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Subs by kinglouisxx
for www.addic7ed.com
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We've got a lot more
broken ornaments than usual.
3
00:00:07,617 --> 00:00:09,717
I guess you're gonna blame
my kid for that.
4
00:00:09,719 --> 00:00:12,287
Uh, Becky, what does she call these?
5
00:00:12,289 --> 00:00:14,422
Baseballs?
6
00:00:15,457 --> 00:00:17,826
Don't you worry. I got us covered.
7
00:00:17,828 --> 00:00:20,295
In the summer? Fishing lures.
8
00:00:20,297 --> 00:00:24,132
In December? Christmas ornaments.
9
00:00:24,134 --> 00:00:27,135
Guess what? This year,
we don't have to dodge cars
10
00:00:27,137 --> 00:00:29,771
or run onto the highway median
to cut down a tree.
11
00:00:29,773 --> 00:00:32,040
I got us one already. It's a beauty!
12
00:00:32,042 --> 00:00:33,575
Becky, come give me a hand.
13
00:00:33,577 --> 00:00:35,443
Oh, no dodging cars, huh?
14
00:00:35,445 --> 00:00:37,345
I'm gonna miss looking at our tree
15
00:00:37,347 --> 00:00:40,281
and thinking how lucky we are
to be alive.
16
00:00:40,283 --> 00:00:43,518
It's a beer can Christmas tree.
17
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,087
Just when you think our trash
can't get any whiter.
18
00:00:46,089 --> 00:00:48,823
One of the liquor distributors
at The Lunch Box
19
00:00:48,825 --> 00:00:50,658
gave it to us as a promotional item.
20
00:00:50,660 --> 00:00:54,429
It was either this or "Rudolph
the Rum-Nosed Reindeer".
21
00:00:54,431 --> 00:00:58,433
Lights the way with his nose,
but he shouldn't be on the road.
22
00:00:59,602 --> 00:01:00,835
Nice tree.
23
00:01:00,837 --> 00:01:01,903
When most people are worried
24
00:01:01,905 --> 00:01:03,538
about Christmas becoming too commercial,
25
00:01:03,540 --> 00:01:05,607
the Conners are going the other way.
26
00:01:05,609 --> 00:01:07,575
Crap. Did we have plans for today?
27
00:01:07,577 --> 00:01:09,544
'Cause I can ditch these people
in a hot minute.
28
00:01:09,546 --> 00:01:11,679
No, no. I-I just came by to tell you
29
00:01:11,681 --> 00:01:13,648
that I had a really great time
last night.
30
00:01:13,650 --> 00:01:16,184
I also brought breakfast for everybody.
31
00:01:16,186 --> 00:01:19,854
For everybody? I assume you mean
it's not vegan.
32
00:01:19,856 --> 00:01:21,189
Oh.
33
00:01:21,191 --> 00:01:24,792
An in-person thank you and breakfast?
34
00:01:24,794 --> 00:01:27,228
Well, somebody gave it up quick.
35
00:01:27,230 --> 00:01:30,632
Uh, relax, you old horn dog.
Nobody gave anything up.
36
00:01:30,634 --> 00:01:32,567
It was just a nice night at the theater.
37
00:01:32,569 --> 00:01:34,402
We've been going out a couple weeks,
38
00:01:34,404 --> 00:01:37,105
and I thought it was time
for it to be my turn to treat,
39
00:01:37,107 --> 00:01:38,973
so I got us a couple tickets
40
00:01:38,975 --> 00:01:41,910
to Lanford High's production
of "Hamilton."
41
00:01:41,912 --> 00:01:44,312
Ha! What kind of cheap-ass places
42
00:01:44,314 --> 00:01:46,848
did you take her to to deserve that?
43
00:01:46,850 --> 00:01:49,117
I-I loved it,
especially when a rubber band
44
00:01:49,119 --> 00:01:52,086
shot off of Hamilton's braces
and into Aaron Burr's eye.
45
00:01:52,088 --> 00:01:53,922
It really made the duel about something.
46
00:01:53,924 --> 00:01:56,224
I'm just impressed that Nick
47
00:01:56,226 --> 00:01:58,259
came all the way over here to thank you.
48
00:01:58,261 --> 00:02:00,528
Actually, I-I came over
'cause I don't have a cellphone.
49
00:02:00,530 --> 00:02:03,031
Dropped it in the crapper, huh?
50
00:02:03,033 --> 00:02:05,400
Happens to the best of us.
51
00:02:05,402 --> 00:02:08,102
You just gotta glove up and go fishing.
52
00:02:08,104 --> 00:02:10,405
Uh, no.
53
00:02:10,407 --> 00:02:12,173
Nick gave up his phone a while ago.
54
00:02:12,175 --> 00:02:15,777
He was a stockbroker, and the
phone represented stress 24/7.
55
00:02:15,779 --> 00:02:17,512
Yeah, phones suck all of your energy.
56
00:02:17,514 --> 00:02:19,414
They keep you from living
your life in the present.
57
00:02:19,416 --> 00:02:21,015
I have no energy and no life,
58
00:02:21,017 --> 00:02:23,017
so it's really not a problem for me.
59
00:02:24,086 --> 00:02:26,587
So, Nick, you don't have a phone.
60
00:02:26,589 --> 00:02:27,689
That's really interesting.
61
00:02:27,691 --> 00:02:29,057
How do people get in touch with you?
