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1
00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:15,557
[hip-hop music]
2
00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:21,479
* *
3
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,106
- I know what you're thinking.
4
00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:24,774
"This fucking guy," right?
5
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,484
"Rich prick.
6
00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:28,737
"I mean, damn, that kimono
was made to be worn
7
00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:30,155
"for the highest-level
state functions
8
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,448
"of the emperor of Japan,
9
00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:34,200
and he's just loungin'
around in that shit."
10
00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:36,161
Oh, look at that.
11
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:38,830
Spilled some osso buco on it.
12
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,833
Oh, well.
13
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:45,503
But let me be clear about this.
14
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:49,841
No one just hands you
a royal kimono.
15
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,217
Nah.
16
00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:54,054
I came from nothing.
17
00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:56,389
People wanna say
the American dream is dead.
18
00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:59,225
Well, that's bullshit,
19
00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:01,436
because the story
I'm about to tell you,
20
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:03,438
my story,
21
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,024
is one that can only happen
22
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:09,569
in the U.S. of motherfucking A.
23
00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:14,991
Are you even listening to me,
Andrea?
24
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:16,451
- I thought you were
on the phone.
25
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,411
- I'm inspiring you
with my personal journey.
26
00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:19,913
This is a big deal for you,
Andrea.
27
00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:21,414
Pay attention!
28
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:24,292
[DJ Jazzy Jeff's "Parents
Just Don't Understand"]
29
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:26,378
[hip-hop beats]
30
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:27,671
- [huffs and whines]
31
00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:28,963
- Shut up.
32
00:01:29,005 --> 00:01:30,382
- * They don't understand
that us kids *
33
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:31,883
* Are going to make
some mistakes *
34
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,468
* So to you, all the kids
all across the land *
35
00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,345
- Get your ass in the store.
36
00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:37,055
- * Parents just don't
understand *
37
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:43,395
* *
38
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:46,398
- We were in here before.
39
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:48,316
We took some candy
when you weren't looking.
40
00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:51,945
* *
41
00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:53,738
I'm sorry.
- Damn right, you sorry.
42
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:57,075
We are a family that pays
for what we get.
43
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:58,952
- Okay. It's just 30ยข.
44
00:01:58,993 --> 00:02:01,496
- Oh, uh,
we can't pay for these.
45
00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:02,831
- [snickers]
- It's not funny.
46
00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:05,417
You know I'm working
towards something, Isaiah.
47
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:07,794
Nobody succeeds overnight.
You gotta put the time in.
48
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:08,837
Ask him.
49
00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:10,588
Was it easy
opening this place up?
50
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:12,173
- No.
It took years of hard work.
51
00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:14,259
- You see, boys?
Years.
52
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,928
You just gotta keep the faith.
53
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,430
- Dad.
54
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:19,848
Dad!
- What?
55
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:22,809
- We took more candy.
56
00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:26,813
Give him the candy.
57
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,356
- [whines]
58
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:31,401
- I'm proud of you, Craig.
59
00:02:33,361 --> 00:02:34,904
- Fucking snitch.
60
00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,322
[door bells chime]
- Ah!
61
00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:38,116
- What's the combination,
motherfucker?
62
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,410
Stop fucking stalling!
63
00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:42,328
- Be cool.
I didn't see anything.
64
00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:44,789
[Boss Hog's
"Winn Coma" playing]
65
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,500
[gunshot]
66
00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:50,003
[gunshot]
67
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:51,629
- So how did I get from there
68
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:54,758
to the splendor and opulence
I now inhabit?
69
00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:57,177
Wait, are you crying?
Don't cry.
70
00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:59,137
- Oh, Mr. Craig, it's so sad.
71
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,180
- It's not sad.
It's inspiring.
72
00:03:00,221 --> 00:03:01,431
- No, it is sad.
73
00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:02,724
- Agree to disagree.
74
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:04,309
- I lost my cousin
when I was eight.
75
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:05,769
- We're not talking
about that now.
76
00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:07,604
Andrea, this is
a uplifting interaction.
77
00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:09,105
- [whimpers]
Cancer.
78
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,148
- Andrea!
79
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:13,109
[slow drum beats]
80
00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:16,112
* *
81
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:19,157
It's 4:00 a.m.
Miami is asleep.
82
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,034
But me, I'm wide awake. Why?
83
00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:22,660
Am I out at the clubs?
84
00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:24,829
Do I rise
with the European markets?
85
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,164
No.
86
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,832
I just really have to pee.
87
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,417
[laughs]
88
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:32,504
Pause for laughter.
Pause for laughter.
89
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:34,214
This is
an all-too-familiar story
90
00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:37,300
for a man of over 40,
50, or even 60.
91
00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:38,677
So what's the deal?
92
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,387
Chances are,
you're suffering from
93
00:03:40,428 --> 00:03:42,681
benign prostatic hyperplasia.
94
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:45,642
In other words, you have
an enlarged prostate, son.
95
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:46,643
[chuckles]
96
00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:49,396
That's too Black.
That's too Black.
97
00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:52,524
In other words, you have
an enlarged prostate, sir.
98
00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:56,319
Frequent need, weak stream,
post-urination dribbling--
99
00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:57,821
this has to stop.
100
00:03:57,862 --> 00:03:59,155
But luckily--
101
00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:00,782
Nessa, up!
102
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:02,784
I'm dropping you at your mom's.
I have to be at work early.
103
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:03,827
- In a minute, Dad.
104
00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:05,412
- There's an
all-natural supplement
105
00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:07,414
that's proven to work.
106
00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:09,916
Saw palmetto berries.
107
00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:12,502
Pharmaceutical companies
are desperate
108
00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:14,504
for these berries.
109
00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:17,632
But they only grow one place
in the entire world.
110
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:18,883
Oh, shit!
111
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:21,219
- What was that?
- Is that an iguana?
112
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,555
- Where did it come from?
- [groans]
113
00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:30,061
[bird cawing]
114
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,563
- It's 'cause of the cold.
115
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,357
They get stunned
and start falling out of trees.
