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1
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Last night, I woke up
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00:00:12,101 --> 00:00:14,368
with one of
those 3:00 a.m. panic attacks,
3
00:00:14,369 --> 00:00:16,671
realized our "One Year Fertility Break"
4
00:00:16,672 --> 00:00:17,772
had turned into three
5
00:00:17,773 --> 00:00:21,810
and now I am way closer to 40 than 30.
6
00:00:23,145 --> 00:00:24,346
Yeah.
7
00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:27,548
We're like "That Couple with No Kids"
8
00:00:27,549 --> 00:00:28,649
in a family neighborhood.
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00:00:28,650 --> 00:00:32,186
The neighbors kind of think
we're pitiful and weird,
10
00:00:32,187 --> 00:00:33,321
which is ridiculous,
11
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because we're objectively
so much better than them.
12
00:00:35,457 --> 00:00:36,557
But we're ready to try again.
13
00:00:36,558 --> 00:00:37,592
Totally. Yeah.
14
00:00:37,593 --> 00:00:39,560
We wanna do this.
We're... We're all in.
15
00:00:39,561 --> 00:00:41,262
We are all in this time.
16
00:00:41,263 --> 00:00:43,097
How often are you having sex?
17
00:00:43,098 --> 00:00:44,665
Excuse me?
18
00:00:44,666 --> 00:00:45,600
How often are we having sex?
19
00:00:45,601 --> 00:00:46,801
Uh...
20
00:00:46,802 --> 00:00:47,869
I mean, to be hon--
21
00:00:47,870 --> 00:00:49,370
we've been off our game
a little bit lately.
22
00:00:49,371 --> 00:00:52,106
I've been working crazy hours
on this huge pitch,
23
00:00:52,107 --> 00:00:54,208
for a fancy new theater
at The Hamilton School,
24
00:00:54,209 --> 00:00:55,143
where Jack works?
25
00:00:55,144 --> 00:00:56,711
- She works...
- So the last month...
26
00:00:56,712 --> 00:00:58,312
isn't really an accurate representation
27
00:00:58,313 --> 00:01:01,149
of how often we... have...
28
00:01:01,150 --> 00:01:02,483
intercourse. Ahem.
29
00:01:02,484 --> 00:01:03,518
Right. And also,
30
00:01:03,519 --> 00:01:05,620
I've been having this, like,
31
00:01:05,621 --> 00:01:08,322
persistent kind of acidy thing
in my stomach here...
32
00:01:08,323 --> 00:01:10,258
That's... it's kind of a problem.
33
00:01:10,259 --> 00:01:11,359
Maybe the fact that
I'm talking about it
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so incessantly
35
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is another factor
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in why we're not reaching
our potential, I guess.
37
00:01:17,065 --> 00:01:20,134
I'd say we do it, uh...
38
00:01:20,135 --> 00:01:22,837
1.5 times a week?
39
00:01:22,838 --> 00:01:25,306
I mean, not that we have
fractional intercourse,
40
00:01:25,307 --> 00:01:26,707
She means...
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00:01:26,708 --> 00:01:27,808
we have it, like, six times a month.
42
00:01:27,809 --> 00:01:29,577
- Hmm.
- She-- she wrote it down.
43
00:01:29,578 --> 00:01:31,679
- Is that more than--
- Okay, got it.
44
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:32,880
That means we're doing well?
45
00:01:32,881 --> 00:01:34,115
That's pretty good, right?
46
00:01:34,116 --> 00:01:36,150
Yeah, that's pretty good
I would say, right?
47
00:01:36,151 --> 00:01:37,151
I mean, what's your--
48
00:01:37,152 --> 00:01:38,152
National average?
49
00:01:38,153 --> 00:01:39,553
Yeah, we're doing good, right?
50
00:01:54,336 --> 00:01:55,904
Sorry.
51
00:02:04,413 --> 00:02:05,346
Trakarskys!
52
00:02:05,347 --> 00:02:07,081
How'd it go?
53
00:02:07,082 --> 00:02:09,584
The doctor asked us
how often we had sex
54
00:02:09,585 --> 00:02:10,651
and we lied.
55
00:02:10,652 --> 00:02:12,386
With disturbing specificity.
56
00:02:12,387 --> 00:02:13,354
Oh, you gotta lie.
57
00:02:13,355 --> 00:02:15,423
Like I'm gonna tell
the whole neighborhood
58
00:02:15,424 --> 00:02:17,258
we haven't had sex in two months?
59
00:02:17,259 --> 00:02:18,559
Well, you just did.
60
00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,361
Yoo-hoo!
61
00:02:20,362 --> 00:02:22,096
Oh, boy.
62
00:02:22,097 --> 00:02:23,264
Party time
63
00:02:23,265 --> 00:02:25,533
for the Real Housewives
of Hawthorne Heights!
64
00:02:25,534 --> 00:02:26,734
Hey... Lori.
65
00:02:26,735 --> 00:02:27,735
Whoo!
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00:02:27,736 --> 00:02:29,770
Okay, carry on.
67
00:02:29,771 --> 00:02:32,406
Why would she be coming
to Jenna Weeden's divorce party?
68
00:02:32,407 --> 00:02:34,642
They used to work together
or something.
69
00:02:34,643 --> 00:02:36,911
You're gonna change
before we go out, right?
70
00:02:36,912 --> 00:02:39,914
Nobody under 40's gonna hit on
that biz-cas bullshit.
71
00:02:39,915 --> 00:02:40,948
Hey what are you doing?
72
00:02:40,949 --> 00:02:42,383
Wanna crack a couple beers,
watch a game,
73
00:02:42,384 --> 00:02:43,484
maybe get some pizza?
74
00:02:43,485 --> 00:02:47,655
Um... no, I gotta read over
some college essays, so.
75
00:02:47,656 --> 00:02:49,323
Is it because he's crying?
76
00:02:49,324 --> 00:02:50,658
Do I actually
have to answer that question?
77
00:02:50,659 --> 00:02:51,692
It's called teething, okay?
78
00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:53,294
He's trying to get teeth.
79
00:02:53,295 --> 00:02:54,795
Imagine that for the first time.
80
00:02:54,796 --> 00:02:56,631
Making teeth.
81
00:02:56,632 --> 00:02:57,632
It's a big deal.
82
00:02:57,633 --> 00:02:58,966
Yeah. Thank you, honey.
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00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:14,916
What the hell?
84
00:03:16,318 --> 00:03:17,385
What?
85
00:03:17,386 --> 00:03:19,520
Are you jacking off to football?
86
00:03:20,522 --> 00:03:21,756
No!
87
00:03:21,757 --> 00:03:24,392
That is so fucked up.
88
00:03:24,393 --> 00:03:25,459
I was just--
I was just cradling it.
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00:03:25,460 --> 00:03:27,995
It's okay,
90
00:03:27,996 --> 00:03:29,864
because we...
91
00:03:29,865 --> 00:03:31,332
are about to do some intercourse.
92
00:03:36,271 --> 00:03:37,472
You ready for this?
