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1
00:01:56,824 --> 00:01:58,909
Hey, Andy!
What's up, dude?
2
00:01:58,993 --> 00:02:01,119
Hey, Joe. Hey, Sara.
How you doing?
3
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,412
When you going to
get a car?
4
00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:05,624
Hey, why don't you get
a car? I can't afford it.
5
00:02:07,752 --> 00:02:11,129
So, Survivor tomorrow
night. We on? See you then.
6
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:13,006
I'll bring a soda.
Hey, enjoy your orange.
7
00:02:13,090 --> 00:02:15,091
Okay, take care.
See you. Bye-bye.
8
00:02:16,135 --> 00:02:19,638
That guy needs to get laid.
Tell me something I don't know.
9
00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:37,489
Good morning.
10
00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:45,163
Excuse me. Pardon me.
11
00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:47,624
Sorry.
12
00:02:56,717 --> 00:02:58,426
Excuse me.
Thank you.
13
00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:03,265
Good morning.
Hey.
14
00:03:03,432 --> 00:03:05,433
Good morning, Paula.
Andy.
15
00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:09,354
Excuse me.
I have a question.
16
00:03:09,897 --> 00:03:14,776
What is the difference between
Hi8 and Digital video tapes?
17
00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:17,445
I'm not a salesman,
so, I could probably...
18
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:20,240
Welcome to Smart Tech. How
can I be of service to you?
19
00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:21,867
Well, I was just
wondering
20
00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:24,452
what is the difference
between these?
21
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:28,206
Well, if I'm photographing
someone as fine as yourself
22
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,041
I'd probably go Digital.
23
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:37,090
Hey, don't worry
I've been lied to
24
00:03:43,180 --> 00:03:46,141
My God. Sorry I'm late, man. No problem.
25
00:03:47,226 --> 00:03:48,518
Oh, man.
26
00:03:49,645 --> 00:03:51,605
I had a weekend.
Yeah?
27
00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:55,025
We went to Tijuana, Mexico,
you know,
28
00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:58,028
and we thought it would be fun,
you know, to go to this show.
29
00:03:58,112 --> 00:04:00,405
Everyone's, "You gotta
check out one of these shows. "
30
00:04:00,489 --> 00:04:03,033
And, you know,
it's a woman fucking a horse.
31
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:06,578
We get there, and, you know,
we think it's gonna be awesome
32
00:04:06,662 --> 00:04:10,040
and it is not as cool as it
sounds like it would be, man.
33
00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:12,584
It's kind of gross.
Yeah.
34
00:04:12,668 --> 00:04:14,336
You think,
"A woman fucking a horse"
35
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,004
and you get there
and it's
36
00:04:16,088 --> 00:04:17,923
a woman fucking a horse.
Yeah.
37
00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:20,008
It was really
giving it to her.
38
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:21,426
And you know what,
39
00:04:21,510 --> 00:04:24,095
to be honest, I felt bad for
her. We all just felt bad for her.
40
00:04:24,221 --> 00:04:25,889
Yeah. Kind of felt bad for the horse.
41
00:04:25,973 --> 00:04:29,184
Wow, that's something.
So what did you get up to?
42
00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:33,313
You know, I just kind
of hung out. I was...
43
00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:35,273
God, Friday,
when I went home
44
00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:37,609
I really wanted
an egg-salad sandwich.
45
00:04:37,693 --> 00:04:39,694
And I was just obsessing
about it and I was like,
46
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,780
"Man, I'm gonna
make one of those. "
47
00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:45,325
So Saturday I went out and
I got, like, a dozen eggs
48
00:04:45,409 --> 00:04:47,994
and I boiled them all
and then I just,
49
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:51,039
I spent, I don't know,
probably three hours,
50
00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:54,709
like, three-and-a-half hours
making,
51
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:58,838
you know, the mayonnaise
and the onions and paprika
52
00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:00,966
and, you know,
all the accoutrement.
53
00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:02,509
And then, by the time
I was done
54
00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,177
I just really didn't feel
like eating it.
55
00:05:04,261 --> 00:05:06,846
I can imagine.
And I didn't have any bread.
56
00:05:07,431 --> 00:05:10,725
So, you know, it was pretty
good. It was a good weekend.
57
00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:13,853
Sounds pretty awesome.
Yeah, it was fine.
58
00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:15,355
Sounds really fun.
59
00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:17,857
Cool.
Cool.
60
00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:19,359
Cool, cool.
61
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:24,030
Hey, Paula.
Yeah.
62
00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:26,616
I gotta tell you something.
I'm really excited about it.
63
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:30,078
For the first time today,
I woke up,
64
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:34,499
I came to the store, and I
feel confident to say to you
65
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:37,168
that if you don't take
this Michael McDonald DVD
66
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:39,629
that you've been playing
for two years straight, off,
67
00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:41,381
I'm going to kill everyone
in the store
68
00:05:41,465 --> 00:05:43,341
and put a bullet
in my brain.
69
00:05:43,759 --> 00:05:47,137
David, what do you suggest we
play? I don't care. Anything.
70
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:50,181
I would rather watch
Beautician and the Beast.
71
00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:52,851
I would rather listen to
Fran Drescher for eight hours
72
00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:54,686
than have to listen
to Michael McDonald.
73
00:05:54,770 --> 00:05:58,023
Nothing against him, but if I
hear Yah Mo B There one more time
74
00:05:58,107 --> 00:06:00,525
I'm gonna yah mo burn
this place to the ground.
75
00:06:00,609 --> 00:06:03,486
You're such a smart ass.
Get back on the floor.
76
00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:06,948
Fuck you.
77
00:06:08,325 --> 00:06:10,952
This is a great TV.
Nothing beats a plasma.
78
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,620
What are you doing?
That's my customer.
79
00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:15,874
It certainly is not. When I came
upon her, she was unattended.
80
00:06:15,958 --> 00:06:17,625
No, that's my...
Wait.
81
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:19,753
Go to the checkout there.
Pick up there, please.
82
00:06:19,837 --> 00:06:21,629
She was unattended
because I went to the back
83
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:23,506
to get the brochure
that she requested.
84
00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:25,050
I apologize,
but it's too late.
85
00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:26,676
The transaction
has been completed.
86
00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,470
Then you're gonna give me
half the commission.
87
00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:30,013
You'll receive
none of the commission.
88
00:06:30,097 --> 00:06:31,556
I need to talk to Paula.
This is crazy.
89
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:32,640
This is bullshit.
90
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:34,559
Every time I make a sale,
you go crying to Paula.
91
00:06:34,643 --> 00:06:37,937
How about Jesse Jackson?
Old Jesse needs a cause.
92
00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:39,564
Sick of you poaching
my customers.
93
00:06:39,648 --> 00:06:41,149
I'm sick of your
crybaby bullshit.
94
00:06:41,233 --> 00:06:44,235
You wanna take this shit outside?
Just take it outside and squash it?
95
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:47,572
Let's stay inside, so everybody
can see what a pussy you have, okay?
96
00:06:47,656 --> 00:06:51,076
Because when I remove the blade
I keep in my boot from its sheath,
97
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,995
I can't return it
until it has spilled blood.
98
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,332
Look, listen to me. You are
fucking with the wrong nigger.
99
00:06:57,958 --> 00:07:01,336
Hey! You're fucking with
the wrong sand-nigger, okay?
100
00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:03,922
Dude, I will hang your old ass
by your turban.
101
00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:07,175
Turban now? Do you see
any fucking turban here?
102
00:07:07,259 --> 00:07:08,927
Do I talk like a turban guy?
103
00:07:09,011 --> 00:07:11,888
Do I say, "Hey, Jay, do you want
a Slurpee? You want a Slurpee?"
104
00:07:11,972 --> 00:07:15,183
Fuck you, okay?
I was born in Brooklyn.
105
00:07:15,267 --> 00:07:16,309
Brooklyn, okay?
106
00:07:16,393 --> 00:07:19,979
My accent is a fucking
Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay?
107
00:07:20,064 --> 00:07:21,397
All right, man.
Calm down, dude.
108
00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:23,608
Look, you still covering
my shift on Friday or what?
109
00:07:23,692 --> 00:07:26,611
If I can keep this commission,
with pleasure.
110
00:07:26,695 --> 00:07:29,572
Cool, then. All right, pop.
No problem.
111
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:34,202
How about Andy?
No.
112
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,121
Come on, man. We need, what, five guys
113
00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:37,705
to play a decent poker
game, right? Yeah.
114
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:39,332
If we cancel this,
I'm gonna have to go
115
00:07:39,416 --> 00:07:41,334
to some stupid-ass
birthday party with Jill
116
00:07:41,418 --> 00:07:42,669
and that shit
ain't happening.
117
00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:44,212
No.
Why not?
118
00:07:44,588 --> 00:07:48,133
He's a really nice guy and all
but I'm pretty sure that
119
00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:49,551
he is a serial murderer.
120
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,344
Who cares, man?
He's a nice guy.
121
00:07:51,428 --> 00:07:53,721
I just wanna get drunk,
fucked up, and play some cards.
122
00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:55,932
That's great. Look, I don't
wanna end up a lampshade
123
00:07:56,016 --> 00:07:58,017
in some creepy apartment,
that's what I'm saying.
124
00:07:58,102 --> 00:08:00,145
I don't really see
any other options.
125
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:02,772
Andy. My man.
126
00:08:03,774 --> 00:08:05,608
You got any plans
later on tonight?
127
00:08:05,693 --> 00:08:07,902
Why, do we have to unload
the Sony truck?
128
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:11,072
No, the guys are getting
together, we're playing some poker
129
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,158
thought, you know,
you'd wanna play.
130
00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:14,701
With you guys?
131
00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:18,746
Yeah, sure.
That would be cool.
132
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:22,250
You know how to play, right?
Yeah, I play online sometimes.
133
00:08:22,334 --> 00:08:24,627
We're gonna play in the store. Great.
134
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,337
Are we allowed
to do that?
135
00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:28,047
Absolutely not.
Yeah.
136
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:29,257
Oh.
137
00:08:29,466 --> 00:08:31,426
Well, so I'm gonna
go tell Paula.
138
00:08:32,636 --> 00:08:34,053
I'm just kidding.
139
00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:37,223
I'm kidding. That sounds great.
Cool, I'll see you guys tonight.
140
00:08:37,349 --> 00:08:38,391
Okay.
All right.
141
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:40,101
Oops.
142
00:08:42,062 --> 00:08:43,980
I almost feel guilty.
No, you don't.
143
00:08:58,495 --> 00:09:02,373
Going down!
144
00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:03,625
Dumbass.
145
00:09:04,501 --> 00:09:05,960
And a full house.
146
00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:07,795
Oh, my dukes!
What?
147
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:10,256
How much fucking online poker
do you play, dawg?
148
00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:13,384
For like an hour or two a
night, when I'm not playing Halo.
149
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:16,346
Why did you invite this guy?
He's a fucking ringer, man.
150
00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:17,597
This is hog shit.
151
00:09:17,681 --> 00:09:19,891
You, you're a fucking asshole
to tell me to come here.
152
00:09:19,975 --> 00:09:21,768
You tell me he was a nice guy,
didn't you?
153
00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:24,187
Well, fuck you people,
and fuck you, you and you...
154
00:09:24,271 --> 00:09:27,232
fuck and kiss my big brown
fucking ass, okay?
155
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:28,691
I'm gonna see you tomorrow.
156
00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:29,817
Peace.
All right, man.
157
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:31,069
Fuck a goat.
158
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,280
Good night.
I love that guy.
159
00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:37,283
Dude, you totally...
Oh, shit, I gotta go. Damn.
160
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:39,035
About to go see Ellen
in a little bit.
161
00:09:39,119 --> 00:09:40,578
Going now?
Late-night action, huh?
162
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:41,746
Dude, you know
how it goes.
163
00:09:41,830 --> 00:09:44,290
Does your girlfriend know about
all these late-night visits?
164
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:45,917
It's like an unspoken
agreement. Yeah.
165
00:09:46,001 --> 00:09:49,087
It's like a completely and
utterly unspoken agreement.
166
00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:51,297
If you knew her, if you knew
who I was dealing with,
167
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:52,590
you wouldn't be
saying this shit.
168
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:54,592
There's nothing you can't do
with this woman
169
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,761
straight up and down. I've
done every single thing
170
00:09:56,845 --> 00:09:58,721
I could possibly create.
I've literally lubed up
171
00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:01,140
and made love to the arches
of her feet. All right.
172
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:02,308
Wow!
Yeah.
173
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:04,060
Foot fuck!
That's sick, man.
174
00:10:04,144 --> 00:10:05,687
Wow.
That is not sick.
175
00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:07,981
I will give you sick.
Oh, shit.
176
00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:10,858
I was sleeping with a woman
recently, she had the...
177
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:14,237
Her tits were unbelievable.
Oh, man, I love titties.
178
00:10:14,863 --> 00:10:17,407
And so we're doing it
and I'm about to finish
179
00:10:17,491 --> 00:10:19,492
and her dog starts
licking my ass.
180
00:10:19,576 --> 00:10:23,871
I swear to God, I have to decide,
do I finish or do I stop the dog?
181
00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:25,832
I know your nasty ass.
He finished.
182
00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:28,293
I finished.
And then I stole the dog.
183
00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:31,212
No, I didn't, but...
184
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:33,965
You know, sometimes,
Amy and I would make love
185
00:10:34,049 --> 00:10:36,134
till it was almost like
we weren't two people
186
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:38,886
but we were two spirits
or something.
187
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:42,140
Our souls were connected in
this way, I can't describe it.
188
00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:45,810
Time stood still. It was like
we were sharing the same heart.
189
00:10:45,894 --> 00:10:49,689
Stop, man! Why do you always come
and kill the vibe with those things?
190
00:10:49,773 --> 00:10:51,733
"Sharing the same heart,"
that's like some
191
00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:52,942
Britney Spears shit, man.
192
00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:55,987
This is three grown ass men, don't
nobody want to hear that shit.
193
00:10:56,071 --> 00:10:58,323
Yeah, man, come on, nobody
wants to hear that shit.
194
00:10:58,407 --> 00:11:00,992
Thank you, Andy. Dude,
you broke up two years ago.
195
00:11:01,076 --> 00:11:03,494
You get over it at some
point. Two years, man.
196
00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:05,121
You need to get past that
197
00:11:05,205 --> 00:11:08,416
because no ass is worth
thinking that much about
198
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,001
I always say.
199
00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:11,669
Andy, do me a favor.
200
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:15,173
Would you please help him redeem
himself by telling a real sex story?
201
00:11:15,257 --> 00:11:16,257
Yes.
202
00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:20,928
I don't... You know what,
I'm a gentleman and I don't...
203
00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:22,805
I don't kiss and tell.
204
00:11:22,890 --> 00:11:26,225
Fuck it, I raise you.
Nastiest shit you've ever done.
205
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:28,186
I'm talking about nasty.
206
00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:30,438
Wow.
207
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:33,608
So many stories are running
through my head right now.
208
00:11:35,694 --> 00:11:37,195
I dated this girl
209
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:41,366
for a while, and she was
really a nasty freak.
210
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:46,287
She just loved to get down
with sex all the time.
211
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,915
She was like, any time of day,
she was like,
212
00:11:48,999 --> 00:11:51,751
"Yeah, let's go.
I'm so nasty. "
213
00:11:51,835 --> 00:11:53,127
And I'd be nailing her.
214
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:54,420
Oh, shit.
She'd be like,
215
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:56,881
"Oh, you're nailing me. Cool. "
216
00:11:57,132 --> 00:12:00,551
She talk dirty to you?
She loved to dirty-talk.
217
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:03,429
Totally into it.
She'd be like,
218
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:08,476
"Yeah, let's screw, let's...
I wanna fuck. "
219
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:11,145
God, it was so dirty.
220
00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:15,691
She'd be like, "Me so horny,
me love you long time. "
221
00:12:15,984 --> 00:12:16,984
So...
222
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:19,946
So what were the titties like?
Yeah, describe her...
223
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:22,156
Yeah, she had great tits.
224
00:12:22,282 --> 00:12:25,410
No, I mean, like, detailed.
Did she have, like, you know,
225
00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:27,245
them little pink teeny
nipples. Oh, yeah.
226
00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:29,831
Or like the long
National Geograqhic nipples.
227
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:32,458
You have like the bumpy Braille
nipples, the Stevie Wonders.
228
00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:33,918
Yeah, they were nice.
229
00:12:34,002 --> 00:12:37,213
You know, when you, like, you
grab a woman's breast and it's...
230
00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:39,757
And you feel it and
231
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:44,512
it feels like a bag of sand
when you're touching it.
232
00:12:45,806 --> 00:12:47,181
Bag of sand?
233
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,436
You know what I mean.
Why don't we just play?
234
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,187
Why don't you just
deal the cards?
235
00:12:53,272 --> 00:12:54,897
What are you
talking about?
236
00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:57,024
Have you ever felt
a breast before, man?
237
00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:58,109
Yes.
238
00:12:58,193 --> 00:13:00,736
Dude, are you gay?
No, I'm not gay.
239
00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:02,488
I've been with
tons of women.
240
00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:04,532
I touched a guy's balls
at Hebrew school once.
241
00:13:04,616 --> 00:13:06,576
Dude, it's not a big deal.
You like to fuck guys.
242
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:09,287
I'm cool. I got friends
who fuck guys, in jail.
243
00:13:09,496 --> 00:13:10,705
No, I'm not gay.
244
00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:13,791
No, I've borked a lot of women
in my day.
245
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,001
You've "borked"?
246
00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:18,045
Hold up.
Yo, answer this question,
247
00:13:19,047 --> 00:13:23,384
Are you a virgin?
248
00:13:23,552 --> 00:13:25,803
Yeah, not since I was 10.
249
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:28,431
It all makes sense.
You're a virgin.
250
00:13:28,515 --> 00:13:31,017
I am... Shut up.
How does that happen?
251
00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:32,518
He's a fucking virgin.
252
00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:35,897
I knew it. That makes so much
sense, man. Look, he's a virgin.
253
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:38,274
You guys are hilarious. All
right, come on, don't be mean.
254
00:13:38,358 --> 00:13:40,443
I'm not being mean. I'm
trying to help the partner out.
255
00:13:40,527 --> 00:13:42,236
I'm trying to say
I wanna get you laid, dude.
256
00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:43,488
I understand
what's going on.
257
00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:46,407
You guys are so up your asses.
258
00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:50,036
From now on, your dick is my
dick. I'm getting you some pussy.
259
00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:04,926
A bag of sand! Come on, man!
You could do better than that.
260
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:08,804
God, me so horny?
Me so stupid!
261
00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,437
Oh, come on.
262
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:22,193
It's gonna be fine.
They don't even remember.
263
00:14:22,277 --> 00:14:24,028
Those guys are cool.
264
00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:33,329
This is gonna be bad.
265
00:14:34,289 --> 00:14:36,123
Yeah, well,
virgin's not a dirty word.
266
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,209
You know what's a dirty word,
is asshole
267
00:14:38,293 --> 00:14:39,794
and that's what you guys are.
268
00:14:39,878 --> 00:14:43,130
You know, I may not have had
sex, but I could fuck you up.
269
00:14:45,133 --> 00:14:46,342
Yeah.
270
00:14:51,807 --> 00:14:53,015
Come on.
271
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:57,853
Hey, David.
Hey, Andy.
272
00:15:01,024 --> 00:15:03,109
What's up?
Cal, good morning.
273
00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:10,157
Hey, Andy.
Hey.
274
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:12,159
We're gonna have to get you
some punani.
275
00:15:14,746 --> 00:15:18,082
Andy, it's going down,
partner. We're gonna be...
276
00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:22,753
This for you, partner,
this for you.
277
00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:25,756
Waves of them coming at you
on Friday, Saturday.
278
00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:28,426
By Sunday,
your nuts gonna be drained.
279
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:32,179
Hey, Andy, don't let him bother
you. It's okay not to have sex.
280
00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:34,640
Not everybody
is a pussy magnet.
281
00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:38,686
What are you? 25?
I'm 40.
282
00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:41,439
Holy shit, man.
You've got to get on that.
283
00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:45,901
Life isn't about sex. Life
is about children and passion.
284
00:15:46,194 --> 00:15:47,194
Yeah.
285
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:49,363
And spirit.
Yeah, life's about passion.
286
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:51,991
It's not about fucking
and balls and pussy.
287
00:15:52,075 --> 00:15:55,369
It's about love.
It's about people.
288
00:15:56,163 --> 00:15:58,956
It's about connection.
It's all about connections.
289
00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:03,210
It's not about cock and ass
and tits and butthole pleasures.
290
00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:05,004
It's not about
butthole pleasures at all.
291
00:16:05,088 --> 00:16:08,299
It's not about this rusty
trombone and dirty Sanchez.
292
00:16:08,383 --> 00:16:11,385
Please stop.
And Cincinnati bowtie.
293
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:16,307
And your pussy juice cocktail
and this shit-stained balls.
294
00:16:16,391 --> 00:16:17,850
Mooj, just please stop.
Just relax...
295
00:16:17,934 --> 00:16:20,144
All right.
That's enough, party's over.
296
00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:22,313
Let the virgin
get back to work.
297
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:27,735
Andy!
298
00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:30,404
Andy, come on.
We were just kidding.
299
00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:31,822
Pointless.
300
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:34,158
Andy, nobody cares
that you're a virgin.
301
00:16:34,242 --> 00:16:36,077
Don't be such a baby.
302
00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:38,537
They were just having fun.
They didn't mean anything.
303
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:40,414
Get away from me, David.
Wait a minute.
304
00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:42,416
Stop following me!
Hold up.
305
00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:47,838
Hold on. I'm gonna
have to quit my job now.
306
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:49,173
You don't have to
quit your job.
307
00:16:49,257 --> 00:16:51,050
You know what, I don't wanna
go out with you guys.
308
00:16:51,134 --> 00:16:52,468
Fine.
Okay? I don't need your help.
309
00:16:52,552 --> 00:16:55,012
Okay, fine, you don't have to
go out with us if you don't want.
310
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,723
You know what, I respect
women, I love women.
311
00:16:58,058 --> 00:17:01,435
I respect them so much that I
completely stay away from them.
312
00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:03,896
Okay.
I have a very fulfilling life.
313
00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:11,487
And now, I am making
your silver pants blue.
314
00:17:12,489 --> 00:17:14,490
Get some roadburn, come on!
315
00:17:14,783 --> 00:17:16,951
Come on, sucker!
316
00:17:17,035 --> 00:17:20,371
Now, pretty ladies
around the world
317
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:22,623
Got a weird thing
to show you
318
00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:25,543
Oh, my God!
319
00:17:29,714 --> 00:17:32,550
Hey, Will and Grace,
back to work.
320
00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:34,802
Hey, Haziz, can you just
give us a second?
321
00:17:34,886 --> 00:17:37,179
We're just kind of
in the middle of something.
322
00:17:37,305 --> 00:17:38,931
I'm on my break, okay?
323
00:17:39,015 --> 00:17:41,434
Fuck off, Haziz.
Leave us alone, all right?
324
00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:43,602
Fuck off? Fuck you!
Fuck you!
325
00:17:43,687 --> 00:17:45,646
Fuck you! Fuck off.
Fuck off.
326
00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:47,440
I'm gonna kick you
in the nuts, asshole.
327
00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:50,734
Hey, hey! Watch the language,
okay? I have a family.
328
00:17:50,819 --> 00:17:51,902
Watch how you talk to me!
329
00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:54,989
It's a free country, Bambi. I
can smoke out here if I want to.
330
00:17:55,073 --> 00:17:56,323
Smoke my pole.
331
00:17:56,408 --> 00:17:58,701
You are a very unkind man.
Get inside!
332
00:17:58,785 --> 00:18:00,077
This is not professional.
333
00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,538
Paula,
this asshole over here...
334
00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:04,331
It's okay.
Paula!
335
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:06,917
It's all right. Come on.
You know, it's just...
336
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:09,295
So, how could this
not have happened?
337
00:18:09,379 --> 00:18:11,297
It just never happened.
338
00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:15,134
When I was young, I tried,
and it didn't happen.
339
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:19,180
And then I got older and I got
more and more nervous
340
00:18:19,347 --> 00:18:22,725
because it hadn't happened
yet. And I got kind of
341
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:26,353
weirded out about it. Then
it really didn't happen
342
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:29,648
and then, I don't know,
I just kind of stopped trying.
343
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,359
Do you want to give it
another shot?
344
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:34,195
Maybe it's too late.
345
00:18:35,322 --> 00:18:38,115
Sometimes I feel that
it is just too late for me.
346
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,493
No, that's crazy.
347
00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:43,537
You're 40 years old.
You know, 40 is the new 20.
348
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,623
You wanna spend the next
60 years of your life
349
00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:47,166
never experiencing sex?
350
00:18:47,250 --> 00:18:49,293
And not just sex, but love
351
00:18:49,377 --> 00:18:54,340
and a relationship, and laughing
and cuddling and all that shit.
352
00:18:54,966 --> 00:18:56,300
I don't know.
353
00:18:57,552 --> 00:19:00,679
I wouldn't know what to do.
Look, you gotta take a risk.
354
00:19:00,764 --> 00:19:02,515
You gotta risk it.
Look at me.
355
00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,391
I went out with this girl
for four months
356
00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:06,227
and it was the greatest,
357
00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:08,604
greatest thing in my life.
358
00:19:09,564 --> 00:19:13,442
Until she went down on this
guy in an Escalade, I think.
359
00:19:14,110 --> 00:19:15,653
And, you know,
instead of saying,
360
00:19:15,737 --> 00:19:18,697
"Okay, what am I doing
that caused this behavior?"
361
00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:20,616
I dumped her. Stupid decision.
362
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:23,536
I spent the last two years
of my life regretting it.
363
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:25,496
Why don't you
get her back right now?
364
00:19:25,580 --> 00:19:27,665
Because she's dating
this pot dealer.
365
00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:29,375
Stupid horrible decision.
366
00:19:29,459 --> 00:19:32,628
But, hey, that's her journey,
you know. I gotta respect that.
367
00:19:32,712 --> 00:19:33,963
I gotta give her the space.
368
00:19:34,047 --> 00:19:37,967
She wants to be some immature
little bitch and blow everybody,
369
00:19:38,051 --> 00:19:40,052
that's love, man.
It sounds horrible.
370
00:19:40,136 --> 00:19:42,263
Of course it's horrible.
It's suffering
371
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:44,848
and it's pain and it's...
You know, you lose weight
372
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:46,433
and then you
put back on weight
373
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:48,602
and then you call them
a bunch of times
374
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:52,022
and you try and email and then
they move or they change their email
375
00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:53,649
but that's just love.
376
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:56,026
Do you realize that
this is the first time
377
00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:58,404
we've spoken for more than,
like, 30 seconds?
