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1
00:00:13,798 --> 00:00:17,059
Look, Cheryl should be allowed
to date whomever she wants.
2
00:00:17,135 --> 00:00:19,112
I mean, we're not
together anymore.
3
00:00:19,137 --> 00:00:21,137
My choice. But, uh...
4
00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:22,432
- I met the guy.
- See ya, Joe-Joe.
5
00:00:22,457 --> 00:00:24,306
He seems like kind of a doofus.
6
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:26,509
But again, not my business.
7
00:00:26,586 --> 00:00:27,547
Oh, excuse me, sorry.
8
00:00:27,571 --> 00:00:29,774
- Hey, Shrub.
- I didn't do it!
9
00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:31,647
Easy, I come in peace!
10
00:00:31,724 --> 00:00:35,409
Hey, look, I'm starting a
computer class for the elderly,
11
00:00:35,561 --> 00:00:38,892
and I thought you might
be willing to volunteer.
12
00:00:38,915 --> 00:00:40,301
I know what whizzes you kids are
13
00:00:40,325 --> 00:00:41,561
with technology these days...
14
00:00:41,585 --> 00:00:42,804
Did you get locked out
of Facebook again?
15
00:00:42,828 --> 00:00:44,902
No.
16
00:00:44,979 --> 00:00:46,420
This is not for me, okay?
17
00:00:46,573 --> 00:00:49,460
I like to think of myself
as not exactly elderly yet,
18
00:00:49,484 --> 00:00:51,329
although this could be
a great chance for you
19
00:00:51,353 --> 00:00:54,262
- to meet the older generation.
- How much does it pay?
20
00:00:54,338 --> 00:00:58,152
Well, "volunteer" means
it does not pay.
21
00:00:58,176 --> 00:01:00,676
But I will provide juice.
22
00:01:00,829 --> 00:01:04,751
- What kind of juice?
- Cranberry, apple-grape mix.
23
00:01:04,775 --> 00:01:06,493
I'm listening.
24
00:01:06,518 --> 00:01:08,313
Plus, I upgraded the church
Wi-Fi to the supreme package...
25
00:01:08,337 --> 00:01:10,814
Oh, my..., yes. I'm in.
26
00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:14,432
The supreme Wi-Fi package
is, like, the unicorn of Wi-Fi.
27
00:01:14,509 --> 00:01:16,188
The library had it
for, like, five minutes,
28
00:01:16,269 --> 00:01:18,338
but people downloaded
so much weird porn
29
00:01:18,362 --> 00:01:20,271
it actually broke the computer.
30
00:01:20,349 --> 00:01:23,103
It's so powerful,
you can talk to the future.
31
00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:25,126
Yeah, I had a great date
with Jimmy.
32
00:01:25,203 --> 00:01:27,347
And, yes, he is from Pockton.
33
00:01:27,371 --> 00:01:29,015
Apparently,
if you live in Flatch,
34
00:01:29,039 --> 00:01:30,183
you have to hate Pockton
35
00:01:30,207 --> 00:01:32,019
and anyone who deals with them.
36
00:01:32,043 --> 00:01:33,543
Honestly,
37
00:01:33,620 --> 00:01:36,212
Flatch could learn a thing
or two from the town next door.
38
00:01:36,289 --> 00:01:37,616
I mean, you go to Pockton,
39
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:40,286
that place is hopping
like a frog at a square dance.
40
00:01:40,310 --> 00:01:43,145
They have a store
that only sells popcorn.
41
00:01:43,295 --> 00:01:45,889
It's called "Pock-corn."
I mean, how cute is that?
42
00:01:49,319 --> 00:01:51,359
Was that a water balloon
or a gunshot?
43
00:02:04,668 --> 00:02:07,221
Hello? Ugh.
44
00:02:07,245 --> 00:02:10,413
Oh, hi, Nadine.
45
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:12,393
Your box was blocking
the entryway,
46
00:02:12,417 --> 00:02:14,878
which needs to remain clear,
per fire regulations.
47
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:16,419
Oh, gosh. Well...
48
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:19,163
I guess it means it's time
to check out the entries.
49
00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:22,183
I am running a contest
50
00:02:22,335 --> 00:02:24,497
to come up with a new slogan
for Flatch.
51
00:02:24,521 --> 00:02:26,147
I'm gonna put all the entries
in the paper,
52
00:02:26,171 --> 00:02:27,908
and then everybody votes.
53
00:02:27,932 --> 00:02:28,984
Oh, okay, I'm not really sure
54
00:02:29,008 --> 00:02:30,745
what's wrong
with our current slogan.
55
00:02:30,769 --> 00:02:32,004
Oh, well,
56
00:02:32,028 --> 00:02:34,340
"Home of
Colonel Flatch's latrine"
57
00:02:34,364 --> 00:02:37,084
doesn't exactly scream
must-see destination.
58
00:02:37,108 --> 00:02:40,070
Okay, well, agree to disagree.