116
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:37,402
Toss him in a bush.
He'll warm up eventually.
117
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:41,406
[soft dramatic music]
118
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:42,699
- You wanna go ahead
and grab that for me?
119
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:45,910
I don't love reptiles--
lizards, snakes, skinks.
120
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,620
- What's a skink?
- I don't know what a skink is.
121
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:49,456
I'm not gonna look that shit up
and scare myself.
122
00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:51,124
- Well, I'm not touching that.
123
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,251
- Ugh.
I'ma try the wipers.
124
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,919
[wipers squeak]
125
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,630
[both groan]
126
00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,382
Ugh!
127
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,555
[groans]
128
00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:10,393
[groaning]
129
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,940
[screaming]
130
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,108
Damn it.
131
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,068
[screams]
132
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:21,112
[screams]
133
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,072
[car honks]
134
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:26,910
- It wasn't that big a deal.
135
00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:28,953
- That's 'cause you refused
to touch it, Nessa.
136
00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,832
- Hey, Camille.
137
00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:35,001
Marco.
138
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,544
Thank you for taking her.
139
00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:38,046
I have to be in early
140
00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:40,215
because I'm actually applying
for a business loan.
141
00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:41,633
So I bought this suit.
142
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,176
Fits so nice, it looks like
it was painted on.
143
00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:45,387
- [vocalizing]
144
00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:48,390
- Yeah? Good.
That's what I was going for.
145
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,934
Oh, you just gonna walk away?
Now you can't read my lips.
146
00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:53,645
Boy, that Marco's sure gained
some weight, hasn't he?
147
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,105
- He's calling me fat again.
148
00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:56,439
- This is family time, Marco.
149
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,525
You don't need to be here.
150
00:05:58,566 --> 00:05:59,609
- Good luck at your meeting,
Dad.
151
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:00,568
- Thank you, baby.
152
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:04,239
[hip-hop music]
153
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:05,407
[sighs]
154
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:12,580
* *
155
00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,251
- Craig, wow!
156
00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:18,336
I barely recognize you
out of your guard uniform.
157
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,754
Love the suit.
158
00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,881
- I want you to know
how serious I am about this.
159
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:24,509
Can I just start?
- Oh. Okay.
160
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,845
All business.
- [clears throat]
161
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,930
[breathes deeply]
162
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,517
- It's 4:00 a.m.
163
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,561
Miami is asleep.
164
00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:37,022
I'm wide awake. Why?
165
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,481
Am I out at the club?
166
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,358
Do I rise
with the European markets?
167
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,652
No.
I just really have to pee--
168
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:45,030
- Wait, is this a pitch?
169
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:47,532
Are you applying for a loan?
- Yeah.
170
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:48,825
I told Monica.
Did she not--
171
00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:50,160
- She just said
you were coming in.
172
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,287
[laughs]
173
00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:56,499
I thought it was about me
going as Shaq for Halloween.
174
00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:57,792
- Why would I wanna
come in early
175
00:06:57,834 --> 00:06:59,044
to talk to you about that?
176
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:01,129
- Somebody wrote a letter
to corporate
177
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:04,341
saying they were offended,
and I assumed it was you,
178
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:05,759
since you're the only...
179
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:13,183
Person I hadn't asked
about it yet.
180
00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:14,851
- It wasn't me.
- Because you're cool.
181
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:17,062
And for the record,
I wasn't in blackface.
182
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,522
I had makeup
on my arms and chest.
183
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:21,483
But the face was a mask.
184
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,318
I'm not stupid.
185
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:26,029
I know the rules.
- Okay, so...
186
00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:27,697
can I still do my pitch?
- Of course.
187
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:29,991
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's hear it.
188
00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:31,451
- It's 4:00 a.m.
189
00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:33,411
Miami is asleep.
190
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,454
Me? I'm wide awake--
191
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,748
- The whole thing
is just so crazy.
192
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,709
I'm one of the least racist
people you'll ever meet.
193
00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:41,461
[laughs nervously]
194
00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:44,089
[stammers]
Sorry, go on.
195
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,466
- So why am I awake?
196
00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:47,634
Am I out at the clubs?
197
00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,427
- I'm an advocate
for Black people.
198
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,596
I hired you and Gloria.
199
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:54,683
- Gloria's not Black.
- Well, she's something.
200
00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,437
- Do I rise
with the European markets--
201
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,605
- I just gotta tell you,
202
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,692
my favorite actor
is Jamie Foxx.
203
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,237
- I don't think you're racist,
Mr. Franks.
204
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,739
- Thanks. Thank you.
205
00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:12,951
It's so important to me
that you know that
206
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:15,286
because I can't give you
a loan.
207
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:18,289
Our default rate with borrowers
from the Black community
208
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,208
is just too high.
209
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:23,545
[somber music]
210
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:27,716
What is your favorite
Jamie Foxx movie?
211
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,050
Mine's "Ray."
212
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,471
So dope.
213
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:34,723
- I can't believe that shit.
214
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:36,474
I mean, whose favorite movie
is "Ray"?
215
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,809
- That's not what I meant,
Isaiah.
216
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,853
I worked on that presentation
for over a year.
217
00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:41,312
- Yeah, well, bosses are dicks.
218
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,189
That's why I'm self-employed.
219
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:44,399
- Self-employed doing what?
220
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:47,152
- Doin' well enough
to afford the new Kobes.
221
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:48,319
Pow!
222
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,572
- [sighs]
You didn't answer the question.
223
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,532
- Because I'm being
intentionally vague.
224
00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:54,159
Damn.
225
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,869
Learn to allow a little mystery
in your life.
226
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:58,496
- Maybe I'm looking at this
all wrong.
227
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,749
You know what Rita Gaines says?
- Who the fuck is Rita Gaines?
228
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:03,001
- Famous entrepreneur.
She was on "Shark Tank."
229
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,294
And she says,
230
00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:07,547
"Every red light turns green
eventually."
231
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:11,843
- That's dumb as shit.