62
00:02:29,059 --> 00:02:30,558
They leave me messages at the bookstore.
63
00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,527
So, what, you're just anti-technology?
64
00:02:32,529 --> 00:02:34,796
No. Not at all. I have an electric car.
65
00:02:34,798 --> 00:02:36,030
Ha. In case you haven't heard,
66
00:02:36,032 --> 00:02:38,933
they got ones that run on gas now.
67
00:02:38,935 --> 00:02:41,302
I guess it's gonna be
up to us old-timers
68
00:02:41,304 --> 00:02:45,473
to finish putting that hole
in the ozone by ourselves.
69
00:02:45,475 --> 00:02:46,541
Well, it'll give you something to do
70
00:02:46,543 --> 00:02:47,608
until the melanoma gets ya.
71
00:02:47,610 --> 00:02:49,043
Anyway, I gotta get going.
72
00:02:49,045 --> 00:02:50,979
Uh, hey, why don't you, uh, swing by
73
00:02:50,981 --> 00:02:52,914
- after you're done with work and say hi?
- Sure.
74
00:02:52,916 --> 00:02:54,983
Hey, how about she drives
all the way over there
75
00:02:54,985 --> 00:02:56,384
and she can hand you an emoji
76
00:02:56,386 --> 00:02:59,454
that lets you know how she's feeling?
77
00:03:03,192 --> 00:03:07,428
So, Nick doesn't have a phone.
78
00:03:07,430 --> 00:03:09,397
How very convenient.
79
00:03:09,399 --> 00:03:10,865
- Don't start.
- I'm not.
80
00:03:10,867 --> 00:03:13,835
I'm just wondering if he's
really trying to avoid stress
81
00:03:13,837 --> 00:03:16,404
or he just doesn't
want you to know where he is.
82
00:03:16,406 --> 00:03:18,906
Sure, i-it's a little weird,
and... and, yeah,
83
00:03:18,908 --> 00:03:20,942
maybe it's been kind of inconvenient,
84
00:03:20,944 --> 00:03:22,944
but when we're together,
he's totally present.
85
00:03:22,946 --> 00:03:26,214
What if he's also present
with his other girlfriend
86
00:03:26,216 --> 00:03:29,017
or girlfriends or wife?
87
00:03:29,019 --> 00:03:30,952
Guy's got an electric car.
88
00:03:30,954 --> 00:03:34,722
Obviously, he's looking for action.
89
00:03:35,724 --> 00:03:38,226
I have no idea what that means.
90
00:03:38,228 --> 00:03:40,528
Dad, you're a good judge of character.
91
00:03:40,530 --> 00:03:42,363
You don't think anything's
going on, right?
92
00:03:42,365 --> 00:03:45,433
I-I like the guy, but he's
not living in a commune.
93
00:03:45,435 --> 00:03:47,802
He's got a job. He's got a kid.
94
00:03:47,804 --> 00:03:51,672
Emergencies come up. I don't get it.
95
00:03:51,674 --> 00:03:54,242
Okay, so I'm dating a guy
with a secret family,
96
00:03:54,244 --> 00:03:56,611
but I'm getting to the age where
guys are gonna have baggage.
97
00:03:56,613 --> 00:03:59,013
Darlene.
98
00:03:59,015 --> 00:04:02,183
Okay, fine. I-It bugs me.
I-I'll talk to him.
99
00:04:02,185 --> 00:04:05,686
Or you sit in your car
outside of his house,
100
00:04:05,688 --> 00:04:08,056
one house down, but on the other
side of the street.
101
00:04:08,058 --> 00:04:11,859
Leave your rain lights on, and
don't forget to bring a pee jar.
102
00:04:11,861 --> 00:04:14,962
'Cause those motion-sensor
lights outside people's garages,
103
00:04:14,964 --> 00:04:16,597
they will light you up
104
00:04:16,599 --> 00:04:20,368
like Liza Minnelli
taking a leak on Broadway.
105
00:04:22,944 --> 00:04:27,933
4x08 - Yard Sale, Phone Fail,
And a College Betrayal
106
00:04:59,540 --> 00:05:01,653
Make sure you get everything
out of these drawers.
107
00:05:01,678 --> 00:05:03,878
I don't want to accidentally
give away something of value
108
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,346
at the garage sale.
109
00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:07,648
I found 11 cents
and a candy bar wrapper.
110
00:05:07,650 --> 00:05:10,184
You want me to put this in the safe?
111
00:05:11,453 --> 00:05:13,254
I still don't get why
Louise is making you
112
00:05:13,256 --> 00:05:14,555
get rid of this bedroom set.
113
00:05:14,557 --> 00:05:16,691
I mean, it's old,
but it looks fine to me.
114
00:05:16,693 --> 00:05:19,760
I don't want to get rid of it, either.
115
00:05:19,762 --> 00:05:23,397
I'd rather just use Louise's
furniture and save this stuff,
116
00:05:23,399 --> 00:05:25,766
but she wants new stuff that's ours.
117
00:05:25,768 --> 00:05:27,869
Hey, start off making her happy.
118
00:05:27,871 --> 00:05:30,304
Then you've got someplace to go.
119
00:05:30,306 --> 00:05:32,573
Sure. The problem is,
120
00:05:32,575 --> 00:05:35,409
I gotta pay for it
'cause she paid for the wedding.
121
00:05:35,411 --> 00:05:37,745
I don't have the money,
so I gotta sell all this stuff,
122
00:05:37,747 --> 00:05:39,647
and it's too bad 'cause...
