Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,347 --> 00:00:06,817
What is it?
2
00:00:06,917 --> 00:00:09,720
What isn't it?
3
00:00:09,820 --> 00:00:13,390
It's a nine-layer brunch dip.
Combines all your favorites.
4
00:00:13,490 --> 00:00:14,934
Thank you for filling
out my Google survey.
5
00:00:14,958 --> 00:00:16,518
I'm still not sure
why I had to tell you
6
00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:18,329
what deodorant I use.
7
00:00:18,429 --> 00:00:20,164
'Cause you smell like an angel.
8
00:00:20,264 --> 00:00:23,267
For Carly, we have
oatmeal, berries and bacon.
9
00:00:23,367 --> 00:00:24,711
For Freddie, we've
got grapes, coffee
10
00:00:24,735 --> 00:00:26,470
and leftover pizza.
11
00:00:26,570 --> 00:00:29,206
And for Harper we've
got figs, caviar,
12
00:00:29,306 --> 00:00:30,807
spicy Bloody Mary.
13
00:00:30,907 --> 00:00:32,443
Dig in.
14
00:00:37,614 --> 00:00:39,783
Hey, Freddie, should
you be having a mimosa?
15
00:00:39,883 --> 00:00:41,785
I thought you were on
antibiotics for your
16
00:00:41,885 --> 00:00:45,289
special friend in
your... special place.
17
00:00:45,389 --> 00:00:48,091
Oh, you mean my penis parasite?
18
00:00:48,192 --> 00:00:49,326
I'm good.
19
00:00:49,426 --> 00:00:51,228
After two months of
round-the-clock meds,
20
00:00:51,328 --> 00:00:52,829
I can pee standing up again.
21
00:00:52,929 --> 00:00:55,299
It's a brand-new
day for my genitals.
22
00:00:55,399 --> 00:00:58,569
Did you see? There's a new
episode of my favorite show.
23
00:00:58,669 --> 00:01:01,605
Oh, no, don't tell me Wes
and Beau made a new one.
24
00:01:01,705 --> 00:01:03,340
Okay, I won't tell you.
25
00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:05,008
Showing hurts more.
26
00:01:05,108 --> 00:01:06,310
Wake up, nation.
27
00:01:06,410 --> 00:01:07,844
I'm Wes, this is my boy Beau,
28
00:01:07,944 --> 00:01:10,181
and we're here with
another episode of...
29
00:01:10,281 --> 00:01:11,882
The Weau Bros Show.
30
00:01:11,982 --> 00:01:15,452
Beau, my man, how are
you feeling today?
31
00:01:15,552 --> 00:01:19,656
Good, but, uh, also like... mad.
32
00:01:19,756 --> 00:01:22,226
Beau and I saved
Carly's life at Webicon,
33
00:01:22,326 --> 00:01:23,727
an event she dragged us to
34
00:01:23,827 --> 00:01:25,362
on my Nonna's half-birthday.
35
00:01:25,462 --> 00:01:27,130
Whoa, bro.
36
00:01:27,231 --> 00:01:30,033
Then she dumped both
of us in a helicopter.
37
00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:33,937
Which was badass... but mean.
38
00:01:34,905 --> 00:01:37,073
Now, no matter how many
girls I hook up with...
39
00:01:37,174 --> 00:01:40,344
- Which is a lot.
- Appreciate you, fam.
40
00:01:40,444 --> 00:01:41,645
I can't commit.
41
00:01:41,745 --> 00:01:43,780
All because of Carly.
42
00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:45,882
The Ice Queen.
43
00:01:45,982 --> 00:01:48,084
Ice Queen.
44
00:01:49,886 --> 00:01:53,424
I'd expect that
from Beau, but Wes?
45
00:01:53,524 --> 00:01:54,791
He's become such a douche,
46
00:01:54,891 --> 00:01:56,827
he makes Chet Hanks
look like Tom Hanks.
47
00:01:56,927 --> 00:02:01,164
Yeah. He works "craft beer"
into every conversation.
48
00:02:01,265 --> 00:02:03,934
And they're having people
mail ice to the Ice Queen.
49
00:02:04,034 --> 00:02:06,270
It makes no sense. It melts.
50
00:02:06,370 --> 00:02:08,539
We just end up with wet boxes.
51
00:02:10,106 --> 00:02:12,175
Well, it's official.
52
00:02:12,276 --> 00:02:13,810
The Internet hates me.
53
00:02:15,011 --> 00:02:18,615
This is where you
guys go, "No, no."
54
00:02:18,715 --> 00:02:20,183
No, no.
55
00:02:20,284 --> 00:02:21,818
Don't tell me what to do.
56
00:02:54,918 --> 00:02:57,488
Oh, you're so lucky Double
Dutch left Kevin with you
57
00:02:57,513 --> 00:02:58,530
while she's on tour.
58
00:02:58,555 --> 00:02:59,690
I scraped my knee earlier
59
00:02:59,790 --> 00:03:01,361
and she came over
with a slipper.
60
00:03:01,609 --> 00:03:03,410
It wasn't what I needed
but it was so cute.
