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00:00:06,565 --> 00:00:07,231
♪ ♪
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00:00:07,399 --> 00:00:08,582
(grunting)
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00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:09,657
Ah-ha!
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00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:11,401
(burps)
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00:00:11,420 --> 00:00:13,429
♪ ♪
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00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:22,429
ANNOUNCER: Tonight on Million
Dollar Listing: Springfield.
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00:00:22,581 --> 00:00:23,914
♪ Fabulous ♪
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00:00:23,932 --> 00:00:25,340
♪ Fa-fabulous ♪
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00:00:25,434 --> 00:00:27,175
♪ Fabulous ♪
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00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,677
♪ Fa-fabulous ♪
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00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:30,696
♪ Fabulous ♪
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00:00:30,847 --> 00:00:32,105
♪ Fa-fa-fabulous. ♪
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00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,258
ANNOUNCER: We once again have only
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00:00:34,276 --> 00:00:36,109
one house in this whole town
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00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:37,761
worth a million dollars.
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00:00:37,780 --> 00:00:39,371
I keep telling you,
I don't want to sell.
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00:00:39,598 --> 00:00:41,765
This area has
a great school system
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00:00:41,858 --> 00:00:44,451
and I'm thinking
of starting a family.
19
00:00:44,528 --> 00:00:47,771
My children, fight each other
to the death for my love.
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00:00:47,790 --> 00:00:49,106
(Burns chuckling)
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00:00:49,124 --> 00:00:50,215
-(chainsaw revs)
-(thuds)
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00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:51,775
I'm here in
the sculpture garden,
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00:00:51,868 --> 00:00:53,701
and we can't keep
the buyers away.
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00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:56,538
Maybe it's the fresh-baked
morphine cookies.
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00:00:56,706 --> 00:00:59,616
(zombie-like voices):
Open concept dungeon,
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00:00:59,635 --> 00:01:01,226
four panic rooms,
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00:01:01,453 --> 00:01:04,063
hot and cold running oxygen.
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00:01:04,214 --> 00:01:07,048
(laughs)
Good old reality TV.
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00:01:07,126 --> 00:01:09,684
Snappy editing, no content.
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00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:10,961
♪ ♪
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ANNOUNCER: Homer.
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00:01:13,999 --> 00:01:15,074
♪ ♪
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00:01:15,301 --> 00:01:17,225
ANNOUNCER: Marge.
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00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:18,994
(grunts)
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00:01:20,897 --> 00:01:23,582
-(creaking)
-(grunts)
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00:01:24,476 --> 00:01:25,659
What the...?
37
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:29,329
I'm hosting book club tonight,
and I was thinking,
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00:01:29,481 --> 00:01:31,998
maybe you'd like to go to Moe's
until we're done.
39
00:01:32,151 --> 00:01:33,575
You want me to go to Moe's?
40
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:34,668
I do.
41
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,002
(whoops) How drunk can I get?
42
00:01:36,155 --> 00:01:37,579
Stinking or falling down?
43
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,323
Uh, how about "sociable"?
44
00:01:39,416 --> 00:01:41,658
What I'm hearing
is wedding drunk.
45
00:01:41,751 --> 00:01:43,751
Wedding drunk, cash bar.
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00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,162
-Fine.
-(grunts)
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00:01:45,180 --> 00:01:47,422
So, who liked the book?
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00:01:48,425 --> 00:01:52,277
Not me. It was a farewell
to my Saturday.
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00:01:52,504 --> 00:01:53,503
Aw.
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00:01:53,672 --> 00:01:55,672
Hemingway is so clichéd.
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00:01:55,765 --> 00:01:58,508
This book about Italian
ambulance drivers was...
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00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:01,678
(imitating siren):
...boring, boring, boring.
53
00:02:01,697 --> 00:02:04,998
There wasn't enough
smoking in it for me.
54
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,126
May I speak mah piece?
55
00:02:07,277 --> 00:02:09,110
What's your problem, Daisy May?
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00:02:09,130 --> 00:02:11,688
Couldn't make it through
the audiobook?
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00:02:11,690 --> 00:02:13,114
(laughs sarcastically)
58
00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:16,042
Well, ah thinks
it's a classic of style
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00:02:16,195 --> 00:02:19,396
that's more than a war story
and more than a love story.
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00:02:19,398 --> 00:02:21,531
With deceptively simple prose
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00:02:21,625 --> 00:02:24,560
as lean and sturdy
as a half-ton marlin.
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00:02:26,872 --> 00:02:28,296
I-I mean...
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00:02:28,390 --> 00:02:31,984
my eyes was bewitchefied with
all them squiggels and squirms.
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00:02:32,211 --> 00:02:33,635
(chuckles weakly)
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00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,487
Well... I-I best git.