93
00:03:39,808 --> 00:03:41,776
Meow!
94
00:03:43,011 --> 00:03:44,745
Do you know why...
95
00:03:44,746 --> 00:03:46,948
Jenna got divorced?
96
00:03:47,816 --> 00:03:48,949
I couldn't pick Jenna out of a lineup,
97
00:03:48,950 --> 00:03:50,685
so I have no idea
who you're even talking about.
98
00:03:50,686 --> 00:03:53,020
Well, when the divorce party
went "predictably dark--"
99
00:03:54,022 --> 00:03:55,423
Oh, my God.
100
00:03:55,424 --> 00:03:56,424
You have to have some
water or something.
101
00:03:56,425 --> 00:03:58,459
She said they fell deeply
102
00:03:58,460 --> 00:04:01,329
"out of lust and deeply into like."
103
00:04:01,330 --> 00:04:03,764
You air quote so much
when you're drunk.
104
00:04:03,765 --> 00:04:05,366
Does that sound familiar to you?
105
00:04:05,367 --> 00:04:06,667
Oh, yeah? You like that?
106
00:04:06,668 --> 00:04:07,668
I don't know.
107
00:04:07,669 --> 00:04:08,769
That's good,
108
00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:11,806
'cause it is about to get
real dirty up in here.
109
00:04:11,807 --> 00:04:12,873
Can you even hear what you're saying?
110
00:04:12,874 --> 00:04:14,875
Can you even hear yourself?
111
00:04:14,876 --> 00:04:15,910
Can you?
112
00:04:15,911 --> 00:04:17,011
Yeah.
113
00:04:17,012 --> 00:04:18,546
I can hear you.
114
00:04:18,547 --> 00:04:19,881
What does that even me?
115
00:04:20,982 --> 00:04:23,262
Oh, God. Did you smoke
the entire pack of cigarettes?
116
00:04:25,053 --> 00:04:27,021
Did you eat an entire bag of Funions?
117
00:04:27,022 --> 00:04:28,823
Of course not.
118
00:04:28,824 --> 00:04:29,824
There's till some left, I think.
119
00:04:29,825 --> 00:04:30,858
Good...
120
00:04:30,859 --> 00:04:34,028
'cause this is raw.
121
00:04:34,029 --> 00:04:35,730
This is cigarettes
and Funions and shit.
122
00:04:35,731 --> 00:04:38,933
Come here. Come here. Slap me.
123
00:04:38,934 --> 00:04:39,934
What?
124
00:04:39,935 --> 00:04:40,935
- Spank me.
- Spank you? No.
125
00:04:40,936 --> 00:04:41,936
Pull my hair and spank me.
126
00:04:41,937 --> 00:04:43,404
This is seriously what you want?
127
00:04:43,405 --> 00:04:44,638
Spank me. Come on.
128
00:04:44,639 --> 00:04:45,740
What are you talking about?
129
00:04:45,741 --> 00:04:47,541
Spank me. Spank me. Spank me. Spank me.
130
00:04:47,542 --> 00:04:49,710
- Like that.
- I'm not doing it.
131
00:04:49,711 --> 00:04:50,845
- Try!
- I'm not doing it.
132
00:04:50,846 --> 00:04:53,615
Ow! What the fuck?
133
00:04:54,549 --> 00:04:56,617
It was like a sexual atrocity.
134
00:04:56,618 --> 00:05:00,521
Seriously, arms were flailing,
and breath was stinking.
135
00:05:00,522 --> 00:05:02,056
We should've filmed it
for an abstinence PSA.
136
00:05:02,057 --> 00:05:05,626
Ah, the venerable cycle
of masturbation.
137
00:05:05,627 --> 00:05:07,328
I don't think that's a thing.
138
00:05:07,329 --> 00:05:08,896
Oh, no. The less you get it on,
139
00:05:08,897 --> 00:05:09,997
the more you jack off.
140
00:05:09,998 --> 00:05:11,632
The more you jack off,
the less you get it on.
141
00:05:11,633 --> 00:05:13,067
Well, maybe that is a thing.
142
00:05:13,068 --> 00:05:15,836
Shit, bro, you okay?
143
00:05:15,837 --> 00:05:17,705
I don't know, man. It's like...
144
00:05:17,706 --> 00:05:19,340
Is it really that serious?
145
00:05:19,341 --> 00:05:21,041
I think it might be.
I think it is that serious.
146
00:05:21,042 --> 00:05:22,643
I mean, we love each other.
147
00:05:22,644 --> 00:05:24,912
That's-- it's not a like,
it's a love situation.
148
00:05:24,913 --> 00:05:26,013
That's not the problem at all.
149
00:05:26,014 --> 00:05:28,449
We're, like,
trying to manufacture passion,
150
00:05:28,450 --> 00:05:31,519
and it's resulting in me
getting a fucking black eye.
151
00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:32,520
I would love to blame it
152
00:05:32,521 --> 00:05:34,655
on two years
of, like, robotic baby sex,
153
00:05:34,656 --> 00:05:35,756
but even before that,
154
00:05:35,757 --> 00:05:37,397
it wasn't like it was "9 1/2 Weeks."
155
00:05:40,896 --> 00:05:41,896
Can you say something, please?
156
00:05:41,897 --> 00:05:42,897
I may or may not
157
00:05:42,898 --> 00:05:45,633
have done something
in another dimension
158
00:05:45,634 --> 00:05:47,535
that no one in this universe
could ever know about.
159
00:05:47,536 --> 00:05:49,603
It's like a tree
160
00:05:49,604 --> 00:05:50,671
falling in the forest,
161
00:05:50,672 --> 00:05:52,740
except it's my dick
going into another woman.
162
00:05:52,741 --> 00:05:53,774
You had an affair?
163
00:05:53,775 --> 00:05:55,509
Hey, shh! No, no. It's too messy.
164
00:05:55,510 --> 00:05:57,378
God.
165
00:05:57,379 --> 00:05:58,779
Why don't you yell it, huh?
166
00:05:58,780 --> 00:06:00,114
I was startled.
167
00:06:00,115 --> 00:06:01,916
Because the legally deaf woman
on the other side of that bridge
168
00:06:01,917 --> 00:06:03,118
can hear it.
169
00:06:04,653 --> 00:06:06,654
So... you were with a hooker?
170
00:06:06,655 --> 00:06:08,656
No. I'm talking about an escort.
171
00:06:08,657 --> 00:06:10,124
What's the difference?
172
00:06:10,125 --> 00:06:11,125
- No penetration.
- What?
173
00:06:11,126 --> 00:06:12,626
No penet--
is that even a thing?
174
00:06:12,627 --> 00:06:13,828
Okay, okay.
175
00:06:13,829 --> 00:06:16,964
Sometimes, there's penetration, okay?
176
00:06:16,965 --> 00:06:19,633
But there's not supposed to be, right?
177
00:06:19,634 --> 00:06:20,568
That's why they can advertise.
178
00:06:20,569 --> 00:06:22,803
12, I don't know, something like that,
179
00:06:22,804 --> 00:06:23,838
sites here in Portland alone.