232
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,428
Look, I'm saying this
as your brother.
233
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,347
This is your life, Cregory.
234
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,932
You gotta take action.
- What kind of action?
235
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:19,351
- As soon as
this lunch is over,
236
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,935
I want you to walk
into that guy's office,
237
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,854
shut the door, and don't leave
238
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,522
until he agrees
to listen to your pitch--
239
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,441
the entire pitch.
240
00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:29,027
- Fuck it. You're right.
- Goddamn right, I'm right!
241
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,445
- I've worked there
over six years.
242
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:32,030
- Six fucking years.
- They can give me ten minutes.
243
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,990
- He can give you 20.
- He cangive me 20.
244
00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:35,408
20 grand.
- 20 grand!
245
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:36,701
That's what the fuck
246
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:39,537
I'm talkin' bout, Cre-gor-y!
247
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,540
[brash hip-hop music]
248
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,834
* *
249
00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,419
- What's up?
Do we have a--
250
00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:49,047
- Mr. Franks, I need $20,000
for a down payment
251
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,758
on a piece of swampland,
where I'm gonna grow
252
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,678
saw palmetto berries
and make a fuck ton of money.
253
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:55,887
Did you know
that most older men
254
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,597
suffer from enlarged prostates?
255
00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:59,724
Well, these berries
shrink the prostate,
256
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:02,769
improve urination,
enhance hair growth,
257
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,104
and boost libido.
258
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:06,648
Pharmaceutical companies
are desperate for them,
259
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,775
but they only grow
one place in the world:
260
00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:10,068
coastal Flor--
261
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,320
[gunshots]
[both scream]
262
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:13,655
- Everybody down!
263
00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:15,323
Down on the ground!
264
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:16,741
We don't need no heroes.
265
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,284
I don't wanna put no bullets
in the body.
266
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,245
- Nobody move, nobody gets hu--
[screams]
267
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,538
[gunshot]
268
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:22,747
I'm okay.
269
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:23,998
- [whispering]
Go and hit the alarm.
270
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,041
- [whispering]
But he's out there.
271
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,334
- So what are you doing
in here?
272
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:27,919
- I was--my pitch!
273
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,422
- [sighs]
Your gun's not even out.
274
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,590
- Oh, shit, I forgot I had it.
- All right!
275
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,509
You know what time it is.
Give me that gun.
276
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:35,802
Pass the pistol.
277
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,097
- Son of a bitch.
278
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,396
- What?
[laughs]
279
00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:48,606
I have no idea
what you talkin' about.
280
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:51,359
Oh, oh, you think all this cash
is from a bank robbery.
281
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:52,485
It's not.
282
00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:54,446
Crazy story...
283
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,656
[hip-hop music]
284
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,700
- I just found it.
- You know I got fired, right?
285
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:00,035
I lost my job 'cause of you!
286
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,411
- No, you lost your job
287
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:02,787
'cause you weren't
where you were supposed to be.
288
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,080
- 'Cause you told me to go
in the manager's office
289
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:05,331
and shut the door.
290
00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:06,416
- That's on you!
291
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:07,959
You shouldn't be
taking advice from me.
292
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,211
I'm a known lowlife.
Take me and Dame.
293
00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:12,422
He thinks I should get
golden contact lenses,
294
00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:14,966
but I'm ignoring him
because that man is trash.
295
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,176
- They make you
look like a wizard.
296
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:17,719
- They make you bump into shit.
297
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,304
- What happened to you, Zay?
Huh?
298
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:20,972
I knew about the scams
and the fraud,
299
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,474
but armed robbery?
300
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:23,975
Seriously?
301
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:27,228
Dad would be ashamed.
302
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,522
You're a disgrace to his name.
303
00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:32,317
- Hey, Dame, give us a second.
304
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:33,818
- Oh, yeah, no doubt.
No doubt.
305
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:34,903
No doubt. Shit.
306
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,613
Oh, sh--
307
00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:40,492
Ow. Fuck. My bad, man.
308
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,912
I--I'll fix that later,
you know what I'm sayin'?
309
00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,497
Fuck with your periphery
and shit.
310
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,499
My bad, man.
311
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:48,708
- That dude's a fool.
312
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,377
You see him fall off
the counter in the bank?
313
00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:51,586
[laughs]
314
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:54,089
So I need a new partner.
You're unemployed.
315
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:55,382
- That's what you wanted
to talk about?
316
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:56,883
- Yeah, why you think
I sent Dame out the room?
317
00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:58,009
- Because I touched a nerve
318
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,219
with the stuff
I said about Dad?
319
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:01,179
- Oh.
No, no. No, no.
320
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,764
That didn't affect me at all.
321
00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:05,308
'Cause you know who was
a disgrace to Dad's name?
322
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:06,518
Dad.
323
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,020
He achieved nothing.
He ain't own nothing.
324
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,356
He died with nothing.
325
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:13,983
But I did you dirty.
Here's 20 grand.
326
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:16,361
Go buy yourself some swampland.
Grow your damn dick berries.
327
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,654
- Keep it.
328
00:12:17,696 --> 00:12:21,032
I'll get my loan,
and I'll do it the right way.
329
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,952
All right, Rita.
Let's go.
330
00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:26,037
Power and glory.
331
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,164
It's 4:00 a.m.
and Miami is asleep.
332
00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:29,874
But me? I'm wide awake.
333
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,876
Why?
Am I out at the clubs?
334
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,628
Do I rise
with the European markets?
335
00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:35,797
No. I just really have to pee.
336
00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,424
This is
an all-too-familiar story
337
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:40,635
for a man of 40,
50, or even 60.
338
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:43,722
You're suffering from
benign prostatic hyperplasia.
339
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,015
In other words,
340
00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,975
you have an enlarged prostate,
sir.
341
00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:48,935
* *
342
00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:51,438
- What's your favorite
Jamie Foxx movie?
343
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:52,689
- E-excuse me?
344
00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:54,566
- My favorite of his,
definitely "Collateral."
345
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:56,943
- You know what he's great in?
The new "Annie."
