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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:07,898
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:07,916 --> 00:00:11,735
♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:11,828 --> 00:00:14,738
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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00:00:14,831 --> 00:00:18,091
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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(laughter)
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(in Marge voice):
Happy Halloween, kids!
12
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Happy Halloween!
13
00:00:45,529 --> 00:00:47,771
Look, it's Matt Foley
from Saturday Night Live.
14
00:00:47,790 --> 00:00:50,774
I don't know who that is. I just
came from a meeting at work.
15
00:00:50,867 --> 00:00:52,109
Oh, good. Peter, you're home.
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You can help me pass out candy.
17
00:00:53,779 --> 00:00:56,129
Sorry, Lois, I have
to go do a dangerous speedball
18
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:59,616
and become the least surprising
death in Hollywood history.
19
00:00:59,709 --> 00:01:02,302
(groans)
20
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,788
(laughter)
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00:01:04,881 --> 00:01:07,382
Happy Halloween, Meg.
22
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:10,402
Wow, Mayor West.
That's some costume.
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00:01:10,629 --> 00:01:12,312
Well, thank you kindly.
24
00:01:12,464 --> 00:01:14,631
(imitating Borat):
It-a me, Borat.
25
00:01:14,724 --> 00:01:16,633
You know, from that picture
Borat.
26
00:01:16,726 --> 00:01:18,243
You ever seen it?
27
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Yeah, that movie came out,
like, 15 years ago.
28
00:01:20,806 --> 00:01:22,472
Well, I'd never heard of it,
29
00:01:22,491 --> 00:01:25,267
but it was just about the
funniest thing I'd ever seen.
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Anyway, have a good evening.
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(imitating Borat):
My wife.
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(laughter)
33
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(crickets chirping)
34
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"This is my costume"?
35
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Come on, put in some effort.
36
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:39,323
Guys, just 'cause you showed up,
doesn't mean you get an apple.
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00:01:39,416 --> 00:01:41,491
-Apple.
-We're here for candy!
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Kill yourself!
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00:01:43,253 --> 00:01:44,937
There's a lot of sugar
in an apple!
40
00:01:45,088 --> 00:01:46,939
If you saw the numbers,
you'd be shocked!
41
00:01:47,166 --> 00:01:48,515
Trick or treat!
42
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:51,926
Wow, that's the first Frozen
I've seen in 35 seconds.
43
00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:54,004
Oh, my God,
I love your pilot costume.
44
00:01:54,097 --> 00:01:56,356
Thank you. I'm actually
John Travolta walking
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into my backyard airport
in Florida
46
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to fly a passenger jet
all by myself.
47
00:02:00,437 --> 00:02:02,696
That's right,
I'm just a regular guy.
48
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:04,105
Your daughter is adorable.
49
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Oh, she's not my daughter.
She's my niece.
50
00:02:06,201 --> 00:02:08,018
My sister and her husband
ran into someone
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00:02:08,111 --> 00:02:10,945
having an adult Halloween party
and didn't have an excuse ready.
52
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Oh, I'm so sorry.
53
00:02:12,207 --> 00:02:13,874
Yeah, it was really tough
for them,
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00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:15,968
but I said earlier,
"I'm not gonna cry,"
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so I'm not gonna cry.
56
00:02:18,288 --> 00:02:20,213
And hi. My name's Carrie.
57
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:22,290
Hi, Carrie. My name is Glenn.
58
00:02:22,384 --> 00:02:24,292
It's really nice talking
to you, Glenn.
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00:02:24,386 --> 00:02:27,479
-You, too, Carrie.
-Hey! Candy!
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00:02:27,589 --> 00:02:29,706
STEWIE:
Hey, Brian, check it out!
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(grunting)
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00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:34,820
This might be my biggest
candy score ever.
63
00:02:35,047 --> 00:02:36,822
Probably thanks
to my killer costume.
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00:02:37,049 --> 00:02:38,231
What are you dressed as?
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00:02:38,384 --> 00:02:41,076
I'm the "Oh, my God"
reaction GIF.
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00:02:44,907 --> 00:02:46,056
And people get that?
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00:02:46,149 --> 00:02:47,666
Yeah.
Everyone's dressed as GIFs.
68
00:02:47,893 --> 00:02:49,001
Ain't that right, Pop?
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00:02:56,493 --> 00:02:58,402
Wow. This place is great, Glenn.
70
00:02:58,420 --> 00:03:00,345
Yeah, they can really
microwave eggs here.
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00:03:00,497 --> 00:03:02,681
You know, I'm so glad you
trick-or-treated at my house.
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00:03:02,908 --> 00:03:04,241
I finally found someone
73
00:03:04,259 --> 00:03:06,668
I can just say names
from Succession with.