59
00:02:40,094 --> 00:02:41,347
Oh, I'm so excited.
60
00:02:41,371 --> 00:02:43,740
Let's check out our first entry.
61
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:46,115
Um...
62
00:02:46,192 --> 00:02:50,211
"Flatch, home of Cheryl,
unfortunately."
63
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,789
That's dumb.
64
00:02:53,942 --> 00:02:55,759
Ah, let's try another one.
65
00:02:57,461 --> 00:03:00,722
"If you love Pockton so much,
you should just move there."
66
00:03:00,872 --> 00:03:03,466
Period, "Cheryl," period.
67
00:03:03,543 --> 00:03:04,875
Mm.
68
00:03:04,953 --> 00:03:06,118
It's not a slogan.
69
00:03:16,131 --> 00:03:18,240
My machine is broken!
70
00:03:18,316 --> 00:03:19,701
Len, how many times do
I have to tell you
71
00:03:19,725 --> 00:03:22,037
it's not called a machine
and it's not broken?
72
00:03:22,061 --> 00:03:23,819
It is asleep.
73
00:03:23,972 --> 00:03:25,771
Okay. Wake my machine up.
74
00:03:27,233 --> 00:03:28,228
Hey, Kelly,
what a great surprise.
75
00:03:28,252 --> 00:03:29,469
I didn't know
you wanted to volunteer.
76
00:03:29,493 --> 00:03:30,568
Can't talk, okay?
77
00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:32,305
I'm in the middle
of a killer game of "Among Us,"
78
00:03:32,329 --> 00:03:34,588
and I need in on your Wi-Fi.
79
00:03:34,740 --> 00:03:35,810
Where can I plug in?
80
00:03:35,834 --> 00:03:37,000
You absolutely can not
81
00:03:37,151 --> 00:03:38,259
play games here Kelly
82
00:03:38,411 --> 00:03:40,647
Okay, not a game. A lifestyle.
83
00:03:40,671 --> 00:03:43,764
Still a no.
But June could use some help.
84
00:03:43,915 --> 00:03:45,302
We have juice.
85
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:47,413
- What flavor?
- Apple-grape.
86
00:03:47,437 --> 00:03:50,156
Uh...
87
00:03:50,180 --> 00:03:52,274
I love apple-grape. Okay.
88
00:03:53,925 --> 00:03:55,146
- Hey, June.
- Hey.
89
00:03:55,170 --> 00:03:56,663
I am going to need you to turn
90
00:03:56,687 --> 00:03:58,280
away while I check my emails.
91
00:03:58,430 --> 00:04:02,358
- Okay.
- What you got going on here?
92
00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:05,193
Ideas for the Flatch
slogan contest.
93
00:04:05,347 --> 00:04:08,342
Oh, yeah? "Flatch is a catch."
94
00:04:08,365 --> 00:04:09,848
It rhymes.
95
00:04:09,984 --> 00:04:14,295
When I win the $100, I'm gonna
start a hydroponic tomato farm.
96
00:04:14,447 --> 00:04:16,964
I looked it up on the Google.
97
00:04:17,115 --> 00:04:19,009
- There's a cash prize?
- Mm-hmm.
98
00:04:20,545 --> 00:04:23,524
Yeah, I'd say my chances of
winning this are pretty high.
99
00:04:23,548 --> 00:04:26,341
Mallets already have
a pretty strong track record
100
00:04:26,492 --> 00:04:30,052
of coming up with nicknames
for things in this town.
101
00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:32,629
Grody-Ass Pond,
Witch Finger Woods,
102
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,298
Lookout.
103
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:37,360
We're rock stars at
choosing good words for stuff.
104
00:04:38,896 --> 00:04:40,303
"Flatch, we should get a cannon
105
00:04:40,382 --> 00:04:43,043
and shoot Cheryl out of it."
106
00:04:43,067 --> 00:04:44,992
Wow, you weren't kidding.
107
00:04:45,069 --> 00:04:47,235
- People really hate you.
- I know.
108
00:04:47,312 --> 00:04:49,199
Someone threw a water balloon
at my bedroom window
109
00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:50,292
last night.
110
00:04:50,316 --> 00:04:52,829
What? These are threats.
111
00:04:52,853 --> 00:04:55,586
And you need
to protect yourself.
112
00:04:58,233 --> 00:05:00,341
Gosh, it was just one date.
113
00:05:00,418 --> 00:05:03,418
I don't even know
if I like the guy.
114
00:05:03,495 --> 00:05:04,829
Ah.
115
00:05:04,906 --> 00:05:08,569
This small bust of Jane Austen
could crack a skull.
116
00:05:08,593 --> 00:05:11,163
Put it down here within reach
just so you can get it.
117
00:05:11,187 --> 00:05:12,519
Just in case, okay?
118
00:05:12,672 --> 00:05:14,891
So let me ask you do you know
any of the following...