180
00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:25,673
When's the last time you guys made out?
181
00:06:25,674 --> 00:06:27,608
If I stuck my tongue in Emma's mouth,
182
00:06:27,609 --> 00:06:29,043
she'd probably just crack up laughing.
183
00:06:29,044 --> 00:06:30,211
You do it with someone you don't know,
184
00:06:30,212 --> 00:06:33,013
someone who doesn't laugh
when you get your sexy on.
185
00:06:33,014 --> 00:06:34,648
This actually worked for you?
186
00:06:34,649 --> 00:06:36,383
You took this back into your bedroom?
187
00:06:36,384 --> 00:06:38,152
Fuckinay right I did.
188
00:06:38,153 --> 00:06:42,691
This is a lot for me to process
over fuckin' hot cocoa.
189
00:06:43,658 --> 00:06:45,459
On today's Home Seekers,
190
00:06:45,460 --> 00:06:47,761
zookeeper Amanda
and her accountant husband...
191
00:06:47,762 --> 00:06:50,164
Oh, God...
192
00:06:50,165 --> 00:06:51,899
Oh, God.
193
00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:55,569
Homer, lock it down, buddy.
194
00:06:55,570 --> 00:06:57,172
Unbelievable.
195
00:06:59,875 --> 00:07:04,111
I have officially hit the age
where a hangover lasts 24 hours.
196
00:07:04,112 --> 00:07:06,647
We've got our work cut out for us.
197
00:07:06,648 --> 00:07:08,015
One thing I know about women,
198
00:07:08,016 --> 00:07:10,718
they never stop talking about
bathtubs or closets.
199
00:07:10,719 --> 00:07:12,086
If I hear that line one more time,
200
00:07:12,087 --> 00:07:14,088
"Where do your clothes go?"
201
00:07:14,089 --> 00:07:15,122
I'm going to--
202
00:07:15,123 --> 00:07:16,824
I'm going to piece together
203
00:07:16,825 --> 00:07:18,759
why you never got married.
204
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,895
Claw-footed tub,
authentic Victorian staircase...
205
00:07:20,896 --> 00:07:22,096
What are you doing?
206
00:07:23,632 --> 00:07:26,567
I just thought maybe
we could, you know...
207
00:07:26,568 --> 00:07:28,202
Are you seriously
proposing sex right now,
208
00:07:28,203 --> 00:07:30,905
when I'm one pug fart away
from regurgitating vital organs?
209
00:07:31,740 --> 00:07:33,641
Suddenly over it.
210
00:07:38,647 --> 00:07:40,682
If I die, know that I loved you.
211
00:07:43,919 --> 00:07:45,954
Love you more.
212
00:07:51,092 --> 00:07:52,192
What kind of monster
213
00:07:52,193 --> 00:07:55,696
lets a guy pay her 400 bucks
to treat him like shit?
214
00:07:55,697 --> 00:07:57,865
You don't look like you're begging.
215
00:07:57,866 --> 00:07:59,033
You don't realize
216
00:07:59,034 --> 00:08:01,135
what kind of a bargain
you gave that dude.
217
00:08:01,136 --> 00:08:04,705
He can have any woman,
any thing he wants...
218
00:08:04,706 --> 00:08:06,206
except not getting what he wants.
219
00:08:06,207 --> 00:08:07,207
Crawl.
220
00:08:09,678 --> 00:08:10,811
Until you.
221
00:08:10,812 --> 00:08:12,046
Izzy Silva.
222
00:08:12,047 --> 00:08:13,147
His angel of denial.
223
00:08:13,148 --> 00:08:15,583
Okay, Nina, that actually didn't suck,
224
00:08:15,584 --> 00:08:17,685
but do you have any idea
how guilty I felt?
225
00:08:17,686 --> 00:08:18,852
This morning,
226
00:08:18,853 --> 00:08:20,688
there was a homeless guy
outside of our apartment,
227
00:08:20,689 --> 00:08:22,122
who asked me for a cigarette.
228
00:08:22,123 --> 00:08:23,924
So I gave him 80 bucks,
229
00:08:23,925 --> 00:08:26,026
hugged him, and said, "God bless you."
230
00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:28,696
I've never said that
to anyone in my life before.
231
00:08:28,697 --> 00:08:30,064
"God bless you?" Who says that?
232
00:08:30,065 --> 00:08:31,165
I am so disappointed in you, Iz.
233
00:08:31,166 --> 00:08:32,733
Translation:
234
00:08:32,734 --> 00:08:35,002
you don't want to float
my half of the rent again.
235
00:08:35,003 --> 00:08:36,870
Si, senora.
236
00:08:36,871 --> 00:08:37,972
Fine.
237
00:08:37,973 --> 00:08:39,807
One more week.
238
00:08:39,808 --> 00:08:41,241
There's my little hooker.
239
00:08:41,242 --> 00:08:43,143
We're escorts. It's different.
240
00:08:43,144 --> 00:08:44,979
Oh, right, absolutely.
241
00:08:44,980 --> 00:08:46,981
It is different.
242
00:08:46,982 --> 00:08:49,883
- That's what you told me.
- It is. Don't worry about it.
243
00:08:49,884 --> 00:08:52,653
I texted you, like.
20 times last night...
244
00:08:52,654 --> 00:08:54,322
Oh.
245
00:08:55,123 --> 00:08:56,757
Oh, my God, I think
I just sprouted ovaries.
246
00:08:56,758 --> 00:08:57,758
You did?
247
00:08:57,759 --> 00:08:59,126
Yeah.
248
00:08:59,127 --> 00:09:01,128
I think I'm officially the
chick in this relationship.
249
00:09:01,129 --> 00:09:03,063
That is so fucking sexist, Andy.
250
00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:06,234
Both genders pursue that
which retreats from them.
251
00:09:07,902 --> 00:09:09,670
Oh, so you're baiting me, huh?
252
00:09:09,671 --> 00:09:10,671
Oh, get over yourself.
253
00:09:10,672 --> 00:09:13,808
You free tomorrow night, Andrea?
254
00:09:16,177 --> 00:09:19,514
Don't fuck with me,
I'm menstruating, okay?
255
00:09:21,883 --> 00:09:23,350
Yes, I'm free.
256
00:09:23,351 --> 00:09:24,351
Because of the complicated nature
257
00:09:24,352 --> 00:09:26,587
of rationalist thinking...
258
00:09:30,291 --> 00:09:32,092
Who is it?
259
00:09:32,093 --> 00:09:33,894
Another hubby lost his mojo.
260
00:09:33,895 --> 00:09:35,596
Easy-peasy. Bread and butter.
261
00:09:42,203 --> 00:09:43,270
It's probably not fair,
262
00:09:43,271 --> 00:09:45,673
but I kinda wanna pop you
in the other eye.
263
00:09:45,674 --> 00:09:47,341
You do? Why?
264
00:09:47,342 --> 00:09:49,143
I don't know.
