We're pioneers tonight, okay?

Think of it that way.

Just me and you against
the elements, you know?

It's kind of sexy, isn't it?

Ah!

- What happened?
- Mm, I'm okay. I hit my head on a cabinet.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, it just hurts.

How can I help you?

Oh, just, uh, the candle
and matches are in a box.

Where? This box here?

Oh, yup. I got them.

I've got a big lump.

Yeah? Does it hurt?

Yeah.
It feels stupid.

Okay, hang on.
Let me get some light on it.

Yeah, that'll be all right.

What?

- Nothing.
- No, what is it? What is it? What is it?

You have blood
all over your face.

Oh, no!
Oh, no, no.

- Stop, stop, sit down.
- I don't like that. I don't like that.

Let me see. Hold on.
Don't touch it. Stop!

- Stop smearing it!
- Okay.

Hold on. Oh, okay, yeah.
No, it's a tiny cut.

You just smeared
the blood everywhere.

- Do I need stitches?
- I don't know.

Let me get you some ice.

You know, on the Oregon Trail, they would
have only given me a bullet to bite on.

On the Oregon Trail,
they'd push you off the wagon

and use you for jerky.

Here, let me see.
All right, here.

You put pressure like this.

- Okay.
- All right.

- Thank you, Nurse Jeanine.
- Oh, honey.

- Oh, nurse?
- Yeah?

Hey, that might be fun.
Or is nurse played out?

- Hmm.
- Yeah.

- Hey.
- Hey! Good morning.

- How's the head?
- Ah, it's fine.

I love it when you wear
my clothes in the morning.

It reminds me
of when we lived downtown.

Mmm.

Let's see, we'd be arriving
at brunch right now,

Bongo Room,
drinking bloody Marys.

Oh, man, you know what?

When I woke up
and I saw the bloody pillow,

I thought I had murdered you.

And you weren't there.

And I couldn't remember
where I stashed your body.

I was like, did I chop him up?

Or did I put him in the freezer?

Isn't that funny?

Kind of.

I need coffee.

- Oh. I made some.
- What?

- Cowboy style.
- Nice!

Yeah, I lit the stove
with a match.

How rustic.

What's this?

Oh, I bought a journal
for morning pages.

Mmm. Thank you.

- Can I read it?
- Sure.

Yeah?

"The wind, the leaves,
the sun finds its place,

but never surrenders.

The wind, the leaves,
the sun finds its place,

but never surrenders."

I like the repetition.

Yeah. It just kind of came
out of me in one bit.

Mmm, mmm, good coffee.

Thanks.

I gotta call Grandma and Lizzie.
They didn't pick up last night.

Plus, there's still no signal.

That's gotta be illegal.

I don't think
there's a law about it.

Oh, no. No, no.
I got it right here, right here.

This is Louise. I can't take your call.

Voicemail.

Have a nice day.

Hey, Louise. It's us.
Just checking in.

Cell service
is still really spotty,

so maybe try texting us,
okay? Love you!

Love you, guys!

I hate when people can't get a hold of me.
It makes me crazy.

No offense,
but I don't think your office

is gonna go out of business just
'cause you're gone for a few days.

I was talking about Lizzie.

She's fine. She's in her
own house with her grandma.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

I'm a sucker
for an iron bridge.

- Are ya?
- Look at that.

- This thing's been here for a century, for sure.
- For sure.

- Right?
- Yeah.

Okay, don't take this
the wrong way,

but if we die,
I want my mom to raise Lizzie.

A dark thought, but okay.

No, it's 'cause your mom
is confident and out of touch,

- and that's a bad combo.
- True.

But I also think her calling all Black women
"girlfriend" has influenced your opinion.

I can't say that it hasn't,
'cause she... I was gonna snap.

Mm, ugh, yeah.

Okay, if we get back into town
and that Unabomber lady

has melted down our car
to make weapons,

let's just not make
a big deal about it.

- Ah.
- Yeah.

Mmm.

I might start doing tai chi.

Oh, God, right now?

No, I just mean this is like...

This environment
is so invigorating.

- It gives me energy.
- Yeah.

Nothing out here
but wind and maybe a hawk.

Caw-caw!

- Shut up!
- What? Did you hear that?

- That was a response!
- That was so cool!

You're a hawk whisperer!

I speak hawk!

Getting the steps in, babe.

You should do this
more often in Chicago.

You noticed
I lost weight, right?

Yeah. You look good.

We should get a picture
of these leaves changing now.

Let's get a selfie,
a vacation selfie.

Vacation!

- Gosh, still no signal.
- It's okay.

All right, car was not stolen,
so that's good.

Ha, ha. No one's
gonna steal it out here.

- No.
- I bet they have great hats.

Oh, honey, do you
really need another hat?

- Come on.
- I didn't...

Just one second.

Okay.

Huh.

Investigators determined that
the hikers were murdered

within minutes of arriving
at the mini mart.