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00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:38,282
(chuckles) I left
all my kids with a nanny.
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00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:44,479
(bleats)
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00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:45,998
BRANDINE:
You free Saturday?
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00:02:47,651 --> 00:02:49,668
Then, the hillbilly woman
made a comment
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00:02:49,895 --> 00:02:51,745
that was profound
and insightful.
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00:02:51,897 --> 00:02:53,246
She's secretly smart.
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00:02:53,399 --> 00:02:57,259
Uh, Helen, please do not
gossip in church.
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00:02:59,738 --> 00:03:02,163
Did you hear about Brandine?
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00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:05,091
Well, it would be nice
to hear something other than
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00:03:05,244 --> 00:03:07,335
"Let me go, I have a family."
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00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,079
Well, I tried
"you're under arrest,"
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00:03:09,097 --> 00:03:10,505
but you just laughed.
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00:03:10,599 --> 00:03:12,916
We got some nice wigglers.
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00:03:12,935 --> 00:03:15,176
They pair well with a hook.
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00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:18,989
Mm, I'll take a box
of Napa Valley reds.
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00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,682
Hey, Spuckler.
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00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:22,367
I just want to warn you.
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00:03:22,594 --> 00:03:25,595
Your wife isn't the woman
you think she is.
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00:03:25,614 --> 00:03:27,206
Just what does you mean?
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00:03:27,433 --> 00:03:30,042
She's smart.
Jeopardy smart.
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00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:31,768
Celebrity Jeopardy!?
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00:03:31,861 --> 00:03:33,620
Regular Jeopardy.
88
00:03:33,772 --> 00:03:35,439
Ahh!
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00:03:35,532 --> 00:03:38,366
You do not tell a man
he don't know his wife.
90
00:03:38,444 --> 00:03:40,385
That's like telling a man
his gun's not loaded.
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00:03:40,537 --> 00:03:44,389
You let him find that out
at the worst possible time.
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00:03:44,616 --> 00:03:45,949
Well, you should know.
93
00:03:45,968 --> 00:03:49,502
When your wife left
the book club, she dropped this.
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00:03:49,654 --> 00:03:51,563
(banjo plucks opening to Beethoven's Symphony No. 5)
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00:03:51,790 --> 00:03:55,550
(gasps) Liberry has two R's?
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00:03:55,644 --> 00:03:58,645
-Your bait, sir.
-You just keep your worms.
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00:03:58,797 --> 00:04:01,240
I gots me bigger fish to fry.
98
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:03,316
Go on, git.
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00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,726
(sniffles)
100
00:04:04,803 --> 00:04:07,320
What a senseless waste of worms.
101
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:11,083
Men receiving credit
for women's work in science
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00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:13,401
has been dubbed
"The Matilda Effect,"
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00:04:13,495 --> 00:04:16,070
with such victims as
Lise Meitner,
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00:04:16,164 --> 00:04:19,741
Rosalind Franklin,
and Jocelyn Bell Burnell.
105
00:04:19,835 --> 00:04:22,836
How many pumpkin stickers
will it take for you to stop?
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00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,579
Here, have the whole sheet.
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00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,080
This is really important.
108
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,041
Each of these heroines
was nonplussed
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00:04:28,193 --> 00:04:29,917
at their lack
of recognition and...
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00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,270
Sorry, Lisa.
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00:04:31,497 --> 00:04:33,605
I don't think you're using
that word correctly.
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00:04:33,832 --> 00:04:35,682
Nonplussed? Ha.
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00:04:35,834 --> 00:04:37,109
I'm pretty sure I am.
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00:04:37,336 --> 00:04:40,279
It means perplexed.
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00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,506
(mutters softly)
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00:04:42,524 --> 00:04:43,431
(grunts)
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00:04:43,525 --> 00:04:44,432
It does.
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00:04:44,526 --> 00:04:46,676
As in,
"The teacher was nonplussed
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00:04:46,695 --> 00:04:48,436
by the impudence of a student."
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00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:51,364
When I grow up,
I want to be a big word.
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00:04:51,517 --> 00:04:54,034
Lisa, you get in the back
of the class and keep quiet.
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00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:55,294
Do I get an "A"?
123
00:04:55,445 --> 00:04:57,462
An "A" for "aggravation."
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00:04:57,614 --> 00:04:59,856
(whoops)
An A's an A!
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00:04:59,875 --> 00:05:01,550
(grunts)
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00:05:04,363 --> 00:05:06,513
♪ ♪
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00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:08,865
Cletus, darling,
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00:05:08,884 --> 00:05:10,142
I-I made your favorite.
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00:05:10,293 --> 00:05:13,720
Sorry, but I'm in no mood
for porcu-pie right now.