I'm missing our old apartment,
265
00:09:49,144 --> 00:09:50,144
living downtown,
266
00:09:50,145 --> 00:09:51,211
being in the middle of everything.
267
00:09:51,212 --> 00:09:52,579
Why? Is there something else
268
00:09:52,580 --> 00:09:54,648
I should be violently enraged about?
269
00:09:54,649 --> 00:09:56,583
No. No. I can't think of anything.
270
00:09:56,584 --> 00:09:57,851
Are you drunk already?
271
00:09:57,852 --> 00:09:59,353
Maybe a little bit.
272
00:09:59,354 --> 00:10:01,021
Get drunker. You sound weird.
273
00:10:01,022 --> 00:10:02,222
I'll be home around 9:00.
274
00:10:02,223 --> 00:10:04,358
Okay. Have fun. I love you, weirdo.
275
00:10:04,359 --> 00:10:07,195
I love you more.
276
00:10:08,396 --> 00:10:10,631
Fuck. What the fuck am I doing?
277
00:10:10,632 --> 00:10:12,500
Oh, my God.
278
00:10:15,737 --> 00:10:17,872
Okay, this can be undone. Undo it.
279
00:10:20,075 --> 00:10:22,043
This is, um...
280
00:10:22,844 --> 00:10:24,878
Something came up at work.
281
00:10:24,879 --> 00:10:25,879
I have to cancel.
282
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:27,915
Something...
283
00:10:27,916 --> 00:10:30,818
Something came up at work.
284
00:10:30,819 --> 00:10:32,853
Very sorry.
285
00:10:32,854 --> 00:10:34,989
I have to cancel.
286
00:10:36,825 --> 00:10:39,193
...And send.
287
00:10:41,830 --> 00:10:42,763
Fred, are you in there?
288
00:10:42,764 --> 00:10:44,698
Um, no.
289
00:10:45,834 --> 00:10:47,035
Funny.
290
00:10:50,972 --> 00:10:52,940
- Hi, you.
- Hi.
291
00:10:52,941 --> 00:10:55,242
Um, so I haven't exactly
292
00:10:55,243 --> 00:10:57,277
settled on a formal
cancellation policy,
293
00:10:57,278 --> 00:10:59,346
but this is definitely not it.
294
00:10:59,347 --> 00:11:01,048
You need to get paid.
295
00:11:01,049 --> 00:11:02,116
I really do.
296
00:11:02,117 --> 00:11:03,951
- Could you just wait a second?
- Yep.
297
00:11:05,820 --> 00:11:08,188
I'm sorry. Something came up at work.
298
00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:10,458
I had a...
299
00:11:11,426 --> 00:11:14,294
Um... um...
300
00:11:14,295 --> 00:11:15,496
It's a long story.
301
00:11:18,399 --> 00:11:19,466
Here it is.
302
00:11:19,467 --> 00:11:22,303
You are so not a Fred.
303
00:11:23,271 --> 00:11:24,338
What do you mean?
What's-- what's wrong with Fred?
304
00:11:24,339 --> 00:11:25,339
I have an Uncle Fred.
305
00:11:25,340 --> 00:11:26,373
Okay.
306
00:11:26,374 --> 00:11:29,009
Oh, my God. My scalp is sweating.
307
00:11:29,010 --> 00:11:30,690
Can you see that from here? The way--
308
00:11:31,312 --> 00:11:32,312
What do I owe you?
309
00:11:32,313 --> 00:11:33,953
So what was your excuse to the wife?
310
00:11:34,983 --> 00:11:36,183
My wife?
311
00:11:36,184 --> 00:11:37,785
Your wife. Yes.
312
00:11:37,786 --> 00:11:40,355
Um... Happy hour?
313
00:11:42,023 --> 00:11:43,791
Well, you have a mini-bar.
314
00:11:43,792 --> 00:11:44,725
I do?
315
00:11:44,726 --> 00:11:46,361
Yep.
316
00:11:56,104 --> 00:11:57,171
So when did you know
317
00:11:57,172 --> 00:12:00,174
you wanted to be
a high school counselor?
318
00:12:00,175 --> 00:12:03,243
I'm not a high school
counselor, first of all.
319
00:12:03,244 --> 00:12:06,313
I am Assistant Dean,
Head of Student Services.
320
00:12:06,314 --> 00:12:07,848
Oh...
321
00:12:07,849 --> 00:12:09,016
Yup.
322
00:12:09,017 --> 00:12:10,017
Sorry. That's very different.
323
00:12:10,018 --> 00:12:11,418
It's a big difference, yeah.
324
00:12:11,419 --> 00:12:12,820
Is it?
325
00:12:12,821 --> 00:12:14,688
Kind of like the difference
between prostitute and escort.
326
00:12:14,689 --> 00:12:15,823
Mm.
327
00:12:15,824 --> 00:12:17,057
Okay, well,
328
00:12:17,058 --> 00:12:19,259
as clearly stated on my profile,
I don't screw my clients,
329
00:12:19,260 --> 00:12:21,295
so, yeah, it is very different.
330
00:12:21,296 --> 00:12:22,796
You can answer the question now.
331
00:12:22,797 --> 00:12:26,400
I was kind of a hot mess
in high school,
332
00:12:26,401 --> 00:12:27,501
and...
333
00:12:27,502 --> 00:12:28,936
Don't look at me like that.
334
00:12:28,937 --> 00:12:30,304
This isn't--
this is a true story.
335
00:12:30,305 --> 00:12:33,307
I wasn't too popular
with the faculty, really,
336
00:12:33,308 --> 00:12:34,541
except for this one counselor,
337
00:12:34,542 --> 00:12:36,410
and she was really great,
and she kind of saved me--
338
00:12:36,411 --> 00:12:38,011
Fred, this sounds like a story
339
00:12:38,012 --> 00:12:39,880
that you've told
at a few dozen barbecues.
340
00:12:39,881 --> 00:12:41,148
Why don't you give me the real shit?
341
00:12:41,149 --> 00:12:42,349
Ouch.
342
00:12:42,350 --> 00:12:44,451
My father was a cheating asshole
343
00:12:44,452 --> 00:12:45,819
in a V-neck sweater,
344
00:12:45,820 --> 00:12:47,788
so my bullshit detector
is, like, wicked sensitive.
345
00:12:47,789 --> 00:12:49,890
So you're an escort with daddy issues?
346
00:12:49,891 --> 00:12:50,824
That's so rare.
347
00:12:50,825 --> 00:12:52,025
Blow me, Fred.
348
00:12:53,394 --> 00:12:54,662
Well...
349
00:12:57,031 --> 00:12:58,098
I know what you were saying before,
350
00:12:58,099 --> 00:13:00,000
by the way, about, like, your family,
351
00:13:00,001 --> 00:13:01,368
because my family, also, was, like...
352
00:13:01,369 --> 00:13:03,503
a quiet little corner of hell.
353
00:13:03,504 --> 00:13:06,840
Mine was shiny perfection
right up until it wasn't.
354
00:13:06,841 --> 00:13:08,208
Yeah, Mom's been on
355
00:13:08,209 --> 00:13:09,576
the Geese 'n' Oxy diet ever since.