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00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,470
I mean, oh, my God, Kendall?
75
00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:11,190
-Kendall! And Shiv?
-Love Shiv.
76
00:03:11,417 --> 00:03:13,841
-And what about Roman?
-Yes!
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00:03:13,936 --> 00:03:15,419
And Logan.
78
00:03:15,437 --> 00:03:17,178
-Oh, Logan.
-(dog whines)
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00:03:17,272 --> 00:03:18,513
Oh, look at that dog.
80
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,515
Yeah, who brings a dog
to a coffee shop?
81
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:23,260
-I love dogs.
-Without letting me pet it.
82
00:03:23,278 --> 00:03:25,537
Come here, you... dog.
83
00:03:25,764 --> 00:03:27,689
Oh, isn't he so sweet?
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00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,449
Oh, good boy.
85
00:03:29,601 --> 00:03:31,435
Yay, my hand smells
like you now.
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00:03:31,528 --> 00:03:34,454
Oh, I'm so happy
you're a dog person.
87
00:03:34,606 --> 00:03:36,122
I don't think
I could be with someone
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00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:38,050
who doesn't love dogs
as much as I do.
89
00:03:38,201 --> 00:03:39,443
Yeah, it's great
we like the same things
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00:03:39,536 --> 00:03:40,961
as soon as you say
what you like.
91
00:03:41,113 --> 00:03:42,870
So, what kind
of dog do you have?
92
00:03:42,965 --> 00:03:45,115
Well, uh, uh,
what kind of dog?
93
00:03:45,133 --> 00:03:47,041
Um... you know,
I-I've never noticed.
94
00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:49,210
I... I'm... I'm more attracted
to his spirit.
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Oh, they're so special.
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00:03:50,973 --> 00:03:52,472
And you know
what's right around the corner?
97
00:03:52,624 --> 00:03:54,566
The strip club where they spit
in your face?
98
00:03:54,793 --> 00:03:56,309
No, the dog park!
99
00:03:56,462 --> 00:03:58,478
For our next date,
we should bring our dogs there.
100
00:03:58,630 --> 00:04:00,239
Next date? Absolutely.
101
00:04:00,466 --> 00:04:02,890
-Oh, and cousin Greg!
-Cousin Greg!
102
00:04:02,985 --> 00:04:05,452
Cousin Greg.
103
00:04:09,308 --> 00:04:11,157
Phew,
that tummy time was killer.
104
00:04:11,310 --> 00:04:12,918
Totally blasted my core.
105
00:04:13,069 --> 00:04:14,828
But I think that earns me
a little treat.
106
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,588
What the deuce?
107
00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:18,315
This bag was full last night,
108
00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:19,816
and now half of it's gone.
109
00:04:19,835 --> 00:04:21,760
Oh, my God, I've been robbed!
110
00:04:26,658 --> 00:04:28,934
Rupert, check the jewelry box,
see if anything's missing.
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"An engagement ring"?
112
00:04:31,163 --> 00:04:32,662
Oh, ha-ha, very funny,
but not the time
113
00:04:32,681 --> 00:04:35,065
to have this conversation--
we've been burgled!
114
00:04:36,668 --> 00:04:39,669
Well, looks like they only stole
some of my Halloween candy.
115
00:04:39,763 --> 00:04:41,262
But they're not going
to get away with this.
116
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:43,431
Like the fat man
when he plays Clue.
117
00:04:43,525 --> 00:04:45,509
Okay, the murderer
was "don't care,"
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00:04:45,602 --> 00:04:47,010
with a "this game sucks"
119
00:04:47,029 --> 00:04:48,936
in the "I regret
having children."
120
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,773
ANNOUNCER: Clue-- you got someone pregnant nine years ago,
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00:04:51,867 --> 00:04:54,293
so now you have to play this.
122
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,540
Thanks for coming
with me, Peter.
123
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:01,875
I need a dog for my date,
124
00:05:02,027 --> 00:05:03,242
but I don't know
the first thing about 'em.
125
00:05:03,395 --> 00:05:05,195
No problem, Quagmire.
But just know
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00:05:05,288 --> 00:05:06,805
I'm gonna spend
most of the time here
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00:05:07,032 --> 00:05:09,366
finding the courage
to hold an iguana.
128
00:05:09,384 --> 00:05:10,475
Here he is.
129
00:05:10,627 --> 00:05:12,144
I'm not sure I'm ready!
130
00:05:13,388 --> 00:05:14,313
(barking)
131
00:05:14,540 --> 00:05:16,206
Uh, excuse me,
how much is that one?
