Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,020 --> 00:00:06,020
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
2
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:14,640
Huh?
3
00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:17,520
Huh?
4
00:00:21,710 --> 00:00:23,380
Rats!
5
00:00:27,550 --> 00:00:29,279
Hey, is there someone in the restaurant?
6
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:30,360
Oh, yeah.
7
00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:31,879
Aw, he looks scared.
8
00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:33,080
Can we keep him? Can we keep him?
9
00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:34,240
No.
10
00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:35,760
We'll name him Bob Number One.
11
00:00:35,790 --> 00:00:38,200
And, Dad, you can just
go by Bob Number Two,
12
00:00:38,220 --> 00:00:39,706
or maybe no name at all.
13
00:00:39,730 --> 00:00:42,200
Wait. Why would I be Bob
Number Two or no name?
14
00:00:42,220 --> 00:00:44,330
- I am Bob.
- Well, yeah, but this is Bob,
15
00:00:44,370 --> 00:00:46,240
so now we're, like, Bob and Bob.
16
00:00:46,260 --> 00:00:47,816
- I don't like it.
- You can't just name a guy Bob.
17
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,080
Yeah, you can. Somebody did it to you.
18
00:00:50,140 --> 00:00:51,620
- That's true.
- Bob Number Two is
19
00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,140
throwing out some major 'tude right now.
20
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:55,260
- Isn't he, though?
- Yeah, lose the 'tude.
21
00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,159
It is kind of nice to have
someone in the restaurant.
22
00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,050
- Yeah.
- What's he doing?
23
00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:01,450
If he's robbing us,
I feel sorry for him.
24
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,300
No. Don't say that. We're fun to rob.
25
00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:05,876
Maybe he's just looking
for the bathroom.
26
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:07,180
You're overthinking it, bro!
27
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,330
Just go anywhere! I'll clean it up!
28
00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:10,699
No way.
29
00:01:22,140 --> 00:01:25,540
♪ In Heaven! ♪
30
00:01:27,260 --> 00:01:28,580
Where is everybody?
31
00:01:28,650 --> 00:01:31,550
Didn't we just build a whole
new mixed-use complex
32
00:01:31,580 --> 00:01:33,120
for the baby boomers?
33
00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:34,920
Ugh.
34
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:37,260
_
35
00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:40,080
I'm just following the
admissions criteria.
36
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,560
Can't we just tweak them a bit?
37
00:01:41,590 --> 00:01:44,140
It's easier to get in to
Upper West Side preschools.
38
00:01:44,180 --> 00:01:46,770
All we're getting up here
are little old ladies
39
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,200
and Promise Keepers.
40
00:01:49,470 --> 00:01:51,060
Have you accepted the Lord?
41
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:53,280
I'm here, dimwit.
42
00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:55,620
Frankly, those guys weird me out.
43
00:01:55,660 --> 00:01:56,939
We have interesting people.
44
00:01:56,940 --> 00:01:58,639
Look, Tracy Morgan's here.
45
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,040
Tracy, what are you doing here?
46
00:02:00,140 --> 00:02:03,640
- You're all better.
- Nobody tells me these things!
47
00:02:09,650 --> 00:02:12,760
- You gonna stop that?
- Eh, it'll stop on its own.
48
00:02:12,790 --> 00:02:15,200
We've got to get more people in here.
49
00:02:15,220 --> 00:02:17,940
Ned Flanders is about to
talk about that very topic.
50
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:19,440
_
51
00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:23,080
Do the people my daddy
shoots go to Heaven?
52
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,880
They do if they haven't
done anything wrong.
53
00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:26,460
So, a lot of them, yes.
54
00:02:26,540 --> 00:02:27,819
Come on, kids, think about it.
55
00:02:27,820 --> 00:02:29,780
Why do people get into Heaven?
56
00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:42,590
Clayton Kersh...
57
00:03:08,820 --> 00:03:10,660
_
58
00:03:14,940 --> 00:03:18,120
Well, nobody said Sunday
school kids were geniuses.