346
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,695
- "Django" is fucking rad.
347
00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:01,322
They should teach that shit
in schools.
348
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:02,615
- [sighs]
349
00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:04,576
Bathroom is here.
Towels are clean.
350
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:05,827
What else?
351
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:08,830
Uh, don't tell anyone
I'm renting my place.
352
00:13:08,872 --> 00:13:10,415
It's not really allowed.
353
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,417
- Oh.
Just here visiting family.
354
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,085
I don't even think
I'll be around much.
355
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,545
- Okay, cool.
356
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:19,174
Well,
I gotta get to the airport.
357
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:20,925
I'm going to New York
for a business meeting.
358
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,218
- Right on, man.
Enjoy the Big Apple.
359
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:23,595
- All right.
- All right.
360
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:27,891
[soft dramatic music]
361
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:29,434
- [sighs]
362
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:36,399
* *
363
00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:45,825
[sighs]
364
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:52,999
* *
365
00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:06,179
[indistinct radio broadcast]
366
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:09,933
[knocking on window]
- What the hell?
367
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:11,142
[laughs]
Hey!
368
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,560
Hey, what y'all doin' here?
369
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,984
- Uh, yeah, I remember.
370
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:22,070
Why do you think
I'm at the car already?
371
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,073
- Pfft.
Am I living in here?
372
00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:27,325
What, a man can't cook
breakfast in his own car
373
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,035
without living in it?
374
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:30,912
[grunts]
375
00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:32,622
I have a friend in town.
376
00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:34,124
I gave him my bed. Damn.
377
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:36,418
[cell phone rings]
Oh, shoot! Phone call.
378
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,086
Gotta cut
this conversation short.
379
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:40,922
I will take Vanessa
to school, though.
380
00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:42,340
Oh, shit, it's a loan officer.
381
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,509
Foster Group.
Craig Foster speaking.
382
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:45,969
- Hi, my name
is Donald Assarian.
383
00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:47,387
I'm from
First Florida Federated.
384
00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:49,014
- Hello, Mr. Assarian.
How can I help you?
385
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:51,808
- I came across your
application on my boss' desk.
386
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:54,019
He wasn't interested
because you're--
387
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,395
well, the point is,
388
00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:56,771
I think
it's an interesting proposal.
389
00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:58,398
Any chance
you could take me by
390
00:14:58,440 --> 00:14:59,649
to see the plot
you're looking at?
391
00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:01,317
- Absolutely.
What's a good time for you?
392
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:02,944
- Could you meet me there
in an hour?
393
00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:05,071
- Perfect.
Yes, I'll see you there.
394
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,865
Thank you so much,
Mr. Assarian.
395
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:07,949
- Are you getting the loan?
396
00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:10,410
- I'm getting the loan!
[laughs]
397
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:11,578
Well, it's not for sure yet.
398
00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:13,288
He's gotta see
the property first.
399
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,539
Oh.
My suit.
400
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,041
I gotta get my special suit.
401
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,500
Yo, sorry I can't take Vanessa.
402
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:19,544
- I know.
403
00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:21,796
- I know. I know. I know.
404
00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:23,757
But this is the moment my life
has been building up to.
405
00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:25,008
It's my dream.
406
00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:27,385
And it's the only way
I can make it happen.
407
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:33,391
- I wanted to help
grieving families
408
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,518
cover the myriad costs
of burying a pet.
409
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:39,064
- That was a good idea.
410
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:40,774
Until everybody
got smartphones.
411
00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:41,941
It's all the same!
412
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:44,194
It's one dream.
It's one fucking dream.
413
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:47,697
[dramatic hip-hop music]
414
00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:49,699
I'm sorry.
415
00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:52,202
But I really think
this is the one.
416
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:55,580
* *
417
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:58,416
Also,
since you followed me in here,
418
00:15:58,458 --> 00:15:59,834
I do not have a friend over.
419
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:01,211
That was obviously a lie.
420
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:02,420
I'm making some extra money
421
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:03,838
by renting my apartment
out to strangers.
422
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:10,095
- I never, ever do this
when Vanessa's here, okay?
423
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:11,888
I swear to you, Camille.
424
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:14,766
Also, this guy is cool.
I'm a great judge of character.
425
00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:16,267
I'm not just gonna
let anybody up in--
426
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,019
- [moaning]
- What the fuck?
427
00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:19,729
- [muffled]
What the fuck?
428
00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:20,689
- The fuck?
429
00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:29,364
- I know.
430
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:31,825
- I know.
431
00:16:34,703 --> 00:16:36,287
- Hey.
432
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,039
I'm sorry.
433
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:40,291
I'm embarrassed.
[sighs]
434
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,460
I'm sorry.
435
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,045
But everything's gonna
be different after today.
436
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:45,296
I'ma get this loan.
437
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,215
It's all gonna be different.
I promise.
438
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:49,175
But right now, I gotta go.
Okay?
439
00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:50,969
I can't miss this.
This--
440
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:52,303
shit!
441
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,305
My sausages!
442
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,141
- I called the fire department.
443
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:59,019
- Good, good.
That was smart.
444
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:01,438
So can you take me...
445
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:07,360
Right, let's go.
446
00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:10,655
- [sighs]
Uber, yeah. That's a good idea.
447
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,282
Ah, come on. Come on. Come on.
448
00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:14,659
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on.
449
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,829
Jillian G.
Mercedes Benz.
450
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:19,372
[sirens wailing]
451
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:22,542
[engine sputtering]
452
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,760
- Craig?
453
00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:34,012
- Yeah.
- Hey. I'm Jillian.
454
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:36,181
This is my Mercedes!
455
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:39,184
[rhythmic hip-hop music]
456
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:46,149
* *
457
00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:47,359
You don't have to worry.
458
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,027
I'm not one of those
weird Uber drivers
459
00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:50,153
that doesn't talk.
460
00:17:50,195 --> 00:17:51,780
- Kay.
461
00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:54,115
* *
462
00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:56,242
- Are you from around here?