378
00:19:58,488 --> 00:19:59,572
Uh-huh.
379
00:19:59,948 --> 00:20:02,783
It's kind of nice.
Come out with us this weekend.
380
00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:05,953
No pressure.
We'll just have a good time.
381
00:20:06,162 --> 00:20:08,789
Okay, yeah, I will.
I'll give it a shot.
382
00:20:08,873 --> 00:20:09,873
Great.
383
00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:12,167
But I'm not going to have sex
with anybody.
384
00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:14,962
Good, sex should be
the last thing on your mind.
385
00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:28,851
Logjam. Hi.
386
00:20:34,774 --> 00:20:35,774
Shit.
387
00:20:39,362 --> 00:20:40,529
Oh, God.
388
00:20:44,826 --> 00:20:45,993
Sorry.
389
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:49,496
See you later.
Thanks for the dance.
390
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:01,008
I'm okay. It's all right.
391
00:21:07,057 --> 00:21:08,932
Oh, come on, bus!
392
00:21:15,690 --> 00:21:17,858
Oh, come on, dogs!
393
00:21:20,987 --> 00:21:22,905
Shit! You gotta be kidding me.
394
00:21:39,214 --> 00:21:42,883
I mean, I'm kind of nervous.
I never had oral sex before.
395
00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:48,013
Jennifer told me how to do it.
It's gonna kick ass.
396
00:21:54,437 --> 00:21:56,146
What are you doing?
397
00:21:56,231 --> 00:21:57,648
Okay, just...
We're almost there.
398
00:21:58,775 --> 00:22:01,151
We have one.
Houston, we have one.
399
00:22:01,903 --> 00:22:04,154
You'll pull my
fucking hair out!
400
00:22:04,239 --> 00:22:06,115
We did it.
God!
401
00:22:06,199 --> 00:22:07,866
Oh, my God,
you came in your pants.
402
00:22:07,951 --> 00:22:10,744
What did you do?
I had some Cream of Wheat.
403
00:22:11,246 --> 00:22:13,580
You know what else is sexy?
What?
404
00:22:14,124 --> 00:22:15,833
Me
Yeah?
405
00:22:15,917 --> 00:22:17,084
Sucking
406
00:22:18,461 --> 00:22:21,004
on your
407
00:22:21,589 --> 00:22:22,589
toe.
408
00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:24,591
That's what you want to suck on? Yeah.
409
00:22:24,676 --> 00:22:28,971
It's just so big and thick.
Okay.
410
00:22:30,682 --> 00:22:32,015
Yeah.
411
00:22:35,061 --> 00:22:36,019
That tickles.
412
00:22:37,188 --> 00:22:39,231
I'm sorry. Oh, no.
413
00:22:39,315 --> 00:22:41,358
Your nose is bleeding.
You think?
414
00:22:41,443 --> 00:22:43,819
I'm sorry.
I'm hot.
415
00:22:44,070 --> 00:22:46,113
But, now,
you can't have any of this.
416
00:22:46,865 --> 00:22:48,824
You should just
give up forever!
417
00:22:57,667 --> 00:22:59,418
Cal, what do you think?
Is this too yellow?
418
00:22:59,502 --> 00:23:00,544
No.
419
00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:02,963
What's Curious George like
in real life?
420
00:23:03,047 --> 00:23:04,256
Come on, man.
421
00:23:13,975 --> 00:23:16,393
Wow, this is
pretty crowded.
422
00:23:16,686 --> 00:23:19,563
Yeah. Well,
it's $9 beer night.
423
00:23:20,732 --> 00:23:22,149
Okay, look now.
424
00:23:22,233 --> 00:23:24,443
So, this is what's about
to happen, all right?
425
00:23:24,527 --> 00:23:27,237
You about to go run down
some drunk chicks, all right?
426
00:23:27,322 --> 00:23:29,740
And don't confuse that with
tipsy. We talking about drunk.
427
00:23:29,824 --> 00:23:31,825
I want vomit in the hair,
bruised-up knees.
428
00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:33,410
A broken heel is a plus.
429
00:23:33,495 --> 00:23:34,995
That's what you
want to find, okay?
430
00:23:35,079 --> 00:23:37,873
No, Dave already told me I
didn't have to have sex tonight.
431
00:23:37,957 --> 00:23:38,957
And now he's gone, so...
432
00:23:39,042 --> 00:23:41,043
Dude, just stop thinking
for a minute, all right?
433
00:23:41,127 --> 00:23:42,753
You ain't got to think
on this one.
434
00:23:42,837 --> 00:23:44,755
All you got to do
is use your instinct.
435
00:23:44,839 --> 00:23:46,256
Show me your instincts.
436
00:23:46,341 --> 00:23:49,092
My head, my heart.
I follow my heart.
437
00:23:49,177 --> 00:23:51,762
Now, I'm gonna show you this
one time, all right?
438
00:23:51,846 --> 00:23:54,598
Instincts.
Show me your instincts.
439
00:23:55,183 --> 00:23:57,392
Show me your instincts.
They're right here.
440
00:23:57,727 --> 00:23:59,520
Own your instincts.
441
00:23:59,687 --> 00:24:02,606
All you doing is using
your instinct. That's it.
442
00:24:02,690 --> 00:24:05,442
That's how a tiger know
he got to tackle a gazelle.
443
00:24:05,527 --> 00:24:07,402
There's a code
written in his DNA.
444
00:24:07,529 --> 00:24:09,196
It says, "Tackle the gazelle. " Okay.
445
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:12,449
And believe it or not, in every man,
there's a code written that says,
446
00:24:12,534 --> 00:24:14,451
"Tackle drunk bitches. "
No.
447
00:24:14,536 --> 00:24:18,038
You know what,
I don't feel comfortable
448
00:24:19,290 --> 00:24:21,542
hitting on drunk "bitches,"
you know.
449
00:24:21,626 --> 00:24:22,793
I don't think that's right.
450
00:24:22,877 --> 00:24:24,044
Okay, hold up.
451
00:24:24,128 --> 00:24:26,964
First of all, you making it out
to be some kind of bad thing.
452
00:24:27,048 --> 00:24:29,466
I didn't use bitches in a
derogatory sense. You did.
453
00:24:29,551 --> 00:24:31,260
It just does...
This doesn't feel right.
454
00:24:31,344 --> 00:24:34,179
Of course it don't feel right. What
has felt right for you didn't work.
455
00:24:34,264 --> 00:24:36,890
You need to try
some wrong, dawg.
456
00:24:39,018 --> 00:24:41,436
Okay, how do I tell
which ones are drunk?
457
00:24:41,521 --> 00:24:43,146
Now you're talking.
All right, check this out.
458
00:24:43,273 --> 00:24:45,023
You see this redhead over here? Where?
459
00:24:45,108 --> 00:24:48,652
With the big old titties. I'm
not gonna stare at a woman.
460
00:24:48,736 --> 00:24:51,363
Dawg, I'm not telling you
to stare at nobody.
461
00:24:51,489 --> 00:24:54,241
I'm telling you to use your
peripherals. Now look at me.
462
00:24:54,325 --> 00:24:55,784
See. Look. See?
Yeah.
463
00:24:56,244 --> 00:24:57,578
I'm not looking at you.
464
00:24:58,288 --> 00:25:00,873
No. I'm looking at...
You're looking at her?
465
00:25:02,750 --> 00:25:06,336
What do you want me to do? I
want you to use your peripherals.
466
00:25:06,713 --> 00:25:08,630
See? I'm not looking at you.
467
00:25:09,716 --> 00:25:13,927
No. See, I'm looking at the redhead
at 3:00 with the big titties.
468
00:25:14,137 --> 00:25:17,014
You see her, racked up
right there, see her?
469
00:25:17,432 --> 00:25:18,932
Yes.
Yeah.
470
00:25:19,183 --> 00:25:22,436
You find one with the peripherals. Okay.
471
00:25:22,812 --> 00:25:25,939
You see, over by the post.
472
00:25:26,733 --> 00:25:27,941
It looks like a...
473
00:25:28,026 --> 00:25:29,735
It's either a ficus...
474
00:25:29,819 --> 00:25:31,570
It might be
a rubber tree plant.
475
00:25:31,863 --> 00:25:34,698
All right, if you're making
a joke, dawg, it's not funny.
476
00:25:34,782 --> 00:25:37,367
I see a blonde
and she's very pretty.
477
00:25:37,452 --> 00:25:39,870
Better, okay. All right.
478
00:25:39,954 --> 00:25:41,997
Now with your peripherals
Yeah.
479
00:25:42,081 --> 00:25:44,541
You got to scope out
a hot, drunk chick.
480
00:25:44,709 --> 00:25:46,043
And then you should
make your move.
481
00:25:46,127 --> 00:25:47,961
Okay? All right.
Yes.
482
00:25:48,129 --> 00:25:50,964
And remember, it's more important
that she's drunk than she's hot.
483
00:25:51,049 --> 00:25:53,467
For this first one. Go get
her. Peripherals, though.
484
00:25:53,551 --> 00:25:54,718
All the way.
485
00:25:55,845 --> 00:25:57,137
All peripherals.
486
00:26:04,479 --> 00:26:05,771
That boy is stubborn.
487
00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:11,944
Hi, I'm Andy.
You look comfortable.
488
00:26:12,153 --> 00:26:14,613
Can I get you
another cocktail?
489
00:26:14,697 --> 00:26:15,822
Too drunk.
490
00:26:15,907 --> 00:26:19,326
But you got the right idea.
But clinically alive.
491
00:26:21,496 --> 00:26:22,454
Hey!
Yo!
492
00:26:22,538 --> 00:26:24,915
I'm having trouble
finding the drunk people.
493
00:26:24,999 --> 00:26:27,250
You want to know where
there's one? Yeah.
494
00:26:27,335 --> 00:26:31,171
I. I, Captain Yellowshirts.
495
00:26:32,340 --> 00:26:34,424
Okay. Have a good one.
496
00:26:34,509 --> 00:26:35,717
Yo!
What?
497
00:26:35,802 --> 00:26:38,929
I met a girl and she's here
with a bachelorette party
498
00:26:39,013 --> 00:26:41,056
and they invited us
to party with them.
499
00:26:41,349 --> 00:26:44,267
Okay, that's good.
It's so good
500
00:26:44,352 --> 00:26:45,978
because no one is hornier
than a girl
501
00:26:46,062 --> 00:26:48,689
who's about to watch her
friend get married to a guy.
502
00:26:48,773 --> 00:26:50,190
It's so funny.
503
00:26:54,362 --> 00:26:58,115
So we just decided because this
is my last night as a free woman
504
00:26:58,199 --> 00:27:01,326
before I marry Dan,
that we would just wig out.
505
00:27:01,536 --> 00:27:03,203
We're wigging out!
506
00:27:04,205 --> 00:27:07,040
You guys are hilarious.
507
00:27:08,292 --> 00:27:09,543
Wait a minute.
508
00:27:09,627 --> 00:27:13,130
Yes, Mr. President. Yes,
the erection results are in.
509
00:27:14,382 --> 00:27:17,217
Hey, guys, look,
it's Dr. Seuss' penis.
510
00:27:17,677 --> 00:27:19,469
I really mean this.
511
00:27:20,388 --> 00:27:22,848
Hey, everybody,
who wants penis cake?
512
00:27:23,141 --> 00:27:24,182
I do.
513
00:27:24,308 --> 00:27:27,561
She does. Hey, you guys, Betty Cocker.
514
00:27:29,731 --> 00:27:31,314
What a good guy. What a...
515
00:27:31,399 --> 00:27:33,358
Dan, the guy
Robin's marrying
516
00:27:33,443 --> 00:27:36,653
is such a good guy.
517
00:27:36,738 --> 00:27:38,321
He sounds like a good guy.
518
00:27:38,406 --> 00:27:41,450
I hated him for like two years
'cause he cheated on me.
519
00:27:41,743 --> 00:27:42,951
But...
520
00:27:45,413 --> 00:27:47,622
he's really changed now.
521
00:27:48,791 --> 00:27:51,877
He's a really good guy now.
Your friends seem nice.
522
00:27:51,961 --> 00:27:54,463
You have really kind eyes,
you know that?
523
00:27:54,672 --> 00:27:57,924
Thanks. Your hat
has sequins.
524
00:28:00,511 --> 00:28:06,266
Mmm.
525
00:28:12,231 --> 00:28:14,441
Your hands are on my belt.
What?
526
00:28:14,525 --> 00:28:16,526
Your hands are on my belt.
I'm sorry.
527
00:28:16,611 --> 00:28:17,819
It's good.
528
00:28:18,780 --> 00:28:19,988
You're cute.
529
00:28:20,073 --> 00:28:22,240
This is kind of lame.
You wanna get out of here?
530
00:28:22,325 --> 00:28:23,825
Okay, yeah.
531
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:30,457
Yeah.
Fuck.
532
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:32,334
Come on.
Okay.
533
00:28:37,715 --> 00:28:39,049
You wanna drive?
534
00:28:39,133 --> 00:28:41,635
I don't have a car
with me here, so...
535
00:28:41,719 --> 00:28:43,595
That's cool, I'll just suck it up.
536
00:28:45,556 --> 00:28:46,723
I'm driving.
537
00:28:47,892 --> 00:28:48,892
Are you drunk?
538
00:28:48,976 --> 00:28:50,519
No, I didn't have anything
to drink.
539
00:28:50,603 --> 00:28:52,813
Blow into this?
Okay.
540
00:28:57,902 --> 00:29:01,738
What is this? The judge
recommended I get one.
541
00:29:08,329 --> 00:29:11,832
Whoa, okay. Wow.
That's fast.
542
00:29:13,751 --> 00:29:16,253
Okay.
Come on, you're in the lasso.
543
00:29:19,382 --> 00:29:21,007
? Missy be puttin' it down?
544
00:29:21,092 --> 00:29:22,175
? I'm the hottest round?
545
00:29:22,260 --> 00:29:23,760
? I told y'all
mother-uh?
546
00:29:23,845 --> 00:29:25,011
? Y'all can't
stop me now?
547
00:29:25,096 --> 00:29:26,179
? Listen to me now?
548
00:29:26,264 --> 00:29:27,514
? I'm lastin' 20 rounds?
549
00:29:27,598 --> 00:29:29,057
? And if you want me, people?
550
00:29:29,142 --> 00:29:30,684
? Then come on
get me now?
551
00:29:31,602 --> 00:29:35,647
And Dan's like, "You're
such a B-I-T-C-H, bitch!"
552
00:29:36,858 --> 00:29:39,693
And I'm like,
"You're the bitch, bitch. "
553
00:29:39,777 --> 00:29:41,486
You know?
Yeah.
554
00:29:41,571 --> 00:29:43,280
What was your name again?
555
00:29:43,948 --> 00:29:45,073
Andy.
Andy.
556
00:29:45,158 --> 00:29:49,911
Let me tell you something,
Andy. Don't ever be named Dan.
557
00:29:50,204 --> 00:29:52,956
Dan rhymes with man,
and men jerk off.
558
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:54,499
And he was a jerk-off.
559
00:29:54,584 --> 00:29:57,294
Do you know what I mean?
Look out! The car!
560
00:29:57,587 --> 00:30:00,547
Wow.
I like you.
561
00:30:00,965 --> 00:30:02,465
You're not a...
562
00:30:04,802 --> 00:30:05,844
Ugh.
563
00:30:05,928 --> 00:30:08,972
I think I ate some bad
shellfish sandwich or something.
564
00:30:10,308 --> 00:30:12,309
You're cute.
No.
565
00:30:18,816 --> 00:30:21,818
That tasted good.
That tasted like shellfish.
566
00:30:23,112 --> 00:30:25,864
Look out! Sorry.
567
00:30:26,908 --> 00:30:27,991
Watch it!
568
00:30:30,411 --> 00:30:32,913
Do you think I'm pretty?
Oh, yes.
569
00:30:33,206 --> 00:30:34,664
Oh, God, yes!
570
00:30:36,125 --> 00:30:40,462
You're not looking at me.
Yes, you're pretty.
571
00:30:40,546 --> 00:30:43,215
Do you think I'm pretty?
Look at me.
572
00:30:43,299 --> 00:30:46,343
Look at me!
I'm looking! You're pretty!
573
00:30:46,427 --> 00:30:48,845
God, I just wanna live!
574
00:30:50,473 --> 00:30:53,016
God, I hope
I get my period soon.
575
00:30:53,184 --> 00:30:56,645
I am in a bad mood.
Okay.
576
00:30:56,729 --> 00:30:59,564
I'm so tired.
577
00:31:00,316 --> 00:31:01,691
Hey, whoa!
578
00:31:02,860 --> 00:31:05,278
Oh, God! Turn away!
579
00:31:05,613 --> 00:31:07,781
Hey, get off the wheel.
580
00:31:09,492 --> 00:31:12,077
You're not gonna get in
my pants acting like that.
581
00:31:12,161 --> 00:31:13,703
I'm starving.
582
00:31:13,955 --> 00:31:16,498
Let's get some
fucking French toast.
583
00:31:18,542 --> 00:31:22,170
Okay, here we are.
Oh, God, we made it.
584
00:31:22,255 --> 00:31:23,630
Home sweet home.
585
00:31:24,924 --> 00:31:26,591
Oh, mommy!
586
00:31:30,471 --> 00:31:34,266
Are you okay? The fucker
came out of nowhere.
587
00:31:35,685 --> 00:31:38,061
Okay. We're okay.
588
00:31:41,274 --> 00:31:42,607
Are you okay?
589
00:31:43,234 --> 00:31:45,402
Well, are you...
What's the matter?
590
00:31:51,075 --> 00:31:52,367
I'm sorry.
591
00:31:52,910 --> 00:31:56,413
That's okay. I think I
kind of had that coming.
592
00:31:57,164 --> 00:31:59,332
I'll still have sex with you
if you want.
593
00:31:59,417 --> 00:32:02,419
You know what, I think I'm gonna
pass on the sex, if you don't mind.
594
00:32:02,503 --> 00:32:05,005
At least I don't have
to work out tomorrow.
595
00:32:05,756 --> 00:32:07,632
Did you have a daiquiri tonight? Yeah.
596
00:32:07,717 --> 00:32:08,758
I thought you might.
597
00:32:08,926 --> 00:32:10,677
It was a very bad night.
598
00:32:12,596 --> 00:32:13,680
Yeah, laugh.
599
00:32:13,764 --> 00:32:16,099
You know what, you guys
wouldn't be laughing right now...
600
00:32:16,183 --> 00:32:19,769
if some girl had just vomited
shellfish sandwich into your mouth.
601
00:32:20,896 --> 00:32:22,731
You know what, you're right,
it's my bad.
602
00:32:22,815 --> 00:32:24,816
Let me apologize to you
first of all...
603
00:32:24,900 --> 00:32:28,695
for not mentioning in detail that
when you pick up a drunk woman...
604
00:32:28,779 --> 00:32:31,406
who's falling down
on her way out of the bar...
605
00:32:31,532 --> 00:32:34,367
that you should probably
drive. I drive a bike.
606
00:32:34,452 --> 00:32:37,996
Okay, Mr. Schwinn-fucking-Armstrong,
who asked you to drive a bike?
607
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:40,206
You know what, I'm not the
only person in the world...
608
00:32:40,291 --> 00:32:41,458
who rides a bike.
609
00:32:41,542 --> 00:32:44,210
Yeah, everyone rides a bike,
when they're fucking six.
610
00:32:44,295 --> 00:32:46,421
Why don't you kiss something?
611
00:32:46,505 --> 00:32:49,632
Because this is over,
you guys, okay?
612
00:32:49,717 --> 00:32:51,384
Can I just interject
for a second?
613
00:32:51,469 --> 00:32:52,844
Let me just say...
614
00:32:52,970 --> 00:32:55,305
you're putting the pussy up
on this pedestal.
615
00:32:55,389 --> 00:32:56,890
You're just building
the pussy up, man.
616
00:32:56,974 --> 00:32:58,391
What are you even
talking about?
617
00:32:58,476 --> 00:33:00,393
"Building the pussy up,"
what does that mean?
618
00:33:00,478 --> 00:33:05,190
You making the pussy into this great
big Greek goddess named Pussalia...
619
00:33:05,274 --> 00:33:06,441
and what you're doing is...
620
00:33:06,525 --> 00:33:09,819
you're psyching yourself into
thinking it's some impossible feat.
621
00:33:09,904 --> 00:33:11,237
Yeah, I think
you're right.
622
00:33:11,322 --> 00:33:13,281
I'm putting the pussy up
on a pedestal.
623
00:33:13,366 --> 00:33:14,783
Right.
That's it.
624
00:33:14,992 --> 00:33:16,701
It's "Pussalia," right?
625
00:33:16,827 --> 00:33:19,287
Look where you going. I don't
wanna say the word anymore.
626
00:33:19,372 --> 00:33:21,623
Say what word?
"Pussy. " I don't wanna say it.
627
00:33:21,707 --> 00:33:24,000
Fuck it.
"Pussy" is a scientific word.
628
00:33:24,085 --> 00:33:26,169
Dude! New pants, man.
629
00:33:26,712 --> 00:33:27,796
You know what, Dave?
630
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:30,340
You know, you said there wasn't
gonna be any pressure at all.
631
00:33:30,424 --> 00:33:32,050
I'm not pressuring you.
Excuse me.
632
00:33:32,134 --> 00:33:33,760
Can one of you guys
help me, please?
633
00:33:33,844 --> 00:33:35,387
No hablo English, lady.
634
00:33:36,806 --> 00:33:39,099
I actually am helping
a customer right now.
635
00:33:39,183 --> 00:33:41,518
Okay, well...
I'm on break.
636
00:33:41,602 --> 00:33:44,145
But our stock supervisor
is very knowledgeable.
637
00:33:44,230 --> 00:33:46,731
He can answer all of your
questions and he'd love to help you.
638
00:33:46,816 --> 00:33:47,857
Thank you.
639
00:33:47,942 --> 00:33:49,526
Have a nice day.
You, too.
640
00:33:50,528 --> 00:33:54,781
Great, okay. Hi, I'm Trish.
Hi, Andy is my name.
641
00:33:55,282 --> 00:33:58,368
This one looks pretty good.
You don't wanna buy that VCR.
642
00:33:58,452 --> 00:33:59,452
I don't?
643
00:33:59,537 --> 00:34:01,287
No, actually to be
totally honest with you...
644
00:34:01,372 --> 00:34:02,705
you don't wanna buy
any VCR.
645
00:34:02,790 --> 00:34:04,457
It's a dead technology.
646
00:34:04,542 --> 00:34:08,670
It's like getting
an eight-track player.
647
00:34:08,754 --> 00:34:11,131
Yeah.
Or a Betamax.
648
00:34:11,215 --> 00:34:13,299
You know what, actually
I'd recommend this one.
649
00:34:13,384 --> 00:34:14,467
This is a dual.
650
00:34:14,552 --> 00:34:17,637
You've got the VCR
and DVD combo.
651
00:34:17,721 --> 00:34:21,224
So, you know, that technology
would be probably pretty good for...
652
00:34:21,517 --> 00:34:22,642
Six months or so?
Yeah.
653
00:34:22,726 --> 00:34:24,018
That's good.
654
00:34:24,145 --> 00:34:26,062
At best. Sorry.
655
00:34:26,230 --> 00:34:28,565
No.
As good as it gets.
656
00:34:28,732 --> 00:34:29,899
Okay, that sounds good,
then.
657
00:34:29,984 --> 00:34:31,067
Okay, all right.
658
00:34:32,236 --> 00:34:33,319
It's perfect.
Sorry.
659
00:34:33,404 --> 00:34:34,654
Coming through.
660
00:34:34,989 --> 00:34:36,072
Okay.
661
00:34:36,157 --> 00:34:38,867
God, you know, it's so funny,
I work right across the street...
662
00:34:38,951 --> 00:34:40,368
and I've never been
in this place.
663
00:34:40,453 --> 00:34:41,870
Really? Where at?
Yeah.
664
00:34:41,954 --> 00:34:44,581
The "We Sell Your Stuff On eBay" store.
665
00:34:45,416 --> 00:34:47,083
Yes.
And that's the name?
666
00:34:47,334 --> 00:34:49,711
Yeah, I was
looking for something...
667
00:34:50,045 --> 00:34:52,797
you know, obvious.
So I chose that.
668
00:34:52,923 --> 00:34:55,091
I don't understand.
So, what, you do what?
669
00:34:55,384 --> 00:34:57,343
Well, I take the stuff
that you don't want...
670
00:34:57,428 --> 00:34:59,512
and then I "sell" it
on eBay.
671
00:34:59,597 --> 00:35:02,098
But you don't actually
sell anything in the store?
672
00:35:03,184 --> 00:35:04,767
No. I don't.
673
00:35:05,352 --> 00:35:07,437
So why do you have a store?
674
00:35:07,521 --> 00:35:08,813
I don't know.
675
00:35:09,023 --> 00:35:12,150
No, I think it's because, you know,
I wanna maybe look professional
676
00:35:12,234 --> 00:35:15,195
and not like a crazy person who's
just gonna steal all your shit.
677
00:35:15,279 --> 00:35:17,614
Sure. I didn't
mean anything by that.
678
00:35:17,698 --> 00:35:19,157
No, it's okay.
679
00:35:19,450 --> 00:35:23,036
You know what, you should come
by sometime if you want, you know
680
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:24,871
see it for yourself,
check it out.
681
00:35:24,955 --> 00:35:26,539
I'll check out
your empty store.
682
00:35:26,624 --> 00:35:29,834
Yeah, it's the one across
the street that's not empty.
683
00:35:31,170 --> 00:35:32,670
Here's my number. So...
684
00:35:33,214 --> 00:35:35,673
All right.
So, just anytime.
685
00:35:36,467 --> 00:35:39,344
Why do I need your number if
you're across the street, though?
686
00:35:40,471 --> 00:35:43,473
I don't really have a good
answer for that, Andy. I just...
687
00:35:43,557 --> 00:35:45,517
Sorry.
Just giving it to you.
688
00:35:45,768 --> 00:35:48,811
So I'll write you up, and I'll
meet you over at the register.
689
00:35:48,938 --> 00:35:50,563
Okay. And check you out... Check out.
690
00:35:50,648 --> 00:35:51,981
Okay, see you over there.
Okay.
691
00:35:52,066 --> 00:35:53,066
Okay.
692
00:35:53,526 --> 00:35:55,610
Awful chatty.
Hey...
693
00:35:55,986 --> 00:35:58,071
Look, I think she gave me
her number.
694
00:35:58,155 --> 00:36:00,698
She wrote down her number, but
I think she gave me her number.
695
00:36:00,783 --> 00:36:02,116
No, she gave you.
Dude, man.
696
00:36:02,201 --> 00:36:03,785
See, you still mad at me?
697
00:36:03,869 --> 00:36:05,745
No, I was never.