356
00:13:09,577 --> 00:13:10,944
Is that something I should know?
357
00:13:10,945 --> 00:13:15,115
Vodka and pain pills.
Yeah. I'll never be like her.
358
00:13:15,116 --> 00:13:17,384
So instead, you just do this?
359
00:13:17,385 --> 00:13:18,352
Hmm?
360
00:13:18,353 --> 00:13:20,113
Just kind of like an emotional tourist.
361
00:13:21,890 --> 00:13:24,759
Damn, Fred. That's...
That's pretty good, actually.
362
00:13:29,397 --> 00:13:30,397
I'm Jack, by the way.
363
00:13:30,398 --> 00:13:31,832
I can't do this any longer.
364
00:13:31,833 --> 00:13:33,200
It's Jack Trakarsky.
365
00:13:33,201 --> 00:13:34,835
Jack Trakarsky.
366
00:13:34,836 --> 00:13:36,103
I'm Izzy Silva.
367
00:13:36,104 --> 00:13:37,371
Izzy Silva.
368
00:13:37,372 --> 00:13:39,332
I've never told a client
my full name before.
369
00:13:46,948 --> 00:13:47,948
It's a long handshake.
370
00:13:47,949 --> 00:13:49,150
Yeah.
371
00:13:51,085 --> 00:13:52,386
It might be the light beer,
372
00:13:52,387 --> 00:13:56,023
the craft beer, the vodka,
and the wine talking,
373
00:13:56,024 --> 00:13:58,158
but...
374
00:13:58,159 --> 00:13:59,960
I don't think that I stayed
375
00:13:59,961 --> 00:14:01,529
just because you have a mini-bar.
376
00:14:03,064 --> 00:14:04,231
No?
377
00:14:04,232 --> 00:14:06,199
You're not too old or too annoying.
378
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:07,234
So...
379
00:14:07,235 --> 00:14:08,235
Thank you.
380
00:14:08,236 --> 00:14:09,169
I figured there are worse ways
381
00:14:09,170 --> 00:14:11,104
to avoid doing a sociology essay.
382
00:14:11,105 --> 00:14:14,375
And you are also unhideous.
383
00:14:15,276 --> 00:14:18,578
You think I'm unhideous?
384
00:14:18,579 --> 00:14:20,181
That's cool.
385
00:14:21,983 --> 00:14:23,584
Do you wanna make out?
386
00:14:25,453 --> 00:14:26,954
Shit. Sorry.
387
00:14:26,955 --> 00:14:30,157
Nope.
388
00:14:30,158 --> 00:14:31,425
I sound crazy.
389
00:14:31,426 --> 00:14:33,060
I promise I won't boil your rabbit.
390
00:14:33,061 --> 00:14:35,329
I don't have a rabbit, so you can't.
391
00:14:35,330 --> 00:14:36,296
I have a pug.
392
00:14:36,297 --> 00:14:37,531
Who boils a pug?
393
00:14:37,532 --> 00:14:38,999
I'm not a monster.
394
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,235
Do you have a cat, though?
395
00:14:42,337 --> 00:14:44,238
No, I don't have a cat.
396
00:14:54,582 --> 00:14:56,249
Um...
397
00:14:56,250 --> 00:14:57,250
oh, shit.
398
00:14:57,251 --> 00:14:58,185
We're-- we're over.
399
00:14:58,186 --> 00:14:59,519
I'm sorry. I should--
400
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:00,721
Thank you.
401
00:15:01,956 --> 00:15:05,660
So I guess you better
make a move on me now, right?
402
00:15:07,395 --> 00:15:10,931
That's the hole in your game,
isn't that what you said?
403
00:15:10,932 --> 00:15:12,833
Show me what you got.
404
00:15:14,135 --> 00:15:15,903
Um...
405
00:15:16,704 --> 00:15:18,706
Okay.
406
00:15:20,508 --> 00:15:21,575
I mean, come on,
407
00:15:21,576 --> 00:15:23,010
we're never gonna
see each other again, right?
408
00:15:23,011 --> 00:15:24,945
Okay. Okay.
409
00:15:24,946 --> 00:15:26,246
Um... I'm bringin' it.
410
00:15:26,247 --> 00:15:28,015
No. Don't say that.
411
00:15:28,016 --> 00:15:30,251
It's been a while for me.
412
00:15:32,420 --> 00:15:33,921
Um...
413
00:15:36,024 --> 00:15:36,923
Hi.
414
00:15:36,924 --> 00:15:38,625
Hi.
415
00:15:38,626 --> 00:15:40,795
You're like a unicorn.
416
00:15:42,497 --> 00:15:45,065
Okay...
417
00:15:45,066 --> 00:15:47,434
that's not what I was going for, but...
418
00:15:47,435 --> 00:15:49,503
we can keep going.
419
00:15:49,504 --> 00:15:51,972
No, I mean you're the rare girl
that looks better up close.
420
00:15:51,973 --> 00:15:53,006
Like, the closer I get to you, it's--
421
00:15:53,007 --> 00:15:55,075
No, that-- that was nice.
422
00:15:55,076 --> 00:15:56,276
- Was it?
- Yeah.
423
00:15:57,245 --> 00:15:59,312
You're nice, I think.
424
00:15:59,313 --> 00:16:01,282
Sorry.
425
00:16:36,384 --> 00:16:37,451
- Fuckinay.
- No, it's fine, it's fine.
426
00:16:37,452 --> 00:16:39,719
It's my roommate's. Keep your focus.
427
00:16:41,489 --> 00:16:42,656
I'll pay for that--
428
00:16:42,657 --> 00:16:44,391
No, it's--
Shush.
429
00:16:48,529 --> 00:16:50,197
I'm sorry. This is not--
430
00:16:50,198 --> 00:16:51,665
That was way too far.
431
00:16:51,666 --> 00:16:53,500
Jesus, I can't do this.
What's wrong with me?
432
00:16:53,501 --> 00:16:54,501
No, you know, I--
433
00:16:54,502 --> 00:16:56,303
It's all good. This is my bad.
434
00:16:56,304 --> 00:16:58,338
The booze and the unicorn line
definitely factored in, but--
435
00:16:58,339 --> 00:17:00,207
you know what,
436
00:17:00,208 --> 00:17:01,641
let's take it back.
437
00:17:01,642 --> 00:17:02,742
Let's pretend this didn't happen.
438
00:17:02,743 --> 00:17:04,478
- Okay.
- Okay, yeah.
439
00:17:05,646 --> 00:17:06,847
This is my wife.
440
00:17:09,183 --> 00:17:10,183
I'm gonna go.
441
00:17:10,184 --> 00:17:11,685
Yeah.
442
00:17:11,686 --> 00:17:12,887
Hey, babe.
443
00:17:14,188 --> 00:17:16,690
No. I...
444
00:17:16,691 --> 00:17:19,460
I'm going to be home...
445
00:17:27,635 --> 00:17:29,804
Okay, so...