61
00:03:04,895 --> 00:03:06,997
So, dog still hates you?
62
00:03:07,097 --> 00:03:10,166
Yes, and if Kevin hates me,
Dutch is going to hate me.
63
00:03:10,267 --> 00:03:12,403
This is the fourth meal
I've made her today.
64
00:03:12,503 --> 00:03:15,906
But this beautiful little
idiot won't eat anything
65
00:03:16,006 --> 00:03:17,040
I feed her.
66
00:03:17,140 --> 00:03:21,745
No, she won't. No, she won't.
67
00:03:22,746 --> 00:03:24,781
Okay, it's all hands on deck.
68
00:03:24,881 --> 00:03:26,583
The Weau Bros
Show's latest video
69
00:03:26,683 --> 00:03:28,785
has me hemorrhaging subscribers.
70
00:03:28,885 --> 00:03:30,421
I need to win back the Internet.
71
00:03:30,521 --> 00:03:31,588
Can't handle the pressure
72
00:03:31,688 --> 00:03:33,990
of being the main
character, huh?
73
00:03:34,090 --> 00:03:35,659
I cannot.
74
00:03:35,759 --> 00:03:37,027
Hit me, no bad ideas.
75
00:03:37,127 --> 00:03:39,062
How do I go from Ice
Queen to Nice Queen?
76
00:03:39,162 --> 00:03:42,366
Queen Latifah! Is that anything?
77
00:03:42,466 --> 00:03:43,734
- Writing it down.
- Yeah!
78
00:03:43,834 --> 00:03:46,537
- Millicent, go.
- Um... pass.
79
00:03:46,637 --> 00:03:48,605
Writing that down too. Harper?
80
00:03:48,705 --> 00:03:50,841
Everyone, meet
Dr. Pearl Wallace.
81
00:03:50,941 --> 00:03:53,310
She's the Kevin app's
certified animal therapist.
82
00:03:53,410 --> 00:03:55,712
We already met on Zoom.
83
00:03:55,812 --> 00:03:57,748
Hey, what's a certified
animal therapist?
84
00:03:57,848 --> 00:04:00,717
A pet psychic with
student loan debt.
85
00:04:00,817 --> 00:04:02,319
Pearl's here to help with Kevin.
86
00:04:02,419 --> 00:04:05,856
We can hear you two fighting
all the way down the hall.
87
00:04:05,956 --> 00:04:08,659
All right then, let's
see what you can do,
88
00:04:08,759 --> 00:04:10,827
little Miss Wild Thornberry.
89
00:04:10,927 --> 00:04:13,464
Her drop-dead beautiful
exterior's masking
90
00:04:13,564 --> 00:04:14,898
a seething inner rage.
91
00:04:14,998 --> 00:04:16,967
Then we should be
connecting better,
92
00:04:17,067 --> 00:04:19,336
'cause that's my whole deal too.
93
00:04:20,036 --> 00:04:23,139
You want a treat,
you majestic floof?
94
00:04:23,239 --> 00:04:24,841
It's not the food
you feed the dog,
95
00:04:24,941 --> 00:04:26,610
it's the energy
you feed the dog.
96
00:04:26,710 --> 00:04:30,814
I know you're helping,
but I hate you.
97
00:04:30,914 --> 00:04:34,184
If she meant that,
you'd be crying already.
98
00:04:34,284 --> 00:04:35,586
Thanks again for coming.
99
00:04:35,686 --> 00:04:38,589
I could never leave a
dog, or my favorite CEO,
100
00:04:38,689 --> 00:04:40,090
in distress.
101
00:04:40,190 --> 00:04:42,793
Well, you're my favorite
certified animal therapist.
102
00:04:42,893 --> 00:04:46,162
You're the only one I
know, but still, congrats.
103
00:04:46,262 --> 00:04:47,330
- Bye.
- Bye.
104
00:04:47,431 --> 00:04:48,575
I'll see you at
the launch party.
105
00:04:48,599 --> 00:04:51,034
- See you on Zoom.
- Bye.
106
00:04:51,134 --> 00:04:52,503
Speaking of the launch party,
107
00:04:52,603 --> 00:04:53,713
how's the planning
going, Spencer?
108
00:04:53,737 --> 00:04:56,306
Amazing. We're going primal.
109
00:04:56,407 --> 00:04:58,241
I thought we could all
eat with our hands tied
110
00:04:58,341 --> 00:05:01,111
behind our backs
like the animals do.
111
00:05:01,211 --> 00:05:03,780
Spencer, I'm still trying
to rebuild my reputation
112
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,080
after my last failed start-up,
113
00:05:05,115 --> 00:05:06,683
and this is my
opportunity to prove
114
00:05:06,783 --> 00:05:08,351
that I'm a serious businessman.
115
00:05:08,452 --> 00:05:10,320
This party needs to be
the opposite of lit.
116
00:05:10,421 --> 00:05:13,857
So let's get... dim?
117
00:05:13,957 --> 00:05:15,459
I can keep an eye on Spencer.
118
00:05:15,559 --> 00:05:18,161
Good idea. Millicent is
great at serious parties.