119
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:17,411
Judo, Krav Maga, Muay Thai,
120
00:05:17,435 --> 00:05:20,362
a chokehold you put on
a pit bull to make him let go,
121
00:05:20,437 --> 00:05:22,178
but you could also use on a man?
122
00:05:22,257 --> 00:05:24,250
Sorry, Mandy, this is so silly.
123
00:05:24,274 --> 00:05:26,925
I am a pacifist.
I fight with my words.
124
00:05:30,281 --> 00:05:33,582
You got a strong reflex game.
I can work with that.
125
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:43,379
It's been a week, and we've
had some exciting developments.
126
00:05:43,403 --> 00:05:45,773
Bessie has learned
how to find recipes online
127
00:05:45,797 --> 00:05:49,723
and that "BDSM" does not stand
for "Beef Dinner Small Meals."
128
00:05:49,875 --> 00:05:53,430
Malcolm spent an entire savings
bond on a rare Beanie Baby.
129
00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:56,209
And thanks to Shrub,
Len got on a dating website,
130
00:05:56,233 --> 00:05:58,399
and he met a lovely woman.
131
00:05:58,550 --> 00:06:00,620
Both Cynthia and I love pie,
132
00:06:00,644 --> 00:06:04,238
conspiracy theories,
and sponge baths.
133
00:06:04,389 --> 00:06:07,908
That's her.
134
00:06:08,060 --> 00:06:09,411
Shrub!
135
00:06:09,562 --> 00:06:11,798
That's a teddy bear emoji.
136
00:06:11,822 --> 00:06:13,451
So what do I say now?
137
00:06:13,475 --> 00:06:16,418
Emojis are complicated.
138
00:06:16,494 --> 00:06:18,471
Okay, well, there's one
that looks like it's crying,
139
00:06:18,495 --> 00:06:20,882
but it's actually laughing...
That's always good,
140
00:06:20,906 --> 00:06:23,050
especially if it's tilted
to the side a little bit.
141
00:06:23,074 --> 00:06:24,295
Fire emoji, that's good.
142
00:06:24,319 --> 00:06:26,463
100, that's, like,
also very good.
143
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:27,768
Clown is bad, okay?
144
00:06:27,838 --> 00:06:30,225
You don't want to get a clown
under any circumstances.
145
00:06:30,249 --> 00:06:33,341
What else? Oh, eggplant
does not mean eggplant.
146
00:06:33,495 --> 00:06:35,062
Peach is not a peach.
Or a cherry.
147
00:06:35,086 --> 00:06:36,307
Pretty much any food item
148
00:06:36,331 --> 00:06:38,308
could really get you
into trouble, Len.
149
00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:39,976
Hourglass means
that someone is hot,
150
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,281
but not in the way fire does.
151
00:06:41,351 --> 00:06:45,257
And let's see, well, then we
get into emoji combinations,
152
00:06:45,281 --> 00:06:46,483
and that's just
pretty complicated stuff.
153
00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:47,985
I don't want to hurt your brain.
154
00:06:48,009 --> 00:06:50,004
I'm just gonna say,
"Hi, Cynthia."
155
00:06:50,028 --> 00:06:51,452
Safe choice.
156
00:06:51,603 --> 00:06:54,841
Okay. First impressions.
Don't think too hard, okay?
157
00:06:54,865 --> 00:06:57,125
"Flatch, just do it."
158
00:06:57,201 --> 00:07:00,439
- I've heard that one before.
- Okay, noted.
159
00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:04,966
"Flatch, more than you expected
but less than you dreamed."
160
00:07:05,117 --> 00:07:06,875
That's a mouthful.
161
00:07:06,952 --> 00:07:08,172
"Flatch, we're the bomb."
162
00:07:08,196 --> 00:07:09,303
Bombs are bad.
163
00:07:09,454 --> 00:07:10,971
Bessie, like, I swear to God!
164
00:07:11,122 --> 00:07:14,120
I can't with your negativity
anymore, dude.
165
00:07:14,144 --> 00:07:17,437
June has some cute ones,
and we like hers.
166
00:07:20,375 --> 00:07:21,627
How's it going, June-bug?
167
00:07:21,651 --> 00:07:24,985
Hey, I am having so much fun
writing my slogans.
168
00:07:25,062 --> 00:07:27,613
Yeah, you want to show me some?
169
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:32,242
Oh, no! I erased them all!
170
00:07:34,072 --> 00:07:35,975
I hit escape.
171
00:07:35,999 --> 00:07:38,074
We learned that day one.
172
00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:40,317
Okay, so...
173
00:07:40,394 --> 00:07:44,040
let's say somebody gets
behind you, does this.
174
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:46,749
- Hi. How can I help you?
- -No., no.
175
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:48,045
I could be your killer.
176
00:07:48,069 --> 00:07:50,064
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- No!
177
00:07:50,088 --> 00:07:51,678
Don't apologize to your killer.