"I'm Perkins!
I killed them!"

Can I help you?

- Oh.
- Yeah, uh, you sell hats?

- What kind of hats?
- Trucker hat? Baseball hat?

Are you a trucker
or a baseball player?

He is neither, no.

- Where y'all from?
- Oh, from Chicago.

Yeah, we just decided to get out
of the rat race for the weekend.

Well, we got rats around here.

They're just not in a hurry.

Solid wordplay, my man.

I should send you
to the pun-itentiary.

You like being funny, huh?

No.

Oh, hey.
Your radio's working.

Does that mean
there's power in town?

Yeah, it's not grid power.
It's genny power.

We, uh, get blackouts
occasionally, so we're prepared.

And how long
do they normally last?

- Couple of days.
- Ha, ha. Small world.

You're the music theory kid.
You're Gil's nephew.

Oh, yeah.

What are you,
some kind of bounty hunter?

I don't know. Should I be?

61 degrees in Blood Lake.

Here's Mr. Joe Diamond...

Hey, where's the best place
I can get reception?

Out in front
of the restaurant.

Okay.

This place is great.
Really.

You're lucky to live
way out here

and not checking
your phone every five minutes.

Well, she's pretty hot.

Good job.

You must have a pretty big dick

for being a bald guy
and be with her.

I know you're being funny.

Keep it.

Honey, what you doing?

Oh, usually, you know,

the car acts like a big antenna.

That's news to me.

Crap!
Now it just died.

Ah, crap.

You know,
city Jeanine would've said...

- God damn it!
- Honey.

We're in the middle
of nowhere with no signal.

- Could you just help out?
- I'm sorry.

- Where's the USB cord?
- I don't know.

There is one in here.
Usually put it here.

Annoying. God, what do
you throw in here?

Everything.

Lizzie's inhaler.
Honey, what if she needs it?

It's fine.
She only needs it for soccer.

I'm pretty sure my mom
doesn't play soccer.

How are you not stressed?

Our phones have basically never
worked since we've gotten here.

- It's so weird.
- It's not that weird.

When we were kids, our parents
didn't text us every four hours.

We're just off the grid a bit.
Doing it Juan style.

- It'll be fun.
- Oh, no.

I can't deal with crazy
right now.

- Let's go.
- Wait, wait, wait, honey.

A crazy person like that
might have a satellite phone.

- Yeah.
- Follow my lead.

- Hi! Hello.
- Do I know you?

Yeah, it's Jeanine and Dan.

You, uh... you gave us
a ride last night.

I know who you are.

I was just doing a joke
because people enjoy humor.

Uh, okay.

Uh, well, we still
don't have cell reception,

and we're trying to get
a hold of our daughter.

Do you have a satellite phone?

Never. It's too easy
for the government

to track you on them things.

You see that?
You know what that is?

That's an AMQ Predator drone.
It's very dangerous.

They've been conducting
maneuvers since last night

right about the time
the power went out.

You think a drone
knocked out the power?

No, but an electromagnetic pulse
generator delivered by one of them,

- that could fry a grid easy.
- Mmm. Yeah.

Yeah, well, they wouldn't test
a heavy-duty weapon like that

- unless we were at DEFCON 1.
- Stick to hot sauce.

Okay.

Were you in
the military or...

No, I'm just
a student of history.

When the new machines
cause more harm than good,

it never ends well.

All right, look,
we are just a little anxious.

- Uh, we are not used to any of this, so...
- Yeah.

Don't patronize me.

I know you been doing impressions
of me at the store for the kid.

No, no.
No, no, no.

We do impressions all the time.
Yeah, yeah. It's a game.

Actually, we play a game where a
famous actor in an unlikely profession.

Like, I'm gonna make you
an omelet you can't refuse.

- Oh, Brando!
- Brando as a chef at brunch.

Okay.

That one is doing recon on mama.

And mama, she bites.

- What does that even mean?
- I don't know.

Couldn't this just be training?
I mean, really?

Okay, so now you want
to be friends again.

Huh. Remember this.
You don't know me.

Punk-ass motherfucker bitch.

Hey.

Lulu, let's go!

Rude.

I'm out.

Can we just go home now?

'Cause of her? No way.
Honey, admit it.

You're happier
when you're balanced. You are.

Life's about work and fun.
This is important.

I mean, I feel like we're connecting
for the first time in a while.

Yeah, you're right.

- How about this?
- All right.

If you still feel that way
in the morning tomorrow,

we'll pack it up and leave.
Just one more night.

Okay, one more night.

♪ More night ♪

Oh, and I brought this tune.

This oughta bring back
some memories.

Do you remember that time when you
were driving us up to Lake Geneva?

Yes. I was so dumb.
We were on an interstate.

Yeah, but it was also epic.

Mmm.

You know, we're not
on an interstate now.

- What?
- No, we're not.

- You can't be serious.
- I'm not. I'm not serious.

