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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,703 --> 00:00:04,004 "LAST MAN STANDING" IS RECORDED 2 00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:05,239 IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 3 00:00:05,273 --> 00:00:07,075 [ CHEERING ] THE KNICKS COULD HAVE WON THAT GAME 4 00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,876 IF THEY'D HAVE HIT A FEW MORE FREE THROWS. 5 00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:13,013 OR IF THEY WERE AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT TEAM. 6 00:00:13,047 --> 00:00:14,415 LISTEN, DO YOU WANT TO GO TO ED'S TODAY 7 00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:15,849 AND WATCH THE NUGGETS GAME? MM. 8 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,985 NOTHING BETTER THAN AFTER A LONG DAY OF WATCHING SPORTS -- 9 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,753 MORE SPORTS. 10 00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:25,759 I THINK ED JUST WANTS TO SHOW OFF HIS FANCY NEW TV. 120"? 11 00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:27,561 IT'S GOT TO BE CHEAPER JUST TO PUNCH A WHOLE IN THE WALL 12 00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:29,730 AND HAVE THE NUGGETS PLAY IN THE YARD. 13 00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:32,100 EVERY TIME I GO OVER THERE, ED PUTS ME TO WORK. 14 00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,934 I KNOW. I KNOW. UH, "MAKE THE BEAN DIP," 15 00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:36,404 "LIGHT THE GRILL," "ROTATE MY TIRES." 16 00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:39,107 THE DUDE IS RICH, BUT HE'S CHEAP. MM-HMM. 17 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,941 HE BUYS CAVIAR WITH A GROUPON. 18 00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:43,111 I'LL GO, BUT IF HE ASKS ME 19 00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:47,081 TO BUST UP AN OLD CHIFFOROBE, I'M OUT. 20 00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:48,249 OH, MY GOD. 21 00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:50,017 MOM, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I JUST HEARD? 22 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,352 EVE AND HER BOYFRIEND BROKE UP. 23 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,754 THAT WAS MY NEWS. 24 00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:55,189 I'M SORRY. 25 00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:58,092 YOU CAN HAVE MY NEWS -- "I HEARD IT MIGHT SNOW TONIGHT." 26 00:00:58,126 --> 00:01:00,461 IS EVE OKAY? I DON'T KNOW. 27 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,730 I HEARD THIS FROM MY OLD WOODBRIDGE HIGH CONTACTS. 28 00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,132 OH, ALL RIGHT, SO IT MIGHT JUST BE A RUMOR. NOPE. 29 00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:06,134 EVE AND JUSTIN ARE DEFINITELY SPLITSVILLE. 30 00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,935 I CONFIRMED IT WITH THREE SOURCES, 31 00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,470 ONE OF THEM A BOY CHEERLEADER. 32 00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:13,907 ALSO, JESSICA NOBLE -- PROBABLY BULIMIC. 33 00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:15,075 OH, WELL... ALTHOUGH I DO NOT HAVE 34 00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:17,711 GAY CONFIRMATION ON THAT AS OF YET. 35 00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,280 I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU GOT ALL THIS NEWS 36 00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,949 FROM THE GRAPEVINE, NOT FROM PEOPLE. 37 00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:23,151 THAT'S WHAT THE "THE GRAPEVINE" IS. 38 00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:24,785 OHH. 39 00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:27,121 I THOUGHT YOU LEARNED HOW TO TALK TO PLANTS. 40 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,457 I WAS HOPING YOU COULD TELL ME 41 00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:32,092 WHAT THE HECK MY FICUS IS SO UPSET ABOUT. 42 00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:34,795 I GOT SOME BAD NEWS. HMM. 43 00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:36,063 IS THIS REAL BAD NEWS, 44 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,132 OR SOMETHING I'VE GOT TO PRETEND TO BE INTERESTED IN? 45 00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:40,000 EVE AND JUSTIN BROKE UP. 46 00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,603 OH. WHOA. 47 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:45,239 THAT -- SHE'S -- THAT'S -- THAT'S JUST... 48 00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:46,574 HOW IS THAT? 49 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,242 THIS IS HER FIRST BREAKUP. 50 00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:49,943 SHE'S GONNA BE PRETTY DEPRESSED. 51 00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:51,279 OORAH! 52 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,350 I JUST SET A NEW OBSTACLE-COURSE RECORD. 53 00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:59,787 AND WHOSE RECORD DID I SMASH? MINE. 54 00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:04,091 HIGH-FIVING REAGAN'S GHOST. UP TOP, GIPPER. 55 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,626 BREAKS YOUR HEART TO SEE YOUR KIDS 56 00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:06,927 IN SO MUCH PAIN, DOESN'T IT? 57 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,164 HONEY, HONEY, ARE YOU OKAY? 58 00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:11,165 YEAH, I'M FINE, MOM. 59 00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:13,033 I DON'T ACTUALLY SEE REAGAN'S GHOST. 60 00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:14,635 ALL RIGHT, BUT -- BUT HOW IS JUSTIN? 61 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:15,803 OH. 62 00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,605 YOUR MOM WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, 63 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,640 SO, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, COME UP WITH SOMETHING. 64 00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:22,042 YES, MOM. 65 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,445 JUSTIN AND I DID BREAK UP, BUT IT'S NOT A HUGE DEAL. 66 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,247 I'M REALLY OKAY ABOUT IT. 67 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,217 YOU TRIED DATING, DIDN'T WORK OUT SO WELL. 68 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,818 NOW YOU CAN CONCENTRATE ON SCHOOL AND SPORTS 69 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:31,952 AND A LOT OF OTHER THINGS 70 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,221 THAT DON'T MAKE ME SO UNCOMFORTABLE. 