178
00:07:51,755 --> 00:07:54,223
Okay, just do me, do me.
179
00:07:56,411 --> 00:07:59,762
Yoke, solar plexus,
clench, groin.
180
00:07:59,838 --> 00:08:02,059
If the idiot is still standing,
181
00:08:02,083 --> 00:08:04,245
double fingers up nose.
182
00:08:04,269 --> 00:08:05,562
Wow. How do you know all that?
183
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,435
I trained to be
in the Secret Service.
184
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:09,341
- That's so cool!
- Yeah, not really.
185
00:08:09,365 --> 00:08:11,752
Basically, they just wanted you
to run next to a car for miles,
186
00:08:11,776 --> 00:08:13,028
and that's not my jam.
187
00:08:13,052 --> 00:08:14,738
Also, I'm not good
at keeping secrets.
188
00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:15,906
It's fine.
189
00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:17,516
Punch me in the stomach.
Come on.
190
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:19,351
I'm not punching you
in the stomach.
191
00:08:19,375 --> 00:08:20,283
Okay. Fine.
192
00:08:20,377 --> 00:08:22,543
Then just kick me
in the coin purse.
193
00:08:22,694 --> 00:08:26,463
Come on, knee me right here
in the marble pouch! Let's go.
194
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,701
Are you talking
about your genitals?
195
00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:33,888
We need to get you worked up.
What... what makes you angry?
196
00:08:34,039 --> 00:08:35,109
Leap day!
197
00:08:35,133 --> 00:08:36,594
- Leap day?
- Yes!
198
00:08:36,618 --> 00:08:39,543
It messes up every line
in the calendar for weeks.
199
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:40,802
Oh, boy.
200
00:08:40,955 --> 00:08:42,600
What about Joe?
201
00:08:42,624 --> 00:08:45,786
Mm-mm, nope.
Joe doesn't make me angry.
202
00:08:45,809 --> 00:08:47,046
- Really?
- Mm-mm.
203
00:08:47,070 --> 00:08:49,881
The guy hauls you here
and then dumps you?
204
00:08:49,905 --> 00:08:52,217
Well, "dump"
is a very strong word.
205
00:08:52,241 --> 00:08:54,892
Well, use your own word.
206
00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:56,577
He just needed space.
207
00:08:58,063 --> 00:08:59,225
After he hauled me here.
208
00:08:59,249 --> 00:09:01,208
Oh, my God. Oh!
209
00:09:01,232 --> 00:09:03,788
Saying that out loud it makes
me feel really, really...
210
00:09:03,812 --> 00:09:04,971
Angry?
211
00:09:04,995 --> 00:09:06,754
No, really, really...
212
00:09:06,905 --> 00:09:08,673
Violent?
213
00:09:13,671 --> 00:09:15,004
Sad.
214
00:09:15,081 --> 00:09:17,150
Oh, Lord.
215
00:09:17,174 --> 00:09:19,767
Can my plexus have a hug?
216
00:09:22,846 --> 00:09:24,272
Bring it in.
217
00:09:30,428 --> 00:09:32,332
I knew she should cry today.
218
00:09:32,356 --> 00:09:35,198
I just didn't realize
it would be this soon.
219
00:09:41,106 --> 00:09:42,493
Oh, hi, Nadine,
what can I do for you?
220
00:09:42,517 --> 00:09:44,251
I have come to submit
my slogan entries.
221
00:09:44,275 --> 00:09:46,996
They are in double-sealed,
marked envelopes, okay?
222
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,301
So there can be no hijinks.
223
00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:51,018
Well, Flatch is the home
of hijinks.
224
00:09:51,042 --> 00:09:52,594
Did you just come up with that?
225
00:09:52,618 --> 00:09:53,618
What?
226
00:10:00,292 --> 00:10:03,793
326? The Pockton exchange?
227
00:10:05,373 --> 00:10:06,942
Jimmy calls me every afternoon
228
00:10:06,966 --> 00:10:08,465
to say how do you do.
229
00:10:08,543 --> 00:10:10,893
It's really sweet.
230
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,538
He actually says that.
"How do you do?"
231
00:10:12,562 --> 00:10:15,801
And I say, "Do what?"
232
00:10:15,825 --> 00:10:17,575
It's a joke we have.
233
00:10:22,572 --> 00:10:23,572
Do what?
234
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,375
That'll teach 'em.
235
00:10:27,745 --> 00:10:30,821
Call me elderly, but that
computer class reminded me
236
00:10:30,899 --> 00:10:32,801
that it's the high time
to go through my computer
237
00:10:32,825 --> 00:10:35,342
and remove some documents
that I don't need anymore.
238
00:10:42,519 --> 00:10:45,852
- Dude, dude!
- What?
239
00:10:46,004 --> 00:10:47,149
I came up
with the perfect slogan.
240
00:10:47,173 --> 00:10:48,596
Oh, okay,
hit me, hit me, hit me.