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00:05:13,872 --> 00:05:15,797
Brandine, tell me true.
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00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,482
Are you actually smart?
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00:05:17,709 --> 00:05:21,636
Have all your yups
just being yeses in disguise?
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00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:23,971
Aw, don't be silly. (chuckles)
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00:05:24,066 --> 00:05:25,824
Why? The only three R's I know
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00:05:26,051 --> 00:05:28,660
are racoons, Red Bull
and the rhythm method.
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00:05:31,147 --> 00:05:33,648
Please, I needs to know.
137
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,501
Brandine, who is you?
138
00:05:36,653 --> 00:05:38,086
(sighs)
139
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:42,732
Darling, I'm afraid
I'm guilty of concealing
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00:05:42,826 --> 00:05:45,344
a significant self-improvement.
141
00:05:45,495 --> 00:05:46,678
Guh-wha?
142
00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:49,923
It started a few years back
with some books I read
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00:05:49,999 --> 00:05:51,999
that fell off a passing tornado.
144
00:05:52,094 --> 00:05:53,743
(cow lowing)
145
00:05:53,762 --> 00:05:58,172
It was like entering a universe I never knew existed.
146
00:05:58,266 --> 00:05:59,358
I went to the ballet.
147
00:05:59,585 --> 00:06:01,693
("Swan Lake Theme"
by Tchaikovsky playing)
148
00:06:05,591 --> 00:06:08,015
And I completed
my self-education
149
00:06:08,184 --> 00:06:09,868
at the Springfield Athenaeum.
150
00:06:10,095 --> 00:06:12,019
-The what?
-Athenaeum.
151
00:06:12,114 --> 00:06:13,780
-The what?
-Museum.
152
00:06:13,932 --> 00:06:16,116
-The what?
-Pica-ture palace.
153
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,284
Got it.
Oh, good lordy.
154
00:06:18,437 --> 00:06:21,028
I'm starting to worry
there's more layers to you
155
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,197
than a skunk
and tomater sandwich.
156
00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,441
Brandine, I'm sorry.
157
00:06:24,534 --> 00:06:27,277
But I-I can't have
a stranger as my woman.
158
00:06:27,370 --> 00:06:28,703
Remember your vow.
159
00:06:28,797 --> 00:06:33,116
You promised to love, honor,
and never grow in any way.
160
00:06:33,209 --> 00:06:34,893
Well, you're right about that.
161
00:06:35,044 --> 00:06:36,561
(sobs)
I'll leave now,
162
00:06:36,638 --> 00:06:38,897
but I'll be back
for most of the children.
163
00:06:39,048 --> 00:06:40,381
That's fair enough.
164
00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,734
All right, which ones of y'all
want to stay with me?
165
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:46,721
And remember, you go with her--
you gots to wash your hands.
166
00:06:46,815 --> 00:06:48,740
Whoa, you mean like every week?
167
00:06:48,892 --> 00:06:50,300
-Sorry, Ma.
-Can't do it.
168
00:06:50,393 --> 00:06:51,968
Say bye-bye to your mama.
169
00:06:52,061 --> 00:06:55,914
Or would you prefer
a "bon voyage"?
170
00:06:56,065 --> 00:06:57,416
Cletus Delroy Spuckler,
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00:06:57,567 --> 00:07:00,752
you are lower than
a gopher's basement. Goodbye.
172
00:07:00,904 --> 00:07:03,237
(sniffs)
Young'uns, turn away
173
00:07:03,331 --> 00:07:05,590
if you don't want to see
your daddy cry.
174
00:07:05,817 --> 00:07:07,150
We've seen you cry.
175
00:07:07,243 --> 00:07:09,761
But we've never seen you yodel.
176
00:07:09,913 --> 00:07:11,655
All right, then.
177
00:07:11,748 --> 00:07:14,599
(yodels sadly)
178
00:07:19,181 --> 00:07:21,106
-(doorbell rings)
-Brandine!
179
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:23,775
Are you here for further
book club discussions?
180
00:07:24,002 --> 00:07:26,278
I'm here because
I got nowhere else to go.
181
00:07:26,429 --> 00:07:28,095
I've been rejected by a man
182
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:30,449
who thinks it's funny
to light his farts.
183
00:07:30,676 --> 00:07:33,785
-You can light them?
-No, Homer, no!
184
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,345
BART:
Hey, whoa!
185
00:07:35,363 --> 00:07:36,413
Wasn't me.
186
00:07:37,365 --> 00:07:38,623
(sighs)
187
00:07:38,775 --> 00:07:41,585
Ms. Spuckler? I brought
some books you might like.
188
00:07:42,521 --> 00:07:43,945
You're a smart girl, Lisa.