59
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,940
Kids, there's only one way into Heaven.
60
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,390
Never stray from the
path of righteousness.
61
00:03:23,430 --> 00:03:24,740
Easy for you to say.
62
00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:27,640
With a mustache like that,
you're an obvious narc.
63
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:30,110
The truth is, this mustache is a memento
64
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:32,240
of the awful sinner I used to be.
65
00:03:32,270 --> 00:03:33,619
I was raised with no religion.
66
00:03:33,620 --> 00:03:35,569
Our house was a den of bebop.
67
00:03:42,980 --> 00:03:46,300
Neddy, you're coloring inside the lines.
68
00:03:46,450 --> 00:03:48,620
Rules are for fools, man!
69
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,160
That's right, baby.
70
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,320
Be free! Be free!
71
00:03:52,390 --> 00:03:54,940
Go off the page. Write on the wall.
72
00:03:54,980 --> 00:03:56,600
Color a cloud purple.
73
00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:59,530
Jack and Jill are on the pill, man!
74
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,639
Godless and Maudeless,
75
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,220
each job I took became more depraved.
76
00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:22,300
Finally, I became one of
the most iniquitous men
77
00:04:22,340 --> 00:04:24,239
that ever blew a wrapper off a straw:
78
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:25,860
door-to-door salesmen.
79
00:04:25,940 --> 00:04:28,120
Now, here's how I move
these Karpet Kings.
80
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:31,840
I make my pitch, then I start
crying, bawling like a baby.
81
00:04:31,940 --> 00:04:35,600
The trick is I'm secretly
clinically depressed.
82
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:37,660
Haven't thought of that.
83
00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,470
Not bad.
84
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,570
Slices of pie all around, Mabel!
85
00:04:42,570 --> 00:04:44,340
So, rookie, your first day.
86
00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:46,580
What do they have you
pushing, water beds?
87
00:04:46,610 --> 00:04:48,410
Well, I am reaching for the stars
88
00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:50,880
with Vertebreaker trampolines!
89
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:56,220
- What's so funny?
- They got you slingin' springs!
90
00:04:56,340 --> 00:04:57,590
The kid's a hop jockey.
91
00:04:57,620 --> 00:04:59,040
Don't worry, you'll be fine.
92
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,899
I know someone who sold
two of those tot tossers.
93
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:04,320
In his whole career!
94
00:05:06,420 --> 00:05:08,950
What those door-to-door ding-dongs
95
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,370
didn't count on was a little
extracurricular activity
96
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,200
during Apollo 14.
97
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,540
Whee!
98
00:05:15,570 --> 00:05:17,120
Over.
99
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,979
- Whee!
- Over.
100
00:05:18,980 --> 00:05:20,690
America caught bounce fever.
101
00:05:20,710 --> 00:05:22,770
Trampolines were just what
people were looking for
102
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:26,520
to forget the long quagmire
that was Gunsmoke.
103
00:05:28,740 --> 00:05:30,380
_
104
00:05:35,020 --> 00:05:37,430
Before I knew it, I was
the king of springs.
105
00:05:37,460 --> 00:05:40,300
But after spring comes the fall.
106
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:42,670
Mabel! A slice of pie
for all my friends!
107
00:05:42,700 --> 00:05:44,960
Better yet, leave the tin.
108
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,720
- Well!
- Well, how about that!
109
00:05:46,820 --> 00:05:48,860
Big man, are ya? Real big man.
110
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:51,160
Well, big man, I got a headline for ya.
111
00:05:51,260 --> 00:05:53,880
They just found out those
things are a death trap.
112
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,139
Oh, sure, there's broken
bones, concussions,
113
00:05:56,140 --> 00:05:58,380
the occasional kid who goes
up and never comes down,
114
00:05:58,450 --> 00:06:00,040
but I wouldn't call them a death trap.
115
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,450
I mean electrocution, smart guy.
116
00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,760
Those little angel makers
you've been slingin'
117
00:06:04,780 --> 00:06:07,700
generate static electricity
with every bounce.