463
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:58,411
- Yes.
- I'm from Australia.
464
00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:00,663
* *
465
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:03,416
Have you ever seen the movie
"Grease"?
466
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:06,836
- Yeah.
467
00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:08,797
- Well, here's
a little secret for you.
468
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:12,258
Olivia Newton-John
is from Australia.
469
00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:14,886
Sandy?
470
00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:18,306
She played Sandy.
471
00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:19,391
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
472
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:20,684
- I know who
you're talking about.
473
00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,811
- Have you ever heard
of Nicole Kidman?
474
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,145
[cell phone rings]
475
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:25,522
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I gotta take this.
476
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:27,232
- She's Australian too.
477
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,274
- What?
478
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:30,694
- No "hello"?
I see how it is.
479
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,737
Well, you're about to feel
real bad about being a dick
480
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:34,489
because I'm calling
to offer you a job.
481
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:36,574
- What kind of job?
A legal job?
482
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,784
- That's a good question,
Cregory.
483
00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:40,286
Let me run it up the ladder
to my HR guy.
484
00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,080
- Get Dame to do it.
485
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:43,873
- Nah, he's unavailable.
486
00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:45,542
He had a little mishap
on account of those
487
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:46,751
dumbass wizard lenses.
488
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,628
[truck horn blares]
- [screams]
489
00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:50,505
- Look, man, I'm just trying
to do your poor ass a favor.
490
00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:51,881
Just let me know if you're in.
- I'm not in.
491
00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:54,300
My poor ass
doesn't need any favors.
492
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:56,386
As it so happens, I'm on my way
493
00:18:56,428 --> 00:18:58,972
to a business meeting
right now.
494
00:18:59,014 --> 00:19:01,057
So thank you,
495
00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:02,350
and go fuck yourself.
496
00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:03,935
- Just call me after
when it doesn't work out.
497
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,353
- Go fuck yourself.
498
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:10,150
- You're a businessman.
499
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,860
Very cool.
500
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:14,571
My father moved here
to be a businessman.
501
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,448
And then he died.
502
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,158
- Sorry to hear that.
- It's all right.
503
00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:22,829
It was sort of the best age
to lose your dad--
504
00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:25,540
as a teenager.
505
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:28,251
So what's this big meeting?
506
00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:29,753
- [sighs]
I'm trying to buy some land
507
00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:31,588
so I could start
a saw palmetto farm.
508
00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:34,215
It's complicated.
- Wow.
509
00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:36,468
I wish I was good at business.
510
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:39,054
I'm way in debt,
which is crazy,
511
00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:40,722
because I have so many jobs.
512
00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:43,558
I Uber. I Lyft. I TaskRabbit.
513
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,436
I get paid by creeps online
to watch me eat bananas.
514
00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:48,605
I do a little elder care--
oh, shit!
515
00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:50,523
- What?
Wh-wh-what?
516
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,108
[tires squeal]
517
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:53,443
- [sighs]
518
00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:54,944
Sorry, I just have to do
one thing real quick.
519
00:19:54,986 --> 00:19:56,321
- No, I have a meeting.
- I know.
520
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:57,447
But this will just take
one second.
521
00:19:57,489 --> 00:19:58,573
Please?
- [sighs]
522
00:19:58,615 --> 00:19:59,991
- Pretty please?
- Fine, fine, fine.
523
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,034
- Great.
524
00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:03,870
- What's the hammer for?
525
00:20:03,912 --> 00:20:06,039
- Hammering.
Be right back.
526
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:21,971
[yells]
527
00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:24,349
- What the fuck?
528
00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:26,559
- [yelling]
529
00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:29,562
[dramatic music]
530
00:20:29,604 --> 00:20:32,273
* *
531
00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:34,401
Nearly done!
Just wrapping up!
532
00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:36,528
Oh, shit!
Fuck you! Ah!
533
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,114
- Oh, shit!
- Ah!
534
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:41,366
[grunting]
535
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:44,035
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
536
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:46,162
- Hey, I'm just gonna get
another Uber.
537
00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:48,039
- No, no, no.
I'm done!
538
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:49,749
I'm done.
539
00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:53,253
[panting]
540
00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:56,256
[grunting]
541
00:20:56,297 --> 00:21:00,552
* *
542
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,554
Would you mind
sliding down a tad?
543
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,973
I'm gonna need
a little room for this guy.
544
00:21:05,015 --> 00:21:07,517
- [screams]
No, no, no, no, no, no!
545
00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:10,729
No! No! No!
546
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,068
- So you're probably wondering
about the snake.
547
00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:19,237
- Yeah, I'm wondering about
the fucking snake.
548
00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:21,656
That's exactly what
I'm wondering about, Jillian G.
549
00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:22,907
- It's all completely
above board.
550
00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:25,410
The state of Florida pays me
to do this job.
551
00:21:25,452 --> 00:21:26,745
Check it out.
I've got a pamphlet.
552
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:31,249
Ten years ago,
there was a trend for people
553
00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:33,209
to get Burmese pythons as pets.
554
00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:34,836
They start out really cute.
555
00:21:34,878 --> 00:21:36,838
- That can't be true.
- It is.
556
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,131
But then they got too big,
557
00:21:38,173 --> 00:21:40,133
so everyone drove
their snakes out to the swamps
558
00:21:40,175 --> 00:21:42,844
and set them free,
but they're not from here,
559
00:21:42,886 --> 00:21:45,513
so nothing eats them,
but they eat everything.
560
00:21:45,555 --> 00:21:46,598
Birds...
- Okay.
561
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:47,932
- Alligators...
- Damn.
562
00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:49,559
- Even other snakes.
- Nasty.
563
00:21:49,601 --> 00:21:51,353
- It's an ecological disaster.
564
00:21:51,394 --> 00:21:53,980
So the state pays
removal agents
565
00:21:54,022 --> 00:21:56,941
100 bucks for every dead python
we bring in.
566
00:21:56,983 --> 00:21:59,277
It's a quick and easy way
to earn some extra cash.