189
00:07:44,022 --> 00:07:47,874
Which means life will be harder
than a month-old biscuit.
190
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:48,984
(exclaims happily)
191
00:07:49,044 --> 00:07:50,135
Oh...
192
00:07:51,621 --> 00:07:53,880
So, about Cletus, um...
193
00:07:54,032 --> 00:07:56,475
I just have to ask, sorry.
194
00:07:56,626 --> 00:07:59,536
-what do you see in him?
-What do you mean?
195
00:07:59,554 --> 00:08:03,315
Don't you think maybe
you could've done, um, better?
196
00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:06,876
You mean, like you could've
done better than Homer?
197
00:08:06,970 --> 00:08:09,212
What? What?
198
00:08:09,381 --> 00:08:10,489
What?
199
00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:13,550
People think I could've done
better than Homer?
200
00:08:13,568 --> 00:08:15,160
ALL (loudly):
Yes.
201
00:08:15,887 --> 00:08:17,329
(Marge gasps)
202
00:08:17,405 --> 00:08:18,479
(gasps loudly)
203
00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:21,616
I never knew
anyone felt that way.
204
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,335
Reality check in aisle five.
205
00:08:23,562 --> 00:08:26,338
Disco Stu needs
to buy some glue.
206
00:08:26,565 --> 00:08:29,174
Also, Marge, please get a clue.
207
00:08:30,235 --> 00:08:32,085
Enough. Enough.
208
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:34,254
I'll tell you
how I fell for Cletus.
209
00:08:34,406 --> 00:08:36,181
It was one of those
magical nights
210
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:39,834
when the world was young
and everything was golden,
211
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,261
including his tooth.
212
00:08:41,413 --> 00:08:43,580
("Winter" by Vivaldi playing)
213
00:08:43,598 --> 00:08:45,840
We were seated at the same hay bale
214
00:08:45,934 --> 00:08:48,860
at my sister's shotgun wedding.
215
00:08:49,012 --> 00:08:52,179
-Um, is this bale six?
-It is.
216
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:55,033
Do you ever look at someone across a crowded pasture
217
00:08:55,184 --> 00:08:56,760
and your knees went all weak?
218
00:08:56,853 --> 00:09:00,021
Not from rickets or scurvy, but from sheer infatuation?
219
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,933
Oh, I ransacked my brain for le mot juste,
220
00:09:04,027 --> 00:09:05,602
but all I could find was...
221
00:09:05,771 --> 00:09:06,711
Derr.
222
00:09:06,863 --> 00:09:08,938
Derr yourself.
223
00:09:08,957 --> 00:09:10,048
BRANDINE: In that moment,
224
00:09:10,199 --> 00:09:12,625
twenty years of being the middle child
225
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,277
in a family of 37
226
00:09:14,370 --> 00:09:17,872
fell away like high-heeled shoes on a wedding night.
227
00:09:17,966 --> 00:09:20,967
Uh, you know,
I'm pretty sure we's cousins.
228
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,711
Second? First?
229
00:09:23,805 --> 00:09:25,212
Kissing.
230
00:09:25,381 --> 00:09:26,472
Aww.
231
00:09:26,625 --> 00:09:28,608
♪ ♪
232
00:09:33,148 --> 00:09:35,556
You ever driven
a tractor before?
233
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:36,908
No, sir.
234
00:09:37,060 --> 00:09:39,060
These blades massage the soil
235
00:09:39,154 --> 00:09:42,639
to make it ready
for what is sure to follow.
236
00:09:42,657 --> 00:09:44,307
Churn that soil.
237
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,826
Churning. Always a-churning.
238
00:09:46,978 --> 00:09:52,090
Until you just plant that seed
in there real deep. (whoops)
239
00:09:52,241 --> 00:09:54,167
You do this with all your dates?
240
00:09:54,319 --> 00:09:57,745
Now, if I did, don't you think
this field would be plowed?
241
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,657
This is just for you, darling.
242
00:10:00,675 --> 00:10:02,008
Mmm. (giggles)
243
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,661
You're ruining my marijuana!
244
00:10:04,663 --> 00:10:08,665
BRANDINE: That night, I knew the next shotgun wedding I went to
245
00:10:08,758 --> 00:10:10,609
was gonna be mine.
246
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:12,444
ALL:
Aww.
247
00:10:12,595 --> 00:10:14,529
♪ ♪
248
00:10:21,196 --> 00:10:24,489
Oh, look who it is,
Little Miss Google Noodle.
249
00:10:24,716 --> 00:10:25,457
This isn't fair.
250
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:27,700
There's four times
as many of you.
251
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:30,870
She's trying to teach us
to multiply.