118
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:11,020
The mats are made of birthday
balloon rubber and cat hair.
119
00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:15,060
If you get to 500 bounces,
zappo! French-fried kid.
120
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,530
I've put innocent lives in danger.
121
00:06:17,570 --> 00:06:20,140
And my sales pitch strongly
implied that wouldn't happen.
122
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,270
Eh, that's the game we're in.
123
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:25,140
If you don't like death, get
out of children's toys.
124
00:06:25,180 --> 00:06:28,760
_
125
00:06:28,780 --> 00:06:30,350
I've got to stop him!
126
00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:33,100
401... 402...
127
00:06:33,180 --> 00:06:35,240
Wow! I knew he could bounce,
128
00:06:35,300 --> 00:06:37,580
but I had no idea he could count.
129
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:43,180
412... 413...
130
00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,550
Oh, the brake pedal won't go down!
131
00:06:45,580 --> 00:06:47,779
Why did I get these
super shag floor mats?
132
00:06:47,780 --> 00:06:48,790
Why?!
133
00:06:50,860 --> 00:06:53,140
_
134
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,440
495...
135
00:06:55,470 --> 00:06:58,280
496...
136
00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:01,160
497... 498...
137
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:05,610
499...
138
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,320
- Jesus.
- 'Sup?
139
00:07:25,380 --> 00:07:27,120
Lord? Why am I here?
140
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:29,020
Uh, Ned Flanders, you
have been a sinner,
141
00:07:29,060 --> 00:07:31,470
but you have taken the first
step on the road to redemption,
142
00:07:31,510 --> 00:07:33,720
and if you accept the word
of the Lord... that's me...
143
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:36,160
I shall return you to Earth to
carry forth my word of hope.
144
00:07:36,180 --> 00:07:37,560
And, uh, like that.
145
00:07:37,650 --> 00:07:40,020
Jimi Hendrix is here for
your guitar lesson.
146
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,620
Hey, man. You been
practicing what I told you?
147
00:07:42,650 --> 00:07:44,860
Uh, yeah, uh, I meant to,
148
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,620
but, uh, I lost the pick in the hole.
149
00:07:47,690 --> 00:07:49,840
- Of the guitar?
- Oh. I wish.
150
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:54,040
I don't care, baby. Jimi
gets paid either way.
151
00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:56,860
_
152
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:02,320
Praise the Lord, I am reborn!
153
00:08:02,340 --> 00:08:04,510
It's a miracle! He
recovered without help!
154
00:08:04,540 --> 00:08:06,640
In retrospect, I should have tried CPR.
155
00:08:06,780 --> 00:08:08,510
Well, I'm a believer.
156
00:08:08,550 --> 00:08:11,940
Come on, fellas, let's
go spread the good word.
157
00:08:11,980 --> 00:08:14,380
God is alive!
158
00:08:14,420 --> 00:08:16,200
Anyone need a vacuum?
159
00:08:16,220 --> 00:08:18,000
God gave me a second chance,
160
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,980
and as a sign of his mercy,
he permanently scarred
161
00:08:21,020 --> 00:08:23,740
my beautiful, beautiful philtrum.
162
00:08:23,780 --> 00:08:25,120
Whoa!
163
00:08:25,180 --> 00:08:28,430
And that's why I'm wearing this
mustache till I'm just ash.
164
00:08:28,470 --> 00:08:30,500
It wasn't till God seriously deformed me
165
00:08:30,540 --> 00:08:33,000
that I fully understood his love.
166
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:36,120
So, Ned Flanders gets into Heaven.
167
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:38,610
It'll be interesting to see
which wife he goes with.
168
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,380
Eh, either way, it'll be tough sledding.
169
00:08:43,630 --> 00:08:45,900
Well you know Lord, if you
want more people here,
170
00:08:45,930 --> 00:08:47,999
there's a category
you're not considering.
171
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,980
People who bring their dogs on planes
172
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,920
and say they're therapy pets?