I just wanted to show you a couple
features of this car, like, uh...

- What?
- Precise cruise control.

- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, did you know this?

- What? What?
- It has seven-position steering.

And, oh, this is really sexy.
You gotta check this out, babe.

- What?
- This seat goes back 180 degrees.

Wait? 180 degrees?
That's flat, honey.

Honey, no seriously, I can't see now.
Now I can't see.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

How's that? How's that?

Yup, yup, yup, yup.

I'm just gonna see what's,
uh, happening over here.

Oh!

What's going on these pants?

Is there some kind of
internal belt system?

- Honey!
- This is crazy science or something.

Yoga pants. Okay.

Oh, that is nice.
Yeah. Okay.

Mm, hm, hm.

Wait, Dan.
Dan, get up here.

That good already?

No, honey, I'm serious.

There's no power or lights
on the dashboard. Dan.

Dan, I'm not kidding,
something's happening.

I'm serious. Get up here.

Okay, uh... I'm stuck.
I can't...

- Oh! Oh!
- Hey, don't panic.

Just slow down and pull over.

Oh, God. I can't.
The wheel is locked.

- I'll help, I'll help.
- Nothing's working!

That's my hand!

Honey, the brakes
aren't working.

Honey, you're bumping
my head into the wheel!

Get up! Get up!

Oh, oh!

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Oh.

Perkins is right.

This place
is obviously being used

for some sort
of military testing.

It's my fault.

What if our personal information
is getting stolen right now,

and we don't have a way to
find out if that is happening?

Our credit card company
could be trying to call us,

telling us somebody's buying 96
blenders at a Target in Maine.

We don't know!

- It's my fault.
- Stop saying that.

I picked this place.

I know, you didn't
want us on our phones.

I picked it
so we can't use our phones.

I read a bunch of reviews
of people who said

they couldn't get any cell
or internet service here.

And a couple people even
said their phones got fried.

What?

I kept it from you, because
I just really wanted you

to go on this adventure
with me so bad.

And I'm sorry.

That feels better.

I'm actually hungry.

I'm gonna make us some soup.

Honey, I love that
you're a romantic.

But in certain scenarios,
like this very one,

I could use a little more
practical thinking.

I don't need to eat.

When were you gonna
start looking for a job?

Hot sauce is my job.

Hot sauce is your passion.
"I'm a born entrepreneur."

Yeah, but you didn't
say any of that

until you didn't get
the promotion at work.

The agency screwed you over.
Fine! Whatever.

But you've been licking that
wound in our garage for a year!

I wasn't fired.
It was a mutual parting of ways.

I took my severance,
and I pivoted.

- I'm pivoting!
- You didn't need to pivot!

You needed to stay in the game
for your family's sake.

But, no, instead you wanted
to sulk and nosedive.

For the record, I would love
the luxury of nosediving.

Nobody wants to nosedive!

I do!
I want to fucking nosedive!

But I can't! I can't!

I love your hot sauce,
but your hot sauce, it scares me,

because I thought we'd be expanding
together and growing together.

That we'd move back to
the city in some cool house.

But instead, we're here!

We're right here,
just stuck in the same place!

Oh, and I,
the responsible one,

have been put on
a two-week forced sabbatical,

because people were not responding
to my fucking work ethic

or my personalized
animated greetings.

I got penalized for
my overly enthusiastic tone.

Which I see as kicking ass

and supporting my people
with a dash of levity.

Maybe I do need to chill.

I never knew
you hated our house.

No, I don't hate our house.

I don't like
how things work in it.

You get to connect with Lizzie and go
with the flow and be the easygoing one.

And I have to be
the breadwinning,

pain-in-the-ass heavy
planning our lives all the time.

I guess I just got used to you being
in charge 'cause you're so good at it.

And it's not fair.

It's a lot of stress for you.

I could be doing more.

No, you do your part.

No. Not enough.

But you know what?

You enjoy a little nosedive,

'cause old Dan is gonna dig in.

That car has a lifetime power
cell and drivetrain warranty.

I'm gonna get them to bring us out a
rental car and tow that lemon away.

We don't have a working phone.

Actually, I've been saving
power in power-saving mode.

- What?
- Yeah.

I'm gonna get them
to repair everything,

and I'm gonna get them
to bring us a fucking pizza.

Yes!

Yes, I will eat the fuck
out of that pizza!

Oh my God! Yes!

- We got this, babe!
- We got this!

We got this!

Go get them!

Yes!

♪ Let me, let me, let me ♪

♪ Tell me, baby ♪

♪ If I drive it
like I stole it ♪

♪ Would you say that
I flaunt it way too much? ♪

♪ But it's not enough ♪

♪ To capture your attention ♪

♪ It's like you're teaching me
a lesson I'll never learn ♪

♪ But if I'm honest,
I didn't want it to ever ♪

♪ We can get along ♪

♪ We can get along ♪

♪ Let me take you high,
let me take you high ♪

♪ Let me take you higher ♪

♪ Why won't you let me
take you high ♪

♪ Let me take you high,
let me take you ♪

Come on.