567
00:21:59,319 --> 00:22:00,570
- Didn't seem easy.
568
00:22:00,612 --> 00:22:02,364
- They're not poisonous.
They're really slow.
569
00:22:02,405 --> 00:22:03,573
They're like big hot dogs
570
00:22:03,615 --> 00:22:05,784
that can bite you
or squeeze you to death.
571
00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:09,287
But also,
they can kind of smile.
572
00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:12,499
- You know, this has been
very informative and all that,
573
00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:14,167
but you think we--hey!
574
00:22:14,209 --> 00:22:15,627
Hey!
It's alive!
575
00:22:15,669 --> 00:22:16,753
You didn't kill it!
[python hisses]
576
00:22:16,795 --> 00:22:17,796
Shit!
- Okay.
577
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:18,922
Okay, okay.
- [screams]
578
00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:20,340
Fuck!
- Stay calm! Just remember!
579
00:22:20,382 --> 00:22:21,758
It's more scared than you are!
580
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,551
- [screams] That motherfucker's
not scared at all!
581
00:22:23,593 --> 00:22:24,803
- That must be
the brain damage.
582
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:26,471
Sometimes they lose
all sense of reason.
583
00:22:26,513 --> 00:22:28,139
- [screaming]
- Grab its neck!
584
00:22:28,181 --> 00:22:29,432
- That doesn't help.
It's all neck!
585
00:22:29,474 --> 00:22:31,309
[both scream]
586
00:22:31,351 --> 00:22:33,395
Shit! Shit!
587
00:22:33,436 --> 00:22:34,688
- [screaming]
- Get off me!
588
00:22:34,729 --> 00:22:36,106
- Hold on. Hold on.
- Get off me!
589
00:22:36,147 --> 00:22:37,399
Ow!
- Sorry!
590
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:38,483
[tires squealing]
Sorry!
591
00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:39,526
- Ow!
- Sorry!
592
00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:42,612
- Shit!
[both screaming]
593
00:22:42,654 --> 00:22:44,406
Ow, shit!
- [screaming]
594
00:22:44,447 --> 00:22:46,241
- Watch the road!
- [screaming]
595
00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:48,660
The window won't kill it!
- [screaming]
596
00:22:48,702 --> 00:22:51,037
Shit!
- Oh, shit!
597
00:22:59,796 --> 00:23:02,340
[rhythmic drum beats]
598
00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:06,511
- Okay, so I kind of feel like
I owe you an apology.
599
00:23:06,553 --> 00:23:07,762
You were right.
600
00:23:07,804 --> 00:23:09,931
The window thing worked.
You killed the snake!
601
00:23:09,973 --> 00:23:12,392
- That's not what you should be
apologizing for, Jillian G.
602
00:23:12,434 --> 00:23:14,102
- What do you think
I should be sorry about?
603
00:23:14,144 --> 00:23:15,311
- Everything!
604
00:23:15,353 --> 00:23:17,647
The generalities
of this whole situation.
605
00:23:17,689 --> 00:23:21,401
- Okay, but the window thing
was super smart.
606
00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:24,029
So many people overlook
the cerebral aspect
607
00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:25,947
of snake-killing.
608
00:23:25,989 --> 00:23:28,616
Hey, would you ever
wanna team up?
609
00:23:28,658 --> 00:23:30,535
Your brains, my hammer?
610
00:23:30,577 --> 00:23:33,038
- I just wanna get
to my meeting.
611
00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:34,205
Does your car still drive?
612
00:23:34,247 --> 00:23:35,874
- Oh, yeah, for sure.
613
00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:38,752
I'll just throw it in reverse
and get you there in no time.
614
00:23:38,793 --> 00:23:40,462
- My special suit.
615
00:23:40,503 --> 00:23:41,963
I can't show up
looking like this.
616
00:23:42,005 --> 00:23:43,256
- Not a problem.
617
00:23:43,298 --> 00:23:45,300
I have clothes
you could change into.
618
00:23:48,511 --> 00:23:50,722
- Do you live in there?
- Yeah, it's great.
619
00:23:50,764 --> 00:23:52,098
I got a bed.
620
00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:54,392
I got a couple garbage bags
with my things.
621
00:23:56,144 --> 00:23:57,103
That's pretty much it.
622
00:23:57,145 --> 00:23:58,438
- Where do you go
to the bathroom?
623
00:23:58,480 --> 00:23:59,356
- Starbucks.
624
00:23:59,397 --> 00:24:00,732
It's actually awesome.
- It is?
625
00:24:00,774 --> 00:24:02,901
- Does your bathroom
get cleaned twice a day?
626
00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:05,195
- Look, this is very nice
and more than a little bleak,
627
00:24:05,236 --> 00:24:06,654
but I don't think
you have anything in there
628
00:24:06,696 --> 00:24:08,031
that'll fit me.
629
00:24:08,073 --> 00:24:11,326
- Oh, really?
630
00:24:13,203 --> 00:24:15,497
- What the hell is that?
- My graduation gown.
631
00:24:15,538 --> 00:24:17,999
Florida School of Excellence,
class of '07.
632
00:24:18,041 --> 00:24:19,709
Go Titties!
633
00:24:19,751 --> 00:24:21,127
The old mascot was racist,
634
00:24:21,169 --> 00:24:23,546
so they let the students vote
on a new one.
635
00:24:28,009 --> 00:24:30,595
That color does
really pop on you.
636
00:24:30,637 --> 00:24:32,639
Quick tip, though--
stay in the shade
637
00:24:32,681 --> 00:24:34,391
because that fabric
melts in the sun
638
00:24:34,432 --> 00:24:36,476
and it will burn your skin.
639
00:24:41,272 --> 00:24:44,359
[engine sputtering]
640
00:24:51,866 --> 00:24:54,577
- Mr. Assarian.
641
00:24:54,619 --> 00:24:55,787
I'm Craig.
642
00:24:59,082 --> 00:25:00,250
- What are you wearing?
- This?
643
00:25:00,291 --> 00:25:02,210
Oh, it's a, uh...