123
00:05:39,649 --> 00:05:41,883
they don't make furniture
like this anymore.
124
00:05:41,885 --> 00:05:44,085
You mean by savaging old-growth forests
125
00:05:44,087 --> 00:05:47,788
and pouring the excess varnish
into our drinking water?
126
00:05:47,790 --> 00:05:49,290
It was a different time,
127
00:05:49,292 --> 00:05:52,793
and you don't remember what
water used to taste like anyway.
128
00:05:52,795 --> 00:05:55,630
This was the first new furniture
your mom and dad ever bought.
129
00:05:55,632 --> 00:05:59,100
Yeah, before this, it was
lawn chairs in the living room
130
00:05:59,102 --> 00:06:01,402
and a phone company spool for a table.
131
00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:03,237
That's when we were just starting out
132
00:06:03,239 --> 00:06:05,439
and I wasn't the mogul I am now.
133
00:06:06,775 --> 00:06:08,643
But your mom saw a picture of this set
134
00:06:08,645 --> 00:06:11,112
in a Montgomery Ward's catalogue.
135
00:06:11,114 --> 00:06:13,080
Boy, did she fall in love with it.
136
00:06:13,082 --> 00:06:14,815
A catalogue?
137
00:06:14,817 --> 00:06:18,219
It must've taken a while for
the stagecoach to deliver it
138
00:06:18,221 --> 00:06:20,521
from Californee.
139
00:06:20,523 --> 00:06:23,925
You know, this mattress is still
in pretty good shape.
140
00:06:23,927 --> 00:06:25,493
Any of you guys want it?
141
00:06:25,495 --> 00:06:26,661
Rock, paper, scissors.
142
00:06:26,663 --> 00:06:27,862
Loser gets the mattress
143
00:06:27,864 --> 00:06:30,498
we were conceived on and Mom died on.
144
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:34,101
Ew. I don't want
a humpy-ghosty mattress!
145
00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:36,270
Well, we shouldn't waste it.
146
00:06:36,272 --> 00:06:37,772
Oh, I'll give it to Neville.
147
00:06:37,774 --> 00:06:40,007
He's treating a cow
with weeping shingles
148
00:06:40,009 --> 00:06:42,476
that needs something soft to lie on.
149
00:06:46,683 --> 00:06:49,717
Harris, why are you stealing food?
150
00:06:49,719 --> 00:06:52,253
Well, Mom didn't pack me a lunch
when she kicked me out,
151
00:06:52,255 --> 00:06:53,821
so I'm grabbing a meal.
152
00:06:53,823 --> 00:06:55,690
I thought you were living
with your boyfriend now.
153
00:06:55,692 --> 00:06:58,025
I was, but...
154
00:06:58,027 --> 00:07:00,661
his kids have been getting into
some trouble recently,
155
00:07:00,663 --> 00:07:03,097
so I'm giving them space
for a couple months.
156
00:07:03,099 --> 00:07:04,298
Don't tell Mom.
157
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:06,434
What? Where are you staying?
158
00:07:06,436 --> 00:07:08,569
I'm staying on a friend's couch
right now.
159
00:07:08,571 --> 00:07:10,905
Not really a-a friend, a stranger
160
00:07:10,907 --> 00:07:12,974
who rents their couch out on Craigslist.
161
00:07:12,976 --> 00:07:15,209
It's basically free. I just
have to call her "Grandma."
162
00:07:15,211 --> 00:07:16,310
Harris!
163
00:07:16,312 --> 00:07:18,212
It's safe. I'm fine.
164
00:07:18,214 --> 00:07:21,048
Speaking of couches,
who's the rando on ours?
165
00:07:21,050 --> 00:07:23,651
Oh, that's Isabella.
166
00:07:23,653 --> 00:07:26,053
She had a baby
and dropped out of school.
167
00:07:26,055 --> 00:07:29,390
She's one of the girls I'm
mentoring to help get their GED.
168
00:07:29,392 --> 00:07:31,225
And they get fed, too?
169
00:07:31,227 --> 00:07:33,995
Does one have to get knocked up
to get in on this action?
170
00:07:33,997 --> 00:07:36,063
Well, it helps.
171
00:07:36,065 --> 00:07:38,566
But if you really want
your application to stand out,
172
00:07:38,568 --> 00:07:41,702
join a gang or stab your pimp.
173
00:07:43,238 --> 00:07:45,539
I brought you a soda
and a bologna sandwich
174
00:07:45,541 --> 00:07:46,841
in case you're hungry.
175
00:07:46,843 --> 00:07:49,243
You're not supposed to eat
lunch meat when you're nursing.
176
00:07:49,245 --> 00:07:51,679
Well, that explains my brother.
177
00:07:51,681 --> 00:07:56,183
Thank you for not bailing today.
178
00:07:56,185 --> 00:07:58,119
I know you have a lot on your plate,
179
00:07:58,121 --> 00:07:59,587
but this is important, too.
180
00:07:59,589 --> 00:08:02,189
It's fine. I want my GED.
Let's just do this.
181
00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:03,791
Did you do the reading?
182
00:08:03,793 --> 00:08:05,993
- Yes.
- Okay.
183
00:08:05,995 --> 00:08:09,263
Instead of going on to the next
chapter, like we usually do,
184
00:08:09,265 --> 00:08:12,099
let's review this chapter
and make sure you got it.