Hi, this is Dan Dewerson.

Hi, this is Dan Dewerson.
Dewerson, Daniel!

D-E-W-E-R-S-O-N.

I'm in the middle of nowhere,
and your ecofriendly,

ecofriend... ecofriendly vehicle
almost killed us.

I need you to fix it now!

Come on.

I want a pizza with jalapeño.

No, not everything.
No onions.

But jalapeños, champ!

Come on.

Yes, yes, yes.

Hello? Hi.

- Can I help you?
- Yeah...

Come on!

Are you fucking kidding me?

Get out of here!
Go on, get!

Get out of here!

Get out of the way from me!

All right,
I guess we're doing this.

Come on! You wanna play?

Get out of here!
Who are you?

You don't own me!

You're gonna fuck off
permanently!

Hey.

Ta-da! Lunch!

It's our last day here,
so I thought I'd blow it out.

- What do you think? I know you hate to waste food.
- You prepared all of it?

Yeah, and I finished the peanut butter and the
wasabi peas, and I know what you're thinking.

That that's not a good food combination,
but it really is. It's really good.

Oh, and I had a couple of those
chocolate-covered blueberries

- that are somehow pot?
- A couple?

Yeah, yeah. Indica-sativa.
indica-sativa.

- Are you high?
- Yeah!

I like stoned me.
Do you like stoned me?

- Well, you got more energy.
- Yeah, I do.

Yeah, 'cause this trip's
about spontaneity, right?

Hey, how long
until the car comes?

Uh, not long.

Ah, you did the job!
You did it, honey.

Oh, you never toot
your own horn.

That's what I love about you!
Toot, toot!

Oh, honey, you were so right.
I am so addicted to my phone.

Do you know what I did
when you were gone?

I noticed how cluttered
their pantry was,

and I mindlessly went to my dead
phone to check the daily deal

on the Container Store twice.

Oh, yeah, well,
you made the tuna, huh?

Hey, how far did you have
to go for reception?

Uh, it's just, like,
five, twelve minutes. Listen...

Oh, thank God
you had battery!

Because I tried my backup
battery in my purse.

I don't know
where it is right now,

but it was totally drained.

Yeah, right. Listen...

Oh! I bet you those car people
were begging to be forgiven

when you were done
with them, huh?

- Pretty much.
- You gave it to 'em good! Yeah!

Well, yeah, I guess so.

Did you talk
to Grandma and Lizzie?

Yeah, they're fine.

Oh! That's all
I needed to hear.

Oh, my God. Oh!
Thank you so much.

You are Dan the man!
Dan of the woods! Whoo-hoo!

Wow.

- I love you so much.
- I love you.

I am so lucky.

I'm so lucky to have
somebody like you

who designs an experience
like this which,

on the surface,
seems really dumb,

but it's such an eye-opener.
You are amazing.

- Aw!
- No, I'm not. Don't... Don't say that.

- Yeah, you are!
- Don't, don't, please.

I said it. Too late.

- Watch out!
- Whoa!

Ha, ha!

Uh, you're amazing.
You're the amazing one. Ooh!

You're wife, mother,
friend, businessperson.

Oh, ah, I mean,

maybe I'd have held back
on some of the tuna.

You know,
in case of emergency.

Mmm.

And I didn't get a hold of
anyone, even though I wanted to.

Maybe I really
didn't reach anybody.

Ooh!

Is there a car coming?

Did you talk to Grandma?

Are you a child?

Did I just give
a blowjob to a child?

It's smart to just
pack essentials.

How are you gonna explain
the bloody pillowcase?

Makeshift food bag?

"Makeshift food bag."

- Are you still stoned?
- I'm really not.

In a lot of ways,
it's better than alcohol.

Could you just
not talk anymore?

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

What is going on?

There's more of them
and they're getting bigger!

Careful.

- Honey, what are you doing?
- Getting supplies.

Shoplifting.
Shoplifting.

Honey, nobody's here,
and this is an emergency.

- We can do whatever we want.
- Honey, please, come on.

- Put these in your pants.
- What? Tampons?

Put them in your pants!

Okay, they're in my pants.
What else do we need?

Proteins, electrolytes.

Proteins, proteins. Okay.

Honey, these are cold.

That means there's power.
There's power.

Get the charger!
Get the charger!

- Okay, okay, okay.
- Okay, gotta get my phone.

- Charger. Ah! Outlet.
- Oh, okay. Ooh.

Come on, come on, come on.
Here, here, here.

Okay.

We'd be so great
at "Amazing Race."

- Honey, focus.
- I am.

Nothing's happening.

I don't know.

Hello?

Hmm.

Dan? Jeanine?

Gil.

- Hi, hey.
- What are you doing here?

Pooping.

I own this gas station.
What's happening?