119
00:05:18,261 --> 00:05:21,331
The theme of her tenth
birthday was The Magna Carta.
120
00:05:21,432 --> 00:05:22,733
Tenth and eleventh.
121
00:05:22,833 --> 00:05:24,801
Establishing the power
of law is not something
122
00:05:24,901 --> 00:05:26,537
that can be contained
to one afternoon
123
00:05:26,637 --> 00:05:28,472
at a Build-A-Bear.
124
00:05:28,572 --> 00:05:29,840
Great, that's settled.
125
00:05:29,940 --> 00:05:31,675
Now help me, please.
126
00:05:31,775 --> 00:05:33,085
I know I said there
are no bad ideas,
127
00:05:33,109 --> 00:05:36,547
but are you seeing
this whiteboard?
128
00:05:36,647 --> 00:05:37,881
You gotta top Queen Latifah.
129
00:05:37,981 --> 00:05:40,984
With what?!
130
00:05:43,654 --> 00:05:45,989
Have you tried just
talking with them directly?
131
00:05:46,089 --> 00:05:49,826
Oh, you mean handle my
problems in the most direct
132
00:05:49,926 --> 00:05:52,395
and adult way possible?
133
00:05:52,496 --> 00:05:54,097
No, I have not.
134
00:05:58,201 --> 00:06:00,637
Man, this was such a bad idea.
135
00:06:00,737 --> 00:06:02,114
I thought if I had Wes
and Beau on my show,
136
00:06:02,138 --> 00:06:04,174
I could tell my
side of the story.
137
00:06:04,274 --> 00:06:06,209
But look at them.
138
00:06:06,309 --> 00:06:08,912
They're so committed
to this bit.
139
00:06:09,012 --> 00:06:11,214
Can we get started?
It's hot in here.
140
00:06:11,314 --> 00:06:12,714
Maybe you should
take those adorable
141
00:06:12,783 --> 00:06:14,685
woodland creatures
off your heads.
142
00:06:14,785 --> 00:06:16,920
The winter gear is
because Carly...
143
00:06:17,020 --> 00:06:19,923
Is an Ice Queen.
144
00:06:20,023 --> 00:06:21,692
Freddie, please just
do the countdown.
145
00:06:21,792 --> 00:06:25,161
In five, four,
146
00:06:25,261 --> 00:06:27,197
three, two.
147
00:06:27,297 --> 00:06:31,401
Hey, friends. As promised, I've
got two very special guests
148
00:06:31,502 --> 00:06:35,506
for this very special
live episode of iCarly.
149
00:06:35,606 --> 00:06:39,242
Everybody's favorite
ex-BF's turned BFF's...
150
00:06:39,342 --> 00:06:44,147
- Wes and Beau.
151
00:06:44,247 --> 00:06:46,016
They're here to have
a good long chat
152
00:06:46,116 --> 00:06:49,486
about their feelings, 'cause
when boys have feelings,
153
00:06:49,586 --> 00:06:51,321
everybody needs to know.
154
00:06:53,389 --> 00:06:56,993
Look, I never wanted
to hurt either of you.
155
00:06:57,093 --> 00:06:59,763
But you both told me
that you loved me,
156
00:06:59,863 --> 00:07:02,365
and I didn't feel the same,
157
00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:04,701
so I thought it'd be
worse to lead you on.
158
00:07:04,801 --> 00:07:06,102
I really am sorry.
159
00:07:06,202 --> 00:07:08,939
If you really don't want
to date either of us,
160
00:07:09,039 --> 00:07:10,741
you must not be
capable of love at all.
161
00:07:10,841 --> 00:07:12,943
You're gonna be a
lonely, alone person.
162
00:07:13,043 --> 00:07:16,246
No hobbies, no boyfriend, just
you and your word searches.
163
00:07:16,346 --> 00:07:17,681
That's not true!
164
00:07:17,781 --> 00:07:19,950
- I will have a boyfriend.
- Yeah.
165
00:07:20,050 --> 00:07:22,152
Because I do have a boyfriend.
166
00:07:23,854 --> 00:07:27,223
I'm in a hot, hot relationship
167
00:07:27,323 --> 00:07:33,429
that is very hot, and
very relationship.
168
00:07:35,431 --> 00:07:37,601
Well, that wraps up this
very special episode.
169
00:07:37,701 --> 00:07:40,503
Wait. With who?
170
00:07:42,606 --> 00:07:45,542
What a rude question.
171
00:07:47,678 --> 00:07:49,145
Uh...
172
00:07:50,013 --> 00:07:54,017
- Um...
- Me!
173
00:07:54,117 --> 00:07:57,220
Yes. Freddie is my boyfriend.
174
00:08:01,391 --> 00:08:03,193
Whoa, bro.
175
00:08:14,938 --> 00:08:18,108
Freddie, our first date as a
fake couple is going amazing.
176
00:08:18,208 --> 00:08:21,477
I can read my viewer comments
without bursting into tears.
177
00:08:21,578 --> 00:08:24,247
- No more death threats, baby.