132
00:05:16,299 --> 00:05:18,132
Oh, he's a purebred
Bichon Frise,
133
00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:20,301
so he's $1,500.
134
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:23,046
For a dog?! Um, and-and what's
your return policy?
135
00:05:23,139 --> 00:05:25,231
Is it, like, full money back
within ten days?
136
00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:27,475
Sir, if you're not interested,
I have to comb feces
137
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,886
out of the guinea pigs' hair
with a wet paper towel.
138
00:05:29,979 --> 00:05:32,331
Go ahead, you can touch him.
139
00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:33,890
(gasps)
140
00:05:33,983 --> 00:05:35,584
It's dry.
141
00:05:39,155 --> 00:05:40,897
Sorry we couldn't get you a dog.
142
00:05:40,916 --> 00:05:43,083
Come on in, we'll have
however many beers it takes
143
00:05:43,235 --> 00:05:45,235
to forget how depressing
the shelter was.
144
00:05:45,253 --> 00:05:48,680
I'll go get
those aforementioned beers.
145
00:05:48,907 --> 00:05:51,016
Thanks, word-a-day calendar.
146
00:05:53,745 --> 00:05:55,854
Oh, hey, Quagmire.
147
00:05:56,005 --> 00:05:57,522
Mm.
148
00:05:57,749 --> 00:05:59,024
I mean, mmm, there he is!
149
00:05:59,175 --> 00:06:01,267
Brian the dog!
150
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:03,420
What's going on here?
Why are you using my full name?
151
00:06:03,513 --> 00:06:05,422
All right,
let's cut to the chase.
152
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:06,773
I like chases.
153
00:06:06,925 --> 00:06:08,425
Okay, look,
I'm seeing this woman,
154
00:06:08,518 --> 00:06:10,202
and there's something
different about her.
155
00:06:10,429 --> 00:06:12,854
I mean, it's not just that
the sex is great, which it is,
156
00:06:12,948 --> 00:06:14,781
but I appreciate her
as a person,
157
00:06:14,933 --> 00:06:17,358
which sounds kind of weird
coming out of my mouth.
158
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:19,861
Anyway, I told her
I have a dog, so...
159
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,938
would you pretend to be my dog?
160
00:06:22,031 --> 00:06:24,441
(laughing)
161
00:06:24,459 --> 00:06:27,260
Well, well, well.
162
00:06:28,130 --> 00:06:30,722
Well, well, well.
163
00:06:30,874 --> 00:06:34,300
Well, well,
well.
164
00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:36,286
Brian, come on, I'm serious.
Will you help me out?
165
00:06:36,379 --> 00:06:38,121
Glenn Quagmire,
there are not enough
166
00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:39,564
tennis balls
in the world for me to--
167
00:06:39,791 --> 00:06:41,233
-I have six.
-I'll do it.
168
00:06:47,132 --> 00:06:49,241
(dogs barking, howling)
169
00:06:50,727 --> 00:06:52,226
Thanks for doing this, Brian.
170
00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:53,745
And remember,
just act like a normal,
171
00:06:53,897 --> 00:06:55,655
well-behaved, non-talking dog.
172
00:06:55,807 --> 00:06:57,974
-Non-talking?
-Yeah, just bark and stuff.
173
00:06:57,993 --> 00:06:59,993
Bark? Geez, it's been a while.
174
00:07:00,145 --> 00:07:01,478
Let me give it a try.
175
00:07:01,496 --> 00:07:02,587
Brack.
176
00:07:02,739 --> 00:07:04,330
"Brack"?
What the hell is that?
177
00:07:04,483 --> 00:07:05,982
-I'm finding it.
-Damn it, Brian!
178
00:07:06,001 --> 00:07:07,074
I knew you were gonna
screw this up for me.
179
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,668
I thought you wanted to help.
180
00:07:08,820 --> 00:07:10,929
"Help"? I'm not doing this
because I want to help.
181
00:07:11,156 --> 00:07:13,006
I'm only doing this
so I can have a front-row seat
182
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,507
when you crash and burn.
183
00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:16,493
Okay, first of all,
it's incredibly insensitive
184
00:07:16,511 --> 00:07:18,603
to say "crash and burn"
to a pilot.
185
00:07:18,755 --> 00:07:20,087
And, second, how dare you?
186
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:22,107
How dare you, Brian the dog?
187
00:07:22,334 --> 00:07:24,258
You know I'm right-- you're
gonna get tired of the sex,
188
00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:25,777
and then you'll move
on to the next one.
189
00:07:25,929 --> 00:07:27,170
Oh, 'cause you know
everything, right?
190
00:07:27,263 --> 00:07:28,505
Well, you're wrong, Brian.