644
00:25:02,252 --> 00:25:03,503
it's a gown.
645
00:25:03,545 --> 00:25:05,755
Standard business casual gown.
646
00:25:05,797 --> 00:25:07,716
Look, I have a presentation
for you, okay?
647
00:25:07,757 --> 00:25:09,050
- Yeah.
- Okay.
648
00:25:10,719 --> 00:25:12,012
It's 4:00 a.m.
649
00:25:12,053 --> 00:25:13,680
Miami is asleep.
650
00:25:13,722 --> 00:25:16,975
But I'm wide awake.
Why? Am I out at the clubs?
651
00:25:17,017 --> 00:25:18,810
Do I rise
with the European markets?
652
00:25:18,852 --> 00:25:20,186
No.
653
00:25:20,228 --> 00:25:21,855
I just really have to pee.
654
00:25:21,896 --> 00:25:23,481
[mosquito buzzing]
655
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:27,527
This is a
all-too-familiar-story
656
00:25:27,569 --> 00:25:31,406
for a man of over 40,
50, or even 60.
657
00:25:33,533 --> 00:25:35,035
What's the deal?
658
00:25:35,076 --> 00:25:37,287
What's, uh, the deal?
659
00:25:37,328 --> 00:25:40,874
[watch ticking]
660
00:25:40,915 --> 00:25:42,542
Okay.
661
00:25:42,584 --> 00:25:44,377
Look, I know this seems crazy.
662
00:25:44,419 --> 00:25:47,672
I'm late.
I show up in a billboard.
663
00:25:47,714 --> 00:25:50,050
When I was a kid,
my dad told me
664
00:25:50,091 --> 00:25:52,927
if I worked hard,
I could make it.
665
00:25:52,969 --> 00:25:54,846
I could become rich.
666
00:25:54,888 --> 00:25:56,306
[soft dramatic music]
667
00:25:56,348 --> 00:25:57,640
"It won't be easy," he said,
668
00:25:57,682 --> 00:26:02,187
"but you just gotta
have faith."
669
00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:04,230
And then he died.
670
00:26:04,272 --> 00:26:08,193
He wasn't rich.
He wasn't anything.
671
00:26:08,234 --> 00:26:10,403
But I carried on his dream.
672
00:26:10,445 --> 00:26:12,322
I just thought that,
673
00:26:12,364 --> 00:26:16,368
you know,
if I could prove him right,
674
00:26:16,409 --> 00:26:19,079
then his life
would've meant something.
675
00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:21,414
His death
would've meant something.
676
00:26:21,456 --> 00:26:26,211
And I waited and I worked
through setback after setback,
677
00:26:26,252 --> 00:26:28,380
and it's just getting
so damn hard.
678
00:26:28,421 --> 00:26:30,632
And I just wanted a sign--
679
00:26:30,674 --> 00:26:33,635
anything to tell me
to keep going.
680
00:26:33,677 --> 00:26:36,721
So when you called this morning
out of nowhere,
681
00:26:36,763 --> 00:26:38,807
that's what
I'd been waiting for.
682
00:26:38,848 --> 00:26:40,684
It was like
the heavens opened up
683
00:26:40,725 --> 00:26:43,103
and I could hear
the angels singing.
684
00:26:43,144 --> 00:26:45,772
So now, if you say no,
685
00:26:45,814 --> 00:26:49,901
it's not just that I won't get
to start my new business.
686
00:26:49,943 --> 00:26:54,197
This is everything
I've ever believed in.
687
00:26:54,239 --> 00:26:56,199
So I'm asking you,
688
00:26:56,241 --> 00:26:58,952
please,
689
00:26:58,993 --> 00:27:00,662
reward my faith.
690
00:27:03,123 --> 00:27:05,709
- Fuck him.
That guy's a dick.
691
00:27:10,422 --> 00:27:12,674
Do you mind if we make
a quick pit stop?
692
00:27:14,509 --> 00:27:16,678
- I feel like I'm going
above and beyond here
693
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:18,638
in my role as Uber passenger.
694
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,307
- Okay, I didn't wanna
ruin the surprise,
695
00:27:21,349 --> 00:27:24,144
but I'm gonna give you
the 100 bucks
696
00:27:24,185 --> 00:27:25,687
to invest in your business.
697
00:27:25,729 --> 00:27:27,063
- What? Why?
698
00:27:27,105 --> 00:27:29,441
- Do you know why my
graduation gown wasn't melted?
699
00:27:29,482 --> 00:27:30,525
- I assumed because you were
700
00:27:30,567 --> 00:27:31,651
sittin' in the shade
or whatever.
701
00:27:31,693 --> 00:27:33,611
- [laughs]
There's no shade
702
00:27:33,653 --> 00:27:36,072
at the Florida School
of Excellence.
703
00:27:36,114 --> 00:27:39,200
Wake up, man!
I didn't graduate.
704
00:27:39,242 --> 00:27:41,828
Remember when I said
16 was a good age
705
00:27:41,870 --> 00:27:43,538
to have your dad die?
706
00:27:43,580 --> 00:27:45,665
It wasn't.
I tricked you.
707
00:27:45,707 --> 00:27:48,001
I kind of stopped
going to school after that--
708
00:27:48,043 --> 00:27:50,920
stopped really doing anything.
709
00:27:50,962 --> 00:27:53,340
Things have been tough
since then, and I don't know,
710
00:27:53,381 --> 00:27:56,051
I just don't like to see
anyone else give up.
711
00:27:56,092 --> 00:27:57,469
- Well, I appreciate it,
Jillian G,
712
00:27:57,510 --> 00:27:59,220
but 100 bucks
ain't gonna do shit for me.
713
00:27:59,262 --> 00:28:01,681
- It might be 110.
They pay by the foot.
714
00:28:01,723 --> 00:28:03,808
So if you pull the skin away
from the meat--
715
00:28:03,850 --> 00:28:05,685
- I need $20,000.
716
00:28:05,727 --> 00:28:09,022
Okay?
So keep your money.