178
00:08:24,347 --> 00:08:26,783
You know, I'm actually glad
the apple orchard was closed.
179
00:08:26,883 --> 00:08:30,086
Digging for onions
is equally romantic.
180
00:08:30,186 --> 00:08:31,888
Hey, how's this for a caption?
181
00:08:31,988 --> 00:08:35,726
- "Our love has layers."
- Yes.
182
00:08:35,826 --> 00:08:40,597
Ooh, hey. Do you think Millicent
would like this onion root doll?
183
00:08:41,632 --> 00:08:44,701
Actually, yeah.
184
00:08:44,801 --> 00:08:46,202
Thanks for doing this.
185
00:08:46,302 --> 00:08:47,638
I know you're really busy.
186
00:08:47,738 --> 00:08:49,640
Hey. What are producers
slash best friends
187
00:08:49,740 --> 00:08:51,407
slash sort of exes for?
188
00:08:51,507 --> 00:08:53,309
Plus, it's good
publicity for my app.
189
00:08:53,409 --> 00:08:55,145
This is working out so well.
190
00:08:55,245 --> 00:08:57,280
And all I had to do was
what women have been doing
191
00:08:57,380 --> 00:08:58,815
since the dawn of time:
192
00:08:58,915 --> 00:09:01,785
Say I have a boyfriend to
get men to stop bothering me.
193
00:09:03,286 --> 00:09:05,355
Oh, it's them.
194
00:09:05,455 --> 00:09:08,324
We went to three different
onion patches to find you guys.
195
00:09:08,424 --> 00:09:10,627
We've been waiting years
for you two to get together.
196
00:09:10,727 --> 00:09:12,262
We're obsessed.
197
00:09:12,362 --> 00:09:14,397
Emily, shut up. Be cool.
198
00:09:14,497 --> 00:09:16,399
We wanna hear exactly
how it happened.
199
00:09:16,499 --> 00:09:19,736
Take us on the
"In-Creddie-ble" journey.
200
00:09:19,836 --> 00:09:22,038
- We're obsessed.
- Emily.
201
00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:24,240
When did you know?
Where did you know?
202
00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:27,610
Oh, my God, how did you know?
203
00:09:29,045 --> 00:09:32,348
He pulled up to my house,
and he held a boombox
204
00:09:32,448 --> 00:09:35,185
over his head and...
205
00:09:35,285 --> 00:09:38,655
You guys don't know who
John Cusack is, do you?
206
00:09:38,755 --> 00:09:40,056
That's exactly what happened.
207
00:09:40,156 --> 00:09:42,558
Aw!
208
00:09:42,659 --> 00:09:45,128
- Obsessed.
- Emily.
209
00:09:45,228 --> 00:09:48,531
Creddie forevvie.
See, it's on my shirt.
210
00:09:49,332 --> 00:09:51,067
Mom. What are you doing here?
211
00:09:51,167 --> 00:09:52,803
She was our ride.
212
00:09:52,903 --> 00:09:56,106
You're not my first choice, but
I trust Fredward's judgment.
213
00:09:56,206 --> 00:09:57,774
Just remember, you
may sleep with him,
214
00:09:57,874 --> 00:10:01,144
but I'm the one
who tucks him in.
215
00:10:01,244 --> 00:10:02,746
Let's see you kiss.
216
00:10:02,846 --> 00:10:04,580
Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.
217
00:10:04,681 --> 00:10:06,149
Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.
218
00:10:06,249 --> 00:10:08,084
Kiss. Kiss. Come on.
219
00:10:12,322 --> 00:10:14,024
Ooh. Steamy.
220
00:10:14,124 --> 00:10:15,792
Get a room.
221
00:10:15,892 --> 00:10:20,130
He gets his raw animal magnetism
from my side of the family.
222
00:10:20,230 --> 00:10:24,300
One ticket to the
family reunion, please.
223
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,278
I'm not gonna tell you
again, you gotta stop it.
224
00:10:36,579 --> 00:10:38,081
You are very tense,
225
00:10:38,181 --> 00:10:41,417
which is ridiculous because
you live an easy life.
226
00:10:42,185 --> 00:10:44,687
- You are being impossible.
- No, I'm not!
227
00:10:44,788 --> 00:10:47,357
- Harper, this launch party...
- Shh.
228
00:10:47,457 --> 00:10:49,960
Dutch texted asking for
a picture of us together,
229
00:10:50,060 --> 00:10:52,462
so I'm trying to
get her to relax.
230
00:10:52,562 --> 00:10:55,766
I haven't rubbed on a bitch
this much since prom night.
231
00:10:56,166 --> 00:10:58,068
Got it. Would you
please tell Millicent
232
00:10:58,168 --> 00:11:00,103
that Freddie put me in charge?
233
00:11:00,203 --> 00:11:02,672
But Freddie put me
in charge of Spencer.
234
00:11:02,773 --> 00:11:05,241
I am a year-old man.
235
00:11:05,341 --> 00:11:09,712
I know parties. Two
words: Human bowling ball.