71 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:36,724 AH, DAMN. THESE ARE JUSTIN'S. 72 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,660 AND SEEING THEM BRINGS UP FEELINGS? 73 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:42,062 YEAH -- IRRITATION. 74 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,797 RETURNING JUNK HE LEFT IN MY BAG 75 00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:45,899 WAS NOT PART OF MY CLEAN-EXIT STRATEGY. 76 00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,338 LEAVE IT ALONE. SHE'S FINE, OKAY? 77 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:53,541 HONEY, TEENAGE GIRLS ARE NOT THIS BLASé ABOUT BREAKUPS. 78 00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:54,842 TEENAGE GIRLS AREN'T EVE. 79 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:57,678 SHE'S LIKE A SUPERHUMAN HYBRID OF A MALE AND A FEMALE. 80 00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,413 I'D USE THE TERM "MASTER RACE," 81 00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:04,151 BUT THAT LOSER HITLER SCREWED THAT UP FOR EVERYBODY. 82 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:08,088 -- Captions by VITAC -- 83 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,760 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 84 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:15,663 HEY, HOW YOU DOING? 85 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,231 STILL FINE. SORRY. 86 00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:20,268 HONEY, YOU KNOW [SIGHS] I PROMISE, 87 00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:23,404 YOU WILL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER IF YOU JUST LET YOURSELF CRY. 88 00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:26,039 OH, SO YOU'RE BACKPEDALING ON LAST WEEK'S SPEECH 89 00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:28,208 ABOUT LAUGHTER BEING THE BEST MEDICINE? 90 00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:30,578 HEY, HEY, HEY. FIRST BREAKUPS ARE DEVASTATING. 91 00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,380 I KNOW MINE WAS. 92 00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:35,215 IT WAS HIGH SCHOOL. HIS NAME WAS JEFF, 93 00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:37,351 AND I-I THOUGHT HE WAS SO COOL 'CAUSE HE HAD A MUSTANG. 94 00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:40,187 AND YET, YOU MARRIED THE FISHING-POLE SALESMAN. 95 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,390 [ CHUCKLES ] 96 00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,358 JEFF AND I WERE VERY, VERY SERIOUS. 97 00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:46,394 AT LEAST, I WAS. 98 00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,862 I GUESS -- I GUESS HE WAS JUST PRETENDING, 99 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,898 WHICH, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, 100 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:53,467 IS REALLY JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR LYING. 101 00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:54,702 HE WAS A LIAR. 102 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,904 OHH! 103 00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,906 IT FEELS KIND OF GOOD JUST TO SAY THAT. 104 00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:01,041 GREAT. SO, UH, WE DONE HERE? 105 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,943 HE WOULD WRITE ME THESE LITTLE NOTES. 106 00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:04,545 OKAY, SILL GOING. 107 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:07,381 HE PROMISED TO LOVE ME TILL THE END OF TIME. 108 00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:11,151 AND APPARENTLY TIME ENDED THE WEEK BEFORE PROM, SO... 109 00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:14,655 I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE ALL STILL DOING HERE. 110 00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:15,989 ME NEITHER. 111 00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:18,592 MOM, LISTEN. 112 00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:20,294 THE BREAKUP BETWEEN ME AND JUSTIN 113 00:04:20,328 --> 00:04:22,463 WAS COMPLETELY MUTUAL, OKAY? HONEY... 114 00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,097 WE BOTH JUST REALIZED WE'RE TOO BUSY TO DATE RIGHT NOW. 115 00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:26,400 THAT'S ALL. REALLY? IT'S THAT SIMPLE? 116 00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,969 IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION... YEAH? 117 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,271 ...THIS HAS BEEN EXHAUSTING. 118 00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:36,444 TA-DA! 119 00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:37,478 OH, YEAH. 120 00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:39,246 YEAH, I COULD TOTALLY MAKE THAT DRESS FOR YOU. 121 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,349 BUT I AM WORRIED ABOUT THE COST. 122 00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:43,684 OH, DAD'S PAYING. 123 00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:45,353 NO, THE COST WOULD BE OUR RELATIONSHIP. 124 00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:48,689 I COULD NOT BE SISTERS 125 00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,791 WITH SOMEONE WHO WOULD WEAR THAT DRESS. 126 00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,360 [ LAUGHS ] 127 00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:54,428 WELL, I LIKE IT. 128 00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:55,429 OKAY. 129 00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:57,798 AND I DO HAVE ANOTHER SISTER. 130 00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:58,799 HEY. 131 00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,834 HEY, MOM. HEY, UH, HOW'S EVE DOING? 132 00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:03,504 I CANNOT GET HER TO CRY. OH, REALLY? 133 00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:05,706 HAVE YOU TRIED DROPPING HER OFF AT SCHOOL IN YOUR BATHROBE YET? 134 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,675 BECAUSE THAT WORKED WHEN YOU DID IT FOR ME. 135 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,677 EVE SWEARS SHE'S FINE. 136 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:12,045 SHES SAYS THE BREAKUP WAS MUTUAL. 137 00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:13,647 YOU KNOW WHO ALWAYS CALLS IT MUTUAL? 