Oh, we noticed
your fridges had power,

- so we just wanted to charge the phone.
- Charge the phone.

My genny went out two hours ago.

I mean, any cold in
that fridge is old cold.

Is it weird for
a generator not to work?

Everything's weird nowadays.

Look, I'm sorry you came up here
while we're having issues.

Let me buy you a drink.
Fanta, Fresca, Yoo-hoo?

Oh, go just
grab something on me.

Oh, no, we're okay.
Thank you.

- Yeah, thank you.
- Suit yourself.

Hey, hey, hey.
You have a phone that works?

Yeah. Sometimes.

- Can we use it?
- Please. Please.

Be my guest.
Not much charge on it.

It's okay.

Okay, I'm gonna call
my voicemail.

- Shh, shh.
- Okay, okay.

Hello, lovebirds.
Hope you've been enjoying yourself.

Don't worry.
We had to go to the hospital.

What? What?
What happened?

No! No, it died!
Oh, honey, hospital.

Hospital.
She needed her inhaler.

They did play soccer.
Oh, I think I'm gonna pass out.

Babe, babe, babe, babe, no.
They said they went to hospital.

They're probably back
at home. Breathe.

We gotta get home.
We gotta get out of here.

Gil, we're having
a family emergency.

You gotta get us out of here.

Maybe drive us to
the next town or something.

I'd like to,
but Tim has my car.

He's checking out
an estate sale.

How are you not freaked out
by any of this?

There's no power.
There's no WiFi.

There's Chinese drones
flying everywhere.

Look, sometimes it is
challenging living out here.

But the way I see it,
when your time is up,

well, it doesn't matter whether
you get melted by a nuke

or choke on a chicken nugget.

Gil! This is code red!
We are in code red!

Looks like we got
a little settling up to do.

- I don't have cash.
- You have my card.

Look, we're friends,
all right?

Let's all go to my place
and sketch each other.

Yeah, no.
No, let's... hard no.

What's this?

No, this is, like...

Step away
from the solar radio!

Needs to charge
for two more hours.

Hey, Perkins, do you know if the
next town has a rental car company?

- Maybe.
- Well, could you take us there?

Stay here at the gas station!

Guard the fuel reserves.

What happened to your car?

The electrical system got fried.

They're hacking
civilian vehicles.

That means they've widened
their attack.

Government's gonna
declare martial law.

Impose a strict curfew.
Welcome to New China.

New China?

- You're gonna need this.
- Yeah! Yeah, we are!

No, thank you.
No, no, we don't need a gun.

Yes, we do!

We don't have a permit, and
we don't know how to use these.

Yeah, okay, all right.
You're right, honey, I'm sorry.

- Thank you.
- I just don't know what's going on here.

We are definitely in a dead
zone and we gotta get home.

Okay, we'll figure it out.

Hey, Perkins, we will take
that ride to the next town.

I never offered it.
Besides, Olive's 22 miles away.

I cannot leave my post for that
long, but there's a shortcut.

You can take the trail through the pass
and get there in four hours on foot.

But you better leave soon because you don't
wanna be out there when the sun goes down.

Yeah. What time is it?

- I don't know.
- It's 1400-ish.

1400-ish.

I found that funny.
I don't know why.

I don't like you.

I told Gil you think
all of us out here are a joke.

And now he doesn't
like you either.

Super weird move, man.

You know, it would be cool
if people could form

their own opinion
of me out here.

- Whatever!
- Okay, yeah, just, Perkins, look.

Will you just maybe give us
a ride to the trailhead?

- Honey...
- All right, get in.

Hey, where's Lulu?

Exactly. Where's Lulu?

Thanks, Perkins.

Follow the road down, and when you
see a skull, that's the trailhead.

A skull?

Don't worry.
You'll die before you get there!

- Bullies never win.
- Hey, Dan, come on.

Put your thumb in your mouth
and follow mommy.

Honey? Let's go.

- She's got problems.
- Leave her alone.

Leave it alone, Dan.
Come on, let's go.

All right, we're on our hike.
We can do this.

I don't mind people
being screwed up,

but keep it to yourself.
That's how I feel.

Mm-hmm. Just keep pace, babe.
Keep pace.

Okay. There it is.

Okay.
Just hold up a second.

It's in here.

Thank God it's not
the spicy kind.

Yeah. Thank God.

No, I like spicy.
I hate fake spicy.

It tastes synthetic.

So the frog says, "Okay."

The scorpion gets on his back,
they swim across the river.

Halfway across,
the scorpion stings the frog.

And as the poison's
going into the frog's body,

he says, "Why'd you do that?
Now surely we're both dead."

The scorpion says, "Can't help it.
I'm a scorpion."

- That's not the ending.
- Yeah, it is the ending. He dies.

No, the ending is the
scorpion says, "It's in my nature."

Why are you
telling me this story?

Just something
Juan told me once.

Finally ready to call that dad
guy about the consulting gig.