236
00:11:11,181 --> 00:11:13,016
Whereas I'm thinking
classical music,
237
00:11:13,116 --> 00:11:15,385
understated florals
and soft cheeses
238
00:11:15,485 --> 00:11:16,586
with unpronounceable names.
239
00:11:17,353 --> 00:11:21,257
Spencer, Freddie is counting on
you to make this party adult.
240
00:11:21,357 --> 00:11:23,860
You need to listen
to the 11-year-old.
241
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:27,798
Fine, but only for
Freddie. And you.
242
00:11:27,898 --> 00:11:30,600
And Harper, 'cause I
respect her opinion.
243
00:11:38,041 --> 00:11:39,810
Be longer.
244
00:11:40,710 --> 00:11:44,881
Hello... Oh, my God,
that is your entire back.
245
00:11:44,981 --> 00:11:47,984
Yep. Just casually 30% naked.
246
00:11:48,885 --> 00:11:51,087
Can you come zip me up?
247
00:11:51,187 --> 00:11:52,322
Yeah.
248
00:11:54,791 --> 00:11:56,960
This whole fake
relationship thing
249
00:11:57,060 --> 00:12:02,866
isn't bringing up any real
feelings for you, is it?
250
00:12:02,966 --> 00:12:05,301
Nah. No.
251
00:12:05,401 --> 00:12:07,103
Why, what about you?
252
00:12:07,203 --> 00:12:09,940
Did my kiss unlock some
dark, secret yearning
253
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:12,775
lying dormant at the
bottom of your heart?
254
00:12:12,876 --> 00:12:15,445
No. Of the eight
times we've kissed,
255
00:12:15,545 --> 00:12:17,513
I'd rank that one... seventh.
256
00:12:18,414 --> 00:12:21,251
- So. Big launch party tonight.
- Yeah.
257
00:12:21,351 --> 00:12:24,154
You ready to act all
lovey-dovey on my livestream?
258
00:12:24,254 --> 00:12:26,156
I will be.
259
00:12:26,256 --> 00:12:28,925
Um... Actually, can
you... My mom normally...
260
00:12:29,025 --> 00:12:32,728
Yeah. Okay, mm, this goes
261
00:12:32,829 --> 00:12:36,166
through here tight,
and then here, and...
262
00:12:36,266 --> 00:12:40,236
Wow, I did not know I
knew how to do this.
263
00:12:40,336 --> 00:12:43,406
My Avril Lavigne
phase really paid off.
264
00:12:44,674 --> 00:12:48,044
Oh, s-sorry to interrupt.
265
00:12:48,144 --> 00:12:49,980
No, you're not interrupting.
266
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:51,390
I think you might
wanna get to the party.
267
00:12:51,414 --> 00:12:55,351
- It looks a bit... somber.
- Somber?
268
00:13:00,190 --> 00:13:01,958
Who died?
269
00:13:03,493 --> 00:13:05,996
Apparently you.
270
00:13:06,096 --> 00:13:08,564
- Then what's in the coffin?
- Bones.
271
00:13:08,664 --> 00:13:10,300
Ooh, bones for dogs to chew on,
272
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,702
but still, not great.
273
00:13:12,802 --> 00:13:15,238
Ah? So? Is this
serious enough for you?
274
00:13:15,338 --> 00:13:18,708
Yeah, you really
got the message across.
275
00:13:18,808 --> 00:13:21,311
That my app is dead on arrival.
276
00:13:21,411 --> 00:13:24,780
Before you judge, have
you seen the soft cheeses?
277
00:13:25,748 --> 00:13:27,450
It's everything you wanted.
278
00:13:27,550 --> 00:13:30,987
Chic dress code, focus
on you, boring as hell.
279
00:13:32,722 --> 00:13:34,124
Spencer, look around you.
280
00:13:34,224 --> 00:13:36,826
What sad event does
this remind you of?
281
00:13:41,431 --> 00:13:42,732
- Oh.
- Yep, yep, yep.
282
00:13:42,832 --> 00:13:44,968
We threw a funeral.
283
00:13:45,068 --> 00:13:46,508
I gotta go see if
I can salvage this.
284
00:13:46,536 --> 00:13:48,771
Spencer, can you please,
just... I don't know,
285
00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:50,373
brighten the place up a bit?
286
00:13:50,473 --> 00:13:52,075
I'm on it!
287
00:13:57,313 --> 00:14:00,283
Hi, I was told to
brighten things up.
288
00:14:02,285 --> 00:14:05,855
Ha, ha. Can I have either
of your phone numbers?
289
00:14:07,190 --> 00:14:11,027
- Wow. You guys look amazing.
- Thank you.
290
00:14:11,127 --> 00:14:13,463
Based on Spencer's description,
I figured we should dress
291
00:14:13,563 --> 00:14:16,766
for a funeral that he
didn't know he was throwing.
292
00:14:16,866 --> 00:14:18,901
Mm.
293
00:14:19,002 --> 00:14:20,246
No, no, no, it's
a cake for eating.
294
00:14:20,270 --> 00:14:22,605
I don't want anyone
to pop out of it.
295
00:14:22,705 --> 00:14:24,340
Well, let her out.