191
00:07:28,523 --> 00:07:30,006
Okay, shut up, here she comes.
192
00:07:30,099 --> 00:07:32,358
Hi, Glenn. This is Dexter.
193
00:07:32,511 --> 00:07:34,844
Aw, and who's this little guy?
194
00:07:34,863 --> 00:07:37,772
Uh, uh, this is... Harvey.
195
00:07:37,866 --> 00:07:39,624
Named after Weinstein, uh...
196
00:07:39,851 --> 00:07:42,944
'C-Cause you can see his balls
when he answers the door.
197
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,446
I may be dating myself,
but in the '90s,
198
00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:47,782
the funniest thing you could do
was show people your balls.
199
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,117
C-Can you start
talking now, please?
200
00:07:50,212 --> 00:07:51,786
Sorry, I couldn't hear you
201
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,379
'cause my dog was licking
my ear.
202
00:07:53,532 --> 00:07:55,715
Oh, thank God.
This is my dog, Bob...
203
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,217
Weinstein.
204
00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:58,459
He's man's best friend
205
00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:00,053
because he's very good
at keeping quiet.
206
00:08:00,205 --> 00:08:02,555
Do you mind if I take
five minutes in the parking lot?
207
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:05,275
This is Spot.
208
00:08:09,564 --> 00:08:11,397
All right, Rupert,
when the thief comes back
209
00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:12,716
for the rest of my candy,
210
00:08:12,734 --> 00:08:15,118
he'll have to deal
with my latest invention.
211
00:08:16,071 --> 00:08:17,721
Hey, Stewie, what are you d--
212
00:08:17,739 --> 00:08:20,056
(exclaims)
Aah! Help! Somebody help me!
213
00:08:20,149 --> 00:08:22,408
I won't survive on the inside!
214
00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:24,669
(grunts)
Thief! I've caught you!
215
00:08:24,896 --> 00:08:26,654
Chris?
216
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:27,989
Stewie, get off.
217
00:08:28,083 --> 00:08:29,674
I haven't been
stealing your candy.
218
00:08:29,901 --> 00:08:31,676
-Dad has.
-The fat man?
219
00:08:31,828 --> 00:08:34,571
He did the same thing to me
when I was younger.
220
00:08:34,589 --> 00:08:36,998
The only way to keep him
away from it is to hide it.
221
00:08:37,092 --> 00:08:38,517
And that's why I'm here.
222
00:08:38,744 --> 00:08:40,001
I'm gonna help you.
223
00:08:40,095 --> 00:08:42,336
Really? You'd do that for me?
224
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:44,247
Of course, Stewie. We're family.
225
00:08:44,266 --> 00:08:46,082
We look out for each other,
226
00:08:46,175 --> 00:08:47,600
like the people on Succession.
227
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:50,695
Well, don't leave me hanging
like that-- throw out a name!
228
00:08:50,922 --> 00:08:52,939
-Tom.
-Oh, Tom!
229
00:08:53,091 --> 00:08:55,283
Can you believe Tom?
230
00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,354
Carrie's gonna be here soon.
Can you give me a hand getting
231
00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:03,190
-this cat stuff out of here?
-Where is your cat, anyway?
232
00:09:03,285 --> 00:09:05,268
I don't know. No cat owner
knows where their cat is.
233
00:09:05,361 --> 00:09:06,878
Okay, but I still don't know why
234
00:09:07,105 --> 00:09:08,454
you're going through
all this trouble.
235
00:09:08,607 --> 00:09:10,215
I mean, you're just gonna bail
and leave her in the dust.
236
00:09:10,442 --> 00:09:12,776
-Hey, how's your son, Brian?
-Whoa!
237
00:09:12,794 --> 00:09:15,387
What happened to DEFCON four,
three, and two?
238
00:09:15,538 --> 00:09:16,613
-(doorbell rings)
-Okay, she's here.
239
00:09:16,631 --> 00:09:18,598
Get off the couch.
240
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,060
-Who is it?
-It's The Purge.
241
00:09:22,287 --> 00:09:24,304
-We're here to beat you up.
-(laughs)
242
00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:25,972
(smooching)
243
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:29,401
Coming up, one pizza
with alternative crust.
244
00:09:29,552 --> 00:09:31,236
Oh! Yummy, yummy!
245
00:09:31,387 --> 00:09:34,147
Alternative crust pizza is
really good, Brian.
246
00:09:34,299 --> 00:09:36,074
You can't taste the difference.
247
00:09:36,225 --> 00:09:37,892
What aren't you lying
to yourself about?
248
00:09:37,986 --> 00:09:39,578
Okay, you want
to know the truth, Brian?