446
00:17:30,705 --> 00:17:33,140
All right. I love you more. Bye.
447
00:17:33,141 --> 00:17:34,341
Fuck.
448
00:17:42,216 --> 00:17:45,185
Are you fucking kidding me?
449
00:17:45,186 --> 00:17:46,119
I came clean!
450
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:47,654
Don't I get points for coming clean?
451
00:17:47,655 --> 00:17:48,788
"Points?"
452
00:17:48,789 --> 00:17:50,090
I don't know.
453
00:17:50,091 --> 00:17:51,558
You want fucking "points"?
454
00:17:51,559 --> 00:17:52,726
You get points for admitting
455
00:17:52,727 --> 00:17:54,661
to scarfing down the second half
of my panini,
456
00:17:54,662 --> 00:17:56,630
not for confessing
to spending happy hour
457
00:17:56,631 --> 00:17:58,131
in a hotel room with a hooker!
458
00:17:58,132 --> 00:17:59,132
She's an escort.
459
00:17:59,133 --> 00:18:00,467
Oh, great.
460
00:18:00,468 --> 00:18:02,736
She's an escort, okay?
461
00:18:02,737 --> 00:18:04,504
She's, like, getting
her Master's in psychology, so.
462
00:18:04,505 --> 00:18:06,173
Mm-hmm.
463
00:18:06,174 --> 00:18:07,874
Sex was never
part of the agenda, I swear.
464
00:18:07,875 --> 00:18:09,743
I made sure it wasn't.
465
00:18:09,744 --> 00:18:10,744
It said it right in the profile.
466
00:18:10,745 --> 00:18:12,680
You're a fucking idiot.
467
00:18:14,315 --> 00:18:15,248
Are you...
468
00:18:15,249 --> 00:18:18,518
figuring out ways to kill me?
469
00:18:18,519 --> 00:18:20,754
Tell me more.
470
00:18:20,755 --> 00:18:22,856
Tell me more about
this fascinating young lady.
471
00:18:22,857 --> 00:18:23,890
It's not about her.
472
00:18:23,891 --> 00:18:25,993
Oh, so you did find her fascinating.
473
00:18:27,828 --> 00:18:29,463
I don't know. I mean--
474
00:18:30,665 --> 00:18:32,499
That was well said, Jack.
475
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:34,935
Let me rephrase the question...
476
00:18:38,239 --> 00:18:39,540
Did you like her?
477
00:18:43,377 --> 00:18:44,311
Oh, my God.
478
00:18:44,312 --> 00:18:45,779
This has nothing to do with her.
479
00:18:45,780 --> 00:18:48,616
This is about us, okay?
480
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:55,855
Did anything happen?
481
00:18:55,856 --> 00:18:58,558
We didn't have sex.
We absolutely did not have sex.
482
00:18:58,559 --> 00:19:00,360
That's not what I asked, Jack.
483
00:19:00,361 --> 00:19:01,695
Did anything happen?
484
00:19:01,696 --> 00:19:05,599
I want you to tell me precisely
what you did with that girl.
485
00:19:06,934 --> 00:19:11,171
We made out, for, like, a brief time...
486
00:19:11,172 --> 00:19:12,572
and then I snapped out of it,
487
00:19:12,573 --> 00:19:14,675
and I--
and that was it, it was over.
488
00:19:25,953 --> 00:19:28,088
Show me.
489
00:19:28,956 --> 00:19:29,956
Show you what?
490
00:19:29,957 --> 00:19:31,191
I want to see her.
491
00:19:31,192 --> 00:19:33,260
Honey, that's not a good idea.
492
00:19:33,261 --> 00:19:34,995
Show me.
493
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:40,300
Are you serious?
494
00:19:40,301 --> 00:19:41,502
Do it.
495
00:19:47,808 --> 00:19:49,776
I think maybe we should
talk about this.
496
00:19:49,777 --> 00:19:51,846
Do it.
497
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:53,947
I made him show me
what she looked like.
498
00:19:53,948 --> 00:19:54,948
And did he?
499
00:19:54,949 --> 00:19:56,316
Yeah.
500
00:19:56,317 --> 00:19:57,484
Eventually.
501
00:19:57,485 --> 00:19:58,652
Was she a total skeeze?
502
00:19:58,653 --> 00:20:01,488
Actually...
503
00:20:01,489 --> 00:20:03,357
she looks...
504
00:20:04,458 --> 00:20:05,959
exactly like what she is--
505
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,460
a grad student from Colorado.
506
00:20:07,461 --> 00:20:08,795
Look at her skin.
507
00:20:08,796 --> 00:20:09,796
Make it bigger.
508
00:20:09,797 --> 00:20:11,431
It's perfect.
509
00:20:11,432 --> 00:20:12,732
Do you ever see that movie "Mask"
510
00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:14,367
with Eric Stoltz in the '80s?
511
00:20:14,368 --> 00:20:16,408
It's like a Doppelganger.
Turn it away. Please.
512
00:20:17,338 --> 00:20:18,538
You're a good friend.
513
00:20:18,539 --> 00:20:19,539
I try.
514
00:20:19,540 --> 00:20:21,007
I hate her!
515
00:20:21,008 --> 00:20:22,842
- You wish he hadn't told you?
- I don't know.
516
00:20:22,843 --> 00:20:25,645
Probably.
517
00:20:25,646 --> 00:20:27,926
I mean, it's worse than
if he just fucked her, right?
518
00:20:29,250 --> 00:20:30,684
He met up with her, he liked her,
519
00:20:30,685 --> 00:20:33,019
he confided in her...
520
00:20:33,020 --> 00:20:35,755
he made out with her--
they made out.
521
00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:37,691
We don't make out anymore.
522
00:20:37,692 --> 00:20:39,326
It's so...
523
00:20:39,327 --> 00:20:40,593
intimate.
524
00:20:40,594 --> 00:20:43,496
He practically sprinted home
to confess at your bedside.
525
00:20:43,497 --> 00:20:45,966
I mean, who does that, right?
526
00:20:47,968 --> 00:20:49,336
Oh, fuck.
527
00:20:49,337 --> 00:20:52,005
He took relationship advice
from his loser brother?
528
00:20:52,006 --> 00:20:53,874
Was John Mayer out of the country?
529
00:20:57,378 --> 00:20:59,480
So what are you gonna do?
530
00:21:08,022 --> 00:21:11,125
So which one of you
lovely ladies is Lola?
531
00:21:13,561 --> 00:21:14,762
Well...
532
00:21:24,772 --> 00:21:27,340
Okay, Lola...
533
00:21:27,341 --> 00:21:28,742
tell me something about yourself.
534
00:21:28,743 --> 00:21:29,843
What're you into?
535
00:21:29,844 --> 00:21:31,745
What's... what's... What's your jam?
536
00:21:31,746 --> 00:21:32,746
What's my jam?
537
00:21:32,747 --> 00:21:33,947
I don't know.
538
00:21:37,351 --> 00:21:39,052
Okay...
539
00:21:39,053 --> 00:21:42,422
Can I be honest with you?