296
00:14:25,441 --> 00:14:26,909
Is there anything
I can do to help?
297
00:14:27,010 --> 00:14:28,311
I need this party to be fun.
298
00:14:28,411 --> 00:14:31,181
I have access to a
lot of animal drugs.
299
00:14:31,281 --> 00:14:34,417
Oh, I am joking about
that. I've never done weed.
300
00:14:34,517 --> 00:14:36,286
No one cool has.
301
00:14:38,421 --> 00:14:40,023
I should've planned
this party myself.
302
00:14:40,123 --> 00:14:41,757
I was too focused on iCarly.
303
00:14:41,857 --> 00:14:45,228
Of course you were. I mean,
Carly's your girlfriend, so...
304
00:14:45,328 --> 00:14:46,963
Oh, no, no. Carly's
not my girlfriend.
305
00:14:47,063 --> 00:14:49,832
That's just for the channel.
I'm single. Very single.
306
00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:51,167
Not in an undateable way.
307
00:14:51,267 --> 00:14:54,304
Just a regular... very single.
308
00:14:54,404 --> 00:14:56,239
Oh. Neat.
309
00:14:56,339 --> 00:14:59,009
I mean, whatever.
310
00:14:59,109 --> 00:15:02,345
But I mean neat.
I think it's neat.
311
00:15:03,446 --> 00:15:04,514
You do?
312
00:15:07,050 --> 00:15:08,918
Buddy, you gotta
pick up the pace.
313
00:15:11,721 --> 00:15:13,623
Nope.
314
00:15:17,260 --> 00:15:20,196
This party looks like
a home run to me!
315
00:15:21,831 --> 00:15:23,199
Hey, everyone,
316
00:15:23,299 --> 00:15:26,669
coming to you live from
my love's launch party.
317
00:15:26,769 --> 00:15:30,273
The Kevin app is the cutting
edge of animal therapy.
318
00:15:30,373 --> 00:15:31,373
It really is.
319
00:15:31,407 --> 00:15:32,647
I downloaded it ten minutes ago
320
00:15:32,742 --> 00:15:34,153
and now I don't feel bad
about my passive role
321
00:15:34,177 --> 00:15:35,611
in climate change.
322
00:15:35,711 --> 00:15:38,748
You're so strong, Tati.
You're my best friend.
323
00:15:39,582 --> 00:15:42,518
Look. I had my grandmother's
ring sized for Carly.
324
00:15:42,618 --> 00:15:44,120
Just in case.
325
00:15:44,220 --> 00:15:45,500
How'd you know
Carly's ring size?
326
00:15:45,588 --> 00:15:47,423
What?
Are you accusing me
327
00:15:47,523 --> 00:15:49,435
of breaking in last night
while Carly was asleep,
328
00:15:49,459 --> 00:15:51,894
measuring her finger,
then singing a few bars
329
00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:54,464
of "Landslide" just to
ensure pleasant dreams?
330
00:15:54,564 --> 00:15:56,599
Harper, you are so silly.
331
00:15:56,699 --> 00:15:58,401
Now, where is the hubby-to-be?
332
00:15:58,501 --> 00:16:00,503
Let's go find him.
333
00:16:00,603 --> 00:16:05,041
Freddie, my little stinker,
your mom did something
334
00:16:05,141 --> 00:16:10,080
very sweet and expensive
and a dot illegal.
335
00:16:10,180 --> 00:16:11,914
Come check it out.
336
00:16:18,388 --> 00:16:20,623
I should have warned you,
that kind of sexual charisma
337
00:16:20,723 --> 00:16:22,892
cannot be contained.
338
00:16:22,992 --> 00:16:24,827
My little Burt Reynolds.
339
00:16:33,203 --> 00:16:34,804
I know what you have to do.
340
00:16:34,904 --> 00:16:36,306
Dump me.
341
00:16:36,406 --> 00:16:37,816
I'm a dirty, rotten cheater.
You gotta cut me loose.
342
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,443
No, I can't let you
take the fall for this.
343
00:16:40,543 --> 00:16:41,677
This is your launch party.
344
00:16:41,777 --> 00:16:43,057
Don't you see?
This is the answer
345
00:16:43,146 --> 00:16:45,548
to your problem, people
love a woman scorned.
346
00:16:45,648 --> 00:16:47,083
But they don't
love a woman angry.
347
00:16:47,183 --> 00:16:48,518
Only men get to do that.
348
00:16:48,618 --> 00:16:51,954
So, do whatever you want,
but be chill about it.
349
00:16:52,888 --> 00:16:56,526
Okay. Thanks, Freddie.
350
00:16:56,626 --> 00:16:59,729
And also, I'm sorry.
351
00:16:59,829 --> 00:17:02,798
- For what?
- This.
352
00:17:06,202 --> 00:17:09,038
Who was that for?
353
00:17:13,376 --> 00:17:15,245
Dutch.
354
00:17:15,345 --> 00:17:17,480
Oh, it's my two girls.
355
00:17:17,580 --> 00:17:19,782
Yeah, the two amigas.