138 00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:15,215 THE PERSON WHO GOT DUMPED. MM. 139 00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,618 OH, GOD. YOU'RE RIGHT. 140 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:20,888 THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I TOLD PEOPLE WHEN JEFF DUMPED ME. 141 00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,523 WHO'S JEFF? [ SIGHS ] 142 00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:25,359 SOME LIAR. 143 00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:27,327 HEY, MAYBE WE COULD HELP HER OPEN UP. 144 00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:29,963 LET'S PUT HER IN AN ENVIRONMENT WERE SHE FEELS COMFORTABLE. 145 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:34,167 OHH, I DON'T WANT TO GO TO A MONSTER-TRUCK RALLY. 146 00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:35,636 NO, HANGING OUT WITH HER SISTERS. 147 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,406 YEAH, AND HER FUN MOM. YEAH. 148 00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:40,474 YEAH, WE COULD GO FOR TEA, AND THEN -- 149 00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:42,510 AND THEN WEDDING-DRESS SHOPPING. OH. 150 00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:45,513 AND WE'LL TALK AND TALK AND TALK. 151 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:48,315 WHEREVER YOU'RE GOING, PLEASE TAKE ME WITH YOU. 152 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,883 I'M JUST GOING OVER TO ED'S BASEMENT. 153 00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,652 OH, I'M IN. 154 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,487 BEATS AN AFTERNOON OF TALKING AND TEA 155 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:54,655 WITH THE CAST OF "THE VIEW." 156 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:55,656 THIS COULD BE FUN. 157 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,690 WE'RE GONNA GO SEE A TV 158 00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:58,492 THAT COST MORE THAN HIS FIRST CAR, 159 00:05:58,526 --> 00:06:01,895 WHICH I BELIEVE WAS THE FIRST CAR. 160 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,537 COME IN. COME IN. COME IN. COME IN HERE. 161 00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:11,271 CHECK OUT MY NEW HOME THEATER. WHOA. HEY. 162 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:12,873 THIS IS NOT NEARLY AS CREEPY AS WHAT I PICTURED 163 00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,208 YOU BUILDING DOWN HERE IN THE BASEMENT. 164 00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:18,579 WELCOME TO CINEMA ALZATE. ADMISSION IS FREE. 165 00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,414 BUT I DO INTEND TO GOUGE YOU ON THE SNACKS. 166 00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:23,884 JUST KIDDING. THERE'S NO EATING IN HERE. 167 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,052 GIVE ME THE GUM. 168 00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,055 SERIOUSLY? 169 00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,389 GUM, PLEASE. 170 00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:33,060 [ SPITS ] 171 00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:36,730 AT LEAST NO EATING MEANS 172 00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,866 I WON'T HAVE TO MAKE THE BEAN DIP. 173 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,469 WELL, THAT'S PROBABLY A GOOD THING. 174 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:45,473 WINDOWLESS ROOM? BEANS? 175 00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:46,640 CHECK THIS OUT. 176 00:06:46,674 --> 00:06:48,041 NOTICE HOW THE OPENING 177 00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,410 COMPLETELY VANISHES INTO THE PANELING. 178 00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:52,646 SO YOUR CAPTIVES CAN'T FIND THEIR WAY OUT. 179 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:57,117 SO, UH, WHERE'S THIS NEW, BIG TV, MR. ALZATE? 180 00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,452 OKAY, HERE WE GO. 181 00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:00,454 BEHOLD. 182 00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,425 HUH? ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS SET IT UP. 183 00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:09,563 HE HASN'T EVEN TAKEN IT OUT OF THE BOX. 184 00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:11,398 WELL, THAT'S WHY I INVITED YOU EARLY. 185 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,501 COME ON. LET'S GET TO WORK. TIP-OFF IN 20 MINUTES. 186 00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:16,604 WHERE'S THE DOOR? OH, GOD, THERE'S NO DOOR! 187 00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:22,009 HEY. I REALLY LIKE THIS ONE. 188 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,410 DON'T FALL IN LOVE. 189 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,813 REMEMBER, WE'RE JUST HERE TO RIP OFF IDEAS. 190 00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,815 I FEEL A LITTLE GUILTY 191 00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:29,249 ABOUT YOU STEALING SOMEONE ELSE'S DESIGN. 192 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,818 SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH. DON'T WORRY. 193 00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,920 IT'LL BE KRISTIN'S "SOMETHING BORROWED." 194 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,322 THERE'S OUR BRIDESMAID. 195 00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:36,590 OH! 196 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,592 AND I HAVE TO SAY, THAT LOOKS AMAZING ON YOU. 197 00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:39,426 RIGHT? [ CHUCKLES ] 198 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,161 AND, MOTHER OF THE BRIDE, 199 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:43,196 I HAVE TO SAY THAT LOOKS AMAZING ON YOU. 200 00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:44,798 REALLY? MOM, HE WORKS HERE. 201 00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:46,934 HE LITERALLY HAS TO SAY IT. 202 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,936 HOW'S IT GOING IN THERE? ALMOST DONE. 203 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,338 WEDDING DRESSES ARE A GIANT HASSLE. 204 00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:52,773 WAIT TILL YOU TRY MARRIAGE. 205 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:56,443 TRUST ME. 206 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,611 OKAY. [ GIGGLES ] 207 00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,513 HERE I COME. YEAH. 208 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:06,654 [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING ] HONEY, YOU'RE -- YOU'RE JUST GORGEOUS. 