All this time
and you never responded.

I might've. I just...

You can plan a whole weekend
to the land that time forgot,

but you can't take 10 seconds
to respond to an email

from a guy
who wants to hire you.

I didn't like the tone
of his first email.

We are stomping
through the woods right now,

trying to avoid apex predators!

We don't even know
if Lizzie's safe!

All because you're mourning
some guy you didn't even know!

I knew Juan.

Although I didn't have
to know him well

to know he was a great man.

I've never met Dr. King,
but I know he was a great man.

Did you just compare Juan
to Dr. Martin Luther King?

You better believe I did.

You know what?
I can't even.

Has it even occurred to you that
the whole point of this trip is you?

- Oh, me? Me?
- Yes! You!

You can't be off your phone
for 15 minutes!

Literally, I've timed you.

You used 90% of our data plan.

And let me stop you
before you say it.

- I know, it's for work!
- Hey, you know what?

All you do all day
is fill up 24 bottles

and come up with spicy puns!

I write 20,
whittle it down to 10,

and then five!

- Honey, go, go! Go!
- I'm going!

We can't go in the woods.

Stop, Jean, please, wait.
I gotta stop, come on.

No, come on, come on, come on.
We're more than halfway there.

How do we even know
we're on the trail?

Because there's only one trail.

- Can I get a sip?
- Okay, quickly.

Thanks.

Oh, you know, we could
just lay down for a bit...

- And a hiker might find us.
- What?

No, we're not gonna lie
out here to die.

What is wrong with you?
No, Dan, sip!

Pass, sip, pass!

I'm sorry.

I'm an idiot.

Honey, what are you doing?

No, we could use this as
a canteen in case we find water.

What is with your attitude?
Why are you such a fatalist?

- Get up, let's go!
- I will! I just think...

Oh, my God,
Oh, my God.

What? What? You just
wanna overthink us to inaction?

We have to keep moving
forward, Dan!

People move forward in life!

This is exactly why...

Exactly why what?

Why exactly what?

Why I froze my eggs!

- When?
- Last year.

How do I not know about this?

It doesn't matter, because
I didn't do it to hurt you.

You don't get to decide that.

You don't even give me
the heads up

that you're thinking
about something like that?

We haven't had a real
conversation in a long time.

Why?

Because maybe we're both afraid

of where that conversation
will go.

It's amazing.
You want more kids

when you don't have time
for the one we got.

That's unfair.

Just, our plan got messed up,

and I just wanted options in case
you didn't find your way back.

Options? Oh, my fuck, options?

I was fighting my way back!

No, you weren't!
You were not!

- You're a dick.
- Wow.

You got any other gems
you wanna share, huh?

No, don't be an idiot.

- What are you doing?
- Nothing.

I'll walk home by myself, okay?
I'll figure it out.

- Really? Really?
- Yeah.

You're just gonna run off
and split us up

when we should be a team?

You did.

"The wild winds.
The jagged stone.

Nature demands...
destroy the frail."

Wild winds.
The jagged stone.

Nature demands...
destroy the frail.

Dan?

Dan?

Dan?

Lulu?

Oh, oh, oh!

- Dan?
- Jeanine?

Oh, Dan, I couldn't find you!

- Jeanine!
- Oh, my God.

What happened to your face?

- What, what?
- You're bleeding!

What? No! Oh, shit.

I thought it was sweat.
Oh, no.

Sit down, sit down,
sit down.

Is it a lot? Is it a lot?
Is there a lot of blood?

- No, I think... No, no, no.
- Is it? Is it?

You just
opened it up again.

Let me clean it.
Hold on, hold on.

Oh, God.

I got it. I got it.

It's okay.

- I'm still mad at you.
- I know.

I think we're off the trail.

Is that a house?

That's a light, for sure.

Watch your head.

Here.
This way, this way.

- Oh, there's power. Yes!
- Yes, yes.

Okay.

Yeah.

Holy shit.

Oh, honey, there's an outlet.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.

Yeah.

- Where is it? Where is it?
- Here.

Okay.

Okay, give it to me,
give it to me.

Okay.
Let's see.

Yes! Okay.

We'll just let it charge to 20%,
and then we'll go find a signal.

Commander Shackleton,
I love your improvised decision-making.

Yes, yes. Wait.
Honey, there's a light.

Maybe somebody's home,
and they can help us.

Yeah.

Is anyone there?

Yeah, and they're watching
"Judge Judy."

That's good. That means
they have a moral compass.

- Okay.
- I'm gonna knock.

Hey! Who's out there?

Oh, no. Oh, my God.

Maybe we should talk to him.
I mean, he could be helpful.

That man is not
going to be helpful.

I'd like to leave this experience
not feeling like we prejudge people.

Okay?

- No, don't, don't...
- Yes.

Don't do it!
Don't! Honey!

- I don't wanna talk to him.
- Okay.

Let's go back and get the phone,
and get out of here.