185
00:08:12,101 --> 00:08:13,668
Okay?
186
00:08:13,670 --> 00:08:16,537
Okay, so you read about
the Suffragette Movement.
187
00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:18,439
It's pretty cool
when you think about it.
188
00:08:18,441 --> 00:08:22,410
They empowered me,
and now I'm empowering you.
189
00:08:22,412 --> 00:08:24,111
What did you think?
190
00:08:24,113 --> 00:08:28,482
Well, the stuff women were doing
back then was mad empowering.
191
00:08:28,484 --> 00:08:31,018
That's a nice summary
of what I just said.
192
00:08:31,020 --> 00:08:32,620
Give me a specific.
193
00:08:32,622 --> 00:08:35,956
What did you think about, uh,
Marie Antoinette's contribution
194
00:08:35,958 --> 00:08:37,191
to the Nineteenth Amendment?
195
00:08:37,193 --> 00:08:38,693
It couldn't have happened without her.
196
00:08:38,695 --> 00:08:41,829
Okay, you missed by 150 years
and a continent.
197
00:08:41,831 --> 00:08:44,198
You did this last week, too.
198
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:45,566
You're a smart person,
199
00:08:45,568 --> 00:08:48,169
and I can't help you
unless you do the reading.
200
00:08:48,171 --> 00:08:50,104
I'm trying, but it's hard.
201
00:08:50,106 --> 00:08:52,106
I'm distracted at home,
202
00:08:52,108 --> 00:08:53,774
a-and I can't go to a library and study
203
00:08:53,776 --> 00:08:55,910
because of the baby, which is ironic,
204
00:08:55,912 --> 00:08:57,745
because I got pregnant in a library.
205
00:08:57,747 --> 00:09:00,648
People just kept going "shh."
206
00:09:00,650 --> 00:09:04,585
Okay, I've got a big paper
I gotta finish by tomorrow,
207
00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:06,320
but I want you to succeed.
208
00:09:06,322 --> 00:09:07,788
So, why don't you go home,
209
00:09:07,790 --> 00:09:09,824
and I'll come over
for a couple hours tonight
210
00:09:09,826 --> 00:09:12,093
to watch the baby while
you go to the library?
211
00:09:12,095 --> 00:09:15,029
That would be amazing. Thank you.
212
00:09:15,031 --> 00:09:19,033
You're the Marie Antoinette of mentors.
213
00:09:19,035 --> 00:09:21,402
Yeah, that's not a good thing.
214
00:09:25,308 --> 00:09:27,508
Oh, sorry, ma'am. No public bathrooms.
215
00:09:27,510 --> 00:09:28,642
Go to the park.
216
00:09:30,178 --> 00:09:32,546
I got you a gift. I'm coming in,
you new-age freak.
217
00:09:33,683 --> 00:09:35,616
Look, I know you're doing inventory,
218
00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:37,551
but I was really anxious
to give you this.
219
00:09:37,553 --> 00:09:39,387
Wow.
220
00:09:39,389 --> 00:09:40,888
Huh.
221
00:09:40,890 --> 00:09:42,790
You got me a phone.
222
00:09:42,792 --> 00:09:45,426
Well, who should I call?
223
00:09:45,428 --> 00:09:47,461
I'm gonna call you.
Hello, Darlene? It's Nick.
224
00:09:47,463 --> 00:09:49,730
Yeah, why'd you get me something
I told you I don't want?
225
00:09:49,732 --> 00:09:51,031
I know, I know,
226
00:09:51,033 --> 00:09:53,134
but I-I customized this phone
just for you.
227
00:09:53,136 --> 00:09:54,735
It's got a meditation app,
228
00:09:54,737 --> 00:09:56,904
and the case is a fat, smiling Buddha.
229
00:09:56,906 --> 00:09:58,873
Look how happy he is
to have a phone in his belly.
230
00:09:58,875 --> 00:10:02,543
Yeah, and that's not offensive
to billions of people at all.
231
00:10:02,545 --> 00:10:05,079
Look, let's be honest here.
232
00:10:05,081 --> 00:10:08,883
Is that a gift for me,
or is that a gift for you?
233
00:10:08,885 --> 00:10:10,351
Both.
234
00:10:10,353 --> 00:10:12,319
I mean, I like spending time with you,
235
00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:13,788
and when I'm not spending time with you,
236
00:10:13,790 --> 00:10:15,156
I like to be able to tell you
237
00:10:15,158 --> 00:10:17,158
how much I like spending time with you.
238
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:19,794
I like to know what you're doing
and who you're with
239
00:10:19,796 --> 00:10:22,396
and be able to geo-locate you
while I do it.
240
00:10:22,398 --> 00:10:24,999
Is that so bad?
241
00:10:25,001 --> 00:10:27,735
So, okay, now we're at the core issue.
242
00:10:27,737 --> 00:10:31,172
Have I done anything to make you
so suspicious of me?
243
00:10:31,174 --> 00:10:34,909
No, uh, I just don't want to be a fool.
244
00:10:34,911 --> 00:10:36,944
Okay, well, if the only way
you can trust me
245
00:10:36,946 --> 00:10:39,346
is by being able to track me 24/7,
246
00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:42,116
we don't have the foundation
for a good relationship.
247
00:10:42,118 --> 00:10:44,018
Well, I don't want to be
this kind of person.
248
00:10:44,020 --> 00:10:45,119
It's just now that it's in my head,
249
00:10:45,121 --> 00:10:46,720
I can't stop worrying about it.