173
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:53,420
I can hear you.
174
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,670
Oh, and nice to meet you, finally.
175
00:08:56,740 --> 00:08:58,960
So, you made me in your image.
176
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,410
Well, it's like looking in a mirror.
177
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,480
- Not!
- Who did that?
178
00:09:03,550 --> 00:09:06,610
- It wasn't me.
- Oh, you traitor!
179
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:09,060
Actually, I'm talking about people
180
00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,900
who don't believe in God
but are still righteous.
181
00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:14,660
- I'm talking about atheists, Lord.
- Atheists?
182
00:09:14,730 --> 00:09:17,040
I refuse to believe they exist.
183
00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:20,340
Well, they do. Maybe they
deserve a place here, too.
184
00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:23,700
I'd like to talk about someone
who should be in Heaven:
185
00:09:23,740 --> 00:09:24,920
my grandmother.
186
00:09:25,020 --> 00:09:28,400
My grandmother's 36, and she's
got eight grandchildren.
187
00:09:28,470 --> 00:09:29,560
Strong woman.
188
00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:32,040
My grandmother was an atheist.
189
00:09:32,060 --> 00:09:35,320
I'll just flip this.
190
00:09:35,380 --> 00:09:37,480
Her name was Genevieve.
191
00:09:37,550 --> 00:09:39,880
- _
- She lived in occupied France
192
00:09:39,900 --> 00:09:42,420
in the darkest days of World War Two.
193
00:09:42,450 --> 00:09:45,160
And she no longer believed in God.
194
00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:48,419
♪ He's in the afterlife,
punishing heavily ♪
195
00:09:48,420 --> 00:09:51,490
♪ He's the boogie woogie
Christian God of John 3:16 ♪
196
00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:54,080
♪ A root, a toot, just
don't eat his fruit ♪
197
00:09:54,140 --> 00:09:56,140
♪ He was born in a barn ♪
198
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,730
♪ He loved religion. ♪
199
00:09:57,740 --> 00:10:01,480
How could a god allow
this awful war to happen?
200
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,616
I stopped a thousand wars
that would've been worse.
201
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,460
Nobody ever talks about that.
202
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:10,950
Perhaps her mélancolie
came from her marriage
203
00:10:10,980 --> 00:10:15,440
to the village's most
notorious Nazi collaborator.
204
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,490
Bonjour, bonjour, Commandant!
205
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:21,320
And may I say, you put
the "ja" in "jawohl!"
206
00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:23,630
Ah, my dear wife. I'm
just here collaborating,
207
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:25,240
mixing in a little treason.
208
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:27,240
You know, stuff that'll look really bad
209
00:10:27,270 --> 00:10:28,800
in a documentary if we lose.
210
00:10:28,870 --> 00:10:30,539
Now, with business booming,
211
00:10:30,540 --> 00:10:32,360
you can no longer deny your husband
212
00:10:32,380 --> 00:10:35,570
the sweet fruits of marriage.
213
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,570
Mmm, oh, yeah, yeah.
214
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:38,810
I'm hooked. Mmm.
215
00:10:38,910 --> 00:10:42,580
Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh, yeah.
216
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,699
Kissing with your eyes
closed never goes awry.
217
00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:46,779
Ever.
218
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:51,200
Why did I marry the model
for the town gargoyle? Ugh!
219
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,540
Quiet.
220
00:10:55,730 --> 00:10:57,960
Qui est là? Qui! Qui!
221
00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,440
We're U.S. paratroops.
222
00:11:00,470 --> 00:11:01,810
We've been roaming the countryside
223
00:11:01,830 --> 00:11:03,900
disguised as French farmers.
224
00:11:03,940 --> 00:11:07,120
You must leave now. My
husband is a collaborator.
225
00:11:07,220 --> 00:11:08,250
Well, I've got a screenplay
226
00:11:08,260 --> 00:11:09,850
I've been looking for
someone to help me write.
227
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,080
Not that kind.