241
00:10:48,750 --> 00:10:50,317
Okay, well, you know
how I get my best ideas
242
00:10:50,341 --> 00:10:52,062
- when I am on "la toilette"?
- Yes?
243
00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:53,746
Wheel socks, edible matchsticks.
244
00:10:53,770 --> 00:10:55,196
Inside gloves.
245
00:10:55,273 --> 00:10:57,250
Different than outside gloves
because they're worn inside.
246
00:10:57,274 --> 00:10:58,418
- Go on.
- Okay, okay.
247
00:10:58,442 --> 00:11:00,011
Get ready
to have your mind blown.
248
00:11:00,035 --> 00:11:01,179
Okay. Hit me, hit me, hit me.
249
00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:03,538
Okay, the winning slogan is,
250
00:11:03,688 --> 00:11:08,595
"Flatch, come bask
in our Flatch-ulence"!
251
00:11:08,619 --> 00:11:11,379
- Dude, that's brilliant.
- I know, right?
252
00:11:11,456 --> 00:11:14,289
Okay, so when you see
that slogan in the paper,
253
00:11:14,442 --> 00:11:16,195
I'm gonna need your vote.
254
00:11:16,219 --> 00:11:19,030
Flatch-ulence sounds dirty
to me.
255
00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:21,797
Does it, Bessie?
Or does it sound brilliant?
256
00:11:21,950 --> 00:11:23,682
No. It sounds dirty.
257
00:11:25,470 --> 00:11:27,280
Fine. Here.
258
00:11:27,304 --> 00:11:29,638
A dollar for each of you.
259
00:11:29,715 --> 00:11:31,601
I didn't want to stoop
to bribery,
260
00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:34,186
but if that's what it takes,
so be it.
261
00:11:35,739 --> 00:11:38,480
So rule number one
of successful business growth
262
00:11:38,633 --> 00:11:40,534
is sometimes you have
to spend a dollar
263
00:11:40,558 --> 00:11:42,558
to make a whole bunch
of dollars.
264
00:11:42,636 --> 00:11:46,496
Rule number two is you need
to sit on the toilet a lot.
265
00:11:47,417 --> 00:11:50,326
Shrub,
I need help with my machine.
266
00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:51,546
Len, I told you.
267
00:11:51,570 --> 00:11:53,790
No one is buying
your old pants on eBay.
268
00:11:53,815 --> 00:11:56,423
I'm trying figure out
how to wire money to Cynthia.
269
00:11:56,575 --> 00:11:58,720
Why are you trying to do that?
270
00:11:58,744 --> 00:12:01,261
She wants to buy a plane ticket
to come to visit me.
271
00:12:01,339 --> 00:12:04,264
But in Estonia, you can't get
into your bank account
272
00:12:04,341 --> 00:12:06,745
without giving them $3,000.
273
00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:09,010
It's all rigged.
274
00:12:09,087 --> 00:12:12,250
Anyway, the bank headquarters
is in Nigeria,
275
00:12:12,274 --> 00:12:15,017
and there's the routing number.
276
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:18,595
Oh, no, uh, no, no,
we can't do that.
277
00:12:18,673 --> 00:12:22,783
Um, you can't wire money
over the Internet on Tuesdays.
278
00:12:22,934 --> 00:12:25,269
Oh.
279
00:12:25,346 --> 00:12:27,270
- That's "Cynthia."
- She's pretty.
280
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:28,826
No, he's being catfished
right now.
281
00:12:28,850 --> 00:12:30,177
No, it's a scam. Look.
282
00:12:30,201 --> 00:12:33,163
They're using stock photos
of Miss Estonia 2006.
283
00:12:33,187 --> 00:12:35,296
- Oh, this is bad.
- Yeah.
284
00:12:35,373 --> 00:12:38,039
He's about to send
$3,000 to her,
285
00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:41,134
or to him, or whoever
in Nigeria.
286
00:12:41,287 --> 00:12:44,283
Whatever. Well, what do we do?
287
00:12:44,307 --> 00:12:45,859
Well, I don't think
we have a choice.
288
00:12:45,883 --> 00:12:47,216
We got to tell him the truth.
289
00:12:47,309 --> 00:12:49,529
I mean, it's gonna hurt, but
it's better that he knows now.
290
00:12:49,553 --> 00:12:52,053
Man, it sucks when people prey
on the elderly.
291
00:12:52,206 --> 00:12:53,980
Eh, depends.
292
00:12:54,057 --> 00:12:56,057
Hey, Shrub, I checked.
293
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:59,130
That no wiring money
on Tuesdays...
294
00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:00,562
Total fake news.
295
00:13:00,639 --> 00:13:03,027
You got to watch out for
those internet scams, Shrub.
296
00:13:03,051 --> 00:13:04,991
Yeah.
297
00:13:05,068 --> 00:13:09,048
Len, we have something
we have to tell you.