250
00:10:46,722 --> 00:10:48,856
Well, maybe that's something
you should think about.
251
00:10:48,858 --> 00:10:51,025
And if you're on your phone all the time
252
00:10:51,027 --> 00:10:53,327
trying to find me on my friends' Instas,
253
00:10:53,329 --> 00:10:54,595
that makes it even worse.
254
00:10:54,597 --> 00:10:56,697
Right, but I'm not gonna get rid
of my phone.
255
00:10:56,699 --> 00:10:58,599
I don't think you could.
256
00:10:58,601 --> 00:11:01,068
Oh, I could.
257
00:11:01,070 --> 00:11:03,070
I left it on the roof of my car one time
258
00:11:03,072 --> 00:11:04,772
and drove without it for 20 minutes.
259
00:11:04,774 --> 00:11:06,774
I was fine.
260
00:11:06,776 --> 00:11:08,576
I bet you couldn't do a day.
261
00:11:08,578 --> 00:11:09,910
I could totally do a day.
262
00:11:09,912 --> 00:11:11,212
Then do it.
263
00:11:11,214 --> 00:11:13,314
And use that time to think about
why you don't trust me.
264
00:11:13,316 --> 00:11:15,449
Fine. Just to prove I'm gonna do it...
265
00:11:15,451 --> 00:11:17,451
- Okay. Uh-huh.
- ...I'm gonna give you the phone.
266
00:11:17,453 --> 00:11:20,020
Just let me delete
a few texts here to Becky
267
00:11:20,022 --> 00:11:21,956
that may or may not be about you.
268
00:11:21,958 --> 00:11:26,060
And set my super-secret code,
269
00:11:26,062 --> 00:11:29,930
and set my exploding dye app
in case anyone tries to get in.
270
00:11:29,932 --> 00:11:31,232
And here you go.
271
00:11:37,847 --> 00:11:39,214
Sorry I'm late.
272
00:11:39,245 --> 00:11:40,878
I just got Kayley to sleep.
273
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:41,913
Where have you been?
274
00:11:41,915 --> 00:11:44,449
It's 2:00 AM.
275
00:11:44,451 --> 00:11:46,884
The library closed four hours ago.
276
00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:49,081
I was this close to calling the cops.
277
00:11:49,106 --> 00:11:52,448
Okay, I was totally
gonna go to the library,
278
00:11:52,473 --> 00:11:53,942
but then I got invited to a concert,
279
00:11:53,944 --> 00:11:56,239
and I haven't been to a concert
in forever.
280
00:11:56,264 --> 00:11:58,680
But this time, I had
a babysitter, so I had to go.
281
00:11:58,682 --> 00:11:59,748
You know what it's like.
282
00:11:59,773 --> 00:12:01,950
I'm sure you went to go see
The Beatles or something.
283
00:12:01,952 --> 00:12:06,021
I am not Beatles old.
I'm not even Aerosmith old.
284
00:12:06,990 --> 00:12:08,790
You took advantage of me.
285
00:12:08,792 --> 00:12:11,126
Why are you so freaked out?
It was one night.
286
00:12:11,128 --> 00:12:14,163
Because I gave up a night
with my kid to watch yours,
287
00:12:14,165 --> 00:12:15,797
and I didn't get my paper done
288
00:12:15,799 --> 00:12:18,033
because your baby was crying all night.
289
00:12:18,035 --> 00:12:20,135
By the way, she shrieks like a bus
290
00:12:20,137 --> 00:12:23,238
that needs brakes driven
by a tea kettle!
291
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,741
Why are you so high and mighty?
292
00:12:25,743 --> 00:12:27,976
You dropped out of school
when you were my age, too.
293
00:12:27,978 --> 00:12:30,579
Yeah, and I would have killed
to have someone who cared enough
294
00:12:30,581 --> 00:12:32,381
to help me get back on track.
295
00:12:32,383 --> 00:12:34,950
What? You're supposed to be
my role model?
296
00:12:34,952 --> 00:12:38,153
A 46-year-old loser
living in her dad's basement?
297
00:12:40,823 --> 00:12:42,524
Sorry to waste your time.
298
00:12:52,670 --> 00:12:54,836
If you're thinking you can make a phone
299
00:12:54,838 --> 00:12:56,371
out of parts of a toaster,
300
00:12:56,373 --> 00:13:00,409
"Gilligan's Island"
taught me you need a coconut.
301
00:13:00,411 --> 00:13:02,377
I'm just doing what Nick said...
302
00:13:02,379 --> 00:13:04,446
spending some time without my phone,
303
00:13:04,448 --> 00:13:06,949
thinking about why I've got
a perfectly great guy
304
00:13:06,951 --> 00:13:08,083
and I don't trust him.
305
00:13:08,085 --> 00:13:10,052
Yeah, he's a sweet guy.
Why don't you trust him?
306
00:13:10,054 --> 00:13:12,854
You started this. You told me
he was hiding extra wives
307
00:13:12,856 --> 00:13:14,523
and girlfriends all over town.
308
00:13:14,525 --> 00:13:15,991
I say a lot of things.
309
00:13:15,993 --> 00:13:18,293
This is clearly about your filter.
310
00:13:18,295 --> 00:13:20,395
And you're dodging the question.
311
00:13:20,397 --> 00:13:22,464
What are you doing with the toaster?