228
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,750
If he just gets something on
the page, that's progress.
229
00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:17,160
Germans.
230
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,780
We're cooked. Worse than the
Cubs in the '32 Series.
231
00:11:19,850 --> 00:11:21,459
I'm not a sports guy.
232
00:11:21,460 --> 00:11:23,260
Do you have an art metaphor?
233
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,620
We'll be chopped up worse
than a Picasso nude!
234
00:11:25,690 --> 00:11:28,240
Now my alarm is palpable!
235
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:32,400
What are you gonna do,
help us or turn us in?
236
00:11:32,660 --> 00:11:36,660
Because I don't believe
there is a God above,
237
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:39,920
we must make our own Heaven down below.
238
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,480
Ah!
239
00:11:42,220 --> 00:11:43,800
Hurry now!
240
00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:46,610
- Do we get tips?
- Not in Europe.
241
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,920
Damn it. Now I know what
we're fighting for.
242
00:11:52,750 --> 00:11:54,260
Quoi?!
243
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:57,650
Ooh-la-la! Dinner is served.
244
00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:59,420
What an odd accent.
245
00:11:59,460 --> 00:12:00,920
Are you really French?
246
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,360
Stinking customers!
247
00:12:02,380 --> 00:12:04,560
You can't ask me personal questions.
248
00:12:06,260 --> 00:12:07,940
Ah, you are French.
249
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:19,520
American fool. They'll
see right through you.
250
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:20,879
You don't know the first thing
251
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,640
about world-class dinner service.
252
00:12:22,750 --> 00:12:25,279
Now listen here. I know we
may not look like much,
253
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:28,020
but when a fish knife needs
to be placed just so,
254
00:12:28,060 --> 00:12:29,420
they're the mugs you want.
255
00:12:29,620 --> 00:12:31,590
I am your, um, uh...
256
00:12:31,660 --> 00:12:34,080
How do you say "sommelier" in French?
257
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,530
Café Meaux. Meaux speaking.
258
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:39,536
I'd like to speak to Monsieur Pants,
259
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:41,630
- first name Pierre.
- Un moment.
260
00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:45,180
Pierre Pants? Pierre Pants?!
261
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:48,280
Oh, come on, anyone in
this joint Pee Your Pants?
262
00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:52,240
Heil humor!
263
00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:53,810
Laughing is for Germans only.
264
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:55,340
Ow!
265
00:12:55,420 --> 00:12:59,320
Now, precisely what part
of France are you from?
266
00:12:59,380 --> 00:13:00,850
Eh... Normandy beach.
267
00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:02,540
You know, where the invasion's coming.
268
00:13:02,690 --> 00:13:05,920
We must warn our Panzers!
269
00:13:06,020 --> 00:13:08,380
We got to stop 'em, but how?
270
00:13:08,460 --> 00:13:12,920
Don't ask me. I believe in
nothing, except my country.
271
00:13:14,220 --> 00:13:19,430
♪ Allons enfants de la patrie ♪
272
00:13:19,470 --> 00:13:23,710
♪ Le jour de gloire est arrivé ♪
273
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:27,410
♪ Contre nous de la tyrannie ♪
274
00:13:27,510 --> 00:13:30,810
♪ L'étendard sanglant est levé ♪
275
00:13:30,850 --> 00:13:35,450
♪ Ils viennent jusque dans nos bras ♪
276
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:40,490
♪ Egorger nos fils, nos compagnes... ♪
277
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:42,460
Come with me, fraulein,
278
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:45,360
and everything will be Nietzsche keen.
279
00:13:47,980 --> 00:13:50,400
You can drink our beer,
you can take our gold,
280
00:13:50,470 --> 00:13:51,520
you can take my wife.
281
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:52,980
No, you can't!
282
00:13:55,060 --> 00:13:57,050
Oh. Well, the marriage counselor said
283
00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,610
we should try to find a
common interest, so, uh...
284
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,590
_
285
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:18,619
Oh, Meaux, I am so sorry
286
00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:20,529
I ever made you kiss a fish.