Right, you see what I mean?
698
00:36:05,829 --> 00:36:07,705
Yeah, we gonna
celebrate it, man. Yeah.
699
00:36:07,790 --> 00:36:09,207
This is pretty cool.
Yeah.
700
00:36:09,291 --> 00:36:11,209
Unbelievable. Come on,
give him some credit, man.
701
00:36:11,293 --> 00:36:12,460
The man pulled a number.
702
00:36:12,545 --> 00:36:15,088
It's just... I was in...
I can't believe that happened.
703
00:36:15,172 --> 00:36:16,631
What you did was you zoned in.
704
00:36:16,715 --> 00:36:18,883
Man, she just gave me
her number.
705
00:36:19,176 --> 00:36:23,680
That's great, man. I'm telling
you, love is a mysterious fig.
706
00:36:23,764 --> 00:36:24,764
It is.
707
00:36:24,848 --> 00:36:27,642
Okay, here's a question.
When should I call her?
708
00:36:28,352 --> 00:36:29,477
You like her?
Yeah.
709
00:36:29,562 --> 00:36:31,020
You definitely
don't want to call her.
710
00:36:31,105 --> 00:36:32,730
When is the next Olympics?
711
00:36:32,815 --> 00:36:34,148
So what you just
got to do is...
712
00:36:34,233 --> 00:36:36,109
just get you a bunch
of these hood rats...
713
00:36:36,193 --> 00:36:37,610
run through them,
just knock them out.
714
00:36:37,695 --> 00:36:38,736
Boom, boom, boom.
715
00:36:38,821 --> 00:36:41,322
And once you've done slayed
like 20, 30 of them hood rats...
716
00:36:41,407 --> 00:36:44,117
now you ready to go up
to the upper echelon type ho.
717
00:36:44,201 --> 00:36:46,202
You know what I mean?
I'm not a big ho runner.
718
00:36:46,328 --> 00:36:48,121
My uncle used to drive
a ho runner.
719
00:36:48,205 --> 00:36:50,039
Screw these analogies.
What he's saying is...
720
00:36:50,124 --> 00:36:52,125
you are going to be so bad
at sex the first time...
721
00:36:52,209 --> 00:36:54,252
you don't want to have sex
with someone you like...
722
00:36:54,336 --> 00:36:56,629
'cause they'll think you're a
weirdo for being so lame at it.
723
00:36:56,714 --> 00:36:58,798
You want to have sex
with hood rats first...
724
00:36:58,882 --> 00:37:00,925
so that by the time you get
to the girl you do like...
725
00:37:01,010 --> 00:37:04,470
you're not terrible at sex,
you'll be mediocre at it.
726
00:37:04,805 --> 00:37:06,264
Probably still
pretty bad, though.
727
00:37:06,348 --> 00:37:08,558
Let's put it up for my man
for pulling that number.
728
00:37:08,642 --> 00:37:10,977
Way to go, man.
Politicked his ass off.
729
00:37:11,061 --> 00:37:13,396
You did politic.
Thanks a lot.
730
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:15,523
Like a train, round the bend.
You ready?
731
00:37:49,725 --> 00:37:50,725
Yeah.
732
00:37:51,852 --> 00:37:53,019
I can't.
Do it.
733
00:37:53,103 --> 00:37:54,729
I can't pee in public.
Gotta do it.
734
00:37:54,813 --> 00:37:56,397
I've got a mental block
about it.
735
00:37:56,482 --> 00:37:59,692
Come on, do it.
I'm shy!
736
00:38:03,947 --> 00:38:06,574
I peed in public!
737
00:38:06,867 --> 00:38:09,202
Let me out. I can't
hear what you're saying.
738
00:38:09,286 --> 00:38:11,829
I don't want to be in here.
It's a soundproof room.
739
00:38:12,539 --> 00:38:14,707
Just learn the techniques.
Right on, man.
740
00:38:16,210 --> 00:38:18,086
You guys, this is not funny!
741
00:38:49,326 --> 00:38:50,326
Hello.
742
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:58,334
Hey, what you watching?
743
00:38:58,419 --> 00:39:00,545
Dawn of the Dead, man.
Great.
744
00:39:00,671 --> 00:39:02,839
The store is slow.
Paula's gone.
745
00:39:03,006 --> 00:39:05,425
Yo, is Paula back?
No. She's not here.
746
00:39:05,718 --> 00:39:07,677
She said we can't watch
this in here. You sure?
747
00:39:07,761 --> 00:39:10,096
I know. Can I ask you
something in confidence?
748
00:39:10,180 --> 00:39:12,265
I know this is gonna
sound weird.
749
00:39:12,975 --> 00:39:14,434
Am I good-looking?
750
00:39:14,518 --> 00:39:16,185
Do you think a woman
will find me attractive?
751
00:39:16,353 --> 00:39:17,854
Oh, my God!
752
00:39:18,814 --> 00:39:21,399
Oh, my God, the blood just...
Okay, never mind.
753
00:39:21,483 --> 00:39:23,276
Wait, Andy. Hold up.
754
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:26,320
Listen, this is embarrassing for
me. This is hard to talk about.
755
00:39:26,447 --> 00:39:28,906
Are you ready for my honest answer? Yes.
756
00:39:29,366 --> 00:39:31,743
Yeah. I think you're
a good-looking cat.
757
00:39:32,453 --> 00:39:33,995
I don't think
that anybody knows it...
758
00:39:34,079 --> 00:39:35,663
and I don't think
anybody can see it.
759
00:39:35,748 --> 00:39:36,914
Well,
that's why I'm asking you.
760
00:39:36,999 --> 00:39:39,500
You seem really well-groomed
and really put together.
761
00:39:39,585 --> 00:39:42,295
I mean, look, dude. You
think this was an accident?
762
00:39:42,796 --> 00:39:45,131
All of this right here?
Premeditated, partner.
763
00:39:45,215 --> 00:39:48,634
You gotta highlight your attributes,
like a diamond in the rough.
764
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:50,428
You willing to make
some sacrifices?
765
00:39:50,512 --> 00:39:51,554
Absolutely.
766
00:39:51,638 --> 00:39:54,432
You see that whole Teen Wolf
thing you got going right there?
767
00:39:54,516 --> 00:39:56,350
You need to wax
that right out.
768
00:39:56,435 --> 00:39:58,311
Does it hurt?
No. Waxing don't hurt.
769
00:39:58,395 --> 00:40:00,313
I mean, not unless you're a
bitch. You know what I mean?
770
00:40:00,439 --> 00:40:01,939
It didn't hurt me.
I get it done all the time.
771
00:40:02,024 --> 00:40:03,691
What the fuck!
772
00:40:07,362 --> 00:40:09,238
Fuck that nigger up!
773
00:40:10,073 --> 00:40:12,533
Bitch, get out of the room!
774
00:40:15,454 --> 00:40:17,497
This is gonna be good.
775
00:40:17,581 --> 00:40:19,832
This the one right here,
right? Hi, how are you?
776
00:40:19,917 --> 00:40:22,001
So this is your first time
getting body waxed?
777
00:40:22,085 --> 00:40:23,169
Yes, it is.
778
00:40:23,253 --> 00:40:25,338
Take off your shirt.
Okay.
779
00:40:28,592 --> 00:40:30,676
We're gonna need
more wax.
780
00:40:30,761 --> 00:40:33,095
I'm staying.
This is gonna be good.
781
00:40:33,639 --> 00:40:36,432
And clear all my appointments
in the afternoon.
782
00:40:36,683 --> 00:40:38,017
Here we go.
783
00:40:38,352 --> 00:40:39,685
That feels warm.
784
00:40:42,815 --> 00:40:45,942
I like your sweater.
Does that come in a V-neck?
785
00:40:47,277 --> 00:40:49,779
She starts doing his pubes,
I'm out of here.
786
00:40:51,782 --> 00:40:53,366
You gonna look good
after this, man.
787
00:40:53,450 --> 00:40:54,659
Thanks, man.
788
00:40:55,035 --> 00:40:56,410
So, ready?
Yeah.
789
00:41:02,501 --> 00:41:04,377
You fucker!
790
00:41:05,504 --> 00:41:08,089
I'm sorry.
That's just your job.
791
00:41:08,173 --> 00:41:11,634
You want me to stop now?
No. It's okay.
792
00:41:13,136 --> 00:41:14,387
Let's do another one.
793
00:41:14,471 --> 00:41:16,097
That one little patch
looks sexy though.
794
00:41:16,181 --> 00:41:18,224
Does it look good?
Yeah, it looks really good.
795
00:41:19,476 --> 00:41:21,811
It looks man-tastic.
796
00:41:22,980 --> 00:41:24,146
Okay.
797
00:41:25,774 --> 00:41:29,402
Wow! I didn't expect that at
all. I really didn't expect that.
798
00:41:29,987 --> 00:41:32,363
You got it. The first one
is the only one that hurts.
799
00:41:32,447 --> 00:41:34,907
Yeah.
Those hairs are pretty deep.
800
00:41:34,992 --> 00:41:36,075
Okay.
801
00:41:36,368 --> 00:41:37,994
You ready?
Yup.
802
00:41:41,832 --> 00:41:43,583
Sucker motherfucker!
803
00:41:44,001 --> 00:41:46,294
You shithead! I hate you!
804
00:41:46,378 --> 00:41:48,170
I hate you so much!
805
00:41:49,339 --> 00:41:50,548
That one hurt.
806
00:41:50,632 --> 00:41:52,967
That one hurt
just as much as the first one.
807
00:41:53,051 --> 00:41:55,052
That's great, man.
Man!
808
00:41:56,972 --> 00:41:59,223
One, two, three.
809
00:42:00,392 --> 00:42:04,395
Fuck me!
810
00:42:04,855 --> 00:42:08,357
In the asshole!
811
00:42:10,527 --> 00:42:11,652
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
812
00:42:11,737 --> 00:42:13,321
I really don't
swear this much.
813
00:42:13,405 --> 00:42:14,822
You know what,
I got a weak stomach.
814
00:42:14,907 --> 00:42:16,657
That's all I can really take.
I'll see ya'll.
815
00:42:16,783 --> 00:42:19,118
Jay.
Be tough, Andy, you got it.
816
00:42:19,202 --> 00:42:21,287
Where did Jay go?
He went to throw up.
817
00:42:21,371 --> 00:42:22,663
Ready?
Yup.
818
00:42:23,373 --> 00:42:24,415
One, two.
819
00:42:25,626 --> 00:42:27,877
Cocksucker motherfucker!
820
00:42:28,045 --> 00:42:29,712
You pulled on two.
821
00:42:30,964 --> 00:42:32,632
Why didn't you
pull on three?
822
00:42:32,716 --> 00:42:34,050
Freddy pie hole!
823
00:42:35,761 --> 00:42:37,678
No! Kelly Clarkson!
824
00:42:42,893 --> 00:42:44,644
Ya'll done or ya'll...
825
00:42:44,728 --> 00:42:46,228
That's fucked up.
Oh, shit falls!
826
00:42:46,313 --> 00:42:47,438
That's fucked up.
827
00:42:50,442 --> 00:42:52,360
I hate you.
828
00:42:52,444 --> 00:42:54,820
Stop smiling, you jerk!
829
00:42:54,905 --> 00:42:56,072
You pussy.
830
00:42:56,156 --> 00:42:58,240
Oh, God. What's next?
831
00:42:58,617 --> 00:43:00,785
You're doing the nipple.
Not the nipple.
832
00:43:00,911 --> 00:43:02,662
Come on.
Not the nipple.
833
00:43:02,746 --> 00:43:04,413
Please, Cal,
hold my hand.
834
00:43:04,831 --> 00:43:07,625
You kidding me, man?
Hold my goddamn hand, man.
835
00:43:08,210 --> 00:43:10,461
Do it! Just hold.
Okay, here we go.
836
00:43:11,755 --> 00:43:12,755
Ready?
837
00:43:13,423 --> 00:43:14,715
No. Yup.
838
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:16,759
One, two, three.
839
00:43:17,302 --> 00:43:19,762
Nipple fuck!
840
00:43:21,098 --> 00:43:23,557
Mika, you should
burn in hell!
841
00:43:24,017 --> 00:43:26,686
Okay, all right. No,
seriously, I think I'm done.
842
00:43:26,770 --> 00:43:29,105
I think we're done.
I think that's good.
843
00:43:31,274 --> 00:43:32,566
You know what, guys...
844
00:43:32,651 --> 00:43:35,194
this is not
a good look for me!
845
00:43:35,612 --> 00:43:37,405
You look like
a man-o'- lantern.
846
00:43:37,489 --> 00:43:39,448
Thank you very much.
Appreciate it. Thank you.
847
00:43:59,011 --> 00:44:00,720
Thank you very much.
You're welcome.
848
00:44:00,804 --> 00:44:02,430
Thank you.
Thanks.
849
00:44:02,889 --> 00:44:04,932
Andy,
I owe you an apology, man.
850
00:44:05,017 --> 00:44:08,436
I wasn't very nice to you for
the past two-and-a-half years.
851
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:09,645
You were nice to me.
852
00:44:09,646 --> 00:44:12,314
No, I was... I thought
you were really boring and
853
00:44:12,399 --> 00:44:14,650
I kind of thought
you were a serial killer.
854
00:44:15,986 --> 00:44:17,403
I'm not joking.
855
00:44:17,904 --> 00:44:20,740
Hey!
Sorry. Shoot. Sorry, sorry.
856
00:44:20,824 --> 00:44:23,159
Don't worry. There's a lot of
padding in these.
857
00:44:23,243 --> 00:44:25,578
I could hurl it off the
balcony, it would be fine.
858
00:44:25,662 --> 00:44:27,371
Yeah. It will be fine.
We couldn't break this
859
00:44:27,456 --> 00:44:28,497
if we tried.
No problem.
860
00:44:28,582 --> 00:44:30,666
Look, you shouldn't listen
to Dave and Jay, okay?
861
00:44:30,751 --> 00:44:33,836
Those guys are crazy.
You should listen to me, okay?
862
00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:36,881
Look, there is a hot-ass girl
who works right there.
863
00:44:36,965 --> 00:44:40,301
There she is, in the bookstore.
You should ask her out, man.
864
00:44:42,262 --> 00:44:44,096
Something wrong
with her underpants.
865
00:44:44,222 --> 00:44:45,681
Yeah, they're not in my mouth.
866
00:44:45,766 --> 00:44:47,725
You know, I kind of
867
00:44:48,935 --> 00:44:51,145
like the woman
from the eBay store.
868
00:44:51,313 --> 00:44:52,354
That's great, but
869
00:44:52,439 --> 00:44:53,689
you're not gonna
get with anyone
870
00:44:53,774 --> 00:44:55,399
unless you play
the odds on this, man.
871
00:44:55,484 --> 00:44:57,359
You need to plant
a lot of seeds.
872
00:44:57,444 --> 00:45:00,946
It's like this. When I
was growing pot, I realized
873
00:45:01,490 --> 00:45:04,617
that the more seeds
I planted... Thank you.
874
00:45:04,701 --> 00:45:06,994
...the more pot
I could ultimately smoke.
875
00:45:07,079 --> 00:45:10,289
I think I have all the advice
that I can handle right now.
876
00:45:10,373 --> 00:45:11,457
Don't get bitter.
877
00:45:11,541 --> 00:45:14,376
I'm not bitter.
I almost lost a nipple, okay?
878
00:45:14,461 --> 00:45:16,253
That was Jay's idea, okay?
879
00:45:16,338 --> 00:45:18,923
And I wasn't going to say
anything, but waxing your chest is
880
00:45:19,007 --> 00:45:21,509
like the gayest thing
you could possibly do, okay?
881
00:45:21,593 --> 00:45:25,304
Look at me. Looks are not
important. Really look at me.
882
00:45:25,430 --> 00:45:28,349
I am ugly as fuck
by traditional standards
883
00:45:28,433 --> 00:45:30,851
but I get with women.
884
00:45:30,936 --> 00:45:33,062
Aren't you curious
as to how that's possible?
885
00:45:33,146 --> 00:45:35,356
I am not ugly as fuck.
886
00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:37,233
I didn't say you were
ugly as...
887
00:45:37,317 --> 00:45:38,776
Well, you implied it.
Okay.
888
00:45:38,860 --> 00:45:41,445
It doesn't matter if you're ugly
as fuck or you're ugly as shit.
889
00:45:41,530 --> 00:45:44,615
It's about talking to women,
and I know how to do that
890
00:45:44,699 --> 00:45:48,077
because I observe,
because I am a novelist.
891
00:45:48,745 --> 00:45:50,621
What? You never
told me that before.
892
00:45:50,705 --> 00:45:53,499
That's because I am not
an arrogant prick, Andy.
893
00:45:53,625 --> 00:45:56,001
Okay? The problem
most men have is
894
00:45:56,336 --> 00:45:57,837
they don't know
how to talk to women.
895
00:45:57,921 --> 00:46:01,632
You know what my problem is?
I am not interesting.
896
00:46:01,758 --> 00:46:04,343
What am I supposed to say?
"I went to magic camp?"
897
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:06,512
"I'm an accomplished
ventriloquist?"
898
00:46:06,596 --> 00:46:09,723
"I am a seventh-degree
imperial yo-yo master. "
899
00:46:10,851 --> 00:46:12,893
Do me, yo-yo master.
900
00:46:12,978 --> 00:46:16,772
I want you to do me,
'cause you're the yo-yo guy.
901
00:46:17,107 --> 00:46:18,315
Are you done? Listen.
902
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:20,317
The problem
most men have is
903
00:46:20,402 --> 00:46:23,863
they just plain straight up have
no clue how to talk to women.
904
00:46:24,406 --> 00:46:27,324
Just ask questions, okay?
That's it.
905
00:46:27,492 --> 00:46:32,079
Because women do not care about what
you have to say at all anyway, you know.
906
00:46:32,163 --> 00:46:34,164
And all they want to do
is talk about themselves.
907
00:46:34,249 --> 00:46:35,958
So you're just gonna
let them do that.
908
00:46:36,042 --> 00:46:37,668
Okay? So remember.
909
00:46:37,752 --> 00:46:40,963
Questions, be cool,
and be kind of a dick.
910
00:46:41,047 --> 00:46:44,174
Here, be David Caruso
in Jade.
911
00:46:44,676 --> 00:46:46,927
Okay. I know exactly
what you're talking about.
912
00:46:47,012 --> 00:46:48,512
You do. That's good.
913
00:46:50,223 --> 00:46:51,640
There she is.
914
00:46:54,477 --> 00:46:56,186
Go plant that seed, man.
915
00:46:56,813 --> 00:46:58,564
Plant it with your finger.
916
00:47:10,785 --> 00:47:12,202
Can I help you?
917
00:47:14,247 --> 00:47:15,873
I don't know. Can you?
918
00:47:17,542 --> 00:47:19,543
Are you looking
for something?
919
00:47:20,879 --> 00:47:23,547
Is there something
I should be looking for?
920
00:47:27,844 --> 00:47:29,386
We have
a lot of books.
921
00:47:29,804 --> 00:47:32,890
So, maybe it depends
on what you like.
922
00:47:37,896 --> 00:47:39,396
What do you like?
923
00:47:39,648 --> 00:47:43,150
We have a great section of...
924
00:47:43,652 --> 00:47:45,110
do-it-yourself.
925
00:47:45,195 --> 00:47:47,571
Do you like to
"do it yourself"?
926
00:47:48,490 --> 00:47:50,658
Sometimes. I mean...
927
00:47:51,242 --> 00:47:54,787
if the mood strikes.
928
00:47:56,164 --> 00:47:58,332
How is the mood
striking you now?
929
00:48:05,173 --> 00:48:08,550
What's your name?
930
00:48:08,635 --> 00:48:10,719
I'm Beth.
931
00:48:13,431 --> 00:48:16,934
Andy.
932
00:48:19,604 --> 00:48:22,231
Don't tell on me, okay, Andy? I won't.
933
00:48:23,942 --> 00:48:26,276
Unless you want
to be told on...
934
00:48:27,112 --> 00:48:28,112
Beth.
935
00:48:30,949 --> 00:48:32,533
Wow. That totally worked!
936
00:48:32,617 --> 00:48:34,702
I literally said nothing.
And she found me fascinating.
937
00:48:34,786 --> 00:48:36,620
I would've thought
you were doing that for years.
938
00:48:36,705 --> 00:48:38,414
Should I have asked her out?
No. That's the key.
939
00:48:38,498 --> 00:48:39,915
You wait for it
to grow into a plant...
940
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:41,500
and then you fuck the plant.
941
00:48:45,588 --> 00:48:46,630
Okay.
942
00:48:47,507 --> 00:48:48,757
This is easy.
943
00:48:49,592 --> 00:48:50,926
All right.
944
00:48:51,428 --> 00:48:54,054
Hello, Trish. How you
doing? What's going on?
945
00:48:55,682 --> 00:48:56,849
Good joke.
946
00:48:56,933 --> 00:48:58,684
This is a fun conversation.
947
00:48:58,768 --> 00:49:01,145
Just grow a backbone
and call her.
948
00:49:01,271 --> 00:49:03,856
She asked you to call her.
She wants you to call her.
949
00:49:11,031 --> 00:49:12,031
Hello.
950
00:49:12,532 --> 00:49:13,907
Hey, how you doing?
951
00:49:15,827 --> 00:49:17,661
How you doing?
I'm well.
952
00:49:18,079 --> 00:49:19,496
Who is this?
953
00:49:20,165 --> 00:49:23,333
This is James.
Jam es. Do I know you, Jam es?
954
00:49:24,794 --> 00:49:26,795
I was wondering whether
you had a few minutes...
955
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:28,756
to talk about
a little laundry detergent.
956
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:31,008
Are you a telemarketer, James?
957
00:49:31,217 --> 00:49:32,259
Yep.
958
00:49:32,343 --> 00:49:33,802
Are you at the top
of a tall building?
959
00:49:33,887 --> 00:49:36,138
Can you get to a roof quickly?
Jum p off!
960
00:49:36,222 --> 00:49:37,389
I mean, you people are sick.
961
00:49:37,474 --> 00:49:39,266
Get a real fucking job,
why don't you?
962
00:49:39,350 --> 00:49:40,893
Go shoot yourself
in the fucking head.
963
00:49:40,977 --> 00:49:43,771
Hey, why don't you just, you
know, get a knife and run into it?
964
00:49:43,855 --> 00:49:45,272
Why don't you do that, huh?
965
00:49:45,356 --> 00:49:46,648
Okay.
I'll see you later, Jam es.
966
00:49:46,691 --> 00:49:50,027
Nice to talk to you. Fuck
your m other, okay? Bye-bye.
967
00:49:51,780 --> 00:49:52,780
Oh.
968
00:49:56,076 --> 00:49:58,452
Hey, man.
Got a big box of porn for you.
969
00:50:00,121 --> 00:50:02,456
Can I come in?
Yeah.
970
00:50:04,459 --> 00:50:06,376
Sweet video game chair.
971
00:50:10,298 --> 00:50:11,590
So what's in the box?
972
00:50:11,674 --> 00:50:14,051
It's my personal collection
of erotica.
973
00:50:14,385 --> 00:50:15,469
I want to give it to you.
974
00:50:15,553 --> 00:50:18,472
I think there might be a few tapes
in there that just might open up...
975
00:50:18,556 --> 00:50:20,099
Pandora's box of love.
976
00:50:20,183 --> 00:50:21,183
Okay.
977
00:50:21,267 --> 00:50:24,061
Amy and I, we used to
watch Harry Twatter...
978
00:50:24,187 --> 00:50:25,646
and we'd put it on
the television...
979
00:50:25,730 --> 00:50:27,648
and then act it out
as it was going on...
980
00:50:27,732 --> 00:50:29,399
and it was...
981
00:50:31,402 --> 00:50:32,945
She's adorable.
982
00:50:33,947 --> 00:50:35,322
Fucking bitch.
983
00:50:35,406 --> 00:50:37,407
Well, you know, this is
really gracious and kind...
984
00:50:37,492 --> 00:50:38,659
and generous and everything.
985
00:50:38,743 --> 00:50:41,453
But I just don't want a big
box of porn in my apartment.
986
00:50:41,538 --> 00:50:43,956
There's some really
great stuff in here.
987
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:46,416
Really great movies in here,
man.
988
00:50:46,668 --> 00:50:48,168
Hey, did you ever see
School of Rock?
989
00:50:48,253 --> 00:50:49,711
Yeah.
Well, this is...
990
00:50:49,796 --> 00:50:51,421
It's called School of...
991
00:50:51,756 --> 00:50:52,923
You know...
992
00:50:53,216 --> 00:50:56,593
That's nice.
But it stars Jack Black Cock.
993
00:50:57,428 --> 00:50:58,637
That makes sense.
994
00:50:58,721 --> 00:51:00,514
Dude, here it is.
995
00:51:00,598 --> 00:51:03,183
Boner Jams '03.
It's a mixed tape I made.
996
00:51:03,268 --> 00:51:07,354
All these great scenes that I was
really into in the summer of 2003.
997
00:51:07,647 --> 00:51:10,399
I think you'd really dig it.
Yeah. Now I can see that.
998
00:51:10,483 --> 00:51:12,025
This is...
999
00:51:12,277 --> 00:51:13,694
Everybody Loves Raym ond.
1000
00:51:13,778 --> 00:51:15,195
That's probably
not supposed to be...
1001
00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:17,072
This is a good show.
I just tape it sometimes.
1002
00:51:17,157 --> 00:51:19,199
Well, I don't think
you understand something, Dave.
1003
00:51:19,284 --> 00:51:23,745
I don't want this stuff, okay?
Because I don't do that, that much.
1004
00:51:23,830 --> 00:51:25,789
What, masturbate?
Yeah.
1005
00:51:26,916 --> 00:51:29,251
Dude, I've jacked it twice
since I've been here.
1006
00:51:29,335 --> 00:51:32,421
Are you kidding me? Why not?
It's not a hobby of mine.
1007
00:51:32,505 --> 00:51:34,840
Well, then, that's the
only hobby you don't have.
1008
00:51:34,924 --> 00:51:37,301
No, seriously, I just don't
feel comfortable talking about...
1009
00:51:37,385 --> 00:51:38,468
You need to.
You're wound up.
1010
00:51:38,553 --> 00:51:40,137
You're like one of these
action figures...
1011
00:51:40,221 --> 00:51:41,930
all hermetically sealed
in your box.
1012
00:51:42,015 --> 00:51:44,391
You gotta play with...
Don't!
1013
00:51:44,475 --> 00:51:45,559
Don't take it out!
1014
00:51:45,643 --> 00:51:48,270
I'm sorry.
You know what, it's just...
1015
00:51:48,396 --> 00:51:51,064
It loses its value if you
take it out of its packaging.