209 00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,889 I KNOW, MOM, BUT RIGHT NOW, THIS IS ABOUT KRISTIN. 210 00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,660 SO... DO YOU LIKE IT? 211 00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,027 YES. SO YOU LIKE IT? 212 00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:16,029 NO, CAN WE SEE ANOTHER OPTION? 213 00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:17,497 OF COURSE. 214 00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:20,133 BUT I HAVE TO SAY -- I KNOW -- "AMAZING." 215 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,135 BUT, UH, ANOTHER OPTION, PLEASE. 216 00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:23,236 YES. 217 00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:28,041 I CAN TOTALLY MAKE THAT DRESS, ONLY BETTER. 218 00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:30,578 [ SQUEALS, GIGGLES ] CHEERS. YEAH. 219 00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:33,581 [ GIGGLING ] N-O-O-O! 220 00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:36,550 CHAMPAGNE ALWAYS HELPS MY CREATIVE PROCESS. 221 00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:40,153 I ASSUME. 222 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:43,523 FROM... WHAT I'VE READ. 223 00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:46,526 IN THE BIBLE. AHH. 224 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:49,329 MM. 225 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,565 BOY, I HOPE EVE IS HAVING A GOOD TIME WITH YOUR DAD. 226 00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:54,602 YEAH, TEENAGE BREAKUPS CAN BE SO PAINFUL. 227 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,536 AND SOMETIMES THEY ARE JUST AWKWARD. 228 00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,572 LIKE MY BREAKUP WITH KYLE. 229 00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:01,408 I THOUGHT THINGS ENDED OKAY WITH YOU AND KYLE? 230 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,376 YEAH, YOU ALWAYS SAID THAT IT WAS MUTUAL. 231 00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:08,548 MUTUAL. YOU "MUTUAL-ED" KYLE? 232 00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:11,685 THE AWKWARD PART WAS HOW HARD HE TRIED 233 00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:14,955 TO GET ME BACK -- NOTES, POEMS, FLOWERS. 234 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,389 WELL, NO -- DIRT AND SEEDS. 235 00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:20,594 HE THOUGHT I'D HAVE MORE FUN MAKING MY OWN. 236 00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:23,631 KYLE ONLY GIVES DIRT TO PEOPLE THAT HE REALLY CARES ABOUT. 237 00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:26,066 IT WAS NO BIG DEAL. I JUST KEPT SAYING NO. 238 00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:27,200 OH. [ SCOFFS ] 239 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,202 I MEAN, IT SORT OF SOUNDS LIKE A BIG DEAL. 240 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,772 UH, HOW LONG DID THIS WHOLE THING GO ON FOR? 241 00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:33,607 NOT LONG. LIKE SIX MONTHS. 242 00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,909 I'M SORRY. SIX MONTHS? 243 00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:38,746 DID I EVER TELL YOU GIRLS ABOUT JEFF? 244 00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:41,782 [ CHUCKLES ] NOW, THERE WAS A BREAKUP. 245 00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,583 WHY HAVE YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT THIS? 246 00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:45,318 YOU MEAN WE COULD HAVE HAD 247 00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:47,655 THIS SUPER-FUN CONVERSATION EVEN SOONER? 248 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:51,058 I TRIED TO GET JEFF BACK. [ CHUCKLES ] 249 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,460 HE LOVED "FLASHDANCE," 250 00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:57,497 SO I-I GOT A CHAIR AND A BUCKET OF WATER, AND... 251 00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,333 I'M SORRY THAT I DON'T LIKE HEARING 252 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,102 HOW HEARTBROKEN KYLE WAS OVER YOU. RIGHT. 253 00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,271 I'M GETTING MARRIED, EVE'S GOING THROUGH A BREAKUP. 254 00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:08,776 BUT SOMEHOW, ONCE AGAIN, TODAY BECOMES ALL ABOUT MANDY. 255 00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,343 OKAY, WELL, IF YOU WANT IT TO BE ALL ABOUT YOU, 256 00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:12,012 WHY DON'T YOU MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN WEDDING DRESS? 257 00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,613 I DIDN'T WANT YOUR KNOCK-OFF DRESS, ANYWAY. 258 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,315 I CAN'T IMAGINE 259 00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,150 A MORE BEAUTIFUL DRESS THAN THIS ONE. 260 00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:19,152 SO YOU'LL TAKE IT? YES. 261 00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:21,254 NO. 262 00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,691 THAT ONE IS ALSO PRETTY. I'LL BE IN HERE. 263 00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:30,030 ALL RIGHT, THE MANUAL ESTIMATED 10 MINUTES FOR THIS STEP. 264 00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:32,833 WHAT ARE YOU CLOWNS DOING DOWN THERE? 265 00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,501 YOU KNOW, I THINK WE'RE DOING A GOOD JOB 266 00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:35,703 CONSIDERING THE ONLY TOOLS YOU HAVE 267 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,771 ARE NEEDLE-NOSE PLIERS 268 00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:40,340 AND WHATEVER THE HELL THIS THING IS. 269 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:43,944 I FINALLY FOUND THE CABLE FOR THE BACK SPEAKERS. 270 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,513 HUH. 271 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:47,681 WELL, I GOT THE SHORTEST ONE. 272 00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:49,950 I MEAN, I SAVED FIVE BUCKS. GREAT. 273 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:53,620 NOW ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS MOVE THAT WALL OVER HERE. 274 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,188 YES! DENVER JUST TIED IT! 275 00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:56,790 OOH, OOH, LET ME SEE. LET ME SEE. 276 00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:58,658 YOU DON'T WANT TO WATCH THE GAME ON THAT LITTLE PHONE. 