252
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:31,871
Get her!
253
00:10:32,023 --> 00:10:34,132
♪ ♪
254
00:10:49,632 --> 00:10:50,649
MYLES:
Yoink.
255
00:10:52,135 --> 00:10:53,893
LISA:
Hello? What is this?
256
00:10:54,062 --> 00:10:55,879
Fight over
who beats me up first?
257
00:10:55,972 --> 00:10:57,972
BOY:
Someone's nonplussed.
258
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,991
(gasps)
Correct usage.
259
00:11:00,218 --> 00:11:01,217
Are you a real kid
260
00:11:01,236 --> 00:11:03,662
or did the voice
in my head come to life?
261
00:11:04,572 --> 00:11:05,905
Lisa Simpson,
262
00:11:06,057 --> 00:11:07,499
I'd like to modestly ask you
263
00:11:07,650 --> 00:11:10,502
to join our League
of Extraordinary Geniuses.
264
00:11:10,729 --> 00:11:13,672
(Piano Sonata No. 14
by Beethoven playing)
265
00:11:20,071 --> 00:11:21,513
A club for smart kids?
266
00:11:21,664 --> 00:11:25,091
But I've never noticed any other
names on the online honor roll.
267
00:11:25,243 --> 00:11:26,743
And I refresh it hourly.
268
00:11:26,836 --> 00:11:29,078
We hide in the shadows.
269
00:11:29,172 --> 00:11:32,691
Which is scary, so we bring
little flashlights.
270
00:11:32,918 --> 00:11:34,584
Eh, just you, Myles.
271
00:11:34,602 --> 00:11:35,676
Ah!
272
00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:37,253
MYLES: To avoid suspicion,
273
00:11:37,255 --> 00:11:39,989
we figured out how to be good at sports.
274
00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:51,951
TOBY: We don't wear our glasses,
275
00:11:52,103 --> 00:11:54,028
even though we really need them.
276
00:11:54,122 --> 00:11:58,425
Hold on. That food
is not fit for students.
277
00:12:00,295 --> 00:12:03,430
Starve a landfill,
feed a teacher.
278
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,891
So you pretend to be dumb?
279
00:12:07,043 --> 00:12:08,801
Absolutely. To survive.
280
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:12,213
Like a brightly-colored bug
who is actually poison inside.
281
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,733
The Dasymutilla Occidentalis?
282
00:12:14,884 --> 00:12:16,626
Don't tell anyone you know that.
283
00:12:16,719 --> 00:12:19,295
If you do, the bullies will
pounce on you like an...
284
00:12:19,297 --> 00:12:20,888
Arilus Cristatus?
285
00:12:20,982 --> 00:12:23,983
Arilus Cristatus?
Who said that?
286
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,559
-Ar...
-Shh. Quiet.
287
00:12:25,653 --> 00:12:30,248
Name one more genus and species
and you will be silenced.
288
00:12:31,309 --> 00:12:33,476
Engage the Idiot Shield.
289
00:12:33,569 --> 00:12:36,980
(on TV): Wheel. Of. Fortune.
290
00:12:36,998 --> 00:12:39,132
Wheel of Fortune's on.
Let's get home.
291
00:12:42,153 --> 00:12:43,503
And that's how I realized
292
00:12:43,579 --> 00:12:46,322
wheelchair ramps
are bitching skateboard jumps.
293
00:12:46,415 --> 00:12:48,658
Thanks, Americans
with Disabilities Act.
294
00:12:48,660 --> 00:12:49,917
(laughing)
295
00:12:50,011 --> 00:12:52,829
(sighs) I miss
my rotten little apples.
296
00:12:52,847 --> 00:12:56,274
Especially the babies:
Moderna, AstraZeneca,
297
00:12:56,351 --> 00:12:58,943
and the twins,
Johnson & Johnson.
298
00:12:59,170 --> 00:13:00,520
Well, I just wanted to say,
299
00:13:00,672 --> 00:13:03,506
this is the best
possum potpie I ever had.
300
00:13:03,599 --> 00:13:05,266
I know what you're
thinking, Lisa.
301
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,193
But if God didn't want us
to eat possums,
302
00:13:07,345 --> 00:13:09,679
he wouldn't have
made them look so delicious.
303
00:13:09,697 --> 00:13:12,624
I'm just thinking about a club
I may join at school.
304
00:13:12,775 --> 00:13:14,775
This one recruited me.
305
00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:16,944
Aw, that's wonderful.
306
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:19,589
And Maggie, how was your day?
307
00:13:20,950 --> 00:13:22,801
(crying)
308
00:13:23,028 --> 00:13:25,528
I feel so bad for Brandine.
309
00:13:25,621 --> 00:13:27,713
Homie, will you go
talk to Cletus?