249
00:09:39,729 --> 00:09:41,471
Brian the dog? I love her.
250
00:09:41,489 --> 00:09:43,290
You hear me? Love.
251
00:09:44,567 --> 00:09:45,750
This is priceless.
252
00:09:45,902 --> 00:09:46,993
I haven't had this much fun
253
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,712
since I went to that graveyard.
254
00:09:50,573 --> 00:09:52,816
-Yeah, how do you like
how this sounds, huh?
-(urine trickling)
255
00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:56,094
Try cleaning up this mess
while you burn in hell!
256
00:09:56,321 --> 00:09:58,263
-Peter, you ready to go?
-Almost!
257
00:09:58,414 --> 00:10:00,673
-What do you mean
you don't like that?
-(urine trickling)
258
00:10:00,826 --> 00:10:03,184
Just try it, maybe you will!
259
00:10:06,164 --> 00:10:08,106
Thanks again
for having us over, Lois.
260
00:10:08,257 --> 00:10:09,682
Everything was so delicious.
261
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,684
Oh, my pleasure, Carrie.
262
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,353
Yeah, I've got to say, Glenn,
263
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:15,596
I've never seen you
this happy before.
264
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:18,024
Well, then you've never
seen me at my best before.
265
00:10:18,176 --> 00:10:20,285
And it's all thanks to Carrie.
266
00:10:21,363 --> 00:10:23,529
Aw, not at the dinner table.
267
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:25,940
I'm sorry, Peter,
I just can't help myself.
268
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,608
I'm crazy about this woman.
269
00:10:27,702 --> 00:10:29,669
(phone buzzing)
270
00:10:31,857 --> 00:10:33,781
Huh?
271
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,676
(panting)
272
00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:44,050
-"Will you marry me?"
-What's this now?
273
00:10:44,202 --> 00:10:47,479
Oh, my God, Glenn, yes!
Yes, of course I'll marry you!
274
00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:49,372
Mmm...
275
00:10:49,391 --> 00:10:50,315
Mazel tov!
276
00:10:50,542 --> 00:10:52,466
"Mazel tov"?
Where did that come from?
277
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:56,470
From Marvelous Mrs. Mazel Tov.
Y-you should know that, Lois.
278
00:10:56,564 --> 00:10:58,031
Mmm.
279
00:11:01,477 --> 00:11:03,644
Engaged?!
280
00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:06,906
Aw, come on, Quagmire,
you're killing me, man.
281
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,558
Babe, babe, please--
Babe, please stop crying.
282
00:11:08,651 --> 00:11:11,336
Look, every couple needs to
take things at their own speed.
283
00:11:11,563 --> 00:11:13,838
It doesn't mean
I love you any less.
284
00:11:13,990 --> 00:11:16,900
Okay, look-- how about
we look at rings this weekend?
285
00:11:16,918 --> 00:11:18,918
I-I don't know.
Zales, probably?
286
00:11:19,070 --> 00:11:21,754
Well, that's what we can afford
since only one of us has a job!
287
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,089
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
288
00:11:23,241 --> 00:11:24,665
Ugh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that.
289
00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:25,925
(sighs)
290
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,852
"Why don't you join me
for dinner?" he said,
291
00:11:28,004 --> 00:11:29,145
ruining his life.
292
00:11:35,011 --> 00:11:37,437
(humming)
293
00:11:37,589 --> 00:11:40,423
There he is,
the bridegroom to be.
294
00:11:40,516 --> 00:11:43,517
That's right, the very happy
bridegroom to be,
295
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,778
singing to himself.
♪ Dat da dat dee ♪
296
00:11:45,931 --> 00:11:47,263
♪ Da dee dee, da dee dee. ♪
297
00:11:47,282 --> 00:11:48,856
Oh, come on, give it up.
298
00:11:48,950 --> 00:11:50,767
You're out of moves.
Checkmate.
299
00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:52,452
Hi, honey, we're home.
300
00:11:52,604 --> 00:11:53,953
Will you help me move in
his dog food,
301
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,131
like we're preparing
for a flood?
302
00:11:58,701 --> 00:12:00,276
Dexter eats all this?
303
00:12:00,369 --> 00:12:02,369
Not just Dexter,
but Dexter and all
304
00:12:02,464 --> 00:12:04,113
-his rescue brothers
and sisters.
-(dogs barking)
305
00:12:04,207 --> 00:12:06,282
Oh, my God,
how many are there?
306
00:12:06,375 --> 00:12:09,710
Hmm, enough to do a slow pan
with music from Airplane.
307
00:12:09,804 --> 00:12:11,980
♪
308
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:27,303
Is-is that one
just a back half?