1016
00:51:51,149 --> 00:51:54,276
I'm just saying, let it out. Give
it some air, man. Play with it.
1017
00:51:54,360 --> 00:51:57,029
Take your porn with you.
I'm not taking it.
1018
00:51:57,113 --> 00:51:58,739
Take your box-o-porn.
1019
00:51:58,823 --> 00:52:01,658
It's my gift to you.
No. I don't want it.
1020
00:52:01,910 --> 00:52:03,076
David, it's not...
1021
00:52:03,161 --> 00:52:04,203
Andy, for the last time...
1022
00:52:04,287 --> 00:52:06,121
I don't want your giant box
of pornography.
1023
00:52:06,206 --> 00:52:08,498
No, no, no!
Come on, man.
1024
00:52:08,791 --> 00:52:10,083
So uncool.
1025
00:52:10,668 --> 00:52:11,877
Uncool?
1026
00:52:12,921 --> 00:52:16,715
Uncool is trying to give an
honest man a big box of porn, Andy.
1027
00:52:17,550 --> 00:52:19,885
For the last time,
I don't want to watch
1028
00:52:19,969 --> 00:52:21,637
School of Cock with you.
1029
00:53:31,708 --> 00:53:33,625
It's nothing official.
1030
00:53:34,585 --> 00:53:37,587
Just a little token
of m y appreciation.
1031
00:53:58,484 --> 00:54:01,737
Hi, Andy.
I'm gonna talk dirty to you.
1032
00:54:01,821 --> 00:54:06,158
I want to have
lots of sexy sex with you.
1033
00:54:06,326 --> 00:54:10,370
I want to touch
your big, fat noodle
1034
00:54:10,496 --> 00:54:14,333
'cause I want to have
naughty intercourse with you.
1035
00:54:14,584 --> 00:54:18,545
I want you to put your penis
on, I mean, in me, Andy.
1036
00:54:18,838 --> 00:54:22,257
I want to do lots of,
lots of sexy,
1037
00:54:22,342 --> 00:54:25,010
hot things with you. Shit.
1038
00:54:25,803 --> 00:54:28,889
This really isn't working,
Andy. I don't know what to say
1039
00:54:28,973 --> 00:54:30,390
because I am you.
1040
00:54:32,518 --> 00:54:33,852
Okay. New tape.
1041
00:54:36,147 --> 00:54:38,940
Nothing is ever good enough
and it's always our fault.
1042
00:54:39,025 --> 00:54:40,901
Hey, you can't speak
to your m other like that.
1043
00:54:40,985 --> 00:54:42,861
You do.
She's not m y m other.
1044
00:54:47,867 --> 00:54:50,202
I heard Dave gave you
the box of porn.
1045
00:54:50,536 --> 00:54:51,620
Yeah, he did.
1046
00:54:53,039 --> 00:54:54,956
You ever watch, like,
Primetime Live
1047
00:54:55,041 --> 00:54:57,084
when they take a black light
into a hotel room
1048
00:54:57,168 --> 00:54:59,669
and show you all the semen
all over the bedspread?
1049
00:55:00,254 --> 00:55:01,254
Yeah.
1050
00:55:01,881 --> 00:55:04,049
You blind someone
with that box.
1051
00:55:04,634 --> 00:55:06,468
Could see that thing
from space.
1052
00:55:10,014 --> 00:55:12,599
This right here, you looking at
the Bentley of big screen TVs.
1053
00:55:12,683 --> 00:55:15,018
I'm talking about, this is the
Rolls-Royce of big screen...
1054
00:55:16,646 --> 00:55:19,064
Sometimes, I think these
butterflies are in here.
1055
00:55:19,565 --> 00:55:21,483
I think he might be
fooling us all, though.
1056
00:55:21,567 --> 00:55:22,609
Really?
1057
00:55:22,693 --> 00:55:24,778
I actually think he might be,
like, some genius
1058
00:55:24,862 --> 00:55:26,947
and this is like
some big, like, hilarious...
1059
00:55:27,031 --> 00:55:29,991
Like he's bored at work and he
just wanted to kick up some shit,
1060
00:55:30,076 --> 00:55:31,451
so he told us all
he's a virgin.
1061
00:55:31,536 --> 00:55:33,620
You're seeing that a lot
of stuff that's not there.
1062
00:55:33,704 --> 00:55:35,664
You're just projecting
all over him.
1063
00:55:35,873 --> 00:55:37,416
He might be an idiot savant
1064
00:55:37,500 --> 00:55:40,502
but he's not, like,
clever enough to go that deep.
1065
00:55:40,586 --> 00:55:41,920
But he's got a great body.
1066
00:55:42,004 --> 00:55:44,339
Would you fuck him?
In a New York minute.
1067
00:55:44,424 --> 00:55:46,049
You would fuck him?
Absolutely.
1068
00:55:48,344 --> 00:55:50,137
Hey, Andy, what are you doing
for lunch?
1069
00:55:50,596 --> 00:55:52,764
I don't know.
I have a turkey sandwich.
1070
00:55:52,849 --> 00:55:55,684
We're gonna go around the corner.
I think you should come with us.
1071
00:55:55,768 --> 00:55:58,562
There's this great place.
A lot of cute girls.
1072
00:55:58,938 --> 00:56:00,439
I don't know. Okay.
1073
00:56:01,357 --> 00:56:03,275
We brought you a shirt.
1074
00:56:03,693 --> 00:56:05,485
This place is pretty fancy.
1075
00:56:06,779 --> 00:56:07,821
Something going on?
1076
00:56:07,905 --> 00:56:09,739
Hey, who's ready
to have some fun?
1077
00:56:11,784 --> 00:56:13,201
Hey, guys...
1078
00:56:14,620 --> 00:56:17,080
No, don't ignore me.
I know what this is.
1079
00:56:17,165 --> 00:56:19,666
Within one hour,
you'll each have 20 dates.
1080
00:56:19,792 --> 00:56:23,128
Don't... Please don't do this.
I saw this on Primetime Live.
1081
00:56:23,254 --> 00:56:24,963
All right, ninja master.
1082
00:56:25,381 --> 00:56:27,382
We've given you all the advice
we have to give.
1083
00:56:27,467 --> 00:56:28,633
Now you gonna put it
in action.
1084
00:56:28,718 --> 00:56:30,677
Advice? You guys all
gave me different advice.
1085
00:56:30,761 --> 00:56:32,637
He thinks you're a pothead.
I am.
1086
00:56:32,805 --> 00:56:35,891
Dude. Hey, partner.
What are you whining about?
1087
00:56:35,975 --> 00:56:38,101
You asked for this shit.
No, I didn't.
1088
00:56:38,186 --> 00:56:40,020
Will you just quit whining
like a bitch?
1089
00:56:40,104 --> 00:56:42,606
I'm not whining like a bitch.
You are whining like a bitch.
1090
00:56:42,690 --> 00:56:45,692
And you about to cram like 10
years of pimpage into one day.
1091
00:56:45,776 --> 00:56:48,653
I don't want to cram pimpage.
Partner, after that
1092
00:56:49,071 --> 00:56:50,739
you on my level. Come on.
1093
00:56:50,865 --> 00:56:53,325
Just ask questions.
This is a bad idea.
1094
00:56:56,329 --> 00:56:57,662
Hi.
Hi. How are you?
1095
00:56:57,747 --> 00:56:58,997
I'm fine.
1096
00:57:00,166 --> 00:57:01,333
Are you fine?
1097
00:57:02,168 --> 00:57:03,168
Yeah.
1098
00:57:04,003 --> 00:57:05,670
You're fine then?
1099
00:57:06,339 --> 00:57:09,508
Are you fucking retarded? What
the hell's the matter with you?
1100
00:57:09,842 --> 00:57:11,384
Do you want me to be
fucking retarded?
1101
00:57:12,553 --> 00:57:14,930
When I look into the eyes of
the children and the parents
1102
00:57:15,014 --> 00:57:16,431
and they are smiling
and saying,
1103
00:57:16,516 --> 00:57:18,767
"Thank you, Dr. Montalban,
you saved my child",
1104
00:57:18,851 --> 00:57:19,935
it was worth it.
1105
00:57:22,813 --> 00:57:23,939
Amy,
1106
00:57:24,607 --> 00:57:26,733
what are you doing here?
David.
1107
00:57:28,110 --> 00:57:30,445
And you are Gina?
Gina.
1108
00:57:30,530 --> 00:57:32,239
Hey, what's up?
Nothing.
1109
00:57:32,365 --> 00:57:34,950
Look, I'm going to be
real honest with you.
1110
00:57:35,034 --> 00:57:37,494
It's been a long time
since I've been with a man.
1111
00:57:37,578 --> 00:57:40,247
Spent a lot of time
with the ladies.
1112
00:57:40,331 --> 00:57:42,749
Looking to get back up
on that pogo stick.
1113
00:57:42,833 --> 00:57:44,793
You know what I'm saying?
Excuse me.
1114
00:57:44,877 --> 00:57:48,797
Remember that time when we made
love and you cried in my arms?
1115
00:57:48,881 --> 00:57:51,299
Please don't reminisce about
the times we fucked, please.
1116
00:57:51,384 --> 00:57:53,260
It's so creepy.
Let's go to Paris.
1117
00:57:53,344 --> 00:57:56,137
I want to take you underneath the
Eiffel Tower and make love to you.
1118
00:57:56,222 --> 00:57:57,472
Cut it out.
Cut what out?
1119
00:57:57,557 --> 00:58:00,141
This go to Paris! We've been
broken up for like two years, man.
1120
00:58:00,226 --> 00:58:01,643
I don't want to
date you anymore.
1121
00:58:01,727 --> 00:58:03,311
You're a whore.
I am not a whore.
1122
00:58:03,396 --> 00:58:05,021
I just didn't like you.
1123
00:58:05,106 --> 00:58:06,231
This is so us.
1124
00:58:08,484 --> 00:58:10,068
Psycho talk.
What?
1125
00:58:10,152 --> 00:58:11,987
You're a good-looking man.
Thank you.
1126
00:58:12,071 --> 00:58:14,447
Very pretty.
Real soft, delicate features.
1127
00:58:14,532 --> 00:58:16,992
You're real feminine, you
know, which is good for me
1128
00:58:17,076 --> 00:58:19,744
because that would be
a simple sort of transition.
1129
00:58:19,829 --> 00:58:20,996
You know what I'm saying?
1130
00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:24,249
Maybe throw a little rouge
on you, tuck your sac back.
1131
00:58:24,333 --> 00:58:25,875
You game?
No.
1132
00:58:27,044 --> 00:58:30,755
You need to stop fucking
around with my friend, okay?
1133
00:58:30,840 --> 00:58:33,675
Because you're giving him hope,
and it's driving the man crazy.
1134
00:58:33,759 --> 00:58:36,845
I moved, I changed my e-mail
address, my phone number.
1135
00:58:36,929 --> 00:58:38,305
He's practically
stalking me.
1136
00:58:38,389 --> 00:58:40,807
Well, I didn't know all that.
So, I'm sorry.
1137
00:58:42,101 --> 00:58:43,184
I love Minnesota.
1138
00:58:43,269 --> 00:58:45,854
I grew up in a town
outside of Minneapolis
1139
00:58:45,938 --> 00:58:48,815
with a population of, like,
500 people. Really small.
1140
00:58:48,899 --> 00:58:51,151
Yeah, it's like
the Land of a Thousand Lakes.
1141
00:58:51,235 --> 00:58:53,987
What about you? You're used
to, like, a really big city.
1142
00:58:54,113 --> 00:58:56,323
Really... God, yes.
1143
00:58:57,450 --> 00:59:00,785
The town that I grew up in
was really small. I mean,
1144
00:59:00,911 --> 00:59:03,747
you know, it was just so safe.
There was no crime.
1145
00:59:03,831 --> 00:59:07,042
I mean, a girl could just walk
from one end of town to the other
1146
00:59:07,126 --> 00:59:09,961
and just, you know,
feel completely safe.
1147
00:59:13,132 --> 00:59:14,424
You suppose he's had enough?
1148
00:59:14,508 --> 00:59:16,968
Spank bank has
once again been filled.
1149
00:59:17,845 --> 00:59:19,387
I'll tell you
who's the hottest.
1150
00:59:19,472 --> 00:59:22,557
You're gonna think I'm crazy.
Let me tell you. Gina.
1151
00:59:22,975 --> 00:59:25,977
Can't get va-Gina out of
my head. Va-Gina all week.
1152
00:59:35,863 --> 00:59:37,238
You know what's a fun game?
Huh?
1153
00:59:37,323 --> 00:59:39,240
You take three
Excedrin PMs...
1154
00:59:39,325 --> 00:59:42,035
and you see if you could whack
off before you fall asleep.
1155
00:59:43,996 --> 00:59:46,539
You always win is the
best part about the game.
1156
00:59:49,335 --> 00:59:51,211
Are you Andy?
Yeah.
1157
00:59:51,295 --> 00:59:52,879
Is this yours?
Did you write this stuff?
1158
00:59:52,963 --> 00:59:55,632
My girlfriend, Jill, found
your speed-dating card.
1159
00:59:56,384 --> 00:59:57,676
Yeah, right.
1160
00:59:57,760 --> 00:59:59,886
God, I've been looking
for that speed-dating card.
1161
00:59:59,970 --> 01:00:01,763
Thank you so much
for bringing it to me.
1162
01:00:01,847 --> 01:00:03,973
So, you actually wrote
that one girl looked like...
1163
01:00:04,058 --> 01:00:05,934
she was
"hurting for a squirting"?
1164
01:00:06,227 --> 01:00:09,020
Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Hurting for
a squirting, I wrote that.
1165
01:00:09,105 --> 01:00:11,439
So you wrote
"ho fo show. "
1166
01:00:12,233 --> 01:00:14,734
Yeah, I remember that girl.
She was a ho.
1167
01:00:15,403 --> 01:00:16,611
Fo show.
1168
01:00:16,821 --> 01:00:18,863
Let me show you
how this device works.
1169
01:00:18,948 --> 01:00:20,657
Right, I'm just looking
for a cordless phone.
1170
01:00:20,741 --> 01:00:23,451
Yup, it's great. You can do
anything, make video diaries...
1171
01:00:23,536 --> 01:00:27,163
Hey, Amy, how's it going?
How you feeling? I'm great.
1172
01:00:27,373 --> 01:00:29,999
I feel fantastic
since we broke up.
1173
01:00:30,543 --> 01:00:32,168
I feel awesome!
1174
01:00:32,253 --> 01:00:34,879
Can you just show me the department
where there would be phones?
1175
01:00:34,964 --> 01:00:37,132
How have you been?
What's been going on...
1176
01:00:37,216 --> 01:00:39,259
I bet... Hey, have you been
doing a lot of this?
1177
01:00:41,595 --> 01:00:42,929
Sir, please, sir.
1178
01:00:43,013 --> 01:00:44,472
You are never gonna
meet anybody...
1179
01:00:44,557 --> 01:00:47,183
with that kind of mentality about
women, you sick son of a bitch.
1180
01:00:47,268 --> 01:00:49,018
Who the fuck are you
to put me on trial?
1181
01:00:49,103 --> 01:00:50,729
I've never even met you.
1182
01:00:50,813 --> 01:00:53,022
So why don't you
back the shit off, all right?
1183
01:00:53,107 --> 01:00:55,108
And stop with the inquisition.
1184
01:00:55,234 --> 01:00:56,484
That's how you talk?
1185
01:00:56,569 --> 01:00:58,403
You know what,
I don't have to answer to you.
1186
01:00:58,487 --> 01:01:00,029
You ain't my bitch.
1187
01:01:00,114 --> 01:01:01,656
Know what I saying?
1188
01:01:01,741 --> 01:01:04,033
So, shit, man. Fuck it.
1189
01:01:04,118 --> 01:01:06,161
You shouldn't even be
hanging out with this pervert.
1190
01:01:06,245 --> 01:01:08,371
I don't hang out with him.
I work with him and that's it.
1191
01:01:08,456 --> 01:01:10,123
I tried to introduce him
to a few nice people...
1192
01:01:10,207 --> 01:01:11,291
he made a fool of himself.
1193
01:01:11,375 --> 01:01:13,042
I don't mess with him, baby.
That's not me.
1194
01:01:13,127 --> 01:01:15,336
You should keep your ho
on a leash.
1195
01:01:15,421 --> 01:01:17,046
Bro, I can't let you...
Hey.
1196
01:01:17,131 --> 01:01:19,299
I can't let you be talking
to my woman like that, dawg.
1197
01:01:19,383 --> 01:01:21,551
Know what I'm saying?
Bitch is running wild, man.
1198
01:01:21,635 --> 01:01:24,846
You miss that ass?
That's the ass of a free man.
1199
01:01:24,930 --> 01:01:27,265
That ass is going out tonight,
maybe to a club.
1200
01:01:27,349 --> 01:01:28,933
Maybe to a night club.
1201
01:01:29,143 --> 01:01:30,435
Hey, Andy...
1202
01:01:30,519 --> 01:01:32,854
take a look at your pal.
Oh, my God.
1203
01:01:32,938 --> 01:01:35,482
Yeah, he's performing
a public colonoscopy.
1204
01:01:35,566 --> 01:01:36,941
Isn't that sweet?
1205
01:01:37,026 --> 01:01:38,526
I'm gonna send
David home for the day...
1206
01:01:38,611 --> 01:01:39,736
and you're gonna
fill in for him.
1207
01:01:39,820 --> 01:01:41,529
What? Selling things?
You got that right.
1208
01:01:41,614 --> 01:01:42,822
I don't think
that's a good idea.
1209
01:01:42,907 --> 01:01:44,407
And you're gonna have to
talk to people, too.
1210
01:01:44,492 --> 01:01:46,117
I know that's a frightening
concept to you...
1211
01:01:46,202 --> 01:01:47,410
but I think you can handle it.
1212
01:01:47,495 --> 01:01:49,245
So get out there
and start selling some shit.
1213
01:01:49,330 --> 01:01:50,663
...thing for Amy.
1214
01:01:50,998 --> 01:01:52,415
Hold it.
Check it out.
1215
01:01:52,500 --> 01:01:53,917
I miss her.
1216
01:01:56,796 --> 01:01:58,755
Dude, the floor's
the ultimate aphrodisiac.
1217
01:01:58,839 --> 01:02:00,590
All you got to do
is go make your pick now.
1218
01:02:00,674 --> 01:02:03,051
Come on, man.
Okay.
1219
01:02:03,844 --> 01:02:05,804
And you could act
a little enthused about it.
1220
01:02:05,888 --> 01:02:07,013
Yeah.
1221
01:02:08,390 --> 01:02:11,601
That's right. That's right.
Gazelle in the pink top.
1222
01:02:12,770 --> 01:02:14,437
Oh, shit.
Hi.
1223
01:02:14,522 --> 01:02:16,606
Looks like you're
checking out digital cameras.
1224
01:02:16,690 --> 01:02:18,608
You know what, he ain't going
to do it willingly.
1225
01:02:18,692 --> 01:02:21,486
No. We need to, like, really
facilitate things a bit more.
1226
01:02:21,570 --> 01:02:23,154
Yo, Andy.
Yeah.
1227
01:02:23,239 --> 01:02:24,697
What's up, dude?
This is Jay, man.
1228
01:02:24,782 --> 01:02:26,032
Hey, Jay.
1229
01:02:26,158 --> 01:02:27,575
I am throwing a party tonight.
1230
01:02:27,660 --> 01:02:29,369
It's gonna be real mellow,
just chilled up.
1231
01:02:29,453 --> 01:02:30,829
Now, you really
need to be there.
1232
01:02:30,913 --> 01:02:33,456
It's gonna be
really, really colorful.
1233
01:02:33,707 --> 01:02:35,041
Are you free?
1234
01:02:35,876 --> 01:02:36,960
Yeah, I think so.
1235
01:02:37,044 --> 01:02:39,420
That was a joke, m an.
I know you're free.
1236
01:02:39,713 --> 01:02:41,089
I'm okay.
Gotta go, man.
1237
01:02:41,173 --> 01:02:42,257
All right, bye.
1238
01:02:45,052 --> 01:02:47,178
So, tell me, Montel...
1239
01:02:47,555 --> 01:02:50,598
why weren't we invited to the
party? What are we, Al-Qaeda?
1240
01:02:50,683 --> 01:02:51,766
No, hold up.
1241
01:02:51,851 --> 01:02:54,018
No, no. It's not that
kind of party, y'all.
1242
01:02:54,103 --> 01:02:56,145
You're not coming to our
fucking party either, okay?
1243
01:02:56,230 --> 01:02:57,272
Fuck you, okay?
1244
01:02:57,356 --> 01:02:59,107
First of all,
it ain't that kind of party.
1245
01:02:59,191 --> 01:03:01,067
Go fuck a goat.
Yeah.
1246
01:03:01,193 --> 01:03:02,986
Why you always telling me
to fuck a goat, man?
1247
01:03:03,070 --> 01:03:04,112
Fuck a goat!
1248
01:03:20,671 --> 01:03:25,258
Hello?
1249
01:03:27,094 --> 01:03:28,261
Hello.
1250
01:03:29,889 --> 01:03:31,598
Hello. Hi.
1251
01:03:32,558 --> 01:03:35,101
Are you here for Jay's party?
Yes.
1252
01:03:35,477 --> 01:03:37,103
I am Jay's party.
1253
01:03:38,939 --> 01:03:42,025
You know what, hiring a transvestite
prostitute isn't helping me, man.
1254
01:03:42,109 --> 01:03:44,360
What? Ain't nobody hired
no damn transvestite.
1255
01:03:44,445 --> 01:03:45,486
What are you talking about?
1256
01:03:45,571 --> 01:03:47,363
She was really nice,
incidentally.
1257
01:03:47,448 --> 01:03:49,198
If that sister
was a transvestite...
1258
01:03:49,283 --> 01:03:51,367
that was the Mona Lisa
of transvestites.
1259
01:03:51,452 --> 01:03:53,328
You got a hummer
from the tranny, didn't you?
1260
01:03:53,412 --> 01:03:56,706
You know, aren't we owed one now?
'Cause technically we paid her.
1261
01:03:56,790 --> 01:03:58,124
She had a dick, man.
1262
01:03:58,208 --> 01:03:59,876
Do you guys even like me?
1263
01:03:59,960 --> 01:04:03,379
Or is this some sort of cruel
joke that you're all in on?
1264
01:04:03,464 --> 01:04:05,757
Because I'm not a freak.
I'm a good person.
1265
01:04:05,841 --> 01:04:09,344
I always thought that Matt Damon
was like a Streisand, but...
1266
01:04:09,970 --> 01:04:11,930
I think that he's rocking
the shit in this one.
1267
01:04:12,014 --> 01:04:13,723
Shut up, Dave!
1268
01:04:13,807 --> 01:04:17,685
Hold up. Let's just chill on
the aggression for a minute.
1269
01:04:18,103 --> 01:04:22,190
Look at him.
He is such a bad ass.
1270
01:04:22,816 --> 01:04:25,193
He looks
just like Luke Wilson.
1271
01:04:25,277 --> 01:04:26,277
Mmm-hmm.
1272
01:04:26,362 --> 01:04:28,071
So you saying
she was definitely a man?
1273
01:04:28,155 --> 01:04:29,197
Yes.
1274
01:04:29,281 --> 01:04:31,366
Okay, well, how do you know
that she was a man?
1275
01:04:31,450 --> 01:04:34,369
Because her hands were
as big as André the Giant's.
1276
01:04:34,787 --> 01:04:37,497
And she had an Adam's apple
as big as her balls.
1277
01:04:38,165 --> 01:04:39,666
So you have no proof.
1278
01:04:39,875 --> 01:04:41,709
You know what?
Just leave me alone.
1279
01:04:41,794 --> 01:04:43,836
Just stay away from me.
Or I'm gonna tell Paula...
1280
01:04:43,921 --> 01:04:45,838
that you're all stealing
the recordable CDs.
1281
01:04:46,507 --> 01:04:49,175
Come on. That's like
we were paid to do it.
1282
01:04:49,259 --> 01:04:51,302
We did this
'cause we're your friends...
1283
01:04:51,387 --> 01:04:54,138
and we didn't think you have
the balls to do it yourself.
1284
01:04:54,223 --> 01:04:55,515
Really?
Yeah.
1285
01:04:55,724 --> 01:04:57,058
Okay, watch this.
1286
01:04:57,267 --> 01:04:58,726
Yo, Andy,
it's just CDs, man.
1287
01:04:58,811 --> 01:05:00,687
That's a third strike
for me, dawg.
1288
01:05:24,294 --> 01:05:25,294
Hi.
1289
01:05:26,130 --> 01:05:28,256
Andy. Hi.
Right, yeah.
1290
01:05:28,424 --> 01:05:30,049
You remember my name.
I did.
1291
01:05:30,175 --> 01:05:32,635
How you doing? I'm
great. I like your store.
1292
01:05:32,720 --> 01:05:35,304
That's good, yeah. If you
have time, look around. It's...
1293
01:05:35,389 --> 01:05:36,472
Okay.
1294
01:05:36,890 --> 01:05:38,224
How's business been?
1295
01:05:38,308 --> 01:05:41,269
You know, it's coming along.
I mean, it takes a while.
1296
01:05:41,353 --> 01:05:44,397
Do you want to go out sometime? Yes.
1297
01:05:44,857 --> 01:05:47,316
Yes, I would like that.
That would be great.
1298
01:05:47,401 --> 01:05:51,154
I think I'm maybe free this
weekend, if that's okay.
1299
01:05:51,238 --> 01:05:54,032
Or you could call me tomorrow
and we can just firm it up.
1300
01:05:54,116 --> 01:05:55,658
Okay. Great.
Great.
1301
01:05:55,743 --> 01:05:59,328
Okay, so I'll call you,
and yeah, that'll be good.
1302
01:05:59,413 --> 01:06:00,872
How you doing?
Congratulations.
1303
01:06:00,956 --> 01:06:02,874
Okay, so I'll... Yeah.
1304
01:06:03,208 --> 01:06:04,500
Can I help you?
1305
01:06:04,585 --> 01:06:07,086
Yeah, these are wonderful.
I'll take these.
1306
01:06:07,254 --> 01:06:10,923
Thanks, they are. They're great.
The goldfish just crack me up.
1307
01:06:11,050 --> 01:06:12,050
Funny.
1308
01:06:12,134 --> 01:06:13,217
Yeah, they are.
Yeah.
1309
01:06:13,302 --> 01:06:14,510
Yeah.
They're cute.
1310
01:06:14,595 --> 01:06:17,764
I don't actually sell anything
here. I just sell them on eBay.
1311
01:06:18,474 --> 01:06:19,682
I don't get it.
1312
01:06:19,933 --> 01:06:20,933
Okay.
1313
01:06:21,101 --> 01:06:24,020
Can you help me?
No, you're on your own here.