310
00:13:27,866 --> 00:13:29,866
For you, baby, anything.
311
00:13:29,884 --> 00:13:30,716
(clicks)
312
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:34,646
Sorry. I didn't fix the light
switch like you asked me to.
313
00:13:34,797 --> 00:13:36,630
Well, maybe tomorrow?
314
00:13:36,724 --> 00:13:38,650
For sure maybe.
315
00:13:38,801 --> 00:13:42,303
Homer, do you think
people look at us and say,
316
00:13:42,397 --> 00:13:45,031
"Why does she stay with him?"
317
00:13:46,234 --> 00:13:47,233
Why does she stay with him?
318
00:13:47,385 --> 00:13:50,477
Lord, why does
she stay with him?
319
00:13:50,646 --> 00:13:51,979
DUFFMAN: Oh, yeah!
320
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,057
Why does Mommy stay with...
321
00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:55,241
(muffled)
322
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,335
Don't tell her you can talk.
323
00:13:57,528 --> 00:14:00,079
I don't think
I could've done better,
324
00:14:00,231 --> 00:14:03,007
but it seems every other person
in town thinks so.
325
00:14:03,234 --> 00:14:05,492
You're not going to listen
to everybody, are you?
326
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:06,903
No, I'm not.
327
00:14:06,996 --> 00:14:08,738
Just hang the blanket
over the window
328
00:14:08,756 --> 00:14:10,089
so I can get to sleep.
329
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,741
We don't have to do that anymore
330
00:14:11,834 --> 00:14:14,077
because I fixed the blinds.
331
00:14:14,095 --> 00:14:16,437
(thudding)
332
00:14:18,266 --> 00:14:20,191
Ooh, a shooting star.
333
00:14:20,343 --> 00:14:21,918
That's the water heater.
334
00:14:21,936 --> 00:14:22,861
(shrieks)
335
00:14:23,088 --> 00:14:24,604
Cletus,
you and Brandine have
336
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:26,147
to get back together.
337
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,107
Broken marriages are contagious.
338
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:31,594
This is not about if'n or not
I love Brandine. I do!
339
00:14:31,687 --> 00:14:34,688
But she refused to tell me
who she was.
340
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:38,117
Does she now think
hill folk are a-a joke?
341
00:14:38,286 --> 00:14:40,269
Well, some of it's funny.
342
00:14:40,288 --> 00:14:43,106
I mean, that long underwear with
the back door for the butt?
343
00:14:43,199 --> 00:14:44,774
When it flaps open...
344
00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:46,759
(cackling)
345
00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:50,129
I mean, come on.
(laughing)
346
00:14:50,281 --> 00:14:52,181
You just follow me.
347
00:14:53,134 --> 00:14:54,559
-(Homer chuckles)
-Aw, sheet.
348
00:14:55,878 --> 00:14:58,396
♪ ♪
349
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,232
Brandine didn't just lie to me.
350
00:15:01,459 --> 00:15:03,292
What she done is made a mockery
351
00:15:03,311 --> 00:15:07,647
of my forebearers who possibly
did include four bears.
352
00:15:07,799 --> 00:15:10,483
I want you to look at me
not as a hick, or a bumpkin,
353
00:15:10,635 --> 00:15:12,818
but as a human being.
With feelings.
354
00:15:12,971 --> 00:15:14,078
Just like you.
355
00:15:16,232 --> 00:15:18,249
Oh, my God. You're right.
356
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,475
(grunts)
357
00:15:19,494 --> 00:15:21,310
I don't know
how to feel right now.
358
00:15:21,329 --> 00:15:22,736
I'm worried about your marriage.
359
00:15:22,830 --> 00:15:24,589
I'm worried about my marriage.
360
00:15:24,740 --> 00:15:26,257
Homer, no matter how you feel,
361
00:15:26,484 --> 00:15:30,011
there's a country song
that expresses it perfectly.
362
00:15:31,673 --> 00:15:34,015
No, that's not quite it.
363
00:15:36,085 --> 00:15:37,518
Here we go.
364
00:15:39,514 --> 00:15:43,349
-It's like they're singing
just to me.
-(country music playing)
365
00:15:43,501 --> 00:15:46,093
♪ Marge could've done better ♪
366
00:15:46,171 --> 00:15:49,280
♪ Yes, she could, yes, she could ♪
367
00:15:49,432 --> 00:15:52,099
♪ She regrets the day you met her ♪
368
00:15:52,226 --> 00:15:55,344
♪ Yes, she does, yes, she does ♪
369
00:15:55,438 --> 00:15:58,439
♪ She just realized you're no good ♪
370
00:15:58,533 --> 00:16:02,443
♪ Yes, she did, what took so long? ♪
371
00:16:02,537 --> 00:16:05,463
(sobbing):
Oh, why is it so catchy?