717
00:28:09,064 --> 00:28:10,440
I'm done.
718
00:28:12,150 --> 00:28:13,526
- Okay.
719
00:28:13,568 --> 00:28:16,321
Well, I guess I better go
find someone else
720
00:28:16,363 --> 00:28:18,073
to help me with this, then.
- Yeah.
721
00:28:18,114 --> 00:28:20,909
* *
722
00:28:20,950 --> 00:28:22,869
[sighs]
723
00:28:24,371 --> 00:28:25,497
- Hey.
724
00:28:25,538 --> 00:28:27,123
How'd the big
business meeting go?
725
00:28:27,165 --> 00:28:28,667
You swimmin' in dick berries?
726
00:28:28,708 --> 00:28:30,960
- No. Look.
727
00:28:31,002 --> 00:28:34,089
I'm calling to see
if you still have that...
728
00:28:34,130 --> 00:28:35,715
job opening available for me.
729
00:28:35,757 --> 00:28:38,385
- The illegal one?
The crime I'm doing?
730
00:28:38,426 --> 00:28:39,844
- I thought we were being cagey
about this.
731
00:28:39,886 --> 00:28:42,013
- Oh, no,
that was before I had a chance
732
00:28:42,055 --> 00:28:44,224
to rub your moral downfall
in your face.
733
00:28:44,265 --> 00:28:45,934
- It's not a moral downfall.
734
00:28:45,975 --> 00:28:47,185
- Oh, it is.
735
00:28:47,227 --> 00:28:49,562
We're gonna do
such fucked up stuff together.
736
00:28:49,604 --> 00:28:51,981
- Hey, you think
you're in my head?
737
00:28:53,942 --> 00:28:57,821
I know what you're doing--
standin' out here.
738
00:28:57,862 --> 00:28:58,947
It ain't gonna work.
739
00:28:58,988 --> 00:29:00,323
- What the fuck
are you talkin' about?
740
00:29:00,365 --> 00:29:01,408
- Oh, you think
we're gonna be intimidated
741
00:29:01,449 --> 00:29:02,826
'cause you got a 14-footer?
742
00:29:02,867 --> 00:29:04,119
Think that makes you
the favorite?
743
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:05,745
Well, guess what?
744
00:29:05,787 --> 00:29:08,915
My boy and I are gonna
eat your fucking ass.
745
00:29:08,957 --> 00:29:10,500
- Dad.
746
00:29:10,542 --> 00:29:13,586
- Yeah, we're gonna be eatin'
out on your ass all day long.
747
00:29:13,628 --> 00:29:16,423
- Dad!
- What, Corby?
748
00:29:16,464 --> 00:29:17,590
What?
749
00:29:17,632 --> 00:29:19,592
- We're gonna eat his ass?
750
00:29:19,634 --> 00:29:21,052
- Yeah, well, we're gonna--
751
00:29:21,094 --> 00:29:23,179
we're gonna kick his ass--
you know what I meant, okay?
752
00:29:23,221 --> 00:29:24,556
Boy, I'm havin'
a showdown here.
753
00:29:24,597 --> 00:29:26,391
A man's showdown.
Don't undermine me.
754
00:29:26,433 --> 00:29:28,351
- Um, sorry, excuse me.
755
00:29:28,393 --> 00:29:31,021
What are you talkin' about?
- The contest.
756
00:29:31,062 --> 00:29:32,605
The Florida Python Challenge.
757
00:29:32,647 --> 00:29:34,691
It starts tomorrow.
30 days.
758
00:29:34,733 --> 00:29:36,484
Whoever kills the most snakes
gets a grand prize.
759
00:29:36,526 --> 00:29:38,778
- What kind of grand prize?
- Cash.
760
00:29:38,820 --> 00:29:39,946
- How much cash?
761
00:29:42,782 --> 00:29:44,534
- $20,000.
762
00:29:44,576 --> 00:29:48,121
[hip-hop music]
763
00:29:48,163 --> 00:29:49,956
- Zay,
764
00:29:49,998 --> 00:29:51,291
I gotta go.
765
00:29:51,332 --> 00:29:58,506
* *
766
00:30:08,641 --> 00:30:11,519
[Quincy Jones' "Money Is"]
767
00:30:11,561 --> 00:30:15,899
* *
768
00:30:15,940 --> 00:30:20,278
- * I got a PhD
in how to make ends meet *
769
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:24,115
* I graduated from the college
in the street *
770
00:30:24,157 --> 00:30:27,827
* Inflation in the nation
don't bother me *
771
00:30:27,869 --> 00:30:30,372
* 'Cause I'm a scholar
when it comes *
772
00:30:30,413 --> 00:30:33,166
* To the almighty dollar *
773
00:30:33,208 --> 00:30:37,170
* Money, money, money,
money is *
774
00:30:37,212 --> 00:30:41,091
* Money's on my mind *
775
00:30:41,132 --> 00:30:44,552
* Money, money, money
moves me *
776
00:30:44,594 --> 00:30:48,264
* I even like the money sign *
777
00:30:48,306 --> 00:30:50,100
* I'm so mean with the green *
778
00:30:50,141 --> 00:30:52,268
* I make a dollar
want to holler *
779
00:30:52,310 --> 00:30:54,354
* Make a mark want to bark *
780
00:30:54,396 --> 00:30:57,148
* Make a pound want to frown *
781
00:30:57,190 --> 00:31:01,236
* Money, money, money,
money is *
782
00:31:01,277 --> 00:31:04,698
* Money's on my mind *
783
00:31:04,739 --> 00:31:08,201
* Ain't no such thing
as dirty money *
784
00:31:08,243 --> 00:31:12,122
* The rich folks know
what I mean *
785
00:31:12,163 --> 00:31:14,624
* And money ain't got
no smell *
786
00:31:14,666 --> 00:31:16,001
* Let me tell you *
787
00:31:16,042 --> 00:31:18,753
* How some green can
keep you clean *
788
00:31:20,714 --> 00:31:22,757
- Not a doctor.
- Shh.
51260
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