287
00:14:20,530 --> 00:14:21,820
That was a fish?
288
00:14:21,870 --> 00:14:23,060
But this isn't.
289
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,770
Mmm.
290
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:28,160
There's more in the bedroom.
291
00:14:28,180 --> 00:14:29,320
We have a bedroom?
292
00:14:29,610 --> 00:14:32,640
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
293
00:14:32,710 --> 00:14:36,680
So, it goes to show atheists
can do great things, too.
294
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,840
All right, I agree.
295
00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:42,060
We will open Heaven to
the deserving atheists.
296
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,540
And if you let them in,
there are a few mistakes
297
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:46,380
I'd recommend getting rid of.
298
00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:48,220
Christopher Columbus.
299
00:14:48,260 --> 00:14:50,690
Hey, what are you two talking about?
300
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:52,459
Nothing. What are you doing here?
301
00:14:52,460 --> 00:14:55,530
I was looking for a quicker
route to the bathroom,
302
00:14:55,570 --> 00:14:56,830
and I got lost.
303
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,480
- Oh, it's him.
- Hey, dudes.
304
00:15:03,550 --> 00:15:05,280
Who wants to rub my belly?
305
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:10,240
Now, why don't you consider
other faiths for your Heaven?
306
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:13,040
Like, oh... I don't know...
the way of the Buddha?
307
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:16,360
I say no shirt, no shoes, no salvation.
308
00:15:16,420 --> 00:15:19,360
I say we have Lisa Simpson.
309
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:22,260
Well, there is redemption,
and there are good works.
310
00:15:22,330 --> 00:15:23,920
But there is another path.
311
00:15:24,020 --> 00:15:28,000
A path to enlightenment
without ego or possessions.
312
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,080
I don't know. Jesus is pretty fond
313
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:32,370
of that plus sign he's
always carrying around.
314
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,370
Let me share the Buddhist path to Heaven
315
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,380
with an enlightened tale I call
316
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:39,280
"The Princess Not
Affiliated With Disney."
317
00:15:39,350 --> 00:15:41,350
Unless we are now owned by Disney.
318
00:15:41,380 --> 00:15:43,350
In the sixth century B.C.,
319
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:45,740
or zero in the Buddhist calendar...
320
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,700
Oh, you have your own calendar.
321
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:49,800
What's today, the fifth of Bibbity-boo?
322
00:15:49,820 --> 00:15:52,760
... zero in the Buddhist calendar,
323
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:56,140
lived the spoiled Princess Siddmartha.
324
00:15:56,180 --> 00:15:59,520
Siddmartha, sweetie,
look what we got you.
325
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,660
Oh. A pony.
326
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,400
50 ponies!
327
00:16:03,470 --> 00:16:05,770
Oh. Somehow 50 ponies
328
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,600
- seem less than one.
- Oh.
329
00:16:08,660 --> 00:16:11,720
The princess wondered, if
nothing was denied her,
330
00:16:11,740 --> 00:16:13,540
why was she not satisfied?
331
00:16:13,550 --> 00:16:16,080
Why couldn't she be
happy like her brother
332
00:16:16,090 --> 00:16:18,900
with his stupid multiplayer games?
333
00:16:28,940 --> 00:16:31,860
Brother, do you not grow
weary of this opulence?
334
00:16:31,940 --> 00:16:34,270
Sometimes, but there's
always the decadence.
335
00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:36,039
There must be a middle path
336
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,620
between opulence and decadence.
337
00:16:38,660 --> 00:16:40,780
Flatulence?
338
00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:42,040
No.
339
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,420
Please, somebody, think
of the elephants!
340
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:51,900
Princess Siddmartha, hmm,
341
00:16:51,940 --> 00:16:55,020
perhaps the stars hold the
answer to your questions.
342
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:57,520
Why don't you take a look?
343
00:17:00,590 --> 00:17:02,260
Meh.
344
00:17:05,140 --> 00:17:06,839
Those children have nothing,
345
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,600
but they're enjoying themselves.