356
00:17:19,882 --> 00:17:21,951
Kevin, let's show
mommy that game we play
357
00:17:22,051 --> 00:17:25,455
where you pretend you can't
stand to be held by me.
358
00:17:25,555 --> 00:17:29,325
Oh, yeah, great
job. You doing it.
359
00:17:29,425 --> 00:17:31,661
We had fun.
360
00:17:31,761 --> 00:17:34,697
Harper, my tour got extended.
361
00:17:34,797 --> 00:17:41,103
Oh. Congratulations.
That's-that's such great news.
362
00:17:41,204 --> 00:17:42,938
I'm really happy for you.
363
00:17:43,038 --> 00:17:45,441
You must be confused
because I look devastated,
364
00:17:45,541 --> 00:17:48,311
but I just have resting
devastated face.
365
00:17:48,411 --> 00:17:51,281
Come with me. My
next stop is Bavaria.
366
00:17:51,381 --> 00:17:53,983
They say it's the
Texas of Germany.
367
00:17:54,083 --> 00:17:57,019
As restrictive to my rights
as that place sounds,
368
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:58,621
I can't just pick up and leave.
369
00:17:58,721 --> 00:18:01,657
The thing is I'm
gone for six months.
370
00:18:01,757 --> 00:18:04,494
Oh. I guess we could
try long distance?
371
00:18:04,594 --> 00:18:06,896
Oh. No, I can't.
372
00:18:06,996 --> 00:18:10,300
Phone sex is illegal in Germany.
373
00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:13,203
Maybe we just have to
wait until we're back
374
00:18:13,303 --> 00:18:14,737
in the same place.
375
00:18:14,837 --> 00:18:16,248
Which is what we said
we were going to do.
376
00:18:16,272 --> 00:18:19,309
Uh, only instead of
six days from now,
377
00:18:19,409 --> 00:18:20,643
it's six months from now.
378
00:18:20,743 --> 00:18:22,144
Look, I...
379
00:18:22,245 --> 00:18:24,847
I know you're right but
this just really sucks.
380
00:18:24,947 --> 00:18:27,049
It does. But you know what could
381
00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:29,919
really help? Why
don't you keep Kevin?
382
00:18:30,019 --> 00:18:31,621
No.
383
00:18:31,721 --> 00:18:36,192
I mean, she would
just remind me of you.
384
00:18:36,292 --> 00:18:38,093
That makes sense.
385
00:18:38,194 --> 00:18:42,632
Okay, well, I'll just have
my mom pick her up, then.
386
00:18:42,732 --> 00:18:46,001
Goodbye, Harper. For now.
387
00:18:46,101 --> 00:18:47,937
Bye.
388
00:18:59,081 --> 00:19:03,453
Aw. Thanks, Kev.
389
00:19:05,221 --> 00:19:08,558
Wait, her mom could've
taken you this whole time?
390
00:19:12,295 --> 00:19:15,598
It's like I finally got a taste
of what real love looks like,
391
00:19:15,698 --> 00:19:17,667
then poof,
392
00:19:17,767 --> 00:19:20,636
it's touring the Black Forest.
393
00:19:20,736 --> 00:19:24,474
I love Bavaria. It
reminds me of Texas.
394
00:19:24,574 --> 00:19:27,610
Do you think Pearl and Carly
have the same size ring finger?
395
00:19:27,710 --> 00:19:31,013
It looks that way, but
Carly's all knuckle.
396
00:19:33,249 --> 00:19:34,784
Here lies Creddie.
397
00:19:34,884 --> 00:19:36,686
- We had a good run.
- Mm-hmm.
398
00:19:36,786 --> 00:19:39,289
Until I killed it
with my lusty ways.
399
00:19:39,389 --> 00:19:40,890
I'm a bad, bad boyfriend.
400
00:19:40,990 --> 00:19:43,225
Probably because
I'm such a good CEO.
401
00:19:43,326 --> 00:19:46,762
And that is why I have
magnanimously and warmfully
402
00:19:46,862 --> 00:19:48,964
ended things with Freddie.
403
00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:52,768
Please respect our privacy
during this difficult time.
404
00:19:52,868 --> 00:19:54,637
In lieu of being mad at him,
405
00:19:54,737 --> 00:19:56,706
donations can be made
to the Pear store
406
00:19:56,806 --> 00:19:59,542
in the form of
purchasing the Kevin app.
407
00:19:59,642 --> 00:20:00,943
Boo!
408
00:20:01,043 --> 00:20:02,778
- Now, now, don't boo Freddie.
- We're not.
409
00:20:02,878 --> 00:20:04,847
We're booing Pearl.
410
00:20:06,582 --> 00:20:08,117
She's a homewrecker!
411
00:20:08,217 --> 00:20:10,353
Shut up, Emily.
412
00:20:10,453 --> 00:20:11,521
Preddie forevvie.
413
00:20:11,621 --> 00:20:13,255
Mrs. Benson!
414
00:20:13,356 --> 00:20:15,391
I love who Freddie loves.
415
00:20:15,491 --> 00:20:18,127
Carly can choke.
416
00:20:18,227 --> 00:20:20,162
I've known you my whole life.