298
00:13:09,072 --> 00:13:11,811
Yeah, about Cynthia.
299
00:13:11,835 --> 00:13:13,812
There's nothing you're
gonna say about that woman
300
00:13:13,836 --> 00:13:15,744
that'll make me love her less.
301
00:13:16,581 --> 00:13:21,417
When... when Martha passed...
302
00:13:21,493 --> 00:13:24,586
I didn't think I was ever
gonna find love again.
303
00:13:24,739 --> 00:13:28,599
Who'd have thunk it?
I mean, an old man like me?
304
00:13:32,355 --> 00:13:35,597
- She's dead. Cynthia's dead.
- What?
305
00:13:35,673 --> 00:13:37,232
What?
306
00:13:41,438 --> 00:13:43,029
What happened?
307
00:13:43,182 --> 00:13:45,106
- Train accident.
- She drowned.
308
00:13:45,183 --> 00:13:47,662
Yes. Yes, yes, that's right.
309
00:13:47,686 --> 00:13:52,091
Yeah, she had just passed her
conductor's test,
310
00:13:52,115 --> 00:13:54,927
and she, uh,
she went out to celebrate
311
00:13:54,951 --> 00:13:56,929
and she got, like,
so loaded, and...
312
00:13:56,953 --> 00:13:58,173
Yeah.
313
00:13:58,197 --> 00:13:59,955
You know the rest.
314
00:14:00,032 --> 00:14:01,381
No, I don't.
315
00:14:02,110 --> 00:14:03,458
Sh...
316
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,513
She drove that train right
into a lake.
317
00:14:05,537 --> 00:14:07,057
- Lake.
- Yeah.
318
00:14:07,206 --> 00:14:10,034
Mm. Of course.
319
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:12,967
She was a train conductor, too.
320
00:14:13,044 --> 00:14:15,541
Oh, that woman could do
anything.
321
00:14:15,565 --> 00:14:16,950
Except swim.
322
00:14:16,974 --> 00:14:18,139
Yes.
323
00:14:18,216 --> 00:14:21,046
All she had was me.
324
00:14:21,070 --> 00:14:23,645
How will she be remembered?
325
00:14:23,721 --> 00:14:27,482
Probably as a woman
who drove a train into a lake.
326
00:14:29,227 --> 00:14:31,561
She had no family.
327
00:14:31,639 --> 00:14:34,155
There'll be no memorial service
or anything.
328
00:14:34,232 --> 00:14:36,286
I'm so sorry, Len.
I know this is hard.
329
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:37,567
We need to give her a funeral.
330
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,253
- Yeah, that's right.
- Mm-hmm.
331
00:14:39,404 --> 00:14:40,474
We do?
332
00:14:40,498 --> 00:14:42,125
That would be
the proper thing to do.
333
00:14:42,149 --> 00:14:43,506
Right, Father?
334
00:14:45,653 --> 00:14:47,313
So, yeah,
we're shopping for a funeral
335
00:14:47,337 --> 00:14:49,649
for a made-up person
from a made-up country.
336
00:14:49,673 --> 00:14:51,485
Uh, Estonia is actually real.
I looked it up.
337
00:14:51,509 --> 00:14:53,245
Well, there's no Estonian
soccer merch,
338
00:14:53,269 --> 00:14:54,580
so color me a doubter.
339
00:14:54,604 --> 00:14:57,270
Father Joe basically gave us
a ton of church funds
340
00:14:57,347 --> 00:14:58,628
and seeing as this is my fault,
341
00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:00,159
I thought we should
we should go all out.
342
00:15:00,183 --> 00:15:02,017
Whole town's gonna come.
343
00:15:02,169 --> 00:15:03,147
Everyone shows up when they know
344
00:15:03,171 --> 00:15:04,352
there's gonna be free cake.
345
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:06,316
Yeah, we got streamers,
a piƱata...
346
00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:08,524
I should be out campaigning
for my new slogan,
347
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,268
but instead, here I am shopping
for funeral glitter.
348
00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:12,597
I believe
that every living thing
349
00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:16,957
deserves a dignified death,
even if they're made up.
350
00:15:17,109 --> 00:15:18,919
Like, one time, we were
driving to Dayton
351
00:15:18,943 --> 00:15:22,666
to this monster truck rally,
and Kelly just hit this deer.
352
00:15:22,690 --> 00:15:25,110
And she was like,
"Oh, no, we have to keep going.
353
00:15:25,134 --> 00:15:26,778
We're gonna miss
the opening horn."
354
00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:31,288
And I was like, "No, no.
We need to honor this animal."
355
00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:33,177
"And we need get out
356
00:15:33,201 --> 00:15:36,793
and kick these pieces of deer
into the ditch."
357
00:15:36,870 --> 00:15:38,052
And that's what we did.
358
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,461
Hey, I need your help.
359
00:15:42,485 --> 00:15:44,611
Which one do I wear
to Cynthia's funeral?