346
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,990
Maybe all these riches have blinded me
347
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,540
to what really matters:
348
00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:14,600
goats' heads. Hmm.
349
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:19,080
That's mine.
350
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:22,940
_
351
00:17:27,250 --> 00:17:32,080
♪ I live a life of great excess ♪
352
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:36,700
♪ And yet I find no happiness ♪
353
00:17:36,740 --> 00:17:41,470
♪ There's more to life
than this, I hope ♪
354
00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:44,400
♪ Than golden tubs and fragrant soap ♪
355
00:17:44,470 --> 00:17:47,310
♪ All kinds of stuff, and yet I mope ♪
356
00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:51,840
♪ I want less ♪
357
00:17:51,940 --> 00:17:54,350
♪ Don't want to grab life by the horns ♪
358
00:17:54,380 --> 00:17:57,450
♪ Don't want to grab that brass ring ♪
359
00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,290
♪ Hear me shout and hear me sing ♪
360
00:18:00,350 --> 00:18:03,140
♪ All I want is just one thing ♪
361
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:08,190
♪ I want less, I want less ♪
362
00:18:08,250 --> 00:18:10,960
♪ Less, less, less ♪
363
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:15,630
♪ I want more of ♪
364
00:18:15,740 --> 00:18:21,400
♪ Less... ♪
365
00:18:21,540 --> 00:18:23,880
Less.
366
00:18:23,940 --> 00:18:25,160
Oops.
367
00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:29,480
Disguised as a poor boy,
Siddmartha sought out
368
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:31,920
the most learned
scholars in the kingdom.
369
00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:33,120
But she soon learned
370
00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:36,260
Kathmandu U, like Budhanilkantha Tech,
371
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:38,060
was just another party school.
372
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,260
_
373
00:18:40,430 --> 00:18:42,920
Excuse me.
374
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,330
You're wasting your lives, man.
375
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:46,679
It's the year zero.
376
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,720
How much is there to learn?
377
00:18:48,820 --> 00:18:52,000
Come on, girl. Let's find inner peace.
378
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:00,839
I will sit under this Bodhi Tree
379
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,980
because I am void of ideas.
380
00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:08,450
So, Siddmartha sat and
sat and sat and sat,
381
00:19:08,590 --> 00:19:10,780
willing to wait forever and a day
382
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:12,220
until she found enlightenment.
383
00:19:25,820 --> 00:19:27,560
_
384
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:37,460
♪ Om... ♪
385
00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:39,460
♪ Om... ♪
386
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,450
Namaste!
387
00:19:42,740 --> 00:19:46,880
Even though she strayed from
our faith, I'm proud of Lisa.
388
00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:51,200
That Buddhist kid's a
really good person.
389
00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:52,560
What? I'm just sayin'.
390
00:19:52,670 --> 00:19:54,200
Mm, if we've learned anything
391
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,620
from these three
tangentially-related stories,
392
00:19:56,660 --> 00:19:59,200
it's that there are
many paths to Heaven.
393
00:19:59,270 --> 00:20:01,340
Maybe we should let everybody in.
394
00:20:01,380 --> 00:20:02,579
Great idea.
395
00:20:02,580 --> 00:20:05,350
I decree that all with
good souls are welcome
396
00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:07,680
in Heaven now and forever.
397
00:20:09,550 --> 00:20:11,040
How did I get here?
398
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,390
Well, you see, you were
Smithers' plus one.
399
00:20:13,450 --> 00:20:16,290
I demand to get in on my own merits.
400
00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:18,320
I'll talk to him.
401
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:29,440
Don't be scared, boys.
402
00:20:29,470 --> 00:20:31,940
That's just angels bowling.
403
00:20:33,610 --> 00:20:35,480
Oh, I'm sorry about that.
404
00:20:35,550 --> 00:20:38,700
- Oh, we consider it a blessing.
- Kiss-up.
405
00:20:38,740 --> 00:20:43,740
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
29080
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