312
00:13:22,466 --> 00:13:25,367
Well, I started digging in
to why I distrust him,
313
00:13:25,369 --> 00:13:26,835
and it made me really anxious,
314
00:13:26,837 --> 00:13:30,272
so the next logical move
was to take apart a toaster.
315
00:13:30,274 --> 00:13:33,175
Coming through. Watch your back.
316
00:13:33,177 --> 00:13:35,310
Dad, tell them how much
you're asking for the dresser.
317
00:13:35,312 --> 00:13:36,612
500 bucks.
318
00:13:36,614 --> 00:13:39,114
What?! The only way that
dresser's worth 500 bucks
319
00:13:39,116 --> 00:13:42,417
is if there's a bag of cocaine
taped under one of the drawers.
320
00:13:42,419 --> 00:13:44,453
Yeah, and the drawer's
in a better dresser.
321
00:13:45,723 --> 00:13:47,623
New furniture's gonna be expensive.
322
00:13:47,625 --> 00:13:49,458
I need to get top dollar for this stuff.
323
00:13:50,460 --> 00:13:53,562
So, you're taking apart a toaster
324
00:13:53,564 --> 00:13:55,597
because you felt anxious.
325
00:13:55,599 --> 00:13:59,101
Why does thinking of Nick
cheating make you feel this way?
326
00:13:59,103 --> 00:14:01,913
I don't know. It doesn't make any sense.
327
00:14:01,938 --> 00:14:03,805
And he's obviously a good guy,
328
00:14:03,807 --> 00:14:05,641
and I'm still afraid he's gonna hurt me.
329
00:14:05,643 --> 00:14:06,742
Mm-hmm.
330
00:14:06,744 --> 00:14:09,311
The question is, why don't I trust him?
331
00:14:09,313 --> 00:14:10,812
I don't know.
332
00:14:10,814 --> 00:14:12,881
Sometimes, when I think something
bad about somebody else,
333
00:14:12,883 --> 00:14:15,517
it's usually because
I'm capable of the same thing.
334
00:14:15,519 --> 00:14:19,187
I used to think everybody else
was crazy, but hello!
335
00:14:21,624 --> 00:14:23,458
No, you're right.
336
00:14:23,460 --> 00:14:25,927
I'm the reason that I don't trust Nick.
337
00:14:25,929 --> 00:14:27,663
I-I gotta go call him.
338
00:14:28,931 --> 00:14:31,300
Doesn't have a phone. What a jackass.
339
00:14:38,274 --> 00:14:39,775
What the hell happened to my toaster?
340
00:14:39,777 --> 00:14:41,576
Oh, Darlene had to work something out.
341
00:14:41,578 --> 00:14:43,111
I can help you put it
back together again.
342
00:14:43,113 --> 00:14:45,947
Hey, maybe you can get
a couple grand for it.
343
00:14:50,054 --> 00:14:51,620
Okay, here comes somebody else.
344
00:14:51,622 --> 00:14:53,488
Now, just try and be reasonable
this time.
345
00:14:53,490 --> 00:14:56,224
Listen to the offer
before you attack him.
346
00:14:56,226 --> 00:14:58,960
I've had this furniture
most of my adult life.
347
00:14:58,962 --> 00:15:01,029
It's like somebody offering you
100 bucks
348
00:15:01,031 --> 00:15:02,331
for one of your kids.
349
00:15:02,333 --> 00:15:04,466
Wait a minute. Didn't you bet D.J.
350
00:15:04,468 --> 00:15:06,301
in one of your card games one time?
351
00:15:06,303 --> 00:15:08,704
Yeah, but I knew nobody wanted him.
352
00:15:08,706 --> 00:15:10,305
Hello, sir.
353
00:15:10,307 --> 00:15:13,642
You look like a person who knows
quality furniture on the street
354
00:15:13,644 --> 00:15:14,743
when you see it.
355
00:15:14,745 --> 00:15:16,411
Yeah, it looks like a nice little set.
356
00:15:16,413 --> 00:15:17,512
How long have you had this stuff?
357
00:15:17,514 --> 00:15:20,482
43 years. A lot of good memories.
358
00:15:20,484 --> 00:15:23,018
Plus, no veneers, dovetail joints.
359
00:15:23,020 --> 00:15:24,853
You'd be proud to own a set like this.
360
00:15:24,855 --> 00:15:27,322
Nice. I'll give you 50 bucks
for all of it.
361
00:15:27,324 --> 00:15:30,392
Easy.
362
00:15:30,394 --> 00:15:32,227
50 whole dollars.
363
00:15:32,229 --> 00:15:34,563
Gee whiz, mister,
that's a lot of money...
364
00:15:34,565 --> 00:15:36,465
for a kid shoveling snow.
365
00:15:36,467 --> 00:15:40,569
But I'm a grown man, and I am
selling this dresser for $500.
366
00:15:40,571 --> 00:15:41,870
You... You're kidding, right?
367
00:15:41,872 --> 00:15:44,272
No, sir, I am not.
$2,000 for the whole set.
368
00:15:44,274 --> 00:15:46,041
- Take it or leave it.
- You're dreaming, man.
369
00:15:46,043 --> 00:15:47,676
I'll go 100 bucks. No more.
370
00:15:47,678 --> 00:15:49,845
- Keep walking.
- Okay. No.
371
00:15:49,847 --> 00:15:52,280
Hey! Hey! Hold on.
Dan, it's a yard sale.