309
00:12:27,322 --> 00:12:30,081
Oh, Backsy? Yeah.
She's a fighter.
310
00:12:30,308 --> 00:12:32,308
Well, maybe she should
stop fightin'.
311
00:12:32,401 --> 00:12:34,160
Okay, I'm gonna go
bring in all their meds,
312
00:12:34,312 --> 00:12:36,479
and then I'll set the 19
different feeding alarms
313
00:12:36,614 --> 00:12:38,982
on your phone. Mm.
314
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:39,924
-(laughs)
-Shut up!
315
00:12:40,151 --> 00:12:41,242
I didn't say a word.
316
00:12:41,336 --> 00:12:43,928
I'm just... I'm just thrilled
you're getting
317
00:12:44,155 --> 00:12:45,671
all the happiness you deserve.
318
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:48,082
I am happy.
Parade magazine says
319
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,602
owning a dog is the secret
to having a happy life.
320
00:12:50,753 --> 00:12:52,328
You read Parade magazine?
321
00:12:52,421 --> 00:12:54,421
If you know a better magazine
for ordering plates
322
00:12:54,516 --> 00:12:56,775
with people's faces on them,
I would like to hear about it.
323
00:12:56,926 --> 00:12:58,334
(loud crash)
324
00:12:58,353 --> 00:13:01,428
Hey, babe, was the Princess
Diana plate important?
325
00:13:01,523 --> 00:13:02,763
(sighs)
326
00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:04,674
Brian, can you hand me
that Parade magazine,
327
00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:07,844
that envelope, that stamp
and that checkbook?
328
00:13:07,862 --> 00:13:10,163
(singsongy):
Thank you.
329
00:13:13,109 --> 00:13:14,350
Who are we waiting for, Chris?
330
00:13:14,443 --> 00:13:15,943
I called in some professionals.
331
00:13:16,037 --> 00:13:18,946
They're gonna take us somewhere
Dad'll never find your candy.
332
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,115
-And where's that?
-I can't say.
333
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,042
There are ears everywhere.
334
00:13:23,194 --> 00:13:25,028
Good morning, Mr. Feldman.
335
00:13:25,046 --> 00:13:27,196
Morning, Chris.
Couldn't help but overhear
336
00:13:27,290 --> 00:13:29,048
you're off on a little trip.
337
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,976
(chuckles)
Never mind about that,
Mr. Feldman.
338
00:13:32,128 --> 00:13:34,479
-(quietly): See?
-MR. FELDMAN: I could hear that.
339
00:13:34,630 --> 00:13:35,480
(tires screech)
340
00:13:35,631 --> 00:13:37,398
Get in.
341
00:13:40,061 --> 00:13:41,694
(loud thump)
342
00:13:43,548 --> 00:13:47,116
You know, I should really be in
a backwards-facing car seat.
343
00:13:48,978 --> 00:13:50,403
They're now saying
kids through eight
344
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:53,164
should at least be
in a booster seat.
345
00:13:53,316 --> 00:13:55,908
-You have any kids?
-Don't make small talk
with these guys.
346
00:13:56,061 --> 00:13:57,076
No, no, it's all right.
347
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,895
It's nice to have someone
ask for a change.
348
00:13:58,988 --> 00:14:01,414
Yes, I have four children,
all dead.
349
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:02,990
Ah.
350
00:14:03,084 --> 00:14:05,260
(van squeaking)
351
00:14:07,739 --> 00:14:09,013
Well, here we are.
352
00:14:09,165 --> 00:14:12,016
Quick, hide your candy
in the tree.
353
00:14:12,243 --> 00:14:13,576
Is this our backyard?
354
00:14:13,595 --> 00:14:17,230
Yes. But we couldn't take
a chance of being followed.
355
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:28,867
(grunting)
356
00:14:29,018 --> 00:14:31,944
Son of a--
I'm pinching and lifting.
357
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,413
(cries out)
358
00:14:47,946 --> 00:14:49,278
Oh!
359
00:14:50,281 --> 00:14:52,873
Hey, if you're making coffee,
I'll have a--
360
00:14:52,967 --> 00:14:54,133
Whoa, kind of a mess in here.
361
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,119
It's fine.
Everything is fine.
362
00:14:56,137 --> 00:14:57,787
I'm happy and in love.
363
00:14:57,805 --> 00:15:00,139
Damn it, Brian, did you leave
the doggy gate open?
364
00:15:00,291 --> 00:15:02,458
-(all barking)
-No, no, no, stop it.
365
00:15:02,551 --> 00:15:04,477
Peppy, you're allergic
to Frankie's food.
366
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:05,904
Malcolm, stop humping
your brother.
367
00:15:06,131 --> 00:15:07,221
Backsy, outside!