- Forget the phone.
- No.

I'm not forgetting the phone.
That's our only chance.

All right.
I'll get the phone.

Oh, no, no,
I'm getting the phone.

- You cover me.
- Cover? What the hell is that?

I don't know.
It just sounded right.

- Psst! Psst! Honey!
- What?

Get the bag and help me.

- Psst!
- What?

The thing! The thing!

I don't know what you're asking.

- This?
- Yes!

This isn't "bag."
This is not "bag."

This is the bottle.
Give me the bottle.

- Fine.
- Water!

- Oh, you're a genius.
- Yeah.

- Next time, just wave me over.
- I did!

No, you didn't.
You were doing this.

I don't even know
what that means.

- All right, here.
- Okay.

- Well done, honey.
- All right, let's go, let's go.

Shh! Shh!

Quiet down! Quiet down!

That is amazing.

You're amazing.

- Okay.
- Good chicken.

- Good chicken.
- Good chicken.

- Good chicken.
- Okay.

Okay. Quiet, chicken.

All right.
Quiet down.

Quiet down.

- What?
- Oh, I think I broke its leg.

Oh no, I think
I broke its leg!

- Aspirin.
- What?

Give me aspirin.

Okay, water.

What was that?

Your wife, mama-birding
aspirin to a chicken.

I think it's more humane
if we just break its neck.

No, no, no, no, no.

I think we should just keep
giving it aspirin until it OD's.

You're prolonging the inevitable.
It's like unplugging a patient.

What the hell
is out there?

What happened?

- What happened?
- I got shot.

- What? Where?
- I don't know.

At first I heard it,
and then I felt it.

Well, did you hear it
or feel it?

I don't know.

Oh, no.

Honey, come on.
Come on, move. Move!

Hey!

Let's go! Let's go!

I had no idea chickens
stunk that much.

- Oh, I think that's me.
- Oh, wow.

Oh, oh. Honey, there's a light.
There's a light.

Ah! Gas station!

- Oh, my God, civilization!
- Oh, we did it!

- Can we ditch the chicken?
- No!

- Hello?
- Hello?

- Hello?
- Hello?

Nobody's here.

This is so weird.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
I'm gonna call somebody.

Oh, yeah, yes. Okay, yeah.

What is this?
God damn it, there's no power.

- What?
- No, worries. I'm gonna find somebody inside.

Babe, honey? Babe?

Babe, what are you doing?

It's running.
It's a sign. Come on.

- Honey, we're so close. Honey?
- Get in.

Honey?
This is not us, okay?

- We are better than this.
- Okay.

I'll tell your daughter
you said goodbye.

This is not ours.
This is not us.

This isn't you?
'Cause surviving is definitely me!

You wanna commit a felony?

Okay, that breaks up the team.

- Bye.
- Deal-breaker.

Where's the thing?
The thingy is not...

Oh, no, the thingy's here.

Okay, of course this truck
is weird. Hang on.

Oh, why is there
a thingy in the middle?

Come on!

That's it.

How do I do this?

Stop, stop, stop!

It's okay, it's okay.
Okay, listen up.

My uncle's car had
a manual transmission.

- We can do this, okay? We're a team.
- Okay.

I'll be on stick,
you're on the clutch.

What is the clutch?
What is the clutch?

- That left pedal's the clutch, okay?
- Got it. Got it.

I'm gonna throw it in gear,
and you're gonna let go

of the clutch
and give it a little gas.

- Okay, ready.
- Key in.

- No, no.
- No.

Equal gas, equal clutch,
okay? It's a feel.

Proportionate.
Proportionate torque, okay?

Left foot. Hold on.
Hold on, honey.

Proportionate torque, okay?
Think torque.

- Honey, stop.
- It's a feel.

That's even worse.

Sorry. Torque!
We want torque.

Stop saying "torque"!

Proportionate torque.

- Hey!
- Oh, my God!

Get out of my fucking truck!

- That's the guy that shot at us.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

He did. He did.

- Okay.
- I got this, babe.

What? Dan?

I was fired.

No, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan!

- Dan!
- You stop right there, freak.

I am a freak.

I don't care if you've got
60 pounds and 4 inches on me.

- Let's make this happen.
- So you want to fight me for my truck?

Yeah, and your dumb chicken.

Dan, we don't need the chicken.

You're fucking nuts.

Yeah, my nuts.

What? You know what?

Now I'm gonna beat your ass
in front of your old lady.

Let's make this happen.

Dan, Dan!

- Dan!
- Get out of my truck.

Jeanine!

Get out of there!

Be careful!

Aw, honey, your back!
Be careful!

Oh, God!

I think he popped my spleen!

Head-butt him in the balls!

Get your wiener
out of my back!

That's my wallet!
You made it weird.

Leave him alone!

- I'll pull your dumb ear off if you don't listen!
- Ow, that's my ear!

- Put the man down, Francis.
- He started it, Margaret.