360
00:15:44,635 --> 00:15:48,990
Cynth... Oh, is that
the Estonian model Cynthia?
361
00:15:49,066 --> 00:15:51,158
Someone sent in an obituary
for her.
362
00:15:51,309 --> 00:15:53,995
Ech, that train accident
is tragic.
363
00:15:54,071 --> 00:15:55,474
Yeah, she doesn't exist.
364
00:15:55,498 --> 00:15:58,057
Len got catfished online,
everyone feels bad,
365
00:15:58,149 --> 00:16:00,203
so we're throwing
a funeral for her.
366
00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:01,836
- A made-up funeral?
- Yeah.
367
00:16:01,986 --> 00:16:03,724
Funeral's real, lady's not.
368
00:16:03,748 --> 00:16:05,149
Oh, got it.
369
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,394
It said on the e-vite
"Estonian casual,"
370
00:16:07,418 --> 00:16:08,879
but what the does that mean?
371
00:16:08,903 --> 00:16:10,159
There was an e-vite?
372
00:16:10,238 --> 00:16:12,995
Yeah, whole town got it.
Didn't you?
373
00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:14,553
- No.
- Wow.
374
00:16:14,591 --> 00:16:17,091
Whatever. I didn't get invited
to a fake funeral.
375
00:16:17,168 --> 00:16:18,519
Whoop de doo.
376
00:16:18,669 --> 00:16:22,523
- You want to be my plus-one?
- You got invited with a date?
377
00:16:22,673 --> 00:16:27,570
Our love was brief,
but it was strong.
378
00:16:29,090 --> 00:16:32,251
I only wish I'd been able to...
379
00:16:32,275 --> 00:16:34,777
ride her train.
380
00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:37,015
Well, uh, not the last one.
381
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,947
Uh...
382
00:16:42,787 --> 00:16:46,880
Gunnar and the Dragons.
Estonian pop sensation.
383
00:16:52,613 --> 00:16:55,056
Thank you, Len.
384
00:16:55,206 --> 00:16:56,965
That was lovely.
385
00:16:57,042 --> 00:16:58,611
We didn't know Cynthia,
386
00:16:58,635 --> 00:17:03,708
but we're all here
because Len loved Cynthia.
387
00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:05,140
And we love Len.
388
00:17:05,292 --> 00:17:07,049
Thank you.
389
00:17:10,146 --> 00:17:13,240
Love is the memories
of the person you lost,
390
00:17:13,392 --> 00:17:16,576
memories of your first meeting,
real or virtual.
391
00:17:21,976 --> 00:17:24,896
Your first date...
392
00:17:24,921 --> 00:17:27,066
when you realized
393
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:28,997
that you both love Grease 2
394
00:17:29,150 --> 00:17:32,576
more than Grease the original...
395
00:17:32,670 --> 00:17:34,789
that time you split
the gas station sushi
396
00:17:34,913 --> 00:17:36,003
and you both Giardia.
397
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:37,506
Are we talking about Cynthia?
398
00:17:37,583 --> 00:17:39,152
Yeah, he's going
off-book, he's going off-book.
399
00:17:39,175 --> 00:17:42,009
Go, go. Get him.
400
00:17:42,086 --> 00:17:43,307
You can still love that person,
401
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:45,066
even if they're not
with you anymore
402
00:17:45,089 --> 00:17:46,233
and you have to eat the tickets
403
00:17:46,258 --> 00:17:48,311
to the Columbus
Stomp Your Own Wine Gala.
404
00:17:48,336 --> 00:17:51,019
Very moving, Father,
very moving stuff.
405
00:17:51,172 --> 00:17:54,334
Okay, now, if no one else
has anything to say,
406
00:17:54,357 --> 00:17:56,951
we'd like to invite you
into the Emerson room, okay?
407
00:17:57,027 --> 00:17:59,119
For some cake and mulgipuder,
408
00:17:59,270 --> 00:18:01,529
which, I guess,
is something Estonians make
409
00:18:01,682 --> 00:18:04,344
with sausage,
but we used hot dogs.
410
00:18:04,367 --> 00:18:05,608
Also, let's not forget,
411
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:08,332
vote for Kelly Mallet's slogan
in the paper.
412
00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:10,189
I'd like to say something!
413
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:19,213
Quick. Yep, yep, okay.
Thank you.
414
00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:21,142
Hi, I'm...
415
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:25,127
Go back to Pockton!
416
00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:26,866
- Yeah!
- Mm-hmm.
417
00:18:26,891 --> 00:18:31,894
Look, I-I didn't know Cynthia,
um, but, uh...
418
00:18:32,046 --> 00:18:34,023
I am her.
419
00:18:34,048 --> 00:18:36,565
I mean, a single woman
of a certain age
420
00:18:36,717 --> 00:18:39,993
just trying to make a go of it
in a very small town.
421
00:18:40,144 --> 00:18:43,070
And believe me, not easy.