372
00:15:52,282 --> 00:15:54,816
Negotiating, huh?
That's all a part of it.
373
00:15:54,818 --> 00:15:56,518
You're not that far apart.
374
00:15:56,520 --> 00:16:00,222
He said $100, you're at $2,000.
375
00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:03,492
I'm not going any higher.
376
00:16:03,494 --> 00:16:05,060
I'm saving you the cost
of a salvage truck.
377
00:16:05,062 --> 00:16:09,931
Okay, he's firm at $100, so,
Dan, your counteroffer is...?
378
00:16:09,933 --> 00:16:11,366
Kiss my ass.
379
00:16:11,368 --> 00:16:14,603
He's still firm at $2,000.
380
00:16:15,805 --> 00:16:17,606
Yard sale's over.
381
00:16:17,608 --> 00:16:22,010
Well, I'm not
carrying this stuff back inside.
382
00:16:25,461 --> 00:16:28,376
- Hey.
- Hi.
383
00:16:28,401 --> 00:16:31,764
So, what'd you do with all
that time on your hands?
384
00:16:31,867 --> 00:16:34,368
- I destroyed a toaster.
- Mm.
385
00:16:34,370 --> 00:16:36,603
And then I started thinking about
386
00:16:36,605 --> 00:16:38,627
why all my relationships went bad.
387
00:16:38,652 --> 00:16:41,729
You know, not all guys are gonna
cheat on you, Darlene.
388
00:16:41,753 --> 00:16:42,919
Yeah.
389
00:16:42,921 --> 00:16:45,722
Um, I was actually the one that cheated.
390
00:16:45,724 --> 00:16:47,924
You cheated on someone?
391
00:16:47,926 --> 00:16:50,093
Yeah. And I lied.
392
00:16:50,095 --> 00:16:52,095
And I think I'm a pretty good person,
393
00:16:52,097 --> 00:16:54,197
so if someone like me
can do crap like that,
394
00:16:54,199 --> 00:16:57,600
I just figure anybody can,
even a nice guy like you.
395
00:16:57,602 --> 00:16:59,335
Wow.
396
00:16:59,337 --> 00:17:01,070
Some people spend years in therapy
397
00:17:01,072 --> 00:17:02,839
before they get to
that kind of revelation.
398
00:17:02,841 --> 00:17:05,608
Yeah, well, I'm broke.
I gotta get there faster.
399
00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:10,246
So, uh, the cheating and the lying,
400
00:17:10,248 --> 00:17:11,647
was that, like, a one-off
401
00:17:11,649 --> 00:17:13,916
or more like an
everyguy-you-get-involved-with
402
00:17:13,918 --> 00:17:16,386
- kind of thing?
- Oh, no, just the last guy.
403
00:17:16,388 --> 00:17:18,888
I sabotaged the rest of them
in all different ways.
404
00:17:18,890 --> 00:17:20,923
You'll see.
405
00:17:20,925 --> 00:17:22,458
I guess I'll take the burner phone back.
406
00:17:22,460 --> 00:17:23,926
No, no. No way. No, no, no.
407
00:17:23,928 --> 00:17:26,262
Now I know I need to keep tabs on you.
408
00:17:26,264 --> 00:17:30,033
Kidding. But, you know, maybe
I'll keep it so we can text.
409
00:17:30,035 --> 00:17:32,135
Maybe I'll text you during the day.
410
00:17:32,137 --> 00:17:34,103
Whoa. Stop smothering me.
411
00:17:34,105 --> 00:17:36,005
You're gonna drive me
into the arms of another man.
412
00:17:37,342 --> 00:17:39,675
But, actually, i-it will be nice
413
00:17:39,677 --> 00:17:42,612
to text my boyfriend whenever I want to.
414
00:17:42,614 --> 00:17:45,281
Crooked smile, prayer hands emoji.
415
00:17:45,283 --> 00:17:48,284
Am I your boyfriend?
416
00:17:48,286 --> 00:17:50,686
Now I really wish I was texting.
417
00:17:50,688 --> 00:17:52,588
Blush-face, heart-eyes.
418
00:17:55,259 --> 00:17:58,661
Oh, the queen has risen
from her chambers.
419
00:17:58,663 --> 00:18:00,696
I'm not in the mood for your crap!
420
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,901
I'm sorry.
421
00:18:04,903 --> 00:18:07,103
I didn't get home from
Isabella's until 3:00,
422
00:18:07,105 --> 00:18:09,639
and I still had to
finish my paper for school.
423
00:18:09,641 --> 00:18:12,241
Wow. You're really committed
to helping those girls out.
424
00:18:12,243 --> 00:18:14,544
- Good for you.
- Yeah, it was all for nothing.
425
00:18:14,546 --> 00:18:16,813
She wasn't serious about the program.
426
00:18:16,815 --> 00:18:18,815
Well, you did your best.
Can't win 'em all.
427
00:18:18,817 --> 00:18:20,083
I hate it.
428
00:18:20,085 --> 00:18:22,618
I made a difference in the lives
of the other girls,
429
00:18:22,620 --> 00:18:25,054
and Isabella was gonna be
my third success.
430
00:18:25,056 --> 00:18:26,722
Is this about helping people
431
00:18:26,724 --> 00:18:30,059
or how many successes you can
notch on your bedpost?
432
00:18:30,061 --> 00:18:31,327
No, that makes it sound like
433
00:18:31,329 --> 00:18:33,062
I'm saying that you're sleeping
with the girls.