372
00:16:05,690 --> 00:16:07,281
(crying)
373
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,951
(singing along):
♪ She just realized you're no good ♪
374
00:16:11,045 --> 00:16:14,263
♪ Yes, she did, what took so long? ♪
375
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,686
(crying)
376
00:16:24,375 --> 00:16:26,275
("Swan Lake Theme"
by Tchaikovsky playing)
377
00:16:29,138 --> 00:16:29,988
Are you leaving?
378
00:16:30,139 --> 00:16:31,714
I'm going home.
379
00:16:31,733 --> 00:16:32,991
Marriages aren't perfect.
380
00:16:33,142 --> 00:16:37,220
I've even forgiven him
for blowing a jug in his sleep.
381
00:16:37,313 --> 00:16:39,497
-(jug vibrating softly)
-(groans)
382
00:16:40,983 --> 00:16:43,226
Well, that's great,
because my new friends
383
00:16:43,319 --> 00:16:44,818
have given me the same tip.
384
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,395
"Hide your intelligence."
385
00:16:46,414 --> 00:16:49,415
No, not you. You're too young.
386
00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:51,751
You have everything
ahead of you.
387
00:16:51,903 --> 00:16:53,753
Show 'em how smart you are.
388
00:16:53,905 --> 00:16:55,421
-Really?
-A-yup.
389
00:16:55,573 --> 00:16:58,165
You hear that, brain?
You're free.
390
00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,243
Veni, vidi, vici!
391
00:17:00,261 --> 00:17:02,353
Whoa, slow down there,
poindexter.
392
00:17:02,580 --> 00:17:04,731
("Goodbye Time" by Conway Twitty
playing)
393
00:17:07,919 --> 00:17:11,112
♪ You say you need a change ♪
394
00:17:15,184 --> 00:17:17,610
♪ Don't all the dreams ♪
395
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:21,080
♪ We've seen come true ♪
396
00:17:22,767 --> 00:17:24,667
♪ Mean anything? ♪
397
00:17:28,773 --> 00:17:30,030
(indistinct chatter)
398
00:17:30,124 --> 00:17:32,050
Attention.
I have some announcements
399
00:17:32,201 --> 00:17:33,367
regarding the cafeteria menu.
400
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,219
Several items are misspelled.
401
00:17:35,296 --> 00:17:37,221
"Gren beans"
should be green beans.
402
00:17:37,448 --> 00:17:39,282
"Tater tats" are tater tots.
403
00:17:39,375 --> 00:17:40,950
"Healthy" should be not healthy.
404
00:17:41,043 --> 00:17:43,210
-Also...
-(indistinct chatter)
405
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,788
You have to listen.
I'm wearing a necktie.
406
00:17:45,881 --> 00:17:46,956
(chattering continues)
407
00:17:47,049 --> 00:17:48,983
I am not bemused.
408
00:17:49,977 --> 00:17:52,236
Uh, excuse me,
Principal Skinner?
409
00:17:52,388 --> 00:17:54,072
Uh, I just wanted to say
410
00:17:54,299 --> 00:17:56,966
that I think you meant
you are not "amused"?
411
00:17:57,059 --> 00:17:58,743
"Bemused" means bewildered.
412
00:17:58,894 --> 00:18:00,060
What is she doing?
413
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,822
Revealing her intellect.
Oh, the fool.
414
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:06,417
This isn't a magnet school.
We don't even own a magnet.
415
00:18:06,527 --> 00:18:09,378
(chuckles)
That's because I swallowed it.
416
00:18:10,331 --> 00:18:11,405
(grunts)
417
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:14,500
Never again will I hide
my intelligence.
418
00:18:14,652 --> 00:18:17,261
I am smartacus.
419
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,414
I am smartacus.
420
00:18:20,508 --> 00:18:23,417
Unsurprisingly,
I also am smartacus.
421
00:18:23,586 --> 00:18:28,272
I am smartacus.
Well, sort of smartacus.
422
00:18:28,424 --> 00:18:31,142
Well, perfect attendacus.
423
00:18:31,294 --> 00:18:33,111
Sitting downacus.
424
00:18:34,930 --> 00:18:36,505
SKINNER: It's time to squelch this wave
425
00:18:36,599 --> 00:18:37,764
of love of learning
426
00:18:37,859 --> 00:18:38,858
and show them who's boss.
427
00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:40,601
They are, loser.
428
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,603
I declare half a day.
429
00:18:42,697 --> 00:18:44,288
Still too much.
430
00:18:44,515 --> 00:18:46,015
Okay, no day.