277 00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:00,293 YOU KNOW, THE PHONE HAS AN ADVANTAGE -- 278 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:03,663 IT'S NOT JUST A BIG, BLACK RECTANGLE. 279 00:11:04,832 --> 00:11:06,566 I THINK WE GOT ENOUGH STUFF HOOKED UP HERE. 280 00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:08,235 I-I-I'M FIRING THIS BAD BOY UP. 281 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,336 WELL, NOW, HOLD ON. DO IT. DO IT. 282 00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:10,904 OKAY, MIKE. OKAY, HERE I GO. GO, GO, GO. 283 00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:12,639 AND... [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] 284 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,041 WHAT... WHAT THE... 285 00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:17,644 THANK YOU FOR THAT, CHUCK. THAT REALLY SETS US BACK. 286 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,813 NO, I JUST OVERLOADED THE CIRCUIT. 287 00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:21,849 DO YOU HAVE THE TV ON THE SAME CIRCUIT AS THE LIGHTS? 288 00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:22,983 IT'S JUST A TV. 289 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:26,319 PLUGGING THIS THING IN IS LIKE PLUGGING IN VEGAS. 290 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,822 UH, I COULD GO RESET THE BREAKER. 291 00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,690 GOOD. GO AHEAD. YEAH, THE PANEL'S IN THE KITCHEN. 292 00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,659 RIGHT THERE. RIGHT UP -- YEAH. OKAY. 293 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,195 JUST GO RIGHT TO YOUR LEFT RIGHT THERE. UP. 294 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,563 MIKEY, NO OFFENSE, 295 00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:39,666 BUT I THINK HAVING EVE HERE IS INHIBITING OUR FUN. 296 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,234 YEAH, I'M SURE EVE IS THE REASON WE'RE NOT HAVING FUN, 297 00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:43,837 NOT THE FACT THAT WE GOT NO LIGHTS AND NO TV. 298 00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,405 AND NO GUM. 299 00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:48,341 SHE BROKE UP WITH HER FIRST BOYFRIEND, 300 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,743 HER MOM'S BEEN BUGGING HER ABOUT IT AT HOME. 301 00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:51,344 I JUST WANTED TO GET HER OUT OF THE HOUSE, 302 00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,512 GIVE HER A LITTLE SPACE, OKAY? 303 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,681 YEAH, WOMEN LOVE PICKING EMOTIONS APART. 304 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:58,051 IT'S LIKE A BLOOMIN' ONION AT HAPPY HOUR. 305 00:11:58,085 --> 00:11:59,686 IF WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO EAT IN HERE, 306 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,421 I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT FOOD. 307 00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,891 AH! OKAY. GOOD GOING! 308 00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:05,558 YOU'RE A GOOD DAD, BAXTER. 309 00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:07,694 LET THE GIRL PROCESS THINGS AT HER OWN PACE. 310 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:08,762 YEAH, HE'S RIGHT. 311 00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:10,197 SHE'S BETTER OFF NOT DWELLING ON IT. 312 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,965 SO, WHAT'S THIS DEAL ABOUT THE BREAKUP? 313 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,366 ED, DWELLING. 314 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,536 UM, I'M FINE, MR. ALZATE. NO BIGGIE. 315 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:17,604 I MEAN, ANYONE CARE 316 00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:19,239 THAT THE NUGGETS JUST WENT ON A 12-0 RUN? 317 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:20,808 ALL RIGHT, NOW, THAT'S SMART. 318 00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,442 TAKE YOUR MIND OFF THE PAIN. 319 00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:25,813 EVENTUALLY YOU FORGET IT, AND -- AND YOU GET OVER IT, RIGHT? 320 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:28,448 OH, YOU FORGET. 321 00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,951 BUT DO YOU EVER REALLY GET OVER IT? 322 00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:33,954 NOT IF YOU DISCUSS YOUR FEELINGS 323 00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:35,588 WITH YOUR DAD'S MIDDLE-AGED FRIENDS. 324 00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:38,225 LISA DEMERAY. 325 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,427 HUH? 326 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,429 SHE SAT NEXT TO ME IN EIGHTH-GRADE MATH. 327 00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:46,599 SHE BORROWED MY PROTRACTOR, AND I NEVER WASHED IT AGAIN. 328 00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:50,437 YOU -- YOU WASHED YOUR PROTRACTOR, HUH? 329 00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:54,207 WHAT DID YOU MEASURE WITH THAT THING? 330 00:12:57,310 --> 00:13:00,680 I-I FINALLY GOT UP THE NERVE TO TALK TO HER, 331 00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:04,351 AND SHE TOLD ME HER FAMILY WAS MOVING TO BALTIMORE. 332 00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:07,587 WHENEVER THEY SHOW THE CROWD AT A RAVENS GAME, 333 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,924 I-I LOOK FOR HER. 334 00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:12,092 YOU KNOW, I'M PRETTY SURE SHE DOESN'T LOOK 335 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,927 LIKE SHE DID IN THE EIGHTH GRADE. 336 00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,829 BUT IT'S GREAT TO KNOW WHY YOU WATCH FOOTBALL. 337 00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:19,132 OKAY, SO, UH, WE READY TO TRY THIS AGAIN? 338 00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:20,868 IT WAS THE SPRING OF '56. 339 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,269 GUESS NOT. 340 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:25,873 TAMMY BALACEK AND I [CHUCKLES] 341 00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:27,674 WOULD KISS IN THE MOONLIGHT, 342 00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:29,142 TELLING EACH OTHER OUR DREAMS. 343 00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:33,346 YEAH. THAT'S WHEN DREAMS USED TO BE BLACK AND WHITE. 