540
00:21:42,423 --> 00:21:43,423
I'm a little drunk.
541
00:21:43,424 --> 00:21:45,325
No shit. Really?
542
00:21:45,326 --> 00:21:47,627
Okay, but here's the thing--
543
00:21:47,628 --> 00:21:49,763
I usually--
I usually get drunk,
544
00:21:49,764 --> 00:21:51,498
because I get so nervous
before these things,
545
00:21:51,499 --> 00:21:52,799
but you are my first lady date,
546
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,568
so I got, like, double--
547
00:21:55,569 --> 00:21:56,769
double super nervous.
548
00:21:57,972 --> 00:21:59,173
Well, you're doing well.
549
00:22:01,008 --> 00:22:03,376
Wow, you are really pretty.
550
00:22:03,377 --> 00:22:05,011
Okay...
551
00:22:05,012 --> 00:22:06,614
For my age?
552
00:22:07,648 --> 00:22:10,517
And very angry.
553
00:22:10,518 --> 00:22:13,120
Are you shrinking me now, Izzy?
554
00:22:14,355 --> 00:22:16,323
Wait. What? How did you--
555
00:22:17,358 --> 00:22:18,959
Never mind.
556
00:22:28,569 --> 00:22:29,636
Do you ever read a book
557
00:22:29,637 --> 00:22:31,597
and you know exactly
what's on the next page?
558
00:22:33,307 --> 00:22:36,743
There are zero surprises...
559
00:22:36,744 --> 00:22:37,811
you know,
560
00:22:37,812 --> 00:22:42,115
and you think,
"I must've read this before."
561
00:22:42,116 --> 00:22:46,086
But... no way,
because it just came out.
562
00:22:50,724 --> 00:22:52,292
I'm gonna go.
563
00:22:53,994 --> 00:22:55,061
I helped make this mess,
564
00:22:55,062 --> 00:22:57,697
and I'm gonna go home and--
565
00:22:57,698 --> 00:22:58,765
What was that?
566
00:22:58,766 --> 00:23:00,000
Oh, you dropped your--
567
00:23:01,335 --> 00:23:03,103
Oh.
568
00:23:03,938 --> 00:23:05,639
Surprise.
569
00:23:06,841 --> 00:23:08,141
Can you be cool?
570
00:23:08,142 --> 00:23:10,310
Yeah.
571
00:23:13,180 --> 00:23:14,547
A little cooler than that,
572
00:23:14,548 --> 00:23:15,882
because you look like somebody
573
00:23:15,883 --> 00:23:17,684
who's getting a foot job
under the table.
574
00:23:17,685 --> 00:23:19,987
I am getting a foot job
under the table.
575
00:23:26,894 --> 00:23:28,027
Hi.
576
00:23:28,028 --> 00:23:29,229
Am I doing it right?
577
00:23:31,031 --> 00:23:32,065
Do you want me to stop?
578
00:23:32,066 --> 00:23:35,034
Shit, am I freaking you out?
579
00:23:35,035 --> 00:23:36,202
This was Nina's idea
580
00:23:36,203 --> 00:23:37,203
and then you said you had
no surprises in your life,
581
00:23:37,204 --> 00:23:39,873
and that made me really sad, actually,
582
00:23:39,874 --> 00:23:41,374
and have I mentioned
that I'm pretty drunk?
583
00:23:41,375 --> 00:23:44,110
Okay, I'm gonna need you
to stop blathering
584
00:23:44,111 --> 00:23:47,247
and look me in the eye.
585
00:24:20,581 --> 00:24:22,216
Okay.
586
00:24:26,487 --> 00:24:27,687
Are you okay?
587
00:24:31,926 --> 00:24:34,260
I don't think so.
588
00:24:34,261 --> 00:24:37,130
But-- but--
589
00:24:37,131 --> 00:24:38,832
Lola!
590
00:24:47,074 --> 00:24:48,308
Lola?
591
00:24:50,511 --> 00:24:51,811
I just wanted to make sure--
592
00:24:51,812 --> 00:24:53,546
Make sure you got paid?
593
00:24:53,547 --> 00:24:55,548
No.
594
00:24:55,549 --> 00:24:58,751
I was actually... worried about you.
595
00:24:58,752 --> 00:24:59,953
Oh, the venerable hooker
with a heart of gold.
596
00:24:59,954 --> 00:25:02,356
Lucky me. Take it.
597
00:25:03,257 --> 00:25:05,592
A, I am not a hooker,
598
00:25:05,593 --> 00:25:07,226
and B, you called me,
599
00:25:07,227 --> 00:25:09,228
so...
600
00:25:09,229 --> 00:25:11,098
My name is Emma.
601
00:25:11,899 --> 00:25:14,167
Hi, Emma.
602
00:25:14,168 --> 00:25:17,137
I'm Jack's wife.
603
00:25:18,005 --> 00:25:19,206
Okay...
604
00:25:21,141 --> 00:25:22,842
Minibar Makeout Guy from last night?
605
00:25:22,843 --> 00:25:24,277
What?
606
00:25:24,278 --> 00:25:25,612
Yeah.
607
00:25:25,613 --> 00:25:27,847
Why would you do this?
608
00:25:27,848 --> 00:25:29,749
He liked you.
609
00:25:29,750 --> 00:25:31,852
I wanted to find out why.
610
00:25:32,653 --> 00:25:34,388
Well, did you?
611
00:25:36,290 --> 00:25:39,326
I mean, find out why he liked me?
612
00:25:41,662 --> 00:25:43,096
Yeah.
613
00:25:45,165 --> 00:25:46,900
Unfortunately, I did.
614
00:25:53,007 --> 00:25:55,209
I like you right back, Emma.
615
00:26:01,081 --> 00:26:02,181
So, I'm... I'm just gonna...
616
00:26:02,182 --> 00:26:04,518
Izzy?
617
00:26:29,176 --> 00:26:31,011
Surprise.
618
00:26:46,727 --> 00:26:47,794
Hi.
619
00:26:47,795 --> 00:26:50,163
Oh...
620
00:26:52,900 --> 00:26:54,200
Are you eating here, or?
621
00:26:54,201 --> 00:26:56,236
No, I... You know what, it's--
622
00:26:57,071 --> 00:26:58,071
Interesting fact--
623
00:26:58,072 --> 00:26:59,072
it turns out
624
00:26:59,073 --> 00:27:00,073
four out of five Griffin grad students
625
00:27:00,074 --> 00:27:01,875
actually live in this building, so--
626
00:27:02,976 --> 00:27:03,976
Plus, I saw
627
00:27:03,977 --> 00:27:05,745
your name on the directory
628
00:27:05,746 --> 00:27:06,913
in the foyer.
629
00:27:06,914 --> 00:27:09,015
I've been pushing the button non-stop.
630
00:27:09,016 --> 00:27:10,951
Okay.
631
00:27:14,788 --> 00:27:15,722
Can we sit down for a sec?
632
00:27:15,723 --> 00:27:17,958
Yeah, sure.
633
00:27:21,695 --> 00:27:22,628
I love my wife.