1314
01:06:24,104 --> 01:06:27,273
Good luck to you, and to you.
And I'll give you a call.
1315
01:06:27,357 --> 01:06:30,359
Great. Nice to see you.
Great. Thanks for coming in.
1316
01:06:30,944 --> 01:06:31,944
Bye.
1317
01:06:32,696 --> 01:06:34,614
So, I guess I'll just
give you some money...
1318
01:06:34,698 --> 01:06:37,200
and you can give me
these shoes and...
1319
01:06:37,284 --> 01:06:39,994
You know,
I know it seems so strange...
1320
01:06:40,079 --> 01:06:42,747
Yes. I'd just rather buy them
from you straight up.
1321
01:06:42,831 --> 01:06:44,749
Yeah, I know. I wish it
could be that easy, but...
1322
01:06:44,833 --> 01:06:48,044
I wish, too, but you're making
it extremely difficult for me.
1323
01:06:48,128 --> 01:06:50,296
I'm just trying to get these
shoes back to my house...
1324
01:06:50,380 --> 01:06:51,631
so I can wear them.
1325
01:06:52,091 --> 01:06:53,633
I got a corpse in m y way.
1326
01:06:53,717 --> 01:06:54,884
Look out. Just kill it.
1327
01:06:54,968 --> 01:06:57,970
That's just so not fair
that you have blades and...
1328
01:06:58,138 --> 01:06:59,972
I'm telling you, man,
I feel great.
1329
01:07:00,057 --> 01:07:02,058
I'm so... It's like a
weight has been lifted.
1330
01:07:02,142 --> 01:07:05,728
Celibacy is the way to go, man.
Andy had it right, you know?
1331
01:07:05,813 --> 01:07:07,688
Look at him. He looks
younger than all of us...
1332
01:07:07,773 --> 01:07:09,023
but he's 10 years older.
1333
01:07:09,108 --> 01:07:11,609
Why? Because he's never had
a relationship.
1334
01:07:11,902 --> 01:07:14,529
No she-devil sucked
his life force out yet.
1335
01:07:30,921 --> 01:07:33,256
Hello?
Hey. Hi. Hello.
1336
01:07:33,632 --> 01:07:34,674
Is this Trish?
1337
01:07:35,634 --> 01:07:37,802
Who's calling, please?
This is Andy.
1338
01:07:37,886 --> 01:07:40,096
Hi, Andy.
Hi, how you doing?
1339
01:07:40,180 --> 01:07:43,141
I'm good. How're you doing?
I'm doing great.
1340
01:07:43,934 --> 01:07:45,184
So you're gay, now?
1341
01:07:45,269 --> 01:07:47,186
No, I'm not gay.
I'm just celibate.
1342
01:07:47,896 --> 01:07:49,897
I think...
I mean, that sounds gay.
1343
01:07:49,982 --> 01:07:52,859
I just want you to know that
this is the first conversation...
1344
01:07:52,943 --> 01:07:56,362
of three conversations
that leads to you being gay.
1345
01:07:56,822 --> 01:07:59,407
There's this and then in a
year it's like, "You know...
1346
01:07:59,491 --> 01:08:02,618
"I'm kind of going to wanna get back
out there, but I think I like guys. "
1347
01:08:02,703 --> 01:08:05,538
And then there's the big,
"I'm a gay guy now. "
1348
01:08:05,831 --> 01:08:08,249
You're gay for saying that.
I'm gay for saying that?
1349
01:08:08,375 --> 01:08:10,960
You know how I know you're gay?
How? How do you know I'm gay?
1350
01:08:11,044 --> 01:08:13,504
'Cause you macraméd yourself
a pair of jean shorts.
1351
01:08:13,589 --> 01:08:14,672
You know how I know
you're gay?
1352
01:08:14,756 --> 01:08:16,799
You just told me you're not
sleeping with women anymore.
1353
01:08:16,925 --> 01:08:18,467
You know how I know you're gay? How?
1354
01:08:18,552 --> 01:08:21,596
'Cause you're gay and you can
tell who other gay people are?
1355
01:08:21,722 --> 01:08:23,222
Do you know how I know you're gay? How?
1356
01:08:23,307 --> 01:08:24,765
You like Coldplay.
1357
01:08:25,475 --> 01:08:26,809
You're dead.
1358
01:08:28,228 --> 01:08:29,270
Come on.
1359
01:08:29,354 --> 01:08:31,314
Leave my torso alone
at least.
1360
01:08:32,191 --> 01:08:33,608
I also wanted to call...
1361
01:08:33,692 --> 01:08:36,402
and see what night
you might want to go out.
1362
01:08:36,570 --> 01:08:38,362
I'm actually free tonight.
1363
01:08:40,365 --> 01:08:43,743
Okay. Now, I was thinking maybe
this weekend, but that's good. Okay.
1364
01:08:43,827 --> 01:08:44,827
Great.
1365
01:08:44,912 --> 01:08:46,913
Okay, what time
do you want to pick me up?
1366
01:08:48,415 --> 01:08:49,749
Let's see.
1367
01:08:50,542 --> 01:08:54,128
That's actually kind of a
problem because I ride a bike.
1368
01:08:54,421 --> 01:08:55,796
That's cool.
Are you kidding m e?
1369
01:08:55,881 --> 01:08:57,673
I love getting on the back
of a motorcycle.
1370
01:08:57,758 --> 01:09:00,426
My boyfriend in college
drove a motorcycle.
1371
01:09:00,510 --> 01:09:02,303
So, I mean, I'm cool.
1372
01:09:02,387 --> 01:09:06,474
Yeah, I bet that was cool.
I ride a bicycle.
1373
01:09:07,601 --> 01:09:09,185
You know how I know
that you're gay?
1374
01:09:09,269 --> 01:09:10,353
How?
1375
01:09:10,437 --> 01:09:12,688
You like the movie
Maid in Manhattan.
1376
01:09:12,773 --> 01:09:14,273
You know how I know you're gay? How?
1377
01:09:14,358 --> 01:09:17,526
I saw you make a spinach dip in
a loaf of sourdough bread once.
1378
01:09:17,611 --> 01:09:19,362
You know how I know you're gay? How?
1379
01:09:19,446 --> 01:09:22,156
You have a rainbow bumper
sticker on your car that says:
1380
01:09:22,241 --> 01:09:24,450
"I love it
when balls are in my face. "
1381
01:09:24,534 --> 01:09:25,618
That's gay?
1382
01:09:25,702 --> 01:09:27,078
God damn it!
1383
01:09:27,454 --> 01:09:30,081
I'm ripping your head off
right now. It's off.
1384
01:09:30,165 --> 01:09:32,667
And now I'm throwing it
at your body.
1385
01:09:33,585 --> 01:09:34,627
Fuck you!
1386
01:09:36,004 --> 01:09:37,129
You guys...
1387
01:09:37,923 --> 01:09:40,091
she's picking me up
in an hour.
1388
01:09:41,134 --> 01:09:42,760
Oh, drag, dude.
1389
01:09:43,303 --> 01:09:45,554
She's picking you up from here? Yeah.
1390
01:09:45,639 --> 01:09:47,181
That's fucked up, man.
1391
01:09:47,266 --> 01:09:48,891
Why?
Why?
1392
01:09:49,601 --> 01:09:53,020
Seriously. I mean,
look at this place, man.
1393
01:09:53,563 --> 01:09:56,816
You gotta see this through
the eyes of a woman, you know?
1394
01:09:56,900 --> 01:09:59,235
What is she going to think
when she comes in here? Look.
1395
01:09:59,319 --> 01:10:01,737
He's got a billion toys.
So what?
1396
01:10:01,822 --> 01:10:04,573
And more video games
than a teenaged Asian kid.
1397
01:10:04,658 --> 01:10:06,200
It's all right.
1398
01:10:06,827 --> 01:10:09,662
Is that the
Six Million Dollar Man's boss?
1399
01:10:09,997 --> 01:10:11,122
It's Oscar Goldman.
1400
01:10:11,206 --> 01:10:13,416
Why do you have that?
That's worth a lot of money.
1401
01:10:13,500 --> 01:10:15,459
That's much more valuable
than Steve Austin.
1402
01:10:15,544 --> 01:10:19,797
Well, that may be the case. But
none of this shit is sexy, okay?
1403
01:10:19,881 --> 01:10:21,590
I'm not
trying to be sexy, man.
1404
01:10:21,675 --> 01:10:23,217
I mean, seriously, Asia?
1405
01:10:23,343 --> 01:10:25,136
You framed an Asia poster?
1406
01:10:25,220 --> 01:10:27,221
How hard did the people
at the frame store laugh...
1407
01:10:27,306 --> 01:10:29,307
when you brought this in?
They did not laugh at me.
1408
01:10:29,391 --> 01:10:31,267
Know why you're gay?
Because you like Asia.
1409
01:10:31,351 --> 01:10:32,601
You guys cool it
with the gay.
1410
01:10:32,686 --> 01:10:34,520
You know, she's on her way
over here, okay?
1411
01:10:34,604 --> 01:10:36,314
First, you relax, okay?
1412
01:10:36,398 --> 01:10:39,692
Just stop calming me down
and tell me what I should do.
1413
01:10:39,776 --> 01:10:41,944
Okay, we just take everything
that's embarrassing...
1414
01:10:42,029 --> 01:10:43,112
and we move it out of here.
1415
01:10:43,196 --> 01:10:45,197
So it doesn't look like
you live in Neverland Ranch.
1416
01:10:52,622 --> 01:10:53,831
Hi.
Hi. How are you?
1417
01:10:53,915 --> 01:10:54,957
Good.
1418
01:10:55,042 --> 01:10:57,001
So, you wanna head out?
1419
01:10:57,085 --> 01:10:58,961
Did you just
move in or something?
1420
01:10:59,046 --> 01:11:01,297
No. Actually I'm getting
new carpet in.
1421
01:11:01,381 --> 01:11:03,758
I'm having carpet
put in tomorrow, so...
1422
01:11:05,218 --> 01:11:06,469
Well, you know.
Yeah.
1423
01:11:06,553 --> 01:11:08,220
Okay.
Looks good with the floors.
1424
01:11:08,305 --> 01:11:09,722
Yeah.
All right.
1425
01:11:10,057 --> 01:11:11,515
I should tear up
the hard wood...
1426
01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:13,726
and see if there's
carpet underneath.
1427
01:11:13,810 --> 01:11:15,686
That's never the case.
1428
01:11:19,024 --> 01:11:20,649
This is gonna be fun.
Yes.
1429
01:11:20,734 --> 01:11:22,651
You know, I drive by
this place every day.
1430
01:11:22,736 --> 01:11:24,445
I've never been in
before.
1431
01:11:25,072 --> 01:11:26,322
I'm glad you came.
1432
01:11:26,406 --> 01:11:29,658
You know, I never really go
out with nice guys like you.
1433
01:11:30,577 --> 01:11:33,454
I think I've avoided nice guys
like you my whole life...
1434
01:11:33,538 --> 01:11:34,997
at my own peril.
1435
01:11:36,875 --> 01:11:38,501
My last boyfriend
drank a lot.
1436
01:11:38,585 --> 01:11:39,585
Mmm-hmm.
1437
01:11:39,669 --> 01:11:41,170
And so...
This is just punch.
1438
01:11:42,464 --> 01:11:44,256
No, it's okay.
A little bit's fine.
1439
01:11:44,341 --> 01:11:46,592
Buddha punch.
I need some Buddha.
1440
01:11:47,135 --> 01:11:49,595
Excuse me, miss.
Could you gather your team...
1441
01:11:49,679 --> 01:11:52,431
and sing happy birthday
for my daughter, please?
1442
01:12:10,867 --> 01:12:13,577
That was so good. What? That
was great. Happy birthday.
1443
01:12:13,662 --> 01:12:15,621
It's your birthday, too?
No.
1444
01:12:15,705 --> 01:12:17,790
It's his birthday, too.
No, no, no.
1445
01:12:17,874 --> 01:12:20,459
Could you sing for him
and bring him a cake?
1446
01:12:20,544 --> 01:12:22,044
Happy birthday.
1447
01:12:36,143 --> 01:12:38,519
Thanks a lot.
Happy birthday, Andy.
1448
01:12:54,703 --> 01:12:57,913
You really like kissing, don't you? Yes.
1449
01:13:00,667 --> 01:13:01,917
I really do.
1450
01:13:02,002 --> 01:13:03,752
Take off your pants,
okay?
1451
01:13:05,297 --> 01:13:06,630
Okay.
Okay.
1452
01:13:09,134 --> 01:13:11,469
Wow, this is really
gonna happen. Oh, yeah.
1453
01:13:11,553 --> 01:13:13,012
Thank God.
1454
01:13:14,431 --> 01:13:17,600
Okay, I'm taking off my pants. Yeah.
1455
01:13:17,976 --> 01:13:19,560
Do you need some help?
1456
01:13:19,811 --> 01:13:23,355
I think I almost got them.
It's hooked on my ankle.
1457
01:13:23,940 --> 01:13:25,524
Wow, that's...
1458
01:13:27,068 --> 01:13:28,903
Hey, wait.
Do you have protection?
1459
01:13:28,987 --> 01:13:30,654
I don't like guns.
1460
01:13:33,575 --> 01:13:35,117
That's funny.
1461
01:13:35,202 --> 01:13:37,536
I have condoms
right here. Okay?
1462
01:13:37,621 --> 01:13:39,455
Okay.
There's, you know...
1463
01:13:39,539 --> 01:13:42,625
Check the expiration date because
they were from when I was married.
1464
01:13:42,709 --> 01:13:45,503
And we didn't have sex that often.
That's why there are so many, okay?
1465
01:13:45,587 --> 01:13:46,712
Okay.
1466
01:13:51,051 --> 01:13:52,426
I got them.
1467
01:13:54,804 --> 01:13:56,430
How does this go?
1468
01:13:56,932 --> 01:14:01,644
Okay. "Roll over the tip
and down onto the base. "
1469
01:14:03,563 --> 01:14:05,105
Over the balls?
1470
01:14:05,857 --> 01:14:07,233
It doesn't say.
1471
01:14:10,278 --> 01:14:12,488
Do you mind
if I use your magnum?
1472
01:14:13,657 --> 01:14:14,657
Yeah.
1473
01:14:16,535 --> 01:14:18,494
Wow. You got to be kidding.
1474
01:14:19,454 --> 01:14:20,913
I am Aquaman.
1475
01:14:22,916 --> 01:14:24,375
What is that?
1476
01:14:42,435 --> 01:14:43,519
Mom?
1477
01:14:44,688 --> 01:14:45,938
What's going on here?
1478
01:14:46,022 --> 01:14:47,940
Who the hell are you?
It's Andy.
1479
01:14:48,024 --> 01:14:49,066
Hi, I'm Andy.
1480
01:14:49,150 --> 01:14:50,651
God! What are you doing?
1481
01:14:50,735 --> 01:14:52,736
Marla, get the fuck
out of my room!
1482
01:14:52,821 --> 01:14:53,862
You know what...
1483
01:14:53,947 --> 01:14:56,490
I cannot believe that you're
allowed to have sex when I'm not!
1484
01:14:56,575 --> 01:14:58,492
That is so unfair.
I'm gonna head out.
1485
01:14:58,577 --> 01:14:59,577
You should go.
1486
01:14:59,661 --> 01:15:02,621
Oh, Jesus! How many
times did you just do it?
1487
01:15:02,706 --> 01:15:03,831
Oh, my God!
1488
01:15:06,376 --> 01:15:07,835
I'm so sorry.
1489
01:15:14,759 --> 01:15:16,677
Dude, teach me.
1490
01:15:27,022 --> 01:15:27,980
Hotline.
1491
01:15:28,064 --> 01:15:31,567
Hi, yes, I'm calling because
it's more than four hours
1492
01:15:31,651 --> 01:15:34,695
and your ad said to call if
it's been more than four hours.
1493
01:15:34,779 --> 01:15:36,697
How much of the medicine
have you taken, sir?
1494
01:15:37,240 --> 01:15:40,117
I haven't taken any,
but your ad said
1495
01:15:40,201 --> 01:15:44,079
that if you've had an erection
for more than four hours, you call.
1496
01:15:44,205 --> 01:15:47,583
You're only supposed to call
if you've taken the m edicine.
1497
01:15:47,667 --> 01:15:51,045
Okay. I'm sorry. I must
not have heard that part.
1498
01:15:51,129 --> 01:15:53,589
Yes. If you haven't taken
the m edicine, you don't call.
1499
01:15:53,673 --> 01:15:55,716
Right. I'm sorry. Right.
1500
01:15:55,842 --> 01:15:58,052
So, there's nothing
you can do?
1501
01:15:58,511 --> 01:16:00,554
I just don't wanna...
There's nothing I can do.
1502
01:16:00,638 --> 01:16:01,722
I'm in Bom bay, India.
1503
01:16:01,806 --> 01:16:04,558
Okay. No, not you personally.
I just don't want...
1504
01:16:04,851 --> 01:16:06,727
I just don't want
to have an erection anymore.
1505
01:16:07,896 --> 01:16:10,064
You know,
you could have sex.
1506
01:16:10,190 --> 01:16:11,190
Okay. Yup.
1507
01:16:11,858 --> 01:16:15,694
That's one thing people do
when they have an erection.
1508
01:16:15,779 --> 01:16:18,322
Yeah, that's not an option.
I don't have sex.
1509
01:16:18,406 --> 01:16:20,741
Okay, well,
then you can m asturbate.
1510
01:16:20,825 --> 01:16:22,493
I'd rather not masturbate.
1511
01:16:22,577 --> 01:16:25,537
If you'd like the erection to
go away, you can light a m atch,
1512
01:16:25,622 --> 01:16:29,708
blow out the flame and put
the hot em ber on your wrist.
1513
01:16:30,418 --> 01:16:32,461
And that will focus
the brain elsewhere
1514
01:16:32,587 --> 01:16:35,130
and you will lose your
erection. Really? That'd work?
1515
01:16:35,215 --> 01:16:38,008
Take your finger
and flick your testicle
1516
01:16:38,093 --> 01:16:39,510
and if you do that
till it hurts
1517
01:16:39,594 --> 01:16:41,804
your erection will go away.
Okay, all right.
1518
01:16:41,888 --> 01:16:43,263
It sounds unpleasant
and it is.
1519
01:16:43,348 --> 01:16:45,057
It is a trick we use
in India.
1520
01:16:45,141 --> 01:16:48,894
Okay, those are all good pieces
of advice. I really appreciate it.
1521
01:16:48,978 --> 01:16:51,021
We appreciate your business.
1522
01:16:51,189 --> 01:16:53,232
Oh, no.
We didn't get your business...
1523
01:16:53,316 --> 01:16:56,777
No, not this time. I guess I didn't
need you this time. Thank you.
1524
01:17:25,306 --> 01:17:27,850
My goodness, Andy,
you are a terrific salesman.
1525
01:17:27,934 --> 01:17:30,227
Thank you.
Gosh, you really got it down.
1526
01:17:30,311 --> 01:17:32,146
Thanks.
And your numbers are good.
1527
01:17:32,230 --> 01:17:33,230
Thanks.
1528
01:17:33,314 --> 01:17:35,190
I'm going to put you out
on the floor full time.
1529
01:17:35,275 --> 01:17:36,233
Really?
Yeah.
1530
01:17:36,317 --> 01:17:37,317
Wow. Okay.
1531
01:17:37,402 --> 01:17:39,570
Good. We're gonna get you a
blue shirt and tie, all right?
1532
01:17:39,654 --> 01:17:40,696
Great. Thanks.
1533
01:17:40,780 --> 01:17:43,699
You know, Andy, I've been
thinking about your problem.
1534
01:17:43,783 --> 01:17:45,951
I think I might have
a solution for you.
1535
01:17:47,162 --> 01:17:50,247
You ever heard of the term
"fuck buddy"?
1536
01:17:52,000 --> 01:17:53,125
What?
1537
01:17:53,251 --> 01:17:55,711
It's a special friend
1538
01:17:56,671 --> 01:17:57,880
who you fuck.
1539
01:17:58,840 --> 01:18:00,924
No, haven't heard that term.
1540
01:18:01,009 --> 01:18:03,969
When I was a little girl,
I developed early.
1541
01:18:04,637 --> 01:18:07,681
By the time I was 14, I had
this body you're looking at.
1542
01:18:07,765 --> 01:18:10,851
Can you imagine that?
I don't want to, no.
1543
01:18:11,436 --> 01:18:14,480
Well, needless to say,
a lot of male attention.
1544
01:18:14,564 --> 01:18:15,731
Like men, yes.
1545
01:18:15,815 --> 01:18:19,818
Especially from our
Guatemalan gardener, Javier.
1546
01:18:19,986 --> 01:18:21,111
Okay.
1547
01:18:21,488 --> 01:18:23,197
You know, Javier,
1548
01:18:24,073 --> 01:18:28,869
before he made passionate yet
gentle love to me for the first time,
1549
01:18:30,205 --> 01:18:34,333
he serenaded me with a beautiful
old Guatemalan love song.
1550
01:18:34,417 --> 01:18:36,084
Really, that's...
1551
01:18:36,461 --> 01:18:38,837
That sounds nice.
1552
01:19:06,241 --> 01:19:07,324
Okay.
1553
01:19:08,952 --> 01:19:10,202
My goodness.
1554
01:19:10,495 --> 01:19:12,663
I think we better get
back to work. Yeah.
1555
01:19:12,789 --> 01:19:15,123
Yeah, I better go back to work. Yeah.
1556
01:19:15,208 --> 01:19:17,042
So, okay.
All right.
1557
01:19:17,126 --> 01:19:18,961
So, you mull it over
and I'll talk to you soon.
1558
01:19:19,087 --> 01:19:20,921
All right, I will. Thank you. Okay.
1559
01:19:26,010 --> 01:19:29,012
What's up, dawg? What happened?
How was the date with Trish?
1560
01:19:29,097 --> 01:19:31,390
It was a disaster.
Really?
1561
01:19:31,474 --> 01:19:34,268
Yes. I've never been
more embarrassed in my life.
1562
01:19:34,477 --> 01:19:36,520
Couldn't get the
condoms to work.
1563
01:19:36,604 --> 01:19:39,356
And one of them
exploded on my balls.
1564
01:19:39,691 --> 01:19:41,441
And then her kid
walked in the room.
1565
01:19:41,526 --> 01:19:42,526
Wait. Hold up.
1566
01:19:42,610 --> 01:19:44,027
She was hiding the kid
from you, dawg?
1567
01:19:44,112 --> 01:19:45,445
You know what,
it doesn't matter
1568
01:19:45,530 --> 01:19:47,864
because it was going downhill
straight from there.
1569
01:19:47,949 --> 01:19:50,117
Listen, you don't want
no baby-daddy drama.
1570
01:19:50,201 --> 01:19:51,410
Trust me on this one,
all right?
1571
01:19:51,494 --> 01:19:53,537
For all you know,
he in prison right now.
1572
01:19:53,621 --> 01:19:54,997
Let's say y'all
living together.
1573
01:19:55,081 --> 01:19:58,041
Next thing you know, you the one
going on the 1 st and the 15th
1574
01:19:58,126 --> 01:19:59,334
to pick up the
government check.
1575
01:19:59,419 --> 01:20:01,503
What if he got boys
that's on the outside
1576
01:20:01,588 --> 01:20:02,671
and they stalking you?
1577
01:20:02,755 --> 01:20:04,631
You see what I'm saying?
You got to think, partner...
1578
01:20:04,716 --> 01:20:06,383
What the fuck
are you talking about?
1579
01:20:06,467 --> 01:20:08,927
Here's what you do.
You tell her you're a virgin.
1580
01:20:09,012 --> 01:20:11,138
You test her
with this shit, okay?
1581
01:20:11,222 --> 01:20:13,974
Here, tell me. Tell me. This
is how it's gonna go. Tell me.
1582
01:20:14,058 --> 01:20:15,851
I'm a virgin.
Sweet.
1583
01:20:16,352 --> 01:20:19,771
I like that because
you don't have chlamydia.
1584
01:20:20,982 --> 01:20:23,734
And I know that,
and that shit is everywhere.
1585
01:20:24,277 --> 01:20:26,069
What if she
laughs at me, though?
1586
01:20:26,154 --> 01:20:28,322
Then you punch her in the
fucking head if she laughs.
1587
01:20:28,406 --> 01:20:30,949
I'm not going to punch her in
the head. She's really sweet.
1588
01:20:31,034 --> 01:20:34,578
No. I mean, you punch her in
her fucking head emotionally.
1589
01:20:34,662 --> 01:20:37,664
She's different. She's someone
I felt like I had
1590
01:20:37,749 --> 01:20:39,082
a connection with.
1591
01:20:39,167 --> 01:20:42,419
All you trying to do right now
is bust off this first nut.
1592
01:20:42,503 --> 01:20:45,005
You got a whole lot of semen
back up in you.
1593
01:20:45,089 --> 01:20:46,214
I am going to tell her.
1594
01:20:46,341 --> 01:20:48,133
You should totally tell
her, man. I'm going to.
1595
01:20:48,217 --> 01:20:50,427
'Cause I watched this movie
called Liar Liar
1596
01:20:50,511 --> 01:20:53,180
and the message was,
"Don't lie. "
1597
01:20:53,264 --> 01:20:54,931
And that was a smart movie.
1598
01:20:55,016 --> 01:20:56,516
Yeah, that's the right thing.
Yeah.
1599
01:20:57,268 --> 01:21:01,188
Really? All your girlfriends wanted
to have sex with virgins, too?
1600
01:21:01,856 --> 01:21:05,484
That's funny. I didn't even
know you girls talked like that.
1601
01:21:06,110 --> 01:21:09,237
I think my first time
might be your best time, too.
1602
01:21:10,073 --> 01:21:11,448
Well, I knew it.
You know what,
1603
01:21:11,532 --> 01:21:14,618
I knew that you'd react
that way and I knew that,
1604
01:21:14,869 --> 01:21:19,373
you would want to lead me
through my first sexual encounter
1605
01:21:19,666 --> 01:21:24,169
with all the compassion
and care that someone
1606
01:21:24,420 --> 01:21:26,046
would give to their soul mate.
1607
01:21:26,130 --> 01:21:28,006
Oh, my God. I'm in trouble.
1608
01:21:31,302 --> 01:21:32,511
Hey, Andy.
1609
01:21:33,179 --> 01:21:34,805
You watching Survivor tonight?
1610
01:21:34,889 --> 01:21:37,349
No, actually I'm going out
to dinner with somebody.
1611
01:21:37,433 --> 01:21:38,433
Hi.
1612
01:21:38,851 --> 01:21:39,893
This is her.
1613
01:21:39,936 --> 01:21:41,978
Trish, this is Joe and Sara. Hi.
1614
01:21:42,063 --> 01:21:43,355
Hi, Trish.