I need both of you
to get off each other.

- He won't let go of me!
- He's not letting go of me!

Oh! Oh.

Ma'am, I'm gonna need you
to stand back, okay?

Francis, don't call me
Margaret again.

I'm a officer of the law.

Oh! Honey, are you okay?

Oh, honey.

Were you two doing
bath salts out there?

- No.
- No. It's just been so weird since we've gotten here.

There's no power,
and our cell phones don't work.

And then China's
hacking our military.

And then I found my
daughter's inhaler in the car.

I'm a control freak. I got suspended
from work, too. There's a lot going on.

Okay, take it easy.
Take it easy.

Everything is okay.

You guys just scared
yourselves out there.

This is an active
airspace over here,

so the sonar can interfere
with cell reception.

It's not the end of the world.

But I still have
to write up a report,

and there's some things
I can't figure out

like the comatose chicken and
the tampon taped to your head.

Oh! This is because
we didn't have band-aids.

We stole some from the store.

Paid for it.

- We did pay for...
- Shoplifted.

- First.
- Full disclosure.

- And then we paid for it.
- We paid for it. Didn't intend to.

And then the chicken,
she wanted to...

Well, I broke its leg,
and I thought we should...

Broke its leg.
And I said kill it.

...give it medicine every two
hours 'cause I wanted for it to OD.

- You want to unplug someone on life support.
- I thought it would better.

You don't want to prolong the inevitable.
Let's agree to disagree.

We should've killed it,
anyway.

How did you end up
with Francis' chicken?

We were trespassing.

Stop admitting more crimes.

Okay.

- What is with all the drones?
- Oh, my God.

Yeah, there's a lot.

So this Google millionaire
came to town,

opened up this place
called The Drone Zone.

He set up, like, 500 acres
of obstacle courses,

and apparently high school kids are
in something called drone squads.

Now in my day, in high school,

I was making out
behind the bleachers,

and I didn't do
any student activities.

Okay.

How did you guys
end up out here?

- His friend died.
- He was a great man,

and at his memorial service,
I was just inspired to...

...to reconnect us.

I wanted to go somewhere remote,
so we came out here,

and I thought it would help us
to get out of town

and find out what we are with
each other without distractions.

It was a great idea,
and I really needed it.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

So, hat's next?
Do we call a lawyer?

Well, Tampon Shakur,

I think you should
call your daughter.

- Oh, oh!
- Really?

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, thank you so much.

- Oh, thank you, officer.
- Oh, God.

You're welcome.
You're welcome.

Solid wordplay.
Tampon Shakur.

- I don't care.
- Lizzie! Oh, honey.

- Oh, we love you so much.
- Blizzard! How's grandma?

- Are you okay?
- Everything's fine.

Well, we got cut off
the other day.

And then I got some voicemail

saying you guys
had to go to the hospital.

- What happened?
- Ask her.

Oh. Grandma made some
tomato soup and felt weird,

so we went to the hospital, and they
said her blood pressure's a little high,

but the medication
brought it down.

- I'm fine.
- What? What?

No, they're fine.
They're fine. Tomato soup.

Okay. Tomato soup.

Ooh, grilled cheese.

Uh, are you okay?

Yes, sweetheart.
Mommy's okay.

- Everything's okay.
- Daddy's okay, too. We're okay.

I hope you like
small batch hot sauce.

What?

- I hate that fucking car.
- Mm-hmm.

♪ Long time ago ♪

♪ I'ma go straight
to the show ♪

Incoming call
from "It's Just Work."

♪ A new way to roll ♪

♪ Soon to doom us all ♪

♪ But I got to
let all that go ♪

♪ And just let it roll ♪

♪ Don't you know ♪

Nice!
Short, punchy, on brand.

Best version yet.
I love it.

We love it, too.
Thanks for the great notes.

You guys did a wonderful job.

So, uh, have a great weekend,
get some rest,

and we'll talk soon, okay?
Bye-bye.

- Back in the saddle!
- I do love jingles.

- You're good at them.
- Yeah, right?

Ha, ha!

Blizzard,
are you ready for this?

- Can we not?
- Oh, we're doing this.

It's so weird.

It really isn't.
It's totally normal.

Why do we have to do
this in the front yard?

Because last time,
the pizza guy couldn't find us.

What are we gonna
do in here, anyway?

Mom brought games.

Checkers, dominos, Uno, Jenga.

Mom, my phone has games.

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

♪ You know I love you a lot ♪

♪ But I'm just
frightened to say ♪

♪ I'll give you
all that I got ♪

♪ But you just throw it away ♪

♪ You know I love you a lot ♪

♪ But I'm just frightened
to say ♪

♪ I'll give you all
that I got ♪

♪ But you just throw it away ♪

♪ You know I love you a lot ♪

♪ But I'm just frightened
to say ♪

♪ I'll give you
all that I got ♪

♪ But you just throw it away ♪

♪ You know I love you a lot ♪