344 00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:36,884 UNLIKE OUR FLAT-SCREEN, WHICH IS STILL BLACK! 345 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:40,888 ONE DAY, OUT OF THE BLUE, 346 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:43,891 SHE SAYS SHE'S NOT FEELING IT ANYMORE. 347 00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:48,295 [ Voice breaking ] WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? 348 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,697 TRUE LOVE IS RIGHT THERE, 349 00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:53,533 AND SHE SAYS SHE'S NOT FEELING IT. 350 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:58,538 I BETTER TEST THESE 3-D GLASSES. 351 00:13:58,571 --> 00:13:59,873 I DON'T THINK WE NEED TV. 352 00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:01,841 WE GOT "THE BROTHERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS" 353 00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,911 RIGHT HERE. 354 00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:06,313 BAXTER, IT MIGHT BE GOOD FOR EVE TO HEAR THIS STUFF. 355 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,814 I MEAN, IT'S HARD WHEN YOUR -- 356 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,883 YOUR HEART GETS RIPPED OUT OF YOUR CHEST. 357 00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:11,919 NOBODY RIPPED HER HEART OUT OF HER CHEST. 358 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,520 THIS WAS A MUTUAL BREAKUP, RIGHT? 359 00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:16,723 ACTUALLY, I KIND OF JUST SAID THAT. 360 00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:18,391 YEAH, I BROKE UP WITH JUSTIN. 361 00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:21,428 HE WAS JUST MORE INTO ME THAN I WAS INTO HIM. 362 00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,663 Mike: OKAY. 363 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:27,067 TAMMY BALACEK ALL OVER AGAIN. 364 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,903 I'M FEELING KIND OF BAD BECAUSE WHEN JUSTIN 365 00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:32,439 STARTED CRYING, I KIND OF LAUGHED. 366 00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,541 HE CRIED? 367 00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:37,110 YOU LAUGHED? 368 00:14:37,144 --> 00:14:40,447 WHAT KIND OF MONSTER HAVE YOU RAISED? 369 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,714 DON'T LISTEN TO THESE GUYS. 370 00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:43,917 YOU KNOW, SHE'S PROBABLY NOT USED TO SEEING MEN CRY. 371 00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:45,885 BUT AFTER TODAY, IT'LL BE LIKE OLD HAT. 372 00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:48,721 YEAH, JUSTIN CRYING JUST CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD, THAT'S ALL. 373 00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:49,923 EVE, YOU'RE A GOOD KID AND ALL, 374 00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:51,424 BUT THAT -- THAT -- THAT'S COLD. 375 00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:55,062 THAT'S -- THAT'S DEEP SPACE, DARK-SIDE-OF-THE-MOON COLD. 376 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:58,065 UH, LET'S HAVE ENOUGH OF THIS. 377 00:14:58,098 --> 00:14:59,732 LET'S WATCH A LITTLE BASKETBALL. 378 00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:02,435 OKAY, ALL RIGHT. THAT'S WHAT WE CAME HERE FOR, HUH? SIT DOWN. 379 00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:04,037 SATELLITE ON, GUYS. Ed: LET'S GO. 380 00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:07,640 SIT DOWN, AND LET'S WATCH SOME BASKETBALL. ALL RIGHT. 381 00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:10,143 Announcer: ANOTHER INCREDIBLE WIN FOR DENVER. 382 00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:11,278 STAY TUNED FOR POST-GAME COVERAGE, 383 00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:12,879 AND OUR INTERVIEW WITH TY LAWSON, 384 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:16,383 THE QUIZNO'S BACON RANCH PLAYER OF THE GAME. 385 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,953 WOW, THAT WAS SOME GAME. YOU KNOW WHAT? 386 00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:22,589 MAYBE WE'LL COME BY HERE 387 00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:24,057 AND NOT WATCH THE SUPER BOWL WHEN IT'S ON. 388 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,801 WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS KYLE THING. 389 00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,236 I AM CHANGING. WELL, GOOD, 390 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,671 BECAUSE I'M NOT CRAZY ABOUT WHO YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. 391 00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,440 MOM?! 392 00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:41,508 SHE'S NOT HERE. 393 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,110 SHE'S OFF BONDING WITH THE SALESMAN. 394 00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:47,080 THEY'VE BOTH BEEN DUMPED BY LIARS NAMED JEFF. 395 00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,181 LOOK, OKAY? 396 00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:49,983 KYLE WAS NEVER REALLY IN LOVE WITH ME. 397 00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:52,085 I-I-I-I THINK HE JUST FELT OBLIGATED 398 00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:53,453 BECAUSE I'M A SINGLE MOM 399 00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:56,089 AND -- AND BOYD HAD GOTTEN REALLY ATTACHED TO HIM. 400 00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:57,690 BOYD WAS ONLY 4 THEN. 401 00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,092 THEY LIKED A LOT OF THE SAME BOOKS. 402 00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:02,029 ALL OF THOSE TIMES THAT KYLE TRIED TO GET YOU BACK, 403 00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:04,364 YOU REJECTED HIM EVERY SINGLE TIME? 404 00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:08,301 YES, I PROMISE, OKAY? YOU HAVE NO REASON TO BE JEALOUS. 405 00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:10,303 JEALOUS? WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS? 406 00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:14,107 I'M JUST MAD AT YOU FOR REJECTING MY SWEET KYLE. 407 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:17,710 OH. WHAT? 408 00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,612 THAT MUST HAVE REALLY HURT HIS FEELINGS -- 409 00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,014 COMING TO YOU WITH DIRT AND SEEDS 410 00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:23,383 AND GETTING TURNED DOWN OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. 