Hey.
1615
01:21:43,439 --> 01:21:44,981
But tape it for me,
okay?
1616
01:21:45,066 --> 01:21:46,692
Will do. All right.
Thanks.
1617
01:21:46,818 --> 01:21:47,943
So long.
Bye-bye.
1618
01:21:48,027 --> 01:21:49,695
See you later.
Have a good night.
1619
01:21:49,779 --> 01:21:52,197
Yeah, my man's gonna
get it on tonight.
1620
01:21:52,281 --> 01:21:53,240
Yes, sir.
1621
01:21:53,324 --> 01:21:55,867
Yeah, and you better
get on me, too.
1622
01:21:56,160 --> 01:21:58,036
What is wrong
with this woman?
1623
01:21:58,121 --> 01:21:59,413
Mercy, mercy, mercy.
1624
01:22:05,712 --> 01:22:07,379
I'm so sorry that happened
the other night.
1625
01:22:07,463 --> 01:22:08,505
No, I'm sorry.
1626
01:22:08,589 --> 01:22:10,257
Oh, my God.
That was me.
1627
01:22:10,341 --> 01:22:11,341
No.
1628
01:22:12,051 --> 01:22:14,761
Let me... I have something
I want to tell you.
1629
01:22:15,638 --> 01:22:17,597
Kind of hard to talk about.
1630
01:22:18,558 --> 01:22:19,558
But...
1631
01:22:20,309 --> 01:22:23,311
you know,
there are certain things...
1632
01:22:23,646 --> 01:22:26,022
about who I am that...
1633
01:22:26,524 --> 01:22:29,526
I'm sorry. I just have
to get this off my chest.
1634
01:22:29,610 --> 01:22:32,320
I am so sorry,
I didn't tell you I had kids.
1635
01:22:33,030 --> 01:22:34,865
Yeah, what was that about?
1636
01:22:34,949 --> 01:22:37,325
Gosh. You know,
that really surprised me.
1637
01:22:40,163 --> 01:22:42,080
No, you should have
told me probably, but...
1638
01:22:42,165 --> 01:22:43,165
I'm sorry. I know.
1639
01:22:43,249 --> 01:22:45,333
What do I care
if you have a kid?
1640
01:22:45,835 --> 01:22:47,502
Well, I have two kids.
1641
01:22:48,337 --> 01:22:50,756
Wow. Okay.
How old are they?
1642
01:22:51,758 --> 01:22:52,841
Six.
1643
01:22:53,551 --> 01:22:54,801
Sixteen.
1644
01:22:55,261 --> 01:22:56,636
Twenty-one.
1645
01:22:57,513 --> 01:22:58,847
Forty-two.
1646
01:22:59,724 --> 01:23:01,641
Fifty-six. How many kids
do you have?
1647
01:23:01,726 --> 01:23:03,560
I have three.
Okay, three.
1648
01:23:03,644 --> 01:23:05,604
Yeah, and one of them has a kid.
1649
01:23:05,688 --> 01:23:07,022
A one-year-old.
1650
01:23:07,356 --> 01:23:09,065
That's cool. That's great.
1651
01:23:11,068 --> 01:23:14,571
I'm really glad we're
doing this. Me, too.
1652
01:23:18,951 --> 01:23:20,494
Listen, Andy...
1653
01:23:20,870 --> 01:23:23,872
I don't want to send you running
for the hills or anything, but...
1654
01:23:23,956 --> 01:23:28,668
I really feel like if we
decide to do this again, then...
1655
01:23:30,797 --> 01:23:34,049
maybe we should hold off on
the physical part for a while.
1656
01:23:35,927 --> 01:23:38,261
That is a fantastic idea.
1657
01:23:39,055 --> 01:23:40,514
Why didn't I think of that?
1658
01:23:40,598 --> 01:23:41,807
Really?
Totally.
1659
01:23:41,891 --> 01:23:45,185
No sex?
No. Why do that?
1660
01:23:45,269 --> 01:23:47,062
Because here's the thing.
1661
01:23:47,230 --> 01:23:48,396
From personal experience...
1662
01:23:48,481 --> 01:23:51,149
I found that sex can
really complicate things.
1663
01:23:51,234 --> 01:23:54,319
And what we should be doing right
now is getting to know each other.
1664
01:23:54,403 --> 01:23:55,403
Yeah.
1665
01:23:55,780 --> 01:23:57,781
Well, I never thought
you'd go for it.
1666
01:23:57,865 --> 01:23:59,241
I'm going for it.
1667
01:23:59,325 --> 01:24:02,244
Well, that just
is a great, great notion.
1668
01:24:03,204 --> 01:24:04,287
Are you serious?
1669
01:24:04,372 --> 01:24:07,165
Look at my face.
Look at how serious I am.
1670
01:24:07,458 --> 01:24:09,167
Can you see my nostrils?
1671
01:24:09,252 --> 01:24:11,086
Yes.
That's serious.
1672
01:24:11,295 --> 01:24:12,754
That's more angry.
1673
01:24:13,214 --> 01:24:15,423
Yeah, you know what,
most guys would be saying:
1674
01:24:15,508 --> 01:24:18,718
"Yeah," right now, but, like,
by the third date, it would be:
1675
01:24:18,803 --> 01:24:22,347
"Hey, baby, I really need to
physically express how I feel"...
1676
01:24:22,431 --> 01:24:24,766
and all that stuff.
Well, hey, baby...
1677
01:24:24,851 --> 01:24:27,936
you know, three dates...
Make it 10, 10 dates.
1678
01:24:29,814 --> 01:24:31,106
How about 15?
1679
01:24:31,190 --> 01:24:34,943
Fifteen. Screw your 15.
20 dates.
1680
01:24:35,194 --> 01:24:37,279
Okay, 20 dates.
Twenty dates.
1681
01:24:37,697 --> 01:24:39,906
Okay.
This is genius.
1682
01:24:40,283 --> 01:24:41,616
It's gonna hurt.
1683
01:24:43,619 --> 01:24:45,620
Not as much as you think.
1684
01:24:47,331 --> 01:24:49,457
We can really get to know
each other this way.
1685
01:24:49,542 --> 01:24:50,542
Yeah.
1686
01:24:50,960 --> 01:24:53,545
This is one, right?
No, next one.
1687
01:24:59,552 --> 01:25:01,386
Is it safe to come in,
or are you guys doing it?
1688
01:25:01,470 --> 01:25:03,138
Honey, it's safe.
1689
01:25:05,641 --> 01:25:06,641
Great.
1690
01:25:06,726 --> 01:25:08,393
Well, good timing.
1691
01:25:08,728 --> 01:25:10,395
Yeah.
You remember Marla.
1692
01:25:10,479 --> 01:25:13,398
Hi, we met. And this is
my little bunny rabbit.
1693
01:25:13,482 --> 01:25:14,900
Julia.
Hey.
1694
01:25:14,984 --> 01:25:17,360
This is Andy.
Julia, how you doing?
1695
01:25:18,321 --> 01:25:21,907
You know what, do you
by any chance like magic?
1696
01:25:22,366 --> 01:25:24,868
Yeah.
I thought that you might.
1697
01:25:24,952 --> 01:25:26,411
Because I noticed
on the way in...
1698
01:25:26,495 --> 01:25:29,080
that you had something shiny
behind your ear.
1699
01:25:29,165 --> 01:25:31,583
Marla, did you see that?
Something behind her ear?
1700
01:25:31,667 --> 01:25:33,168
You think you do?
Could I check?
1701
01:25:33,252 --> 01:25:35,545
Do you mind if I check
behind your ear?
1702
01:25:35,796 --> 01:25:37,130
Big money!
1703
01:25:38,591 --> 01:25:41,259
That's amazing.
Wow, it is amazing.
1704
01:25:41,344 --> 01:25:43,428
There's something else, too,
behind your ear, I think.
1705
01:25:43,512 --> 01:25:46,139
No, actually it's not behind
your ear. I think it is your ear.
1706
01:25:46,223 --> 01:25:47,223
Rip!
1707
01:25:47,308 --> 01:25:50,769
It is your ear.
There is your ear.
1708
01:25:50,853 --> 01:25:52,145
I ripped it off.
1709
01:25:52,229 --> 01:25:53,772
Gross!
Yeah, that's...
1710
01:25:53,856 --> 01:25:56,816
All right. Wait. Okay,
but that means that you...
1711
01:25:56,901 --> 01:25:59,861
walk around with a rubber ear
in your pocket all day?
1712
01:26:00,863 --> 01:26:02,572
Yeah, like half the time.
1713
01:26:02,865 --> 01:26:04,699
You know, I can come
to your high school...
1714
01:26:04,784 --> 01:26:06,743
and do it for your friends
if you want.
1715
01:26:06,827 --> 01:26:08,620
You know what,
I should head out.
1716
01:26:08,704 --> 01:26:10,038
Really?
Yeah.
1717
01:26:10,122 --> 01:26:11,998
I have to give you
a ride home.
1718
01:26:12,083 --> 01:26:13,291
Right. Yes, you do.
1719
01:26:13,376 --> 01:26:15,627
Yeah, 'cause you don't have
a car or anything, right?
1720
01:26:15,711 --> 01:26:17,253
Right, I don't have a car.
1721
01:26:17,338 --> 01:26:19,965
'Cause he doesn't have a car,
and he does magic.
1722
01:26:20,299 --> 01:26:21,383
Awesome.
1723
01:26:21,550 --> 01:26:24,135
And sarcasm is like
a second language to me.
1724
01:26:24,220 --> 01:26:26,304
So, I'm right there with you.
1725
01:26:29,183 --> 01:26:30,558
But, Dad,
1726
01:26:31,310 --> 01:26:34,604
I don't know how to love.
1727
01:26:35,481 --> 01:26:36,982
You never
1728
01:26:37,066 --> 01:26:41,111
taught me how...
1729
01:26:44,448 --> 01:26:46,324
Hello.
Hey, Cal.
1730
01:26:46,492 --> 01:26:48,702
Hey.
I just got back from a date.
1731
01:26:48,786 --> 01:26:50,912
Did you tell her
you're a virgin?
1732
01:26:51,247 --> 01:26:53,373
No. I haven't gotten
to that yet.
1733
01:26:53,457 --> 01:26:55,667
Really?
Are you having sex right now?
1734
01:26:55,876 --> 01:26:58,086
No. She was incredible.
1735
01:26:58,421 --> 01:27:00,672
She was amazing.
She didn't pressure me.
1736
01:27:00,756 --> 01:27:03,758
And she has three kids.
1737
01:27:03,843 --> 01:27:05,844
And one of her kids
has a kid.
1738
01:27:08,097 --> 01:27:09,347
You all right?
1739
01:27:09,765 --> 01:27:14,019
Did you just say she has three
kids, one of whom has a kid?
1740
01:27:14,103 --> 01:27:16,563
Yeah.
So, so, she's a grandm a?
1741
01:27:16,772 --> 01:27:17,731
No.
1742
01:27:17,815 --> 01:27:19,566
I'm not a doctor
or anything like that
1743
01:27:19,650 --> 01:27:21,818
but she's a fucking grandma.
1744
01:27:22,653 --> 01:27:24,237
Yeah, whatever, you know.
1745
01:27:24,321 --> 01:27:25,697
She's the hottest grandma
I ever saw.
1746
01:27:25,781 --> 01:27:27,198
Yeah, she is.
She's a hot grandm a.
1747
01:27:27,283 --> 01:27:30,035
That's a good-looking grandma. My
grandma looks like Jack Palance.
1748
01:27:30,119 --> 01:27:31,119
Well, she's no Jack Palance.
1749
01:27:31,203 --> 01:27:32,912
No. If Jack Palance
looked like that lady,
1750
01:27:32,997 --> 01:27:34,956
I would want to
fuck Jack Palance right now.
1751
01:27:35,041 --> 01:27:36,082
Yeah, me, too.
1752
01:27:36,625 --> 01:27:37,751
She's a hot grandma.
1753
01:27:37,835 --> 01:27:39,711
Heck, yeah.
No, do a grandm a, m an.
1754
01:27:39,795 --> 01:27:42,589
You should fuck her
on her plastic-covered couch.
1755
01:27:43,340 --> 01:27:45,383
Fuck her while she watches
Murder, She Wrote.
1756
01:27:45,468 --> 01:27:47,052
She would probably find that
very erotic.
1757
01:27:47,136 --> 01:27:48,344
Yeah, whatever, you know.
1758
01:27:48,429 --> 01:27:51,931
Fuck her and then have her send you
a check for $12 on your birthday.
1759
01:27:52,600 --> 01:27:54,851
I'm the dude
with the hot granny.
1760
01:27:56,062 --> 01:27:58,021
What did you want to
talk to me about?
1761
01:27:58,105 --> 01:27:59,814
Well, Andy,
the numbers just came in...
1762
01:27:59,899 --> 01:28:03,610
and you are by far
our best salesman.
1763
01:28:03,986 --> 01:28:06,321
So, I am promoting you
to floor manager.
1764
01:28:06,739 --> 01:28:08,573
This is the bullshit
of all bullshits!
1765
01:28:08,657 --> 01:28:10,617
You scumbag! Ass kisser!
1766
01:28:12,953 --> 01:28:14,662
Thank you. That's great.
1767
01:28:14,997 --> 01:28:18,708
I understand you have a girlfriend.
Yeah, kind of seeing somebody.
1768
01:28:19,168 --> 01:28:21,795
I'm very happy for you.
Thanks. She's great.
1769
01:28:21,921 --> 01:28:23,546
Are you still a virgin?
1770
01:28:24,673 --> 01:28:26,091
You know, I don't really...
1771
01:28:26,175 --> 01:28:28,093
talk about my personal life.
You're a virgin.
1772
01:28:28,177 --> 01:28:29,511
Yes, I am.
Yeah.
1773
01:28:30,888 --> 01:28:32,639
My door is always open.
1774
01:28:33,224 --> 01:28:35,016
So to speak.
Great.
1775
01:28:36,519 --> 01:28:37,894
Great. Thank you.
1776
01:28:38,395 --> 01:28:40,355
I'm very discreet.
1777
01:28:43,192 --> 01:28:45,610
But I'll haunt your dreams.
1778
01:28:47,530 --> 01:28:48,863
Okay.
Okay.
1779
01:28:54,203 --> 01:28:55,620
Wow.
1780
01:28:57,498 --> 01:29:01,543
So who's gonna take my job? Cal
will be taking over your job.
1781
01:29:01,627 --> 01:29:03,461
And he's interviewing people
right now...
1782
01:29:03,546 --> 01:29:04,796
for his old job.
1783
01:29:04,880 --> 01:29:06,923
So, have you ever worked
with electronics before?
1784
01:29:07,007 --> 01:29:08,133
No.
No?
1785
01:29:08,384 --> 01:29:11,594
But I have electronics
in my home.
1786
01:29:12,680 --> 01:29:16,641
Perfect. That's the job pretty
much. You're very well-qualified.
1787
01:29:17,268 --> 01:29:18,810
More than these other losers.
1788
01:29:20,354 --> 01:29:22,981
I could do that...
Wait, last thing.
1789
01:29:23,065 --> 01:29:25,108
I'm also gonna need that
extended warranty on it...
1790
01:29:25,192 --> 01:29:27,527
for the price of
"on the house. "
1791
01:29:29,488 --> 01:29:30,780
That I can't do.
1792
01:29:30,865 --> 01:29:33,533
Hey, don't be a Negro. Be my
nigger. All right? Help me out.
1793
01:29:33,617 --> 01:29:35,702
Hold up.
I ain't nobody's nigger.
1794
01:29:36,662 --> 01:29:39,414
I mean, you somebody's nigger
wearing this nigger tie.
1795
01:29:39,498 --> 01:29:40,999
Now you being condescending.
1796
01:29:41,083 --> 01:29:44,586
See, you've been warned, all
right? Just move forward amicably.
1797
01:29:44,670 --> 01:29:46,004
Okay. Well, check this out.
1798
01:29:46,088 --> 01:29:48,173
First of all, you're throwing
too many big words at me.
1799
01:29:48,257 --> 01:29:49,966
Okay, now because
I don't understand them...
1800
01:29:50,050 --> 01:29:51,509
I'm gonna take them
as disrespect.
1801
01:29:51,594 --> 01:29:53,928
Watch your mouth,
and help me with the sale.
1802
01:29:54,013 --> 01:29:56,681
Okay, see, now you
found yourself a nigger.
1803
01:29:56,765 --> 01:29:59,601
You were looking for a nigger?
Nigger here now. See?
1804
01:29:59,685 --> 01:30:02,979
Today's forecast: Dark and
cloudy, and chance of drive-by.
1805
01:30:03,272 --> 01:30:05,148
You want to go?
I suggest you move back.
1806
01:30:05,232 --> 01:30:06,858
Then, nig, fire on.
1807
01:30:06,942 --> 01:30:08,234
What are we gonna do?
1808
01:30:08,777 --> 01:30:11,529
What are you gonna do,
Mr. Floor Manager?
1809
01:30:12,948 --> 01:30:14,157
Go, get them, tiger.
1810
01:30:14,241 --> 01:30:15,867
This shit just got rigged.
1811
01:30:15,951 --> 01:30:17,869
What are you gonna do, bitch?
I'll tell you what.
1812
01:30:17,953 --> 01:30:19,871
You know Luca Perry
from 20th and 25th?
1813
01:30:19,955 --> 01:30:21,706
You ever heard of,
Rolling 20s, nigger?
1814
01:30:21,790 --> 01:30:24,167
Since I was 16, nigger,
I'm saying "frosty. "
1815
01:30:24,251 --> 01:30:25,877
You know what I'm saying,
"spoon", nigger.
1816
01:30:25,961 --> 01:30:27,629
We fucked dwarfs in the ass.
1817
01:30:27,713 --> 01:30:29,631
Nigger, this dwarf here
don't got to be tall...
1818
01:30:29,715 --> 01:30:31,466
to pull the trigger off
in somebody face!
1819
01:30:31,592 --> 01:30:33,801
Come on nigger, back
up. What's up? Hey...
1820
01:30:33,886 --> 01:30:35,094
Welcome to Smart Tech.
1821
01:30:35,179 --> 01:30:36,554
Is this your boy?
What can I help you with?
1822
01:30:36,639 --> 01:30:38,348
Yeah, nigger,
we will both mash you!
1823
01:30:38,432 --> 01:30:40,141
How can we help you, sir?
Nigger, what?
1824
01:30:40,225 --> 01:30:42,560
No, he don't need no help.
He's already been served.
1825
01:30:42,645 --> 01:30:45,521
I served him. He's taken care of.
He's a little slow, but he got it.
1826
01:30:45,606 --> 01:30:48,274
See, what he thought was he can
come up in here and make the rules.
1827
01:30:48,359 --> 01:30:50,735
But now he see that Jay
make the rules at Smart Tech
1828
01:30:50,819 --> 01:30:53,696
that I run this bitch
and now he bought the bounce.
1829
01:30:55,074 --> 01:30:56,240
This your boy?
1830
01:30:56,367 --> 01:30:58,910
Yeah, that's my boy.
We represent Smart Tech.
1831
01:30:58,994 --> 01:31:00,411
You just got
fucked up with him.
1832
01:31:00,496 --> 01:31:03,039
Both y'all niggers going get
clapped up when I get back.
1833
01:31:04,083 --> 01:31:05,333
Both of you all niggers.
1834
01:31:05,417 --> 01:31:07,543
What did I do?
It don't fucking matter!
1835
01:31:07,795 --> 01:31:10,964
Yeah, aim high, Willis.
Aim high!
1836
01:31:11,048 --> 01:31:12,507
Please don't do this.
1837
01:31:13,467 --> 01:31:15,468
Jay, what's going on?
1838
01:31:17,638 --> 01:31:18,930
Jill broke up with me.
1839
01:31:19,014 --> 01:31:21,516
I'm so sorry.
What happened?
1840
01:31:21,767 --> 01:31:23,851
I came home a little tipsy.
1841
01:31:24,144 --> 01:31:26,521
And I had one of my condoms
on still.
1842
01:31:28,565 --> 01:31:31,859
Woke up the next morning and
jumped in the shower with her.
1843
01:31:32,528 --> 01:31:34,445
I don't know
what I was thinking.
1844
01:31:34,530 --> 01:31:35,738
Why did you cheat on her?
1845
01:31:35,823 --> 01:31:38,116
Because I'm insecure!
You can't tell?
1846
01:31:38,200 --> 01:31:40,576
I know, man.
It's gonna be okay.
1847
01:31:40,661 --> 01:31:42,787
I'm cold.
It's gonna be all right, man.
1848
01:31:42,871 --> 01:31:44,497
Seriously, man, I'm sorry.
1849
01:31:44,790 --> 01:31:46,499
I apologize to you. I know.
1850
01:31:46,583 --> 01:31:48,418
If you wanna have
a meaningful relationship...
1851
01:31:48,502 --> 01:31:50,712
you've got to leave the sex
out of it, man. You're right.
1852
01:31:50,796 --> 01:31:51,963
It's all right. You're good.
1853
01:31:52,047 --> 01:31:53,881
I'm sorry. Come here.
I love you, man.
1854
01:31:53,966 --> 01:31:55,466
Man, I love you, too.
1855
01:31:56,677 --> 01:31:58,344
You're a good guy.
1856
01:32:00,472 --> 01:32:02,890
Do you know how I know
you guys are gay?
1857
01:32:02,975 --> 01:32:05,393
You're holding each other
ever so gently.
1858
01:32:05,477 --> 01:32:06,477
CabrĂ³n.
1859
01:32:12,985 --> 01:32:14,068
Bravo.
1860
01:32:14,570 --> 01:32:16,154
At least he can cook, Mom.
1861
01:32:16,530 --> 01:32:20,241
? playing)
1862
01:32:20,325 --> 01:32:22,952
I love... Spiderman.
1863
01:32:36,258 --> 01:32:38,509
Pull out slowly
and go straight ahead.
1864
01:33:07,122 --> 01:33:08,289
I'm all right.
1865
01:33:08,791 --> 01:33:09,916
Nobody's there.
1866
01:33:10,084 --> 01:33:12,335
I want to know
everything about you.
1867
01:33:12,419 --> 01:33:13,461
I want to tell you.
1868
01:33:13,545 --> 01:33:14,545
You do?
Yeah.
1869
01:33:14,630 --> 01:33:17,465
Like, what do you want to do?
What are your dreams?
1870
01:33:17,883 --> 01:33:20,885
You don't wanna work at Smart
Tech for the rest of your life.
1871
01:33:21,470 --> 01:33:23,554
I've been working there
for a long time.
1872
01:33:23,639 --> 01:33:27,308
And I've been thinking lately that
maybe I should open my own store.
1873
01:33:27,601 --> 01:33:28,643
Really?
Yeah.
1874
01:33:28,727 --> 01:33:32,146
What kind of store?
Well, like a stereo store.
1875
01:33:32,231 --> 01:33:34,565
Oh, my God, that is...
Why don't you do that?
1876
01:33:34,650 --> 01:33:36,317
I don't have enough money
to do that.
1877
01:33:36,401 --> 01:33:37,860
What about those collectibles?
1878
01:33:37,945 --> 01:33:40,196
I bet if you sold those,
you could make a lot of money.
1879
01:33:40,280 --> 01:33:44,117
I just sold a guy's G. I. Joe
for $1,000.
1880
01:33:44,451 --> 01:33:45,910
Really?
Do you have any of those?
1881
01:33:45,994 --> 01:33:47,120
Yeah.
You do?
1882
01:33:47,204 --> 01:33:48,246
I have 47 of them.
1883
01:33:48,330 --> 01:33:49,497
No, you don't.
1884
01:33:49,623 --> 01:33:51,582
Yeah, in their original boxes. You do?
1885
01:33:51,667 --> 01:33:53,751
I could help you
sell them on eBay.
1886
01:33:53,836 --> 01:33:56,921
I would not take a commission,
I swear to God.
1887
01:33:57,005 --> 01:34:00,091
You could do it.
You could totally pull it off.
1888
01:34:01,552 --> 01:34:03,594
Yeah, let's do it.
Let's do it.
1889
01:34:21,738 --> 01:34:22,947
Aquaman.
1890
01:34:23,365 --> 01:34:24,490
Here.
1891
01:34:24,950 --> 01:34:26,325
Clothes on.
1892
01:34:28,120 --> 01:34:30,037
I'll send you off to...
1893
01:34:31,081 --> 01:34:34,000
a farm with lots of land.
1894
01:34:34,084 --> 01:34:36,878
So, you and other Aquamen
can run around...
1895
01:34:38,005 --> 01:34:40,464
and play in the Aquafields.
1896
01:34:50,684 --> 01:34:52,727
Godspeed, Col. Steve Austin.
1897
01:34:55,147 --> 01:34:57,565
You don't wanna go, do you?
Okay, you can stay.
1898
01:34:57,649 --> 01:34:59,525
Steve Austin can stay.
1899
01:35:03,197 --> 01:35:04,989
Hey, Cal. David.
1900
01:35:05,199 --> 01:35:07,408
Way to sell a big TV.
1901
01:35:07,492 --> 01:35:08,993
She likes you, man.
1902
01:35:09,203 --> 01:35:11,204
Too bad I retired my penis.
1903
01:35:11,496 --> 01:35:14,707
Mooj, we try to be fair with
the schedule but it's hard.
1904
01:35:14,875 --> 01:35:18,419
Okay, but why every damn schedule
comes up, I get most early shift?
1905
01:35:18,503 --> 01:35:21,339
It's bullshit. Nobody buys
stereo at 10:00 in the morning.
1906
01:35:21,423 --> 01:35:22,465
No, I understand.
1907
01:35:22,549 --> 01:35:25,468
People buy stereo
between 6:00 and 8:00.
1908
01:35:25,552 --> 01:35:26,552
Mmm-hmm.
1909
01:35:26,637 --> 01:35:30,097
Rich men get off work,
then buy stereo.
1910
01:35:30,182 --> 01:35:32,683
Right.
Not after fucking brunch.
1911
01:35:32,768 --> 01:35:34,393
Okay.
Here's what we're gonna do.
1912
01:35:34,478 --> 01:35:37,063
I'm going to give you
a couple of Jay's shifts.
1913
01:35:37,189 --> 01:35:39,774
And then I'll give you a
couple of mine and that way
1914
01:35:39,858 --> 01:35:43,027
we'll all be equal, okay.
Thank you, Andy.
1915
01:35:43,362 --> 01:35:44,487
It's okay.
1916
01:35:44,863 --> 01:35:46,447
You're a good man, Andy.
1917
01:35:48,617 --> 01:35:51,535
By the way,
what date are you on, now?
1918
01:35:51,912 --> 01:35:54,497
I think it's around 17.
1919
01:35:54,581 --> 01:35:57,333
It's hard to tell what actually
constitutes a date, though.