434
00:18:33,064 --> 00:18:35,064
I didn't intend that.
435
00:18:35,066 --> 00:18:37,567
You're saying I'm making this
more about myself
436
00:18:37,569 --> 00:18:39,168
than about the girls,
437
00:18:39,170 --> 00:18:42,772
that maybe I see them as me
when I was younger
438
00:18:42,774 --> 00:18:45,708
and I'm trying to fix my mistakes?
439
00:18:45,710 --> 00:18:48,478
But they're not me, so I have to accept
440
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,948
that I can only save the ones
who want to be saved.
441
00:18:51,950 --> 00:18:55,051
Well, it wouldn't have meant
as much if I'd just told you.
442
00:18:55,053 --> 00:18:56,752
You had to find it.
443
00:18:57,921 --> 00:19:00,923
Wow, I helped Darlene earlier,
now I've straightened you out.
444
00:19:00,925 --> 00:19:02,959
I'm on fire!
445
00:19:02,961 --> 00:19:05,461
I smell smoke. Am I on fire?!
446
00:19:05,463 --> 00:19:07,230
No.
447
00:19:07,232 --> 00:19:09,532
I-It's coming from the backyard.
448
00:19:14,238 --> 00:19:15,972
What the hell?
449
00:19:15,974 --> 00:19:19,375
Some guy low-balled Dad on
the furniture and he snapped.
450
00:19:19,377 --> 00:19:21,410
Please tell me you took
the guy's wallet and rings
451
00:19:21,412 --> 00:19:23,713
before you threw him in there?
452
00:19:23,715 --> 00:19:27,216
This isn't a funeral pyre.
It's a celebration.
453
00:19:27,218 --> 00:19:29,819
All right. Then we'll talk
about the guy's life
454
00:19:29,821 --> 00:19:32,922
and why he was wonderful.
455
00:19:32,924 --> 00:19:35,625
I didn't kill anybody.
456
00:19:35,627 --> 00:19:37,126
Yet.
457
00:19:37,128 --> 00:19:40,329
This is a lot more
than just a bedroom set.
458
00:19:40,331 --> 00:19:43,299
When I first married your mom,
459
00:19:43,301 --> 00:19:45,735
her family said
I wouldn't amount to anything.
460
00:19:45,737 --> 00:19:47,637
We did say that.
461
00:19:47,639 --> 00:19:48,971
Yeah, you did.
462
00:19:48,973 --> 00:19:52,008
In a lot of ways, I thought
they might be right.
463
00:19:52,010 --> 00:19:53,943
I had to prove to myself
that they weren't,
464
00:19:53,945 --> 00:19:56,245
so when your mom wanted this set,
465
00:19:56,247 --> 00:19:58,247
I worked my ass off to get it for her...
466
00:19:58,249 --> 00:20:00,116
two jobs and a year of layaway.
467
00:20:00,118 --> 00:20:02,084
And when I finally brought it home,
468
00:20:02,086 --> 00:20:04,754
that's when I realized I could step up
469
00:20:04,756 --> 00:20:08,124
and do the things I needed to do
to be a husband and a father.
470
00:20:08,126 --> 00:20:10,059
I get it.
471
00:20:10,061 --> 00:20:11,294
As a husband and a father,
472
00:20:11,296 --> 00:20:15,831
sometimes I feel the need
to burn some things, too.
473
00:20:17,668 --> 00:20:19,168
I get it, too.
474
00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:22,638
Yeah, not in the spine-chilling
way that D.J. just described,
475
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,141
but that, you know, sometimes,
476
00:20:25,143 --> 00:20:27,843
you gotta honor a memory
like that with a ceremony.
477
00:20:27,845 --> 00:20:30,179
I always thought the Vikings
did it best.
478
00:20:30,181 --> 00:20:33,516
Set it on fire, send it to the heavens.
479
00:20:35,385 --> 00:20:38,654
And if it goes the other way,
Mom gets her bedroom set back.
480
00:20:38,656 --> 00:20:41,457
Oh, I like that thought.
481
00:20:42,426 --> 00:20:45,595
There's something about standing
around a fire with your family
482
00:20:45,597 --> 00:20:47,129
at Christmastime.
483
00:20:47,131 --> 00:20:49,198
It is kind of magical.
484
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,267
I always thought it'd be
the house on fire
485
00:20:51,269 --> 00:20:54,470
because of the wiring, but this is nice.
486
00:20:58,060 --> 00:21:00,826
Hey, do you still have that
bedroom set I saw earlier?
487
00:21:00,917 --> 00:21:02,717
I'll give you two grand for it
right now.
488
00:21:02,719 --> 00:21:06,220
The items are no longer available.
489
00:21:06,222 --> 00:21:07,688
That's too bad.
490
00:21:07,690 --> 00:21:09,830
They don't make vintage stuff
like that anymore.
491
00:21:09,855 --> 00:21:13,094
Oh, man. I wish you'd been here
an hour ago.
492
00:21:13,350 --> 00:21:15,883
You don't, by any chance,
need a mattress, do you?
493
00:21:15,908 --> 00:21:17,041
I do.
494
00:21:17,066 --> 00:21:20,680
I got one I can let you have for $500.
495
00:21:20,682 --> 00:21:22,682
And I guarantee, it's totally vintage.
496
00:21:23,751 --> 00:21:25,919
Come on. I just need a ride
down to the vet clinic.
38124
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