417
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:21,797
You taught me how
to use a tampon.
418
00:20:21,897 --> 00:20:24,300
Oh, I'll teach you too, dear.
419
00:20:26,802 --> 00:20:30,306
And hating Pearl is
an insane opinion.
420
00:20:30,406 --> 00:20:31,841
Insane, but popular.
421
00:20:31,941 --> 00:20:34,243
"Pearl makes me
hurl" is trending.
422
00:20:34,344 --> 00:20:37,146
Maybe they're talking
about a different Pearl.
423
00:20:37,246 --> 00:20:38,814
No, your last name's
Wallace, right?
424
00:20:38,914 --> 00:20:41,250
And you live at 416
North Bell Creek Terrace?
425
00:20:41,351 --> 00:20:45,755
She got doxxed? How
did that happen?
426
00:20:45,855 --> 00:20:49,024
Put her driver's license back.
427
00:20:49,124 --> 00:20:51,961
- And stop the organ music!
428
00:20:52,061 --> 00:20:55,331
Here. Freddie, get this.
429
00:20:57,166 --> 00:21:00,135
Freddie and I were
never together.
430
00:21:00,235 --> 00:21:02,237
I just said that because people
431
00:21:02,338 --> 00:21:03,573
were demonizing me
432
00:21:03,673 --> 00:21:06,709
for not reciprocating
Wes and Beau's feelings.
433
00:21:06,809 --> 00:21:09,412
And Freddie's...
434
00:21:09,512 --> 00:21:10,846
Freddie's the best, so
435
00:21:10,946 --> 00:21:12,682
he went along with it.
436
00:21:12,782 --> 00:21:16,586
And he and Pearl would
be great together.
437
00:21:16,686 --> 00:21:18,087
You can hate me.
438
00:21:18,187 --> 00:21:20,790
At least you'll be
hating me for the truth.
439
00:21:22,858 --> 00:21:24,694
Please don't hate me.
440
00:21:28,798 --> 00:21:30,800
Boom! Brightened it up.
441
00:21:32,001 --> 00:21:33,569
Who was that for?
442
00:21:37,740 --> 00:21:39,442
"Dang, Carly, stop lying.
443
00:21:39,542 --> 00:21:41,043
"We've all been cheated on.
444
00:21:41,143 --> 00:21:43,154
"Pathetic how you're trying
to save face by pretending
445
00:21:43,178 --> 00:21:45,415
the relationship never existed."
446
00:21:45,515 --> 00:21:48,951
Oh. "Carly, I would never
cheat on you, queen."
447
00:21:49,051 --> 00:21:50,396
Then ten minutes later,
he called you a lot
448
00:21:50,420 --> 00:21:52,622
of mean names for
not responding.
449
00:21:55,090 --> 00:21:58,293
"Freddie is a baller."
"Freddie is a boss."
450
00:21:58,394 --> 00:22:00,796
"Freddie, can I be
your third girlfriend?"
451
00:22:00,896 --> 00:22:03,265
Oh, wow, she is pretty.
452
00:22:03,365 --> 00:22:07,302
Gross. This-this is
bad. I hate this.
453
00:22:08,538 --> 00:22:11,741
Well, now they're
sending you vacuums,
454
00:22:11,841 --> 00:22:14,143
'cause you suck.
455
00:22:14,910 --> 00:22:18,648
Ooh, a Dyson. Thank you, hater.
456
00:22:18,748 --> 00:22:21,116
You okay, Carly?
457
00:22:21,216 --> 00:22:23,986
People are gonna think
what they wanna think.
458
00:22:24,086 --> 00:22:26,288
And my real fans never left me.
459
00:22:26,388 --> 00:22:28,924
That's who I make content for.
460
00:22:29,024 --> 00:22:31,694
Them and the people who
hate watching on repeat.
461
00:22:31,794 --> 00:22:33,796
Still counts.
462
00:22:33,896 --> 00:22:35,965
Did you guys see the
new Weau Bros Show?
463
00:22:36,065 --> 00:22:38,968
Spencer, you get
to shoot a reaction vid
464
00:22:39,068 --> 00:22:41,871
of me watching Carly watch it.
465
00:22:43,038 --> 00:22:44,874
I'm just saying, I respect Carly
466
00:22:44,974 --> 00:22:46,275
for standing up for Pearl.
467
00:22:46,375 --> 00:22:49,311
Nah, bro, all
women are the same.
468
00:22:49,411 --> 00:22:52,414
That is a really myopic view
of gender and personality.
469
00:22:52,515 --> 00:22:56,686
Look, man. I don't know
what "myopic" means,
470
00:22:56,786 --> 00:22:58,788
but I know I don't like it!
471
00:22:58,888 --> 00:23:00,890
I quit!
472
00:23:00,990 --> 00:23:04,326
But I just bought you all that
yogurt for the break room!
473
00:23:05,561 --> 00:23:07,863
Whoa, bro.
474
00:23:35,257 --> 00:23:37,159
Ooh.
475
00:23:37,259 --> 00:23:39,461
He hates these cans!
34443
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.