1920
01:35:57,417 --> 01:36:01,295
Three to go. So that means you're
gonna have sex in three days.
1921
01:36:02,005 --> 01:36:04,382
Maybe, I might try to
space them out a little bit.
1922
01:36:04,466 --> 01:36:07,009
I'll pray for your cock.
Okay, thanks.
1923
01:36:07,219 --> 01:36:09,262
Thanks. Thank you.
Have a good cocky.
1924
01:36:09,429 --> 01:36:12,014
Trish is on the phone.
Here is a shock.
1925
01:36:12,099 --> 01:36:14,058
Girlfriend with a problem.
Hello.
1926
01:36:14,267 --> 01:36:16,477
I have done everything
but sex!
1927
01:36:16,561 --> 01:36:19,021
I'm a wom an, okay?
Deal with it!
1928
01:36:19,106 --> 01:36:21,190
I'm gonna start
taking you back to church.
1929
01:36:21,274 --> 01:36:23,192
We are gonna start
going to church.
1930
01:36:23,276 --> 01:36:24,777
Hello?
You know what?
1931
01:36:24,861 --> 01:36:26,195
What the hell
are you talking about?
1932
01:36:26,279 --> 01:36:28,906
Oh, my God, I cannot believe
this. Thank God you're here.
1933
01:36:28,991 --> 01:36:32,034
Jesus Christ. Marla locked
herself in the bathroom.
1934
01:36:32,119 --> 01:36:33,035
What happened?
1935
01:36:33,120 --> 01:36:34,870
She wants to go
to the family health clinic.
1936
01:36:34,955 --> 01:36:36,998
She wants birth control.
But she's too young.
1937
01:36:37,082 --> 01:36:40,251
I want to have sex with my
boyfriend! But I can't, Mom!
1938
01:36:40,335 --> 01:36:41,627
So, you want me
to take her?
1939
01:36:41,670 --> 01:36:43,754
No, I don't want you to
take her. Okay, all right.
1940
01:36:43,839 --> 01:36:46,674
I want her to keep it in her
pants until she gets to college.
1941
01:36:46,758 --> 01:36:47,800
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1942
01:36:47,884 --> 01:36:49,135
"Keep it in my pants"?
1943
01:36:49,219 --> 01:36:51,846
Okay, you didn't keep it
in your pants, Mom.
1944
01:36:51,930 --> 01:36:55,391
I know. I don't want you to make
the same mistakes as me, Marla.
1945
01:36:55,475 --> 01:36:58,477
Mistakes? Okay,
so I was a mistake then.
1946
01:36:58,562 --> 01:37:02,481
No, you're not a mistake.
Your sister was the mistake.
1947
01:37:03,191 --> 01:37:04,692
Oh, my God!
1948
01:37:05,110 --> 01:37:07,903
Her older sister, I mean, she
wasn't planned, you know what I mean?
1949
01:37:07,988 --> 01:37:10,531
Because I was such a... Oh, God,
you wanna run away, don't you?
1950
01:37:10,615 --> 01:37:11,657
No.
1951
01:37:11,742 --> 01:37:14,577
You and your boyfriend
have sex all the time!
1952
01:37:14,661 --> 01:37:16,370
Oh, my God!
Are you kidding?
1953
01:37:16,455 --> 01:37:18,247
We never have sex.
Do we ever have sex?
1954
01:37:18,331 --> 01:37:19,665
No, we don't.
1955
01:37:19,958 --> 01:37:21,751
What? Yes, you do!
1956
01:37:21,835 --> 01:37:24,503
You're such a liar!
Why do you lie to me?
1957
01:37:24,588 --> 01:37:25,588
Why?
1958
01:37:29,176 --> 01:37:31,093
I didn't hear anything
after "a liar. "
1959
01:37:31,219 --> 01:37:34,055
What did she say after "a liar"?
She sounds like a tea kettle.
1960
01:37:34,139 --> 01:37:36,015
Fuck you!
1961
01:37:38,351 --> 01:37:40,811
Maybe I should take her.
No, I don't think so.
1962
01:37:40,896 --> 01:37:43,355
You know, a little information
never hurt anybody.
1963
01:37:57,370 --> 01:37:58,454
Cool.
1964
01:37:59,539 --> 01:38:00,581
Wow!
1965
01:38:03,043 --> 01:38:05,169
Where do you put the penis?
1966
01:38:06,171 --> 01:38:07,505
Oh, shit.
1967
01:38:17,891 --> 01:38:19,558
It is
1968
01:38:20,393 --> 01:38:22,019
not a Rubik's Cube.
1969
01:38:24,689 --> 01:38:25,689
Shit.
1970
01:38:27,400 --> 01:38:29,485
God, how much longer
are they gonna make us wait?
1971
01:38:29,569 --> 01:38:32,113
I don't know. They should be
out in a second.
1972
01:38:32,531 --> 01:38:33,614
Now, you're all here
1973
01:38:33,698 --> 01:38:36,075
because you're interested
in obtaining birth control.
1974
01:38:36,159 --> 01:38:37,409
Any questions?
1975
01:38:38,036 --> 01:38:40,329
Here's a cute story.
I came home the other day
1976
01:38:40,413 --> 01:38:43,415
and he is with his girlfriend
in my marital bed
1977
01:38:43,500 --> 01:38:46,418
doing things that are illegal
in Alabama.
1978
01:38:46,545 --> 01:38:49,880
Sex acts, right? Things
that my wife won't do, okay?
1979
01:38:50,298 --> 01:38:53,134
Did you have a question? How
do I get my wife to do that?
1980
01:38:53,218 --> 01:38:54,635
Does anybody else
have a question?
1981
01:38:54,719 --> 01:38:58,055
My daughter is,
for lack of a better word,
1982
01:38:58,431 --> 01:38:59,557
dumb.
1983
01:38:59,808 --> 01:39:01,976
How do I stop
her menstrual cycle?
1984
01:39:02,060 --> 01:39:04,311
You want her to stop
having a menstrual cycle?
1985
01:39:04,396 --> 01:39:07,022
I want to stop it,
maybe just for a few years.
1986
01:39:07,107 --> 01:39:09,275
Yeah, I don't think
that's a good idea.
1987
01:39:09,401 --> 01:39:12,486
Does anybody else have a
question? I have a question.
1988
01:39:12,571 --> 01:39:16,407
I think some of the people here
might be sexually inexperienced.
1989
01:39:17,033 --> 01:39:20,077
Is it true that if you
don't use it, you lose it?
1990
01:39:20,453 --> 01:39:22,037
Is that a serious question?
1991
01:39:22,164 --> 01:39:23,789
No. It wasn't.
Okay.
1992
01:39:24,416 --> 01:39:28,002
Now, there are a lot of
activities that you can engage in
1993
01:39:28,086 --> 01:39:30,921
without having sex
that are both fun and safe.
1994
01:39:31,006 --> 01:39:33,090
What sort of activities?
I think
1995
01:39:33,175 --> 01:39:35,384
everybody wants to know
about the activities.
1996
01:39:35,468 --> 01:39:40,055
Well, instead of having intercourse,
you could have outer-course.
1997
01:39:40,515 --> 01:39:42,641
Outer-course?
What's that?
1998
01:39:42,767 --> 01:39:44,101
Yeah, what is that?
1999
01:39:44,186 --> 01:39:48,314
Outer-course is anything that
isn't vaginal intercourse.
2000
01:39:48,607 --> 01:39:50,608
I prefer
vaginal intercourse.
2001
01:39:52,277 --> 01:39:53,611
He really does.
2002
01:39:53,945 --> 01:39:57,489
Now, there are ways of having
sex without intercourse.
2003
01:39:58,617 --> 01:40:02,036
Let's see, there are things
like body rubbing or dry humping.
2004
01:40:02,120 --> 01:40:03,412
You could dry hump.
2005
01:40:03,496 --> 01:40:06,624
There is masturbation.
Masturbation. Play with yourself.
2006
01:40:06,708 --> 01:40:08,709
Mutual masturbation.
Play with a friend.
2007
01:40:08,793 --> 01:40:12,379
Deep kissing.
There is erotic massage.
2008
01:40:12,464 --> 01:40:14,340
That sounds like
it would be nice.
2009
01:40:14,424 --> 01:40:17,009
Oral sex play.
Sounds like my Friday night.
2010
01:40:17,093 --> 01:40:18,969
Shut up, Seth.
We went to temple.
2011
01:40:19,054 --> 01:40:20,846
Okay,
are there any virgins here
2012
01:40:20,931 --> 01:40:23,641
who are thinking about
having sex for the first time?
2013
01:40:24,893 --> 01:40:25,893
Oh.
2014
01:40:26,311 --> 01:40:28,479
Wait. So you're
a virgin?
2015
01:40:31,024 --> 01:40:33,901
I'd tap that.
Oh, yeah, you'd "tap that"?
2016
01:40:33,985 --> 01:40:36,904
Seth, what, you think you're
cool with your little Jew fro?
2017
01:40:36,988 --> 01:40:40,241
We don't say, "tap that. " What
are you talking about, Seth?
2018
01:40:40,325 --> 01:40:42,576
You know what,
I'm a virgin, too.
2019
01:40:44,663 --> 01:40:45,746
That's...
2020
01:40:45,830 --> 01:40:47,706
We're virgins, too.
Yeah.
2021
01:40:49,668 --> 01:40:52,586
No, you know what,
it's a personal choice
2022
01:40:52,671 --> 01:40:54,213
and I don't think
it's weird at all.
2023
01:40:54,297 --> 01:40:55,547
You know what
your problem is?
2024
01:40:55,632 --> 01:40:57,341
You're putting the pussy
on a pedestal.
2025
01:40:57,425 --> 01:40:59,134
That's the second time
I've heard that.
2026
01:40:59,219 --> 01:41:01,136
What is the
"pussy on a pedestal" thing?
2027
01:41:01,221 --> 01:41:05,099
Okay, I can't listen to anymore of
this, 'cause it's making me sick.
2028
01:41:05,183 --> 01:41:06,141
So, bye.
2029
01:41:06,226 --> 01:41:08,352
You can get this information
on your website, right?
2030
01:41:08,478 --> 01:41:10,187
Yes. Thanks. Nice meeting everybody.
2031
01:41:10,272 --> 01:41:11,397
Any other questions?
2032
01:41:11,481 --> 01:41:13,399
Do you have any
extra-large condoms?
2033
01:41:13,483 --> 01:41:15,317
Seth, you got
a tiny penis.
2034
01:41:19,406 --> 01:41:22,533
So, I made that all up
to help you out.
2035
01:41:24,619 --> 01:41:26,161
No, you didn't.
2036
01:41:26,371 --> 01:41:29,707
But thank you
for doing that.
2037
01:41:32,585 --> 01:41:34,211
How can you tell?
2038
01:41:34,379 --> 01:41:36,797
Well, you know, I go to school
with, like, 400 guys
2039
01:41:36,881 --> 01:41:38,299
who are all trying
to have sex.
2040
01:41:38,383 --> 01:41:40,342
And, yeah,
so I can tell who's done it.
2041
01:41:40,427 --> 01:41:41,468
Of course.
2042
01:41:41,553 --> 01:41:44,471
And you really haven't?
No, I really haven't.
2043
01:41:44,973 --> 01:41:47,349
Please don't tell your mom,
okay?
2044
01:41:47,434 --> 01:41:49,184
Yeah, I won't.
Thanks.
2045
01:41:49,269 --> 01:41:52,438
But when are you
gonna tell her?
2046
01:41:52,647 --> 01:41:54,606
Believe me,
I'm working on it.
2047
01:41:55,984 --> 01:41:57,568
I am working on it.
2048
01:42:00,739 --> 01:42:01,947
Do you have any weed?
2049
01:42:03,908 --> 01:42:05,159
Yeah.
You do have some.
2050
01:42:05,243 --> 01:42:07,369
Can spare any
or is it all spoken for?
2051
01:42:08,079 --> 01:42:10,080
I mean, like what
are we talking? Are we...
2052
01:42:10,165 --> 01:42:12,624
Just enough to get me
baked for like a week.
2053
01:42:12,876 --> 01:42:13,917
That's a lot of weed.
2054
01:42:14,002 --> 01:42:15,919
Yeah, I am taking vacation
next week, so...
2055
01:42:16,004 --> 01:42:17,838
Where are you going?
I'm not going anywhere.
2056
01:42:17,922 --> 01:42:19,673
I'll stay in my apartment.
Just getting baked?
2057
01:42:19,758 --> 01:42:21,258
I want to be baked
the whole time.
2058
01:42:21,343 --> 01:42:23,719
Watch TV,
I'll probably re-watch Gandhi.
2059
01:42:24,346 --> 01:42:26,263
Gandhi baked is good.
Yes, isn't it?
2060
01:42:26,348 --> 01:42:27,973
I always feel bad
when I watch it baked
2061
01:42:28,058 --> 01:42:29,975
'cause I get really hungry
and I'm eating a lot
2062
01:42:30,060 --> 01:42:31,060
and poor Gandhi is
2063
01:42:31,144 --> 01:42:32,853
fucking starving his ass off.
Starving, I know.
2064
01:42:36,483 --> 01:42:37,983
Sounds good.
Yeah.
2065
01:42:38,068 --> 01:42:40,778
I'm going to take her to
capacity. Are you okay with that?
2066
01:42:40,862 --> 01:42:42,196
Give it a shot.
2067
01:42:42,280 --> 01:42:44,406
Freak! Oh, yeah!
2068
01:42:46,117 --> 01:42:48,702
Michael McDonald, man,
I haven't heard this in years.
2069
01:42:48,787 --> 01:42:50,954
Yeah, I haven't heard it
in like 48 minutes.
2070
01:42:51,664 --> 01:42:54,375
If I get the set,
will you throw in the DVD?
2071
01:42:54,459 --> 01:42:56,752
You don't get the set.
I'll throw in the DVD.
2072
01:42:57,253 --> 01:42:58,295
I'll take it.
2073
01:42:58,380 --> 01:43:00,172
Really?
Yeah.
2074
01:43:01,299 --> 01:43:03,258
Y'all want to see something
beautiful? Come here.
2075
01:43:03,343 --> 01:43:06,512
You want to see the most beautiful
thing in the world? Check this out.
2076
01:43:06,596 --> 01:43:10,307
This is my baby right here.
That's my baby's dick right there.
2077
01:43:10,934 --> 01:43:12,684
Looks like a poltergeist.
2078
01:43:12,977 --> 01:43:14,269
That is his foot.
2079
01:43:14,354 --> 01:43:16,688
Look at his dick.
That's not even four months.
2080
01:43:16,773 --> 01:43:18,065
Extrapolate that.
2081
01:43:18,149 --> 01:43:20,526
By the time he's 30,
what's gonna happen?
2082
01:43:20,610 --> 01:43:22,861
Yo, Andy! Come check this out,
dawg.
2083
01:43:22,946 --> 01:43:25,531
Is this the movie about babies
that are geniuses?
2084
01:43:25,615 --> 01:43:28,075
No, this is my child, dude.
Jill is pregnant.
2085
01:43:28,159 --> 01:43:29,284
That's yours?
Yeah.
2086
01:43:29,369 --> 01:43:31,370
That's why she broke up
with me in the first place...
2087
01:43:31,454 --> 01:43:33,705
'cause she just thought that
I wouldn't be a good father...
2088
01:43:33,790 --> 01:43:36,083
in light of the fact that I'd
be cheating on her all the time.
2089
01:43:36,167 --> 01:43:37,876
But she got over all that.
It's cool now.
2090
01:43:37,961 --> 01:43:39,878
Congratulations, man.
That is great.
2091
01:43:40,130 --> 01:43:41,713
We having
a party tonight, Andy...
2092
01:43:41,798 --> 01:43:43,340
and I really want you
to be there, man.
2093
01:43:43,425 --> 01:43:45,884
We celebrating and I really,
really want you to be there.
2094
01:43:45,969 --> 01:43:48,470
It looks like
the Doppler radar.
2095
01:43:48,555 --> 01:43:49,596
Can you believe that?
2096
01:43:49,681 --> 01:43:51,306
This child
ain't even four months old.
2097
01:43:51,391 --> 01:43:53,642
He ain't four months old yet.
Look at what he's packing.
2098
01:43:53,726 --> 01:43:56,228
Everybody dick looks big
on 60-inch TV.
2099
01:43:56,312 --> 01:43:58,897
My sister's dick looks big
on TV, okay?
2100
01:43:59,858 --> 01:44:02,526
Oh, my God,
this guy, Eric Gilliland...
2101
01:44:02,986 --> 01:44:05,571
he has bought, like,
15 of these. Really?
2102
01:44:05,655 --> 01:44:08,615
Yeah, I think he likes action
figures even more than you.
2103
01:44:08,700 --> 01:44:11,243
That is impossible.
I think so.
2104
01:44:12,120 --> 01:44:15,414
Andy, the way these things
are flying off your shelf...
2105
01:44:15,498 --> 01:44:18,459
you know, I think you
could actually make like...
2106
01:44:18,960 --> 01:44:20,502
maybe like $100,000.
2107
01:44:20,587 --> 01:44:22,754
Really? Yeah, you could open your store.
2108
01:44:22,839 --> 01:44:24,214
Wow.
Honey...
2109
01:44:24,340 --> 01:44:26,508
That's a lot of money.
I know.
2110
01:44:26,593 --> 01:44:29,261
That's incredible. I wouldn't
have done it without you.
2111
01:44:29,345 --> 01:44:30,512
Thanks.
2112
01:44:31,181 --> 01:44:34,016
And that's not the only good news. What?
2113
01:44:34,434 --> 01:44:37,394
You know what tonight is?
Survivor is on?
2114
01:44:38,688 --> 01:44:40,230
No.
I know.
2115
01:44:40,857 --> 01:44:43,400
Is it The Aqqrentice?
2116
01:44:44,360 --> 01:44:45,360
No.
2117
01:44:46,196 --> 01:44:47,196
What?
2118
01:44:49,908 --> 01:44:54,244
It's our 20th date.
2119
01:45:00,793 --> 01:45:02,211
Wow.
Yeah.
2120
01:45:02,295 --> 01:45:03,629
Really?
Uh-huh.
2121
01:45:03,713 --> 01:45:06,965
Seriously?
I think we're at 18.
2122
01:45:07,050 --> 01:45:08,759
'Cause there were
a couple of dates there...
2123
01:45:08,885 --> 01:45:10,719
that don't really count as dates. No.
2124
01:45:10,803 --> 01:45:13,472
I'll give you a free pass
on those other ones.
2125
01:45:14,516 --> 01:45:15,641
Thank you.
2126
01:45:15,725 --> 01:45:16,850
Listen.
What?
2127
01:45:16,935 --> 01:45:18,185
Listen.
Mmm-hmm.
2128
01:45:19,687 --> 01:45:21,313
I really like you.
2129
01:45:27,278 --> 01:45:29,071
I think I'm falling for you.
2130
01:45:29,906 --> 01:45:33,700
I don't know. I kind of see
this going somewhere.
2131
01:45:34,035 --> 01:45:35,244
I do, too.
2132
01:45:35,328 --> 01:45:38,539
I just think we should just
go crazy on each other.
2133
01:45:39,749 --> 01:45:41,750
Okay.
Okay?
2134
01:45:42,627 --> 01:45:43,919
Oh, thank God!
2135
01:45:46,714 --> 01:45:47,714
Oh!
2136
01:45:48,383 --> 01:45:50,801
Okay, I should...
I gotta pick those up.
2137
01:45:50,885 --> 01:45:52,010
Don't pick them up now.
2138
01:45:52,095 --> 01:45:53,387
No, I have to pick those up
right now.
2139
01:45:53,471 --> 01:45:55,556
Wait, we'll get them later.
Listen, no, I can't, no.
2140
01:45:55,640 --> 01:45:57,266
Listen, it's really important
because...
2141
01:45:57,350 --> 01:45:59,601
once the integrity of the box
gets compromised...
2142
01:45:59,686 --> 01:46:01,979
This is original packaging
and that's why these things...
2143
01:46:02,063 --> 01:46:04,147
are so valuable.
So you don't screw with that.
2144
01:46:04,274 --> 01:46:06,275
You really don't screw
with that. All right.
2145
01:46:06,359 --> 01:46:08,402
We can wrap them again later,
you know.
2146
01:46:08,486 --> 01:46:09,861
Yeah, I know.
But you know what...
2147
01:46:09,946 --> 01:46:12,030
this is very important that
we don't lose the value...
2148
01:46:12,115 --> 01:46:13,448
and compromise
the integrity of it.
2149
01:46:13,533 --> 01:46:15,742
Andy, I'm throwing myself
at you and...
2150
01:46:15,827 --> 01:46:17,869
all you can think about
is a fucking toy.
2151
01:46:17,954 --> 01:46:21,039
They're not fucking toys!
This is Iron Man, okay?
2152
01:46:21,124 --> 01:46:23,542
I got this
when I was in second grade.
2153
01:46:23,751 --> 01:46:26,420
Do you know how hard it is
for a kid to not open that?
2154
01:46:26,504 --> 01:46:27,713
This is important.
2155
01:46:27,797 --> 01:46:29,089
These are my things...
2156
01:46:29,173 --> 01:46:32,467
and you are trying to make me
sell them and I don't want to.
2157
01:46:32,552 --> 01:46:33,885
No.
And you're making me.
2158
01:46:33,970 --> 01:46:36,054
I'm not making...
You are encouraging me...
2159
01:46:36,139 --> 01:46:38,265
to quit my job.
I'm not! I'm not trying to...
2160
01:46:38,349 --> 01:46:41,059
You want me to open a store.
You want me to sell everything.
2161
01:46:41,144 --> 01:46:42,894
You know what,
I'm gonna tell you something.
2162
01:46:42,979 --> 01:46:46,189
I don't just change like that.
I can't just change for you.
2163
01:46:46,274 --> 01:46:49,067
I don't... I'm not trying
to change you. I like you.
2164
01:46:49,152 --> 01:46:51,278
I'm just... I'm trying
to help you grow up, Andy.
2165
01:46:51,362 --> 01:46:53,030
Well, thanks a lot.
2166
01:46:53,114 --> 01:46:57,117
I mean, my God, you ride a
bicycle to work in a stockroom.
2167
01:46:57,201 --> 01:46:59,536
You know what, I'm not
in the stockroom anymore.
2168
01:46:59,621 --> 01:47:01,079
I'm a floor manager.
Okay.
2169
01:47:01,164 --> 01:47:04,207
And I ride a bike because I
like to. Einstein rode a bike.
2170
01:47:04,292 --> 01:47:07,002
He had a wife who he fucked,
by the way.
2171
01:47:07,670 --> 01:47:09,921
What do I have to do
for you to have sex with me?
2172
01:47:10,006 --> 01:47:12,507
Do you want me to dress up like
Thor? I'll dress up like Thor.
2173
01:47:12,592 --> 01:47:14,176
I'll dress up like Iron Man.
2174
01:47:14,260 --> 01:47:15,969
What do they do?
I'll do it.
2175
01:47:16,054 --> 01:47:17,929
What? Everything's always
about sex.
2176
01:47:18,014 --> 01:47:19,598
Why don't you want
to have sex with me?
2177
01:47:19,682 --> 01:47:22,100
Why not? Tell me.
You tell me the truth.
2178
01:47:22,185 --> 01:47:24,394
Is it because I have a kid
who has a kid? Is that why?
2179
01:47:24,479 --> 01:47:25,979
No, it's cool that
you're a grandmother.
2180
01:47:26,064 --> 01:47:27,689
I love the fact
that you're a grandmother.
2181
01:47:27,774 --> 01:47:30,317
Oh, God! You are. You're a hot grandma.
2182
01:47:30,401 --> 01:47:31,568
Oh, my God!
2183
01:47:31,653 --> 01:47:33,737
You are so mean! Get out!
2184
01:47:33,821 --> 01:47:36,531
Okay, fine. Good!
Good, fine. You're gonna go.
2185
01:47:36,616 --> 01:47:39,993
I didn't ask for any of this.
You asked for all of it, Andy.
2186
01:47:40,370 --> 01:47:41,787
Okay. Great.
2187
01:47:44,957 --> 01:47:45,957
Okay.
2188
01:47:46,334 --> 01:47:47,918
That's the way
you want it
2189
01:47:48,002 --> 01:47:50,921
that's the way
homie's gonna play it.
2190
01:47:52,048 --> 01:47:53,715
Yeah. Truth be told.
2191
01:48:11,150 --> 01:48:13,318
Baby, you better
enjoy yourself tonight
2192
01:48:13,403 --> 01:48:15,696
'cause once this baby's born,
you ain't going out again
2193
01:48:15,780 --> 01:48:16,822
till that baby is in college.
2194
01:48:16,906 --> 01:48:18,115
Me?
Yeah.
2195
01:48:18,199 --> 01:48:20,534
You the club rat. I'm not
the one that be going out.
2196
01:48:20,618 --> 01:48:22,369
I'm not a club rat.
2197
01:48:22,453 --> 01:48:25,205
You're gonna get up,
you march over there
2198
01:48:25,289 --> 01:48:27,791
and I want you
to hit on Bernadette now.
2199
01:48:28,042 --> 01:48:30,043
Dude, I'm not gonna hit
on Bernadette.
2200
01:48:30,128 --> 01:48:31,253
Yes, you are, man,
2201
01:48:31,337 --> 01:48:33,922
'cause your depression
is boring me for one thing
2202
01:48:34,006 --> 01:48:35,966
and it's actually making me
a little depressed
2203
01:48:36,050 --> 01:48:38,009
which is then in turn
making me more depressed
2204
01:48:38,094 --> 01:48:39,845
that you're actually
affecting my mood.
2205
01:48:39,929 --> 01:48:43,265
Look, I'm not in any kind of place
to talk to a woman, all right?
2206
01:48:43,349 --> 01:48:45,517
I'm just... I'm fragile.
2207
01:48:45,643 --> 01:48:47,519
I hired her for you.
2208
01:48:47,603 --> 01:48:51,189
I hired a 90-pound girl to work
in the stockroom at Smart Tech
2209
01:48:51,274 --> 01:48:52,816
for you, okay?
2210
01:48:52,900 --> 01:48:54,401
I should have hired
a 300-pound guy
2211
01:48:54,485 --> 01:48:56,069
who could lift
a 60-inch flat screen.
2212
01:48:56,154 --> 01:48:58,655
But instead
I hired a hot girl
2213
01:48:58,740 --> 01:49:02,117
who can't lift an iPod
to bring you out of your funk.
2214
01:49:02,910 --> 01:49:04,411
You hired her for me?
Yes.
2215
01:49:04,495 --> 01:49:05,912
So will you go talk to her?
2216
01:49:05,997 --> 01:49:07,831
Yeah, I'm meeting somebody.
2217
01:49:07,999 --> 01:49:08,999
No.