422
00:18:45,317 --> 00:18:48,872
I'm sorry I went on a date
with a guy from Pockton.
423
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,837
But don't we all deserve love?
424
00:18:50,914 --> 00:18:55,250
And if you have to find that on
the Internet or one town over,
425
00:18:55,326 --> 00:18:58,048
I mean, who are we to judge?
426
00:18:58,072 --> 00:19:00,163
I might even go
to Pockton again.
427
00:19:01,517 --> 00:19:04,403
But that does not mean
I don't like Flatch,
428
00:19:04,428 --> 00:19:06,519
because I do, I really do.
429
00:19:06,672 --> 00:19:09,431
I mean, I love how,
when I first moved here,
430
00:19:09,583 --> 00:19:13,579
June dropped off a
crab casserole on my doorstep.
431
00:19:13,604 --> 00:19:15,863
I didn't find it
till the next morning,
432
00:19:16,013 --> 00:19:17,180
so it smelled like death,
433
00:19:17,258 --> 00:19:18,734
but what
a beautiful thought, June.
434
00:19:18,759 --> 00:19:23,778
I love how Blind Billy knows me
just by touching my butt.
435
00:19:23,931 --> 00:19:25,948
Uh, Cheryl?
436
00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:29,025
I used to find that so creepy.
437
00:19:29,103 --> 00:19:32,023
Now I think it's very sweet.
438
00:19:32,048 --> 00:19:34,381
And my new friend, Mandy,
439
00:19:34,532 --> 00:19:36,920
she has designed
a very special tattoo for me
440
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:39,035
of Elizabeth Cady Stanton,
441
00:19:39,113 --> 00:19:40,440
my all-time favorite
suffragette.
442
00:19:40,463 --> 00:19:42,366
That could be a power statement.
443
00:19:42,391 --> 00:19:44,109
We'll get that on you real soon.
444
00:19:44,134 --> 00:19:45,703
Yeah.
445
00:19:45,728 --> 00:19:48,186
So busy, but, yeah.
446
00:19:49,472 --> 00:19:53,067
I love that you all care so much
447
00:19:53,143 --> 00:19:57,123
to throw a funeral for a woman
who isn't even...
448
00:19:57,146 --> 00:19:59,550
She doesn't...
She's not from here.
449
00:19:59,575 --> 00:20:03,559
So here's to Cynthia
and to all the single women
450
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:06,329
who are just trying
to live their best lives.
451
00:20:07,732 --> 00:20:10,325
Because if you're gonna uproot
your life for love,
452
00:20:10,478 --> 00:20:12,827
Flatch is so not
the worst place to be.
453
00:20:12,903 --> 00:20:15,088
Whoo! Yes!
454
00:20:23,582 --> 00:20:26,970
After my speech, there was
a groundswell of votes
455
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,919
for the new slogan, and, um...
456
00:20:29,997 --> 00:20:31,250
I guess I won!
457
00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:34,493
- Hi, neighbor!
- Oh, hi, June!
458
00:20:34,518 --> 00:20:37,926
So the contest was rigged,
obviously.
459
00:20:38,005 --> 00:20:40,165
But good news is I already
ordered a ton of merch,
460
00:20:40,190 --> 00:20:42,023
so I'm still gonna make bank.
461
00:20:42,099 --> 00:20:43,450
- What size are you?
- Uh...
462
00:20:43,602 --> 00:20:46,287
- What size are you?
- Medium.
463
00:20:46,438 --> 00:20:49,159
Medium? Okay. Was that so hard?
464
00:20:49,182 --> 00:20:51,375
It's gonna be 30 bucks, okay?
465
00:20:57,357 --> 00:20:58,781
No!
466
00:21:01,304 --> 00:21:03,615
Oh, my gosh, I am so sorry.
467
00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:05,525
Why you hit me in the plexus?
468
00:21:05,548 --> 00:21:07,952
No, I thought you were, like,
a predator or something.
469
00:21:07,977 --> 00:21:11,795
- Can I help you?
- No, no! Don't touch me!
470
00:21:11,872 --> 00:21:13,605
Cynthia?
471
00:21:15,209 --> 00:21:16,223
You stay away from me!
472
00:21:16,376 --> 00:21:18,818
You're real!
473
00:21:18,895 --> 00:21:20,135
Stay away from me!
474
00:21:20,213 --> 00:21:22,489
But Len's gonna be so happy!
475
00:21:22,641 --> 00:21:23,634
It's Cynthia!
476
00:21:23,659 --> 00:21:25,159
Crazy lady!
477
00:21:25,309 --> 00:21:27,736
You must be so jetlagged!
478
00:21:27,813 --> 00:21:28,882
Just stay back!
479
00:21:28,905 --> 00:21:31,050
Okay, well, go relax.
480
00:21:31,075 --> 00:21:32,165
Settle in.
481
00:21:32,317 --> 00:21:34,250
What is with this town?
34812
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