411 00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,552 SO, YOU'RE MAD AT ME 412 00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:28,121 FOR NOT GETTING BACK WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND? 413 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:31,224 ALL HE WANTED WAS ANOTHER SHOT. 414 00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:34,827 SEE, THIS IS WHY I THINK YOU AND KYLE ARE THE REAL THING. 415 00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:37,030 THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE SEEN YOU 416 00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:39,632 PUT SOMEONE ELSE'S FEELINGS AHEAD OF YOUR OWN. 417 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,234 IS THAT WHAT I DID? 418 00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:42,702 YEAH. 419 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,672 AND YOU DID IT WITHOUT EVEN THINKING. 420 00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:48,875 THAT'S WHEN I DO MY BEST STUFF. 421 00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:52,845 Announcer: WHAT A NIGHT! 422 00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:56,383 DENVER WINS IN TRIPLE OVERTIME, 143-142. 423 00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:57,417 [ RADIO TURNS OFF ] 424 00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,419 WELL, IF YOU'RE GONNA MISS A GAME, 425 00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,588 MIGHT AS WELL MISS THE BEST ONE OF THE YEAR. 426 00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:02,855 [ SIGHS ] 427 00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:06,593 WHAT IF ED AND CHUCK ARE RIGHT ABOUT ME BEING COLD? 428 00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:07,827 EVE, COME ON. 429 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,096 IN THE LAST TWO DAYS, 430 00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,498 I'VE BEEN CALLED A MONSTER AND A ROBOT. 431 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,599 IT'S STARTING TO HURT. 432 00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,434 WHO CALLED YOU A ROBOT? 433 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,436 JUSTIN... 434 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,505 WHEN I LAUGHED AT HIM FOR CRYING. 435 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,708 ROBOTS DON'T LAUGH AT OTHER PEOPLE'S PAIN. 436 00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:24,744 THAT WOULD BE A SOCIOPATH. 437 00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:27,347 [ SCOFFS ] DAD, I'M SERIOUS. 438 00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,549 I MEAN, HAVE YOU EVER LAUGHED 439 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:31,384 WHEN SOMEONE YOU CARED ABOUT WAS IN PAIN? 440 00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:33,786 NO. YES. 441 00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:35,788 I MEAN, YOUR MOM MADE SOME PRETTY FUNNY FACES 442 00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:37,624 WHEN SHE WAS DELIVERING KRISTIN. 443 00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:39,226 AND I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW, 444 00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,361 NEVER TELL A WOMAN IN LABOR 445 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,730 THAT SHE LOOKS LIKE BUDDY HACKETT. 446 00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:47,567 I DON'T KNOW. JUSTIN WAS MY FIRST REAL BOYFRIEND. 447 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,137 I THINK MAYBE I SHOULD BE MORE UPSET. 448 00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:52,372 WHAT YOU THINK DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE. 449 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,073 SEE, THIS IS ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS. 450 00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,476 AND YOUR FEELINGS ARE GONNA COME UP. 451 00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,711 EVEN IF IT'S 50 YEARS LATER 452 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,080 WHEN YOU'RE SHOWING OFF YOUR MEDIA ROOM. 453 00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:02,982 SO, I'M NOT COLD? YOU'RE NOT COLD AT ALL. 454 00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:04,284 YOU HAVE GREAT FEELINGS. 455 00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:05,885 YOU -- YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR FAMILY 456 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,821 AND YOUR FRIENDS AND GOD AND THE BRONCOS... 457 00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,990 I DO CRY WHEN THEY LOSE. MM-HMM. 458 00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:13,426 AND I CRIED AFTER THE 2012 ELECTION. 459 00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:15,895 I MEAN, EVEN ROMNEY DIDN'T CRY. 460 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,464 HE'S NOT PROGRAMMED TO. 461 00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,932 ROMNEY IS, IN FACT, A ROBOT. 462 00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:25,238 HEY. 463 00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:26,806 HEY, HOW WAS ED'S TV? 464 00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,475 HEAVY. 465 00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:30,677 WHAT ABOUT YOU? YOU OKAY? 466 00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:31,678 YOU HAVE ANY FEELINGS YOU WANT -- 467 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:34,747 I GOT TO GO. 468 00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,015 WELL, GOOD GOING. YOU SPOOKED HER. 469 00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:38,918 LIKE THAT 10-POINT BUCK I TRIED TO SHOOT ON OUR HONEYMOON. 470 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,287 YEAH. 471 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,322 YEAH, HONEY, YOU KNOW, YOU SHOT AT A DEER 472 00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:44,191 FROM THE BALCONY OF OUR BRIDAL SUITE. 473 00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:46,793 MM-HMM. AND, UH -- AND I'M THE ONE WHO'S OUT OF LINE? 474 00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,995 UNH-UNH. [ CHUCKLES ] 475 00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:50,830 HEY, DID SHE SHOW ANY EMOTION? SHE CRY? ANYTHING? NO. 476 00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,432 IF SHE NEEDS LESSONS, 477 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:55,668 SHE CAN TAKE THEM FROM ED AND CHUCK. 478 00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:57,504 HEY, MOM, HAVE YOU SEEN JUSTIN'S HEADPHONES? 