431
00:18:46,184 --> 00:18:47,441
(cheering)
432
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,019
Who wants their lunch
money back?
433
00:18:50,188 --> 00:18:53,005
Not me.
It's fish stick day.
434
00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:56,542
This is it, Brandine.
Kill your brain.
435
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:57,543
Take your medicine.
436
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,453
ALL:
Mama!
437
00:18:59,547 --> 00:19:00,972
Oh, hi, kids.
438
00:19:01,199 --> 00:19:04,049
(chuckles) Look at how
some of you have grown.
439
00:19:04,126 --> 00:19:05,143
Where's your pap?
440
00:19:05,294 --> 00:19:07,145
He's been doing
a lot of thinking.
441
00:19:07,296 --> 00:19:11,131
About you and him.
Can't go on like it has.
442
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:13,133
He said he's going to
a govement building
443
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:15,987
to get something
so he can start a new life.
444
00:19:16,138 --> 00:19:18,047
No. I got to stop him.
445
00:19:18,140 --> 00:19:19,473
-It's too late.
-Wha...?
446
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:20,716
Signed and sealed.
447
00:19:20,735 --> 00:19:24,403
I got me a liberry card.
448
00:19:24,555 --> 00:19:26,581
♪ ♪
449
00:19:28,150 --> 00:19:29,667
Oh, Cletus.
450
00:19:30,986 --> 00:19:32,420
And my first book.
451
00:19:33,564 --> 00:19:35,898
Yeah, man,
this looks like a toughie.
452
00:19:36,067 --> 00:19:38,426
We'll get through it together.
453
00:19:40,496 --> 00:19:43,589
-Homie?
-Marge, never again
will I be the guy
454
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:46,242
about who people say,
"Why is she still with him?"
455
00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:49,002
I fixed the drapes.
And the light switch.
456
00:19:49,096 --> 00:19:51,914
-(clicking)
-Oh, nice.
457
00:19:52,007 --> 00:19:53,098
But you'll have
to do more than that.
458
00:19:53,251 --> 00:19:56,843
I also cleaned
the lint trap in the dryer.
459
00:19:56,938 --> 00:19:58,345
(meows)
460
00:19:58,364 --> 00:19:59,513
And?
461
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:00,681
Four things?
462
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,182
Okay, Marge. I admit it.
463
00:20:02,276 --> 00:20:05,018
You could do better,
but I couldn't.
464
00:20:05,187 --> 00:20:08,280
Every day you give me
something awesome to shoot for.
465
00:20:08,433 --> 00:20:10,616
Though I may occasionally
fall short,
466
00:20:10,768 --> 00:20:14,770
because you are so great,
I will never stop trying.
467
00:20:14,789 --> 00:20:16,105
I love you, Marge.
468
00:20:16,198 --> 00:20:18,466
I love you, too.
469
00:20:20,611 --> 00:20:22,628
Finally,
just in case I needed it.
470
00:20:22,780 --> 00:20:24,780
I got Elton John back.
471
00:20:24,873 --> 00:20:27,725
And he's here,
ready to play for you again.
472
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:32,212
Oh, Homie. I never needed that.
473
00:20:32,306 --> 00:20:33,622
(kisses)
474
00:20:33,716 --> 00:20:37,476
You mean I learned
226 songs for nothing?
475
00:20:37,628 --> 00:20:40,629
I don't think they'll be
needing you guys either.
476
00:20:40,648 --> 00:20:42,815
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
477
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,617
(drumroll)
478
00:20:49,490 --> 00:20:50,564
♪ ♪
479
00:20:50,641 --> 00:20:51,916
I want to tell y'all
480
00:20:52,067 --> 00:20:53,642
about an American classic
481
00:20:53,661 --> 00:20:58,256
that details a wealthy lifestyle
far beyond my reckoning.
482
00:20:58,407 --> 00:21:01,166
It's called
The Grapes of Wrath.
483
00:21:01,319 --> 00:21:04,262
It's about a middle-American
family what drives
484
00:21:04,413 --> 00:21:06,672
to California for a better life.
485
00:21:06,824 --> 00:21:09,267
For a much better treatment
of this subject,
486
00:21:09,418 --> 00:21:13,345
I recommend National Lampoon's Vacation,
487
00:21:13,498 --> 00:21:16,607
now available on Hillbilly Plus.
488
00:21:16,834 --> 00:21:19,593
Y'all come back now, you hear?
489
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,837
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
490
00:21:21,856 --> 00:21:23,506
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
491
00:21:23,524 --> 00:21:25,449
And FORD.
We go further, so you can.
492
00:21:25,601 --> 00:21:27,526
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
493
00:21:27,678 --> 00:21:29,662
Shh!
36577
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