368
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,573
CARRIE:
Babe, can you give me a hand
369
00:15:08,724 --> 00:15:10,057
moving my furniture
370
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,468
all around the room until I find
a place I like for it?
371
00:15:12,561 --> 00:15:14,412
Kind of in the middle
of something, babe!
372
00:15:14,639 --> 00:15:16,563
Ah, the seven-hour itch.
373
00:15:16,658 --> 00:15:18,307
Shut up, Brian.
Why don't you go for a walk?
374
00:15:18,401 --> 00:15:19,825
-(dogs barking excitedly)
-No, no, no, no, no.
375
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,085
No walk. No walk.
No, no.
376
00:15:21,237 --> 00:15:22,403
We're not going for a walk.
377
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:23,404
I gotta stop saying "walk."
378
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,831
I said walk again.
And there again.
379
00:15:25,984 --> 00:15:28,000
CARRIE:
Honey, I want to make
a stir-fry tonight.
380
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,669
-Have we unpacked the wok?
-(dogs barking louder)
381
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:31,930
No, no, w-O-K.
382
00:15:32,157 --> 00:15:34,081
W-O-K. She said wok!
383
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,934
(sobbing):
She said wok.
384
00:15:36,161 --> 00:15:38,353
She said wok...
385
00:15:50,766 --> 00:15:52,033
(gasps)
386
00:15:53,695 --> 00:15:56,103
My candy, it's all gone.
387
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,181
Even my West Hollywood candy.
388
00:15:58,199 --> 00:16:01,108
My Twinx bar.
My very Milky Way.
389
00:16:01,202 --> 00:16:03,019
(gasps)
My Reese's Penis.
390
00:16:03,112 --> 00:16:05,021
Who's done this to me?
391
00:16:05,114 --> 00:16:08,424
Who's taken candy
from a baby?
392
00:16:15,124 --> 00:16:18,050
Well, we did it. Cheers.
393
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,144
We sure did, Chris.
394
00:16:20,296 --> 00:16:22,555
-Cool iguana.
-He's dry.
395
00:16:22,707 --> 00:16:24,131
I named him Arid.
396
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:27,527
Thank you, word-a-day calendar,
travel edition.
397
00:16:36,554 --> 00:16:38,221
Just met some of Carrie's
friends.
398
00:16:38,281 --> 00:16:40,498
They are very excited
for her.
399
00:16:40,725 --> 00:16:43,392
-Well, they should be.
-Well, they should be.
400
00:16:43,486 --> 00:16:44,744
And they are.
401
00:16:44,896 --> 00:16:47,747
Anyway, expectations are high.
402
00:16:47,899 --> 00:16:49,490
(glass clinking)
403
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,843
Thank you, everyone, for coming
to our engagement party.
404
00:16:51,994 --> 00:16:54,161
And an extra thanks
to my airline buddies
405
00:16:54,255 --> 00:16:55,496
for organizing it.
406
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,907
Uh, folks, our party time
tonight is
407
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,000
two hours and 48 minutes.
408
00:17:00,094 --> 00:17:01,594
We know you have
lots of choices
409
00:17:01,746 --> 00:17:04,671
for terrible weekend activities,
and we hope to see you soon
410
00:17:04,766 --> 00:17:08,100
on an inconvenient weekend
for their destination wedding,
411
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:11,937
which I hear is on a Thursday
in Lisbon, Portugal.
412
00:17:12,090 --> 00:17:12,530
-WOMAN: That's so far.
-MAN: Come on!
413
00:17:12,757 --> 00:17:13,939
Yep. Yep.
414
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:16,259
It's been wonderful meeting
all of Carrie's family
415
00:17:16,277 --> 00:17:18,036
and friends.
(chuckles)
416
00:17:18,263 --> 00:17:20,538
I only wish you were all
wearing nametags.
417
00:17:20,765 --> 00:17:21,539
(laughter)
418
00:17:21,766 --> 00:17:23,190
Isn't he adorable?
419
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:24,934
My expectations are high.
420
00:17:25,027 --> 00:17:27,027
You know, I first met Carrie
and her niece
421
00:17:27,121 --> 00:17:29,105
a couple of weeks ago
on Halloween.
422
00:17:29,123 --> 00:17:31,340
Thank God they decided
to take that walk.
423
00:17:32,868 --> 00:17:34,777
And now we're headed
down the aisle;
424
00:17:34,870 --> 00:17:36,387
a very different
kind of walk.
425
00:17:36,614 --> 00:17:38,705
(barking excitedly)
426
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,874
And, Carrie,
if I may borrow a line
427
00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:42,285
from our favorite song,
428
00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:44,353
I would walk 500 miles...