479 00:18:57,537 --> 00:18:59,372 I WANT TO RETURN THEM AND GET THIS OVER WITH. 480 00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:01,374 UH, YEAH, I DROPPED THEM OFF WITH JUSTIN'S MOM. 481 00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:04,043 WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT? SHE IS SO SWEET. 482 00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:06,979 WOULD IT BE WEIRD FOR YOU IF BETTY AND I STAYED FRIENDS? 483 00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:08,981 YOU DROPPED THEM OFF? 484 00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:10,617 WELL, Y-Y-YOU DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO SEE HIM, 485 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:11,818 SO I JUST THOUGHT I WOULD -- HOW CAN YOU DO THAT, MOM? 486 00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,520 I WAS GOING TO DO THAT! YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME FIRST! 487 00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:15,021 NO, NO, NO, BUT, BABE, YOU SAID YOU WANTED A CLEAN EXIT, RIGHT? 488 00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,956 YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST DO ME A FAVOR AND DON'T THINK, OKAY? 489 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,891 JUST -- FROM NOW ON, STAY OUT OF MY LIFE. 490 00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:20,360 [ SIGHS ] 491 00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:21,894 HONEY, I -- 492 00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:28,835 THERE'S SOME EMOTION. EVERYBODY HAPPY? 493 00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:30,870 [ EVE CRYING ] 494 00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,675 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 495 00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:38,678 SHE'S IN THERE CRYING, MIKE. IT'S TERRIBLE. 496 00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:40,146 ALL WEEK LONG, YOU'VE WANTED HER TO CRY. 497 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,748 YES, SHE'S MY BABY. 498 00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:44,251 WELL, NOW THAT SHE'S CRYING, YOU WANT HER TO STOP? 499 00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:47,687 YES, SHE'S MY BABY. 500 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:48,888 S-S-SHE JUST NEEDS SOME TIME BY HERSELF. 501 00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:49,856 JUST GET AWAY FR-- W-W-WAIT, BUT IF -- 502 00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:51,258 HAVE I MADE IT CLEAR 503 00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,826 THAT I'M AVAILABLE TO TALK TO HER ABOUT THIS? 504 00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,862 I THINK EVERYONE KNOWS THAT. 505 00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:59,666 OH -- WELL, I-I'M GONNA WAIT HERE JUST IN CASE SHE NEEDS ME. 506 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:00,833 AS LONG AS IT TAKES. 507 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,435 Eve: MOM? 508 00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:03,936 OH, THANK GOD. 509 00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:13,780 HEY, MIKE BAXTER HERE FOR OUTDOOR MAN 510 00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,215 WITH OUR VALENTINE'S DAY GIFT COMBO -- 511 00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:19,786 HIP WADERS AND A SLEEPING BAG. 512 00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:21,020 HMM? 513 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,589 SEE, YOU'LL NEED THE SLEEPING BAG 514 00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:24,023 WHEN YOUR WIFE KICKS YOU OUT 515 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,225 BECAUSE YOU BOUGHT HER HIP WADERS. 516 00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:28,194 VALENTINE'S DAY IS A CELEBRATION OF LOVE. 517 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,796 BUT FOR A LOT OF LONELY PEOPLE, 518 00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,398 IT'S A BIG HOLIDAY FOR DEPRESSION, 519 00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:34,033 WHICH IS WHY WE'LL BE CLOSING THE SHOOTING RANGE 520 00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,235 VERY EARLY THAT DAY. 521 00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:38,237 WITH SO MUCH HEARTBREAK, 522 00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:40,039 WHY DO WE PUT OURSELVES THROUGH THIS? 523 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:43,042 IS LOVE NECESSARY FOR OUR SURVIVAL? 524 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,211 ANIMALS DON'T LOVE, AND THEY SURVIVE JUST FINE, 525 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:48,247 PRESENT COMPANY EXCLUDED. 526 00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:50,617 WHEN YOU SEE A GIRAFFE RUNNING ON THE SAVANNAH, 527 00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:52,419 IT'S NOT RUNNING AFTER ANOTHER GIRAFFE 528 00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:54,253 SAYING, "PLEASE, DON'T LEAVE ME." 529 00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:58,658 IT'S RUNNING FROM A LION SAYING, "PLEASE DON'T EAT ME." 530 00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:00,259 ONLY HUMANS ARE CAPABLE OF LOVE, 531 00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:02,261 AND THE BEST KIND OF LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL -- 532 00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:05,097 LOVE OF FAMILY, LOVE OF FRIENDS, LOVE OF GOD... 533 00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:08,401 AND LOVE OF YOUR NEW 4x4. 534 00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:10,570 LOVE IS ABOUT THE BEST THING HUMANS HAVE. 535 00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,171 AS THE AUTHOR ROBERT BRAULT SAID, 536 00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:14,173 "FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE YOU FOR NO REASON, 537 00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:16,309 AND SHOWER THAT PERSON WITH REASONS." 538 00:21:16,343 --> 00:21:18,945 THAT IS THE ULTIMATE HAPPINESS. 539 00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:21,914 SO, MAYBE FOLLOW UP THOSE HIP WADERS WITH SOME FLOWERS. 540 00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,182 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO, 541 00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:26,185 DON'T SHOW HER THE PRESENT YOU GOT YOUR TRUCK. 542 00:21:26,218 --> 00:21:29,055 HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY FROM ALL OF US AT OUTDOOR MAN. 40089

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