634
00:27:22,629 --> 00:27:24,831
I really do.
635
00:27:24,832 --> 00:27:26,733
Just so you know that.
636
00:27:26,734 --> 00:27:29,102
And I, um...
637
00:27:29,103 --> 00:27:30,436
She's one of the few things in my life
638
00:27:30,437 --> 00:27:33,173
that I'm actually sure of.
639
00:27:34,441 --> 00:27:36,275
Jack, I was your escort.
640
00:27:36,276 --> 00:27:38,077
You don't have to break up with me.
641
00:27:38,078 --> 00:27:39,438
You just don't call me again.
642
00:27:41,081 --> 00:27:43,750
- Right, right.
- Right?
643
00:27:43,751 --> 00:27:46,987
Um...
644
00:27:50,991 --> 00:27:53,893
I like you, like, a lot,
645
00:27:53,894 --> 00:27:56,096
and... we can't have that, so.
646
00:27:58,465 --> 00:28:00,299
I don't know when I'm gonna
stop thinking about you.
647
00:28:00,300 --> 00:28:03,370
I just really, really hope it's soon.
648
00:28:05,439 --> 00:28:07,407
That's what I wanted to...
649
00:28:24,124 --> 00:28:25,826
- Okay. Bye.
- Bye.
650
00:28:29,062 --> 00:28:30,196
The reason why I hired you
651
00:28:30,197 --> 00:28:32,265
is to save my marriage, actually.
652
00:28:32,266 --> 00:28:33,499
I don't think
653
00:28:33,500 --> 00:28:35,768
I'm like the other guys
that hire you, to be honest.
654
00:28:35,769 --> 00:28:36,803
I came to this
655
00:28:36,804 --> 00:28:37,837
with, like, really...
656
00:28:37,838 --> 00:28:39,205
good intentions.
657
00:28:39,206 --> 00:28:41,107
That sounds so crazy.
658
00:28:54,188 --> 00:28:55,188
My marriage is in this,
like, weird place.
659
00:28:55,189 --> 00:28:56,155
Hey.
660
00:28:56,156 --> 00:28:58,825
Hey.
661
00:28:58,826 --> 00:29:00,226
I really don't talk about it
with anyone,
662
00:29:00,227 --> 00:29:01,294
but for some reason,
663
00:29:01,295 --> 00:29:03,062
I feel comfortable talking
about it with you.
664
00:29:05,866 --> 00:29:07,167
What's that about?
665
00:29:08,936 --> 00:29:10,137
You're beautiful.
666
00:29:11,338 --> 00:29:12,505
Yeah?
667
00:29:12,506 --> 00:29:14,073
What's rockin' your world hardest,
668
00:29:14,074 --> 00:29:16,243
my Pebbles' 'do or my thermal socks?
669
00:29:16,977 --> 00:29:20,346
I thought that this might help...
670
00:29:20,347 --> 00:29:22,949
in my wife and I's situation.
671
00:29:22,950 --> 00:29:24,451
I'm sorry.
672
00:29:27,287 --> 00:29:28,555
So am I.
673
00:29:35,195 --> 00:29:36,663
What're you doing?
674
00:29:38,932 --> 00:29:39,932
Can I turn this off?
675
00:29:39,933 --> 00:29:41,467
What're you doing?
676
00:29:41,468 --> 00:29:42,969
This is gonna take
longer than three minutes.
677
00:29:42,970 --> 00:29:44,103
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
678
00:29:44,104 --> 00:29:45,238
Yeah?
679
00:29:45,239 --> 00:29:48,375
Although probably no more than eight.
680
00:29:50,277 --> 00:29:52,278
Are we seriously gonna
do it on the kitchen floor?
681
00:29:52,279 --> 00:29:54,181
Mm-hmm.
682
00:29:58,418 --> 00:30:00,320
I'll take that as a yes.
683
00:30:03,590 --> 00:30:08,127
What the fuck?
684
00:30:08,128 --> 00:30:09,596
Izzy?
685
00:30:18,405 --> 00:30:20,273
Oh, my God!
686
00:30:22,876 --> 00:30:24,644
What the hell happened?
687
00:30:25,512 --> 00:30:26,512
You're what happened.
688
00:30:26,513 --> 00:30:28,514
What? What the hell did I do?
689
00:30:28,515 --> 00:30:31,117
Listen to me closely, Nina.
690
00:30:31,118 --> 00:30:32,585
I quit.
691
00:30:32,586 --> 00:30:36,022
Yup. I'm serious this time, okay?
692
00:30:36,023 --> 00:30:38,391
I'm done getting tangled
in people's lives,
693
00:30:38,392 --> 00:30:40,426
and if you try to talk me out of it,
694
00:30:40,427 --> 00:30:41,627
I will snap,
695
00:30:41,628 --> 00:30:43,396
like, go the fuck off.
696
00:30:43,397 --> 00:30:44,430
Do you understand me?
697
00:30:44,431 --> 00:30:46,098
Yup.
698
00:30:46,099 --> 00:30:47,834
Yeah. Roger that.
699
00:30:52,005 --> 00:30:53,339
I'm very resentful
700
00:30:53,340 --> 00:30:55,341
that I don't have
a fucking solid door right now.
701
00:30:55,342 --> 00:30:56,909
You chose that room!
702
00:30:56,910 --> 00:30:58,778
Stop talking to me!
703
00:31:07,487 --> 00:31:08,855
What're you thinking?
704
00:31:12,326 --> 00:31:13,527
I met Izzy today.
705
00:31:14,995 --> 00:31:15,962
What?
706
00:31:15,963 --> 00:31:18,231
We made out.
707
00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:23,870
After she gave me
a footjob under the table.
708
00:31:28,175 --> 00:31:29,408
And I probably should've told you this
709
00:31:29,409 --> 00:31:31,043
a long, long time ago,
710
00:31:31,044 --> 00:31:33,079
but, um...
711
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:34,881
she wasn't my first girl.
712
00:31:37,451 --> 00:31:39,753
Or my second.
713
00:31:43,256 --> 00:31:48,027
♪ I see the world
through brand-new eyes ♪
714
00:31:48,028 --> 00:31:52,231
♪ I see the light reflecting bright ♪
715
00:31:52,232 --> 00:31:56,102
♪ From the faces and the things I see ♪
716
00:31:56,103 --> 00:31:57,570
♪ Oh, now I see ♪
717
00:32:01,575 --> 00:32:05,044
♪ And it's up to me
to see it all through ♪
718
00:32:05,045 --> 00:32:08,614
♪ But it's easy with you ♪
719
00:32:10,684 --> 00:32:13,152
♪ Na, na, na... ♪
720
00:32:13,153 --> 00:32:17,156
♪ Na, na, na, na
Na, na, na ♪
721
00:32:17,157 --> 00:32:21,260
♪ Na, na, na, na
Na, na, na ♪
722
00:32:21,261 --> 00:32:23,662
♪ Na, na, na... ♪
723
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:29,169
♪ And it's up to me
to see it all through ♪
47356
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