2218
01:49:12,628 --> 01:49:14,755
Did you just flick me in the nuts? No.
2219
01:49:14,839 --> 01:49:17,841
Flicked you in the fleshy patch
where your nuts used to be.
2220
01:49:19,010 --> 01:49:20,802
Quit flicking my balls, man.
2221
01:49:20,887 --> 01:49:23,430
Okay, I'll stop
flicking your balls.
2222
01:49:23,514 --> 01:49:25,932
But I'll start punching
your nuts.
2223
01:49:26,851 --> 01:49:27,851
Oh!
2224
01:49:28,519 --> 01:49:29,686
Okay.
2225
01:49:33,399 --> 01:49:34,858
Well played, sir.
2226
01:49:35,234 --> 01:49:36,401
Okay.
Thank you.
2227
01:49:36,486 --> 01:49:38,612
No problem, man.
Go get 'em.
2228
01:49:39,197 --> 01:49:40,947
Mooj, you done
see my son,
2229
01:49:41,032 --> 01:49:42,657
you know his foot gonna be
bigger than this.
2230
01:49:42,742 --> 01:49:45,952
If that baby looks Pakistani,
don't fucking look at me, okay?
2231
01:49:46,037 --> 01:49:49,623
I wouldn't mind. You got good
genes. How old are you? What, 138?
2232
01:49:49,707 --> 01:49:52,626
When your son is born,
is he already in parole?
2233
01:50:00,968 --> 01:50:04,346
I need some poon.
2234
01:50:04,680 --> 01:50:07,682
You guys were so right,
right from the beginning.
2235
01:50:07,975 --> 01:50:12,646
I need genital to genital
connection and that's all I need.
2236
01:50:13,105 --> 01:50:16,650
You know, the thing about
relationships is that they
2237
01:50:16,859 --> 01:50:18,568
make one person go...
2238
01:50:20,154 --> 01:50:22,364
And the other person go,
"What are you talking about?"
2239
01:50:22,448 --> 01:50:23,657
And then one person goes...
2240
01:50:25,284 --> 01:50:26,910
How much have you had
to drink, man?
2241
01:50:26,994 --> 01:50:30,497
How much have I had to drink?
How many pots have you smoken?
2242
01:50:30,581 --> 01:50:31,706
What are you
talking about?
2243
01:50:31,791 --> 01:50:35,043
How many times have you gone
to the bathroom in your life?
2244
01:50:35,127 --> 01:50:36,336
Let me ask you that.
2245
01:50:36,420 --> 01:50:39,381
You know what, you don't have
an answer for that, do you?
2246
01:50:39,465 --> 01:50:41,049
Fuck you, man! I'm sorry.
2247
01:50:41,133 --> 01:50:44,344
No, you're such a good guy,
and I appreciate you.
2248
01:50:44,428 --> 01:50:46,388
What's up, baby, I didn't know
you had came already.
2249
01:50:46,472 --> 01:50:48,640
Hey, motherfucker!
2250
01:50:51,018 --> 01:50:53,103
Man, you know what,
tonight is the night.
2251
01:50:53,187 --> 01:50:57,899
You know what, you were
totally right and I was wrong.
2252
01:50:58,109 --> 01:51:02,696
You were right all along.
You cannot have a relationship
2253
01:51:02,780 --> 01:51:04,948
with somebody until
2254
01:51:05,616 --> 01:51:08,034
you have sex
and that's the long...
2255
01:51:08,119 --> 01:51:09,870
That's the long
and short of it.
2256
01:51:09,954 --> 01:51:13,415
So, thank you.
That's good.
2257
01:51:13,749 --> 01:51:16,710
And now I have to go hunt
for some hos.
2258
01:51:19,589 --> 01:51:22,883
He going to be all right?
No, I don't think he is.
2259
01:51:23,009 --> 01:51:25,343
Cal's a good guy.
Yeah, he's a great guy.
2260
01:51:25,428 --> 01:51:27,178
It's so funny, because,
you know,
2261
01:51:27,263 --> 01:51:30,056
when I first met him and I
thought you were cute at the store,
2262
01:51:30,141 --> 01:51:33,143
he told me you were gay.
I'm not gay.
2263
01:51:33,477 --> 01:51:36,104
Cal says that I'm gay because
he has a real problem
2264
01:51:36,188 --> 01:51:38,523
with his own gayness.
2265
01:51:38,608 --> 01:51:41,902
But seriously, I'm going to
lay it out for you, right now.
2266
01:51:42,528 --> 01:51:44,863
I was a little reticent
to come over and talk to you.
2267
01:51:44,947 --> 01:51:47,741
You're very pretty and you
seem very nice. The truth is
2268
01:51:47,825 --> 01:51:51,494
I dated this woman, let me
rephrase that, I dated this whore
2269
01:51:52,038 --> 01:51:53,622
who stomped
all over my heart.
2270
01:51:53,706 --> 01:51:56,583
And it's just taking me
a little while to kind of,
2271
01:51:56,667 --> 01:51:58,251
you know,
get back in the game.
2272
01:51:58,336 --> 01:51:59,753
Oh, my God. Say no more.
2273
01:51:59,837 --> 01:52:02,464
My last boyfriend Sal junior,
is a scum bag.
2274
01:52:02,548 --> 01:52:04,716
I would totally pay people
to have him killed.
2275
01:52:04,800 --> 01:52:06,927
That's how much I fucking hate
that damn scum bag.
2276
01:52:07,011 --> 01:52:09,179
God, you're fucking awesome.
You too.
2277
01:52:11,015 --> 01:52:12,933
Hey, you!
2278
01:52:15,019 --> 01:52:16,728
Hey.
Hey.
2279
01:52:17,021 --> 01:52:18,521
How you doing?
2280
01:52:18,981 --> 01:52:21,524
Much better,
now that I'm talking to you.
2281
01:52:21,776 --> 01:52:24,361
Hey, lookie,
I can see through your shirt.
2282
01:52:25,154 --> 01:52:26,404
Nice.
2283
01:52:27,615 --> 01:52:30,325
So, you think we should
2284
01:52:30,618 --> 01:52:33,203
take this party
to my apartment or what?
2285
01:52:33,704 --> 01:52:36,748
I am RSVPing "yes. "
2286
01:52:40,461 --> 01:52:43,672
Hope you have a big trunk
because I'm putting my bike in it.
2287
01:52:46,509 --> 01:52:48,009
Yeah, let's go!
2288
01:52:53,099 --> 01:52:55,725
Mom, I left my phone somewhere
and I...
2289
01:52:56,435 --> 01:52:57,560
Thank you.
2290
01:52:58,896 --> 01:53:02,190
What's the matter?
Where is Andy?
2291
01:53:02,316 --> 01:53:05,235
We had a big fight, just...
Oh, Mom.
2292
01:53:05,736 --> 01:53:07,821
He just
stormed out of here.
2293
01:53:07,905 --> 01:53:08,989
What happened?
2294
01:53:09,073 --> 01:53:11,700
Well, I just... Wait a minute,
I thought you hated him.
2295
01:53:11,784 --> 01:53:15,328
I don't hate him. I mean,
he does do magic, but,
2296
01:53:15,413 --> 01:53:17,789
you know, he's a big dork
2297
01:53:18,207 --> 01:53:20,500
and I like seeing you happy.
2298
01:53:22,253 --> 01:53:23,378
I do.
2299
01:53:25,297 --> 01:53:27,799
That's sweet, that's really sweet. Mom.
2300
01:53:28,467 --> 01:53:31,428
Why don't you just go
talk to him, work it out.
2301
01:53:31,512 --> 01:53:34,347
'Cause if the thing is that
important, you can't just stop.
2302
01:53:35,099 --> 01:53:37,308
Let me dance for you.
I would love it.
2303
01:53:38,561 --> 01:53:42,397
Look at your bra and your breasts
and everything. That's so great.
2304
01:53:43,399 --> 01:53:46,901
Wow! You know what?
You're so hot. You're so hot.
2305
01:53:47,194 --> 01:53:48,820
I'm smoking hot.
2306
01:53:48,904 --> 01:53:51,740
You know what? I'm just going
to have sex with you.
2307
01:53:51,824 --> 01:53:53,908
Yes! Let's have sex.
2308
01:53:53,993 --> 01:53:56,202
It's going to happen.
That's why we are here.
2309
01:53:56,287 --> 01:53:58,663
That's totally what's going
to happen.
2310
01:53:58,914 --> 01:54:01,041
We could do it in the...
2311
01:54:02,043 --> 01:54:03,710
Butt, if you want to.
2312
01:54:05,421 --> 01:54:07,338
But, if I want to what?
2313
01:54:07,798 --> 01:54:10,842
Butt.
But what? What?
2314
01:54:10,968 --> 01:54:12,969
Do it.
Do it?
2315
01:54:13,137 --> 01:54:14,137
What?
2316
01:54:14,638 --> 01:54:17,474
I don't know
what you're talking about.
2317
01:54:17,600 --> 01:54:19,642
Butt.
But...
2318
01:54:19,894 --> 01:54:21,227
What?
... what?
2319
01:54:24,231 --> 01:54:26,524
But, it still feels so right.
2320
01:54:39,330 --> 01:54:40,455
Yeah!
2321
01:54:42,958 --> 01:54:46,795
Yeah. Right! Okay. Yeah.
2322
01:54:48,214 --> 01:54:49,964
That was a fun day.
2323
01:54:51,509 --> 01:54:54,594
You are so kinky.
2324
01:54:55,304 --> 01:54:57,013
Yeah, I'm so kinky.
2325
01:54:57,556 --> 01:55:00,767
That's why I did this
because I thought it looks...
2326
01:55:00,851 --> 01:55:03,353
You like to shave, don't you?
2327
01:55:03,437 --> 01:55:06,231
Let's shave each other. I
don't think you have any hair.
2328
01:55:06,315 --> 01:55:08,108
You know where to shave me.
2329
01:55:08,192 --> 01:55:10,276
Yeah.
Because I want to shave you.
2330
01:55:10,361 --> 01:55:12,028
I want to shave your head.
2331
01:55:13,280 --> 01:55:15,156
I wanna give you
a buzz cut.
2332
01:55:16,158 --> 01:55:17,867
Let's get in the bath.
2333
01:55:18,202 --> 01:55:19,702
In the bath?
2334
01:55:19,787 --> 01:55:24,165
Yes. We're gonna get dirty.
Dirty, dirty. Sudsy.
2335
01:55:24,250 --> 01:55:26,292
It's just about time
I got really dirty.
2336
01:55:26,377 --> 01:55:27,418
Yeah.
2337
01:55:30,214 --> 01:55:34,968
Hey. Hi, it's me, and I'm
on my way to your house.
2338
01:55:35,052 --> 01:55:37,387
I want to do whatever
you want to do, okay?
2339
01:55:37,555 --> 01:55:41,432
Fifty dates. 100.
I hope not, but whatever.
2340
01:55:42,059 --> 01:55:44,811
I'm gonna see you soon,
okay? Bye.
2341
01:55:48,858 --> 01:55:51,776
Wow. Okay, well,
that was fast. Okay.
2342
01:55:54,238 --> 01:55:57,198
Wow! Holy shit!
2343
01:55:57,449 --> 01:56:00,034
Wow. This is just
the right thing to happen.
2344
01:56:00,536 --> 01:56:03,913
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Wow!
Almost got my penis.
2345
01:56:03,998 --> 01:56:05,415
Come to mama.
2346
01:56:07,001 --> 01:56:09,794
I'm gonna really take care
of you tonight.
2347
01:56:10,045 --> 01:56:12,589
You're never
gonna forget Beth.
2348
01:56:22,725 --> 01:56:24,767
I just want to please you.
2349
01:56:25,603 --> 01:56:27,187
What do you like?
2350
01:56:28,022 --> 01:56:31,107
I don't know.
What do you like?
2351
01:56:31,650 --> 01:56:33,776
Can I show you what I like?
2352
01:56:34,278 --> 01:56:35,361
Okay.
2353
01:56:49,001 --> 01:56:51,794
It's so hot in here.
2354
01:56:52,546 --> 01:56:54,923
I wanna introduce you
to my friend.
2355
01:56:59,261 --> 01:57:01,304
Your friend is so shiny.
2356
01:57:02,306 --> 01:57:05,308
This guy knows exactly
what I like.
2357
01:57:10,648 --> 01:57:12,357
Where's you friend going?
2358
01:57:14,193 --> 01:57:16,819
This is how I'm gonna
warm up for you.
2359
01:57:18,113 --> 01:57:21,950
That's always good to warm up.
You don't wanna pull something.
2360
01:57:39,593 --> 01:57:41,970
Wow, this is graphic.
2361
01:57:55,818 --> 01:57:57,277
I can't do it.
2362
01:57:58,904 --> 01:58:01,572
God, what are you
doing here?
2363
01:58:01,657 --> 01:58:04,284
We came here because we were
concerned about you and Trish
2364
01:58:04,368 --> 01:58:06,494
and now I could not give
a fuck.
2365
01:58:06,578 --> 01:58:09,205
How did you even know
where she lives?
2366
01:58:09,331 --> 01:58:11,624
I hit it like eight months back. What?
2367
01:58:11,709 --> 01:58:14,460
Never gave her back the key,
man. You have no idea
2368
01:58:14,545 --> 01:58:16,587
where this is going, all
right? That girl is a freak.
2369
01:58:16,672 --> 01:58:20,133
Oh, it's happening!
It's happening! Andy!
2370
01:58:20,551 --> 01:58:21,759
You think?
2371
01:58:22,052 --> 01:58:24,304
We've been talking,
and look,
2372
01:58:24,722 --> 01:58:27,015
if you love Trish,
you can't do this.
2373
01:58:27,099 --> 01:58:30,143
Look, you guys, I don't
know what I'm doing anymore.
2374
01:58:30,227 --> 01:58:32,812
I don't even know who I am.
All I know is
2375
01:58:32,896 --> 01:58:36,399
that woman
scares the shit out of me
2376
01:58:36,567 --> 01:58:38,776
and I just wanna go home,
okay?
2377
01:58:38,986 --> 01:58:41,279
Let's go.
We should all get out of here.
2378
01:58:41,363 --> 01:58:43,072
Okay.
We should all go.
2379
01:58:43,157 --> 01:58:44,532
It wasn't that good
for me.
2380
01:58:44,616 --> 01:58:46,492
We should totally
get out of here.
2381
01:58:46,577 --> 01:58:48,786
We should run away
from here.
2382
01:58:55,252 --> 01:58:56,294
Hey.
2383
01:58:57,796 --> 01:58:58,880
Cal.
2384
01:59:01,633 --> 01:59:03,343
Go around!
2385
01:59:04,261 --> 01:59:06,346
Come on,
just go around me!
2386
01:59:09,558 --> 01:59:11,225
Can't you hear me?
2387
01:59:18,734 --> 01:59:21,778
Hey, there. Hi, Trish.
2388
01:59:23,405 --> 01:59:25,907
Man, I'm really sorry
about tonight.
2389
01:59:25,991 --> 01:59:27,408
What's this?
2390
01:59:28,410 --> 01:59:30,078
Those are David's.
2391
01:59:32,164 --> 01:59:33,956
I think he has a problem.
2392
01:59:34,041 --> 01:59:36,542
These are David's?
He's into that.
2393
01:59:36,668 --> 01:59:40,129
David's Boner Jams '03?
2394
01:59:40,756 --> 01:59:42,799
Yeah, it's so sad.
2395
01:59:43,300 --> 01:59:46,302
He compiled all the best
boner scenes, I guess.
2396
01:59:47,221 --> 01:59:49,555
This isn't what it looks like,
okay?
2397
01:59:50,015 --> 01:59:53,142
What does this look like?
A vagina.
2398
01:59:54,186 --> 01:59:55,728
And what do you do
with this vagina?
2399
01:59:55,813 --> 01:59:58,773
To learn.
It's for medicinal purposes.
2400
01:59:58,857 --> 01:59:59,857
Ugh.
2401
01:59:59,942 --> 02:00:02,276
Hey, I'm sorry. God...
What's this?
2402
02:00:02,945 --> 02:00:05,905
This your date drug?
Your roofie?
2403
02:00:06,240 --> 02:00:07,740
It's a Mentos.
2404
02:00:08,492 --> 02:00:10,410
They're "The Freshmaker. "
2405
02:00:10,494 --> 02:00:11,869
Yeah, right.
2406
02:00:12,121 --> 02:00:14,080
What are you,
some kind of sex pervert?
2407
02:00:14,164 --> 02:00:15,498
Are you a deviant
or something?
2408
02:00:15,582 --> 02:00:18,292
No, I'm not a sexual deviant!
What is all this?
2409
02:00:18,377 --> 02:00:20,795
I haven't even tried
to have sex with you, so...
2410
02:00:20,879 --> 02:00:23,798
What are you trying to do? What
are you buttering me up for?
2411
02:00:23,882 --> 02:00:24,966
Come on.
2412
02:00:25,050 --> 02:00:26,801
You're not gonna try
and kill me, are you?
2413
02:00:26,885 --> 02:00:29,554
Look, Trish.
You didn't get a new carpet.
2414
02:00:29,847 --> 02:00:33,141
I'm not trying to kill you.
I love you.
2415
02:00:33,559 --> 02:00:35,977
I love you.
Oh, God!
2416
02:00:36,228 --> 02:00:37,395
Trish.
2417
02:00:45,988 --> 02:00:48,197
Trish. No!
2418
02:00:49,074 --> 02:00:51,617
No. Trish, stop.
2419
02:00:56,123 --> 02:00:57,415
Come on, Trish!
2420
02:01:00,878 --> 02:01:02,795
I need to talk to you!
2421
02:01:02,880 --> 02:01:03,921
No!
2422
02:01:06,091 --> 02:01:07,133
Damn it.
2423
02:01:38,957 --> 02:01:40,291
Oh, my God!
2424
02:01:43,295 --> 02:01:46,172
Andy! Oh, my God!
2425
02:01:46,256 --> 02:01:47,632
Call 911.
2426
02:01:47,799 --> 02:01:49,717
Oh, my... Andy.
2427
02:01:50,511 --> 02:01:52,220
Oh, my God!
2428
02:01:52,304 --> 02:01:55,097
I'm gonna need a minute. I'm
in a lot of pain right now.
2429
02:01:55,182 --> 02:01:56,849
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
2430
02:01:56,934 --> 02:01:58,059
Not bad.
2431
02:01:58,143 --> 02:02:00,520
There were two sides
to that billboard.
2432
02:02:00,604 --> 02:02:02,480
And they both hurt equally.
2433
02:02:02,773 --> 02:02:05,399
Andy. Andy.
2434
02:02:07,486 --> 02:02:09,654
Are you okay?
I'm okay.
2435
02:02:10,155 --> 02:02:11,822
No, I'm not okay.
2436
02:02:13,116 --> 02:02:14,492
I'm a virgin.
2437
02:02:16,662 --> 02:02:17,828
A what?
2438
02:02:18,789 --> 02:02:21,165
I'm a virgin.
I always have been.
2439
02:02:22,543 --> 02:02:25,878
Andy, is that what
all this was about?
2440
02:02:26,838 --> 02:02:28,172
I'm sorry.
2441
02:02:28,257 --> 02:02:30,633
You're just a virgin,
that's all?
2442
02:02:30,759 --> 02:02:33,427
Yeah. That's good. That's a good thing.
2443
02:02:35,180 --> 02:02:37,056
I feel stupid.
2444
02:02:38,725 --> 02:02:41,435
It's okay. I thought
you were trying to kill me.
2445
02:02:43,188 --> 02:02:44,188
No.
2446
02:02:45,065 --> 02:02:46,357
Oh, my God.
2447
02:02:47,442 --> 02:02:50,027
No, I'm not trying
to kill you.
2448
02:02:53,865 --> 02:02:56,534
That's why I never tried
to have sex with you.
2449
02:02:56,952 --> 02:02:59,412
I was scared, okay?
I just...
2450
02:03:00,122 --> 02:03:01,956
'Cause I didn't know
what I was doing.
2451
02:03:02,040 --> 02:03:03,874
I just didn't think
it would be good.
2452
02:03:03,959 --> 02:03:06,919
Of course it'll be good.
We love each other.
2453
02:03:08,547 --> 02:03:09,714
Really?
2454
02:03:11,383 --> 02:03:12,717
I love you.
2455
02:03:14,219 --> 02:03:15,386
Yeah.
2456
02:03:20,058 --> 02:03:22,602
Get the fuck out of the road,
virgin!
2457
02:03:24,396 --> 02:03:25,896
Shut up, you fucking jerk!
2458
02:03:25,981 --> 02:03:28,899
No, that's okay.
That's all right. Sorry.
2459
02:03:30,527 --> 02:03:31,611
You know what...
2460
02:03:31,695 --> 02:03:34,488
for so long I thought that there
was something wrong with me...
2461
02:03:34,573 --> 02:03:37,408
because it had
never happened, but...
2462
02:03:39,870 --> 02:03:43,664
I realize now that it was just
because I was waiting for you.
2463
02:04:08,690 --> 02:04:11,442
This was some wedding.
How could they afford it?
2464
02:04:11,526 --> 02:04:14,820
Dude sells his toys and makes
like a half a million dollars.
2465
02:04:14,946 --> 02:04:17,114
It's crazy, right?
That's fucking crazy.
2466
02:04:17,199 --> 02:04:19,158
We're gonna get
some fucking toys.
2467
02:04:19,242 --> 02:04:21,452
We are all so happy for you.
2468
02:04:21,662 --> 02:04:24,413
I am delighted
to say these words.
2469
02:04:25,290 --> 02:04:26,457
Andy...
2470
02:04:27,042 --> 02:04:28,918
you may kiss the bride.
2471
02:04:42,140 --> 02:04:45,309
And for God's sake,
consummate the thing.
2472
02:04:50,273 --> 02:04:53,150
No! Stop it.
I have the key.
2473
02:05:00,033 --> 02:05:02,326
I'm not gonna be done
buffing the marble...
2474
02:05:02,411 --> 02:05:04,078
for about a half an hour,
but...
2475
02:05:04,162 --> 02:05:06,706
you can come in and sit down
if you want...
2476
02:05:06,790 --> 02:05:09,041
or wait in the lobby.
It's okay.
2477
02:05:09,126 --> 02:05:10,626
It's up to you.
2478
02:05:17,801 --> 02:05:20,136
Dude,
get the fuck out of here.
2479
02:05:31,148 --> 02:05:32,648
Ready?
Yeah.
2480
02:05:38,780 --> 02:05:40,156
Yes.
Yeah.
2481
02:05:46,830 --> 02:05:47,830
Whoa.
2482
02:05:48,373 --> 02:05:50,666
You're officially
not a virgin.
2483
02:05:51,501 --> 02:05:52,585
Cool.
2484
02:06:00,677 --> 02:06:02,011
Wow.
2485
02:06:09,478 --> 02:06:11,103
Wanna do it again?
2486
02:06:12,189 --> 02:06:13,731
Yeah.
Good. Okay.
2487
02:06:13,815 --> 02:06:15,024
Sure.
2488
02:06:15,650 --> 02:06:17,860
That was good. That was okay.
2489
02:06:21,198 --> 02:06:22,281
Okay.
2490
02:06:22,407 --> 02:06:23,449
You ready?
Yeah.
2491
02:06:23,533 --> 02:06:26,160
Are you ready?
Yeah, I'm fine, yeah.
2492
02:06:38,924 --> 02:06:40,925
So, how was that for you?
2493
02:06:45,805 --> 02:06:48,307
When the moon
2494
02:06:48,391 --> 02:06:51,644
Is in the Seventh House
2495
02:06:51,895 --> 02:06:56,398
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
2496
02:06:57,400 --> 02:07:02,363
Then peace will guide
the planets
2497
02:07:02,739 --> 02:07:05,991
And love
will steer the stars
2498
02:07:06,076 --> 02:07:10,538
This is the dawning
of the age of Aquarius
2499
02:07:10,747 --> 02:07:15,042
Age of Aquarius
2500
02:07:15,627 --> 02:07:25,219
Aquarius
2501
02:07:25,887 --> 02:07:27,972
Harm ony and understanding
2502
02:07:28,306 --> 02:07:30,849
Sym pathy and trust
abounding
2503
02:07:30,934 --> 02:07:32,810
No more falsehoods
or derisions
2504
02:07:32,894 --> 02:07:35,854
Golden living dream s
of visions
2505
02:07:35,939 --> 02:07:38,190
Mystic crystal revelations
2506
02:07:38,275 --> 02:07:41,277
And the mind's true
liberation
2507
02:07:41,361 --> 02:07:50,953
Aquarius
2508
02:07:51,371 --> 02:07:55,624
When the moon is
in the Seventh House
2509
02:07:56,418 --> 02:08:00,713
And Jupiter
aligns with Mars
2510
02:08:01,965 --> 02:08:06,760
Then peace will guide
the planets
2511
02:08:07,012 --> 02:08:10,264
And love
will steer the star
2512
02:08:10,348 --> 02:08:14,602
This is the dawning
of the age of Aquarius
2513
02:08:14,853 --> 02:08:19,481
The age of Aquarius
2514
02:08:19,816 --> 02:08:26,989
Aquarius
2515
02:08:27,073 --> 02:08:28,949
It's Aquarius, baby
2516
02:08:29,034 --> 02:08:31,619
We ain't talking about
no Scorpio
2517
02:08:31,703 --> 02:08:33,203
We ain't talking about no
2518
02:08:33,288 --> 02:08:36,290
No, we ain't talking
about no Scorqio
2519
02:08:40,503 --> 02:08:50,346
Aquarius
2520
02:08:55,977 --> 02:08:59,688
Let the sunshine
2521
02:09:01,191 --> 02:09:03,442
Let the sunshine in
2522
02:09:03,526 --> 02:09:06,904
The sunshine in
2523
02:09:07,906 --> 02:09:11,241
Let the sunshine
2524
02:09:11,826 --> 02:09:15,204
Let the sunshine in
2525
02:09:15,288 --> 02:09:18,832
The sunshine in
2526
02:09:19,709 --> 02:09:23,379
Let the sunshine
2527
02:09:23,463 --> 02:09:26,965
Let the sunshine in
2528
02:09:27,050 --> 02:09:31,178
The sunshine in
Let it shine, let it shine
2529
02:09:31,429 --> 02:09:34,765
Let the sunshine
2530
02:09:34,849 --> 02:09:36,684
Let it shine
2531
02:09:36,768 --> 02:09:38,769
Let it shine, yeah
2532
02:09:38,853 --> 02:09:42,690
The sunshine in
2533
02:09:43,149 --> 02:09:46,610
Let the sunshine
2534
02:09:46,986 --> 02:09:50,406
Let the sunshine in
2535
02:09:50,490 --> 02:09:53,450
The sunshine in
180995