429
00:17:46,307 --> 00:17:49,400
Stampede!
430
00:17:53,722 --> 00:17:56,157
(dogs barking)
431
00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:21,582
-Isn't he adorable?
-He loves those dogs.
432
00:18:21,676 --> 00:18:24,727
I'm hearing a lot of good things
about that guy.
433
00:18:26,998 --> 00:18:27,772
That's it.
434
00:18:27,999 --> 00:18:29,440
Glenn, are you okay?
435
00:18:29,667 --> 00:18:30,924
No, I'm not okay.
436
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,777
I thought I could do this,
but I can't.
437
00:18:33,004 --> 00:18:34,670
I've been lying to you,
438
00:18:34,763 --> 00:18:36,355
and I've been lying to myself.
439
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:37,931
There's something
you need to know.
440
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:39,859
I hate dogs.
441
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:41,152
(all gasp)
442
00:18:41,379 --> 00:18:44,789
Uh, this party has begun
its initial descent.
443
00:18:45,016 --> 00:18:46,349
That's not even my dog.
444
00:18:46,367 --> 00:18:49,109
That's Brian, my neighbor's dog.
He can talk.
445
00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:50,519
Brian, say something.
446
00:18:50,613 --> 00:18:51,963
-Brack.
-Bite me.
447
00:18:52,190 --> 00:18:54,373
Glenn... (scoffs)
I can't believe this.
448
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,617
So you don't like dogs,
that's fine.
449
00:18:56,636 --> 00:19:00,805
But you didn't have to lie and
put me through all of this.
450
00:19:01,032 --> 00:19:03,224
Good-bye, Glenn.
451
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:09,538
Uh, folks, please use caution
as you exit the party
452
00:19:09,632 --> 00:19:12,316
as some of your feelings
may have shifted.
453
00:19:12,468 --> 00:19:14,210
Well, well, well.
454
00:19:14,303 --> 00:19:17,062
Save it, Brian. I'll concede
that you were right.
455
00:19:17,215 --> 00:19:18,881
But you know what?
So was I.
456
00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:20,140
Dogs are the worst.
457
00:19:20,234 --> 00:19:22,902
And I'm coming for you,
Brian the dog.
458
00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:24,811
Maybe not today,
maybe not tomorrow,
459
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,572
But one day.
460
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:27,832
Maybe tomorrow.
461
00:19:28,059 --> 00:19:29,650
And when that day comes,
you're gonna say,
462
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,244
ooh, Glenn got me good.
463
00:19:32,397 --> 00:19:34,988
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need to take a walk.
464
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:37,008
Brack?
465
00:19:38,419 --> 00:19:42,138
Oh, no. Stay...
466
00:19:44,926 --> 00:19:46,225
You're coming back, though,
right?
467
00:19:53,267 --> 00:19:56,268
Hey, Brian, I was just over
talking to Quagmire,
468
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:57,920
and he thought you might
want to take a look
469
00:19:58,013 --> 00:19:59,030
at my new screenplay.
470
00:19:59,181 --> 00:20:00,180
Oh, I-I don't really, uh...
471
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,774
It's called Ocean's 1.
472
00:20:01,926 --> 00:20:03,426
Between you and me,
I can't believe
473
00:20:03,519 --> 00:20:04,610
nobody's done it before,
474
00:20:04,762 --> 00:20:06,946
to say nothing of
Ocean's 2 through 7.
475
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,207
Yeah, I-I could, uh,
take a look, sure.
476
00:20:09,434 --> 00:20:10,783
It's a little long right now.
477
00:20:10,935 --> 00:20:12,601
It's about 430 pages.
478
00:20:12,695 --> 00:20:17,131
I have my "all is lost" moment
on page 389, thereabouts.
479
00:20:18,033 --> 00:20:20,534
Quagmire!
480
00:20:20,628 --> 00:20:24,280
Now, if'n you don't know,
most Hollywood screenplays
481
00:20:24,373 --> 00:20:27,132
wrap up at around 110 pages.
482
00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:30,728
And if'n it's a comedy, why,
you want it in the 90s.
483
00:20:30,955 --> 00:20:34,381
Anyway, they said I could have
these last few seconds
484
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,309
to mention something
near and dear to me.
485
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:40,980
So, men, don't be afraid
to have the doctor
486
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,908
put a camera up your old
saddle masher.
487
00:20:44,059 --> 00:20:46,727
They knock you out now,
and it's a good way
488
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:50,155
to make sure there's no
bad beans in your mess wagon.
489
00:20:50,308 --> 00:20:53,400
We hope you've enjoyed
the Family Guy.
490
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:55,419
♪
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